#likely AuDHD

[tales-from-nocturnaliss]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2023 - Day 20

If you wanna participate, check out @birdofmay's blog or click through this link! It's never too late ;)

20 April: If you can (or could when you were younger) say words with your mouth (echolalia counts), did/do you have a monotone or "odd" voice, speak too loudly/softly, etc.? Did/do you practice to modulate your voice?

I don't recall what my voice sounded like as a kid, since I didn't speak much except at home. However, and this is very specific to where I live, I felt overly conscious of not being able to roll my R's in my flemish (I'm a native french speaker), as it is the norm... and I taught myself to do just that by practicing an accent. I don't remember which. I only remember it being used by comedians.

French being a singing language, my tone fluctuates a LOT - and I take that in all three of my known languages. It's become my norm. And I absolutely love it, since I love joking around and making people laugh. I can even pinpoint when I started enjoying that: when, back in my last school after transferring there, I dropped a joke in class... and people laughed. And I was like: omg I am accepted O.O. And the rest is incomplete history. XD

The husband does often tell me I'm loud, especially when I'm playing with my UK mates and have my headphones on. He also says my laugh is false. Which I still don't understand. I guess he doesn't grasp that language does change the tone of your laugh (like The Simpsons taught us <<)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

*displays textbook symptomatic behavior of my own disorder that I am well educated on* what’s my deal why am I like this

[queerasflux]

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

[aphel1on]

AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be

[lovelyrottingcrows]

Learning to understand that when hannibal is trending, its not because big news or anything important happened, its just our collective autism syncing up

[slurmpinheimer]

where my trans kinnies at I know you’re out there I can smell you

[sirenium]

Stimming isn't enough. I need to violently vibrate out of existence

[ophii]

ok ok so. i saw a video and there were sun catchers in them so i was like "lol apollo would love those." then, i kid you not, i saw a post about him liking them. i took it as a sign, ofc, as you do

thyese exist now have fun

[zebracakesarecopingmechanisms]

ok so we know about the need to infodump, but what about the opposite? The need to absorb more information about your special interest like a sponge, but you literally can’t find any new material because you’ve already consumed every fact about it

[cabi-leodrann]

That's a big boy right here. Vent post I did a while ago, finally felt the courage to post it I hope it'll reach the people who needed to read this.

[giraffeautism]

The most common argument you'll hear against self diagnosis is that people will fake being [X] for attention. But every disabled person, physical or otherwise, knows this could only work in online spaces - the world was not made for us, and brandishing your disability as a badge of honor that gives you ~special privileges~ is such a funny idea.

Like, honey - that doesn't happen. No one gets anything from being disabled. Maybe extra accommodations if you're lucky - but nothing else. And the internet isn't as important as you seem to think - eventually it just feels hollow.

Ask disabled people how often they had to fight to get diagnosed so their medical needs could be met and their complaints would be heard. Doctors are just hardwired to delay this as much as possible.

I knew I was autistic since late 2018 - I got an official diagnosis 4 months ago. Knowing yourself and how you can make your own life easier is a lifesaver.

And this isn't even going into how many *cons* there are to a professional diagnosis, like being met with disdain at best and denied services at worst.

I don't care if a 16 year old who self diagnosed after taking 1 online quiz about autism is wrong. And honestly I think it's weird people treat this 'issue' with so much hatred.

[tales-from-nocturnaliss]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2023 - Day 13

If you wanna participate, check out @birdofmay's blog or click through this link!

13 April: How important are routines to you? Are your routines more based on time ("I always do this at 6pm!"), on habits ("I always drink from this cup!") or both?

So, with likely being AuDHD, routines can sometimes be more of a bother to me than something to hang onto. I can fairly easily rewire routines if needed. However, my morning routine is absolutely sacred and a vital requirement to starting the day. And it is:

get up whenever my brain pings that the get-up function is available

go down to have a shower (and let a cat or two in if needed, minor deviation since cats are love

have said shower without rushing (the 'without rushing' part having become absolutely vital)

get myself a cup of tea usually, sometimes coffee (I try to have a weekly routine about it because coffee IS bad for me but so delicious)

sit down at my PC and usually start up Discord and other places where I may have recived messages (helps my thinking processes start up (today, yes, this post is part of it))

This is about the only routine I have that I stick to. I have pretty bad time anxieties (alleviated though with ginkgo and ginseng), and usually doing things at a set time actually stresses me out because of the feeling of being entrapped (there might be a trauma there, I'll admit). However, starting dinner at 6pm has become a habit as well, not always strict, but I do like to eat around 7 at the latest because that's best time to digest for me. And I try to have a bedtime routine that gets me to bed at half past midnight, but what exactly I do will vary. I try to keep myself to no-more-screens at 11.30 and spend an hour reading (to rest my eyes really)

... that got longer than needed.

In short: some routines are very important to me, but on the whole I function more on a whim. There seems to always be an element of surprise/change in what I do (for example, despite my morning routine being the same, I will change up tea (got four different green teas!), or conditioner (got three different)). This is exactly why I feel that the ADHD part of my brain was overlooked.

[anime-academia]

I am going to fight everyone who has turned Sherlock Holmes into this edgy, rude, arse of a character. This man is kind, caring, sympathetic, and knows how to interact with people (even if he'd prefer to avoid doing so).

I get the whole genuis-who- can't -relate- to -the -way- normal -people- function, but y'know what, he's not condescending about it. He doesnt necessarily think himeself to be above the masses. He admits to being beaten without throwing a tantrum about it.

Being a genuis doesn't mean or necessitate being cold and unfeeling

[aroaceleovaldez]

felt compelled to doodle Jason in a skirt cause I feel like he'd be a skirt kind of guy

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

tim teaching damian what a safe food is and damian just standing like thinking holy shit this is brilliant.

[jesuschristt-thatsaprettyface]

one of the worst social autistic experiences is when a neurotypical tells you something and then they pause expectantly because they’re looking for a Specific reaction and so you give them a generic “oh wow” and try not to have a flat tone even tho you Do and just hope for the best