#I was almost crying talking to my mom about this last night it’s SO huge to me

[the-hopeless-haze]

Ok I don’t care if it’s cliched and too on the nose the fact that Kimberly Perry is coming back and doing If I Die Young pt 2 13 years later, like… that’s huge… like The Band Perry was my emo phase before my emo phase and as a child who grew up with this music and listened to this song religiously and very much wanted to die through most of middle school… hearing her sing the words “now I know there’s no such thing as enough time” is monumental to me when I thought 11 years was enough time.

[jeanthebeagle]

Grishaverse/Ketterdam dashboard simulator

🪙 Barrelrat1877 follow

just spilled my drink on a Fierdan's boots and now he's threatening to duel me. Should I call the stadwatch??? I'm lowkey scared.

#guys please help me

10 notes

🐦 Dregsconfessionsofficial follow

SUBMISSION: Last night I was walking around the barrel and I saw dirtyhands petting a dog. Like I'm not even joking, no gloves and all. And it was one of those crusty white ones.

#submission #omg I hope he washes his hands??? # those dogs are so crusty

10,350 notes

🌊 tidesofthecanals follow

Final results from 672 votes

♠️ kvasandass follow

Razorgulls stop sending anon hate to op over a poll challenge, level impossible, no glue no borax.

#i hope they get caught for tax fraud

380 notes

🐝 thislittlelife follow

A drawing my talented daughter made of Sankta Alina. We pray to her each night 🙏🙏🙏

🐾 magic-tricks follow

46.244.29.14

🍄 thekingofravkaishot follow

hello??? Omg. Why would you dox someone just like that??? This is literally putting them in danger. It's just a sweet mother with her child, who posted a drawing. What is wrong with you.

🏵️ krugebythedozen follow

Op admitted to lying like a year ago about how they don't actually have a kid, but took the post down. It's probably a dime lion trying to troll us like they did in mass when sankta alina died. Also, respectfully, shut up. You posts thirst traps and long drawn out texts on how the king of ravka is "babygirl”. Go get help.

47 notes

🤝 theholyhandofghezenofficial follow

To the citizen who spread a highly damaging rumor that we were hosting a petting zoo inside the church, please come to talk to us. You are not in danger, but words will be exchanged. Lots of trouble was caused due to careless behavior.

⚖️ ketterdamfails follow

Womp womp

9,789 notes

🎀 justapigeon follow

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been able to update my Pekka Rollins x Jan van eck fanfic. I've been searching for my mom for almost a week since she ran away after hearing that you had to get a vaccine for Firepox after the last outbreak. (She believes in praying to the saints.)

248 notes

🍪 eatthemerchs follow

I hate all of you. Why is this website making Kaz Brekker a soft boy when he literally MURDERS PEOPLE. No, he won't cry if you hug him. No he doesn't want to pet your dog. He'll take your eye out.

Stop romanticizing crime, all of you are sick.

(I am TIRED of the dog memes. Brekker is a crime boss. Why would any of you think he'd even care about your dog.)

🐾 magic-tricks follow

Your border collie is nice. But your chihuahua barks too much.

15,370 notes

🦂 northerstaverner follow

literally just saw some tall ass guy with a huge gun, a revolver and the brightest outfit l've ever seen, trot past my window??? In broad daylight??? Like oh my god. It felt like looking at a stork who made a wish he was human. His clothes were purple and green. Who wears that. Like, iconic. But still.

🐰 jeepsteristhebestshot follow

But was he handsome

🦂 northerstaverner follow

He was built like a stork.

🐰 jeepsteristhebestshot follow

But was he handsome???

🦂 northerstaverner follow

I'm not answering that... who is this.

🧁sugarandredribbons follow

Op answer

☁️ theweststavesucksass follow

Op we all want to know

🫵 isthisbarrelbossproblematic follow

OP THIS IS AN URGENT MATTER

🫀dmitrithekerchman follow

OPPPPP

4,750 notes

[xxx-sir-pentious-xxx]

Story idea, fluff/angst version (if you write for him): Sebastian returning home after escaping the facility and finally seeing his family again

He was a huge hulking beast, but as he managed to wake up his mother by banging on the front door he considered his appearance at last.

The door opened and his mother's eyes locked on him. She almost screamed but then she look at his hair and the way he was tearing up. She knew that sad soft face from anywhere no matter how mutated.

"Sebastian!? Come inside- what happened to you sweetheart??"

He gladly trailed in tail wagging.

"Oh mama I missed you... it's a long story ma I- I just-"

Before he could talk further his dearest mother started heating up leftovers from last night's supper.

"Well let's get some food in you, mi dulce niño... oof goodness you need a shower..."

While to food heated up she helped him get his grimey clothes off. Patting his bicep she lightly joked,

"Goodness you've certainly gotten bulkier. What have you been eating-"

She looked at his face and saw the shame in his face and those big watery eyes, nothing hurt more than her baby boy crying like this, but she didnt know why he was crying. She very carefully with subtlety stepped to the side some to look in his face.

Those sad little lip quivers and the way she just knew he wasn't looking at her, she knew her little boy so well.

"Sebastian, sweetheart, look at me... look at me...?"

Something about that statement seemed to have made him stressed immediately. And when she tried to hug him she saw his whole body tense, his third arm almost going to strike but he stopped. He very carefully hugged her.

"What did they do to you..?"

It took a whole night.

But he would see his siblings tomorrow as they visited their mother weekly.

Of course they straight up screamed and of course they acted like he was a freak. They apologized after their mother chewed them out for insulting him to his face and how it's their bother.

"You two are screaming like his doing anything, hes wearing a Tshirt for God's sake... imprudente... I made breakfast you two."

Sebastian was wearing a old shirt that by now was hugging his muscular frame and had a worn red color to it.

The four ate breakfast, Sebastian got double the pancakes as he honestly would be far too expensive to feed, so his mom opted to just make something cheap but filling. The others and herself had eggs and chorizo not like he was complaining.

His younger sister stared as he ate, the way his teeth looked freaked her out. The eldest brother stared at his whole face wondering for all of five seconds where his face was when he say two nostrils flares. It was kinda like a bunny. The older brother snorted,

"That's kinda cute actually... you know your kinda adorable when I'm not shitting my pants Sebastian."

Sebastian took offense and blushed blue,

"Shut up man... fucking dick.."

His sister finally considered more of his face and added,

"Yeah you got big ol doe eyes and your.. ears? Wiggle when your sitting there, it is a little cute.."

Sebastian scoffed ears flicking annoyed until his mother stated,

"Oh leave him alone hes been through enough. And hes a handsome young man still so dont go teasing him and treating him like a new dog, its rude."

"Thank you mama..."

His sister mumbled,

"God your such a mama's boy Sebby.... always were but still geez..."

The 4 eventually settled down and by the end of it their mother set to work trying to find Sebastian a job in town. After all, Robloxia was full of many strange creatures. I mean really she saw this one girl who just had functional rabbit ears, surely a giant fish man wasnt that strange to the mermaids she saw last week. Maybe he could live a nice full like with one of those mermaids, he would have a chance.

.....

If you want more ask for more and I'll type up some more. Your ask has a strong chance of happening.

[queenimmadolla]

Today at the swimming pool I work at a bunch of dads brought their babies AND OMG IT WAS CUTENESS OVERLOAD! All I could think about was Eddie lathered in sunscreen to the point he looks like a ghost and wearing one of those huge sun hats cuz the last thing he wants is to get sunburned (and he acts like a damn vampire the way he hates the sun) holding pretty baby penny in her adorable little swimsuit while mom sits at the edge of the pool with baby Waynie, kicking her feet in the water and making sure he’s alright while he splashes his little baby fists in the water and laughs at the way the water jumps. And then when they get home, despite his best efforts, Eddie gets a nasty sunburn and reader just spends the rest of the night rubbing aloe on him and kissing his shoulder when he hisses at her touch. I literally love my fictional family so much 🥹🥹

the way i was about to run down the stairs to make some popcorn bc this idea alone had me expecting a fic 😭

Oh my goodness, this made my heart so happy! I love imagining outings for this little family. Now, if we’re talking the community pool, Penny would be so afraid to go into it alone, and while Eddie actually HATES the community pool (bc of the large amounts of people + he burns so damn easily, and he doesn’t tan—he turns pink), he’ll do anything for Penny so he takes her in, yes she is decked out in the cutest swimsuit and pink floaties, and plays with her to keep her amused and keep her from drinking the disgusting pool water bc she keeps doing that. But he is constantly dragging her back over to mama and baby Wayne so he can reapply sunscreen whenever he’s paranoid that it’s washed off. This man almost goes through an entire bottle in a single trip.

And mom and Waynie 🥹 imagine playing with our little baby, letting him slap the water with his chunky little hands, his little squeals and laughs when the water splashes him back and then getting him used to the water! You’d start by getting his hair wet, which he doesn’t mind too much, and then holding your breath with him while you dunk the two of you underwater and when you come up a second later, you’re waiting for his reaction to see if he’ll cry—meaning you’ll have to get him used to it a little more and comfort him—but he just looks a little confused before he starts smiling that gummy smile so you do it again and when you come up this time, after blinking the water from his eyes, he’s laughing that magical baby laugh 😭🩵 our little water baby ♡

Eddie will always end up with a sunburn at the end of the day, no matter what, which is why he HATES going to the community pool. He ends up spread out on the couch, face down while you coddle him with aloe vera and a kiss or seventeen, and try to keep penny from pressing her hand onto her daddy’s skin because she’s just so fascinated with how her palm print shows up on his reddened skin when she does lol

If it’s the pool at their apartment complex, Eddie is full on playing mermaids with Penny

[strawberrymilk-sunshine]

What would be the aftermath after the siblings death? Like the funeral or parents reactions 🤔 -angst anon

Warning(s): very short, mentions of death, platonic yandere-ish

---------------------------------------------------

"I don't trust it one bit." Riddle said, sipping his tea. "Floyd hasn't bothered me once today. I think he may be planning something."

"Yeah, he was acting weird during basketball club..." Ace added. "Normally, even when he isn't feeling it, he'll at least pretend to participate, but today, he just sorta sat in the corner doing whatever it was he was doing."

"How odd..." Riddle said.

"Oh, you two talking about the Leeches?" Trey asked. He had been trying to teach Riddle and Ace how to get along (and how to bake) "Well, I was talking with Jade earlier, and... you know their little sibling, (Y/N)? Apparently (Y/N) hanged themselves right in their dorm room last night. I feel bad for those two... I can't even begin to imagine how I'd feel if that happened to me..."

"...yeah, we're getting permission from the Headmage to use the mirror. We're also trying to convince him to let us bring (Y/N) home, he says he reeeeeeeeally doesn't want this getting out to the public... yeah, I'll check on him... yeah, see you soon, mom."

Floyd hung up the phone. Ever since they received the news, his parents have been calling nonstop.

"Hey, Jaaaaaaaade, you're not answering your phone, so mom and dad are asking me to make sure you're doin' ok." Floyd said to his brother. "I know you're not, but y'know... thought I'd still ask."

"Just tell them I feel fine." Jade insisted.

"...you realize this's ignited a huge firestorm back home, yeah?"

"I didn't mean to kill them, Floyd." Jade said, head in his hands. "I didn't want any of this to happen."

"You didn't want any of this to happen? That's bullshit and you know it! If you really didn't want this to happen, you'd've never played that stupid 'joke' on 'em in the first place, Jade!" Floyd threw the phone to his brother. "Now call mom, she's really fuckin' worried about you, 'cause you played the role of (Y/N)'s protective older brother their whole life! She thinks you're devastated by this whole thing! But I know you're not... because I saw you hang them. If you really felt bad about killing them, you wouldn't've tried to fake your innocence."

Jade sighed and dialed the number into his phone. His mother picked up almost immediately.

They had a lengthy conversation about you.

...

It was the first time he heard his mother cry over the death of one of her children. His mother was such an emotionally strong woman... come to think about it, this may have been the first time he's heard her cry ever.

"Apparently, (Y/N) tried to call me that night... I haven't had the heart to listen to the voicemail they left me."

...voicemail?

No. No no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-!

There's only ONE reason you would've called your parents that night; to let them know what was about to happen to you. That he was going to kill you.

"Jade...? You're very quiet. Is everything alright...?"

"Yes. Everything's fine, mother. I'm just... still processing all of this." Jade said.

Jade threw the phone on the ground the moment the call was over.

He NEEDS to find his mother's phone and delete that voicemail when he gets home.

"Jade, what was that sound?" Floyd asked, entering the room. "WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT WAS MY PHONE!!"

"We have bigger problems than that right now, Floyd!"

"I'm guessing it's just you that has bigger problems right now. Fun reminder: I'm not the one who killed our younger sibling."

"I need to get home and get rid of it."

"...get rid of what? You've killed (Y/N), you've made it seem like suicide, NOBODY thinks it was you! There's no more evidence to get rid of!"

"Apparently, (Y/N) called mother some time before I killed them! And I assume that they told her I was going to kill them!" Jade explained, looking stressed. "Luckily, she says she hasn't had the heart to listen to it, so I'm still in the clear for now. When we get home, I NEED you to distract mother and father so I can delete that voicemail."

...

"Wow. You really don't care, huh?" Floyd had some kind of hurt-looking smile on his face. "Not a hint of guilt."

"WILL YOU HELP ME OR NOT?!"

"Fine! Jeez, you're so annoying sometimes!"

The next day, the twins went home.

Both for different reasons.

Floyd went home to discuss your funeral preparations with his parents...

And Jade went home to destroy the last piece of evidence that tied him to your death.

When Jade found his mother's phone, he listened to the message you left.

You sounded so... scared.

He's always found it kind of funny, hearing the fear in your voice, but now...

Now he couldn't help but feel ever so slightly...

Bad.

After he listened to it, he had his finger over the 'delete' button. Why is he hesitating...? He shouldn't be... there's no reason to be...

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and pressed the button. And then, the message was gone. The evidence was gone. You were gone.

Forever.

And instead of feeling like a weight was taken off his shoulders... strangely enough...

It only felt like more weight was added.

[adamruz]

Not Alone

Summary: A found family moment post 1202, when your friends don't let you handle something alone.

Words: 599

AO3 link

Adam sat in the driveway for however long he needed to ensure that every last drop of blood was washed off in his shower at the district and his eyes were no longer red.

He called Kim on his way home, but he could not let their daughter see a trace of blood on him or that he had been crying. It reminded him a lot of the night when Kim was missing and he left the search to be with Makayla. But this time was different - he was her dad now and his friend was not still alive out there somewhere.

As soon as his Jeep door slammed, he could hear Makayla yell out, “Dad, you’re home!” She greeted him with a huge hug as he walked into the kitchen and he almost broke down again right there on the spot, but he stood strong.

“Hi bumblebee, how was school? I talked to Mom on my way home and she’s so excited to come home on Friday.”

“Yay, I miss her! It was good. I have a lot of homework to do tonight though.” Adam sighed at the mention of homework as that was the last thing he wanted to do tonight.

“I tried to help her with some of it, Adam, but we ran out of time.”

“No worries, Lindsay. Thank you for picking her up from school. We’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, I’ll pick her up tomorrow and take her to dance practice. Bye Makayla.”

Makayla hugged her babysitter goodbye and continued talking her dad’s ear off about her homework and the school day. Adam felt bad as he was only half listening, but he was still trying to process the events of the day.

“Hey Mack, what do you want to order for dinner?”

“Ummmm.” Before she could even offer an answer, there was a doorbell ring.

“Mack, you didn’t invite any friends over today at school, right?” Entertaining was not something Adam wanted to do tonight at all.

“No, I promise.” She ran to the door and looked at the camera to see who it was. “UNCLE Kevin and Torrrrrrres!!!” (She had been taking Spanish at school and loved to practice rolling her “r”s.) She opened the door with Adam standing behind her and gave both of their visitors a hug. “I guess we’re having pizza, Dad.”

With a puzzled look on his face, Adam asked “what are you guys doing here” and finally noticed that Dante was holding a huge box of pizza. Makayla led him into the kitchen, so he could place the pizza down.

Kevin hung back by the door and gave his best friend a hug and quietly answered, “Bro, we couldn’t let you handle this night alone. It’s been a tough day for all of us, but yours doesn’t stop when you get home. Plus I needed to see my little queen.”

“Thanks man, I really appreciate it. But now that you’re here, I’m gonna need you to help Mack with her English homework please. That’s usually Kim’s department.”

“I got you,” Kevin replied as he smiled and they joined Makayla and Dante at the table to eat.

The night was full of cheesy pizza, a game or two of Twister, and lots of laughter - a sound they hadn’t heard in hours. And they even managed to finish all of Makayla’s homework. It was not how any of them expected their night to end after wrapping up the first case this morning, but after the events of the day unfolded, it was exactly what they all needed.

[imintoomanyfandomscuzihaveadhd]

Alright so pulling this right out of my ass but spider as a child or a toddler spider knowing him he would ran in a room that's off limits but he stole one of the scientist card running from recom and from quaritch in there base since spider is a 16 year old so he is a little trouble maker when spider is running he ran right beside a scientist grabbing there card running in the lab swaps the card running in locking it spider this poor boy the old theme we all know and somewhat love curiosity killed the cat he sees a bottle of blueish with white in it so he grab it and drink it when he put it down he heard the door open in the lab Finley hearing quaritch cussing up a storm walking inside with Lyle spider immediately hide under a table keeping him unseen until he slowly close his eyes the darkness he falling as he thought no he was turned into a toddler quaritch on the right still cussing without a filter Lyle looking around calling for spider until he felt something touch his leg he looked down to see a toddler he and for some reason I can imagine spider calling Lyle like "papa" because he sees Lyle first he would pick up the little spider and walked to miles telling him how he or how spider find him and spider god bless his tiny little soul he calls miles "Dada" what would they do with a toddler spider what if it can't be fix?

Recoms Raising Spider Headcanons

AHHHHHH 🥰🥰🥰 I love this

A/N: Ok just for plot convince let’s say the effects of the mysterious potion only last 16 days. 1 day=1 year so it takes about 2 weeks for spider to get back to normal. Also we’re just gonna pretend that it reset his hair so no dreads(It still gets long as hell tho)

774 Words

Warnings: fluff, Cussing

@hyperfixatedfandomer @naavispider

Look at his instincts finding his dad’s 😭. It’s like that one episode in spongebob where him and Patrick have the baby clam (Lyle is the mom✨)

Quaritchs emotions are through the roof😭

1.he’s pissed spider ran off in the first place and on top of that causing more problems by turning into a toddler

2.he’s stressed ASF. Demanding everygod damn scientist in that lab to tell him what’s going on and to fix his boy(they were testing the shit that comes from the tulkans)

3.He’s also kinda emotional tho because he didn’t get to see spider grow up into a teenager and now he has that opportunity.

I like to think spider looked ALOT like quaritch when he was little but as he got older started to look like Paz.

TODDLER STAGE(1-3)

The worst stage

None of the recoms sleep during these days

Spiders sleep schedule is so fucked up from living in the lab

He’s one of those nocturnal toddlers

Sleeps all throughout the day and is up all night

He’s a fast little fucker

Quaritch now understands how he got the name spider

He’ll will look away for one minute and all of the sudden spiders on top of a 8ft recom dresser

They obviously don’t have toddler clothes so he’s just wearing the smallest adult shirt they could find and it’s still huge

I can see them gushing over his curls

He definitely got those from paz

Spiders a bad ass toddler, I’m talking getting in stuff he’s not supposed to, biting, hitting, kicking, spitting, running

At one point Lyle says fuck it and makes a child leash

Despite being a literal demon he’s really clingy

Attached to Lyle and quaritch at the hip

Like quaritch had to go a patrol outside so he left spider with the medbay folks, it broke his heart when he shut the door and heard spiders little feet running to the door crying for dada to come back

He almost called the whole mission off

He definitely holds the recoms tails when following the around

EARLY CHILDHOOD STAGE(4-5)

Probably the easiest stage the recoms had to deal with

I mean spider was still a hell spawn but he was more reserved

The recoms were so drained from toddler spider they just shoved a tablet in his face

It worked though

Still really clingy (and quaritch loves it)

Still looks a lot like a mini quaritch

Not as active as they’re used to him being

MID CHILDHOOD STAGE(6-9)

This I were his ADHD Shines

Quaritch has never seen a kid this hyperactive in both his lifetimes

Like they look up and this boy is 50ft in the air using the pipes on the ceiling as monkey bars

Quaritch nearly dies from many heart attacks during this stage

Spiders finally big enough to fit into the exopacks and go with the recoms on patrol

Y’all remember Trazan 2 where Tazan is a kid yea that’s just spider

Lyle also teachs him to shoot (yk with the guns he can lift)

Spider has absolutely no patience

Annoys the hell out of EVERYONE, nobody’s safe

The tablet technique doesn’t work in this stage because his attention span is to small to focus

Quaritch notices he’s starting to look and act like Paz more

Like spiders hair is starting to get darker and his mother’s attitude is starting to show

PRE-TEEN STAGE(10-12)

Speaking of attitude it gets 10x worse in this stage

The second worst stage

This is the stage quaritch has been dreading since the toddler stage

He’s starting to turn into the spider they kno and love

His hair has now reached his shoulders

Z-dog starts putting Viking braids in his hair

He gets really attached to Z-dog in this stage

They’re the bitchy attitude duo

Literally doesn’t want to cooperate with anyone

Him and quaritch are at each other’s throats

Spiders always hungry and eats ungodly amounts of food

I mean he’s a growing boy

His Navi instincts are coming back to him

Like he disappears for like 15 minutes, all the recoms are panicking, and then spider shows up covered in war paint and mud with like 6 fish on his homemade spear

TEEN STAGE (13-16)

Finally

Spiders basically back

When that last day come he barley remembers anything that happened

It’s all like a blur to him

He wakes up pissed on that last day storms into recom meeting “WTF HAPPENED TO MY HAIR!” Cuz yk his dreads are gone

He honestly doesn’t remember most of it but loves listening to the recoms talk about the past 2 weeks

[lais-a-ramos]

i usually don't talk about personal stuff, but, since i'm still waiting for the public university that i get my free therapy from to clarify whether the program continues or not, this is a rare venting post ig...

well, earlier today i attended the funeral of one of my paternal aunts.

she died yesterday, and we got the news late at night.

as it's common for many working class Brazilian families, there are, like, 4 houses in the same terrain that belonged to my late grandpa, so, we all sort of lived together, and it was a huge shock for all of us.

other relatives, who live in the same town as us, also appeared to show support.

i overheard a cousin of mine (who is younger than me and recently lost her own mom to breast cancer, which just shows how strong she is to come back to the place she grew up to support the remaining aunts, one of which is her grandma) saying this aunt died of pulmonary embolism, after she was diagnosed with pneumonia last week.

my dad also said something earlier this week about lung damage, if i remember correctly.

me and my big sis, we suspect that this aunt either got covid or was suffering from the consequences of long covid, since she was looking weaker and more fragile in the past 2,3 years or so.

but, since the health unit she was admitted has a pretty basic infrastructure, as it's common for small towns here, we might never know for sure, bc we don't even know if it occurred to the doctors to get her tested...

i wasn't particularly atached to her, but it's still very painful, bc, with the terrain thing i said above, i still grew up with her and she was a psrt of my childhood...

but, most of all, it's particularly painful bc of the son she left.

he has down syndrome, but, as it's also common for the lives of working class ppl here in Brazil and i assume South America in general, he never had access to the type of multidisciplinary healthcare support that he needed and is a person with high support needs, which means he depended on his mother for almost everything.

in the days she was still at the health unit -- which can't be called a hospital, bc it's this type of unit we call here "unidade de pronto atendimento" and serves to provide medium complexity healthcare -- he frequently asked to my other aunts and relatives when his mom would come back.

he is not completely abandoned, since my other aunts, who helped said aunt to take care of him, are still alive and will take care of him, which is a relief ofc...

but they are also elderly women, and way older than his late mother.

and, most of all, it's been devastating way beyond words to hear the poor guy crying and having panick attacks as these aunts and my other relatives tried explaining to explain to him that his mom won't come back to go to church with him ever...

bc, really, there are no words to describe how terrible it all is...

it's also a pretty average working class Brazilian experience, as you guys can see by the stuff i mentioned above...

and, i don't even know what's the takeaway from this story i'm telling...

i guess it's just to give an insight of what life here in this country can be, you know, besides all the venting and stuff...

(and, YES, i know that other countries on the Global South still got it worse.

in fact, even here in Latin America.

it's just that it's still fucking terrible that we have to endure this type of stuff every day bc of economic inequality and other social issues)

maybe it's just a reminder that life and death are way bigger than all of us idk...

just a reminder of one of those "remember you are mortal" moments that life throws at us sometimes...

yeah, sounds about right.

[matcha-lemonade-enthusiast]

i’m going to give a comprehensive list of songs that hit way too hard for me or that i cry to, because im little lonely (only child syndrome) and have no one else to tell 😁.

Liability by Lorde

i so vividly remember listening to this song for the first time, and it was like someone put how i felt every single fucking day into a song. i just felt like a huge burden to everyone and everything. especially since i had to whole sad clown thing going on (being the life of the party and silly until i had to be apart from anything that happily distracted me). so many nights were spent laying on the ground and staring at the ceiling, or sobbing in a dark closet to that song. thanks lorde 😍! (/s)

Stay by Post Malone

by far one of the most embarrassing songs on this list 😭. sorry unfortunately i dabble in hating mainstream artists (particularly yt men). however, an old friend of mine showed me this song as one of her fave sad songs to cry to, and i was like thanks im stealing this for my playlist 😁. once again just a song that put my thoughts into words (omg i love art), and i really just needed someone to hug me and tell me everything would be okay. also strangely, it’s a great song for if you’ve had a rocky relationship with your mom or anyone you love so deeply you’d do anything for but shit happens and you both fumble the ball, so now everyone is pissed off. like post simultaneously asking someone to (hopefully figuratively)put their cigarette out on his face, but also stick around for him and love him and tell him everything is okay? yeah real.

I’m Not A Mountain by Sarah Kinsley

fully almost cried when i saw/heard this live, because Sarah almost cried. *defeated* yeah. just another lonely girl who can’t set a boundary to save her life so she runs from her problems and has a sharp tongue song. i’ve said things that i didn’t mean out of anger and so deeply regret because i caused a friendship to end. i have people i (sort of) want a relationship with that i can’t get back because i’ve learned too much and im living in the past in some ways (rightfully so imo) (yes im contradicting myself ik). but yeah sometimes i wish i was a mountain too.

Last Time We Never Meet Again by Sarah Kinsley

sarah kinsley you will always be famous.

but fr this song was simultaneously a swift kick to the gut, but also a breath of fresh air. i was fresh off of calling it quits with a guy (like a month lol), and i had a lot of firsts with him (first serious relationship, first music festival, first time traveling without family, etc) not s*x though someone else beat him to it lmao.) so basically i was ranting to my mom and friends about him and everything i didn’t like that he did, because everything around me reminded me of him and it PISSED ME OFF to no end. then this album (Escaper) dropped (thank god), and once again this song was just everything i felt. like i can’t stand you, i never want to see you again, but hope everything works out how you want it to (im not a monster guys cmon). he called me tho like last week to make small talk and then ask me questions about his personality and stuff. so then that re-pissed me off bc i deleted his number while i was drunk on vacation, and i don’t follow him on anything anymore like pls take a hint.

Casual by Chappell Roan

self-explanatory.

Magnolia by Laufey

let me preface this by being a butthole and let everyone know how cool i am, because i was into laufey before she was uber famous. like im talking tickets to her show were $30. anyways!

basically a girl strung me along, and then left me for a mid yt man 😁. this song was there for me when i was too embarrassed to tell my friends what happened. didn’t cry, but definitely gazed out of my window on a rainy day and listened to the song on repeat for an hour or two (yes this is a part of my villain origin story) (yes i know im a terrible villain fr, more sad and lazy than vengeful)

Baby by Brittany Howard

feeling like i wasn’t enough and didn’t measure up (especially romantically)

Sullen Girl by Fiona Apple

my mom actually played an old fiona apple cd for me while we packed up our house to move. this song really stuck with me bc that whole summer (‘22) was a blur. the second half of the song genuinely sent me into shock because it gave me war flashbacks of childhood trauma that i try to repress 😍. then my mom told me, she pictured me as the sullen girl during my lowest moments and i cried and we hugged.

Cellophane by FKA Twigs

self-explanatory. especially if you’ve seen anania’s tiktoks to this song (doing mundane tasks, deadpan thousand yard stare, and this song blaring). i feel the same way girl, me too. also that music video is literally stunning.

Prey by The Neighborhood

ahhh an old classic. honestly the whole Wiped Out! album is good to cry to but this is a personal favorite. sobbed for two hours then fell asleep because why not. i felt like a waste of space that couldn’t do anything right (i still feel like that sometimes). you are so right jesse rutherford i do feel like something is wrong (i have extreme anxiety, everything feels off and i will freak out at any moment) i feel like prey (i will be chastised and ostracized the moment i do something wrong, and everyone is watching, also i was unmedicated).

okay besties this was a really short little playlist and long thoughts i randomly wanted to get out. thanks for letting me be annoying and reading 😍 (i say to my 5 followers, 2 of which are bots)

[roger-that-cap]

okay so this is pretty loaded because i never talk about it but i have to say it somewhere lol even if no one sees this

i have an older sister who is estranged. she used to be my best friend ever, but unfortunately she makes very cruel and selfish decisions at times and it’s driven a huge divide in our family. my mom and her are basically at a point of no return. it’s so bad that she hasn’t even met our little siblings because she isn’t allowed back in the house (my mom got remarried and i literally have a sister who is almost 4 and a newborn baby brother. i’m in my 20s lol) i haven’t seen her in over a year. it’s been hardest for me to cut her off because we grew up so close in age together.

last night, i went with my mom to see twenty one pilots, which was me and my sister’s first concert ever. they were our favorite band for years and they’ll always have a soft spot in both of us, i’m sure! i had a harder time with it than i thought i would lol. i still had a blast and they’re GREAT live but some of the older songs literally gave me flashbacks.

it’s just sad that years of being family can disappear because of what we do when we’re older. and picking sides sucks so bad. i don’t wish this on anybody.

TLDR: my sister is an estranged asshole and i cry when i hear twenty one pilots because i miss that asshole but know it’s better to probably just leave well enough alone when it comes to her LMFAO

[autisticempathydaemon]

I am loving this Redacted match-up idea. So here goes mine! 😃

• The song my brain’s latched onto right now is “Make Me Cry” by Jacob Collier. The vibes are so perfect. It’s so mellow, and his voice is so freaking comforting. Like…smooth, thick hot chocolate or something. If that even makes sense XD

• I…have no idea what my Ennegram type is. But I’ll totally tell you some other things! I’m a Libra, a Hufflepuff, and last time I checked, my Myers-Briggs type is INFJ? But don’t quote me on that. XD

• Alas, I don’t think I’ve got enough of an attention span to sit through a video essay 😅

• I never really had an imaginary friend as a kid, tbh 🤔

• “Flirty Vampire Boyfriend Helps You Sleep” knocks me out almost every time I listen. So, most nights, it’s that video.

• If I had to change my name, I’d probably change it to Grace. (That’s what it would have been if I wasn’t the name my parents *did* decide to give me)

• Man, that’s a hard question! Buuuut I gotta say, every time I think of my favorite Redacted vids, Vincent’s third video (the one where he “loses control” with Lovely) comes to mind. I might be biased though, because Vincent was my introduction to the channel, but it’s such a good one! The drama. 😍 I freaking love it. We’re not gonna talk about Adam, though, because he terrifies me. XD

• Honestly? I don’t get the hype around David. Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m not a huge fan of Tsunderes (which is funny to me, because I love Aaron) and that I prefer vampires to werewolves anyway, but I dunno. He’s just not my cup of tea.

• I could quote Avatar: The Last Airbender all day long. Don’t even get me started. XD SECRET, SECRET, SECRET, SECRET TUNNEEEEEEELLLLL!

• I want Elliott as a BFF, please and thank you. 🥺

• I wouldn’t say I ramble about this when I’m tired, but if someone else shares the interest too, I’ll talk about musicals for forever.

• Well..I don’t drive, so I don’t really visit many gas stations. XD But my combo would probably be a bottle of water and a bag of mini M&Ms.

• It’s actually a Spotify playlist that my best friend and I made for one of my OCs. 🥰

• This is embarrassing to admit, but I still watch stuff that’s “for kids” from time to time. Barbie movies, Strawberry Shortcake, Sofia the First, pretty much any “girly” show that’s made for someone way younger than 24? I love it. 😊 (It’s probably a comfort thing, now that I think about it)

• Let’s see… Other fun facts 🤔. I’m the “youngest” of four (by like, five minutes, so I don’t know if that really means anything), and if you couldn’t tell from this ask, I use emojis up the butt, and am a total stickler for proper grammar. 😂

Oh, so I’ve actually thought about this- you know who’d pair wonderfully with someone from a big family? Huxley with his gorgeous, friendly nature and open heart.

He’s just so natural to love and get along with, so easy-going and charming. Our favorite earth elemental would be so mind-boggled by all your siblings but also delighted, just like your family would delight in him and how well-suited the two of you are together-

-and the two of you are so cute together. Huxley has this steady, reliable nature while also being fun and silly and light. I can totally see him genuinely enjoying all the things you do, even the shows for little girls that you’d be initially embarrassed for him to see you watching. No one is immune to the power of Barbie Nutcracker, and Huxley is no exception. He is ready with popcorn, a cozy blanket, and open arms for a movie night.

Song:

Earth angel, Earth angel, the one I adore/ Love you forever, and ever more./ I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

So this works on 3, count ‘em, THREE levels. One! Earth Angel for an earth elemental? I am a fucking genius. Two. I love the fun, dreamy, romantic vibe for Huxley; it strikes me as something he likes because he heard his moms listen to it. Three. I will seize any and all opportunities to plug a musical, and the Back to the Future musical is so FUN.

Runner-Ups:

Guy is an easy-peasy runner up, because I love to pair musical theater babes together. (I was so sure that was his major before we learned it was creative writing.) I also love Ollie for you, because (fuck JK Rowling and all she stands for but) we love to pair a Hufflepuff with a Hufflepuff.

Note: highly recommend the Back to the Future musical which is rumored to make its Broadway debut soon, it’s very true to the vibes of the movie 🌈

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[anotherisodope]

Just found out that we dodged a huge bullet

You ever have a friend who just completely derails your life with their drama every time you run into, talk to or even hear about them?

Got one like that. We’ve been trying to help him for months in a Movie of the Week level family drama situation that has, along with some other stuff, totally eaten my life. And now, things have gone from bad to cartoonishly awful, in one night.

(Now edited for clarity. I shouldn’t write when I’m that pissed off, sorry!)

The Cast

Me: Gold medalist in competitive napping

My man: Has lived with me almost two decades, there’s rings involved, you get the idea

Gonk: A formerly close friend of ours who is making himself less close with every damn day that goes by as he slowly transitions from a cinnamon roll to an ego-burdened military douche. Calling him Gonk because he increasingly, stubbornly, refuses to listen to even basic common sense if it gets in the way of what he wants to do

GFF: Gonk’s friend who has been putting him up until Gonk starts Basic Training in another state

Evil Sister: Gonk’s sister, a raging assclown whom I sometimes call the Wicked Bitch of the East--with good reason

Our friend Gonk is the sort who never, ever, EVER contacts us unless he needs something, and he’s caused all kinds of disruption, but we’ve stayed loyal as hell and supported him. I was even going to move this guy into my house before he torpedoed that plan with a set of Bad Life Decisions. (Long story I’ll cover later).

Bit of backstory. Gonk has a very bad relationship with his sister, who is a far, far bigger asshole than he’s ever dreamed of being. Evil Sister was left the house and their parents’ whole estate after their mom died (so our friend wouldn’t lose his disability benefits), and promised to “look after” Gonk to his mom’s face. Once Mom died, Evil Sister promptly started proceedings for kicking Gonk out, and turned abusive in the meantime.

One thing she’s done is weaponize the police against Gonk every time she gets mad at him, meaning she calls them on him and tries to get him imprisoned over issues he can’t even be arrested for. Argument? Call the cops. He swore while playing video games? Cops. He had a meltdown from her verbal abuse and started yelling and crying? Cops. I’m actually surprised they still come out at this point.

We’ve explained to Gonk, as have the police, that what Evil Sister is doing is a form of abuse, isn’t appropriate use of law enforcement, and wastes police time and resources as well. Gonk’s seen it, he’s felt it, he’s been told multiple times: weaponizing the police so you can hurt someone you’re mad at (especially over petty shit) is really, really wrong.

So Gonk has been staying with another friend, GFF, for a few weeks before he starts Basic Training (a whole other awful story), basically to get away from the Wicked Bitch of the East. It was a huge act of generosity on GFF’s part, and a relief for Gonk, us, and everyone who cares about Gonk. At least...until yesterday.

Last night, everything blew up very suddenly. GFF kicked Gonk out and threatened to harm him if he came back. Why?

Because Gonk decided to call the cops on poor GFF, in GFF’s own home, IN AN ARGUMENT OVER WHO OWNED A FUCKING PACK OF CIGARETTES.

That’s right. Gonk, the guy who had the police inappropriately called on him over small shit multiple times, and is in the best possible position to know how wrong that is...turned around and did it to someone else. Someone he was depending on for shelter.

The cops kicked in the door, GFF’s dog escaped and vanished, and needless to say GFF is absolutely furious. He wants nothing further to do with Gonk and will probably kick his ass, or worse, if that hypocritical dumbass tries to come back. In fact, he’s already threatened to do so.

Gonk has nothing to say for himself. He is back with Evil Sister now, for the moment. I’m just praying he doesn’t show up on our doorstep again, because this has destroyed the last of our trust in him--which thanks to other crap was already badly damaged.

I am SO goddamned glad now that Gonk didn’t end up living with us. I don’t want anyone in my life who calls the cops on innocent people he’s supposed to care about, over petty shit. Of all people, Gonk should know better. But he got big mad and tossed friendship, common sense and decency out the window over an under $20 purchase instead. Nothing GFF did for him mattered to Gonk--not even opening up his home.

That could easily have been us. And I don’t want to give Gonk the chance to make it be us. Before now, I was worried about his safety, but this is the last straw. Now I just want him to leave town for his training and never come back.

[countrymusiclover]

38 - Tough Scars and Scares

Part 39

Country Rancher

The longest chapter I have ever written 😁

Tags @whateverthecostner @rosie-posie08 @kayceduttonn @kcloveswrestling @the-morning-star-falls @kaymudd @hcwthewestwaswcn

Rubbing my daughter's back while she was still puking whatever was in her stomach from last night. The morning sickness for her is a lot worse than what I went through with any of my kids. Holding her hair back I helped her lean back against my chest. “I am going to be so happy when I don’t get sick anymore.”

“Trust me baby this won’t be the hardest part of being pregnant.” I whispered, pushing her hair away from her eyes rising to my feet.

Kayce was downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast for her trying to help her out. Tugging Bree up to stand she wraps her arms around me since she was unstable from being so sick this morning. We made our way down the stairs letting her sit down at the kitchen table. “Thanks mom.”

“You’re welcome. Kayce, can we talk on the porch alone please?” I asked my husband, gently grabbing his forearm leading him out onto the back porch shutting the door behind us.

He raised a brow at me, shoving his hands in the brown jacket pockets. “What’s going on, darlin’. You don’t seem like yourself since we got back.”

“I got a phone call a few weeks ago. The night we had that huge thunderstorm and it was from Jamie.” I huffed wrapping my arms tightly around myself beginning to feel a nervous pit grow in my stomach. It had been eating away at me because I knew he knew everything that the rest of Montana didn’t know.

“What did he say, honey?” He asked me to step closer until I walked around my husband leaning against one of the pillars on the porch looking out over the land.

“He is coming after me, Kayc…” I mutter under my breath where he almost couldn’t hear me.

He asked again, moving closer behind my back, placing a hand on my shoulder so I would look him in the eye. “Y/n, what did he call you about exactly? You can tell me anything you know.”

“He’s coming after me, Kayce. He threatened to tell our children the truth about the train station and everything else that we are hiding from the town. Unless I help him impeach your father from office.” Spinning around on my feet I felt some tears falling down my face.

His brown eyes scanned over my body, not used to seeing me crying over something like this. I mean he has seen me cry before but not about something when it came to fighting for this land. I owed almost everything I have to this family and to the land attached to the name. “Hey, hey, easy come here.” He opened his arms where I ran into his chest clutching the fabric of his jacket. “Now you listen to me honey. Jamie is not going to come after you or our children. He knows that family comes first always on this ranch.”

“But he has the closed charge of when the sheriff tried to lock me up on not having a license to carry a firearm when we were made livestock agents in a field.” I drew slightly back away from him shaking my head seeing that he wasn’t getting the seriousness.

Kayce rested his hand on my cheek feeling me lean in while his freehand was on my waist holding me closer to him. “Y/n, we beat that charge and we will handle this like always. We are Duttons and Duttons don’t back down - what are you doing here, brother?”

“What?” Whipping my head around I shivered seeing that Jamie was standing beside his car in the driveway staring up at us, meaning that I didn’t even hear his car pull up at all. “What the hell are you doing here, Jamie!”

He slowly walked up the stairs causing me and Kayce to separate from one another. This is the first time he has come back to the ranch so it was quite strange seeing him here. Thankfully it wouldn’t get more awkward since the kids were off doing their own things. “I was hoping to talk with you, Y/n. You didn’t really give me an answer during our last phone call.”

“That’s because I didn’t give you one.” I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest tipping the front of my black cowgirl hat to the adopted Dutton son.

“Is there any chance that we could talk in private?” He asked once more.

“Not a chance in hell.”

Kayce squeezed my forearm leading me a little ways away from his brother whispering under his breath. “Hey easy now. We don’t know why he is here. At least hear what he has to say. Look, I can even be in the room with you if you want.”

“No, it's fine. We can just have our conversation im his office or in your dads old office here.” I responded, turning on my heel stomping up to the lawyer.

He tilted his head in the direction of the helicopter that we had brought back to the ranch since we would have to move the cattle in the fields in the months to come. “Let’s head to my office. I can take the helicopter if you want.”

“That will work. Let’s go then.” I sniped heading towards the chopper glancing over my shoulder back at my husband, sending him a concerned look the entire time.

Kayce silently watched the pair go towards the helicopter and it was strange but also hard to see that this really worried the love of his life. He remembered the last time she was so terrified like this and he hated that he was seeing something like it again.

It was the middle of the night when I woke up in the bedroom Kayce and I shared together. Tugging my sweatshirt that was actually one of Kayce’s I felt a cold breeze entering the kitchen finding that I was hungry or something. Opening the fridge door I grabbed the milk then searched for the jar of cookies. I ended up finding them on a high shelf that I thought I could reach. Raising myself up on my toes trying to reach it but my leg that was injured during the shooting suddenly cramped up and I collapsed on the floor. “Ow…god. Fuck that hurt!”

“Y/n! Are you okay, shit.” Footsteps rushed down the stairs where I held a hand to my head and my other hand was gripping where part of my leg always hurt from the accident. “What the hell happened to you, baby?”

Groaning in pain I laid my head back against the wooden cabinets seeing that the stupid cookie jab was balancing off the edge of the cabinets now where it might fall on my head. “Trying to get one of the cookies from last night but I guess your dad put them up higher than he thought. But this dang leg keeps ruining my life Kayce.”

“Hey, hey, what are you talking about. You can still walk, ride horses and do everything else like you used to.” He brushed hair out of my eyes seeing that I was tearing up.

Sniffing through some tears this wasn’t the first time that this limp kept me from doing things. During my recovery when I was panicked about Bree and everything I fell off my horse and spooked it when my leg cramped and I accidentally kicked the horse in the leg. “Kayce, I have fallen off my horse several times. I still can’t walk up stairs the straight way I have to walk up them sideways. I can’t play tag with Bree and Tate. I mean what if it just keeps getting worse. I…I don’t want to not be able to ranch anymore. This life is something I never knew I wanted until I met you. I don’t want to lose it…because of those assholes shooting me and John on the side of the road.”

“Sssh honey. Come here, come here.” He pulls my head into his chest where I flung my arms around his neck crying lightly. “Your leg isn’t a burden. It makes you stronger do you hear me. I told Tate this recently that you have already beaten the biggest thing in your life. You’re not weak because of that limp, if anything it makes you ten times as stronger than you were before.”:

“Yeah but what if things get worse. I thought I could handle the physical therapy and everything but I’m scared that one day things are going to get worse for us. Where you might leave me and Bree someday because it’s too much work or that I can’t do what I need to keep the place I love.” I sobbed into his shoulder hating that even though he had taken care of the guys who shot me they still managed to have an effect on me.

Kayce lifted my head up cradling my face in his hands wiping away tears with his thumbs. “You aren’t weak, darlin’. You are one of the strongest people I know. You raised Bree all on your own when I bolted with Monica. You didn’t lose that strength, it will be with you always just like I will be.”

“Yeah but come on, Kayc. You have your own crap to deal with. You don’t have time to deal with my problems. I’m not the girl I once was…I won’t always be so strong.” Sniffing through some more tears I gripped his shoulders wanting to pull away staring down at my injured leg.

The youngest Dutton lifted my chin upward, pressing his forehead breathlessly. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, baby. I have my moments that I won't let you see. Yet we can change that. If something is bothering either of us then we tell one another. No matter what, no matter how small, no matter how big, we will be there for each other. Can you agree to that cause I love you too much to see you upset. You are my whole heart and soul.”

“You are my heart and soul too, Kayce.” I breath out feeling him press a long kiss on my forehead. Burying my face underneath his chin he rested it there softly wrapping his arms around my waist just holding me on the kitchen floor.

Jamie held his office door opened for me letting me step inside first before he quickly and quietly shut it behind him. I sat down in the chair in front of his desk watching his movements closely. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Don’t play this off like you don’t know what phone call I was referring to. Now will you help me or not?” He got straight to the point so I tried to go the other direction.

“John is an amazing governor of the state, Jamie. Sorry you didn’t run but maybe you should have had a stronger champne or better yet actually know your audience. The people in this state don’t care about fancy airports and casinos. They want the land to stay the way it is.”

He leans back in his chair disgruntled. “Yes but this town can’t make some good changes if it stays the same. Surely you can agree that John Dutton has done some questionable things over the years.”

“No. He was doing what he had to so he could protect his family and the ranch legacy. Now for the love of Montana can you just tell why the hell you thought it would be a good idea to come after my children. Huh, I mean you're possibly coming for the place that they will inherit one day. But you want to take that away because you want some big shot job that you might not even get if the people don’t vote for you.” I grumble towards the man in front of me. I was scared coming in here but honestly I only had one charge against me so there was nothing he could do since he was the one to fix the problem in the end.

He rose to his feet with his hand’s hitting the wooden desk making me slightly jump. “I can have your failure to carry a firearm with a liescines charge brought back to the surface. I can tell everyone what really happened to the Malisha you and your husband took out. I can blame so many things on you and take away the whole ranch from your children if you want!”

“But this is still about hurting, John. You can’t hurt him without hurting everyone else he loves. So you know what, I am going to walk out that door because you have nothing against me.” Raising to my feet I turned around not surprised by what he was saying. He had made me so worried but like Kayce said we wouldn’t let him hurt our family. Flinging the door opened I gasped not expecting to see the person standing before me considering Kayce had chosen me in the end. “Monica, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m here to help him convince you to help him…” She stepped inside the office with my shuffling my feet backwards not expecting to ever see her again. “Because in case you didn’t realize, according to legal documents that I was told by Jamie it says that you and Kayce never signed the papers to make you Tate’s legal guardian. Making me to always be his mother. So I can take him away from you.”

Whipping my head around to Jamie I growled in his direction turning my hand into fists. “You’re gonna turn this into a custody battle huh that’s really mature.”

“Watch your tone, Y/n. You aren’t as innocent as you want everyone to believe. My adoptive father has turned everyone on that ranch into something destructive and dangerous. And it won’t be just about Tate, all your children are under the age of being adults.” The former partner of the family stepped towards me.

Monica wrapped her arms around herself looking at the ground for a moment. “That doesn’t have to happen if you just get that dangerous man out of office.”

“You don’t know anything about John. You are so judgmental and find this entire family dangerous but you are dangerous too. After the attack you were trying to make my own daughter afraid of the outside world. You were gonna let Tate live underneath the bed and turn him into an adult with a paranoid disorder or something worse. All because you couldn’t come to realize that yes we all have our issues but all we are trying to do is protect the family ranch.”

She sniffs some tears. “For the sake of our children’s well being, please put someone else in the government. Save them from being evil - urgh.”

Raising my hand I suddenly slapped her across the face not wanting to hear anymore of her crap. She grabbed her burning cheek stumbling backwards. “I am his mother whether you see that or not, Monica. He has your blood but you are going to have to realize that he lives with me and Kayce so he has more than two parents. And I can’t believe you would do something like trust the son of the man who tried to kill us. John Dutton isn’t the problem. I’m out of here.”

Flinging the door opened once more hearing Jamie call out my name. “I’ll make your life a living nightmare, Y/n. You can’t handle this on your own.”

“You’re right Jamie I can’t do this on my own. But you seem to forget something. You are the trailer park and my sister in law is the tornado and there’s a storm coming for you.” I threaten him heading to the helicopter wiping away tears with the pilot flying me back to the ranch knowing that we weren’t done fighting anytime soon.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[sidekick-hero]

15 questions, 15 tags

i was tagged by the lovely @hammity-hammer thank you darling! <33 It was SO interesting to read your answers and getting to know you better. I don't have a piercing yet but I would def get one at your shop, if you ever open one!! <3

Gonna put this under a read more so I don't clutter anyone's dash :)

1. Are you named after anyone? Not really. My mom was watching a lot of American movies when she had been pregnant with me, looking for a name and that one came up in the credits. To be fair, she wanted to give me a different name but my father vetoed that one, so my name is their compromise.

2. When was the last time you cried? Depends a bit on how we define crying. Work has been really hard the last few months and I did not get a lot of sleep and I was really exhausted. So, when 2 weeks ago my boss called me after I worked 8 hours already to tell me she had some issues with a text I wrote and then we talked this through for almost 3h and then I realized I would need to rewrite the whole text that same night I had tears spring to my eyes. In front of my boss (video call). Not my best moment. But real crying? No idea, actually. I don't cry a lot tbh.

3. Do you have kids? Nope, and I also don't want them. Never have. I like my friend's kids and being the cool auntie, but that's it.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? the more tired I am, the more sarcastic I get. I try to tone it down usually because while it can be amusing at times it's also kind of a negative kind of humour and a downer if you use it too much. Also very easy to hurt people with it.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people? Varies a lot. Their general appearance I guess, like height, figure, hair. It's not like I single out a certain feature. And from there it depends on the context, the person, my mood etc.

6. What's your eye color? Hard to describe. It's green, but not like grass. More a faded kind of green, grey-green but with specks of brown when you get really close.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? there are scary movies with happy endings ;) But yeah, as a kid/teenager I was a sucker for horror movies, I watched them all. Then I moved out and started living alone. Horror movies lost their charm then so now I have to go with happy endings. Life sucks enough as it is, give me some escapism.

8. Any special talents? At parties I always impressed people by being able to fit my whole fist into my mouth lol but I wouldn't say that's a special talent, just a flexible jaw. I'm very good with numbers, and patterns, and logic? I have a very analytical mind. Oh, and I'm a very good runner.

9. Where were you born? A very small town smack in the middle of nowhere in Germany. I played in cow dung as a kid.

10. What are your hobbies? Running, working out, taking long walks and hikes in the woods (yeah I'm one of these outdoorsy people you've been warned about). If getting tattooes counts as a hobby then tattooes lol.

11. Do you have any pets? My beloved dog Bella (the floof, as Jen would say). She's the light of my life. Huge ass snow white dog, cuddly as fuck at home, more of a Cujo outside. She has a very strong distrust of other people. She's bred for protection and takes this very serious.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? Outside of PE I never really "played" a sport. I run since I am 17, I train at the gym regularly, I go for really long walks (record is 60km in one go) and I did KravMaga for about 2 years. I want to start MMA but it's expensive as fuck.

13. How tall are you? A very average 5'7'' (170cm)

14. Favorite subject in school? Philosophy, history, politics as well as German and English (those two had been my advanced classes)

15. Dream job? I always wanted to become a profiler. I find serial killers and offenders endlessly fascinating. It speaks to the analytical part of me but also to my love for being active and to work with my body. So yeah, dream job. Sadly, it never worked out. But I love my current job, too :))

i'm gonna tag the last 15 people in my notes, as I tend to do ;) And as usual, please feel free to ignore this <3

@yournowheregirl, @baronsamediswife, @hedwigs-art, @aftershocked, @princess-josephina (hellooo new follower, nice to meet you!), @demonbitchesnearyou,@dogblogbog, @silentdescant, @kaspurrcat, @gooodtoast (love the URL lol), @supernaturalvikingwhore, @wastedonyoursmile, @legitcookie, @fearlessjones and @letmeplaytheliontoo

[kittykatbatass]

WARNING: sensitive content.

Today I finally blocked a narcissistic psychopath for the last time. We spent over 2 years together. He’d bring me doughnuts and coffee and take me out to eat. He was sweet and adorable and cuddly for about 5 months. We got in a huge drunken fight and the cops came. I didn’t give a statement thinking he would do the same. He called his Mom who came to his house and they told the police a bullshit story getting me arrested and charged with 2 misdemeanors and a felony. No convictions obviously cuz I didn’t do it. He wouldn’t call and admit to lying because he didn’t want a charge for falsifying a police report. I paid a lawyer to help me and it ended easily because he texted me saying he lied and I had multiple videos of him wasted with knives in hand threatening to kill himself. I had to ignore the screaming and verbal abuse to grab the knives from him and hide appliances so he couldn’t take a bath with them. He passed out in the shower regularly and threw up up all over himself too. He blamed this behavior and his fucked up treatment of me on the abuse his dad inflicted on him as a teen. It was bad. I would beg him to see a therapist and consider meds. He went once and quit. He was a fucking menace when he drank.

I’d ask him to hug me or be nice to me and he’d tell me to stop crying and stay away from him. I got in a car accident one day after we got in a fight at his house. We both had been drinking and he kicked me out. I remember crying in the front steps and he wouldn’t open the door. I almost died. Flight for life from the scene. Totaled my Subaru that was paid off. I woke up in ICU to my Mom who they called to come to IL from CO. He showed up later. My Mom stayed a couple months to pay my mortgage and take care of me while I healed. She sold my house and left me homeless because she told me I was such a bad alcoholic. I tried to break up with him then and moved in with my ex fiancé for 2 months.

At this point I had forgiven him and took him back , I moved in with him. This was the worst mistake of my life. I couldn’t work and could barely walk even with a boot. He’d scream at me telling me he was too stressed out to be dealing with my presence not having a job or being able to buy much. I healed and started working, I tried to leave again for an old flame who ended up stealing $2k from me. I went back. I started working to save for a new car, we agreed he’d let me stay for free til then as long as I cleaned everything and took care of our 2 cats and 1 dog (then 4 cats and a dog) He got a better job with my help making him call and dress nice for the interview etc. I managed to work enough to pay my bills, get gas and food, pay him back, and pay some court fines and save $4k ($2k to the old flame) and the rest I had to use for a lawyer… cuz I had found out I was being charged with a felony dui for the accident.

The whole time I lived with him he would periodically start fights about small things like me having friends or not cleaning enough or talking to single men etc. When this happened he would kick me out of our apartment after hours of screaming at me, he’d say things like I was a drug addict, a junkie, cheating, my parents don’t love me, I have no friends, just the meanest shit. I was no angel and would yell back a lot. He was so drunk most times he didn’t remember and would later make up a version of what had happened that made it look like I deserved it. When I got kicked out I’d usually call a few people whom I knew and had hung out with a few times and for a couple months and eventually someone would pick up and I’d Uber there to stay for a night or 2 or 3 or a week… once he stole my purse and phone and almost didn’t even use my phone and my money to get me an Uber back.

I always knew he was cheating after work and when I wasn’t home either at work or kicked out. He would hide my things in the attic. He insisted he never did and I loved him so much I didn’t listen to my intuition. I’d find female clothing that wasn’t mine, condoms disappeared, he restricted his facebook and snapchat so I couldn’t see anything he posted etc. He refused to say in a relationship on social media. Never posted anything about us. He out cameras up to watch me at home but unplugged them when I was gone and make me to set them back up every single time.

I relapsed and used substances (1 in particular) 3 times in the beginning, would drink and use cocaine like once a week then show up at his place before we lived together and he’d make me feel safe and comfortable. We would have sex a lot during these times. I found d out he told his friends and family I was an out of control drug addict behind my back. He made sure every time we fought they all knew his side of the story and convinced everyone I was crazy cling-on and a monster.

He made sure to take the car keys away at least once every 2 weeks or so, sometimes more, he was letting me use his old car as he bought a new one. Claiming he bought it cuz he wanted me to be safe at work then never let me drive it. He would drink after work on the night shift every weekday, and I had a day job where I made my own schedule, luckily, because he wouldn’t allow me to go to work when he showed up wasted in the morning before I got up. So many times he’d yell at me and rip the covers off me when he got home at 4-5am whatever and insist we had to have a talk right then about something he was upset about. We’d yell for a while until eventually I’d get him to lay down where he’d play loud movies or watch tiktok on his phone so I couldn’t sleep anyways.

We shared locations on Snapchat and if he didn’t want me to go somewhere he threatened me with cops and taking the car completely away so I had to go straight home. A couple times I went to friends houses after work anyways and he’d take the keys so again I couldn’t work, he always ended up giving them back after a couple days of verbal abuse. He would go hang with his friends for hours though and I could never come because they all didn’t like me since he ruined my chances of getting along before I even got them.

A couple months ago he disappeared for about 8 hours and came home with a story about taking a dab and getting sick saying his friend called an ambulance but had nothing but his word for me and I had to believe it. Then I didn’t answer the phone for 13mins one time and got yelled at after he got off and all the next day about how I was cheating.

He would tell me he got off work at 4-5-6am and every Friday at 6am cuz company policy. I realized later this was a lie, he lied about nearly everything, and he even admitted he would lie but insist that cheating was the one thing he would never do or lie about and his word is all I should need as proof… I asked him when he got off again after I finally moved out and he said he always got off around 3. He would forget his lies a lot and tell on himself.

I’d screenshot his location on snap in parking lots, random streets, parks he always said it was wrong. I got into his email and saw he was on websites where women post photos with ads giving out free sexual favors/sex and will meet and fuck without any attachments, listing all they were down for (anal, blow jobs) fucking sluts, in a park or the car etc. I confronted him about his location and he said he wasn’t there altogether or he was smoking a joint alone when he was at a park for an hour, that he needed space to think type shit. He also said he was in there just to look at the pictures. Like what in the fuck. I knew this was a lie because porn duh and who goes on local free sec sites for photos of soggy sluts?

More than once we’d be at the gas station he worked at and he’d be talking to some bitch, deny it, even told me once he doesn’t ask for numbers girls just ask him. I walked up at the same time as a fat girl with multiple kids did once and she said hi to him all gross like and he wouldn’t acknowledge me in front of her. Come to find out recently, through an acquaintance of mine who knew my ex from the gas station told me he saw me pick him up all the time in my jeep but I had a Subaru at the time and that fat mom drove a jeep she was picking him up. Once he and I decided to have sex in a park, which he insisted he’d never done, I thought we’d lay a blanket out in the grass late at night… I could tell right away he wasnt interested in that cuz he stood out the back door while I lay in the backseat pulling his shirt up and pants down as he did a million times before with this awful look on his face, filthy.

Progressively he got “drunk mean” more and more, with or without alcohol, to seemingly without a reason at all. Things got physical way beyond him dragging me by my feet out of bed or breaking down doors when I tried to get away from him. He wouldn’t let me leave the house until he’d had enough of hurting my feelings with yelling and gaslighting me then he’d take my house key and push me out the door and lock it. The injuries included bruised ribs from being so hard into a recliner that I broke it, 2 gashes in my head from being slammed into a closet hood by my hair, burned with a cigarette, kicked and punched leaving bruises, punched in the head, hit in the face with a hard plastic reusable cup which broke on impact, being thrown in the ground a lot, choked, pushed, held down on the ground by his foot on my chest, arms and hands grabbed, doors broken with me against them, and being blamed for a broken window resulting in him punching me so hard my nose was broken. I got some hits in, split his lip twice and pulled his hair. I broke 2 of his dab rigs and got him to let me not pay him back for about $400 in loans. $300 of which he almost stole the clothes right off my back and my dogs food for, saying he’d give the stuff back when I paid him. I convinced him to give it back and he told me he loved me and hugged and kissed me etc. Gross.

He would blame me for every single thing that went wrong even if I had nothing to do with it somehow he would make up a twisted derivative as to how I was responsible. Towards the end of it all he was otp with some slut and we fought, he left, I smashed my own tv and mirror so he couldn’t have them, flooded the apartment and busted a hole in the wall. He was fucking his best friends girlfriend that night while bestie was on a cruise and ended up getting a dui with her in the car which, even tho I left to Belleville hours prior was somehow my fault.

I would cry every single day at least 2-3 times. Cry myself asleep, cry myself awake…

At the end I had moved in with a friend and had been staying there about 6 weeks. Only one of which he was decent and acted as if he wanted to work it out. At the 6 week-ish mark I got into an argument with the girl I was staying with and he moved me back into the shithole apartment where he wasn’t even staying. He was staying with his mom who is like to add pays for everything he needs and enables him to drink and smoke stupid amounts of weed and be irresponsible with his money. (Also somehow my fault?) We spend one day together when he ditches me for his best friend over a half inch left black n mild then disappears for 6-7 hours claiming to have fallen asleep on the friends couch, when his bed and I were blocks away. He stayed away the whole weekend even tho we made plans to clean and cook together. I got upset and was crying otp when he laughed at me and I heard her for the first time laughing too. He would be in her bedroom and send me videos saying it was his sisters room when there was female shit everywhere and his sister had left to college months ago. He snapped me a photo wearing her sweater blanket, also his “sisters”. He would login to snap at his moms on some device and leave so he could say he was there by his location even when he wasn’t.

The last straw(s) was when he gave me an imbalance in the ph of my lady parts by havibg sex with me using his dirty dick without protection. He also told me if I had just submitted to his will things would’ve been better for me. I called his best friend and asked him how long the cheating had been happening and he took forever to answer (lying). A few mins later my ex insisted he couldn’t take me to the lady doctor anymore and that I was cheating with multiple people. I assume he couldn’t figure out a lie to tell his new whore and his bestie called him out after our little talk. I then blocked him on Snapchat and on my phone and Facebook. Now I just am praying I never see or hear from him again and that I can be strong enough to stay away from him. I loved him so much, he took advantage of my loyalty and good heart and broke me mentally, physically, financially, emotionally and nearly made me commit suicide more than once near the end. He isolated me and slandered me, cheated on me and stole my nude photos and videos, my heart and my body. Trust, respect, tolerance and patience will forever have to be earned from me by others. The thought of intimacy with anyone makes me sick to my stomach and even meet bc new friends makes me want to jump out a window. Fuck him forever.

[soniabeatriz19]

20 years.

For the past two decades, I wasn’t mad at you. I wasn’t mad at God. I wasn’t mad at the world. I wasn’t mad at anything, even though you were ripped from me in the early stages of my childhood. Just when I was beginning to understand the world…it was such a fucked up first impression of life. But we went to church and I wanted to believe so badly that this was all part of a greater plan. 

We prayed. Dad and I prayed every night for you to get better. The first religious phrase I ever learned was, “Tienes que tener fe.” You need to have faith. I heard this from family members, people at church, hell, even the nurses at the hospital. I heard it all the fucking time. Who was “fe?” and why was he so important in all of this? I wish I had asked my dad sooner, but there were more important things to focus on. 

The color yellow reminds me of that house. No, not our house. The house that we almost had. Right before you got sick, you and dad were making plans to buy a house. I remember the day we toured it. It didn’t look super big from the outside but from the inside, it was huge. It was everything I wanted. I didn’t want to keep sharing a room with my brother. I wanted my own space so I could decorate it however I wanted. We lived in a one bedroom apartment in North Hollywood. You and dad slept in the living room. As soon as you opened the front door into the apartment, your first sight was a queen size bed. I would be so embarrassed to have people over. I knew this house was our chance to have our own rooms. That’s all I wanted. That night after we toured the house, I asked my dad, “so are we going to get it?” and he said, “we’ll see.” I began to cry. He asked me why and I said because every time he says that, it’s a no. He laughed and said that wasn’t true. We never saw that house again. 

I suppose when God took you away… he also took away our chance of generational wealth. We never got a house and we lived from apartment to apartment my whole life. I wasn’t even a teenager before I had to start helping my dad look for apartments year after year. Rent would go up and we’d start looking all over again. You remember those apartment brochures that use to be on newspaper stands outside of Walmart? Way before Redfin and Zillow? We would pick one up every time we went to the store and it was my job to look for something within our range. One of my favorite pass times was finding the most expensive apartment and fantasizing about living there. 

I don’t want to say I was a genius… but I was gifted as a child. I think I was just always more self-aware and emotionally intelligent than most kids my age. I knew money was a big struggle for us. I didn’t want to contribute to my dad’s stress. So instead of asking for expensive gifts for Christmas or my birthday, I would take anything he would give me with a smile. Christmas gifts were usually one single item. And my birthday gift was always a cake. Most kids would throw a fit, but I was always so thankful. Back-to-school shopping was always at Goodwill or hand-me-downs from my cousins. I never complained. I knew that I was being a good daughter and that’s all that mattered to me. 

Right before you died, you gave me the “talk.” You said, “Chelsea, you’re the woman of the house now.” And proceeded to tell me that it was responsibility to take care of Dad and Andy. I’ll never forget it. 20 years ago… just days before you died. That was the last conversation we had. I’ve been taking care of them for 20 years. But I just have one questions for you Mom… did you make sure anyone was going to take care of me??? Did you talk with either of them about me??? Did you even make sure that I was going to be okay??? I lost my fucking childhood. 20 years and I was never mad. I was never mad until right now. Until the 20th year when my entire world feels like it’s collapsing. I’m busting my ass off at work, only to come back home and take care of everyone around me. I’m losing sleep every damn day. I give myself migraines from overthinking these days. The entire world is on my shoulders right now and no one is helping me carry the load. I was never resentful but right now… I’m consumed with fear, anger, and envy at times. Envy that this is my life. These are the cards that I was delt with. What you left behind. What God refuses to fix. 

And I ask myself every fucking day, “why me?” The only thing that brings me peace these days is knowing that there’s another world out there where everything is okay. I can picture it so vividly sometimes that I almost feel like I'm there. I close my eyes and I see Dad repainting the house yellow because it faded over the years. Andy is pulling into the driveway with his wife and kids.  You and I are planning my wedding in the kitchen.

There’s another life where you didn’t abandon me. There’s another life where God loves me.