#too many of you are more focused on seeming normal to the allos

[cosmicredcadet]

Some of you people need to stop acting so shitty over aspec stereotypes because it's starting to get to a point that you are just shitting on the people who experiences match the stereotypes and it's hurting a lot more aspects than it's helping.

[acespec-ed]

Not to get into the ~unmentionable~ but whenever people argue over “cishet aces,” there is a major issue I’ve never seen mentioned. (Or maybe it has been. I try to stay away from that noise.)

Let’s take a cis, heteroromantic ace in a "straight” relationship with an allo. Chances are, the outside world doesn’t know the person is ace unless the person says so specifically. So nothing bad happens to the couple when they go out in public. The ace could keep their sexuality a secret from friends and family and no one will ever know. And it’s kinda hard to see any “issues” the heteroromantic ace will face, dating a member of the opposite sex. After all, they’re practically straight.

What the outside world doesn’t see, and what nobody seems to talk about, is what the heteroromantic ace is going through internally.

Maybe this heteroromantic ace has a high sex drive, along with an interest in having sex regularly. They’re just not sexually attracted to their partner. That’s all fine and dandy. But I’m focusing on asexuals who are in the indifferent/repulsed category. Or, hell, even asexuals who are sex-favorable every now and then, but not often enough. (What I’m about to say can also apply to heteroromantic acespecs- I’m including them when I use “ace.”)

There’s a big chance the heteroromantic ace rarely initiates sex, if ever. There’s also a big chance they’re not interested in having sex as much as their partner is. And if the heteroromantic ace is sex-averse/repulsed, sex is off the table.

Keep in mind, society pushes this message that everybody wants sex. All couples have sex. Anyone not having sex is miserable. A relationship with little to no sex is doomed to fail. You hear this shit all over the place. From puberty through the entirety of your life. This gets drilled into your head. Everybody wants sex and people who don’t have sex are miserable. (Whether or not this is true or exaggerated is a mystery to me and every other acespec out there, but I digress.)

So the heteroromantic ace feels like they have to have sex. If they’re not having sex with their partner, they are making their partner miserable. Their relationship is failing because they don’t have sex. If the allo wants sex, and the ace isn’t in the mood, the ace is going to do one of two things:

1. They’ll “suck it up” and do it anyway.

2. They’ll decline, then spend the next hour or so feeling like a bad partner for saying no. Maybe even worry about their partner leaving them over it.

The allo could be the most supportive person in the world. They can take no for an answer. They never push. Hell, maybe they even have a low libido so it’s not that big a deal anyway.

But because of the constant message that “everyone wants sex and anyone not having sex is miserable,” the ace feels like complete and utter shit. Because they are denying a “basic human need” to their allo partner. This shit gets internalized. No matter how many “I don’t minds” the allo partner may say, the ace is still going to feel like shit.

And this is just aces dating an understanding partner. There are aces in toxic relationships who are pushed into having sex. An ace may already feel guilty for turning down sex with a supportive partner. How do you think they feel turning down sex with someone who thinks they are owed it? Who constantly harasses them about it? And then there are aces who have never heard of asexuality who force themselves to have sex with their partner because it’s “what you’re supposed to do.” This can cause trauma. Heteroromantic asexuals may end up with trauma because of their sexuality. Yes, they can hold their partner’s hand in public with no fear of backlash. But nobody sees what’s happening behind closed doors.

And maybe the (lack of) sex becomes a problem for the allo down the road. Maybe they end up in couples therapy. Maybe they end up with a shitty therapist. Given the whole “sex is vital to a healthy relationship” view the entire world has, who do you think the therapist is going to say needs “fixing?”

And the ace who has never heard of asexuality? They’re likely to be diagnosed with some sort of sex-disorder and sent to a doctor for unnecessary tests and prescriptions. Hell, maybe even the ace who knows they’re ace gets pushed into it too. All because they keep turning down sex. And that needs to be fixed.

Their sexuality is seen as something that needs to be fixed. 

(Sound familiar?)

This circles right back to aces feeling pressured into having sex with their supportive partner. They may fear their supportive partner will eventually become unsupportive if they get one too many no’s. And thus, the heteroromantic ace in a supportive environment may feel the need to “suck it up” every now and then anyway. Because what if their partner that they’ve come to love leaves them over it? Or starts getting pushy because they were fine with it at first but now they’re learning they’re actually not okay with it?

This post isn’t about who has it worse. And all of this can also apply to homoromantic, biromantic, etc. aces as well. The point is, heteroromantic aces have similar struggles to the other letters. They can go through trauma for their sexuality. They may meet people who try to fix their sexuality. They can even go as far as to force themselves into having sex to appear “normal.” There are shared issues here.

Allos dating aces, please be kind if they turn down sex. Don’t push or say anything that will make them feel worse. Trust me- we’re just as disappointed as you are. Probably more, tbh.

(Obligatory wanting sex in a relationship is valid. Obligatory not all aces go through this. Obligatory having sex with an ace is not automatically rape. Obligatory ace/allo relationships can be successful. This is just a scenario I never see brought up and it should be.) 

(Aphobes Do Not Interact.)

[stripyhorse23]

TV of 2020

1) I May Destroy You

I May Destroy You might not have been written during the pandemic, but when it arrived in June it felt like the sort of complicated, cathartic show that could have been.  Detailing one woman’s experience of rape and its aftermath, Michaela Coel (who wrote every episode) continually found rich narrative avenues in which to explore her characters’ individual experiences of sexual assault and consent.  If that makes the series sound concept-driven, it always placed its characters first; the push-and-pull between Arabella, Terry and Kwame is key to the ways in which Coel’s tender, curious writing is able to explore power dynamics within relationships, friendships and hook-ups.  Other, lesser shows that are this deliberately open-ended might feel opaque: it’s testament to the show’s confidence of voice that isn’t the case here.

2) Normal People

Like plenty of others, I binged the entire series of Normal People in a weekend, although one of its many pleasures is how Sally Rooney and Alice Birch’s adaptation teases out the episodic nature of the former’s bestseller.  From Connell’s early days at university, to a Tuscan holiday turned sour, and an exchange year in Sweden, Normal People was about the ways in which the people we love move in and out of our lives over the years.  It wasn’t immune to mis-steps (the show draws something of a crude line between the abuse Marianne suffers at home and what she seeks out in romantic partners), but the sheer emotional heft of the show was undeniable, nowhere less so than Paul Mescal’s floodgate-opening performance in Episode 10.

3) Adult Material

Perhaps one of the year’s most overlooked shows, Adult Material follows Hayley Burrows as she attempts to balance life as the harassed mother-of-three and the twilight years of her career as adult performer Jolene Dollar.  The slyly comic edge of the first episode is quickly eroded after Jolene becomes embroiled in the abuse of another actor on-set.  A stark portrait of alcohol abuse and loneliness, it’s also a sharp indictment of how little the so-called ‘culture wars’ surrounding pornography are meaningfully impactful on sex workers themselves.  Hayley Squires gives the sort of white-hot star performance usually reserved for 90s Hollywood rom-coms, a veneer of frustration and resignation overlaying even her character’s most abrasive moments.

4) Cook, Eat, Repeat

Why not in this interminably shitty year, choose the one show that offered the sort of balm it’s impossible to reverse engineer?  Following hot on the heels of a disappointing series of The Great British Bake-Off, Nigella Lawson’s warm, inviting half-hour new series was the televisual equivalent of a long bath and a facemask.  Her fish finger bhorta, brown butter colcannon and black pudding meatballs have already made it into this household’s repertoire, but there’s something innately comforting about the luxurious silliness of Nigella that almost transcends criticism.  Whether it’s the giddy nonsense of her liquorice box, the ‘did I hear that right’ moment when she revealed her pronunciation of ‘microwave,’ or the seductive self-care of making a creme caramel for one, no other show elicited such pure enjoyment from me this year.

5) I’ll Be Gone In The Dark

The true crime documentary series boom has increasingly leaned into a focus on the victims, from last year’s The Yorkshire Ripper Files to Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich, but none so effectively or compassionately as I’ll Be Gone In The Dark.  Less a story about the hunt for the Golden State Killer and more a study of trauma and obsession, the series splices together home footage of the late Michelle McNamara’s investigation with survivor testimony to create a haunting portrait of one man’s legacy of pain.  The early episodes are replete with skin-crawling tension, anguish and tears, but the later episodes allow that to fall away, focusing on the mental fortitude necessary for the survivors at its centre and the sense of community fostered by meeting other women like them.

6)The Salisbury Poisonings

I had no interest in watching this BBC limited series initially: the advertising made it look dry, the story itself (the Novichok poisonings of 2018) seemingly devoid of juicy narrative material.  That I’ve watched this three times in the space of a year speaks to its robust, urgent filmmaking.  Like several other shows on this list, it arrived into the context of a pandemic it couldn’t have foreseen, but watching the rapid, careful response of local government (crucially and deliberately obstructed by Whitehall) to this crisis presented a sort of horribly watchable what-if scenario.  What seemed at first blush to be middle-of-the-road programming evolved over three episodes into the sort of spare, quietly terrifying journalistic drama that invites comparison to last year’s Chernobyl.

7) We Are Who We Are

It turns out that Luca Guadagnino’s woozy, seductive style transfers perfectly to television, and despite We Are Who We Are lacking the timelessness that typifies I Am Love or Call Me By Your Name it thrillingly captured the turbulent adolescence of its teenage characters.  Equally effervescent and raggedly emotional, the show’s joy always felt hard-won, bumping heads with the often cynical, unreadable motivations of the adult characters.  A tender and frank depiction of queer identities within traditionally restrictive environments, it’s also a love letter to young friendship and the lifeline that can provide during our formative years.  Spellbinding.

8) Selling Sunset

Perhaps the year’s most impressively constructed reality show, I was slow on the uptake with Netflix’s Selling Sunset only to have it take over my life for a few weeks during the summer.  Manufactured reality series are tough to get right, but much like The Hills (surely this show’s biggest influence) Selling Sunset gains a lot of mileage from gaming pre-existing friendships for maximum impact.  Christine and Mary’s beleaguered relationship and, obliquely, their respective responses to fame continued to provide wildly watchable fireworks, but the build-up to Chrishell’s separation from husband Justin Hartley was exquisitely handled.  Suddenly Davina’s strangely uncharismatic shit-stirrer and Christine’s predictably OTT wedding were forced to take a back seat to something approaching genuinely moving television.  Trying to tease out what was real and what wasn’t, and following the ways this all spilled out onto social media, was pure, unmitigated pleasure in a year sorely lacking in just that sort of unfettered escapism.

9) My Brilliant Friend

Two seasons in and there might not be another character on TV that I’m as continually frustrated and fascinated by as Lila, the eponymous ‘brilliant friend’ of the show’s title.  Sparingly warm, often cruel, seductive, Season 2 of HBO’s masterful adaptation sees her trapped in a loveless, abusive marriage but as ever it’s her fractured relationship with Lenù that forms the emotional spine of the show.  There’s often a strange sort of snobbery around the term ‘prestige drama,’ as if all that money on the screen is a smokescreen for a dearth of anything to say; My Brilliant Friend uses every colour in its paintbox to portray the yawning void that opened up between Lenù and Lila as they entered adulthood, from the lavish, provocative outfits Lila’s adopts after she marries Stefano to Max Richter’s evocative score and the detail poured into the show’s supporting characters.  Rewardingly complex.

10) Mrs. America

I laboured over what would take my tenth spot this year since there was so much TV that I loved, and especially this year so much of it felt essential to how I was receiving the world around me.  Ultimately, Mrs. America’s mixture of astute political commentary, character-driven writing and host of enjoyable performances tipped the scale in its favour.  Cate Blanchett’s all-timer of a performance as Phyllis Schafly understandably received the majority of attention, but Mrs. America gave us so many memorable moments: Sarah Paulson’s Alice ringing the bell at reception whilst high, Uzo Aduba’s Shirley Chisholm speaking to a potentially bugged hotel ventilator, Margo Martindale’s Bella Abzug quietly realising she’s no longer the radical of her youth on a busy New York street.  This sort of deft, smart political drama isn’t often this much fun to watch, and what an ending...

11) This Life

An honourable mention to a show made almost twenty-five years ago that nevertheless helped define the year in TV for me.  Shows that were once considered part of the zeitgeist can often feel quaint and old-fashioned in retrospect, but Amy Jenkins rambunctious flatshare drama isn’t one of them.  Whilst it can sometimes feel like the show’s characters are universally adverse to making even one good decision between them, there’s a compassion and care underpinning This Life that means it never comes across as overly cynical or sneering.  There’s also a lot to be said for discovering a performance that you genuinely consider to be one of the best of the decade, and no other character this year frustrated and moved me in the ways that Daniela Nardini’s Anna did.  Bonus points for the genuinely chaotic final episode, perhaps one of the best I’ve ever seen.

And FWIW, these are ten performances from shows not on the list above that I loved this year: Marielle Heller in The Queen’s Gambit, Nicholas Hoult in The Great, Sarah Lancashire in Last Tango in Halifax, Poorna Jagannathan in Never Have I Ever, Michael Sheen in Quiz, Imelda Staunton in Talking Heads, Leila Farzad in I Hate Suzie, Alison Pill in Star Trek: Picard, Gillian Anderson in The Crown and Andy Allo in Upload.

And ten episodes of TV that I loved too: ‘Terry and Korvo Steal a Bear’ (Solar Opposites), ‘The Gang Deals With Alternate Reality’ (The Good Fight), ‘Uncle Naseem’ (Ramy), ‘The View From Halfway Down’ (Bojack Horseman), ‘The Vat of Acid Episode’ (Rick and Morty), ‘I Am’ (Lovecraft Country), ‘No Small Parts’ (Star Trek: Lower Decks), Seven-Spotted Ladybug’ (Everything’s Gonna Be Okay), ‘Daytona’ (Cheer), ‘Whenever You’re Ready’ (The Good Place).

[famous-aces]

Alfredo Guttero

Who: Alfredo Guttero

What: Artist and Art Promoter

Where: Argentinian (active in Argentina and throughout Western Europe) 

When: May 26, 1882 - December 1, 1932

(Image Description: Retrato del pintor, Victorica, 1929 [a self portrait]. It shows Guttero in his apartment. Outside is a very geometric skyline of smokestacks, steep roofs, and a brown sky. His room is slate colored and he sits in a chair in the foreground. He has a jacket thrown over the back of his chair. His pose is casual and he looks as if we [the viewer] have just distracted him from painting. He sits with his legs to one side, turned almost unnaturally toward the viewer. One leg is lifted slightly and one hand is on the chair's seat as if he is in the middle of turning completely to the viewer. He is a man with a receding hairline and a high forehead. He has a dark mustache and dark hair and low eyebrows. He is wearing a white shirt and bowtie and has his sleeves rolled up to the elbow and his collar is ruffled and loosened. The whole thing hangs very loose but you can still see some of his body's lines of musculature. His tie undone and hanging around his neck. His pants are ordinary and green/brown. His expression is calm but confident and he looks directly at the viewer. The colors are bold but not really bright. The style blends geometry and flatness and realism in a way I am explaining very poorly. End ID)

Guttero is not terribly well remembered today, which is too bad. Looking through his oeuvre I quite like his work. Maybe it is because he lacked the bombastic personality of many modernist artists, maybe it is due to his diversity of styles without one that seems to define his work, or maybe it is because he was one of so many talented artists of his generation. He was well renown in his era, however, and used his popularity and skill to foster the next generation of Argentinian artists.

Guttero's life began mundanely enough. He always loved art, appreciating it and creating it, but pursued a legal career instead. But he was unhappy with his life as a lawyer, so Guttero left it to become a painter. He pursued his dream and passion, inspired and pushed by other Argentine artists. In 1904 his reputation was good enough that the Argentinian government sponsored his move to Paris, then the epicenter of the truly exciting and revolutionary art world, its influence expanding outward. He studied there for a few years under Maurice Denis before appearing in the Salon.

He remained in Paris until 1916 when he began to travel extensively across Western Europe for more than a decade, first to Spain, then Germany, Austria, and beyond. He traveled to nearly every country in the area between the years of 1916 and 1927.  His work was shown in various exhibitions around the continent from being featured in the Salon in Paris to a major solo exhibition in Genoa.

After that he returned to Argentina for the first time since his initial departure in 1904. Guttero remained active in his native country including creating free art classes called, aptly enough, Cursos Libres de Arte Plástico, with other Argentine artists. During this time he focused on his work as an art promotor, perhaps even more than his own art. During this time he introduced and showed new Argentinian artists to a wider audience. Indeed he created an organization for this purpose: the Hall of Modern Painters. He was dedicated to promoting and preserving modern art in the face of a world growing increasingly dark and reactionary. He died young and without much warning.

His art is undeniably modernist but trickier to pin to a specific movement. He has many different styles he utilizes with different degrees of naturalism and curves vs geometry. His scenes are by and large mundane and human, he uses bright colors, often huge central subjects, kinetic poses and positions, modern settings, and by and large human or urban subjects. He often painted on plaster using a "cooked plaster" technique of his own devising.

(Image Description: Martigues for Charles Jacques [1909], a brightly colored painting showing a scene in a Martigues canal. It is not completely realistic nor completely geometric and abstract. He favors color over outlines. In the background is a bright blue sky interrupted by yellow buildings with tile roofs, maybe houses, lit by the unseen sun. One of the building's lower doors is open. There is a small tree to the far right. In the foreground in the sparkling water of the canal are several small work boats, probably fishing boats judging by the silvery nets lying over the hulls. On the right a boat is coming in, there is a pale skinned, dark haired man working on one of the nets. His sail is red and white. On the left is a pale man in an orange hat and yellow shirt. He is stooped and just by his pose appears older, both of the men are too far away for many identifying details. End ID)

Possible Orientation: Mspec ace, gay ace, or aroace with an aesthetic attraction to multiple genders. (I am so unsure I have changed "probable" to "possible.")

I admit this one is a stretch on my part.

I am classifying Guttero based largely on absence, i.e. the absence of a remembered/recorded spouse, sexual/romantic partner, or liasian. I have no quotes or historical documents to prove my point. I have none of his personal philosophy or writings to draw from. Just the fact that he dedicated his life to art more than human relationshipa. That this is something I have seen before: Cause and its role in the life of many aros/aces/aroaces (outlined in Weil's entry the other day) and the fact that he had no recorded romantic/sexual partners that I can find in hours of research.

This illustrates why it is so, so difficult to find aspecs in history. We are not, as aphobes believe, impossible to locate, there is externally visible evidence, but it is less obvious than most other orientations. And cishets would rather we didn't exist so we are often buried under excuses. The easiest ways to find them are 1) if they were notably "married to their job" in their lifetimes (e.g. Jeanette Rankin and Carter Woodson), they talked/wrote about it in some capacity (e.g. T.E. Lawrence or Frédéric Chopin), they were distrusted because of it (John Ruskin and James Barrie), they made it part of their persona (Nikola Tesla and Florence Nightingale), aside from that I really need to search deep into their personal lives. Information not always available.

And often even when people essentially say "I am aromantic and/or asexual" the general population will not accept that. After all Newton is often remembered as allo and gay, despite never expressing interest in men. Chopin is often listed as allo and bi. Rankin is often considered cishet but too deeply concerned with her work. Barrie gets called a pedophile despite showing no interest in children. For eccentric aspecs like Weil/Tesla/etc. their being aspec becomes part of their oddness. If they weren't Like That they would be allo. Their being aspec becomes a symptom of their weirdness and would be unacceptable in a "normal" person.

History with a capital H does not want to acknowledge aspecs and, as with other queer identities, will go to insane measures to erase them. But even other queer historians will do this to aspecs. I am shocked how many people do exactly to Newton/Lewis/and the like what cishet historians do to Alexander the Great. In the case of Alexander the cishets ignore the obvious accounts that he loved Hephestian in nearly every way possible and queer historians and history buffs call them out, then often the non-aspec ones look at Newton and Lewis who had no interest in men and say they must have been gay. And it isn't really just history, Tim Gunn is by his own admission both gay and ace and the second part of that statement is either erased or, even crazier, I have seen aphobes say that he is mistaken about his own identity.

Anyway the root cause of this lack of nuance in the discussion of sexual orientation is a long sidebar that this is not the place to explore. I have left Guttero behind paragraphs ago. I have written a lot about how aces and aros end up getting erased from history and this isn't about that.

This is about Guttero and the difficulty of finding aros and aces. The presence of something is so much easier to find than the alternative, obviously, like if Historical Figure X exclusively slept with/courted men and was a man we can say he was (most likely) gay. But if Historical Figure Y didn't sleep with anyone/court anyone it is harder to prove. This is obviously severely simplifying identity but for the purposes of this example I beg your apology.

Long Story Short: the absence of evidence of something is not proof of the absence of something. A lot of aphobes will point this out and utterly ignore the fact that sometimes it is.

So, Guttero. The only thing I can say conclusively is that he never married and he was romantically or sexually tied to anyone as far as I can find. He was, in his time, very active in the art world. If he had been involved someone would probably have taken note. Especially considering his art is often very appreciative of the human form, especially the male one, it would not be hard to believe he was allo and gay or mspec.

I am going to take his art another way putting some dusty analysis/critique/art history skills to good use. Here's the thing, those who follow me on my personal blog or even here know I find the Death of the Author extremely important but it is also extremely complicated (it was actually the topic of my senior thesis). I don't want to use an artist's work to talk about their personal lives because art is often not reflective of life, but there is always some cross contamination in one way or another. I am going to explain what I mean on a superficial level, using myself as an example so I can say this is 100% accurate. I love the found family trope, and I think those relationships are the best in the world. So whenever I write something you can be damned sure if I can get some found family goodness in there I will. What I am saying is, I don't love or even approve of everything I write about, but I do write about some things because I love them and want to explore them and experience them on some level. The same may be true for Guttero and the subjects he painted.

Guttero often pays a lot of attention to human form. Look at his work The Market (I couldn't find a large enough image to put it in this post) and you will see his appreciation for amab musculature and on the other side of the male spectrum...

(image description: Retrato de Lucien Cavarry [1911] It shows a thin, lanky, and well dressed young man reclining on a green floral patterned couch and a black pillow. He is pale with neat, dark hair. He has a shadow of 5 o'clock shadow on his super hero jaw. His suit is white, his slightly rumpled tie is black, as are his socks and polished shoes. One arm is across the back of the couch and a red and gold pillow the other is dangling. This style is very different from the other portraits I showed/referenced. Still a modern but more realistic style, more flowing, less geometric. The man is drop dead gorgeous by Western beauty standards. End ID)

As for women...he seems to find them colder, more distant, but there is still a physical appreciation there. (Linking Mujeres Indolentes so I don't get flagged for "female presenting nipples" or whatever Tumblr's BS is. [The name alone tells you a lot]). Or the somewhat judgemental gaze of the woman below:

(Image Description: Georgelina. It shows a portrait of a pretty young woman sitting in front of a field. She is pale and long and beautiful. She has red hair, sharp eyes, a long flowing white dress with a gold sash around her waist, and a white hat with a black bow that is blowing in the wind. She takes up most of the frame and her expression is challenging and she holds eye contact with the viewer. The colors are bright and she is almost porciline in color. The background is mostly flat planes of color. In style it is somewhere between the self portrait and the portrait of Cavarry. End ID.)

Not all of his portraits of women have them so sour/distant but they all have a sort of challenging look. Beauty tinged with something dangerous, while the men always seem more innocent.

So here is why I say aspec rather than allo using his work alone, none of his work is particularly sexually inviting even with the sexiness/physical European attractiveness. The men are bashful or unaware of the viewer, the women are certainly not interested.

And back to the self portrait at the top: Guttero is in a fairly sexy pose, but it is sexy without being sexual. He is rumpled but the thing he was doing was painting, there is a sexless explanation. He is looking at the viewer, but you are distracting him from working. At first glance I thought his legs were spread, but they are simply in motion so he can face his guest more comfortably. This all could mean nothing, but I found it striking that this is how he chose to depict himself, at first he appears to be inviting the viewer in for a more physical interaction, but then it seems he is doing exactly the opposite, his passionate energy has been instead put into painting.

And in reality toward the end of his life that was what he did. He dedicated himself to his own art and the art of others.

So again, this could mean nothing. But...it could mean he is aspec.

And that is how the person I am least sure about got the longest entry.

(image description: Elevadores [1928]. A painting showing a factory complex. There is a raised platform running around it and several buildings in bright colors. There is a tree to the right side and a green hill. The building in the near-center [lightly left] is red. The sky is yellow and blue, perhaps the unseen sun is rising up behind the right-hand buildings. In style it is mostly geometric and flat color. End ID.)

[cantskank]

fuck this is long...tldr i’ve been lame but getting better

the last post is brought to you by me getting into the magnus archives for some positive ace rep

then having the absolute and overwhelming focus of the fandom be focused on that character’s romantic relationship

then the people who ignore or gloss over the fact that jon is ace or make him have sex anyway to make martin happy????  which just like fucks me up a bit

(esp bc exact quote, “jon...doesn’t” really disputes the idea that he would have sex with martin)

(also much more minor but it bugs me to see people in the fandom refer to jon and martin together as gay.  jon is biro ace, i think gay is not particularly accurate.  and gayness is excellent!  don’t get me wrong.  but that’s just not accurate to what jon is.  and it would not at all bother me if there were equal amounts of “aww look at them they’re so asexual together!”  and that description probably feels weird and wrong.  but it’s just as correct as saying “they’re so gay and cute!” or whatever i keep seeing people say about it!  it is just as accurate to call their relationship ace as it is to call it gay!  and not wanting to acknowledge or even consider that is really telling in what it reveals about how non-aces feel about asexuality.  it just builds to a picture of ‘we want our own representation and we will discard or ignore the ‘uglier’ bits of one of the ship character’s identity because asexuality is foreign to me/irrelevant/unnatural/weird/something i don’t fully understand and am afraid to/uninteresting.���  and i very much want to sympathize with the former (again, the whole reason i got into the magnus archives) and very much want to kill the latter with fire. this is also relevant to me in that about a year ago, i started thinking a lot about how as an aro ace, being told i had straight passing privilege, and the fact that i am not out (but would not lie and call myself straight) and just generally allow people to assume whatever they want about me when it comes to my orientation, whether that’s gay, straight, bi, ace, whatever, (and also having had mostly straight friends for the couple of years before that when it had very much been the opposite prior to that (and that does make a difference, to me at least),)  had resulted in me very much creating this narrative of being ‘effectively straight.’  not at all in the sense that ‘yes i’m basically straight and i feel mostly straight’ but in that i felt like ace-ness and aro-ness, if i wasn’t going to be out about it (which i’m not but which i may end up changing down the line), was not something i was allowed to consider as separate and distinct and special and important about myself?  because society would not like to think about aros/aces.  what society wants is to send the message that “not having sex is not important.  not having sex is not normal and makes you a loser.  not feeling romantic attraction is shameful and unnatural.  not feeling romantic attraction is something that makes you a monster.  do not talk about your disinterest in these things, it is at once completely unimportant/irrelevant and for our comfort and to allow you to conform socially you should not talk about it AND it is disgusting and freakish and makes you broken.”  so.  it is somehow unimportant AND deeply disturbing at the same time.  anyway, for me this resulted in feeling that my aro ace-ness was unremarkable and i should not consider it something exceptional about me, and i should just settle into viewing myself as close to the default.  and maybe you would think i am part of the default, as a first impression, and that’s fine.  but i realized i didn’t want to think of myself that way.  even if people will insist it is this way, asexual =/= straight.  i get to, and i want to, think of asexuality as its own distinct thing, and it does not have to fit into the paradigm of gay vs straight because it cannot fit into that paradigm.  i had refused to give myself the space to think of it as special because no one was telling me it was special.  and not being out definitely had a huge effect on this.  but it is just factually untrue to view myself as unremarkable for being asexual and as ‘effectively straight’ because it’s wrong!  it’s just wrong!  and if i am firmly of the belief that i am not straight, i must be equally firmly of the belief that i am not gay.  there is no judgment involved in either of those statements, but i must respect myself and my identity enough to firmly believe it is its own identity, and worthy of being considered that way, and not merely framed in which ways it relates the false dichotomy of gay and straight.  meaning, i cannot frame my asexuality as “not quite gay but not quite straight” but as its own entity: i have my own distinct orientation and it is aromantic asexual and i do not experience attraction.  full-stop.”  which may seem basic (and may seem like a very minute difference) but it was an important step for me in my identity.  i don’t think i’m quite explaining it right.  i will say: whether they realize it consciously or not, i think a lot of people think of sexuality by how much you deviate from the norm.  the norm is straight.  the most extreme not-norm (by, again, the false dichotomy that has been set up) is gay.  how different you are from the norm will probably determine how important your sexuality is to you because non-normative sexualities are oppressed and the fight to be allowed to feel you are worthy of respect means your sexuality feels and is highly personal.  and, this would be a measure of how gay you are.  before my perspective shift, i felt very little about my sexuality (other than mostly dread at dying alone.  which i still feel!).  therefore, i was not very different from the norm, and my sexuality was not worthy of consideration.  it was not allowed to be very important to me, especially if i was not going to be very out.  BUT!  this is not a good perspective!  again, false! dichotomy!  there is no reason to view yourself on a sliding scale of gay and straight!  i am Neither!  and it is for this reason that i feel very strongly that gay is not the right way to describe jon!  it can be, and if it feels right to him then that is a fine and excellent way to identify!  but his identity is asexual and, by necessity, he is not gay.  just as he is not straight.  which is okay and allowed.  and by many people choosing exclusively to refer to jon and martin as gay, while extremely understandable, feels like a failure to understand the above.  allo identities do not hold precedence over aspec identities because aspec identities are worthy of their own consideration, not just as something “missing” and inherently lower priority to allo identities.  and calling the relationship gay exclusively, feels like they kind of believe that.  and any reluctance to call their relationship ace (which i think MOST people would find very strange and weird and uncomfortable) is a lack of education and understanding on what asexuality looks like, the kinds of relationships asexuals have.  asexuals are not some remote, gross thing that cannot be understood and must be ignored, we are people and we are here.  if you haven’t noticed, our entire online presence is BUILT around education and visibility.  these are things you can find out and understand very quickly.  and hopefully people will not view asexuality as something weird and shameful and something that should just be ignored. holy shit that was a long aside.)

and the post was precipitated by seeing fanart of a very romantically intimate moment and not being at all interested in that for myself.  i really want to be close to someone (/some people which is too much to hope for) but just so emphatically not in that way.  just...a lot of clarity in what i want?  because i am sometimes so miserable for being aro specifically that i wonder if my identifying this way is wrong and unhealthy, whether it’s worse to consider myself aro and causing more problems than it’s solving.  sometimes i wonder if i was too quick to dismiss romance and all my self-discovery and self-reliance has been for nothing?  maybe being miserable about amatonormativity has just been because i’m alloro but just miserable and self-hating and trying to ruin the fun for everyone and the problem is not that romance has been artificially elevated but just that i have deep-seated issues with romance?

anyway it was more of a relief than anything to have my aro-ness confirmed by my gut reaction.  um, i still think i need to let go of some of my bitterness about amatonormativity, only because it’s not serving me to be my happiest self (not because it’s not bullshit), but it’s not because i’m unconsciously not aro. 

here’s what i think i want for myself:

like i said above, letting go of some of my anger at romance and at amatonormativity in general.  there’s definitely a place for that in me, but people talking about romance should not make me miserable like it’s starting to do.  in a lot of ways this comes from me being jealous and bitter about not having this supposedly wonderful, normal, natural experience, and not being confident in it being okay- great, even!- to be aro and not experience that.  i want to become more neutral about romance, since it is equally okay to not experience that.  my existence and validity is not threatened by other people having romantic relationships.  it’s okay for that to be an important thing for them, and (/because) it’s equally okay for it NOT to be important to me.

sorta referenced in my point above, but i want to rely less on other people to make me valid.  it doesn’t matter how anyone else feels, i am the way i am.  i want to be much more confident in that for myself.  i can’t progress and build a better relationship with myself if i don’t trust my own experience and emotions over what other people would tell me is true about myself (or how the rest of the world works). 

i know this is kinda what got me feeling not great in the first place, but i want to find more ace/aro rep for myself.  potentially this could make things worse (in the way i mentioned above; relying on that representation to really speak to my experience and finding that it does not, and that fandom in particular is very caught up the romance- and just generally allo- side of things).  but i am hoping/relying on the possibility that increasing ace/aro rep will give me way more options and a higher chance that i will have my own experience reflected.  i want to start listening to the penumbra podcast, since i’ve heard there are at least two aspec characters, one of whom is even aro ace! side note, thinking about it a bit: the first ace rep i had was a few months ago, when i watched bojack horseman and saw todd’s story.  i think i was a bit spoiled in that rep.  todd’s story was really focused on his own self-discovery.  he was alloro and wanted a relationship, but in my mind he didn’t care so much about getting that.  even when he was in a relationship, he still got to be cool and have his own adventures.  having a romantic relationship was secondary to his story and, you got the sense, secondary to him as a person.  and, his asexuality was very important to him once he realized he was ace.  he was very open about it to people, not ashamed, and he did have a journey with his sexuality that the audience was brought along.  that is everything i want in an ace character!!!  then i got into the magnus archives, expecting to have a similar experience.  instead, we find out jon is ace because we as the audience hear him being outed without his knowledge between his friends, based on information from his ex (again, presumably without his knowledge).  and word of god says "although whether that’s how the archivist himself would actively identify, who knows?”  also a very different take on ace rep than bojack horseman.  and i love jon and martin as a couple, but i have just been really overwhelmed with how much of that is the focus of the fandom (plus my normal/main fandom is hockey and that can be VERY platonic.  i can make it as platonic as it gets).  those are two different ways of being asexual, and they are both valid!  they probably each ring true for many.  from my perspective i prefer the bojack approach because i feel more affirmed by todd’s rep than by jon’s, but that doesn’t make todd more accurate representation.  i guess the moral of the story is, not all ace rep is the same, and don’t get invested in seeing yourself (or the kind of rep you want) in every ace story.  and my solution is to broaden my ace rep rather than only have a few and ultimately not be happy with it.  (also i want to be very clear that the importance of ace rep is something that is built up entirely in my mind.  jonny said they always considered jon to be asexual from s1, way before he was revealed to be in the show.  they were not going for ace rep, they just felt asexuality fit his character best.  it is me (and others like me probably) who came to this story knowing this and placing expectations and stakes onto this character as The One Who Represents Us.  i relate waaaay more to martin (as we all do i’m sure) but because my other options are so! very! limited! when it comes to asexuality i put all my emotions and expectations and self-worth on how this one character could represent my entire experience.  which has nothing to do with the creators of the show, who are just telling the story they want to tell.  so they can’t give “bad ace rep” because there are so many ace stories to tell and it’s not their fault or their problem that options are so limited that we end up building up any character that is ace into the one who represents all ace experiences.  my fault, not theirs, is what i’m saying.)

probably obvious after my word-vomit but cut back on actively seeking out magnus archives fandom/content!!!!  it does not make me feel better about myself.  romantic relationships do NOT make you more worthy.

just generally being more positive and affirming about being aro ace (and being aro in particular!)  it is excellent and there are so many good things about being this way!  i would like to focus on those more for myself :)

holy shit i wrote a lot.  i had a lot of feelings that i wanted to get out.

[id0l-atry]

Why Your SEO is Missing the Mark (And How You Can Fix It)

Search engine optimization (SEO) is usually a technique utilized by website owners to get more traffic in order to the site. The end from the particular year 2018 is expected in order to witness a major shift within SEO marketing. With this transformation happening at regular intervals, the particular search engine optimization (SEO) styles are also shifting. In the months of January and February, you would get a drop in web site traffic, but it does maybe not always mean that your Local SEO campaign is failing. Not just that, Google wants businesses in order to consider advantage of HTTPS, plus they are rewarding websites along with a small but significant increase in SEO for their attempts. 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Tools like SEMrush Backlinks Band, Moz Open Site Explorer, plus MajesticSEO Bulk Backlink Checker enable you to input your website to be able to monitor the number of backlinks you might have gained over a certain time period of time. Bill is a content advertising and SEO expert with more than 4 years experience working as being a full-time consultant. With Search engines continuously trying to mimic human being mind, SEO experts may have got increased focus on end customers. In purchase to master this, constant screening of content, keywords and hyperlinks that are centered on the niche market should form section of your SEO strategy. When you begin task management with SEO PowerSuite's Rank Tracker, the Google SERP Features column will display most elements generated by your key phrases, with the ones you position is highlighted in green. This is typically the taking treatment of of SEO that individuals spend probably the most time and the particular most optimisation on. 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SEO, within general, covers all types associated with businesses, blogs, and websites. I indicate, most websites outsource their SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION for an agency - it can just not cool ripping lower someone's online presence for activities they did not take. You can build links through Digital Marketing or content advertising blogs too, because these are usually (SEO, Digital Marketing or Content material marketing) closely related topics. A successful SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION campaign always begins with key word research. SEO strategies that as soon as were along with the sport may not apply to the particular current search engines like search engines. But, the most substantial SEO announcement might have already been Google's mobile update of Apr 2015 - this update triggered non-mobile-friendly websites to get reduce rankings. Amongst the traditional strategy and the particular backbone of SEO, Content, plus Links continue to be mainly because worthy as they were. 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The SEO professional analyzes and decides effective key phrases for your website promotion, plus suggests you the expertise upon different factors of SEO. Agreed, but above compensated links, stuffing, seo, invisible textual content, additional options, you can simply buy traffic. This is an excellent illustration of a digital marketing weblog on this list that's a lot broader than just” an SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION blog, however it contains a lot of valuable SEO-related information. Most SEO focuses on optimizing for Google's search engine, which dominates the overall search market with a share of over 90%. In contrast, black hat SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is about trying to consider shortcuts and game search motors. The purpose associated with Search Engine Optimization (SEO) will be to increase web visitor matters by ranking quite high in the particular results of searches using the particular most suitable keywords describing the particular content of your site. Portable search has entirely reshaped the particular realm of SEO in previous few years. Lastly, Amazon may dominate e-commerce queries in 2018 via Alexa voice, touch, plus other innovative interfaces, leaving a lot of e-commerce SEOs to concentrate in upon the content-side of their advertising. So, make certain to focus a bit upon these trends and search go through more about them in purchase to make your SEO online game stronger. Indeed, I agree with you Karthikeyan Maruthai, We ought to Understand Above Off-page SEO Methods to Obtain Very Good Ranking. Additionally, it provides me a place to embed the video (giving it more views, embeds, loves, etc) which improves both the video's SEO and my home page's SEO as well… people are usually more prone to share, link to, plus spend more time on the particular page if it has the nice video. Allow me to operate you through the top SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION vogues and what you need to do, to improve the rank your website. In SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION NAP stands for Name, Deal with, Phone #. While it might appear innocent enough, people mess this up time and period again, and inconsistent information on the particular web will destroy any prospect you have intended for ranking in local search. Most of us cover technical SEO in very much more depth in future articles, but in short, it offers things like site speed, examine errors, redirects, duplicate content, canonicalization, mobile optimization, sitemaps, markups, organized data, and various HTML labels, like rel=nofollow, that might become needed sometimes. Traditional SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION techniques are still effective, yet a number of trends are usually in the works that can significantly alter the practice of customization for search. Whatever you do, be sure you don't fall in the trap and begin doing some black-hat SEO techniques like cloaking or spammy backlink building, it may get you seriously penalized by Google. Unless you upgrade your own SEO strategy and just stay to traditional methods, you may find hard to push your own website pages in top ten results, and even worst, obtain penalized by Google for moving forward aggressive and forceful SEO strategies to gain ranking. The blog post of interest in order to SEOs from is this a single: 4 Search Trends That Produced Waves in 2017” This article begins using a paragraph that would certainly resonate with those who have got searched on Google (or some other search engines like google, intended for that matter) for many yrs: For the past 2 decades, the particular pinnacle of search sophistication had been talking to a search motor like you're Tarzan. I think the particular biggest SEO trend in 2018 would be voice search marketing. Among the essential SEO tips for you in order to follow is to not select keywords which have already already been used by multiple businesses plus websites. In situation you are improving user encounter by focusing primarily on the particular quality of the MC associated with your pages and avoiding : even removing - old-school SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION techniques - those certainly are usually positive steps to getting a lot more traffic from Google in 2018 - as well as the particular type of content performance Search engines rewards is in the finish largely at least in relation to a satisfying user encounter. Off-page SEO is vital, even more because it helps in offering your site out in top of the hundreds of hundreds of online users. The SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION services are usually cost efficient and they can be actually helpful in diverting traffic in the search engines to your internet site. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION helps to get a brand name recognition searching engine by obtaining ranking of the business internet sites at the same time this improves the traffic of the website. Whether you are usually a marketer or a company owner, or even a business for SEO, it's always helpful to research and learning brand-new SEO tactics. I'm curious - sometimes along with your chapter-based guides, you have got them all on a one page like this one, yet sometimes they're separate pages along with an overview page like a type of intro + table associated with contents, like the Keyword Analysis for SEO Definitive Guide. More significantly for us as SEOs, this means that the power of hyperlinks to rank websites is arranged to decrease, as well since the power of good user-engagement metrics on the website (and anything that improves them) will be increasing. Even as we head in order to 2018, SEO is becoming significantly important as more businesses are usually aware they require it in order to get found online. If youโ€d like to know more about doing keyword research that will give a boost to your SEO activities, head over to our completeย long tail keywords research guide and find out some of the FREE tools in action. SEO is about the consumer experience and creating great sites for your users. This particular really is more tedious plus tasking than inorganic SEO due to the fact this is where all associated with the keywords get a complete blast of attention. In the article, we will consider ten important SEO trends, which are worth watching within the coming year 2018. Users' happiness is furthermore an excellent factor, that's exactly why one of the best strategies for SEO is to reduce down on as much articles as possible and only compose necessary information with necessary phrases to make the website super-fast for users. 5. SEO or search motor optimization helps you in obtaining good Google page rankings. Links and technical SEO are usually the largest pieces of the particular pie, but multimedia efforts like video, photos, and podcasts would certainly be the game changer plus differentiator in several competitive markets. In case we're looking regarding a bigger trend it's that will SEO and what we contact real marketing” will continue in order to blur the lines between all of them as the job of a good SEO becomes that of the conventional marketer - having in order to understand the user, the rivals, the marketplace and also the particular implementation side. Today, some website themes furthermore come with a built-in SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION tool kit which allows a person to definitely monitor the key phrases you use. SEO is definitely conducted for the understanding that websites rank because of how related a webpage is to analysis online query and how a lot of links point out that web page. You might be which owns a growing and growing business, the webmaster of the dozen sites, the SEO expert in a Web agency or even a DIY SEO ninja fascinated in the mechanics of Research: information is meant for a person. In truth, this SEO method is regarded as deceptive since it tricks research engines in order to obtain the desired ranks for focus on keywords. Black Head wear SEO's tend to look intended for loopholes and for you to game” the particular search engines in a method that causes massive results, plus fast results. In order in order to maintain the right track, we all have come up with the particular new SEO Trends that will certainly be necessary to overcome your own competition in the year 2018. Because organic brand mentions become even more essential for SEO ranking achievement, you need to monitor plus grow your positive brand plugs. Even though, it is definitely bit time consuming to generate a quality video, it actually is more than worth this. Great for traffic and SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION as well. When you are usually under the guidance of skilled SEO professionals, you may understand the particular real need and significance associated with improving visibility of the web site through search engine optimization strategies. Eventually a person can submit these pages upon various SEO sites or just submit the web page therefore the search engine spiders may crawl in your created content. Traditional SEO is focused upon building (keyword relevant) links plus (keyword relevant) content. Don't get frightened by them but make certain to use only natural hyperlinks and keep in mind that will their SEO potential may become a bit lower when in comparison to single links. SEO could be the bit of a minefield regarding small business owners; with normal Google algorithm updates and rumours over what is changing, it can hard to keep up along with the latest news, including SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION trends for 2018. It is usually quite true how the search rank depends on the WEB two. 0, content, Blog, keywords, higher quality links, and technical search engine optimization and UX easy to use design. With the rise of tone of voice search more than half associated with Google's searches should come from cellular devices, so you clearly can not afford to ignore mobile SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION anymore. Anyone can find out basics of SEO and integrate it into their digital product sales, advertising content strategy. This can help drive spreading, links and mentions of content material that can affect SEO ratings and traffic. Because a savvy company owner, you understand how important keyword research is usually and always has been intended for SEO. This ‘what is SEO‘ guide (and this entire website) is definitely not about churn and burn off type of Google SEO (called webspam to Google) as which usually is too risky to set up on the real business site in 2018. Organic SEO Competitors: Like commercial intent, evaluating the keyword's competition in Google's natural search results takes some even more digging. Enter: SEO : a method to filter plus organise websites depending on key phrases. SEO today is producing sure a user's experience will be optimal in terms of the particular content they're consuming, how they may consuming on various devices, plus what action they're lead in order to take next. And as over 55% of search results on Search engines contain one or more movies — almost all of which usually are YouTube videos — submitting SEO-optimised YouTube videos will obtain you more Google search direct exposure and increase your online presence exponentially. In situation your website is on the particular newer side, you can prioritize your PPC campaign first because it can take a whilst for SEO rankings to turn out to be established, but don't ignore your own SEO in this process. In truth, you're going to see even more and more people investing within SEO as paid traffic stations will get expensive. Google failed to impact web pages so much right after updates, quickly but they gather data on a regular basis so they are usually testing their algorithms then this effects all directories in search engine optimization.