#and ive been there. ive had to cancel
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This is probably an unpopular opinion: so, i'll just preface with: Im saying this as a person with disability and chronic illness:
At a certain point its a bit shitty when people keep cancelling plans. I know sometimes health can get in the way of things but when you're ALWAYS reaching out to your friend and they are ALWAYS cancelling on you, it really, really sucks.
I don't cancel plans often. Usually I go through with them, even if I feel like pure death. I will save up all my energy for a day to see my friends. I put in that effort, even if sometimes it causes me to flare. And yeah, I could stand to tone it down a little, but I really dont like cancelling.
Because I've had friends cancel plans on me. a lot. And its usually people im trying to get back into contact with. It sucks to be cancelled on, and even though you know the person isn't doing it maliciously, after a certain amount of times it just starts to feel like they dont actually want to see you.
Of course you need to look after your health and comfort, but I sometimes feel like people can focus too much on prioritising their comfort over their relationships. Relationships are hard work and unfortunately, that sometimes means pushing through exhaustion and pain for someone because you care about them.
Disability and illness can be really isolating. In order to get rid of that loneliness, it means meeting up with people. And adjusting to living with disability and chronic illness means learning to balance those two forces. If you find yourself always cancelling and notice that your friendships are fading, you're not acting in your best interest. You are going to have to be uncomfortable and push yourself. You are going to have to put effort in, or be content with people pulling away because the relationship is becoming one-sided.
It should also just be basic etiquette that if you cancel on someone, it should be your responsibility to reschedule. And you should try not to let the person down again.
Like, I get it. Im sometimes exhausted and in pain and dont feel up to hanging out. I do it anyway. Because its good for the relationship, its good for my mental health, and its good to push your boundaries sometime. Its like exercise a muscle, if you dont push it, you dont get stronger. You dont grow.
It sucks to put in all that work, and get nothing back. It also especially sucks when it feels like your friend gives up on plans at the slightest hint of resistance. If you cancel, maybe try communicating why.
But in general i think that people have become too blasé about this kind of thing. Yes, life gets in the way, but at a certain point you have to stop victimising yourself and realise that youre treating people badly. You're not the only person whos struggling, and you owe it to yourself to try and do something that will make you feel better long-term -- like fulfilling relationships with others -- rather than prioritising short term gains (like getting to rest)
TLDR: cancelling plans sucks, and getting cancelled on sucks too. Remember, its never just one person losing a friend, its always at least two, and thats awful. Dont let yourself fall into the trap of neglecting your relationships. Part of taking care of your wellbeing means taking care of your social health too.
#i think society as a whole is getting a lot more selfish and inconsiderate#because it feels like i put all the work into maintaining these friendship and then those people dont treat them with care#i know disability and illness can change circumstances. but if i can put in the effort to see people when i feel like shit. surely they can#like??? that doesnt feel like an unfair expectation???#like it is always hard for me to see people but i put in that effort. but it feels like sometimes others dont want to deal with the same#discomfort to see me and prioritise themselves#like obviously sometimes you have to cancel. but when it becomes a pattern of behaviour then it just kind of sucks#it makes the person you're camcelling on not feel important#and ive been there. ive had to cancel#but i always put in the work to make a mends and reschedule#long story short its been months or years since i saw some of my friends and whenever i reach out to make plans i get let down on the day o#and then they dont make an effort to reschedule and it really fucking blows#chronic illness#disability
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#sorry post canceled it was annoying me#ALSO ive been here for 8 or 9 years and never had a twitter sorry for being a kpoppie and using oomf ig#og tags were ->#no one is making you look at the prev….#im just letting my oomf kno i want to kiss them w tongue 4 being funny and smart in the language of girlbloggers what’s so bad abt that -_-
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i reread captive prince trilogy for the third or fourth time recently
#captive prince#laurent of vere#damianos of akielos#are these their tags. i don't know i don't usually go here#art#digital art#fanart#not my first time reading this trilogy but first time reading it after having read berserk#which made me go I SEEE. I SEEEEEEEE a lot#also. when i was in australia there was a literary festival happening and i signed up to see a panel with cs pacat in it#but she unfortunately had to cancel :((( it was still a very good panel though. naomi novik was there#(i started reading a czech copy of temeraire years ago but didn't get very far in at all im sorry)#anyway ive been wanting to draw this since may. but travel and artfight happened a lot#and now that i finally got around to it it's been a STRUGGLE#translating how i see them in my head to paper. poses not working as i want. scrapping an entire lineart i spent several hours on#but i think i captured the exact vibes i wanted in the end...!!#please enjoy it
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“I’ll be honest—when Bobby first brought you on board, I told him he should just get a Dalmatian instead.”
#ive had the weirdest day. and my situationship from last summer just got engaged#after ending things w me the day after my dog died bc grief was ‘too serious too fast’ and now she’s engaged !#am happy for her we’re friends glad she found the right amount of seriousness even if it was in under a year but 😭 ow a little#and then my therapist cancelled our session tonight so#instead of committing to hysterics i did this 🥰 and u know what. better than therapy#sorry for that extreme oversharing. it’s been a Day#911#buddie#evan buckley#i love you like a dog#mine
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are you okay?
#pokemon#pkmn hgss#trainer ethan#rival silver#i had to cancel a trip to see my bf since i got super sick and i am just depressed#coincidentally ive been playing heartgold again#zack’s silly gay art tag#my art
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yesterday was the 15th anniversary of me officially being in the fandom!
here's to fifteen years of forcing people to read my kuroshit 😌
#kuroshitsuji#also on a slightly more interesting note#I was supposed to be home from Japan on January 3rd but literally just returned a few hours ago#while waiting for our original flight to board I nearly passed out and had to be taken to the clinic for an IV#(it was a mixture of stress / exhaustion / dehydration / period arriving a full week early for some reason??)#my sister stayed in the country with me and a long string of bad luck kept us there until Tuesday#we've been traveling for over 24 hours. not counting the cancellation of our Monday flight home. yes it has been a total nightmare!#I felt pretty weak for a while so it was good to have extra time to rest#but I'm so lucky my job is really low maintenance and that my sister's boss is nice because we both had to miss three days of work#and I'm glad I can work from home because the time change is going to take a while to reacclimate towards#anyway. what a relief to be home at last! I missed my cat so much
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sometimes he locks his office. for important private time
#doodles#anis#oc art#THEY CANCELLED MY SHIFT TODAY AND I'D ALREADY FINISHED MY HW FOR THE WEEK SO I HAD UNEXPECTED TIME ON MY HANDS#it is now dark out. worth it#ive been itching to animate this idiot for a hot minute#yes this was inspired by danny's trick shot from that ten minute power hour#seth could NEVER
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nothing worse for me than wanting to show off all this secret art i made for mimsy designs that im actually really happy with but we haven't. gotten. to that point in our campaign yet....💔 so forever for me to subject to my wonderful dm's eyes only 😔
#i feel like ive been infusing all of my designing love into mimsy for her backstory plus future concepts and im sooooooo#excited to get there w her in the campaign & w my party members. shaking out of my skin since day 1#post cancelled. this is truly just me missing to play our campaign again 💔 im deprived i miss my buddies my pals#bee buzzes#the yapper yaps again#i felt sort of meh about her last official design i did for her. the one she had now. so i feel like ive just been trying to really up my#game this year and ive got so much love to pour into the next one
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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Been a little stressy but hopefully things start looking up
#im gonna get back to all my messages and asks now in the next hour#my partner lost his job#and my company is likely shutting down this month#so its been a bit hectic and panicky#especially since we have rent to pay and an upcoming lease renewal#i had my tattoos booked for next month but will see if i'll have to cancel them or not which would majorly suck because ive been waiting fo#a year now#but also cant be spending my rent money if im out of a job on tattoos#hopin i get a interview for this role a recruiter suggested me for
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i didnt say this earlier because i was scared i’d get cancelled for it but i had a nightmare where i said the n word by accident and i woke up in a cold sweat
#HARD R. God#someone in my dream was like O.o you jusr said the N word and i was like huh? because i hadn’t been paying attention and then i flipped out#Can you get cancelled for shit like this#all day ive been scared i’ll accidentally say the n word. saying the word Thingymajiggy had me sweating bullets
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tired of being a broken freak
someone come kiss me so i can see if i like it when the person's not being a creep
#not knowing is killing me and ruining enjoyment of any media#its exhausting overanalysing everything#and its not like i have a bestie who would be down to mess about#we dispersed to the four corners of the earth years ago#and now everyone is an acquaintance#adulthood can be exhausting when you're constantly reading between the lines to see that the invite to an event is because you're standing#there and they dont want to be rude rather than direct invite#because if you agree to go they find a way around it like going early or cancelling#and you're like what the fuck is wrong with your vibe that people do this? we get on well socially and at work#but clearly you must be emitting a Broken Signal or something#i just dont think I would WANT to Want like this if i was fully ace#its not even directed at someone#more's the pity#im the only one in my general social network who isnt married or in a relationship and there's nothing for me here#life feels like such a waste of time#and i wasted all weekend doing Nothing#so i feel i cheated myself out of enjoyment onthe one time i got off but there were so many chores and no one to hang with so it was like..#i might as well just lay here and be miserable for two days interspersed with mild chores i have been trying to get to#well its slightly safer than being in town right now there's kids in stolen cars hooning about since last night#fucking annoying and dangerous#meh#everyday blurs into an eternity and death waits for us all im so tired#its just work work work then exercise and feeling shitty and being sad and then staring at the ceiling and work again#also chores#they never end#i could try harder of course#i could actively try to meet people but i don't know what i want ive never had a type in any gender and everyone's taken or terrible#and what if i lead them on for nothing?#its not even a partner really... i just want to know if i can have the feelings of love or a crush and desire the wanting#i feel like i had them before but they went away and i dont know why
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watching my friends spend time together while consistently cancelling plans with me and promising they want to hang out they just cant
#boink#vent post#idk if this counts as a vent#but it /is/ rather self pitying so i thought i may as well be safe#ive stopped asking bc i dont want to be pushy#ofc ik that things happen and sometimes youre just not in a place to be around people. or even certain people#but its just demoralizing when im the only one who ever reaches out#and im never the one who has to cancel#and theyre always with other people anyway#sometimes i think my loneliness is my own fault#i make myself alone and tell myself that no one wants me so i dont have to deal with the confrontation of that being true#but the incidence of relationships that just. drift#maybe its me. maybe its something about me#ive just been trying so hard to get over the fear of reaching out and being the one to approach people#i tell my friends i love them#i ask if they need me to help or to listen or to stay or to go#i really really want to be a good friend#i try not to be too clingy but to also reach out and not make myself retreat because im scared#i just really would like to have a friendship that doesnt feel entirely like me forcing it#i thought i had that with the friend i made at school#but its been starting to feel like shes avoiding me#and i ask if theres something wrong. and she says she would tell me if it was. but then she avoids me and i cant even talk to her at all#i dont know#i dont know what to do
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ok ive gotten in the loop. 4 new episodes, that's weirdly specific but still exciting!!! some people have pointed out that if there were two more batches like this later in the year it would add up to the 12 episode season we're used to. i guess it could also be 4 extended-length episodes like the 20 special.
or even just 4 regular length episodes and that's it. but i feel like setting up that whole "until next summer" thing, along with the new voice actors and merch and the big rooster teeth convention being themed around the show this year, just to release a 1/3 length season of 10 minute episodes would be a little weird?? not necessarily impossible, but i don't know why they would do that.
i'm not gonna get my hopes up because literally all we know is that 4 episodes are coming and we have no solid evidence that anything else will happen. still, i feel like all that setup indicates that they could possibly have bigger plans than they're letting on
#camp camp#to be entirely fair this is ROOSTER TEETH we're talking about#trying to apply logic here is kind of pointless. its rooster teeth#afaik they also havent said that this season will be the last of camp camp ive just been making that assumption myself#ive never liked a show early on that went on to have more than 5 seasons. honestly 3 was probably the maximum barring camp camp itself#im so used to everything i like getting cancelled early on#plus i had kind of mostly come to terms with the death of camp camp by 2022 so it continuing at all was already unexpected
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it honestly frustrates me when i see people reduce the ericsons cast down to "just some teens in the woods" acting like theyre no different than any other group of lone teenagers from other existing properties and treating them like an overused trope
it is sooo important to acknowledge the "troubled youth" aspect of the whole equation. theyre not just some random teens in the woods clem stumbles across. these kids were abandoned by their families for their various "difficulties" and fucked up by The System before the outbreak even began. and then once zombies started roaming the streets their familes never came back for them and the adults that were in charge of taking care of them just left them there to rot in that old boarding school (except for ms martin who was like their lee 🥺 the only person who ever saw them as the scared traumatized kids they were and died protecting them)
the whole aspect of them already being fucked up by the adults that controlled their lives is like.....kind of important when discussing the whole "delta is stealing kids to force them to fight in a war they have no real part in and want nothing to do with" aspect of the season. and its important when comparing them to clem and her journey of also suffering at the hands of the adults around her forcing her to become self reliant. AND its important when discussing the "just trying to build a safe home (and future) worth fighting for in this world that wants them dead" aspect of the season as well
these kids were forced to come together to survive. and a Lot of them didnt... theyre the only family they have left and you can tell that even when they argue with each other theyre still a close knit group who looks out for each other. theyre a Real family before clem even gets there (and its why what really happened with the twins and brody and marlon hits them all so especially hard)
all of this is what REALLY makes ericsons such a perfect home for clem. its a Real community of her True peers. theyre not Just teens. they mightve had a layer of safety clem never had by at least having walls to keep them safe. and having the benefit of the school being hard to find. its the only reason theyre still alive when clem shows up. but theyre also some of the only people who can Truly understand where clem and aj are coming from. and its why it hurts so much when they vote to kick them out. but its also partially why she merges back into the fold so easily when she returns. plus the fact that shes Really the only one who has any idea what shes doing. shes their rock and she makes them feel safe because underneath it all theyre still just those scared traumatized kids ("EVERYONE is scared, clem..." vi was Definitely including herself in that 'everyone'), and on some level, so is clem
they saved clementines life. and she saved theirs. "the school was supposed to help them with their trauma, now they help each other" its about the LOVE the COMMUNITY the SUPPORT!!!! and thats the shit that makes good zombie media honestly 👌
#it speaks#twdg#there i go again writing another essay but i will Always defend the ericson cast theyre one of the strongest out of all 4 seasons#complaints ive seen about s4 typically include mentions of the teens as a trope being overused and im like.......did you even pay attention#the fact they were branded “troubled youth” and basically thrown away by everyone who was supposed to take care of them is SO IMPORTANT#these kids are Fucked Up but theyre Trying to make a kinder world#nobody talk to me i fucking love the ericson cast 😭😭😭 theres not a single one of them i dont like im serious#them using poor pilgrim of sorrow in ep3....ericsons is heaven to clem 😭 all the comments she can make about feeling safe there 😭😭#clem being everyones rock but violet being clems rock back 🥺😭💕 waaaaahhh thats why it was over for me when vi stood up for them in ep 2#vi having the courage to stand up to her group for aj........... yeah she had me in a vice grip after that. she fought for them so hard#and if it wasnt for her advocating so hard for them to stay they ALL would have been taken or killed#vi cared about clem so much she undoomed them all#and aj loved clem so much he undoomed her :')#s4 is just the perfect ending to clems story truly itll make me happy for the rest of my life im so happy for u clem 🥺#tfw the media you like gets a good ending and the main characters are respected and it feels like it was made from a place of love#instead of being like...actively hostile to its fanbase and destroying its own characters for the Laughs#and when i say “good” i dont necessarily mean “happy” i just mean “competently written"#i wouldnt call it perfect but it survived both a cancellation AND the financial collapse of a major game studio. its perfect to Me#for what it is (and what it originally almost was with the clems house plot) we truly lucked out so fucking hard#truly a return to form of season 1 but with less despair and more hope which i appreciate :')#all the things ive liked over the years that were destroyed for me by bad or weird writing decisions... clutches onto twdg like a lifeboat#god i love s4 so much nothing has ever been More Specifically Written For Me Personally
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