#link is genderfluid we all agree on this right? right.

[batneko]

my calvin and hobbes snow goons post (I was just saving all the ones that passed in my re-read, it's by no means all of them, I never expected the post to get any attention) has been getting a ton of reblogs again, and it's making weird conservatives follow me (why y'all on tumblr??????) so I need to post some more gay nintendo porn as rent-lowering gunshots

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 4: I GO CRUISING WITH EXPLOSIVES Part 2

We now return to our regularly scheduled program. I didn't originally plan Annabeth's arrival to get two whole chapters, but hey, who's complaining about more content of this? Certainly not me!

PJOPJO

Jason jumped to his feet with a stance that meant battle was still afoot.

He took a deep breath though and marched, literally like his steps were being counted, past Thalia and snatched his beanbag up, hauling it to where Nico's was and throwing himself violently into it as answer.

Sparks were still flitting around his head like a power outage gone very wrong, (they were pretty sure he couldn't set the furniture on fire?) but at least he'd stopped taking his turn to try and kill them all.

"Jason," Thalia tried again, the heartbreak in her voice clear, but he turned his face away with anger she knew she had to give space to or risk the wrath of far worse.

"I'm really hoping this finally trumps my screaming fit," Magnus said into the awkward silence. "Surely Annabeth showing up and nearly getting this place blown to hell finally makes me seem not that bad, right?"

"As if Maggie," the last girl scoffed and put her hands on her hips, her swagger enough to fill this room. "If I ever let you live that down then I'm having a bad day."

"Is there even an explanation for what you two are doing here?" Annabeth asked them as she came forward, her arms open hopefully to her cousin.

Magnus smiled in surprise and hesitantly came forward. The hug was just as awkward, but just as sincere as her boyfriends. Magnus even gave her a rapid pat on the back too before pulling back.

There was something about his appearance that nagged at Annabeth's mind instantly, but she couldn't quite place it as he smiled and gestured to his friend, "Alex, Annabeth. You obviously know everybody else."

"Alex Fierro," Alex would never let anybody introduce her but herself with a grand bow. "Genderfluid, she/ her pronouns, a great admirer of your work to piggyback ride a fury."

"Alex is, abrasive," Thalia agreed to Annabeth's astounded look, anything to keep her broken-hearted eyes away from Jason. "You get used to her pretty quickly."

"You do?" Percy demanded, because he sure wasn't yet.

Annabeth was as quick a study as had been promised. She followed her instinct as she looked from her, to her cousin, to Jason Grace, and turned to Thalia, Alex watched with interest.

Nico had mentioned another Camp...Artimes's transformations...Hera's ploy...there were pieces and dots that needed to be connected. "Something happened to Artemis, but I'm sure she's safe." Annabeth said as her eyes repeated to all the kids who 'shouldn't be here.'

"That was my fault I'm afraid," Alex answered a touch guiltily. "Skadi. I couldn't help but think of her, seeing the goddess in person."

Magnus took it as a good sign that his cousins surprised but accepting attitude of him being here instead of pelting him with toy soldiers as a good omen as she gave his arm a friendly squeeze he made himself tolerate for her sake and went back over to Percy.

She linked her arm with his and pulled him gently down onto two beanbags that they might as well sew together now. Thalia flopped miserably down beside her and took to looking at the same place Jason was glaring as if they'd inscribed the stars into the ceiling while Annabeth cautiously picked up the book.

"This is what's causing so much trouble huh?" She chuckled.

"We can take a break while you catch up," Will instantly offered, studying her clinically.

While she could do with a good, long, overdue nap, she felt plopped right into the middle of the story out of turn. She knew exactly what was about to happen to a once leaderly figure of their camp, and that everybody was going to need a break soon enough, so she shook her head and tucked her feet beneath her to get comfortable and settled just a hairs breath apart from Percy's side, unlinking their arms. It was taking all of her self-control not to bury her face into his neck and never move from that position already. "Oh no, don't let me interrupt. I'm plenty caught up."

"Well we know that's at least a partial dam lie," Alex snickered.

Annabeth's blank look only proved that.

"Inside jokes aside," Percy said rapidly, so thrilled to have her back he kept thinking he was dreaming, and if anyone dared pinch him he'd cut off their hand. He could have read the whole book by himself! He could have hit any target on the archery range! He could have eaten vegetables and not made a single snide comment! "There's like, a gazillion of these things and Alex thinks they're color coded to us and we have no clue why Jason and I woke up down here with no memory and I am really, really glad you're okay!"

Annabeth squeezed his hand, her nails digging in for a moment that should have been painful as she met his eyes and murmured just for him, "you have no idea how much I agree."

He started floating a few feet off the ground with the goofiest smile on his face and Annabeth quickly yanked him back into his seat by his shirt collar. "Knock it off seaweed brain." The less he indulged in his abilities the better.

"Well I can mark a life goal off of my list," Alex said cheerfully watching the display.

It wasn't until Percy finally managed to clear his throat and offered to take the book that Annabeth remembered, "hey wait, tell Annabeth what?"

Percy froze, a new kind of petrified look on his face nobody had gotten to see before with Annabeth right next to him.

He tried to start reading, loudly, like he hadn't heard, and Annabeth was so shocked to see that of all things from her boyfriend she threw her head back and laughed without a care in the world.

Percy was so dumbstruck with joy to finally get to hear that in person, right next to his ear, her clear voice like a siren- that he had no defense as she tugged sharply on his ear, causing him to yelp and squeal, "Rachel kissed me goodbye and I'm sorry!"

"Oh, that," she scoffed, still chuckling as she nestled into her place beside him. "Yeah, it came up once when we started talking about the most romantic let down kisses. Mine was when I kissed you and you exploded a volcano," she rolled her eyes without a care in the world. "You really have a track record Percy." She managed to say that without any of the deep jealousy she'd have felt hearing that back then. She'd grown, they were supposed to have grown past that together...but it wasn't Percy's fault he was still stuck in that moment.

He was left with his mouth hanging open with no idea where to start on any of that.

So Annabeth shrugged and reached over, plucking the book from him, and even politely closing his mouth as she read instead.

Beckendorf chuckled, and together we soared out over the Atlantic.

It was almost dark by the time we spotted our target. The Princess Andromeda glowed on the horizon—a huge cruise ship lit up yellow and white. From a distance, you'd think it was just a party ship, not the headquarters for the Titan lord. Then as you got closer, you might notice the giant figurehead—a darkhaired maiden in a Greek chiton, wrapped in chains with a look of horror on her face, as if she could smell the stench of all the monsters she was being forced to carry.

Annabeth found herself adjusting quickly, just as she always had. To the strange idea this was all being told through Percy's eyes, to having all eyes on her like she was center stage.

Even to the fact that Percy winced, and shivered deep to his core. He might not remember what was about to happen, but the innermost part of himself had been branded with these experiences to much to forget. She watched with futile anger she couldn't do anything as he took several deep breaths and averted his eyes away from her, then back, and again so rapidly because nothing was easing the pain of losing his friend away.

So she pressed her shoulder against his, like they were back to back on a mission preparing for the worst.

He relaxed at once. Not all the way, his spine was still to stiff in his seat like he expected a ruler to crack over his head any second, but he found himself smiling at Annabeth. The idea of Rachel vs Annabeth floated out of his mind like a bubble to be popped. The instant comfort he had just being next to her was an experience he'd been starting to think he'd never feel again, and it made this whole crazy trip down here suddenly much more bearable, actually feel possible.

Seeing the ship again twisted my gut into knots. I'd almost died twice on the Princess Andromeda.

Annabeth tisked distastefully at being reminded of that.

Then she ran cold as she fully realized what was about to happen.

Percy didn't remember Luke. Percy was going to spend hours, possibly days referring to Luke as Kronos and visa versa. She didn't lean away from him, she wouldn't, couldn't after so much time wishing for him back, but she did read in a much less light tone.

Making the others all wince and fidget at Annabeth's battle attitude coming into view so quickly. She knew what had happened on this trip.

Now it was heading straight for New York.

"You know what to do?" Beckendorf yelled over the wind.

I nodded. We'd done dry runs at the dockyards in New Jersey, using abandoned ships as our targets.

"Where were you finding these abandoned ships chilling around Jersey?" Alex asked in fascination.

"I drug them up from the seafloor," Percy shrugged.

Magnus boggled at her boyfriend like that wasn't a perfectly normal thing for him to do, and she instantly felt bad for him. That she was now a part of interrupting his normal, mortal life with her mess.

I knew how little time we would have. But I also knew this was our best chance to end Kronos's invasion before it ever started.

"Blackjack," I said, "set us down on the lowest stern deck."

Gotcha, boss, he said. Man, I hate seeing that boat.

Will crooned for the poor Pegasus, telling Percy, "man, I hope you gave him extra sugar cubes when you got back."

Percy gave him a shaky smile, wanting to promise of course he did, that Beckendorf had come with him and promised to give him laser-hooves or something fantastical for all his help, but the words lodged in his throat.

Three years ago, Blackjack had been enslaved on the Princess Andromeda until he'd escaped with a little help from my friends and me. I figured he'd rather have his mane braided like My Little Pony than be back here again.

Thalia had been a secret fan of that, Annabeth smiled to herself. She'd stopped and ogled the toys in the window all the time. When she grinned at her now though, Thalia was still chewing on her lip and studying her combat boots. Annabeth again glanced at Jason, a brother she never knew about, and finally pieced together after all these years why Thalia had never thought it was funny when Annabeth tried to gift her the toys. Maybe it hadn't been Thalia who secretly liked the show.

"Don't wait for us," I told him.

But, boss—

"Trust me," I said. "We'll get out by ourselves."

Percy gasped a shaky noise, his eyes sparking with fear and anger, a little pain, any number of things. Something went wrong, his gut was telling him that-

Annabeth slipped her hand back into Percy's. It was the natural thing to do, her stance shifting to support the book in her lap as if she'd done this a hundred times.

Percy's unease took a back burner to embarrassment all over again. A gesture his mind had conjured up a hundred times, something that had vividly happened in his own memory, but now that it was finally happening in person he stammered, "um, are we, underground?"

She looked at him blankly, before she pulled her hand away with a disappointed, understanding smile. Right, not there yet.

"Technically," Will offered in a sing song voice, "we are underground. The bottom of the ocean is far below ground level!"

"Right," Percy said in relief, his hand twitching like he'd instantly regretted opening his stupid mouth and spooking her away.

She didn't really need an excuse at all, as she slipped her cold fingers back into his warm hand. He squeezed, and both breathed a sigh of relief like something finally felt right for the first time in a very long time.

Blackjack folded his wings and plummeted toward the boat like a black comet.

Thalia turned a little green around the edges at the idea, Jason noticed as his eyes instantly tracked back to her with worry. She'd have rather swam to this thing in the dead of winter and risk Neptune's rath than be on her own pegasus.

His anger only grew he knew something like that about her, but she apparently wasn't ever going to bother to share a thing with him.

The wind whistled in my ears. I saw monsters patrolling the upper decks of the ship—dracaenae snake-women, hellhounds, giants, and the humanoid seal-demons known as telkhines—but we zipped by so fast, none of them raised the alarm. We shot down the stern of the boat, and Blackjack spread his wings, lightly coming to a landing on the lowest deck. I climbed off, feeling queasy.

Annabeth laughed lightly to herself in surprise. She'd once watched him and Grover spin each other around in wheely chairs and try to race each other to Thalia's tree, only to collide and collapse after two steps and laugh. They'd obviously been queasy and high on the feeling.

The light feeling wasn't destined to last as Percy's fingers tightened around her, seeking something she willingly gave back.

Good luck, boss, Blackjack said. Don't let 'em turn you into horse meat!

"Blackjack's rivaling Tyson over here for the best life advice," Alex snorted.

Annabeth looked blankly at her for a moment as that registered. That this girl who she'd never met may perhaps know more intimate details about Percy's life than even she did. Her eyes did flicker to the rest of those books with a touch of longing now...maybe she would find time to read those.

With that, my old friend flew off into the night. I took my pen out of my pocket and uncapped it, and Riptide sprang to full size—three feet of deadly Celestial bronze glowing in the dusk.

Beckendorf pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. I thought it was a map or something. Then I realized it was a photograph. He stared at it in the dim light—the smiling face of Silena Beauregard, daughter of Aphrodite.*

"Aw," Annabeth smiled, her heart thudding with misery at how she knew that story ended, and so regressing with, "did you know people have been putting photos in lockets all the way back since the 16th century? Queen Elizabeth the First's ring contained a portrait of herself on one side and her mother, Anne Boleyn, on the other."

"Have I mentioned yet I'm really glad to have you here Wise Girl?" Percy grinned at her breaking the sudden pounding of his heart going off in his ears at such a random distraction.

"Has Percy mentioned yet he kept a picture of you in his school notebooks?" Alex asked devilishly.

Percy spluttered and went a painful shade of red in embarrassment as Annabeth laughed at the pair.

They'd started going out last summer, after years of the rest of us saying, "Duh, you guys like each other!" Even with all the dangerous missions, Beckendorf had been happier this summer than I'd ever seen him.

"We'll make it back to camp," I promised.

For a second I saw worry in his eyes.

Percy couldn't draw a stick figure to save his life, but his hand cramped around his pen as he felt the need to somehow try and keep that moment alive. Something about that, the impending doom he'd let himself brush aside-

Annabeth's shaky breath beside him put a steadying weight on his center. She knew, she remembered, and she still had the same feeling coursing through him. That had to count for something?

Then he put on his old confident smile.

"You bet," he said. "Let's go blow Kronos back into a million pieces."

Beckendorf led the way. We followed a narrow corridor to the service stairwell, just like we'd practiced, but we froze when we heard noises above us.

"I don't care what your nose says!" snarled a half-human, half-dog voice—a telkhine. "The last time you smelled half-blood, it turned out to be a meatloaf sandwich!"

"What the heck is a meatloaf sandwich?" Nico asked in concern.

"You, you take a piece of meatloaf and put it between slices of bread?" Will answered in his own confusion, it sounded self-explanatory.

Nico's refined culinary tastebuds were apparently being insulted as he looked at him like smushed candy on the bottom of his shoe. "Why?"

"I don't know," Will shrugged, "kids will put anything between two slices of bread and butter. Jelly beans, pizza, spaghetti, cereal."

Nico was pretty convinced he was being had, until Percy smacked his lips in appreciation at the idea and he instead just shook his head in disdain.

"Meatloaf sandwiches are good!" a second voice snarled.

"I've never had to take a monster's word on anything," Nico muttered, much to Will's great amusement he'd probably get him to try one now without question, with some warm butter and a large glass of milk.

"But this is half-blood scent, I swear. They are on board!"

"Bah, your brain isn't on board!"

"I would volunteer to be on lookout just to keep getting to hear this," Thalia chuckled.

"You'd make a terrible lookout," Percy snorted, "you'd start adding in your own insults and then use them for target practice."

"I'm not hearing a downside. Nobody would see you sneaking around," she pointed out.

Percy rolled his eyes, leaning forward in his seat to clearly escalate the argument while Thalia smirked and was obviously going to wait around to hear it.

"Guys," Annabed groaned. "I've been in here five minutes and am already convinced Oceanus is going to pop in and send us all to Pluto if you two don't knock it off!"

They both sat back sheepishly while Annabeth read on as if nothing had happened.

Jason couldn't help a smile at her firm hand, he could see instantly where she got it from when Thalia used that exact same tone when Percy wasn't distracting her, though it only curdled his stomach with further anger that his sister had practically raised Annabeth and hadn't once bothered to fill him in on anything?!

They continued to argue, and Beckendorf pointed downstairs. We descended as quietly as we could.

Two floors down, the voices of the telkhines started to fade.

Finally we came to a metal hatch. Beckendorf mouthed the words "engine room."

It was locked, but Beckendorf pulled some chain cutters out of his bag and split the bolt like it was made of butter.

"Child of Hephaestus said What!" Alex busted out laughing.

"Well we can't say Grover's replacement isn't useful to have around," Magnus snorted, though he much would have preferred to hear about his quest to restore nature and having nice, safe adventures with daffodils and roses bickering than a bag of explosions!

He was clearly in the minority on that though.

Inside, a row of yellow turbines the size of grain silos churned and hummed. Pressure gauges and computer terminals lined the opposite wall. A telkhine was hunched over a console, but he was so involved with his work, he didn't notice us. He was about five feet tall, with slick black seal fur and stubby little feet. He had the head of a Doberman, but his clawed hands were almost human. He growled and muttered as he tapped on his keyboard. Maybe he was messaging his friends on uglyface.com.

"Holy Athena," Annabeth groaned as she looked around at him. "Are you like this all the time?"

Percy didn't even bother to deny it as he shrugged.

"I take back every time I told you you didn't have self-restraint," she told him in admiration. If she hadn't known any better, she would have thought he'd go right up and say that as a distraction. It was always a coin toss between that or focused, never both!

It almost sounded like a compliment, much to his instant shock and joy! Now if only he could remember the rest of the times she had told him that...

I stepped forward, and he tensed, probably smelling something was wrong. He leaped sideways toward a big red alarm button,

"Damn, I hate when they're smart," Will winced.

"This is not going to be a very long-lasting relationship then," Nico muttered, causing Will to snort violently and give him a cheeky smile.

but I blocked his path. He hissed and lunged at me, but one slice of Riptide, and he exploded into dust.

"One down," Beckendorf said. "About five thousand to go."

"Which is why we keep score," Jason nodded adamantly, at least spurred on into breaking out of his grumpy silence by everybody else still having fun and still able to ignore Thalia's beseeching looks.

"So we can rub it in their faces all the better, yes Jason!" Percy cackled.

He tossed me a jar of thick green liquid—Greek fire, one of the most dangerous magical substances in the world.

"I need to know the others," Alex told them with a disturbingly very effective sincere face. "For medicinal reasons to stay away from them."

"Oh, well, in that case," Annabeth began kindly, before she blasted on reading at the top of her lungs.

Bless this girl, everybody else sighed in relief, for instantly clocking Alex Fierro.

Then he threw me another essential tool of demigod heroes—duct tape.

"Don't get me started," Annabeth groaned. "The one-time duct tape and WD-40 haven't fixed a problem and the Camp smelt like bananas for months!"

"I have so many questions," Percy promised.

Annabeth turned to him with excitement clear in her eyes, somehow having stumbled upon a story she hadn't managed to tell him yet, but then she got a good look at him again. The way he leaned back in his seat, just slightly. The way his hand kept twitching in hers, so loose. She wanted nothing more than to share that sporadic memory with him, but she wanted them to be back on even ground again more.

...besides. Luke had been involved in that, and she didn't think he was ready for that yet...again...whatever.

"Slap that one on the console," he said. "I'll get the turbines."

Alex mock slapped a console only her eyes could see. "You could fit so much pollution in these babies!"

"Guess he should have brought along Rachel," Thalia smirked, "she would have loved to help out for that reason alone."

Percy gave Thalia a panicked look why she'd bring that up, his hand snatching away from Annabeth's as he looked wildly at her for a reaction.

Annabeth just sighed. "Have you been torturing my-, um, him, this whole time?"

"Only a little," Thalia promised.

"Knock it off," Annabeth chuckled.

"Only because you asked so nicely," she scoffed, leaving not a person in doubt she didn't mean a word.

Percy was to busy staring at Annabeth to wonder what a my-um-him could be to care who tortured him next.

We went to work. The room was hot and humid, and in no time we were drenched in sweat.

The boat kept chugging along. Being the son of Poseidon and all, I have perfect bearings at sea. Don't ask me how, but I could tell we were at 40.19° North, 71.90° West, making eighteen knots, which meant the ship would arrive in New York Harbor by dawn. This would be our only chance to stop it.

I had just attached a second jar of Greek fire to the control panels when I heard the pounding of feet on metal steps—so many creatures coming down the stairwell I could hear them over the engines. Not a good sign.

"Has Percy ever found a good sign?" Magnus asked.

"I once found a trespasser's welcomed sign," Percy shrugged, "does that count?"

"No," Magnus frowned, any sign that said that had to be the property of a serial killer.

I locked eyes with Beckendorf. "How much longer?"

"Too long." He tapped his watch, which was our remote control detonator. "I still have to wire the receiver and prime the charges. Ten more minutes at least."

Judging from the sound of the footsteps, we had about ten seconds.

"I'll distract them," I said. "Meet you at the rendezvous point."

"Percy—"

"Wish me luck."

He looked like he wanted to argue. The whole idea had been to get in and out without being spotted.

But we were going to have to improvise.

"Time for a crazy Percy plan," Jason groaned.

"Wooo!" Alex cheered like the winning basket had just been made.

Percy felt the sarcastic urge to wave grandly from his seat like it was a throne for their amusement, but instead he sunk farther into the plushy beans of his bag with dread. Bianca flitted through his mind as a horrible reminder that his crazy plans could have consequences.

"Good luck," he said.

I charged out the door.

A half dozen telkhines were tromping down the stairs. I cut through them with Riptide faster than they could yelp. I kept climbing—past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive—partly because his lunch box was cool,

"Naww," Will managed around an affectionate chuckle.

Annabeth wasn't paying anyone much mind now though, analyzing every word out of her mouth for where it had gone wrong. They should have had two scouts in the stairs for exactly this, like her and Grover who could have warned of this and been a better distraction so that no one had to be left alone. They could have-

"Annabeth?" Percy asked in concern. That feeling of doom in him was mounting, and watching her strategizing face laced with worry and fear only confirmed what his gut was telling him. Something was wrong, something went terribly wrong.

"I know Percy," she promised, glancing up long enough to meet his eyes before taking a deep breath and continuing. She did know every single thing he was feeling, his fears she experienced with him. She just wanted to get through this but didn't know how to let go. How long had he been stuck like this? She wasn't going to make it last a word longer than she had to.

partly so he could raise the alarm and hopefully get his friends to follow me rather than head toward the engine room.

"Well at least it's starting as a good plan," Jason said with a frown of experience rather than expectation.

"I am taking bets now on how it gets crazier," Alex grinned, "but the price goes up the longer you wait."

I burst through a door onto deck six and kept running. I'm sure the carpeted hall had once been very plush, but over the last three years of monster occupation the wallpaper, carpet, and stateroom doors had been clawed up and slimed so it looked like the inside of a dragon's throat (and yes, unfortunately, I speak from experience).

"Why would the inside of a dragon's throat be clawed up?" Magnus frowned.

"When have you been on the inside of a dragon's throat?" Annabeth asked shrewdly.

"Food fights on the way down," Percy pointed at Magnus, "I got way to good a look inside that hydra," he pointed at Annabeth.

The cousins made nearly identical 'ugh' faces. Finally in the same room, they could have passed for twins. Oceanus's mistake seemed genuine...and yet Percy was still annoyed to no end while smiling nonstop she was really, finally here!

Back on my first visit to the Princess Andromeda, my old enemy Luke

Annabeth did not understand the smattering of snickers or Percy's exhausted sigh for that phrase, clearly she had missed a few inside jokes. Percy had a few of those with Thalia and Grover too though, even some with Rachel, and she'd always let those be without prying.

What she did feel was a pang in her chest at Percy calling him that. No matter how many times he betrayed her, she only thought of him as Luke, her old savior. Her old friend.

Percy however, winced, water pouring from his presence like his pours were beaver dams. The sudden flood in the ocean made Annabeth shiver and look around. She'd never figured out how to soothe this problem away for him though. She'd always suspected he talked to Chiron about this, him, Luke, and never knew how to broach it herself, especially recently.

Percy looked to her though. He took an uneasy breath and settled himself.

This was not just going to be some fun trip down memory lane.

had kept some dazed tourists on board for show, shrouded in Mist so they didn't realize they were on a monster-infested ship. Now I didn't see any sign of tourists. I hated to think what had happened to them, but I kind of doubted they'd been allowed to go home with their bingo winnings.

"Which is why you should never trust cruise ships," Alex nodded sagely as if someone had finally agreed with her.

"You know, the monster infested kind," Magnus frowned at her strangely.

"No, no, I meant all of them," Alex insisted.

I reached the promenade, a big shopping mall that took up the whole middle of the ship, and I stopped cold. In the middle of the courtyard stood a fountain. And in the fountain squatted a giant crab.

"Yeah, we're due for more sealife shenanigans," Jason sighed.

"What does that mean?" Annabeth asked.

"He keeps a running tally of all the monsters I kill," Percy rolled his eyes. "Last sea-monster I fought was," he stopped and tried to count something on his fingers.

"That sea serpent when you were with Clarisse headed to Staten Island," Thalia offered.

"What?" Annabeth repeated, growing increasingly concerned every time she asked that.

"Oh yeah," Percy nodded, trying to wave past Annebth. Clarisse would pulverize him if anyone else found out about that.

"Before that was Antaues, I guess," Jason offered.

"And we're continuing!" Nico pleaded before they got to sidetracked trying to go recount everything.

Annabeth didn't entirely agree, she found herself growing jealous and more curious by the word what all she'd missed, but she agreed with Nico for now it was something they could get to later.

I'm not talking "giant" like $7.99 all-you-can-eat Alaskan king crab. I'm talking giant like bigger than the fountain. The monster rose ten feet out of the water. Its shell was mottled blue and green, its pincers longer than my body.

"Mmm," Alex hummed, "sounds like a monster worth fighting."

"She says that about every monster," Percy told her in exhaustion.

"Usually for the epic battle," Alex needlessly clarified, Annabeth really hadn't questioned that about her. "This time for the snackage!"

"Take a hell of a pot to boil that sucker," Annabeth shrugged, though she looked willing to try, causing Alex to laugh in appreciation.

If you've ever seen a crab's mouth, all foamy and gross with whiskers and snapping bits, you can imagine this one didn't look any better blown up to billboard size. Its beady black eyes glared at me, and I could see intelligence in them—and hate. The fact that I was the son of the sea god was not going to win me any points with Mr. Crabby.

"I bet your dad didn't invite him to the last royal ball or whatever and he's going to take his revenge out on you," Thalia nodded.

"He should have just snuck in on a dinner cart or something like the rest of us would have if he wanted to go that badly," Percy huffed. He knew he would have if he'd had the slightest hint those existed.

"FFFFffffff," it hissed, sea foam dripping from its mouth. The smell coming off it was like a garbage can full of fish sticks that had been sitting in the sun all week.

Alarms blared. Soon I was going to have lots of company and I had to keep moving.

"Hey, crabby." I inched around the edge of the courtyard. "I'm just gonna scoot around you so—"

The crab moved with amazing speed. It scuttled out of the fountain and came straight at me, pincers snapping. I dove into a gift shop, plowing through a rack of T-shirts. A crab pincer smashed the glass walls to pieces and raked across the room. I dashed back outside, breathing heavily, but Mr. Crabby turned and followed.

"What's with the naming him?" Annabeth chuckled. "Were you planning on bringing him back to camp?"

"Maybe?" Percy grinned at her, sitting here beside him, teasing him again like nothing had ever been wrong. "I'm a moth for strays and all that."

"That is not even close to the saying seaweed brain," she rolled her eyes, and it was the best thing Percy had ever seen.

"There!" a voice said from a balcony above me. "Intruder!"

If I'd wanted to create a distraction, I'd succeeded, but this was not where I wanted to fight. If I got pinned down in the center of the ship, I was crab chow.

The demonic crustacean lunged at me. I sliced with Riptide, taking off the tip of its claw. It hissed and foamed, but didn't seem very hurt.

I tried to remember anything from the old stories that might help with this thing. Annabeth had told me about a monster crab—something about Hercules crushing it under his foot? That wasn't going to work here.

"You remember the Hercules stories I tell you?" Annabeth asked in surprise. Most days she wasn't even sure he was listening, let alone that.

She found the collective burst of laughter around the room making her blush for some reason while Percy desperately tried to clear his throat louder than them, and was failing.

"Yeah, it uh, crosses my mind sometimes," he tried to tell her while meeting her eyes, but mostly he was just staring at her nose.

She found it endearing, and sad. How their relationship had been forced backwards by all this, how his crush on her really had been as obvious as everybody tried to tell her seeing him like this now. They'd laugh about this someday, hopefully.

This crab was slightly bigger than my Reeboks.

Then a weird thought occurred to me. Last Christmas, my mom and I had brought Paul Blofis to our old cabin at Montauk, where we'd been going forever.

"Aw," Annabeth smiled in surprise at them taking Paul somewhere so personal to them. Their escape from Gabe, their getaway from everywhere. Percy had taken her there at the end of last summer and it had felt like such a special slice of existence away from the world.

Paul had taken me crabbing, and when he'd brought up a net full of the things, he'd shown me how crabs have a chink in their armor, right in the middle of their ugly bellies.

"Yeahs!" Magnus looked so ridiculous cheered at this news they would have laughed at him alone for that reaction, let alone him continuing to yell, "mortal helping you for the win! Kronos has no idea what he's in for!"

"Yeah, Paul will teach me all the different homonyms one of these days and I'll finally put this all to bed," Percy chuckled along, everything suddenly seemed ten times funnier and more awesome with Annabeth's blonde hair finally brushing against his arm in real life.

The only problem was getting to the ugly belly.

I glanced at the fountain, then at the marble floor, already slick from scuttling crab tracks. I held out my hand, concentrating on the water, and the fountain exploded. Water sprayed everywhere, three stories high, dousing the balconies and the elevators and the windows of the shops. The crab didn't care. It loved water. It came at me sideways, snapping and hissing, and I ran straight at it, screaming, "AHHHHHHH!"

Just before we collided, I hit the ground baseball-style and slid on the wet marble floor straight under the creature. It was like sliding under a seven-ton armored vehicle. All the crab had to do was sit and squash me, but before it realized what was going on, I jabbed Riptide into the chink in its armor, let go of the hilt, and pushed myself out the backside.

The monster shuddered and hissed. Its eyes dissolved. Its shell turned bright red as its insides evaporated. The empty shell clattered to the floor in a massive heap.

"I want to go sledding in that trophy," Jason grinned.

"It needs to be washed first," Percy plugged up his nose at the lingering smell.

"That's cool, I have an expert for that," Jason promised. Percy sighed, but all in all considered it a very cool idea.

I didn't have time to admire my handiwork.

"Truly a heinous crime," Alex shook her head.

"We should memorialize all of Percy's greatest tasks somehow for him to look back on them," Will grinned.

Percy yelped, and turned wildly to Annabeth, "Please tell me there is no play at Camp every summer about our adventures I've somehow missed!"

"Sure there is Percy," Annabeth grinned faintly in surprise, "tickets are super hard to get though."

Percy spluttered, looking utterly wounded, while Will gave her a grateful wink.

I ran for the nearest stairs while all around me monsters and demigods shouted orders and strapped on their weapons. I was empty-handed. Riptide, being magic, would appear in my pocket sooner or later, but for now it was stuck somewhere under the wreckage of the crab, and I had no time to retrieve it.

In the elevator foyer on deck eight, a couple of dracaenae slithered across my path.

The fear that slammed into Will upon those showing up out of nowhere was a disgusting feeling. The kind of cowardice that he hated lived inside himself, prepared to lunge out at a moment's notice. He nestled deep in his seat and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and pretending nothing had happened. These were hardly the worst monsters out there.

From the waist up, they were women with green scaly skin, yellow eyes, and forked tongues. From the waist down, they had double snake trunks instead of legs. They held spears and weighted nets, and I knew from experience they could use them.

"What isss thisss?" one said. "A prize for Kronosss!"

Annabeth didn't draw out that hiss very well. She sounded far to comfortable and relaxed recounting this for it to hold much weight, where the rest of them often read like this was brand new information with some horrible twist every other word.

I wasn't in the mood to play break-the-snake,

"I'm so disappointed Percy," Alex frowned. "Here I thought you were always up for a game of pinata."

"Only if candy actually bursts out, that would be a great distraction," Percy reminded with a faint grin. "All I'd get is monster dust."

"Hmm, far less immediate uses," Alex reluctantly agreed.

but in front of me was a stand with a model of the ship, like a YOU ARE HERE display. I ripped the model off the pedestal and hurled it at the first dracaena.

The boat smacked her in the face and she went down with the ship.

Jason gave a very mocking salute and began humming some song Nico didn't recognize, but the fact that he was goofing around at all while still trying not to look miserably at his sister was something Nico one thousand percent understood. He'd probably lived through at least half of what Jason was feeling right now in being lied to and betrayed and absolutely not wanting to hear anybody else's opinion on it.

I jumped over her, grabbed her friend's spear, and swung her around. She slammed into the elevator, and I kept running toward the front of the ship.

"Get him!" she screamed.

Hellhounds bayed. An arrow from somewhere whizzed past my face and impaled itself in the mahogany-paneled wall of the stairwell.

Annabeth's faith in Percy's abilities had its limits though, and she well knew what was at the end of this battle. She still tried to keep herself upbeat, like she thought Percy would have been hitting with ease this whole time, but she knew she was starting to slip.

I didn't care—as long as I got the monsters away from the engine room and gave Beckendorf more time.

As I was running up the stairwell, a kid charged down. He looked like he'd just woken up from a nap. His armor was half on. He drew his sword and yelled, "Kronos!" but he sounded more scared than angry.

Percy might as well have been having a nightmare back at camp. He could have passed that kid every day, this could have been a moment in capture the flag where this boy realized who he was on the opposite team but still raised his sword to try. This didn't feel right.

He couldn't have been more than twelve—about the same age I was when I'd first arrived at Camp HalfBlood.

Percy had never really thought of himself as, just a kid. He'd spent to much of his younger years with strange things happening to him, to much time at Camp being Posideon's child to ever feel like the fate of the world wasn't on his shoulders. This little boy, was just a kid! He should have been getting snacks from his mom and whining about homework and having a fear of his first crush. What made Luke think he was so much better for causing this in more kids already?!

That thought depressed me. This kid was getting brainwashed—trained to hate the gods and lash out because he'd been born half Olympian. Kronos was using him, and yet the kid thought I was his enemy.

No way was I going to hurt him. I didn't need a weapon for this. I stepped inside his strike and grabbed his wrist, slamming it against the wall. His sword clattered out of his hand.

Then I did something I hadn't planned on. It was probably stupid. It definitely jeopardized our mission, but I couldn't help it.

"If you want to live," I told him, "get off this ship now. Tell the other demigods."

Annabeth sounded so proud. Percy had a stubborn frown on his face, like he was just waiting for someone to tell him what a bone headed move that was, but even a god might hesitate to do so when Annabeth read it like that. His big heart on display might be something she'd throw up on a billboard one day.

Then I shoved him down the stairs and sent him tumbling to the next floor.

"I'm going to make pamphlets on how to save someone's life, and that little ditty's going to be a footnote if they're on the wrong side," Alex nodded.

I kept climbing.

Bad memories: a hallway ran past the cafeteria. Annabeth, my half brother Tyson, and I had sneaked through here three years ago on my first visit.

I burst outside onto the main deck. Off the port bow, the sky was darkening from purple to black. A swimming pool glowed between two glass towers with more balconies and restaurant decks. The whole upper ship seemed eerily deserted.

All I had to do was cross to the other side. Then I could take the staircase down to the helipad—our emergency rendezvous point. With any luck, Beckendorf would meet me there. We'd jump into the sea. My water powers would protect us both, and we'd detonate the charges from a quarter mile away.

I was halfway across the deck when the sound of a voice made me freeze. "You're late, Percy."

Luke stood on the balcony above me,

Annabeth winced and looked around at Prcy with the first hints of a frown. Kronos, she wanted to correct. This was Kronos, not Luke. Percy had never understood there was a difference. She didn't know in detail what all memories had been returned, but she would have hoped they would have been important ones, like how to finally make him understand at least this.

Thalia frowned at the way she read that. Like a long lost companion she was reminiscing over a fireplace. She was so glad Annabeth was finally here, to know for sure Percy was safe, but this seemed like a very high cost to her, like all gifts from the gods.

a smile on his scarred face. He wore jeans, a white T-shirt, and flip-flops, like he was just a normal college-age guy, but his eyes told the truth. They were solid gold.

Those eyes had haunted Annabeth's nightmares for months. She'd sat on her bunk, going over and over all the wrong assumptions of the quest she led that always ended in those golden eyes. She hated that she could still picture them so easily. Luke's death should have erased that color from her mind. Why hadn't it?

"We've been expecting you for days."

"I could staple a calendar to Percy's forehead and he'd still forget what day of the week it was," Thalia scoffed.

"Depends on which way you staple it," Percy grinned. "If it's facing me, I'd figure it out, but if you had it facing you, then I'd have to look in a mirror and it would just be a whole thing! Plus you'd have to yank it out and replace it every year, sounds like a hassle."

"Why would I staple something to your forehead facing me?" She frowned.

"Because you'd take any excuse for violence against me whether it was practical or not," Percy shrugged.

"Fair," she nodded.

Annabeth made a very long, exhausted sigh, much to the other's delight. Like the quest was finally official and they were really getting their live reenactments.

At first he sounded normal, like Luke. But then his face twitched. A shudder passed through his body as though he'd just drunk something really nasty. His voice became heavier, ancient, and powerful—the voice of the Titan lord Kronos. The words scraped down my spine like a knife blade. "Come, bow before me."

Alex made a harsh scoffing noise that might have been a laugh if it wasn't fueled with such hatred.

"Yeah, that'll happen," I muttered.

Percy chuckled along with her, a more happy noise that somehow held the same undertones. It was kind of creepy, and kind of made Annabeth a little nervous what kind of friend Percy had made.

Laistrygonian giants filed in on either side of the swimming pool as if they'd been waiting for a cue.

Each was eight feet tall with tattooed arms, leather armor, and spiked clubs. Demigod archers appeared on the roof above Luke. Two hellhounds leaped down from the opposite balcony and snarled at me. Within seconds I was surrounded. A trap: there's no way they could've gotten into position so fast unless they'd known I was coming.

The traitor, Jason winced. He'd never even been to this camp, but he always hated when that was brought up. The betrayal of it hit so hard even now because Percy had to know this person. What if they were never discovered and they mingled right in with the Campers every day? It felt vile to consider.

I looked up at Luke, and anger boiled inside me. I didn't know if Luke's consciousness was even still alive inside that body.

Annabeth sounded so offended when she read that Percy felt instantly guilty. His mind burned, was so heavy with pressure to understand if it was just their long standing argument over this or something he should be remembering-

"Focus seaweed brain," Annabeth sighed as she felt the water start churning around her without even looking over at him. "You got this, you've gone this long without blowing up the world."

Percy huffed. It sounded more frustrated at himself than anything as he shook himself out and she kept going like nothing had happened.

Maybe, the way his voice had changed . . . or maybe it was just Kronos adapting to his new form. I told myself it didn't matter. Luke had been twisted and evil long before Kronos possessed him.

A voice in my head said: I have to fight him eventually. Why not now?

"Because you would die!" Magnus said in absolute concern, for some strange reason, as if this wasn't Percy's usual response to everything.

"Because the book just started and that would end it to soon," Alex remarked.

"Because Nico hasn't gotten back to you yet on how to survive," Thalia rolled her eyes feeling, as usual, the only one around here with a lick of common sense.

According to that big prophecy, I was supposed to make a choice that saved or destroyed the world when I was sixteen. That was only seven days away. Why not now? If I really had the power, what difference would a week make?

'The whole world could change in a moment,' Annabeth repressed a shiver at how close she might have come to losing everything at her boy's stupid, impulsive moment. She'd watched Percy hand Luke, not Kronos, her knife. Or even before, when Percy had said he would be the child of the prophecy, not Nico. Maybe it was even that moment nobody had been witness to, when Posideon had seen Sally on the beach.

I could end this threat right here by taking down Kronos. Hey, I'd fought monsters and gods before.

"And won," Will agreed, but even saying it never quite stopped his mind boggling at how easy Percy made that sound, something no other kid at camp went around casually doing.

As if reading my thoughts, Luke smiled. No, he was Kronos. I had to remember that.

Annabeth felt a tiny little flutter in her heart she forced herself not to gasp at. Of pain, of surprise, or relief. Percy had fought with himself, the difference he'd never admit to her was there. He'd always acted so stubborn, like she was the delusional child for knowing in her heart the distinguishment was there.

Percy sighed beside her, as if he could sense her restless unease from being in his head for all of half a chapter. She wasn't sure what the proper edict was here, to apologize or what? She did know Percy had been dealing with everybody else dealing with his thoughts for days, and if he had a problem with her doing so too, he wouldn't be shy in telling her.

"Come forward," he said. "If you dare."

Alex chuckled in delight at just how much Percy dared to do. For a moment she couldn't think of anything Percy wouldn't dare to do.

The crowd of monsters parted.

"Did we ever establish if Jesus is at least a son of Posideon?" Magnus asked.

"Didn't we tell you to stop mixing religions," Nico groaned. Something old in him twitched unpleasantly at the idea.

"And I didn't listen," he shrugged.

"Besides," Percy said in a way that meant nothing helpful was coming next. "He kind of ripped off multiple godly powers, turning water into wine, curing sickness and stuff. Maybe he's the ultimate child of all of Zeus's sleeping around."

Annabeth kept reading very loudly over Alex opening her mouth with a curious look of adding in and Jason's pained expression clearly debating if he wanted to jump in.

I moved up the stairs, my heart pounding. I was sure somebody would stab me in the back, but they let me pass.

"Which is strange if you think about it for five seconds," Alex rolled her dual-colored eyes. "The amount of heroes who would have just died if a minion would just stab them in the back is astounding."

"Alex has this concerning problem where she acts like Percy isn't real," Thalia mockingly stage whispered and explained to Annabeth in Percy's lack of silence as he squirmed in his seat, his spine tingling unpleasantly only he felt.

Annabeth had an excellent poker face and didn't let on in the slightest she followed both instances perfectly.

I felt my pocket and found my pen waiting. I uncapped it, and Riptide grew into a sword.

"Has it ever felt like that sword shrunk over the years?" Will apparently decided now was the time to get some lighthearted fun back in here. "You've had it for years, and you said it fit your hand perfectly back then. Ever worry about outgrowing its light weight?"

"Um, no," Percy said blankly, he'd never thought about it. Riptide had certainly never felt short to him.

Kronos's weapon appeared in his hands—a six-foot-long scythe, half Celestial bronze, half mortal steel. Just looking at the thing made my knees turn to Jell-O.

"What flavor Jell-O?" Alex smirked.

"Blue, of course," Percy sniffed she even had to ask.

But before I could change my mind, I charged.

Another insane impulsive plan of Percy's that didn't get him killed, Nico frowned in fasicnation. It happened so often he really would have thought the novelty would wear off, that he would hesitate if Percy ever turned to him and blurted out this crazy scheme, that Bianca's ghost might whisper caution in his ear.

Nico was still pretty sure he would have gone along without hesitation though.

Time slowed down. I mean literally slowed down, because Kronos had that power. I felt like I was moving through syrup. My arms were so heavy, I could barely raise my sword. Kronos smiled, swirling his scythe at normal speed and waiting for me to creep toward my death.

I tried to fight his magic. I concentrated on the sea around me—the source of my power. I'd gotten better at channeling it over the years, but now nothing seemed to happen.

Magnus swallowed a feeling of frustration watching Annabeth struggle to read that. He'd wanted her in here nearly as much as Percy. To see his cousin, his only family he'd care to meet again in the flesh sitting in front of him, and he could offer her nothing for this clear turmoil she was in. He'd said, 'hey cuz,' and that, was, it!

The problem was he couldn't tell her anything she didn't know. He knew Percy came out of this alive, he knew Percy was an awesome fighter same as she did. He couldn't do anything but sit on this stupid seaweed couch and pick at a hole in his frayed jeans.

I took another slow step forward. Giants jeered. Dracaenae hissed with laughter.

Hey, ocean, I pleaded. Any day now would be good.

"Does talking to the ocean like it's a real inanimate object help it? I feel like that would offend it," Alex said.

"As opposed to a fake inanimate object?" Percy frowned.

"You know, when you tell a piece of paper to stay because it fell off the table one to many times, it's one solid object. The ocean is like, a lot, all at once. It's like a soup, it's not just one object," she insisted.

Percy stared at her so long it was concerning. "Okay, but now I'm questioning what if I'm a soup."

"And what kind of soup you'd be," Magnus offered.

"Uhgh," Thalia groaned, pressing her fingers to her temple.

"Have they been like this the whole time?" Annabeth asked her.

"Stop distracting him from the actual answer," Jason looked pouty, "does talking to the ocean help, yes or no?"

"Very much so," Thalia nodded with her eyes closed for Annabeth.

Annabeth kept reading before Percy could answer, mostly because he was muttering and poking his gut. At least his memory was likely to answer Jason at minimum.

Suddenly there was a wrenching pain in my gut. The entire boat lurched sideways, throwing monsters off their feet. Four thousand gallons of salt water surged out of the swimming pool, dousing me and Kronos and everyone on the deck. The water revitalized me, breaking the time spell, and I lunged forward.

"I'm kind of jealous," Alex admitted. "The ocean's never tried to capsize a boat on my behalf."

"Did you pray to the ocean Alex?" Nico reminded with a smirk. "Did you offer it sacrifices in its favorite color and sing its saltwater praise?"

"Percy didn't do any of that stuff," she huffed, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, cause Percy would kick its inanimate soup ass if it didn't rescue him, and his dad would hold the ocean back so he could," Will shrugged.

I struck at Kronos, but I was still too slow. I made the mistake of looking at his face—Luke's face—a guy who was once my friend. As much as I hated him, it was hard to kill him.

Annabeth couldn't help a sigh of relief. She might have known Percy couldn't have killed him, but a part of her also believed that Percy couldn't have killed him even without the curse in place. That Percy was good. He could not strike someone in the face in cold blood, not another person.

Kronos had no such hesitation. He sliced downward with his scythe. I leaped back, and the evil blade missed by an inch, cutting a gash in the deck right between my feet.

"Did it open another evil portal to somewhere?" Jason frowned. "It hasn't done that since the first time Luke nearly killed you."

Annabeth's skin twitched with distaste. She'd been told they now knew of Percy's life, but it kept hitting her how intricately detailed that knowledge now was. Had they heard her harshness against Tyson? Her pathetic attempts to get Luke to see reason while holding up the sky? Her first, desperate, and confused kiss with Percy...

I kicked Kronos in the chest. He stumbled backward, but he was heavier than Luke should've been. It was like kicking a refrigerator.

"Something I honestly imagine you doing when your hands are full," Nico nodded. He had a strange fear it would fall on him if he was to violent to try.

Kronos swung his scythe again. I intercepted with Riptide, but his strike was so powerful, my blade could only deflect it. The edge of the scythe shaved off my shirtsleeve and grazed my arm. It shouldn't have been a serious cut, but the entire side of my body exploded with pain. I remembered what a sea demon had once said about Kronos's scythe: Careful, fool. One touch, and the blade will sever your soul from your body. Now I understood what he meant. I wasn't just losing blood. I could feel my strength, my will, my identity draining away.

Annabeth was flinching as if each word was being punched out of her. She'd been there the first time that blade had grazed Percy when he'd fougten Luke, and it had been so much blood. It had been horrifying the first time, to see him fall when a monster rarely landed a scratch. She might not have been there to see this, but the image now staining her mind was just as sickening as shaded gold around the edges.

I stumbled backward, switched my sword to my left hand, and lunged desperately. My blade should've run him through, but it deflected off his stomach like I was hitting solid marble. There was no way he should've survived that.

Percy rubbed at his arms as his skin tingled unpleasantly all over, his brain suddenly building pressure like a shaken coke, his stomach churned violently like he was a new boat for the ocean to play with. That, was a gods awful induced feeling if he'd ever had one.

Annabeth slipped her hand back into his. It was an instinctive, natural reaction; to having him back, to keeping him here, to soothe his mind of what it couldn't yet wrap around.

It worked instantly. Percy didn't even think to question it the second time, just released a breath and relaxed as he interlocked their fingers.

Kronos laughed. "A poor performance, Percy Jackson. Luke tells me you were never his match at swordplay."

Thalia sneered at that ridiculous insult. Percy had been a natural with a sword from the moment he'd had Riptide in hand. Luke had always been a poor sport when he lost, always looking for bigger and badder opponents those last days on the street, and yet he hadn't fought half the monsters Percy had.

Yet Annabeth's voice was soft, and frustrated. She clearly read that as if it were a lie from Kronos, twisting more of Luke around, which siphoned Thalia's frustration to her as she grit her teeth but said nothing. Luke was gone now, and she'd never been able to get Annabeth to see reason before, no need to insist now and keep tarnishing what was already broken.

My vision started to blur. I knew I didn't have much time. "Luke had a big head," I said. "But at least it was his head."

"What a, strange compliment," Magnus muttered. It wasn't even a compliment really, just a hint of Percy's sentiment wishing to have his friend in Luke back, kind of.

"A shame to kill you now," Kronos mused, "before the final plan unfolds. I would love to see the terror in your eyes when you realize how I will destroy Olympus."

"You'll never get this boat to Manhattan." My arm was throbbing. Black spots danced in my vision.

"And why would that be?" Kronos's golden eyes glittered. His face—Luke's face—seemed like a mask, unnatural and lit from behind by some evil power.

Magnus could all to easily picture a monster being described like that when they were still disguised, and it disturbed him greatly how his cousin tried to read that with a pitiable note of concern. She was obviously wondering how much this was hurting Luke under that mask, when it was his decision to have caused all this in the first place.

"Perhaps you are counting on your friend with the explosives?"

Percy's heart skipped a beat in shock, and in retaliation the whole ocean floor felt as if it shifted a tenth of a degree to the left. His breath caught in his throat, his mind couldn't think past Beckendorf! Who had ratted them out, what had happened to him-

'Focus Seaweed brain.' She didn't even need to say it out loud, it was in the squeeze of her fingers, the gentling of her voice as she kept reading.

He looked down at the pool and called, "Nakamura!"

A teenage guy in full Greek armor pushed through the crowd. His left eye was covered with a black patch. I knew him, of course: Ethan Nakamura, the son of Nemesis. I'd saved his life in the Labyrinth last summer, and in return, the little punk had helped Kronos come back to life.

"That's gratitude for yah," Will grumbled. He felt so bad for this dumbass...but not that bad, when he'd had as many opportunities as Luke to turn around. Frankly it was a miracle he was even alive, considering they'd last heard his presence was in Kronos's path when Nico helped Percy escape.

"Success, my lord," Ethan called. "We found him just as we were told."

He clapped his hands, and two giants lumbered forward, dragging Charles Beckendorf between them.

My heart almost stopped. Beckendorf had a swollen eye and cuts all over his face and arms. His armor was gone and his shirt was nearly torn off.

"Is Beckendorf more famous than you on that ship Percy?" Alex asked with nothing but sympathy in her tone. "Sounds like he was mobbed by fans."

"If I find that armor online I'll buy it back for him," but Percy's voice was sullen, exhausted. The fear was simmering just above the surface, a whale ready to breach without notice as his hands trembled. 'No, no, no...' the chant kept echoing in his head something had gone very wrong.

"No!" I yelled.

Beckendorf met my eyes. He glanced at his hand like he was trying to tell me something. His watch.

They hadn't taken it yet, and that was the detonator. Was it possible the explosives were armed? Surely the monsters would've dismantled them right away.

"Maybe they're to stupid to know what they were?" Magnus asked without real hope. "You two just snuck aboard to put up some anti-monster decorations."

"I wouldn't underestimate them like that, it's more likely Beckendorf managed to cloak them somehow," Jason shook his head.

"We found him amidships," one of the giants said, "trying to sneak to the engine room. Can we eat him now?"

"Soon." Kronos scowled at Ethan. "Are you sure he didn't set the explosives?"

"He was going toward the engine room, my lord."

"How do you know that?"

"Er . . ." Ethan shifted uncomfortably. "He was heading in that direction. And he told us. His bag is still full of explosives."

Slowly, I began to understand.

"How to sum me up in one great sentence," Percy offered into the filling silence of the room. There was to much anxious energy bouncing off each other, to many tightly drawn faces wondering how they made it out of this one again.

Percy really hated that kind of tension. It made everything feel ten times worse to his ADHD brain. The constant chatter and jokes would always feel leagues better to focus on.

Thalia cracked and snickered first for him, but soon the others were now at what was clearly a recurring joke as Annabeth smiled bemusedly and then gave Percy a full grin. It was such a relief to just see him joking around again, instead of the myriad of tortures she'd imagined him going through, she couldn't stop a laugh of her own.

Beckendorf had fooled them. When he'd realized he was going to be captured, he turned to make it look like he was going the other way. He'd convinced them he hadn't made it to the engine room yet. The Greek fire might still be primed! But that didn't do us any good unless we could get off the ship and detonate it.

Kronos hesitated.

Buy the story, I prayed. The pain in my arm was so bad now I could barely stand.

"Open his bag," Kronos ordered.

One of the giants ripped the explosives satchel from Beckendorf's shoulders. He peered inside, grunted, and turned it upside down. Panicked monsters surged backward. If the bag really had been full of Greek fire jars, we would've all blown up. But what fell out were a dozen cans of peaches.

"Mmm," Alex smacked her lips in appreciation. "The perfect kind of weapon, one that gives you a treat when you're done bashing someone's head in."

"You said that with way to much confidence," Annabeth frowned, all to easily imagining her doing this to someone in her brief moments of being in here.

"She says everything with that kind of confidence, we just kind of roll with it," Magnus sighed.

I could hear Kronos breathing, trying to control his anger.

"Did you, perhaps," he said, "capture this demigod near the galley?"

Ethan turned pale. "Um—"

"And did you, perhaps, send someone to actually CHECK THE ENGINE ROOM?"

Ethan scrambled back in terror, then turned on his heels and ran.

It wasn't really funny, but there was some half-hearted laughter for this comeuppance of Beckendorf's ruse almost working like a charm. In another world, in another life, maybe the two would have played pranks on each other around camp that would have gone much the same and would have ended without the threat of death.

I cursed silently. Now we had only minutes before the bombs were disarmed. I caught Beckendorf's eyes again and asked a silent question, hoping he would understand: How long?

He cupped his fingers and thumb, making a circle. Zero. There was no delay on the timer at all.

"You two make a great team," Annabeth was careful to use the right tense, the present tense, like the two could still come back from this mayhem and plan more heists and learn ore of each other's silent communication. Maybe actually win a capture the flag game against her one day if they got good enough.

Her voice was a little to whistful, though, a little to somber to really pull off the casual statement, and Percy felt a burning sensation traveling straight from his heart, his body knowing what was coming next even if he couldn't process her meaning and the words of the book all at once.

If he managed to press the detonator button, the ship would blow at once. We'd never be able to get far enough away before using it.

Nico was still casually convinced of Percy's prowess. He'd be able to send a massive wave over the side of the ship any second, strong enough to sweep up him and Beckendorf harmlessly and take them safely a thousand meters below while they high-fived and the detonators went off. It seemed so easy in his mind.

The reality was, Percy was panicking. He was terrified and still not as in control of his powers as Nico's imaginative mind thought he was. Not everything worked out like an awesome story with an epic ending.

The monsters would kill us first, or disarm the explosives, or both.

Kronos turned toward me with a crooked smile. "You'll have to excuse my incompetent help, Percy Jackson.

Annabeth always hated that farce politeness, and the way he kept saying Percy's full name for some reason. It felt deliberate, it put a bad taste in her mouth like Kronos was reminding Luke who he was actively trying to destroy.

But it doesn't matter. We have you now. We've known you were coming for weeks."

He held out his hand and dangled a little silver bracelet with a scythe charm—the Titan lord's symbol.

"His secret spy device this whole time has been a charm bracelet?!" Alex's voice dripped with amused disdain. "Oh, my, gods! Jewelry! This whole time all you guys had to do was ban accessories at camp!" There was some mingled anger and admiration in there too.

The girl knew how to accessorize, she might even be taking it personally.

"I bet when you go back and tell the Aphrodite cabin, they'll know who it is instantly," Magnus chuckled.

"I wonder if they'll blame children of Ceres, it's very closely associated with her symbol too," Jason frowned in concern.

Nobody else dared pipe in. Percy's throat hurt to much even if he wanted to. There was something about the range of distaste, hurt, and weariness on all of them that sent a chill up their spines.

The wound in my arm was sapping my ability to think, but I muttered, "Communication device . . . spy at camp."

Kronos chuckled. "You can't count on friends. They will always let you down. Luke learned that lesson the hard way.

Thalia winced like somebody had just twisted the knife in her back. Had that been what Luke told Kronos?! That He was the one betrayed! She'd sacrificed herself, she'd trusted Luke their family and she'd woken up to him letting her down every way he possibly could!

And yet the guilt dripping off Annabeth's every syllable held her anger. Like she took that personally, like she'd been the one to let Luke down somehow; and Thalia sadly knew from personal experience if she tried to broach the subject, her little sister would either shut her down or explode at her. It never ended well.

Now drop your sword and surrender to me, or your friend dies."

I swallowed. One of the giants had his hand around Beckendorf's neck. I was in no shape to rescue him, and even if I tried, he would die before I got there. We both would.

Jason's feet twitched, the urge to help, the denial this was it. Percy was a master of causing a distraction...but he was in to much pain to manage. Percy could just hawk Riptide at that giant with deadly accuracy and Beckendorf could break free...but Kronos would intervene and mock them. There was always a third option, there had to be...but this was starting to feel hopeless.

Beckendorf mouthed one word: Go.

It was Beckendorf admitting defeat that finally tipped Annabeth's voice into silent respect, an inevitable outcome nobody could deny anymore. She might have been speaking her final words over his pyre. Percy would know, he'd only heard that tone come from her at his own.

I shook my head. I couldn't just leave him.

The second giant was still rummaging through the peach cans, which meant Beckendorf's left arm was free. He raised it slowly—toward the watch on his right wrist.

I wanted to scream, NO!

Then all of this would have been for nothing. Percy had never resented his mom for having Smelly Gabe in his life. As impertinent as he was, Percy had understood one thing from the youngest of ages, self-sacrifice. A lesson his mom had instilled in him before he even knew what that meant.

Then down by the swimming pool, one of the dracaenae hissed, "What isss he doing? What isss that on hisss wrissst?"

Beckendorf closed eyes tight and brought his hand up to his watch.

I had no choice. I threw my sword like a javelin at Kronos. It bounced harmlessly off his chest, but it did startle him. I pushed through a crowd of monsters and jumped off the side of the ship—toward the water a hundred feet below.

I heard rumbling deep in the ship. Monsters yelled at me from above. A spear sailed past my ear. An arrow pierced my thigh, but I barely had time to register the pain. I plunged into the sea and willed the currents to take me far, far away—a hundred yards, two hundred yards.

Even from that distance, the explosion shook the world. Heat seared the back of my head. The Princess Andromeda blew up from both sides, a massive fireball of green flame roiling into the dark sky, consuming everything.

Beckendorf, I thought.

Then I blacked out and sank like an anchor toward the bottom of the sea.

Percy sagged in his seat, his head falling to rest on Annabeth's shoulder without a second thought. Her blonde hair tickled his face, the way she tucked his hand against her side and hummed a noise of commiseration, somehow knowing exactly how he felt like nobody else ever could. Finally, he had her back.

And all he felt was guilt. Raw, wracking, painful gut twisting guilt eating at him for the only person on his mind being Silena. He'd been the one to tell Beckendorf not to worry, he'd see her again in no time, and now they'd never have this...

"I'd like to stop for the night," Annabeth said gently, so as not to dislodge him from his spot. "I, changed my mind, I'd like to get a little caught up in all this."

"Of course," Thalia agreed at once, her tone understanding, but she stalked out of the room without a backwards glance. She felt Jason's piercing eyes on her every step, she felt the absence of Annabeth's concern like her jacket had caught on her choker to tight.

Percy bullied his brain into paying attention to the here and now. Maybe take a hint for once in his life. Take note of the fact she might be asking for space from him and all this newness of her situation they'd become rather numb to.

The gap as he slipped away felt like a chasm as deep as Tartarus at once, the red book fell from her lap without hesitation as she jumped up with him. They all watched in fascination, even Will who had seen plenty of this already, as Annabeth scooped up the first bright orange book and then fell into step beside him leaving the room as if a shadow of each other.

Percy was glad she was here, honestly!, but he was starting to get a little creeped out as she thumbed through the book studiously while staying on his heels as he entered his room. It wasn't the fact that she was about to read his every private thought and feeling, he'd accepted she and possibly the whole camp would to be honest, it was the fact that she kicked the door shut behind them without looking up. He stood there and watched her, the guilt slowly ebbing into embarrassment as he remained as awkwardly in place as a statue.

"Sorry," Annabeth gasped as she finally looked up and realized why he was blushing and standing there twitching and looking more nervous than if she'd been coming at him with her knife. It only just now occurred to her the implication in the air of following him into his room. She quickly opened the door back, blushing as hard as him.

"You, you don't have to go," he said at once, rocking back and forth in place like an invisible mime jerking him around. "I don't want you to." He'd spent so very long, countless years in his head it felt like, wishing to have her back. He didn't want her to go after just an hour of her company, but he also had no clue what she expected to happen. He was still missing a vital part of how the story ended, how she'd decided to kiss him, what had happened afterwards...

"I don't want to go," she agreed quietly. "I, I'm worried if I close my eyes to long, you'll vanish again." Still bright red, she took a step back into the room towards him. She left the door open.

Percy cleared his throat loudly and gestured her towards the bed while he plopped down on the floor where he was. "Sleep in here then, right there, and I'll sleep down here. So, you know, we're both not, um, freaking out. Besides, we've slept like this on plenty of quests."

"Sure, it's not weird at all," she nodded, lied, only to appease him as she sunk onto the bed. She thought about it for a moment before snatching the pillow and blanket off and dropping on the floor beside him, offering to share both. "No different than falling asleep on piles of hay in the back of a Kindness International truck."

"Right, of course," he nodded and tried not to look like a complete freak show as he sunk onto his back and cautiously rolled onto his side, back facing away from her. She sighed in relief and mirrored him.

He didn't instantly fall asleep, she could tell by his twitching around to much, but as she began to relax on the hard stone floor, so did he. She wondered if his body remembered what his mind couldn't, the past few months where she had fallen asleep in his bed more than once, the way they always woke up tangled up more than they ever had in the late hours talking and to tired to let themselves be embarrassed by the idea of getting caught.

Not that they'd done anything to be caught at, but Grover and her siblings sure averted their eyes like they had done something some mornings when she tried to pretend like she'd gone to visit Percy's cabin first thing before sunrise rather than the obvious.

She already missed that. The feeling of him holding her, so comfortable and familiar. The way they could sit in silence as the sound of the ocean spoke their thoughts for them when the memories were to much, the way they could talk and laugh about anything and share it all with a kiss only they understood.

Percy did fall asleep first, back pressed tight to her, his arm up under the pillow and the other already trying to tug more of the covers onto himself. She wouldn't be surprised to find them all wrapped around him like her arms would miss.

The past few days still left her too tense to allow the same. He was really here, safe beside her, but she didn't have him back. Not fully, not her boyfriend. She did have her best friend back, they were just on another quest to get back to where they should have been in their life as she relaxed too, keeping one eye on the silent corridor that had a dim light shining in revealing all, and the other on his chest rising and falling steadily, back to back.

It was enough.

PJOPJOPJO

*Detail I never picked up on and didn't want any of the characters to focus on during this sweet moment, Silena is the character from Camp highlighted here, aka the traitor on Luke's ship. Nice double whammy RR

[darker-than-darkness]

Little rant about getting an autism/adhd diagnosis as a person under the trans* umbrella.

Right of the bat: I am (as of now) only self-diagnosed, with strong suspicions of autism or possibly audhd. My psychiatrist agrees, but can not give me that diagnosis without consulting a therapist. Nonetheless, I will refer to people of the above mentioned minority (unfortunately) as a collective “we” for easier accessibility.

I also identify as nonbinary and transmasculine, using they/he pronouns and I have had my coming out as trans* in 2015, albeit mistaking my identity as genderfluid in the beginning. Since 2020 I have been labeling myself correctly, had my social and public coming out and was even able to get my name recognized by my university.

I am certain of my identity, hence why I feel like I can speak for the trans* community. As mentioned above, I’ve completed my social transition, whereas I am still awaiting a proper referral for surgeries and a legal change.

I also want to apologize in advance for my language potentially being a bit too scholarly for a site such as tumblr. I am a university student of English and American studies and this comes naturally with the occupation. I also feel it helps me get point across more distinctively and precisely. I will however try to give examples to illustrate my thoughts.

That being said, here’s my main thesis:

I feel like we do not get enough recognition and struggle more to get diagnosed in the first place. Let me elaborate.

A lack of therapists worldwide makes it nearly impossible to get diagnosed with anything these days, but self-diagnosis after extensive research gets devaluated and ridiculed.

Whilst autism in cis women has started finally getting the recognition it deserved (don’t get me wrong, this is amazing) and cis men have been able to get a diagnosis often at an early age, we are a blind spot in the field of psychology.

It is impossible to get a therapist specializing in both gender and neurodiversity, even though they are closely linked. You have to weigh out which of the topics you want to tackle first, whilst both need to be regarded together, not separately. Therapy for both has the purpose of saving a life, but is impossible to achieve.

For the past three years I have been trying to get a therapist. I live in a big city in Germany, and whilst therapy is covered by public health insurance, many are unable to find any therapist, let alone a suited one. The one or two (out of the hundreds that exists) have long waitlists of a year and above and whilst you can pay for therapy sessions, many students like myself, who live on the bare minimum, can not afford paying 300+ Euros a month that weekly sessions would cost.

I also feel like many of us get disregarded for our special interests, hyperfixations and other symptoms. They can vary so much from those of cis women and/or cis men. We many times show symptoms of both cis men and cis women, many times show neither or ones exclusive to trans* individuals.

Of course these symptoms always vary greatly from individual to individual, yet especially in those who are afab or amab they get overshadowed or falsely attributed by/to the many mental illnesses/symptoms we have because of not identifying with the gender we were wrongly assigned at birth. I will come back to those mental issues in a bit.

I, for example, share a special interest for makeup and fashion, stereotypically seen as more feminine interests, and a special interest for motorcycles, cars, wrestling and many other stereotypically male interests. These are obsessive and hinder me in everyday life.

Not only are stereotypes harmful wherever they may apply, them being seen as such, they get disregarded as special interests/hyperfixations that come with neurodivergence. The symptoms are ignored and wrongly attributed (those aligning with the gender you were assigned at birth) or not attributed at all (those that not aligning with the gender you were assigned at birth) to a potential autism/adhd diagnosis.

However, some special interests/hyperfixations I’ve observed in many trans* people are those relating to the struggle unique to trans* individuals. They can include trans* or lgbtq+ rights, politics in general, the science behind being trans*, activism, hate crimes, police violence, gender reassigning surgeries and many others.

I suppose we, as those these issues relate to in many ways, naturally have a closer connection/desire to indulge in these topics in detail. However, this, once again, gets disregarded and not attributed to the neurodiversity but rather the issues with gender.

Coming back to a point briefly mentioned above, many of us have been wrongly diagnosed many times within our lives. Many of the symptoms naturally coming with everyday life as a trans* person have been signed off as standalone diagnoses. These include depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, anger issues, escapism, low self-esteem and self-worth and even suicidal/homicidal thoughts.

The collection of wrong diagnoses throughout ones life, if one is lucky enough to have a therapist in the first place, comes naturally with both being trans* and having autism/adhd. This not only stems from the lack of knowledge in the healthcare system, but also the struggles we experience.

I, for example, have had both a diagnosis for social anxiety and depression through my teen years. Looking back, unsurprisingly so. I was bullied to oblivion for being outed (as both trans* and bisexual) whilst growing up in a small, Christian town. I say being outed, for both times I have been outed by those I wrongly assumed to be my friends/allies.

Transphobia and homophobia were part of my everyday life. Most human interactions I had were horrible, causing me to struggle with low self-esteem. Being ridiculed daily plus getting my trust broken so often, together with an immense burden of being overwhelmed by the noises of a school classroom caused me to go mute for most of 8th and 9th grade. I’m assuming I do not have to explain the concept of selective mutism to those reading, but this is what eventually caused my social anxiety diagnosis.

Of course, someone being bullied constantly plus struggling with severe personal trauma (I do not want to elaborate this, for it is beyond the point) will feel sad, have meltdowns (I would throw things around my room, clear my desk with my arm, punch walls and have yelling fits) and cry constantly. I was ostracized for being “the weird kid” with “weird hobbies and interests” and the loneliness made me extremely sad. Naturally, a depression diagnosis came my way.

Now, I am not saying people can not have multiple diagnoses. I, myself, do and many others do as well. Not only do many people have both autism and adhd, many people also have further mental illnesses that make their life hard.

I, for example, have been diagnosed with bipolar in my early adult years (around age 18/19). It is genetic in my case, but ever since taking medication for it, I have been doing much better. That, however, has not calmed the symptoms I personally attribute (potentially) to “my” autism/adhd. They are also not side effects of my medication, that has been ruled out.

Talking about the health system brings me to another huge flaw both people with neurodiversity and trans* individuals struggle with. Organizations and officials meant to help letting us down, failing us and making us the problem.

It starts with the health system. Simple things like autism in adults (no matter their gender identity, but especially for cis women and trans* people) not being diagnosed properly, being trans* still being (mainly legally) considered a mental disorder in many countries and vital health treatments being denied are quite literally killing us.

The suicide rates in trans* and neurodiverse people are at an all time high, the US is infuriatingly going back in history with their law-making and removing safe spaces whilst simultaneously endangering trans* individuals. That possibility of being hatecrimed both for not being cis as well as being neurodivergent has risen drastically. It shocks, angers and saddens me.

As an individual living in Germany, we might have public health insurance but not enough therapists, as previously elaborated. This and trans* people still having to go through multiple discriminatory processes to even get their gender recognized are just a few examples.

Of course we are often also failed by politicians, law makers, courts, police and any other institution that is there to defend and uphold democracy. If we even are lucky enough to live in a democratic state and not a monarchy with a power hungry heir or a state claiming to be democratic whilst their leader is clearly a dictator. (Looking especially at Russia, here.)

In Germany, for example, the government had promised to simplify the process of legally changing your name and gender by April of 2024. So far it has not made any progress whatsoever and with openly right-wing parties on the rise in most states the chances of it actually happening are minimal.

There is also a huge issue with police and not understanding who they’re protecting versus pursuing. Autistic people are often seen as aggressive in their meltdowns, causing them to be detained even when not the culprit whatsoever. Trans* people often have to let people from their opposite gender perform invasive and humiliating searches on them, something a cis person legally can contest. But we are not as lucky.

Some of the worst institutions when it comes to accommodation are schools. Trans* and neurodivergent students often get picked on by their teachers (for example through misgendering or being called upon even in their mute/overwhelmed stages). Trans* and/or neurodivergent students often get reprimanded for causing trouble, even when not the perpetrators. Neither the teachers nor headmasters seem to really care.

I have a more distinct anecdote for this one. I distinctly remember getting suspended from school for two days and having to come to the headmasters office with both of my parents in 9th grade. When I was in my teen years I had an admittedly unhealthy hyperfixation (I call it this for it was obsessive and involuntary, beyond my control and took my focus of school and any other responsibilities.) on school shooters, particularly Columbine. This was in 2015, so before liking True Crime became normalized.

Of course, as any teen I scribbled on my desk in school. Unfortunately scribbling the nicknames of the Columbine shooters was not the smartest idea. I didn’t understand that at the time, however. My sociology teacher saw after some students had told on me. I was sick that day and had no way of defending myself immediately. So instead my parents were called. I was in big trouble.

Not speaking with my classmates (due to my selective mutism) didn’t help. Neither did the fact that, due to my gender disphoria, most of my clothes were black oversized shirts, combat boots and cargo pants. I had short hair (that I had dyed black at the time.) and wore stark emo makeup. I not only fit the weird quiet kid in the back of the class stereotype perfectly but also dressed like the shooters I had been focusing on.

It was the second headmaster that called my mother. I have to give him a bit of a compliment here. His first question was not what I had done or what I was thinking. It was wether or not I was okay. (Which obviously, I wasn’t.) Unfortunately, reality looked very different when in the headmasters office.

The headmistress had returned from her vacation and absolutely tore me to pieces. She was convinced I was planning a school shooting myself. From telling me she should have just called the police, to telling me my behavior was unacceptable and inappropriate, telling me I vandalized school property (it was in pencil, I didn’t), to telling me everyone was afraid of me and all the school knew, she threw every accusation my way. It was not only intimidating, but I’ll always remember how much I had to mask in that moment.

Unfortunately the second headmaster didn’t help, telling me I should maybe look for happier interests, like flowers and bees. (Literally his words.) They didn’t understand, neither of them, that it was involuntary. I had no control over it. But neither did I. Back then, I didn’t know hyperfixations existed. I remember how guilty yet confused I felt, not understanding why everyone was so worked up about a simple scribble.

In retrospect I know the reason for the outrage. But never will I understand why on earth one would react so cruelly. The rest of my time there was hell. Half the school knew me as the person who planned a school shooting, stupidly believing I actually would. They didn’t know me, of course. Jumped to conclusions because I was different and didn’t fit in.

This school failed me hard time, just like the school before had. I’m still surprised I managed to finish tenth grade, with a friend in my class even. (We had bonded after I explained the situation to her.) I was lucky enough to go to a different school after a year of a mental health break, together with said friend who also had many issues with the school we went though, even though she was a neurotypical cis woman.

Moral of the story is: I am appalled how many times we get failed and disregarded.

But of course we do. For we, as trans* and neurodivergent people, have mastered masking. We had to pretend/were raised as a completely different person from who we actually are. Had to pretend to be and conform with a gender we were assigned at birth, even though we knew we never identified with. Had to pretend to be one of the neurotypical ones because we didn’t want to be even more different. We already didn’t fit in, neurodiversity was not something we needed.

Unfortunately, without a proper diagnosis, we never knew differently. Didn’t know why we always felt out of place, or why we suffered from constant imposter syndrome. How could we, when people constantly told us we were “normal” or “just a little sad” or “a bit of an outsider.” They didn’t see we needed help, even when the cries for help were as big as having morbid hyperfixations, injuring ourselves to fit the gender identity we wanted to fit (self-mutilation as well as wrong methods of for example binding).

No one helped us then.

And still, no one helps us.

Self-diagnosis is a last resort for many of us and many of us are not lucky enough to ever recognize who they truly are.

And that they’re okay the way they are.

I guess I’m writing this for the “weird kids.” The kids that were ridiculed for being different, the kids that never knew why they couldn’t seem to fit in. I see you. I used to be you. And only if we rise up, we cause an uproar, can anything ever change.

If you read this far I thank you. Feel free to leave comments, like, ask questions. My inbox is always open, also for anonymous questions.

[thatseventiesbitch]

That is such a good post about the fandom. Honestly, I think a lot of fandoms have the problem we do, which is a few people deciding that their personal head canons are fact and reality. Like 'my verse is canon' is usually meant as a joke, but a small yet very loud minority constantly proclaim that their own interpretations (some of which are...out there lol), their non-canon ships, their personal wishlist etc are reality because he or she SAID so, and it's hard for the rest of us not to be like "i mean, imagine and daydream whatever you want, but that's actually NOT what happened on the actual show." I'm not sure I'm explaining this well, but basically a few fans insist that 2+2 is five and then freak out when people politely point out otherwise. Maybe it's because I'm Tumblr Old like you are lol and fandom in our day was more analyzing character' personalitiess, trading ideas about favorite and least favorite storylines etc rather than fixating on stuff like "CHARACTER A IS GENDERFLUID AND IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH TEN OTHER PEOPLE AND IS A DEMIROMANTIC PANSEXUAL BECAUSE I SAID SO" when it's like but, no, they're not, so maybe just create an original character if that's what you want to write about lol.

Thanks! I guess a lot of us are feeling similar things right now.

Yep, I (think!) I understand what you're saying. We're on the same page. Folks can do whatever they want on this silly little site, of course - imagining different sexualities for the characters or pairing them with characters they were not romantically linked to in canon, inventing their own 'universes' that are based on the source material - these things don't hurt anybody. Let them be.

I think the rub comes in when the rest of us do not take their ideas seriously or do not agree with them - which of course, we're under no obligation to do. Sorry, but I don't think every interpretation is equally valid. I don't want to read about your OC/self-insert characters when I peruse the T70S and T90S tag, I want to read about the characters from the show I like. I do think everyone should be able to express their own thoughts and ideas on their own blog, but when one makes public posts on a public blog using fandom tags, others are going to respond. Those are literally the kinds of interactions this site was designed to foster.

The good news for me continues to be that the vast majority of folks I've interacted with in this fandom are good, creative people and even when we see things differently we can often have great conversations anyway. I hope newer fans aren't driven away by a couple of bad apples. I've only encountered a few blogs who are aggressive towards those with dissenting opinions or who are openly hostile to any good-faith discussion, and frankly, I've blocked them and I wish I had done it sooner. We do have the ability to curate our own fandom experience. I think folks hesitate to block because they don't want to be impolite, but I think it's far worse to continue seeing that person's content, become angered by it, and send nasty anons (I've seen a little bit of this happening and it makes me upset). If it's not for you, unfollow! If you keep seeing content you don't want to see, block! Now all that stuff is gone from my dash/tags and I only see the things I want to see - fan fiction, (canon) character analysis, excitement for the new season of That '90s Show. 🥰

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Season 2 Wishlist

I've been creating a wishlist for what I want to see in Loki season 2, which premieres October 6.... [pause for long-suffering sigh because I’m so tired] I’m very annoyed that it’s not coming out until October (if it’s genuinely because of the strike(s), I’m not annoyed with the writers/actors but with the studios for not meeting demands so we can move on with our lives, but I’m pretty damn sure the strike is a scapegoat). I’m not surprised they keep moving it back, because they also kept pushing back season one! (I wish this format was audio so you could hear my indignation, haha.) But I wish it was still coming out in the summer like it was supposed to. Anyway, let’s jump into it. (Fair warning, a little bit of ranting incoming.)

First things first, Lokius: This ship has grown on me. I was resisting for a very long time, and I think it took until about episode four or five before I was like, “Okay, fine, you can date Owen Wilson.” And then I was all on board, and at this point I’ve written I think three Lokius fics on AO3 (link in the blog description). So, yeah. @ MCU, if you need some ideas, agree to the writers’ and actors’ demands and then hire me. I’m a lot of things but I’m not a scab. Okay, anyway. 

Genderfluid Loki: I’m genderfluid myself, and the “representation” included in the show was nonexistent. First of all, fluid is not a sex. Sex is assigned to you at birth, on Earth, and it corresponds to your genitalia. You are usually assigned male or female. There may be some places now where you can get Intersex put onto your birth certificate, if that qualifies, but until very recently, most intersex babies ended up undergoing surgery to change their bodies to fit better with one sex assignment or the other. Therefore, fluid cannot be considered a sex, at least in terms of on Earth. Perhaps it could be on other planets, but the people watching this show (as Twitter has been so helpfully pointing out recently) are on Earth, so no, wrong, Loki’s genderfluidity is gender-based not sex-based. I don’t know why they didn’t just put gender on the file, they should have. And that was the only time they included it, and I think that they put it there (aside from being like “ooh look at us we’re so progressive!”) as foreshadowing that Sylvie was going to be a girl. Which is bullshit, because that’s not what genderfluid means, either! Genderfluid means that you, yourself, change genders. And we never, in the show or the MCU in general, see Loki explicitly present or identify himself as anything other than a man. And furthermore, Sylvie isn’t genderfluid either, because she never states that she’s anything other than a woman. Nor do either of them ever request people refer to them using any other pronouns. On top of that, Sylvie is a trans woman, you cannot convince me otherwise, and you will pry that conviction out of my cold, dead, genderfluid hands. (I’m very incensed about this entire thing, I apologize. This is why I inserted the read more and the warning above.) So I’d like to see more of genderfluid Loki (not Sylvie; she’s made it clear that she is a (trans) woman, and I’m respecting that she’s got one gender). I don’t necessarily need to see him shapeshift into a woman, like into a different actor or Tom Hiddleston in make-up or something, because as much as I would love to shapeshift, I can’t, and I don’t think he needs to shapeshift to be his most authentic, genderfluid self (because then what does that say about irl genderfluid people? rant for another time, though, sorry). So I just want a little more justice to be paid to that, and maybe let him change up his pronouns sometimes. All right, moving on, before I get really worked up. 

Verity: I love Loki: Agent of Asgard. Al Ewing is my favorite comic writer for this reason (and not because he’s also bi; I just found that out 24 hours ago). Agent of Asgard is, in my opinion, the best version of Loki ever to hit the comics. It is the best version of genderfluid Loki, the best version of redemption arc Loki, the best version of Loki as a character in general. And his best friend is Verity Willis, ace icon Verity Willis. (I don’t make the rules, she’s ace; have you seen her character design? Have you heard her say that she’s not interested in romance? She’s ace!) I want her, some how, some way, in Loki. This is a little bit more of a stretch, because I don’t know how she can be put in, so this is a little bit more of a pipe-dream of a wish. But I want. her. in. Loki. So bad. 

Theo Bell: I also really like Mackenzi Lee’s Loki: Where Mischief Lies. (It’s a great book; you should definitely read it if you haven’t.) In it, Theo is Loki’s love interest-slash-coworkerish-slash-partner in crime. This story is set in Victorian England. Theo Bell is gay and walks with a cane. It’s been awhile since I read it so I may be taking this theory from a fanfic I wrote, but I’m pretty sure it’s canon that he became disabled as a result of a homophobic attack. (So trigger warning for that, but if it’s canon it’s only mentioned) He’s a great character; he’s funny, he’s snarky, he doesn’t put up with any of Loki’s shit, and he can also (and this might also be me adding to the character but I’m pretty sure I’m right) see through Loki’s lies pretty quickly at some points. So I would really like to see Theo in the MCU. I also have some theories about Theo versus Mobius (shameless plug for one of my fics, Choose Me, which utilizes my theory about them), so I would like for Theo to show up in the way that proves my theory right.

Agent of Asgard Loki: At the very least, I just really want that coat, that coat is so cool. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google Loki: Agent of Asgard. The coat that he wears throughout the comic is kick-ass.) I want that coat somewhere in the show, I do not care who’s wearing it. That being said, I really want Agent of Asgard Loki to make an appearance in the MCU at some point. Somehow. I already have some theories about where I think we can go with AoA Loki in the MCU (which I’ll probably post about later). Like I said, I really love that version of Loki, I really love that comic arc, and I want him somehow paid tribute to somewhere in the show. Actually, though, I did just reread the entire comic run, and I noticed that towards the end in the final climax of his redemption arc, there’s a lot of similarities between that and the last couple episodes of season one. So they already seem to be drawing on AoA, so maybe they won’t be able to include the actual characterization of Loki from AoA. But it’s still on my list.

Let Loki do more magic, goddammit!: He does very little magic in season one. Although he’s not able to do magic in the TVA (which was very annoying for the fic I was trying to write the other day), but as far as I can tell, he only does magic like four or five times in the rest of the show. Classic Loki literally says (and I looked up the exact quote because I’m a NERD, can you tell?) “Blades are worthless in the face of a Loki’s sorcery.” And then Loki proceeds to do NO MAGIC for most of the show! So I want him to do more magic, especially shapeshifting. And at one point I think he mentions that he likes doing his duplicity thing, so I think he should do more of that, too. (Which I think based on the only trailer-like thing we’ve gotten so far, it seems like he’s going to do. And maybe I’m stealing this from that trailer, but I think it would be really funny if he did the duplicity thing and then Mobius automatically knows which one is the real Loki, which is hilarious, because Thor doesn’t usually know.)

Give my girl Sylvie a girlfriend: While I do like the idea of her with B-15, I feel like the reason why we’re shipping her with B-15 for the most part is because there are basically no other girls in this show. C-20 is dead, Renslayer is a dick, and we just really don’t want her to be with Loki (you saw my first entry on this list, you know where I stand). I’m counting Loki on this list since he’s genderfluid even though it’s not being portrayed very well. So her with B-15 is fine, I do kind of like it, but I don’t know enough about B-15, I don’t know enough about their relationship. I don’t think they even have enough of a relationship yet for me to really feel like I super ship it. But I just want somebody for her, preferably a girlfriend, because I think that’d be cute. I’m genderfluid, personally, but I’m available. ;-)

Thor: I! Want! Thor! I know we got Frog Thor, but I want actual Thor! I want Thor to give all of the Lokis a hug, in particular Kid Loki (and I have some theories about why he killed Thor, or why he said he killed Thor), Classic Loki, Sylvie, and also our regular Loki. Because I think they need a hug from their big brother (I know they were raised as twins, but I like saying he’s their big brother, I don’t care). 

Classic Loki in Valhalla: Pretty straight forward (and you can read After on AO3, because I wrote this). I need Classic Loki to see Thor and I need Classic Loki to be in Valhalla, because I think he deserves it. (If he’s actually dead.)

Mobius’s backstory: I want to know where Mobius came from; I want to know how he got to the TVA. I want to know if he had a jet ski or if my theory is correct (per Choose Me). 

Why Sylvie was taken by the TVA: There are some great theories about why Sylvie was taken by the TVA, one of which I subscribe to the most as of late (as included in Nothing Matters at the End of the World. I’m pretty sure this is my last plug on this post, I’m so sorry). But I am not convinced that she was taken in because she’s a girl. I think that’s transphobic and misogynistic and nonsense. And I say transphobic because Sylvie’s a transwoman, and I will not be taking criticism on this. I don’t care that that line “born the goddess of mischief” was probably meant to discourage trans headcanons, and I encourage the writers to respectfully get their heads out of their asses and consider that “born this way” is not just a Lady Gaga song (but the song is also relevant in this case). So I think it’s pretty damn transphobic to say that she isn’t allowed to exist because she’s a woman. And it’s misogynist and transmisogynist to claim that the rest of what the timeline demands of her cannot be accomplished if she isn’t a cis man or genderfluid or whatever a “right” Loki is. So I want to know why she was actually taken in. There are a lot of theories online about why she was arrested, and I like a lot of them. And on top of that, she doesn’t know! She told Loki that it’s because she’s a girl, but then when she gets in front of Renslayer, she’s like, “What was my nexus event?” Which implies that she does not actually know. And maybe it’s just bad writing or a plot hole, and that’s very possible. It’s the MCU, and writers make mistakes (I know I sure do, though I don’t have a team of people checking my work). But I’m choosing to go with she doesn’t actually know. She was like six years old, she was a kid, she assumed something. And why would you assume that, if you’re six? Unless you’ve been told something else your whole life. So there are two possibilities for why she assumed this. Either, yes, she’s a cis woman, and spent her entire life until that point being told-- presumably by Odin--that because she’s a girl she’s not gonna rule. Which would suck, but checks out for Odin, because he’s a dick. Or she spent most of her life being told she’s a boy and having to tell everybody that she’s a girl. And even if she isn’t faced with any transphobia on Asgard (as Where Mischief Lies would have us believe), that’s hard for a six year old, and when she’s told that she’s in trouble for doing nothing, she’s gonna make some assumptions, and maybe she landed on that. But I don’t think she actually knows why and I want to know why. And I think she deserves to know why.

Reunite Sylvie with Thor: I either want Sylvie to reunite with her Thor or be sibling-adopted by Loki’s Thor (bonus points if Loki gets jealous and Thor has to be like “Give me a break. I love you, too, idiot.”). I want Sylvie to somehow get her brother back, whether it’s the one she lost or the Thor we know. I think she needs somebody, and I think Thor is a great person for that. Because I think Thor will immediately be like “You’re great. I love you. You’re wonderful, just because you’re my sister, and you’re the best.” Even after just meeting her, because Thor is such a wonderful little golden retriever puppy, and also, he loves Loki so much. And he continues to, even after everything that happened in the MCU! And that’s lovely, and I think Sylvie deserves someone like that.

And finally, I need Loki, somehow, in some way, to be able to lift Mjolnir by the end of season 2: I think he’s moving, very swiftly, towards being worthy of lifting Mjolnir, and I want him to be able to do that. I think that will show him, personally, that he is better and has changed. And I think he needs that physical validation and confirmation that he’s changed. I think that people (Mobius) can tell him until they’re blue in the face that he’s a good person, that he can be good, and that he can do what’s right and be a hero, but until he can lift Mjolnir (the way his brother can, because he’s been told by everyone his whole life that his brother is the best), I don’t think that he’ll believe that he is worthy of anything. And I want Thor and Mobius to see it, and I want them to lose their goddamn minds. Because I certainly will. 

[fandomfluffandfuck]

HELLO I'M BACK WITH CHOMP CONTENT

https://youtu.be/eIYDVZ5a4lE

I was watching this video essay /reaction video on 'She's the Man', and right at the 12:15 mark they start talking about how channing tatum looks very biteable "like chomp?" "like chomp."

and i just akcjscjakcks I was the other two people immediately covering my mouth bevause that's the EXACT SAME THOUGHT I had. I'm genderfluid, and there's this comment under the video like "at first I was like noooo all trans men are different, but as soon as I heard them say channing tatum is biteable I knew we all share one brain cell" and I could not agree more

— 🔪 anon

[Link] the YouTube video, "I Made Transgender Men Watch "She's The Man'" by Evasive

Referencing the conversation bit, "No homo, but Channing Tatum looks kinda bitable. Like. I get it." "No, yeah, like..." "Bitable? Like chomp?" "Like chomp."

CHOMP 👏🏻 CONTENT 👏🏻

Lmao, I love that 💀💀 One brain cell, and the brain cell knows exactly what it wants. To bite. I can't blame it, though, I may not be feral for Channing, BUT there are plenty of men I would like to sink my teeth into 👀

P.S. When I was writing today, I ended up typing out this (for You Can('t) Teach An Old Dog New Tricks), and I thought of you:

He is Bucky’s.

Bucky folds him however he sees fit. Positioning him with a pillow under his shoulders after constricting his heaving chest in a harness of rope. All he can do is gasp breathlessly. He doesn’t need oxygen. He is thriving on rich, decadent lust. The pillow underneath his shoulders leaves him hovering with his head tilted back, straining his neck, and by extension, the chain that connects the clamps on his nipples to the front o-ring of his collar. The pillow also leaves his chest pushed forward, and his arms up and out—contorted into a perverted offering, not unlike a saint pinned to a cross. Steve moans dreamily. An offering. Steve is about to be consumed. He aches for it. He wants to be chewed and swallowed. Used. Bucky’s mouth—warm and wet with saliva, his wicked tongue, and sharp teeth. He wants. He wants inside him.

He’s going to be inside him.

Bucky is serving him up, preparing him more, stretching his arms and legs to the sides, and attaching him to the four corners of the bed frame. Spread. Exposing him to be played with. Plucked like a beloved instrument. Consumed like a favorite dish not often allowed, thus demanding to be savored.

A sound stretches from deep, deep inside Steve to out of his gaped lips. It drips with arousal. Steve is an ill-defined, shimmering ball of arousal.

Nothing else.

Nothing else.

Yeah... 😮‍💨 I feel that. Chompable.

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

ABOUT ME

I guess it's time to pin an "about me" post. I will keep the link for Palestine right here tho!

This is an NSFW blog!!!!! there is talk about sex, drugs, violence, and su!c!de here, so be careful and think about your poor brain before you subject it to addiction and potential misinformation from an early age. (with that being said, please block me if I accidentally interact with you and you are a minor or otherwise sfw blog!)

Name: ???

Age: 25

Gender(s): Genderfluid

Pronouns: She/Her - It/Its - He/Him

Disorders: ADHD and BPD (autism and OCD are suspected but not diagnosed)

Hobbies: ... um... :( scribbling sometimes :( ... spitting facts on the internet.... singing,,, uhhh learning languages... ummm... just trying to not die, really... oh yeah dancing in my room. oh fishing! and im trying to get into bird watching!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah im trying to get back into gaming and watching shows and anime. (you may ask how is that a struggle? I answer, I do not know, but the way my head works is not convenient for work nor play)

Likes: SPICY FOOD!!!!!! HOT/WARM BROTH!!!!!!! SOUP SOUP SOUP!!!!!!! animals :} uh steamed cauliflower with salt and pepper <3 wood cubes in water asmr, invader zim, raichu, sardines, exotic root vegetables, derpy hooves

Dislikes: PEOPLE POKING ME OR JUST BARELY TOUCHING ME OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! >:(((((((((((((((((((( getting angry, working, not working, being alive, stomach ache, head ache, getting Nic sick, corruption in the governments of the world, the horrors of war, waking up, trying to sleep but sweaty, ITCHY >:(((((((((( people pleasing, the duality of nature, disappointing people

DNI if.... no there are no DNI. im willing to change your mind if you are transphobic or other opinions I dont agree with. just kidding I dont even text my friends, let alone look at my dms or notifications. im not gonna bother, I got too much stuff on my mind and to do. but I mean if the opportunity arises I can try. like look, I think everyone is a shit person, so the TYPE of shit person you are doesnt matter as much to me. maybe something you find on my page will give you some change of heart idk?

here are my banners

here is my kin post

here is pony town characters post

vegeta memes

[dreamsausage]

Um???? Dream

Dream where there were a group of characters all arguing and suddenly a guy shows up and asks what's going on. Struggling to remember this one.

They were all trying to find a name for a citadel they were founding together but nobody agreed and it slowly devolved into chaos. It had turned into a fight and since they all had magical powers, a lot of them had gotten hurt, but one other character managed to calm them all down and pull them back into the room.

One was a halfling weaponsmith with short black hair. and he was MAD. he was so angry. But also he was the worst off of all of them so he mainly contributed via angry shouting, flailing, pointing and wincing.

Two were human siblings that didn't get along well. They would just kind of stare at eachother from across the table.

One was an ogre who HATED the halfling. he thought he was the most annoying guy ever. but the ogre was also the chillest guy in the room. he was quiet and tried to break up the fighting alongside another one, but he ended up having to knock the halfling out by flinging him at a wall and he was NOT happy with him.

one was a warrior lady. she was stubborn and insisted on her way, but nobody else really liked the idea. She stormed out of the room during the conversation but came back in later.

one was a wolf-man? they would shut down everything the lady said and growled at anyone who even slightly agreed with her.

One was a lizardy dragony person? she was pearl white and had long flowy antennae at the start, but she was also genderfluid and at one point during the dream she became male, turned dark blue, and had horns. She was the one who managed to pull everyone back inside and stop the fighting.

Finally was the guy who suddenly showed up. he seemingly knew the future and knew that if these people didn't agree on the citadel, it would fall and an ancient evil would take over. he also knew a lot about each character and why they didn't get along with everyone else.

He said that there were connections between two of everyone in this room. if they failed to learn from their differences and get along, one of those connections would fall dead, causing the citadel to fall. essentially they were the beams holding the walls up.

I really regret that I don't remember a lot of this part. in it he talked to everyone and over the course of the conversation people realised who the connections were between. as it went on the lizardy person got really nervous and would try and deescalate when characters started to shout, but the guy would stop her, saying that they had to work through things in their own way, otherwise it would never really be resolved.

first it was the two brothers, who had been fighting over the fact that they had to leave their parents behind to escape slavery a few years ago. there was no way they could have brought their parents, and the parents had already told their kids that they should leave without them, but one brother was desperate to bring them. the other had to drag him away, and the noise the first brother made about it almost blew their cover. they had been angry about it for a while but after each brother explained what upset them, they understood eachother and stopped fighting.

they shook hands and a small shiver spread across the room. the wolf-man commented on a new smell and the halfling complained about the sudden change in air pressure that nobody else noticed. then they all went "oh shit that was a link right" and the guy was like "yes it was" and they were like "OHHHH SHIT"

the next pair were (believe it or not) the ogre and the halfling. the halfling explained why he was so angry, and it was apparently because of how none of them could agree on anything — he was like, "we were all great friends when we met!! what the fuck is going on!! why has all out shit only just hit the fan?????? we should have sorted this out ages ago!!" and everyone was a bit sheepish.

the ogre was all like "we never talked about it before!!!!! most of our decisions had to be made in a split second to prevent us from DYING!!!!!! until we got to here we had no time to consider it all :("

and then the two of them realised that actually they agreed this whole time and the ogre was just refusing to listen to the halfling because he thought shouting=uncivil. the halfling was angry at the ogre cos he thought the ogre wasn't listening to him because he disagreed.

the halfling insisted on getting up to shake the ogre's hand. the lizardy person was a bit worried at first but the halfling was sure he could do it, and he could. the ogre apologised for throwing him ar a wall and he was all like "nahhh it's nothing I've had worse" lol. the ogre still decided to pick him up so he would stop straining himself.

then was the lady and the wolf-man. she asked the wolf-man why they weren't letting her talk and they said it was because she would NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. she wasn't listening to the other ideas, she wasn't listening to why hers wouldn't work, she was so insistent that her word was law that they'd just had enough of it at this point. she HAD to just drop it.

she got a bit upset about it, but then she explained that she'd been so into the idea because it was the original reason why she had told everyone to start making the citadel. she was the leader of the group, and she'd had this idea for so long, and she though that it was what everyone had agreed on... wolf-man and some or the others explained to her that plans change, and sometimes your first idea just isn't going to work anymore. you have to adapt and change with the way things are going.

she finally agreed and the wolf-man apologised for growling at her. they shook hands and then all that was left was the guy and the lizardy person.

the guy said, "I think you already know why we are connected." the lizardy person looked sad.

the halfling said "why? you've never even met!" and the others were like "yeah!! what do you mean he should know?"

the lizardy person looked at them, but then looked away. he looked embarrassed about something.

"because," said the guy, "neither of us are meant to be here. we're both from a different world. one where your citadel fell."

everyone was like ":OOOOO" and he explained that technically they'd seen everything happen, and both had had the idea to come here and fix it for the sake of the future. the guy knew the lizardy person would have failed, because they didn't have all the facts. so the guy went all the way back and followed each member of the group to gain a proper understanding of what had gone wrong. the lizardy person didn't have a way to resolve the arguments, but without them, the group's fight would have turned out a lot worse, and the halfling would have died.

"we both had important parts to play. but you know that neither of us can stay here. it's not our place." the guy held his hand out to the lizardy person. they took it.

there was one last shiver and the halfling complained that his ears felt funny, but everyone else felt it too that time. the guy checked the timeline and the ancient evil no longer enveloped the latter half of it. he looked at the lizardy person and said it was time to go. so they left.

this whole thing was a part of a popular show, and neither the lizardy person nor the guy had been an important part of the group until this episode. the guy had been a background character, and the lizardy person had been acting like they were here the whole time, when they hadn't.

each character was also apparently from a ttrpg, which the guy and the lizardy person seemed to be aware of? it might have been a "dm ex machina" situation to stop characters from arguing so that the story could progress.

someone on YouTube made a super popular animation meme using clips from this episode and eventually other people started recreating it with their own charcaters or ones from other shows. it was especially popular in the gacha community and a lot of famous gachatubers made versions of it, some even making au versions where the story plays out differently. it was surreal. one of them was kind of horrifying, all the characters being put in saw trap-like contraption and forced to admit everything under threat of violence. a documentary youtube even made a video on it where they for some reason changed gender at the same point in the story as the lizard? idek man

that's as much as I could get from it. I was sure that there was stuff before that but I'm not able to remember.

[raviosrupees]

Super Specific Linked Universe Headcanons Pt 1.

All of the Links are autistic but they all have wildly different ways of presenting it. Ask me about their special interests, please. Please.

Warriors is in his 20s. He is an Aquarius. I'm right.

Sky is the ultimate straight cis ally, but he has bi wife energy. He is best friends with Legend, and they're kind of inseparable.

Twilight is a taurus, he's cis and bisexual, but leans towards women and fem ppl (and too hung up to think about anyone but one woman)

Wild is taller than yall think, 17 or 117 whatever is more convenient for him, zelda told him his birthday is november 7th (scorpio, ofc) and he just accepts that.

Hyrule is pansexual (mostly cis but might be genderfluid, he likes to wear feminine clothes and makeup)

Four is like? 3'8, and he's 20 yo but most people don't believe him. He's a trans boy, and most of the colors are too besides vio, who I think is either genderfluid or pangender, uses all pronouns. Four is bisexual but leans towards guys, though he loves his Zelda.

Legend is 4'10, 17 yo, born december 14th at midnight. he is trans, any pronouns, and bisexual.

Ravio is same height and age as Legend, and they're both born on the same day but ravio was born at noon. This really bothers Legend, he wants his own birthday. Ravi loves it.

also ravio is gay, asian/latino, chubby and has the best smile <3

war is cis and bisexual but he leans towards women, I think he's aromantic but probably could be romantically involved with someone.

Times eyes are more gray than blue

Sky 9 times out of 10 has no clue whats going on. Stupid and confused, and its perfect.

Twilight always knows where all of them are, and I don't even know if it's just smell. He has mom instincts "where are my kids, what are they doing"

Wild got mad anger issues pls calm down babe. Kind of scary. He lets hyrule braid his hair sometimes.

Hyrules eyes are more green than blue, and he has freckles all over his face and body (jokes he ought to get a kiss for every freckle)

Whenever Wind gets mail from his little sister, he reads it to the group. He's very proud of her, and she's very proud of him. She has a bunch of big brothers now.

Four + the colors are white-asian mixed (or looks like it yk, bc he's hylian) his eyes are dark brown.

Legend goes non verbal a lot, esp when they're stressed, but when she talks, she talks. I mean, hand gestures, ranting, cussing, pointing, "and you a bitch, and you a bitch." favorite curse word is cunt.

warriors ruffle everyone's hair, and they all hate it (esp four and legend, who claims he's going to choke him with his own scarf)

Sky likes to sing and dance, and wishes more of them would dance with him.

Twilight has slept as a wolf so often that it's practically natural for him, he really prefers it. Also, he takes all of his nightwatch shifts as a wolf.

Wild will teach literally anyone about edible flora and mushrooms and such, and foraging around hyrule, if only they would listen. Sometimes talks random animals ears off about his favorite flavor combos. Sky loves to listen and ask questions.

Hyrule will hand his favorite people random stuff as "gifts" like feathers, flowers, rocks, dead bugs (he's obsessed with bugs, he loves them so so much and they're all his friends) his favorite animal is a bumblebee

i know we all agree wind swears likek a bloody sailor, bc thats what he is, but how about him using random shit for swears like, "crabs cankles," "bilge-sucking" or calling the others landlubbers. also feel like he'd be the type to say "bite me" when someone disagrees with him.

Four keeps a bunch of books in his bag, and if their reading is disturbed they all have different reactions. Blue pinches or glares, Vio ignores you unless she deems what youre saying important, red gets physically distressed, and green will actually tell you to be quiet. (blue pinches a lot actually)

Legend is a very picky eater, especially with textures, this pisses wild off (wdym you dont like it YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED IT)

Sky's Zelda is a bisexual virgo, and she knows everything.

Malon makes very good bread. I want to shove that shit in my face ong. Also she insists on giving each of the boys big hugs when shes sees them.

[jamiebluewind]

Dear readers,

I'm reaching out to you right now, not out of joy, but out of fear. Cocoa-fells (riz-gukgak-is-best) is not responding to messages after posting that she was scared of possible actions her homophobic religious parents might take if they figured out that she and her sister were LGBTQ+. Cocoa is a genderfluid biromantic asexual (I'll be using she/her for this post) and her sister is gay.

Cocoa contacted @fangirlsftw (aka Katie) and I on the 8th (we've both known her for about a year and spoke off and on) really worried about her parents finding out her and her sister's identities and how the controlling (taking away of electronics, not allowing contact, etc.) and verbal threats had been escalating with her parents and her friend's parents. Her parents also believe gays are evil. Katie suggested a gofundme to help her raise the funds to get out of the environment with her sister, her best friend (who is also in a bad situation), and her dog. She also agreed to do a daily check in with me and a relative.

After the post went up, Cocoa found out that her mom had gone to her stepdad with suspicions about her and her sister. She said that her parents believed their lies about the LGBTQ+ stuff, but they did find out that her sister was no longer a believer and that Cocoa had doubts (she said that she told them she was leaning towards yes, but still). They appeared to take it remarkably well, but Cocoa still felt anxious due to them nearly finding out everything after successfully hiding her identity for so long.

Cocoa's last check in was October 12th at 10:20pm EST. Her gofundme was taken down and refunds were issued. On October 15th at 5:52pm, I got this message.

 

The message wasn't written in her normal voice and felt... off, so I reached back out to make sure that the person could confirm that they were Cocoa (and not someone else with her account information). No response. Katie and several of our friends have reached out as well and got no response from her tumblr or discord. Not long after that, Cocoa's tumblr account was deactivated.

If you have any information, please reach out to us. Otherwise, please boost this so that it might be seen by someone who can help.

And before anybody says it, I know that this is the internet. That I could be in for a world of hurt and heckling by the end of all of this. But the truth is, I will never let the possibility of hurt feelings stop me from ensuring that a friend is safe. So please, humor me for now and help however you can.

--Update--

It's been 6 days since Cocoa last checked in. 72 hours since I received the message that we strongly believe was not from her. We have no new information at this time, BUT we were able to find two of her worried online friends and update them on the situation.

This post is spreading. There is still hope that someone with information or that knows Cocoa in real life will see it. So I'm asking you, please help us. If you're able, you can even share it on other platforms (reddit, twitter, instagram...) as long as you remember to link back to either this post or one of our tumblrs so someone with information has a place to go.

And Cocoa? If you see this, it's gonna be okay. We will find you. I'm not giving up on you. None of us are. We got you.

[ynscrazylife]

Loki request (spoilers)

Reader is a variant who got captured by the tva, they're sent to trial and Loki saves them from getting killed bc he still owed them a favour. Morbius gets confused bc those two dangerous variants know each other, turns out they were best friends in their original time line. Now Morbius has to babysit two sarcastic assholes. Double trouble ensures.

Double Trouble | l.l fluff fic

Summary: The request. 

Authors Note: I fully acknowledge and support Loki being genderfluid. In this fic, I will be using he/him pronouns for Loki since those were the pronouns they’ve used for Loki in the show so far, indicating that at the time this fic is set, Loki’s genderfluid identity is of a man. Should those pronouns/identity change, so will the pronouns for my fics. I do not intend to be harmful in any way so if this is harmful to the genderfluid community, PLEASE let me know!

Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 | Main Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @dearcardan on twitter

Yeah, Loki was definitely not taking any of this seriously. At this point, he theorized that the Avengers were laughing their asses off on this elaborate prank they were playing on him, and he decided to just wait it out. It had to stop at some point, right? There was no way that this “TVA” bullshit was actually, in any way, real.

At least . . . He believed that until he saw a familiar face.

Mobius had just saved him from being reset to the original timeline and they were walking out of the courtroom just as the doors opened and two TVA agents were walking another “criminal” in. Loki still wasn't buying this elaborate scheme so he didn’t really pay this new person much attention, until he heard the judge speak. 

“Miss Y/N Y/L/N - am I correct?” 

Loki froze, eyes traveling to the “criminal” passing him. He first thought that Thor had set this part of the prank up, but he knew his brother didn’t really understand how mischief really worked. Plus, Loki could tell Y/N wasn’t an illusion. 

. . . So that meant she was actually here. 

“Hey, wait, can I see this trial?” Loki whispered to Mobius, who glanced back at the judge and raised his eyebrows skeptically at the brunette deity. Loki added, “I just want to see a little more of how this place works, okay?” 

Mobius was sure Loki was onto something and after a couple moments of thought, he agreed. At least this would give him a chance to get to know this troublemaker better, and they both shuffled into seats. 

“You are correct, madame,” Y/N answered mockingly, a big grin on her face as she walked up to the podium. She then looked around in an exaggerated manner. “Well, do I get a lawyer or what?” 

Loki smirked and the judge scoffed. “How do you plead?” The judge asked, dismissing her questions. 

“What ‘crimes’ have I supposedly committed?” 

“You have been accused of creating an alternate timeline that does not fit into the main continuum. You snuck into Odin’s vault using your Asgardian abilities  and when you used the fake Infinity Gauntlet and, in your attempt to enchant the Gauntlet to work like the actual one, you accidentally travelled forward in time and created a new timeline,” the judge summarized. 

Loki smiled, amused and proud. He only wondered what led her to this. 

“In my defense, I heard that my friend was in trouble and wanted to help out,” Y/N said with a shrug. 

“Well, the enchantments were not supposed fully work. They were meant to just backfire on you and knock you unconscious, where you’d be imprisoned in the dungeon. But then you tried to use another powerful object in Odin’s vault which created a Nexus event, messed with your enchantment on the fake Power and Time stone, and here you are,” the judge explained.

“If I wasn’t meant to do this - why didn’t these ‘Time Keepers’ control my actions and make me do something else?” Y/N asked, changing the subject.

“I am not going to entertain you any further. In your previous statement, quote: ‘In my defense, I heard that my friend was in trouble and wanted to help out’ You have admitted your guilt and will now be reset,” the judge declared sternly.

Immediately, two TVA agents grabbed Y/N harshly and began to drag her away from the podium. Loki, who at this point had connected the dots that he was the friend she had been trying to help, knew he owed her one. He couldn’t just let her be reset and then be imprisoned. So, thinking rather quickly, he leapt up from his seat and shouted, “No!”

All heads turned to him. Y/N’s eyes went wide, not having spotted him, and Mobius was beginning to regret his decision. Loki turned to Mobius. “You need me to help you with this ‘sacred timeline’ stuff. I’ll only do it if Y/N stays,” he said, panting.

Mobius caught an angry look from the judge but his gaze settled on Y/N. After a couple moments, he sighed and relented. “Fine.”

Y/N and Loki cheered and she broke out of the agents’ grips, running to Loki who picked her up and hugged her. “That’s my girl,” Loki said, proud of her for her prank.

Mobius internally groaned. This was going to be a long day.

———————————

“So how do you know each other?” Mobius asked as he walked in-between the Asgardians, leading them to his office.

“Y/N’s been my best friend, partner in time, ever since I was little,” Loki said, grinning.

“Got it,” Mobius said, frowning. He could only imagine the mischief they had conjured.

———————————

After reviewing both of their files, Mobius had to step out for a second, leaving Loki and Y/N alone. “Let’s try to break out,” was the first thing to leave Loki’s lips.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “And suppose we do, how the hell are you gonna get the Tesseract back? Plus, I won’t wanna be imprisoned on Asgard,” she reasoned, quickly shutting the idea down.

Loki huffed. He was bored. He wanted to do something.

And he had something to do when Y/N stood up and started walking around. With a smirk, he grabbed the remote controlling Y/N’s collar and clicked it, immediately sending her back to her seat.

She turned and glared at him, and he just smirked, innocently shrugging. “I wanna have fun,” he said.

Y/N rolled her eyes and cautiously stood up again. When nothing happened, she walked around a bit more, and Loki let her . . . Until he got bored again. With another click, she reappeared on the other side of the room, in mid-walk.

Before she could protest, Loki did it again. And again. And again. He finally stopped when she got out the words, “CUT IT OUT!” and laughed to himself.

“You asshole,” Y/N grunted, beginning to walk towards him, but skidded back when Loki clicked the button just one more time.

“Oops. My finger slipped,” Loki smirked.

Y/N glared, but being reset made her lose her footing, and she tumbled to the floor, causing her best friend to cackle. Annoyed, she ran at him and managed to push him off his chair, tackling him to the floor. They rolled around, neither one gaining the upper hand for too long, until Mobius re-entered, saw the chaos, pulled Loki to his feet, and grabbed the remote, resetting Y/N so she was back in her chair.

“Hey!” Loki exclaimed, pushing Mobius off him. “No one controls my best friend!”

Y/N couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not, but smiled nonetheless. Mobius glared and grabbed Loki’s remote, resetting him so he was back in his chair. He then turned to them both.

“I’m beginning to agree with my colleagues that this-” he gestured to Loki and Y/N, “-was a bad idea.”

Permanent Taglist: @natasharomanoffismywife @hehehehannahthings @paulawand @blackbat2020 @cerberus-spectre @marrymemcgrath @celestialbarnes @kathryndimitrescu @snipyloulou @big-galaxy-chaos @cc13723things

MCU Taglist: @stephanieromanoff @summerlovingbaby @ineffablebean @okkulta @procrastinatingsapphictrash @prettysbliss @caseyfish @sarahp-stan @thewidowsghost @basiclesbianbitch @mycosmicparadise @kidswhofightmonsters @xtraordinaryfangrl @peggycarter-steverogers @username23345 @ima-gi--na-tion @yori-nakajima @hi-i-1 @mmmmokdok @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @mads-weasley @tenaciousperfectionunknown @afraid-to-be-me @lilclownx @acertainredhead @natromanoffxox @lilymurphy03

[marauderssequels]

new quarantine project

(TLDR available at the bottom of this post)

look we got really fuckin screwed with the cursed child thing and then fantastic beasts imo, like I do like the fantastic beasts series but we have been waiting for more marauders content for decades now. so I’ve decided that fuck it, there’s no reason we can’t create it ourselves. we’ve been doing a hell of a job so far on fanfics and headcanons and fanart and every other form of media; why not the full seven book series we deserve?

at this point, it might be a fair judgement that the fandom has done more to build upon the world of the marauders and their relationships than the original series laid the grounds for. more canon content has been produced by rowling since then, but I believe a lot of our imaginings have been shaped by the many ideas that we as a community have come up with. that’s why I’d like to involve the entire hp community in creating this series (essentially crowdsourcing creativity/ideas). seven books for the marauders prequel story is a lot of ground to cover, and while I have a few ideas, I want the final product to truly reflect all the love and originality we’ve been pouring into this series for years.

I won’t disregard canon entirely, as I’ll be drawing on the characters from the marauders era as well as additional details rowling has provided. however, one definite way this series will break some established rules is in its diversity. we deserved to see more characters of color, more lgbtq+ relationships and characters, more fat characters, more disabled characters- we deserved to see everyone represented. this time around, I will do my best to ensure we will.

for one thing, wolfstar (the romantic pairing of remus and sirius) will be prevalent. so much of the fan content created for the marauders era includes this pairing, and while not everyone will agree with its inclusion, I do think there are many members of the community who will appreciate it. I would love any other suggestions for more pairings, whether they be platonic or romantic, lgbtq+ or straight.

really, any and all suggestions are so welcome. right now, my plan is to scroll as far down the hp headcanons and hp meta tags as possible to gather inspiration, as well as dive into the canon material rowling has published and make a list of characters before piecing together a general storyline and establishing character arcs. I’ll post an outline when I think I’ve gathered enough sources and inspiration, but please: at any time, even months down the road from this post, do not be afraid to send in ideas/headcanons. the world of harry potter leaves so much room to be expanded on and explored, there’s always room for more.

it’s also my intention to make at least one (if not more) of the main four characters trans (that being remus, sirius, peter, and james). they all hold great potential as trans characters (trans wolfstar? two teenagers navigating their way through life, romance, and gender, supporting each other through everything? discovering themselves and accepting each other? trying to find fashion that appeals to their taste in the seventies?? things to consider...)

obviously this will take an effect on the story as a whole, and nothing is set in stone quite yet. I do love the idea of gender non-conforming sirius, so whether or not that ends up translating to a nonbinary, agender, or even genderfluid sirius is also up in the air. he’s always hated convention and tradition, and I see no reason for him to not live as authentically as possible once he’s given up on his family. there’s a huge opportunity in his narrative for themes of freedom and self-love, especially as he’s canonically coming from an already unsupportive family.

ideas like these and more will, ultimately, be decided on through community polls and voting. whatever we create, it will be created together. I feel that there’s room here for everyone’s ideas and voices to be heard and respected, so (for example) even if we don’t see trans wolfstar, that doesn’t mean we won’t see two trans partners somewhere else in the story.

the headcanon of desi harry is also popular enough for me to comfortably suggest that james be indian, or at least of some south asian descent. a poll to decide on his ethnicity is currently up, as his heritage and culture will be a large part of his backstory and perspective.

with the overview of my general starting ideas out of the way, please send in any opinions or ideas you have for the series and share this post with anyone you think might want to be involved in the project or who might have ideas of their own. reblogs will help spread the word about this project and get as many creative minds involved as possible! sending me posts, art, or links to fanfic and other materials are also welcome, as well as private messages. I’m also open to including storylines from existing fanfictions, as long as the author is open to including their work and ideas. the series will not be sold or commercialized in any way, but will be free for all to read with the release of each new segment of the story.

thank you so much for reading, polls are now available!

some disclaimers: this is not for profit, nor is it intended to infringe upon the work of j.k. rowling. I won’t be claiming to own these characters, settings, or any ideas or concepts in the harry potter universe. the works created are protected under fair use.

TLDR: this is an idea for a new series of marauders books, following james potter, remus lupin, sirius black, and peter pettigrew. this idea is best supported by sending in suggestions, headcanons, and other ideas, as well as taking the polls and sharing this post. involving other writers and creatives is a large goal for this project!

[70eeznutz]

i’m gonna make a better intro/pinned post bc fuck it

i interact from @evervirescent, i also run a dragonvale blog @the-obsidian-equinox

about me

pronoun page

you can call me Virescent or Hades

neither are my legal name, Hades is a nickname someone gave me a long time ago bc it sounds similar to my legal name and i realized it works well online

genderfluid she/he/they

(i often get confused if someone switches between different pronouns really fast when referring to the same person if multiple people are being mentioned. also i’m afab so i’m most used to she/her but i really have no preference. i don’t mind if you only use one pronoun for me, especially if that makes it easier for you)

adult (born in 2004)

pacific time zone (california)

white & grew up upper middle class with good parents, so please educate me if there’s something i wouldn’t understand!

autistic

mentally ill, but no personality or psychotic disorders

i do have a few triggers but they’re very specific

as an attempt survivor, i have no tolerance for telling someone to take their own life. it doesn’t matter how universally hated that person might be. if i see someone do this, i will block and report them, unless i can clearly tell it’s a joke. i would also prefer if people don’t make those jokes around me unless i’ve given the okay.

blog content

in theory i can write and draw but i almost never make fan content for anxiety reasons IM DOING IT GUYS!! IM GODDAMN DOING IT!!

i usually just post memes or talk about xfohv and algebralians a normal amount

i might talk or reblog about other object shows too. occasionally.

i try to tag things that may be uncomfortable or triggering but i do not do a perfect job. if you need me to tag something please leave a reply to the post in question

sometimes I misspell words or use slang and abbreviations that likely won’t work in a translator, so if you would like me to write something in a way that’s easier to translate, just let me know!

i don’t kin or simp for any characters but i can project onto them really really hard

my favorite posts will be tagged with #pinned to the fridge

my favorite ships are sevensix, 4X, nineflop, and three x five

i also love queerplatonic eight x ten

if you want to know the exact details of everything i ship and in what ways you can go to #xfohv ship chart but be warned as i use homestuck concepts

you can repost my memes just don’t claim they’re yours (i actually get excited when i see smth i made somewhere else)

on the topic of discourse/etc (don’t worry!)

i try my best to keep an open mind and see from the perspective of all sides of various topics

i will not disclose my stance on any topics because i want to keep my blog discourse free, and i also want to interact with people of different opinions so i can privately learn and understand everyone better. this does still mean i have sides i agree and disagree with, but these aren’t set in stone and aren’t relevant right now.

i believe no one actually wants to be the bad guy and most people are only trying to help, so we should all work together to find out how to help as many people as we can. we should discuss instead of argue, and mutually work toward fully understanding these topics

i will still block people who go out of their way to harass or attack others ESPECIALLY if they encourage harm on anyone

needless to say, i have no DNI, but you still might not want to follow me if you’re not comfortable with the above information. i don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable here.

this post may be updated in the future if i think of something i want to add but for now that’s it

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hey hi, I'm sorry that my previous ask came of as biphobic. What I actually meant was this: furiousocean(.)tumblr(.)com/post/656663147110875136

(Also I use gay as an umbrella term bc there's not really an equivalent to queer in my native language)

(link, which is a tiktok video about how loki delivers bad queer rep)

that's okay! i've accidentally used biphobic language myself without meaning to, so i just wanted to explain how we need to be careful of how we phrase things here.

i do agree with the end message of that video, which is: the mcu sanitizes their queers and reduces any specks of representation down to something that could be easily edited out in other markets that they don't want to upset. if the loki show was really committed to showing loki as queer rep, they would have shown more than one female-presenting version of him, and possibly had him engage in some degree of flirting with a male character.

but i DO have to say that i get a BIT uneasy whenever we discuss bisexual characters in a way that implies that they need to PROVE they're bisexual through their actions. it's really, really easy for biphobia to slip out in conversations like these and for people to say, that character is bad queer rep because they haven't been shown having a relationship with the opposite gender.

well... bisexuality, like all orientations, isn't about your actions, it's about your attractions. who you are, not what you do, and definitely not who you sleep with. a real person can be bisexual without ever kissing or dating or fucking someone of their own gender.

so while i'm definitely not saying "be happy and shut up," i think we need to be really cautious in how we phrase things. i don't think we should say, "the problem is that loki is bad queer rep because he's never shown flirting with a man." i think we should say, "the problem is that disney wants to pay lip service to queer rep by letting a character state they're bi, but they won't allow any major character be seen in a same-gender relationship, and won't even explicitly state that this character is genderfluid."

i don't think we should focus on loki, i think we should focus on disney, and reiterate that it's the corporation who won't risk losing money from the right-wing market by depicting ANY m/m or f/f relationship.

the burden of good queer rep doesn't sit square on loki's shoulders, he's just a symptom of a greater problem. if the mouse would allow other popular mcu characters, like carol or bucky, to be shown in same-sex relationships, it would be perfectly fine for loki to say "a bit of both" and not need to do anything to 'prove' that statement.

i guess what i'm saying is that it seems like people keep sort of stumbling into biphobic statements about a single character when they need to call out the cowardly greed of the huge corporation.

[alirhi]

Loki ranting

Okay. I had this thought in my head of like just compiling links of all the Loki shit I've posted/reblogged so far so that when I get into a conversation about the show and how it fucking disgusted me, I can just be like "here. here's this masterlist post, go read all this shit. This is my entire argument, and not only mine, but a lot of stuff posted by people far more intelligent and level-headed and eloquent than I am, whom I happen to agree with." Because the alternative is constantly getting fired up all over again, and that is exhausting.

BUT! I'm stupid and don't know how tumblr works. Apparently I can't just be like "give me all the Loki-tagged shit I've got" I can only search all the Loki-tagged shit on all of tumblr. And I'm not scrolling back through all of my posts. I talk too fucking much for that shit 😂

So, I'll try to remember all of my grievances with how the MCU has treated Loki, and all of the excellent posts made by other, equally upset fans, and put it all together here under this nice, neat little cut for everyone else's sanity and scrolling convenience...

For people who actually read my shit fairly regularly - bless you, you crazy, patient people. I love you! - this is going to be a lot of repetition of shit you've already read. Probably at least twice. I'm passionate and I have a terrible memory lol. Sorry.

Anyway, first, for those who don't know me and haven't been following my explosions of rage for the past couple of months, some quick background: I do not read comic books, so Loki's Marvel comic canon means nothing to me. I know almost nothing about it. The reason I'm so in love with the character in the MCU is because I am an eclectic witch and the deity I've actively loved and worshiped the longest in my life (literally for as long as I can remember) is Loki. So when he was mentioned in The Mask, I squeed. When they named Matt Damon's character after him in Dogma, I cheered.

When Thor came out in 2011, I just about died from happiness. I was hungry for any representation of this underappreciated god, no matter what it was. I didn't even bitch about how underpowered he was, because at least he was there. But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.

I can hear anyone reading this going "Why Loki? Isn't he, like, evil? Like basically the Norse version of The Devil?" Because I heard all this shit irl all the fucking time. And no. So let me give you a quick rundown of who Loki actually is.

Loki is a Trickster God. He's often referred to as the God of Mischief. He is not and never was evil, simply chaotic and hedonistic. Loki Laufeyjarson was the son of Laufey (that's mama; they changed her to a man for some reason in the movie) and Fárbauti. Right from the start, from his name, we get a sign of how Loki goes against traditional norms of the time, because in Norse culture, families were patrilineal, and surnames were "son/daughter of father" (which would have made him Loki Fárbautitason), not the mother. But Loki's surname is matrilineal. Feminist icon woo! lol

Though he's a Jotunn, Loki is counted among the Gods (Aesir) in Norse tradition. Depending on his mood, he is alternately helpful or disruptive to the other Gods. I'm not gonna sit and teach a whole text class on him lol but I'll use my favorite example of Misunderstood Loki - the conception of Sleipnir!

So, get this shit. This is also part of why I DO NOT follow Odin and never fucking will (a very small part, but still part of the reason). So, the other Norse Gods are petty motherfuckers, and they wanted some shit built but didn't want to pay the dude doing the building. So they were like "okay, if you can get it done in X amount of time, we'll pay you, but if you can't manage it NO MATTER WHAT, this whole thing is free." And they made sure he had NO help, nothing but him, his materials, and his Very Good Horsey. And this guy and his horse were fucking BAMFs. So it was looking like he was definitely gonna get it done in time, and Odin was like "nah, fuck that shit. I'm cheap." and so he sent Loki to distract the work horse. Loki transformed into a mare and lured the horse away, got fucked, got pregnant, gave birth to the 8-legged (for some reason) horse Sleipnir. Odin rides Loki's son into battle. Um. Kay.

So Loki helped Odin be a petty mf, and Odin got himself a new pet out of the deal.

Oh, also, because he's smart af and a shapeshifter and a master magician and genderfluid, Loki "fails" to fit the super fucking toxic and narrow Norse/Aesir view of "a real man". He prefers intelligence and manipulation to solve problems rather than violence, he's not afraid to behave like a clown if it gets shit done, and that grosses the Aesir out, so they constantly ridicule him for being "less than a man".

Loki is the God of the outcast and the misunderstood. The marginalized people from all walks of life. He is the God of the LGBT community. In modern terms, he's pansexual, polyamorous (married to Sigyn and they are deeply in love, but boy gets around and I've never seen any indication that Sigyn gives a shit) and genderfluid.

Okay. Focus, Ali. This is part of why I usually post multiple rants instead of one big long one XD The longer I ramble, the more I get sidetracked and forget the original point.

So. Loki's awesome, and being a Trickster, is powerful as all fucking hell. There's not much he can't do.

And now we come to Thor (the movie, not the deity). Loki's there! 24-year-old Ali is spazzing! All is right with the world!

Oh lord, they've actually done him justice?! Amazing! He's complex and nuanced and emotional, just like the real Loki! I loved this movie. Loved. It. The climactic thing with trying to blow up Jotunheim never really made much sense to me until someone made an excellent point the other day about Loki being raised in a racist society that was racist against his own race, he just didn't know it yet, poor child. Baby Thor was never corrected when he pledged to commit mass genocide, so Baby Loki probably absorbed the lesson then that Jotunns=evil and killing them all will win his father's love. Anyway, 2011 Loki was a beautiful, heartbreaking portrayal of the God I've loved all my life and spent 24 years longing to see depicted on the big screen.

Then The Avengers happened. And I saw another Loki very close to Norse mythology - mainly, how he's treated. In the beginning of the movie, he's sick, exhausted, and in pain. He can hardly stand, he stumbles and needs help when he walks. He was very obviously tortured, and the sickly blue light of the scepter's control is in his eyes. That gets less and less pronounced as the movie goes on, showing Loki working his way free of it, but in the beginning, he's a mess. Because he was tortured and used by Thanos. Marvel directly confirmed this, and that he was under the scepter's/Mind Stone's control. Loki's actions are not his own in The Avengers. He's under both threat and Thanos' direct control. The movie actually shows The Other directly threatening him to keep him on task, because this is not Loki's plan. It is not what he wants. He's being used and villainized... Just like in real life. It hurt to see this done to him, but the accuracy was too beautiful to ignore.

Thor: The Dark World comes out. I've heard people complain that this movie is the weak link in the Thor trilogy. I disagree. I think that's Ragnarok, for a bunch of reasons, but we'll get there. (And for the record, I loved Ragnarok, too. It was a funny movie. Infinity War and the Disney+ series are the only portrayals of Loki in the MCU that I truly fucking hated.) Anyway, good, fun movie. Had its faults, as all movies do, but it still followed Loki's real-life arc in a way. How? By having Loki dragged back to Asgard in chains and imprisoned underground. Again, not super happy that this happened to my love, and having to see it on screen was painful, but at least in the MCU he's not chained to a rock with venom dripping on his face for eternity, so there's that. (poor Sigyn. how tired do her arms get, holding up that bowl? best wife ever, amirite?)

In TDW, we're shown Loki's love for Frigga, who favored him and taught him magic as a child. We see his bravado; his attempts to mask his true feelings, especially grief. We see him slowly coming back to himself after the events of The Avengers, and slowly mending his relationship with his brother. He accepts that Odin will likely never love him, but Thor just might, because they were close when they were young. "I didn't do it for him." No, no my sweet, you did it for your brother, and a little out of guilt for what happened to your mother.

At the end, Loki fakes his death and escapes, taking the throne, and I have mixed feelings about this. Not the writer's choices here; I love that completely! A natural progression in Loki's story. But my joy is tainted by how closely they're following the Eddas now. Because Loki's escape from his prison heralds the beginning of Ragnarok. And Loki will die in Ragnarok. I don't want to see that play out in front of my face. I won't be able to handle the grief (spoiler alert! IW broke me. I almost walked out of the theater. Loki's death was legitimately fucking traumatic for me. I don't even care how pathetic that is. That grief was real, it was intense, and I still shake and cry when I think about it.)

Marvel announces that Thor 3 will be called Ragnarok. The internet treats this as a shocking revelation. I roll my eyes and mumble "duh" to myself and move on XD

Then they say Ragnarok will be a buddy comedy. I throw up a little in my mouth and no longer want to live on this planet. If they're going to make something called Ragnarok, could they at least treat it with even a fraction of the respect they've shown these characters thusfar? Jfc. I mean, I'll see it anyway, because I'm a whore for Tom Hiddleston lol. But come on, people!

I hated that they made Hel the long-lost older sister and Fenrir her fucking pet/attack dog. Those are my favorites of Loki's children! Hel is such an incredible badass that the early Christians named their dimension of eternal torture after her! They were terrified of her, to the point of naming the place that terrified them most after her. That's awesome! And Fenrir's just the best. I love wolves. Those two details, and Odin's retcon of "we're not Gods! ...lol, except your sister. she's totally a Goddess. and def gonna kill literally everything, so... good luck! byyyeeeee" pissed me off royally.

The rest was great. I genuinely liked this movie. Still do. And they finally used The Immigrant Song! That was pretty cool. If they'd thrown in Bring the Hammer Down and Thunderstruck, I might've called this movie perfect. XD

I wasn't totally in love with their portrayal of Loki in Ragnarok. Yes, the falling for 30 minutes line was funny, as was "I have to get off this planet" and "YES! That's how it feels!" And "Get Help" was funny as hell. But also, like... There is no way Loki would have been the dumb one in that first encounter with Hela. Also, he can teleport and project copies of himself and shit, so... He would not have been that desperate to go straight back to Asgard and bring her right along with them. Loki's not stupid. But whatever. Movie's gotta movie.

What I did love was seeing the slow mending of his relationship with Thor continuing, and the badass fighting on the bridge. I also loved that, like Real Loki, Movie Loki helped when help was needed, was quick and clever, and while he was carrying out the main plan, he was also planning ahead and grabbing the Tesseract. Yes, that drew Thanos right to them, but that's a whole other thing. Loki never would have left that thing on Asgard to be destroyed or lost.

And now Infinity War. Hooooly fucking shit. You know what? No. I'm not going into this. He was killed, years of character growth were erased forever, my heart fucking shattered. The end.

Endgame. IW hurt me so bad I didn't see Endgame until this year. I actually watched Civil War first (for context: I had actively avoided all Cap movies until this year because I fucking hate Steve Rogers. I find him insufferable. Did not realize what I was denying myself until I watched CW and finally saw the charms of Bucky. When he appeared in IW, I was so lost. XD I was like "...who dis? Murder Jesus?" also I just... didn't care. I was numb by then from crying through most of the movie over Loki)

So, anyway. Endgame. Loki picks up the Tesseract in alternate 2012, escapes, fans go "yay! he didn't actually die!" I go "yes he fucking did. Five years of his life, gone. Five years of growth and change, erased. Loki is dead. This will not be the same."

I was more right than I could have predicted. Now we come to the point of this rant. Sorry it took so long, but you were warned lol.

The Loki series makes me so angry I actually get sick to my stomach. It was fucking TRASH. When I praised Marvel for following Norse mythology so faithfully earlier? Yeah. I DID NOT MEAN TREAT HIM THE WAY THE OTHER GODS DID. I did not mean paint him as a pitiful clown, a joke, a caricature of who he truly was, with his pain and suffering played for LAUGHS.

This is supposed to be 2012 Loki, newly freed from Thanos' control. The Loki we saw in the beginning of TDW - snarky, exhausted, nihilistic. The Loki who rolled his eyes and said "get on with it" expecting to be killed.

The bumbling clown flipping on a dime from posturing to calling himself weak is not 2012 Loki. That is not ANY Loki. That is Tom Hiddleston in a black wig doing what he's told by a shitty writer who had no fucking idea what he was doing and was salty about his (bad) original script (for something totally fucking unrelated) getting killed.

In Episode 1, Loki is mocked, imprisoned, stripped against his will, tormented, belittled, and given a flippant summary of all the trauma Actual MCU Loki suffered that this one skipped out on, with no context, no acknowledgement of the trauma he's already lived quite fucking recently, and with the narrative twisted to not only erase all the abuse he's suffered, but to make it all his fault. And this is supposed to make him want to help these people?

And worse, IT FUCKING WORKS. WHAT?! I CAN'T- FUCKING WHAT?! Remember when I said LOKI IS NOT FUCKING STUPID?! So why is he STUPID?

Episode 2, he's a child. Mentally, this Loki is a fucking child. Now we've erased all the growth and development of his entire adult life. He's dopey, impatient, impulsive, desperate for a pat on the back and actually shows it. Yes, abused and neglected children crave the positive attention we never received, and we often grow up to be a bit emotionally stunted. But not all of us, and not Loki. Not as we've seen him EVER in the rest of the MCU. Playful and a bit callous at times? Absolutely! But not a big dumb fucking puppy.

Episode 3, a ray of hope, despite Sylvie! (I hate Sylvie) Loki casually admits he's pan/bi; labels never come up, but he admits to being with both men and women! He sings! Not really relevant to whether I approve of his portrayal or not lol but Tom has a beautiful voice, Norwegian ("Asgardian" lol) is a gorgeous, entrancing language, and I could watch that one bit on loop for eternity and never get bored. And then, finally, we see a glimpse - a glimpse - of Loki's power! He stops a falling building and pushes it right back up! Are we finally getting to see what he can really do? Will the next episode bring us Loki in all his glory?

Nope. 4 and 5 we see him mocked and pushed around and utterly irrelevant. Again. We see tiny reflections of what he could maybe theoretically do in other random Loki variants, but the "main" (lawl. main. it was the Sylvie and Mobius show. Loki was never the main anything.) Loki? Nothing. He wears his heart on his sleeve for no reason, bonds with the man who imprisoned, taunted, and gaslit him, is killed, and continues to be a moron and a joke. Always the clown. Always the dumb one. The one with the bad ideas. The inferior Loki.

Don't even get me started on that finale. I can't. This already took so much out of me. Fuck Marvel. Fuck this fucking show. I just... I'm done.

[lucianalight]

hi! i really enjoy all of your loki meta! i was wondering, what are your thoughts on the accusation that loki is a misogynist? i’ve only just heard this recently and it’s mostly based on the ‘mewling quim’ line in avengers (though, idk how much of that is the character and how much of that is the writers) and the fact that asgard seems to be a sexist society

Hi! Thank you so much anon!😍 I'm going to link you to some other posts because this subject is talked about in details in them.

I agree that Asgard is sexist, but that's exactly why Loki is not and can't be a misogynist. Because the way he is treated as less and mocked for the use of magic is also rooted in Asgard's sexism and gender roles of their warrior culture.

It always baffles me that it is always overlooked that it was Thor who started a war and promptly murdered a Jotun because he was called a "princess", and yet Loki is called a misogynist because he called Natasha that in a situation that they both were trying to rile up and manipulate the other one and let's not forget the influence of the scepter on Loki's mind. Also yes, we should consider the writer here who is JW and there is misogynist themes in his other works. So this one time mostly have out-universe explanations.

Some people also claim that Loki threatened to rape Jane which I don't agree.

Loki shows nothing but respect to any women he meets when in his right mind. Also he is genderfluid, so there is no way that he is a misogynist.