#let her cry and live through it
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Marjan Marwani has my heart. She can have any of my organs actually. That lady can take her pick.
#marjan marwani#only she could have survived that#she is my love#shes literally perfect#my little mouse#everyone better take the best ever care of her#and owen can fuck off with his bike#she just went through the most awful trauma#let her cry and live through it#not just be immediately healed#also let her marry that Kelsey chick#Marjan is the knight in shining armour my sad little lesbian self always needed#and her and Paul being besties heal me#911: lone star#911 lone star
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tw // suicide
on twitter some ppl were talking about THAT jo scene from iw again and someone commented fucking "you know he was thinking about using that gun on himself" and im not sane anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! added something something his faith in ichi kept him hopeful enough in the moment but then when he went to jail oh. ohhh !!!!!!!!!!!
nooo cause if That Jo Scene is the flashback scene with hoshino's death that really had to be SUUUCH a low point if not top five lowest points for him i wanted to throw up watching that <- replays it in my brain constantly
#iw spoilers#snap chats#UGH I WANNA REPLAY IW SO BAD i still wanna see the scenes with english dubbing but i wanna finish lost judgment first#in any case no i love that scene. like you can see the will to live leave jo's body as he goes to sit down#god naw cause i was laughing (read: crying) over how jo really let that dog comment get to him. loved that really ....#i do enjoy the added context to sawashiro and his relationship with ichi even if its sort of one sided#like ichis never really harbored ill will towards him- hes not happy about how sawashiro treated him back then LOL#but it was still clear he respected him#with sawashiro- like once you know the whole locker mix up secret then it contextualizes their relationship (from jo's pov anyway)#but just sawashiro having actually MET akane and speaking with her and listening to her wish .. idk.#its a nice thought that- for as hard as he is on ichi- he is trying to look out for him for akane's sake#emphasis on For As Hard As He Is like my man you dont gotta take his finger off 💀💀 in any case ...#maybe thats just optimistic thinking but its a nice thought. This All In Relation to having faith in ichi to Not game end himself 💀#god but sawashiro in jail .. i really wouldve paid money just to know what was going through his head#how he reacted to aoki's death the moment he was told- like he already knew aoki never valued him but still... fathers love and all#ive rambled long enough vjlLKVEJVLKEJ BYE
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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)
#ctxt#i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections#to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh#going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long#while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time#but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed#to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach#and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me#and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually#i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever#i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it#money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out#but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now#genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year#and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough#to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last#in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was#bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive#and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there#but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety#it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it#i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults#i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed#instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things#and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need#chronic blogging
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Worst News Ever: my friend has offered me her spare maisie peters ticket on the day of another friend's birthday. heartbreaking time for girlbosses everywhere </3
#i literally want nothing more than to go to this show oml#ive been a maisie fan since like 2017 and have never seen her live and the 1 time i was going to last year also got thwarted last minute#and this is one of my dearest friends and our previous hozier concert fell through too so it would be so good to go with her again#on the other hand#birthday friend is also a very dear friend#and all of our mutual friends are travelling across the country to come down to be there for it#and i lowkey promised her i'd let some of our friends crash at mine#so like there's no way i can go to this concert. but i am crying screaming throwing up about it <//////3
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had a very intense semi lucid dream last night where i was the daughter/acolyte of an insane cult leader/my dad who performed non consenual surgery on me and molested and raped me. it inspired me to start writing a lil sci fi novella but also to clean out my closet and find my vibrator cuz i was desperate for it after waking up lmfao
#he had like. grown me & a few other and inserted more and more mechanical parts into us through our lives#so we were mostly machine inside. but human-looking outside#and i tried to run away and got the shit kicked out of me by my sister/fellow cult member#she patched me up most of the way but for the complicated stuff dad had to help#one of my arms had been broken so he just cut the whole thing open to fuck with the wires and stuff. it felt so awful guhhhhh#and after that he started trying to finger me and asking questions about wether id slept with anyone while i had been away#and told me he knew id been touching myself and that made me disgusting and corrupt and that was why id tried to leave. and he had to fix#my mind too.#there was blood on his fingers when he pulled them out of me and he got so so pissed#i was crying and trying to explain i was on my period but he said that was a lie and id been trying to hide more injuries from him so he#couldnt finish fixing me#and he spent a solid twenty minutes beating me for it while groping me & continuing to finger me#he had a metal arm n that was the one he was using too so i kept getting cut and bleeding more and hed yell and hit me more and he just#wouldnt stop 😵💫😵💫#i was tied down by my wrists laying on my tummy but he forced me to roll over so he could punch my stomach a lot too ;-;#toward the end he got on top of me and started grinding against me#talking to me nice again and saying i was his girl and he just wanted to make me better and i only had to cooperate#i was sobbing and panicking still but he was just petting me#he tried to push his cock in me but he like. couldnt fit.#he could only get a couple inches in and he stayed sweet for a little longer but then he started getting frustrated#yelling at me to stop fighting him and slapping my face#and i was trying so so hard to relax and let him in so it could be over but i was just too small#he gave up after awhile and finished cleaning me up without saying anything then left me alone down there. still tied down and crying.#that was only one part of the dream there was a whole plotline where i had made contact with 2 people (a brother and sister) on the outside#who were trying to save me. and i was trying to talk my sister into leaving with me because i was so terrified of losing her#eventually i did get out and ended up living with the brother and sister and it was super cute and sweet#parts of the dream were from her pov too. she made us all matching hats :]
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😕
#scheduled my cat to be put down this Friday#don’t wanna make a post about it but I wanna talk about it#asked my mom to come with to drive me and do the talking. dad asked to come too#except he doesn’t do earnest emotions well and says really stupid and insensitive shit when people are emoting#and I will be sobbing through all this. I already am#on a zoom call with family so they can say goodbye to Chloe and he’s going on about how bad she is sees I’m trying not to cry and says#gee! I don’t think she’ll make it through this! hohoho!#I don’t want anyone to be there with me at all but I know I just won’t be able to talk to the vet and pay#really just a fucked up year. ducked up like 6 years running but whatever#really tired but I can’t sleep. don’t want to talk to people but isolated#I want Chloe’s suffering to be over but I don’t want to let her go.#meanwhile I have bumble person on discord talking to me and it feels like such a slog. I want to ghost. I’m just tired in them and having#to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever#but that also feels mean because they haven’t been pushy and have been really considerate even when they asked to meet again and I said to#hold off because of my cat and it’s been like two weeks#I haven’t been in instagram because I don’t want fish store person to ask me out#trying to get stuff done for friends baby but realized in all this mess I forgot to block anything. feel like such a failure at everything#making baby presents. keeping my cat alive. making connections#I just don’t want to be perceived at all. I feel like such a non entity#or rather I feel like I should be a non entity. a picture on the wall of a disused room.#I’m so tired.
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh
#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡#[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear]#i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised#but like. i always just wanted them to like me#i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to#have my back for once vs everything else#i remember such a specific moment right#and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had#and they ended up talking before we left#the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me#& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this#n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be#better#and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face..........#and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it#i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have#a chance#maybe they do like me#like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them#and then she did it again#and again#but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed#for years n years#my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover#and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home#always just wanting to escape#to living through bad things outside of it too#just piling on top#from 6-16#and i kept going back
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Ok I don’t care if it’s cliched and too on the nose the fact that Kimberly Perry is coming back and doing If I Die Young pt 2 13 years later, like… that’s huge… like The Band Perry was my emo phase before my emo phase and as a child who grew up with this music and listened to this song religiously and very much wanted to die through most of middle school… hearing her sing the words “now I know there’s no such thing as enough time” is monumental to me when I thought 11 years was enough time.
#the band Perry#kimberly perry#let it be cliched I don’t care!!!#I was almost crying talking to my mom about this last night it’s SO huge to me#like I used to always hear that line ‘funny when you’re dead how people start listening’ and#I always wanted something to happen to me so I would be HEARD#idk I’m happy you’re still here and I’m happy I’m still here#very happy my SI didn’t go past passive but#honestly that’s debilitating to live every day with thoughts like that and I’m so happy I worked through them#all I ever spoke about in middle school was law and order CI the band Perry and the hunger games#so I’m very happy she’s coming back to her roots#I actually liked nite swim LMAO but all the other newer stuff… nah#she has a voice for country music
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More like IF I come back amirite, also stop making me feel guilty, also learn to spell (paralegal? Parallel? ...never mind doesn't parramatta), also like it's my fault she hires 53 accountants that can only do accounting and 1 admin person to send out the tax returns and invoices and
#this whole thing makes me mad#like I'm sorry okay i didn't want this to happen#other people are mad at me too and have to fly to Sydney alone and sit next to strangers at Taylor and#I'm letting down more important people than one little suburban accounting firm#like my parents have to deal with a week where all three of their kids are going through stuff#plus my nana needs stuff as well#and Charlotte needs looking after but she's got her childcare and the other grandparents but still everything's a mess#and then there's my housemate i mean she's okay i hope i didn't infect her and if so thank God i didn't infect her BEFORE taylor#no idk all round it's a pretty shit situation#Sophia have some perspective#oh and Collingwood just lost to norf Melbourne#Angus Brayshaw retired#There are no rules anymore it's all chaos and anarchy and we're living in the unknown#tom Phillips is at Carlton#Trent bianco has disappeared off the side of the earth and his mother has every mystic in the country looking for him#and I'm just alone watching modern family episodes trying to remember how Haley and Andy get together#when he's sitting outside the wedding in a taxi asking Haley if she meant a specific person or just in general#and Haley's crying because she wants him and finds him funny and cute but Alex told her off for having a crush on him and getting involved#fuck Alex#anyway where was i#oh yeah i don't know#discussing IF i come back and not when#wait no#i don't know#I've lost the plot
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Outlander S3:
Marseli: Listen here, you English whore-
Claire: 😶
Fergus: Hey that's my mom don't call my mommy a whore
#Fergus is like 'girl I know whores she's not one#Me when my adopted son marries my husband's stepdaughter. huh.#When I saw Fergus first show up in season 3 I still refered to him as 'the little French boy' like I know he's an adult now but he's still#my little French boy TO ME. To me.#Anyway this show is fucking insane#My favorite thing is how they exclusively call Ian 'young Ian'#Like young neil vibes#my posts#outlander#Claire is such a funny character to me like she's going through it all the time. If it's not one thing it's another#I loved when she was on that island and then Jamie and the others finally found her and one of the shipmen was like 'man his wife always#shows up in the weirdest places' and I'm like THAT'S WHAT IM SAYING#Give this woman a break#Also I just got to the part where Brianna (Briana?) Decides to go through the stones and HER OUTFIT!#I'm crying literally what#She really went 'yeah this looks 1700s enough.' Please. You saw the outfit your mom made to go back what is that#Wait no I loved the part where Claire put a zipper in her stays and Jamie was like 'girl what the fuck.'#Anyway yeah#I had no interest in this show but I'd be in the living room doing whatever while my mum watched it and I got hooked so we started it over#WAIT the part where William was like 'why didn't you turn around when you let's and Jamie said he didn't want to give him false hope#And then when John gray and William were leaving William turned around and you could see that Jamie was given that same false hope#Help this poor man#The amount of shit Jamie and Claire go through I'm so glad they have plot armor.#Also love the idea of Claire saying things in 1960s English and everyone going 'what is she on?'#Wait I need to know what was going through Claire's head when she decided what photos to bring of Brianna to show Jamie#Like 'oh these are cute. It really shows her personality and- oh I'm gonna scare the shit outta him with the bikini picture'#Girl what#Okay I'm done
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.
#I’m so fucking sick of feeling everything to my core#cried for reasons I didn’t think I was going to today…#i thought we would be adults and move on with our lives but nah#got told I have internalised homophobia because ‘snitched’ on two staff in fucking 2021 for having sex in a bathroom while CHILDREN were on#property literally in the same building DOWN THE HALL! and the windows were open!#as if I wasn’t admin staff and obligated to report that to the director#if kids hadn’t been there then I wouldn’t have said shit but they were!#all this coming from the person who told me my femme identity is reductive#so now I’m apparently homophobic and not good at being a lesbian but apparently I’m also heteronormative and cis#according to this person#dumb dumb idiot ass#the mango diaries#i know I ranted a ton in these tags but I actually fucking had my whole birthday week just fucked over because she can’t fucking let things#lie#i just dropped one of my favorite people in the whole world off at the airport as these messages were coming through#and then driving in the snow with one of my other favorite people when I just couldn’t keep it together anymkre and started crying#she makes me feel so fucking small and I hate it#i was already having a hard time mentally today and last night but FUCK#this just was too much#and to know I was betrayed by another friend I trusted who told her I was the one that reported her… fucking hell#I’m just… ugh it just fucking hurts and I want to curl up and cry some more
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Tag Dump Part 4.
#kaleidoscope of memories ✧ beatrice headcanons#maybe sometimes‚ we feel afraid‚ but it's alright ✧ beatrice musings#everything about her is defiant and whimiscal ✧ beatrice aesthetics#i still have proof in the form of scars ✧ shaun headcanons#take a breath and take a chance‚ and let it take me away ✧ shaun musings#burst of paper birds‚ this picture paints a thousand words ✧ shaun aesthetics#melodies and memories; stories that sound absurd ✧ lia headcanons#so i tell myself when i sleep at night‚ don't lose sight ✧ lia musings#pretty face and electric soul ✧ lia aesthetics#for he had a great variety of selves ✧ marcus headcanons#don't let them look through the curtains ✧ marcus musings#i can see all that you want from me ✧ marcus aesthetics#been through some bad shit‚ i should be a sad bitch ✧ isabella headcanons#there she was; bathed in moonlight and silhouetted by stars ✧ isabella musings#we are living in a material world‚ and I am a material girl ✧ isabella aesthetics#travel far enough that you meet yourself ✧ kendall headcanons#burn like a flame‚ no we're never going out ✧ kendall musings#we might laugh‚ we might cry‚ middle fingers to the sky ✧ kendall aesthetics#you built up a world of magic because your real life is tragic ✧ jasper headcanons#real darkness was more than just a lack of light ✧ jasper musings#clever as the devil and twice as handsome ✧ jasper aesthetics#every word like water color on a canvas ✧ vincenzo headcanons#you raise your hopes and pray it will last ✧ vincenzo musings#crooked smile reminding you of an empty blue sky ✧ vincenzo aesthetics#tag dump
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i will watch the trailer in english soon :))
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#HALONE PLEASE PIERCE ME THROUGH THE HEART PLEASE#and zero PLEASE BE OKAY i love you so much#AND NOPHICA OH MY GOD (I LOVE WOMEN)#from the heavens orchestria version will be the DEATH of me. omega ultimate oh my fucking god !!!!!!!!!!#after that... hm....... will there be for the four lords. but 7.x#febghbahbghebjhgehbghjbehgbhjehjbhsejghjh hi yeah rambles and thoughts about the 75th ffxiv live letter (for 6.3) !!!#tbh i really love the tataru questline in enw. like. we're going thru our journey again in a way and also we will FINALLY be#giving back to tataru after all she's done for us !! did you know i love her so much :(( <3#THE LOPORRITS OH MY FUCKING GOD (OF COURSE BUT ALSO YEAH) LET'S FUCKING GO I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#they are so silly and cute whgbehbgjhabehgheb#LAPIS MANALIS i love the name (what does it mean. OH FUCKING FUCK I JUST SEARCHED IT UP. i am deceased /pos)#i love enw w the greek references. euphrosyne !!!!! the three graces being the alliance raid names. + their themes matching !!!!!#i love that ffxiv is all about love and hope... it means everything to me actually. <3#PUZZLE MECH FOR THE TRIAL WTF I AM SO HYPED AND GOD ZERO FOR DUTY SUPPORT. i will not be able to concentrate#on fighting the ENEMIES i will be focusing on my WIFE ??? oh... oh. duty support for baelsar's wall. will that... include... :)) i will CRY#anden custom deliveries... anden who. okay but i'll look forward to that hehe <3 (erenville WHERE though !!!!!!!!!!)#OH NO FUCKING WAY IT'S THAT GUY !!!!! huh. i really wonder how this'll go. looking forward to it hehe <33#NEW LEAP OF FAITH COURSE OH HELL YEAH ??? and the ui improvements ofc <3 looking forward to that SO much <33#OH THE MISC UPDATES ?? I AM SO EXCITED ??? esp for the retainers glamour being easier now GOD I'VE BEEN WANTING THAT SO BADLY#portraits for duty finder is very interesting. excited to see how it'll be like tbh! OH MY GOD UMBRELLA AUTOMATICALLY OPENS W RAIN FUCK YES#wow ffxiv devs definitely have a bigger budget now. LMFAO. really happy fr though <3 !!!!! these stuff i've wanted for a while now#the new glamours. holy SHIT.#WAIT NOT NECESSARILY GLAMS HEBJGBESJGBS GEAR. THE NEW GEAR.#EUPHROSYNE OH MY GOD !!! OH MY GOD THE MUSIC !!!!! I WANT TO GPOSE HERE SO FUCKING BADLY.#G'RAHA MY LOVE EGNHESBGJHBSEJHBGHEBGHSBEHJGBSJEHGB OH MY GOD HI HI HI RAHA HIIII I LOVE YOU RAHA HELLO THERE HELLO HELLO HELLO I LVOE YOU R#okay i stop rambling for now bcs 1. i dont want to see the new alliance raid just yet 2. i'm running out of tags. oops!
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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URGENT!!!Help Abdul Salam Al-Anqar and his family get through this war in Gaza!!!
(URGENT) THEY ARE AT €3,445 OUT OF €50,000 GOAL
I was asked by @nader5555 to make this, if u cannot donate please please share this post. Copy pasted from a message i was sent:
"Only a Few Hours Left Before We Enter Our First Year of War, Genocide, Starvation, and Displacement A Final Plea from the Heart of Hell: Save Us Before Hope Dies 💔🔥 I am Abdel Salam, and I have nothing left but words written by a trembling hand ✍️. The war has not only destroyed our lives; it has taken everything from us. Our home, which was once our refuge, is now a pile of rubble 🏚️.
My car, my only source of livelihood, was destroyed in a sudden strike 🚗, and the work that sustained us is now a distant memory 💼. Today, I live in an endless nightmare. Under a sun that burns everything in its path 🌞🔥, my family and I sit in a worn-out tent, a tent that shields us neither from the summer heat nor the winter cold ❄️. Insects 🦟 invade the place, diseases consume our bodies 🩺, and my younger siblings cry from hunger and thirst 🍞💧. We have no clean water or a crumb of bread to ease our hunger. Each passing day deepens the weight of this hell we live in.
My Daughter Eman is Dying from Malnutrition 😨 My daughter Eman suffers from malnutrition; I have nothing to feed or treat her with. The deterioration of her health is killing me slowly. Every glance in her eyes, every pain she endures, crushes my heart 💔. How can I explain to her that what was once our hope has now turned into nothing but a mirage? The Night Only Adds to Our Pain 🌙 The night does not bring us rest; it only adds to our pain. We sleep on hard ground, feeling the cold in every bone of our bodies 🥶, with nothing but pieces of cardboard 📦 to cover us. My wife Aya cries in silence 🥺 as she watches our daughter’s future fade before her eyes. My mother Eman suffers from illness and needs urgent medical care 🩺💊.
My Father Ahmed is Sick with Cancer and Needs Emergency Treatment My father Ahmed, who is sick with cancer, needs emergency treatment outside Gaza, and the cost of his treatment is at least $10,000, not including accommodation. As he suffers from severe pain, I cannot provide the treatment he needs due to our dire situation.
My Siblings Are in Constant Suffering ⚰️ My brother Omar was unable to continue his studies due to the situation. My brother Nader could not take his high school exams, and my younger brother Mohammad suffers from brittle bones and needs treatment we cannot afford. Every day we live brings us one step closer to the end. Death surrounds us from every side: if not from hunger 🍽️, then from illness 🦠. And if not from illness, then from the despair that devours our souls. Where is Humanity? Where is the World? 🌍💔 We want to leave the devastated Gaza Strip to escape the machinery of destruction and killing and the severity of hunger and poverty. The cost of travel for each person is $5,000, and we are a family of seven members, bringing the total cost to $35,000.
Where are the compassionate hearts? Are you waiting for us to disappear into the depths of this suffering? Are you waiting until death takes us before you act? We are drowning, and we don’t have enough strength to scream for help 🆘. Will you let this cry go unanswered? 😭 Your donation today is our last thread of hope. With the little support I received, I was able to buy a simple phone 📱 to reach out to you. But the bitter truth is that what I and my family need is much greater. We are not asking for much; just enough to save our lives from this hell 🔥. Every donation, no matter how small, could be the difference between life and death for us 👐. Don’t Let Us Disappear in the Darkness of Suffering 🌑 Don’t let our story end here. Be the light that guides us to salvation 🕯️✨.
With every tear, with every pain, I write this final plea to you, Abdel Salam."
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#my art#**mine#free palestine#free gaza#gfm#palestine gfm#b00st#help#mutual 4id#donation link#boost#signal boost#art#artists on tumblr#digital artist#digital art#artblr#save palestine#palestine#all eyes on palestine#free plaestine#gaza#from river to sea palestine will be free#artists#please help#important#edit: changing photos per nader5555's request
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