#but i just feel so horrible all the time
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mental health so bad im fighting real demons not to start mentally ill posting like i did in 2021 so far they are winning
#that era was so terrible but i desperately needed support and attention sighs#or just maybe a place to vent#sighs idk how to describe it#everything is so horrible for me chat#i genuinely have nobody to turn to for anything because i am noones first choice#i dont have a best friend and i dont have people in my life who care about me anymore#what the fuck are my online friends gunna do?? they live across the country#atleast i can see them in august#but i have fucking no one#its so horrible and its my oen fault for personality mirroring that stupid evil twink#i dont go to school anymore so i never leave the house and i dont have people i can talk to because of everything thats happened#i dont have a chance socially#im so lonely#i hate it so much. i hate feeling alone and i hate feeling like everyone hates me#the one person i felt i could be open with doesnt text me past needing something from me and whenever i message them they dont reply back#i dont blame them. im not mad im just tired of feeling like a tool#i cant stand to feel used#idk if its cause of my trauma or what?? idk#but i just feel so horrible all the time#HASHTAG SUFFERING!!!!!#i yearn to be loved in any shape or form but ive been such a horrible person that i feel like im unlovable and unredeemable#im glad im not a bad person anymore but im also tired of people acting like a 14 y/o cant get better. im not irredeemable.#im a teenager#its a huge time of change and character development#you have to make mistakes and be in the wrong to get better#im tired of the people around me pretending theyre absolutely perfect. im not morally dubious im just human#and im tired of everyone i surrounded myself with acting like theyre above me for that#i just need someone to tell me if im right or wrong because i cant fucking tell anymore. i think and i think and i think but i dont know#idk guys#eddie yaps
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and thats a wrapppppppp!!
from the 10th and final chapter of utilities included
masterpost
#one piece#zosan#sanji#zoro#luffy#trafalgar law#utilities included#I DID IT. BREE DID IT. WE DID IT!!#i cannot believe i got all ten pages done on time. i feel ridiculous#AND THIS OFFICIALLY MARKS THE CONCLUSION of me drawing a comic a week for ten weeks. I HAVE LIKE. 45 PAGES OF COMICS FROM THIS#i definitely gotta compile em into a little pdf#wow#bree. if u see this. thank you. its been an honor to work on this with you.#i love how visual ur writing is to me. and i look forward to ur next project and how i can stick my horrible little fingers all over it#man. im just so proud. might still be unemployed#but im making art with a friend!
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sanic ✌ for the au perhaps? idk
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#art#digital art#sonic#sth#fanart#ive been getting easily distracted from my aus recently which is horrible#but i guess im just too ambitious all the time and get scared -_-#idk ive been feeling really bad about drawing lately i just dont really feel good about any of my drawings rn#like i like this one but idk i just dont feel excited about it...#idk what to do abt it#id like to get into one of my aus for once#but i just feel nothing rn..#OK WAHTEVERRR this was a cool pose#so i gave him so shoes to go with it
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2am post jumpscare
#found this and wanted to clean it up rq lol#these guys don’t deserve it ✌️😔#well probably idk#idk anything abt dream just that ppl either make him super effeminate or a horrible person a lot#<- tapping on the door of sans peoples club#do you guys even like him or#/j#except for sunny he seems nice :*)#but man when it comes to the others it 100% feels like ‘well this story/fic/comic needs a villain sooo’#like. I’m not a shooter for sf sans at all but like. ppl don’t even bother making him a sans most of the time it’s like they just turn him#into some anime villain or smth. what to hell#and do NOT even get me started on uf Papyrus Chara and Flowey I will chew through concrete#snow and hail#undertale#underfell#swapfell#undertale dream#is his AU just called dreamtale I genuinely don’t know#I think so#underfell papyrus#flowey#chara#undertale chara#undertale flowey#swapfell sans#god I am NOT used to tagging so many characters#bye
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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hi i can no longer act coy or hope that a job will come in time so im coming to everyone really embarassingly with my issues
in June I attempted to get fired from/left my job after having a really embarassing public meltdown due to having Rapid-Cycling Mixed Bipolar and the unending stress of that job of 3+ years. I've been struggling to get a job afterwards due to being in CA without a vehicle, and i'm currently working on an overdue commission so could not open up any more.
Soon after, my mother's car imploded, and a series of incidents related to a used engine and taking out a loan with a friend has left her both needing to pay back the loan and still needing to get a new car, putting her thousands in the hole.
my mother has allowed me to not worry about paying rent while unemployed, but now the person living with us is moving out, so it will be on me and my mother to pay rent, upping mine from $300 to $500 a month. I am currently job hunting with good prospects, but I am still in need of some assistance.
I DO NOT WANT TO ASK FOR DONATIONS WITHOUT GIVING SOMETHING IN RETURN, I have a very bad time taking help from people without doing something in return because I do not want people to feel like they Have to give me money or help me, I want to Offer something in return for that money, even in a situation like this, because I want everyone to come out on the other end feeling fulfilled, so I'm offering some (slow) cheaper commissions I can work on in between the bigger comm I owe.
My kofi is always open for donation sketches ---- you can donate the minimum amount (or whatever you prefer) and get a drawing like this of anything as long as you put it into the donation message!
i cant currently take on big commissions as I have one i owe and the commissioner is a very generous person who has been waiting a good few months for me to finish one during this hectic time, but if you're interested in getting something a little higher quality for a donation, a $30-50 USD donation can get you a ''simple commission'' styled drawing --- that is, you give me a prompt and character refferences (ocs or fanart, up to 2-3 characters depending on complexity), and I draw them like below (color complexity depends on price, the higher the amount the more the color).
You wont have access to revisions to make this as fast as possible, so i HIGHLY reccomend only getting fanart comms of these and to make sure you really like my style!!
this is one of those situations where I DEEPLY reccomend people do not donate unless they want something in return, if you dont wanna ask for a drawing or anything i reccomend going to people in more dire circumstances and helping them out with your donation!!!
but if you want to help me help my mother get out of a bad financial situation and get a little drawing in return, you can do a small dono and att a message of what you want doodled, or you can email me at [email protected] your $30-50 donation reciept and what you would like me to draw, and ill try to get them as soon as I can
thank you so much for checking this post out and keep it real old school!!!!! i promise once this is over and i get a job we'll be back to your regularly scheduled art posting
[EDIT: PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG THIS VERSION. I AM NO LONGER TAKING THE SIMPLE COMMISSION TIER. REBLOG THE ADDITION TO THIS POST GIVING AN UPDATE]
#i usually lock these posts cause i feel bad having a donation post circulate but this one time i wont#i dont know why i jsut feel so ashamed how much ive had to ask for money these past 2 years. i think its been p rare up until recently#but i hate doing it at all because i feel like a teenager again and it makes me feel horrible#so thats why i dont want just donos w nothing attached puh lease let me draw you something ��😭😭😭
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ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴄʜᴏᴏꜱᴇ ↳ anonymous asked: HUSK and ALASTOR or angel and valentino?
#hazbin hotel#husk#hazbin husk#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel edit#hazbin edit#radio demon#requested#make me choose#my gifs#dad beat dad#flashing gif#flickering gif#the full ask said ''in whichever way you define'' at the end so#i chose based off of which dynamic i'm more intrigued by. valentino as a villain and as a challenge to angel is REALLY interesting dont get#me wrong here. it's great. but THESE two have a lot of untapped potential for husk specifically#alastor is just there at the moment but HUSK. husk. it really is a mirror to angel's situation - everything wrong in his afterlife is#because of that gamble. but he WAS an overlord. HE was the one doing that horrible shit before. that's INTERESTING!!#he gathered and gambled away souls like money. it was all just a game to him. now HE'S getting his. a sick poetic justice in a way.#i am SO excited to see if they dive into this more!! will he ever self reflect? if he does will we SEE him doing this reflection? will it#be enough to play a part in him choosing to redeem himself? or even decide if redemption is worth the effort? i feel like there's potential#with his dynamic with alastor to influence that big time + his friendship with angel will also be a major factor#also making this set made me realize the hallway scene is like their one major interaction. jfc and it's fucking HORRIFYING lmao#look i loved their pilot interaction/dynamic as much as the next person but this is just. SO much better. more things to explore.#i'm really glad in the end that they were rewritten in this way. A+
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somewhere up above the stars the wreckage of a Universe floats past
an AU ancient lonely god Steven I have. his moniker is Astra and I am obsessed with him right now.
#his Most Basic Deal is that he is a steven who actually took the diamonds up on their offer of the throne in the movie#believing it to be the best way for him to enact lasting change and help fellow gems#and he Does! but the job pulls him away from humanity over time- and not only that but he Also suffers a horrible loss#when his connie dies in a freak incident and he's not around on Earth at the time to be able to resurrect her#he never works through the stuff he does in SUF and he also just Stops Aging at a certain point... entirely unshackled from his humanity#billions of years of guardianship over his dimension later he is still a Soft and Kind and Benevolent soul#just... intensely lonely. yearning for connection but terrified of actually being vulnerable again#desperate to find a means to feel Human again but too terrified of the idea of meeting his end without someone to share it With#if i'm quiet on tumblr lately this is bc This Guy is all i can think about rn so sorry#my sad mans....#su#su future#steven universe#su fanart#my art stuff#astra
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@hereticcryptid I appear to be slowly but surely developing an entire series about how Hensheng and Baxia apparently get fed up with their owners' inability to express their feelings and take matters into their own hands...
#mdzs#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#jgy#nmj#nieyao#very sincerely this is a concept i keep coming back to and spinning around in my head#i find it unreasonably funny i want these swords revealing every tender feeling that these two are categorically incapable of admitting to#really i just want to bring the concept of e'ming and the general embarrassment hua cheng feels for his sabre at all times and throw it#into the mdzs world#can't quite bully the concept into an actual fic but i do love thinking about it and drawing art related to it#i assume nmj nearly went completely feral the first time hensheng shot out at him#like yup! he knew jgy was a snake! he's trying to attack him while his guard is down!!! well nmj is gonna deflect this fucking weak attack#and then SKEWER jgy and there's no way lxc can hold it against him!#except rather than deflecting hensheng baxia is a horrible traitor about it and instead he ends up getting cuddled by a touch-starved sword#0/10 nmj is having a horrible day he would genuinely have prefered jgy try to kill him (jgy would have ALSO prefered that as it happens)#(nhs on the other hand is having an AMAZING day when he sees it)#my art#THANK YOU EVERYONE THAT SENT ME PROMPTS!#this seriously helped get me through the day and made my evening so much better#i shall continue to go through them tomorrow after work as well 🥰🥰🥰#hensheng
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My controversial opinion about Hob Gadling is that I believe he’s absolutely the sort of guy that “puts things behind him”, and tries to wash his hands clean of the things he feels icky about. This is implied pretty well in the show, with him blithely moving from soldiering and robbery to printing, from slaving to… whatever it was he was doing in the 19th century instead. That being said, this is not at all the same as actively trying to atone, or even making a concerted effort to be a better person, and I really wish fandom could tell the difference!
#the amount of times I’ve seen people argue that Hob has redeemed himself and ofc feels really horrible about his role in the slave trade#but there is ZERO textual indication that’s true#in fact judging by how he acts in the 19th century and how he was after all the other shit he did that he maybeeee feels kind of sheepish#and would just like to move on thanks!#i love flawed characters and I love monstrous characters and I love hypocrites and I love friendly amoral assholes#Hob is genuinely a super compelling character and embodies the sort of greed of humanity we see in other forms in Madoc and Burgess#he’s got a more friendly face and he’s a slightly lighter version of it but sandman presents humanity as fundamentally flawed and greedy#and Hob is that to a T#I’d really love it if fandom embraced this version of Hob#making him a fluffy anti-racist progressive hip college professor is just so weird#or especially when they have him espouse progressive views… in the past???#look Hob is actual facts a worse person than the Corinthian in a lot of metrics#when I see 17th century Hob talk about the beautiful diversity of humans I just lose my mind a little#also he’s clearly a wolf of Wall Street yuppie asshole in 1984#hot take Dreamling would be more fun and spicier if people leaned into Hob’s canon traits more#both Dream and Hob are kind of awful#I actually like Hob!#but… man I do not like fanon Hob one bit
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In the same way that this blog has given you something to hold on to and look forward to, seeing these comics has given me something to hold on to and look forward to in some bleak times too. Thank you for sharing your art and your journey and your commentary and your jokes. They mean a lot to me and I’m certainly not the only one. Keep “”””””poorly”””””” drawing <3
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey of trying to get by, and learning to stay silly and hopeful.
#ask#It honestly means a lot to know my comics can bring little bit of joy into someone's day.#Truthfully... life can get horribly bleak. The future you imagine for yourself can implode and there doesn't seem to be point to try anymor#Or you just can't see a future every being more than the same torment wheel of your everyday present.#The power of holding on a little longer - of taking things just a day at a time or even an *hour* at a time-#has been essential in my own ability to get through crisis and hardship.#We will keep going. This too shall pass. All the good and the bad things we have will change eventually.#Sometimes you get to be an active participant in that change. Sometimes it is out of your control.#I have long moved past feeling embarrassed about how much this blog and my comics means to me.#I learned how to draw yes. I also learned how to persevere and look forward to the future.#Just like with my art; I still have a long way to go! Even if my art and I are not doing so 'poorly' anymore - I want to keep improving.#Thank you Elder-Manly in particular for having been around since the early days and for all the kind words you've sent my way.#I hope you too have found brighter days in the last two years B*)
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Hatchetfield @femslashfortnight Day 2: Retro
#would you look at that- it’s another hfff drawing#incredible#some Hollowebby for the soul#I just really think they’re neat yknow#This isn't one of my favorite drawings but hey thats alright#that's cool#they can't all be bangers but for what it's worth it isn't horrible#anyways yeah#now i'm going to go work on Art Fight stuff#very exciting#I don't know how much I'm going to be able to do for it but I guess we'll find out#so much drawing this summer#it's crazy i've been out of school for two weeks and i've drawn like 10 things already#these hands cant stop wont stop#Anyways I love the idea of them skating#I'm a roller blader myself but the skates are cute#did some fun textures and reflections in this one too#I love roller blading tho#wish I could do it more often#fun fact: despite it's portrayal in minecraft- obsidian ranks at a 5-6 on the mohs hardness scale- being the same hardness as opal or glass#idk that's what i came up with for todays fact- i feel like most people know that one but idk#hatchetfield femslash fortnight#hollowebby#miss holloway#webby#hatchetfield#nightmare time#starkid#team starkid#kim whalen
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Vr46 academy keychains
Set of five charms that all match in different ways
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˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦ ˚
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Open for detailed pictures of each one
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ *ੈ✩‧₊˚
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ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ
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:・゚✧:・.☽˚。・゚✧:・.:
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˖⁺‧₊˚⭒✮⭒˚₊‧⁺˖
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. ݁₊ ✶. ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗
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I ran out of tags so I'll say it here but i would greatly appreciate a reblog, especially if you share your thoughts on these pieces in tags (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
(Also i forgot that bez have matching part with luca so I didn’t add that to tags sorry
#motogp#marco bezzecchi#pecco bagnaia#valentino rossi#celestino vietti#luca marini#mb72#fb63#vr46#cv13#lm10#vr46 academy#okay so i fear tags won't be enough for me this time but I'll try tell everything anyway#firstly i used nicknames (should have used maro but didn't think at the time) for everyone because it brings more of a family feeling than#when i do initials and that's exactly what i wanted with them. on the same note the wolves#the wolves were tge first thing that started this idea because i wanted to make bez charm and picked one up and then it expanded very fast#because let's all face it - they are basically a wolf pack and it's extremely fitting. also after taking these pictures i found mettalic on#for cele. and it's a huge slay because i really don't like mismatching colours of metal#probably the only one that i did mismatch is vale but amazingly it looks pretty neat. i also put as many turtles as i physically could#also except for wolves he also has matching beads with cele and luca if you can spot them#while cele matches luca and bez#bez matches cele and pecco while pecco matches only bez. it was quite a challenge to find beads that would suit their different#colour schemes while looking organic in keychains#also for bez i used a wrench bc of his family and i think that's pretty neat detail#it was absolute mindfuck to find beads for five different keychains at the same time because of how different they all are but i tried#also put a lot of effort into not repeating myself as much as j could in structures so they all have their own personalities outside of set#also i love that “bez” part looks like fangs icl#if you see bead that stands out by colour from all others in keychain it's probably for their eye colour because i love to add that too#also used old bez livery because what we had this year was horrible#actually i made it some time ago just never had time to post
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just saw this one in the main tag and it got me thinking... "wanting to do the right thing but having your actions distort your goals" is obviously about natori, he even reflects upon it directly more than once during the chapters BUT even tho world unbent is from natori's pov, i always thought it wasn't just about him but also about matoba and the exorcist world. for me it was clear that midorikawa wanted to expand upon the exorcists and thought natsume's pov wouldn't have been enough for this case (i also think she always wanted to expand upon natori's and matoba's younger days as well)
so with that in mind i tried thinking if that could apply to matoba too and it might be a stretch but i think it does, but in the sense that "the right thing" for matoba and natori are two different things and matoba might not even think abt doing it along those lines
like, from what we've seen, i interpret that matoba genuinely thinks the matoba clan has a responsibility to protect ppl, regardless if they can see yokai or not and he takes that very seriously, most recent example being what he said abt a previous matoba head being unable to protect the miharu; also to achieve this the clan must be powerful above all others and for that he needs to do anything and if he has a limit we haven't seen it yet. we see that during world unbent ("i won't let us fall"), but most recently during homura arc when he was willing to bet his own life just to be able to control a powerful vessel (being shortsighted enough abt the possibility that natsume had to snap him out of it), he's power hungry, but weirdly enough he's like that because it's "the right thing to do" or what he must/needs to do, the matoba must be powerful to be able to protect anyone and anything ("you can't protect anything if you're not powerful, shuuichi-san")
so "having your actions distort your goals", how does that apply to matoba in a world unbent? midorikawa was merciful enough to let us know his initial goal (or what he wants ppl to think his goal is?): "i'm looking for allies i can use" and at first he was definitely testing if natori could be that, but by the second part (that tellingly starts with a companion matoba artwork to natori's in the first part) i think he wanted to work with natori so badly simply bc he was a peer his age, probably the first and only in the exorcist world and for this interpretation i have no evidence just vibes lol besides this part in midorikawa's afterword from homura arc
anyways, for me this conversation during the second part of world unbent is the best example of matoba's actions distorting his goal:
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in my interpretation matoba's goal here was to be picked by natori to be that person, to be his peer, to be the one that teaches him and works with him and "he's better" bc he's more powerful than takuma-san and that's a fact (also idt he wanted to be his "mentor" per se, i think he wanted to be closer than that but that's my bias lol). as i see it, matoba was not trying to bad mouth takuma (and i think natori understood that too), but simply stating what's most important: power, which is ultimately very different from the things that natori puts first, even tho he's also seeking to be a more powerful exorcist
another thing that is also funny about these two understanding but mostly misunderstanding each other is that natori wants to become powerful so he could be needed, so he can protect ppl, "do the right thing", which is the same but also different from the reason why matoba seeks power and the kind of power they seek is also different but the same in one aspect, natori wants spiritual power but also "power" to better himself, to be a better person, while the power matoba seeks is spiritual but also a power that will make the matoba clan unbeatable which can be power over ppl
the way his actions distort his goal here is this: natori focuses on the fact that matoba values spiritual power and the power one can have over another more than someone's character and what natori wishes to learn from ppl like takuma is how to be better as a person so he can carve his own path or at least finally find what his path even is and how to set himself in it. this blinds him to anything else, him and matoba are fundamentally different, end of story. and so from his pov he can not see what matoba is offering which was actually matoba's main goal in this conversation: "I can teach you, I can work with you, I can protect you, I can help you become more powerful, I can protect ppl, so you should stick with me, you sould use me instead of him" and matoba's shocked reaction is proof he was misunderstood and natori's reaction to this conversation was unexpected to him, if my interpretation of what he meant is right or not is up to debate tho
so if natori realises and reflects upon his "actions distorting his goal" does matoba do the same? and that's what intrigues me a lot here, because honestly i don't know, we are not shown that ever. does matoba realise how his actions can hinder his goals? does he care enough to reflect on it? does he care abt how he's perceived? does he care about how natori perceives him specifically? and honeslty the way he gets "worse" abt this in the present timeline (being an unsettling little shit especially towards natsume) makes the interpretation that he doesn't care enough to change and so doesn't reflect upon it seem plausible but when it comes to matoba maybe it's simpler that that:
from afterword for chapters 52-54
he's just like that, he is who he is, the matoba clan head but also matoba seiji and he's not afraid of his mistakes, he'll face them head on even if they distort his goals. most interesting tho, while i do think he's like that partially bc he's a little shit and likes having fun ruffling ppl's feathers, i think it's interesting how there's a possibility of him seeing that habit as a mistake, idk if that interpretation is right but matoba is a character that is difficult to interpret especially bc we dont get his pov, he's a confusing character and the fact we never get into his head makes him even more multifaceted. now that we're getting more into matoba clan drama maybe someday we'll get his pov, but until then ig it souldn't be too hard to think a person notices and reflects upon their mistakes right? well, unless the person is matoba seiji, then i dont know.
there's other things i want to talk abt here, especially the fact that natori wants to be needed and current timeline matoba might actually need him, but does natori know that? you think the "a burden can be shared" bs might be an indication that he does, but i don't think he actually does lol also the fact matoba was seeking someone to use but ended up wanting to be used instead to this day (and is ecstatic abt it during homura, one of the many reasons why he looks like he's having the time of his life during those chapters imo), idk just the fact natori recoils at the wording of "someone to use" but wants to be useful himself and matoba ends up wanting to be used by him so badly it's funny (and also a little sad). just these two always wanting the same thing but mostly not and understanding but mostly misunderstanding each other more than anyone ever could for one another, how they could go together seamlessly but mostly don't yet i dont have the capacity to expand upon those right now, midorikawa gotta give me more so, anyways
#have this lol#natsume yuujinchou#matoba seiji#natori shuuichi#horrible exorcists#ig#this is not abt shipping (mostly)#but i feel like this tag is also not only abt shipping tho i do use it like that on this blog#tho the fact i ship them influence my understanding when it comes to them together so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#natsume's book of friends#i have so many thoughts#but i feel like they're mostly half-baked#i feel like midorikawa is just getting into it but i want it so bad i end up anticipating myself lol#should i make a tag for posts like this?#this is not a meta to me#just me vomiting interpretations that can change all the time#idk for now i have no tag#fck organisation anyway i'm not like that irl why does my tumblr needs to be yk (is lazy)
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honestly i just dont get why sometimes people get all weird about quadrants and insist they’re unhealthy always no matter what
like yeah im not stupid i know they CAN be fucked up and can be weird and toxic but so can any romance. human romance has been toxic and fucked up for me many times. tbh if we take a step back and just look at the basic ideas of all of them i don’t think any of those have to be evil and terrible necessarily
like oh no me and my boyfriend have a fun rivalry that we both like being in and both agreed to where we have fun competing with each other and talking shit and then make out! FUCK!!! that’s horrible i would NEVER want that! i would never be guilty of forcing my boyfriend to play tetris with me over and over and insulting him the entire time
oh no my boyfriend has anxiety and i calm him down! oh god we like cuddling and talking about feelings! we both agreed we like this relationship dynamic and feel fulfilled by it! AAA SCARY!!! GET SCARED!!!
oh no sometimes my boyfriends are both annoying and i voluntarily get between that and make people be less annoying! FUCK!!!!!!!! we are going to DIVORCE!!!
#it’s cool if you don’t personally want any of those things#and yeah#alternia is fucked up#big fucked up murder planet#they love insane fucked up rules that are bad for everyone#but idk i feel like all romance is kind of fucked up#and you usually always have to do an insane amount of work to make it healthy and normal lol#and none of these dynamics by necessity HAVE to be horrible#you don’t HAVE to only rely on your moirail and not talk to your friends about your feelings#you don’t HAVE to get fucked up with your kismesis#you don’t HAVE to be a sad unfulfilled auspistice who kinda gets pushed into the relationship#if i’m thinking about the dynamics purely just as concepts#none of that shits a requirement#idk if this makes any sense to anyone else lmao#i just mean like#i don’t think any of those things are uniquely terrible i guess not in any ways that human romance isn’t#and people manage to have ok human romances all the time#not as often as they should lmao#but sometimes#so why not quadrants#i can get being uncomfortable with them#they’re weird#and definitely more complex than i went into in the post#but i don’t think they’re uniquely terrible
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Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears
#I'm dreading book 4 so much#my depression got worse while reading it the first time 😭#also I don't remember exactly what but multiple times he says stuff that i think too often and having a fictional character say that l#ridiculous stuff caused by mental illness made me feel even worse#it helped! because it hit me how stupid it is and that i should avoid that type of thinking at all costs! but didn't i feel like shit for a#while#now i almost finished book 1 and book 2 has Shallan's past 😬😬😬😬😬#can't wait to read again about her horrible childhood locked home with a violent father that take out his rage at her on others#that won't make me feel horrible at all!#it's not like i wasn't almost crying just at her getting an anxiety attack at the beginning#....these books feels awfully aimed at me fjskdks#the stormlight archive#cosmere
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