#living with CPTSD

[bethanypyle]

When you come from a childhood of trauma, you leave with at least two decades of trauma. Of course you aren’t gonna be okay right away. It’s okay to take time to heal

You don't have to force yourself to bounce back so quickly. I read something recently that said "when you come in from a rainstorm, you don't expect yourself to be dry and warm right away", and it really resonated with me. It's okay to take time to dry off and warm up. Take the time you need to process what happened to you.

[nowamamamia]

In Honor of his win yesterday I’m watching the movie that really made me love Sebastian Stan and appreciate his acting abilities.

The winter soldier has been such a big part of my mental health journey by giving me the ability to examine my CPTSD and DID through a fictional lens. I told my husband it felt like my therapist just won an award.

Congratulations Sebastian Stan! You definitely earned it!

[chronicallymistreated]

People only have so much patience for those of us with chronic illnesses, chronic pain, and or mental health difficulties.

At the beginning there is so much support (or at least more support) but when they realise you're not recovering as quickly as they'd like... you get avoided, isolated, told you're exaggerating, etc. They seldom think about how those of us with chronic issues feel. How overwhelming it is to deal with everything day in and day out. There is so much anxiety, depression, grief, etc when dealing with chronic issues regardless of what they are.

If you're even more isolated because people refuse to see how much you're struggling or you're not recovering "fast enough" for the people around you just know you're not alone! There are so many of us in the same boat too

[puppynametaken]

I got a dog kennel for my room and honestly one of the best mental health purchases I’ve made. Decorated it and filled it with plushies and it’s become a safe space for me.

When you have CPTSD it’s really hard to feel safe pretty much anywhere. I’m working through that but having a spot I can associate with safety is so so so healing.

I’ve been working through the idea that self care looks different for everyone. Whether that be taking baths or having a cage safe space.

So if you have a weird thing that gives you comfort (being tied up, laying in a bathtub, wearing diapers, acting like a dog, or whatever else your silly little mind finds safety in) just fucking do it. If you aren’t hurting yourself or others it’s really not that big a deal. You only live once so live a life you enjoy

[bpdscenequeen]

[billybob-99]

I feel so disgusting and uncomfortable in my own skin I don’t wanna be here

[xvelvetcoffinx]

Some of my trauma is literally over 18 years old like it’s legally an adult but it won’t move the fuck out of my head??? Get a job and pay some rent buddy.

[bethanypyle]

Holy fuck does this hit hard. I am so used to trying so hard that I destroy myself. I haven’t been able to finish a college program because of that. I get great grades 96+ averages, but I destroy myself in the process. I am an amazing staff, but I work so hard that I burn out and have panic attacks. It’s about learning moderation. And not desperately trying to prove that I am good enough - because even if I fail, I am still worthy just for being human.

If "doing your best" means pushing yourself to the point of burning out and breaking down, then that's not your best - that's an unhealthy, self-destructive pattern which won't get you anywhere in the long run. Allow yourself time to recharge - cause you can't keep using a battery you never charge!

[dragonheartstring360]

can’t emphasize enough how when you grew up in a toxic environment, being in the room with someone who’s angry or frustrated - even if it has nothing to do with you - is absolutely terrifying cuz you’ve been 1000% conditioned to assume frustration = all hell is going to break lose and be aimed directly at you

[yourhealingjournal]

actually, to have the audacity to live, to take up space, is the scariest and most rewarding gift you can give yourself.

[icarusredwings]

Be warned. I wrote this at midnight. I have no clue what im talking about. Do you get it?

"Why doesn't this wolverine teach history? Other wolverine did"

Well, because THAT Wolverine had a Charles. Let me remind you just how fragile Logan's mental state is and just how quickly his brain can throw him into a temporary amnesia due to shock and / or panic that is triggered by his CPTSD.

The thing is, this Wolverine has a Wade. Not a Charles. Sure, Jean could probably do something to him if things got too crazy but you know just how dangerous of territory that would be. Yes, Charles doesn't have a healing factor but it was his confidence and perfect reassuring words that helped him, plus If something did happen Im pretty sure he wouldn't blame him much anyway. He knows what hes dealing with. This isnt to say that jean doesn't but I can see her panicking too much and Logan would feed off of that fear and panic and become worse.

Wade, on the other hand, is neither calm nor says the right things, BUT he can't die :D Which is a massive YES when it comes to dealing with a panicking 3+ time war veteran with knife hands. And is known to attack first ask later.

Trying to teach the kids about 'Nam, a thing sets him off. He stares off into space for a bit, Backs up and his breath gets heavy. The hairs on his arms are raised up and his pupils dilate, they widden and its as if he doesn't even remember he's a teacher.

When he starts the whole "Who are you? Where am I!?" Thing, a student (probably the oldest or one that's been dubbed most responsible) slowly just gets up and leaves to tell a trusted adult.

"Mrs. Munroe?"

"Yes?"

"Mr. Howlett is acting funny again."

"Okay darling. Go fetch Mr. Wilson for me? There's a dear."

She, calm as ever walks into the class room, standing away from the door so not to make him feel trapped, and very clearly shows her hands as she gestures the kids to leave.

Backing himself into a corner, he watches them one by one leave, Gripping at the chalk boards ledge and the windowsil, trying to balance and ground himself.

"Come now children. Quietly and slowly please. Good job. Go next door to Mrs. Summers please." Sending them to the next class room so to leave this one empty.

She stands off to the side of the room. Hands in front of her, smiling softly. "Hello Logan."

"What? Who are you?" He almost hisses but can't help but to feel not so threatened. He always did have a sweet spot for women. Maybe its their scent difference, but like most reactive animals, he's a little calmer for women. A little more trusting.

"Im a dear friend of yours. My name is Ororo. You are in no danger here." She states this practiced sentence with the same whisper of a voice.

"Where the fuck am I. How did I get here!? Did you bring me here!?" At this point he's growling.

"Logan, I assure you that no one forced you here. This is a school. You're a teacher."

"A teacher..?" Just a tad he softens, as if you had just told someone who wanted to be a vet when they grew up that they actually would become a very good vet, except the look in his eyes was as if questioning why they would ever him do that. Be a teacher I mean.

"Yes. If you would like to leave that is okay." She slowly sits in a spare chair, her leg crossing, not knowing how long she will need to play baby sitter but she hoped someone soon would alert the other staff of this. It IS a safety risk after all and Ororo knew that if he hurt anyone at all he'd immediately regret it terribly so when he woke.

"You.. you told her to go get someone. Why? Who are you getting? For what!?" Another snap, as if he thought she was trying to trick him into letting his gaurd down.

She smiles. "Your husband."

"What the fuck do you mean my 'husband'!? What are you sayin' lady!?" The venom in the way he says this makes her giggle a bit. Oh, goodness. He really did lose all of his memories, didn't he? How was the same man who once was so dastardly in love with scott to the point of shredding his heart into a gazillion pieces and is married to the silliest man alive, so internally homophobic? The irony of the thought made her laugh.

"And that kids is how you slice someone into sushi. Rice not included-" His weapons tatics and saftey class is interrupted.

"Mr. Wilson?"

"Oh hey, squirt! You wanna learn how to disconnect someone's joints without even leaving a puncture wound?"

"Maybe later.. uhm...Mr. Howlett's scared again..."

You just see Wade running out on these kids like "I'M COMING WOLVIE!"

"What, you think it's funny!? I ain't got a husband lady! Now, Im leaving! And there's nothing you can do to stop me!" He goes to walk out the door only to run into said husband, who immediately hugs him.

"Babe!! Hi! They told me- OUCH- okay yeah I deserved that- no tocuhy I forgot."

And is stabbed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? Get off me! Freak!"

"D'aawww!! Did you see that? He called me a freak! I hate to tell ya cupcake, but you're married to this freak. Now, what's wrOOW- Mad kitty are we? Woah there tiger! Easy boy!"

Logan looks at him, confused, stabs him again, and is trying to figure out why Wade's not dying. He goes to slash him in the head and wades like "WAITWAITWAIT NOT INFRONT OF THE KIDS-"

Mrs. Munroe, by now, has gotten up and left, closing the door and letting out a big sigh, wondering what shade of red they were going to paint the room this time.

She does a little clicky on her walkie and infroms all the staff about the situation and so for the next half hour or so, Logan's kids get to skip class and said classroom now needs a deep scrub.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why this Logan doesn't teach history anymore.

P.E. is SOOOO much easier on his mental status, and sometimes Wade joins, and he puts the whole class against him to make them work on their team building skills. Plus- it's funny to watch your husband get slapped in the head with 20 dodgeballs.

[liberaljane]

🩷 Digital illustration of a black woman with curly hair holding up a sheet. There is a star garland and there’s text across the sheet that reads, “the tools you needed to survive are not the tools you need to thrive”

[theinsomniacindian]

"My child is fine-"

Your child is so lonely and emotionally numb that they cope by living in a dream world to the point where they are terrified of living in reality itself

[uncannylesbianism]

do yall also ever get the soul crushing realisation that you are in fact mentally unstable and its not just something you made up for attention or because its "quirky" and then just sit there like damn

[parasolladyansy]

Drew this during a “moment”. It was originally just with Rain, but then the others ended up joining in. Looks fluffy & warm. ☁️