#marauders era shenanigans

[muggleborn-slytherpuff]

James: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Sirius: Is it me, James?

James: No, it’s not you.

Remus: Is it me, James?

James: It’s not you either.

Peter: Is it me, James?

James:

James, mockingly: Is IT mE James?

[ecstarry]

listen but rival teachers jeggy where they are both competing for like a very lame prize at the end of the year that the school gives out and they just really dislike each other and how they are as teachers but they keep getting forced into situations where they have to get along like chaperoning a dance or going as the two teachers for a field trip and they kinda start understanding each other better but also they both really want that lame prize so they don't want to care for the other and ugh just absolute two idiots slowly falling in love

[darkcrowprincess]

The Black brothers shenanigans:

Regulus Black: Your an idiot

Sirius Black snaps back: And your a virgin who can't swim.

Regulus Black with a secret in his smile: Only one of those things are true.

Sirius Black with a realizion: You didn't?! Did you?

Regulus full on smiling and glowing: A slytherin doesn't kiss and tell big brother.

Sirius Black: I'm going to kill James.

Regulus Black lauging: Not yet, I still have need of him.

Sirius Black: Eww! Now the images are in my head! Can't believe it! My little brother and my best mate!

[calmlyerratic]

remus: *reading quietly*

sirius: *flops dramatically on his bed*

remus: ...

sirius: help me moony, I'm crestfallen and I can't get up

[messervixen]

Marauders brainrot is sitting in a theatre waiting for a production of HSM to start but then Best Friends Brother comes on and your cousin knows the song because she watched the show but you know it because of late 2021/early 2022 jegulus era and as you’re trying to find a place to sit the angsty edits come flooding back and suddenly you’re thinking “is this a sign from the universe that I should reread Best Friend’s Brother?”

[teacup-gathering-itself]

hc that Severus with a camera would absolutely take pictures of any blonde person around in public for the express purpose of showing Lucius Malfoy after saying “Hey I snapped a candid of you for your family photo album” and every time Lucius absolutely dies of laughter.

Occasionally he’ll lead with comforting Narcissa over Lucius’ affair before showing his “evidence”. One photo of a blonde stranger in an incriminating position later and Lucius is keeled over, gasping for breath.

The first time he tried the affair approach Lucius almost threw up from stress because he would NEVER, but Narcissa and Severus are drama queens who sold him on their act.

It’s Lucius’ favorite thing bc in no way is Severus trying to appease him or get something from him, he’s actively shitting on his hair, and for once in his adult life he’s treated like a normal friend, just like their days at Hogwarts.

(Think like that tiktok sound

Sista is this you right here in this alley?

Sista if you see a bitch in the alley with a bad bob that is not me, go the other way

Who is this?)

[shootingthe-stars]

third year marauder funsies

[jayssafespace]

Marauders Micro-Fics based on Sherlock Holmes Quotes

Quote 1: "My name is Sherlock Holmes, it is my business to know what other people don't know."

Lily was engrossed in her book when her girlfriend suddenly flopped down onto her lap with a small sigh. Startled, Lily set her book down and redirected her attention to her partner. "What's up?" she asked, concerned.

"I know it's not my business, but I'm desperate to know," Mary said, giving Lily a pout.

"What did you hear this time?" Lily asked, already anticipating some juicy gossip.

"James is dating someone, and I can't figure out who it is," her girlfriend said with a sigh.

Before Lily could respond, Sirius spoke up from his spot on the floor, where he was painting Marlene's nails. "He's dating Regulus," he said nonchalantly.

Both girls whipped around to look at him, surprised. They hadn't even realized he was in the room with them. "Did they tell you?" Mary asked, not quite believing Sirius.

Sirius looked up from his painting. "No, they didn't. And yet I still know. After all, my name is Sirius Black, and it is my business to know what other people don't know."

Mary and Lily exchanged a look of disbelief, wondering how Sirius had managed to find out about James and Regulus's relationship. Meanwhile, Sirius finished his task, painting the last nail on Marlene's hand.

[rudamaruda520]

Lily: Did you two idiots just set Severus on fire?!

Sirius: Yes. Yes indeed.

Lily, clearly sick of their bullshit: Why?

James: You have to look at the big picture...

Lily:

Sirius: *pulls out a big picture of Severus on fire*

[fall-95]

Barty: Why the fuck is there celery in ketchup?!

Pandora: Why is there milk in Pringles?

Barty *spits out drink*: THERE'S WHAT!!!!

Pandora: Exactly, we shall never know the secrets of the universe.

[muggleborn-slytherpuff]

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Sirius: Shit.

James: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Remus: OH MY GOD, PETER FELL OFF!!!

[valoflunar]

Sirius and James would bake a cake that says “sorry we talk too much Minnie!” and give it to Professor Mcgonagall

[darkcrowprincess]

Slytherin nerds shenanigans(part of my shy nerd Regulus and Bully James au):

Severus Snape: I need you to flirt with somone as a distraction, so I can go through their stuff.

Regulus Black confused: I'm not a prostitute, why would you even want me to do that?

Severus Snape with a slightly deranged look in his eyes: I need to find out what those "marauders"(snapes says with sneer as he says the word) are doing every month!

Regulus Black: Who would I even be flirting with? And why would I help you?

Severus Snape: It's James Potter and I'd owe you.

Regulus Black thinking about how cute James, his brothers best friend is: *with excitement* OK!

*Later*

Regulus Black whos a virgin who can't swim, nervously trying to flirt with one of the most popular boys in school: So you come here offen?

James Potter with a confused look on his face: This is the portrait that leads to the Gryffindor common room?

*meanwhile Snape from a distance trying to accio James Potters notebook from his bag that has a drawing of a stag on it*

Regulus seeing this happening behind James: *Laughs awkwardly and loud* Your so funny anyone ever tell you your funny?

[calmlyerratic]

Sirius: *speaking gibberish* Sul sul! Ooo shanga day?

Remus: *ignores him*

Sirius: *points wand at Peter* Shoo flee, Wormpie!

Peter: Hey, I didn't hex you! Ask nicely!

Sirius: Firby nurbs, dwam plum brich—"

Remus: *sighs, mutters countercurse*

Sirius: You don't want to know what I just said. I feel the need to scorgify my own mouth.

Remus: I'm sure my mum would just adore you.

Sirius: *grins endearingly* Been saving that one for a special occasion, have you?

Remus: Yes, Padfoot. I was holding onto it just in case we ended up hurtling forward into the future—"

Peter: *jaw drops* What?

────────────────⋆────

(kudos if you can guess the gibberish dialect hehe)

Encounters of the Future Sort

read it here on tumblr or here on ao3 :)

──────⋆──────────────

[strawberriesandstories]

I'm here to request an angst with a SAD, DEPRAVED, UNHAPPY, KILLING MYSELF ending with Sirius black. like maybe where reader DIES IN A HORRIBLE AND SOUL-CRUSHNG car accident on the night Sirius was going to confess his love to her.

please and thank you pookie wookie chicken drumstick smoochkums <3

a/n: this is one off my irl personal friends lol so dw

tw: super dumb and gory ig?

“NOOOOO Y/N AHHHHH”

BOOM

CRASH

BANG

GRSHHHH

y/n was a bloody gory slightly period time of month grotty and dead on the road as a car ran over her and then back over her like ONE HUNDRED TIMES.

Sirius wept on the side of the road tears in his Latina eyes

“No y/n-chan n-no b-b-b-Baka it should of been me”

He roared into the sky like the true alpha he was

how could this happen? They where 4lifers and now SHE WAS DEAD

he cradled her in his big strong bikertok arms and cried like he had stubbed his big toe.

He was so distraught that he didn’t see the car come in for sloppy seconds.

SKRRRR

and then he too was dead-finally together with true omega mate

[messer3ghost]

Pandora: Im going to disown you

Evan: you can’t disown me! Why would you even do that!

Pandora with her head on lily’s lap: 'cause you are gay :/

Evan: excuse me w-what?!

Lily: you heard her Rosier

Regulus: you deserve it

Evan: I-

Sirius: there’s no point in arguing with them. They are the youngest siblings, just smile and nod