#like??? that doesnt feel like an unfair expectation???
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This is probably an unpopular opinion: so, i'll just preface with: Im saying this as a person with disability and chronic illness:
At a certain point its a bit shitty when people keep cancelling plans. I know sometimes health can get in the way of things but when you're ALWAYS reaching out to your friend and they are ALWAYS cancelling on you, it really, really sucks.
I don't cancel plans often. Usually I go through with them, even if I feel like pure death. I will save up all my energy for a day to see my friends. I put in that effort, even if sometimes it causes me to flare. And yeah, I could stand to tone it down a little, but I really dont like cancelling.
Because I've had friends cancel plans on me. a lot. And its usually people im trying to get back into contact with. It sucks to be cancelled on, and even though you know the person isn't doing it maliciously, after a certain amount of times it just starts to feel like they dont actually want to see you.
Of course you need to look after your health and comfort, but I sometimes feel like people can focus too much on prioritising their comfort over their relationships. Relationships are hard work and unfortunately, that sometimes means pushing through exhaustion and pain for someone because you care about them.
Disability and illness can be really isolating. In order to get rid of that loneliness, it means meeting up with people. And adjusting to living with disability and chronic illness means learning to balance those two forces. If you find yourself always cancelling and notice that your friendships are fading, you're not acting in your best interest. You are going to have to be uncomfortable and push yourself. You are going to have to put effort in, or be content with people pulling away because the relationship is becoming one-sided.
It should also just be basic etiquette that if you cancel on someone, it should be your responsibility to reschedule. And you should try not to let the person down again.
Like, I get it. Im sometimes exhausted and in pain and dont feel up to hanging out. I do it anyway. Because its good for the relationship, its good for my mental health, and its good to push your boundaries sometime. Its like exercise a muscle, if you dont push it, you dont get stronger. You dont grow.
It sucks to put in all that work, and get nothing back. It also especially sucks when it feels like your friend gives up on plans at the slightest hint of resistance. If you cancel, maybe try communicating why.
But in general i think that people have become too blasé about this kind of thing. Yes, life gets in the way, but at a certain point you have to stop victimising yourself and realise that youre treating people badly. You're not the only person whos struggling, and you owe it to yourself to try and do something that will make you feel better long-term -- like fulfilling relationships with others -- rather than prioritising short term gains (like getting to rest)
TLDR: cancelling plans sucks, and getting cancelled on sucks too. Remember, its never just one person losing a friend, its always at least two, and thats awful. Dont let yourself fall into the trap of neglecting your relationships. Part of taking care of your wellbeing means taking care of your social health too.
#i think society as a whole is getting a lot more selfish and inconsiderate#because it feels like i put all the work into maintaining these friendship and then those people dont treat them with care#i know disability and illness can change circumstances. but if i can put in the effort to see people when i feel like shit. surely they can#like??? that doesnt feel like an unfair expectation???#like it is always hard for me to see people but i put in that effort. but it feels like sometimes others dont want to deal with the same#discomfort to see me and prioritise themselves#like obviously sometimes you have to cancel. but when it becomes a pattern of behaviour then it just kind of sucks#it makes the person you're camcelling on not feel important#and ive been there. ive had to cancel#but i always put in the work to make a mends and reschedule#long story short its been months or years since i saw some of my friends and whenever i reach out to make plans i get let down on the day o#and then they dont make an effort to reschedule and it really fucking blows#chronic illness#disability
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It's time for my annual controversial Hunger Games post
The fact that Gale is so villianized is such a strong testament to the fact that people will only stand with the oppressed if they find them palpable enough. If you think his anger was extreme and his actions were unnecessary, then you have no real grasp on how revolutions actually work.
#I can understand not liking him on a personal level for how he treats Katniss#But I'm talking about the people who villianize him for his actions and feeling during the war and revolution#Suzanne Collins did a remarkable job using real life revolutions as models for her books#Everybody is basing whether or not everybody's actions were justified around how Katniss personally felt and it doesnt work like that#Because yes Katniss's input was necessary and important but so was everybody elses#Because if it was all up to Katniss 100% realistically they would not have won the revolution#Which makes sense because Katniss was a 16 year old girl and it would be unreasonable and unfair to expect her to be the sole decision make#They all helped win the war - Gale included#This is also evident in how people react to Johanna vs Gale when their actions are so similar and if anything Johanna would be more violent#But Johanna is more palpable so people support her more#Its just such an obvious example of the fact that people don't care about the oppressed unless they find them personally likeable#And people don't want to acknowledge the undesirable parts of wars and revolutions and what it takes out of people#People just want to see everybody as black and white#ANYWAYS Suzanne Collins is a genuis I adore her#the hunger games#catching fire#the mockingjay#gale hawthorne#katniss everdeen#thg#gale#katniss and gale
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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Congrats on sending that application!
THANK UUUUUU
#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience#already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy#to handle a job again#but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad#and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos#esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him#instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD#which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am#going to cause problems LMAO#i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura#wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away#with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol#bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face#and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like#open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it#you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd#like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male#and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds#and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back#which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO#but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man#and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume#they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed#since you went by she/her when you started here#and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually#given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started#im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD#anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it#a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask#gibberasks
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no one asked but heres my (definitely unpopular) opinion on the pjo series bc i have many thoughts.
#☆゚elena’s rambles#as in many#starting off#i think i put my expectations up too high for this series im so sry#like the movies were so bad i js went oh pjo show? oh produced actually by rick riordan? oh disney+? best show im ever gonna fcking watch#and then proceded to forget the actors are 14yo children who js started their careers#NO HATE AT ALL#i actually think theyre doing pretty good#but the WRITING#omfg its not giving#like if the actors were rlly experienced i think they couldve worked with the script better but its so unfair to expect that of them#bc the script is not. it#like give my bro aryan some actual lines man#“im gonna pack the best snacks” HUH#he doesnt have a character 😭#like what happened to grover my total sunshine happy satyr loyal friend WHERE IS HE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM#and theres no percabeth 😭 like the series is trying to move sooo fast but then were 3 episodes in and they JUST stopped hating each other#huhhh like theyre the entire foundation of this series change my mind#im crossing all limbs hoping theyll have chemistry tho bc if not this show is gonna bomb im SO SRY#but the medusa thing did not give. like everything js feels so rushed#so with a mediocre script#plot#and pacing#its all falling to the literal children#and dont get me wrong like#percy is good#theyre all good#but after reading the books consuming sm content of them its hard for them to feel like the characters yk i think thats whats making it#worse for me bc otherwise i would prob js enjoy it wo overthinking#anyway pls dont yell at me its js my opinion ik its gonna be v unpopular based on what im seeing
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Tbh sandy day o connor probably did a lot for women and yet not enough
#blog post#And could a single female politician be expected to do the work of a group?#Hmm. Perhaps not fairly so#Unfair expectations often assigned to women bc well. our place in patrimony is unfair. I guess i put a lot of hopes and dreams into the#concept of female politicians but the truth is these are People not concepts#Im extremely dissatisfied with the lack of women in government and yet i dont want to run for office#And honeslty i dont believe my vote matters either#Politics repulse me and behind that repulsion is a whole lot of pain and a feeling of helplessness to address it#People like Sandy give hope to people like me#But hopes just not enough#We gtta change the whole system#And i need bitches to DO MORE THAN THEYRE DOING RIGHT NOW#Tbh......#Yet. That doesnt feel like a fair ask. to myself or to the selves of others.#I wish i was smoking whatever crack Marx was smoking when he said a proletariat revolution and overthrow of the bourgeois was inevitable#And hey maybe hes right#Maybe we are doing all we can do and moving as fast as we possibly can#But do you really believe that.#Do you really believe that?#I dont.. because i dnt think things would be how they are now.... If that were the case....#At the core of my heart is an optimism which may or may not be based in reality#Yet hope is a strategy#Critique but have hope
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well I guess the thing is is that mostly I wish I felt like I was cared about in literally any capacity
#bad. bad. bad. bad.#bad brain night.#feel stupid.#idk i just feel like its not too tall of an order#to not have people act like anything you could be upset about isnt a big deal#except of course if they are also upset about it#and in any other situation i am simply being overdramatic#because it doesnt matter what i care about#because what i care about is dumb#but perhaps i am just expecting people to be who they are not#and that is unfair of me#so instead i just show up for raid tomorrow like nothing is wrong :)#because i simply do not matter :)#and thats it! thats it.
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Nothing quite prepared me for how humbling playing any part in raising a teenager is
#i was in no way ready for how difficult this is no matter how patient you are#like I've worked customer service in complaints#I've worked with dementia patients#some of my closest relatives are the most unreasonable adults you'll ever meet#i thought nothing could fase me. i love her and i know how unfair the alternative is so I've got the drive to put up with this#and i do! don't get me wrong. my greatest fear was not being able to control my temper and that's no issue. i love her too much not to#but dear god.#i wasnt quite expecting how mean teenagers can be! and it comes out of nowhere so you're completely unprepared lol#like I've got a tough skin. i don't get upset by shit ppl say to me. but it is kinda hurtful hearing it from someone who doesnt mean it??#i know she doesnt mean it. i know she's still the baby that's returned my love unconditionally since day 1#and yet!!!! one minute she's all affectionate and loving and then she just drops these bombs cause out of the blue her moods changed#and I'm just left blinking like. OK then. and I'm the responsible adult in the situation so I've gotta be like#'come on that's not a fair thing to say to someone is it. you don't feel great. that's OK! but you can't take that out on everyone else'#how can you use that energy in a way that's not unfair to everyone around you#and you can't let yourself show that yeah you're kinda upset. because to do that a) isn't fair and b) lets them smell blood#teenagers man#anyway turns out this is the challenge of all time. i will do what i can to contribute towards her being a reasonable adult#who knows how to process emotions healthily if it's the only thing i do damnit.#even if it's a uphill battle while you're bleeding. but shit. this is difficult.#that spelling of faze lol. I'm not going back to change it.
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Dam being a Jason Grace stan in the fandom is a fucking tragedy lol. Not only do we have to deal with him being screwed over by uncle Rick, but we have to deal with the fandom hating him aswell lol, i feel like Jason Grace slander wouldnt affect me half as much if his character had gotten a happy ending. I just saw an Instagram reel about a "character's povs you skipped through'' and the comments were flooded with Jason Grace just like I'd expected lol 😭 like blud has no mercy there.
It took all my will power to not defend him under a comment that called him "homophobic", I cannot believe that comment had 4 people agreeing aswell like- did we read the same books? Did they completey skip over the coming out chapter in HOH where jason was literally the first person to tell Nico not to be ashamed of liking guys and that no one would judge him? the guy is legit one of the least problematic characters and does nothing mean, how is he even CONSIDERED in the homophobic area anyway? (he also gets slandered for being "too nice" aswell lol) so seeing him wind up in such a contradictory accusation just screams tone deaf and anti-jason bias tbh, Nico legit said he considered jason as one of his first friend/supporter (apart from his sisters) in TSATS :') its like ppl keep throwing in these false stuff bc they WANT to find a reason to hate him. (dont take this as me saying you are not allowed to hate him or something cuz that would be quite hypocritical of me, wouldnt it? i just hate that ppl make up problematic hcs of him and push them as canon, it would taint non-reader's perception of him because of false info, what if a non reader stumbled across that comment and immediately figured that jason was indeed homophobic even when he wasn't?)
Also, can we please normalize NOT judging a person for their character preferences? I like jason and i am aware that its an unpopular take, but that doesnt make me any less of a pjo fan. The fandom seems pretty aggressive when we dont follow the popular opinion. i have seen multiple ppl pretend to hate jason simply bc they WANT to fit in and "look cool", since the fandom has a tendency to use Jason as a punching bag to insult like "he's a knockoff percy" or "he thinks he's so cool but he's not". or smth, so when people do claim jason as a favourite, a huge chunk of the fandom start belittling them and go like "really? Out of all characters, why jason?" Or "Percy/Leo is better, I don't understand why you like Jason"
okay thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am aware that i was yapping here. unfair Jason Grace slander does that to me.
#Why do I always end up liking the unpopular ones#A huge chunk of the fandom doesn't respect other people's opinions either. don't get me wrong I love it here. but why.#The amount of side eyes I got when I said I liked jason smh he's fictional y'all#Like I didn't commit a crime by having him as my top 5 sheesh#Normalise not giving ppl the side eye when they say they like jason grace#jason grace#pjo#pjo series#pjo fandom#pjo toa#pjo hoo#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson#annabeth chase#hazel levesque#frank zhang#piper mclean#leo valdez
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thinking about how lowkey toxic a relationship with corpse would be....
warning, this is very angsty. to the point where i lowkey shed a tear writing this. and that doesnt usually happen lol.
gn!reader (as far as im aware) and sorry for the typos if there are any... 😁
anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list
it would prolly just start with you two hanging out. going over to his apartment, maybe hooking up once in a blue moon. but you two mainly cuddling and spending the days together in the dark rooms of his apartment.
he would try to hide from you how much pain he was in when you were around. but it wasnt hard to miss how he would wince at tiny movements and never be able to rest with you in his arms.
and when it got really bad, he hated how you helped him get around with no questions. how you so simply wanted to help him out because you cared. how you would even help him shower, bring in his groceries, cook for him, feed him if you had to.
he hated it because you cared more than anyone had before and you werent even dating. he wished you would just give up on him because it was too much. he wished you would just finally tell him 'hey... we need to talk' because maybe then it would be easier to hate you. but the truth is, he could never hate you. not anymore.
"so... you dont want to be in a relationship?" you asked quietly, confused more than anything. you look at his scarred face and messy head of dark curls. "...why?"
he sighed, "because this is too much," you scoffed, only more confused than before.
"what is?" you looked at him like he was crazy.
"...you," he said lowly, his voice resonating deep in his chest as he ran a hand over his face. you felt your heart pang as you diverted your eyes from him. you pursed your lips and your breathing got heavier. "well- not you- just-... this isnt worth the trouble im putting you through. that i will put you through."
"thats not for you to decide," you tell him, shaking your head at him. "I can choose when to call it quits and so far, im still fucking here."
you couldnt help but be offended. who wouldnt be after the person you care about is pushing you away. as far as you know, its unfair and incredibly ignorant.
"yea but how long until youre not?" he asked back angrily. "how long until you realize you can be doing so much more than taking care of me?"
"i dont want to be doing more! i want to be with you!" you tell him incredulously. he sighs and wets his lips, shaking his head at you. "do you just not want to be with me?"
he looks at you as if you had just said the earth was flat, "of course i do."
"so then why cant we?" you ask in complete exasperation. "what the fuck is the problem?"
"youre too fucking good for me!" he yelled back stepping closer to you. he threw his arms up in defeat, "is that what you want me to tell you? cause its fucking true. and i love you too much to let you rot away beside me."
your expression softens as your eyes dart back and forth between his eyes. in that moment you were speechless. and not because he had told you that he loved you, no you already knew that from his actions. it was the way he had said it. with more emotion than you could have expected from him.
"what if i wanted to 'rot away beside you'?" you asked him quietly.
"then you'd be an idiot," he says simply. "because we both know you have better shit to do. and better people to do that for."
you inhale deeply and release it as another exasperated sigh, "i love you," you say, emphasizing every word. "and its up to me whether or not i stay with you."
"and its up to me whether or not i want you here," he says crossing his arms. you feel you heart pang again, causing painful tingles to run down your arms and settle deep in your palms. "you need to run while you can. fucking get out of here before this gets more fucked up and shitty." you watched as he pointed between you two.
you step closer to him, "what are you so afraid of?" you plead to him with your eyes. just for this moment, for him to open up to you like how he had done hundreds of times before. "are you that scared I'll leave you cause you're what? 'too much'?"
he looked you in the eye, hesitating to speak for a moment. "i-..." he takes a deep breath. "yeah..."
you step closer, "youre not. not now. and it will only get easier." he starts shaking his head, backing away from you. "yes, it will! and if it ever gets to that point-"
"when it gets to that point," he tried correcting.
"no, if. because everything is an if," you say angrily. "you have no clue what its gonna be like. no fucking clue! so let us have this. while it lasts."
he sighs for what seems like the hundredth time that night, "i cant risk that."
"risk what? heartbreak? as if neither of us have gone through that before hundreds of times," you scoff.
"yeah, but ive never been heartbroken over someone like you."
"so then we hope that doesnt happen," you're trying. you're trying so hard to hold onto him. but your grasp is slipping. and he's trying to shake you loose.
"i cant take my chances," he shakes his head. "not this time."
"jesus fucking chirst!" you yell, tears welling up in your eyes. "let me love you! let me be with you! let me take care of you!"
"i cant let you do that! dont you fucking get it?!" he asks stepping closer to you until hes not even a foot away. "i dont want to see you leave! i cant have you around, cause when you do leave, i dont know what I'll do to myself!"
you stare into his eyes as your own vision starts to get blurry from unshed tears. you sniffle, keeping you gaze strongly on him. and you try one final time.
"so dont let me leave now, please," your voice comes out like a whisper. he swallows harshly and closes his eyes to stop his own tears from forming. "i dont want to move on from you when we havent even given it a chance."
"you'll have to," his voice matches yours. he opens his eyes and a tear falls as he looks at you. "fucking find someone who can actually hold you at night. who can make you dinner, who can give you a shower when you cant, who can actually fuck you when you want."
you tried to scoff, but it came out more like a sob, "i dont need that. i need you," your voice weak from the burn in the back of your throat. unshed tears welling up more.
"no you dont," he says, stepping closer. then leaning his forehead on yours. he closes his eyes, "please, go. for me."
your body racks out a sob, gasping for air to get out your next sentence. "if i leave, im just gonna wait for you."
he shakes his head against you, "no. no you wont."
"I'll wait until you realize you do deserve proper love." he continues to shake his head, pretending as if your words arent punching him right in the heart. "ill wait even if it takes you twenty fucking years."
"do you really think I'll survive twenty more years?" he asks with a laugh. you giggle back sadly, pursing your lips at the posibility of him dying. "do you really think I'll find my self-worth that soon?"
"I'll wait as long as i need to."
and you leave. with such a heavy heart but not without more tears than you could have imagined. and you try to move on. not easily but you put in an effort.
he writes songs with lyrics dedicated to you. written for you. whether its in a song about how he only want you at his side or how he has one person he will always be loyal to or about how his exes tried to chance him but one was different. you listen to it and somehow know its you.
you try to find a new partner to fill that void. but he will always be in your mind. as the right person but at the wrong time. the one that got away, if you will.
i like how angsty this was. anywayy, hope you enjoyed 😁😁 -nony
#corpse husband#corpse husband x reader#corpse#corpse x reader#corpse x you#corpse husband x you#angst#corpse angst#corpse husband angst#corpse husband x reader angst#corpse x reader angst#corpse x you angst#nony's back on her bs#aka im mentally ill#aka my angst is fireeee#alexa play fire by bts#nony speaks#teehee#help?
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our chapters average at 27,000 words, the total fic length is already 3x the average novel length, and we lost one of the authors working on this fic. it must be so nice to only have to endure the wait for a chapter to be uploaded so that you can interact with it rather than being the one to actually write it.
im going to be cruel (no pun intended) to be kind: this is such an intense externalisation of blame. you are the ones in control of the fic length; the chapters could handle some heavy editing and it wouldnt make them any less wonderful (such as regarding the descriptions of mike and will's internal thoughts, not the action between the characters themselves). fic is free and its a gift to be able to read works that inspire our hearts and minds while we wait for the show, but then again, when at the stern of a juggernaut work such as this, one that will inevitably have many followers chomping at the bit on tumblr as well as ao3 (as you designed it to have!), you surely must be aware of something that only usually exists in professional marketing spaces involving customers + brand IP: the relationship between consumer and creator, and what they can give each other.
not 'owe each other' - nothing is owed, except perhaps basic human kindness. fans want your work, and its free, so we should be grateful; likewise, you want readers, feedback and clicks, and that should be free, too. but in order for this to work smoothly, there has to be fair give and take. i mean, if you wanted to monetize the fic i'm sure many people would pay to read it, but thats beside the point here.
what fans of this fic simply want is the same honesty and self-awareness from you that they might expect from any artist who has embarked on such am ambitious project. and this doesnt just mean transparency about potential uploading dates (which is already much appreciated by the majority!), or notifications about how hard it is to balance work and life (something most people on the planet struggle with). it means total honesty and hard answers. people like to know where they stand. plenty of writers (both professional and fan alike) abandon works for months, years at a time, and if the work is THAT good, people will always be thrilled to see a return. it's the mucking people about that is what destroys relationships - no matter how good your reasons are.
your fic is wonderful and very, very memorable. you could take a big, undefined hiatus and people would, im sure, return, including me. seeing you admit that you have been prioritizing this fic over your mental health does not inspire confidence either, or even comfort - do i want to read something that has caused the creator such harm?
i think everything about this process would be happier for everyone if you set boundaries that work for you and didn't place blame elsewhere. after all, as you said, it's just a fanfic. it doesnt matter if you don't finish it. it doesnt matter if it takes all the way to s5 for 10.2 to release. everyone would, though, appreciate you taking a stance and being consistent (and therefore fair) to both yourselves and the readers.
please feel free to not post this publicly or do as you wish with it.
hello! thank you for your feedback and for sharing it in a way that is both kind and respectful. you make many valid points that i agree with -- we are in control of the word counts and could stand to edit down more, and we do recognize where being transparent about the reasons behind the chapter delays might not inspire confidence or comfort. i do, however, think that isolating one response/chain of responses to a particular ask is a little unfair, so i'd like to provide additional context.
i do not think that it's fair to say that we haven't been honest, self-aware, or fair, because we have been incredibly transparent throughout the entire run of the fic (over a year) about our writing process. just last month suni said she hadn't been working on 10.2 at all because abby had been visiting her house, and readily took ownership of that fact. there was a 4-month wait between chapters 9.1 and 9.2, and i was very open about the fact that i simply needed a break for at least the first of those months because i didn't want to write it. we have continued to maintain several times that we are not abandoning the fic, even if it takes longer between chapters, and have tried to stay as active as possible on the blog because we know that seeing us interact with asks Does inspire confidence. if you just scroll down and see how we have answered other asks inquiring about the upload, we responded kindly and respectfully.
what you interpreted as externalization of blame in that one (1!) ask response was me trying to provide perspective to someone who clearly lacked it. we understand that people will be frustrated about chapter delays, especially if we keep pushing them back, and this is also something that we have received feedback about before and tried to implement; however, it is also a double-edged sword where if we don't give an estimated upload, people get upset, or we give an estimated upload that we think is completely reasonable for us to achieve and then hurdles get in the way, whether it's writer's block or work or time with friends. i absolutely get the frustration on the receiving end, but something i have learned from being in this fandom for two years is that a pretty big majority of those who are interacting with fanworks are not creating it themselves, hence why my response -- while snippy and annoyed, because i was matching the energy, and will not apologize for that -- was contextualizing the whys behind the chapter delay: the chapters are long, the fic is long, we are down one entire body from where we started. the intention was not to shuck blame off of ourselves, but i get that intentions don't always translate into effect, so it's understandable that it was received differently.
we don't always respond to things perfectly. when we have a million and one asks inquiring about the next upload, one stray one that comes off the wrong way is likely going to set us off, because we are people, and this is not a job. we have set a boundary by disabling anon, and again, i cannot stress enough how much i appreciate that you've come to us with this feedback off-anon and with respect and decency. i get where you are coming from and again, agree with a lot of your points.
the only other thing i want to make clear is that this fic, no matter how much attention its garnered, should not be treated as a creator/consumer relationship that mirrors anything where the exchange of money is involved. not only is it unfair to apply this standard to fanworks, where it is illegal to monetize such content, but the entire purpose of fanworks is to celebrate what you are a fan of together. when you apply expectations on either end -- i am a fan of this work, therefore, people should create timely content for it; i am creating this fanwork, therefore, people should interact with it -- defeats the entire nature of fan-created work as a whole. while we have continued to be vocally grateful for the love and support our fic has been shown, we both maintain that we would continue writing and continue uploading even if we were getting less than half of the amount of interaction that we do. it's nice to have interaction, but not necessary, because we what write and post is done because we love it, and it's shared so that we can look back on it, so our friends can enjoy it, and anyone else who might want to. we are, of course, excited to share that world with anyone who cares -- we created the blog and the promo because we wanted to share it -- but that does not mean that the relationship between us and our readers should have expectations. we are all creating and enjoying this work for free for the sake of love for the characters, as the star trek obsessed housewives of the 60s (and the law) have intended.
i feel like this response is a bit jumbled so i apologize if anything isn't clear or hard to understand. thank you again for your time!
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ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee
#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me#write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw#i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it#and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!!#most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore-#that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can-#connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc#and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things-#in media and thats OKAY!!#literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it#i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt#but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen#and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it#but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow#like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me???#i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much#and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am#maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from-#my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts#and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i-#spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp#and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee#wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do..#well i wont get my hopes up yet#anyway........#another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚#.diaries#literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........#she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄
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recently i was watching a youtuber play mario party against 3 other AI controlled characters and it got me thinking. when it comes to games like mario party (Or any other game where you have an AI controlled opponent like XCOM) how do developers even begin to design an AI opponent who isnt automatically faster than you in a mini game of speed, or doesnt automatically know the solution to a puzzle in a room before you do and still has to figure it out, or cant guess the correct solution to a quiz automatically, all while still making it feel like you could actually lose to the AI without it feeling overly unfair?
Whenever we design anything, we usually start from the goal and work our way backwards. Our goal for these AI players is absolutely not for them to try to win - that would actually be quite easy, as you say. If we wanted the AI to win, it would always play optimally and, if we wanted, could cheat via inhuman reactions, frame-perfect inputs, utilize CPU-only knowledge, never take a shot that could miss, never make an execution mistake, and so on. However, this is not fun or engaging for players by any stretch. Most players would not want to play against such AI. Our goal is to make AI that players want to play against. That means our goal is for our AI to lose convincingly, much like how parents feign weakness or ignorance while playing with their children.
How do we do that? Well, we can consider the kind of mistakes we expect human players to make and expand on those. Players often overestimate their own resources and overextend. Perhaps the AI spends everything it has immediately and keeps nothing in reserve, leaving itself open after exhausting all of its resources. Players can also play too cautiously, keeping too much in reserve and only spending the absolute minimum. We could make an AI greedy to stockpile resources but only use them when they're near full. Players often tunnel vision on one target and forget to tend other tasks they need to do. We can make an AI do that as well.
These design choices would make the AI players feel more like human players to play against by embracing human foibles as their own driving directives. Similarly, such directives also give the AI weaknesses that a player can observe and exploit to win. If you take a step back, you're looking at the basis for all of game design. We want the players to have a specific experience (e.g. a match that feels like playing another human player rather than an AI), so we figure out what it would take for the player to have that experience, and we construct those bits to convince the player it is happening.
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Rest of October- what will happen?
Hey, havent done a pick a card in a while, today's post is about the remaining days of October, the general energy coming towards you and what you can expect in money, relationships, etc. relationships can pertain to any relationship, romantic or friendships or familial it doesnt matter. Close your eyes and let your intuition guide you to your sweater.
PILE ONE
general- justice reversed, 5 of cups reversed
I feel like the next 15 or so days is about recovering from something unfair, you may have delt with dishonesty or inconsistent or otherwise shitty behavior from someone recently and the next few days are about getting over it essentially. This doesnt mean that your feelings arent valid however, it just means you're realizing that it's not worth it to remain upset over something you can't control, you're in the phase of learning from the situaiton instead of being bitter about it.
relationships- queen of pentacles reversed, 3 of wands reversed
this message can pertain to any relationship in your life that resonates with this, but i feel like this is speaking to a situation where setbacks and delays are occurring due to smothering, over protectiveness and control issues. the next 15 days needs to focus on giving people space (if you're the one being like this) or setting boundaries with the person in your life who is trying to restrict you. I think this over protective, contorlling comes from a place of love and nurturing, but ultimately leads to blockages in the relationship. the 3 of wands is a card about personal development and growth, and this person who is trying to ''protect' you is hindering your growth by being nurturing to an excessive point. this could be you to someone else, this could be a parent, it could be your partner, your boss, it could be anyone. this excessive protectiveness and controlling nature is hindering personal development.
career/money- 4 of cups, page of wands reversed
you're feeling bored and uninspired with your job, things in this sector of your life feel dull and stagant and I think you're craving somehting new and exciting. Consider finding a new position at your job or a new job entirely if possible. the page of wands is a person who needs room to grow and things to explore in order to feel stimulated- but im seeing you feel stagnant because that space to grow isnt there. doing the same shit everyday and not being able to learn new skills and try new roles is killing your spirit. learning a new skill or trade may be a good option for you as well.
PILE TWO
general- the sun, ace of wands
the next 15 days is about happiness and motivation. I think this is pointing to feeling in a good mood, feeling inspired and energetic about your actions, I think you could be trying something new or learning something new and it has you feeling optimistic about the possiblities this new skill, knowledge etc can give you.
relationships- judgement, high priestess reversed
you're gonna have to make an assessment or judgement call when it comes to your connection with someone and this will require you to actually listen to your inner voice. Relying on the wisdom and opinions of other people may be tempting but your intuition already has all the answers there for you, you just have to access them through trusting yourself. You can trust your own evaluations and decisions when it comes to your relationships, you know more than you think.
career/money- page of pentacles reversed, 4 of pentacles reversed
you're being impractical and reckless with your money/resources and i think it stems partially from impatience. saving money may be annoying but the longterm rewards of what you can afford will be well worth it. in the next 15 days, resist the urge to make impulse purchases just because you feel like it. be patient and keep your short term goals in mind when its come to how you spend your money, does it align with your budget or do you even have a budget?
PILE THREE
general- 7 of swords reversed, the chariot reversed
I think the rest of October is about you needing to be honest about the direction of your life and how you've contributed to where you are right now. I think you've been deceiving yourself and making yourself feel powerless, unmotivated and stagnant. lies have kept you from seeing your own potential and ability to take back control over your life, the chariot reversed is the energy of being in the backseat of the car, being controlled by wherever the car takes you. but the truth is you're the one in control. Breaking past self deception will help you realize how much willpower and direction you actually have.
relationships- the fool reversed and the ace of pentacles
I think when it comes to romance you wont be feeling particularly spontaneous in the next 2 weeks or so, and more focused on the matieral, finance or practical sector of your life. if not that, you're just not in the mood for games, you want someone who is gonna bring action to their words and not unpredictability. your patience seems low for people in your life who arent dependable or reliable.
money/career- strength reversed, queen of wands
when it comes to career, I think you're in this energy of trying to increase your self confidence and esteem in order to feel more comfortable in the spotlight, more comfortable in leveling up your responsibilities and more deserving of opportunities outisde of your comfort zone.
#tarot readings#free tarot readings#pick a pile#pick a photo#pick a card#pick a card reading#love reading#loa#loa tumblr#tarot tumblr#tarot#pick a pile reading#pick a photo reading#self love#tarot meanings#tarot cards#astro notes#october#psychic readings#pac#pac reading#tarot reading#affirmations#law of abundance#manifestion#intuitive readings#paid readings#paid tarot readings#oracle reading#free tarot reading
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what about a fun silly little mindless blurb w steve robin and bug at scoops before ch 1? like what was the first time bug stopped in to visit steve like ? did robin instantly take to her ? i need to see my precious babies bond
we technically already see bugs first time meeting robin in chapter 9 of season 2, buuuuut i love em and will extend the scene a bit <3
enjoy !
"slow down! youre running so fast and i just biked here!" you try your best to keep with robin as she drags you through the newly built mall.
"keep up, slowpoke!" robin only tugs at your hand and all you can do is follow.
youve known the girl for all of five minutes and already shes become your new favorite person.
robin drags you to an area close to the entrance where theres a fancy fountain. seemingly content with where shes dragged you to, she finally drops your hand and sits against the fountains ledge. scrunching her face, she looks disapprovingly at the statue. "how come hawkins had enough money for this crap but not for new uniforms for the band kids?"
"youre in band?" you ask the girl as you sit next to her.
"yup," robin nods at you, curious to see what your reaction will be. shes heard a lot about you, everyone in hawkins has. youre the towns sweetheart, and robin knows at least three people in her band group that you helped one way or another throughout the years.
you gasp. "dude, i wouldve done band, but jonathan wanted to do choir instead."
"why didnt you just do what you wanted?" robin asks you, though she knows the answer already.
"band wouldnt have been fun without him, and i do like to sing." you shrug, not really regretful over the decision.
robin stares at you, a slight frown on her face. she seems to almost study you. "youre fascinating, you know that?"
"what do you mean?" you wrap your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling very small.
seeing this, robin is quick to correct herself. shes always been horrible talking to other people; shes the worst at making new friends, and she really, really wants to be your friend. "no! i didnt, uh, mean it in a bad way! i just-well, i mean. shit."
robins panic only makes you forget your anxiety and you nudge your shoulder against hers. "hey, breathe. im not going to like, dunk you into the fountain water."
"thank god," robin exhales, relieved that you dont seem too angry with her. taking a deep breath, she tries again to explain herself. "what i meant was: you took choir for jonathan byers, and yet youre here now with steve harrington. the douchebag."
you frown at robins words. you forget sometimes that so few people see steve how you do. hes far from the boy he used to be, but you know that sometimes its harder to heal wounds from cruel words said during your youth. "i know you dont believe me, but steve isnt so bad."
"hes a dick."
"he used to be, but now he isnt."
robin huffs. "and im just expected to believe you?"
"no," you shrug. "while i understand that steve has changed since you last saw him, i also understand that this change isnt mine to force you to accept."
your words leave robin speechless. its almost annoying how rational youre being about this. how you can balance both steves feelings and hers without making either of them feel lesser for it.
youre a goddamn saint and robin truly has no idea how jonathan or steve have managed to snag you for themselves.
its unfair.
"i..." robin tries to think of something to retaliate with, but she cant. youre right and she hates it. "thats a very frustratingly mature way to look at things."
you shrug again. "it sucks being so mature, i'll admit."
then steve runs up to the two of you and hes panting with exhaustion. "christ," he wheezes out, clutching at his knees as he bends down to try an catch his breath. "you two are fast."
"youre an athlete, harrington." you tug at steves hair and cause him to topple onto the ground, which robin cant help but giggle at. "keep up."
"why do i always end up on the ground when youre around?" steve doesnt even bother to get up.
"because im clearly bigger and stronger than you."
robin pokes your cheek, mollified by your conversation from earlier and by the fact that you just knocked steve harrington to the ground for fun. "dont forget more mature, y/n."
"oh, so much more mature." you agree, smiling at her.
steve sighs from the ground. "this is gonna be a long summer."
"get used to it, dingus," robin nudges the boy with her sneaker and he flinches away, displeased, but this only makes you and robin giggle even more together.
#ask#anon#m speaks#set in between seasons 2 and 3 !#come home blurb#m's writing#robin u are so loved#had to address robins hatred for steve yet need to be bugs friend#hope this came across right
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AITA for sending a vaguely passive aggressive card?
i (25M) bought a card that says "i will always value our friendship" and inside i handwrote "you dont get to take this decision back, it is unfair to me too. i wish you the best." and gave it to my ex (27F) the day after she cut me off.
we met 2 years ago when we started working at the same job. we instantly hit it off and became close friends, and pretty soon after mutually crushing on each other.
however i had JUST left a super toxic relationship literally the month before and was in no way ready for a new relationship, and i made this clear to her. despite this she still asked to start dating almost every month for the better half of a year. i finally gave in and said yes, but she has to be super ptient as i still dont really feel ready for a relationship and am not over my ex, and havent even gone back to therapy yet to process the trauma of said previous relationship. she said she doesnt mind and even wants to help me process it herself. (key note: she is in college to become a trauma-specialized therapist.) i initially refused but upon her repetitive insistance gave in and let her give me "therapy talks" and whatnot. i dont exactly think i needed traditional talk therapy bc it hasnt benefitted me in the past and instead mostly benefit from EMDR and hypnosis. thats neither here nor there i guess lol.
fast forward a couple months and her car breaks down. she doesnt have any local friends or family so i ended up being her main ride to and from our job even though it was super inconvenient for me. we live in opposite directions on our job, each of us ~30 min drive away from work. so i would have to drive 45 min to her apartment to pick her up, then drive 30 min to work. after work i drive the 30 min back to her apartment, then the 45 min home. for unrelated reasons i end up leaving our mutual job and get a different job, closer to her apartment. ...but i am still her only ride. so now i am driving 45 min to her place, 30 min to HER job, 30 min BACK to her town where i work. now i drive 30 min to pick her up from work, 30 min to drop her off, and 45 min home. (that over three and a half hours of driving a day. she does not contribute to gas money.)
i am admittedly probably the asshole for this but i grow a little resentful of her lack of contribution and her expectation of me to be her ride despite the fact that she does not save money to fix her car or get a new one (she has a shopping addiction and spends a lot of money on knick knacks at antique/thrift stores). so we hardly spend time as a couple since i am always exhausted from work and driving her around. i tell her i dont Want to driver her everywhere and its putting a lot of tension and strain on the relationship bc of it and she is kind of like "well what am i supposed to do, lose my job and get evicted?" and so out of guilt i continue to be her ride.
she decided that me not spending enough time with her outside of driving is unfair and she wants to end the relationship. i agree this is for the best but because we used to be such good friends before, i want to try to be friends still. she agrees. i lay down a hard boundary now though: i will no longer be her ride. she does in fact lose her job and gets evicted from her apartment. by this point she has become friends with one of our old coworkers and ends up moving in to their house with their family, i end up helping her move.
we try to be friends, but she never texts first or asks to hang out or invites me anywhere, and on the rare occassion she agrees to my hangouts, shes extremely snappy and passive aggressive with me and is quick to remind me of what an "absent" boyfriend i was. i get fed up with this after a couple months and tell her i cant be friends with her is shes going to be so mean to me all the time, even if i WAS a bad boyfriend the relationship is over now and it isnt fair to keep holding it over my head. she agrees to try and be nicer to me. we slowly start becoming really good friends again and eventually start regularly hanging out again for a couple months.
my dad fucking dies. i take a month off work and have weekly grief counselling appointments. i kind of ghost everybody i know, not just including my ex/friend, but also my best friend, my cousin, and even my step sister. after a couple months back to work (sleep, go to work, come home, sleep. i didnt do Anything. i barely ate.) i finally start to get out of my depressive funk. i start reaching out to people again. most are super understanding and some are kinda weird about it. when i reach out to my ex and say i finally am starting to feel like a person again and we should hang out, she tells me that i broke her heart again by ignoring her and that i dont get a third chance, and shes cutting me off. she requests i drop off anything i still have of hers (she had some clothes and other stuff at my house) and so i decide to, kind of half genuinely and kind of half sarcastically, buy a "friendship" card.
...so, am i the asshole for buying a card that says "i will always value our friendship" and writing "you dont get to take this decision back, it is unfair to me too. i wish you the best." on the inside, and giving it to my ex the day after she cut me off?
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