#maybe I’m not active enough
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr posted its first advertisements in May 2012 and subsequently earned $13M in revenue.
Text
*chants to myself that it’s midnight and i need to go to sleep*
#I am having ✨thoughts I shouldn’t trust✨#I just. get so annoyed sometimes I’m bad at conversations#and maintaining contact with mutuals#I feel like everyone is friends with everyone and I am not#maybe I’m not active enough#or interesting enough#maybe I need to message first idk#but I’m so scared to#because with every mutual I’ve become friends with#we just stop talking after a few months and idk why#it’s not even that we just switched fandoms or anything. we just stopped talking.#why can’t I keep friends#please I just want friends
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
I come bearing another song suggestion— I’m 90% sure you’re already familiar with Ang Huling El bimbo (Eraserheads) but but! Ang huling Cha-cha (Bini) They’re more like a P-pop group… but I love their songs lol
Suggesting this cause of your response to Sheepy’s ask lol
(about this post hfhdjdj)
okay first of all THAT’S THE NAME??? for some reason that song never fails to play during family gatherings when i was a kid you brought back so many memories omg
anyways-
this song (and their other songs) are a vibe honestly???
p-pop,,, i've only been getting into that genre recently tbh and i kinda like it 😭 namely ive been listening to SB19 and ALAMAT
also the lyrics you specifically chose i know it’s supposed to be angst but reading them all i can imagine is jamil somersaulting backwards trying to avoid you (and his feelings) HELP what is my imagination doing rn
the happy tunes does not match the lyrics AT ALL and yknow what that’ll always be one of my favorite type of songs lMao
okay time to overanalyze/commentate on some of these lines i am very much not insane 🤓 (and gonna very very roughly translate to my understanding and i might be wrong)
i could just look up official translations but that’s not fun and sometimes they don’t sound right >:(
Akala ko masaya ang pag-ibig ‘pag nagkatagpo na ng katuwang Posibilidad na hindi ko naisip ay ako lang pala ang nakaramdam
why am i being attacked right out the gate 💀
“i thought loving is fun if you find someone, there’s a possibility i didn’t think i’m the only one who feels it”
ONE-SIDED AFFECTION ???¿¿?? pain…. im imagining a lovestruck yuusha during the first year at nrc-
and then role reversal when yuusha moves on post-nrc and jamil is instead caught missing her 😔
One step forward, two steps back, bawat apak ay kay bigat Kung 'di mo kayang sumeryoso, tumambling ka a lang papalayo
first part is already in english so -> “each step is heavy, if you cant take this seriously just tumble away”
okay i admit this part i probably took a little too literally and it’s the part im cackling at 😭
gymnastics somersaulting jamil,,, why are you backflipping your feelings away come back here-
Nakakapagod na magcha-cha, cha-cha kasama ka
idk if there’s a more specific way to translate “cha-cha” but i think it’s literally just a dance
so -> “it’s tiring to dance with you”
I CAN NEVER ESCAPE THE DANCING METAPHORS CAN I. BUT THIS TIME IT’S SAD HELP ME 😭😭😭
all this dancing, all this back and forth… one step forward, two steps back-
they never got to anywhere like it was never meant to be 😔😔😔😔
#[—✦ chatting#cracks knuckles#my single brain cell have been activated#anyways-#i need a tag for these song recs omg#it’s wild that it’s frequent enough that i have a lot of asks with them even from a while ago hfbdjdj#it’s really fun 🫶 thank you and everyone else before#i’m insane enough to go through (hopefully not) ~1k posts to retag them#i just need to think of a name-#-✧ lovely music#<- this one maybe#uhhh#just to fit the pattern#anyways i’m just rambling here to myself ack dont mind me#also yes it’s almost 2am for me that’s when twsten’s maintenance ends i need to see whos visiting me today
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
the misbegotten are sooo underrated its insane
#elden ring#i’m one of maybe two people i’ve seen who have a misbegotten oc#so much art i’ve managed to find of ‘em on like. sites (havent actually checked tumblr lol) is like. just treating them like monsters OR jus#just drawing them completely off model as Generic Muscular Furries#(i haven’t posted anything of my oc here since i’m still putting her together and am shy and stuff.#she was adopted by nobility as a baby and trained in Fundamentalism. eventually ‘banished’ / ‘evacuated’ to the lands between when her#adopter’s social stability was threatened. eventually -like six or seven ‘story arcs’ in - ends up joining forces with a#finger maiden who went rogue over the whole kindling idea and ended up joining the bloody fingers of all fuckin groups.#varre let her join as a laugh. she nearly died getting the blood for the fuckin induction ritual lol)#(i just find the idea of an insecure as shit finger maiden who ends up straying from the wierd groomed selflessness path and ends up joining#a strange blood-fertility cult whose primary activities include murdering finger maidens to be neat. she eventually breaks off from them too#though. still holds a spiritual loyalty to them but not an ideological or practical one djtjhktkjgg.)#she & the as of yet unnamed misbegotten fundamentalist -who ends up going more towards Miriel-esque omnism bc i’m bias- do get gay)#oh also i think misbegotten lay eggs probably. it just makes sense. idk maybe they don’t or it like varies between them#maybe its a kangaroo situation where they do give live birth but its extreeeemely premature#do they have enough room for pouches? hm
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
something about that whole incident must have changed something in my brain chemistry cause my insomnia’s gotten bad again
the past few days i’ve getting to sleep at two or three. kinda sucks i guess, but i don’t really want to resort to taking melatonin again
#i took melatonin every night for a year straight and now i get frequent headaches and nightmares every time i sleep#is that the melatonin or is that the year that most of my trauma comes from/when it got worse#hard to say. maybe both. i don’t remember!#and y’know it sucks not being able to go to sleep#because i can’t even read after a certain point#it gets too watery and everywhere and it’s difficult to figure out the words and letters#mmm i did say you wouldn’t be hearing from me until tomorrow#but it’s past midnight here so that’s fine it’s fine#i don’t like tumblr anymore. i don’t like being here anymore#i get scared whenever i get activity now. i get uncomfortable just having the tab open#how pathetic is that?#really pathetic. really fucking pathetic#probably because i know they’re still looking at me and i hate being watched#y’know i have thoughts like ford but the only demon here is my faulty synapses#it feels pathetic. i feel pathetic. i don’t have a reason like he does#and even then people say he doesn’t have enough of a reason#i’m so fucking pathetic
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
*breathes in and out through mouth* everyone is scared and grieving and still waiting for news of their families everyone is scared and grieving everyone is scared and grieving*
#Jewish communal leader hurt me very and I mean VE TU deeply today#I mean very#I think in what was to her mind a not passive aggressive way she felt the need to explain the Israeli Side and Israeli history#But like the nail in the coffin was implying that I don’t feel as deeply for the people in Israel#I don’t understand the depth of suffering of the people in Israel#Because I was bothered on Saturday zoom Torah by how Netanyahu has used this for more war crimes#That the fact that I care about Gazans means I don’t feel enough grief or a normal Jewish grief as she sees it for Jews#To me this is jsut unconscionably cruel#Also that the majority of Jews don’t support a ceasefire or at least local Jews#Well if that’s true I want no part of it. Not now or ever again#I can’t believe she felt the need to like. Explain the news cycle to me#I didn’t get this off a tiktok ma’am#I read yo@v g@llant in fucking haaretz. I heard what he said#*no one in Israel is calling for mass death* clearly they are#Anyway she told it was whataboutism to care about the reprisals on a civillians population from what Hamas did#And to feel better being part of a community or doing soemthing active. Maybe read this book on feminism I’ve already read#I’m just so hurt by it all!#Telling another Jew they don’t feel or care enough for ‘am yisrael is the deepest cut there is
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
we don’t have a Confirmed lgbt tank in overwatch yet but imagine this is how blizzard genuinely reveals zarya is a lesbian or smth by having her stand with the other lgbt heroes
#blizzard ceo : That’s enough activism for a year#txt#mauga definitely likes men though. i 100% believe that#also i remember something abt a blizzard employee being asked if zarya is gay and they’re like#‘’no we’re going against expectations and making her straight’’ maybe i’m misremembering bc it’s been a few years though
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Man someone get that big bitch off of them
#when ur girl (test tube experiment) shapeshifts one of her hands smaller to caress u (in the abdomen)#and ppl say romance is dead…..#drawing the guts was fun#I should draw more stuff like this I forgot how much fun viscera is#they’re both really normal this is a pastime activity don’t worry about it#I kinda messed up veikko’s body real bad but I’m gonna say it’s just their organs leaving them#they have an effeminate shape but . not that much so. maybe. idk. I don’t draw them enough#WHATEVERRRR I’ll figure it out (nobody cares)#j.oc
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m at the point with that one snarky post where every time I get a notification on it I want to read the Severance apology speech
#forgive me for the harm I have caused my activities page#I’m sorry I shouldn’t have posted it lol#idk it was just vague enough that I get it hits a nerve#for a lot of people#but it does suck when negative posts blow up like come on I’m sorry I’m a positive person generally#if I was even more lonely and insecure I would probably take the wrong lesson from this#i guess I should figure out how to mute notifications or just delete the original#i will be real some of the tags are interesting/amusing#and there’s been no real discourse#directed at me at least#but it does suck when you’re like ‘hey maybe I can get some positive attention sometimes?’#and tumblr is like ‘no’
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finally caught up with Natlan main quest and aaAAAAA
#//Remember how I said I always put my oc through SO MUCH FUCKEN SHIT#//YEAH#//WHAT THE FUCK#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//So (spoilers) she is basically deffo NOT going to live for very long in her Genshin verse; huh? OOF. At least not a typical lifespan#//Unless she gets cursed maybe; but that’s a whole OTHER problem#//So what I’m getting at is; while the doses of abyss energy she gets exposed to wouldn’t normally be enough to doom her#//I did have her get attacked by Rifthounds at one point in her story#//So she’d likely have lingering abyssal corrosion from that; even after healings; that she could never get rid of#//That would have happened abt a year or two before canon Genshin storyline begins; chronologically#//And if not that; then fucking around in the Chasm a little after Traveler did DEFFO would NOT have helped; considering the mud/ooze thing#//And that’s without mentioning she’s half Natlanean#//Her mother most certainly is suffering leaving without the Wayob’s blessing; that’s for certain#//But what abt HER#//Is her Natlanean blood tainted with Abyss influence too; even if her father is from Sumeru?#//Esp since her mother is the Natlanean; could the Abyssal corruption been passed to her while in the womb???#//THINKINGS#//But yeeee#//Regardless; there’s no way she ain’t gonna live for long until there’s a Definite solution to the Abyssal corrosion#//RIP#//I always attributed her volatile emotions and stuff due to ptsd but holy SHIT; does Natlan’s whole thing give new perspective#//And that’s without mentioning the other ocs that are worked into her story#//One Khaenri’ahn and TWO Natlan-descended folks#//not to mention a half-adeptus with his own share of corruption#//Hoo boy; this is Fun#//Holy shit; what does that mean for ppl like Diluc and Yelan who actively fight the abyss? Could they have remnants of it too???#//Or is their exposure to a lesser extent so mostly inconsequential?#//And Yelan has FAMILY that fought in the chasm; could she have had it passed down to her???#//THINKINGSSSS
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m cursed to liking to use the same fc for multiple ocs/characters this is a CURSE
#ooc.#like i mean it’s fine so many people do it idc#but also my brain is ‘hey we have a new idea for a fc you’re already actively using for someone :) dw abt it’#me: can you calm down and maybe work long enough to write something first#anyway#work hell body hell but i’m around theoretically
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate that i can’t even ride the high from my concert because my life is so consistently depressing and hellish lmao 🙃 it’s depressing to come back down to reality after such a good day. like it really makes me realize how joyless my life has become. everything just blurs together
#and i’m just tired of like everything around me feeling like it’s drifting away and becoming more unreachable#like i never even get to finish a conversation with half of my friends because they just forget to respond to me#thank god for sushi and asant consistently replying even when they’re busy lmao#no one else even bothers to really check in now unless i’m in like ACTIVE crisis it really sucks#not even in like a ‘i need people to hear me vent’ way#i just don’t feel important to the majority of the people in my life. at all#or maybe it’s just i feel like i care about and prioritize them a lot more than they do me#like? i had more coworkers text me on my birthday than actual friends#and i fucking hate my birthday so i get it to some degree#but it just hurts my feelings? idk? i feel like such an afterthought all the time to people. like a ghost#and i feel like i’m not interesting or good enough to keep anyone around or hold their attention#my own brother didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. at all lol#are my expectations just too high?#it’s just lonely. i wish i didn’t feel so alone
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
only covid can make 3 days straight of sleeping feel like nothing happened
#yeah I have it again. which is so fun#jobs are soooo funny they’re like well you have enough PTO for two days of your workweek#but then you’ll only have a few hours left so maybe you can just do half your shift that day!#Like….. with covid???? You want me to go to work in an enclosed space with hundreds of people while I’m actively SICK WITH COVID??????#You want me to do work with people’s health while I HAVE COVID????#YOU WANT ME DELIRIOUS WHILE WORKING ON PEOPLE’S HEALTHCARE???????#HOW is that the better decision for your business I do not understand#anyways no I’m taking the absence fuck you guys lol#covid is like what if you took all those days where you’re too depressed to get out of bed but they’re like 1000000x worse
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Trying to keep a lid on it but. Yeah. Literally don’t know what’s it like to NOT be platonically neglected IRL my whole damn life, only that I know this One Person doesn’t deserve to be at the epicenter of it anymore than I deserved to have been at the epicenter of theirs a year ago now.
…why am I like this. Why are we like this.
#tiger’s roar#…but like. good god. someone being Actually Genuinely KIND and insisting they DO like my company and want my friendship#(and is arguably mutually attracted and THOSE feelings of mine and what I’m picking up from them just won’t DISPELL already)#just. really stirs the muck. gets at that emotional constipation in my brain’s grease trap#then having TWICE now having Activities Suggested and THIS Time in FRONT of people then like…never following through?#all but thinking aloud with planning to witnesses things that sound less like hanging out and more like a date#and then just…not doing it?#when the Reality is Apparently Too Busy?#us fighting earlier this year over quality time essentially#when all I want is to have like. maybe an hour or two once a week or once a month#to enjoy someone else’s company. get a fucking REPRIEVE from my life#that’s…that’s it? nothing grand. just have the time found where it can be without causing strain?#I’m actually NOT a romantic even when I have romantic feelings? they just make me yearn for basic contact all the more#I’ll always be ‘too platonic’ within a romantic relationship so no it’s never going to be an ‘expectation’#MAYBE the one with unrealistic expectations is the guy who watches romance films and struggles with AllorNothing thinking perhaps?#and…yeah. trying to not feel resentful of their time spent this summer with existing friends when apparently not working 20+ hrs a week#in addition to their own research and god knows what else#…because it feels like there’s no space for me. and probably never will be. and I have never been ‘cool’ a day in my life#sure I own it as an adult. especially a 30s adult.#but having people recognize me as kind and supportive and easy to talk to 1:1 (my group aqauaintance/casual friendships SUCK)#but. basically never getting to keep any of them as friends? quickly ditched? treated like a used bandaid?#it…gets to me alright? like I only exist as Catch/Treat/Release but for people#which sure. the friend I’m angry at HAS been frustrated about me deserving better. looks at me like I’m christmas.#and I’m now fairly close friends with their beloved sibling. and despite things having THE Worst Start Ever their family seems to trust me#…but…it’s just…think I deserve better? think I’m worthy of your esteem and respect? think I’m kind and approachable?#want me to feel safe and relaxed enough to be myself? then just…do better.#ask when I’m available to kill a few hours then…follow through on that. that’s it.#not all the time. and my ‘expectation’ is to always be either neglected or used and feeling jaded about it#just…a repreive. for both of us. that’s it.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
the world is in a disastrous state of affairs when people are supporting a school shooter over the community bc “forgiveness is free” and “are people not allowed to change”
#mylife#I’m so upset rn#like genuinely I’m so frustrated#When those losers supporting him have friends that are startle when a car makes a noise; are nervous around balloons because-#-they will have a panic attack when it pops; when their friends are crying bc they wish they weren’t so scared overreacting for things -#-that aren’t really threats. When someone in their family mourns their friends best friend.#Mass shootings SCHOOL shootings are the kind of trauma that doesn’t just go away#When their friends family and community are the ones fucked up for years to come from a mass tragedy maybe then they’d have a fucking heart#It’s real big to forgive someone when they haven’t wronged you#Forgiveness is a costly thing and it is not something to be diminished for the sake of a school shooter#Think about how much you want a school shooter to have an active platform when the effects of it is so damning and present#The one from my community is locked up but when I’m back home the reminders are Constant#The ribbons are still on nearly every store front#When I go to Walmart or the McDonald’s I think about how my sisters friend escaped to there and that asshole went there himself#Driving past my neighborhood I see where he was apprehended I remember the cop lights and the news vans#Imagine someone that caused all that chaos that will forever leave a wound in your community being praised and lauded and loved#They got to heal when you all didnt#It’s enough of a reminder going to the fucking grocery store why should a shooter have a platform making money off your pain#I’ve lost the plot but TikTok school shooter sends me into a deep and terrible despair every time I have the misfortune of seeing him#Myrambles
2 notes
·
View notes