#my essays

[flagellant]

For the past few years I've been enchanted by the idea of the divine as intrinsically horrific and dehumanizing, but not in the usual assumption (pun intended), where the intrinsic dehumanization and horror comes from something like "A god looked at me and I turned into stone" or "I, a mortal, looked at a god and got turned into a laurel tree".

I've been thinking about it in the opposite direction. Where being a god is intrinsically horrific and dehumanizing.

To put it another way: I've been writing a lot from the perspective of divinity where the god experiences godhood in the way a haunted house experiences househood. You were created by mortals for comfort, for condolence, for safety, for sympathy. You were built with all the care and special attention to ensure that you would last a long time--longer than your inhabitants would live, but that's fine, because they'll leave you descendants.

Except you, unlike the average house, have a brain. Have hands. Have a stomach which can hunger but never starve. You cannot die, but you know what death is. You see humans and raccoons and spiders and trees and rocks and everything else in this whole world die all the time, but it will not touch you.

How many years do you think it takes before your mouth starts to salivate like your gut's gone sour? How many endings do you have to witness before you begin to stop caring when things you paid attention to die? How many times do you hear your name contort and twist under the weight of different empires' languages before you stop recognizing it as yours anymore, and cease answering when they call?

How long does it take before you stop being capable of interacting with the rest of the world in a way that a person can understand, can safely comprehend, would ever want to experience?

And how much of that, do you think, do you let happen on purpose, because the alternatives were all too much to even begin to imagine after one too many mountains turned to sand before your eyes?

[wutheringskies]

The XuanWu Cave Scene is basically Lan Zhan absolutely losing it

Lan Wangji really just saved Wei Ying's life, screamed at Wei Ying, shoved him like thrice, told him not to flirt with people if he doesn't mean it, bit him like a dog, cried, told him to shut the hell up and that he is a fucking menace, took his underrobe, then apologized to him twice sincerely, then told him not to over think anything, then saved his life, then made him rest and grill him upon his sleeping schedule, then antagonize him, then stroke his hair while he's sleeping and let him roll about in his lap, then be angry at being called boring and then sing a song he'd written for Wei Ying to profess his immense love for him.

like

lan wangji is a fucking 13 year old teenage girl in love with that one popular guy in school. he's LOSING his goddamn mind. it's on "red hot alert" and alarm bells screeching in his head.

[redxx95]

Exploring Kurosawa's internalized homophobia and compulsive heteronormativity

oh yea baby we bustin out the Big Words for this one 😎

This was supposed to be posted at the end of pride month but Life happened and it got delayed a lot 😩 So yea happy pride month (and happy birthday Kurosawa I guess 😂)

(btw I think I've never mentioned this on any of my other posts but english is not my first language, so if anything I write ever sounds awkward, that's probably why 😅) (also I had to merge a bunch of images to get around the image limit, this post is really long, the word count is at 1930 words 💀)

Hope you guys enjoy the read! 💞

Spoilers for anything up to vol 11

Let me start this by saying that there's no actual textual evidence of Kurosawa being gay (rather than bi/pan), so this interpretation is definitely veering towards headcanon territory. I'm also not trying to establish this as the only Correct opinion and anyone is of course allowed to have their own sexuality headcanons, this is very healthy and valid 👍

Kurosawa's internalized homophobia

The first scene I want to put under a magnifying glass is this one.

Let's examine what's going on here: Kurosawa has just tried to kiss Adachi, whose hesitation he perceived as disgust. Then he pretends it was disgusting for him too, because he thinks that is the average reaction anyone would have, extending this to Adachi as well. The way he says "who'd be into that?" is already lowkey homophobic, but the japanese line makes it even more evident: "普通嫌だよな" (= "Normally, you'd dislike that right?"). Keyword here being "普通" = "normal, ordinary", implying that anyone who would like that is abnormal. So what does that say about him then, who was so happy to get the chance to kiss another man? This is pretty much textbook internalized homophobia, where he has accepted what he perceives to be the general opinion on gay people and has made those values his own, hating himself for it (albeit only briefly here), which is why he internally apologizes to Adachi.

This is not the only instance of him feeling like that, although this next part is slightly more speculative than the more obvious example above.

So we all know that Kurosawa is a jealous, jealous man. It's one of his defining character traits and it's often the source of conflict and comedy alike. But he does not express his jealousy equally across genders. With men he has this strong rivalry where he needs to prove himself better and more worthy of Adachi's attention.

But with women he has a different approach: gently coaxing them away from him, lest they realize what a catch Adachi really is.

So, why this difference? The answer I have is that he doesn't actually believe he can compete with a woman. If Adachi wants to be close with a man, Kurosawa thinks it might as well be him, he's the best option after all. But if Adachi wants a woman, he cannot offer anything and is therefore the inferior option. He believes this even after he found out Adachi's not completely repulsed at the idea of being with a man. Even if Adachi's okay with men, he'll always prefer a woman.

And whenever he imagines anyone else with Adachi, it's always a woman, specifically Fujisaki, which he believes is "his type".

And he at least thinks he's very far away from that ideal. (He's not but that's a topic for a different essay.) If anyone's wondering why he even bothers at all then if he's so sure that a woman will out-compete him, I think the lyrics from the anime opening actually put it best, specifically the last verse:

I have these impatient feelings I doubt this love will come to fruition But still I can't give up this happiness There's a feeling here I can't resist A love like a castle in the sky

So basically, his plan is that he might as well ride the high of his first ever crush as far as it will go, intercepting where he can to prolong it just that little bit further, until it all inevitably comes to an end. (a castle in the sky = an unreachable dream) This plan kind of fluctuates throughout volumes 1-3 as Adachi gives him a bunch of mixed signals, but it holds true most of the time.

Adachi's side

Now I'd like to highlight the way Adachi actually thinks about their relationship, because it serves as a great contrast to Kurosawa's assumptions about him.

Throughout the first three volumes we see him grapple with his newfound feelings for Kurosawa, but he (almost) never puts his gender at the forefront of his musings. The manga makes it very clear that it's his lack of romantic experience and low self esteem that make it hard for him to accept Kurosawa's affections, and not the fact that he's a man.

This second page here being his own little gay awakening, where he realizes that he is not, in fact, disgusted by intimacy with a man.

It's also worth mentioning that when he later introduces Kurosawa to his parents (ch 41), they are immediately welcoming of him, suggesting he grew up in a very tolerant environment.

And it's not like he's completely unaware of heteronormativity/homophobia either, especially after he does his research in vol 8, but he is slightly more defiant in responding to it.

(I love how he just buys that bag he probably doesn't need that's supposed to come with all the wedding magazines, just as this very tiny act of rebellion.)

So now that we can see how different Kurosawa's thought patterns are compared to Adachi's, the next question we should ask ourselves is: Why is he like that?

Heteronormativity in Kurosawa's life

(yes we're finally getting to the comphet part of the essay 😂)

First let's look at the environment he grew up in. There are not many scenes with his family, but from those that we do have, we can at least make some assumptions about how he must've been raised.

His mother is clearly the authority figure in his life, judging by how she's described as "strong" and how terrified he is at her merely setting down a teacup (while Adachi has a more mild reaction). Her reaction to the news of them dating and Kurosawa expecting his parents to go as far as disowning him for it would suggest that she might just be generally homophobic.

But when they actually go meet her we see this slightly more nuanced perspective.

She's not entirely against it, but she does believe they are making a mistake by choosing to be together, hence why she thinks they might "regret it". There's many hardships that gay couples in Japan face, some of which we even see discussed in the manga, so it's not hard to see why she would be concerned for her son. The way she talks about Kurosawa never causing any problems, but "changing" ever since he fell for Adachi further supports that conformity is what she believes will ultimately lead to a successful, happy life. And that's also why she accepts Adachi later, when he's made it abundantly clear in his speech that they are happier in this non-conforming relationship than they were without it.

To contrast, her other child Mari is shown to have a very progressive stance (see: her pep talk in ch 47) and it would not surprise me if that is the reason she's rarely in japan and is never seen together with her family, save for the one time they're all at the wedding. She might find the conforming environment too restrictive and preferring to keep her distance. (shoutout to naina for this bit 🙏)

So that's Kurosawa's family situation. Now let's check how his social circle holds up.

From what we see of his friends, they never even seem to consider him possibly being with a man.

And his work environment seems rather toxic to say the least.

It clearly dictates traditional gender roles as the ideal. Nobody except Fujisaki even clocks any of Kurosawa's advances on Adachi as romantic in nature, even though he seems to be quite obvious about it (see: ch 34.5). And it's not like dating in general is discouraged at Toyokawa either, as we can see from all the women constantly vying for Kurosawa's attention.

From all this we can conclude that Kurosawa's upbringing and social/work environment is painfully heteronormative and until he falls for Adachi it seems he never questioned the status quo either.

The famous onsen scene, while funny, also reveals the sad truth that Kurosawa, in his 30 years of life, probably never even had the chance to explore his sexual orientation, rather focusing on being "perfect" in his straight relationships.

Speaking of those relationships...

He apparently had a bunch of girlfriends, who all seem to have dumped him pretty early on. His mother's surprise at him expressing a willingness to commit also makes me think he's never brought anyone home either. He also only seems to have a surface level understanding of what a proper relationship is supposed to entail, if his idea of an ideal date is just "what the average person" thinks is romantic. So why were all of his relationships so short-lived? Before I answer that...

Intermission: Kurosawa's smiles

It has come to my attention that this is not common knowledge, so let me explain: There's a way to tell apart Kurosawa's fake smiles from his real ones, without any context clues, just purely visually.

Real smiles: (ch 23, 24, 37)

Fake smiles: (ch 5, 13, 32)

The difference being very simple: Blush = real, no blush = fake 👍 And before anyone mentions it: No he doesn't just blush when he's around Adachi, that last fake smile is actually directed at him. (ch 32)

Edit from the future: This holds true like 90% of the time, but as Toyota's art style becomes more detailed, this doesn't apply as much in the newer volumes. I think there's also new details added that I haven't quite figured out yet so take this bit with a grain of salt. (The images below are still from her early art style though.)

So now that we have this additional knowledge, let's take a look at every instance Kurosawa is paired with a woman.

He's smiling in all of these. Not a single one has a real smile in it though.

I think he's never actually had his heart in any of his relationships, and the girls probably noticed it and that's why they dumped him.

And, of course, the first time he actually falls in love...

... just so happens to be with a man.

Even his friends comment on this, who have known him since high school.

It's almost funny how perfectly this aligns with real life gay people. Having numerous, short-lived relationships with people of the "wrong" gender is one of the more common traits of compulsive heteronormativity. (source: me oof) (but also shoutout to the "Am I a lesbian?" masterdoc, google it if you don't know, it's truly eye-opening)

After dating Adachi

So we have already established that he's far happier when he does finally get to date Adachi, but do any of his other thought patterns change?

Honestly it seems like he throws every single reservation about being seen as gay out the window.

He starts bragging like crazy about his new relationship to anyone willing (and unwilling) to listen, he has no qualms about PDA, he marks Adachi up and down so everyone knows he's taken and the only thing stopping him from proclaiming his love for Adachi to the whole world is the still very much existing societal homophobia. But he is a lot more easy-going about it now than he ever was before.

And I think the best way to describe this mental shift is, hear me out, the date song from volume 4...

... specifically the last 2 verses as a whole, and this section in particular:

"I won't let anyone divide our fraction! You couldn't pry this thrill from my hands when they're cold and dead!"

Horrible lyrics aside, this perfectly encapsulates how Kurosawa simply couldn't care less anymore now that he finally has what he's wanted for more than a year, maybe even his whole life. All the societal pressure pales in comparison to the sheer euphoria he feels at finally having someone that he loves and who loves him back just as strongly, feeling cared for and seen like no one else ever did.

And, you know, just happens to be a man. 🏳️‍🌈

[chocolatemoneyrascalparty]

We do not talk about pogtopia and the pit and the explosion of l'manberg enough in this fandom!! Philza Minecraft stabbed his son after the most dramatic speech ever??? L'MANBERG GOT EXPLODED BY ITS CREATOR!! Tommy got so furious after the red festival that he straight up fought TECHNOBLADE who had killed his best friend and almost got beaten to death himself?? Wilbur let that happen?? Imagine how Wilbur and Tommy and Techno must feel seeing the sunlight for the first time after spending weeks in a ravine? How cold that ravine must be and how, no matter their attempts on making it homey, it will still be stone and cold and uncomfortable because they are literally in a cave?? How Wilbur must feel after seeing Schlatt and Quackity win the election and instantly changing the name of L'manberg, the country Wilbur fought so hard for? How he felt after getting exiled the minute after? Exiled from his country, that HE founded?? Pogtopia arc is the best arc of the entire dsmp

[pr1ncessasuke]

Dissecting Naruto’s Ending in Good Faith

Let's consider the possibility that Kishimoto's ending was deliberate—that things ended how they should've, and some plots weren't mistakes (looking at you, Kaguya).

Okay, hear me out. By assuming this, we can explore the series with a good-faith reading. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the series as an adult, and it’s shaken up many of my beliefs and perceptions—it's somewhat distressing, so I’ve been processing all this in therapy too, and coming to key conclusions. I think It's crucial to understand the motivations behind Kishimoto's choices, not just within the Narutoverse but also within the Kishiverse. Why did he make the decisions he did?

Why did he suddenly introduce reincarnations and fate? Aliens? Why the couples that seemingly came out of nowhere? Why doesn't Naruto quite change the system, or help the Hyugas? The final arc, overall, just seemed quite jarring, with some plots (like fate) seemingly subverting the message of the series.

I wonder, then, if Kishimoto's ending shows more of a realistic world rather than an idealized one. Reality often unfolds messily and sadly, devoid of perfect resolutions. Whether intentional or not, Kishimoto's storytelling may reflect his acknowledgment of the imperfect nature of existence. His reality bleeds into his creation, and he's subject to the same harsh realities his characters face.

Fate, Justice, and Change

In this unideal depiction, Naruto and Sasuke's actions are tied to fate rather than free will, Sasuke doesn't achieve his revolution, Naruto doesn't dismantle the shinobi system, and both end up in marriages that seem sudden and unsatisfactory.

If Kishimoto indeed intended this, why? Well, change often takes time, and sometimes change doesn’t even happen at all. People can become tired of fighting for a cause in certain ways, and settle for smaller victories. Relationships may not always align with desires, leading to compromises for convenience.

It's intriguing that Kishimoto explores themes of defying fate while ultimately making Naruto destined to save the world anyway. By making even the protagonists constrained by destiny, Kishimoto echoes historical cycles of rise and fall. Perhaps there's something inevitable about human love and hatred. We can begin to see Kishimoto's philosophical musings on how the universe came to be—the First Cause theory, that there's a divine Creator behind the universe. Or, perhaps, no matter the circumstances or our destinies, we must try to make our own decisions.

And, Sasuke's lack of revolution may not be a complete surrender. He doesn't fully support the system, remaining detached from the bureaucratic and familial norms by traveling. He pursues justice by roaming the world as a vagabond, championing justice as a vigilante. Sasuke has never been one to adhere strictly to Konoha's rules; he eschews the headband and prioritizes loyalty to his morals and loved ones. His rebellion does not manifest as he initially envisioned because his youthful idealism inevitably wanes. But this doesn’t take away from his fight, because Kishimoto portrays him as insightful and intelligent, showing that Sasuke can recognize the pragmatic benefits of partial conformity. He forever remains committed to his pursuit of justice by traveling and aiding others. Thus, his true surrender lies in acknowledging that he can be loved without compromising his strength, refuting the notion of love as a weakness.

As for Naruto, he isn't ignorant—he does comprehend the situation fully, sharing a deep understanding with Sasuke that transcends words (“I know your heart, and you mine” telepathic conversations). While it doesn't seem like much has changed, the events in Boruto unfold merely two decades after Naruto's era, a short span in historical terms. Significant societal transformations typically require centuries, not mere decades. Nevertheless, Naruto succeeds in establishing an era of peace, which Kishimoto shows through the relatively low stakes in Boruto. And when there are threats, they often manifest on a cosmic scale involving gods and extraterrestrial beings. While Naruto and Sasuke have brokered peace among nations, they acknowledge the inevitability of conflicts and warfare. Naruto's focus shifts towards fortifying the system itself, striving for safety within the constraints of reality.

Unexpected and Reluctant Couples

To thoroughly analyze the series, we must also examine the role of romance, as Kishimoto's introduction of romantic pairings significantly impacts plot themes, character development, and motivations. Whether we embrace it or not, these pairings alter the essence of characters in ways previously unseen.

In the canon material (manga and anime main story only), Sasuke and Naruto exhibit no romantic interest in Sakura and Hinata throughout the series. In fact, neither actively pursues romance in general. Sasuke states as such to Kakashi, and Naruto tells Jiraiya he’s not interested in girls. While Naruto initially does have feelings for Sakura, he eventually relinquishes them. Both protagonists prioritize their ideological missions above all else, with exceptions made for their friendship with each other. Sasuke, for instance, abandons his vendetta against Itachi when he sacrifices himself for Naruto in the Land of Waves, while Naruto is willing to forsake his dream of becoming Hokage to die to save Sasuke from loneliness and hatred.

So, how does Kishimoto portray their eventual marriages? Sakura pursues Sasuke persistently, repeatedly confessing her feelings until he ultimately relents and agrees to a family life with her. Meanwhile, Naruto displays no romantic interest in Hinata, even disregarding her confession during the battle with Pain. When he eventually marries her and starts a family, it feels contrived and dispassionate, a jarring image contrasting the boisterous Naruto we know. These relationships seem to emerge out of duty and resignation rather than genuine affection. Both Sasuke and Naruto appear worn down by their wives' persistence, leading them to reluctantly accept their marriages.

These couples have sparked considerable debate within the fandom, and rightly so, because they are not healthy or truly romantic relationships; rather, the depiction reflects the harsh realities of many real-life relationships. Kishimoto portrays Naruto and Sasuke's marriages with little prior development; perhaps a deliberate narrative choice rather than an oversight, highlighting their dissatisfaction through their roles as absentee fathers.

And in terms of specifics, Naruto's marriage seems to revolve more around Hinata than anything else. Consider this: why is Naruto portrayed as uncharacteristically serious and subdued when interacting with Hinata? Even during the pivotal moment when he finally confesses his love to her, his demeanor remains stoic and solemn. Where is the goofy and expressive Naruto we know and love? Additionally, why does Kishimoto include comments from other characters urging Naruto to "treat her well"? Because Naruto's marriage is not primarily about him; Hinata simply happened to be there, and it’s his duty to follow up on that.

And for Sasuke, why do we see panels like the family dinner in Boruto where Sasuke appears utterly miserable? Why is Sasuke never around? Why didn’t Kishimoto even give them a kiss scene? Why does Sasuke mostly display emotions when he's engaged in combat or interacting with Naruto? It's because Sasuke finds purpose and vitality in fighting for his beliefs, and Naruto is the only character depicted by Kishimoto who truly understands Sasuke's innermost thoughts and feelings. Sakura doesn't get Sasuke's essence. Isn't a marriage supposed to be built on true understanding, and progression?

One way we can see it is, Kishimoto, as an artist, is deliberate with his drawings, and these details are not mistakes. Canonically, both Sasuke and Naruto are depicted as tired or subdued in their relationships. Despite Kishimoto drawing them blushing in various situations before, neither of them ever exhibits such reactions when interacting with their wives. This deliberate choice by Kishimoto, despite them being his beloved main characters, shows that Sasuke and Naruto are not in love with Sakura and Hinata.

Love and (lack of) Romance

Sasuke and Naruto are not portrayed as romantic individuals; rather, they are depicted as traumatized fighters and idealists driven by a desire to change the world.

Kishimoto remains true to this characterization throughout the series, extending into Boruto. While Naruto is largely a series about love, it's not focused on romantic love. Instead, it delves into the concept of transcendent love and optimism amidst adversity, encompassing love found in seeking revenge, striving to change the world, and fostering bonds of friendship and loyalty. The relationship between Naruto and Sasuke is the one Kishimoto gives the most development to in the series, and embodies nuances of love, rivalry, loyalty, and compromise. This love isn’t necessarily romantic, but it can also be anything because it is transcendent love. This part is up to you to decide and I believe doesn’t take away from their story either way.

Another question that arises is, does Kishimoto really just suck at writing romance? Well, not really. He’s demonstrated his ability to craft compelling romances, such as those between Minato and Kushina, and Asuma and Kurenai. However, he chose not to apply this to Naruto and Hinata or Sasuke and Sakura. Although, he does show that Sasuke cares for Karin at one point, even awakening a new power for her, but takes it back as their relationship ultimately falls victim to Sasuke's madness at the time (although I believe this relationship, along with Naruto x Sasuke, can tentatively be argued for, but I digress for now).

These decisions reflect 1) the fact that Naruto and Sasuke's characters are not about romantic love; their goals and convictions for justice are prioritized above all else 2) Hinata and Sakura are not The Ones for them. Thus, their seemingly unhappy relationships serve as a reflection of their de-prioritization of romantic love in favor of their greater missions.

Further, realistically, people don't always end up with their ideal partners. Many people settle in relationships because they desire families or because they are pursued by others, rather than actively seeking out their soulmates. Kishimoto chooses to depict Naruto and Sasuke with a lack of emotional expression with their respective spouses. Even in the presence of their own children, Naruto and Sasuke are not depicted with joyful expressions, suggesting a lack of fulfillment in their familial roles.

The Whitepill

Ultimately, the way things turned out seems disheartening at first because shows are meant to inspire and provide an escape from reality. Throughout the series, Kishimoto led us to believe in the possibility of an ideal ending, where change is attainable and love conquers all.

But, Kishimoto's decision to depict Naruto and Sasuke's inability to achieve 100% of what we desire is, in fact, profound. The truth is, we can't always get exactly what we want, but we can make small compromises and strive for justice in whatever ways we can. This struggle is something humanity has faced throughout its history. Our world is far from ideal. But, we are still able to achieve bits of justice in ways we can; we get just enough to keep us going, to leave us with the thirst for more.

Perhaps Kishimoto portrays Sasuke's surrender not because he believes Naruto is unequivocally right, but because Sasuke wants to choose love, and is inherently kind and idealistic. He cares deeply about his friend and desires to see positive change in the world. Sasuke's journey leads him to become a protector of not just Konoha, but all villages, reflecting his compassion for people everywhere.

Similarly, Kishimoto may depict Naruto continuing on as part of the existing system not because Naruto is complacent, but because he's someone who seeks to work within established frameworks rather than tearing them down completely. This approach doesn't diminish Naruto's convictions or his commitment to change; rather, it reflects his pragmatic approach to achieving his goals while minimizing disruption.

Naruto and Sasuke's best efforts serve as inspiration for us to take up the mantle and continue the fight.

Ideal World and Optimism

Despite this, Naruto’s ending does not really make sense in an ideal world. In an ideal world, there would be a more perfect compromise, we wouldn't be bound by our fate, and the oppressive shinobi system would be dismantled. Naruto and Sasuke would have more time to heal and explore the world alone, and eventually find fulfillment in their love lives; Sasuke would find someone who truly understands him, while Naruto would enjoy a relationship where he can be his true, expressive self. Sakura would be able to move past her childhood infatuation and grow personally, while Hinata would gain confidence and develop her own identity.

Therefore, reading from a purely Narutoverse standpoint, the issues I mentioned do, in fact, undermine the themes and relationships built over the course of the narrative. Maybe Kishimoto fumbled after all, and Boruto sucks, and is simply a cash grab. Or, he intentionally wanted to troll us—suddenly breaking all conventional storytelling rules is suspicious, right?

Perhaps what really happened is a mix of all these things. While there are many external influences that led to this bleak ending, Kishimoto's intentions surely play a vital role.

Regardless, Kishimoto's big mistake is being too subtle and abrupt in introducing the new concepts at the end. However, in doing so, he has successfully sparked ongoing disagreement and discourse that persists even a decade after the series concluded.

In this sense, he has effectively brought attention to the messages: make love, not war; seek change, not complacency; and find The One, don’t settle. And even if I’m wrong in everything and this whole essay is just a copium, it's a lot better to believe in my ideals than to accept defeat. Because, Naruto taught me one invaluable lesson—no matter the odds, never give up.

[chatonarya]

Let’s talk about Degenbrecher’s module. 

It’s called ‘Footnotes of The Past.’ The title itself is worth mentioning due to her battle line, “Still soaking yourself in the past?” The past is also referenced in her EP, “Blade Catcher”: “There’s a shadow I can’t keep at bay in my past but I don’t let it shake me; cut the cord with the edge of my sword but I’ll never find escape. That’s the key to the fortress you see, when it all knocks me down I’m still upright.” 

Degenbrecher doesn’t hold onto the past: although this “shadow” of hers (her hard childhood and status as an outcast) has made her who she is today, she doesn’t let it drag her down, but rather, her refusal to shy away from it is the source of her strength. So these stories that she’s sharing can indeed be said to be footnotes: anecdotes of a chequered past which remain fond memories of an ongoing tale.

The text itself is about her most-frequently worn medals, for which she has a case exclusively for storing them, and her sharing their significance with Rhodes HR. For easier reference, I’ve included a high resolution image of her medals alongside, so that we might get a closer look at them compared to her sprite. 

Knight-Champion of Kazimierz Medal

Black medal of crossed swordbreakers, lying unassumingly in center of case. Design makes it immediately clear that Kazimierz tailored this champion's medal to her. She reigned for three straight years and so was given three, but only the first was personally awarded to her by the Grand Knight after usurping the defender. Which is why she didn't throw it away, and why it's the one artifact of Kazimierz she still carries with her. 'Commemorative enough, barely.'

The one artifact of Kazimierz Degenbrecher yet retains: her first medal of her first championship, specifically made for her. This is the only one that matters to her. Per her own words, her first victory was to prove herself, and perhaps only her first still holds any importance or significance to her, not in the least because of the Grand Knight giving her the medal. Naturally, Degenbrecher’s first victory would be the most significant, as she basically came from nowhere as the challenger and defeated the previous champion. This victory probably feels the most like a genuine achievement for her, before Kazimierz became “boring,” in her own words, and the other knights gave up on even attempting to defeat her. 

Secondly, it would appear, and I hypothesize, that it wasn’t merely the fact that the Grand Knight—Ioleta Russell—personally gave Degenbrecher this medal, but rather, something occurred during this event that left a mark on Degenbrecher. Degenbrecher does not care for status, but she respects strength and she is fascinated by the aspirations of the strong. I believe it’s possible that she felt some recognition in being presented with this medal by Ioleta (who would appear to be very strong to Degenbrecher), but in addition, that perhaps they shared some enlightening conversation that left a mark on her and perhaps began to steer her thoughts elsewhere in her quest to find a suitable aspiration and see how the lives of people who have them end, even before Degenbrecher herself grew disenchanted and disappointed with Kazimierz.

'Thanks'

Inverted triangle inscribed with Kjerag's holy Mount Karlan. Not issued by any official organization, rather forged for her by clan head Ratatos at the request of a household under Browntail rule. Degenbrecher had rescued said household's members from an avalanche. 'This first one was almost ten years ago now. I know they meant it nicely, and I don't mind how it looks. But the news spread, and now I get one of these medals from the Tri-Clans any time I do something similar. The cupboard at home is full of them.'

A simple medal of gratitude, almost ten years old, thereby dating it to not long after Degenbrecher arrived in Kjerag. It’s likely either her first or second medal after the Silverashes’, and the fact that it was the very first one is probably why she wears it, particularly given that it sparked a trend of the three clans gifting her medals on the regular—something which is quite adorable, I must say. Degenbrecher performs an act of heroism, and she receives a medal. Does she receive them even for minor things, I wonder? Do the clans squabble over who gets to give her medals, who’s given her more? She apparently has a whole collection now!

But this one—this one retains sentimental value for her. I speculate that perhaps it’s because this was the first token of genuine gratitude from complete strangers that she received, and perhaps the fact that the people rescued desperately wanted to do something to thank her touched her in some way.

‘The Silverashes’ Sword and Shield.’

Second medal from the left, sword and shield motif. All of Karlan Trade knows that those wearing this medal are free to act unimpeded wherever Karlan Trade is concerned. Initially a pass designed expressly for her by Enciodes, but as soon became apparent, nobody simply overlooks the presence of Degenbrecher. Its worth these days is instead in gently reminding others that she is affiliated with Karlan Trade. 'One day, I forgot to wear this one. Enciodes went that entire day quieter than usual, then in the end asked if I had any complaints with the company.'

It’s incredibly adorable how Enciodes apparently personally and “expressly” designed this medal for Degenbrecher as a token of their friendship to allow her to come and go freely through Karlan Trade, and basically anywhere Silverash-affiliated: it’s basically a friendship bracelet—I mean, badge, despite its name. Also, look at just how cute it is—it has a little pawprint in the center! Suddenly, the reason he named his secret squadron Tschäggättä is clear—he’s still twelve years inside.

Even more hilarious, the one day she forgot to wear it, he immediately had an internal meltdown and overreaction assuming that surely it was because she didn’t like him anymore, and he spent the whole day effectively moping and panicking about it until he mustered up the courage to ask her if she had any problems with him. “Oh no, she's not wearing my friendship medal, she must hate me now!” Never mind that Degenbrecher of all people would never hesitate to tell him if she had any problems with him. I wonder how that conversation went down at the end of the day.

But actually, let’s think about it a little further. Degenbrecher has apparently faithfully worn this medal day in and day out for years and years, yet one day, she goes without it. Would it not be natural for Enciodes’s thoughts to stray towards the idea that she is holding some sort grudge towards him or is upset about something? And while it’s almost certainly his own dramatic nature flaring up here, I can’t help but feel this is also a marker of how much he values Degenbrecher’s friendship that he so worries over her potential offense in regards to something so small.

Finally, note the mention that now, instead of the medal giving her pass through Karlan Trade, it serves to remind others of her affiliation: she’s become so integrated in Kjerag that perhaps people forget that she actually has allegiance to the company (which we can see in RS). (It also explains more about Enciodes’s internal unease, though it’s not really clear when specifically that anecdote happened.)

'Kjeragandr's Soldier'

Third medal, honorary decoration issued by the Vine-Bear Court, was worn by Enya herself when she formally became the Saintess. 'This was the biggest protest the Saintess could make back then. I don't think much in particular about Kjeragandr—at most, I think I'd like to take Her on.'

We see Degenbrecher here echoing her comments from RS: if given a chance, she would like to fight Kjeragandr, but other than that, she doesn’t have any strong feelings about her. Nevertheless, Degenbrecher accepted this medal, and wears it for what I speculate is either a feeling of empathy or solidarity: Sharp calls Degenbrecher a “symbol of rebellion” in Break The Ice, and we know how much she hates being controlled. Perhaps she saw Enya’s rebellion against the stifling Court by giving away her medal to a non-Kjerag, and accepted it because she could understand or because she felt it would be ungracious not to. Wearing it now, perhaps she feels at this time that she is a soldier of Kjeragandr, or at least, of Kjerag, which after the events of RS doesn’t seem that far-fetched either, and now the medal has at last achieved its meaning in the most literal way.

Finally, I’d like to note that this medal shares its emblem with the one on Enciodes’s belt buckle in his newest skin Never-Melting Ice, where I’m guessing he’s taken on the role of commander of the Walnut battleship. As I speculated before, that he has it is a symbol of recognition from a party which has historically opposed him—the Vine-Bear Court—though it’s unknown at the moment specifically why he has it.

‘Ten Years.’

To mark ten years of acquaintance, Enciodes rustled up a little gift for her, effectively commemorating her Karlan Trade decennial at the same time. It may not have been founded when they first met, but the blueprints were already laid out in his heart. 'I didn't even recall what it was commemorating when he gave me this. A token of thanks, I suppose, but I'm sure he just wanted to let me know that he still remembered the big words he said back when it all began.'

Her fourth most valued medal, and perhaps unsurprisingly, it’s from Enciodes again. A gesture of commemorating their friendship, her ten years with Karlan Trade, and effectively Karlan Trade’s ten years as well as the company got off the ground with her aid. It’s only too bad that I can’t quite make out the design of it despite best efforts.

It’s interesting and in fact quite sweet that Degenbrecher can easily infer the meaning behind Enciodes’s gesture, though he does not say so. She understands him very well, to the point where her first thought was not regarding the Karlan Trade decennial, but rather, even beyond her guessing it was a gesture of gratitude like her numerous other medals, she immediately grasps with certainty that he meant something more: he’s reminding her that he still remembers how everything began, and he feels it necessary and appropriate to remind her of this, and likely, he also knows that she will understand its meaning. Effectively, through this gift, Enciodes is telling her, “It’s been ten years, but I still hold the same convictions, aspirations, and motivations I still held when we first met. I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten any of those things despite the time. I may have changed since then, but this part of me has not.”

In addition, Enciodes making this gesture of gratitude almost seems to echo Enya’s comments to Kjera at the end of RS about how taking things for granted means one loses respect for them, and also alludes to Enciodes’s comments about his debt to Degenbrecher growing and growing. He knows he has no way to repay her, but he’s trying to at least express his gratitude although she doesn’t care about debt, and to show he doesn’t take her continued presence for granted either. It’s yet another instance of Enciodes treating Degenbrecher as his friend rather than the “sword” she claims she is to him; he genuinely wishes to remind her that despite it all, at heart he’s still the person she met back then.

And Degenbrecher acknowledges and appreciates this sentiment and this gesture, and so she also has placed this medal upon her breast as among her most valued. One medal from him when Karlan Trade first began, and another for the decennial. Fitting, isn’t it? Much like the way her first one shows her affiliation with Karlan Trade, this one is proof of her continued allegiance—an allegiance which will continue further on in the future.

Finally, let’s round this out by looking at the other items in the artwork, as they were surely included because they’re of some importance to her. Although it’s unfortunately difficult to make out what else is in the case other than her Kazimierz badge (likely it’s more medals), we can see a few other things on the side just beneath the case. What are they?

Just beneath the case’s handle, we can see a dagger, likely the one she wears on her thigh. One of Gnosis’s, perhaps? It’s almost assured he gave her one, given their close relationship, and that would be reason alone for it to be considered special to her. Remember, Degenbrecher uses her swordbreakers because they are instruments of blunt damage and it’s easier for her to control her strength when she needs to avoid killing someone. Yet here is an item that would likely be small and fiddly for her, not to mention fragile and largely unneeded—why would Degenbrecher of all people need a self-defense dagger, even in the worst case scenario? Nevertheless, it’s there on her leg, and there amongst her most prized items, effectively all of which were gifts as well. Clearly, it must be of some sentimental value, and ergo I postulate it’s from Gnosis.

Next up, under the dagger is her Kjerag armband. We don’t know who gave her this, but we do know it’s an emblem of allegiance that many Kjerag-affiliated characters and NPCs wear. The fact that she chooses to wear it is yet another marker of her belonging to Kjerag.

Beneath her armband is a coiled chain; it’s difficult to tell what it is, precisely, if it’s a necklace or if it’s the chain that functions as the strap of her broadsword. I’m inclined to think that’s what it is, as Degenbrecher doesn’t strike me as someone who cares very much for jewelry, and her sword would naturally be packed for travel.

And of course, front and center, her trademark swordbreakers. Interestingly, her promotion file states that she had no weapon but the hilt of her greatsword when she left Kazimierz, broken by a Darksteel arrow, and upon arrival to Kjerag her swordbreakers were “crafted by the Karlan Trade artisans.” Given that Karlan Trade at the time didn’t really comprise of much or many people, and given that their initial product was bottled spring water, I can’t help but wonder who those artisans were—or if it was, in fact, Gnosis once again. After all, if he knows how to make daggers, surely he would know how to make swords (or swordbreakers) as well?

And there we have it—a few more interesting little tidbits about Kjerag’s big sister that add some more to her character. :)

[academic-vampire]

(Here is an essay I wrote about Edgar Allan Poe’s short story, “The Black Cat.” The essay delves into the seeming “mask of self delusion” that the narrator wears as he writes to exonerate himself of his crimes. To make it more interesting, I argue that the reader is obsolete to the story itself. The essay is really long, but I thought it was fun to write. Please let me know what you think of the topic—I am curious to hear others’ thoughts!)

The Mask of Self-Delusion

(Jack C. June, 2024)

Edgar Allan Poe’s narrator in his short story, “The Black Cat,” is delusional. No reader would bat an eye at this claim, as that is very plainly the case upon even an elementary reading of the work. And yet, the reader is not a crucial part of the reading process itself. On the contrary, Poe’s narrator does not require a reader at all. Instead, the narrator is writing solely for himself. The unreliable narrator in Poe’s short story attempts to exonerate himself—to exculpate himself—in a confessional manner. From the very first lines, the reader becomes aware that they are not expected to believe the narrator, and because of this, the reader is not necessary in the first place. Instead, it is the narrator writing his story for himself in an attempt to justify and rationalize his vile actions—trying to clear away his wicked sins by claiming possession and demonic intervention. The themes of acting on evil human impulse and attempting to vindicate oneself through delusion are highlighted in Poe’s short story—allowing the reader to see that the devil is not necessary to perform vicious deeds—humans alone are just as capable.

It is evident from the first sentence that the narrator is not writing for an audience but for himself. The sentence reads, “For the most wild, yet homely narrative which I am about to pen, I neither expect nor solicit belief” (1). The reader is informed a moment later that the narrator is writing from a prison cell, and will die tomorrow, but first he wants to, “…unburthen [his] soul” (1). The narrator does not think anyone will believe him, but that does not matter to him. The narrator aims to assuage himself of the events that took place to convince himself that his actions were not entirely his own. This delusion becomes evident by the language used further in the first paragraph. For example, the narrator writes, “Yet, mad am I not…”, referring to the murders as a, “…series of mere household events”, and even going as far as to proclaim the events as, “…nothing more than an ordinary succession of very natural causes and effects” (1). The language is obviously filled with delusion, but the primary factor to take into account is the attempt at rationalizing his demonic behavior. The language may even remind readers of a defense attorney trying to subdue a tragedy at hand. The key word Poe uses to show the narrator’s attempted justification of his crimes is to describe them as “natural.”

As previously mentioned, this story does not require a reader. Whether or not anyone reads or believes the narrator is not the narrator’s main concern. Instead, the narrator only tries to convince himself of his innocence through delusion and self-manipulation. Scholars Vicki Hester and Emily Segir make an important point when they write, “The story cannot save him from the noose. He has no progeny and mentions no living relatives who might care about his guilt or innocence, so the story serves little purpose for the writer, leaving readers to wonder who might be the intended audience and what might be the story’s point” (176). The narrator is writing for himself—heightening his delusion in an effort to conceal himself from his wicked human nature. Therefore, it is vital that Poe chose to write his story in the first person and not the third. Had Poe written the story in the third person, readers would have been able to quickly identify that the narrator is unreliable. Similarly, the structure of the short story would lose its significance of being told as a confession had it been written in the third person. Poe cleverly chose to write “The Black Cat” in the first person to add to the obviousness of the narrator’s delusion, the vanquishing of pathos any reader may have for the narrator, and the glimpse into the psychologically disturbed that would have been lost otherwise.

This particular reading of the narrator attempting to vindicate himself is not a new interpretation. Scholar James Gorgano concurs with the specific reading of attempted self-exculpation, writing, “The narrator cannot understand that his assault upon another person derives from his own moral sickness and unbalance” (181). By accusing demonic entities and the supernatural, the narrator can step away from the blame he so clearly deserves. Gargano continues, writing, “Consequently, if his self-analysis is accepted, his responsibility for his evil life vanishes” (181). The narrator attempts to detach himself from his crimes by writing his story in his prison cell.

Further in the story, the narrator refers to being overcome by a demonic nature. Yet, he does little to consider that his “demonic nature” is actually innately human. One central theme for Poe is human nature being wicked at its core. Poe does not maintain the naïve belief of humans as innately good, but quite the opposite. Here, the narrator tries to trick himself into believing just that—that he is innocent and was influenced by outside powers. When the narrator kills his cat, he writes, “The fury of a demon instantly possessed me” (2). The narrator removes himself from the equation by casting blame on an evil force notorious for such a wicked crime. Further in the story, as the reader kills his wife, one sentence reads, “Goaded, by the interference, into a rage more than demonical, I withdrew my arm from her grasp and buried the axe in her brain” (6). The narrator has surpassed a demon's rage and arrived at the malicious doorstep of the devil’s capacity for wrath. The narrator cannot fathom that his human nature is not innately good and kind but devilish.

Finally, The narrator loses his grip on his sanity throughout the progression of the story. A few key indicators of the narrator becoming delusional have to do significantly with his language choice. Hester and Segir point out that, after the narrator kills his wife, “He now speaks of his wife as ‘it,’ ‘the body,’ ‘the corpse.’ He does not call his wife’s dead body an accident but refers to the death as, ‘the hideous murder accomplished’” (189). And again, there is a significant moment when the narrator casts his own blame onto otherworldly forces when discussing perverseness. These sentences read, “Yet I am not more sure that my soul lives, than I am that perverseness is one of the primitive impulses of the human heart—one of the indivisible primary faculties, or sentiments, which give direction to the character of Man” (2). The narrator craves to be absolved so intensely that he has no problem blaming his murders on human nature and demons—anyone but himself. Hester and Segir cleverly elaborate that, “He also suggests that we, readers, would all do the same, given the same circumstances” (179). A moment after the narrator blames perverseness, he writes, “Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or a silly action, for no other reason than because he knows he should not?” (2). He carries on, speaking of his soul attempting to vex itself, committing, “…wrong for wrong’s sake only” (3). The narrator will do anything but look himself in the eye and confess that he, and he alone, is an evil man. The narrator would prefer to believe that all humans have a devil inside of them that may possess them at any moment and force them to commit heinous acts. It is easier to claim that, ‘the devil made me do it,’ than it is to look at one’s own blood-covered hands and have an epiphany of one’s Mephistophelian nature.

In the last paragraph, the narrator ceaselessly denies responsibility for his guilt. He writes, “Upon its head, with red extended mouth and solitary eye of fire, sat the hideous beast whose craft had seduced me into murder, and whose informing voice had consigned me to the hangman. I had walled the monster up within the tomb!” (8). He claims that Pluto had seduced him to kill instead of admitting that he did it of his own accord. What’s more, is that the narrator claims Pluto consigned him to the hangman—his impending death scheduled for the following day. The last line carries significant weight as the narrator directs—towards the cat—the word that should be used to describe himself—monster. On a deeper metaphorical level, this line can be read as the last act of attempted self-exculpation. With one last line, the narrator seals the guilt of his crimes within the wall. Maybe he was not referring to the cat as the monster, but the guilt of his crimes. The narrator of Edgar Allan Poe’s short story, “The Black Cat,” was never possessed by the devil, although he would prefer to think so. The narrator feels that if he can confess and convince himself of his innocence, he becomes blameless. Often, the devil is considered to be the root of all evil, but people forget that the first murder was a human killing a human—Cain killing Abel.

Works Cited

Gargano, James W. “The Question of Poe’s Narrators.” College English, vol. 25, no. 3, 1963, pp. 177–81. JSTOR.

Hester, Vicki, and Emily Segir. “Edgar Allan Poe: ‘The Black Cat,’ and Current Forensic Psychology.” The Edgar Allan Poe Review, vol. 15, no. 2, 2014, pp. 175–93. JSTOR.

Poe, Edgar Allan. “The Black Cat.” English ###: PDF File. The Black Cat.pdf, June, 2024.

[katy-133]

How Do Spy's Disguises Really Work? [TF2 Lore]

This is NOT a tutorial nor guide on how to use disguises in the game. This is a Team Fortress 2 essay about Spy's ability to disguise, how it works in-universe, and some implications we can deduce through it.

(This essay contains spoilers for the TF2 comics Old Wounds and The Naked and the Dead, and the Valve animation, Meet the Spy.)

Note: As of the time of writing, issue 7 of the comics has not been released.

Point 1) The Disguise Kit's Backstory

The Spytron 3000 is the personal device assistant Spy uses to disguise as the other 8 mercs. This name is listed in TF2's official website's page for Spy, while in-game, it's named as the Disguise Kit in your inventory. We also see the name Spytron 3000 printed on the model in-game.

The Disguise Kit is made to look like a cigarette case, and Spy keeps his cigarettes in it. Evidence that Spy smokes cigs kept in this case is seen in Meet the Spy, Expiration Date (seen pulling a cigarette out of it), and in-game (when you Taunt while holding the Disguise Kit, and animation can play of Spy smoking and flicking the cig away).

(Image: Meet the Spy)

(Image: Expiration Date)

The Sniper Vs Spy Update gives us this image, which is a catalogue advertising spy gadgets, with (assumedly) Spy circling the gadgets he wants to order.

(Image: Sniper Vs Spy Update)

The Dead Ringer (pocket watch) and the Cloak and Dagger (wristwatch) are items Spy can use in-game.

Another section on the same image shows Spy's catalogue order:

The Disguise kit doesn't appear here, but this image implies that the Disguise Kit came from the same manufacturer. This is significant, because it means that the Disguise Kit is something that Spy didn't make himself, and therefore has to rely on someone else for the Disguise Kit to provide what he needs from it (as he may not be able to edit or change the way the Disguise Kit works by himself). Keep this in mind going forward.

Point 2) How the Enemy Sees Disguises

In-game, enemy players see disguised Spies as whichever merc they are disguised as, from whichever team (as you can also disguise as one of your own teammates to fool the enemy). Enemy buildings (Sentry Turrets, Dispensers, and Teleporters) are fooled by this disguise.

In-game, as disguises are being activated, you can see smoke appear around an Enemy spy disguising. Remember that for later.

(Image: Weapon Demonstration: Disguise Kit, OfficialTF2Wiki, YouTube)

But what about outside of the game? In the comics, we see Classic BLU Spy (from Team Fortress 1) disguised as RED Heavy. The disguise is so flawless, it fools everyone. When he undisguises, there's a smoke effect.

(Image: Old Wounds, TF2 comics)

What about the animated shorts? Meet the Spy is the only example where we see a Spy use disguises in a Valve animation. In this example, a RED Spy is fighting a BLU Medic alone and Spy shapeshifts into Medic.

(Gif: Meet the Spy)

We see the following details in this scene:

Rows of red stripes of light appear over Spy.

Heat distortion (also called a mirage).

Smoke appear around Spy.

Spy's face changes into Medic's.

Let's break this down step by step.

I think we can infer that the stripes of light are red because it's a RED Spy disguising. This means that if a BLU Spy disguises, the stripes would be blue.

The heat distortion (the wiggly lines of air you see when you're looking past hot air) implies that there's some sort of release of heat that happens when Spy disguises. Another word for this is a mirage effect. Mirages are associated with illusions and being deceived.

The smoke implies something is burned when Spy disguises. It also adds significance to the Disguise Kit being disguised as a cigarette case (smoke = lighting a cigarette).

Then Spy's face changes to Medic's. It happens less like a morph and more like a liquid (or layer of a soft material) covering over Spy.

So the takeaway is that Spy's Disguise Kit allows Spy to look exactly like another merc, through some sort of process that involves extreme heat creating a cover over Spy. What is this heat and why does it change Spy's appearance?

In-universe, the technical mechanics behind Spy's shapeshifter effect are left vague. But we can look to another Valve game for inspiration to finding a possible explanation: Portal 2.

Poral 2 includes a technology described as hard light. They are used to create bridges in the game. Touching them is described as feeling "like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire," (according to GLaDOS). It is made from natural sunlight.

(Image: Hard light bridge in portal 2. Image from the Half-Life Fandom Wiki)

My theory is this: I think Spy's disguises are created using holograms that work in a similar way to hard light bridges in Portal 2. It is light bending around Spy, changing his appearance, feeling solid, and creating intense heat to form and unform.

Point 3) How Teammates See Disguises

In-game, teammates see disguised Spies wearing paper masks with an image of the merc they are disguised as.

(Images: Team Fortress 2 Official Wiki)

Why is this? How does this work? How does the Disguise Kit even produce the mask? Does it print it out? What is the smoke for?

Team Fortress 2's developer commentary includes this insight by lead designer Robin Walker:

"With nine classes of characters, and so many weapons and unique abilities, one of our biggest challenges was exposing all these combinations to players without overwhelming them. […] We tried to avoid attaching 2D elements to the HUD as much as possible, since we wanted players to be looking at the 3D world we'd built rather than some abstract representation. For example, players always see their own team's spies as a spy, but they need to know how the spy is disguised to the other team. We tried a quick hack where we put an icon representing the spy's current disguise floating above his head. The icon proved baffling to playtesters. When we tackled the problem by putting cut-out paper masks on the spy, it not only fit the humorous style of the game, but it let players get all pertinent information directly from a quick look at the spy's model, thus keeping them focused on the characters and on the action of the game." —Robin Walker, Hydro Map Developer Commentary

This is practical, because it stops teammates from trying to attack their fellow teammates whilst also being able to see what class (merc) the Spy is disguised as. Even teammate Sentries are not fooled by your disguise, and won't fire at you.

This is a play on an old trope in storytelling where a character is wearing a disguise that obvious to the audience, but fools the fictional characters. This prevents the audience from getting confused or fooled themselves. The TV Tropes dot org article for this is called Paper-Thin Disguise, making Spy's masks really on-the-nose in a funny way.

So can all teammates automatically see through disguises if the Spy is on their team? In-game, it appears so. What about outside of the game?

In the TF2 comics, we see just the smoke effect used. We never see Spy wearing a paper mask at any point in the TF2 comics. Nor in any of the Valve animations.

In The Naked and the Dead, Spy disguises himself as Tom Jones, which fools Scout. When his disguise vanishes, he emits smoke.

(Image: The Naked and the Dead, TF2 comics)

This is interesting because they are both RED teammates, but Spy was still able to fool Scout. This indicates that Spy can choose to have his disguises fool his teammates.

A Detour About Quantum Leap

Let's talk about Quantum Leap. It's a 1989 time travelling series about a man (Sam) who, through a sci-fi mishap, leaps into the life of another person each episode. Sam is always played by the same actor (Scott Bakula), but when he is seen in mirrors, we see another actor in his place. This other actor is how everyone else (the other characters) actually see him:

Scott Bakula as Sam pictured screen-left in both images, looking at his reflection.

(Images: Quantum Leap, 1989)

How does this work? The actor always being Scott Bakula is for the benefit of the audience. He is the main character in a revolving door of different settings, plotlines, and time periods. He is the anchor of the show that unifies episodes, and that's comforting for the viewer. It's non-diegetic.

Diegetic refers to an element in fiction that exists in-universe of the story and is able to be perceived by the characters. It's the soundtrack if the characters complain that it's too loud. It's the camera if they bump into it. It's meta.

So non-diegetic is something that doesn't exist in-universe and is perceived by the audience but not the characters. It's the title of the movie overlaying the screen without the characters commenting on it. It's a stage musical swapping set pieces as the characters talk and don't notice. It's for the benefit of the audience. It values encapsulating a feeling of something, over how something literally is. It's vibes.

Aside from the Quantum Leap example, there are other works of fiction that have done this type of visual style of using multiple actors for mirror reflections. Another example that springs to mind is the 2011 sci-fi film Source Code. In the film, the main character has to re-live a time loop whilst in the body of another passenger on a train in order to figure out which passenger left an explosive on it.

So in Quantum Leap, Sam still feels like himself (and is thus shown that way to the audience), but is actually projecting an "illusion of [the person's] physical aura" (Sam's words) through sci-fi tech that makes everyone around him see the person he's "leaped" into, instead of him.

Why am I talking about Quantum Leap? I think something similar happens when we see Spy disguised in-game.

The paper face masks are for the benefit of the audience. They don't exist to any of the characters.

Point 4) How Spy Sees Himself Disguised

In-game, he sees himself as himself. If you're playing Spy disguised, you see his (undisguised) hands and the weapon he's holding.

You also see a little portrait of the merc he's disguised as (at the bottom-left corner), so you (as Spy) still know how you appear as to enemies.

So Spy perceives himself as himself. He doesn't see his own body as changed.

Point 5) How Voices Work

When Spy is disguised, he also gains the voice of whoever he's disguised as.

In Meet the Spy, Spy disguised as Medic doesn't speak, so we don't get an example of this in any of the Valve animations.

In the comics (issue 5, Old Wounds), Classic Spy speaks as RED Heavy, and fools RED Spy, so we can assume Classic Spy was imitating Heavy's voice (as the webcomics, while they include scripted panel changes, don't include audio).

In-game, when you're disguised, all voice lines switch to the merc you are disguised as. If you call for Medic, you yell as the merc you are disguised as, etc.

This leads to two theories:

a) Spy can imitate voices himself and therefore can imitate voices while not disguised (example: He's on the telephone, he could imitate voices before he joined RED/BLU and can do it without the Disguise Kit)

b) Spy is only able to imitate voices using the Disguise Kit and can't imitate voices without it.

Both possibilities lead to interesting potential plot ideas.

It's worth noting that while on fire, Spy will still sound like the merc he is disguised as. This leads me to deduce that it's the Disguise Kit, as why would Spy bother to maintain the voice impression? He's already been caught and he's possibly about to die.

Point 6) How Spy Undisguises

If Spy's disguises by using technology, how how does he "turn it off"?

There appears to be two ways: Unintentionally or intentionally.

Unintentional examples would include getting hit with Sniper's Jarate in-game. It's like the liquid somehow disrupts or "short circuits" the disguise. Another example would be Spy getting shot while disguised in The Naked and the Dead comic, which seems more like an emotional/psychological/physical response (in this case, pain).

Intentional examples include trying to attack in-game, which instantly undisguises you as Spy. And Spy's disguise fading away after fooling Scout with it in Naked and the Dead. He doesn't say anything or make a motion, he appears to simply will the disguise away.

So it may be that Spy has some sort of "connection" with the Disguise Kit that lets it detect his intentions.

Point 7) Is This Body Swapping?

So when Spy is disguised, is he actually in a copy of the body of the merc he's disguised as? If so, there's multiple implications:

Does he need glasses when he's Medic?

Does he no longer have a right hand when he's Engineer?

Does he lose an eye as Demoman?

How does the clothing swapping work? Can he remove clothing, or would it cease to exist if it travels too far from his body/the Disguise Kit's influence?

There's multiple counter arguments suggesting that this is not the case and Spy is not body swapping:

Spy can switch weapon items of the other merc when he's disguised by switching to his other items (and pressing B).

If Spy was actually using Medic's real glasses, that would presumably mess with his vision. And Spy has no visible issues with his vision.

Spy can't run as fast as Scout, nor double jump, so he doesn't gain Scout's physical capabilities.

As mentioned in Point 4 earlier, Spy sees himself as himself. His body doesn't change from his own POV.

In the comics, when Spy is shot in the leg while disguised, he keeps the same injury afterwards. The person who he was disguised as was Classic Engineer. Who has metal prosthetic legs. And therefore wouldn't get injured from a shot in the leg at all.

(Image: The Naked and the Dead, TF2 comics)

In Meet the Spy, Spy's missing Medic's glasses when he shapeshifts into Medic, but that may have been done to make the scene cooler (he steals Medic's glasses after defeating him).

(Image: Meet the Spy)

Spies also can't use weapons of the merc they are disguising as. Attacking instantly undisguises the Spy. This implies that the new weapons Spy holds when he is disguised are the same weapon with an illusion cast over it, not a weapon swap.

It not being body swapping also opens the door to the potential that Spy can disguise as a person who doesn't exist, allowing him to create an entirely new persona.

Point 8) Spy-Checking In Game

In fiction, shapeshifters often have a "tell" of some sort, where they can't quite perfectly mirror the individual they've shapeshifted as. On TV Tropes org, it's called "Glamour Failure," in reference to glamour, an archaic term used in mythology for a type of beauty spell, or a spell to make the shapeshifter appear human. Common glamour failure examples in fiction include the shapeshifter's eyes being the wrong colour, or their reflection revealing their true form.

(Gif: The Little Mermaid, 1989)

Does Spy have a tell? Well, in Meet the Spy, the audience is surprised by Scout being the Spy. He looks like Scout, sounds like Scout, and acts like Scout. What makes the audience twig on that it's not Scout is when he does a trick with Spy's balisong (knife). Scout wouldn't do a knife trick with a balisong.

And I think that's illustrative to how you can detect a disguised Spy in the game. It's (in part) spotting a teammate acting oddly. Medic running around not healing anyone, that sort of thing.

Other ways to Spy check in the game (but not limited to) are:

You can't walk through enemy Spies like you can with teammates.

Teammate attacks don't hurt teammate Spies.

Sniper's Jarate instantly ruins an enemy Spy's disguise if it splashes on him.

Spy mimics the speed of the merc he's disguised as, but can't run as fast as Scout.

The speed difference between Scout and Spy is notable. Is the Disguise Kit making Spy slow down, or is the speed change just Spy trying to act more like the merc he's imitating? Could he run faster if he needed to? It's unclear.

There are also in-game support-type effects that affect disguised Spies differently:

Teammate's Sentries will always be friendly to disguised Spies. Enemy Sentries will fire at Spies unless they are disguised.

Medic's crossbow heals teammates and hurts enemies. It hurts disguised enemy Spies.

When Soldiers activate a banner, nearby teammates that do not emit a glow are disguised enemy Spies.

If Spy is disguised as an Engineer with a Beep Boy cosmetic, it will always appear with a sad expression, instead of happy with various emotions.

(Image: A Beep Boy with a sad, pained expression)

This means that some forms of technology are fooled by Spy's disguises, but others are not.

This raises the question of whether Spy's disguises can sometimes/always be seen-through by animals. Maybe the dove Archimedes isn't fooled by disguises?

Related to glamour failure, there is a trope in fiction where dogs, cats, pets, etc. are not fooled by disguises because they can sense the morality of the person in a way that humans can't, or because they know their human so well. (The TV Tropes article for it is titled, Evil-Detecting Dog.)

Point 9) Other Characters/Things Using Disguises

Can other characters who are not Spy use the disguise kit? What is stopping them?

Aristotle is a raven Spy has on his shoulder as a cosmetic (an item you can wear in the game). This raven is wearing a tiny paper mask with an image of Archimedes (Medic's dove) printed on it. This implies that other characters are perceiving Aristotle as Archimedes, which is very funny. This also means that other characters can use disguises. It's just that Spy is the one who uses the Disguise Kit, as it's part of his job.

(Images: Aristotle, left. The Counterfeit Billycock.)

The Counterfeit Billycock is an in-game hat disguised as another hat. This being an example of objects using disguises.

This also infers that inversely, Spy can use disguises to appear as an animal or an inanimate object. We just haven't seen him do that yet.

This leads us to...

Point 10) A Note on the Disguise Kit's Interface

In-game, a screen overlay appears when you select Spy's Disguise Kit. This shows the different merc disguise options, but it's for the benefit of the player. It's not what Spy sees in-universe.

What Spy sees is what's behind this overlay: His Disguise Kit being opened. As written earlier, it's made to look like a cigarette case on the outside. The inside of the case includes a screen and three buttons below it. I interpret the interface as a screen displaying portraits of different mercs, with the two yellow buttons being left/right keys, and the red button (or blue button for the BLU Spy in Meet the Spy) being the select key.

(Image: Meet the Spy)

So we can come to the deduction that what stops Spy from disguising himself as someone other than the mercs is the same reason we can't in-game: He isn't given the option in the interface. Not that he has the option, but he chooses not to. Or doesn't think to do it. Or a situation hasn't come up where doing so would be useful.

This doesn't explain how Spy was able to disguise himself as Tom Jones, but maybe the option was given to him at some point near the start of the comic series.

If only Spy were given upgrades to his Disguise Kit for plot reasons, hmm...

Point 11) Applying Canon to Fan Works

So with all this canon information, we can take this knowledge and apply it to fan works to create something new. This includes fan fiction, animations, webcomics, etc.

So let's start asking questions. In the restrictions of established canon, can Spy…

Disguise as another character, such as Saxton Hale, Miss Pauling, or the Administrator?

Can Spy disguise as an animal, such as Archimedes?

Can Spy disguise as an inanimate object? … without contravening canon?

Spy Disguising as Saxton Hale, Miss Pauling, and the Administrator

(Image: Jungle Inferno)

Saxton Hale is not one of the mercs (he's the owner of MANN CO., which RED/BLU get their weapons and hats from) and is much larger than Spy. Maybe Spy can't disguise himself as non-mercs? Again, size does not appear to stop Spy from disguising as Heavy, and Spy has canonically disguised himself as Tom Jones, who is not a merc. So in theory, Spy could disguise as Saxton Hale.

(Image: Meet the Director comic)

Miss Pauling and the Administrator bring up the question of whether or not the Disguise Kit allows the user to disguise as someone of a different gender. Spy's teammates are men, with Pyro's gender being unknown. So Spy disguising as another gender does not contradict canon, it's just unknown if he canonically has done so already.

(Image: Expiration Date)

While not a disguise, we do have official Valve art of Spy wearing the gold/blue "colour illusion" dress (the original dress being designed and manufactured by Roman Originals) in celebration of Steam's 20th Anniversary.

While wearing a dress is not the same as shapeshifting into a woman, this illustrates that Spy has not been stopped by gender expectations of the 1960s from presenting himself more femininely.

(Image: Steam's 20th Anniversary. Art by Claire Hummel)

So the thing stopping Spy from disguising as Saxton Hale, Miss Pauling, or the Administrator would not be because the Disguise Kit is incapable of ever doing so, but because the kit doesn't provide those options, out of the company's benefit. Remember back in Point 1 that the Spytron 3000 is an (unknown) company's invention that was shipped to Spy? It would not be in TF2 Industries' interest to give a merc the ability to disguise as one of their bosses or boss's assistants. It would be a infiltration liability waiting to happen.

Spy Disguising as Animals

This once again falls into the realm of size not stopping Spy from disguising as something, just in the opposite direction. Spy can disguise as Engineer and other mercs shorter than Spy.

Is there a limit to how small? Can Spy disguise as a mouse? A Spycrab? Again, it's just unknown if he can because hasn't happened in the canon.

(Image: Spycrab cosmetic)

Spy Disguising as Inanimate Objects

There's a reoccurring joke I've seen in different fan works of Spy disguising as a lamp by wearing a mask that has an image of a lamp printed on it. I saw it enough times that I had assumed it was from canon, but I couldn't find a canon example of it anywhere. I'm unsure of its original origin in fan works, but it has since been embraced by the fandom.

Another example of a fan work letting Spy disguise himself as an object is Fortress Film's (the creators of Emesis Blue) fan film, Spy's Disguise. In this 28 minute animated film, Spy figures out how to disguise himself as a sentry gun.

(Gif: Spy's Disguise by Fortress Films, YouTube)

12) Conclusion: So How Do Disguises Actually Work?

In conclusion, Spy's disguises can be interpreted as a smokey aura or hologram that surrounds Spy through a piece of tech known as the Spytron 3000.

It is a perfect visual and audio disguise to all the mercs, both for teammates and enemies. We see Spy's paper mask for the benefit of the audience and is possibly non-diegetic (metaphorical and not existing in-universe). The paper masks are not seen by any of the mercs, teammate or otherwise.

A teammate Spy can choose to allow teammates (and possibly enemies) see through this aura, whilst still knowing that the Spy is disguised, and who he is disguised as.

Nevertheless, part of the fun of fan works is that they can deviate from canon. Want Spy to body swap? Yes! Want Spy to be able to remain disguised while attacking someone in a fight? The power is yours.

Fan work is universes within universes.

[smart-academic-solutions]

College: Where you learn to survive on caffeine, Google searches, and the occasional burst of motivation 😫😭😭

[earthshine-moon]

Why I love AMC’s Lt Graham Gore: an essay

Full essay under the cut but here’s the intro to (hopefully) get you interested

In my humble (and completely non-obsessed 😉) opinion, AMC’s Lieutenant Graham Gore is one of the best cold boys. He is not only kind and considerate, but well-respected and liked among the other men (especially Goodsir and while that is reason enough, I wrote this anyway bc why not?). In this essay, I will exhibit why Lt Gore deserves all the love and appreciation that is possible to receive from a single fandom.

A list of special mentions are at the end of this post as well if you’re interested 💙

This is long so buckle up and hold on to your Welsh wigs, we’re going for a ride.

The first scene where we witness Gore’s personality is the boat hauling scene in episode 2. When the scene begins, it’s clear that Mr Goodsir has been talking for a little while and at first, it seems as though none of the party are really listening to him until he speaks directly to Gore. As soon as Goodsir says his name, the Lieutenant looks up at him and responds immediately despite how much effort and concentration he is clearly putting in to hauling the boat. Gore’s instant and genuine reply of “I do not, Mr Goodsir” implies that he has been listening (maybe not intently, he’s not superhuman) and knows exactly who Goodsir is talking about. On top of that, the tone of his answer gives the impression that he wasn’t giving it for the purpose of not having to converse further with Goodsir, but rather that he honestly couldn’t remember the Inuk man’s name, which shows his kindness.

Just a few seconds later in that scene, Gore stops the men as soon as Goodsir offers to take over from one of them in hauling the boat. This second immediate action indicates that he doesn’t mind taking the time to swap Hartnell with Goodsir and instruct him on how to pull the weight. (He could just be thankful for the excuse to take a little break and I love that too, so I’m cool with it being a bit of both). The fact that he has no problem with taking this time just adds to the kindness that we have already seen from him.

This leads me onto his instructions to Goodsir. He explains the technique clearly and calmly, which shows exactly how considerate and attentive he is because he gives Goodsir all the advice he needs to keep in step with the others (“watch Morfin here in front, and me with the corner of your eye”). Gore’s tone is warm and friendly throughout with a touch of reassurance seeping in as he says “you’ll take to it, I know you will”, which conveys his trust and belief in Goodsir’s ability to haul. While he’s talking, Gore’s whole body is turned towards Goodsir and he gives him a couple of little shoulder pats. (Tartnell and Peglar also give him a shoulder pat each but that’s different. I mention that again later).

(Just a little side note that has nothing to do with this but there’s a little detail in one of his lines in this scene that I love. He tells Hartnell to let Goodsir “spell [him]”. We don’t use this phrase in the UK and as far as I can tell, it’s North American. I just think it’s a lovely nod to the fact that he comes from a line of Naval officers (one of which might have picked up the phrase). Anyway, back to me rambling about how wonderful this guy is).

And now, my current favourite thing to talk about and watch: the cairn scene. Gore’s second line in this scene (“does this place make you uneasy, doctor?”) is said almost like a joke but he doesn’t walk away like you’d expect him to if it was meant in that way. Instead, he stays where he is and turns towards Goodsir as if he is waiting for an answer. At first I thought he might have stayed to hand Goodsir his ice pick (or whatever it’s called. I can’t find them anywhere) but it looks like he doesn’t go to pass it to him until he actually does. And, in case you need any more evidence, if you look closely when it cuts to the wider shot, the end of the handle is visible by the side of his leg and there’s a 2 second long pause before Goodsir speaks where he could have tried to hand the ice pick over or at least lifted it up, but he didn’t.

Gore’s response to Goodsir explaining why he shouldn’t call him Doctor is to say “that’s a doctor in my book” which signifies that he respects the work Goodsir has put in to his career so much more than most other characters (minus Dr. McDonald, of course). This response clearly shows he doesn’t believe that Goodsir is any less worthy of the title just because he hasn’t got the same training as the other ships’ doctors. Just to add to that, by giving him the title of doctor, it raises Goodsir to a higher level; one, in the eyes of other people, more deserving of respect than his actual station.

Sticking with the cairn scene (last one, I promise), Gore says “thank you” twice; one to Goodsir and the other to Des Voeux. Both are said in response to very small gestures but actually sound so genuine like they had done something more significant for him than taking his ice pick or handing him the folder-type thing (if anyone knows what this is, please let me know). As far as I can remember, there aren’t many thank yous thrown around in the show, especially not any as genuine as these.

I’ve been watching his 7 minutes of screen time so much recently and on about the 10th time, I noticed that he’s quite gentle when he touches other people. He gives friendly little pats on the shoulder or arm to Goodsir three times and to Des Voeux and Morfin once each but none of them are the sharp, quick ones you see from other characters (like Tartnell and Peglar earlier in ep2). I saw someone say on here that a lot of the cold boys subvert the stereotypes of traditional masculinity and I think this is a subtle but really sweet example of that.

And finally, on to how respected and liked he is. We only ever hear Sir John call him Graham, which is interesting because in Victorian England, Christian names weren’t something to be used lightly as they symbolised close friendship or intimacy. Crozier saying “amongst everything else, I know you mourn a friend” to Sir John after Gore’s death reinforces that. All of this is then furthered by how much Sir John clearly grieves Gore’s death along with the implied grieving of the other Erebus officers. It’s such a credit to his character to see (however brief) the pain and loss his death created among the men.

Sorry to end this on a sad note but here have a cookie 🍪 for making it to the end

And now for some special mentions (including some things about the real Lt Gore)

• the little pompom on his hat

• him helping Morfin up onto the ice ridge

• him shouting with the other men when they find the shore

• “I pray it’s English tea merchants coming from Kenton that look upon that message next”

• asking Goodsir if he’s seen something when he sees he’s looking away from the cairn (idk I just think it’s kinda sweet)

• his smile (that’s it)

And for the real Lt Gore:

• he was an accomplished artist

• Fitzjames described him as having “the sweetest of tempers”

• a gun exploded in his hand when he was shooting cockatoos in Australia for food. Ended up laid flat and all he could do was quietly say “killed the bird” (his hand was fine btw. Only a small injury)

• He was promoted to Captain in absentia by the Admiralty (before the official proclamation of the deaths of Franklin’s men)

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Zeb Wells was never, ever QUALIFIED to write for Spider-Man. As in, if I was hiriing for the job of Spider-Man writer, he'd never have even made it to the interview stage.

See, I'm an old geezer Spider-Man fan. I was there back in the early-mid 2000s when Wells first came onto the Spider-Man scene. That was when he was younger, fresher, more full of energy and less cynical. And even then his stories were mediocre at best, mercifully confined merely to fill-in issues here and there.

Fill-in issues that weren't even on ASM but on the side-books like Peter Parker: Spider-Man and dubiously canonical anthologies like Spider-Man's Tangled Web. Beyond that, he did occassional mini-series and one shots.

His ONE legitimately good story was the origin of J. Jonah Jameson, a single issue in which Spider-Man himself barely ever appeared. That was around 2004(ish). Zeb Wells unironically peaked on Spider-Man 20 years ago and it wasn't even a particularly high peak either. It was more like a small hillock.

Sure, he finally got to write ASM between 2008-2010 during Brand New Day, but like...who DIDN'T get to write ASM back then? It was coming out 3 times a month with a rotating creative team, amongst which Wells was never touted as one of the superstar writers. Love or hate them, Dan Slott, Mark Waid, Joe Kelly, Bob Gale, and even an out of retirement Roger Stern were who the Marvel promotional machine hyped up. Again, love or hate them, back in 2008-2010 these were BIG names to suddenly be working on Spider-Man. In other words, when Wells finally got 'promoted' he was essentially a mere fill-in writer AGAIN.

That being said, he did get one really big chance to bat when he was tasked with doing the biggest Lizard story of all time, 'Shed'. Reinventing a classic Lee/Ditko villain. Leading directly into Grim Hunt, the storyline that was the culmination of much of what BND had been building towards? Writing a story that was going to be one of the last in the BND era in fact? This was Zeb Wells' shot to make a name for himself in the annals of Spider-Man History.

And he succeeded! By which I mean 'Shed' was debated as potentially one of the all time WORST Spider-Man stories ever, and unquestionably the worst Lizard story there had ever been.

Shed was to Curt Connors what One More Day was to Peter Parker. A nonsensical plot geared towards a complete and utter character assassination. We are talking about a story with cannibalism, fratricide, potential sexual assault, vomit inducing art and egregious continuity fuck ups to the point where even the very first Lizard story directly contradicts it. This story was SO bad that even a manchild crybully troll like Dan Slott tried to walk it back, doing no less than 2 stories across 5(ish) years in which he cleaned up some of the mess Wells had left. Further repairs were applied during Nick Spencer's run, in particular during 'Hunted'. Yes, 'Shed' was so godforsakenly terrible it took multiple stories across almost 10 years to fix it.

THIS was the guy Marvel picked to be the 'main writer' during the Ben Reilly Beyond era, aka Brand New Day 2. His 'promotion' was to be brought out of Spider-Man writer's jail (where he belonged) so he could once more be the rotating writer in a tri-monthly set up. Except now he was to BND2 what I guess Dan Slott had been to BND1.

The difference being that BND1 had more writers and many/most of them had WAY more status to their names than any of the BND2 writers. Like, it is ridiculous to suggest Kelly Thompson or Saladin Ahmed in 2021 were anywhere near the Big Name status Mark Waid or Joe Kelly enjoyed in 2008. Even Slott back then, who hadn't yet become AS big as he would later (undeservedly) be, was still someone most of the fanbase had WANTED to write for Spider-Man for a good long while before then.* Wells was now simply swimming in a much smaller pond, his seniority being the microscopic edge he had over Thompson and Ahmed.

And yet, Chip Zdarsky when he took over Spectacular Spider-Man had way less experience than Wells had with the character. Nick Spencer too, he'd mostly just written a great mini-series in Superior Foes of Spider-Man. And of course, Roberto Aguirre Sacasa had never written Spider-Man when he was hired in 2006. Neither had Paul Jenkins in 2000. Neither had JMS in 2001. Love it or hate it, Marvel are not opposed to hiring new blood, untested blood even, for ASM or other monthly Spider-Man titles.

So, you have to wonder, why DIDN'T the younger guns Kelly Thompson , Saladin Ahmed or any other fresh blood take over after the Beyond era? Why CHOOSE Wells when he's been hanging around the block for about 20 years?

Incompetence? Yes...but also because it is patently obvious that NO ONE ELSE WANTED THIS JOB!

Wells was not hired because of his talent. He was hired because Marvel were DESPERATE. As they say, any port in a storm, right?

Because of their dogmatic enforcement of the post-One More Day state of affairs, because of how they treated Nick Spencer as a result of that, because of their general incompetence in running their entire company for the past 15+ years, Marvel have burned their bridges with too many creators. The anti-OMD writers don't want the job because they naturally want to undo OMD. The pro-OMD/neutral writers don't want the job because the fanbase naturally will yell at them for enforcing the post-OMD status quo. And neither want the job because the blatant interference Nick Spencer endured is gross and not worth the hassle, not when substack, indie and possibly even other editorial departments at Marvel/DC are options for them.

Shit, when you really think about it, Zeb Wells isn't the fundamental problem. He is just the latest symptom of it.

*Not me. In 2008 I wasn't opposed to Slott writing ASM per se. But his work on She-Hulk and Spidey-Torch, whilst good in their own right, hadn't hypnotised me into thinking he was obviously be a great fit for ASM. Unfortunately, most people were hypnotised.

[flagellant]

Re: God->man->God

That sublime awe (perfect words, thank you for them) is why I never understand Loveraftian horror.

I already know about the Thing that Should Not Be, bigger than our four dimensions can encompass and older than time itself

And They would recreate existence again to hear us say "I love you".

"Whom shall I fear" indeed.

My favorite cosmic horror has always been "It isn't that they are so large and incomprehensible that they do not care about us any more than you care about a single flatworm in the river muck of some Siberian woodland".

It's been "This magnificent thing which defies explanation and is so grand and big it refuses to obey such tiny concepts like physics and reality cares about us so much. It loves us. It is fascinated by us endlessly. It wants to bring us closer to it, to talk to it, to hold conversations. But it cannot understand us. And we cannot understand it. And so it is terrible and dangerous."

Cosmic horror where the haunted house loves you so completely that it creates a door to a perfectly black hallway in your living room. You can walk down it for five and a half chilly minutes. Cosmic horror where your lonely domicile is so grateful that you live within its bones that it grows new ones for you.

It flexes its wallpaper tendons. It splays its stony foundations out for you, home-liver. It takes itself and it builds a home from which you are safe from all the outside world which could harm and age you. Here in these eternal attics and parlors and boudours and stairwells, the house will love you so deeply that no one will ever see you again.

Horror which is scary because the incomprehensible doesnt care about you will always amount to nothing when you know about horror which is scary because the incomprehensible cares about you in a way which you cannot tell it you do not want.

[wutheringskies]

Wei Wuxian: The Untamed Hero

Wei Wuxian had to be killed even if:

1. He carried his sword

2. He didn't use gui dao

3. He didn't create Yin HuFu

4. The Wen remnants were not in the plot

Then, why? The reason is here, voiced by Jin Zixun of all people:

Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

So, you see, this untamed heart can only meet with tragedy as the world is unrighteous, as those who are in power think their actions cannot be contested (and they often aren't!), and that their words are like the law. How many times have we seen, a convicted powerful person escape the justice system? Far too many. And how many times innocents or victims were framed for crimes? Also too many. People like Wei Wuxian aren't condemned by fate, but rather, being born into a world where the "heavens" are those who are powerful and corrupted, he very well might be destined to live tragically, along with others of his type.

Returning to the matter of this particular scene: on one hand, the Jins throw private banquets, gilded with gold. The major scandals are: Jin Zixun is forcing the Lans to drink alcohol! You see, Lan Xichen can't outrightly refuse, so he is trying to be polite about his rejection. Jin Guangyao is trying to reason and excuse, and distract. The crowd spurs Jin Zixun on, wanting to see the Lans drink for once and fall to their level.

Everyone is in their own fine little world, doing their niceities in their golden halls drinking expensive wine, admiring pretty women, gasping at scandalous behavior, asking for favour, gossiping etc.

And then Wei Wuxian walks in. Uninvited. He simply drinks the wine himself, before demanding these people to spare him their time for real wordly issues, such as deaths, debts, cruelty, the parts that society wishes to hide. A few scenes later, we are shown with much description, just how terrible Qiongqi Path is. That's the Jin's backyard. You see their achievements that are drawn on those big walls? We see the reality of the people making them.

Now, let us come to another incident. Think of the soup incident. I fully expect before Wei Wuxian came into the scene, people were simply gossiping, uninterested in finding out what was going on, why Lady Jiang is crying. Then, Wei Wuxian comes and realizes Jiang Yanli who never really cries... was crying, and firstly decides to beat the shit out of Jin Zixuan. Secondly, he understands the whole truth, beats Jin Zixuan up for humiliating his Shijie, and also makes the other girl face responsibility.

Although his shijie had an easy temper, except for how they cuddled and cried together the day the three of them reunited after Lotus Pier was destroyed, she hadn’t really shed many tears in front of others, much less cry so loudly, so pitifully in front of so many people. Wei WuXian was filled with panic. As he tried to ask her, Jiang YanLi was crying so badly that she couldn’t even speak properly. Then, when he saw Jin ZiXuan standing on the side, astonished, he fumed with anger, wondering to himself why it was the dog of a person again. With a kick, he pounced on Jin ZiXuan. The fight between the two would have alerted the Heavens. All of the cultivators around the base came to break up their fight. Amid the ruckus, he finally understood what was the cause of all this, and became even more angered. He spread his tough talk, saying that one day he’d definitely make Jin ZiXuan die in his hands, he told people to drag out the cultivator woman.

A round of questions later, the truth emerged, and Jin ZiXuan’s entire body was frozen. No matter how much Wei WuXian continued to curse at him, he returned neither words nor fists, his face dark. If not that Jiang YanLi held up her hand a while later, while Jiang Cheng and Jin GuangShan came to pull Wei WuXian away, it was likely that even now Jin ZiXuan wouldn’t be able to attend the hunt of Phoenix Mountain.

See.

The point is, perhaps, people feel Wei Wuxian's actions are unnecessary. But imagine if he wasn't there! The consequences as I predict them will have been:

1. Jiang Cheng who doesn't want to upset a prominent clan would've grumbled and cursed underneath his breath, but eventually just moved away from the ruckus and taken his sister away.

2. Perhaps the truth would never have been found out, unless Jin Zixuan later searched by himself.

3. Thus, Jiang Yanli's reputation would be stained for the years to come.

It's because Wei Wuxian dared that the truth was revealed. I took this small incidents simply to highlight this, without the addition of more factors. In the book, often, it might seem like people are trying to stop him from creating trouble. You might often wish, ugh, this is going to be so bad... The point is Wei Wuxian knows! He's not stupid, he knows of the consequences of his actions.

But he isn't the one creating trouble. It was already created by the likes of those very people who try to stop him from investigating deeper. The trouble in question is that immoral and unrighteous words and actions and decisions have already been made. Society tries to hide them. If you can't see it, it's not there. Yet, even if it is not visible, a crime has its traces and it will bleed into their world sooner or later.

Wei Wuxian forces people to snap out of their comfort zones. He doesn't care for the barriers they set around themselves. Here are some examples to explain what I mean by these barriers:

Who dares hit Jin Zixuan, who's the only heir of LanlingJin, even when he deserves it? Protected by his status, his birth, his clan who dares? Wei Wuxian does.

Who dares to annoy Lan Wangji, the second jade of Lan, who from birth is considered otherwordly, strict, immovable, rigid, untouchable and protected by his extreme cold aura? Wei Wuxian dares.

Who dares to enter cultivation society without even wielding sword, without even cultivating a core? Wei Wuxian!

Since time unknown, treasures have belonged to the powerful sects: The Lan Clan and their library, their many secret techniques. The Jin clan and their treasures, their gold. The Nie Sabres. The Zidian. Yet, a son of a servant somehow ends up possessing the most powerful treasure all by his own! Everyone goes to this popular refinery, some famed blacksmith, or that popular sect to get specially created spiritual weapons, yet Chenqing, one of the most powerful weapons, was forged alone by Wei Wuxian during his 3 months in the Burial Mound!

Since years, the cultivation world has taken to heart rules of Lans, words of the powerful sects, and their leaders! Then, once again, this orphan child comes and bends the world and changes the cultivation society forever! Yiling Laozu said that... Yiling Laozu created... Yiling Laozu's manuscripts...

His words literally become the law.

Think of how 13 years after Wei Wuxian's death when "all was peaceful" despite us knowing very well, just how much shit happened after his death - slaughter of minor clans, deaths of two prominent sect leaders, xue yang etc (because, you know, most of it was purely accidental, kept hush-hush, or the victims were people who weren't important), he comes back to life and in a matter of a couple of months, upends the cultivation society again.

The "problem" is that this guy simply doesn't conform. The problem is that he is better. The problem is that he is not unnecessarily humble about it, despite his origins. He doesn't seem to treat himself as an outlier, but an equal. (That's why I hate insecure Wei Wuxian, like this guy is righteous enough he won't even treat himself badly.) The problem is that all those barriers - social classes, power, the locked doors - they won't keep him away.

Even if he was only the Jiang Da-shixiong with a bright golden core, he will still not be a conformist. To those who aren't used to having their decisions questioned, he is their worst enemy. To whose who are used to talking in circles, spreading rumors, he is asking them. What source do you have? What is the factual evidence behind what you are saying? Why are you saying this now?

Think of how he cross questioned a petty seller selling Yiling Laozu portraits in Qinghe, and how he questioned the gathered cultivation sects in Lotus Pier during Sisi and Bicao's intervention with the same sort of attitude. Surely, there was a major class difference, power difference between the two. Yet, they don't matter to him. What matters is the truth.

So, no matter what, when the people who are in power, start having too much dirty laundry and corpses in their backyards, he will definitely know. For this guy, knowing isn't enough - he will get to the crux of the issue. The problem is, he even has the skill for it. He has the ability. One also can't distract him with offers, promises, gifts, riches, status, women. He doesn't care for any of that. He perhaps might even hate one's victims. Yet he will stand up for them.

Of course, those who are in power, all smile at each other. They understand things sometimes have to be done. People sometimes have to be silenced. "We know better."

Then, Wei Wuxian comes in and says, actually you don't. He comes in with factual accounts, evidences, forces you to face your misdeeds. Says you're all a bunch of hypocritical people. No, perhaps what is worse is that he will make you realize that's what you are! Because he's got to be good at talking, too! He's not going to act on anger or be stunned in fear.

So, now you have someone who's not only digging into your evil deeds, someone who's capable, who's not easy to persuade, but also someone with high emotional intelligence who can play the same role as you do, of being a noble, accepted gentlemen with immaculate manners, of very high literacy and outdo you. Because this guy knows very well how society works, he can comprehend social cues perhaps better than you can. He can use your own polite words and nature against you.

It's precisely because of this he must be killed. Perhaps, in every world, Wei Wuxian will end up being the victim. It's only that in MDZS, these were the particular circumstances, and those were the particular excuses.

My personal take is: sometimes it is good to be a centrist, and hold everyone's better intentions in mind. most of the times it might not be, as there are many conflicting systems in place that allow for true victims who are stuck. most often, the victims are always the ones who DON'T have a voice, who are brushed over as numbers of corpses, rather than people with stories. most often, kindness is shown in little action that are trampled upon by those who hold true power. most often the people who are good, who are heroes die young, or are hated and ridiculed, for speaking up for the victims. it's not right, and never will be.

if someone like wei wuxian or his presence in the book makes you uncomfortable it might be because you hold the "niceities" and the pleasantries to be of more importance than the issues at hand. just because something is too troublesome doesn't mean it is wrong. if everytime he enters the scene you're scared of what he's going to do next, you should know it's not him who is the problem but the prople who aren't doing anything who are. don't be scared of "trouble-makers." he's not erratic or spontaneous. he has considered society's standards and deemed it useless. why is that that the koi tower scene, where he is in his "yiling laozu, loss of control, threatening" moment is followed immediately by him being extremely kind to Wen qing ? it's not that he's losing control. it's that Jin Zixun wouldn't have acted and told him where the people were without him using intimidation tactics. Wei Wuxian is the one forced into bad corners by the powerful people, where he has to show his edges. Don't end up twisted the narratives. if you bite someone for a while, expect to be hit.

[redxx95]

How Cherry Magic avoids romanticising self-sacrifice

Alright strap in boys, this is gonna be a long one.

Spoilers for the manga (mostly the english volumes but I will include a bit from vol 12. I'll mark it tho so yall may skip it if you don't want to be spoilered).

So in this one I want to examine how cherry magic does a great job at portraying self-sacrifice in a relationship as an actual flaw rather than a romantic ideal to aspire to. Very often you'll see characters in media putting their own needs aside for their lover. A lot of people will swoon at that because it is usually presented as proof of how dedicated they are to their partner and their wellbeing. (See... well the thai adaptation actually).

But what has pleasantly surprised me is how Toyota handles this in her manga.

Starting from the beginning, we all know the millions of things Kurosawa did for Adachi to get closer to him. After all, that is what's usually expected of him if we talk traditional gender roles. But one of the reasons Adachi even starts falling for Kurosawa is because of how he was for once able to do something for him.

For someone with very low self-esteem, being able to help this super-capable perfect man is a big boost in confidence and also raises his own selfworth.

So now let's look at a few instances of selfless action and the consequences resulting from them.

First one is the disaster-date in volume 4

Kurosawa does his very best to choose activities that he thinks Adachi will enjoy. That is his primary concern.

The effect this has on Adachi though is that the gap between them feels impossibly wide, only worsening his already low opinion of himself.

Whenever Kurosawa does something big, it makes Adachi feel that much smaller. That's why he'd rather them be equals in everything instead of one giving more than the other.

Next is the argument they have in volume 8

Kurosawa attempts to, very selflessly, protect Adachi from his lowkey homophobic parents. He doesn't want them and their opinions to hurt Adachi personally, so he ends up lying to him to keep the peace. The effect this has on Adachi though is disastrous. At first he's just generally worried about why Kurosawa would even lie to him in the first place, but then they have that fight in their living room and you really get a good look at how negatively this affects Adachi.

The very first conclusion he jumps to is that he's not doing good enough for Kurosawa to feel secure with him.

The next one is even worse, where he thinks he's not good enough in general. Both of these show how when pressed, he will default to blaming himself, believing that he is the problem first and foremost.

And then, if all of that wasn't bad enough, this happens next:

He's actually being self-deprecating again, something he hadn't done ever since Kurosawa told him not to in volume 5. And yes you can actually go back and check for yourself. Whenever he has negative thoughts after this point he's always pushing back.

So there's an escalation happening here, one that is entirely caused by Kurosawa not sharing his burdens with him, by making their relationship unequal.

I think it also hurts him extra bad because they've had this argument before, just with their roles switched.

So to him it must feel like Kurosawa is betraying the important lesson Adachi learned from that argument, which is that communicating with your partner is important, even when you feel like it might hurt them.

There's also something to be said about how most people would've probably stopped prodding when someone says "it's something I can't tell you", but Adachi knows that Kurosawa has a pattern of hiding his issues from him thanks to the mind reading, which is the whole reason they had that argument in vol 6 in the first place.

So, to summarize: Whenever Kurosawa acts selfless it takes a toll on Adachi's mental health. Because of his low self-esteem he needs to feel on equal terms with Kurosawa to be able to see himself as worthwhile. (And obviously he also loves Kurosawa and doesn't want to see him in pain just in general.)

So after all that, surely Kurosawa would have learned his lesson, right? Surely he wouldn't just do it again, right?

... Spoilers for volume 12 start here ✨

So volume 12 is all about Kurosawa overworking himself because he's been assigned this big project by their chief to oversee their company's spot at a stationery convention. (I didn't look up whether or not that's a real thing but it is in the manga universe I guess lmao.)

Adachi tries to help alleviate his burdens with mixed success.

(On the left he feeds Kurosawa because he needs to finish his work and doesn't have time to eat. On the right he tries to take a phonecall for Kurosawa but gets told that Kurosawa needs to hear it personally so relaying a message won't do.)

Then Adachi muses to himself how Kurosawa was always helping him out in the past and how Adachi can't do anything for him in return, especially since they're in different departments. He feels very useless, which is once again bad for his mental health.

Later at home, he offers to at least take over the chores for the time being, but gets told that Kurosawa actually enjoys doing chores so there's no need for him to help.

Kurosawa tells him that all he needs is Adachi to be close to him, while making out with him on the sofa. And right here we see how he only got half the lesson he was supposed to have learned in volume 8: In their fight Adachi told him that they should both be happy and he should share "all the hurt" with him, too. Well, the simple solution to that is not to see all his burdens as burdens, then he's not hurting and Adachi doesn't need to bother fussing over him! Win-win. Epic mind gymnastics 😎 (To be honest, I feel like this is actually very relatable to people that tend to give more than they take. We get so used to the weight of the burden that we don't notice it slowly pulling us down.)

So Adachi obviously notices what's going on and berates him about not having understood anything he said from that fight.

Throughout the volume Kurosawa gets more and more overworked, makes mistakes and is confronted with unexpected complications. He's very adamant about not asking anyone for help though, stating that he "can't be bothering his senpais any more than he already has" and that he's "doing this all for the sake of his future with Adachi".

He also still has some hangups about people seeing him as just a pretty face, as you can see in that flashback in the second page. He constantly feels the need to prove himself to others, which prevents him from ever seeking out help.

So when he inevitably reaches his limit, Adachi is finally able to be there for him, being the only one that sees through his facade.

(That hand kiss is so precious 😭)

Also, on that first page Adachi asks him whether or not he's fine, which reminds me of this panel from volume 6:

He really knows him so well.

Emboldened by his husband, Kurosawa finally does ask for help and is, of course, met with understanding and sympathy.

.

Spoilers for volume 12 end here ✨

So all this to say: Sometimes, when we try our best to be selfless and to protect the people close to us, we do more harm than good. Sometimes we cause harm to others (see volumes 4 and 8) and sometimes we cause harm to ourselves (see volume 12). It is of course a noble cause but it's not something to strive for at all times and can sometimes be actually counterproductive to what we wanted to achieve in the first place.

As someone who breaks themselves apart to help all the people around them, this aspect of the manga resonated very strongly with me and is probably the biggest reason I got so obsessed with this silly little BL romcom.

I know that this manga is not like, the best in quality. I know it's super niche and silly and cannot compare to the big popular mainstream manga with lots of depth and thought put into it, BUT.

A piece of art doesn't need to be "good" in order to resonate with people. You don't need to paint the mona lisa to reach someone and make them feel seen. You just need some sort of medium and a will to communicate something to the observer. (Something an AI could never replicate but that is a whole other discussion.)

This manga reached me when I needed it and it communicated a message that resonated with me and that is all it needed to do for me to love it to the point of obsession. 💖

Finally I'm done with this essay it is so long oh my god. If you reached the end of this, I'm so sorry. I hope you enjoyed it tho.

[theblueprincess590]

Xigbar the Comeback King-An Analysis of KH3

The scene between Xigbar and Hercules is an amazing scenes and that is for a variety of reasons but instead of focusing on all of them let us just discuss the main 2 reasons.

Firstly this scene is amazing because it focuses on an ideological debate between Hercules and Xigbar. For the first time since Beast's Castle in Kh2 we are seeing character interactions between the KH original villains and the Disney characters. This is a brilliant choice since it not only does a better job at integrating the disney worlds into the overarching plot by having them interact with the antagonists but Hercules and Xigbar are such a perfect choice of characters for a scene like this since their ideologies perfectly contrast one another. Hercules is the ideal hero, one whose life is defined by helping others and self sacrifice. Whereas Xigbar is a scoundrel, whose life is defined by only looking out for himself, only helping others as a means to get what he wants. Hercules is Selfless and Xigbar is Selfish

So of course the two have a debate on the nature of self sacrifice. Hercules proposes that it is the ultimate act of heroism and courage whereas Xigbar counters that self sacrifice is just another path to self destruction. That regardless of how noble the intentions are in the end all self sacrifice leads to is losing. Even arguing that Hercules was only able to save Meg through his self sacrifice because Herc had the Greek God’s favor. And while their is some truth in Xigbar’s argument it ultimately falls apart because it is made in bad faith. Xigbar is a fundamentally selfish person and thus fails to see the value in self sacrifice because he can’t see how he can personally benefit from it.

Self sacrifice is not something one does for their own benefit but rather for the sake of others. Herc didn’t risk his ife for Meg because he knew it would awaken his godhood. He did it to save Meg, because he was willing to give up his own life for the sake of someone else. A True mark of a hero

The second reason for why this scene is incredible is what it means for the larger story of Kingdom Hearts. If you pay close attention you realize this scene isn't just Xigbar showing up to be a cryptic jerk, rather it’s Xigbar’s counter argument to Sora’s “My friends are my power” speech in DDD.

In Dream Drop Distance, Xigbar acting as Xehanort’s mouth tried to tempt Sora over to their side, claiming that becoming a seeker of Darkness will give Sora a higher purpose. And Sora rejects his offer, instead showing pride in his connections. At first this shook Xigbar to his very core, pushing him away from actually confronting Sora. However, by the start of KH3 things have changed. Xigbar returns to face Sora one more time with his own counter argument. Xigbar admits that yes hearts are more powerful when they are connected to others but he also points out how this can put a stain on those people. That if one puts all their faith and power into their connections then they will eventually put a burden on those they care about and risk breaking their friends.

And unfortunately Xigbar’s words carry truth Sora has given up on himself and put too much of his faith in his bonds. When Xigbar Said Sora was nothing special in DDD he didn't even try to argue against that claim instead double down on it placing all of his worth once again in his connections, in others. And that is what ultimately brought about his downfall, as Sora fell to darkness because of the pain and suffering of those he carried inside his heart.

The scene between Xigbar and Hercules is amazing because it expertly explores the characters of Hercules and Xigbar, the nature of self sacrifice, and the Flaws of the series’s hero

[pr1ncessasuke]

just realized how much Kishimoto actually weaved the concept of Yin and Yang into the plot. so we know Sasuke is Moon/Yin and Naruto is Sun/Yang, right?

so, Yin/Yang symbolizes the difference in Sasuke and Naruto's solution to the war/hate problem; Sasuke wants to destroy and rebuild things from the ground up, while Naruto wants to work with the current system, both with the goal for a better future

neither solution is fully wrong nor right, and the true answer is that they're meant to come together to form a whole. this is why having Sasuke and Naruto ultimately come to a compromise is so important

but, this is where Kishimoto fumbles his symbolism. because at the end, there is no compromise. he ends up framing Naruto's solution as the correct one, by making Sasuke "lose" (although, there does seem to be some nuance, because Kishimoto doesn't quite allow Sasuke to fully surrender, keeping him traveling and away from Konoha's bureaucracy and familial expectations)