#little vent tw!!

[donaviolet]

Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps

[bigfatbreak]

"yea I was up late last night"

[ellydrawsstuff]

"Please just stay here with me"

[tearfulangel]

[oblique-lane]

"Just a bunch more biblical paintings then I'll go back to drawing yaoi" Or you can do both, renaissance style, Michelangelo or Raphael I honestly forgot who drew those naked men on the Sistine Chapel's ceilings ok bad joke aside: I'd love hearing more about your headcannons, specifically about the childhoods of the characters (ranging from the mercs, to Miss pauling, the Administrator, hell anyone you have ideas about!)

Childhood headcanons... How did you know I've had something about that on my mind? Alright, let's talk about...

Little Sniper

(Lots of trigger warnings ahead, check tags!)

Mundy was obviously an unhappy child. When I imagine the surroundings he grew up in, I see miles and miles of empty landscapes, dry yellow grass, unkept barns destroyed by rust and a deep choking sense of loneliness.

The closest neighbour woul be so far away you better bring a bicycle with you if you want to visit. School and Church were the only places to go, which were also very far away. No kids his age nearby. And even if there were peers at school, no one wanted him anyway.

Mundy was "weird", he didn't quite understand other kids' jokes, didn't get what was so fun about what everyone else enjoying to do; he was weaker, always loosing in close fights; he didn't even look very local for whatever reason. Even if he tried to get along with someone, it either ended up with him being ostracized or with him experiencing the greatest boredom imaginable. And the kids quickly picked up on his "difference", making him an object of bullying.

It started with making fun of everything Mundy does, his habits and speech patterns, his morals and ideas... Which wasn't anything too big for him but it was still very annoying and upsetting, he grew to hate school very quickly.

Coming home being exhausted from this kind of socializing, no one would really comfort him. Being very little, he used to tell on his bullies to his parents, telling how hurt he was by their words... And it would only made a mess in his family.

Overreactive mother: "Poor baby, I'm so sorry, I'll tell their parents to stop being mean, my little little baby, maybe we can go homeschooling..."

And a strict father: "Are you a man or what? Yeah, he will end up a bloody baby if you keep spoiling him like that! Suck it up! Of you can't stand for yourself, no one will. At this pace you'll end up a nobody, with no home nor respect from the world".

Mundy didn't want to be neither a baby nor a disappointment. He figured that sharing his feelings with parents wouldn't be that good of an idea, they won't understand anyway. And also that he must fight somehow.

If he can't win in close fights, he thought, he could hit them from a distance: throwing small rocks at the bullies from up the tree...

–He was punished for that. For some reason, every time Mundy fought back, he was scolded by the elders, who for some reason always believed the bullies that HE was the one starting the fights. They forbid him to fight back. He closed his feelings shut and stopped paying attention to almost everything around him.

Why was it like that? Why was he so different from other kids, why couldn't he understand them? Why couldn't he understand anyone in this world? The world was a mess of unspoken rules and suffering, overcoming oneself, pain; he couldn't fit in. He was always on the wrong even if he didn't do anything. He felt like an outsider everywhere he went.

Sometimes he wondered if he was born into a wrong family or that he wasn't a human at all. Looking at the night sky, he was thinking about aliens, maybe they would come to him someday and take him to the planet he truly belongs, being accidentally swapped at birth. Maybe then he will be happy, he will leave this sickening place and finally start living. He thought about dying, too.

He started to spend a lot of time in the forest any chance he got. He was alone here, unwatched, somewhat free. It was easier to breathe here. He was alone but it didn't feel worse than being with those people. He played by himself. He started to believe that he actually liked loneliness.

As Mundy and his peers grew older, the kids started to become more and more savage, thanks to the hormones and age crisis. Bullying intensified as those kids started to feel the need to assert themselves. Mundy was maliciously beaten (he fought back as much as he could and even win sometimes, but the beating only got worse each time). They used any chance to humiliate him.

And each time after that Mundy would take the knife or his father's shotgun and go to the forest to take his anger on animals, "hunting", since he couldn't do anything to fix the root of the problem.

He would hunt for something small, like birds or feral rabbits so he could butcher them and cook on fire to eat. At moments like this he felt like a beast, and somehow it was the most pleasant state for him to be in.

There were no words available to form his pain into, so the pain came through violence. The more violent his abusers became, the more violent he was at his "hunting". The more he felt his father's gaze piercing him with disappointment, the sharper his knife movements would get. Sometimes he would let the bodies to just rot like that, completely butchered in a very non-culinary way.

(Maybe someday he would lure one of those bastards to the forest and kill him the same way and blame it on an animal attack)

And at some point... His classmates would came up with something that would cross all the lines of forgivable. Somewhere there was the peak of what they could do. Something beyond.

There wasn't a known way to him to deal with that. No known words. Everyone would be so grossed out of him if they knew. He was beyond disgusted with himself, too. What was the point of living now?

That day he would shot a wild boar, take his machete out and cut it open, butcher it the way his father would when they wanted a pork dinner for the night... And reached to its heart.

The heart is where the love is stored, right? That's what people say when referring to this "love" he'd never seem to know. A dark read bloody organ that feels like sponge inside of thin rubber. There's something about this that Mundy lacks. He has a heart too, it's pulsating inside him, but for some reason it was unable to produce the "love", a very necessary fluid for a human body. He wondered if it's sweet. He wondered if he was even able to taste it.

He took a bite... And realized what he was doing.

He was, indeed, a monster.

When he went back home, later than usual, he would be met with his father's gaze. He was always throwing gazes, for every occasion, Mundy was used to feel small and guilty under them. But this time... It felt somehow much more personal. More disturbing.

His father looked at him as if he was a dirty little creature, a rat, a maggot. He looked at him the way one would look at a criminal who wronged their whole family. He looked at him like he knew.

His father didn't say anything that day and it wasn't brought up ever again.

Mundy was indeed a monster who was utterly terrified of this though. He didn't want to be one. He made a promise to himself that everything he does will be morally justified, he promised himself to become a good... decent person. He would earn his place in the world, even if his father, everyone else denies it.

It gets blurry at this point. Sniper doesn't really remember his life before about 17, when he was finishing school and starting to work on his sniper licence. For some reason he always knew he would be good at shooting and killing. When remembering his home, Sniper would recall the smell of grass, mother's cooking, the warm sun, and a steady life he had. He knew it was boring, but it still somehow felt like home. Home he felt was lost somewhere he didn't remember.

Either way, he was always a loner.

[jack-the-killler]

[nemugyo]

[asoftepiloguemylove]

some days i want to spit me out, the whole mess of me, but mostly i am good and quiet

Heather Havrilesky Ask Polly: Help, I'm the Loneliest Person in the World! / unknown / unknown / The Smiths There Is a Light That Never Goes Out / unknown / unknown / Marina Tsvetaeva On Love / Christa Wolf (tr. Jan van Heurck) Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays / Celeste Ng Little Fires Everywhere / Camille Rankine Emergency Management

[art-beyond-the-stars]

A funky little piece I was inspired to make based on @beluvbug's Princess of Gender Dysphoria AU :3c

Cutely projects onto gem horse

Help me out?

[edgy-senju]

I hope you're playing around in the garden with the other kitties again.♥︎

[ooppo]

...Some other drugs that are reported to cause hair loss are: Lamictal (lamotrigine) Trileptal (oxcarbazepine)...

...Twenty-seven drugs caused 86 episodes of stuttering in 82 cases. The most episodes of DIS were related to antipsychotic drugs (57%), mostly including clozapine, followed by central nervous system agents (11.6%) and anticonvulsant drugs (9.3%)... 

...Brain zaps can be a side effect of Buspar. These can be uncomfortable but are typically only temporary. Out of nowhere, you can experience a sudden zap or jolt in your head and brain. This phenomenon is known as brain zaps and can feel like an electric shock...

...Quetiapine works by attaching to the brain's dopamine receptors and altering serotonin levels. Short-term effects include feeling sleepy, a dry mouth, dizziness and low blood pressure when you stand up. These effects lasts about six hours....

...Bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition that doesn't go away on its own. While it can feel overwhelming and isolating at first, an early, accurate diagnosis is the first step toward getting better. Proper treatment, along with support and self-care, helps people with bipolar disorder live healthy, fulfilling lives.

[rustyparable]

Oh, me?

Just thinking about Stanley forcing the Narrator to jump the Zending after he confesses he loves Stanley because 'You dont get to tell me you love me until you know first-hand how badly you hurt me.'

Thinkin bout how it wouldnt help, Stanley knew it wouldn't help, but it was worth becoming the villian if it kept the Narrator from thinking he was innocent. How Stanley would break down in his office afterwards, how the Narrator would still come to comfort him with shaking hands, uneasy but unwilling to return to a time when Stanley was just a protaganist and nothing more.

Core memories are often traumatic, no?

[unorcadox]

you never told me when i was going to get to see you again please tell me i need to know please please please / wait (repeated)

[jojo-the-bird]

Would they understand why I’ve done it? Why I did it? Would they fully understand that I’ve killed myself? Their daughter? Suicide? Or would they just understand that I’m gone.

[jack-the-killler]

POV: My mind on the daily.

[angelpuns]

I wish my parents understood that when I am having a Bad Time ( meltdown) that I need to be left alone because if they come into my room or ask what's wrong or literally even look at me they're actively making it worse