#bc im terrified of ppl judging me

[nururu]

I'm constantly afraid ppl are judging me about the simplest shit and it's rlly what makes me not want to post or socialize on social media and then to hear ppl irl judge things I do... why can't ppl just be nice man.... what's the point of making fun of other ppl? does it rlly make ppl feel good .. like do they rlly think it's funny.. it feels like a projection more than anything. or a performance "I'm better than this person, let me prove it by making fun of what they do. now, see? I'm superior bc I don't do that!" honestly pathetic behavior.....

[perilegs]

You often leave tags worrying about your English spelling and typos, which is ridiculous because you have better English grammar and correct spelling more than most first language English speakers

ahdjdk i know but ty, i appreciate hearing it!

[golisopod-mutual]

uh oh not another text post from lindsey lol anyway my dad/step mom/step sisters etc had a christmas party last night that i was invited to but i had to work so i was just gonna show up late. and i didnt have a gift for the white elephant gift exchange but they waited for me to get there before doing gifts anyway even tho they could have done them in the 2 hours before i arrived (they knew I didnt have anything to put into the exchange) and one of my sisters had an extra gift that she gave me so I could have something for the exchange so I could participate. and afterwards my sisters messaged me and were like ‘oh im glad you could come!’ and ‘i loved seeing you, I always love seeing you!!’ and it made me really happy bc I don’t see them all that often so I don’t always feel all that close w them yknow. so the fact they were patient while I was at work and waited to do the gifts til I could be there and were so happy to have me there... it made me feel very welcome and like they really genuinely cared that i was around. everyone had to leave like an hour after I arrived bc it was 10 pm by then but even tho it was only an hour I had a good time and felt very loved. it was a good reminder that ppl love me and I dont just cease to exist to them as soon as im out of their sight.

[sapphire-weapon]

I don’t have a problem with the new Wesker but I definitely think he is missing that snarl tone in his voice that all the other Wesker actors have had. He’s just a bit boring to me, I like how the previous actors made him sound distinct and memorable. (same applies fo Ada, who also has some of the worst voice acting her character has ever had).

Waugh and Douglas both defined how Wesker should sound, but this new incarnation sounds completely out of character. Wesker had been played to have a very refined manner of speaking. Admittedly though, it was a bit too heavy handed in Umbrella Chronicles, but in RE5 his voice matched his character perfectly.

but it is a bit early to judge. and i will reserve judgment until “CHRIIISSSSS” “7 minutes” and “complete…global saturation”

big disagree

the second i heard wesker speak in RE4make i was hit hard with

HOLY SHIT THAT'S WESKER

THAT'S THE MOST WESKER THAT WESKER HAS EVER BEEN

and i also disagree that the other actors made him distinct and memorable bc, like i said last night, he was a bond villain pre-RE4make and that's not distinct at all

in fact

i can't even remember what he sounded like in RE5. i forgot richard waugh was a thing prior to this ask and i'm not joking.

and that's not even me having covid brain, that's like. legit straight up.

i like craig burnatowski so much because instead of a snarl, his voice has tension to it. it's less haughty and/or animalistic and more plotting and/or menacing -- which, again, is how i've always viewed wesker's character on paper just looking at his backstory and dialogue divorced from any voice acting.

craig sounds like he's two seconds away from snapping in every scene he's in, and he does it in a way where he could go one of two ways depending on the context.

1. he'll explode and start shouting and it will be terrifying and probably triggering to ppl who have had abusive men in their lives

OR

2. wesker's dick is in his hand rtfn he is actively jerking off

like

wesker constantly calling leon a dog = he's two or three more lines of dialogue away from pulling out his dick and jerking off while on radio with ada

wesker telling ada that he does not pay her to ask questions = oh my god please don't fucking raise your voice at me i will cower

and when he doesn't sound like he's either of those two things, he sounds mostly disinterested -- like the "find luis and fetch me the amber" he sounds like he's distracted the way that a fuckin scientist would be trying to tell someone to do a really simple fucking thing while he's trying to actually do the brainwork

and like im sry but that's just objectively a better take on wesker, to me

u r not going to change my mind on this no one will

[aynjules]

hey ma been a while since we talked, you never replied to me, i’m not mad at you or anything, i understand that it’s over. i want u to know that i still think abt you a lot, hoping you’re ok ik you been thru a lot, i know to you it was nothing but i still cared and worried abt you, thank you for being someone i can call a lover, you always heard me out when i wanted to say something, you were somebody i can tell anything without feeling misunderstood or judged. i’m sorry i was expecting too much from you, you didn’t know how to love and at the time i overlooked it, i never got to tell you that i loved you, i truly adored you mama, i don’t look at anyone how i looked at you, you meant so much to me, i wanted to do everything for you, i wanted to be the best for you, i hate that i never got to show you much more, i wanted to give you more of me, everything i did was for us, you, im still bettering myself, im continuing on growing and becoming better, all i can really show is actions and not words bc actions mean so much more than words, i know it’s not best for me to contact you, but honestly i have urges here and there, never talked bad abt you ever, still till this day, bc all i ever had for you was love, still do, i miss you still, all i can really do is hope you’re doing great, you taught me so much and im beyond grateful, you’re gonna make a lot of ppl proud, you were such a strong girl and i always acknowledged that from you, im sorry i ever hurt you, i regret doing that so bad, all i can really do is learn from my mistakes and make sure i never make them again, there’s so many things i wanted to tell you, things happen in my life and my first instinct is to tell you abt it but then i remember you’re not in my life anymore, i watched one of your fav movies terrifier i been really getting into it and they even brought it in cod mw3 😭 remember the game i would play with my friends, not fortnite lmao i remember how much you hated fortnite and i damn near convinced you to get it, i even got this cat skin in cod and its called sgt spspspsps, it reminds me of you a lot and your cats, i know how much they mean to you, i really wish you could see them i know you’d love them, i got them bc of you, it reminds me of mango and pluto, now i be kicking ass in cod with pluto and mango 😭 i started driving now too it’s so cool i wish i knew sooner bc there’s so many places i would’ve loved to take you, ig i wasn’t locked in hard enough but im really working hard for myself lately, i hope you still think of me, i want to know what’s on your mind when you think of me or maybe you’re over me, im still healing lil by lil, so many beautiful memories we’ve created together, anyway gonna sleep now i hope our paths cross again mama luv ya gliffy

[finex09]

this is such a specific gripe but i lowkey regret telling folks on my personal insta that i made a public insta meant for art and stuff bc now a bunch of folks i know irl follow me there and I'm like. no pls this was supposed to be where i could go and be unhinged w fandom stuff

Like i announced it bc...idk thought it'd be ✨cute✨ to have a proper art insta but now I'm realizing oh no said public one was meant to be a fandom one and the private one meant for close friends/family. Oh nooooo

Now i don't wanna post anything to it bc i have family members, old friends from highschool, college friends and random acquaintances following it and I'm like naaauur 😭😭😭 I suppose i can use it as a more 'professional' art insta and open another one for sillay posting

Point I'm trying to make is: i like to have my private life and "public" fandom life separate. Finex and [redacted] are arguably two separate people, one is the mask and the other the wearer, which ones which idk still deciding on that one

[tottymatsuno]

Since I'm not as over it as I initially thought I was another aspect of this is once you really get down to it, at least from my personal experience with this concept is that when people are honest when they don't reblog/compliment your posts but are camped out in your notes or reblog your friends posts from you.

Is that often the reason why is exactly what I feared. I had multiple people tell me straight up they thought my art was ugly. I had people tell me while they found my comics funny, that I needed to go back and learn the basics such as how to draw a circle. I had people who told me my art isn't aesthetically pleasing, or it embarrasses them to reblog until other people did it first.

These same people who then begged me to continue to post so they can access the art & writing they deemed unworthy. The person who told me I needed to learn how to draw circles also suggested that I spent my time tracing bases from clip studio, and went on to tell me to never stop creating. In their tags on one of my fics they said "give it a chance, it's not that bad!"

I'm disabled. I have 75% grip strength in my right hand, 90% in my left, some days it's better, some months it's worse. I write a lot because it's easier. I have a heart condition that mimicks rheumatoid arthritis in my joints that I've got to physical therapy over.

Not that it effects much of anything, but I stopped posting serious art specifically because I'd been told "it's much harder for fic writers to get seen, fan artists have it better" and it shattered my heart bc there were pieces I uploaded, that weren't self insert, that I spent hours on and only for 3 likes.

What does get reblogged are my low effort jokes. And then people had no idea I actually have a serious art style, which then became a "Well, Robin can't draw so it's okay to talk to him like that if I frame it 'nicely'. He'll respond kindly to my critiques."

I get incredibly anxious posting my art that I worked hard on specifically because of these things so I don't do it often. I try not to post things close to my heart online anymore specifically because of how I was treated, both directly and indirectly.

I have friends I trust now, and friends that I really care about but even with them I don't really post often in a group setting because of how sensitive I am to what I perceive as rejection.

Ik my art isn't the best, I know my doodles aren't that great, but I don't think my story is unique. I think the way that fandoms treat the artists who prop them up has changed a lot. I think people have become consumers and don't particularly care that there are real human beings with real circumstances which extend beyond their usernames on their screen

So its become easier to chew them up and spit them out - there will be 10 more in their place by tomorrow.

I went through the tags of that other post I reblogged and the universal answer was "if I like something it's just fine, if I reblog it then it's worth putting on my blog" which is another direct confirmation of the very thing I was paranoid of.

I also saw several "if you get your motivation tied up in the likes/reblog game then you're wrong" and advice on how reblogs are.... Advertisement? Or promotion? And not just how content is spread across the platform? Which was strange because literally if everyone only posted and liked, there would be no tumblr.

That isn't how people frame the likes and reblogs. When I reblog a post about Osomatsu’s long tits I'm not giving the op advertisement on Oso's saggy boobs? It's not like I'm promoting long cup bras 😭

Anyways, the entitlement of having new content to consume, and then not providing your half of the bargain in the way the OP would like - its at odds.

When i realized, and have been proven correct in the assumption that when a post is exclusively liked that means it isn't good enough to be reblogged

I didn't stop creating. I didn't stop writing or drawing, or really anything. There is a huge archive of things I've made that I just don't have the energy to post for 3 notes. Idk if yall ever tried to upload fics onto tumblr but it's not easy. The formsting and tumbles half baked 3 text post editors that don't accomplish anything on their own was a hassle and took forever.

I write for my friends, and I write for myself. Writing for myself was the big advice I'd been given, not to tie up my self worth with it, that I didn't need or shouldn't need the validation that came from comments & reblogs and that 4 notes was a fair exchange for four hours of effort.

But I always write & draw for myself. I just don't post it anymore. I remember people were begging me not to stop making things when the truth was they were begging me to POST what I'd been making. It felt very much like I was being a treated like a content mill instead of a person who they could be friends with. So now I have several friends I exchange/do trades for or just show my stuff too! it's pretty easy to become my friend and with just a little encouragement I'd share any and all of my works, but I upload what I don't care about or I upload stuff for my friends.

Anyways the post really reminded me that artists were correct in the assumption likes meant it wasn't good enough. Yall said so yourselves

[kaijuno]

God I relate to that anon so much and I'm not even mad about wasting that time bc like I get it was a mental illness thing but im terrified about what other people will think of me bc of it like absolutely mostly bc I didn't get a job until 25 and was also supported by my parents so I always assume ppl think I'm lazy or spoiled or entitled. Sometimes I even think those things myself, can't help it. Would love to know if anyone actually know how to deal with being judged by losing so much time, not only by yourself but also by other people?

[cupcraft]

Wasn't sure where to send this without it just being my closest friends, and I don't have any public social media so I'm going to put it here to just get it off my chest, feel free to delete this or not respond. But while following the whole Dream situation currently, the lengths some people have gone through to defend Dream and to weaponize traumatic experiences just to defend their favorite cc instead of accepting the most likely truth is so scary, and so so sickening. It's left me and some of my friends, all of us victims of grooming & CSA (including the dreaded r word), (albiet not Dream's victims, so I can't imagine how fucked up the victims themselves feel) shaking because of the whole precedent set of "believe all victims unless the abuser is someone we like/love and in that circumstance we'll pick apart everything and dissect your trauma infront of millions of people so we can call you a liar and an attention whore" ...

it's incredibly fucked up to see and while these people have chosen that stance of hyper-analysing solid proof for anything, even picking at the victim's reasonable emotional responses to such a situation, has left the "real victims of this genre of abuse" that they "defend" so violently terrified of speaking up, ever, even if it's not about Dream. I feel bad for the victims, if it was enough to make me and other victims who are removed from the situation scared and trembling, I can't imagine how bad it is for them. Not even mentioning how the legal justice system is so heavily skewered against SA victims that, even if it does go to court, the victims are more likely to be proven "wrong" and Dream will get off scot free.

Idk. Just wanted to get some brewing strong emotions out somewhere, feel free to delete or ignore this, I'd understand fully :) everyone please remember to do something unrelated to ccs that you love and find comforting, drink some water, eat some fruits and/or veggies, etc.

hey anon i did want to post and respond to this and just want to say thank you for sharing this with me that is not easy by any means and im so fucking sorry that happened to you and your friends. if this was not okay to respond to pls send me another anon and ill delete it. imma turn rbs off on this for now just to be safe.

thats why right now our rhetoric (not yours i mean the fandoms) is so fucking important. because the hyperfocus and analyzing Amanda and judging her emotional response because she doesnt fit what they think a victim of dream's should look like is abhorrent and it does shit like this, which is so traumitizing and awful for ppl like you and anyone else who has experiences with abuse/grooming/etc. I dont speak much about my own experiences and they are not the same by any means, but even i have been a bit triggered by this rhetoric bc of some things ive experienced in similar topics (i dont want to vent esp after you shared you experience so ill be vague).

I havent seen it on my dash but i have seen it on twitter and stuff especially. Be so careful how you talk about people who come forward about grooming/abuse/etc. Be careful how you scrutinize victims. because it has real fucking impact.

and as this lovely anon said please find comfort today and take care of yourselves srsly. even log off for a week if you need to. my heart is going out to everyone, especially amanda and any other victims.

Thanks again for this ask <3

[h0rr0r-enthusiast]

Slasher Movies Id Survive bc I’m Simply Built Different

Laid to Rest- i’m not a woman so based on the films it’s unlikely he’d target me unless i got in his way,, i’m oblivious as hell and can’t read ppl so i doubt i’d even notice his target is in danger,, i dress a lil wacky so if i saw him walking down the street id just compliment his mask and walk away,, this mf wouldn’t even remember me. also every time im in florida smth rly bad happens,, not to me but to other ppl so who knows, he might just break a leg during his murder spree n be out of commission for a few weeks

The Collector- nothing i own is valuable to anyone but me and im not rich or special enough to be kidnapped,, it’s also unlikely that i’d ever go to a club,, i’ve never met a dog who doesn’t love me (even guard dogs) so i’m willing to bet his pooches wouldn’t hurt me, i’m also in college and assuming we live in the same town there’s a chance i’d study in the same location he teaches and it’s unlikely he’d go out of his way to take a student he’s either taught or has interacted with since that’d draw attention towards him

TCM- i’d never stop for gas or anything in a small town in texas,, i’m not looking to get hatecrimed at a sundown town,, also (hewitt version) if i see a bunch of white bikers in the middle of fuckass nowhere, texas- i’m not even gonna take the risk of being in the same room as them for longer than 2 minutes,, judging by the way they treated those girls i just know they’d hate crime me the second they got a chance

House of Wax- i’d get along w lester n vincent right away and jonsey would absolutely love me so unless bo kills me first i can probably convince the other two to spare me if i can pull my own weight,, also i’d never stop to camp on the side of the road in the middle of who knows where especially in the south, i’d automatically assume there’s either a sundown town or white supremacists nearby, also i’d be terrified of the possibility of having to deal w any cops who drive by n see me - they’d have no chance to wreck my car

Jennifer’s Body- i look like a homosexual,, she wouldn’t even bother trying to seduce me cus she’d assume i’m not into girls

Child's Play- no one could convince me to buy such an ugly doll, no supernatural force could compell me to spend more than five minutes w a doll that hideous,, i'd either tear Chucky apart to use him for an art project or if i think he's causing problems i'll just banish his ass and cast a protection spell over myself and my home,, if i'm up for it i might put that bitch in the oven and turn him into a plastic pot roast

[commajade]

ik this is from before but ive been thinking about the trans man butch post and idk... i don't like the idea of including attraction to trans men in lesbianism and when i was reading it i was like well good for the author but im not...attracted to trans men...and thats not part of being lesbian. like idk when this was written and if its older I get how diff norms could have impacted her understanding but yea...and also the line talking abt how the lover wants her like a man bc his thinking changed after starting T stuck out to me as weird too. and i mean maybe the modern understanding of sex hormones is just a lot diff so i wont go on about how thats not how T works but i feel like lesbians are usually very off put by someone "wanting us as a man"? food for thought ig

the thing is though, that it genuinely does not matter whether u think that person's experience is valid. ur allowed to judge that person and disagree, and u would be probably be aligned with a lot of other lgbt ppl around them. and it's ok if u disagree with me! this is the internet not an in-person and long standing lesbian social community, u r not accountable to me beyond basic human decency. i personally don't see a problem with it because people have all kinds of journeys with their identity and within lgbt social circles and butch and femme are relational social roles within a specific social and political context and the issue of transitioning while being butch is much bigger and much more difficult than we know and the author expressed that struggle beautifully.

i am absolutely not saying that because i don't see a problem in that story i'm allowing attraction to trans men to be a part of the definition of lesbianism. there's a difference between what actual people historically experienced and what is a correct on-paper definition of sexualities and lgbt social roles. i agree that i am not attracted to trans men and attraction to trans men should not be considered a part of the definition of what a lesbian is. there are actually trans men on this website that call themselves butch and make weird posts about gay men and lesbians having sex being normal. and it's gross, really really gross. another example of this would be bi femmes. on the internet i'm gonna be uncomfortable when a lot of bi women with no affiliation to or knowledge of lesbian bar culture and no love for butches call themselves femme but historically, bi women were an important part of butch femme bar culture and gave up a lot and gained a lot from taking on the responsibility of that social role, which continual rejection of men and wanting butches instead is a part of.

queerness is by definition outside of words, everything we do is resistance to language and outside of language and breaks apart language. the danger in these kinds of stories is when people use them as proof for ideas that are trying to disrupt our social formations and community structures and make our words meaningless, make the word lesbian no longer mean what it does. but the story doesn't do that, there's a reverence for lesbianism and the butch femme community that the narrator is terrified of losing the subversive power gained by becoming a part of that community and social structure. and about that section the narrator was put off by that too, terrified in fact.

finally, note that the passage never did firmly establish whether the narrator's partner considers himself a trans man completely. he could be a nonbinary transmasc lesbian like me that went through medical transition. he could be a trans man that still considers himself butch and that would be none of my business, he has def already been taken to task about it by his own community based on their own definitions of what being butch means. these terms come with sacrifice, they come with automatic rejection from society, they come with punishment both physical/legal and emotional, they aren't taking this shit lightly.

lesbian and trans experience is complicated and not going to fit neatly into any kind of narrative because we're communally writing the stories and definitions as they suit us and the community we have made. in general yeah saying lesbians are attracted to trans men is transphobic and lesbophobic but this is real people we're talking about, with real experiences that do in fact happen. it's not an idea, it's just what happened to those people. they're people of incorrect gender and incorrect desire which is the definition of what being lgbt is, and they should be considered as real human beings living through hell just to be who they are and survive. i don't think it's my role as a reader to further punish this person who's lived through more hardship for being gay and trans than i have, whose story is being very vulnerably told so i can benefit, so i can see some of myself and feel some connection in the past as a young nonbinary transmasc butch lesbian.

[elytrafemme]

tbf the whole thing w me at school is that like. im very openly queer but nobody has a clear idea of what my sexuality is bc of contradictory shit ive done in the past. im by no desire of my own very openly mentally ill and nobody knows if they should be scared of me which they r sometimes or really chill about it either way they dont judge me theyre supportive but nobody knows what to make of it. im kind to like very certain ppl but the closer u get to knowing me the more u realize im kind of a cunt. im exhausting to be around but also exciting bc u never know what kind of me youre talking to u never know who its going to be at the start of every conversation bc i have gone from acting perfectly normal to be half derealized speaking entirely differently overly forward in seconds and then a bit later ill not talk to u unless u really try to get my attention bc im so wiped. and thats just kind of how it is. and ive got a lot of friends and i think most of them dont really realize this is just how i am. like im not very stable and its kind of fucking terrifying. most ppl knew me when everythign hit the fan for me and i havent apologized to everyone for it. i think my familys even starting to get a bit nervous about me bc the glimpses i give of my mental health is betraying like a lot of wht they never knew . 

these r the people who see me basically every day. i’m scared to fucking death to think what the hell you all see. 

[agirldying]

I know this is so stupid, and really isnt that bad but I need to vent because Im so upset over it and your account is the first thing that popped into my head. Thank you for what you do and maybe this can provide like a bit of comic relief I guess??? idk So okay, my best friend has allowed like all of our friend group to use her families Disney Plus account for about a year now, and in the beginning she asked us to only use her profile. Because I have cptsd and am terrified of upsetting ppl/breaking the rules, I did exactly what she said. But then, one day (around last christmas) I saw one of her new friends (who I don't know, she moved away from our hometown) had added her own profile to the account... and honestly I was a little jealous bc I was like?? Shouldnt she have to follow the rules too??? and I didnt want to be a burden so I didnt say anything, I just kept using my best friends profile. But slowly over time a few of her other friends started making their own profiles too, until around last week or so I saw a profile called "Guest" got added... so finally I was like, Im just going to text my bsf and ask her if I should use Guest, or if I could make my own account. and she told me I could make my own account!! Honestly I was really excited bc sharing hers made me so paranoid she was judging what I was watching.... and like I picked out my icon and was just happy and vibing. BUT THEN, a couple of days ago her brother decided she "was inviting too many friends" to the disney plus account and changed the password... and honestly it really hurt me feelings :( (I know its stupid) but Ive known her and her brother for a literal decade, and I feel like he was fine with everyone else having their own profiles until I added mine. Like I know it probably isnt personal, and it was just a coincidence it was my profile that was the catalyst... but I cant help but feeling like I did something wrong, or I was too much and ruined it for everyone else..................... And like, I talked with my bsf and she gave me the new password no problem, but her brother deleted all of the non-family members profiles so she again told me to just use her profile. Everything is fine ig, but it just feels like a stupid metaphor for my abuse and how I hid away for so long, and once I did finally muster enough courage to come out I was immediately slapped down.... ugh, and then I feel like being this upset over Disney plus is just so fucking embarassing agggggsadhsjakdhsakjhd

aghhh thank you again for doing what you do, I know I'll be alright so pls don't worry (I have resources and support) but I really just needed to get this out <3 I hope you have a nice day <3

Hi anon,

I don't think this was your fault. Especially considering how you said you tried to avoid creating your own account and then used a guest account once it was created, I think you pretty much stayed under the radar and it was more the fault of everyone else who ended up using the account than you.

I can definitely understand how your cptsd played into this, but I don't think you ended up doing anything wrong.

Hope you're doing alright!

[bvnnybrains]

Hey bestie it's Amory! I was wondering if I could get a bnha matchup?

Im 5'5 with shoulder length brown hair with some leftover lighter shades of brown from bleaching it, icy blue eyes and glasses

I'm also an INFP, Sagittarius and rising Aquarius

Im very caring and empathetic. Sometimes though I'm so empathetic that I soak up emotions like a sponge and sometimes I'll even soak up the negative emotions. I am however also very brave, I will always stick up for those who are being singled out or picked on. I also am very dedicated and hardworking. I'm actually graduating a year early bc of how much I work on my school work.

As far as negative traits go, I'm hotheaded. Im also overemotional and can be very cruel when I need to be. Not something I'm proud of necessarily but it does come in handy when I need to scare ppl into leaving me or someone else alone.

In my free time I like to do makeup, cosplay, watch crime shows, watch crime documentaries and make my own theories about what happened and Im an activist for things I believe in (mental health, LGBTQIA+, BLM, etc.)

If I was in the bnha universe I would not be a hero or a villain, I would be a vigilante fighting for what I think is right. But since Im not in bnha, I am currently working on becoming a physical therapist :)

Since we already talk quite a bit outside of tumblr feel free to include what ever other information youve picked up on through out our friendship :)

Thank you so much and stay safe 💗

Omg hey bestie boo thang <3 I’ve honestly been think about this for a very hot minute and there’s really only one person I’d *allow* the honor of being matched with you. I’m super excited about it lol

You’re match is…

.

.

.

.

Kirishima Eijiro

♡ First off, y’all do wonders for each other’s self esteem

♡ Youre naturally just so sweet to everyone and Kirishima is the exact same. You two just genuinely care for eachother so much and it’s so cute ahhhh

♡ His positive attitude and emotional strength really helps when you’re upset. You’re understanding nature really helps when he’s upset. It works out great.

♡ The fact you care so much about youre sister? He thinks that’s the manliest shit in the world. He loves it.

♡ On that, he also LOVES your sister. He makes an effort to try and get along with her and make sure she likes him. He understands how much she means to you. He starts to treat her as if she’s his own sister. Does that mean okay fighting? Yeah, but he makes sure he never goes too far. He wouldn’t want to make you mad.

♡ He’s batshit terrified of you when you’re mad.

♡ Yeah, you may be hot headed, but his best friend is the one and only Bakugo Katsuki. I think he’ll be fine.

♡ He tries his best to follow your theories and true crime documentaries. He never really understood the appeal, but again, he tries for you.

♡ He is SO down for girls night with you. Do his makeup, he won’t mind. Cosplay might be a bit harder for him to get into since it’s not really his thing, but he’s is always supportive. Pictures? Got it. Makeup opinions? Done. Tips? He can sure as hell try.

♡ Overall, he’s just so supportive of you, and he values that you are the same way with him. You guys probably dye his hair together. You don’t judge him for what’s happened before but you also don’t let him give too much of himself up. Y’all would just be so cute and ugh I love you guys!

[nothorses]

Idk where to ask about this, and i figured this could be as good place as any, so. How do I get over the guilt of wanting to start transitioning at some point of my life? Like I really want to at least try hrt and seriously consider other steps like legally changing my name and stuff like that. I am kinda out to some close friends and others I know who are supportive, but for example every time I tell people my name I feel very stupid and guilty about it. I mostly go by a nickname, not the full version of my "new" name. I introduce myself w that nickname as well, bc it really feels kinda stupid to tell the full name, even tho it's like a super popular and normal men's name lmao. Like no one would ever make fun of a cis dude w that name, it's so popular and common, but I'm terrified that I'll be judged or something bc of it

Im very very new to my trans identity. Is this guilt something I'll just get over w enough time? I've tried to surround myself more with other trans ppl (which so far has been quite successful and made me so much more happier) but I also keep running into very scary stories about how others' families have reacted to them. I've actually yet to hear a single happy coming out story from anyone I've talked to, and I feel like that's definitely adding to my guilt and fear. Not to mention how hard it is apparently to get access to trans resources in my area. Oh man, sorry to be such a bummer, I'd just really want to be more secure in myself

Those feelings are normal, and they definitely ease with time!

The reality of being trans can feel really overwhelming at times, and the seriousness of it all can be scary to think about, too. There are a lot of reasons folks feel guilty, or anxious, or scared, or whatever else. Just know you’re not alone, and while those feelings are real and they suck, that doesn’t mean they’re grounded in reality. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to live a life that makes you happy. There’s no reason for anyone to make fun of you for the name that suits you. And whatever possibly difficulties may lay ahead of you, know that you are the one who gets to make the decisions. You can take whatever steps you feel ready for, as you feel ready for them.

As for coming out stories- it’s not all bad! Mine was definitely a kind of weirdly neutral experience. Most of my family responded generally well to me coming out, but some were deeply awkward and uncomfortable about it, and I’ve had a few positive interactions as well. I remember getting into screaming arguments with my dad when I was a 14 year old “really good ally” over trans people’s existence, but last time I saw him, we bonded over acne and beard growth, & he’s started calling me “the smart son” (rip to my brother I guess).

Coming out happens in steps, and it’s something that doesn’t really end. You’ll likely come out to a lot of people over the course of your lifetime; some will be predictable, and some people will really surprise you. You’ll get through each one, ultimately, and it’ll get easier. Try to give yourself time & take each one as you feel ready for it.

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.