#god. i cant do this. i need some way to make this process easier.

[cyanidas]

hey this is actually one of the hardest things ive ever tried to do with my time as an artist. how the FUCK do etsy/shopvee/redbubble artists do this for a LIVING????

BIG News: I'm trying to make some really huge changes, and I'll need your help.

Before I grant any details, I gotta preface everything with the reality of our situation; Jay, the sole breadwinner, has been a victim of yet another "new hire surprise fire". He was booted without warning, written or verbal, about two weeks ago.

Evidently this is very common in the production wood/metalworking industry, otherwise this wouldn't have happened so many fucking times, because he's a great person with amazing work ethic and that's not just my bias talking - most of his coworkers have felt the exact same way as me across every company he's worked for.

Of course, THAT DAY we wasted no time in reaching out to contacts and applying for mountains of positions on Indeed, on company websites, and the state hiring portal. Nobody has contacted him back. ONE hiring agency gave him a "maybe". Even I have applied to several places for myself, with not so much as a rejection.

Seeing the trauma this caused him first hand was my final fucking straw.

I'm sick to death of suffering this tragedy. I'm sick to death of hearing the love of my life, my Fiancé, cry because of how he was fired. And I'm sick to death of coming here or crawling to my friends and family for money they don't have because we're legitimately hopeless for it.

I don't have the heart to continually beg for cash. It was never something I've been good at or proud of doing, and it kills me inside to DM people for commissions I don't even have the time nor energy to do. I'm sick of this. All of this. I need it all to stop.

So of course, I want to nip this in the goddamn bud.

I met a very sweet vendor in Iowa who gave me a load of resources on how to get started selling my art on actual things I get to see and hold for myself and hand to people in person, namely conventions. It's a hell of a risk but I need this to work. I'm so exhausted from asking for money so please help me make this be the last time I ever need to come here for help.

More details will come, because I'm also tired of making plans and leaping forward without having anything to show for it. When I actually have these products designed, that's when I'm going to show you guys everything I've made, with as much detail on my thinking and planning as I can get out there (because lord knows the internet has taken advantage of people's generosity before).

When that time comes, please *please* give me your support. It would legitimately be world-changing for us.

I just wanted to get this out here asap so people would know what I'm going through and, hopefully plan along with me. I don't just want this to happen, I *need* this to *succeed*. I don't have any other option. Right now, I'm busting my ass on product designs (literally because this chair hurts!!), and Jay can attest to that.

I plan on having *something* to show for all my hard work by next week, and soon after, a Kickstarter to make it a reality. Keep an eye out!!

[salemlunaa]

✎ STOP CALLING IT YOUR DREAM REALITY

why is it desired when it has already happened?

You need to realise that you are already in the reality you have chosen, you are in the reality that is desired. Stop viewing your new life as far-fetched and magical. Some of you think that with the crazy things in your script, it makes it harder to shift, than it would be to manifest something “small”. But let me tell you, you’re already there.

stop envying that girl’s body, you already have it, if not better

stop envying all the rich people’s vacations and hauls you see on socials, you live that life

stop envying the person with the pretty face, you have one too

stop getting jealous of a certain pop group, tv show cast or celebrity for getting to do the things that you want to do, you ARE doing all that you have ever wanted

stop envying the person your s/o has dating rumours with, they’re yours and always have been

because you’re a god.

stop getting jealous of the person with the perfect parents and rich family, your family was real the second you scripted them, you see them every day, no big deal

don’t you get it? the 3d isn’t real, what you’re seeing isn’t real if you don’t want it to be.

it’s not your dream reality, it’s your current reality, get comfortable and casual about it, it’s your everyday life, nothing special to you. stop scrambling for methods as if you aren’t in your reality already. stop treating your new life as a prize, it’s nothing special because you had it the second you thought about it. stop viewing your new life as some accomplishment to strive for, it’s your everyday experience, again nothing special.

as a god, every reality is your creation, why are you looking at your creations as the prize when the prize is you? why are you looking at your new life as something to work hard for, something to put effort in to have? why, why, why when it’s already yours?

you cant leave if you don’t acknowledge that this new life is already yours. You’ll always be in the state of desiring and never in the state of having if you don’t fix this mindset. It also puts more pressure on you when attempting to induce pure consciousness, you think everything is riding on inducing pure consciousness, you think your dream wont happen if you don’t do it. why do you think the weight of your new life relies on whether you’re able to induce pure conscious or whether you’re able to shift, when it’s already yours and you already live that life?

i’ll tell you why you think this way: it’s because you don’t see it as yours yet, you think it will only become yours when you have done all these things.

what you see: script + void/“I AM” state ➯ my dream life is finally mine

you see it as a process when it isn’t one, there is no process

what actually happens: i’ve created my dream life in my head ➯ i have it now, it’s not a dream anymore

it’s an immediate chain of events, not a process. so stop with the jealousy, being miserable and asking the same questions, it’s BEEN yours

as soon as you take that pressure away from the act of shifting, because you KNOW your new life belongs to you no matter what, it puts less stress on you, making inducing pure consciousness easier

that’s it that’s all, ITS ALREADY YOURS DONT SEE IT AS A PROCESS 🌌💋

[bluecollarmcandtf]

Trying Them on for Size

My stepdad's eyes rolled back as my friend leapt into his body. Thanks to my distraction, he had a clear jump, and the possession was instant. The beer in his hand didn't even slip as a new guy took over the thick hunk of meet.

"Goddamn, this guy is big!" my stepdad's voice rumbled in uncharacteristic glee, "My arms feel like a ton heavier with all this muscle!"

"I...I cant believe it worked," I stammer, still processing the fact that Sam, my best friend, is inside Paul, my jerk of a stepfather.

Sam lifts a heavy arm and takes a whiff. "Wow, your dad smells rank! Does the pig shower much?" he groans and laughs, "What'd you say this idiot does again?"

"Mechanic, and he's not my dad," I answer, still trying to get over my nerves, "How's it feel...to be in him?"

"Man, he's so muscular and dense. I mean, I can feel how heavy he is, ya know? He's like really sweaty and kinda gross too, but I feel like I could beat the shit out of anyone right now!"

Sam takes a swig of Paul's beer, making the body look just like the alcoholic stepfather I knew and hated. Normally, I'd avoid the guy at all costs. He'd usually only speak to me in grunts, and that was only when he wasn't ignoring my existence. Now, Sam was using his mouth to yap off like an excited puppy.

I think Sam notices that I'm still a little tense, because he stops staring at his massive arms and puts the beer down. Paul's body steps right against me and grabs my hands as he looks down into my eyes. My stepdad would certainly never have done this before.

"How you doin, man?" Sam asks, but I can't help but feel like Paul is talking.

"Good," I lie, "This is just so surreal."

"Well, what do you want to see your old step daddy do for ya?" he asks playfully, "The jerk is at your whim, dude."

"I don't know..."

"Come on, sonny boy! Wanna watch as daddy Paul gets on his hands and knees and crawls to you?"

Sam pilots the muscular body to the floor, while staring longingly up at me with Paul's normally hateful gaze.

"Wanna see your big bad old man, stick out his tongue and lick your shoes?"

Before I can react, Paul...I mean Sam...has stuck out his tongue and started dragging it up the length of my sneaker. God, the sight of my harsh stepfather licking my shoe is incredible! He'd be so humiliated right now.

Sam pulls away from my feet and up to Paul's knees, "Maybe he needs to find another way to express just how sorry he is to his favorite boy."

Sam's lips hang open as he inches towards my tenting pants. My heart is racing with the anticipation of getting Paul's lips on my aching cock.

"I'm home!" a singsong voice echoes through the house.

"Shit, your mom!" Sam growls with Paul's hoarse voice, "I mean, my wife."

"Shut up," I snap, "Let's go to your house. We can get an early start to phase two."

My grizzled stepdad smirks, and we sneak out. Phase two involves Sam's biggest bully: his older brother, and he just got off work.

Michael was even easier to distract and jump into than my stepdad was. I may have been a little nervous, but after watching Sam do it at my house, I was practically a pro.

"Woah," I gasp in a much deeper tone than I'm used to, "Your brother is tall."

"Yeah, he was the basketball star before he graduated. Now he just bums around in the basement and beats me up after work," Sam explains.

I have to admit that it's a little weird to hear my friend complaining about getting picked on when he's wearing a super mature and muscular body. Though, Paul does look less intimidating when I see him from the towering height of the stud I'm in.

"Where were we?" I suggestively purr, getting a hang of using this guy's voice.

"Paul was about to apologize," Sam flashes a smile which looks foreign on Paul's face, "But I think you should make Michael apologize to me first."

I chuckle and take a step towards him, but almost stumble over the massive feet I have on.

"Damn, he's clumsy," I laugh, "Your brother deserves some sort of punishment, but what do you want him to do? Drop down and kiss your ass profusely or maybe bend over and take a good beating?"

"Both," Paul's mouth gulps as his calloused hands struggle to hide a growing hard-on.

"Or maybe you want to hear your brother grovel and beg for forgiveness?" I go on, dropping Michael's body to its knees, "Or maybe you can find a better use for this pathetic mouth."

"Shit, man!" I hear Paul's voice whine, "We're definitely going to make these straight assholes screw each other! But then we have to take them out tonight. They need to be put through something more public!"

"Oh I like that!" I moan from inside Michael, "Offer these jerks' bodies up for use at every gay bar!"

"At every gas station!" Sam excitedly claps Paul's hands together.

"They can pound Michaels ass while Paul tongue-polishes their boots!"

"Come here!" Sam growls.

"Yes, sir."

I jump into Sam's arms! Well, Michael jumps into Paul's arms. As electric as it feels, I can constantly sense that we don't own the bodies we are in. We're just puppeteering them.

That thought makes me wonder if Michael or Paul can feel all this somewhere deep down. It's a fleeting thought, because I'm already lost in the experience of making out with the jerk of a stepfather while Sam enjoys playing with his bully of a brother.

God, these bodies are hot. By the time, Sam and I are done wearing them, Paul and Michael will be the hottest pair of messes in town...

[weirdmageddon]

whats interesting is talking to my dual is really making me think about how to compress all of my socionics knowledge to be digestible

heres how i see it

socionics is a system, which means it’s comprised of smaller units that function together at different levels of abstraction. so as an analogy to biological levels of organization, it has different layers like this where they all have unique level-specific interactions.

for socionics, i want to start out at the smallest layer because everything is built on that. here’s how i’d roughly organize it if i were to structure lessons into different parts that built on the previous one:

information elements and their properties

extraverted/introverted (body/field), static/dynamic, explicit/implicit, irrational/rational

structural functions of model A

e.g. blocks (ego, super-ego, super-id, id. mental and vital tracks)

combining these: the model of a single type of information metabolism (TIM) that models the information processing structure of a single type of person

e.g. LII

how TIMs with complementary information processing (dual dyads) operate as a single unit.

e.g. LII-ESE. the extravertization and introvertization of the same thing. oriented at the same intentions, each subconsciously attuned to receiving information in the form naturally produced by the other’s TIM.

multiple dual dyads (each type in a dyad individually operating as two halves of a whole unit) in their ring of socioprogress and information transfer. there are 8 unique TIMs in your ring, half of the total possible configurations.

e.g. IEE-SLI → ESI-LIE → SLE-IEI → LII-ESE → …

the importance of the adjacent dyads in the ring, that underlie supervision and benefit relationships. from the perspective a single dual dyad being supervised / made beneficiary by the previous dyad, to being the supervisor / benefactor for the next dyad.

e.g. … SLE-IEI → LII-ESE → IEE-SLI …

the two rings of socioprogress (left/involutionary and right/evolutionary spin) that exist due to the way the information elements flow from one to the next in their model, for the total of all 16 unique TIMs. it is easier to communicate with people from the same ring of socioprogress as your own, because you ascribe the cause and effect of information being created to and from the same things.

left spin: IEE-SLI → ESI-LIE → SLE-IEI → LII-ESE → IEE-SLI …

right spin: ILE-SEI → LSI-EIE → SEE-ILI → EII-LSE → ILE-SEI …

god i wish tumblr’s formatting options weren’t so ass. i want to indent my bullet points. if i do this it might have to be on blogspot or some shit because i cant stand not being able to format with forum levels of freedom. im gonna need inline images too.

does anyone wanna help me design a nice website?? i wanna make it look neat and accessible but i’m more focused on the actual content i’ll put there than any web design specifics

[hauntedwizardmoment]

Ok. Now we’re really getting in the weeds. Also sorry this is so vague and formless but. I do think we need to ponder Jace’s old party meeting the clones. OC x w sorta-ish OC crossover (not to navel gaze). I need to know how Perry would feel abt what a freak bluejay is

YEAHHHH CHEERING HOLD ON i need to. open up excel. let's go down the line

invidia x j2: god i think j2 freaks invidia out so bad. this is a version of jace that lives and dies at the behest of porter cliffbreaker, and like, she's a romantic! she's happy jace found someone! but she takes one look at what j2 and porter have and is like oh that's not love. that's something else and it's frightening

invidia x j3: now j3 invidia would absolutely get along with. this is closer to the jace she knows, i.e. huge slut who's always in some drama. but also like, they used to joke about how jace was so conceited he'd fuck himself and hey, look, this one actually IS! and she says this to j3 thinking j3 would also find it funny but uh. he doesn't. at all.

invidia x j4: this is SO MESSYYYYY j4 makes invidia question if she even knows jace at all. like she asks jace about j4 and doesnt get a straight answer, more of a "oh just ignore that one, it's a failed experiment" and then she like, actually talks to j4 and realizes that j4 is like. much more true to the bitter, angry version of jace trapped in elmville that she missed out on when she was out with the rest of the party.

aurora x j2: WEIRD FUNDIES UNITE!!! j2 and aurora don't agree on much but they do agree that your relationship with your god is very very important, as is proselytizing about it and getting as many people into your faith as possible. and that your happiness comes second to this, always. aurora doesnt even clock that j2's brain is cooked she's like "oh wait... a version of jace that's tolerable? that's kind of... like me?? i didnt know he had it in him!"

aurora x j3: oh she hates his ass so much. how did jace make himself more of an annoying whore. and why does he dress like that.

aurora x j4: she hates j4 MARGINALLY less than she hates j3. like her issues with j3 are straight up her issues with jace and she doesn't like jace at all. her issues with j4 are new and different and she cant really process that? like j4 is so... insistent on making her issues with everything known. and aurora is like "you know, your life would be a lot easier if you just did what was expected of you. suck it up." and does not analyze that statement in regards to her own life.

peregrine x j2: god. peregrine wants this version of jace SO BADLY. sweet and pliant and always willing to tell him he's so strong and brave. loyal to a fault, practically no desires outside of what his beloved wants. unfortunately j2 is so porter-pilled that even though he has all of jace's memories of peregrine he's not interested at all. which of course means:

peregrine x j3: not to make j3 another shitty guy's consolation prize in lieu of j2 (who is himself a consolation prize in lieu of jace) but like. if peregrine can't have the idealized version of jace he'll take the easy one. the warm, jace-shaped body. and he's not interrogating j3's interiority at all bc nobody except him has internal struggles, of course.

peregrine x j4: she scares him so badly. like this to him is the real dark mirror of jace. all of them are dark mirrors in their own way but this one is the one who is resentful. angry. willing to lash out. call him on his bullshit, tell him he fucked up to his face. in a way though it's kind of a relief bc it just confirms all the horrible things he thinks about himself.

ysvelde x j2: awww theyre besties!! they both live for the approval of others and are willing to change themselves to get it, they get on like a house on fire!! ysvelde thinks he's ADORABLE too. ysvelde also sees some. terrible terrible parallels between how her mom treats her and how jace treats j2. and resolves to not interrogate that because she values her friendship w jace <3

ysvelde x j3: ALSO besties but in a very different way!! theyre not having deep emotional conversations, theyre going OUT!! ysvelde's missed having someone who appreciates sneaking away from the rest of the party to find the only decent bar this far away from civilization. and j3 knows all the best spots too!! (she's ignoring how little jace seems to care about j3's safety and doesnt even ask if he has a weapon on him before he goes out).

ysvelde x j4: unfortunately the one clone ysvelde doesnt really Get? like j4 is so sure of who she is. she's so determined to define herself in opposition to jace. and ysvelde like... can't really relate to that. like the idea of not performing constantly, not seeking the approval of someone else, is unfathomable to her.

dagbert x the clones: god poor dagbert. he cannot tell them apart even a little bit. he thinks its VERY cool that jace managed to do this, he's always admired jace's spellcraft on a technical level, but the clones seem to have just as much insane psychosexual drama as jace does and he's not about to entangle himself in it. not when he has a FUCKING JOB. god. do none of these people care about their JOB. his personal life is so divorced from anything any of these people are doing that it's comical. he tries to engage with j3 once because j3's very hot but gets shut down bc j3's busy with peregrine. he approaches j2 but sees him engaged with aurora ENTHUSIASICALLY talking about devotion to god and is like ohhhh gods no i know crazy when i see it. stay away. j4 is his favorite because she's a straight-shooter. and she's the only clone that looks interested when he mentions taking over his father's construction business and they can talk about tools and lumber and brickwork for hours.

[diodellet]

hiya dio!! tossing in 3 (honkai star rail? 👀), 5, and 15!!

hiya ian! thanks for shooting me an ask!!

3.) Go to the [honkai star rail] tag and reblog some art you like that has under 100 notes

aight i gotchu oomfie, ill search for stuff to queue up 😤😤

5.) What genre do you like reading the best?

angst and hurt/comfort 🔛🔝!!!

it's painful, it's good, and it makes emotional processing so much easier and less burdensome because the difficulty goes into finding an okay sentence and stringing together ok-ish dialogue (but at least those can be solved with a banger ass playlist, ykw?)

augh special mention to one of my formative twst fics i love that grim has such a big role in this

15.) Worst fanfic tropes ever?

NOO!!!! U CANT MAKE ME SAY BAD THINGS ABT FANFIC!!! ALL FANFIC IS GOOD WHEN IT IS MADE WITH HEART!!!

(did i say bridal carry? ill just say it again for funsies HAHAHA i dont like bridal carries, it doesn't spark any joy, please just carry me like this🤧👇👇)

i'm usually really open-minded with reading fanfics... so aside from the obvious fanfic writing sins (using generative AI, plagiarism, not doing enough careful research for sensitive topics) OH WAIT--

(this is probably specific to genshin/hyv) but i Reaaaaally don't like it when fandom infantilizes characters that use the teenage model. like, there is such a thing as short adults! (me. i am one of them!) one time i saw someone say that lynette was probably a year younger than lyney and i was confused bcs aren't they twins??? like, are we forgetting that lynette was the primary "errand-goer" for the house of hearth upon getting her vision? girlie's probably seen more shit than lyney did.

^^semi-related to infantilizing characters, i dont like how some obm fics treat luke as a literal toddler. like, yes he's immature but he's got a good head on his shoulders and even if he's a low-ranked angel he probably has sm powers that he can make use of to protect MC. and i esp see how he gets left out even in gen/platonic fics and hcs. smtimes i feel compelled to look at the game's shitty pop quiz events for fanfic fuel (i mean, the luke tag has more ppl saying not to sexualize him than actual writing and that bugs me ://)

There used to be this really good obm fanfic (Nightmare by StarsEncrusted) and it had a plot point of helping luke get his wings, but it++the author's orig account got deleted from ao3. thankfully some fans had the foresight to archive it, so heres a wayback link to the fic and the accompanying side stories

i guess to expound more on my aversion to marriage in fanfic, it icks me when the characterization stops feeling like the characters themselves and the fic starts feeling heteronormative (also sometimes the writing comes across as if the marriage/childbirth "fixes" all those issues, which, it doesn't) and, well, i already kind of deal with the idea of "getting settled down" shoved in my face. it's really not for me. but i do understand why it's comforting to people, smtimes i can indulge in reading in it. but on a bad day, nah, i can't.

anyway, also special shout out to chat fics, they can be fun but idk it reads to me as a way to regurgitate overused incorrect quotes. (please some vines need to be laid to rest. also, can we stop quoting that one copaganda show oh my god)

(art appreciation ask questions, please bug me to rb some underrated fic and art)

[nevarroes]

i refuse to send these thoughts separately:

who would cas main in league, he wouldnt play isnt an answer the mans gender is at least 25% calling people slurs on mic

okay but what if what if um 🥺👉👈 someone wanted to write a thing but they were super anxious about getting cas’s voice right in part because by the nature of how you share your creative concepts the only solid vibe they get is Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit, hence the cesare big top burger comparison

and fuckin um i forget if ive ever asked, i mostly process cas’s fuckedupedness through a lens of npd, but am more familar with bpd because my own brain garbage is a bit of both and having had many loved ones with bpd, does cas ever fully freak the fuck out in an insecure attachment way trying to make gortash Go Away or trying to leave himself(but coming back generally), might characterize that Oh No Hes Going To Die leaves forever cant handle loss unless he “choses” it meltdown in a similar menthol eelnessTM vein

i especially love thinking about cas being extremely insecure because reality will never live up to his delusions of self importance perfection and grandeur because fun fact :^) a side affect of those thought patterns is constant disappointment in a reality of self that can never meet those expectations :^^^)

casim “i AM perfect or ill DIE” carnavorn

honestly "Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit" is pretty on point here😭😭 I used to say like everyone desires him and then he opens his mouth and theyre like "hmmm yeah idk if this one's worth it chief". Like he has no filter at all but it isn't like he doesn't do it on purpose it's more like he goes out of his way to make sure everyone leaves in a worse mood than before, if that makes sense? Gortash would join in though honestly.... type of situation where Gortash tries to introduce them to some noble family on a party and Cas just drops that some poor girl looks like a fat cow (see this is funnier considering that he stands next to Gortash but ain't nobody gonna say that back) 🙏

aside from that though like.... in private? I suppose this may be more of a tone thing and I'm a VERY mid writer so I couldn't even tell you how I'd show this of the top of my head but I suppose he's more... clearly affectionately teasing? because yeah he obviously stays teasing and calls him a fat bastard in private still and such but it's very obvious if you look at them for a second that it's like a far cry from how he treats everyone else (smth smth his gaze very clearly softens and he allows himself to giggle and you can tell that they have been knowing each other for a long time)

okay sorry im YAPPING but ! ....If you want to write something I'd be over the fucking moon either way honestly like??😭 tbh I think you sound like you get him a lot already but also let me just say additionally... I see Cas as a character that's pretty flexible anyways because he erm... he has mood swings but also doesn't really have smth I'd consider a set speech pattern or something that he needs to sound in character?

anyways concerning the npd/bpd thing I never quite drew a line for him or anything to put him more into one camp but. I mean yeah based on the dying of old age scenario... LMFAOO but also yeah he does. Cas is the type of person that will literally leave the city for months or lock himself in and try to "become a new person" (he literally has moment where he's like "maybe I should just become who Bhaal wants me to be. maybe it would be easier") if there's some dispute with Gortash. It usually ends with Gortash forcing him to meet him again and Cas being something along the lines of "oh my fucking god can I just stop loving you already" but yeagh u know the fact that Gortash is kinda the only person he ever liked or even saw as a friend just makes it worse tbh

and the insecurities/delusions thing? yeah exactly what you said. a lot of his insecurities are insane too tbh like "I can never be what everyone desires" but then he loses it if he's NOT what someone desires, Gortash saying smth along the lines of "I like women too" would be enough to make him walk off a ledge because he can't be that part (smth smth I can be most perfect man on the planes but I'll never be a woman. funnier when u know he could use incubus illusion magic but he refused to his whole life). But anyways yeah as I said once Cas is like... a DEEPLY insecure person at his core even if he'd never admit or think that it shows

anyways after this analysis... Cas plays adc and shits on every support he plays with💯 He mains aphelios because he wants to look at a man but also because he thinks he's better than anyone else for playing a complex champ... hope u see my vison

[knifesxedge]

WRITER ASK GAME 3, 23, 32, 42 & 55

YAY thank you sm for the ask marz!!

3: Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

hoo boy okay. so these are WILDLY different processes for me because i usually don’t do chaptered fics. that is because my usual process is getting inspiration, and before i lose that, writing a draft. what makes certain fics take way longer is when i CANT get through a whole draft without losing inspiration and then i have to just keep coming back to it. at that point i read through it and change details, add details, and refine, and once i’ve refreshed my memory on what the flow of the story is, i’ll try to add on. sometimes i can add a lot, sometimes i can only add little bits at a time, so fics will drag out from initial conception to actually being published. for my only chaptered fic, i am still struggling with that second part, where i need to keep going back and working on it. so hi, if you’re wondering if and i ache is EVER going to be updated, the answer is hopefully. the difference is that for that fic specifically, I HAVE AN OUTLINE WRITTEN. granted it’s a very simple outline but i rarely write down an actual outline, i just make a roadmap for myself in my head. i may actually try to start integrating that for longer fics like the still-in-purgatory exterminators au, as those tend to be more complicated and it would PROBABLY be helpful to not have it in my head. in any case, my process is usually to just keep going back to it over and over again and picking at little bits of it, changing something here, adding something there, until i feel it’s in as good a shape as it can be. if i’m stuck feeling like it’s not great but i don’t know how to fix it OR i just feel like having an outside perspective i will sometimes loop my friends into it and ask them for some feedback :)

23: Best writing advice for other writers?

oh, god. okay. i don’t feel like i’m very qualified to be handing out advice, really, i’m just some guy who writes stories i like about characters i like. okay. hm. i think what makes stories better though is definitely get some fresh eyes on it! get some feedback from people who DO know what they’re doing. ask your writer friends to look at it and tell you what they think is lacking or needs changing. that honest to god has improved my writing a lot. other than that, though, i think reading different kinds of writing, good writing, good fanfiction that rivals novels but also REAL novels, different authors, different genres, whatever. that will improve your writing because you’ll have a much more varied pool of inspiration to pull from AND you’ll expand your vocabulary, vary your sentence structure, learn new ways of expressing yourself. of course i’m not good at following my own advice because finding time to sit down and read is HARD for me BUT i KNOW FOR A FACT that it makes you better. god knows my own work has been easier to complete/i’ve had more inspiration, i’ve found the words flow easier, things sound better and more mature and less regurgitated, etc, when i’ve been reading other people’s work. but again like it has to be GOOD writing otherwise it’ll work in the opposite direction. read literature, kids.

32: Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

WHEE okay! here you go:

@sleevesareforlosers /costumejail (danny doesn’t write for dd anymore but xe literally has over 150 fics to peruse. shilling for my bestie go read danny’s stuff ok ESPECIALLY since i know a lot of y’all like kobracola and funkobra)

allhaunting + semperfemina (as far as i’m concerned they’re a package deal and iirc they’re actually a married couple. anyways the dynamic they write changes slightly from fic to fic but it’s always realistically toxic and super interesting. plus they’re just really good writers. one of their fics’ endings makes me cry on a regular basis. anyways. it’s good give ‘em a look)

hard to decide on a concrete third…probably a tie between @agentcherricola /truefinches, present company/tiredstressed, and @discocritic . like YES i know only one of those three people i listed is actively writing dd fic rn and it’s you, marz, but i’ve been around for a long time by dd fandom standards. disco’s stuff is really good and solid and i feel bad for y’all that will never get to read the stuff of theirs that no longer exists on the internet /gen & matt’s got good stuff too plus we’re friends so i have to try and prod y’all to check his work out. OH and i almost forgot but @paralytic-states is another good friend of mine who i’d consider part of the remnants of the funpoison old guard still here on dd tumblr <3

give all these folks some love they’re very talented!! 💕

42: What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

last fic i read was Habit Forming by ros3bud009 and yes i would recommend it. if people were allowed to be gay on tv in the 60s this could have all happened in the show which should tell you something about how insane star trek already is <3 spirk nation

55: Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

ghoul is my favorite character BUT. party is my favorite to write. that’s never really changed, theyre just fun because their perspective especially of themself oftentimes does NOT line up with reality and it’s fun to play with that. on the other hand i’ve started to really enjoy writing kobra and jet as well for fresh perspectives on things and also because it’s fun to get to write about different characters’ perspectives and motivations! like i mentioned in the last ask i got for this game character-driven stuff is my favorite to write :]

thank you again so so much for the ask!

send me fic writer asks from HERE!

[spookclimber]

okay rant/mini(large words of) mental breakdown below

i walked to my car for a lunch break i didn’t want to take and discovered i have a parking citation, because my plates are expired, which i fucking forgot to do a few months ago because my life was falling apart and now it lowkey feels the same. i have rent, other monthly bills and now this that i have to fucjing deal with and also not park anywhere that could be bad until i get my plates renewed, which idk how long that’ll be.

on top of that my new job that i was fairly excited for is fine, i guess, but it’s it and pays not nearly what my college degree says i’m worth. i cannot handle sitting at a desk doing actually nothing until someone asks a question like this one i saw today, “should i click this ‘you have 3 new viruses’ popup.”

i feel like i used to be able to do things, and now i’m always exhausted and this stress is piling up again cause i need to do things and i CANT and i need to buy i really can’t which makes me feel like shit and worse and it’s a circular system.

especially when i haven’t been able to fall asleep normally until it’s past 2 am or something at the earliest, which just leaves me even more tired. on friday i was sick for my second day at the job and once i called it in i proceeded to then sleep, after my night sleepof like 12-7:30 am, from 9am to 11 fucking 30 pm, then was up for a couple hours before sleeping until 5 pm on saturday. this isn’t sustainable and it’s terrible and because of that i struggle even more when i need to try to work towards the financial issues but I CANT and i’m almost crying at work right now ranting this out because i have to get some words out and try to articulate what i feel.

the. another smaller thing but it still weighs on me is i’m like the only person wearing a mask at my work and yeah it’s it and cubicles and shit but covid still is going strong and people don’t seem to give a damn

i used to be able to do things i applied for and worked in two great internships in college why now am i having a meltdown over an objectively easier job that pays less well maybe that’s a part of it but god fucking dammit am i so stressed and, i don’t know, fucking out of it all the time in ways that don’t help me fix the problem at all.

oh another thing that isn’t fun is i was enjoying being nonbinary with my friends and all but i’m terrified to idk be that publiclally so once more i’m cosplaying my worksona except i flinch every time i see my dead name all around me and people call me by it so like why do i do this for a job that will barely make me rent and will bore me out of my mind? oh wait it’s cause i literally was unable to get any other position and i even almost got scammed in this process by someone who posed as a hr hiring person and put me through a written interview and all that jazz and got me hyped up before eventually i concluded with help it was a scam. applying for jobs fucking sucks but i guess i need to do it again between trying to make money outside of work and also at work which i’m not sure i’ll be able to juggle everything in addition to trying to get enough sleep and at least some time for me to decompress (but i’ve been needing more and more of that recently to work out and it’s related to previously stated issues) so i’m just losing it.

ido honestly believe i’ve been making strides in regards to my mental health and identity but es problema es capital as they say but i’m having such issues of motivation and getting things done that it’s a huge problem and my apartment is too much rent because i couldn’t move out when i lost my roommate because i definitely wasn’t capable of it and that roommate taught me i will literally die if i live with basically anyone that isn’t a very small specific group but because of that i’m stuck with an apartment with no food, a broken dishwasher that i’m too scared to call the landlord to fix, double rent and such.

like i knew i had some issues but my cascade of emotions once i saw the ticket on my break that id been forced to take i guess shows me that i’m really not doing well with the massive stress just hanging over my head

well i guess that’s all the words i have now. if you read all that i’m impressed and sorry i guess, but maybe i’ll find a way to dig myself out of this hole. maybe

[introspectivity]

Warning: Intrusive thoughts.

In the middle of the week, intrusive thoughts began to consume me. It was a combination of me being alone and me being horny (plus I have my freedom since my estranged partner who left the country just told me "I can do whatever I want now" and blocked me everywhere after a heated argument of me not getting back to her and just wanting live our lives separately. Like I expected, she'll more likely stop bothering me after I told her to emigrate to live out her dreams. She even abandoned her financial obligations here. I'll manage as long as I am free).

God damn. So this how hookup scene welcomes me back with my newfound freedom. Just one Reddit post, I got tons of messages. That's a surprise as a guy. It's been a while. I heard you're lucky to get even one message. Makes me think that tons of guys there are just subpar or average dudes wanting to fuck and that ladies want something with more substance. I really dont bother checking F4M posts since hungry and horny degenerates just devour those. With tons of choices now, I can be picky since I am trying to dip my toes here and be cautious. not that they can do something horrible to me (it's usually the girls who should be very worried about that). I wont get pregnant either but I just dont want to sleep around mindlessly.

I think the last time I did it before this was during my last domestric trip. That last hookup from the pink app was, in her own words, her revenge fuck. She told me that after the deed. God damn, what a turn of events. She's angry about her LIP for letting his male friends go to their room which invaded their privacy and she sneaked out of their house to fuck. What an excuse. hope that made her feel much better. lol. I asked her, why not breakup with him. She said, she cant. I still dont get it but hey, I get to easily benefit on the other side but it didnt feel good. Still I wish nobody has to do that. I was still processing and thinking hard of getting back with my ex then. Nothing and no one could erase her from my mind.

So anyway, after posting, there's another girl who messaged me (in the image) but tapped out of fatigue after some hard fucking while I was still hard and havent cummed yet. That reminded me that gloves really decrease pleasure, but I have to be careful and safe about all of this. I suddenly lost all interest to continue and we just talked for an hour about my situation which I also included in my post for transparency reasons so she knows she's just a sad NSA fuck. After talking, she wanted to make me feel good before going so she let me fuck her mouth which I prefer so it's safer and I can still get my release. Literally "parausan" emotionally and sexually. Thank god for horny ladies. lol. Am I too bad for saying that? Maybe they dont care naman. For me, hopefully for her, it's just plain consensual sex.

I don't have self-worth/esteem issues so I don't need validation. I just want my release. I don't know if the other person I met needs validation or connection. Maybe? I dont fucking care. It's convenient to be an asshole. Better stop caring. Easier that way. Wham, bam, thank you very much. I don't have to be myself. I can just suppress my true self and shroud myself in this dark cape and mask. Also, who tf falls in love with assholes? lol. Just pretend to be one and give them great sex. Self preservation is self love.

What astonishes me is that you fuck them then ignore or ghost them for few days and will still let you use them for nothing. lol This is just too easy. Does that makes them empowered? You give them the illusion of power for your benefit. Well, it's quick to just lose all interest this way.

I dont need to go down this hole again but hey, who cares. free fuck is free fuck. I still prefer exclusivity over tons of choices. tbh. I wish I could really do it with her whom I really love and care for. I wish we are still doing it with much passion and intensity right now. It's also much safer that way as well but what can I do? This revolving door of sex doesnt feel right. New fubus will usually end up taking the unwanted development especially if the chemistry is great. Meanwhile, bad chemistry usually lead to bad sex. This lottery is just risky business. big sigh

I am writing this as I finished sending the late response to that girl in the picture whom I'm not keen on seeing again. I used not to care about those kind of people you meet in that set-up. They're just there to help me get my fix. I just replied so she wont feel that bad. I only fell in love in this set-up once (maybe never again with somebody else) and my heart is closed for repairs now. my heart still beats for my ex and only she can have it but I am trying to move on. I am writing this post just to make my mind preoccupied before I go to sleep.

In the back of my mind, I still wish to stop myself getting caught in this downward spiral. I really felt I'm going to get depressed and lose my mind. So I asked my mom yesterday to meet me to tell her what recently happened and update her of my plans. I wanted her to stay in my condo last night to lessen my urge, keep intrusive thoughts at bay and make it harder for me to do it. I fetched her in her condo last night since she work remotely every Friday and will stay here over the weekend before I go to our hometown to celebrate my brother's birthday. My mom helped me process things. I'm glad she's always around during my darkest times. She even asked about my ex because she knew that I love her so much and how happy she made me feel. She was sad that we broke up altho she told me to stop talking to her for the meantime after the incident while there was so much heat to let things cool down. She said, do it only when the other party doesn't care anymore like how's their situation right now. My mom wanted me to be happy. I told her everything but I never wanted anyone especially my mom to see my ex on a bad light. I still have so much love for my ex and hoping we will end up with each other. I just told my ex wanted to let our relationship go, and I have to give her that. It feels comforting to have my mom around. Her presence help repels some dark and intrusive thoughts. Today, I drove with her for a grocery run and did some errands. I was also able to focus more, especially on myself, and slowly get back to who I really am and seek what I really want.

I wish I dont have to write about this again but damn, I just wanna numb my pain. Sex is a painkiller drug and I could compartmentalize to guard myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been really wanting to post another thing. My letter for her is already several pages long since I wrote it after our breakup but Im still stumped on that one esp. I don't even know if she still cares about it but whatever, I'll post it still since I want a repository of my feelings and state of mind. Heck, I even posted this even without a care in the world. I said things because of my state, right now. Keep your judgment to yourselves. I dont need it.

[iusedtobeapieceofconsciousness]

i think about Baltic a little too much to pretend i have no heart

A Tumblr account and a year of nothing but forced therapy later and im still alive somehow. A lot has happened, maybe people caught you up. Anyways, i was going to write about how im oh so fucked up or how im doing so much better or some shit, but im not, because its not really true. i miss some things. the junction feels like a ghost town, a foreign town without you being there to guide me around. and when i think of north york i get sick thinking of just what everything up there meant. I’m sorry about NYU, i know i was holding you back from New York, and i thought at least now you can go. i know im not supposed to know about that but i hope your other options work. i hope your parents are better and the next job you get is better than your last and that your world is healing, you deserve rest and a place to be safe. i hope youre not smoking too much and that youre sticking to just weed. Fuck you for that by the way, your sobriety meant a lot to me because it meant a lot to you, you couldve told me when you broke it instead of telling me when you wanted to use it to shock me. Maybe youll be relieved to know that im still smoking a lot, still fucking dumb, and still always late, you didnt miss out on much. i have some new friends and some have stayed, i have a girlfriend and she treats me really well, so you dont have to worry about me being dead yet. I hope youre ok, and i do genuinely care for you, i hope whoever you meet treats you well and loves you in all the right ways. Summer and the months after were filled with depression-fueled introspection and a lot of acid, so my thinking process is a little different but im not in psychosis yet. I hope your scars fade and your mind heals and your trauma is easier to manage and the doors of your life open and light pours into your windows whenever its needed and the tea you drink is always the right temperature and the work you put in fruitions into something beautiful and those little fish pastries stay available at the market and i hope you find someone who can make a deadline on time for God’s sake. I hope you and your mother can become friends, or i hope she fucking dies depending on your opinion on her at the moment. Maybe i cant talk about your mom anymore, i know she hates me, im sorry. im finally getting my adhd analysis, and im going in like 8 hours to get it done. my situation with my parents has become a very long story, but things with my dad got a lot worse before theyre now getting better.

You don’t have to be worried about me, i know ill fuck this situation up with my friends and girl and support system and ill kill myself in a few years and youll never have to hear about me again.

god i love your area, your world. i hope the traffic at dundas and keele never gets any better and the thrift thus always has new finds and that the woman there always recognizes you when you walk in, i hope theres always seemingly a million buses going to the station and only 2 going away when you need it, i hope kids keep climbing the fence to get to the train tracks at the park on vine because they get to live a little and i hope the vesuvios gets bought and reopened and that the outside of your house has gotten much safer when its late, I hope you love your cd player still and you take good care of that special version of Blonde. I miss that area, but i know its yours, and i respect that. Im sorry for walking into your world and then fucking it up. There are a lot of things that are wrong with me, and a lot of things about myself that i think i have made better. In a perfect world id be able to help you in life without you ever talking to me again, because i feel bad for all the fuck ups, but i know thats literally impossible. And im genuinely proud of you for staying alive, if im even allowed to tell you that. I hope someday your name is under a movie i just watched, or i hope i never hear of it again, whatever makes you happy. I lie, id like to be reminded and know of your existence as time passes. I hope you find peace, therapy, and closure, and a good set of friends. I know theyre out there, and i know youll find them. I hope you continue and succeed in your plans of getting the hell out of the city, that plan works for you solo or together, i know it means more to you than it did to me. and im sorry i couldn't be everything, and im more sorry for becoming worse than just not enough. every emotion i felt for you i felt it very intensely, wanting to fall on the floor and crumble into a ball of overwhelming emotion and angst and yearning to understand what anything i was feeling actually meant, and i think thats a reflection of who you are. youre a wildfire, caged in the confines of your mind. If anyone could bend the universe to their will, its you. Youre so very strong Leticija. I hope the universe brings good things and good people into your life and that you find peace in whatever you do. You’re so much better than all the shit you’re going through. I was going to end this with some niche connection to fireball and night fiend so it could sound nice and make me cry, but im really fucking bad at it and cant think of one, so you have this. I truly hope youre ok, you were always right when you said life sucks and I hope Cat and Big Cat are doing well too. I still count trees while saying tree out loud like our competition, and i still think what you’d think of the books i read. You continued living, and im very glad you did. You’re an enigma, please never stop being you. 

[tipsygnostalgy]

I'm going to put out something more coherent in the near future, but have you considered the analogy of the line & the sun to separate out Rose and Terezi's powers?

warning really fucking long post ahead again

THE ANALOGY OF THE SUN; Sun/Light vs. Mind

ok i cant be coherent about this atm but here are some notes i took

just because you have working eyes doesn’t mean you can see—you need light, which comes from the sun.

similarly, a mind can’t see truth on its own—light of truth/reality must allow for real knowledge. without such light, the “darkness” (aka beliefs rather than knowledge) is all you have.

THE ANALOGY OF THE LINE;

Seer of Mind and Seer of Light would both stand in the visible realm of knowledge (C & D, if you're familiar with the illustration of it) but Rose engages in some form of global skepticism and starts with doubt of everything at her very beginning—which, before she's able to engage in a much more healthier form of philosophy, leads to existentialist anguish and ergo Grimdark Rose. To my memory Grimdark Rose appears when she's at a moment of doubt regarding everything there is to know, having just learned that her Mom is dead and the Horrorterrors are (surprise) terrible—she's having that realization Descartes had in his little fire-lit cabin, except she doesn't have three armies and a formal edcuation's worth of experience to neatly declare cogito ergo sum and move on with her life. (Not that Descartes doesn't have his own critiques, with one of my favorites being this quick little piece by Mary Midgley.) She instead dies as a result—and then, in a moment of probably incidental thematic brilliance, her death as a result of global skepticism leads to her God-tier ascension into a fully-fledged Seer of Light. She is at the truest knowledge could possibly be—she's started with a doubt of everything, apparently figured something out amidst that, and now she's able to see the world for what it is. Thus her role as a Seer of Light falls within segment D, or noesis, meaning "knowing."

Seer of Mind, on the other hand, belongs in the "C"/dianoia ("thinking") category, in which one attempts to make sense of the material world but fails to understand that their abstract concepts aren't material of themselves (if I'm reading it correctly). An easier way to say it is that those who achieved dianoia are able to draw conclusions and infer using critical thinking/logic, but they can't realize that their logical systems could potentially be put into doubt. The example I can recall is a mathematician using numbers in diagrams to explain the world while taking the very idea of "numbers" for granted—in this sense, Terezi takes logic itself for granted when attempting to See what 'X' individual's next course of action will be, and that's why she doesn't end up God-tiering.

ARISTOTLE, CHANCE, AND VRISREZI:

So, what does taking "logic for granted" mean? Well, in terms of Homestuck, it means she's not accounting for Luck—something intrinsically tied with the Light element by virtue of a certain Vriska Serket. Aristotle goes on for a long time about the Four Causes of a certain thing and whether "chance" should be counted as a cause or not, and in that process separates out the difference between "chance" and "spontaneity"—while spontaneity encompasses everything that doesn't happen as a direct cause from someone, including Literal Randomness, chance involves direct agents/choices. So it was spontaneity that Gamzee happened to continue freaking the fuck out immediately after Terezi realized Aranea's mind control was relinquished—in the non-"you're responsible for literally and ultimately and fundamentally everything" sense—, though there's debate to be had on how much agency Gamzee has over his freakouts.

And one of her most iconic quotes, "We make our own luck," is delivered immediately before a feat on John's end that can be interpreted as extraordinarily lucky (do NOT get me started on John Egbert & Sartrean freedom, I will fucking implode)—of course, Terezi writes out individual courses of action for John to make by tapping into her abilities as a Seer of Mind (Seer of Logic/Decision; out of all the possible decisions made, what would work out?) but John's deviance from the instructions working out is luck. What makes this scene especially special, though, is that it's the closest Terezi gets to a God-tier mentality—she's recognizing in some sense that if you see enough steps/choices ahead, you can influence the chance of how things turn out, but she fails because she doesn't account for spontaneity.

Vriska acknowledges both spontaneity and chance, and through this she ascends to God-tier; she removes the chance that Tavros acts in a way that's different to her plans by mind-controlling him.... [TO BE CONTINUED].

(i.e. my laptop is at nine fucking percent im leaving this off for another day)

"quick" reflection on intelligence in homestuck:

i've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in conjunction with my john post, so i just wanted to make a little reflection about it.

this is going to be relevant to a greater wip post on dirk strider & plato more generally, but i'm going to phrase all of this within the terms of the allegory of the cave (and more generally the metaphysics plato talks about in books v-vii of the republic) for clarity.

SO, if you somehow you missed out, here is the basics of the allegory of the cave: within the metaphor, a bunch of people are chained to the ground with their backs to the entrance of this cave, unable to look anywhere other than directly in front of them. behind their backs is a fire, and between that fire and the people there is a line of puppet masters holding up puppets reflecting real life objects that are then projected onto the walls of the cave for the chained people to see.

at some point, for some reason, a person (namely, a philosopher) will be dragged out from their chains, kicking and screaming, to the mouth of the cave and tossed into the real world. there they will be met by a number of new objects to perceive, all vastly different from the shadows on the walls that they had previously been seeing. instead of the shadow of a horse, they'll see a whole ass real horse, out in the daylight and everything, though first they might have to come to terms with seeing a reflection of that horse in water. essentially their perception of the world will blow their fuckin mind but by the end of it they'll totally love this new world of light and real actual objects and never want to leave it.

at some point though, they'll be obligated to come back and join the others in the cave once again. coming back down they might struggle to word exactly what it is that they saw outside of the cave, or may be laughed off by the people who have only ever seen shadows and only ever understand shadows, but because they have that knowledge, it is now their duty to lead the others, at least for a little while, before they can go back into that bright, sunny world again.

there are a ton of ways that this story can be relevant in homestuck, and i do wanna get into that at some point in the future (e.g. the puppets, light as knowledge w/ rose, plato's elitism especially w/ regards to the philosopher ruler, etc.) but for now to focus on intelligence:

there are two types of intelligence in homestuck, which can in the terms of plato's cave allegory be categorized as knowledge of the Forms (or the "true" intelligence that you gain by leaving the cave) and knowledge of the Mimics/Imitations (or the intelligence you gain by watching the shadows on the wall). note that plato gets hells of into talk about imitations around ehh books ii-iii i believe but also especially in book x right at the very end, mostly in his criticisms of the works of hesiod/homer (also yes this is related to the mimesis shit from detective pony).

in homestuck terms, these categories can be described as knowledge of the world and knowledge of the World, or actual knowledge of how real life things work vs. knowledge about the meta structure of homestuck as a comic and how the fictional world functions (the game rules, you could say). interestingly, meta knowledge about the world of the comic as a story seems to be privileged here, which perhaps makes sense since it feels more significant for a fictional character to be aware of details about their own story. to give an example that might help: this is knowledge about computers (understanding the shadows) vs. knowing that the laws of the world they live in is based around computers (understanding the Forms, or the origin of reality).

what this means is that characters designated as intelligent in homestuck can also be split along the same lines according to which kind of knowledge they have, which of course can change over time as well. take jade, for example: she is just generally quite smart in that she understands a lot of physics and quantum mechanics science-y shit, but also by the fact that she has access to some greater Knowledge at the start of her arc through the visions she gets from prospit. dirk is intelligent in the shadow-knowledge sense because he understands the history of humanity leading up to its eventual death at the hands of HIC, but seems to struggle a lot more to access that greater Knowledge, which i think is actually shown a lot more in the post-canon stuff w/ all of the ultimate self shit. jake on the other hand might be lacking intelligence in terms of shadow-knowledge (maybe, it's kinda hard to tell, actually- i would say this is true just because he doesn't seem to care all that much about studying in the same way dirk does) but he at least subconsciously is frighteningly aware of how the World works, as seen here (A6A3:4928):

JAKE: The demon you say im supposed to defeat? ARANEA: Yes. JAKE: Hang on. JAKE: Would that be the same demon im named after? ARANEA: Who told you that? JAKE: Uh... JAKE: I guess technically my own brain did? ARANEA: That's interesting. ARANEA: I wasn't planning on mentioning that. Or at least not just yet.

the most straightforward example here though is rose, who through her status as a seer of light just so so so perfectly fits into having knowledge of the Forms. the association in the original text of the republic of light and Forms knowledge fits this perfectly too.

one caveat to this view of intelligence is that it doesn't necessarily account for emotional intelligence, which i would actually put in a fully separate category that karkat obviously fuckin rules over (and roxy, to some degree). what's important though is that this structure separates out the intelligence of Omniscient/semi-omniscient beings (doc scratch, hal, kinda calliope but ehh i'll get to that) from normal super-smart kid intelligence, which is key when trying to analyze what characters are actually aware of, and from that, what we can actually trust when it comes to analyzing homestuck's lore. we really can't forget here that homestuck is a story told almost entirely through dialogue and conversations meaning that pretty much all lore comes through potentially biased narrators, something that is especially true for the alpha kids but really applies to pretty much everyone. sometimes the story will hint at knowledge that we can trust as fact straight up, i.e. rose explaining how dead/void sessions work in A6I2, but this is definitely not always the case and personally i think it helps a lot w/ analysis to be able to be aware of this.

anyways, some interesting cases that come out of this view:

calliope: calliope technically has knowledge of the Forms through how she is basically just a reader of homestuck, but because of that very same perspective she's also not a fully trustworthy narrator since 1. her version of the story is explicitly heavily redacted, and 2. she's in the same position as the audience in trying to piece everything together, meaning that all of her "lore" is really just theories that she's put together herself

terezi: i'm not sure what to make of mind as an aspect, especially in conjunction to light. i'm actually inclined to say this is, like, knowledge of shadows Plus since a lot of what we see w/ terezi is basically just knowledge of every possible timeline? maybe it would be better to put knowledge of aspects into a subcategory of knowledge of Forms, since aspects are kinda like laws of the fictional universe. the fact that mind is specifically put as complementary to heart (and therefore souls/identity) is also a really interesting idea and i wanna explore that more, it's such a weird aspect especially when you have light and all of its connotations right there

gamzee: gamzee's whole breakdown is basically just him gaining knowledge of the Forms and getting pissed about it (getting dragged out of the cave and not being happy with the world he sees) but i almost feel like there should be more to this since clowns are so fucking weird in general w/ all of the meta shit. it almost feels wrong to call gamzee a character after his icp-induced mind break, he loses his personality so strongly to the point of just becoming a fuckin plot device.

in conclusion: i need to talk more about dirk strider. LATER later

[lunaastoir]

Hi! I really enjoy your writing so is it alright if i request xiao, diluc, childe with an idol s/o where one of their old stalkers come back or they just recently had a stalker in general but with how busy they were since they’re an idol they don’t even notice? And something bad happens (i cant think of anything</3) Thank you very much !!

hi anon!! a million apologies since this is so late but i hope you like the fic <3

there also aren’t any explicit details for anything bad happening - i briefly touched on subjects that you may not have control over, i hope that’s ok! 

warning (?): struggled a bit on this prompt so i apologize in advance if this isn’t my best work LMAOO

gn! reader

tw: hints of assault, slight angst, very light abuse if you squint

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

now xiao is a very observant man but he's also extremely busy keeping liyue safe

he makes it a point to always come to your shows even if you don't actively see him bc he cares a lot abt you and he enjoys listening to your music ‼️

it's normal for him to sometimes get lost between his own world of demonslaying and the world he shares w you

so one night, he's hanging on the rafters of a house with the perfect view of your singing

everything goes smoothly, he sets his spear down while lightly swaying his head to the music

the concert ends and fans disperse after you say your farewells

a night like this is rare since for once, xiao can walk home w you back to the inn sweet boy really cleared out his schedule for you huh

you're unsurprised when you see him materialize next to you, opting to flash him a smile and a hello

his cheeks are lightly flushed as he crosses his arms before talking quietly about how well you did

he relishes in the wide smile you give him as a result of his praise and he lets the corners of his lips curve upwards slightly

the quiet bustle of the harbor seemed to slow down as the night grew longer

since this was a fairly large concert, you had boxes among boxes of equipment so xiao decided to make your life easier by quickly flying them to their appropriate locations

when he got back however, he was surprised to see you talking animatedly with someone

he didn't think anything was wrong until he saw the person trap you between the stage and words filtered into his ears

your back was painfully pressed against the stage wall as you defiantly met their gaze. after xiao had left, they had immediately come over to you: first introducing themselves as a fan and making amiable conversation, before divulging in personal details of your life that made your skin crawl. you weren’t helpless, you always had your weapon on hand regardless of whether you were performing or not. the way they pushed you against the wall however, made it near impossible to summon your sword should you need it. 

they leered down at you while balancing an arm against the wall next to your head. you had dealt with things like this before so you weren’t overly worried; you could defend yourself. you almost felt pity for the person in front of you as they asked for your number with a sadistic grin, disgusting words tumbling off of their lips. however, that was before you felt their cold fingers idly make their way to your stomach and you felt your breath hitch. oh no

the telltale sound of whooshing alerted you of xiao’s presence, and the press of the tip of his spear against their jugular brought you relief. 

“back away” he tightly growled while his golden eyes narrowed into slits. they stared at him in shock before holding their hands up and moving to step a foot away from you. 

“farther” he motioned with his spear before stepping in front of you as you attempted to collect yourself. 

“ok ok, i’m far away can you put your spear down now?” 

“no.” 

you mentally cursed as you watched the two of them glare at each other. this was supposed to be a carefree night but this unfortunate twist made the air thick with tension. you could feel the anger radiate off of xiao in waves and in an effort to deescalate the situation, you spoke. 

“i’m glad to meet such an...avid fan but i’m sorry the two of us must get going now” you hastily said before attempting to grab xiao’s hand and walk off past them. 

the next words had you halt your steps as they divulged their secret. 

words painted in careless arrogance with hints of violet overconfidence flew out of the person’s mouth - “judging from the weeks i’ve been following you, it didn’t seem like you had a boyfriend”

at the mere mention of prolonged stalking, xiao immediately lunged to pull you behind him. god, he didn’t kill mortals but he swore if he plunged his spear into this human being right here, no one would even blink twice considering how low of a person they were. 

“if i ever see you near them again, i will not hesitate to kill you. i won’t blink twice, i already have blood on my hands.” he ground out.

at the threat, the person grudgingly turned their back to you before leaving the two of you alone in the quiet harbor. 

you carefully reached a hand out to touch your boyfriend’s shoulder, but stopped after you saw the expression on his face. the mix of rage, sadness, and anguish imprinted his features as you watched his chest rapidly rise and fall - a result of his emotional battle. 

“i’m sorry i didn’t notice them before. i should’ve been paying more attention to you” he whispered before silently striding away from your grasp 

you knew that no matter how many reassurances you gave him about how, “it’s not your fault xiao, i didn’t notice them either” he would still blame himself. 

he was supposed to protect you right? so why couldn’t he sense the danger beforehand? what would’ve happened if he wasn’t there?

it’s still a learning process for him to realize that things happen, and he inevitably couldn’t be there to save you from everything. he needs time to understand and adjust. you’re willing to wait, patiently helping him through it. why? because love is worth it. 

god im sorry this ended up kinda sad whoops

diluc 

i swear everytime i say i’m a childe simp diluc kinda wrecks me

ahem anyways onto the hc!

he’s kinda never around but similar to xiao he will overwork himself to clear out an hour or two just to watch your concerts 

he’ll always stand off to the side too so if you tilt your head while you’re singing you can spy his red hair 

you always flash him the sweetest smile and this man blushes like CRAZY before quickly lifting his hand up to give you a thumbs up 

everyone watching the both of you like ���😦

people think it’s the cutest thing i swear like c’mon the elusive “bachelor of mondstadt” being seen in public supporting you??? wow pls can we share him

he walks with you back to the winery, the entire time linking his hands with yours while gushing about your performance 

1939248/10 it’s literally the sweetest thing 

the next day however, adelinde brings you a pink letter addressed to you 

he doesn’t pry because it’s addressed to you and it’s your business but as the letters start coming by everyday, he starts to grow curious 

one day he straight up just asks you about it

“hey, you know those pink letters you keep getting? who are they from?”

you laugh slightly at his bashfulness and respond with a “just some overexcited fan” and he smiles before kissing your forehead 

he loves that people are noticing your talent 

loves it! until you get stalked by the same person who wrote you those letters while you were shopping!

diluc knows something’s wrong when you rush into angel’s share panicked after not returning his usual smile. 

“darling? are you ok?” he asks worriedly before quickly setting down the glass he was cleaning to move towards you. 

the widening of your eyes as you looked behind you at the sounds of someone else entering was all he needed to swiftly step in front of you, blocking their gaze of your face. 

the slightly panicked look in your eyes before you hurriedly whispered, “they’re following me” made diluc glance at them subtly out of the corner of his eye. he watched as they walked over to find a seat next to the bar, seemingly ready to order a drink. he quietly asked if you would like to sit in the room reserved for the employees, away from their prying eyes. your hasty nod was all the confirmation he needed for him to let you access the door behind him. 

the night went by fairly smoothly with kaeya’s usual teasing and venti’s usual begging for alcohol. diluc’s eyes narrowed however, when the person seemed to ask him questions regarding you. things like, “i heard you’re dating y/n... they’re amazing, how long have you been together?” and “do they live with you at dawn winery?” diluc answered these questions as short as he could, trying to convey with his body language that he truly did not want to talk to them. 

everything was going well until he made the mistake of leaving the bar unattended. he had briefly forgotten about your residence in the room behind him as his mind immediately gravitated to breaking up a brawl. when he returned, the half drunk glass of liquor combined with the person’s absence from their seat, caused sparks of worry to light up inside his chest. 

turning to the door, he knocked once. 

“is everything alright in there love?”

the sounds of things rustling about and the occasional muffled voice had him opening the door quickly. he saw you with your arm being held tightly in their grasp, your mouth muffled with their hand, while you strained against them by pulling at your arm. 

diluc immediately made his way over to you, quickly pulling your arm away before letting you enter into his embrace. 

“get out.” the venomous words clawed their way out of his throat as he looked at them with eyes that screamed hatred. his blood was boiling as his mind replayed the scene; your scared expression and their greedy eyes. 

diluc didn’t need to repeat himself twice as they ran out, trying not to trip over crates of wine. he made a mental note to find out who they were in order to make sure they never came near you ever again. 

he quickly looked down at your form, relaxing slightly at the sight of your tentative smile. “my knight in shining armor” you joked before softly nuzzling your head into his shoulder. the anger had yet to dissipate from his veins, and although he knew you were still shaken up, he was sure you would be fine. 

a pink letter placed on the table next to you caught his eye, and he made sure to quickly pocket it as he led you out, gently jesting with you about the “unnecessary amount of wine barrels in here, diluc this is a safety hazard!” 

he would deal with this person later. 

childe

ayo AYO ITS THE TOY SALESMAN

ok tbh he’s very rarely around so he unfortunately cannot make it to all of your shows 

dw tho, he will try his hardest to be there for the ones he’s in town for bc what is he if not your number one hype king??? 

ok kinda creepy! alert 

he’s tasked two of his subordinates to keep watch over you whenever he’s out of the harbor

it’s not anything creepy,,, he just gets extremely worried abt you and wants to make sure you’re safe 

sO when he gets a ransom note??? he’s understandably confused but also very much freaked out 

bc did they not know who he was??? the fact that they thought they could get away with holding you captive was quite honestly kind of funny to him 

very stressed and angry tho - hides it behind a facade of smiles but he’s raging 

takes him only a few hours to track you down bc he had everyone and i mean EVERYONE looking for you 

the note crunched in his hand as the harbinger made his way towards windrise. his pace was erratic, long legs rushing towards the small cave his agents had found. they were bordering the perimeter of the enclosure, careful to not alert you or your captor of their presence. childe’s subordinate head had calmly stated that childe need not come out to rescue you, the situation was under control and they could do it for him. however, childe’s sharp gaze along with his sickly sweet words of “thanks but no. i’m coming out to see this sorry asshole for myself” had the agent backing away apologizing. he wanted to see the look on this person’s face before he shoved their sorry ass into the abyss himself. 

as he reached the opening of the cave, he glanced over his shoulder at his head agent; a silent warning to keep the area sealed. his blue eyes glinted with a thirst for blood before making his way into the cave, sealing off the exit with his body. 

“well well, playing games with the love of my life are we?” 

his teasing words reached your ears as your eyes immediately found the face of your boyfriend. you weren’t horribly scared, just a little shaken up and sore from the bindings on your wrists. relief coursed through your body at the sight of him. you needn’t put in your plan of getting out of these bindings to fight your captor yourself anymore. 

childe’s eyes quickly scanned over your frame, making sure you weren’t hurt. at the state of you completely unharmed, the harbinger let his heart calm down slightly. you were completely ok. 

“wait a little longer, love? i promise this will be over soon”

the wink he sent you had you lightly rolling your eyes at his antics before he directed his attention back to your kidnapper. if your captor wasn’t scared before, they were certainly shaking in their boots now at the sight of childe’s twin hydro blades rotating playfully in his hands. 

“listen, all i want is the money-”

“and all i want is your head” 

your boyfriend smiled after cutting them off. the severity of the situation truly seemed to sink in at that moment before pleas of mercy fell from your captor’s lips, desperate to escape the bloodthirsty gaze of the harbinger. childe’s eyes flickered over to yours where you sat there, with your head ferociously shaking. a silent “no.” he sighed before swiftly bringing his arm up to hit your captor on the head, effectively knocking them out cold. 

his hands worked at the ropes holding you and he gingerly rubbed at your bruised wrists. you silently thanked the archons he could never say no to you. archons forbid what would've happened if you hadn’t said anything. while you were explaining what happened, the young man quickly scooped you up in his arms before walking out of the cave. 

you playfully hit his shoulder while muttering “drama queen” but you stopped when you saw his face morph into an expression of seriousness. you had informed him on the situation about your captor revealing themselves to be a recent stalker of yours, completely oblivious to the look of frustration on his face as he freed you from your bondages. 

“i was scared you know.” he quietly divulged. “i knew that it wasn’t anything extremely serious but i... i was still scared”

you swore as you looked at him in that moment, he had turned ten again. the youth of his face betraying his vulnerability. 

you quietly hummed before tangling your fingers in his hair. “i hope you know it wasn’t your fault. it wasn’t anyone’s fault. not even the two fatui agents who you sent to stalk me while you were away.”

he quietly laughed at that before mentally filing away a reminder for a lecture to those two agents in the near future. 

“i’m just glad you’re safe. i know you can save yourself but i’ll always be here. i still wish you would let me take care of your asshole kidnapper myself though.” he pouted jokingly. 

“i’m sure the millelith will lock them up for a long time.” you laughed sweetly. 

his usual smile reappeared at your antics. maybe he didn’t get to beat your captor up and do...much worse. however at the end of the day, your smile was still intact regardless of what happened. that’s all he wanted. 

[sorikkung]

OH MY GOD SGSJDJSHSDJDJ you wrote 😭😭 a trans reader royal au 😭😭 I can't even put in words how happy that made me. THANK YOU!!!! 💜💜💜💜💜

Also I saw you're open to writing for other identities 🥺 it would mean the world to me if you could write something with ateez and genderfluid/aromantic/asexual reader (maybe all the three? Hehet or not, you decide it)

But thank you so much. Representation matters and you're making the difference <3

you. you right there are Exactly why i felt the need to write of princes and princesses. people like us who never get to see ourselves in fic and get so thrilled when we do, it's just so important. thank you so much for reading, and you're welcome.

as for your request, i think you may have misunderstood my offer ^^; im not opening requests for new fics, but simply to rewrite that of princes and princesses specifically for other identities since the story itself is about being queer and being seen. if that's still what you want, i could rework it, but it might take me some time since im quite busy with work and writing takes a lot of my energy- but if you're requesting something new/different, i will have to politely decline.

that being said, as far as genderfluid readers go, ill definitely be writing more of them in the future as i am genderfluid myself! i just chose to make the opap mc a binary trans man because it was easier to tell that kind of story that way, especially in a oneshot. my mc in my main series what goes on in neverland - im on mobile rn at work so cant rly grab the link but my masterlist is pinned - features a masc-leaning genderfluid mc, although he's yet to have a chance to talk abt the intricacies of his genderfluidity bc it simply hasn't been relevant to the plot so it's more just transmasc nonbinary. but i am in the process of planning one monster of a longfic with an explicitly genderfluid mc who travels between dimensions and changes genders in each one, from body types to pronouns and labels, so stay tuned for that! it'll probably take a while to get there though.

as far as ace/aro readers are concerned, im sorry to say i probably won't be writing any, as i primarily enjoy writing romance and sexual relationships, so without that it's just not really the kinda story i write. sorry to disappoint ^^; that being said, i am developing a concept of asexual taehyun in that genderfluid mc longfic - it'll be multifandom - who's sex-positive and enjoys bdsm for non-sexual reasons but still engages in sexual acts. that's probably the best you're gonna get unless i decide to make a side character ace or aro, but yeah, sorry.

either way thank you for your support im happy it reached you! side note please change your icon, title your blog and start reblogging things because if you didn't send this ask i would've thought you were a bot and blocked you. most writers do this. reblogs are the backbone of our community bc likes are useless so please do share fics around if you enjoy them!! it's the least you can do for all the effort writers put into writing fics for you.

[lackingspace]

Null Moon (Marko x Reader)

Rating: SFW

Word Count:5.5k 

Summary: Due to some mad bogus circumstances your hand was forced into relocating to the Santa Carla witch coven. Not exactly where you saw yourself, but beggars cant be choosers or however that saying goes. New coven, new community, no idea how this was going to play out, what could go wrong?

Warnings: Nothing really. Just 80s slang, some suggestive themes, trigger warning for witchcraft I guess, vampire boys doing stalky vampire things, and expanding the magical community at large. Throw in psychic fliting too. The only real warning here is that I wax soliloquy, stopping me is impossible.

So I watched Lost Boys again and Marko just too pretty and wouldn’t stop, so I had to write about it. I’m dedicated to worldbuilding because it pleases me, so no smut yet, but don’t worry, its comin. Enjoy the 80s slang sprinkled everywhere. Out of no where I know, but I hope you all like it ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Part 2: Blood Moon ✧･ﾟ:

Salt was something you’d found yourself trying to quickly get accustomed to. Don’t get it twisted, you weren’t mental and liked it in your food just fine, but it was in everything here. It was bogus, really. None of your new sisters warned you about the mundane annoyances when relocating to their beachfront town.

It was almost insidious how it could worm its way into just about anywhere and everything. Even on days you were a shut-in, your hair still had a salty ocean breeze scent and you swore you’d find grains of sand in the oddest of places. It wasn’t that big of a deal, just another thing out of your control-- one you’d never be able to change. 

The atmosphere answered to no one. Maybe this was the ocean’s way of welcoming you into the fold? Taking it as a sign that the gods were pleased with your departure from the Louisiana coven helped soothe the bitter ache.  

You had other things to occupy your thoughts, anyway. Nothing exciting, just the very normal, very stressful situations that came with moving. Having a not so smooth departure made your integration into this coven rocky. Trying to smooth that out while accommodating for the new energy and dynamic of the community made things difficult. Stressful? Definitely. Normal? Unfortunately. Hectic? Totally, but still necessary to process. 

Getting to know your new coven sisters was also proving tedious, certain views not quite matching up. At least you were kept too busy to really worry over it. Keeping your mind occupied made everything easier. Even if they didn’t know why you’d really been looking to transfer, it was no secret on their end why they’d been so eager to accept you. They’d had a very specific position that none of the current members were willing to entertain. 

A major part of the job was the operation of the coven owned metaphysical shop on the boardwalk, night shift specifically. That had a swirl of mixed emotions bristle your senses- excitement just edging out over apprehension. Your old coven hadn't been open to the human public in any way, shape, or form. The practice was sacred and you were taught to keep it that way.

The only non-paranormal individuals allowed within the walls were partners of the community. A werewolf's mate, for instance, maybe suffering an energetic imbalance would be brought in. So dealing with the stuffy clueless human populace nightly? Well, the idea was less than stellar...but survival required adaptation, and you could be flexible. Still, predicting the havoc it’d play on your nerves was easy. Good thing wine existed because having a glass a day was majorly on the agenda. 

Oh well, every job had to have something and each place had slightly different energetic needs, different spiritual practices, and don’t even get you started on the nuances of rituals- everyone and their mom have their own twist. Baton Rouge had been a prime example of that- a hotbed for the magical community, it was embedded in the culture. Overflowing with a little something for everyone and then some. Different ailments, practices, people, and best of all different magics. 

On the other hand, all that variety came at the cost of a massive headache in interspecies politics. Witches and vampires, weres and goblins, selkies and sirens, demons and wendigos, elementals and everyone, keeping up with who was at who's throat was exhausting. It gave you a gnarly stomach ache frankly, but if that was the price of learning your craft, well, it wasn't that steep.

Headache, stomach pains, whatever- it was a price you'd gladly pay- had paid. Plus, you had loved the community there. Once you got past the politics there was a wealth of knowledge and power just floating around, free for grabs- even when it wasn’t free, there were ways to get what you’d wanted. 

Admitting that your departure had left hella bitter resentment towards your previous sisters was something you actively denied. Your new high priestess hadn’t wanted any hexes sent their way following her acceptance of you. Assuring her it was a mutual departure had been easy, they were extremely desperate and hadn’t really gone through all the hoops to look into it. Besides, it was technically true, there wouldn’t be hexes, just bad blood. There wasn’t really a need to let them know they’d be black listed from the area communals. You’d been to enough of them in the past, they weren’t that special anyway.

Here, alone in the dark with your thoughts, you could sit with the discontent. The choice to leave hadn’t been yours, but you could admit it was for the best. When faced with exile you were willing to sacrifice. Resentment notwithstanding, growth rarely happened if you stayed stagnant for too long. This could actually be a blessing in disguise, even with the perpetual gallons of salt. So here you were; New city, new coven, new people, new rules. 

A sigh escaped you at the thought as you put on a nice balancing act for anyone watching. The rules were certainly different here. 

Less in some ways, more in others- some very curious agreements. Carefully trying, and trying being the keyword, to descend some questionable-looking stairs while carrying delicate cargo. It being pitch black didn't exactly help either, but at twelve am with no flashlight, the darkness was expected. 

Not like you could carry one right now anyway and you’d be caught dead before you put on one of those gaudy forehead lights. A distant bonfire, presumably with partygoers, a few miles off was the only source of light outside of the odd shop still lighting up the boardwalk in the distance. 

Neither were a help to you here, but the darkness didn't bother you much, it was more the feeling of the wood against your feet that had you on edge. Foregoing shoes had seemed like the smarter choice knowing you'd be walking in the loose sugary sand, but with the way it mixed against the rough wood to scratch against the arch of your foot? Regret was front and center which only exacerbating your already agitated mind.

Catching your toe on an uneven patch in the wood had you hissing in pain. Someone was def getting cursed if you got a splinter. Actually, you'd be surprised if you made it out without one. These steps were legit grody, they barely even qualified as stairs honestly. 

Just some half termite eaten planks, driftwood more likely, definitely nothing professional, all nailed together and stuck into the side of a steep sand dune. Falling on your ass at some point was almost guaranteed- You were always a major klutz in these situations.

Shrugging your shoulder and regripping the box, at least the sand would give you a semi-soft landing whenever it happened. 

You should thank whatever beachrat made these stairs though, adjusting your grip on the box again had the jars inside clanking together, water sloshing- good thing you'd tightened the lids before leaving the shop. Thanks to these little stairs you didn’t have to miserably fail at trying your luck in midnight sand surfing. If this was midday you’d have trouble with it still- trying sand surfing now? That'd be so warped. Ugh, just imagine having to make your way back up? Now that'd be a real treat- psych.  

When both feet planted safely, and surprisingly splinter-free, in the soft sand you shook yourself into focus. No more letting your thoughts drive you, way too much negativity to unpack and you didn't need that energy seeping into your work here. Moon-water wasn’t usually the most influenceable, but you could, and with your attitude the way it was? You’d totally choke if you didn’t check yourself. No need to mess up your first job, right?

Breathing deeply you set about focusing your mind; grounding, feeling yourself coming back to a controlled center was the first step of your job here tonight. Tightening your grip and breathing in had the scent of the ocean hit you full force. With practiced ease, focusing inward had your eyes naturally drifting shut and calm settle over you. It was incredible how soothing grounding- ritual in general really, could be. 

Your next inhale highlighted the subtle undertones of the boardwalk overlaid in the breeze, an amalgamation that fused into a scent uniquely Santa Carla. Letting your energy sink deep within you, then lower down still, dropping into the earth, feeling the vibrations of your surroundings- naturally letting it mix with the energies surrounding you. The ocean was a powerful tool, you'd be a ditz to ignore its embrace. There was an unusual magnetic pull in the air, a buzz that licked against your senses.

The full moon was calling, and like the ocean, you were here to answer.  

Centered and ready to work you made your way down to the shore. Funny thing about this new coven, part of the new rules was night rituals were restricted to a single practitioner. That restriction had seemed mental to you, and frankly? You still thought they were a bit out there to bend to such restrictions, but once you learned there was a surprisingly sizable vampire pack in the area it had made more sense. Having just one practitioner was easier for accountability and all that, but like, it was still twisted.

Vampires were picky. They claimed a territory and stuck to it. Any other lucky supernatural creature was subject to their "authority". Barf me out with that attitude. If they weren't solitary, it was usually a duo, anything more than a trio was especially rare. Vampires could be mega volatile in general, but especially towards one another. The fact that there were at least four confirmed vamps in the area? Now, that piqued your interest. Their bonds had to be radically tight to stay together with any type of calm.  

Unfortunately, vampires and witches? Typically not such a hot mix. 

Vampires and magic didn't always mesh well and historically that meant witches and vampires couldn't play nice together. Funnily enough, this coven didn't go against status quo- every sister you'd met so far vehemently detested vamps. Too bad they were smackdab in the middle of fang city. 

The location being legit brill had something to do with how docile the coven acted. It said something when witches were willing to take shit and obey in order to practice. Energetically potent, magically powerful, Santa Carla was a delightful nexus. Not to mention scenic too. 

The coven was desperate for someone to be the designated night ritualist, working the stores night shift was just a caveat. The timing had worked out because you were just as desperate. You thought the whole vampire witch feud thing was lame, but it’d saved you from ex-communication, so you'd keep that tidbit to yourself. 

Vampires didn't bother you really. Well, they could, but not because the vampy bit, just the entitled attitude. Anyone could be a barf bag regardless of what they were. You'd met just as many ditzy witches as narbo vamps. You were more concerned that you'd most definitely have human tourists bombarding you every night. 

What got you though was the craziest part of the deal. When within a 15 mile radius of the boardwalk there was a restriction to strictly restorative work. Even being a nexus, you weren’t sure this place was worth neutering yourself energetically for. Sure, vampire's had their reasons, severe sensitivity to magic yada-yada, not to mention if their bond was as tight as you assumed, they probably felt active magic like nails on a chalkboard, but damn. 

You couldn’t believe the high priestess would agree to it. It really seemed the witches got the short end of the stick here. You weren’t seeing a lot of benefits for yourself. So far your opinion on the coven was….well, at this point you were half-convinced you’d joined a gaggle of ditzes. 

Having taken stock of the ingredients they had on hand a quick glance had made replenishing the monthly moon water a top priority. It was such a simple thing, very useful, super versatile, and no one in the coven had been willing to make a large batch of it. Ugh, imagine letting prejudice get in the way of making such a staple ingredient. There wasn't anything fancy that went into it. A cool head, even temper, patience, and a little prep was all that it needed. 

That’s what you were here for now, though. They could keep their dislike and eat their cake too. Still, you weren’t completely obstinate and took their warning to heart, it wasn't just the vampires that made the area witches refuse the night shift. 

Santa Carla wasn’t exactly Disneyland. Murder was a thing and it happened here daily. Nexus’s tended to have a magnetic draw. Pulling in powerful things, good things, weak things, bad things- the sheer unpredictability wasn’t a friend in this case.  

A random human could decide tonight was beach shanking night and you’d be the lucky victim. You’d like to see them try at least. Maybe one of the vampire pack would break the agreement if they were feeling a bit nippy? Doubtful if they didn’t want a war on their hands, but possible. A stray wendigo attracted to your energy feeling a midnight snack seemed more likely. Could even be a banshee needing a quick meal. Never can tell how things were going to work out. 

Knowing yourself though, you’d probably just trip up those hella grimy stairs and break your neck.

You weren’t too worried about being attacked though, honestly. You had wards in place and if it got past that, well, you'd deal with whatever it was then. No use worrying about it now. You were more than happy to take on the privilege to essentially moon bathe on the beach while funneling the energy to the water. It was good on all levels.

Walking to the area you’d scouted during the day set your mind back into focus. Setting the box down, the jars jostling while you grabbed the blanket hanging off the side of the box. Spreading it out and setting up your area had everything falling in place. The jars spread just along the outside of your circular blanket, with that done you sat yourself down in the center.

Determined to do this right you brought back that focused rooted energy. Using this as an opportunity to release some built-up tension would be a good idea too. Let the ocean wash away your bitterness with the tide and allow the moon to shift you into clarity for whatever was to come. Even if you did think your new sisters were idiots, they were to be your idiots and you had to embrace it.

As you laid there working the energy and letting it shift, you noticed a curious sensation at the edge of your perception. 

A slight tickling at the fringe of your awareness; soft, so extremely soft and subtle that if you’d just gone about your business and hadn’t been so introspective focused you’d totally have passed it over. 

Watched.

The subtle sensation wasn’t threatening as of yet, but you were definitely being watched. By what? You weren’t sure. Getting a firm reading on it was difficult. The more you focused on the energy the further it pulled back. Pursuing it only had whoever it was slyly staying just out of your grasp. 

Definitely not human. Wouldn’t be a witch or a medium either, they’d just answer your psychic questioning. Could be a were, you’d heard they’d been in the area recently. The next brush sent a shiver down your spine and had you crossing weres off. It was definitely too silky to be one, they always felt gruffer to you, wilder. Possibly a demon, they had that shade of sensuality and always liked to follow you around in new territory. A quick flash of tightly-wound sharp control coated in a mischievous air finally spit out the answer; Vampire.

Satisfied, you dropped the pursuit and turned your attention back to the sea. Subtle brushes returning, but this time not trying to hide itself or their interest. So one of the new overlords had decided to drop in on their new subject? That was just fine as long as they stayed watching and didn’t interfere. 

You’d give it to whichever vamp this was. They had wicked nice energy. Like, once you got a read on that was. Playful, cheeky almost to a fae’s degree, brimming with an elusive danger, while still having a quiet peace underneath. That quiet calm resonated inside your own field and was exactly what you needed to settle back into your space. You didn’t hate the idea of their company so much.

You’d expected a run-in at some point, but right away? They were some go-getters to the max.

Nothing came of it though, the watcher had just been that. A watcher. When three am came, went, and passed, you’d decided to pack things up. You felt their vigilant gaze the entire time. Even after you got in your car and motored on home, it was still with you. It was only after you entered your home did their light press on your awareness leave. 

The rest of your week played out much the same. Feeling that attentive gaze in every outside ritual from start to well after the finish. Even while you were working the shop they’d pop in and out of your awareness only to settle when you were locking up for the night.

You’d tried to catch a glimpse of who your designated monitor was, but it proved an impossible task. Stealth was a vampire’s friend and this one was incredibly apt. They stayed just far enough away during ritual and on the boardwalk you were too busy entertaining space cadet humans or dealing with an actual client to seek them out. 

On that note, there was a surprising number of shapeshifters in the area, changelings especially had been a nice treat. They weren’t exactly common in Louisiana and working with them was always interesting. They required a delicate eye and full attention when diagnosing their condition. 

A shapeshifter’s physicality was entirely based on energy manipulation, so one wrong push or pull and you could injure them more than help. Pinpointing where your attentive observer was out in the crowd became annoyingly out of the question. 

They’d turn up eventually. Until then, however, you’d just have to sit tight. Lucky for you changelings had a penchant for gossiping. They’d been kind enough to give you a rundown on the pack and their opinion of them. Changelings weren’t known to have easily won loyalty, so the popular opinion on them being pretty rad, was surprising. 

They were apparently chill on the authority, which was shocking enough, but they said the pack leader, David, could be hella genial. Vampires weren’t usually described that way. Not outside of the anyone they were glamouring anyway. Maybe the coven weren’t such spazes to reside here.

Friday saw your week coming to a close. You’d woken up ready to put your first week behind you and spend the weekend really exploring the area. There was a nice hiking trail not too far away that you’d really wanted to spend some time at. A few brownies had spirited into the shop and mentioned it as a great area for herbs and ritual during conversation. 

Brewing a second cup of tea, calming herbs this time- regular humans really did get on your nerves with their incessant brainless questions and barf bag attitude. There were a few mediums that'd dropped in who you didn't mind, actually really liked, but the rest of the human race made you want to gag. Lumping witches and poor mediums into the same category didn’t seem fair.

The night was steadily cruising along. The humans came in bursts, sporadic, but manageable. Client-wise, nothing too dramatic either, the most interesting case was a few sprites suffering a nasty goblin hex. It was an easy enough fix, orders on how to use the herbs, and a cautionary chastising to leave the gobbies alone unless invited. They giggled their departure as you shook your head, sprites never learned. 

The night's energy had you listless. Only a few hours left before you could close down shop and you were antsy. No pressing ceremonies to perform tonight for the coven either, so heading straight home to open that bottle of wine you'd acquired before your arrival was on the top of the to-do list. 

Curiously, your nightly specter hadn't visited once. It was surprising how fast you'd gotten used to a vampire’s energy body. If you were honest with yourself, you'd even come to look forward to having it- him, the changelings had listed only male vampires, being a steady sensation on the outer edges of your senses. 

The absence of the strange new routine left you with an unsettled itch. Something was off, you could tell, your antsiness screamed of something about to happen, you just weren't sure what. 

The answer came not too long after that. With a lull of what you assumed to be the last customers of the night, you’d busied yourself restocking and starting to close down. High on the shelf ladder reorganizing the herb wall. It got so messy with the daily run-through of customers’ grubby hands all over it. Turning a jar forward as the bell above the door sounded. 

"Welcome! I'll be-" the energy that zapped your senses had you cut off the greeting with a sharp inhale. Thank the gods you hadn't been holding one of the glass jars, it'd be smithereens otherwise. 

The shift had hit you instantly, an electric buzz that lapped against your mental self. Giving you a clear idea of what just walked in. Four of them. They'd all come. Shifting through the sensation, trying to grasp each of their unique patterns had you stopping short when you felt your chaperone's energy reach out to you.

It wasn't just a soft prodding like usual, instead, it was like a full-body caress. More like a lick if you were honest. 

Skin tingling, electric sparks sent down your spine settling somewhere you'd rather not question right now, and if your nipples had tightened from it? Well, that was nobody's business. Beneath the shameless lick was an urge of reassurance. 

The unspoken highly nuanced language assuring you of safety. Thank the goddess you were fluent. It was odd, really, a vampire reassuring a witch of their safety? You weren't prey, not if they wanted the coven to stay placid. Even if they’d decided to attack you weren’t helpless. The kiddie gloves would come off quicker than lightning and then they’d see what was up. 

They’d definitely break you, but you’d do some damage. So there wasn't any rhyme or reason to make you feel safe or calmed. Nothing you could think of except for your own peace of mind. It had a giggle bubbling up, but you clamped down before it could escape. 

You appreciate the sentiment regardless and dragged your energy against his in return, showing your mirth, and if he was apt enough to recognize the instant anxiety their entrance caused, he'd feel the praise underneath.

Taking a deep inhale before steeling yourself. You'd anticipated that it was only a matter of time before a meeting. The high priestess had said it’d come at some point when they felt ready, so you were decidedly not going to freak out and treat them like any other customer. Even if one of them had already made your nipples pebble. 

You were also so ready to end the mystery of what your babysitter looked like. Putting a face to, well not a name, but an energetic signature rather. Stepping down from the ladder you made your way towards the front counter. 

They were milling about between aisle shelving so getting a clear look wasn’t working. You could see bits of hair, flashes of leather, and hear their banter- typical dudes messing with each other. You were right, hearing how affable they were with each other solidified that they def have a legit bond.

Waiting another minute behind that counter still hadn’t made them come to you. Sighing before you decided to speak up, "What can I help you with tonight?" That had the laughter in the back trickle off before a rumbling voice spoke out, "Many things, maybe nothing. Depends on what you're offering." He hadn’t needed to emerge from the aisle for you to feel the leer paired with that statement. Ah, so David was the edgy type. You could work with that. 

What you might stumble over though, was just how pretty they all were.

Don't get it wrong, Vampires were supposed to be attractive, it was part of their thing. A magnetic and alluring shift happened to them all when they were turned, but this? This was on another level. 

The vague memory of lessons from your old covens compendium on vampiric lore came to mind. It’d stated the first vampire came into existence born by way of an incubus mingling in a maenads rites with a medium. Their resulting child the first vampire. 

Who knew how accurate those stories were, the compendium was specific to each coven; an enduring collection of their line of knowledge, but authenticity was always questionable.

Looking at them all as they emerged- really made you believe there was some weighted truth to the legend. Incubus certainly seemed like it was mingled up in them. You’d been gifted by a few incubi once upon a time and the similarities between them and these boys? Striking. Between their movements, their magnetic presences, and the brazen way they gazed at you. 

The vampires in Louisiana were all charming, but it was all a subtle compulsion. It didn’t help that they typically had a bad attitude mixed with antiquated style. They just never appealed to you.

This pack, however, seems like they’d had no problem keeping up with pop culture. Embracing it wholeheartedly, one of them looked like he moonlighted in poison for crying out loud. Maybe they were young, but you got a vibe that hinted otherwise. More like they were adaptable.

Trying to keep a straight face, professionalism and all that, was difficult, but doable. At least you thought it was, but once you locked eyes with a pair of soulful hazel- there was no doubt that they all felt the psychic warble you let slip accidentally. 

He’d been the elusive watcher this week. There wasn’t a question about it, a perfect face to match his auric self. The breath you’d been holding choked out when he broke into an impish grin followed by what was essentially another playful full-body kiss. 

You swore you could hear a purr resound in your mind. The three subordinates chuckled when you drew in a sharp intake. 

“Marko.” David's tenor was soft, but firm. Marko? Cute. Without breaking eye contact, his smile widened mischievously while he raised both hands in surrender. The undivided attention was unsettling in all the right ways. 

Sparking a heat that undulated throughout you. Tabling that information to the back of your mind, you broke the gaze. Needed to if you were going to have any kind of brain function for conversation.

Turning to the de facto leader you sized him up. Or tried to. Definitely threatening, actively making it hard to read him. On the surface he felt like a cold blade; sharp, decisive, piercing. 

Good qualities for a leader you supposed, but like, damn, that didn’t sate your curiosity. If he wasn’t going to work with you then that only left the boring way,  “David, I presume?”

He raised a brow with a pleased look, “Good. The little crone knows who matters around here.” Bo-guuus, edgy with an attitude. Those changelings either lied or were talking about someone different because genial? You weren’t seeing it. Aiming an unimpressed look paired with a, “Mmhmm” brought a chuckle of his own. 

Waiting for him to speak again seemed like the best option, you weren’t very good at small talk, and Marko was still so very distracting. After David’s chiding, he really hadn’t let up much. He might not be doing that lick thing with the delightful heat, but what he was doing wasn’t far off. 

Going out of his way to make sure a large portion of your attention was still focused on him by continually baiting you; almost like energetic petting. If you weren’t trying to have a serious conversation you’d bask in the new attention. You weren’t a cat, but you imagined this is what they must have felt like. Psychic flirting was always fun, but his attention had it quickly becoming your favorite. 

With him doing it in front of his pack though? Any sensible person, witch especially should be uncomfortable. Totally pissed if not outraged- it was definitely a claim, unnervingly possessive, and you shouldn’t like the blatant territorial display, but for some reason, it stroked something deep in your harebrain that majorly worked for you.

Before you could drop down that rabbit hole further David brought you back, “You’ve been a busy little witch this past week.” Annoyance fluttered in, what’d he expect? There hadn’t been a night ritualist for over a year. There was a lot of work to do, some things just couldn’t be done during the day. 

You shrugged “Ha, massive understatement. New coven, new clients, way too many neglected things to catch up on. Seems like you should thank me for taking over.” 

The look he gave you was piercing and indiscernible. You weren’t really sure where you stood with him. You hadn’t done anything to step out of the bounds they’d placed on you, but somehow with the look he was leveling at you begged the question, had you? 

Mentally retracing your week yielded nothing. Hadn’t even tried to hex anyone, even that human who’d cut you off on your drive in Wednesday night, now that’d been difficult. Was this why you’d had such heavy surveillance? Not that you’d minded, but here you thought it was just your shining personality. 

“Keep it up. The community needs a witch with some spine.” Maybe you’d spoke too soon, he might not be so bad. 

“I wasn’t so sure about you. Word on the street and all.” That had you freeze. Not even Marko’s continued attention phased you. There was no way he knew anything. That was impossible. Your new coven didn’t know, your old coven wouldn't dare let anything slip- it wouldn’t just be you who lost face. 

There was no way anyone knew anything about you or why you’d moved. It had to be a bluff, a well aimed taunt. It was common knowledge that witches rarely transferred covens, it happened for a multitude of reasons- good, bad, ugly. He was just being a dickhead, a nosy dickhead. 

Forcing a calm mask even though you were sure they could all hear your rapid heartbeat, trying not to play into his bait, “Oh? Word on the street? I have a rep already? Bitchin’.” 

Anxiety was a mega issue for you, so not having a cow and playing it as chill as you did? A total moment for you. clammy hands, rapid heartbeat, clenched jaw and all. That pulled a laugh out of Marko and the hair band look-alike while David and the clydesdale in the back wore smirks. 

“Word is the new witch isn’t from the clique. Never can tell what you little hags are planning, bringing in new blood?” He leaned forward across the counter catching you with his piercing blues, “That has trouble written all over it.” 

You were slow to process what he’d actually said, too caught up in how the light glinted off his pretty eyes. There was no denying it, so you didn’t try, “For sure,” but on second thought you didn’t want to make it sound like you were here to start shit, “but change isn’t always bad.” 

He tapped the glass of the counter before he pushed off, “We’ll see about that, little hag”. That must have been the signal to leave because he’d started walking towards the door with the silent type in his shadow. 

Marko hadn’t moved, hadn’t dropped his attention and you were nervous to return it. Too likely to get caught up in something now that they were all leaving. You liked it, but it was still like mega nerve-racking. 

Before you could work up the confidence to engage with whatever that was, the taller blonde slapped his shoulder, “I like this chick! She’s got some spunk!” 

He made to push away from the vampire still comfortably leaning against the counter, but something had caught your eye. Without thinking, your hand shot out like a viper to grip his wrist before he could walk any further away, “Wait up!” Marko’s purr, or whatever that buzz he was coating you in suddenly sputtered out.

With everyone’s attention returning, you dropped the skin contact and made your way around the counter. Standing in front of him while quickly giving him a psychic once over. His tallness made it very inconvenient to look for the physical indicator of what you suspected. With a yank to his shoulder you spoke before you really thought how it’d be taken, “Bend down and show me your teeth.”

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Fav boys with an S/O that's usually a hardass but has a moment of just 'oh my god that's so fucking cute' that they start crying??

Bakugou:

• Listen, you weren't totally against showing emotion but you really only showed two

• Frustration and 'happiness'

• Aka you laughed a lot but had no problem blowing up on someone

• No one had ever seen you outside of those two moods

• Half the class just assumed you never got sad or anything

• The other half assumed you never really had a reason too but maybe one day you'd snap

• Crying? You? Off the table.

• You're not capable of it

• They'd seen you detach yourself from things without a second thought

• CRAZY how you and Bakugou actually WORKED together in a relationship

• To be honest Bakugou doesnt even know if he's seen you cry

• He figures he'll see it eventually

• And he's right :)

• Bc one day you two are walking ahead if the bakusquad

• And theres this fucking puppy

• And it's so small

• Its a lil weiner dog

• And an audible rasp is ripped out of your throat followed by a small 'oh my god'

• His head fuckin WHIPS around• And he's met with you tearing up as you stare at this small dog and his mouth d r o p a

• This??? This is what it takes for you to cry????

• You put a hand over your mouth, mumbling something else and Bakugou is having a stroke

• You're like full crying now

• There are t e a r s

• He moves a little closer, wrapping and arm around your shoulder

• "Are you seriously crying over a dog right now?"

No words. You just nod.

• He accepts it

• No questions asked

• Bakusquad is what you call

• V fuckin confused

• "I want a puppy," you mumbled, breathing uneven.

"I know,"

"Katsu he was so tiny,"

"I know,"

• Cue more crying

Izuku:

• Hard ass 100%

• emotionally constipated on the Bakugou level

• emotion what's that??

• Idk

• Neither do you apparently

• You were just chilling most of the time

• Just- looking really blank

• never really felt comfortable with showing a lot of emotion

• People could use that against you

• call you week-

• You didn't want that

• you were dating the new symbol of peace, you had to keep up

• This happens during a rescue

• You get people out and once you're standing on the sidelines, the fight over- this little boy runs up to you, hugging your legs

• Thank your's are falling out of his mouth and he looks teary eye'd

• He puts his hands up and makes grabby hands and you immediately pick him up

• You kiss his forehead, your hold on the child tightening

• I mean at this point you're crying too

• Bc he was so damn cute

• Even with all the dirt on his face

• And Izuku is just standing there

• baffled

• bc you

• the person who was literally STABBED four times and kept a straight face the whole time about a year ago

• is crying over a child saying thank you

• He takes care of the press- and whatever else he needs to before slowly making his way over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

• The boy was still in your arms

• "You okay princess?"

"Fine, thanks,"

• New image for the press!!

• You went from known for no emotion to Oh my god they have emotion????

• ur v upset about it

Hitoshi:

• He know you cant express emotions exactly how you want

• you'd told him it always felt weird and uncomfortable

• Especially letting other people see it

• Deadass took him 3 months after the initial four you guys were dating to pry that out of you

• He's never really minded though

• he just wants you to feel comfortable and be okay

• So he's always gone along with the casually mean laugh a lot vibe you've had

• But one day

• one faithful day

• you two are walking after an icecream date

• And you see these 2 little kittens in a beat up box

• you GASP and your hand immediately leaves his as you jog over

• And you coo at them, picking them up, one in each hand

• He's behind you when the water works start

• "Toshi...they're so cute-" you sniff

"Are you crying?"

"No- Yeah, just look at them. They're so tiny, they're gonna die out here alone,"

"Oh my god babe,"

"Toshi we have to take them back."

"I don't know if we can do that, we can take them to a shelter-"

• you're full on sobbing now, a blubbering and hiccuping mess

• he feels like he's gonna pass out

• what's he supposed to do

• you chose now to start crying??

• "No-No because they might end up on the street again and they need love, toshiiiii-" you whine out

• So he hugs you from behind, using one hand to pet the cat in your left hand. "Okay, we'll take them back. We can talk to Aizawa sensei."

• he presses a gentle kiss to your neck

• You def apologize later for crying in front if him, almost refusing to look him in the eye

• He flicks you and tells you to do it more often

Sero:

• hardass?? Yes and no

• You vibe

• you just chill and go with the punches

• but GOD do you refuse affection and basic human emotion.

• It took him 3 MONTHS to convince you to go out with him

• That he wasn't going to hurt you or judge you

• 3 MONTHS

• And what felt like fucking forever for you to accept his advances for affection

• He's so patient with you, you'll never find another man like this

• pls keep him forever

• Anyway now yall just vibe together

• But he's never seen you upset tbh

• And he's never seen you cry

• You push all that down, constantly just staying in a place of whatever

• He's a little concerned about it ngl

• but he doesn't know how to really help it

• Has deadass secretly been reading books about it

• Anyway

• One day y'all are chilling

• You're in his room

• he's at his desk- looking over an essay that was due the next day and you were in his hammock, already having finished it

• But he was bopping

• he had an earbud in one ear and he was mumbling along with the song, bopping his head and moving around in his chair, randomly bursting out a lyric here and there

• And then he heard a sniffle

• He immediately turns around and he see's you

• Your eyes are watery

• he pulls his earbud out and he's making his way over to you, clearly worried

• "Babe what's wrong?"

You shake your head, waving him off.

"No no, c'mon tell me-"

"You're just so damn cute and I love you so much. Precious."

• He's confused for a moment before it processes and he grins

"Is that why you're crying?"

"Yes!" You wipe your eyes again. "Thank you,"

He climbs into the hammock carefully, and wraps his arms around you.

• Not particularly what he had in mind when you finally decided to show emotion like that but he'd take it

Kirishima:

• puppy and cat

• aka

• Bubbly jock and hard ass motherfucker who can and will kill you

• He knows that you cant freely express what you feel all the time

• He understands more than most people think

• Because he knows it's easier to just be bitter than risk getting hurt again

• and you've opened up a lot!!

• and he's proud of you! Really.

• He tells you all the time and you gag and call him a sap but he knows that you secretly enjoy it

• Anyway you two are eating lunch outside

• Kirishima is babbling about something that happened after class the other day and you were eating quietly listening to your boyfriends ramblings

• And suddenly he feels a finger on his lips

• He opens his eyes confused, going to talk again before you sush him

• You're looking at a bird

• a REALLY small bird

• you take a small piece of bread from his sandwhich

• "Hi baby," you coo, "how you doin? Want some food?" You slowly hold the piece out

• The birds head tilts a little and he takes a hop

• then another

• and he watches you tense up

• and the bird takes the bread piece and flies away, he watches it go before looking back at you

• he about has a stroke

• you're fucking crying

• "Babe- wait- why are you crying?" He puts a hand on your shoulder

"What the fuck, that was so cute. Eij, he was so cute."

"Well yeah-"

"Jesus he was so tiny," you sniff, "did you see the way he tilted his head- oh my god and his little hop? No fuck off I'm gonna cry more,"

• And you do

• But honestly he doesn't even care bc you're finally letting something else in

• and it means you're comfortable around him

• so he only wraps his arms around your waist and pull you closer

• "he was very cute,"