#like i dont even have any objective way of knowing if im any good at it really? and i kinda blocked off the avenues where i could get that

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

[comfortcomes]

i’m depressed☹️

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[babybarbies]

I just feel so unequal sometimes

[animeshotsh]

Family meeting | Dad!Lucifer x Kid!Reader

Summary: Lucifer wants you to meet Charlie, the only problem? He needs to go to the hotel.

PT2 Of This and a full one shot of this.

Warnings: Off Canon in terms of time | Mentions of past abuse | Cursing | Reader gets loved by everybody | Probably some OOC | SFW | Grammar mistakes |

Lucifer undertood, really, he knew Charlie was too worried about her Hotel to ever leave it alone. He also felt bad about asking her to just come home to meet you, after all he was not a present figure in her life.

"(Y/n) are you ready ?" Lucifer called you who went to him with a cancerberus plush on your hand and a backpack with some toys.

"Im!" You declared showing off your things, and letting out a smile. You were now dressed in the best quality clothes Lucifer could afford, he had to take a moment to snap a pic of you (again).

"Let not keep them waiting then" Lucifer said taking you and supporting you on his hip, his wings out.

"ARE WE GOING TO FLY THERE?" You screamed making the house shake, your hyped self could not be contained.

"Yes, what better way to travel?" Lucifer joked. The first time you two took a fly together Lucifer was distracted and ended up dropping you. His reaction time was fast so he was able to catch you, already making promises to never fly again with you but your laught stopped him, turns out you loved to fly and loved the adrenaline from falling. Lucifer found it strange but decided not to question it.

He later went to the internet to look for more information.

Once you two took fly everything felt at peace (and you two were in hell...). Demons and sinners could see their King, no one dared to mess with him. Some ignored him, others bowed and some even waved at you.

From the Sky, the city seemed beautiful in its own type of way. The fire from fights and the buildings falling apart...big neon adverstiments...

If you were honest you liked hell.

Lucifer felt your self become sleepy making him smile. This would usually happen, something about flying with him relaxed you. Maybe being with the king of hell and on top of that flying around the city made you feel Powerfull and protected, enough to make you dizzy. Closing your eyes you let the feel of the wind caress your skin as Lucifer's wings moved towards the Hotel.

~☆~☆~☆~

Charlie was not nervous, not at all!!

That was a lie. Charlie was so stressed over his dad coming to the hotel and with you no less. When he had called her and asked to meet up she had said she had too much work (and it was true) then after listening to how he wanted her to meet you and how you have been asking about her.

Her heart could not take it so she accepted, saying she would make the hotel the safest place for you.

"Husk, put the alcohol away, OH! And be sure to remove any broken glass" Charlie exclaimed getting the most are you for real look from Husk.

Any sharp object had been locked down, weapons hided away and they even took extra care of things that could fall over you.

"Angel, try to...keep the sex jokes as...."

"As good as a good suck in a alley corner after some Drugs?" Angel asked getting an annoyed look from Vaggie. "Fine, I get it. Im not a monster you know" he responded offended going for a drink only to get some appel juice from Husk.

"Princess rules" he simple said.

Vaggie was behind Charlie as she went on checking everything. This was worse than one Lucifer had first come, this was Lucifer and you. The New kid, the new lil relative of Charlie.

"And- and did we get Alastor to go out?" Charlie asked Vaggie knowing how him and his dad were not at good terms.

"Well..."

"Now my dear, why would you want me away?" Alastor asked appearing besides her. "Its because your dad its coming today? Dont worry the hotel wont suffer any type of damage" he promised bowing "or maybe a bit"

~☆~☆~☆~☆

The sound of the door being opened alerted everyone. Charlie was sweating as she saw her dad entering with a small kid on his arms. Puffy sheep skin and cat hears and tail could be seen but their face was pressed against Lucifer's chest.

"Charlie!! Its so good to see you again" Lucifer exclaimed getting closer. "Sorry, (Y/N) felt asleep when coming here" he explained looking down with a lovely father gaze at the kid.

"Oh...thats...thats fine!! We have made everything kids safe for the time (Y/N) is here" Charlie responded still stressed, however now seeing you in the flesh and not only by photos her dad would send her, her heart softened at your sleepy form.

"Well, not everything..." Lucifer let out a groul seeing the Radio Demon who stood with his usual smile.

"Greetings your majesty, I never expected to be seeing you again so soon, maybe grow a few inches instead of getting kids from the streets on your free time"

"Hahaha, oh at least kids like me" Lucifer responded going towards Alastor.

"Hahaha only because you are their size"

"Hahaha, or because I dont have that broken record voice"

"Hahaha, fuck you"

The small beef between them was enough to wake you up, looking up you first saw Lucifer's face. A very angry look then the look of another Demon, a redish one that looked like a deer.

"...are these your ears or hair?" You asked half sleep getting everyones attention.

~☆~☆~☆~☆

"Oh ignore him, we are here to meet with by daugther!!" Lucifer quickly turned around making you face Charlie. He carefully let you down on the ground and saw how you went to her.

Charlie went to your eye level, her heart beating fast. "Hello! Im Charlie, and welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!!" She cringed at her introduction, laughts from Angel and Husk could be hear at the back.

"Im (Y/N)! Are you my older sister?" You asked moving your head to the side taking her appearence, no doubt she was Lucifer's child, she had a different aura, something cheerful and good, something your insticts told you to reach for.

Charlie's mouth went dry, her eyes having now tears as she remember the story her father told her about you, about how you ended in hell. How unfair it was and how Heaven would not listen.

"Y-yes Im" she responded trying to content her tears then almost getting knocked off when you hugged her. Your soft hair rubbing against her cheeck.

"I always wanted a sister"

Vaggie had to look away to keep her emotions in check. She undertood the malice from heaven and was thankul you had ended in Lucifer's way. Her heart broke a bit seeing your small form hugging her gilfriend.

Heaven its damed she tought to herself.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~

"And this is Angel Dust!" Charlie presented you the spider Demon who was looking down as he was thinking about someone else.

"Hello Kiddo" he ruffled your hair getting a laught from you.

"You have four arms?" You asked looking at Angel who showed them then picked you up

"You bet!! And do you know what form arms can do?"

Everyone was holding their breaths now.

"Lots of ticklets!!" He finally responded tickling you. Your laught and smile resonated in the hotel. Your cat hears moving from side to side as Angel tickled you with a small smile of his own.

~☆~☆~☆~

You pulled Angel around the hotel, telling different tales you have been reading from Lucifer's private collection. Angel just nodded at you, he took note of how your eyes would light up when you were talking about a favorite character or a special part of a story.

It melted his heart.

"I want juice" You suddendly said stopping and making Angel almost fall over you. Luckly he was able to catch his balance.

Juice? Angel thought then smirked looking at a very sober and pissed Husk.

"Here, this one makes the best drinks and im sure he has some juices for you" Angel said taking you towars Husk who was giving Angel a very do not dare look.

"Uhhh, he seems scary" you said softly looking at Husk while Angel seated you carefully.

"Scary? Pff he is just sober" Angel said getting a confused look from you.

"I mean-"

"What would you like kid?" Husk asked keeping his voice with no emotion. He had hear you said he looked scary and honestly, that was funny. By the fact that you had touched Alastor's hair and ears earlier and you got the radio Demon to almost break his cool.

Yeah not scared over the radio Demon but scared of him? You were something.

He passed you a juice with appels. You were quick to forget your fear as you sipped the drink looking at Husk. "I liken your wings"

Husk looked a bit suprised but soon relaxed giving you a easy smile.

"I like your horns...what are you?" He finally asked getting an annoyed look from Angel.

"Well...im not sure?" You responded now feeling shy.

"You are a sinner my Dear!" The voice of Alastor echoed as one of his shadows picked you up keeping you from touching his hair again.

"And who are you?" You asked back macking Alastor glitch, static forming around him but then going away.

"Im Alastor, the Radio Demon! I have a show, maybe you ever listen to it or you prefer these boxes..."

"You mean tvs?" Alastor nodded "I used to watch a bit during mornings but...my father hated when we did it he would scream at me and-" your voice broke making everyone look towards you Lucifer almost going for the Demon's neck.

"Oh you poor thing" Alastor said deep down (very deep) feeling bad. Memories of his own life coming to haunt him. "Then here!" He made a move and a old fashined radio appear "this radio hosts only my shows, and no one will be angry at you because you listen to it" He said smiling at you, his shadow still holding you and playing with your horns as Alastor watched Lucifer for a reaction.

"Uh...thank you Mister" You finally said getting a lick from the shadow itself.

"No problems Dear and if you ever need a New dad you know for who to look" He smirked at Lucifer.

"But Lucifer its my dad..." you responded, radio in your tiny hands "...could you be my uncle?" You asked innocently ignoring who you were talking to, one of the most powerfull Overlords in the circle.

Alastor moved his head his shadow getting you closer to him, he took a moment to examine your soul. So pure and so...so unlike him.

Alastor could be chained to someone, but right now the only one who could hold a leash on him was you.

"Of course Dear" he finally responded taking you from his shadow and to his arms.

"And can I play with your hair?"

"Hahaha, absolutly not"

Lucifer was being hold in the back by Charlie and Vaggie sending daggers to the Demon.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~

[etherealkissed88]

i got what i wanted in the 3d but why did i keep assuming negative?

today i found myself assuming that something negative (that ive experienced before) was going to happen again soon. but this was without any clear evidence that it would happen. there was subtle evidence but then i caught myself and realized that is was all an assumption and i thought “why am i even assuming negative if i know the power of the law?💀” so i decided it wouldnt end up that way and i let it go. hours later i saw clear evidence of the complete opposite of my negative assumption. this means that everything was going good like no negative shit was gonna happen and i still literally got physical evidence of what i wanted. at the same time, i felt uncertain and again assumed that negative thing was still gonna happen soon (even tho i saw evidence that it it wouldnt happen).

why did i feel uncertain even tho what i wanted appeared right in front of me? because in reality, i was chasing the feeling. i wasnt fulfilled, i wasnt satisfied within. this is what ppl mean when they say “its the feeling you want, you dont want it in the 3d”. sure you want the object and the physical experience but notice how the “real” and physical thing did not satisfy me at all. i literally manifested what i wanted yet i didnt feel like it would last. the 3d will never give you what you want. it will always be that inner fulfillment that gives you want you want. fulfillment is what gives you the satisfaction so if youre saying that you manifested something in the 3d and felt secure, thats because you were fulfilled. why did i also get what i wanted in the 3d yet i didnt feel secure? it will always come down to the fulfillment. that fulfillment is the FEELING! the feeling of knowing you have it despite seeing it in the 3d or not. this is also why the 3d never matters; its all neutral. bc everything IS based on assumptions and states. you see the world based on which state you are in. if im in the state of being broke, i will look at a $50 headphones as too expensive and i wouldnt feel secure in buying it. but if i was in the state of being a millionaire, i would look at a $50 headphones as if it was fifty cents and i would feel secure in even buying a more expensive one. its not about the 3d, its about if you feel fulfillment because either way if you have it in the 3d and still dont feel as if its not rly yours (fulfillment), then you will continue to assume negative and feel unsecured in your manifestation.

“as within so without” right? this is why when you are satisfied internally, you feel satisfied externally; it gets pushed out because self is always expressed in the 3d. someone who is not satisfied with being a millionaire within, can never feel good in the 3d until they fulfill themselves within (or change states where being a millionaire is normal for them). everything truly is the feeling and everything truly starts within.

back to assumptions: i continued to assume negative even with positive evidence in front of me because i wasnt giving myself the feeling. i didnt feel satisfied within. assumptions are accepting ideas without evidence. i clearly assumed correctly because i didnt have evidence that that negative thing was going to happen but i clearly was in a state of fear which is what caused me to continuously have that assumption. whatever state you are in affects your assumptions. lucky for me and you, we can change states and assumptions instantly. other than that, next time you find yourself assuming negative, stop yourself and just decide/assume it will all work out. change your state -> you are now the person who already has what they want.

anywayz, i realized all this in a span of 7 seconds after i got the physical thing i wanted but still assumed negative. i wanted to make this post because ppl could be doing the same thing and still feeling stuck and thinking that something is wrong with them when thats not the case. catch yourself and assume positive. make it a habit that whenever you want something, fulfill yourself right away. assume its done right away. update: i assumed and fulfilled myself with what i wanted and i no longer feel the need to assume the negative shit 😛. the power of fulfillment am i right ?

kisses, jani ☆

[austinsastrology8991]

Uranus and why your life is a ShiT ShoW > URANUS IN Yer HOUSe <

Uranus in the FIrst - You are the most unpredictable little fuck-head that everyone loves. They always change > there clothes, there direction in life > their hair colour. they thrive in change unless you try to change them, they are the ones changing and dont you dare change them, thats all they have left ;( Uranus in the Second. - Crazy self esteem issues. these people think they are the greatest then the worst person, also same applies to their income because they dont think they are worth much, until they invest into bitcoin and think they will be the next warren buffet. honestly the only thing stable about you is the perception of your value changing. But they love change, something to look forward to i guess Uranus in the Third your brain and communication skills are kinda fucky you know that dont you. you always know how to say something shocking, and extremely good at changing the subject of a conversation, like you dont have to say much, but what you do say just made everyone go huh what the fuck you say? its amusing tho we appreciate you Uranus in the F4urth - Emotionally avoidant, dependent, and attached personalities. They cant make their mind up on how they feel, so they experiemnt with every feeling to see if they vibe with that. mum was probably very unpredictable, and they wanna be like her. they just trying their best to forgive her <3 Uranus in the Fifth - Okay this one is the genius. This one people actually think your onto something when your showing off because you break free of every social convention, and archetype, but in the most perfect way. everyone believes your special, and you can change the vibe of a room like dat Uranus in the Sixth - what a fkn mess your life is. I had this one friend who would have 10 different drinks in his room and he would drink each one sparingly (they were all warm too). he had some serious health issues, and lets not get into his mental health okay. but yall have crazy lives and you make it that way Uranus in the Seventh - Im not a player i just fuck a lot. they choose their partners based off how interesting they are, if you can satiate their curiosity you got em. but if your boring or not worth figuring out yeah g-bye. also they just come off strange so everyone is extremely curious. they get projected on a lot but they dont mind its a good way to find out something interesting lol Uranus in the Eighth - Freaks who will do anything.... and im not just talking about sex, if they want something they'll find any way to get it. masters of attainment, even if its probably not healthy for them, they don't care if they want it they get it. then the object of their fixation changes as soon as they do get it. they are like obsessed with 'progress' but its hard to call it that sometimes Uranus in the Ninth - Clever minds who are always skipping segments of a speech, or a video to find the juicy parts. They have very quick minds that are so easily bored, but if you talk to them, they'll never not have something interesting to talk about. also when change does occur its a LOt Uranus in the Tenth - why are yalll like this. just baffling people like they know how to make an entrance and when everyone starts loooking at them, they decide to make fun of everyone by doing something a lil bit too shocking, almosst making fun of you for looking at them. gets off on shocking ya Uranus in the Eleventh - They wanna change the world, but not in a way that is practical. until it is. They have a million friends because they have a knack for understanding people, but when you ask what they want or what scares them. it just makes you rethink why your even friends with them in the first place. 12 - your crazy. and its endearing but everyone is this close to calling the cops on you or locking you up in a psyche ward. maybe tone down your retardation. we all got something going on but you take it to a whole new level.

[silverflqmes]

agszc with self care/slice of life comfort?

i've been feeling really down with myself for a bit now & i could use that extra push of feeling a bit better :,) perhaps some ideas could include like: maybe distracting the reader from a failed exam by going shopping together, grocery shopping and cooking a meal together at home, perhaps that one rp with noya where he was kissing insecurities away (hi yes its sky), maybe a pep talk to help with motivation, hmm what else ALSO U DONT HAVE TO DO THESE EXACT THINGS IM JUST GIVING IDEAS... i just want the boys there for me soBS (esp zack and cloud since yk favs.)

໒⦂ 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐇𝐂𝐒.

notes. hey queen i did headcanons for this because it seemed better suited, i hope the post helps you feel better at least, you can do it<3

genre. comfort + crack

for @melukonova <3

ft. sephiroth, cloud strife, zack fair, genesis rhapsodos, angeal hewley

gender neutral! reader.

➫ 𝓢𝗘𝗣𝗛𝗜𝗥𝗢𝗧𝗛 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ for whatever reason that your day and mood has been sullied, sephiroth is already on it and is doing everything in his power to try and make you feel better.

⌗ he’s not the best with handling emotions, as he has difficulty with understanding his own, but wants to help — it hurts him to see you ache like this and to know he couldn’t prevent your suffering🙁

⌗ offers to masamune whoever brought your pain, even if it’s an inanimate object incapable of fighting back.. it’s sweet of him ( and it becomes difficult to suppress your smile )

⌗ just kidding ( not really. ), he comes to the conclusion that a self care day is likely the best approach to make you feel better — genesis had brought the idea up once before

⌗ sephiroth wasn’t exactly one for worrying for his well being, he didn’t have much time to sit down and do so anyway.. but he figured he might try that out with you

⌗ and so, after getting off work, he made a point to grab some supplies from the store, which included these super cute kitty headbands to push your hair back!!

⌗ self care portion of the day ensues and ends with takeout and some cuddling on the couch to some silly sitcoms. laughter cures the blues right? so that’s just what he’s going for to see you smile again<3

➫ 𝓒𝗟𝗢𝗨𝗗 𝓢𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗙𝗘 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ having a bad day? cloud’s been there and is ready to lend an ear to listen. he isn’t the most optimistic person and doesn’t have the best way with words, but he is willing to help!

⌗ he’s a bit awkward with the advice ( he might interest you in a sarcastic comment- kidding, maybe.. ) and words of consolation, but he’s doing his best and is determined to get his words across to you.

⌗ he offers to take you on a delivery with him, a drive can help sometimes with getting out of the house and just getting fresh air — or well.. as fresh as the air can be in midgar / edge..

⌗ part of him thought you would be reluctant and would argue on why and how you should continue to rot in your bed — but you were oddly willing ( maybe because you always have to ask to join.. )

⌗ either way, made his job a hundred times easier and he was glad to see you cooperating with him because he thought he would have needed to drag you by the ankles..

⌗ the drive goes nicely, you can feel yourself begin to calm down as you hold onto him and watch the scenery pass you by; it’s such a simple thing but it’s quelling your nerves and intrusive thoughts, thankfully

⌗ once the package is delivered, cloud spares a little of his time before your scheduled drive back home and takes you out for lunch along with a little stroll around the town🫶

➫ 𝓩𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝓕𝗔𝗜𝗥 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ zack is the definition and embodiment of an emotional support animal. whatever, or even whoever, decided to ruin the flow of your day, he’s there to provide comfort!

⌗ has a pretty good grasp on emotions, even if there are some things he might not fully get, but he wants to help in any way he can! seeing you sad is the worst thing ever, how dare, whatever hurt you, steal away that smile of yours??

⌗ his best course of action is to take you out and doodle up a list of activities for you to do to uplift your mood. distraction is temporary, of course, but it works its course and he was going to make it succeed!

⌗ said list includes visiting the arcade, a walk through the mall, buying you flowers, feeding and petting any strays with your leftovers from where you guys ate and maybe even karaoke while the night is still young..

⌗ should the karaoke go as planned, it would be a mission to get zack out of there LMAO he wants to do cheesy romantic duets with you and boyband songs..

⌗ despite your whines and protests, they do not fail to make you grin and wash away whatever ickiness you had felt earlier.

⌗ it’s a full day that ends up getting you tired by the final activity, but it was all part of the plan!!! distraction and getting a good nights sleep! perfect, right?

➫ 𝓖𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗜𝗦 𝓡𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗢𝗦 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ how dare someone or something sour your mood and evening! genesis is completely distraught and is prepared to do whatever means necessary to exact his revenge..

⌗ fires will be set ( not really but it sounds like a really good idea at the moment ESPECIALLY BECAUSE TUMBLR DIDNT SAVE MY SHIT AND I HAVE TO REWRITE THIS — im sorry.. um moving on.. )

⌗ in the end, fires were not set.. he opts for taking you out to dinner and bringing you to loveless avenue because it just works, and he wants to spoil you with gifts<3

⌗ dinner was lovely and like a fairytale — i mean being with genesis in general was like a fairytale, but he somehow always seemed to exceed your expectations..

⌗ you’re feeling slightly better as you exit the vicinity, taking an idle walk down sector eight since he insisted on a stroll — not because he wanted to check the loveless merch, definitely not. of course not.

⌗ he ends up buying you something your gaze lingered on a little longer than you had planned for, which you protested on at first.. but then you gave in, because it was genesis — aaand he also bought it regardless of what you said..

⌗ he walks with you hand in hand on your way home and proposes his idea of setting fires if you were still upset. you of course, say no.. i mean, psh a fire??? yeah, right..

➫ 𝓐𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗔𝗟 𝓗𝗘𝗪𝗟𝗘𝗬 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ bad mood? rough day in general? angeal is prepared to do whatever is necessary to help you through your mood — anything to return your happiness to you rather than this funk you’re in.

⌗ his best course of action was to take you to the market to buy the necessary ingredients to prepare your favorite meal! they say food cures any blues, perhaps that applies here as well?

⌗ unwilling as you were to leave the comfort of your bedroom, he managed to get you out with the promise of pushing you in the cart..

⌗ yes you wanted to be pushed in the shopping cart, who wouldn’t want to be pushed in a shopping cart after a shit day?

⌗ the small joyride seems to lift your mood a little and he even bought you some of your favorite snacks to have after the meal he’s preparing<3 what a guy🥰

⌗ arriving home, he immediately gets to work on dinner, and after a few back hugs from you along with a brief sway while he waited on the food to finish, it was finally time to set the table!

⌗ nothing too fancy but you appreciated it nonetheless, as you could taste the love and care in each bite you took. truly angeal was the gift of the goddess!!!

notes. okay uh this is not the best quality because stupid tumblr did not save ( GET AN AUTOSAVE FEATURE PLS I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE ) — but i hope you liked it and that you feel better mami<3

↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask

[damagedcoda6669]

hiiiii!!!! i was wondering if u could share some of the most common to least common bpd symptoms?….and maybe ones u struggle with??? <:3

ive been thinking i have bpd for awhile,, (since i was 15,i’m almost 18 now) BUT i dont wanna self diagnose bc i don’t wanna offend anyone……is that offensive? to self diagnose? idek <:p

there isnt rlly least 2 most common, bpd is a spectrum and has a wide range of experiences!!! but i will list the diagnostic criteria 4 u, and explain it in a way some1 first learning abt bpd can understand ^w^

u must experience at least 5 of the 9 symptoms from the criteria in order 2 be diagnosed!!!

1: frantic efforts 2 avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this means an intense fear of abandonment. if u have bpd, being abandoned by those u love is most likely ur biggest fear. ik its mine!!! xD this can look like a number of things. this can include an avoidant attachment style, pushing ppl away becuz u feel a need 2 abandon them first b4 it happens 2 u. u might do the opposite and cling rlly hard. u might resort 2 manipulation tactics n threats 2 try 2 get them 2 stay even if its not in their best interest (not every1 w bpd does this, and not every1 w bpd doing this is doing it on purpose. ive done this in the past b4 i reflected on my own behavior and realized it was wrong. we r not abusers by default and we dont have bad intentions.) u might beg them 2 stay, promise them things, try 2 change urself 4 them, yell at them 4 wanting 2 leave. its terrifying what the fear might do 2 u.

2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation.

this ones pretty simple, consistently unstable relationships throughout ur life!!! but it might get a lil confusing at "extremes of idealization and devaluation", so ill try 2 explain that using a term from the bpd community, "splitting". splitting is when u switch from one extreme view of a person, object, character, pretty much anything, 2 the opposite. it USUALLY means going from loving some1 2 hating them, but it can mean the opposite (hating 2 loving), and it can apply 2 anything, not just a person. a good example of splitting is when ur fp (favorite person, another term from the bpd community) disagrees with u abt smth, or u see them hanging out with other ppl, u mightve viewed them as perfect b4 and now u feel an intense hatred and can only see them as a bad person. 2 other ppl, experiencing such a drastic change in perception over smth so small is seen as ridiculous, but rlly its entirely valid. its part of the disorder, its okay.

3: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self.

u dont rlly know who u r a lot of the time, u dont have a strong sense of identity, if any at all. u might change styles often, change the way u talk, the jokes u make, ur beliefs, ur interests, ur hobbies. u might find urself basing ur entire personality on those around u. a common experience is that when ur favorite person or favorite ppl leave u, u dont know who u r anymore, becuz ur entire sense of self was mirrored from them. its like being a chameleon, but ur constantly mirroring other ppl, and ur nevr rlly ur own person.

4: impulsivity in at least two areas that r potentially self damaging (the examples listed in the DSM-5 include spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating, but i will provide moar examples!!!); this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this ones also pretty simple!!! but personally i find that i become moar impulsive while in a bad headspace, or while im having a bpd episode/suicidal outburst. moar impulsive actions may include property damage, physical fights, running away, cutting contact with ppl, getting in contact with ppl who u know r dangerous, etc. those r all i could think of off the top of my head and they may not be the best examples, srry!!! :(

5: recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures, threats, or self mutilating behavior.

i would like 2 say that self harm doesnt just mean cutting!!! self harm includes burning, hitting, ripping out hair, picking at skin, stabbing, and many moar. personally ive always been a cutter and i started when i was 9 or 10, but i want every1 2 know that all self harm is valid and this is a safe space 2 discuss it. im not gonna make any1 feel ashamed of it <3 also!!! suicidal threats and gestures may come across as manipulative, but that is almost NEVR our intention. we may act out in suicidal ways becuz its the only thing that gets us any sort of attention or care that we desperately need. i dont give a shit abt "ew theyre threatening suicide 4 attention, lets ignore them" becuz attention is a basic human need, and some1 threatening suicide REGARDLESS of their intentions is always a concern. whether its a call 4 help or not, they need help. dont disregard their mental health becuz their suicidal ideation doesnt present in an "acceptable" manner. all suicidal ideation, IS suicidal ideation. whether its passive, 4 attention, active w a plan, its all valid and requires attention and care.

6: affective instability due 2 a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely moar than a few days)

intense mood swings!!! u can feel happy one moment, and then switch 2 being depressed or anxious, and then go back 2 "normal" 10 minutes later. sometimes it just happens 4 no reason!!! absolutely fucking sucks

7: chronic feelings of emptiness.

this one is hard 2 explain and can mean varying things 4 different ppl. 4 me, it means i will never be happy in the long term (maybe with medication, but.. rawdogging life? bad idea) nothing gives me any sort of long term joy and i dont feel like i have a purpose. its like theres a hole in my chest that will nevr be filled. nothing will make me complete.

8: inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

angy

(also not every1 w bpd gets in2 physical fights or r angry at other ppl often, some ppl r moar angry at themselves)

9: transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

paranoia is a symptom of bpd!!! although its shortlived in nature, and as stated above, stress related. dissociative symptoms can also present in a variety of ways!!! u can present with a fractured sense of self which may actually lead 2 u developing headmates iirc, but with them usually appearing as other versions of urself. or u might just dissociate due 2 stress or ur brain wanting 2 remove traumatic memories, 4 me dissociating feels like the whole world is fuzzy and blurry and i cant form any thoughts or emotions. i have dissociative amnesia and experience memory loss when this happens, which sucks becuz i dissociate at least once everyday. my memories r incredibly spotty and unreliable, its liek my brain is made of swiss cheese!!!

personally, i experience all of the symptoms from the diagnostic criteria, and they all effect my life on a daily basis. but that isnt 2 say that u need all of them in order 2 have bpd, as i said b4, u only need at least 5!!! there r also different types of bpd (not medically, theyre labels created by the bpd community) look in2 it if u resonate with some of the symptoms but not all of them!!! a lot of ppl who suspect they have bpd but dont present in a stereotypical way often relate 2 the term "quiet bpd", i recommend looking in2 it!!!

self diagnosis is entirely valid, and most of the ppl who r offended by it r neurotypical or they dont have the disorders that ppl r self diagnosing with. it stems mostly from ableism towards autistic ppl, specifically autistic ppl who self diagnose becuz they know theyre autistic but dont have the resources/time 2 get a diagnosis from a professional. if u believe ur borderline, and u've done ur research, i believe u. self diagnosis is not actually offensive 2 those who have mental disorders, im pretty sure the bpd community is accepting of self diagnosis!!! and if u cant find a community of ppl who r accepting of ur self diagnosis, just know that i believe u and this is a safe space 4 self diagnosis and ppl w bpd :3

bpd is also incredibly hard 2 get diagnosed with. its one of the most stigmatized disorders and often mental health professionals have a bias against it. sometimes, professional diagnosis is not an option 4 us. i knew i had bpd 4 years b4 i was able 2 get diagnosed. good luck!!!!

[poppy-metal]

you get so excited when he writes back. you don’t tell your parents about him, because they never like the boys you bring home anyway, and there’s no need until you actually do bring him home. you’re quite surprised when he does reply, again another thing you didn’t think about, another display of your short sightedness.

hey

thanks for the letter. i don’t get many so yours made my day. you’re a very pretty girl. you know i’m bad don’t you? you shouldn’t be writing to a guy like me. but im happy you did. you said you think im beautiful. tell me more about what you think of me, and what you thought when you watched the trial. what did you think of that cunt of a judge? also, have you done this before? have you spoken to other killers? you have to tell me. i have to know. don’t speak to any others from now on. they might not be as friendly as i am.

yours truly

patrick zweig

aka the hamptons hatchet man xx

you kiss that letter a thousand times and sleep with it under your pillow. you spend hours crafting the perfect reply, while patrick spends his time hoarding his meds to drug guards, and begins stashing away any and all sharp objects he can get his degenerate paws on. anything to reach you before the loose men of the world do.

THE HAMPTONS HATCHET MAN..... stop because him using a hatchet.... swinging it over his head and bringing it down.... I like this visual, I'm seeing it. and thing is he mostly just killed bad people, people who pissed him the fuck off - alot of people feel sympathy for him, especially women. but most of them are cock hounds - they just want a taste of danger without actually knowing what it means. he's kind of disturbed by them. the desperation. he's definitely not the man to harp on about morals, but really?

but there's something about you - you're not horny, for one. you're kind of silly - sweet. you're not writing him because you want a "bad boy" to write you back, you saw something in him you relate to on a deeper level, you feel connected to him on an emotional level. you say you understand what it's like to feel helpless and alone and angry. you're the only girl he ever writes back.

his handwriting is shit - but something about it makes your heart full. the way the ink bleeds in places - the sharp aggressive scrawl. you kiss the paper, blot it with your lip stain.

the connection isn't sexual to start - not for you, anyway. it's not long though that your stomach starts fluttering in your belly at his crude language. a throbbing between your legs you haven't felt before. you wanted to be friends. let him know he had a friend.

he keeps saying fuck in his letters, though. keeps calling you things like sweetheart and good girl and princess - and it makes you feel funny. you feel so guilty, you've never felt this way before.

do you tell him? maybe he can explain these feelings to you. he's much more experienced and he's your friend. he would be honest with you, upfront.

I dont want you to be mad at me - but my feelings are changin' towards you. not in a bad way - I don't think. I'm not sure, actually. maybe it's bad. I care about you. you're my friend. but sometimes...... sometimes when I think about you and the way you speak to me I feel a little funny. it's like butterflies but down there.... you know in my private place. I know it's inappropriate to talk about it - mama would beat my hide for even mentioning my private parts to another man. I'm just so confused. it gets wet. almost like an ache. but not the ache I get in my stomach when it's my monthly - that's a bad ache. this feels different. I know there are things I don't understand that other people do. would you tell me? I don't like not understanding what's happening to my body. I don't think it's bad. if I had to pinpoint it - I'd say it's almost good. but too much good. I'm sorry I'm botherin' you with this. I just trust you more than anyone else. with everything. with me.

[theninth09]

people dont actually believe that theo killed his sister, do they?

like okay. the entire pack and probably theo himself think that hes responsible for her death, but the pack hates him and doesnt trust him for valid reasons and theo is traumatized and holds guilt over her death so hes probably convinced himself that he did kill her. i just dont believe thats true.

in s5b when hes with stiles in the tunnels (i forgot why they're down there but whatever) and stiles tells him "oh yeah, the guy that killed his own sister when he was nine?" and theo argues back "yeah. i was nine. i had no idea what was going on." and that he also still believed santa exists so obviously he believed the dread doctors when they told him she wanted him to have his heart.

first of all: this is s5b. hes long dropped his act and he has no reason to lie in this moment. he knows that stiles wont fall for his lies and hes stopped lying and transitioned into threatening and intimidating anyway. theres no good reason for theo to lie to stiles here: theres no actual benefit that would come from that.

and his behavior points towards him telling the truth. instead of deflecting or making a joke, or any of the stuff he usually does to get his way, he starts explaining and defending himself. he seems almost agitated that stiles claims that he did kill tara and argues why he didnt.

and ofc stiles doesnt believe him and tells him "i think you pushed her. i think you liked it." which is, sorry, utter bullshit. i understand why stiles says this (yk. theo killed his bffie and all that) but i think stiles is purposely turning everything that he knows about theo into something evil. he doesnt want to believe that theo was a victim of his circumstances, because that would make him human, that would explain why he became the person that he is. its easier to fall back onto the "hes just purely evil" argument, because then he can hate theo for what he did.

stiles is smart. thats his whole thing. thats his whole thing with theo, that he was "smart enough not to trust him" as theo says to the sheriff in s6a. stiles knows that theo was a child, that its likely that theo got manipulated and groomed by the dread doctors. but, i think, he decides not to care about that, to ignore that. he hates theo and he wants to hate theo, but if he starts looking at the reasons for why he did what he did, he'll begin to understand him. and while he'll still never forgive theo, that will reduce this fury he has for him because, newsflash, theo was a CHILD.

people argue that tw doesnt show us enough of his back story to back this up and yeah, i kinda agree. we dont get enough of his story because teen wolf ALWAYS does this. with every character. they insinuate something, they start something interesting that could give their characters depth and then they abandon it and its like the characters just forget about it. all this show has is small details for fans to focus on if you want to analyze anything, because this show is objectively not good enough to actually do that.

+ theo is a side character. he wasnt even meant to stay as long as he did and cody did his best to work with the material. if your argument is that theres missing context and only vaguely shown stuff, im sorry but thats so stupid. thats not a good argument for in canon. "oh but we never see theo do this or that" HES A SIDE CHARACTER. he wasnt even supposed to come back! and tw is not a very good show! obviously they added more depth to his character in s6 because cody came back. like yeah theres stuff that doesnt make sense (like the show saying he didnt have a heart condition), because his back story got added as an afterthought in s6. you cant only look at s5 and judge his character based on that. his depth comes from s6 and its not the characters fault that the show has bad writing.

and if you simply dont like theo, cool. i dont like a bunch of characters in tw. but i find this argument that hes actually evil and deserved getting tortured and whatever exhausting and annoying.

if you dont have empathy for his character in s6 bc you just hate him, fine. i dont care. but if you're talking about this in a more analytical way? fuck off. he was a child, the show points towards him getting groomed and abused by the dread doctors and guess what? even during his villain arc, hes still a child. yes he should take responsibility for what he did, im not excusing any of that stuff. but theres reasons for why he did all that.

and again, dumb tv logic reasons, but most of the villains getting away unscathed, fucking peter hale and deucalion being allowed to just kinda wander around while theo is in an eternal time loop of torture? like this technically erases the packs rule of not killing because i dont think its weird for me to argue that getting non-stop tortured without the ability to die is objectively worse than actually dying. and yeah, tv logic, but if you think that (in canon, not just bc you personally dont like theo) he deserved that, idk. weird. very weird.

[oukabarsburgblr]

Hello! I am new, and wanted to ask 3 things for you:

1.) Is Daichi a type of yandere, and why is he obsessed with the reader?

2.) Are you maybe interested in writing JJK?

3.) Can I be 🎃 anon?

-🎃 Have nice day studying/whatever your busy doing, keep up the good work ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Hello there and 3) yes u can be 🎃 anon, reminds me of that one game kubz scouts played for days on end. Pumpkin race? The one with the time that he tried to one up haha

1) to be honest, its been a while since i wrote that fanfiction and ever since then ive been focusing on my ocs so much hshsh. I do think daichi can be classified as a psychopath. A yandere? I wouldnt say he loves the reader (during his third year) and i could say for a fact even he acknowledges he doesnt harbor romantic feelings for the reader until much later (after the training camp shenanigan) however, he did harvest some type of attraction to the reader. An unhealthy one. Where the dynamic is between an object and an owner? Not a pet or a partner, but an object instead. Something he can switch on and off, mold into his liking and reader just so happened to be a perfect victim for it. Although he does grow to be fond of you, ever since how obedient you became. So many screaming nights passed in your house.

Now came the question of why? Why did he do all of this? Why did he instigate it the second the reader came into his view? I tried explaining it in the second part of the fic. Sugawara and Asahi would have treated reader like any other first year if it werent for Daichi. Maybe suga a bit sociopathic but daichi was the match that started the flame.

I think it came from the canon fact that Daichi was the rock of the team, their anchor, their foundation. I thought of him as someone youd look up to, youd rely on but there had to be days where he wasnt feeling himself right? Where he finds all of them a tad bit annoying, but that wouldnt be nice, they were his friends after all. And you came into the picture. On a bad day, where he just felt shitty and you suddenly came stumbling into the club, making a ruckus, curse words from your mouth scratching his eardrums and a thought slipped his mind where he found you so fucking annoying. However, it wouldnt be fair to thrust all that negative energy onto you so he did what he could, ignoring you until he could cool himself down. Maybe the day after he could find himself talking to you again. Wrong. He still finds you annoying and rude. Then there was this urge that came from deep within his stomach, this feral desire to grasp at you, clench at your face, pulling your skin back so you would behave- Too much blood so no can do. He still found you annoying though, hence, the snowball rolls where he decided to just change you. Sugawara and Asahi was a massive help, pinning you into the corner until he had you cumming around his finger.

If given the chance, where there would be no repurcussions, no trace of any evidence whatsoever, Daichi Sawamura would have murdered you, killing you in cold blood and burying your body deep within the mountains. A heavy burden would lift from his shoulders and he felt like the world would work his way again. But there was no solid plan for it so he never took the chance nor thought to.

Can you tell that Daichi is my favourite? Hahaha ive said this like three times now. I loveeeee him.

2) would i ever write jjk! One of my favourite readers have requested a satosugu x bottom male reader in my inboxes and i will consider but heres the thing.

I dont watch jjk😭

Well, i did, until i dropped it. I think it was at episode 20+ on season 1. I used to be a huge shounen person but now im a slice of life fan (although they can be quite boring sometimes) i guess im more into thrillers but in a normal setting? But i know jjk characters.

I used to have an obsession w sukuna haha. Ik maki, ik zenin naoya, ik todo aoi, like ik them and ik what happened to them (rip nanami) but idk i think i have to get hooked on really well for me to watch jjk so that i can write it. We'll see deffo! But i plan to watch chainsaw man first hshshs

[souryogurt64]

srry if the answer to this is just like "the fobbi hates women and anything remotely negative abt pete" but why do u think they took down the secondhand copies of Gray and the cover on amazon and sources u used after your essay? ur essay was so flattering to gray? its just so weird sorry im not good at critical thinking ngl

I DONT KNOW that’s why it’s so weird!!! It was such a weird and extreme and offputting thing to do. I cant even think of any specific thing I said that could trigger that reaction because it is SO bizarre. If I had to guess it would be because the subject matter is so terrible, even in ways I dont address in my essay, and I make a very compelling case it is fact based. Or just the emotional reaction to it was very visceral.

Also, its not just that the cover art and secondhand copies randomly disappeared right after my essay so I assume it must be because of me. There is other strong circumstantial evidence to indicate the stuff with the book occurred that I would prefer not to talk about.

Given the extremity of this incident, and how outrageous it is to remove the cover art and secondhand copies, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest that other sources linked in my essays that got taken down around the same time were related to this. It’s not just that the occasional article or YouTube video disappears. It was a ton of stuff along with other bizarre and inexplicable coincidences in a short window of time.

Like yeah, some videos got taken down like the only interview where he talks about his book. But it was stuff way more involved than that too. Like someone filled out a 2 page form on the Vimeo website with a name address and phone number claiming they were the direct copyright holder to get a fancam of Goodnight Moon I made in 11th grade taken down after I linked to my Vimeo account in the bibliography of a video essay.

Someone in Chicago who did not frequently visit my blog with that device spent 3 days going through 1,270+ pages of my blog searching dozens of term combinations looking to see if I’ve ever posted about Pete’s mother. In addition to the suspect location, this is a massive anomaly both in terms of activity on my blog, as well as stuff the fandom cares about.

Brendon Urie’s dumb lawsuit was taken out of the LA court portal after I referenced it in my Brent Wilson essay. An article about Kenny Harris’ sexual misconduct allegations was removed after that essay too. Several different copies of screenshots of Tweets from Ian and Breezy complaining about Brendon were taken down after the publication of that essay. After Pete’s friend posted another essay I wrote on his Instagram story, scans I linked in it disappeared and the band started selling an edited copy with that quote removed a few months later. Etc. The MTV website was extremely broken so it’s possible these were coincidental, but a number of suspicious articles and videos were regularly disappearing too.

ALSO. I wrote a 50 page essay about SWMRS/Burger that was extremely negative towards many bands and reached way higher visibility, and absolutely nothing happened with that and no sources were taken down. Same with a 20 page MCR lyrical analysis essay. If these things happened randomly all the time, it would’ve happened with the sources linked in those essays too.

All of these things, in combination with the strong circumstantial evidence surrounding his book getting half-pulled off the market after of my essay, were not all a string of random unrelated coincidences and I secretly have undiagnosed schizophrenia or whatever.

When you consider the *objective facts* of this situation, such as Pete’s friend posting about my essay on social media around the time this stuff occurred, it is way more likely the essays made it onto his radar and like The FOB Surveillance State (jk) did not approve or whatever. Some of these things may be coincidences, but taking all of the evidence into account, it becomes unlikely that this is all random and I’m crazy.

Also, it’s not like him finding these just randomly happened. I made it happen. It’s really embarrassing to say this, it feels very childish now, and IDK what the point of this was, but starting when I was a literal teenager I put a lot of work and made a lot of purposeful decisions over a period of years to get the bandom essays noticed. This included interviewing several artists he and his friends signed or followed on social media, putting several people who are not famous in the essays, fostering cats for his friend and applying to work there, et cetera. All of this was genuine, but it was also intentional.

Other people (such as UNEMPLOYED Brand New fans) have been able to do the same thing and leverage amateur projects like this to interview the band or write a book or whatever.

And like whatever, if I’m a shitty talentless writer and am just not picked that’s fine. But also like, I don’t want to continue liking these bands when I have plenty of reason to believe their management or whatever are going through my essays to take down sources and also try to “takesies backsies” Pete’s stupid book about calling his ex a bitch and degrading all the women he’s slept with because of my very positive and respectful fanwork about it.

Especially when they’re also handing out book deals and interviews like candy to untalented unemployed dudes with insane passion projects that “just so happen” to talk about how Brand New are victims of cancel culture and Hayley Williams is a misandrist bitch and Pete Wentz threw the first brick at feminist Stonewall. Like it’s just not something that makes me happy anymore and I’m embarrassed and disgusted I ever thought it was cool.

TRIPLE ESPECIALLY when they are also aggressively pushing gross creepy daddy kink music and claiming it’s because they support women’s free speech. And going through Twitter indirects to call anyone who has a problem with it sexist because you should “let women say what they want.” But not me clearly!!! Not female fans who engage intelligently with the culture and history. Thats for the grown-up anti-cancel-culture dudes only. The only free speech for female fans is “daddy spit on my pussy!!”

Also everyone wants to like Destroy Me With Facts And Logic or whatever and tell me it’s okay and not wrong and I’m being irrational and crazy and argue if it is Morally Acceptable for an artist to do this. but like. If you were in my position. Even everything else aside, just the position of putting so much effort and care into a very positive and respectful fanwork and then you have reason to believe the creator somehow found your essay and attempted to remove the book from circulation afterwards. Like would you want to keep being a fan? Do you think they want you to be a fan? NO!!

Then if you tried to be like “Hey it really bothered me on a personal level I think this happened” and their insane fans started camping out in your inbox calling you “schizophrenic” “a bitch” “racist” “delusional” etc over it for months. Would you keep enjoying the band. NO!! Probably not. Especially when the band’s entourage encourages this type of behavior by putting individual fans who talk about misogyny on blast so they will get cyberbullied.

Like this entire thing started because I made a joke text post about “Dictator Wentz” 3 months ago and a specific clique of deranged FOB fans (coincidentally, right around when the bands entourage started encouraging fans to cyberbully people who discuss their history of misogyny) started camping out on my blog to complain and call me a pathetic schizo bitch every time I posted about ANYTHING. Like it’s really really embarrassing to live life knowing that PW reacted so badly to my essay specifically.

I didnt talk about how I felt or what I suspected happened for a long time because I was scared of someone specific seeing it or other fans getting mad and calling me crazy (WHICH HAPPENED). But like I dont like pretending either and these feelings didnt go away and eventually when the band stopped being as active I felt ready to post about it.

And I cant even joke harmlessly about it without gaggles of his weird fans being like “Ummmm you’re a bitch and targeting the only POC in music…. unless you have schizophrenia that seems sus!!!” like WHAT???? does that have to do with anything I said. And also literally WHOOOO CARES. Anyway I am trying to move on with my life now

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Made it to chapter 16 today which means Feyre and I have both had our first impressions of Rhysand's Inner Circle and ohhhhhhh boy

Its hard to pinpoint why exactly, but theres something so discomforting about watching them interact. I think the main thing is that for all their "casual-ness", theres still clearly a rigid hierarchy between them and they all seem to 'know their place' so to speak, its not at all like Lucien and Tamlin's relationship in the first book which genuinely felt like a friendship that was unburdened by their status or positions. Like, theres this one moment where Mor and Amren are like kinda bickering with each other i guess, and Feyre remarks that Mor is probably super powerful if she dares talk back against Amren (in an incredibly minor matter Im pretty sure but I already forgor ngl) and because this is the book where Feyre's perspective starts being Objectively Correct all the time, I guess that's true, I guess the only reason someone would dare voice their opinion on something to this friend group is if they were physically more powerful because otherwise you just level a fucking mountain during an argument

Anyway, Im gonna switch topics for a short moment but I promise this diversion is relavant to the point above. So, sometimes when I go into the anti-tags on here looking for criticisms or complaints of the books, I instead find anti-ship posts that are mainly just about trash-talking some ship, mostly ones relating to that whole Elucien/Elriel/Gwynriel shipwar, which I already have thoughts on but I'll save those for later. In any case, one day I stumbled upon this pretty long anti-elriel post about how the gifts Elain gives Azriel on winter solstice arent actually cute and it describes how she gave him like, herbs that help with headaches "because his friends are always giving him headaches" apparently. And then that post went on a whole rant about how insensitive that was of her and that she doesnt actually understand Azriel's dynamic with his close friends, but honestly, judging from this chapter Elain was absolutely spot on

And I usually wouldn't say this because yknow, its only one chapter and we're probably gonna get the nuances of their relationship later, but this is a book written by Sarah J Maas, her characters and their relationships are rarely particularly deep and, more importantly, her writing is incredibly unsubtle. If Azriel was in any way fond of his friends shenaningans I wouldve noticed it, because Feyre wouldve noticed it like 15 times during that whole dinner. But she didnt.

Its especially bad for Cassian and Azriel because it feels like Cassian thinks they have this great rapport but Azriel just genuinely kinda dislikes him. Not to mention that whole fucking mess with Azriel and Mor and Cassian and Mor having sex so she wouldnt get married off or whatever, good god how is every conversation between them not insanely awkward

Even beyond that, idk man, theyre all just so insufferable. I dont understand how Amren, ancient eldritch being trapped in a fae body that she is, can stand to be around them, I wouldve left them 5 centuries ago if I was her. I guess the explanation is that she finds the government position interesting but its like, youre SECOND to the most boring and annoying man on the planet only kinda ruling over a court that you dont even actually care about from everything Ive heard. Again, if I was in Amren's position I would not be hanging out in an APARTMENT in a boring ass city at the behest of a quartett of stupid bozos, I wouldve weaseled my way into being the personal advisor of Beron or some shit so I could watch the Vanserra Family Drama unfold live

There was one good thing about this discomforting dinner though, and that was how inexplicably gay Cassian was for Rhysand. He was really out there, looking at him with such love, calling him pretty twice in like two minutes being all "I knew I wanted a piece of him the moment I first saw him, the high lord's pretty son" like okay. I know what you are

[grievedeeply]

Omg yes I will gladly request something for Banda he is so underrated 😭. Can I request general dating headcanons for Banda? Can it be fluffy there isn’t enough fluff of this man! Feel free to add in a couple stuff I hope you have a good day or night!<3

im gonna be honest. i dont care if this is ooc this man is so babygirl. those shoulders.... those hips.... that face. damn put me in the ground already 😭😭 also, you might know me from an old writing blog.. @/saebyeoked. i moved over here awhile ago, so i figured i'd write for aib here instead :)

gn!reader | tws: banda is a murderer... that's really it. overall pretty fluffy !! season 2 spoilers, and probably ooc banda | join my taglist !!

dating banda sunato headcanons

you met in the solitary confinement game. he immediately caught your eye. you weren't too sure on what it was, but there was something about him that had you captivated from the beginning

you, banda and matsushita form a trio, telling each other what your symbols are. your relationship with both of them is pretty simple, and you don't get closer to banda up until the game is over

chishiya had asked you to tell him his symbol, as his partner died in the previous round. he had told you that banda was a murderer, and you shouldn't put too much trust in him. he had yet to lie to you.. so you brushed his comments aside

so what if he was a murderer? wasn't everyone, at least in this world?

though, you would be lying if you said the information didn't put a pit in your stomach— one that was growing with each passing day in the borderlands anyway

you caught his eye back in the jack of hearts game, too. mostly keeping to yourself, he could tell you were scared of dying. he wasn't, but it didn't mean he wanted to by any means

you, chishiya, yaba and banda end up living through the game— and you feel something pulling you to banda. for some reason, you decide to go with him instead of chishiya

your relationship begins to progress after it's just the two of you alone. you become friends surprisingly quickly, for a man who was a murderer in the real world.. he isn't the worst company

he's intelligent, quick on his feet and able to read situations really easily. it's nice to have him around for those reasons, if nothing else

banda has a very hard time expressing his emotions. he isn't big on friends, so it takes awhile for you to get close enough to him for him to think of you romantically

he knows what that feeling in his heart is, and he pushes it away until he can't ignore it anymore

neither of you really.. confess. you two just flirt— a lot. you insist to yourself that it means nothing, and flirting is just a fun way to pass the time or something. but it does become something more

you realize you like him romantically when he saves you in a game. it's nothing big, not in his eyes, anyway. he pulls you out of the way of an object that otherwise would've crushed you, and he acts like it was nothing

neither of you ever say you like each other romantically. it just.. happens

you're initiating the first kiss, obviously. he acts so cocky in every situation and he tries to hide the fact that he has no idea what to do from you

over the time you spent together, you're able to read each other really well. it's a major benefit in your relationship, as you both know whenever the other is feeling upset or angry about something

as a boyfriend... i will say he has experience. he knows what to do to get you flustered and hiding your face in your hands, and that's at the very bottom of the list of things he does

he tries not to be cheesy. but he will set up makeshift dates while the two of you are out scavenging. he never plans them beforehand, but you don't care. he doesn't even have to do it in the first place— as long as you get to spend time with him that's enough

he isn't big on pda. there's no one around in your world, but it's a general thing for him. it makes him feel really exposed.. and it bothers him

though, if it's something you enjoy he'll hold your hand occasionally. that's really all he'll do, but it's more than you ask for

he doesn't mind physical touch in the moments where it feels right. if you're having trouble falling asleep, he'll pull you into his chest and just.. talk to you to help you relax

his voice is the most relaxing thing in the world in your mind. he could be reading out the dictionary to you and it would help you in some way

banda's VERY protective. he knows you're more than capable, but he does want to keep you safe

as much as he tries to act tough, he has a soft spot for you and your safety is a priority to him. he'll go out of his way to make sure you're okay, even if he's injured

he's a surprisingly sweet boyfriend. despite his.. history...

taking everything he sees that he thinks you'd like or reminds him of you to give to you at some point, picking out your favorite food at a store if he sees it laying around.. all simple, yet noticeable things to show he cares

most of the time, you'll be the one initiating physical affection with him. he has other ways of expressing his feelings for you, but if it's a love language of yours he learns to not mind it too much when it's appropriate

boundaries! super important in any relationship, and he sets them up with you really quickly. always respectful of you, and will back off if you tell him you're not feeling something

as strange as it feels to admit it, he feels himself warming up. becoming a better person. that doesn't mean he changes his attitude, though

it just means that.. he is more willing to help people struggling, even if you aren't around. if he walks away, he'll picture your smiling face in his mind and turn around

he has a guilty conscience okay

teases you whenever he sees an opportunity to. if you're staring at him? he's teasing you. it happens more frequently than you'd probably like to admit but you looove how he sounds whenever he teases you

his voice is just... so soothing. even when he's using it to embarrass you somehow

teaming up in games because you're the only person he trusts with his entire being

if you ever say you love him.... he's lucky he can hide his emotions on his face because WOO he's a bit flustered

he doesn't say it back right away, but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel the same way. when he does say it, it's a very special moment, probably after a game where you both almost died

he expresses his love in other ways, mostly. quality time is his biggest love language. it's easy, and meaningful at the same time :")

reading books in silence <3

overall, he's a good boyfriend. he knows what you need when you need it and he's willing to learn from you, which is more than what some people are okay with

he admits when he's wrong. he's okay with making mistakes, and you never judge him for it

he's different. but you like it. and you like him, obviously

he lucky. he knows that, and he repeats it to himself over and over in his mind sometimes just to ground himself

he wakes up in the morning and has you? someone as kind as you? loving him? it baffles him, but he doesn't complain

he really does love you. he has trouble saying the words, but he will say it verbally when he feels the need to

he's nice to only you, normally

you make him feel good. he won't ever throw it away, and he makes that promise to himself

if he ever looses you, he's really messed up. you're so GOOD and he can't ever let you slip through his fingers

[thefruitbin]

something i like about the blue eye samurai is that they let mizu be a woman. And i know thats ironic since shes had to instead be a man, or let ppl assume shes a man so she could be safe or taken seriously. If anything they dont let her actually choose. idk if that makes any sense, but when i didnt know anything about this show i immediately expected the protagonist to be a man. Usually men play those roles, or whatever. So when i heard her voice in the trailer, i got excited! I hoped that she would be a woman, bcuz i rarely see women who dont look perfect, who arent wearing like skin tight suits or whatever portrayed this way. For me personally i always end up wanting a woman to be in the “mans shoes” or whagever the fuck. I wish i could articulate myself better. Like fuck they actually let a woman look badass as fuck, shes treated with respect in portraying her skills (by the story), and she isnt like the epitome of beauty (for social standards or whatever, to me she’s absolutely frickin gorgeous)

They actually let her exist outside of this lens of what woman should look like or act like. I know its been done before or whatever, but fuck it i barely see woman depicted in this same lens as a man and not make some joke about it. Shes not degraded to a sex object, her appearance isnt perfect or the beauty standard, she gets to be a killer and skilled swordsman in the same light as taigen. It felt rlly great.

I personally struggle with my gender identity, i feel somehow someway im not woman enough. So seeing mizu sort of go through not fitting this sort of standard, having this idea of being a man forced upon her, its all so complicated and interesting and relatable. Maybe that says something about me, maybe it doesnt. But im so excited to see where they take mizu and her gender. Akemi feels like such a foil against mizu. She fits the beauty standard, shes observed as a woman and has her own power. She’s unfortunately the luckiest a woman could be in the story, her being married and such was better than being sold. But still powerless at the same time. It makes sense why mizu was dismissive of akemi at the beginning, to her it looked like akemi was just a brat, but even akemi struggles with not being taken seriously. Mizu on the other hand doesnt fit the standard, being mixed, seen less than human for not fitting the standard, not being “woman” enough (the whole husband thing where her actually being better than him immediately made her husband like dismissing of her and possibly ratting on her as well) the whole constant thing of her “mom” telling her she doesnt have good looks, it often felt like mizu was fighting against not only being mixed and “not pure”, but also fighting against what a woman could exist as..”not pure”. She could not just plainly exist.

Gender stuff is so damn complicated and its something ive struggled with. Ive tried exploring the idea that maybe im trans, maybe im a man or nonbinary. But it felt so relieving to see mizu as a character. Something that stuck out to me was when she was talking to her ex husband. He asked “u wanted to be a man?” And she said something along the lines of “i had to be one” and it felt sort of vindicating in the sense that damn idk.. like me and my siblings have struggled with our genders and whats expected of us, especially within our culture. Ive had conversations with my sister like about how sometimes we do wish we were men. To be taken seriously, to easily do things without feeling so judged. Maybe cis people dont do that, maybe they do, its okay.

I just love mizu, and im so excited to explore this story.