#mania /

[evilsystemm]

Not to be a narcissist but I have so much influence and I make people's lives worth living just by speaking. And it doesn't even take much effort. I can survive literally anything, barely anything hurts me emotionally or physically and I can go days without sleep and water and food and I can walk for miles and miles and I can ignore that my shin is bruised and I have so many friends, I'm well known in many spaces I'm popular by definition. I have amazing memorisation ability and my cognitive empathy is off the charts. I was tested to have an above average IQ when I was diagnosed with autism as a kid. I know exactly what to say in every situation. Multiple people are interested in me romantically and sexually. Im great at problem solving and distress tolerance. I know all there is to know, I impress people constantly with how I speak and the things I know. Im so beautiful, I have healthy, good looking skin, hair and nails. My friends are attractive, popular, talented and intelligent. Everything is so so amazing.

[deep-dark-fears]

Late night searches. A fear submitted by Jackie to Deep Dark Fears - thanks!

You can find original art in my shop!

[goodtimeswithlife]

I would say Joel has actually gone insane, but he’s already insane to begin with

[giritina]

A small thought for disability pride month... There's a stereotype/myth/common perception that mental health meds make people's art worse. Sometimes, it's portrayed as people being incapable of making art at all. Other times, they simply don't have anything interesting to say now that they're "happy." Some people even avoid going on meds because they worry about not being able to make art.

I want to share some pages of a comic I made during a manic episode, before I was on any proper medication.

I think this comic is very interesting, very raw and unique, but this was my attempt to be understood by other people. I made this art thinking that other people would know exactly what I meant by it. I thought this was incredibly clear, that it would communicate everything I was going through and had experienced without any ambiguity. When people didn't react how I wanted, when they couldn't parse it in the way I intended, it hurt me. Here was my best attempt to be understood, and I remained alone.

Now I'll show some comics I made after being on a mood stabilizer/antipsychotic.

You can say what you like about the artistic merit of it compared to that raw, abstract work I made before, but what matters to me is that I was actually able to connect to other people through this art. When I showed this work to people, their reaction was in line with what I intended. They saw part of me. I made it to show a side of myself I was incapable of expressing without art, and when people read it, they actually saw that side of me.

Without medication, I was trapped in my own world. I couldn't even begin to fathom how to connect to another person because we weren't using the same vocabulary. You might be "interested" or "compelled" by my suffering, but part of that interest comes from the mystery of my delirium. No matter how unique the result, it still represented a failure of intent. Learning to make art again after exiting that delirium was difficult, but I promise you it was and is worth it.

[emoregressioncore]

fall out boy in valentines <3

1/2/3/4 in emo quad valentines series

like or reblog if you use them plz

print pdf link

stickers/magnets (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)

[xialing-gf]

if u hate them u will die and go to hell

[herpsandbirds]

Swallowtail Moth (Mania lunus), family Sematuridae, Nicuragua

photograph by Jaime Navarrete

[mariposas8494]

Haha yasss

[mortalfortaxpurposes]

you are my truest feeling yet 📼

fob vhs series

[fallasleepatthedisc0]

[flimsy-spine]

<3

[tombstoneswerewaiting]

something about how ioh, folie, mania, and smfs are all connected and i’m not normal about it

[traumakid-hideout]

An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.

[dollincage]

whenever i’m depressed or hypomanic, suicide is always and will always be an option. and i hate myself for it.

[attackedastoria]

I'm sifting through the sand, sand, sand, sand, looking for pieces of broken hourglass...