#literally what do you guys see in her
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every fucking time someone says “poor odysseus trapped on an island with a beautiful woman who wants him” or anything positive about calypso an angel is taken by the thinning hair and bent over metal hot from raging flames beside it used for mercy by cauterization as a large gloved hand grips at where divine flesh meets avian appendage at the base of glittering wings white in purity taken into fists that close upon them like a vise and pulled at with audible rippage as fragments of wing is left behind and fragments of flesh and meat are taken with the action, blood spills over the previously angelic body, weak from every positive utterance for that wretch, the nerves sit in anguish as the capillaries spout out their life’s nectar, the angel writhes as the wings are tossed to the side to rot into maggot meal and by force then is the servant thought to be of god sent to sit in the great below until the wounds close or more likely birth infection and a spread of disease through the forsaken body. surrounded by agony of all those before it, the angelium who writhe here are all demoted to scapegoats, no better than the animal sent out to hungry wolf and man to cleanse all who walk above their heads of their crime. i hate calypso btw if u cant tell
#op’s two cents#ooc#what if i told y’all i have a note in my notesapp dedicated to quotes from the odyssey that make me wanna hurt her#im tired of being civil about this i wanna hurt calypso so bad every time someone expresses love for her#i have such a long blocklist bc of this#im not crazy youre crazy#this is normal behavior#people should start making her conventionally unattractive or ugly scary so you freaks will shut up#off my dash with you!#literally what do you guys see in her#all im looking at is theseus levels of hatred being reflected back to me#id hate her less if people didnt like her so much.#im not dramatic about how much i hate her whattt#if this makes no sense#i dont rlly care u wrote this in study hall to comfort myself
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mods r asleep post humanized 4x
finished catching up on tpot it was peakkkkkk but i am so scared of one. also working on little clay and felt dolls of 4 x and 2
#bfb#battle for bfdi#tpot#4x#bfb 4x#bfb fourx#four bfb#4 bfb#bfb 4#bfb four#guys do u put bfb before or after the character#x bfb#bfb x#four tpot#4 tpot#x tpot#four in tpot12 saying “nope .... see ya” was so high pitched and quiet WHAT was going on with him. the eye was so funny tho giggled#x with freckles bc of his interest in gardening. 4 with blue patches bc he was the desert and i want to note that#i love the designs i made for them theyre so cute 2 me#4s hair is so hard to draw tho. i cant make it look right#wait ive literally been thinking so much about character comparisons i have to mention it#4 is so obviously alien. he acts so super odd and he appears so unnerving. i feel like he always has wider eyes/smaller pupils#hes always so STARING at things. he is so obviously alien (bc he literally is in this world i think)#2 is also an alien. its in his name AlgebrALIEN. but he is so much more human im obsessed with him#like he laughs so much more he has much closer friendships with the contestants he even makes huge efforts to assist in fixing interpersona#problems and stuff. he is so kind and compassionate and can be super comforting. he is so incredibly human despite being an alien#THTA IS SOOO INTERESITNG AND FUN 2 ME !!!!!!!!!! 4 has loved bfdi and the idea of hosting for years and his goal is to Host but 2s is more#in line with making a point he is what he is bc he wants to be like that. hes a host bc he decided to be not bc someone else told him to#also the recent robot flower arc and the parallels im drawing between her and bot (iii).#bots “i will never be who you want me to be/who you built me as” vs robo flowers “i have to be who you want me to be/who you built me as”
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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
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thought some more about sunny . Yeag
#scribbles#qsmp#qsmp fanart#qsmp eggs#qsmp sunny#i literally have no idea what i'm gonna do with her design guys . i fuck with this one though#need to give her shaped glasses NEOW. to me in spirit they're the hot pink bitch named breakfast. do you see my vision
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“We need more morally gray characters” you guys can barely handle topaz and jade.
#yeah I said it#hsr#Honkai star rail#topaz hsr#topaz and numby#jade#jade hsr#hsr Jade#hsr topaz#like they’re not good but their not mustache twirling villains y’all#yes topaz did mess up by not telling bronya the actual success rate if she accepted the deal#but you have to remember she was indoctrinated since she was a kid that the ipc was good and that those who surrendered to its power will#succeed and thrive#hell they may have used examples like boothills home planet as warnings#of course she would think the ipc is good and will#help jarillo#her home planet was on the brink of collapse when the ipc came and it was quite literally life saving#even though it did mean robbing the future of a population to work for them topaz so grateful for the ipc and sees it as a way to pay back#you guys are forgetting that she was willing to sacrifice her position and that she was happy the planet could be independent#now we don’t know much about jade but she doesn’t go seeking out desperate people#those people come to her and accept those deals knowing full well every detail and it’s cost#she may get some pleasure from it sure but she’s just doing business with people#and yet I see people view them as villains and yet not call out aventurine with helping the ipc take control of penacony#he’s a victim yes but so is topaz when it comes to the ipc manipulating them#topaz has good Intentions and is just following what she has been taught since childhood#look I love aventurine I really do but he’s not pure and at the end of the day both him and topaz are people they are flawed#they’re not completely bad or good#sorry it was mainly about topaz we don’t know much about jade and I might change my mind on her when we do
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The Maker is a Titan if he exists idc idc Solas is not the maker nor is he Shartan. Shartan was some other ancient elf who like Ameridan believed in the good in humanity specifically and set in motion things that ultimately cost his people dearly...the greatest tragic but also beautiful irony of the setting is that dwarves and elves are siblings, born from the flesh and blood of the same entity, and the repeating cycle is of destroying the thing that brought you into being. It is elves sundering the Titans, it is dwarves unknowlingly mining their blood to keep their economy going, it is Solas killing Mythal, it is Morrigan killing Flemeth, it's Hawke inadvertedly setting in motion events that would forever change Kirkwall if not destroy it, it, it is Wardens killing the Archdemon whose blood made them what they are, AND I COULD GO ONNNN
#live laugh love to solas is the maker folks but I am NOT one of them#it's precious to me that he's just Some Guy#he's literally SOME GUY who is trapped in the torment nexus of thinking all this guilt and responsibility is his to bear forever#he has a god complex but like in the worst way#cause it's not like he gets off on the power it's just being infinitely responsible for everything ever#and sure he is responsible for a BUNCH#but he's not god#he fuckled up he made mistakes#there's only so much he can do to fix them or the world#he's like an eldest daughter really#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#solas#and I don't even blame mythal she is the SAME you all need to understand from her perspective she always does what she deems necessary#she's a toxic parent/partner suuuure but#I think some posts I'm seeing are making her the originator of everything bad in the world#listen she was just colossaly stupid
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Right and his work menaces (Brent and Karen).
I don't remember last I mentioned it but apart from crude nicknames to people (except Chris), he also just puts them in his phone really weird (except Chris, who is literally in his phone as Chris). And I bring this up because in Right's phone, Karen is saved as "Lawful Obligation".
#my characters#oops i fell in love#can you guys tell im stressed and hyperfixating on my own fucked up ocs cause i am#also brents nickname at work and in rights phone is fuckwad#and hes like yeah if im called anything else at this point by right its weird and uncomfortable#and when it is finally approached as if paul is only in rights phone as shitty-ex (answer) now that hes an excoworker#what was he in rights phone BEFORE the transfer#and right is like annoying dickwad ... karen is like oh i see thats why you call him a dick still#thats like a nickname from his phone name#and brent has to ask why fuckwad and dickwad and right looks at him and takes a deep breathe before saying#because i like the word wad and it is very comforting bc like a wad of paper ? you can throw it away#and so if i realize i gotta get rid of attachment i wad it up#also dont tell paul that dickwad was a form of attachment or he will never shut the fuck up about it#karen and brent both swear to never mention it to paul#paul is honestly such a weird anomaly in the plot bc he doesnt directly work at the same police station#but he is CONSTANTLY a topic of gossip or annoyance or updates#hes literally karens best friend! aside from chris he was one of the few right worked with who HAD touch privileges before right banned it#hes also just genuinely well liked but no one can actually tell him or he will become insufferable#which is a crime that rick is guilty of once when he meets paul and karen introduces him#and rick is just OH i know that name! youre her best friend#and she looks so betrayed and paul looks so delighted and stunned and radiant over this fact#and rick makes up for it before the night is over which is why karen forgives him - he made paul back in his place#anyway yeah right has lots of fears and hes my bundle of anxiety and i love him and his atrocious nicknames#i think i would die if i gave someone a rude nickname even affectionately irl#also also final note on this ig#since right is a detective and not always at the station its worth pointing out brent and karen just work taking calls and#doing misc other work at their desks which are nearby so they 100% bond and its wonderful#ok i lied final note on them is#for a very long time karen has to check with right to make sure she isnt annoying brent because he doesnt emote well#and shes scared she wont know if shes annoying him please help youre like the only one who reads his moods accurately
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I feel bad for Starlo.
Star has a point, idk what the four were ticked off about, there is like 99% chance everyone willingly participated in the trolley problem, based on what we've seen of his behavior thus far it's not like Starlo to be that big of a jerk/drag them by force/yell at them to do it. Ed's words:
he does it because Star asks NICELY
clearly jealous
It genuinely seemed like a fun time/fun roleplay, especially since every day is the same. Like, the five are supposed to be a rowdy and adventures bunch, what exactly did Starlo do wrong, I'm genuinely confused and curious. Except taking a big liking in Clover (his posse should know that this is a big moment for him, according to Blackjack they've known each other since high school and had the same liking for westerns. So they were basically a nerd gang.) Starlo was kind, patient and considerate towards Clover the whole time, even warned Mooch about them not being bandits, taught Clover gun safety, wanted to bring his posse along for a fun time, thanked Ace for telling him about getting Clover a new hat...
Sure, at first he only liked Clover for being a human, but as Ceroba says, that changed and he grew to genuinely care about them, plus I can't help but think Star saw himself in Clover and that's part of the reason he was so proud of them all the time even when they messed up (I'll talk more about this at some point)
What exactly made Ace want to leave the gang? He even said how he doesn't mind "getting run over by the fake train"
he's so nice. says sorry for forgetting the safety goggles even when he was scatterbrained due to his excitement. I love him so much
The only real "faults" (I'll call them temporary faults) I saw in Star during the Wild East section was that he was even more enthusiastic and more proud than usual. But how couldn't he be when he met a member of the species that he has admired for so long because they have real cowboys and sheriffs on the surface (who are seen as brave heroes who deliver justice, while Star canonically feels like a nobody farmer). His posse should have realized Clover wouldn't be there forever and just let their boss enjoy himself with his "deputy who'd have to leave sooner or later anyway"(or be more patient with him/ask him why he feels this strongly towards Clover/if there's a deeper reason for that). His friends including Ceroba just turn their back on him so quickly instead. The moment he's gotten the chance to feel valued for once and put himself first and not have to take care of this whole town and everyone in it and live his dream of meeting a real human, suddenly "his personality is damaged?"
Star's literally built this whole town, organised everything, he worries about everyone, Ceroba (plus was the one to give her emotional strength before and after Clover's sacrifice), Kanako, the monsters, his family, struggles with feelings of worthlessness yet never wipes that smile off his face, always does his best to be hopeful and optimistic and make others laugh, gave his posse a nap time so they don't become exhausted, gave Ceroba a free home, didn't act upon his feelings towards her and was a 110% supportive, caring friend instead. THAT'S who he is. He's the papa bear of this friend group, the glue holding everyone together.
He was just *really* excited. Y'all know he's insecure and just wishes to escape who he is and yet y'all blame him for liking Clover so much. Yeah, the four are very clearly jealous. But why won't the four of you control your feelings for a while? As mentioned, Clover WILL HAVE TO LEAVE EVENTUALLY. They won't be Star's "deputy" forever (the kid who's just as into westerns as he is, who values justice just as much, who also values doing the right thing. Someone he clearly felt understood in the presence of, whom he loved; just look at the way he talks about Clove during Showdown). Star seems genuinely confused of what he did wrong poor guy just wanted to live his fantasy for once and feel important:
Even at the beginning Moray's like "oh no Martlet is upset" Mooch replies "don't be a buzzkill nothing exciting ever happens around here" and Ray's like "Yeah you've got a point"
If you all agreed to have a little fun with a human who will very soon leave forever why is Starlo's enthusiasm such a big problem? If the posse weren't into this after all (unless they were simply too jealous which could have been solved with a honest talk and a little patience) why are you doing this "rowdy" job with Star in the first place? Do you want your boring routine day to day life so much back? Or just for Clover to leave (which they will soon enough)? You, western enthusiasts, literally met a real human, A HUMAN FROM WESTERNS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PASSIONATELY INTO (clearly not as passionate as Star but passionate ENOUGH to understand where he's coming from).
... okay.
#Like idk if I'm being biased because Star is my favorite character but I kinda just started thinking more and more about this and... yeesh.#Felt like a BIT of an overreaction to blame Starlo this much#No wonder he cracked#and unlike with Ceroba we actually see him do his very best to “fix” what he did “wrong”#i feel so much sympathy for this guy man#WAY more than for Ceroba#sorry fox lady#uty#undertale yellow#starlo uty#uty starlo#like dude literally had to come crawling on his hands and knees for them to forgive him#what “loyal” “supportive” friends they all are#sobbing for star#poor poor man#meanwhile everyone forgave ceroba for much much MUCH worse#she didn't need to burst into tears and beg for forgiveness even though she SHOULD have#everyone forgives her immediately on the spot + she gets a hug from clover#I'm sorry Starlo#like how was he “selfish” and “reckless”#he did something for himself for the 1st time in his life#y'all are reckless too btw#you put yourself first ONCE and they call you selfish#Star had the right to be mad at them for attacking Clover for no reason other than jealousy#wdym he's throwing you around for human business you literally wanted this#he watched the tapes more than 50 times bc that's how much he hates himself#and yet he's still been doing EVERYTHING in his power to be there for EVERYBODY
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god we need to bring crackfic back. or just short and idiotic ideas that wouldn’t happen but would be funny to read
#i just had a vivid imagination of geralt’s company having a pillow fight#setting and timeframe: september 10ish. in riverdell aka transriver#dandelion hits geralt with his bedroll pillow (a quite flat thing and not very comfortable but what are you to do) for levity#it’s a game of a bygone time. a mild pillow fight is plausible between geralt and dandelion in the short stories#cahir comments . wow … really dandelion … this is so juvenile … i haven’t done a pillow fight since i was 10 … it’s for kids…#dandelion’s response: pillow to the face. immediate vicovarian reaction: dandelion razed harder by his pillow than cintra by nilfgaard#dandelion screams ear-curdlingly (you’d imagine someone was being murdered in this swamp)#geralt (still at this moment in time resentful of cahir) leaps and attacks him with his pillow#geralt and cahir spar with pillows like swords but get to smothering each other quickly#milva (see this is foreshadowing for like two weeks days later) had enough and starts pillowing the both of them#she also had not said literally anything for the past week so this is a surprise that she would involve herself#dandelion hits milva on the ass (with his pillow…) she nearly kills him#geralt and cahir try to save dandelion etc#regis has been watching all of this like 🫤#geralt (better mood now) asks him why he is not getting involved.#regis: ‘what… ought i to be doing’#geralt: ‘helping me smack cahir with pillows’#regis doesn’t even sleep with a pillow. dandelion calls out he probably has an extra on his bedroll. milva screams at regis don’t touch that#regis psychoanalyzes they are relieving their stresses and anxieties in a social bonding ritual involving play fighting#which is likely of primal origin in simian social troupes but i digress#regis reasons he doesn’t have latent quarrels with anyone in the group so it would be pointless for him to join#cahir is like well i like everybody here and i still am smacking dandelion with a pillow 😐#milva reasons just imagine someone you hate on the other end. she imagined beating the crap out of her stepfather 👍#regis still reluctant to join | geralt gets an idea and smiles—imagine the guy who coined the term ‘undead’#wrath of eons unleashed#regis after knocking geralt off his feet with a pillow: am i doing it right ☺️#meanwhile nilfgaardian spy watching them from the bushes:#‘i was going to report on them but it looks as though they’ve all gone insane’#‘or maybe they were like that all along’#the elbow-high diaries
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Masked characters who never reveal their face/you rarely see their face my forever beloved i know u have a face under there but that mask is your face and I'm giving it a kiss even if you don't feel it
#many masked characters have my heart just cause it's literally one of the BEST character design choices ever#like hunk resident evil wouldn't be as fucking COOL if we saw his face right? that mask is part of his identity and his character#master chief another example if we dont count the show WHICH WE WONT#master chief probably being the prime example of a masked character#doom guy is one of my fav masked characters cause you CAN see his face sometimes but its always a RARE moment to see it#we dont need to see his face 24/7 cause he already gives off so much character through his body language#you can FEEL his anger and hatred for the thing's he kill's without EVER seeing his facial expression's#of course the original doom's also has a head icon showing you his emotions but the newer doom's REALLY leaned on the masked side of him#samus another great example#metroid dread is literally my favorite metroid game for what it does with her and the animation's they do for her#you can just FEEL and see what she's thinking/feeling/commiting too in every interaction#shes so quiet and stoic and when we do see her face its used to GREAT effect#samus is my fav masked character probably everytime i think back on her its always like omg...shes so cool...
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Catra being anxious and having panic attacks over the bad things she did is actually counter productive to any hypothetical scenario where she is self reflecting and/or receiving constructive criticism.
Her potentially having crippling anxiety over being an asshole in the past PREVENTS and/or DELAYS any changes she might potentially make.
Making this character spiral over moral dilemmas does not inherently mean she’s actively working to change her ways. Her being afraid of facing her badness does not make her good; it simply means she has anxieties toward constructive criticism/dialogue.
#in response to the dumb fuck fan comics I see about Catra having panic attacks over and over#yeah like. I get th sentiment. but really that’s not how that works#well. it DOES. but if the audience of the popular fanon POV of Catra’s character is supposed to be sympathetic#why make her a wet soggy cat (metaphorically)#why make her the sad pitiful one#if she’s making changes in her life and her behavior… wouldn’t that be… impowering ?#wouldn’t she feel happier?#she wouldn’t even need to be coddled by Adora (and company).#she’d accept the bad things she’s done and would apologize with no tears none of this wet cat bullshit attitude#actually… fuck it I’ll just write something where she does exactly that#mariposa rants#what I told you guys… that making a huge self pity party for yourself… after doing some shitty thing#is actually incredibly selfish … and silly….#(ex. bojack horseman. like. literally the entire show.)#eww mariposa ranting about bojack horseman#<<< (new tag cause I’m not down with this point)#basically. feel bad for a minute. then spend the next hour working on yourself. journaling. self therapy. actual therapy. meditate. pray.#whatever the fuck dude
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why did you guys have to make twitter my fucking safe space
#WHAT DO YOU MEAN#why. literally what do you guys see in this ship PLEASE IM SO CONFUSED AND DESPERATE#LITERALLY INSERT ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT 'HER?' GIF HERE#anti bucktommy
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YOU — “No. There is still a chance.”
DOLORES DEI — “You think so?” Her voice is weary.
EMPATHY — Everything about her is weary. She is the Innocence of weariness, of heroically borne suffering.
CONCEPTUALIZATION — That is the picture you have painted for yourself, at any rate.
YOU — “You looked back. That’s the memory, the moment, that I can’t stop returning to. You looked back. I had a chance, for just that moment…”
DOLORES DEI — She meets your eye, gaze still forever cast back over her shoulder. Time stops. The stars are stilled, the ocean silent. There is *nothing* beyond this memory. Nothing at all. All of infinity is contained in this single moment when anything and everything was possible.
“Oh, Harry…” She sighs, soft as eiderdown. “We never had any chance.”
And just like that, the wave of time collapses under its own weight, obliterating everything. This moment was six years ago. She is gone from here. Gone, gone…
PAIN THRESHOLD — You cannot leave. There was nothing outside of this moment, and now there is nothing at all. It’s all gone. There is no point. I’m sorry. I can’t do this any longer.
VOLITION — Please, don’t say that…
“Okay. Well, fuck me, then.”
“How would *you* know?! You gave up! You didn’t even try!”
“We *must* have had a chance, at some point… Doesn’t everyone get a chance, if nothing more?”
“How could you say that…?”
DOLORES DEI — “Because it’s true,” she says, matter-of-fact. “There is no moment in time that you can turn back to, no branching paths, no infinity. There is only what happened. I looked back… and then away.” She closes her eyes, turning her back to you.
“The moment ended. *We* ended. That is all.”
SHIVERS — A wave crashes against an unseen shore, ocean spray tickling the back of your neck. You shiver, but no one shivers with you. You are alone in this intersection. Why are you here?
“Why can’t *I* end?! Why can’t this all just stop? Please, make it stop…”
“Ended? I’ve barely even started! I got a chance to start completely over as somebody new! I don’t need you anymore! You’re just dead weight to me now.”
“No. That wasn’t the real ending. We’re a part of something so much bigger than this intersection, telling a story that encapsulates all of history! There’s *more* to this, it *means* something.”
“Then… What am I supposed to do now…?”
DOLORES DEI — “No, Harry.” She turns back to you again now, and she looks… sad.
“We were not metaphors. We were people. Our narrative was not intelligently designed. It simply followed the patterns of history, because those are the only patterns we *know.* We tried to create something new, but we failed. There is no narrative reward for our failure, no satisfactory ending. There is only the immutable past and the unknowable future.”
RHETORIC — There is no assurance of what is good or deserved or what may bring relief. There is no assurance of punishment, either. There is no assurance of anything. Not even of a future. I don’t know what to say to make this bearable.
VOLITION — Even so… As long as you live, *something* is promised. Can you live with that?
I can’t, I just can’t do this anymore…
I can. It’s enough.
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
I can at least try for a little longer…
VOLITION — That’s all I ask. That’s enough.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#dolores dei#suicide tw#ummmmm haha *twirls hair*#sorry this isn’t more of the dolores saga im really trying to get back into the swing of things 😭#this is smth that won’t make it into the saga but that i was thinking about nonetheless#im not too fond of the whole ‘’dora is literally dolores dei’’ thing tbh#i feel that the mundanity is what makes their story impactful#and also just. makes it feel like somebody is kinda going overboard on projecting onto their proxy ex. lmao 😭#idk like the metaphor gets a little TOO metaphorical for me. but that’s just my onion. im an rgu fan so who am i to judge#anyway this is more my take on the harry/dora story#which is that dora was Just Some Guy and ultimately we have to live w the fact that we’ll never get the full story#because she literally exited the narrative#we can speculate about what her and harry’s relationship was like and how much of the blame is on each of them#dora’s lack of class consciousness vs harry’s violent misogyny etc etc#and like. it’s not that there’s no value in examining those things bc there definitely is value in it#in examining what patterns you DO see repeating in your life and in the world around you#that is what politics is really… examining the system and all its moving parts#but ultimately the past is immutable… our perception of it changes as we gain new context and understanding but what’s past is past#and there is no way of knowing with any certainty what the future holds#that’s where the overlap of all of these political and personal conflicts is for me#and why it comes back to harry questioning whether it’s worth it to even live#it’s about whether or not you can live with the grief of the past and the uncertainty of the future#i want to learn to live with it… to work toward building a future that i want to live in#anyway. coughs
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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Revenant Side Stories
Story VI: Farah
[Konchar] [Graves] [Gaz] [Price] [Novikov] [AO3]
This was originally going to be a retelling of the entirety of Farah's story in MW 2019, but I underestimated how long that would be, so these are more of snapshots of her life, up until 2019.
Farah is going to be a central character in part two because it will revolve around Urzikstan, so I was very excited to get into her character in depth. This was probably the hardest side story to write because I think the original story was already good (it's easier to write for something that had a lot of flaws in it rather than something good... maybe that's why I like cod after all these months lmao)
Anyway, I also decided I'm actually not done with the side stories, and the last actual one will be of... Roba, of all people. I know I made the comic for Ghost's origin story, but I never got to show what he did to Roba.
Alright That's enough rambling let's get to Farah's story
She doesn’t remember the first time she has heard of revenants. Humans who are saved from death, only to come back with abilities from worlds beyond their own. Of how they are revered, looked up to. And yet, misunderstood.
They don’t look up to revenants in Urzikstan.
The once-dead are not heroes among her people. They’re something to be pitied; people who chose to stay on earth and suffer, instead of move on to a better, calmer existence in the place after death. Take on the burden of the Reapers, dust off the dirt of their graves, and continue the endless fight for freedom.
In Urzikstan, revenants are called “those who sacrifice”.
Her baba taught her and her brother the different names of Reapers, told them tales of those who sacrifice as bedtime stories. She always found them fascinating, as opposed to her brother. They were often grim, their ending tragic and unsatisfying, but they felt more real like that. Felt more like her day-to-day life than any other fairy tale could.
She wouldn’t know how much her story would be like those, before it was too late.
The day she died is muddy, in her memory. Yet another thing she sacrificed, in order to stay in this world. A deafening whistle, followed by walls collapsing around her. Streaks of ash on the bloodless face of her mama. Pain, unlike anything she could imagine. The voices of her baba and brother and uncle, searching. The sickening shifting of concrete above her, whispers praying for mercy, the walls closing in on her-
And she dies.
At seven, before she knew how to write the alphabet, buried beneath the earth with only the pale face of her mother as comfort, Farah Ahmed Karim died. Yet, she did not move on.
The memory of the first time she saw her Reaper was clear. She may have forgotten her mother’s lullabies, or her father’s laughter. She has not been given the privilege to forget her Reaping.
The first thing she noticed was the clean air, an odd odor to it but blessedly lacking the dust she has been inhaling for what felt like hours. The lack of pain was the second - her legs no longer crushed under thick concrete walls.
The monster, was the third. A being made of sharp shapes, glistening metal melting and hardening, flowing through cracks in the stone face of the Reaper.
As the stone face moved, grinding against itself, Farah got up to her feet. Her legs screamed at her to run, but the memory of her baba’s stories calmed her.
“The ones who take do not mean harm to the ones who sacrifice, Farah.” he told her, whispering as to not wake her brother, “they need each other. They need our sacrifice.”
“What for, baba? Why would the ones who take need to give humans their powers?”
Baba sighs, a small smile on his lips as he tucks a stray hair behind her ear, “we don’t know for sure, but we must have something they don’t. Some say we humans were chosen by chance.”
“What do you think?” she asks, her endless craving to know more yet satiated.
“I think we and the ones who take are connected, somehow. I think we are the only ones that can sacrifice.”
Instead of running, instead of listening to all of her senses, Farah stepped forward, and with a small voice asked, “w-who are you?”
The stone face turns to stare at her.
“I AM MIGHT. THE STONE, THE BLADE, THE BULLET.”
The Reaper tilts its head, metal rivers splashing into an endless void.
“DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?”
Farah blinks away the tears that have gathered in her eyes, tries to speak louder, “I’m… I’m Farah? I’m a human, I’m-”
“YOU ARE NOT HUMAN, FARAH. YOU ARE DEAD, BURIED, CRUSHED.”
Her lips turn downwards, and she can’t stop the tears any longer, “w-why are you asking if you know?”
The rocks grind in an almost rhythmic way, and somehow Farah knows it is laughing. It makes her avert her eyes.
“Can… can you save my mama?” she asks, and the sound stops.
“I CANNOT SAVE YOUR MOTHER, FARAH.”
“S-she… I think she also died, can you-”
“I CANNOT SAVE YOUR MOTHER, FARAH.”
She grasps at the torn edges of her dress, sniffing her runny nose, “it’s not… it’s not fair…” her face scrunches as she sobs.
The Reaper leans forward, the light surrounding it reflecting with dazzling colors off of its body. Farah closes her eyes, not because she is afraid of it, but because she is afraid for her mama.
“I CANNOT SAVE HER, BUT I CAN SAVE YOU.”
Farah opens her eyes. Baba said he thinks only humans can sacrifice, but maybe not all humans can. Maybe mama wasn’t able to sacrifice, but…
She lifts her hands to wipe roughly at her face, tears and snot smearing on her skin. Her eyes trail up the falling liquid metal, beating heart deafening her ears.
Her voice is steady when she says, “I want to see baba and Hadir. I don’t want to leave them!”
The stones grind once more, a sort of excitement shaking the very ground.
“YOU WANT TO LIVE, FARAH.”
She nods and repeats, “I-I want to live!”
The Reaper tilts closer, its face level with hers.
“I WILL GIVE YOU THE MIGHT, THE STRENGTH, THE POWER TO LIVE, FARAH. AND I WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL.”
The metal drips near her feet, heat emanating from them. It reminds her of home.
“I choose to sacrifice. For you, for baba, for Hadir. For… for mama.” Farah whispers.
The stones shift, circling her. Her breath picks up at the thoughts of crushing walls, but it is not dark here. No one is shouting. She doesn’t smell death.
Metal singes her clothes, and she wants to jump back, but the stones stop her. It burns. It hurts.
It is not dark, but the bright colors blind her all the same.
“I ACCEPT YOUR SACRIFICE, FARAH.”
“MY MIGHT IS YOURS.”
When she wakes again, Farah doesn’t feel pain. She’s still under ruin, somewhere different from where she was before. All she sees of her mama is a hand, and she holds it. She notices the skin of her own hand glistening in the meager light filtering through dust and ash, like colorful metal. Like her Reaper.
It felt like hours pass before baba found her. She feels hunger and thirst, but the weight of the building doesn’t pain her anymore. Baba is crying when he finds her, pulls her out of the wreckage carefully, asking if she’s hurt.
She tells him nothing hurts. He pulls back from their embrace, his brows scrunched in confusion until he notices.
“I chose sacrifice, baba.”
Baba closes his eyes and hugs her harder, and she knows it would’ve hurt if she could feel it. He tells her everything will be alright. She wanted to believe it. She couldn’t.
They find mama. Hadir tries to wake her up, but Farah pulls his hands away. She tells him mama is in another place now, somewhere better than here. Hadir’s hands shake in hers, but he nods and pulls away.
Uncle and baba rush them home. Farah wants to cover her ears, the sirens don’t stop sounding, the noise pitching up and down along with her heart. Loud explosions make her flinch, so Hadir grabs her hand. It makes her feel safer, for a moment.
They run through the market. There’s a truck stopping in their way.
The Russians.
Baba lifts her in his arms, Uncle taking Hadir. They tell them to cover their mouth, when the Russians throw weird gas at them. It smells like the liquid mama used to clean their house, and it made her eyes itch and burn.
They enter their home, but baba doesn’t stop moving. He gives Hadir a gas mask. He will have to share his with Farah. Uncle leaves, telling baba he’ll meet them later.
“W-where are we going?” Hadir asks, clutching the mask.
Baba grabs a backpack, hidden behind the kitchen cabinets, “we’re going to the bridge, then to the mountains. There will be no sirens there.”
Farah hurries to follow him, wiping blood on her dress. Her skin isn’t bruised, but it feels weird.
“I don’t want to go…” Hadir says with a frown. Baba turns to look at him. He crouches and pets his shoulder.
“I know, dearest. I know. We will return, I promise.” his tone changed, stern like when he taught her not to touch the hot pan, “you need to be strong for your sister now, alright?”
Baba points to Hadir’s heart, “you keep mama here,” his hand moves to his head, “and you keep this clear. That’s how we survive, you understand?”
“Yes, baba.”
Baba shoulders the backpack, and begins walking towards the door, “when we get outside, you stay with me, okay?”
As he goes to open it, the handle moves, and the whole frame shakes. Someone is trying to get in.
“Stay behind me!”
The door slams open, a large man with a gas mask walking in. Farah takes a step back. The man meets her eyes and closes the door, and she stares at his gun.
Baba pleads with the man. He does not listen.
Baba throws his backpack at him, the man shooting a couple of bullets into the floor. They miss Farah’s feet by a few centimeters, and she freezes, breath held in her lungs. Hadir throws himself against the man, but gets shoved back.
The man pulls out a knife, baba manages to take it, stab the man. But it doesn’t change a thing.
It doesn’t save him, when the man pushes him to the floor, and shoots one, two, three, four bullets.
Only then do her feet unstick, and she mutters to herself, “hide!”
She runs back to her and Hadir’s room, crawling under the bed. The man shouts angrily and she hears something break.
Hadir. She needs to help Hadir!
As the man talks to someone on his phone, Farah crawls towards the kitchen, finding a knife. Mama always warned her not to play with them, but if the man catches Hadir…
In her heart, she asks for forgiveness from mama.
When she finds the man, he’s leaning against a wall, his hand clutching his side. Before she can think it over, Farah lowers and slashes at his legs. The man screams in pain, shooting a few bullets at the ground, and turns around to slap her.
It doesn’t hurt, but she drops the knife, so she runs away again.
One of baba’s tools is on the ground, must’ve fallen from his backpack. She grabs it and continues running, the man on her tail now.
The man says mean words to her, in Arabic, but her ears are pounding, her own heavy breaths the only thing she can hear. Her grip on the tool tightens.
“I’m going to kill you!”
Farah watches the man stumble in the hallway, searching.
“You’re going to see father soon, you piece of shit child!”
He trips on the rug. She sneaks closer.
“You’re dead, you hear me?! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!”
Farah runs forward, aiming for his other leg, but he turns around and grabs her hand before she can stab him.
“There you are!” he grabs her by the neck, slamming her to the floor, “got you!”
She can feel his hand wrap around her, crushing her windpipe, but it doesn’t hurt. The man grunts, before he freezes.
“You’re- you’re one of them?!”
Hadir jumps on the man’s shoulders, screaming, “get off her!!!”. He uses the knife she dropped to stab him in the neck, “get him, Farah, now!”
Farah grabs the tool, and uses all her strength to stab it into the man’s chest. He screams as flesh gives under the metal.
“It’s working! Again, sister!”
She pulls it out, and repeats.
“Good, Farah!”
And again.
Four times, until the man stops moving and making any sound. Farah takes his mask, the gun too heavy and tool buried in his gut.
Farah and Hadir return to baba. Hadir tries to help him up, but baba stops him.
“I can’t… I can’t go with you.”
Tears well in her eyes. Baba is leaving as well.
Hadir wraps his hands around baba’s, “what do we do?”
“You survive. Whatever it takes.” he turns to look at Farah, “even… even your sacrifice. Never give…up…”
Baba’s head drops. He’s gone.
Hadir stares at him for a moment longer. He gets up, “let’s go.”
They weave through the town, a murky green tinting the air. People are gasping and coughing around them, until a gunshot silences them. Hadir says it’s not fair. Farah knows.
It’s not fair, that they pass by people who get shot, and don’t get back up. It’s not fair, that she has to kill twice more, just for them to get a chance at freedom.
It’s not fair, when a man drags both of them away from it, a cruel smile on his lips as he inspects her.
It’s not fair, that she knows to recognize the malice in his eyes.
The soldiers take them to a prison. They find out she is one of those who sacrificed.
It’s not fair, she tells to the Reaper in her heart, that her sacrifice was not enough to save anyone.
She learns very quickly to hate Barkov. He learns, quicker, that his usual torture methods don’t work on her. He finds her weakness not in her own flesh, but in the flesh of the others. Hadir, in most cases. They keep the men and women separated, only allowing her to see him once every few weeks, and every time she gives them trouble, he takes the punishment. He tries to hide it, but he can’t hide his limp, or his bloodshot eyes, or the scars that keep multiplying upon his skin.
Contrasted with her flawless arms, glistening oddly in the light.
She gets into fights with her Reaper, in the earlier days. Demanding answers, for the simple question of “why?”.
Why her? Why this power, that only protects her? Why taunt her, tell her she’s under the Reaper of Might, yet show her every day how weak she is?
There are whispers among the guards, of a person by the name of “Karim”. A Commander, aiding the prisoners, attempting to contact foreign forces by transmitting messages from the inside. Barkov spends hours torturing her and the others, trying to find them. After a while, Farah notices a glint of playfulness in the wretched man’s eyes.
He knows who Karim is. He just wants to break them, annihilate the sense of fragile hope Karim gives the prisoners.
Barkov wants their spirit broken. Farah knows he will fail, because as long as any of them stand, they will not give up. For those who can't fight any longer, for those who are still with them in this hell, for Urzikstan.
They think one can uproot it from them. What they don’t know, will never understand, is that you can’t kill an idea. You can’t torture the memory of freedom out of them.
The soldiers seem on edge, mumbling in Russian about rumors of enemy forces invading Urzikstan. One of them slaps the back of her head when she stares too long.
The cycle continues - Barkov interrogates her, always keeping another prisoner in the room to torture in her place. Today it is Azadeh, younger than her by two years. Azadeh doesn’t flinch at the glint of a knife, but she screams as Barkov buries it in her thigh.
Farah’s guts burn at her wailing, at Barkov’s cocksure grin, his hand easily yanking the knife out of spasming muscles.
She breaks. Tells him she is Karim. It feels like an end.
Barkov freezes, before he pounces. Knocking her out of the chair, he covers her mouth, pinches her nose, deprives her of air.
Not many things can hurt her, but Farah still needs oxygen to live. Her wrists twitch roughly against the bindings tying her to the chair, Azadeh calls for her. Barkov snarls.
“I will not let terrorists like you ruin my country.”
My country… My country?
Urzikstan will never kneel to the likes of you.
As the edges of her vision darken, a soldier bursts into the room, his movements rushed as he informs Barkov the prison is under attack.
Barkov, always needing to have the last laugh, tells her she hasn’t saved anyone, that Karim’s role was only to doom her people, and orders his soldiers to the warehouse, to kill everyone.
Air fills her lungs as she inhales for the first time in over a minute. Barkov tells the man to take Azadeh to the warehouse, and her to solitary confinement. She gives Azadeh an encouraging nod, before they’re separated.
Karim hasn’t failed yet. As long as they’re still alive, she hasn’t failed.
Solitary is part of the older section of the building. Farah has been here enough times to know the rebar in the far corner of the cell is loose, and she herself have made sure, should the need arise, it will be easy to extract from the cracked concrete floor.
The moment the soldiers leave, she gets to work, pulling the metal with a grunt. With a few well-placed hits, Farah breaks the lock, and opens the door.
It is silent outside, in the way a graveyard is. Something sick spreads on her tongue, as she sneaks out of solitary. A few soldiers are making their way to the main cell block, to take the remaining prisoners to the warehouse, Farah assumes. The rebar feels lighter in her hands.
The first soldier she hits over the head screams as he goes down. The rest instinctively start shooting her. It doesn’t do much to stop her from caving their skulls in, besides ripping a few new holes into her clothes.
Searching the bodies yields her a key and an extra mag for one of the rifles. All of them were either empty or jammed, the frantic soldiers not recognizing her.
For them, all Urzik are the same.
Her sisters are relieved to see her approach. The gunshots scared them, fearing it was anyone but her. She opens the cell, freeing them. She uses the key to open a gun locker, and orders them to take up arms. No hesitation is visible on their faces. They all know this is an end.
Of the soldiers or theirs, it is yet to be seen.
“Our brothers have been taken to the warehouse to be executed. We are not going to let that happen.” Farah snarls, fingers aching as she grips the rifle, “are we?”
“No, Commander!” her sisters yell in unison.
Farah feels pride bubble up within her. They haven’t broken their spirit.
A series of far away explosions makes their little group flinch. Ayah asks, “who is attacking us, Commander? Are they on our side?”
“I don’t know. And as long as they distract Barkov and his dogs, it doesn’t matter. We need to move before it’s too late.”
They slam open the doors, Russian soldiers already ready at the other side. Her sisters’ aim is wobbly, the recoil more than they’ve experienced, but they have one thing the Russians don’t.
They don’t fear death anymore.
Nadia was injured in the firefight against a sniper. Ghalia has been limping since an explosion knocked her down. Darine and Azadeh are tired, they’ve been in solitary for days with little to no food or water.
They manage to hole up in the warehouse, but there’s no one there. Farah shouts for Hadir, her echo the only answer.
“Commander!” Azadeh calls, “there’s a way through here, this is must be where they are!”
Farah kicks the door open, turning right to clear the hallway, when a body slams into her from the left. She falls to the ground heavily, teeth bared as a barrel lines with her forehead. The other two soldiers aim at her sisters, Azadeh screaming in horror, “please don’t shoot!”
For a moment, Farah loses hope. Her mind supplies her with Barkov’s words.
“You haven’t saved anyone.”
In the next, the skylights shatter. Precise bullets take out the three soldiers, not a single wasted shot. Ropes are thrown through the broken windows, and men wearing gas masks repel down. One of them looks at her, “Whose Commander Karim?”
Farah huffs as she pushes a dead body off of her, “I’m Karim.”
The soldier swings his weapon to the side, “we got your message” he lifts the mask up, revealing a pale face, “Lieutenant John Price. Where are the others?”
The Lieutenant offers her a hand, and Farah grunts as he lifts her, “in there. Straight ahead.”
Price looks at the dark hallway, before turning back and lowering his mask, “stay close!”
Azadeh’s expression is uncertain when Farah stops her from following them. Wordlessly, she nods and returns to her wounded sisters’ side. They both know the path ahead is meant only for trained soldiers.
Trained soldiers, and those who cannot die to a bullet.
Farah keeps her rifle up as the soldiers and her scan the hall. Tanks with warning signs plastered on their exterior line the narrow passage way, and she doesn’t need to know Russian to know what’s inside.
“Got two!” Price warns, and takes out one of the guards. The other doesn’t waste time watching his partner go down, and before one of Price’s soldiers puts a bullet in his head, he aims and shoots Farah.
Straight shot to her heart. These guards are more skilled than the ones she fought through to get here.
Two hands clamp onto her shoulders, and Price’s wide eyes stare at her through the gas mask, “you’re not wearing armor- Karim, sit the fuck down, I saw the bullet hit you-!”
Farah frowns, following his line of sight to the hole in her shirt.
“Lieutenant-”
He holds her as if she’s about to collapse, muttering, “why are you not bleeding…”
Farah grabs his hands, and the Lieutenant’s brows shoot up.
“You’re a revenant.” his hands loosen, and drop to his side.
Farah nods, “no bullet or blade can hurt me.”
Something odd passes by Price’s eyes, but he doesn’t say anything to indicate what.
“Lieutenant, the prisoners are here! We need the breacher for the door!”
They run towards the back, and Farah slides to a stop at the scene.
In a room with large bullet-proof windows, where fire wars with the Russian’s sickly green gas, her brothers pound on the glass, their screams muffled.
They were going to watch them suffocate and burn.
She shakes out of her stupor when she notices Hadir. Slumped in the corner by a door, unmoving.
“You haven’t saved anyone.”
Farah runs to the other side of the door, where Price and his men are attempting to pry open it. They don’t have time for this.
“Stand back!” she grunts, and Price barely pulls the other soldier away before she shoots 4 bullets into the lock.
She barely manages to catch Hadir when the door slams open, her brothers running out towards fresh air. She should feel happiness, that they were fast enough to save them.
But in her arms is the still body of her brother, the one who has been through this hell with her from the beginning. The one with their mama’s eyes, and their baba’s kindness. Farah feels tears run down her face as she presses two fingers to his pulse. Nothing.
There are voices around her, speaking to her. She doesn’t hear a thing. No sound is worth hearing when her brother’s heart does not beat.
Price crouches in front of her, his mask off despite the gas filtering in from the room. His voice is gentle when he speaks, “Karim… we need to move.”
She shakes her head. It reminds her of how Hadir didn’t want to leave their house, when baba knew they had no choice. She has no choice but to leave him.
Oh, how could she leave him like this?
As the Lieutenant urges her again, as her brothers and sisters start to realize what happened, as Farah’s fingers stay on a paling wrist, she feels it.
A heartbeat.
Hadir gasps, his hands shoot up to claw at his neck frantically, and he jumps away from Farah. Everyone is watching him carefully as he catches his breath, silent and knowing.
Farah clenches her fists, failing to quell the shaking, “...why…?”
Why did you choose this over seeing mama and baba again?
Hadir turns to face her, but his eyes don’t meet hers. They’re not the blue-gray they were before, she notices. Green, like the gas that killed him.
“You survive, whatever it takes. Never give up.” Hadir repeats their baba’s last words. “Not even death will come between us, sister. Not anymore.”
“May your soul find rest.” she says, and her brothers and sisters murmur it with her. Hadir then lifts his gaze, and he gives her a sad smile.
Price and his soldiers stand back, looking properly shaken by seeing a dead man return. For them it is an anomaly.
In Urzikstan, they all know what a sacrifice looks like.
Farah gives herself a moment more to mourn Hadir, mourn the peace he refused to receive in death.
She gets up, grips her rifle, and orders her people, “collect survivors and supplies. We’re leaving.”
“Sister.”
She stops cleaning her knife for a moment, acknowledging Hadir’s presence with a nod, before continuing, “any sign of Barkov?”
Hadir drags a chair to sit in front of her, “no, we’re secure here. The Lieutenant cleared the area well.” he watches her hands work on the sharpening metal, “I… I wanted to tell you about my powers.”
Her hand freezes. “Immunity to the gas. I know.”
“No.”
Farah opens her mouth to question him, but when she looks up at Hadir…
Mist flows from his eyes and nose, pouring down his features. Green, toxic, smells of chemicals and death.
When he speaks, more gas flows from his mouth, “I’m not only immune, sister. I can create it.” fear paints his words.
“Enough.” she orders, though to her ears it sounds more like begging. Hadir stops using his power all the same, and it is with shame that he looks at the thin level of gas coating the floor of the run-down room.
Farah puts the knife and whetstone away, and hugs Hadir. He presses closer, and she feels his body tremble with silent sobs.
“You will not use this power. We do not need weapons of the enemy to win this war.” Her brother may be doomed, cursed forever to bear the gas within him, but it does not mean he needs to continue Barkov’s legacy.
Hadir doesn’t respond for a while, but when he pulls back, he nods. “Yes, Commander Karim.” he says, pride in the title. “What are your orders to our brothers and sisters?”
Farah sheaths the knife, her voice strong and clear, “Barkov must’ve had more prisons. It’s time we find more hands to help our cause.”
Alex Keller is… odd.
He had a surface level knowledge of the situation in Urzikstan when he arrived. Not from a tactical standpoint - CIA doesn’t let details like those escape them, of course. But from a human’s, and perhaps a revenant’s, it was clear Alex was not used to seeing such disgusting levels of violence unhidden for all to see. Barkov doesn’t need to hide it. America already knows.
The world already knows.
Keller’s abilities as a revenant proved advantageous from the very first mission they had. Infiltrating has never been easier, with a man able to become invisible to the naked eye. Later on he has told her of his weaknesses, that his form is still corporal even when see-through, and that electronic optics are able to catch traces of him. His honesty doesn’t go unnoticed, and Farah appreciates the trust he puts in her.
Hadir didn’t trust him at first. Despite his relation to Captain Price, he was wary of the American. It didn’t matter much to Farah, as long as they were amicable enough to work together, but seeing Hadir slowly let his guard down over the weeks was a moment of happiness in her days.
It helps most in days when Hadir seems distant, when a fog she can only call a thirst for revenge clouds his eyes. It feels like the times she has to fight against his violent suggestions double every new mission.
Something is brewing in his mind, she can tell. Hadir doesn’t want to share it with her.
At least Alex doesn’t push back against her orders with no good reason…
They’re on ground now, Alex using Hadir’s Sniper to scope the Highway of Death, and Farah spotting for him. They’re waiting for forces of Al-Mudahiyn, The Sacrificers, to pass through.
Al-Mudahiyn and the ULF used to be one and the same, until they weren’t. They share the goal of liberation, but where the ULF chooses to prioritize the safety of the people of Urzikstan, The Sacrificers choose the retribution on the Russians to be theirs.
Liberation will not be achieved peacefully, Farah knows that. But revenge won’t bring it either, and as much as she would hate it if it were to happen, if she had the choice to free her country but let her oppressors walk away unharmed, she would. She is sick of seeing her brothers and sisters die, and sacrifice, and bow their heads to men who see them as lesser.
In that, Al-Mudahiyn and her disagree. The militia focuses its powers on creating chaos among the Russian’s ranks, within Russia itself, and anywhere where its sympathizers live. And while they both deal in violence, Farah cannot agree to it being the objective.
It is a tool. One she will wield only as long as her enemy does.
The SAS and CIA have begun to retaliate against Al-Mudahiyn, as has Barkov, their actions too flashy to ignore. Stealing several containers of Russian experimental gas was the last nail in the coffin.
The ULF along with Captain Price’s team decided to work together to stop them.
“One vehicle approaching from the east!”
On her mark, Alex takes down the two snipers that attempted to set up on the roof. Killing them is a calculated risk; it could alert their target and cause them to change course, but leaving them alive could’ve risked Hadir and his team, who are nearer to the road.
Two fighters from Hadir’s team take the truck and park it in the middle of the highway as a makeshift blockade. She watches as they rig it up with explosives, and orders them to wait for her signal.
Their target, as do many in The Sacrificers’ ranks, is a revenant. According to Alex’s sources in the CIA, they’re just a Revenant of Flesh. Their healing powers could save them from some injuries, but an explosion should kill them.
And if the explosion doesn’t do them in, bullets will.
They were ready for an ambush. Armored trucks, snipers, mortar teams.
“We need help! Where is Captain Price?!” Farah shouts as she fires on a few fighters making their way through the ruined house they’ve taken cover in. Alex pops up to shoot as well, but she pushes him behind her when a few bullets hit too close for comfort.
Her clothes are riddled with holes.
Hadir shouts from the rooftop beside theirs, “we cannot wait! I’ve got more firepower in the truck!” an explosion shakes the foundations of the house, “Alex! Follow me!”
Alex looks back at her, and she nods. Hadir’s intuition never failed them, his habit of preparing for the worst saved operations more than once. He’s not her second-in-command just because of their blood relation, she trusts him more than anyone else.
That is why, when green, toxic gas started covering the abandoned village rapidly, Farah didn’t dare think it was him. Hadir wouldn’t do that, he promised her.
She hears him shout to Alex that there are gas masks in the bunker. It should’ve tipped her off. It didn’t.
Coughing horribly, she ran towards the bunker, her steps unsteady as the gas coats her lungs. She has never forgotten the way it claws down her throat, burning, seizing her muscles.
Alex comes into view just as Farah’s vision begins to fade, and the last words she hears singe worse than any chemical could.
“H-Hadir… You’re… a revenant?”
When she comes to, it’s to the smell of dust. Her throat still burns, but as she coughs, she feels clean air filter through her nose. Farah blinks her eyes open, to see Hadir equip a gas mask on Alex’s face. He notices her eyes following his movements.
“Sister…” Hadir leaves Alex to approach her, his arms open. Before, she would’ve taken comfort to see he is not injured.
Now, all she sees is anger. Green, sickly, violent anger.
Farah pushes him away, but she is weakened, so his arms don’t leave hers, “how could you do this?!”
He tries to placate her. It makes her shake with exertion to get away. “I had no choice, Farah! I-”
“No. Not like this.” her eyes roll back, and before she loses consciousness again, she mumbles, “you promised…”
“-Farah!… Alex!”
She grunts. Her arms feel weighted when she pushes the dusty gas mask up and off her face. Alex does the same, trying to get up on his feet and failing.
Price’s voice invades her mind, and she winces. It is an unfamiliar feeling, still. “You’re alright, Farah. You’re alright.”
Still unused to the powers, she chooses to speak, “where is he…? Where is he?!”
Price finally reaches them, helping Farah get up, only for her to push off to rush out the crooked door, “he’s gone, Farah…”
She snarls. How dare he run, how could he leave- “no… Hadir… HADIR!!!”
“Farah!” Price follows her, catching her when she stumbles on the steps outdoors, “Farah, stop! Stop, he’s gone!”
Her fists clench on dry earth and she screams. Coward, liar, monster. No curse is bad enough to describe that fucking dog.
She feels Price wrap an arm around her, not to support, but to comfort. It reminds her why they’re here in the first place.
“There is no thief.” she tilts her head up, staring at Price’s blue-gray eyes. His brows knit in confusion, and she continues, “he created the gas. I’m sorry, Captain, I didn’t know, I didn’t know…”
She feels Price pull images from her memories. She lets him.
The Captain looks through her interactions with Hadir for the past few weeks. At first, Farah thinks he doesn’t believe her word, but Price relays to her that he’s not doing it for himself.
He’s proving her she’s not at fault.
“There’s no way you could’ve known, Farah.” he says out loud.
Alex joins him behind them, leaning on another soldier, “it’s okay, Farah. We’ll get him.”
She wants to bristle at those almost meaningless comforting gestures, but the look in Alex’s eyes is pleading her to let it go, for now.
Price helps her up again, shouting to Alex, “we need to un-ass this target- NOW!”
As they board the helicopter, Farah looks down.
Corpses line the desolate streets, no bird dares to sing at the sight. Both Al-Mudahiyn and ULF fighters lay still, eyes bulging and throat scratched raw. She grits her teeth, but her eyes don’t stray from the sight, even as the aircraft rises to the air.
Alex places a hand on her shoulder after a while, a questioning hum following.
She shakes her head, and with it his hand.
A voice that has haunted her for the last two decades drifts closer to her, whispering into her ears a sentence she hates to acknowledge has never been wrong.
“You haven’t saved anyone.”
At twenty-seven, Farah Ahmed Karim has lost the last remaining blood relative she had. There was no one left to mourn, except her.
In a dusty helicopter, with the smell of noxious gas still in her every breath, Farah promised to find him, the walking corpse of her brother, and stop him before he drags more of them down.
And unlike the man who once was her brother, Farah keeps her promises.
#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod mw2#cod farah#cod alex#cod price#farah karim#hadir karim#alex keller#john price#revenant au#call of duty fic#call of duty fanfic#call of duty modern warfare#cod fic#cod fanfic#farah.... <3333#her story makes me so fucking sad every time#i cant see the cutscenes from mw2019 without tearing up#shes my fave character from base game bc shes just so complex#doomed to be in an american military propaganda game...#i decided to change AQ since they havent been mentioned in part 1#and i dont really like how theyre handled in canon#like... russia is the one occupying urzikstan but AQ operates in europe and decided to do what they did in piccadilly circus#but the brits supposedly arent aiding barkov/makarov and are actually against them??#but they cant show americans/brits conquering and violently occupying countries bc cmon guys america doesnt do that its only russia \s#also AQ literally translates to 'the killers' and im sorry but thats... not it#you cant really have nuance with a group called 'the killers'#sorry i just hate when the american military propaganda game propagandas#i hope i managed to make Al-Mudahiyn more... sypmathetic? maybe?#like you could understand more why ppl from the ULF would choose to be part of Al-Mudahiyn... rather than fuckin AQ
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i am once again thinking abt the lost potential that is hypmic.
#i literally just messaged my friend abt this but stick w me#when nemu gets hypnotized we see her wanting to join the pow which. makes perfect clear sense even without hypnosis#shes shown through out all of tdd as hating unecessary violence and samatokis outburts due to their upbringing#and a political movement that (pretends to) erradicate all violence would interest her like. im just connecting dots here#and she joins because shes hypnotized and blah blah blah. boring. ok but what if. and hear me out.#the hypmic didnt completely overwrite the person but just made them act on their deepest desires#like i thinm my case w nemu is already presented but hear me out for my second contender. sasara#a man that became a thug on a whim because this guy reminded him of his ex. ok cool. what if we went harder on that#sasaras shown to be analytical and extremely cynical already. what if we just ignored canon for a bit#and focused on making his relationships a bit more fucked up. especially involving samatoki#sasaras drawn to him because samatoki fills the void that rosho left him. hes just smth he needs at the moment#but w my wonderful vision what if he grew tired of this fake. what if he had enough. hes not rosho he will never be#hes served his purpouse. but now sasaras stuck. in the middle of ikebukuro bashing some guys head w a pipe#AND THATS WHEN THE MIC COMES IN BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY#this was also brought to you by the fact that i want to see samatoki suffer. i want to see him at his most pathetic#i want him to come to the realization his best friend left him because he no longer fit his ideal vision#i want ACTUAL FUCKING CONFLICT FOR ONCE THAT ISNT SOLVED BY 'hey man. rappings fun' PLEASE#i want these bitches fucked up and in torment#uhhhh didnt think abt kuko w this au at all. idk yall do what you want w him#hypmic#hi main tag :3#•txt#•hypmic#•idol nonsense
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