#bluewind talks

[jamiebluewind]

I'm autistic. Sometimes I fuck up. When I realize I have, I not only apologize but I take action. I DO something to show that I know better now and I'm sorry and want to make things right. Sometimes I realize it on my own. Sometimes it takes somebody else pointing it out. But in the end, I want to put good out into the world.

If I accidentally used a gesture, symbol, or phrase that turned out to be strongly tied to bigotry, I WOULD BE UPSET!!! I'd be embarrassed and try to explain myself sure (especially if it was also tied to something benign in my own culture), but I'd also sincerely apologize to the people I inadvertently hurt. I'd do things like go into a deep dive on the subject so I could better understand, spread awareness, interact with organizations I was pointed towards by people in the community, and try my best to do better and make plans on how to approach it from then on. My autism might be an acceptable reason why I mess up sometimes, but it's not an excuse for me continuing to make that mistake and refusing to take ownership of my actions.

Autism is not a blank check to do whatever I please just because autistic. Autism does not mean I'm exempt from all consequences or criticism. Autism doesn't mean I get to hand-wave away my responsibilities of kindness and empathy. People (rather the person themself or those surrounding them) using autism as a catch all excuse for any actions and refuse to learn and grow? They not only upset me; they are used as an example that people point at when they treat me as less than who I am. It hurts.

[jamiebluewind]

This didn't happen to me EXACTLY, but I DID break my ankle and after going to the hospital, they discovered that I was SEVERELY low on calcium and vitamin D, so I started taking it and a couple weeks later I noticed that my entire body didn't hurt all the time. Didn't fix everything, but boy does not having fragile bone pain all the time that feels like they are gonna break from lifting a grocery bag change a LOT.

My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency

[jamiebluewind]

Looking for book suggestions and resources for autistic adults, ESPECIALLY about what to do if diagnosed as an adult (I'm also nonbinary and afab if that helps). I'm overwhelmed by everything out there and it's hard to sort through what's good solid information, what's outdated, and what to stay away from (I've already been told to avoid Autism Speaks).

I've only had my official diagnosis two days. It's kind of wild to learn that things I attributed to my ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and depression were just... autism. Like, learning about autistic burnout and meltdown is making a lot of things make more sense. I want to learn more about autism so much (and maybe learn some new coping techniques?), but I keep hitting wall after wall of bad information and ableism. I know I'm probably just screaming into the void and hoping the void answers back, but I gotta try.

[jamiebluewind]

Honestly, I feel Janet from The Good Place. I too have people in my life that I have to say "Not a girl" to on a regular basis.

[oddclangen]

Family tree time!!!

Since FluffFluff are mates i decided too combine their families for this one.

I start on Fidgetfluff side, She is a half-clan kit and her father is a warrior of FluffyClan. Elenctrone is still alive and doing fine, but he just doesnt talk with his kits. His relationships with Condortrail where more of a one time thing after which they went on their separate ways. F

Fidgetfluff unfortunately lost all her siblings over time. Heatherkit died from heat stroke just before his apprenticeship ceremony. While Gulldusk drowned on her way off the mountain trying to join a rouge group. Her Clanmate tried to save her, but died as well.

So yeah at least Fidgetfluff has her husband.

There not much to say about Fluffbramble, he is a very sweet boy who is kind to others. He is like his mother in that regard. As of now his best friend in the Clan is Bluewind. which is fun.

[jamiebluewind]

I want everybody to know that I am mentally screaming to some degree over everything I reblog ever, but I used to write unique comments in every post I reblogged YEARS ago, it took me hours because I was always sincere, and when I became disabled, there wasn't enough energy to do it anymore. I felt guilty if I reblogged something that I didn't comment on some way or that I didn't tag "properly", so I stopped reblogging anything over guilt. I told myself that I would like things to reblog when I had energy... but I never had enough energy. The likes built up, the guilt ate at me because it was "such a small thing" to write on a post and it would mean so much to some people know someone appreciated what they did, the drafts became full of half finished untagged posts that never got posted that I STILL haven't gone through, and eventually? I left.

I eventually came back YEARS later to a blog with mostly dead accounts and bots as followers. I started reblogging whatever I wanted to. No "theme". No rhythm or reason. I tagged spoilers, common triggers, and maybe the fandom (if it had one), but that's it. I add a few more tags than I did when I first got back, but it's not the bloated list it was. I talk in the tags now too (instead of worrying about it impacting my "sorting system"). Occasionally I say something, but that's more because something popped in my head and not because of obligation. I don't feel like I'm failing them or playing favorites if I don't tell every person what I think about their post. I just let myself be human. Just like I would let everybody else. Just like I hope op lets themselves be.

Reblogs are how things spread. They are how my friends get what they created to a random person who might want a commission. They are how theories and headcanons and silly in jokes and information travel from one to another to another until we look down and see a number in the MILLIONS. Small actions still matter. Never appologize for doing something good just because hypothetically you could have done more.

im so so sorry to every artist who's art ive ever reblogged without gushing in the tags. you deserve it im just so tired. ill do better i promise

[letters-to-rosie]

chapter 35: soft launch, hard landing

When Powder was a child, any time late-night reruns of Bluewind would come on, Vander would call it hogwash and change the channel. They didn’t have cable, so there were only like five channels, but he would always change it. It took her a while to figure out why, but then Mrs. Garcia, her first foster mother, said something that cleared the murky waters.

Reeves was the voice of the Undercity. If anyone from south of the bridge was consulted on the show, they must’ve held similar opinions. Whenever Reeves was allowed to be more than the butt of the joke, he would dispense “knowledge” about the way trenchers thought and behaved, and nothing in the show’s universe ever contradicted him.

Once, when Powder was in treatment and taking a break from her degree, she was sitting with Vi, and she got another story. According to Vander, their birth father had made The Last Drop roar with laughter whenever he’d impersonate Reeves. That is the other side of the coin; the character is in the same breath a denigration and a tongue-in-cheek Undercity joke. Imitation is the sincerest form of mockery. As long as everyone’s in on it, it's funny. But if someone calls you Reeves and means it? Different story.

-

Powder stirs up trouble as the city plunges into (even more than usual) chaos and (day)dreams about Ekko.

[jamiebluewind]

I fired my aide

I fired my aide

Holy crap, I fired my aide

Anxiety is like

but I'm coping. I was honest with him and told him I tried so hard with him, but I couldn't risk my life. My bestie/roommate is here helping me calm down. My aide will keep working til a replacement is found (ho boy do I have feelings on THAT), but then he'll be gone. It's over.

[jamiebluewind]

Watched the latest episode of Fantasy High tonight. There was much screaming and stimming.

[jamiebluewind]

My goal is to make you feel, but that's not always a good thing.

"you have a responsibility to consider how your writing would affect other people" literally 50% of writing is manipulating the audience by setting tone and mood and drawing them in to fuck with their emotions. writers do NOTHING but consider how our writing is affecting other people and this is implying that our moral imperative is to make them feel warm and fuzzy which it is not

[jamiebluewind]

Me: *just chillin*

My brain: You know what this needs? A massive unnecessary anxiety spike!

Me: No??????

My brain:

Me:

[jamiebluewind]

I have a pretty bad food allergy, so I carry around an epipen. I've never reacted bad enough that immediate benadryl wouldn't fix my issues, but I still have an epipen. My doctor made it clear that just because I haven't needed one in the past, doesn't mean I won't react badly enough to need it in the future. So! I have them and everybody close to me know where they are and how to use them.

So what does this have to do with most of the tags I put? Right now, things are serious in the states and a lot of things can go a lot of ways for people like me. So, my autistic ass is making a metaphorical epipen (an epi-plan if you will 😎 ) for whatever may come. What to do, where to go, how to do, and all that. I'll make sure that everybody I care about knows and maybe coordinate and share information with anyone interested. And then? It goes in the junk drawer to only see the light of day when I remind everyone once a year or so and in case of something bad going down.

Am I irritated? Your god damn right I am! But I'm still chilling at home watching cats play instead of running off or acting rashly.

Do I ever want to be in a position that I need to use one (real or metaphorical)? Hell no! It's something you hope you never have to use, BUT you're grateful to have one when you need it. When things get serious, they help you make it to a place where you can get help.

[jamiebluewind]

Hey guys, This is no grand post or something special. This is just me - a person living in the states - saying I'm here. Take a breath. This is a lul when all is quiet. Whatever happens will happen. Being glued to the news or the grand "What if?" machine won't do any of us any favors. Rest while you can and hope that tomorrow you won't need that energy to fight.

PS. Pics of my roommates' cats and my chonky boy because yall need them! (also opened my ask box)

Melanite (6 months) with her bright orange eyes

Very up cat. Very bendy. Very baby. Sounds like a squeaky toy. Makes other black cats look gray.

Her brother Eclipse (6 months) and his healed tummy after his umbilical hernia surgery! ( @winterpower98 's little man)

Fearless (help us) and cool with pretty much anything but a very tall dad who wants to pet him. Has two modes: handsome lad and derp.

My lovely boy, Danny. He's 7 years old and 16lbs!

King of random sleep positions (his fav is to hold his back feet while he snoozes). Has a stuffed puppy that he toats around (he gets upset if it's misplaced).

Finally, Koshka. The queen. 11 years old with the softest meow. TOTALLY doesn't like the kittens (but will slap anyone that messes with Melanite because that is her baby sister damn it!).

Would share more, but pic limits ack!

[jamiebluewind]

Was looking at some art and just had a thought after seeing a freshman year piece (linked below): The Rat Grinders were originally The High 5 Heros right? That changed to Rat Grinders after Lucy died. The 5 stood out to me, so I went to the wiki to double check and... yeah. Their original name had 5, not five spelled out. It sounds like a cute little name for a new adventuring party, but the thing is... there were 6 party members: Kipperlily, Ruben, Mary Ann, Oisin, Ivy, and Lucy. That made my mind go to theorizing.

What if someone wasn't always a part of their group (either literally or figuratively)?

If it was figurative, we got a situation where it's 5 party members and the extra one that was required by school rules (and that name never changed until after one of them died which is even more sad).

If it's literal, there were originally 5 party members, they chose their name based on being a 5 party member party, and somehow they eventually got a 6th member. It's not unreasonable to assume with the kidnappings and life stuff and five billion other factors that the freshman class wouldn't always be perfectly divisible by 6. That would leave one party short the first day (or with an extra person or two). There's a lot of ways to get a group of 5 to 6 if you really think about it (some of which might have been easier with Kalvaxus being in charge and/or Arthur Aguefort dead).

1. The party did part or all of freshman year as an odd group and a 6th is brought in later. In the meantime, they might have partnered with another group or got a hireling for party activities that required 6 students.

2. The school brought in a transfer or offered a spot to the best candidate/s that was still interested

3. Someone slipped in after the party formed using magic, devil's honey, or some other means/mechanic (it wouldn't even need to be at the start of the year)

4. There is an inconsistency due to the time quangle (and someone is exploiting that)

What could it mean? Who knows!? But my goodness isn't it interesting to think about?

PS: Thank you to @idonthaveanyurlideas for being the catalyst to my mad mad ravings tonight ^_^

[jamiebluewind]

Just a heads up guys!

I have been a fan of the band Lovejoy for a while (probably better known better for the content their lead singer Wilbur Soot/Wilbur Gold made for the Minecraft community). Recommended them to plenty of you. BUT some stuff has happened with their lead singer and I don't feel comfortable supporting him or his endeavors anymore. So! I'm going to reblog multiple things concerning it and tomorrow try to make one big masterpost with links to the posts I reblogged.

Also, remember not to judge neurodivergant fans who are attempting to untangle fixations. They are trying their best (you guys find your replacement coping techniques first and don't feel guilty or ashamed if it takes a bit).

[applesharonfiction]

I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature

Rating: M

Relationship: Jayce/Viktor

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36961009/chapters/92215699

Years after his partnership with Viktor and their subsequent falling out, Jayce Giopara receives some bad news. (Divorce-era mystery. Fake character death.)

_________

Caitlyn appears on his doorstep at 9:00.

He erroneously assumes that the bell ringing is yet another young protégé from the Workshop and feels a headache gathering behind his temples already.

Bluewind Court is massive, guarded with its own private security separate from the city enforcers, and supposedly guarantees absolute privacy. As Jayce has learned over the years, this illusion of privacy only applies to those whom the mercantile clans and families deem beneath them.

Those who Jayce once, and still to some extent does, deem beneath him.

If the Horological Institute trainees spent more time on whatever their patrons had them hard at work creating and less time darkening his doorstep, surely they would have discovered something useful by now.

Surely they would have been able to create something that would challenge him.

He hasn’t been challenged in years he tells himself despite knowing already the depth of the lie.

“May I come in?” A sharp familiar voice calls out to him loudly from the foyer.

It lacks Caitlyn’s usual, sarcastic quality, which immediately puts Jayce on edge as he sets aside the spanner he had been mindlessly tinkering with. He’ll be the first to admit that he lacks social graces, or the ability to pick up on emotional cues of others, but something about her voice strikes him as off-putting.

He hopes it’s all in his imagination, and purposefully plasters a smile onto his face.

“Cait! I didn’t know you were in the neighbourhood.”

It’s a small joke between them — how Caitlyn’s partner is from the undercity and precipitated a separation from her parents that had been years upon years in the making. Caitlyn lives far away from Bluewind Court and the riches of North Piltover by choice.

Part of him loathes her for it; for having the bravery that he never had himself.

Jayce will never tell her this.

Caitlyn knows this anyway, having seen the anger on his face during a rare night of drinking, all four of them. While glaring at her hand in Vi’s, Jayce had waxed sarcastically on the all-consuming power of love as Viktor had watched the argument at Jayce’s side, laughing into his drink.

As she walks into the room, footsteps surprisingly softer than her usual confident stomping, Jayce tries to remember the last time they talked.

He can’t remember.