#god. i cant do this. i need some way to make this process easier.

[cyanidas]

hey this is actually one of the hardest things ive ever tried to do with my time as an artist. how the FUCK do etsy/shopvee/redbubble artists do this for a LIVING????

BIG News: I'm trying to make some really huge changes, and I'll need your help.

Before I grant any details, I gotta preface everything with the reality of our situation; Jay, the sole breadwinner, has been a victim of yet another "new hire surprise fire". He was booted without warning, written or verbal, about two weeks ago.

Evidently this is very common in the production wood/metalworking industry, otherwise this wouldn't have happened so many fucking times, because he's a great person with amazing work ethic and that's not just my bias talking - most of his coworkers have felt the exact same way as me across every company he's worked for.

Of course, THAT DAY we wasted no time in reaching out to contacts and applying for mountains of positions on Indeed, on company websites, and the state hiring portal. Nobody has contacted him back. ONE hiring agency gave him a "maybe". Even I have applied to several places for myself, with not so much as a rejection.

Seeing the trauma this caused him first hand was my final fucking straw.

I'm sick to death of suffering this tragedy. I'm sick to death of hearing the love of my life, my Fiancé, cry because of how he was fired. And I'm sick to death of coming here or crawling to my friends and family for money they don't have because we're legitimately hopeless for it.

I don't have the heart to continually beg for cash. It was never something I've been good at or proud of doing, and it kills me inside to DM people for commissions I don't even have the time nor energy to do. I'm sick of this. All of this. I need it all to stop.

So of course, I want to nip this in the goddamn bud.

I met a very sweet vendor in Iowa who gave me a load of resources on how to get started selling my art on actual things I get to see and hold for myself and hand to people in person, namely conventions. It's a hell of a risk but I need this to work. I'm so exhausted from asking for money so please help me make this be the last time I ever need to come here for help.

More details will come, because I'm also tired of making plans and leaping forward without having anything to show for it. When I actually have these products designed, that's when I'm going to show you guys everything I've made, with as much detail on my thinking and planning as I can get out there (because lord knows the internet has taken advantage of people's generosity before).

When that time comes, please *please* give me your support. It would legitimately be world-changing for us.

I just wanted to get this out here asap so people would know what I'm going through and, hopefully plan along with me. I don't just want this to happen, I *need* this to *succeed*. I don't have any other option. Right now, I'm busting my ass on product designs (literally because this chair hurts!!), and Jay can attest to that.

I plan on having *something* to show for all my hard work by next week, and soon after, a Kickstarter to make it a reality. Keep an eye out!!

[salemlunaa]

✎ STOP CALLING IT YOUR DREAM REALITY

why is it desired when it has already happened?

You need to realise that you are already in the reality you have chosen, you are in the reality that is desired. Stop viewing your new life as far-fetched and magical. Some of you think that with the crazy things in your script, it makes it harder to shift, than it would be to manifest something “small”. But let me tell you, you’re already there.

stop envying that girl’s body, you already have it, if not better

stop envying all the rich people’s vacations and hauls you see on socials, you live that life

stop envying the person with the pretty face, you have one too

stop getting jealous of a certain pop group, tv show cast or celebrity for getting to do the things that you want to do, you ARE doing all that you have ever wanted

stop envying the person your s/o has dating rumours with, they’re yours and always have been

because you’re a god.

stop getting jealous of the person with the perfect parents and rich family, your family was real the second you scripted them, you see them every day, no big deal

don’t you get it? the 3d isn’t real, what you’re seeing isn’t real if you don’t want it to be.

it’s not your dream reality, it’s your current reality, get comfortable and casual about it, it’s your everyday life, nothing special to you. stop scrambling for methods as if you aren’t in your reality already. stop treating your new life as a prize, it’s nothing special because you had it the second you thought about it. stop viewing your new life as some accomplishment to strive for, it’s your everyday experience, again nothing special.

as a god, every reality is your creation, why are you looking at your creations as the prize when the prize is you? why are you looking at your new life as something to work hard for, something to put effort in to have? why, why, why when it’s already yours?

you cant leave if you don’t acknowledge that this new life is already yours. You’ll always be in the state of desiring and never in the state of having if you don’t fix this mindset. It also puts more pressure on you when attempting to induce pure consciousness, you think everything is riding on inducing pure consciousness, you think your dream wont happen if you don’t do it. why do you think the weight of your new life relies on whether you’re able to induce pure conscious or whether you’re able to shift, when it’s already yours and you already live that life?

i’ll tell you why you think this way: it’s because you don’t see it as yours yet, you think it will only become yours when you have done all these things.

what you see: script + void/“I AM” state ➯ my dream life is finally mine

you see it as a process when it isn’t one, there is no process

what actually happens: i’ve created my dream life in my head ➯ i have it now, it’s not a dream anymore

it’s an immediate chain of events, not a process. so stop with the jealousy, being miserable and asking the same questions, it’s BEEN yours

as soon as you take that pressure away from the act of shifting, because you KNOW your new life belongs to you no matter what, it puts less stress on you, making inducing pure consciousness easier

that’s it that’s all, ITS ALREADY YOURS DONT SEE IT AS A PROCESS 🌌💋

[bluecollarmcandtf]

Trying Them on for Size

My stepdad's eyes rolled back as my friend leapt into his body. Thanks to my distraction, he had a clear jump, and the possession was instant. The beer in his hand didn't even slip as a new guy took over the thick hunk of meet.

"Goddamn, this guy is big!" my stepdad's voice rumbled in uncharacteristic glee, "My arms feel like a ton heavier with all this muscle!"

"I...I cant believe it worked," I stammer, still processing the fact that Sam, my best friend, is inside Paul, my jerk of a stepfather.

Sam lifts a heavy arm and takes a whiff. "Wow, your dad smells rank! Does the pig shower much?" he groans and laughs, "What'd you say this idiot does again?"

"Mechanic, and he's not my dad," I answer, still trying to get over my nerves, "How's it feel...to be in him?"

"Man, he's so muscular and dense. I mean, I can feel how heavy he is, ya know? He's like really sweaty and kinda gross too, but I feel like I could beat the shit out of anyone right now!"

Sam takes a swig of Paul's beer, making the body look just like the alcoholic stepfather I knew and hated. Normally, I'd avoid the guy at all costs. He'd usually only speak to me in grunts, and that was only when he wasn't ignoring my existence. Now, Sam was using his mouth to yap off like an excited puppy.

I think Sam notices that I'm still a little tense, because he stops staring at his massive arms and puts the beer down. Paul's body steps right against me and grabs my hands as he looks down into my eyes. My stepdad would certainly never have done this before.

"How you doin, man?" Sam asks, but I can't help but feel like Paul is talking.

"Good," I lie, "This is just so surreal."

"Well, what do you want to see your old step daddy do for ya?" he asks playfully, "The jerk is at your whim, dude."

"I don't know..."

"Come on, sonny boy! Wanna watch as daddy Paul gets on his hands and knees and crawls to you?"

Sam pilots the muscular body to the floor, while staring longingly up at me with Paul's normally hateful gaze.

"Wanna see your big bad old man, stick out his tongue and lick your shoes?"

Before I can react, Paul...I mean Sam...has stuck out his tongue and started dragging it up the length of my sneaker. God, the sight of my harsh stepfather licking my shoe is incredible! He'd be so humiliated right now.

Sam pulls away from my feet and up to Paul's knees, "Maybe he needs to find another way to express just how sorry he is to his favorite boy."

Sam's lips hang open as he inches towards my tenting pants. My heart is racing with the anticipation of getting Paul's lips on my aching cock.

"I'm home!" a singsong voice echoes through the house.

"Shit, your mom!" Sam growls with Paul's hoarse voice, "I mean, my wife."

"Shut up," I snap, "Let's go to your house. We can get an early start to phase two."

My grizzled stepdad smirks, and we sneak out. Phase two involves Sam's biggest bully: his older brother, and he just got off work.

Michael was even easier to distract and jump into than my stepdad was. I may have been a little nervous, but after watching Sam do it at my house, I was practically a pro.

"Woah," I gasp in a much deeper tone than I'm used to, "Your brother is tall."

"Yeah, he was the basketball star before he graduated. Now he just bums around in the basement and beats me up after work," Sam explains.

I have to admit that it's a little weird to hear my friend complaining about getting picked on when he's wearing a super mature and muscular body. Though, Paul does look less intimidating when I see him from the towering height of the stud I'm in.

"Where were we?" I suggestively purr, getting a hang of using this guy's voice.

"Paul was about to apologize," Sam flashes a smile which looks foreign on Paul's face, "But I think you should make Michael apologize to me first."

I chuckle and take a step towards him, but almost stumble over the massive feet I have on.

"Damn, he's clumsy," I laugh, "Your brother deserves some sort of punishment, but what do you want him to do? Drop down and kiss your ass profusely or maybe bend over and take a good beating?"

"Both," Paul's mouth gulps as his calloused hands struggle to hide a growing hard-on.

"Or maybe you want to hear your brother grovel and beg for forgiveness?" I go on, dropping Michael's body to its knees, "Or maybe you can find a better use for this pathetic mouth."

"Shit, man!" I hear Paul's voice whine, "We're definitely going to make these straight assholes screw each other! But then we have to take them out tonight. They need to be put through something more public!"

"Oh I like that!" I moan from inside Michael, "Offer these jerks' bodies up for use at every gay bar!"

"At every gas station!" Sam excitedly claps Paul's hands together.

"They can pound Michaels ass while Paul tongue-polishes their boots!"

"Come here!" Sam growls.

"Yes, sir."

I jump into Sam's arms! Well, Michael jumps into Paul's arms. As electric as it feels, I can constantly sense that we don't own the bodies we are in. We're just puppeteering them.

That thought makes me wonder if Michael or Paul can feel all this somewhere deep down. It's a fleeting thought, because I'm already lost in the experience of making out with the jerk of a stepfather while Sam enjoys playing with his bully of a brother.

God, these bodies are hot. By the time, Sam and I are done wearing them, Paul and Michael will be the hottest pair of messes in town...

[weirdmageddon]

whats interesting is talking to my dual is really making me think about how to compress all of my socionics knowledge to be digestible

heres how i see it

socionics is a system, which means it’s comprised of smaller units that function together at different levels of abstraction. so as an analogy to biological levels of organization, it has different layers like this where they all have unique level-specific interactions.

for socionics, i want to start out at the smallest layer because everything is built on that. here’s how i’d roughly organize it if i were to structure lessons into different parts that built on the previous one:

information elements and their properties

extraverted/introverted (body/field), static/dynamic, explicit/implicit, irrational/rational

structural functions of model A

e.g. blocks (ego, super-ego, super-id, id. mental and vital tracks)

combining these: the model of a single type of information metabolism (TIM) that models the information processing structure of a single type of person

e.g. LII

how TIMs with complementary information processing (dual dyads) operate as a single unit.

e.g. LII-ESE. the extravertization and introvertization of the same thing. oriented at the same intentions, each subconsciously attuned to receiving information in the form naturally produced by the other’s TIM.

multiple dual dyads (each type in a dyad individually operating as two halves of a whole unit) in their ring of socioprogress and information transfer. there are 8 unique TIMs in your ring, half of the total possible configurations.

e.g. IEE-SLI → ESI-LIE → SLE-IEI → LII-ESE → …

the importance of the adjacent dyads in the ring, that underlie supervision and benefit relationships. from the perspective a single dual dyad being supervised / made beneficiary by the previous dyad, to being the supervisor / benefactor for the next dyad.

e.g. … SLE-IEI → LII-ESE → IEE-SLI …

the two rings of socioprogress (left/involutionary and right/evolutionary spin) that exist due to the way the information elements flow from one to the next in their model, for the total of all 16 unique TIMs. it is easier to communicate with people from the same ring of socioprogress as your own, because you ascribe the cause and effect of information being created to and from the same things.

left spin: IEE-SLI → ESI-LIE → SLE-IEI → LII-ESE → IEE-SLI …

right spin: ILE-SEI → LSI-EIE → SEE-ILI → EII-LSE → ILE-SEI …

god i wish tumblr’s formatting options weren’t so ass. i want to indent my bullet points. if i do this it might have to be on blogspot or some shit because i cant stand not being able to format with forum levels of freedom. im gonna need inline images too.

does anyone wanna help me design a nice website?? i wanna make it look neat and accessible but i’m more focused on the actual content i’ll put there than any web design specifics

[hauntedwizardmoment]

Ok. Now we’re really getting in the weeds. Also sorry this is so vague and formless but. I do think we need to ponder Jace’s old party meeting the clones. OC x w sorta-ish OC crossover (not to navel gaze). I need to know how Perry would feel abt what a freak bluejay is

YEAHHHH CHEERING HOLD ON i need to. open up excel. let's go down the line

invidia x j2: god i think j2 freaks invidia out so bad. this is a version of jace that lives and dies at the behest of porter cliffbreaker, and like, she's a romantic! she's happy jace found someone! but she takes one look at what j2 and porter have and is like oh that's not love. that's something else and it's frightening

invidia x j3: now j3 invidia would absolutely get along with. this is closer to the jace she knows, i.e. huge slut who's always in some drama. but also like, they used to joke about how jace was so conceited he'd fuck himself and hey, look, this one actually IS! and she says this to j3 thinking j3 would also find it funny but uh. he doesn't. at all.

invidia x j4: this is SO MESSYYYYY j4 makes invidia question if she even knows jace at all. like she asks jace about j4 and doesnt get a straight answer, more of a "oh just ignore that one, it's a failed experiment" and then she like, actually talks to j4 and realizes that j4 is like. much more true to the bitter, angry version of jace trapped in elmville that she missed out on when she was out with the rest of the party.

aurora x j2: WEIRD FUNDIES UNITE!!! j2 and aurora don't agree on much but they do agree that your relationship with your god is very very important, as is proselytizing about it and getting as many people into your faith as possible. and that your happiness comes second to this, always. aurora doesnt even clock that j2's brain is cooked she's like "oh wait... a version of jace that's tolerable? that's kind of... like me?? i didnt know he had it in him!"

aurora x j3: oh she hates his ass so much. how did jace make himself more of an annoying whore. and why does he dress like that.

aurora x j4: she hates j4 MARGINALLY less than she hates j3. like her issues with j3 are straight up her issues with jace and she doesn't like jace at all. her issues with j4 are new and different and she cant really process that? like j4 is so... insistent on making her issues with everything known. and aurora is like "you know, your life would be a lot easier if you just did what was expected of you. suck it up." and does not analyze that statement in regards to her own life.

peregrine x j2: god. peregrine wants this version of jace SO BADLY. sweet and pliant and always willing to tell him he's so strong and brave. loyal to a fault, practically no desires outside of what his beloved wants. unfortunately j2 is so porter-pilled that even though he has all of jace's memories of peregrine he's not interested at all. which of course means:

peregrine x j3: not to make j3 another shitty guy's consolation prize in lieu of j2 (who is himself a consolation prize in lieu of jace) but like. if peregrine can't have the idealized version of jace he'll take the easy one. the warm, jace-shaped body. and he's not interrogating j3's interiority at all bc nobody except him has internal struggles, of course.

peregrine x j4: she scares him so badly. like this to him is the real dark mirror of jace. all of them are dark mirrors in their own way but this one is the one who is resentful. angry. willing to lash out. call him on his bullshit, tell him he fucked up to his face. in a way though it's kind of a relief bc it just confirms all the horrible things he thinks about himself.

ysvelde x j2: awww theyre besties!! they both live for the approval of others and are willing to change themselves to get it, they get on like a house on fire!! ysvelde thinks he's ADORABLE too. ysvelde also sees some. terrible terrible parallels between how her mom treats her and how jace treats j2. and resolves to not interrogate that because she values her friendship w jace <3

ysvelde x j3: ALSO besties but in a very different way!! theyre not having deep emotional conversations, theyre going OUT!! ysvelde's missed having someone who appreciates sneaking away from the rest of the party to find the only decent bar this far away from civilization. and j3 knows all the best spots too!! (she's ignoring how little jace seems to care about j3's safety and doesnt even ask if he has a weapon on him before he goes out).

ysvelde x j4: unfortunately the one clone ysvelde doesnt really Get? like j4 is so sure of who she is. she's so determined to define herself in opposition to jace. and ysvelde like... can't really relate to that. like the idea of not performing constantly, not seeking the approval of someone else, is unfathomable to her.

dagbert x the clones: god poor dagbert. he cannot tell them apart even a little bit. he thinks its VERY cool that jace managed to do this, he's always admired jace's spellcraft on a technical level, but the clones seem to have just as much insane psychosexual drama as jace does and he's not about to entangle himself in it. not when he has a FUCKING JOB. god. do none of these people care about their JOB. his personal life is so divorced from anything any of these people are doing that it's comical. he tries to engage with j3 once because j3's very hot but gets shut down bc j3's busy with peregrine. he approaches j2 but sees him engaged with aurora ENTHUSIASICALLY talking about devotion to god and is like ohhhh gods no i know crazy when i see it. stay away. j4 is his favorite because she's a straight-shooter. and she's the only clone that looks interested when he mentions taking over his father's construction business and they can talk about tools and lumber and brickwork for hours.

[diodellet]

hiya dio!! tossing in 3 (honkai star rail? 👀), 5, and 15!!

hiya ian! thanks for shooting me an ask!!

3.) Go to the [honkai star rail] tag and reblog some art you like that has under 100 notes

aight i gotchu oomfie, ill search for stuff to queue up 😤😤

5.) What genre do you like reading the best?

angst and hurt/comfort 🔛🔝!!!

it's painful, it's good, and it makes emotional processing so much easier and less burdensome because the difficulty goes into finding an okay sentence and stringing together ok-ish dialogue (but at least those can be solved with a banger ass playlist, ykw?)

augh special mention to one of my formative twst fics i love that grim has such a big role in this

15.) Worst fanfic tropes ever?

NOO!!!! U CANT MAKE ME SAY BAD THINGS ABT FANFIC!!! ALL FANFIC IS GOOD WHEN IT IS MADE WITH HEART!!!

(did i say bridal carry? ill just say it again for funsies HAHAHA i dont like bridal carries, it doesn't spark any joy, please just carry me like this🤧👇👇)

i'm usually really open-minded with reading fanfics... so aside from the obvious fanfic writing sins (using generative AI, plagiarism, not doing enough careful research for sensitive topics) OH WAIT--

(this is probably specific to genshin/hyv) but i Reaaaaally don't like it when fandom infantilizes characters that use the teenage model. like, there is such a thing as short adults! (me. i am one of them!) one time i saw someone say that lynette was probably a year younger than lyney and i was confused bcs aren't they twins??? like, are we forgetting that lynette was the primary "errand-goer" for the house of hearth upon getting her vision? girlie's probably seen more shit than lyney did.

^^semi-related to infantilizing characters, i dont like how some obm fics treat luke as a literal toddler. like, yes he's immature but he's got a good head on his shoulders and even if he's a low-ranked angel he probably has sm powers that he can make use of to protect MC. and i esp see how he gets left out even in gen/platonic fics and hcs. smtimes i feel compelled to look at the game's shitty pop quiz events for fanfic fuel (i mean, the luke tag has more ppl saying not to sexualize him than actual writing and that bugs me ://)

There used to be this really good obm fanfic (Nightmare by StarsEncrusted) and it had a plot point of helping luke get his wings, but it++the author's orig account got deleted from ao3. thankfully some fans had the foresight to archive it, so heres a wayback link to the fic and the accompanying side stories

i guess to expound more on my aversion to marriage in fanfic, it icks me when the characterization stops feeling like the characters themselves and the fic starts feeling heteronormative (also sometimes the writing comes across as if the marriage/childbirth "fixes" all those issues, which, it doesn't) and, well, i already kind of deal with the idea of "getting settled down" shoved in my face. it's really not for me. but i do understand why it's comforting to people, smtimes i can indulge in reading in it. but on a bad day, nah, i can't.

anyway, also special shout out to chat fics, they can be fun but idk it reads to me as a way to regurgitate overused incorrect quotes. (please some vines need to be laid to rest. also, can we stop quoting that one copaganda show oh my god)

(art appreciation ask questions, please bug me to rb some underrated fic and art)

[knifesxedge]

WRITER ASK GAME 3, 23, 32, 42 & 55

YAY thank you sm for the ask marz!!

3: Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

hoo boy okay. so these are WILDLY different processes for me because i usually don’t do chaptered fics. that is because my usual process is getting inspiration, and before i lose that, writing a draft. what makes certain fics take way longer is when i CANT get through a whole draft without losing inspiration and then i have to just keep coming back to it. at that point i read through it and change details, add details, and refine, and once i’ve refreshed my memory on what the flow of the story is, i’ll try to add on. sometimes i can add a lot, sometimes i can only add little bits at a time, so fics will drag out from initial conception to actually being published. for my only chaptered fic, i am still struggling with that second part, where i need to keep going back and working on it. so hi, if you’re wondering if and i ache is EVER going to be updated, the answer is hopefully. the difference is that for that fic specifically, I HAVE AN OUTLINE WRITTEN. granted it’s a very simple outline but i rarely write down an actual outline, i just make a roadmap for myself in my head. i may actually try to start integrating that for longer fics like the still-in-purgatory exterminators au, as those tend to be more complicated and it would PROBABLY be helpful to not have it in my head. in any case, my process is usually to just keep going back to it over and over again and picking at little bits of it, changing something here, adding something there, until i feel it’s in as good a shape as it can be. if i’m stuck feeling like it’s not great but i don’t know how to fix it OR i just feel like having an outside perspective i will sometimes loop my friends into it and ask them for some feedback :)

23: Best writing advice for other writers?

oh, god. okay. i don’t feel like i’m very qualified to be handing out advice, really, i’m just some guy who writes stories i like about characters i like. okay. hm. i think what makes stories better though is definitely get some fresh eyes on it! get some feedback from people who DO know what they’re doing. ask your writer friends to look at it and tell you what they think is lacking or needs changing. that honest to god has improved my writing a lot. other than that, though, i think reading different kinds of writing, good writing, good fanfiction that rivals novels but also REAL novels, different authors, different genres, whatever. that will improve your writing because you’ll have a much more varied pool of inspiration to pull from AND you’ll expand your vocabulary, vary your sentence structure, learn new ways of expressing yourself. of course i’m not good at following my own advice because finding time to sit down and read is HARD for me BUT i KNOW FOR A FACT that it makes you better. god knows my own work has been easier to complete/i’ve had more inspiration, i’ve found the words flow easier, things sound better and more mature and less regurgitated, etc, when i’ve been reading other people’s work. but again like it has to be GOOD writing otherwise it’ll work in the opposite direction. read literature, kids.

32: Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

WHEE okay! here you go:

@sleevesareforlosers /costumejail (danny doesn’t write for dd anymore but xe literally has over 150 fics to peruse. shilling for my bestie go read danny’s stuff ok ESPECIALLY since i know a lot of y’all like kobracola and funkobra)

allhaunting + semperfemina (as far as i’m concerned they’re a package deal and iirc they’re actually a married couple. anyways the dynamic they write changes slightly from fic to fic but it’s always realistically toxic and super interesting. plus they’re just really good writers. one of their fics’ endings makes me cry on a regular basis. anyways. it’s good give ‘em a look)

hard to decide on a concrete third…probably a tie between @agentcherricola /truefinches, present company/tiredstressed, and @discocritic . like YES i know only one of those three people i listed is actively writing dd fic rn and it’s you, marz, but i’ve been around for a long time by dd fandom standards. disco’s stuff is really good and solid and i feel bad for y’all that will never get to read the stuff of theirs that no longer exists on the internet /gen & matt’s got good stuff too plus we’re friends so i have to try and prod y’all to check his work out. OH and i almost forgot but @paralytic-states is another good friend of mine who i’d consider part of the remnants of the funpoison old guard still here on dd tumblr <3

give all these folks some love they’re very talented!! 💕

42: What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

last fic i read was Habit Forming by ros3bud009 and yes i would recommend it. if people were allowed to be gay on tv in the 60s this could have all happened in the show which should tell you something about how insane star trek already is <3 spirk nation

55: Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

ghoul is my favorite character BUT. party is my favorite to write. that’s never really changed, theyre just fun because their perspective especially of themself oftentimes does NOT line up with reality and it’s fun to play with that. on the other hand i’ve started to really enjoy writing kobra and jet as well for fresh perspectives on things and also because it’s fun to get to write about different characters��� perspectives and motivations! like i mentioned in the last ask i got for this game character-driven stuff is my favorite to write :]

thank you again so so much for the ask!

send me fic writer asks from HERE!

[introspectivity]

Warning: Intrusive thoughts.

In the middle of the week, intrusive thoughts began to consume me. It was a combination of me being alone and me being horny (plus I have my freedom since my estranged partner who left the country just told me "I can do whatever I want now" and blocked me everywhere after a heated argument of me not getting back to her and just wanting live our lives separately. Like I expected, she'll more likely stop bothering me after I told her to emigrate to live out her dreams. She even abandoned her financial obligations here. I'll manage as long as I am free).

God damn. So this how hookup scene welcomes me back with my newfound freedom. Just one Reddit post, I got tons of messages. That's a surprise as a guy. It's been a while. I heard you're lucky to get even one message. Makes me think that tons of guys there are just subpar or average dudes wanting to fuck and that ladies want something with more substance. I really dont bother checking F4M posts since hungry and horny degenerates just devour those. With tons of choices now, I can be picky since I am trying to dip my toes here and be cautious. not that they can do something horrible to me (it's usually the girls who should be very worried about that). I wont get pregnant either but I just dont want to sleep around mindlessly.

I think the last time I did it before this was during my last domestric trip. That last hookup from the pink app was, in her own words, her revenge fuck. She told me that after the deed. God damn, what a turn of events. She's angry about her LIP for letting his male friends go to their room which invaded their privacy and she sneaked out of their house to fuck. What an excuse. hope that made her feel much better. lol. I asked her, why not breakup with him. She said, she cant. I still dont get it but hey, I get to easily benefit on the other side but it didnt feel good. Still I wish nobody has to do that. I was still processing and thinking hard of getting back with my ex then. Nothing and no one could erase her from my mind.

So anyway, after posting, there's another girl who messaged me (in the image) but tapped out of fatigue after some hard fucking while I was still hard and havent cummed yet. That reminded me that gloves really decrease pleasure, but I have to be careful and safe about all of this. I suddenly lost all interest to continue and we just talked for an hour about my situation which I also included in my post for transparency reasons so she knows she's just a sad NSA fuck. After talking, she wanted to make me feel good before going so she let me fuck her mouth which I prefer so it's safer and I can still get my release. Literally "parausan" emotionally and sexually. Thank god for horny ladies. lol. Am I too bad for saying that? Maybe they dont care naman. For me, hopefully for her, it's just plain consensual sex.

I don't have self-worth/esteem issues so I don't need validation. I just want my release. I don't know if the other person I met needs validation or connection. Maybe? I dont fucking care. It's convenient to be an asshole. Better stop caring. Easier that way. Wham, bam, thank you very much. I don't have to be myself. I can just suppress my true self and shroud myself in this dark cape and mask. Also, who tf falls in love with assholes? lol. Just pretend to be one and give them great sex. Self preservation is self love.

What astonishes me is that you fuck them then ignore or ghost them for few days and will still let you use them for nothing. lol This is just too easy. Does that makes them empowered? You give them the illusion of power for your benefit. Well, it's quick to just lose all interest this way.

I dont need to go down this hole again but hey, who cares. free fuck is free fuck. I still prefer exclusivity over tons of choices. tbh. I wish I could really do it with her whom I really love and care for. I wish we are still doing it with much passion and intensity right now. It's also much safer that way as well but what can I do? This revolving door of sex doesnt feel right. New fubus will usually end up taking the unwanted development especially if the chemistry is great. Meanwhile, bad chemistry usually lead to bad sex. This lottery is just risky business. big sigh

I am writing this as I finished sending the late response to that girl in the picture whom I'm not keen on seeing again. I used not to care about those kind of people you meet in that set-up. They're just there to help me get my fix. I just replied so she wont feel that bad. I only fell in love in this set-up once (maybe never again with somebody else) and my heart is closed for repairs now. my heart still beats for my ex and only she can have it but I am trying to move on. I am writing this post just to make my mind preoccupied before I go to sleep.

In the back of my mind, I still wish to stop myself getting caught in this downward spiral. I really felt I'm going to get depressed and lose my mind. So I asked my mom yesterday to meet me to tell her what recently happened and update her of my plans. I wanted her to stay in my condo last night to lessen my urge, keep intrusive thoughts at bay and make it harder for me to do it. I fetched her in her condo last night since she work remotely every Friday and will stay here over the weekend before I go to our hometown to celebrate my brother's birthday. My mom helped me process things. I'm glad she's always around during my darkest times. She even asked about my ex because she knew that I love her so much and how happy she made me feel. She was sad that we broke up altho she told me to stop talking to her for the meantime after the incident while there was so much heat to let things cool down. She said, do it only when the other party doesn't care anymore like how's their situation right now. My mom wanted me to be happy. I told her everything but I never wanted anyone especially my mom to see my ex on a bad light. I still have so much love for my ex and hoping we will end up with each other. I just told my ex wanted to let our relationship go, and I have to give her that. It feels comforting to have my mom around. Her presence help repels some dark and intrusive thoughts. Today, I drove with her for a grocery run and did some errands. I was also able to focus more, especially on myself, and slowly get back to who I really am and seek what I really want.

I wish I dont have to write about this again but damn, I just wanna numb my pain. Sex is a painkiller drug and I could compartmentalize to guard myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been really wanting to post another thing. My letter for her is already several pages long since I wrote it after our breakup but Im still stumped on that one esp. I don't even know if she still cares about it but whatever, I'll post it still since I want a repository of my feelings and state of mind. Heck, I even posted this even without a care in the world. I said things because of my state, right now. Keep your judgment to yourselves. I dont need it.

[wizardlover124]

I'm going to put out something more coherent in the near future, but have you considered the analogy of the line & the sun to separate out Rose and Terezi's powers?

warning really fucking long post ahead again

THE ANALOGY OF THE SUN; Sun/Light vs. Mind

ok i cant be coherent about this atm but here are some notes i took

just because you have working eyes doesn’t mean you can see—you need light, which comes from the sun.

similarly, a mind can’t see truth on its own—light of truth/reality must allow for real knowledge. without such light, the “darkness” (aka beliefs rather than knowledge) is all you have.

THE ANALOGY OF THE LINE;

Seer of Mind and Seer of Light would both stand in the visible realm of knowledge (C & D, if you're familiar with the illustration of it) but Rose engages in some form of global skepticism and starts with doubt of everything at her very beginning—which, before she's able to engage in a much more healthier form of philosophy, leads to existentialist anguish and ergo Grimdark Rose. To my memory Grimdark Rose appears when she's at a moment of doubt regarding everything there is to know, having just learned that her Mom is dead and the Horrorterrors are (surprise) terrible—she's having that realization Descartes had in his little fire-lit cabin, except she doesn't have three armies and a formal edcuation's worth of experience to neatly declare cogito ergo sum and move on with her life. (Not that Descartes doesn't have his own critiques, with one of my favorites being this quick little piece by Mary Midgley.) She instead dies as a result—and then, in a moment of probably incidental thematic brilliance, her death as a result of global skepticism leads to her God-tier ascension into a fully-fledged Seer of Light. She is at the truest knowledge could possibly be—she's started with a doubt of everything, apparently figured something out amidst that, and now she's able to see the world for what it is. Thus her role as a Seer of Light falls within segment D, or noesis, meaning "knowing."

Seer of Mind, on the other hand, belongs in the "C"/dianoia ("thinking") category, in which one attempts to make sense of the material world but fails to understand that their abstract concepts aren't material of themselves (if I'm reading it correctly). An easier way to say it is that those who achieved dianoia are able to draw conclusions and infer using critical thinking/logic, but they can't realize that their logical systems could potentially be put into doubt. The example I can recall is a mathematician using numbers in diagrams to explain the world while taking the very idea of "numbers" for granted—in this sense, Terezi takes logic itself for granted when attempting to See what 'X' individual's next course of action will be, and that's why she doesn't end up God-tiering.

ARISTOTLE, CHANCE, AND VRISREZI:

So, what does taking "logic for granted" mean? Well, in terms of Homestuck, it means she's not accounting for Luck—something intrinsically tied with the Light element by virtue of a certain Vriska Serket. Aristotle goes on for a long time about the Four Causes of a certain thing and whether "chance" should be counted as a cause or not, and in that process separates out the difference between "chance" and "spontaneity"—while spontaneity encompasses everything that doesn't happen as a direct cause from someone, including Literal Randomness, chance involves direct agents/choices. So it was spontaneity that Gamzee happened to continue freaking the fuck out immediately after Terezi realized Aranea's mind control was relinquished—in the non-"you're responsible for literally and ultimately and fundamentally everything" sense—, though there's debate to be had on how much agency Gamzee has over his freakouts.

And one of her most iconic quotes, "We make our own luck," is delivered immediately before a feat on John's end that can be interpreted as extraordinarily lucky (do NOT get me started on John Egbert & Sartrean freedom, I will fucking implode)—of course, Terezi writes out individual courses of action for John to make by tapping into her abilities as a Seer of Mind (Seer of Logic/Decision; out of all the possible decisions made, what would work out?) but John's deviance from the instructions working out is luck. What makes this scene especially special, though, is that it's the closest Terezi gets to a God-tier mentality—she's recognizing in some sense that if you see enough steps/choices ahead, you can influence the chance of how things turn out, but she fails because she doesn't account for spontaneity.

Vriska acknowledges both spontaneity and chance, and through this she ascends to God-tier; she removes the chance that Tavros acts in a way that's different to her plans by mind-controlling him.... [TO BE CONTINUED].

(i.e. my laptop is at nine fucking percent im leaving this off for another day)

"quick" reflection on intelligence in homestuck:

i've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in conjunction with my john post, so i just wanted to make a little reflection about it.

this is going to be relevant to a greater wip post on dirk strider & plato more generally, but i'm going to phrase all of this within the terms of the allegory of the cave (and more generally the metaphysics plato talks about in books v-vii of the republic) for clarity.

SO, if you somehow you missed out, here is the basics of the allegory of the cave: within the metaphor, a bunch of people are chained to the ground with their backs to the entrance of this cave, unable to look anywhere other than directly in front of them. behind their backs is a fire, and between that fire and the people there is a line of puppet masters holding up puppets reflecting real life objects that are then projected onto the walls of the cave for the chained people to see.

at some point, for some reason, a person (namely, a philosopher) will be dragged out from their chains, kicking and screaming, to the mouth of the cave and tossed into the real world. there they will be met by a number of new objects to perceive, all vastly different from the shadows on the walls that they had previously been seeing. instead of the shadow of a horse, they'll see a whole ass real horse, out in the daylight and everything, though first they might have to come to terms with seeing a reflection of that horse in water. essentially their perception of the world will blow their fuckin mind but by the end of it they'll totally love this new world of light and real actual objects and never want to leave it.

at some point though, they'll be obligated to come back and join the others in the cave once again. coming back down they might struggle to word exactly what it is that they saw outside of the cave, or may be laughed off by the people who have only ever seen shadows and only ever understand shadows, but because they have that knowledge, it is now their duty to lead the others, at least for a little while, before they can go back into that bright, sunny world again.

there are a ton of ways that this story can be relevant in homestuck, and i do wanna get into that at some point in the future (e.g. the puppets, light as knowledge w/ rose, plato's elitism especially w/ regards to the philosopher ruler, etc.) but for now to focus on intelligence:

there are two types of intelligence in homestuck, which can in the terms of plato's cave allegory be categorized as knowledge of the Forms (or the "true" intelligence that you gain by leaving the cave) and knowledge of the Mimics/Imitations (or the intelligence you gain by watching the shadows on the wall). note that plato gets hells of into talk about imitations around ehh books ii-iii i believe but also especially in book x right at the very end, mostly in his criticisms of the works of hesiod/homer (also yes this is related to the mimesis shit from detective pony).

in homestuck terms, these categories can be described as knowledge of the world and knowledge of the World, or actual knowledge of how real life things work vs. knowledge about the meta structure of homestuck as a comic and how the fictional world functions (the game rules, you could say). interestingly, meta knowledge about the world of the comic as a story seems to be privileged here, which perhaps makes sense since it feels more significant for a fictional character to be aware of details about their own story. to give an example that might help: this is knowledge about computers (understanding the shadows) vs. knowing that the laws of the world they live in is based around computers (understanding the Forms, or the origin of reality).

what this means is that characters designated as intelligent in homestuck can also be split along the same lines according to which kind of knowledge they have, which of course can change over time as well. take jade, for example: she is just generally quite smart in that she understands a lot of physics and quantum mechanics science-y shit, but also by the fact that she has access to some greater Knowledge at the start of her arc through the visions she gets from prospit. dirk is intelligent in the shadow-knowledge sense because he understands the history of humanity leading up to its eventual death at the hands of HIC, but seems to struggle a lot more to access that greater Knowledge, which i think is actually shown a lot more in the post-canon stuff w/ all of the ultimate self shit. jake on the other hand might be lacking intelligence in terms of shadow-knowledge (maybe, it's kinda hard to tell, actually- i would say this is true just because he doesn't seem to care all that much about studying in the same way dirk does) but he at least subconsciously is frighteningly aware of how the World works, as seen here (A6A3:4928):

JAKE: The demon you say im supposed to defeat? ARANEA: Yes. JAKE: Hang on. JAKE: Would that be the same demon im named after? ARANEA: Who told you that? JAKE: Uh... JAKE: I guess technically my own brain did? ARANEA: That's interesting. ARANEA: I wasn't planning on mentioning that. Or at least not just yet.

the most straightforward example here though is rose, who through her status as a seer of light just so so so perfectly fits into having knowledge of the Forms. the association in the original text of the republic of light and Forms knowledge fits this perfectly too.

one caveat to this view of intelligence is that it doesn't necessarily account for emotional intelligence, which i would actually put in a fully separate category that karkat obviously fuckin rules over (and roxy, to some degree). what's important though is that this structure separates out the intelligence of Omniscient/semi-omniscient beings (doc scratch, hal, kinda calliope but ehh i'll get to that) from normal super-smart kid intelligence, which is key when trying to analyze what characters are actually aware of, and from that, what we can actually trust when it comes to analyzing homestuck's lore. we really can't forget here that homestuck is a story told almost entirely through dialogue and conversations meaning that pretty much all lore comes through potentially biased narrators, something that is especially true for the alpha kids but really applies to pretty much everyone. sometimes the story will hint at knowledge that we can trust as fact straight up, i.e. rose explaining how dead/void sessions work in A6I2, but this is definitely not always the case and personally i think it helps a lot w/ analysis to be able to be aware of this.

anyways, some interesting cases that come out of this view:

calliope: calliope technically has knowledge of the Forms through how she is basically just a reader of homestuck, but because of that very same perspective she's also not a fully trustworthy narrator since 1. her version of the story is explicitly heavily redacted, and 2. she's in the same position as the audience in trying to piece everything together, meaning that all of her "lore" is really just theories that she's put together herself

terezi: i'm not sure what to make of mind as an aspect, especially in conjunction to light. i'm actually inclined to say this is, like, knowledge of shadows Plus since a lot of what we see w/ terezi is basically just knowledge of every possible timeline? maybe it would be better to put knowledge of aspects into a subcategory of knowledge of Forms, since aspects are kinda like laws of the fictional universe. the fact that mind is specifically put as complementary to heart (and therefore souls/identity) is also a really interesting idea and i wanna explore that more, it's such a weird aspect especially when you have light and all of its connotations right there

gamzee: gamzee's whole breakdown is basically just him gaining knowledge of the Forms and getting pissed about it (getting dragged out of the cave and not being happy with the world he sees) but i almost feel like there should be more to this since clowns are so fucking weird in general w/ all of the meta shit. it almost feels wrong to call gamzee a character after his icp-induced mind break, he loses his personality so strongly to the point of just becoming a fuckin plot device.

in conclusion: i need to talk more about dirk strider. LATER later

[lunaastoir]

Hi! I really enjoy your writing so is it alright if i request xiao, diluc, childe with an idol s/o where one of their old stalkers come back or they just recently had a stalker in general but with how busy they were since they’re an idol they don’t even notice? And something bad happens (i cant think of anything</3) Thank you very much !!

hi anon!! a million apologies since this is so late but i hope you like the fic <3

there also aren’t any explicit details for anything bad happening - i briefly touched on subjects that you may not have control over, i hope that’s ok! 

warning (?): struggled a bit on this prompt so i apologize in advance if this isn’t my best work LMAOO

gn! reader

tw: hints of assault, slight angst, very light abuse if you squint

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

now xiao is a very observant man but he's also extremely busy keeping liyue safe

he makes it a point to always come to your shows even if you don't actively see him bc he cares a lot abt you and he enjoys listening to your music ‼️

it's normal for him to sometimes get lost between his own world of demonslaying and the world he shares w you

so one night, he's hanging on the rafters of a house with the perfect view of your singing

everything goes smoothly, he sets his spear down while lightly swaying his head to the music

the concert ends and fans disperse after you say your farewells

a night like this is rare since for once, xiao can walk home w you back to the inn sweet boy really cleared out his schedule for you huh

you're unsurprised when you see him materialize next to you, opting to flash him a smile and a hello

his cheeks are lightly flushed as he crosses his arms before talking quietly about how well you did

he relishes in the wide smile you give him as a result of his praise and he lets the corners of his lips curve upwards slightly

the quiet bustle of the harbor seemed to slow down as the night grew longer

since this was a fairly large concert, you had boxes among boxes of equipment so xiao decided to make your life easier by quickly flying them to their appropriate locations

when he got back however, he was surprised to see you talking animatedly with someone

he didn't think anything was wrong until he saw the person trap you between the stage and words filtered into his ears

your back was painfully pressed against the stage wall as you defiantly met their gaze. after xiao had left, they had immediately come over to you: first introducing themselves as a fan and making amiable conversation, before divulging in personal details of your life that made your skin crawl. you weren’t helpless, you always had your weapon on hand regardless of whether you were performing or not. the way they pushed you against the wall however, made it near impossible to summon your sword should you need it. 

they leered down at you while balancing an arm against the wall next to your head. you had dealt with things like this before so you weren’t overly worried; you could defend yourself. you almost felt pity for the person in front of you as they asked for your number with a sadistic grin, disgusting words tumbling off of their lips. however, that was before you felt their cold fingers idly make their way to your stomach and you felt your breath hitch. oh no

the telltale sound of whooshing alerted you of xiao’s presence, and the press of the tip of his spear against their jugular brought you relief. 

“back away” he tightly growled while his golden eyes narrowed into slits. they stared at him in shock before holding their hands up and moving to step a foot away from you. 

“farther” he motioned with his spear before stepping in front of you as you attempted to collect yourself. 

“ok ok, i’m far away can you put your spear down now?” 

“no.” 

you mentally cursed as you watched the two of them glare at each other. this was supposed to be a carefree night but this unfortunate twist made the air thick with tension. you could feel the anger radiate off of xiao in waves and in an effort to deescalate the situation, you spoke. 

“i’m glad to meet such an...avid fan but i’m sorry the two of us must get going now” you hastily said before attempting to grab xiao’s hand and walk off past them. 

the next words had you halt your steps as they divulged their secret. 

words painted in careless arrogance with hints of violet overconfidence flew out of the person’s mouth - “judging from the weeks i’ve been following you, it didn’t seem like you had a boyfriend”

at the mere mention of prolonged stalking, xiao immediately lunged to pull you behind him. god, he didn’t kill mortals but he swore if he plunged his spear into this human being right here, no one would even blink twice considering how low of a person they were. 

“if i ever see you near them again, i will not hesitate to kill you. i won’t blink twice, i already have blood on my hands.” he ground out.

at the threat, the person grudgingly turned their back to you before leaving the two of you alone in the quiet harbor. 

you carefully reached a hand out to touch your boyfriend’s shoulder, but stopped after you saw the expression on his face. the mix of rage, sadness, and anguish imprinted his features as you watched his chest rapidly rise and fall - a result of his emotional battle. 

“i’m sorry i didn’t notice them before. i should’ve been paying more attention to you” he whispered before silently striding away from your grasp 

you knew that no matter how many reassurances you gave him about how, “it’s not your fault xiao, i didn’t notice them either” he would still blame himself. 

he was supposed to protect you right? so why couldn’t he sense the danger beforehand? what would’ve happened if he wasn’t there?

it’s still a learning process for him to realize that things happen, and he inevitably couldn’t be there to save you from everything. he needs time to understand and adjust. you’re willing to wait, patiently helping him through it. why? because love is worth it. 

god im sorry this ended up kinda sad whoops

diluc 

i swear everytime i say i’m a childe simp diluc kinda wrecks me

ahem anyways onto the hc!

he’s kinda never around but similar to xiao he will overwork himself to clear out an hour or two just to watch your concerts 

he’ll always stand off to the side too so if you tilt your head while you’re singing you can spy his red hair 

you always flash him the sweetest smile and this man blushes like CRAZY before quickly lifting his hand up to give you a thumbs up 

everyone watching the both of you like 😍😦

people think it’s the cutest thing i swear like c’mon the elusive “bachelor of mondstadt” being seen in public supporting you??? wow pls can we share him

he walks with you back to the winery, the entire time linking his hands with yours while gushing about your performance 

1939248/10 it’s literally the sweetest thing 

the next day however, adelinde brings you a pink letter addressed to you 

he doesn’t pry because it’s addressed to you and it’s your business but as the letters start coming by everyday, he starts to grow curious 

one day he straight up just asks you about it

“hey, you know those pink letters you keep getting? who are they from?”

you laugh slightly at his bashfulness and respond with a “just some overexcited fan” and he smiles before kissing your forehead 

he loves that people are noticing your talent 

loves it! until you get stalked by the same person who wrote you those letters while you were shopping!

diluc knows something’s wrong when you rush into angel’s share panicked after not returning his usual smile. 

“darling? are you ok?” he asks worriedly before quickly setting down the glass he was cleaning to move towards you. 

the widening of your eyes as you looked behind you at the sounds of someone else entering was all he needed to swiftly step in front of you, blocking their gaze of your face. 

the slightly panicked look in your eyes before you hurriedly whispered, “they’re following me” made diluc glance at them subtly out of the corner of his eye. he watched as they walked over to find a seat next to the bar, seemingly ready to order a drink. he quietly asked if you would like to sit in the room reserved for the employees, away from their prying eyes. your hasty nod was all the confirmation he needed for him to let you access the door behind him. 

the night went by fairly smoothly with kaeya’s usual teasing and venti’s usual begging for alcohol. diluc’s eyes narrowed however, when the person seemed to ask him questions regarding you. things like, “i heard you’re dating y/n... they’re amazing, how long have you been together?” and “do they live with you at dawn winery?” diluc answered these questions as short as he could, trying to convey with his body language that he truly did not want to talk to them. 

everything was going well until he made the mistake of leaving the bar unattended. he had briefly forgotten about your residence in the room behind him as his mind immediately gravitated to breaking up a brawl. when he returned, the half drunk glass of liquor combined with the person’s absence from their seat, caused sparks of worry to light up inside his chest. 

turning to the door, he knocked once. 

“is everything alright in there love?”

the sounds of things rustling about and the occasional muffled voice had him opening the door quickly. he saw you with your arm being held tightly in their grasp, your mouth muffled with their hand, while you strained against them by pulling at your arm. 

diluc immediately made his way over to you, quickly pulling your arm away before letting you enter into his embrace. 

“get out.” the venomous words clawed their way out of his throat as he looked at them with eyes that screamed hatred. his blood was boiling as his mind replayed the scene; your scared expression and their greedy eyes. 

diluc didn’t need to repeat himself twice as they ran out, trying not to trip over crates of wine. he made a mental note to find out who they were in order to make sure they never came near you ever again. 

he quickly looked down at your form, relaxing slightly at the sight of your tentative smile. “my knight in shining armor” you joked before softly nuzzling your head into his shoulder. the anger had yet to dissipate from his veins, and although he knew you were still shaken up, he was sure you would be fine. 

a pink letter placed on the table next to you caught his eye, and he made sure to quickly pocket it as he led you out, gently jesting with you about the “unnecessary amount of wine barrels in here, diluc this is a safety hazard!” 

he would deal with this person later. 

childe

ayo AYO ITS THE TOY SALESMAN

ok tbh he’s very rarely around so he unfortunately cannot make it to all of your shows 

dw tho, he will try his hardest to be there for the ones he’s in town for bc what is he if not your number one hype king??? 

ok kinda creepy! alert 

he’s tasked two of his subordinates to keep watch over you whenever he’s out of the harbor

it’s not anything creepy,,, he just gets extremely worried abt you and wants to make sure you’re safe 

sO when he gets a ransom note??? he’s understandably confused but also very much freaked out 

bc did they not know who he was??? the fact that they thought they could get away with holding you captive was quite honestly kind of funny to him 

very stressed and angry tho - hides it behind a facade of smiles but he’s raging 

takes him only a few hours to track you down bc he had everyone and i mean EVERYONE looking for you 

the note crunched in his hand as the harbinger made his way towards windrise. his pace was erratic, long legs rushing towards the small cave his agents had found. they were bordering the perimeter of the enclosure, careful to not alert you or your captor of their presence. childe’s subordinate head had calmly stated that childe need not come out to rescue you, the situation was under control and they could do it for him. however, childe’s sharp gaze along with his sickly sweet words of “thanks but no. i’m coming out to see this sorry asshole for myself” had the agent backing away apologizing. he wanted to see the look on this person’s face before he shoved their sorry ass into the abyss himself. 

as he reached the opening of the cave, he glanced over his shoulder at his head agent; a silent warning to keep the area sealed. his blue eyes glinted with a thirst for blood before making his way into the cave, sealing off the exit with his body. 

“well well, playing games with the love of my life are we?” 

his teasing words reached your ears as your eyes immediately found the face of your boyfriend. you weren’t horribly scared, just a little shaken up and sore from the bindings on your wrists. relief coursed through your body at the sight of him. you needn’t put in your plan of getting out of these bindings to fight your captor yourself anymore. 

childe’s eyes quickly scanned over your frame, making sure you weren’t hurt. at the state of you completely unharmed, the harbinger let his heart calm down slightly. you were completely ok. 

“wait a little longer, love? i promise this will be over soon”

the wink he sent you had you lightly rolling your eyes at his antics before he directed his attention back to your kidnapper. if your captor wasn’t scared before, they were certainly shaking in their boots now at the sight of childe’s twin hydro blades rotating playfully in his hands. 

“listen, all i want is the money-”

“and all i want is your head” 

your boyfriend smiled after cutting them off. the severity of the situation truly seemed to sink in at that moment before pleas of mercy fell from your captor’s lips, desperate to escape the bloodthirsty gaze of the harbinger. childe’s eyes flickered over to yours where you sat there, with your head ferociously shaking. a silent “no.” he sighed before swiftly bringing his arm up to hit your captor on the head, effectively knocking them out cold. 

his hands worked at the ropes holding you and he gingerly rubbed at your bruised wrists. you silently thanked the archons he could never say no to you. archons forbid what would've happened if you hadn’t said anything. while you were explaining what happened, the young man quickly scooped you up in his arms before walking out of the cave. 

you playfully hit his shoulder while muttering “drama queen” but you stopped when you saw his face morph into an expression of seriousness. you had informed him on the situation about your captor revealing themselves to be a recent stalker of yours, completely oblivious to the look of frustration on his face as he freed you from your bondages. 

“i was scared you know.” he quietly divulged. “i knew that it wasn’t anything extremely serious but i... i was still scared”

you swore as you looked at him in that moment, he had turned ten again. the youth of his face betraying his vulnerability. 

you quietly hummed before tangling your fingers in his hair. “i hope you know it wasn’t your fault. it wasn’t anyone’s fault. not even the two fatui agents who you sent to stalk me while you were away.”

he quietly laughed at that before mentally filing away a reminder for a lecture to those two agents in the near future. 

“i’m just glad you’re safe. i know you can save yourself but i’ll always be here. i still wish you would let me take care of your asshole kidnapper myself though.” he pouted jokingly. 

“i’m sure the millelith will lock them up for a long time.” you laughed sweetly. 

his usual smile reappeared at your antics. maybe he didn’t get to beat your captor up and do...much worse. however at the end of the day, your smile was still intact regardless of what happened. that’s all he wanted. 

[sorikkung]

OH MY GOD SGSJDJSHSDJDJ you wrote 😭😭 a trans reader royal au 😭😭 I can't even put in words how happy that made me. THANK YOU!!!! 💜💜💜💜💜

Also I saw you're open to writing for other identities 🥺 it would mean the world to me if you could write something with ateez and genderfluid/aromantic/asexual reader (maybe all the three? Hehet or not, you decide it)

But thank you so much. Representation matters and you're making the difference <3

you. you right there are Exactly why i felt the need to write of princes and princesses. people like us who never get to see ourselves in fic and get so thrilled when we do, it's just so important. thank you so much for reading, and you're welcome.

as for your request, i think you may have misunderstood my offer ^^; im not opening requests for new fics, but simply to rewrite that of princes and princesses specifically for other identities since the story itself is about being queer and being seen. if that's still what you want, i could rework it, but it might take me some time since im quite busy with work and writing takes a lot of my energy- but if you're requesting something new/different, i will have to politely decline.

that being said, as far as genderfluid readers go, ill definitely be writing more of them in the future as i am genderfluid myself! i just chose to make the opap mc a binary trans man because it was easier to tell that kind of story that way, especially in a oneshot. my mc in my main series what goes on in neverland - im on mobile rn at work so cant rly grab the link but my masterlist is pinned - features a masc-leaning genderfluid mc, although he's yet to have a chance to talk abt the intricacies of his genderfluidity bc it simply hasn't been relevant to the plot so it's more just transmasc nonbinary. but i am in the process of planning one monster of a longfic with an explicitly genderfluid mc who travels between dimensions and changes genders in each one, from body types to pronouns and labels, so stay tuned for that! it'll probably take a while to get there though.

as far as ace/aro readers are concerned, im sorry to say i probably won't be writing any, as i primarily enjoy writing romance and sexual relationships, so without that it's just not really the kinda story i write. sorry to disappoint ^^; that being said, i am developing a concept of asexual taehyun in that genderfluid mc longfic - it'll be multifandom - who's sex-positive and enjoys bdsm for non-sexual reasons but still engages in sexual acts. that's probably the best you're gonna get unless i decide to make a side character ace or aro, but yeah, sorry.

either way thank you for your support im happy it reached you! side note please change your icon, title your blog and start reblogging things because if you didn't send this ask i would've thought you were a bot and blocked you. most writers do this. reblogs are the backbone of our community bc likes are useless so please do share fics around if you enjoy them!! it's the least you can do for all the effort writers put into writing fics for you.

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Fav boys with an S/O that's usually a hardass but has a moment of just 'oh my god that's so fucking cute' that they start crying??

Bakugou:

• Listen, you weren't totally against showing emotion but you really only showed two

• Frustration and 'happiness'

• Aka you laughed a lot but had no problem blowing up on someone

• No one had ever seen you outside of those two moods

• Half the class just assumed you never got sad or anything

• The other half assumed you never really had a reason too but maybe one day you'd snap

• Crying? You? Off the table.

• You're not capable of it

• They'd seen you detach yourself from things without a second thought

• CRAZY how you and Bakugou actually WORKED together in a relationship

• To be honest Bakugou doesnt even know if he's seen you cry

• He figures he'll see it eventually

• And he's right :)

• Bc one day you two are walking ahead if the bakusquad

• And theres this fucking puppy

• And it's so small

• Its a lil weiner dog

• And an audible rasp is ripped out of your throat followed by a small 'oh my god'

• His head fuckin WHIPS around• And he's met with you tearing up as you stare at this small dog and his mouth d r o p a

• This??? This is what it takes for you to cry????

• You put a hand over your mouth, mumbling something else and Bakugou is having a stroke

• You're like full crying now

• There are t e a r s

• He moves a little closer, wrapping and arm around your shoulder

• "Are you seriously crying over a dog right now?"

No words. You just nod.

• He accepts it

• No questions asked

• Bakusquad is what you call

• V fuckin confused

• "I want a puppy," you mumbled, breathing uneven.

"I know,"

"Katsu he was so tiny,"

"I know,"

• Cue more crying

Izuku:

• Hard ass 100%

• emotionally constipated on the Bakugou level

• emotion what's that??

• Idk

• Neither do you apparently

• You were just chilling most of the time

• Just- looking really blank

• never really felt comfortable with showing a lot of emotion

• People could use that against you

• call you week-

• You didn't want that

• you were dating the new symbol of peace, you had to keep up

• This happens during a rescue

• You get people out and once you're standing on the sidelines, the fight over- this little boy runs up to you, hugging your legs

• Thank your's are falling out of his mouth and he looks teary eye'd

• He puts his hands up and makes grabby hands and you immediately pick him up

• You kiss his forehead, your hold on the child tightening

• I mean at this point you're crying too

• Bc he was so damn cute

• Even with all the dirt on his face

• And Izuku is just standing there

• baffled

• bc you

• the person who was literally STABBED four times and kept a straight face the whole time about a year ago

• is crying over a child saying thank you

• He takes care of the press- and whatever else he needs to before slowly making his way over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

• The boy was still in your arms

• "You okay princess?"

"Fine, thanks,"

• New image for the press!!

• You went from known for no emotion to Oh my god they have emotion????

• ur v upset about it

Hitoshi:

• He know you cant express emotions exactly how you want

• you'd told him it always felt weird and uncomfortable

• Especially letting other people see it

• Deadass took him 3 months after the initial four you guys were dating to pry that out of you

• He's never really minded though

• he just wants you to feel comfortable and be okay

• So he's always gone along with the casually mean laugh a lot vibe you've had

• But one day

• one faithful day

• you two are walking after an icecream date

• And you see these 2 little kittens in a beat up box

• you GASP and your hand immediately leaves his as you jog over

• And you coo at them, picking them up, one in each hand

• He's behind you when the water works start

• "Toshi...they're so cute-" you sniff

"Are you crying?"

"No- Yeah, just look at them. They're so tiny, they're gonna die out here alone,"

"Oh my god babe,"

"Toshi we have to take them back."

"I don't know if we can do that, we can take them to a shelter-"

• you're full on sobbing now, a blubbering and hiccuping mess

• he feels like he's gonna pass out

• what's he supposed to do

• you chose now to start crying??

• "No-No because they might end up on the street again and they need love, toshiiiii-" you whine out

• So he hugs you from behind, using one hand to pet the cat in your left hand. "Okay, we'll take them back. We can talk to Aizawa sensei."

• he presses a gentle kiss to your neck

• You def apologize later for crying in front if him, almost refusing to look him in the eye

• He flicks you and tells you to do it more often

Sero:

• hardass?? Yes and no

• You vibe

• you just chill and go with the punches

• but GOD do you refuse affection and basic human emotion.

• It took him 3 MONTHS to convince you to go out with him

• That he wasn't going to hurt you or judge you

• 3 MONTHS

• And what felt like fucking forever for you to accept his advances for affection

• He's so patient with you, you'll never find another man like this

• pls keep him forever

• Anyway now yall just vibe together

• But he's never seen you upset tbh

• And he's never seen you cry

• You push all that down, constantly just staying in a place of whatever

• He's a little concerned about it ngl

• but he doesn't know how to really help it

• Has deadass secretly been reading books about it

• Anyway

• One day y'all are chilling

• You're in his room

• he's at his desk- looking over an essay that was due the next day and you were in his hammock, already having finished it

• But he was bopping

• he had an earbud in one ear and he was mumbling along with the song, bopping his head and moving around in his chair, randomly bursting out a lyric here and there

• And then he heard a sniffle

• He immediately turns around and he see's you

• Your eyes are watery

• he pulls his earbud out and he's making his way over to you, clearly worried

• "Babe what's wrong?"

You shake your head, waving him off.

"No no, c'mon tell me-"

"You're just so damn cute and I love you so much. Precious."

• He's confused for a moment before it processes and he grins

"Is that why you're crying?"

"Yes!" You wipe your eyes again. "Thank you,"

He climbs into the hammock carefully, and wraps his arms around you.

• Not particularly what he had in mind when you finally decided to show emotion like that but he'd take it

Kirishima:

• puppy and cat

• aka

• Bubbly jock and hard ass motherfucker who can and will kill you

• He knows that you cant freely express what you feel all the time

• He understands more than most people think

• Because he knows it's easier to just be bitter than risk getting hurt again

• and you've opened up a lot!!

• and he's proud of you! Really.

• He tells you all the time and you gag and call him a sap but he knows that you secretly enjoy it

• Anyway you two are eating lunch outside

• Kirishima is babbling about something that happened after class the other day and you were eating quietly listening to your boyfriends ramblings

• And suddenly he feels a finger on his lips

• He opens his eyes confused, going to talk again before you sush him

• You're looking at a bird

• a REALLY small bird

• you take a small piece of bread from his sandwhich

• "Hi baby," you coo, "how you doin? Want some food?" You slowly hold the piece out

• The birds head tilts a little and he takes a hop

• then another

• and he watches you tense up

• and the bird takes the bread piece and flies away, he watches it go before looking back at you

• he about has a stroke

• you're fucking crying

• "Babe- wait- why are you crying?" He puts a hand on your shoulder

"What the fuck, that was so cute. Eij, he was so cute."

"Well yeah-"

"Jesus he was so tiny," you sniff, "did you see the way he tilted his head- oh my god and his little hop? No fuck off I'm gonna cry more,"

• And you do

• But honestly he doesn't even care bc you're finally letting something else in

• and it means you're comfortable around him

• so he only wraps his arms around your waist and pull you closer

• "he was very cute,"

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Wash Day

Yall I just really want Trisskel to be a solid couple from like, day one and be happy and in love and hhhnnngggg. I have feelings. (specifically Netflix Triss and Game Eskel) 

Summary: Modern AU Eskel helps Triss with wash day when she cant use her arms. 

Warnings: Mentions of burn injuries and burns in healing process, nothing gorey, just the mention of scabs, temporary dependency, dealing with the shitty mental part of recovering from major injuries/surgeries - not fucking bathing, eskel is not flexible and tries so hard to do things right. bless, lol swearing as is usual

I’d like to put a little disclaimer that I did a bunch of natural hair care research for this but I have no experience save from helping my friend diffuse her hair before class. 

________________

Triss groaned and tossed her phone to the other end of the couch she was perched on, wiping her one good hand over her face. Her burns over her chest still weren’t allowing her much range of motion with her right arm and her hair was starting to drive her absolutely insane. Yennefer was going to come over and help with wash day, but Ciri got in a fight at school, leaving Triss to sit with an itchy, ratted, and, frankly, horrendous head of hair. 

She leaned her head back against the arm of the couch and sighed, not even able to adjust the bun Eskel had helped her with that morning. 

Speaking of…

She scooted over the couch to pick up her phone, tapping the little call icon under his nickname, “Hey, Yen can’t come over tonight. No need to pick up the wine,” she sighed. 

“Are you sure? Nothing wrong with a little treat, babe.” 

“I’m sure. It was more for her efforts than my treat anyway.”

“If you say so… How are you feeling?”

“Less shit than this morning. I’m just tired,” she didn’t add the feeling of hopelessness that went along with not even being able to bathe on her own. He worried enough for the both of them and then some. 

“I’m picking up the good wine. I’ve got one more client then I’m done. Maybe take a nap?”

“Skel…”

“I will spoil you if I want to. Oh! Look! There’s my 3:30! Bye Bug! Love you!” he hung up on her before she could protest.

She rolled her eyes as she lowered the phone into her lap, smiling a little despite her annoyance. 

Gingerly, she made her way to their bedroom and laid down, running the risk of taking out the bun to lay comfortably. She turned on a podcast she told Jask she’d listen to and hoped to zone out at the least, if not actually sleep. 

-

Triss was woken by Eskel stomping in their front door and dropping his gym bag with a dramatic thud. A few moments later she could hear grocery bags settling on the kitchen counter, the distinct sound of wine bottles bumping together reminding her what he probably had planned. 

She ever so slowly tipped over and pushed herself up with her left hand, catching a horrifying full-body reflection in the mirrored closet doors. 

The scabs and little spots that were still bandaged she was starting to get used to, but the rest of her? Looking at herself in sweats that hadn’t been changed in two days, a summer tank top with no bra and coffee stains, and mismatching fuzzy christmas socks was… difficult. Her hair was wild, all the curls stretched out and sticking together in big frizzy clumps that stuck out at odd angles. 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It had only been four weeks. No one was going to be back to normal after four weeks. Her body was using all its energy to heal, not look put together.

Regardless of her efforts she felt the tears well up in her eyes and her breath hitch with the effort of holding them back. 

It still fucking sucked.

Eskel’s soft touch on her thigh made her jump, “Is it hurting again?”

She shook her head, opening her eyes to see him knelt in front of her with his eyebrows drawn up in worry, “No. I’m okay,” she whispered, pulling herself together and resting her hand over his. 

Eskel tilted his head, “Then what’s wrong?”

“I… I look like I fell down the garbage chute,” she laughed. It wasn’t her usual, musical laugh, though. She laughed because she knew, in the grand scheme of things, it was ridiculous. It felt stupid to be worried about how she looked when she’d lived and, well, laughing was better than more tears.

“You’re always lovely to me,” Eskel hummed, brushing her tears away with the back of his knuckles.

She leaned into his touch and took a steadying breath, “I just don’t feel like me.”

He stretched up to kiss her forehead, “I’m sorry, Bug.”

She just shrugged and squeezed his hand. 

“Yen called. I got a very long lecture on wash day and firm orders to help you wash and deep condition your hair. If you’re feeling up to it,” Eskel flashed that crooked grin she could never resist and she shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. 

“Are you prepared to follow instructions?” she teased. 

“Babe,” he raised one eyebrow, “the only instructions I don’t follow are on Top Ramen packs.”

-

Eskel seemed to have confused ‘instruction’ with ‘directions’.

“I swear to God, Eskel. You don’t have to read the ‘how to use’ blurb,” Triss groaned, sitting on a kitchen chair they’d moved into the bathroom with dripping wet hair, “Just section off my hair and do what I tell you.” 

“But I don’t want to use too much,” he protested, “This says to use one tablespoon!”

“Yeah! For natural blondes! I have completely different hair and know what I’m doing. Use half the bottle! I don’t care! Just get it fucking clean!” 

Eskel rested his hand on her good shoulder and gave her an apologetic look in the mirror, “I’m sorry. How many sections do you want?” 

“I- it’s not a number. You just- kneel down for me I’ll show you,” she pointed at the floor next to her and sighed, missing Yen more than ever. She drew little lines with her nails through Eskel’s hair as she explained just how to scrub while making the least amount of tangles possible. He watched her in the mirror and pointed to the points on her scalp she was talking about with a look of serious concentration. 

It was cute. Even if he was a little inflexible he really did want to do a good job. 

Conditioner was easier, even combing out the tangles went fairly smooth. They took a break and made dinner, breaking open the good wine. 

Just having her hair down and somewhat bouncy again made Triss feel a million times better. The sweats were exchanged for yoga pants and the tank top for one of Eskel’s sweaters too. It almost felt normal. 

They ate ice cream while he worked the deep conditioning mask through her hair. 

“You sure I’m not using too much?” he asked, leaning over her shoulder to take the bite she held up for him, nice and small so he didn’t get a brain freeze. 

“Fbe moreb fbe bedder,” she tried speaking around a giant bite of ice cream, giggling at the face of confusion he made with the spoon still sticking out of his mouth. 

She swallowed and scrunched her nose at the light brain freeze, “The more, the better. We’ll rinse it out in the morning and I don’t want any dry spots.”

He nodded and waited for her to take the spoon back before getting back to work, “Yes ma’am.” 

“Mmm, I like that.” 

Eskel rolled his eyes as she let down a new section, “Oh do you, now? I had no idea.” 

“Mhm!” she nodded with a proud smile, taking another bite of ice cream and earning a chuckle from him. 

She walked him through a couple rough twists and adjusting the plastic soaking cap before attempting to explain how to tie a headscarf. He was… truly awful. Somehow she ended up almost blindfolded before she just gave up and found him a video to follow. It took him a few tries, but eventually he got it the right level of snug. I 

She tried to tilt her head back to look at him but that pulled at some of her new scar tissue, so she tried another angle and another before she huffed and resorted to standing up to look at him, “Thank you Skel.”

“No problem, Bug,” he hummed, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her nose. 

Triss laid her head on his chest, the perfect height for him to rest his chin on top of her head, “No, I mean it. It… helps. A lot.”

He rubbed soothing circles over her back, swaying them slightly, “I’m just glad I could do something…” he took a breath like he wanted to say something more but settled for pressing a kiss to the sloppily tied scarf. She hummed and leaned into him, snaking her hands around his hips and up under his shirt to rest over his back dimples. 

Triss could have stayed there forever. 

[moo-nstone]

Hey girl, i need some advice and i hope you can help me. I don’t know if you’ve been through this but i guess so bc i saw some asks ago where you were talking about this and yeah

How do i deal with someone i love (ex partner) moving on so quickly and being with another girl?

And like, when that happened to you did you compare yourself to that girl? Because that’s also a huge issue of mine, im always comparing myself to her and stalking them like ugh HELP

OKAY FUCKING PREPARE YOURSELF

the first thing you’re gonna do is, hear me out: you’re not gonna get involved with ANYONE. not for a good while, not until you’re ready. trust me when i say that the one who moves on the fastest after the breakup is the one that’ll suffer the most. even though it might not seem like it now, even though he might be experiencing happiness right now, in some months reality’s gonna hit and it’s gonna hit him hard. why? because he didn’t process the breakup. he didnt allow himself the time to get over you and just moved on so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bad feelings. literally a few months after what happened to me, his best friend texted me saying how he tried covering up a huge hole with a quick bandaid and now he was realizing how it had only been a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

the second reason why you’re not gonna get involved with anyone else is because that’s what he’s expecting you to do. he immediately moved on to someone else in part to hurt you — and he WANTS you to move on with someone else so that he can feel the satisfaction of you trying to replace him. it’ll boost his ego and it’ll make it easier for him to warp his perception of you into someone who he doesn’t respect.

if there’s one thing i know is that men always come back, no matter how toxic or healthy what you had was. they come back when they sense you getting over them, they come back when they see how amazing you’re doing, they come back when they realize how much they messed up.

so what you’re gonna do is focus on yourself. im not just talking about a physical glow up, im talking mental. when i went through that i couldnt stop comparing myself to her, i used to have an amazing confidence but i let myself shatter it, constantly feeling like i wasn’t enough, like i wasn’t loveable, like i was replaceable just because he replaced me. you know what helped? working on my individuality. right now im focusing so much on developing my style, wearing things out of my comfort zone, things that make me happy, things that make me feel so sexy and confident. unique things. working on my makeup skills too and how to express myself with makeup. skincare and haircare too, there’s something so healing about taking care of yourself and being gentle and dedicating all the love and care you deserve and start seeing results. go watch hyram on youtube if you want to learn about skincare! it’s so much fun. about the mental part: astrology has helped me so much. you gotta be infatuated with yourself, with learning more about you and your past and your traumas and unhealed shit that you need to acknowledge and work on. also manifestation and saying daily mantras to myself about how pretty and smart and interesting i feel, and listening to music that makes me feel sexy. i find exercise boring bc i need to be constantly stimulated so what i started doing was dancing to just dance videos on youtube and now i cant stop LOL ITS SO FUN, gets my blood pumping makes me feel sexy when im dancing to rihanna songs AHDJDJDJ and makes me feel more energized. and for the love of god: PLEASE get a hobbie. you don’t need to do a lot right now, just ONE. hobbies give you so much self-worth and make you feel so capable and like you’re art creating art - i dont want to be cheesy but it is true that interesting people have interests, this is the time for you to get into something you’ve always wanted to do or that you used to love doing as a child but stopped because life got in the way.

i also want you to allow yourself to feel. don’t repress - whenever you want to cry, cry. whenever you miss him, allow yourself to. whenever you remember all the amazing things he did, or all the terrible things he did, or that YOU did, allow yourself to feel all that. time heals nothing, it’s you who’s gotta put in the work to heal yourself.

also, this is the time to focus on your friendships. join an online community or talk with your current friends, talk with them through what happened, be with people who can make you laugh just as hard as he did. communicate all that you feel to them, about your past, about how much you love them, doesn’t matter.

a thing that i did that helped so much was that i’d imagine him coming back and begging me to get back together with him, and i’d imagine being at a point that i felt so good by myself, that i was so confident and so focused on my shit that i’d tell him no. and eventually i became that girl, who was over him and deserved so much more than some childish kid who thinks i’m replaceable, and that’s exactly when he came back. so, please remember that just because you feel like he replaced you, it doesnt mean he did. you are irreplaceable, unfuckwitable, unlinkable, way too good for ANYONE.

and PLEASE STOP WITH THE STALKING LMFAO THAT’S THE WORST PART OF ALL, IT’S SO HARD TO STOP STALKING AND TO NOT ANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HE LIKES AND TWEETS AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE POSTS BUT YOU’RE GONNA STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. you dont need to block them, there’s an option on twitter that lets you silence them so you’ll never see them on your tl, if it’s on other social medias where you can’t silence, unfollow and block. know that it doesn’t matter who’s prettier or smarter or hotter, SHE’S NOT YOUR COMPETITION. know that as much as you’re comparing yourself to her, she’s comparing herself to you ten times worse. sending your pics to her friends asking them if they think you’re pretty and shit. she’s not your enemy and it’s not her fault he’s an asshole. so you’ll just let them completely out of your life. also, out of sight out of mind. avoid seeing him. if you have work together or school together or ride the bus together or whatever, avoid all the places where you know he’ll be. make an effort to never be around the same places as him.

i wish you good luck my love, know that you’re the shit, literally the hottest and smartest bitch alive and that’s something he’ll never be able to take away from you. this is what helped me through the worst times, so take it with a grain of salt pls im not an expert. I LOVE YOU

[hetalia-reacts]

I'm kind of experimenting with Yandere, so I'm going to send you at least 2 Yandere asks. This is the first one. May I have Yandere 2p Allies and Axis that's Vampires and they're falling falling in love with reader. But the problem is, the Reader is a Werewolf..... a very powerful one ( One that can rival them, and it's very possible if the darling can dominant them ). But other than that, the Reader is like this Huge energetic innocent puppy that likes to tackle hug them.

Allen

God he’s in love with your personality

He wants you all to himself for the rest of time

But of course there’s an issue

1) you’re a werewolf and he’s a vampire, you’d never willingly go with him even if you do love him

And then there’s problem number 2) you’re incredibly strong for a werewolf and Al’s a little afraid you might be able to take him down if he tries anything funny

And though Allen doesn’t have to worry about you not loving him or leaving him, he can’t have you the way he really wants you since you’d definitely could send him into a late grave

Allen would definitely concede to the best of his abilities and not completely take you and lock you away from everyone

He’d definitely try some mind games on you though, and try to occupy your time as much as vampirically possible

And after some time he’d probably consider changing you or attempting to change you so you could be with him forever, even if it makes you hate him

He just can’t bare the thought of living without you

Oliver

As yandere as he is Oliver has never truly considered locking you away

He’s not much of a fighter and every tactic he could use to get you and keep you would make him very unhappy to use

All of those plans include heavy drugs and poisons since you’re a werewolf and much stronger than he actually is

And he doesn’t much care for the idea of keeping you drugged and high since it might mean he’d never see you happily frolic or smile at him again

That is simply a sight Oliver cannot live without anymore

So he would never attempt to physically cage you, but he’d try to emotionally cage you

Always has an excuse to why he needs you home and why you can’t go out with your pack anymore or go hunting with them

Maybe sometimes gives small doses of drugs in food or drink so that your more complacent and easy to convince

Would regretfully drug you the day he decides to attempt to change you into a vampire/werewolf-vampire mix

He cant have you fighting back or saying no, that is the only day Oliver might get violent and super controlling towards you

He just needs you to stay with him forever so badly he wouldn’t mind shedding a bit of your blood

Oliver just gets so paranoid and scared one day you’ll never come back from seeing your pack so he has to do something, anything, that will keep you with him

Matt

As I’ve stated before Matt is a more lax and chill yandere

So he’d be more apt to just tell you he wants you home a lot and that he wants to spend forever with you

And with the fact that your incredibly strong even for a werewolf and could most definitely match him in a fight makes him a bit nervous to be sneaky with you

Tho he is confident he could take you, especially is Kuma(?) was around to help lock you up

Matt does psychologically mess with you

Just to make you more dependent on him and more likely to agree with him

He does this until he’s positive you’d agree immediately once asked if you want to become a vampire like him

He wants it to be as consensual as possible since he does love you and your innocent puppy personality and doesn’t want to corrupt it too much by having to physically force you while he changes you

Matt wants to keep you as authentic as he possibly can while keeping you all to himself

Francois

Absolutely hates this predicament

Out of everyone he could’ve easily loved it had to be an energetic, powerful werewolf that he couldn’t manipulate or overpower easily

Francois curses his bad luck in choosing a partner, but loves you never the less

Francois would end up coming up with an elaborate plan to lock you up after completely gaining your trust

Though he knows you love him, he knows you’re wary of him being a vampire even now

And he thinks your smart for being wary, but it honestly amuses him that him being a vampire should really be the least of your worries

He’d have you chained in only a few weeks after planning it out, keeping your shifting/breaking out at bay with drugs and strong silver bounds as well as keeping you far away from the moon and it’s light

Francois wouldn’t change you immediately

He honestly likes you being a werewolf and not soulless and hell-bound like him

But he might change his mind if you start getting more aggressive or show signs of breaking out

Francois can’t lose you, you make him feel happy even if you scream obscenities at him for locking you up

Viktor

Honestly he gets kind of pissy when he thinks about this perdicament

He’s a vampire ffs and yet he hesitates to take you, a literal ball of sunshine and energy, all for himself because you’re scarily powerful and dangerous

It really rubs him the wrong way to think about it

Viktor is no coward, however, so he’s going to make a very calculated plan to get you all for himself

Once he gets you, he confines you as well as he can somewhere far away from your pack, possibly even gets rid of them if he has the time

Viktor is not likely to drug you, he’s not very fond of that unlike some of the others

He will torture you in anyway he sees fit, even if he loses his precious ball of sunshine in the process, to him it’s just an unfortunate but needed loss in his plan

He changes you very quickly

Him changing you breaks your ties to the pack, if they’re still alive, and makes you weaker and easier to deal with and keep

Viktor does love you, and that’s why he has to keep you like this for the rest of your lives

Zao

Zao is a simple man with a simple plan

He just gets relatively comfortable with you and then boom, druggy time

He doesn’t care if you don’t act like yourself anymore

To him it’s all the same and as long as he doesn’t have to deal with you in your super strong werewolf form he figures your personality is an acceptable loss

Zao really did love your sunshine personality tho so sometimes it does bum him out that he’ll never see you like that again

Probably didn’t consider changing you until wayyy after kidnapping you

I’m talking like a year or more before he realizes that’s a thing he could do

When he changes you nothing much changes

He notices you’re a bit weaker and more lethargic after the bite, but your about the same as before after a few weeks so he figures you’re perfectly fine and frozen in time like he is

Luciano

So angry and vocal about the situation

Like why did you have to be the most perfect creature he’s ever seen? Why did you have to be so strong and clever?

So salty about it

Luciano would try to not lock you up, but the second someone looks at you the wrong way it’s to the basement with you and the death of whoever dared trying something with his darling

He’s not above drugging you but would prefer not to if you just behaved so he didn’t have to

Doesn’t consider changing you for a long time

Luciano is almost in love with the fact that you’re so fragile that the passage of time would make you weak

He’d eventually change you before you got really old because at the end of the day he realized he couldn’t live without you

Lutz

Lutz is so in love with you but so frustrated with what you are

He’s strong, but lazy

He could match you, maybe even overpower you if he really tried, but it’s so frustrating that the one thing he wants doesn’t come with ease

If you’d’ve been any other creature, or god even better human, he would have no trouble stealing you away

But of course you were a werewolf who everyone loved and watched out for

Lutz would get so frustrated with himself and think himself into exhaustion many nights thinking of a no hassle way to get you home with him forever

Of course he finally does it while you’re sleeping thanks to some super strong sedatives he slipped you

He would consider changing you before you woke up or before the sedatives wore off just so everything would be so much easier on him and you’d be too high and out of it to ever really question him

So Lutz would naturally go with that plan, he bites you after settling you down in your forever prison

He does it out of possession more than needing you forever, Lutz just wants your pack and every other vampire and werewolf out there to know that your his forever

Kuro

Kuro loves the idea of you more than he actually loves you

He loves the power and status he’d get from changing and keeping

Of course he still is madly in love with you, but he’s more so in love with his power fantasy

Kuro would love to just waltz in and take you, but even he can admit that he would barely match you in a fight and he certainly can’t take on you and the rest of your pack at the same time

So he lures you to his home as sweetly as he possibly can

There he quickly knocks you out and chains you away

He’s likely to play with you for a week or maybe even as long as a couple of months before he decides it’s no longer fun and just wants you to be his forever

Having some decency Kuro would attempt to ask you if you consented to being changed

If you said no or put up a fight he simply knock you out and do what needs to be done

If you agree you’re playing right into his sick little fantasy as he sees this as a sign that he’s completely tamed you now, both mentally and physically

[freebooter4ever]

okay i think ive found a solution to my class woes

'maybe this works better as writing' was essentially what i took from yesterdays class. But i dont think its the fault of the source material - because i can see it play out in my mind crystal clear like a movie. Its just that my skill level is not at a point where i can get that /out/ in a way other people can understand - which admittedly is the entire point of storyboarding. ironically the source material is partially about this exact creative process - the space between Now Here and Here Now the muddle in the middle where nothing works and you're just trying to get to the end for some clarity in order to begin.

basically i see two options: A) i give up my conceptual symbolic bullshit with silly characters and instead pick something easier that i will have a better chance at producing something at a level the class demands (but with no garauntee that even doing something easier i will be able to hit that level bc lets face it my art is shit and ive been trying to improve for so many years that at this point its like maybe this is just /how it is/ so work with it?). option A also seems extra difficult bc i lack whatever creativity most people have for original ideas and i have little motivation to fix this bc ive only ever wanted to visualize my weird silly characters. however pathetic that might be.

B) i can keep drawing what i want to draw and continue with my weird bullshit conceptual symbolism and silly little characters and just take the class as an observer instead of turning in work.

I'm leaning towards the second because i already am doing work i hate at my actual job, the thought of adding more work i dont want to do onto that pile makes me exhausted. And the class is so full that crit went 2 hours overtime and me not turning in work would hardly be noticed. And im learning loads just by watching what other more experienced people are doing. I swear to god its magic watching the instructor pop out storyboard after storyboard in seconds and at first its just lines and then the image comes through at some point in the drawing process and its just like WOW.

I didnt sleep, ive been stressing out about this all night...i just need to figure out a way to propose B without sounding like a slacker who just doesnt want to put the work in. (or AM i a slacker who just doesnt want to put the work in????? I cant tell at this point)

theres also the issue of my house sitting is ending soon, im no longer going to have a space to work that isnt a closet, im still too scared of libraries and cafes (which is where i practically lived all of 2018-19) bc covid - luckily its getting colder so working outside is more reasonable but that means less time bc transportation/bathroom breaks/food are all more difficult. which leaves option C that my depressed brain says 'yes' to but i really stubbornly dont want: drop the class, take the hint, and fucking give up on drawing already.