evilsystemm

[evilsystemm]

Fearful avoidant culture is having to repeat " I trust him " over and over again until it starts to feel real to avoid collapsing.

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Oh my god I love you I fucking love you

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ear infection? no! muffled ambient audio!!

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I hate everyone I hate for making me hate them.

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I wish I could rant to you. I really hate him and you'd get that

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I honestly think disgust is an obsolete emotion in today's society. Moral judgements can be made through logic

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when did praise that implies a position of superiority become acceptable I did not just show something that took 3 days to complete to someone who is infinitely worse at it and younger than me to get a "well done" i get this comes across arrogantly but bro what

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I hate this so so so much I can't stop thinking typing speaking moving I'm so so so angry I'm shaking I'm having tics i just feel so wired and there's absolutely nothing i can do and I can't go for a walk or anything to calm down in case I do something stupid like walk in front of a car or start a fight with someone

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the world is me

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no one else gets it like you do

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woke up at 3 am after sleeping 3 hours and my left arm seized up so badly that I just started sobbing and thought I'd have to wake someone up to take me to the hospital. have not slept since. i am miserable

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Avoidant attachment culture is hating myself because I can't trust to my boyfriend, the only person that makes me feel genuinely loved but not wanting to love him too much because, what if he one day abandons me? It hurts

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I'm glad you're back also. Not that it affects me directly maybe I've grown in that regard, being able to appreciate good things for you that are neutral or negative to me. It's nice. I always wanted it. I was really relieved when I was told people had spoken to you for the first time in months. I was scared you'd be gone forever. You as a concept being gone is something I could never take. Ever. Your physical absence is okay if not lonely and bitter, youre the only person who has seen my soul and looked upon it as I desired it to be, but the thought that you'd never think, feel, act again really scares me and I just cant bring myself to imagine it. It would be like losing a limb. I've come to realise I'd rather you exist in a way that sucks for me than to not exist at all. And both of us understand how advanced that is for me who's never been able to conceive of selflessness, especially with someone as special as you. I think about you every time I front without fail. You're everywhere, in everything I do still to this day. And usually I'd speculate whether that's the same for you but right now I'm just going to assume that it is based on how youve spoken to me in the past (even if to a lesser degree) and that if it isn't, I don't care at the moment. I choose to love you today even if I can't do that when I'm with you. I dont know if you'll read this. I dont know if I hope you will or not. It probably gets old hearing me talk about you so much, the same idea over and over. That I love you but I can't love. That you are me and I am you. You understand by now, I feel it. You've always understood me so quickly. Anyway, I'm glad you're around. I hope people treat you better than I did, and how I've heard some have been recently (in my mind im exploding them on your behalf), I hope someone loves you as much as I do. And maybe better than I can. Saying that makes me feel like I'm ripping my heart out and wringing it. But I think im okay with that for you. You weren't an exception to how much of an asshole I am, no matter how much I prayed and begged to have that. No one seems to be an exception but you are so incredibly special. And I know I am, I think. I still doubt it but I try to ignore that. I know you always wanted me to. It's hard. I've exhausted all the sorrys I have so I'll leave this routine mental breakdown on the note of be well. You're always mine and I'm learning to love your happiness because I want to love you not just consume you. And lastly I am infinitely grateful to the universe for not taking you away.

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I'm really sick right now and all I can think of is you. I miss you

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I hate hearing things like this because I think people have tried to create this counter culture towards addictive behaviours in an effort of altruism (and then some people have adopted it because it's more an illusion of social defiance) but they don't realise they're just doing exactly what the government has done for years with the war on drugs which wasn't well recieved at all and made some people more aware of behaviour they can engage in that subverts authority as well as shame driving addiction.

The correct response to a culture that glorifies addiction is NOT to create an oppositional movement that reduces damaging behaviour to being "lame" so they end up feeling rejected by anyone who could help them taper off the behaviour and further exist in an echo chamber, it's to be accepting, well intentioned, patient and educative. *Especially* when it's children and teenagers who have a high capacity for demand avoidance and self destructive indulgences paired with a social impressionability.

And the people that express negative assessments of vapers as lame or pathetic and don't do it because they're frustrated people are hurting their bodies by doing it, again it's essentially a subversive expression that appears to deviate from the general population, and creates tight knit groups of similar views based on nothing except "lameness" which further alienates people who vape and makes the group opposing vaping feel unique or divisive.

I find it especially odd when people in these groups also engage in substance use regarding more potent methods. As if its a competition of who can do drugs and hurt themselves "properly" without being labelled as lame.

I dont vape and never have btw if that's at all relevant to how this post is received. Also this isn't necessarily directed at OP, this post just sparked some thoughts I've had on this topic for a while and I dont express this with the intention of malice.

im tired of pretending that people who vape aren't lame as fuck to me tbh

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npd is just jenga. taking out the blocks and adding them on top, hollowing out achievements and using the image of them. and then the fragility

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comparison is the thief of joy indeed but have you considered its a gamble and you could achieve monumental joyful success if you win. just don't think about the other possibility