#like??? that doesnt feel like an unfair expectation???

[walking-loather]

This is probably an unpopular opinion: so, i'll just preface with: Im saying this as a person with disability and chronic illness:

At a certain point its a bit shitty when people keep cancelling plans. I know sometimes health can get in the way of things but when you're ALWAYS reaching out to your friend and they are ALWAYS cancelling on you, it really, really sucks.

I don't cancel plans often. Usually I go through with them, even if I feel like pure death. I will save up all my energy for a day to see my friends. I put in that effort, even if sometimes it causes me to flare. And yeah, I could stand to tone it down a little, but I really dont like cancelling.

Because I've had friends cancel plans on me. a lot. And its usually people im trying to get back into contact with. It sucks to be cancelled on, and even though you know the person isn't doing it maliciously, after a certain amount of times it just starts to feel like they dont actually want to see you.

Of course you need to look after your health and comfort, but I sometimes feel like people can focus too much on prioritising their comfort over their relationships. Relationships are hard work and unfortunately, that sometimes means pushing through exhaustion and pain for someone because you care about them.

Disability and illness can be really isolating. In order to get rid of that loneliness, it means meeting up with people. And adjusting to living with disability and chronic illness means learning to balance those two forces. If you find yourself always cancelling and notice that your friendships are fading, you're not acting in your best interest. You are going to have to be uncomfortable and push yourself. You are going to have to put effort in, or be content with people pulling away because the relationship is becoming one-sided.

It should also just be basic etiquette that if you cancel on someone, it should be your responsibility to reschedule. And you should try not to let the person down again.

Like, I get it. Im sometimes exhausted and in pain and dont feel up to hanging out. I do it anyway. Because its good for the relationship, its good for my mental health, and its good to push your boundaries sometime. Its like exercise a muscle, if you dont push it, you dont get stronger. You dont grow.

It sucks to put in all that work, and get nothing back. It also especially sucks when it feels like your friend gives up on plans at the slightest hint of resistance. If you cancel, maybe try communicating why.

But in general i think that people have become too blasé about this kind of thing. Yes, life gets in the way, but at a certain point you have to stop victimising yourself and realise that youre treating people badly. You're not the only person whos struggling, and you owe it to yourself to try and do something that will make you feel better long-term -- like fulfilling relationships with others -- rather than prioritising short term gains (like getting to rest)

TLDR: cancelling plans sucks, and getting cancelled on sucks too. Remember, its never just one person losing a friend, its always at least two, and thats awful. Dont let yourself fall into the trap of neglecting your relationships. Part of taking care of your wellbeing means taking care of your social health too.

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[ssaseaprince]

It's time for my annual controversial Hunger Games post

The fact that Gale is so villianized is such a strong testament to the fact that people will only stand with the oppressed if they find them palpable enough. If you think his anger was extreme and his actions were unnecessary, then you have no real grasp on how revolutions actually work.

[6-epigraphs]

.

[gibbearish]

Congrats on sending that application!

THANK UUUUUU

[www-jungwon]

no one asked but heres my (definitely unpopular) opinion on the pjo series bc i have many thoughts.

[yourbleedingh3art]

Tbh sandy day o connor probably did a lot for women and yet not enough

[makeela]

well I guess the thing is is that mostly I wish I felt like I was cared about in literally any capacity

[beeseverywhen]

Nothing quite prepared me for how humbling playing any part in raising a teenager is

[phagodyke]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

[somewhereincairparavel]

Dam being a Jason Grace stan in the fandom is a fucking tragedy lol. Not only do we have to deal with him being screwed over by uncle Rick, but we have to deal with the fandom hating him aswell lol, i feel like Jason Grace slander wouldnt affect me half as much if his character had gotten a happy ending. I just saw an Instagram reel about a "character's povs you skipped through'' and the comments were flooded with Jason Grace just like I'd expected lol 😭 like blud has no mercy there.

It took all my will power to not defend him under a comment that called him "homophobic", I cannot believe that comment had 4 people agreeing aswell like- did we read the same books? Did they completey skip over the coming out chapter in HOH where jason was literally the first person to tell Nico not to be ashamed of liking guys and that no one would judge him? the guy is legit one of the least problematic characters and does nothing mean, how is he even CONSIDERED in the homophobic area anyway? (he also gets slandered for being "too nice" aswell lol) so seeing him wind up in such a contradictory accusation just screams tone deaf and anti-jason bias tbh, Nico legit said he considered jason as one of his first friend/supporter (apart from his sisters) in TSATS :') its like ppl keep throwing in these false stuff bc they WANT to find a reason to hate him. (dont take this as me saying you are not allowed to hate him or something cuz that would be quite hypocritical of me, wouldnt it? i just hate that ppl make up problematic hcs of him and push them as canon, it would taint non-reader's perception of him because of false info, what if a non reader stumbled across that comment and immediately figured that jason was indeed homophobic even when he wasn't?)

Also, can we please normalize NOT judging a person for their character preferences? I like jason and i am aware that its an unpopular take, but that doesnt make me any less of a pjo fan. The fandom seems pretty aggressive when we dont follow the popular opinion. i have seen multiple ppl pretend to hate jason simply bc they WANT to fit in and "look cool", since the fandom has a tendency to use Jason as a punching bag to insult like "he's a knockoff percy" or "he thinks he's so cool but he's not". or smth, so when people do claim jason as a favourite, a huge chunk of the fandom start belittling them and go like "really? Out of all characters, why jason?" Or "Percy/Leo is better, I don't understand why you like Jason"

okay thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am aware that i was yapping here. unfair Jason Grace slander does that to me.

[mcytegg]

as much as i Hated cringeduos relationship pre atlas, i do respect that derap does genuinely care abt pangi deeply. like idk if people realize that the reason derap was so upset at subz was specifically bc he killed pangi.

like zam may have been unsettled by subz suddenly killing a peaceful player in front of him in general idk, but for derap i am almost certain that he was upset bc subz killed pangi specifically bc i garuntee u he wouldnt have cared even a bit if it was like kab, 4c, woogie, jepexx, etc unless zam showed he cared. in fact, caring for pangi is the only thing derap seems to be firm on and smt he wont change regardless of zams opinion on the matter bc pangi is one of the very few people he wants to protect on the server

one of his biggest reasons for not wanting to team w pangi was bc he knows pangi is a peaceful player who doesnt want to fight, so he didnt want to drag pangi into conflicts that would only end up w him suffering or dying for simply being associated w derap. he seemed to completely stop trusting ash, one of two people he called a day 1, the Moment he found out ash tried to kill pangi. like yes the trust was already faltering bc ash lied to him for no reason but he still wanted to talk to him and figure things out before making his decision but that went out the window when he found out abt the pangi thing.

and like as weird as it was of derap to invite pangi (repeatedly btw) to zaun despite already agreeing w zam that they wouldnt be inviting anyone and to lie saying he never invited pangi, it wasnt solely to make mapicc look bad or to make zaun look better. its also bc he is dogshit at communicating his own desires and needs, and i dont think he Wanted to admit that he disagreed w zam. that he wanted to invite pangi to zaun, that he WANTS pangi to be w him. to be with them.

which is like, it ties into deraps deeper issues w insecurity and struggles w direct communication despite scolding zam for his struggles w it bc he acts like he is selfish nd that he has these expectations of zam but he always puts zams opinions and wants above his own at the end of the day. always. if he had ASKED, if he'd just talked to zam and expressed how much it meant to him to have pangi at zaun, zam would have been fine w it!! he doesnt seem aware of just how close derap is w pangi past knowing pangi is one of three people derap trusts entirely, but he cares for derap and i think he wouldve accepted it if derap truly expressed that he wants pangi there.

but he didnt. he lied. bc hes scared to ask for what he wants, hes scared that asking for anything from zam in a direct way will drive him away and w him already feeling like he cant possibly have a place next to zam when zam already has someone he seems to want by his side, hes doing what he thinks he "needs" to in order to stay w zam as long as he can even if he feels like zam leaving him is inevitable.

and honestly i can only see this being solved if zam is able to notice and talk abt it w him bc derap will never do it himself. even before zam and atlas, his manipulative and unfair way of treating pangi was a result of his own refusal to communicate bc him requiring pangi to prove himself trustworthy time and time again in increasingly drastic ways was him wanting to continue clinging to pangi but struggling to do so w his paranoia, trust issues, and general insecurity. bc no!! asking someone for hearts to prove their trust is Not communication. confronting them and accusing them of not caring abt u nd making them prove their care so many times before u believe they actually do is not communcation 😭

[kumezyzo]

thinking about how lowkey toxic a relationship with corpse would be....

warning, this is very angsty. to the point where i lowkey shed a tear writing this. and that doesnt usually happen lol.

gn!reader (as far as im aware) and sorry for the typos if there are any... 😁

anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list

it would prolly just start with you two hanging out. going over to his apartment, maybe hooking up once in a blue moon. but you two mainly cuddling and spending the days together in the dark rooms of his apartment.

he would try to hide from you how much pain he was in when you were around. but it wasnt hard to miss how he would wince at tiny movements and never be able to rest with you in his arms.

and when it got really bad, he hated how you helped him get around with no questions. how you so simply wanted to help him out because you cared. how you would even help him shower, bring in his groceries, cook for him, feed him if you had to.

he hated it because you cared more than anyone had before and you werent even dating. he wished you would just give up on him because it was too much. he wished you would just finally tell him 'hey... we need to talk' because maybe then it would be easier to hate you. but the truth is, he could never hate you. not anymore.

"so... you dont want to be in a relationship?" you asked quietly, confused more than anything. you look at his scarred face and messy head of dark curls. "...why?"

he sighed, "because this is too much," you scoffed, only more confused than before.

"what is?" you looked at him like he was crazy.

"...you," he said lowly, his voice resonating deep in his chest as he ran a hand over his face. you felt your heart pang as you diverted your eyes from him. you pursed your lips and your breathing got heavier. "well- not you- just-... this isnt worth the trouble im putting you through. that i will put you through."

"thats not for you to decide," you tell him, shaking your head at him. "I can choose when to call it quits and so far, im still fucking here."

you couldnt help but be offended. who wouldnt be after the person you care about is pushing you away. as far as you know, its unfair and incredibly ignorant.

"yea but how long until youre not?" he asked back angrily. "how long until you realize you can be doing so much more than taking care of me?"

"i dont want to be doing more! i want to be with you!" you tell him incredulously. he sighs and wets his lips, shaking his head at you. "do you just not want to be with me?"

he looks at you as if you had just said the earth was flat, "of course i do."

"so then why cant we?" you ask in complete exasperation. "what the fuck is the problem?"

"youre too fucking good for me!" he yelled back stepping closer to you. he threw his arms up in defeat, "is that what you want me to tell you? cause its fucking true. and i love you too much to let you rot away beside me."

your expression softens as your eyes dart back and forth between his eyes. in that moment you were speechless. and not because he had told you that he loved you, no you already knew that from his actions. it was the way he had said it. with more emotion than you could have expected from him.

"what if i wanted to 'rot away beside you'?" you asked him quietly.

"then you'd be an idiot," he says simply. "because we both know you have better shit to do. and better people to do that for."

you inhale deeply and release it as another exasperated sigh, "i love you," you say, emphasizing every word. "and its up to me whether or not i stay with you."

"and its up to me whether or not i want you here," he says crossing his arms. you feel you heart pang again, causing painful tingles to run down your arms and settle deep in your palms. "you need to run while you can. fucking get out of here before this gets more fucked up and shitty." you watched as he pointed between you two.

you step closer to him, "what are you so afraid of?" you plead to him with your eyes. just for this moment, for him to open up to you like how he had done hundreds of times before. "are you that scared I'll leave you cause you're what? 'too much'?"

he looked you in the eye, hesitating to speak for a moment. "i-..." he takes a deep breath. "yeah..."

you step closer, "youre not. not now. and it will only get easier." he starts shaking his head, backing away from you. "yes, it will! and if it ever gets to that point-"

"when it gets to that point," he tried correcting.

"no, if. because everything is an if," you say angrily. "you have no clue what its gonna be like. no fucking clue! so let us have this. while it lasts."

he sighs for what seems like the hundredth time that night, "i cant risk that."

"risk what? heartbreak? as if neither of us have gone through that before hundreds of times," you scoff.

"yeah, but ive never been heartbroken over someone like you."

"so then we hope that doesnt happen," you're trying. you're trying so hard to hold onto him. but your grasp is slipping. and he's trying to shake you loose.

"i cant take my chances," he shakes his head. "not this time."

"jesus fucking chirst!" you yell, tears welling up in your eyes. "let me love you! let me be with you! let me take care of you!"

"i cant let you do that! dont you fucking get it?!" he asks stepping closer to you until hes not even a foot away. "i dont want to see you leave! i cant have you around, cause when you do leave, i dont know what I'll do to myself!"

you stare into his eyes as your own vision starts to get blurry from unshed tears. you sniffle, keeping you gaze strongly on him. and you try one final time.

"so dont let me leave now, please," your voice comes out like a whisper. he swallows harshly and closes his eyes to stop his own tears from forming. "i dont want to move on from you when we havent even given it a chance."

"you'll have to," his voice matches yours. he opens his eyes and a tear falls as he looks at you. "fucking find someone who can actually hold you at night. who can make you dinner, who can give you a shower when you cant, who can actually fuck you when you want."

you tried to scoff, but it came out more like a sob, "i dont need that. i need you," your voice weak from the burn in the back of your throat. unshed tears welling up more.

"no you dont," he says, stepping closer. then leaning his forehead on yours. he closes his eyes, "please, go. for me."

your body racks out a sob, gasping for air to get out your next sentence. "if i leave, im just gonna wait for you."

he shakes his head against you, "no. no you wont."

"I'll wait until you realize you do deserve proper love." he continues to shake his head, pretending as if your words arent punching him right in the heart. "ill wait even if it takes you twenty fucking years."

"do you really think I'll survive twenty more years?" he asks with a laugh. you giggle back sadly, pursing your lips at the posibility of him dying. "do you really think I'll find my self-worth that soon?"

"I'll wait as long as i need to."

and you leave. with such a heavy heart but not without more tears than you could have imagined. and you try to move on. not easily but you put in an effort.

he writes songs with lyrics dedicated to you. written for you. whether its in a song about how he only want you at his side or how he has one person he will always be loyal to or about how his exes tried to chance him but one was different. you listen to it and somehow know its you.

you try to find a new partner to fill that void. but he will always be in your mind. as the right person but at the wrong time. the one that got away, if you will.

i like how angsty this was. anywayy, hope you enjoyed 😁😁 -nony

[campbyler]

our chapters average at 27,000 words, the total fic length is already 3x the average novel length, and we lost one of the authors working on this fic. it must be so nice to only have to endure the wait for a chapter to be uploaded so that you can interact with it rather than being the one to actually write it.

im going to be cruel (no pun intended) to be kind: this is such an intense externalisation of blame. you are the ones in control of the fic length; the chapters could handle some heavy editing and it wouldnt make them any less wonderful (such as regarding the descriptions of mike and will's internal thoughts, not the action between the characters themselves). fic is free and its a gift to be able to read works that inspire our hearts and minds while we wait for the show, but then again, when at the stern of a juggernaut work such as this, one that will inevitably have many followers chomping at the bit on tumblr as well as ao3 (as you designed it to have!), you surely must be aware of something that only usually exists in professional marketing spaces involving customers + brand IP: the relationship between consumer and creator, and what they can give each other.

not 'owe each other' - nothing is owed, except perhaps basic human kindness. fans want your work, and its free, so we should be grateful; likewise, you want readers, feedback and clicks, and that should be free, too. but in order for this to work smoothly, there has to be fair give and take. i mean, if you wanted to monetize the fic i'm sure many people would pay to read it, but thats beside the point here.

what fans of this fic simply want is the same honesty and self-awareness from you that they might expect from any artist who has embarked on such am ambitious project. and this doesnt just mean transparency about potential uploading dates (which is already much appreciated by the majority!), or notifications about how hard it is to balance work and life (something most people on the planet struggle with). it means total honesty and hard answers. people like to know where they stand. plenty of writers (both professional and fan alike) abandon works for months, years at a time, and if the work is THAT good, people will always be thrilled to see a return. it's the mucking people about that is what destroys relationships - no matter how good your reasons are.

your fic is wonderful and very, very memorable. you could take a big, undefined hiatus and people would, im sure, return, including me. seeing you admit that you have been prioritizing this fic over your mental health does not inspire confidence either, or even comfort - do i want to read something that has caused the creator such harm?

i think everything about this process would be happier for everyone if you set boundaries that work for you and didn't place blame elsewhere. after all, as you said, it's just a fanfic. it doesnt matter if you don't finish it. it doesnt matter if it takes all the way to s5 for 10.2 to release. everyone would, though, appreciate you taking a stance and being consistent (and therefore fair) to both yourselves and the readers.

please feel free to not post this publicly or do as you wish with it.

hello! thank you for your feedback and for sharing it in a way that is both kind and respectful. you make many valid points that i agree with -- we are in control of the word counts and could stand to edit down more, and we do recognize where being transparent about the reasons behind the chapter delays might not inspire confidence or comfort. i do, however, think that isolating one response/chain of responses to a particular ask is a little unfair, so i'd like to provide additional context.

i do not think that it's fair to say that we haven't been honest, self-aware, or fair, because we have been incredibly transparent throughout the entire run of the fic (over a year) about our writing process. just last month suni said she hadn't been working on 10.2 at all because abby had been visiting her house, and readily took ownership of that fact. there was a 4-month wait between chapters 9.1 and 9.2, and i was very open about the fact that i simply needed a break for at least the first of those months because i didn't want to write it. we have continued to maintain several times that we are not abandoning the fic, even if it takes longer between chapters, and have tried to stay as active as possible on the blog because we know that seeing us interact with asks Does inspire confidence. if you just scroll down and see how we have answered other asks inquiring about the upload, we responded kindly and respectfully.

what you interpreted as externalization of blame in that one (1!) ask response was me trying to provide perspective to someone who clearly lacked it. we understand that people will be frustrated about chapter delays, especially if we keep pushing them back, and this is also something that we have received feedback about before and tried to implement; however, it is also a double-edged sword where if we don't give an estimated upload, people get upset, or we give an estimated upload that we think is completely reasonable for us to achieve and then hurdles get in the way, whether it's writer's block or work or time with friends. i absolutely get the frustration on the receiving end, but something i have learned from being in this fandom for two years is that a pretty big majority of those who are interacting with fanworks are not creating it themselves, hence why my response -- while snippy and annoyed, because i was matching the energy, and will not apologize for that -- was contextualizing the whys behind the chapter delay: the chapters are long, the fic is long, we are down one entire body from where we started. the intention was not to shuck blame off of ourselves, but i get that intentions don't always translate into effect, so it's understandable that it was received differently.

we don't always respond to things perfectly. when we have a million and one asks inquiring about the next upload, one stray one that comes off the wrong way is likely going to set us off, because we are people, and this is not a job. we have set a boundary by disabling anon, and again, i cannot stress enough how much i appreciate that you've come to us with this feedback off-anon and with respect and decency. i get where you are coming from and again, agree with a lot of your points.

the only other thing i want to make clear is that this fic, no matter how much attention its garnered, should not be treated as a creator/consumer relationship that mirrors anything where the exchange of money is involved. not only is it unfair to apply this standard to fanworks, where it is illegal to monetize such content, but the entire purpose of fanworks is to celebrate what you are a fan of together. when you apply expectations on either end -- i am a fan of this work, therefore, people should create timely content for it; i am creating this fanwork, therefore, people should interact with it -- defeats the entire nature of fan-created work as a whole. while we have continued to be vocally grateful for the love and support our fic has been shown, we both maintain that we would continue writing and continue uploading even if we were getting less than half of the amount of interaction that we do. it's nice to have interaction, but not necessary, because we what write and post is done because we love it, and it's shared so that we can look back on it, so our friends can enjoy it, and anyone else who might want to. we are, of course, excited to share that world with anyone who cares -- we created the blog and the promo because we wanted to share it -- but that does not mean that the relationship between us and our readers should have expectations. we are all creating and enjoying this work for free for the sake of love for the characters, as the star trek obsessed housewives of the 60s (and the law) have intended.

i feel like this response is a bit jumbled so i apologize if anything isn't clear or hard to understand. thank you again for your time!

[askagamedev]

recently i was watching a youtuber play mario party against 3 other AI controlled characters and it got me thinking. when it comes to games like mario party (Or any other game where you have an AI controlled opponent like XCOM) how do developers even begin to design an AI opponent who isnt automatically faster than you in a mini game of speed, or doesnt automatically know the solution to a puzzle in a room before you do and still has to figure it out, or cant guess the correct solution to a quiz automatically, all while still making it feel like you could actually lose to the AI without it feeling overly unfair?

Whenever we design anything, we usually start from the goal and work our way backwards. Our goal for these AI players is absolutely not for them to try to win - that would actually be quite easy, as you say. If we wanted the AI to win, it would always play optimally and, if we wanted, could cheat via inhuman reactions, frame-perfect inputs, utilize CPU-only knowledge, never take a shot that could miss, never make an execution mistake, and so on. However, this is not fun or engaging for players by any stretch. Most players would not want to play against such AI. Our goal is to make AI that players want to play against. That means our goal is for our AI to lose convincingly, much like how parents feign weakness or ignorance while playing with their children.

How do we do that? Well, we can consider the kind of mistakes we expect human players to make and expand on those. Players often overestimate their own resources and overextend. Perhaps the AI spends everything it has immediately and keeps nothing in reserve, leaving itself open after exhausting all of its resources. Players can also play too cautiously, keeping too much in reserve and only spending the absolute minimum. We could make an AI greedy to stockpile resources but only use them when they're near full. Players often tunnel vision on one target and forget to tend other tasks they need to do. We can make an AI do that as well.

These design choices would make the AI players feel more like human players to play against by embracing human foibles as their own driving directives. Similarly, such directives also give the AI weaknesses that a player can observe and exploit to win. If you take a step back, you're looking at the basis for all of game design. We want the players to have a specific experience (e.g. a match that feels like playing another human player rather than an AI), so we figure out what it would take for the player to have that experience, and we construct those bits to convince the player it is happening.

[Join us on Discord] and/or [Support us on Patreon]

Got a burning question you want answered?

Short questions: Ask a Game Dev on Twitter

Long questions: Ask a Game Dev on Tumblr

Frequent Questions: The FAQ

[ace-race-ace]

Has Kowalski analysed Estemax/Maxeban yet 👀

Eating up all these rare pair asks ~~ thank you everyone, truly

SO, Esteban and Max - a lot to unpack

Unsurprisingly, the first thing most people think about with this pair is the infamous fight they had after Brazil 2018 (excellent timing - 6 year anniversary guys 🥰)

This was prime Mad Max era. A ruined race from a back marker - no surprise he got heated. But there’s definitely a heightened tension between them.

If you watch the entire video, there’s a big difference in how they are handling the situation. Max seems more agressive with the shoving while Esteban is yapping, trying to explain himself. There are some reports that Esteban actually provoked Max, who wasn’t intending on pushing him, by saying he was faster than him. Cheeky boy 🤭 no surprise Max didn’t like that.

Max got 2 days of public service for this incident as well…

But their disagreements didn’t start here!

Max was taken from F3 to be accelerated to F1, despite Esteban winning the championship over him

He was very vocal about finding it unfair that Max was getting a chance in F1 even though he’d beaten him. This also relates to Esteban’s struggles with funding, Max easily finding support compared to him running out of money and begging Mercedes to get him in GP3

So with all this exposition, you’d expect them to be at odds right? Enemies?

Strangely enough, in the last few years, they’ve been on pretty good terms!

Now they’re both cemented in their roles, they don’t have animosity against each other. Sure they’ll have little tifs in the media, but all drivers do. Max honestly doesn’t care or think about Esteban that often but they have a few interactions that show they don’t have remaining grudges.

I personally think they are very sweet together - extremely bias as they are my faves.

But look at Estie’s little smile in these pictures 🤭

Max grasping his waist - that man loves grabbing men’s waists…kiss boy 🫵

Overall I think their relationship is quite casual and calm despite their past, which is great to see!

I should really start keeping track of these rare pairs I’m analyzing - maybe through a “makes sense/doesnt make sense” and “compels me / doesn’t compel me” scale?

ANYWHO! More ppl feel free to send asks 🥰🥰