#making me feel even more isolated than normal

[lilacstro]

What could end your relationship through your Venus sign

On the suggestions of @crystalsnshit and @majortomspacex under my post astro observation pt 6 I will be making this post :)

How do we find this?

Count the 8th sign and house from your Venus placement and you should know how you could possibly be sabotaging your relationships. How do we do this?

Lets say you have a Sag Venus in 12th house, 8 houses, and 8 signs from there would be, Cancer and 7th house.

You should now be able to find this. Remember, it resonated for me, and people I did readings for. If this does not resonate with you, its ok :)

Combine both of these to be able to look into it :) I will however mention the Venus signs for each of them.

1st house/Aries (Venus in Virgo) Looking at your relationships from a self centered pov, in the sense, looking at things for what suits you, more than what could be better for both of you together, not making sacrifices or compromises your relationship might need. Feeling insecure about yourself/partner. Trying to fit things to fit your future or at the extreme opposite being giving to a fault, that you dont even realize but you are doing everything in a relationship for 2, all by yourself. Getting fierce. Starting to fast just to go crashing down, not being able to take things slow.

2nd house/Taurus (Venus in Libra) Not willing to change opinions, or thoughts about something. In the sense let's say, someone made a mistake and you may keep bringing it up over and over, still carrying resentment for it. Maybe you remember your partner as someone who used to wake up at 5 AM (just a random example lol) and now they dont, it might be hard for you to let go of old versions. Not willing to change old ways, not leaving/pointing things out and getting too comfortable. Could be getting caught up in the "show" (material wealth) at times.

3rd house/Gemini (Venus in Scorpio) Not being aware of what you're speaking and what you're delivering instead. Maybe passive aggressive/argumentative. Getting sarcastic. Not being able to experience "boredom" and wanting something to happen all the time. Being confused about what you really want. Not taking thing seriously when you probably should. Communication gap. Maybe thinking you/your person have too many choices. Trying to act the "unbothered" king/queen, you are not.

4th house/Cancer (Venus in Sagittarius) Attachment issues. Saying/taking actions high on emotions. Emotional instability. Some kind of attachment to nostalgia and how it used to be, which makes it hard for you to see that the person isnt the same anymore and you are probably in love with an old version of them that doesn't exist anymore. Tolerating/Giving silent treatment or isolating yourself within the relationship. Withdrawing. Trying to solve things alone for what should be solved together. Probably wanting to leave all the time but not doing so (attachment issues again). falling into the traps of innocence.

5th house/Leo (Venus in Capricorn) Wanting to be someone's 1st priority on a seemingly impossible level. Not being able to tolerate/express things normally and making it a big deal unknowingly. Getting bored when things seem normal. Could be feeling competitive to your own partner in some ways without realizing, hence building resentment. Anger management issues. Problems differentiating what is happening, and what am I feeling and what is actually real between both of them. Getting bossy at times probably without even realizing. Hyper independence issues at times. Wanting to show your partner off, but making them fit into something they probably aren't for the show.

6th house/Virgo (Venus in Aquarius) Trying to make meaning out of everything, being overcritical and judgmental of things. Trying to take every little thing seriously, getting hurt over small things. Getting used to how things should be "in a certain way" and not understanding sometimes, things aren't actually exactly like plan and order all the time. Picking small fights over things that weren't really important at times. Building frustration/insecurity under the surface. Being available/at service all times, to an unhealthy level.

7th house/Libra (Venus in Pisces) Probably being caught up sometimes in thoughts of "can i do better than this?", "i wonder what they think about my person". Getting caught up in the idea of status/reputation, forgetting that the real important thing is you being contended with your partner and not anyone else. Having this urge/thoughts that "am i settling for the less? should i see if i can do better. Comparing your relationship and your person and getting disappointed for bad reasons. Constantly wanting to choose/being indecisive over what you really want making your partner feel undervalued/underappreciated at times.

8th house/Scorpio (Venus in Aries) Overthinking. Being too attached to someone on a toxic level sometimes. Not opening up about your feelings and expectations and even worse, expecting that to be understood somehow without making it clear and feeling not understood/important when that does not happen and building resentment otherwise. Passive aggressive feelings. Feeling everything too deeply but being unable to talk about it. Fear of things being over so you just decide in your head let's end it already anyways, or you make subconscious choices like that without even realizing. Unwilling to let go/open up about past. Sometimes bearing things to an unhealthy level just for things to stay. Getting overly passionate that you even get blindsided.

9th house/Sagittarius (Venus in Taurus) Rose coloured glasses. Being optimistic about things when you actually should let go/discuss them clearly. Being on the surface, and feeling scared to dive deeper into the feels. Being afraid to feel your own feelings when you are uncomfortable about them. Projection problems. Going, "Oh i don't care" about things when you should probably discuss them. Problems confronting/being confronted. And again, when opening up, getting straight to the throat about things you have been wanting talk about. Sometimes thinking "oh i am just serving the truth" and "they/i can leave, doesnt quite matter" when it absolutely does but you just don't know yet. Wanting to leave/make decisions impulsively at every small discomfort.

10th house/Capricorn (Venus in Gemini) Overthinking things to a fault. Building a plan and expectation of how it should go and having problems when it doesn't quite go like that. Probably, embarrassment over your partners at times. Expecting them to act/behave in some certain way at times? not too sure about this one. Probably picking problems in your partner to a fault because you expect/want them to be perfect. This might come from a place of care, but this can actually get annoying at times making someone feel they aren't appreciated/enough for who they already are. Getting obsessive in a controlling way. Not giving enough thought to someone/someone's feelings and getting caught up at unnecessary places.

11th house/Aquarius (Venus in Cancer) Having no control over your thoughts and feelings regarding the other person. Maybe feeling one day you love them to moons but suddenly feeling you lost feelings the other day. Not being able to differentiate between what is your mood and your real feelings. Making sudden decisions about things, possibly at times without even needing to inform the other. Thinking you are being "nice, and kind and giving or sacrificing" by taking such decisions (probably thinking that if you ghost someone, even if it hurts you, you are doing them favor because they deserve better so technically you are the one in pain, even though you are making a dumb decision) but all while just hurting the other person to ends.

12th house/Pisces (Venus in Leo) Over idealizing your partner and then getting upset when it doesn't happen that way. Feeling disappointed. Having made up thoughts and delusions about something that doesn't probably exist, in both good and bad ways, hence being unable to see what actually is real. At times, this could also lead to misunderstandings at times. Making assumptions and not caring enough to clarify them. At times, ignoring what is real and problematic/makes you visibly uncomfortable just to have peace and your relationship, and getting crushed when in the end, the inevitable happens anyways.

I hope you resonated with this post, leave feedback/suggestions <33

i love you all

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

The Eyes Have It: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Summary: Hotch is stepping down, giving Derek the opportunity to rise in his place. Derek wants to fight for you but is forced to deal with the case at hand. You, on the other hand, are forced to deal with the ugly side of prison.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Season Five Masterlist

Author’s Note: I just want to remind everyone that I know this isn't what prisons are like in real life (I think). For the sake of the story, it's how this prison works.

I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

It's been two weeks since you first arrived and the feeling of fear and being overwhelmed hasn't gone away. You're falling apart and you can't tell anyone. You don't want to make Ashley uncomfortable so you haven't told her that you're a psychic. That kind of thing will get you isolated in here. That will make you a target in most people's eyes. All she knows is that you are an FBI Agent who was framed for murders you didn't commit, and that's all she's going to know about you.

You walk into the courtyard and look at everyone here. Every woman has done unspeakable crimes that some aren't remorseful about while others are just trying to keep their heads down. Some women are playing either basketball or volleyball, some of them are in the weight yard, some are sitting on the benches playing cards and trading packs of cigarettes, and others are by themselves just enjoying their own company.

The only person missing from the courtyard is Ashley. She told you she'd meet you here when she got done with her job in the laundry room. She has met you in the same spot since day one so it's concerning you that she isn't here. There are guards posted everywhere, so you approach the one whom you feel more at ease with. Her energy is calming compared to some of the other guards whose energies are more aggressive.

"Hi, can I use the bathroom?" you ask. "I really have to go."

You've been especially kind to her, so you're hoping she will allow you to do so without issue. She looks you up and down before nodding slightly. You smile at her and thank her as you pass by her. The prison has cameras everywhere and guards posted at every corner, so if she doesn't escort you to the bathroom, there are guards who are watching your every move.

You try not to piss off the guards you pass by as you look for your friend. All you need to do is find her energy and she'll be right there. The closer you get to the bathroom, the more her energy is apparent. You turn the corner into the bathroom and see her on the floor cowering in fear in front of a much larger woman than her. They are arguing; well, the larger woman is doing all the yelling. Ashley is just trying not to piss her off even more than she already is.

"I don't care who the fuck you are. If you ever come near me again, I'll do more than fucking hit you."

"Hey!" you shout, causing both women to look at you. "Leave her alone."

"Yeah? What are you gonna do about it if I don't?" You look at Ashley who is scared out of her mind. "That's what I thought."

She turns back to Ashley but you're not done with her. You're not scared of her but Ashley's fear is rolling onto you which makes you fearful of the woman.

"Back the hell off her. I won't ask again," you narrow your eyes.

The woman turns to face you again and is swift with her movements. She rears her fist back and sends a sharp right hook into your jaw. You crumble to the ground in pain and she laughs at you.

"Bitch."

The woman spits on the ground near you before leaving the bathroom. You take a minute to yourself before getting up. Ashley is in tears that you had to suffer at her hand but you wave it off.

"I am so sorry," Ashley cries.

"No, don't do that. This isn't the first beating I've taken in my life. It'll be okay," you sigh and help her up.

"You should get checked out by the doctor here."

"There's no point. I'm not injured enough for them to care about me. I'm okay. I promise."

There is going to be a nasty bruise on your face later but there is nothing you can do about that. You just have to shake it off as you do with everything else in your life. You're more worried about what your team will think if they see you like this.

They want to think about you. They want to do everything they can to help you but not when there is an active murder case going on. Another person has fallen victim to the unsub, this time in a public park. He's clearly not afraid of getting caught otherwise he would choose secluded spots to kill his victims. Plus, his next kill spot is far from the other ones, so why go out of his way to kill someone?

He only killed one person this time but it could have been more since it was a crowded park. Phil found a car parked nearby that belonged to the victim, Tracy Copper who was thirty-two. Her husband said she was an avid jogger which is how she found herself in the secluded parts of the park. She died from a single knife wound to the neck, and like the others, her eyes are missing. They were cut out perfectly like the other two female victims.

The unsub must have picked the place and waited for someone to come by. Tracy must have been the first person he knew he could overcome. The method of killing is similar to the two girls in the parking lot except that he was much quieter than before. If he had hidden in the park's trees, he would have made a lot more noise because of the dry brush.

Tracy was an avid jogger so if she had heard him, she could have easily outrun him, he must have used a different method to catch her off guard, right? Right. Not far from where her body was found, there is a tripwire he must have set up before. He used the tripwire to get her off her feet knowing she could have outrun him. Once she's fallen, she's stunned and doesn't have a lot of time to get away.

This kind of behavior paired with the fact that he bleeds her at the neck suggests the unsub is a game hunter and the game happens to be humans.

Spencer and JJ are the only ones at the police station while the rest are out visiting crime scenes, dumpsites, and talking to the ME. JJ calls Penelope to discuss the case, and she looks at Spencer who is picking at the edge of the desk absentmindedly.

"Hey, Garcia, we have the list of local doctors but we need to back it up one step. Give me a list of all doctors who've had infractions like malpractice suits."

"Got it. Bouncing your way."

"Narrow it down to eye specialists."

"That's still a lot of names."

"We'll chip away when we know more."

"Hey, wait. Before you hang up, how's my Morgan doing?"

"Fine."

"I know the man is fine. How's he holding up as head honcho?" Penelope chuckles.

"Well, he's stressed but he's on top of it. Speaking of which, there is something you could do for him," JJ smiles.

"Name it."

"You know Anderson's office?"

"Yeah."

"I say we make that his new office. He's one month before retiring, and I'm sure if you work your magic, then you might get him to work from home."

"I will indeed work my magic," she chuckles. "How are you doing, Spencer?"

"Fine."

He continues to stare at the desk and JJ sighs sadly.

"I bet Y/N is making friends with everyone there. You know how she always connects with people. I'm sure she's making the best out of a bad situation."

"Look, I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm trying really hard not to think about it okay? Can we move on?"

"Yeah. Sorry." The rest of the team comes strolling in, and JJ sits up straighter. "Gotta go, Pen. Let me know what you find."

"Penelope out."

"How did it go?" JJ asks.

"About as well as you think it did. Hunting is a big part of this city's culture normally but with animals. What triggered him to start hunting humans?" Rossi asks. "This guy is taking people's eyes, so he's definitely disturbed. What bugs me is that people like this usually unravel and get sloppy. This guy is only getting better."

"Morgan, I'm fielding calls left and right here," JJ says. "The case made national news. They're starting to call him the Eye-Snatcher."

"Alright," Derek sighs, "you're gonna hold a small but controlled press conference. Answer their questions but try to squash that name. I want the people to be aware but I do not want to make a bogeyman out of this guy. You understand?"

"Yeah."

JJ looks like she wants to say something else but decides against it.

"Is there something else?"

"You're not answering Strauss' calls."

"She's just trying to keep tabs. She can wait."

"Morgan, maybe you should take the time to field the call," Hotch advises.

"Hotch, we have to set up a tip line. We have to go over JJ's talking points. We haven't gotten the profile out yet. All of that takes priority over dealing with Strauss."

"I understand all that. Let us help you set up a strategy while you talk to her. We'll regroup with you before we proceed. We have enough battles. Believe me, you don't want to fight her, too."

Derek sighs knowing Hotch is right. This is Derek's first case as team leader when Hotch has been doing it for years.

"Let me get this profile out, and then I'll go talk to Strauss."

Everyone goes their separate ways, leaving Hotch and Rossi alone in the conference room.

"He's doing a good job," Rossi says.

"I wanted it to be Y/N."

"I know."

"She did so well on those other cases that I sent in a letter about her leadership skills. Don't get me wrong, Morgan is a good choice for the position but I wanted it to be her. I'm doing everything I can for her but it kills me knowing she's in there. I'm already in enough trouble. I can't go back against Strauss' order and look into her case."

"I know. I understand. It's not a good situation to be in. You've got a tough job, Aaron."

"Yeah," he sighs.

"Have you thought about how this is going to end?"

"What do you mean?"

"Morgan as our unit chief is a temporary thing. He's a natural leader. He'll excel. What happens when he's asked to step down?"

"I can't think about that right now."

After gathering the facts about the case, the profile is ready to be given out. Everyone gathers at the front while Phil and his officers sit, ready to listen.

"We believe that our unsub may have known his first victim but the rest were random. Most enucleators have a mental disorder and are frenzied and sloppy when they attack. This one has more control."

"We are not calling him by any nickname. He is simply a murderer that the FBI is trying to apprehend," JJ says.

"He lays in wait to kill his victims and knows how to cut them so they bleed out. This indicates he might have a hunting background. We're urging citizens to be hypervigilant at night. He is killing in different areas of the city in public places. His large kill zone could be related to some type of travel pattern in his life which indicates a comfort with these neighborhoods."

"Why, all of a sudden, is he killing people every day?" an officer asks.

"The escalation might be caused by a self-imposed timeline. He has to murder so many people, take this many eyes as he can, to accomplish a task."

"So, he's crazy but has a mission?"

"Actually, yes. He's acting on a delusion that's fueling this murder spree. For example, a man named Herbert Mullin had a fear of a catastrophic earthquake hitting California. Now, he believed that by killing people and offering their blood as a sacrifice to the earth, he could prevent an earthquake. He was a paranoid schizophrenic and his delusion led him to kill thirteen people."

"What should we look for when we're on the streets?"

"We believe he's a white male between twenty-seven and thirty-five. We believe he is driving a van or a pickup truck with a removable cab. You know, something utilitarian that can get bloody and washed out easily. He may also have applied for hunting licenses. He has some sort of medical or surgical training but fell short of making a career out of it."

"He may have been in a halfway house or have been granted leave from a treatment facility. Maybe his family moved him away and now he's back. Our unsub kills at night, employs hunting tactics, and is patient. He will wait until he can be alone with his victims," Derek finishes the briefing.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[starkidlabs]

I think the worst part of being broken up with after dating someone so long is just when you see a funny meme or hear some exciting news and you just don’t have anyone to tell

[sysig]

So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)

[butterflieswhisper]

hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me

hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it

[bunnihearted]

📓🖊️

[itslookingback]

:/

[caffeinatedopossum]

Uh oh back to my roommates telling me concernedly "hey I haven't seen you in a while"

[pepprs]

i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?

[niishi]

I'm constantly afraid ppl are judging me about the simplest shit and it's rlly what makes me not want to post or socialize on social media and then to hear ppl irl judge things I do... why can't ppl just be nice man.... what's the point of making fun of other ppl? does it rlly make ppl feel good .. like do they rlly think it's funny.. it feels like a projection more than anything. or a performance "I'm better than this person, let me prove it by making fun of what they do. now, see? I'm superior bc I don't do that!" honestly pathetic behavior.....

[milo-is-rambling]

Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else

[battlekidx2]

“Do you like girls?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you like boys?”

“I don’t know. I think I like TV shows.”

I remember when I was in middle school all the other girls were talking about the guys they liked and I said I didn’t like anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing.

I didn’t really get why I would want to date anyone. I understood friendship, companionship— having someone to share my interests and mutually info dump to sounded cool— but I struggled to understand the appeal of spending every day and every night with someone else. Of holding hands and going on dates. 

This led to a lot of homophobic bullying and a few of them would act disgusted that I might be into them. Constantly acting like I was looking at their boobs and sexualizing them (I never made eye contact with anyone and would frequently look at the wall or space out while looking in their general direction). Or make a big show of not being interested and many other things.

I didn’t get this either. I didn’t know why I would be interested in any of them. They treated me poorly and I thought attraction was something people made up and simply just claimed to feel towards other people.

Just like I never understood celebrity crushes. You don’t know the person so how could you possibly know you liked them? And I never understood how people “chose” who they dated. Did they just choose whoever they liked hanging out with the most?

But any time I voiced this it was always met with worse and worse reactions. It led to isolation among peers and my family. My parents made it pretty clear I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. That I wasn’t normal.

I soon learned to fake it. Pretend I understood it.

The idea of not being attracted to anyone seemed like a foreign idea to most people I met. Even when I branched out and moved away, I met a few people in the lgbt community who couldn’t grasp it either and reacted poorly and it made me feel stupid. Like maybe I wasn’t just screwed up to people who fit in the neat little box society wants you to fit in, but to everyone else as well.

Maybe I was wrong. If it’s an impossibility even in this community that champions diversity and acceptance then can that really be my reality?

I kept trying to force it. To date, but every time I did I always felt that same skin crawling discomfort and it always petered out. It didn’t matter who it was or what gender. It always felt wrong. It was suffocating.

I don’t think there’s a movie that better portrays that all consuming, suffocating stagnation of feeling so out of place– knowing you’re out of place compared to those around you– and in response forcing yourself to fit what other people expect of you than I Saw the TV Glow.

Whenever I think back to growing up or whenever I return home that same feeling this movie is centered around always drenches my experiences.

And even now it’s hard to put into words when I talk to other people what I’ve felt when it comes to this aspect of my life.

That comment from Owen about knowing there’s nothing there when talking about romance and attraction, but being too afraid to look and knowing that his parents know something is wrong with him hit harder than any other scene from a movie I’ve watched this year.

It’s that absence of something that is at the heart of asexuality that makes me always question what I choose to identify as when I have to explain it to someone. Because for the most part my explanation boils down to (in broad oversimplified terms): I’ve never felt attraction, I’m more interested in watching a Spider-Man movie than I’ve ever been into even just the idea of dating, every time I’ve attempted to date it’s been uncomfortable and I’ve actively dodged anything beyond friendship while in the “relationship”.

And when I try to voice that to another person it always feels like those experiences don’t hold water. That’s describing the absence of something. There’s no real proof of the identity.

With being bi or gay or lesbian there’s something you can I don’t know—point to?— that can help you know your identity.

And that’s the fact that you’ve experienced attraction towards one or more people of one or more genders.

It’s defined not by the lack of something but the presence of an experience.

And so every time I try and explain it I end up feeling stupid. Like I just haven’t tried hard enough to find someone compatible. That I need to get back into the proverbial saddle and try again. I always in some way feel ashamed and backtrack as a result.

This is in no way to say that it’s harder or easier to be one identity or the another. Everyone’s experiences are different and everyone experiences are valid. This is just a struggle I’ve found that’s unique to asexuality that many people I’ve talked to have also experienced.

I haven’t felt that part of my experience be seen in media until I saw this movie. Maybe I’m latching onto what I can get or maybe that was an intrinsic part of the movie. That’s not important. What’s important is that it’s something I felt seen in even if it was literally just one scene.

This is my really long winded and roundabout way of saying that I really think this movie is going to stick with me much longer than any other thing I’ve seen this year.

Things can be hard to put into words and as a result I tend to keep things inside. I’m fairly certain I’m ace but it might turn out I’m on a different romantic spectrum then I thought or I fall somewhere different than I thought on the ace spectrum. I don’t know what I’ll discover in the future.

I’m likely not going to express my label out loud to anyone but a select few. I still can’t express this particular label out loud to many people. My family is definitely never going to hear it. A friend or two might.

It’s something I struggle with on a regular basis. I’m fine with identifying with the label in my head—in a lot of ways it makes me feel comfortable and happy— but any time I try to voice it the words die in my throat and I can’t help but feel ashamed. It’s easier to just tell people I don’t want to date right now. That there are all these factors in the way (finances, time, jobs, etc) than it is to try and explain what I’ve just rambled about above.

I know many people have felt and understood that experience and I hope people know they’re valid. You can express your identity with your full chest, shout it from the rooftops and let people know, or you can keep it to yourself, identifying as your label solely in your head. Both experiences are valid. And if your label changes at some point in your life that doesn’t make what you chose to identify as at this point any less valid too. People are always learning and growing. You can gain a new understanding of yourself as time move forward.

Sorry for the way too long ramble. This movie made me feel things.

[hxmocrastic]

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞!𝐋𝐚𝐢𝐨𝐬 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | HCS

Pairing {📺} ; Yandere!Laios Touden x GN!Reader

Warnings ; Delusion, Obsession, Exhaustion, Brief metaphors of Cannibalism 👀👀

A/N ; He might be a tad bit ooc because I haven't kept up with the manga, but enjoy dungeon meshers !!!! There will be more dungeon meshi content after this 🤍🍲

Before anything takes place, I feel Laios would have to take an interest in you, Whether small or enormous. You'll have to do something that catches his attention, and evidently as short as it is it'll have to be something as large that snags his eyes away from his fixations or something as small as greeting him.

Laios continuous hyperfixation with monsters is an obstacle from granting you his concentration, But it can be done. Laios' obsession would stem from his insecurities and misgivings, Due to his inclination to monsters and beasts many people around him found his person to be eery and strange which lead to the isolation of his peers with the exception of his dear sister, Falin.

The constant sneers and scrutinization from his community of tall men and others have never weakened his resolve, And his love of monsters but the result of it still stings.

Once he takes an interest in you is one for the history books, Only the winged lion knows when or IF he looks away. Once you've caught his interest there is no undoing what shortly ensues.

Laios could hardly remember the people he had met even when they'd be as assertive as they could. Laios could barely remember Kabru's name not his party, So to think he'd finally grant you a portion of the attention he gives to monsters is downright impressive.

I see Laios taking the observational route before he deliberately approaches you, But I can see him greeting you fairly often. Laios would attempt to strike a conversation with you, Whether that'd be related to monsters or a simple warm greeting as he introduces himself. He would try to maintain his gentle demeanor ensuring that he doesn't frighten you away like the rest of his fellow comrades, But oh boy would he fail at doing so. You could just smell the excitement coming off of him.

Laios would begin to befriend you, Sharing the meals Senshi prepares with you, Inviting you to associate with his party, and most of all sharing all of his interests and passions with you.

Think of the way he behaved with Shuro but 10x more augmented with you. He'd talk your ear off day and night about all the different species of monsters as if he wouldn't wake the next day, He'd rant about the various types of basilisks, the eggs of chimera's, and strangely the taste of a female minotaur's milk?

But due to his connection with his party, I think he would be a lot tamer had he been if you had met on the island. Laios would predominantly share all his meals with you, And you'd better put on your best smile and chewing impression if you weren't hungry because your cheeks would be endlessly assaulted by a spoon full of food.

Laios would constantly make sure you'd have enough to eat and enough sleep, So much so you could to start calling him mom habitually at this point. Although you'd see this as nothing but an affectionate gesture, In a way he'd see it as courting.

To me Laios secretes a very delusional vibe, I can definitely visualize him justifying all of his latent clingyness towards you as normal and sweet despite your annoyance. Though the severity of his infatuation depends on when and where'd you meet him. I'd say with his party, He'd be much more gentle with his affections and try to be as sensitive as he could with his eccentricities.

Laios would still often make the mistake of being overly blunt with his observations and compliments, And it could sometimes even insult you. But spending time with this goofball would more likely than not make you aware of his intentions with his words and spare him the scrutiny he receives from Chilchuck, And the others.

Due to this, His infatuation with you will worsen and he'll start equating you with Falin. His sister was the only person who understood the true meaning behind his words and once you, the object of his obsession start showing him he same compassion He'd simply have no other choice but to entertain his delusion.

This is where it begins to take an odd turn in his behavior. The way he'd start to greet you would become jittery, Like a dog greeting it's owner. His excitement would increase tenfold whenever he'd be within a distance of you, like your presence fuels his eagerness. At times it feels as if he's trying to impress you.

Laios undoubtedly try to hog your attention, Try to keep your eyes on him. He'd begin fishing for praise in whatever way whether that be from formulating an elaborate strategy or simply fetching ingredients for the next meal Senshi would cook. He'd begin to grow possessive in a way, trying to pin all of your attentiveness on him, the way he does to you.

Poor boy wouldn't realize what's wrong with it until he starts to see why you always seem so exhausted whenever he's in view, or how he's slowly taking so much of your time and energy you barely give the effort to do something for the party because he's already done it.

He'd still see nothing wrong with it of course, you're still eating, still getting enough sleep but he wonders why you begin to avoid him now. You of course say nothing, trying not to hurt his feelings knowing what he has gone through, See you want to be there for him when his father wasn't, You want him to be happy even with the absence of Falin.

And you prioritizing his happiness is what links you to the party. Laios is without a doubt beyond obsessed with you at this point in time, Your wellbeing far exceeds any voice of reason. Your health and happiness is at the far most importance, Even exceeding his.

You're his everything, And most importantly wants him to be yours. He wants you to dedicate yourself to him, To throw yourself at him like a rabbit to a wolf. To gift him your flesh to consume for HIS wellbeing, To gift yourself his flesh for YOUR wellbeing, The ultimate exchange of love.

Of course Laios himself would never ask you of this, But at times he desires YOU would come to him with such devotion. The same devotion he gives to you day and night, sunset and sunrise, to repay him the same way he has worshipped you ever since he's gained a glimpse of your eyes, and a glimpse of your heart.

A heart he'd consume with his own, Becoming singular with the person he has loved the most, For is that so much to ask??

Laios wouldn't kidnap you, But oh would he have you stay. I mean isn't that what he's been doing all along?? Draining your sense of independence, Training you like a bunny to a owner to rely solely upon him, For it is he who possesses everything you need.

And that's all that matters.

[transmutationisms]

i would love to hear more about your criticisms of the BITE model! for me it always feels.. unfalsifiable? it seems to do poorly at distinguishing a cult from any other community, if you squint at the definitions

yeah so first of all i'm not particularly keen on even trying to defend the category of "cult" in general. obviously abuse and control methods can and do happen in groups, but i don't think it's particularly useful to talk about this like there's a strict dichotomy between evil malicious groups and all the others. and i think generally, when people do try to sort groups into strict categories like that, what you actually see is that the differentiating factor is less to do with the degree of control exerted by the group and more to do with how much the person doing the sorting is bothered by the group's ideology or doctrinal commitments lol. like, this is sort of baby's first cult concept critique but yknow, a group setting where you're being extremely openly financially controlled is your job and yet most workplaces, however abusive and surveilled and controlling, are not typically designated a 'cult' unless they're also peddling some kind of heterodox religious or medical claims or something.

anyway in regards to BITE in particular, yeah i think it does a really poor job of distinguishing between a 'normal' level of social pressure to say/do certain things, and the kind of control that ostensibly characterises a cult. for example steven hassan has called both MAGA and online trans communities cults, and a lot of this comes down to his persistent and pretty open belief in the power of 'mind control' and hypnosis as mechanisms of cult control. ofc any group of any political persuasion could engage in abuse and high-control of its members! usually this occurs by financial means, social isolation, etc. but hassan's BITE model isn't really good at identifying these kinds of material factors despite paying lip service to them, because it's more motivated by his desire to root out these kinds of shadowy quasi-occult forces of mental reprogramming that he fears.

i just find the whole model to be pretty silly and used mostly as a way of justifying dislike of lots of different social, religious, and political groups---some of which are genuinely mistreating members, some of which are just saying things their critics disagree with---because it's perceived as a reliable social-scientific designation and therefore name-dropping it helps the speaker feel that they're making some kind of objective scientific observation rather than a judgment dependent, as are all judgments, upon their own perspective and values. i think instead of this kind of haggling over Which Groups Count As An Evild Shadowy Cult it would be infinitely more productive and helpful to vulnerable people to talk about how high-control groups operate, what sorts of methods specific groups are using to control and abuse their members, and what sorts of resources those members are dependent on the groups for and need access to from other sources: financial and material provisions, social support networks, etc.

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Smile❤️ (Yandere X Loser!Reader)

Micky thought that he couldn't feel love.

Ever since he could remember, Micky couldn't connect with anyone on an emotional level. Even his own family members were like aliens to him, creatures that stretched their lips into strange contortions, ETs that became unreasonable when he wouldn't do the same. As a teenager many girls flirted with him in school, hell, a few guys did as well, but none of their confessions ever stirred any emotion from him, even at the height of his puberty. The smiles of the people around him never felt warm or welcoming. Just, tight. Cheeks pulled back, revealing teeth, expecting him to mirror their action, and Micky couldn't understand why.

Nothing made him smile.

College was further isolating. Group projects seemed to no longer be a thing, (at least in the classes he took) so his interactions with humans slowly became less frequent, making his classmates look more inhuman and monstrous.

Until someone in his college was doxxed for being a creep. It was interesting, watching how quickly people turned on their friend, forcing him into an outcast because someone online revealed his private post history.

An annoying young woman in his language arts class gathered people around Micky's seat to talk about what had happened. Micky wouldn't have searched up the drama on his own time, but he didn't see the point in pushing everyone away.

"This user on Xforums, anonymousXnightmare is the one who doxxed Nathan."

AnonymousXnightmare? How fucking lame.

"That's a lame username..."

"Maybe it's a kid..?"

Micky did his best to ignore them, but the username kept popping up in conversation throughout campus. It was getting a little annoying. Some people were mocking the name, while others were praising the "internet hero". It started interfering with his ability to focus in his classes.

But the gossip cooled down after a week, and life began to run as normal, until another student had their life ruined. A football player, they didn't post anything incriminating or disturbing. It was anonymousXnightmare who posted their own collected evidence. Pictures taken from afar of the player with his highschool sweetheart, as in sweetheart who was still in highschool. Recordings of the two of them. Months of stalking all compiled by the stranger.

Again, Micky was bombarded by chatter, excitable young adults losing their minds over the situation. It was... irritating.

Back in his dorm room, Micky was scrolling through Xforums, the most popular forum used by students in his university, made by students for students, searching for the loser with the lame username. Scrolling past the photos he had heard about, he found a post stating

"Dear Allen Brackens, if you cannot stop blasting your shitty music in the halls on your shitty speakers, I WILL ruin your life!"

and Micky had to lean back, to just take in what he had read. That must have been the name of the football player. What he was doing was genuinely gross, and should have been exposed by someone. But did this poster really stalk them for what looked like months just because he listened to music they didn't like?

It was so dumb.

He scrolled down farther into the mystery poster's history, to the first man they doxxed.

"Dear Nathan McAllister, we all know you're a two faced little bitch. Either stop littering the campus with your Jesus pamphlets, or else..."

Micky, for the first time in his life, was amused. The whole situation was so stupid. They really ruined their fellow students lives, just because they annoyed them?

He made an account just to follow his mystery poster, not sure yet why he was interested to see what they would post next.

Less than two days later, and Micky's phone notified him of another post.

"Dear Samantha Rudbeckia, your obnoxious laughter is driving me insane. Can't you see how annoying you are? Knock it off."

That was it?! That was enough to set you off? Laughter? Micky paused mid step, still staring down at his phone. Something felt off about his face. It hurt.

It was pretty easy to find anonymousXnightmare in his school. Micky picked up a map of the university, and mapped out the paths of the three people targeted. They ran into a lot of different students throughout their day. But they only ran into a couple of people who openly seemed to hate them, and only one of those people was a student named (Reader). (Reader), who constantly appeared as though they would collapse at any moment, the hollows under their eyes so dark they looked sickly. (Reader), who despite being borderline anemic, was very sneaky, and very good and being unnoticeable despite their extreme appearance. Unfortunately for them, they had someone watching them as closely as they watched their victims bullies. Micky watched as they stealthily snapped photos of students from around corners, how they seemed to blend into the background and nobody noticed them hiding in waiting.

Micky felt ashamed for ever thinking you were lame. You were.. cute.

The way you crouched like a bug, hunched over like a roly poly scared of being picked up. The way you bit your dry lips in anger to the point they bled.

Micky's face hurt more and more. Every time he saw (Reader) a pain he had never felt before would strain at his cheeks, and his face would feel hot all over. It wasn't until he caught a glimpse of himself in his reflection in a window that Micky realized he was smiling. He never knew that smiling hurt. But he couldn't stop it.

Pictures and videos of Samantha and her married professor were posted online, and Micky was excited to know what (Reader's) face would look like when they reaped the fruits of their labor. But when he snuck into their classroom, zooming in on their exhausted face with his phone's camera, he felt a new emotion seeing that (Reader) was just as annoyed as they always were. A hard pit fell from his ribs into his lower stomach. He was disappointed.

Why aren't you happy? You won. You should be rejoicing right now.

He felt conflicted and confused. Like an octopus was throwing a tantrum in his abdomen, squirming uncomfortably. And it ruined his day. Micky couldn't focus on any of his classes, and the rest of his day was like a foggy dream. What was it about (Reader) that attracted him to them so much?

A cute young woman with smooth black hair approached Micky, a dark blush complimenting her picture perfect face.

"Um, excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?"

Micky snapped out of his thoughts, turning his gaze down towards the beautiful person. Her rosey lips were slightly upturned in a posed way.

She's smiling.

Micky internally verbalized it. The same way he did whenever he saw anyone smiling. It never looked good. Smiling was so awkward, and strange. People loved seeing others smiling, and smiled when they were happy, but it always reminded Micky of how not one of them he was.

"Hi! My name is Maggie."

I don't care.

"We have econ together?"

"Okay."

Why was seeing her smile make her look fake, inhuman, alien? Just like everyone else. Then why was Micky so let down seeing (Reader's) lukewarm reaction to their victory?

"I was wondering, I mean, (laughs), a group of us are going out for drinks later, and we, I was wondering if you wanted to come with us.."

She giggled nervously, fiddling her fingers and biting her lip. The image of (Reader) practically eating their lower lip was triggered like a trap. This woman, whose name wasn't worth remembering, made Micky feel nothing. The uncanny feeling of speaking with a living mannequin or an advanced AI. Her movements weren't natural, her smile was just a contraction of muscles. Then, like an epiphany, Micky realized all at once what made (Reader) so special.

Maybe, it wasn't that everyone else was alien, but Micky. Micky was the only one who never fit in. The only one who didn't feel emotions or connect with others like everyone else could. And there was a bug walking around in human clothes, barely staying awake in class and casually ruining peoples' lives simply because they annoyed them. (Reader) wasn't a human either, just like Micky. That's why they didn't seem happy with their victory. Why would a human bring them joy?

Micky's lips pulled tight, smiling brightly at the young woman before walking away without saying a word.

You're the first person to make me feel, because you're just like me. Right, (Reader)? If no one but you can make me feel, then no one but me should be able to make you smile!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

(Reader) slouched over their laptop, their messy hair pulled back in a top bun just to keep their untrimmed bangs out of their eyes in the privacy of their dorm, eating another cup of noodle while reading all of their "fan mail". Samantha wasn't getting kicked out like they had hoped, but Professor what's-his-nuts did get canned, so hopefully when Samantha comes back to class she'll be too busy sobbing "woe is me" to find anything funny.

Ba-ding♪

A private message popped up from an account with an automated username.

(Reader) snorted so hard a noodle went up into their sinuses.

user01793664544001: I know who you are <3

"Ah-ow! God damn!"

anonymousXnightmare: Who the fuck is this?

user01793664544001: ur prince charming <3

anonymousXnightmare: Don't fuck with me

user01793664544001: come find me

"Watch me, bitch."

Looking up IP addresses is a lot easier than people make it seem. It doesn't take a genius hacker to doxx someone. Of course, (Reader) goes above and beyond, often following assholes for months to collect evidence of their douche baggery. (Reader) got an address in less time than it took to finish their noodles, and took down their hair, quickly setting out to start getting information on their newest "bully".

The address took them to another dorm across campus. How dumb are they? (Reader) faux chuckled, feeling superior to this newest dick. No one was quite as smart as them.

As they crept through the building, no one payed them any attention as they began taking notes on the residents. It had to be one of these losers.

They didn't have a chance to fight back, as they passed one of the rooms the door opened and pulled them inside faster than they had a chance to scream. The man who abducted (Reader) wrestled them to the floor, panting heavily.

(Reader) glared up at the handsome stranger, smiling down at them in a creepy way, his cheeks twitching like he had never smiled before, like his face hurt from the small action. His face was pink and he was sweating, panting with a feverish moisture glazing his eyes.

"Aren't you happy? You found me~"

"G-Get off of me, you pervert!" (Reader) attempted to kick the kidnapper off of them.

This wasn't the answer he was looking for. His smile fell briefly before bouncing back.

"You're just upset because you don't know me yet. Don't worry, it took me a while to realize you and I were the same species as well, so don't worry. I'll wait, I'll wait for you to realize you love me too..."

He rambled quickly, pressing harder against (Reader's) body. A strange noise squeaked out of his throat as he seemed startled, (Reader) feeling a bulge form against their upper thigh.

"Ah, I'll wait.. I'll wait for you to love me too.. but I need you to do something for me while I wait.."

Micky stuck his fingers in (Reader's) mouth, pulling their dry lips out till they bled across his skin.

"Smile for me..."

[pinksugardollz]

Self Care Guide For Bad Mental Health Days

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

♡ let yourself cry! feeling sad when you have bpd can feel like the world is ending, but it isn’t. feeling sad is normal, and it’s completely okay. don’t demonise your emotions. let it out

♡ cuddle with your pets! cats are absolutely amazing for this, dogs too. lil furry babies make me so happy and cheer me up so much when im feeling low

♡ take as many naps as you need without guilt. rest rest rest, even on your good days! stop overworking yourself

♡ shower, you don’t have to do your full routine, just make sure you wash yourself then apply your favourite lotion and sweet scented perfume

♡ cosy up and watch something that makes you happy. nostalgic tv shows are great, on my bad days i really love watching spongebob bratz or strawberry shortcake

♡ invest in a 2L water bottle and keep it by your bed for those low motivation days

♡ light your favourite bakery scented candle, sweet scents always uplift my mood

♡ do not isolate yourself, try to keep in contact with friends or family

♡ eat some chocolate or chips, whatever your favourite comfort food is. your happiness is more important than your diet

♡ if you’re struggling to get out of bed, try keeping everything you need on your bedside table so you can still do your skincare routines and take your daily vitamins from your bed

♡ run a nice relaxing bubble bath!!!

♡ put on some cosy pjs & grab a pink fluffy blanket and snuggle on the sofa instead of staying in bed all day

♡ set rules for yourself, write some things you that want to achieve in a day. such as keeping your skin moisturised, shower twice a day, drink enough water, getting out of bed. anything that applies to you. self care can become confusing and daunting, so write everything down to remind yourself to look after and cherish yourself

♡ make sure you’re eating enough. even if you’re not feeling hungry, if you don’t have the energy to cook, order takeout! it’s ok to eat takeout sometimes, just not all of the time as junk food can be highly addictive, and obviously isn’t very good for you

♡ try writing down your thoughts and feelings. i love journaling and covering the pages with pink stickers and making it look all pretty, it’s so therapeutic

♡ reach out to a mental health professional if things get too bad. this may feel hard, but if you need help desperately pls get it

♡ acknowledge that what you’re feeling is just temporary, whatever you’re feeling won’t last forever

♡ make sure you’re getting enough sleep. whenever i didn’t get enough sleep in the past, i would sometimes start seeing and hearing things, and would become very paranoid and disassociated, which is obviously not what anyone wants. so pls pls pls make sure you’re prioritising your sleep

♡ treat yourself, buy something pink and pretty just because you can

♡ take a day or 2 off work (if allowed)

tiny disclaimer: these tips may seem obvious to those of you without serious mental health problems, and they may be things you do everyday but when someone with mental health problems is in a really bad place, they can sometimes forget how to look after themselves properly, or in my case a few years ago i would just stop caring about myself. i love all of my pretty sugar dollies so much, look after yourselves and i really hope some of these tips help you 🎀🦢