#many of which are negative
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I know I haven't posted in a bit, and I don't usually like to get too political, but:
I am very, very thankful I am fortunate enough to have moved from Texas to Massachusetts, and very, very upset the vast majority of people do not have similar options to me. It doesn't even protect me fully -- federal rights can supersede state ones, after all. The richest trans person in the world is still a trans person, and Project 2025 makes no distinction.
But I'm sorry. This was an election that was ours to lose. Everyone's out here pointing fingers, trying to find a scapegoat, and trying to argue that not enough support for their single pet cause was the reason we lost. But the reality is that It's the Economy, Stupid. We came out of a pandemic that obliterated our supply chains. Inflation and a warped view of the economy was always a hard hill to climb over, and all the social justices in the world don't mean much to people when they think their own livelihoods are at stake.
I am of the personal opinion that any incumbent this election would have lost. Even a republican. Was I hopeful that wouldn't be the case this time? Oh, absolutely! Will I still be bitter about it? Sure will! But no amount of charisma or campaign promises will ever climb over the burden of a 12 pack of Diet Pepsi going from $5 in 2020 to $8 in 2024. I think we tried to handle it the best we could. But every chart showing that inflation is cooling, that unemployment is low, and that we achieved a soft landing and avoided a recession does not matter when you pick up your grocery receipt and feel like you're paying twice as much as you did five years ago.
Don't mistake me for saying Trump would be better, though! He won't. And I will admit, there is a touch of glee I will feel over all the eCoNoMy voters getting to learn very quickly what tariffs are (and do), and the studies of their effects on washing machines. Does that offset the pain of the next 4 years, or justify the suffering of people far less fortunate than me? Fuck no. Spite can certainly fuel me, but it won't keep me warm at night.
I guess this is a lot of words for me to say I'm sorry. Sometimes you are dealt a losing hand. Doesn't mean we did everything perfectly, obviously. But there's no single fix, no single solution, that could have solved people being furious that eggs cost $4 a dozen now. We tried.
Protect yourselves, and try to protect those around you. If spite fuels your day-to-day, so be it. We have to wait and see anyway. I know I'm going to focus more locally for the next 4 years (hopefully to get more housing built, so more people can move here).
#palidoozy rambles#i have many thoughts#many of which are negative#which i'm sure many of you also have#but good lord im seeing some weird-ass shit#doesn't mean to not hold people accountable#but don't lose sight of the people actively pushing all this shit on us#(republicans. it's the republicans).#i may delete this because politics suUUuUuuUUuuck to talk about online lmao#but i'd like to vent
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i watched the 1997 Odyssey movie
Circe drawing cuz shes so pretty
this is the scene in the Circe island with eurylochus n polites (or piglites, if u will) that i redrew with the epic designs
also Calypso is stunning too
dunno i just love pretty women
also Aeolus is a silly old man here AND I LOVE HIM HES SO HAPPY AND GIGGLY AND SILLY
ok now to the real thing
how did they make Hermes even frutier
hes so zesty i cant i was literally dying while watching this
this frame had me crying LOOK AT THIS
overall 10/10
the cgi and special effects had me rolling on the floor i cant tell if its bc they are good or too bad but either way very good
extra points for extra pretty women, i think i fell in love with Circe and Calypso twice now so good job on that
Also I love Athena so much specially when shes mesing around with Ody and then Telemachus, they're so cute
#also in the beggining og the movie Telemachus is born completly clean#bro is born a diva already#also Antinous is looking good#they are always out ofbreath and grunting and things like that which made me deeply uncomfurtable#but that was like part of the thing#yk the scenario#im just picky#also idk how some ppl can watch adult movies#like#seeing two ppl kissing here made me skip the whole scene#its so unconfortable#my undiagnosed autism doesnt let me#jk#but thats not a negative thing abt the movie#thats a negative thing abt me#also telemachus is so telemachus#ok too many tags#bye#the odyssey#epic the musical
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) is planning on changing their regulations for telehealth prescriptions of controlled substances. However, they have opened comments up for people to voice their opinions. You can submit a formal anonymous comment HERE. The comment period ends on March 31st, 2023.
This is an important issue for those who are prescribed controlled substances (e.g., testosterone or ADHD medication) through telehealth, which means it can and will impact trans people on testosterone and a ton of others if this goes through.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#this will affect other people like those with ADHD who are prescribed medication which is also a controlled substance#it astounds me that professionals aren't trusted by the DEA to be able to do their jobs#you all already know i hate the DEA so i'm biased personally#you can also browse comments left by many people#i've been perusing some comments and they are *not* happy ones. i guess i'm glad i'm not the only disgruntled USian#again - mfw the dea isn't a plotpoint of brba and it actually affects my life negatively 😔🤕🤬
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i’ve been thinking about the pokémon memes where it’s like playing off of that one quote that’s like ‘truly strong trainers should try to win using their favorites’ and it’s like ‘ok well my favorite is [something blatantly overpowered]’ and it’s got me curious. how many people genuinely love pokémon that also happen to be really strong competitively?
so if you will. pick a favorite pokémon (for any reason! whether it’s cuteness or strength or nostalgia etc. no judgment) then go here https://www.smogon.com/dex/sv/pokemon/ and look it up
(you’ll see something that looks like this. see where it says tier and has some gibberish afterwards? don’t worry if you don’t know what that means but tell me what the letters/words are)
also if there are multiple forms and the distinction matters to you make sure you get the right one lol cuz the tiering can be different
edit: forgot to mention i mean specifically in SV! which is what comes up by default. rip every pokémon that either isn’t in SV (it’ll say ‘national dex’) or used to be better but has since fallen off relative to new pokémon
#pokémon#pokemon#pokeposting#if you want to know what those terms mean#AG stands for anything goes. very few pokémon have ever been in here#the absolute elite. too powerful too broken#Ubers is below that it’s like the normal ban zone where most overpowered pokémon go#OU stands for overused it’s like the ‘standard’ top tier#below that is UU (underused) then RU (rarely used) then ZU (zero used) then PU (this is a pun. pee-yew. because they stink)#LC is little cup which is basically Baby Fight™️ and NFE is not fully evolved so like babies and teenagers basically#and anything with BL (ban list) at the end is like a weird in between state#where they’re too powerful for the tier they were supposed to be in but not good enough for anyone in the tier above them to want to use em#if you’re thinking these are insane ridiculous terms then i agree#slight edit i think i initially got the order of ZU and PU mixed up. so many tiers with negative mean names…#i fixed it in the poll though#that is to say PU is above ZU#and if you’re curious how tiers work. the tier a pokémon is ‘in’ refers to the lowest it can possibly go#but you can use it in any of the higher tiers if you want to (it’s just more likely to get stomped on)#so like if a pokémon is OU that means you can’t use it in UU or RU or NU etc etc#but you can use it in Ubers if you want in addition to OU#most people i believe play in OU bc there’s arguably the greatest game balance#you’re allowed to use powerful pokémon but it isn’t as run wild go crazy no rules as Ubers#i mean even Ubers has rules but. fewer of em#AG has only one rule and that’s ‘you can’t force a standstill endless battle’ lol. otherwise it’s the wild west#OU is popular bc it’s a fine mix of rules that keep the game fair fun and competitive#and pokémon that are powerful and fun to use in battle#but if you have a different style you might like playing in a lower tier where everybody is super weak#*syndrome voice* but if everyone is weak then no one is…#it’s all about scale it’s all relative#edit: KNEW i was forgetting some nuance. some pokémon are stuck in the past aka not available in SV so they’ll say ‘national dex’ oops
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Turtle Takedown Teamwork.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#tulu xuanwu#Something about changing the action sequence to something gentle is hilarious to me.#The lesson here is “Be nice to turtles. They are gentle creatures. And many are very endangered.”#don't get me wrong here; I love this scene a lot. LWJ's string technique is one of my favoyrite things.#We do get a fair amount of LWJ fighting but I always loved how the theme of strings comes into play.#There is actually a lot to unpack with LWJ being associate with 'strings'.#The musicianship: Of dedication and rigor in one's practice.#The tension between following along a path or composing your own way forwards (playing what has been written vs composing)#A string is a tightly coiled/taunt entity; The same tension that makes it sing so beautifully can be it's downfall if pushed too hard.#And as a non-musical string - something that binds. Be it to his sect and family or how he binds his fate to WWX -#LWJ cannot exist without his binds. It is not something which ties him down though. It keeps him together.#And he himself *is* a bind. He 'ties wwx down' in ways that are initially negatively viewed ('come to gusu' - feels like: come be trapped)#But later it is shown how (despite being introduced as a free spirit) WWX truly wants to be bound to something and someone.#Marriage is a bind he wants. He wants to be tied and grounded by LWJ.#It's starting to sound like innuendo. Let's call his fondness for being literally tied up smart thematic writing.#Finally. Sex scenes that are important to the plot and characters
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Some of you people need to stop acting so shitty over aspec stereotypes because it's starting to get to a point that you are just shitting on the people who experiences match the stereotypes and it's hurting a lot more aspects than it's helping.
#text#aspec#ace#aro#aroace#aromantic#asexual#aplatonics#loveless#loveless aro#afamilial#adding you guys heree too because aplato afamil and loveless ppl get shit on constantly#for embodying the 'doesnt feel love towards anyone' stereotype which is often seen as something aspecs need to fight against#too many of you are more focused on seeming normal to the allos#that youre willing to throw some of us who dont fit the mold under the bus#because we 'make aspecs look bad' or 'prove allos negative stereotypes'#and idk maybe we shouldnt be theowing experiences under the bus because aphobes throw a fit over them#shouldnt we protect eachother from aphobia not try to surpress those who 'cause it' by existing???#aphobia
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Indie ttrpg designers
We seem to be back in the “dnd sucks why don’t you just play Other Games (yours)” and I have a single question for you in return
Do I get to roll a d20?
Because I like the d20
That shape pleases me
I do not wish to roll a random amount of d6s or d8s or any of them other fuckers
I wish to roll the d20 because icosahedrons please me
I will also accept d12 but the other shapes all have less mouthfeel so if that’s what your game’s based on, it is not for me
I’d also prefer more than four stats but I’m not gonna lie it is the shape of the math rocks so like
Rec your d20 based indie ttrpgs friends cuz every single one I’ve opened is them little cube fuckers or the double pyramid and I Require Round
#ttrpg#dnd#so many people so close to super good points about the problems with dnd#and then they go ‘and as an indie designer you should just play Other Games (mine)’#and like. it’s a good point. it also very clearly underlines that you’re marketing via negativity and i’d actually really rather just hear#how good your game is? complaining is not an access point to my wallet#for real tho rec list this shit#indie ttrpg#i have Math Rock Requirements and also i hate d10s for no discernable reason#i don’t like the rest as much but d10s man. i just. i hate em#they are Bad Shape#skinny tutu bitches#not even good for caltrops#xoxo fuck you d10s#i get the math for probability and shit is easier on smaller dice but have you considered:#d20 shape good#and also d20 easily maths into 100 for percent calculations#which is why it’s weird i hate d10s they’re the only other dice that don’t Fucking Suck to calculate percents from#i know a 13 on a d20 is 65% bad#the fuck is a 5 on a d8#(it’s 62.5 but that’s my point fuck decimals)
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Ok. I am all for giving Veilgaurd the space to be it's own game and appreciate it for what it is, but every time I see a person who openly talks about only getting in to dragon age this year or some other nonsense go off about how long term fans hate the game cause they cant handle change I see red.
I mean, to be a Dragon Age fan, you have to be able to accept change. Change is at the core of the experience. Whether that's a good thing or bad thing is a different question. But if you're a long-term fan of the series, you've succeeded in the task of accepting change.
The criticisms of Veilgaurd are, in my opinion, a little unique to the franchise. For all Inquisition tweaked certain lore and it irritated a lot of people- it did so with self-awareness and intention. I am thinking about how it did the Dalish dirty in many respects. For all I do not agree with that writing direction, the game itself atleast acknowledges it is 1. New information. 2. Dependent on the clan. 3. Gives you the room to roleplay your character according to previously established lore. This is just one example, of course.
Veilgaurd is unique in the fact it ignores much of the series pre-established lore and in no way owns up to it.
I have seen a lot of hateful comments about how Origins hasn't been the framework of the series since 2009. And yeah, sure to a degree that is true. The gameplay certainly got tossed out. But in many ways, Dragon Age 2 is a direct continuation of that world and setting. DA2 and Origins and the lore they established are solid and share a vision. Play as a Mahariel and engage with Merril's clan. It's the same world. The same npc's. Inquisition does not deviate that far from that vision when you look past the companions all playing devil's advocate.
I really don't think everyone disappointed with this game or finding it lacking are "blinded by nostalgia." Most Dragon Age fans will be the first ones to tell you the franchise is a mess. But acting like the games that established it as beloved to it's fans are no longer relevant is so nasty to me. You as a newer fan would not be able to play Veilgaurd if the older fans had not made the previous titles financial successes. If they had not kept the love for the series alive, this new game would never have made it out of development.
The game is good. It's enjoyable to play. It's not without its charms. It should be given room to shine for what it is. It's a miracle we have it given the development journey it went on.
But it's also a massive smack in the face to many people who loved all three previous titles. And that's a bad thing. And I hope future titles remember the lore and tone of the series better.
These two things can both be true.
#dragon age#datv#datv critical#dragon age critical#bioware critical#dragon age the veilgaurd#brekkie thoughts#i know some people are taking the negativity too far and ruining it for folks#but flipside is i have seen a lot of new fans with like a vengeful glee?? about making fun of old fans love of the old games#which ngl i have a bigger problem with that#and so many of these comments come hand in hand with#“i tried to play origins this summer and it's unplayable”#or “i couldnt even finish inquisition because of the fetch quests”#like great im glad you found a dragon age game that speaks to you#but you really dont have the credibility to tell long term supporters of this franchise that their disappointments are childish#like some of us waited over ten years to see these reveals and it's being significantly dampened by the bizareness of dock town being#less aware of it's position in the empire#than kirkwall was of its PREVIOUS position in the empire
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The thing about HotD is that it while it absolutely minimizes the agency and ambition of both Rhaenyra and Alicent, this is specifically used to glorify Rhaenyra and frame her as righteous while condemning Alicent and framing her lacking. That's the key difference in both their textual portrayals that has directly led to 90% of the fandom hailing Rhaenyra as the second coming of Christ while spewing the most hateful vitriol at Alicent just for existing. But y'all are not prepared for that conversation.
#hotd#alicent hightower#pro alicent hightower#anti hotd#I feel like lots of people get the first part (that it strips them off their agency and doesn't allow them to WANT power or revenge;#instead they have to be Good Women Who Always Want Peace)#but don't really understand how the show actually attempts to DO with that#how it uses it to vilify Alicent so badly. She only exists as their special snowflake Rhaenyra's negative foil#they've managed to completely change the character from grrm's books BUT ALSO completely misunderstand how medieval women#actually wielded power and what misogyny at that time would have actually looked like (spoiler: absolutely nothing like this)#anti rhaenyra targaryen#(not really? I just don't trust her fans because some of the hate they've sent me is genuinely deranged)#also:#yes 90% of the fandom is TB and despise Alicent. We know this via surveys conducted by fans and the official marketing team.#y'all need to stop acting like the underdogs here and acknowledge that your Rhaenyra is adored by virtually everyone#(which is OKAY. Just acknowledge it)#you need to also acknowledge how many female characters have been vilified (Alicent) diminished (Laena) or outright erased (Nettles)#to prop up this one entitled white woman#i love rhaenyra from the book and will fight grrm at the shitty way he's portrayed her#but this glorified Good Woman girlboss from the show is driving me nuts
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ahhhh yes. mal du pays my beloved.
#isat#in stars and time#mal du pays#isat spoilers#technically#anyways this is a super specific thing to my thoughts but the basic idea is that i have a lot of headcanons about sif being a system#for a lotta reasons really. projection and source memories are a large one#ive named mal du pays lucius in my brain because its a common name in guadeloupe I THINK and well. thats the original insp for the island#its up to interpretation now buuuuuuut.....ya know. anyways i have many thoughts on sif system and lucius in particular#being what feels like a manifestation of all their negative emotions and symptoms#BUT BUT BUT#i also imagine theyre the first which is why their name is lucius to me. og host. sif is the split turned host. teehee#so naturally deep down they have a lot of their connection to the island#soooooooo. feelings ensue. yadda yadda i am typing too much#im so normal
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not indirecting anyone but i keep seeing the take that sam has power over dean because dean is so attached to and dependent on him. like it’s everywhere. and its just soooo fundamentally flawed. that is not how anything works. not to sound like a broken record but that type of dynamic (where one partner, the aggressor, views themselves as in fact controlled/dictated by the whims of the other) is actually very standard in an abusive relationship…
whether or not sam has ‘power’ over dean in this way is functionally irrelevant because his ‘power’ extends to his ability to somehow, what, psychically manipulate dean into doing what he wants?? whereas dean’s ‘power’ over sam is making sure sam adheres to exactly what he’s decided sam should do and punishing him if he doesnt do that, and deciding he has ultimate control over sam’s own decisions about his life (see main plot events of s4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, so on and so forth…).
#thirteen year old me type logic (i say this a lot i know but it’s true)#it just literally IS. 13 year old me would be like ‘i’m the powerless one cause i’m at the whim of my emotions’ (dean logic) girl get up#i literally have a line in my recent fic like ‘maybe sam’s the one with the real power by sitting there and taking it’ which obviously is#from like 14 year old sams perspective trying to rationalise things but there r genuinely so many people who like. Seem to actually believe#that.#idk it’s this weird bias people have about spn where if you acknowledge the unbalanced fuckedupness of sam & dean’s relationship you’re#‘simplifying things’ or whatever. but abuse isnt in any way simple#spn#oliver talks#sam & dean#poison in the water#i feel like i’m relentlessly negative on here. sorry guys
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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Hello friend! Are you really going to share that with other people?
This was supposed to be a wholesome picture of Sun reminding me to have fun when drawing.
There isn't much to say about the process other than the plan to just post the sketch turned into adding simple flat colors before finally turning into a more finished piece with dramatic lighting. I haven't tried lighting a scene like this before, so messing around with something I've been curious about was nice.
Uncertainty when it comes to drawing and sharing art is something I constantly struggle with. It's hard to not compare yourself to others when there is just so much fantastic stuff coming out of the community all the time! The sheer amount of support folks give to everyone participating in this space is amazing and makes the self-doubt feel silly and unnecessary, but sometimes you just get stuck in your head and all the good positive things can't break through. While the doubt will probably always be there, I hope that with some practice it will someday have less of an impact on my ability to create and I'll truly be able to enjoy the process in its entirety. Lots of folks are out there cheering for one another, I just need to stop, listen and recognize that I'm also being included in that.
#loaf art#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun#sundrop#loaf sona#self insert#pictured: my brain bringing up my insecurities whenever I decide to make and share stuff online#this was supposed to be a quick warmup scribble before moving on to one of my many wips but things escalated#also the tone of this piece is pretty negative which wasn't my intent when sketching it - I wanted something supportive dang it!#well at least I ended up trying out some new stuff when rendering so that's a win in my book
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SHADAR KAI
VS DROW
First, Shadar Kai! They're former elves of the shadowfell, though now some half-living offshoot. Normal human height. They can see in the dark and teleport, turning all ghostly when they do so. This is the player kind, so don't have to deal with the depression aura of the monster manual version! And...that's all we learn of the PC version, so for once I'm actually glad for the MPMM's hatred for detail.
The average drow is a 5 foot (1.5 m) cursed elf that's cartoonishly evil to the point of parody. That's not actually innate, their goddess just personally has the good ones killed and tries to manipulate/torment them to be even more evil. So there are actually nice ones, I mean they used Drizzt as thier only example photo, but most drow that survive to adulthood are going to be sadistic and dominant. Primed and ready if you're into manipulation and being used! Or someone with a hell of a lot of trauma.
I'm figuring out how to make these look...decent, because some of these have too many artworks with background for me to comfortably do my usual basic photo editing.
#shadar kai#drow#And hey look#for once I don't know which to vote for! I've gone on many rants about hating the shadar kai#But you know how when you're introduce to a character by someone you dislike it can make you hate them?#Yeah I've never read his books but I've encountered many a Drizzt fan and near all of them were annoying as fuck.#Not because they were a fan. I love hearing people gush about things they love. They as people just pissed me off.#Now I have an instinctual and very negative reaction to this one specific drow who honestly doesn't deserve it#but oh well. them's the brakes.#smash or pass#dnd#dnd 5e#5e#d&d 5e#d&d
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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