#fight with your family until it’s too late to turn back! resolve your conflicts in due time PLEASE

[roger-that-cap]

okay so this is pretty loaded because i never talk about it but i have to say it somewhere lol even if no one sees this

i have an older sister who is estranged. she used to be my best friend ever, but unfortunately she makes very cruel and selfish decisions at times and it’s driven a huge divide in our family. my mom and her are basically at a point of no return. it’s so bad that she hasn’t even met our little siblings because she isn’t allowed back in the house (my mom got remarried and i literally have a sister who is almost 4 and a newborn baby brother. i’m in my 20s lol) i haven’t seen her in over a year. it’s been hardest for me to cut her off because we grew up so close in age together.

last night, i went with my mom to see twenty one pilots, which was me and my sister’s first concert ever. they were our favorite band for years and they’ll always have a soft spot in both of us, i’m sure! i had a harder time with it than i thought i would lol. i still had a blast and they’re GREAT live but some of the older songs literally gave me flashbacks.

it’s just sad that years of being family can disappear because of what we do when we’re older. and picking sides sucks so bad. i don’t wish this on anybody.

TLDR: my sister is an estranged asshole and i cry when i hear twenty one pilots because i miss that asshole but know it’s better to probably just leave well enough alone when it comes to her LMFAO

[pretty-toru]

back to where the sun is┆gojo satoru

୧ genre: mild angst, fluff ending

୧ wc: 1.1k

୧ synopsis: young megumi learns that gojo satoru is not him without you (and vice-versa).

Megumi at the young age of nine somehow always knows when you and Satoru fought, even if you both tried to do it quietly and behind closed doors to keep him and Tsumiki from worrying. The two step-siblings would totter their way to the small argument going on inside your shared bedroom with Satoru, and with their little ears pressed against the closed door the brunette would whisper, "Are we going to be okay?" with a crestfallen look on her face and a heavy hand over her heart.

"We will be," Megumi tries to offer comfort. But even he’s afraid that when a serious conflict arises between you two the last thing you want is to resolve the issue and make-up, leaving your little found family behind because you've finally had enough of putting up with his mentor and never want to speak to him again. What aches him the most is that he's accepted you and Satoru as his guardians, yet he feels as though he shouldn't have gotten too comfortable in the off-chance that something happens and he doesn't have a place to call home anymore.

Megumi doesn't know how to help the situation when he finds you rummaging through the kitchen cabinets after midnight, tossing away Satoru's stash of sweets and snacks into a plastic bag because you're upset with him. You don't notice the young sorcerer creeping into the dim lighting until he voices his presence, "Is something wrong?" and you don't know how long he's been standing there.

"Oh! Megumi, you scared me." You momentarily turn your back toward him to wipe your tears away with your sleeves, a clipped smile on your face to give him any semblance of reassurance that there's nothing to be concerned about. "I'm, um, taking away Satoru's snacking privileges for a bit. I'm just worried about his blood sugar levels with the sweets he's been consuming lately s'all. You understand, don't you?"

Before the young boy could open his mouth, you heaved a heavy sigh and shook your head before placing the bag aside and approaching him. "Actually, no. I should be setting a good example for you and Tsumiki instead of making things worse." You knew that Megumi was smart enough to put two and two together so sugar coating wouldn't have done you any favors, so you had to be the bigger person because the children needed to see one of you apologize to each other when it's over to establish what a healthy relationship should look like.

"Did he do something wrong again? I know he's an idiot sometimes, but give him another chance, please." You didn't realize how much he would be affected by the nature of your and Satoru's relationship when you're not on good terms, and it's in the way his sullen eyes fall to the ground and the slight tremor in his voice. And you honestly feel for him given his circumstances and how he came to be your responsibility now.

"Oh no, sweetie. It's, um, actually my fault and I should probably go make things right with him before it's too late. He's only trying his best after all and I know that now. Don't worry, Satoru and I will be fine. Run along and get some sleep now, okay?" You offer him another smile, this time more warm and genuine, and you lean down to press a sweet kiss atop his head.

"Okay, you promise?"

"Yes, of course. It's a promise. Good night, Megumi."

"Good night."

The next morning Megumi awakes to the golden canopy of sunbeams filtering through his window, a sweet scent of breakfast pancakes and strawberry sauce wafts under his nose and he tosses his comforter aside. As he peeks into the living room, he's relieved to see there's no sign of a make-shift bed that would indicate Satoru taking residence there for the night 一 a common occurrence that he observed over previous fights between you two.

When he peers into the kitchen with a white-haired man adorned in an apron hovering over the stove flipping a pancake, he notices a beautiful arrangement of flowers placed in a water-filled vase decorating the dining table that hadn't been there the night before. It appears that you really kept your promise to him and made up with each other, and despite emerging from his room with his usual broody attitude he looked somewhat happy and content.

"Heya, sport. What'cha smiling over there about, hm?" Satoru calls out to him when he sensed his pupil's gaze on him, his signature grin spreading across his features like he's right back to being himself as though the heartwrenching events from last night never happened. "Sleep well?"

Megumi nods and situates himself at the table next to Tsumiki with a plate and utensils already laid out for him, and Satoru strides over to plop two fresh and steaming pancakes onto his plate. Of course, the grown man gestures to the condiments on the table that he can help himself to as he returns back to his post. But not before crouching down to his level and relaying that a "little bird" told him about the intervention he made and that he doesn't need to worry since "It's just another lover's quarrel. You know how I like to spice things up from time to time."

"It really seems they've both forgiven each other. He's been in a good mood all morning," Tsumiki whispers to Megumi as he glances from his breakfast to you appearing in the kitchen and giving Satoru a good morning kiss. You both engage in small talk while being sweet on one another as you’d wrap your arms around your boyfriend watching him pour the last of the batter into the pan and he hand feeds you cubed honeydew for keeping him company.

It’s the same regular routine where you’d greet everyone good morning and make light chatter about today’s agenda and Satoru would seat himself beside you after setting both your plates down and enjoys his breakfast with the three of you. He's even making an effort of putting his shaman life on pause to spend quality time with you since you addressed how it always feels like his body is here but his mind's somewhere else, so whatever Ijichi's ringing him about first thing in the morning can wait until later.

Before Megumi goes to take another sweet bite, he guesses it was a smart decision to sneak back into the kitchen an hour after you've gone to your room to return the evidence of your late-night endeavors of throwing Satoru's most treasured snacks away back to their rightful places in the pantry. After all, he always hated the idea of you two separating if he could do something about it.

[blu-joons]

DATING SEVENTEEN A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Choi Seungcheol

A ⇴ AFFECTION 

Seungcheol loves to cuddle you, he loves to use his tall frame to wrap you tightly against his chest and keep you nice and close to him. He can’t help but hold onto you whenever he’s around you and keep you by his side.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING 

The two of you met when you were asked to interview the boys for your company. Seungcheol instinctively took charge as the leader which meant the two of you ended up talking to each other quite a lot throughout the day. And most importantly, ended up with Seungcheol falling for you throughout the day too.

C ⇴ CONFESSION 

Telling you how he felt was quite a daunting prospect to Seungcheol. A lot of planning went into his confession as he was determined to make sure that it was perfect. He ended up confessing to you on a walk one night, waiting until you got to the spot that he always knew put a smile on your face. His confession definitely took you by surprise, but it was something that you were both happy, and relieved, to hear.

D ⇴ DATES 

Seungcheol is definitely someone who can switch dates very easily. Sometimes he’ll like to be romantic with you, walks, dinners, everything that he knew you loved. Other times however, he’d want to take you somewhere active and show off to you. Seungcheol is very competitive, so he’ll keep trying whatever it is until he wins. If there’s a game that you like at the fair, Seungcheol will refuse to leave until he’s won the game and made sure that you’re walking away with the biggest cuddly toy that is on offer in your hands.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE 

He’d lived as the leader for so many years, that Seungcheol never really thought about entertaining a relationship. It took a lot of encouragement from the other members to trust that the two of you would be able to make things worse when he had his doubts at the beginning at how he’d make it all work. He still wanted to make sure that he was the best possible leader for all of the boys, whilst also making sure that he was the boyfriend that fitted all of your expectations and more.

F ⇴ FIGHTING 

There are times when Seungcheol can be a sensitive guy, even if he doesn’t like to show it to you, or anyone else. Whilst he likes to show off to you that he’s strong, fights are his weakness. Conflict is something that Seungcheol doesn’t deal too well with at all. When his emotions get heightened by a fight, it causes his anxiety to soar and brings out a lot of worries in him. Time is a friend to you both when you argue, after giving each other a bit of space you’ll be able to sit down together and talk it all through and resolve all of your worries and concerns.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY 

Seungcheol was keen to make you feel as if you were a part of his family as soon as possible and introduce you to them all. He wanted to be able to show you off to his family members, even the most distant ones so that they all got a chance to see how happy he was with you and how great you were.

H ⇴ HOME 

He was desperate to move in with you, but only as far as the dorm. He was the leader, and you were also very understanding of that and his role in the group. He didn’t quite have it in himself to move away just yet when there were twelve other guys around who still needed him to be there for them.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU” 

Seungcheol was the first one to say, ‘I love you,’ at the end of a dinner together. He’d been planning to say it to you all night long, but for a while, nerves got the better of him. Just before the two of you planned to leave the restaurant, he finally found the courage to tell you how he felt, just before the waiter rudely interrupted you both with the bill.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY 

There were definitely times when Seungcheol could get jealous, he’d hate how jealous he would get at times over the smallest of things. Even if one of his members is sometimes a little too close to you he’ll find himself trying to find a distraction to switch off to the fact you’re having fun with someone else. He’s not a possessive jealous, but he’ll definitely be quiet around you for a while, which usually ends up being the tell all sign to you that he’s feeling jealous about the situation that’s unfolding.

K ⇴ KIDS 

At times, he already felt like he’d been a dad for years, so starting a family only felt like the natural next step for Seungcheol. He was in no rush to start a family with you, there was a lot that he still wanted to achieve before he considered becoming an actual father. For now, he was just happy getting plenty of practice in from the twelve children around him who taught him a lot of what he’d take with him in the future.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER 

As much as he knows he has to be serious at times, Seungcheol also can’t help but turn into a big kid sometimes. He loves to prank you and surprise you with things, however silly they are to you, they’re a guarantee to put a smile on his face. He knows that he can get away with causing mischief because he’s the leader, and usually one of the younger members get the blame if a practical joke has caused a bit of a mess. It only adds to his playfulness when he doesn’t get found out though, which usually means he gets a bit of a scolding from you when the two of you are alone.

M ⇴ MISSING 

The boys were completely oblivious to whenever Seungcheol was missing you because he would protect them from his feelings. He’d also try and protect you when he was on the road, but after a couple of weeks, there would always be that point when Seungcheol would break. He always wanted to be strong for other people, but holding in his emotions usually came back to haunt him as eventually it would overwhelm him to a point when he wouldn’t know what else to do but offload everything that had been on his mind for the past few weeks, usually on a call with you. It hurt a lot, but would always make him feel better after.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES 

Nicknames from Seungcheol were always cute, he loved to call you ‘petal’ or ‘sweetie.’ Anything that would put a blush on your face and make you shy would usually do the trick as far as Seungcheol was concerned.

O ⇴ OBSESSION 

He’s obsessed with your smile, the biggest thing that matters to Seungcheol is knowing that he’s making you happy. If he knows that you’re enjoying yourself, then he’s happy too.

P ⇴ PDA 

Seungcheol would always be protective with his affection in public when he was with you. He was used to being the one to protect the boys, so he always knew exactly what to do around you in order to make sure that you felt secure by his side and also being around all the fans and media too.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS 

He’ll often ask you questions that he’s too afraid to ask the members. If somethings bothering him, he knows that he can come to you and get your help, and best of all, he knows that he can great advice from you which will help him more than the boys ever could.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS 

Most nights when Seungcheol didn’t have a archduke, the two of you loved to take late night drives together. It would often give Seungcheol the time he needed to offload to you as he tended to keep things bottled up. The calm and peace were triggers enough to get him talking to you on your drives, especially when he knew that there was no one else around to listen to what he had to say or interrupt the two of you.

S ⇴ SEX 

He’s a complete romantic in the bedroom, he lets his words do a lot of the talking. There are definitely times when Seungcheol can be in a playful, teasing mood, but he’ll do it sweetly so you can never stay mad at him for pushing your buttons to the absolute limit until you have no choice but to react back to him. If he knows that you’re getting agitated, then he knows he’s doing his job right, and definitely gets a kick out of it.

T ⇴ TEXTS 

Perhaps it’s the leader in him, but Seungcheol often can’t help but just text you at times throughout the day to see where you are and make sure you’re eating. It’s second nature in him to just worry about everyone.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE 

Whilst he tries to be strong around everyone else, around you, Seungcheol allows himself to push those barriers down a bit and open up about how he’s feeling. He hates to get emotional, but you’re always there to pick him back up.

V ⇴ VACATION 

Being able to change the car for a plane is something that Seungcheol and you can usually only dream about. The holidays you hope to take one day often end up filling your nights together, you already have your perfect tripped planned out to the finest details for whenever the time comes that you can enjoy it.

W ⇴ WHINING 

He’s someone that craves your attention, and so if he hasn’t got it, they’ll be plenty of subtle gestures to drop hints to you that he wants it.

X ⇴ XXXXX 

Kisses from Seungcheol were usually tokens of love and gratitude. As much as he wanted to keep his emotions at bay for you, if he’d had a long or emotional day, kisses from him would usually do a lot of the talking to let you know how he was feeling. With that, receiving kisses from you at the end of those days was also get important to him to reassure him and just make sure that he felt loved and supported.

Y ⇴ YOU 

You were his rock, you always were there whenever he needed you.

Z ⇴ ZZZ 

Even if he just has a minute free, Seungcheol will usually fall asleep. So, wherever or whenever, you’re prepared to be a pillow beside him for him to lean on so he can shut his eyes and use as much of his free time as possible to rest.

---

Masterlist

[mrsgiovanna]

The Request (Don Giorno x Fem! Reader)

I don't really know what to call this, it's just an idea that's been living in my head for a while. Kind of disorganised... Just like my thoughts in general 💭😅

TW : possessive, somewhat yandere Behaviour, part 5 spoilers.

The sharp clattering of your heels against the exquisite marble floor was the only sound to break the silence. You walked briskly, a woman on a mission no doubt. Today would be the day you try and pry back a morsel of the freedom you lost when you took up residence with your overbearing lover all those years go. As you make your way to your destination you wonder how you got to this point, you couldn’t fathom how such a small request could require as much effort and preparation. This is definitely a far cry from when you first met the green-eyed charmer. Falling for him was as simple as falling asleep, it happened slowly, softly, being lulled by his velvety voice, and then all at once.

By the time you realized you were pulled into a dream, your surroundings morphed into a nightmare. Not the kind with hideous monsters blatantly chasing after your blood, no, this was the more dangerous kind- the eerily beautiful kind without anything to swiftly jolt you awake.

You’d finally reached your destination on the east wing of the mansion, a large, ornately carved mahogany door, with golden accents on the vines that decorated its frame. You paused, in part to compose yourself, but also to think about whether or not you were ready for the consequences that would follow this conversation, if you could even call it one.

“Come in”.

 You steeled yourself, briefly gazing to your left to look at yourself in the gold-framed mirror that took up most of that wall. You smoothed down your hair, and made sure your expertly applied makeup was still in place. A quick adjustment of your designer dress and a stern glare into your sparkling eyes gave you the courage you needed to knock on the door.

“Good morning amore mio, its rather early for you to be awake and that dressed up. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

It was all the invitation you needed as you opened the heavy door and slowly walked in. Greeted by your lover’s soft smile, you felt your heart waver, but your resolve returned when you noticed that that smile had not reached his emerald eyes.

You were taken aback by the tenderness in his voice, wondering how he could sound so gentle while his eyes looked so intimidating. You were jolted out of your reverie as he softly cleared his throat.

“Giorno, I … I was hoping to speak to you about something… its rather important.”

You’d slightly grimaced at your choice of words, feeling your resolve slowly dissipating, you had come here to make a demand but ended up phrasing it as a tentative suggestion… but the door was opened now, and you’d have to follow through. All the months of behaving and complying with the countless rules, all the subtle warnings, they simply couldn’t count for naught, not after being so careful.

Giorno had looked at his beloved and motioned for her to continue. He mused about what his wife would want to pick his brain about, in fact he knew exactly what she wanted but he put that thought to the back of his mind as it was the one thing he could absolutely not allow.

 “Gio, please let me go to the city, I need to see Paolo, he’s not doing too well and desperately needs my help… and I’m all the family he has left.” You tried to keep your voice from cracking but failed, speaking about your brother was always painful. Even though he was a year older than you, you had always taken care of him. You had even ended up joining the gang to pay off his drug debts. Despite numerous stays at the best rehab facilities that money could buy, he just couldn’t manage to stay sober. You had to admit that it hurt you to see the pathetic state your brother was in, considering how much you had lost when you helped Giorno betray Diavolo and usurp Passione to reform it.

Bruno’s death was especially difficult for you to deal with as he was the one anchoring force in a life filled with instability. You mourned the deaths of your friends for a long time, however, the one loss you found the most difficult to contend with was the one you hadn’t even been aware of until it was too late.

You stared hopefully at the man you so desperately loved, hoping against all possibilities that the answer would be a favorable one. His gaze shifted, he looked down pensively as you sat across him drinking in the ethereal beauty that Giorno embodies. He’s matured so much, you think to yourself, his face having lost that innocent quality, was now sharp and handsome, as if it had been sculpted by the gods themselves. This was offset by the luxurious mane that cascaded down his back and over his shoulder like liquid gold, favoring to wear his hair loose now, in stark contrast to the immaculate braid he worn when you had first met him.  His tailored suits hugged all the contours of his well-built frame, he was indeed a sight to behold, however, his eyes- his eyes unsettled you. You felt as if they stared directly into your soul.

It had been a few years after Giorno had taken over Passione that your friendship had blossomed into something more. Slowly falling, date after date, feelings intensified and it wouldn’t be long before you two were inseparable. Soon after, you noticed Giorno becoming a little more involved in your life, but that’s what happens when you’re in a relationship you reasoned to yourself, however, as time went on, his gentle grasp had turned into a vice-like grip. You blamed it on the traumatic events of your shared past, but there was something else there that you couldn’t quite fathom.  So you had stayed silent, slowly losing more and more freedom until you were completely under the Don’s control. You cursed your complacency for letting it come to this, however, you loved Giorno, and you would never, ever want to hurt him, regardless of how his actions may have hurt you.

“Bella”, the sound of his voice brought you out of your thoughts for the second time this morning.

“As much as I’d love to let you go, it’s simply too dangerous to be anywhere near a place like that, nor can I allow him anywhere near this safe haven I’ve painstakingly created for us.”

 You were just about to interject with the argument you’d rehearsed so many times, when his sharp glare had silenced you. You recoiled back into your chair, unable to hold his gaze any longer. Upon seeing this, Giorno’s heart broke. When had you become this afraid of him? Had all his measures to keep you safe from harm manifest in him becoming your biggest threat? All he had ever wanted was to keep you safe.

He had lost so much... precious allies had been violently ripped away from him, he was fully aware that fate could be a cruel mistress. Losing you as well was not an option. Being the Don of Passione came with many perks, he basically held the entire of Italy in the palm of his elegant hand. Only the best was good enough for his principessa, and he was able to give this to you. But every fairytale has to have a villain, or in this case, a series of villains, sent to weaken him or eradicate him altogether. When these people had realized it was virtually impossible to counter his stand ability, they found other ways to attempt to bring him to his knees, and that involved hurting you. Numerous attempts at both his and your lives successfully thwarted without your knowledge had only further cemented Giorno’s belief that the only way to keep you safe was through isolation.

With the finality of his tone, you gave up on your little mission and melted into his embrace. You mentally chided yourself for not putting up more of a fight, but there was something in the way that Giorno held you that fractured your already fragile heart. The slight tremble of his arms and the uneven breathing were evidence enough that he was extremely conflicted by something, and that his decisions were not made from malicious intentions... Perhaps... You just wished he would let you in, that he wouldn’t shoulder this burden on his own. You wanted to close the gap between you two, and with that you made a silent promise to yourself and him, that you would heal your fractured hearts, no matter the cost.

“I’m sorry amore mio, I know I’m being cruel, but… there are many things at play… one day you will understand.”

Giorno knew his words sounded condescending, he knew that with each time he refused your small requests, the divide between you two grew larger, but he was determined to protect you, no matter the cost. All he could do was savor this warmth and the way you clung desperately to his form.

 The last thing he wanted was for you to be unhappy or scared, so telling you about these affairs was not an option… perhaps until now. Seeing the tears pooling in your eyes was almost too much for him to bear, he needed to comfort you despite feeling guilty for being the reason you’re in this state. He slowly made his way toward you, seating himself next to you, he wrapped you in a warm embrace. That action only encouraged your tears to flow freely, being soaked up by the expensive fabric of his suit. With each soft sob, Giorno felt his heart would shatter.

[anakinisvaderisanakin]

Your Hand - (aka Ahsoka and Anakin/Vader meet up three years post RotS (AU oneshot))

“It is too late.”

Ahsoka shook her head vehemently, refusing to accept the montone delivery of what was doubtless the truth. He sounded nothing like the Anakin she’d known, even as she reached out with the Force, searching for him - sensing only cold; a juxtaposition between the burning hatred and the freezing tendrils of the Dark Side coiling around him like treacherous, lethal serpents, ready to strike and deliver their venom straight into her bloodstream. Ready to watch her writhe, screaming in pain, pleading for mercy. She should be terrified, yet all she felt was numbness. Empty, null, void. 

Palpative, making her throat burn and her eyes water. Refusing to budge, she took a tentative step towards the man she had once called master, the man who had taught her all she knew; all she cared to remember, harkening back to a past too painful to hold on to. Her older brother, her best friend, her anchor to her family.

“It’s not,” she persisted, ragged hands balled into tight fists; her face displaying what she hoped to be a determinate defiance.

He had taught her to fight back, taught her to be stubborn, to be relentless. Perhaps it may be the end of her, but if so, at least she would suffer no more. Besides, dying by his hand would be an honour. Swallowing hard; she locked her eyes onto the beeping red and green lights of his chest box. Monitoring his respiratory system mechanically, sustaining the suit keeping him alive. With his reputation, she should be terrified of him. Still, she felt an odd, eerie calm. No dread, no unease. No jittery nerves, only a solemn serenity. Only understanding, and a foreboding acceptance. Without thinking, she raised her left hand. She tugged with an invisible extension of her graceful fingers, manipulating the Force carrying her unspoken plea his way as a silent whisper; a demand. He flinched, and she knew he received it.

“You do not comprehend the things I have done,” he stated; but despite his resolute, booming profession that came off as more machine than human - enhanced by the vocoder aiding his feeble, scarred vocal cords - Ahsoka sensed his hesitance, his wavering emotions; his conflict.

Frowning, she doubled down on her efforts; scowling as she poured all her good will and intent into what had once been a powerful connection between them. She understood now that Anakin had severed it willingly, perhaps to spare himself from any painful reminders of the past. Perhaps, believing her dead but refusing to obtain concrete proof of his suspicion. Perhaps, he had simply wished to shield her if she were alive; despite all odds. Perhaps, he had known even through the foggy haze of the Dark Side that his fall would destroy her. Ahsoka held onto that thought, however wistful it may be. It reinvigorated her hope.

“I know what you’ve done,” she said; barely realizing she had spoken until he turned to face her.

She could not see his face; the familiar boyish features she knew so well concealed by a skullesque face plate. Jetblack, with large, hollow eye holes covered by semi opaque, red tinted lenses. She met those dead sockets without hesitation; unable to glimpse his pale blue eyes, but feeling them on hers. Unyielding. Were they even blue anymore? She remembered Maul’s eyes, and their sickly, yellowish glow - the bloodshot, crazed stare. If Anakin removed his mask, would he too sport the golden eyes of a predator; out for blood? 

Ahsoka would not relent, she would not give in. He had believed in her when no one else had, and she felt indebted to him - obliged to offer him the same benefit of doubt. Her hand was still hovering mid air; slender fingers outstretched; trembling with the effort as each second of rejection dragged on. She felt the buzzing tingles of his aura, of his Force signature. So different. Maimed, twisted, tormented and warped. Both decimated and accentuated at once. Less powerful than she remembered it, and yet more powerful than she could ever recall it. He was a riddle, a contradiction. Part of him seemed to want to tear her to pieces, the other more inclined to dive into her open embrace.

“Then you understand what I must do,” Anakin stated.

Ahsoka shuddered; sensing his malicious intent, and the blame. His spite, his envy, his hatred; his rage. But there was more. Sorrow, confusion, fear, guilt. A guilt so raw, so heavy, so thorough it made her bones ache; settling like a sodden weight at the pit of her stomach. Churning; gnawing, weary, sullen. 

Nodding, she shut her eyes with a soft sigh. For a moment her fingers trembled, and she considered giving up. Perhaps he was too far gone, perhaps there was no salvation. She shouldn’t offer him forgiveness, it was a selfish wish for a long since forsaken reconciliation. Still, when she once again met his stare; her resolve returned full throttle. She clenched her jaw and held her head high with a stern vigor; sending another compelling plea his way. She noted his shoulders were quivering, and realized he was beginning to buckle under the pressure of her quiet request.

“You don’t have to. You still have a choice.”

Anakin did not reply; the heavy cloth of his black cape, his robes dancing in the soft twilight breeze. Three years ago, he had left to save the Chancellor from General Grievous. Three years ago, she had been sent to liberate Mandalore from Maul’s puppet regime. Three years ago, the Republic had fallen. Three years now felt like a lifetime. 

Ahsoka had thought him dead - suspecting Maul’s cryptic prophecy may carry more weight than she cared to admit. He had sewn the seeds of doubt, and though she’d proclaimed him a liar - that uneasy, bitter feeling had never waned. Now, that she knew every word was true, she wasn’t sure what scared her more - the fact that she was so willing to blindly forgive Anakin for his crimes, or the fact that it mattered little to her at all what he had done. He was her brother, and she would not abandon him. Somewhere deep down, a small voice at the back of her mind nagged that this was her fault. If she had stayed behind, perhaps his undoing could have been prevented. If she had stayed, perhaps she could have done more for him.

“No, not anymore,” he shook his helmeted head; large gloved hands falling slack to his sides but he made no attempt to back away when Ahsoka took another slow, cautious step towards him. 

He smelled of synthetic materials, of bacta fluids, of sanitizers, of durasteel, of ashes and smoke and the cool, piercing winter air. The sound of his breathing was rhythmic; slow, and manufactured, and beyond his control. 

Ahsoka pitied him; and she knew he could sense it. He deserved the punishment he had brought upon himself; they both acknowledged that. Still, she wished to see him freed from his makeshift shackles. She took a deep breath, her now limp hand lingering between them. As soon as it fell, his time was up. She felt the lump grow in her throat, the telltale burning of tears prickling behind her eyes. She would not lose him again, he needed her as she needed him. She felt as if an invisible wall stood erected between them, preventing her from closing the figurative distance. She was already resigning herself to a reality in which she had failed. A reality in which Anakin was truly lost. 

He would never renege, never accept defeat, never admit his guilt. The power, Palpatine, the Empire. The Dark Side. It all had gone to his head. Ahsoka licked her lips, mouth dry, and spoke one last time.

“You always have a choice, but you’ve never made one for yourself. You’ve always allowed everyone around you to make up your mind for you. You’re only here, because of Palpatine’s choices. His lies. But his decisions don’t have to be yours. What does your heart tell you, Anakin?”

At the sound of his long since discarded name; he once more closed his large hands into tight fists - the power of the utterance, of those three syllables, immeasurable. Ahsoka feared she had made a mistake; that she had crossed the final line. That she had banished the remnants of the man she’d known, rather than saving him. Her arm trembled, remembering how Maul had offered her his tutelage with a similar, grand gesture. She, too, had made a choice then. Anakin was beyond her reach, the vicious; sneering jeers of her doubt taunted - and as tears blurred her vision, she almost believed it. 

Then, rough leather covered fingers brushed hers. Feigning off her tears; eyes stinging, Ahsoka stared at the large, gloved hand whose fingertips brushed hers in a shy; wary greeting. Wavering, uncertain, frightened. Unable to quite allow her to fully touch it; even as she turned her hand over, the palm facing downwards. She was offering him the chance to rebuild their relationship, to rebuild what semblance of his past he may. To make himself a new name, a new future, a new identity. Far away from the Emperor, out of sight and mind - free. Liberated from his chains, from his torments. 

Anakin’s shoulders trembled; his steadfast mechanical breathing and the chirping crickets the only noise in the early evening - apart from her stilted, sniffling hiccups. In the end, Ahsoka gasped as he finally grasped her hand tight; making the choice she had prayed but never dared hope for. His grip was firm, and harsh, and awkward - as if he’d forgotten how to be tender or gentle, how to nurture. He clung desperately to her; her own joints winging and protesting from the painful grip. Still, she held on as if her life depended on it. Perhaps it did. 

In the end, it didn’t matter.

Ahsoka felt scalding tears trickle down her smudged, ashen cheeks, but was unable to restrain the wide warm smile that spread across her face - tugging at the corners of her scabbed lips. Relief flooded her soul; and she poured it into Anakin’s end of their Force bond. It came back cautious, weary - but genuine. 

"Thank you," somebody said - be it Anakin, or herself, Ahsoka couldn't tell. Either way, it meant the same thing. It was all the reassurance she needed.

--------------

Just an idea I had, because it’s been nagging at the back of my mind - and I’m a sucker for Ahsoka and Anakin/Vader angst. So, here, at least it has a nicer ending that canon does for the two of them! Hope you enjoy. :3

Ao3 link below:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27979074

[btsslowburnfic]

The Arrangement Chapter 2

Series Summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable add. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi.

Chapter Summary: Let’s meet our unwilling groom, Min Yoongi

Chapter 1 found here

Namjoon walked into the BigHit building that morning ready for a fight. He had reviewed applications first thing in the morning and was mildly surprised to see that the moody bartender had actually submitted an application. He wasn’t entirely shocked though. She had given off the vibe that for her, bartending wasn’t a career, but rather a means to make money. And this job paid very well. Theoretically. He sighed as he got off the elevator and passed his secretary, Park Jimin. “Jimin, have Yoongi meet me in my office in half an hour.”

“Yes, sir.” the younger man replied. He quickly pulled up Yoongi’s schedule to check for any conflicts. Jimin pouted when he saw the three hours blocked out for studio recording time. He knew Yoongi would be in a shitty mood if he got interrupted. Oh well, he thought, Yoongi’s not my boss. He took a sip of water and mentally fortified himself and then proceeded to call down to Yoongi’s studio. He didn’t get an answer the first time. Or the second time. But the third time, a gruff voice answered the phone.

“You know not to call me when I’m recording. It’s specifically blocked off in my schedule for a reason. Can’t you read?”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Yes, and I can also follow directions. Which is why when Namjoon asked me to call you I picked up the phone and did my job. Half an hour. Namjoon’s office.” Jimin hung up, denying Yoongi the satisfaction of arguing with him. He took out a nail file and texted his friends Jungkook and Taehyung.

Jimin: Some shit’s about to go down up on the 22nd floor. Namjoon and Yoongi. How long before one of them storms out?

JK: 5 minutes. Wait. What are we betting?

Taehyung: Ooo do you know anything else?

Jimin: Namjoon was very short this morning sooooooo. Lunch and beer. 

Taehyung: 2 minutes. 

Jimin: I’ll go with: Yoongi doesn’t show up and Namjoon has to go and get him and they argue within seconds. 

JK: kekekeke what an idiot.

Taehyung: I wish he’d just accept his fate. It makes everything easier. For all of us.

Jimin put his phone and nail file back in his desk drawer. He resolved to not look at it for 25 minutes while waiting for the show to go down.

-------------

40 minutes later, Namjoon stomped out of his office. “Did you call Yoongi?”

“Yes. I called him when you asked me to and told him and a few minutes ago I called to remind him but he didn’t answer.”

Namjoon pinched the bridge of his nose. Why? Why was he in charge of these unappreciative children? “Ok. Mark me out of the office for an hour.” 

Jimin watched as Namjoon returned to his office and then came back out carrying several files. He walked over to the elevator and pushed the down button.

Jimin: You guys owe me lunch and a beer. 

---------

Namjoon rode down to the 12th floor. He wasn’t surprised that Yoongi didn’t come. And really he should have checked the schedule himself before asking Jimin to call down. There was no reason this couldn’t wait until the afternoon. But, it was too late now. He strode through the corridor of the less busy floor and made his way over to the studio areas. 

“Yoongi. Open up.” He lightly knocked on the door. No response. Namjoon rolled his eyes and continued to bang louder and louder and louder and…

“Jesus. Fine.” Yoongi said as he pulled the door open abruptly. “I was wearing my headphones. Calm down before you break my damn door.”

“That’s the point. If you don’t come to the meeting, I come down here. If you don’t answer the door, I break it down. If you don’t do what you’re told your ass goes back to the streets of Daegu sleeping under a bridge. You got it?”

Yoongi puffed out his cheeks. He was angry but he wasn’t going to push it right now. He’d worked so hard to get where he was and one wrong move, one word to Hitman Bang, and he was out of there. He knew when to not push back too hard. That was one of the few benefits to being raised on the streets; you got good at reading people. “Yeah yeah, I had my headphones on and spaced out. Calm down. My time is blocked off in the schedule. Just like you asked me to do.”

Namjoon stood there with his hands on his hips. As much as he hated all of this, the whole song and dance they went through for Hitman Bang, he had to do it. It would just be easier if Yoongi went along with it like the other guys. Namjoon cleared his throat. “As we discussed a few weeks ago, there will be some changes to your schedule next quarter. These are for the benefit of the public face of the company and you will be expected to comply. Do you understand?”

Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck. He vaguely remembered this conversation but hadn’t thought much about it. He was BigHit’s bitch and he’d come to terms with that a while ago. Whatever they wanted, they got. As long as he could keep making music he didn’t really care about the other details. He rolled his eyes,  “Yeah. Sure. What? Dress up like a maid again? Do the family song while wearing bunny ears? Aegyo all the time? What?”

“These are several resumes for young ladies. Hitman Bang wants you to have a romance. Girlfriend, wife, character arc type thing. He thinks it will soften your image.”

Yoongi stood there for a second, processing. “Like in a music video?” 

“No. Like in real life.”

Yoongi scoffed. “You can’t be serious. You can’t just hire someone to be my girlfriend. It’s weird and no. No.” Yoongi began to eye the doorway and the fact that a much larger Namjoon was between him and his exit.

“Wife. I’m told this story has to have a happy ending. And this is happening. I personally selected some of the candidates, based on knowing you.” Namjoon moved over and sat down on the couch, spreading the folders out on the coffee table. “The interviews are next week at the coffeeshop down the street. If you could just go through these now we could probably eliminate some of them and then we won’t have to interview as many.”

Yoongi turned and looked at Namjoon, his cheeks grew red with anger. “I always do what you people ask. But this is too much. This is involving another person into this stupid pretend bullshit we do every day. Also, if I wanted to be in a relationship, I’d be in a relationship. Have Jungkook or Jin do it.” He became increasingly agitated.

“Jungkook has to stay single. That’s what the company wants. Jin is out of the country and besides, he doesn’t cause as many issues as you do. This decision is from the top. The girl will be well compensated. It's not like they don’t know what they’re getting into.” Namjoon busied himself with organizing the files.

“Oh yeah? You tell them that they are going to get paid to get fucked around by BH and have me have nothing to do with them? What? Are these girls so desperate for money or a fake wedding or the thought of trying to trick me into falling for them? This whole idea is disgusting. Even for you people,” Yoongi yelled. 

Namjoon loosened his tie, a nervous habit. “If you want to attend the interviews, the time and address are already entered into your calendar. I encourage you to look through these files and make some decisions ahead of time.” Namjoon stood up. “I’ll be seeing you Yoongi.” He let himself out.

Yoongi stood there, his body shaking with rage. He walked over and shredded the files and papers, not bothering to look through any of them. He threw them across the room. How the fuck was he going to get out of this? NEXT CHAPTER @lidda​

[ayo-cowbelly]

Maybe - Captain Rex x Reader

*All POV’s will be female unless requested otherwise*

So.... I’m in the mood for angst. This idea has been in my head for days, and I’ve been listening to a lot of instrumental soundtracks lately, which only fueled this (lots of Across the Stars and Burying the Dead). Eventually I decided to just sit down and write it.  Got pretty into italics with this one. It’s kinda long. Also this is the first time I’ve posted something like this, so I hope you like it :)

Part two can be found here!

Y/n: Your name

Y/l/n: Your last name

masterlist

***

You walked the never-ending halls of the Resolute, a neutral expression on your face. Your mental shields were strong, or as strong as they could be. You weren’t really sure if you were fooling anyone. 

Hopefully you were, because if people (namely, other Jedi) sensed your inner turmoil, things could go horribly wrong; after all, Jedi don’t feel this way. They don’t spend their nights crying silently, hoping that nobody hears. They don’t simultaneously curse and cherish their memories with a particular person. Jedi do not have broken hearts. 

Because a broken heart could mean you broke up with someone. And to do that, it usually means you fell in love. 

And Jedi do not fall in love. 

Except... when they do.

*** 

It started two years ago, when the war had just begun. When you had first stepped foot onto the Venator-class starship that would soon become your home. When you met him.  Your captain, CT-7567. Rex. 

“Hello, Captain.”

“General.” 

“Sorry, do you have a preferred name? Seems we should get to know each other a bit.” 

“It’s Rex, General.” 

“Well, Rex, I look forward to working with you.”

“And I you, Sir.” 

That’s where it all started- and eventually ended.

***

The war was hard on everyone. You watched as the people you knew so well started to- well, change. Anakin seemed angrier, Obi-Wan more stressed, and you… you seemed, for lack of a better word… hollow. The men dying all around you, your order seemingly breaking (you were never meant to be soldiers, yet you lead men who had never known anything else), it felt like you were being crushed on the inside. Yet, you had him. 

He was there. 

Whether it was quiet talks in the night, locked eyes in the briefing room, or a lingered touch in a turbulent LAAT/i, he was there. The war escalated and the world changed and sometimes it felt like your soul was on fire with pain- but he was there, until he wasn’t. 

Eventually it really was too much. The war put a strain on an already fragile relationship (Jedi are not meant to fall in love). The threat of you being caught had always loomed heavily on both your heads. You would be expelled from the only family you’d ever known… and he would be court-martialed, or worse- decommissioned. The thought of the man you loved being cast aside and killed for following his heart plagued you with fear. 

Fear was not the Jedi way.

You started fighting. Little things, that sometimes exploded into larger issues. The survivors’ guilt and the stress of so many battles (you never knew what the next day would bring; could one of your names be added to the list of remembrances? You didn’t know… and didn’t want to, ever) made you both edgy and it was hard to discuss it without conflict. 

Your relationship burned bright for so long until it crumbled. 

“So, that’s it then? A year, and then… we’re just… done?” 

“I think that would be best, Sir.” 

“Don’t! Don’t call me that! Not now! Right now, I’m just Y/n, and you’re just Rex. You and me! What happened to that?” 

“It’s not right, General-” “Stop calling me that!” 

“It’s what you are! You’re the general, and I’m the captain. Jedi and clone. That’s all it ever should have been, and it has to go back to that.” 

You were supposed to be the composed one… but your emotions were spiraling and gripped your heart. “I won’t let it.” 

“You don’t get to decide that, Sir.” 

“Rex, I-” You choked out, but couldn’t finish. You didn’t even know what to say. What would fix it? 

You just watched as he put his helmet back on and left your room quietly. 

With your head in your hands, you tried, really tried, to repress the tears- until you couldn’t. 

***

If your Co-General and Commander noticed your changed demeanor, they were kind enough not to mention it. You and Anakin used to have a game, of sorts, of who could get away with the craziest maneuvers on the battlefield without an injury- whether it be jumping out of a flying LAAT/i, taking on a whole droid squad alone, or grabbing onto a rocket droid like a speeder. You and Ahsoka would team-up and tease Anakin together pretty often around the ship. But that all changed. 

You wouldn’t take on as many droids alone- something Kix was probably happy about. The crazier ideas all came from Anakin, the more “sane” (as the rest of the legion would call it) plans came from you. Ahsoka would poke fun at Anakin while you watched with a forced almost-smile. Actually, that forced content on your face was probably your most common expression these days.

Life took on a grayer hue. 

So, you worked on shielding and repressing, keeping your pain hidden until the dead hours of the night. 

***

Were the hallways smaller, now? It felt like it. Every turn, every corridor, no matter where you went, it felt like he was always there. Somehow, you ran into him everywhere, with a shallow nod and the slightest of glances. 

 2 years. Strangers. Friends. Lovers… Then strangers again. 

It was a cruel cycle. 

***

For a while, you had thought about requesting a battalion to lead alone. At the beginning of the war, you had been assigned to co-lead the 501st due to your familiarity with Anakin- both Crechemates and eventually Padawans with your masters as good friends, you spent a lot of time together growing up. The Council felt it would be good to have their resident loose-cannon lead a legion with another, to make sure he didn’t go too off the rails.

 What the Council hadn’t realized was that yes, while you were the more rational of the pair, you enjoyed Anakin’s crazy plans- most of the time. Sometimes, they really were insane, which was where you stepped in. 

A bonus of being assigned to the same legion was that you met Ahsoka. The young Togruta sometimes felt like your own Padawan, and you adored her. She was endlessly curious and brave, and wise beyond her years. And you grew even more proud of her as she grew up. 

Now, she was older, and more experienced- and as she came into her own, you realized you weren’t always needed anymore. Granted, the missions were sometimes shorter and had more solid planning due to having an extra Jedi General around, but your presence was no longer a necessity. Anakin and Ahsoka would do just fine without you. Besides, leading a legion as large as the 501st meant you had to watch more and more clones be taken with every battle. The longer the war went on, the more recruits there were (who seemed to be getting younger all the time). 

And even though it was selfish, with your own legion you wouldn’t have to be around Him all the time. Maybe it’d be nice, to be away from him; maybe you could heal without the pain of it all filling you when you saw him. Maybe.

You could handle your own battalion. You were capable, and more than ready. You knew this, but didn’t necessarily like it. 

***

Eventually, you reached a decision. It was the last thing you wanted, to leave Him; you loved him fiercely, still. Yet, leaving was what you needed. You had to be at your best to lead the troops, and lately, your best was sloppy. It was time to reign in your emotions and gain control again. 

Of course, nothing was final, but the feeling of something ending echoed around you. 

The last time eating in the mess with the men who almost felt like brothers. 

The last time going through a briefing with your Co-General, watching Admiral Yularen’s face fill with exasperation and irritation as Anakin laid out a daring plan. 

The last time you met His warm Golden-Brown eyes in the halls. 

Your comm chirped, and you ducked into an empty storage closet to take the call. You were met with Masters Yoda and Windu’s holographic forms. 

“Something you wanted to discuss, you had, young Y/l/n?” 

“Yes, Master Yoda.” 

***

A week later, you stood in the briefing room with the usual command crew: Anakin, Ahsoka, Admiral Yularen, and Him. 

Deep breaths, Y/n. In, and out. “I called this meeting because I have some… news, and I thought you should be the first to know.” You glanced around at them, swallowing. “I’ve requested to lead my own battalion- and it’s been granted.” Letting that sink in, you continued: “I’m leaving at 0800 tomorrow morning, in my fighter. I’ll head to Coruscant, where I’ll meet the men, and then we’ll ship out sometime next week.” 

Silence. 

Anakin was the first to speak. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

“I’m getting my own battalion. I requested it a few days ago.” 

“Why?” You heard the growing anger in your friend’s voice and decided to tread carefully.

“Anakin, you don’t need me here anymore. Ahsoka’s more than qualified to lead the 501st with you, and with the war- there’s more and more troops who need leading, and not enough Jedi to do it. But I can, and I have to; It’s my duty. The Council agreed with me.” 

“Y/n, when did you talk to the Council about this?” 

“A few days ago- but it’s been on my mind for a while.” You said gently. You didn’t meet His eyes, didn’t even look over there; if you did, your resolve would crumble. You just kept your gaze on Anakin, occasionally looking to Ahsoka. She looked surprised, and a bit sad, but understanding. Anakin looked… well, it was wise to be cautious of your tone. 

“Do you know where you’ll ship off to?” Ahsoka asked politely. 

“Not yet, but I’ve heard that it might be Cato Neimodia, or maybe Anaxes. I can’t be sure, though.” You looked down. “I just thought you all should know first.” 

“Well, best of luck, General. It’s been an honor.” Admiral Yularen nodded at you, then went out to the bridge. Eventually, Anakin and Ahsoka left too, the latter guiding her Master with a soft hand on his arm. 

That left you and the Captain. Alone, for the first time in weeks. 

“So… your own battalion. That’s… big news,” He said quietly. “I know you’ll do well.” 

“Thanks, Rex,” You practically whispered. “I’ve enjoyed our time together,” You met his eyes briefly, barely keeping the floodgate of emotions at bay. “I’ll miss working with you.” I love you. I love you more than anything. 

He nodded. “And I you, General.” 

***

You left that next morning, with your men watching from the hangar. His presence, the one you had treasured and held onto like a lifeline... the one that got you through the worst of it all, the one you had loved (and still did, so much), stayed behind, slowly fading from the forefront of your mind. 

It’s for the best. 

Maybe you’d start to heal. 

Maybe. 

Fin. 

[goindownshipping]

‘ focus on my voice. ’ - will you please do Stucky where Steve and Bucky don't go to Wakanda after Civil War?

And time's forever frozen still

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes (Stucky)

Rating: Teen (T)

Notes: Yet again, thanks for your patience with this one, @ohwereusingourmadeupnames​! This canon divergence was tough, but I so loved writing it!

Warnings: Stucky fluff and rediscovering their love post Civil War. Let’s just pretend Bucky didn’t lose his metal arm in the fight in Siberia and neither of them are too injured :)

Word count: 6.5k

Summary:

Bucky goes home with Steve after the fight in Siberia. Even though Bucky doesn't quite trust himself, something tells him to trust Steve. They learn a lot together and Bucky discovers parts of his past he never knew existed.

Leaving Tony on the cold, hard ground in Siberia was one of the most difficult things Steve Rogers had faced in recent years, but it was certainly not the worst he’d faced. The worst was when he thought Bucky had been killed in Azzano; then it was watching Bucky fall from the train and not being able to save him; then it was coming face to face with Bucky decades later only to find out he had no idea who Steve Rogers was. So yes, fighting Tony and leaving him in Siberia wasn’t his finest moment, but he was sure as hell not about to let Bucky slip through his fingers again.

 Both men had been quiet upon boarding the quinjet, still shaken from the fight at the airport and then in Siberia. Bucky sat still, trying to differentiate among a plethora of memories and images flashing behind his eyes. Being back in that facility sent him deep within his own mind, flashes of atrocities reminding him of who he was. What he was. 

 “Where are you taking me?” Bucky asked quietly. His head was vibrating, he needed something to focus on besides the scene they left behind.

 Steve hesitated. “Fury helped me set up a safe house a few years back. I haven’t needed it until now, but it’ll be a good place for us to settle down for a bit.”

 “Steve,” Bucky started.

 “No, don’t,” Steve said firmly.

 Bucky stopped, knowing how stubborn Steve could be. That realization surprised Bucky a bit. Over the past couple of years, he’d come to trust himself little by little, but his memories were still foreign. Most of them felt like dreams that he could just barely remember the premise of. At that moment, he knew not to argue with Steve. He didn’t know exactly why, but somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind, he knew the argument wouldn’t be worth it.

 The realization was somewhat comforting, but he knew how easily his mind could betray him, how quickly the switch could flip on him. He let out a long sigh, knowing nothing productive would come from a fight on the jet. Bucky settled back, closing his eyes and wishing for sleep for the long flight to wherever Steve’s safe house was. 

 With the autopilot engaged, Steve looked over his shoulder to where Bucky was dozing behind him. He covered his mouth when a sob threatened to escape from his chest, wracking his entire body where he sat. Just seeing Bucky safe in front of him was enough to send him into a full spiral, thinking back to the number of times Bucky had protected him when they were kids. Bucky may not remember everything, hell he might not remember anything, but Steve did. Steve couldn’t, wouldn’t, forget anything.

 He wouldn’t let Bucky down this time. He couldn’t fail him again. Steve finally had a chance to take care of the person that meant more to him than anyone in the world and he wouldn’t squander it. He tried not to think about all the memories that had surely been burned out of Bucky’s brain by this point. He knew his resolve would crumble the second he let himself relive those moments.

 He shook his head, hoping to physically dislodge the images swirling in his head, and instead focused on how to stay under the radar when the whole world was supposedly on the lookout for Captain America and his no-longer-dead best friend. He thought about Tony and the look in his eye when Steve dropped his shield. He knew he had to fix it, he had to fix everything. 

 But right now, right now he had to take care of Bucky. That was it. That was his mission, and come hell or high water, he would do right by him.

 Bucky managed to sleep for most of the long flight, only waking when the quinjet hit a couple unexpected bumps.

 “We almost there, Stevie?” he asked sleepily.

 Steve’s breath caught in his throat at the nickname and softness in Bucky’s tone.

 “We still have a long way to go. You can go back to sleep Buck,” Steve managed to choke out.

 When Steve glanced back, Bucky was already fast asleep again, a small smile on his face. Steve hadn’t heard that nickname in decades, and he certainly didn’t expect to hear it from Bucky ever again. Ignoring the inkling of hope in his gut, Steve refocused on their flight path, noting the several hours until their final approach. At that, he decided to get some sleep himself before landing at the house. 

 A while later, Steve awoke to a soft beeping from the controls, alerting him that they were approaching their landing. Quickly wiping the sleep from his eyes, Steve switched off autopilot to guide the jet down toward the massive field adjacent to the house. By the time the jet came to rest, and the engines had come to a stop, Bucky was awake and trying to get a glimpse of their surroundings.

 “Where are we?”

 “Home, for the time being. But specifically, we’re somewhere in Kansas. Come on, let’s get inside.”

Steve and Bucky exited the jet and made their way to a modest looking farmhouse. Steve entered a lengthy pin on the keypad at the front door before gesturing for Bucky to step inside. Bucky made his way inside, glancing around as he made his way down the front hall. For a house that had supposedly never been used, it was awfully homey. Steve seemed to notice the appraisal.

 “I wanted it to feel like home if I ever came here. Besides, where else was I going to keep my things?” Steve shrugged.

 Most of Steve’s personal belongings were long gone after he put the Valkyrie in the ice, but the few boxes that SHIELD managed to hang on to now lived here. He had a few family photos hanging, several of which contained Bucky. Neither man acknowledged it, but Steve noticed Bucky’s gaze lingering on a few select photos.

 “Ma always wanted you in the family photos,” Steve admitted.

 Bucky smiled but it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

 “Steve, are you sure this is a good idea? I’m putting you in more danger just being here.”

 “Bucky,” Steve said slowly, stepping toward him. “Where else are you gonna go?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky admitted. “The Wakandan prince said something about his sister knowing what to do, maybe it would be best if I went out there. They can get my mind back.”

 Steve shook his head violently. “No, I can’t let you do that Bucky.”

 “Steve this is a terrible idea, I’m just gonna hurt you if we stay here.”

 “Bucky, you’re not going to hurt me. I’m not letting you go out in the world and try to deal with this on your own again, I can’t do that.”

 “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 Steve took one final step toward Bucky, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t spook him. “I know you don’t believe me yet, but we’re gonna be okay. Alright? You always took care of me when we were kids and now it’s my turn. You hear me?”

 “But Steve, I don’t, I could-”

 “No Buck, don’t go there. I’m not letting you go through this on your own,” Steve said firmly.

 Bucky paused, looking up at Steve’s face directly in front of him. Steve’s face was hard, determined. But his eyes were wide with fear and the slightest bit of hurt. Taking in Steve’s expression, Bucky took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

 “Listening to you helps. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not like I just remember things all of a sudden, but hearing you talk is safe, it blocks out the bad stuff. It was what gave me a hint that I knew you on the bridge, and then again on the helicarrier. I don’t know how, but I just knew. Even when I can’t trust my own mind, something tells me to trust you.”

 “We can handle that. You just tell me when it’s getting bad and focus on my voice. Think you can do that?”

 “I can try.”

 “Good. Then we’re good.”

 Steve gave Bucky’s shoulder one final squeeze before taking a step back.

 “It’s late Buck, let me show you where the guest room is and get you settled.”

 Bucky nodded and trailed after Steve like a puppy. Once again, Bucky was surprised by the sheer amount of belongings Steve had in the house. Steve got him situated with some clothes, toiletries, and towels and showed him his room with an attached bathroom. Once Steve had shown Bucky to his room, he paused in the doorway.

 “My room is just down the hall,” Steve gestured to a doorway to his left. “You can always come get me if you need anything, Buck,” Steve said softly.

 Steve looked conflicted, as if he was considering saying something else. His eyes flitted around, settling anywhere but Bucky’s face.

 “Thank you, Steve.”

 Steve’s eyes snapped up to Bucky’s. “You don’t have to thank me. This is what you do for someone you-”

 Steve and Bucky just blinked at each other. 

 “This is what you do for someone important to you,” Steve finished quietly.

 Bucky just nodded, the faintest hint of a smile on his face. “Goodnight, Steve.”

 “Goodnight Bucky.”

 If Bucky didn’t close the door until after he saw Steve disappear into his own room, no one had to know. When Steve pulled his own door shut, he smiled softly at the click he heard from down the hall.

 What could have been minutes or hours later, Bucky awoke with a start, his throat raw, and his entire body tremoring. It took him a moment to register the hands on his shoulders, shaking him awake. Instinctively he shoved the attacker in chest, his metal arm causing enough force to create plenty of distance between them.

 “Buck, Bucky it’s me, it’s Steve,” he heard through the darkness.

 He took a shuddering breath, quickly remembering his surroundings and current circumstances. Steve. Steve is good, Steve helps.

 “Steve,” he wheezed.

 He sat up in bed, his back pressed against the headboard as he watched Steve carefully approach from the other side of the room, where his shove had thrown him.

 “Can I sit next to you?” Steve asked carefully.

 With his eyes now pressed shut, Bucky just nodded, trying to focus on Steve’s voice and the memories he knew were real. He thought about Steve taking him to Siberia, their trip here in the quinjet, Steve getting him settled. It was all real. He held on to those little bits of certainty with everything he had.

 He felt the bed dip and assumed Steve had sat down on the edge of the bed. He didn’t dare open his eyes yet.

 “I’m sorry I scared you Buck, I heard you yelling from down the hall and it scared the shit outta me,” Steve said soothingly. “I just wanted to come and make sure you’re alright, I’m sorry I scared you,” he repeated. 

 “It’s okay,” Bucky said tightly. “Just keep talking, please. Anything.”

 “Alright, Buck, it’s alright.” Steve placed a tentative hand on Bucky’s knee through the blankets and squeezed, hoping the minimal physical contact wouldn’t be too much for Bucky.

 “When we were kids, I stayed the night at your house a lot, especially if my Ma was working the night shift. Sometimes, your Ma would let us pull all the couch cushions down onto the floor and we’d make our own little fort with blankets and chairs and stuff.” Steve smiled at the memory, remembering their muffled laughter and whispered conversations into the wee hours of the morning.

 “This one time in high school though, it’d been years since we’d done that, and in the middle of the night, we decided to set up camp on the floor. I guess we didn’t realize how uncomfortable couch cushions were when they were on the floor when we were in grade school, because, God, I don’t think either of us got a wink of sleep that night. At some point, we just gave up and put the cushions back on the couch and just fell straight to sleep. Your Ma came out in the morning and found us knocked out on the sofa, blankets and chairs all over the room.”

 Steve looked up to find Bucky watching him with a familiar smile. 

 “I think I remember that,” Bucky said slowly.

 “It’s okay if you don’t, Buck” Steve reminded.

 Bucky shook his head and furrowed his brow, clearly focusing on something in the recesses of his mind.

 “I remember that night. After we went to sleep on the couch, you shoved me on the floor at some point. I remember waking up and you were sprawled across the whole damn sofa. I must have shoved you right back so I could lay back down.”

 The faraway look in Bucky’s eyes had lifted, leaving him with clear, bright, blue eyes and a determined look on his face. His lips twitched a bit, fighting a smile at the memory.

 “I told you your voice helps.”

 Steve smiled, grateful that he’d been able to help Bucky through whatever nightmare he faced. He thought back to that night, his face breaking into a grin. He’d never forget Mrs. Barnes’ face when she emerged that morning to find Steve and Bucky wrapped around each other on the couch. Her smile said everything when Steve and Bucky eventually roused from their slumber. They didn’t know it yet, but she did.

 “I’m glad I can help, Buck. You wanna try to get some more sleep?”

 Bucky nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

 “Okay,” Steve hesitated.

 “You alright Steve?”

 “Is it okay that I came in here when I heard you?” Steve whispered.

 Bucky paused. Instinctively, he wanted to say no, to hide his pain from Steve, the one person who actually believed there was still good in him. But he also knew that he couldn’t do this by himself. If Steve was insisting on helping him through this, he had to let him.

 “Yeah, Steve, it’s just fine. Just maybe don’t shake me next time? I don’t want to put you through a wall,” Bucky chuckled.

 “Alright, good,” Steve sighed. “I don’t think I could’ve left you in here when I woke up.”

 There was an awkward pause then, neither man quite knowing what to say. Steve wanted to say so much, reveal the cracked remnants of his heart and memories of him and Bucky. But he couldn’t do that, it wasn’t fair to Bucky to lay everything out there. So he sat and took a few deep breaths before slowly rising to his feet.

 “I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

 “Thank you, Steve. I’ll see you in the morning,” Bucky said gratefully.

 Steve nodded and shut the door softly before he padded down the hallway, willing the tears not to fall yet. He shut his bedroom door behind him and immediately sank to the floor, his back against the door. With his head in his hands, he let the tears fall silently, hoping his shuddering breath couldn’t be heard down the hall. The fear he’d heard in Bucky’s cries and seen in his eyes was burned into his eyes. He couldn’t bear the thought of how bad Bucky’s episodes must have been just a few years prior. 

 When he finally looked toward his nightstand, the alarm clock alerted him that it was still the middle of the night, no time to be awake. Dragging himself back to his bed, Steve eventually fell asleep to images of the past flashing in his mind. 

 Bucky woke up with a jump the next morning, startled by the unfamiliar surroundings and the softness of the bed. He took in the room and memories flooded back to him. He was at Steve’s safehouse, where Steve insisted they go after escaping Siberia. He glanced at the bedroom door, surprised to see it cracked instead of firmly shut, which he distinctly remembered doing the night before.

 Suddenly, he remembered the nightmare, which must have had him screaming if Steve’s reaction was anything to go by. He took stock of everything, pleased to feel like his head wasn’t splitting down the middle, like he didn’t have another consciousness fighting to come to the surface. He sat in bed for a moment, expecting to hear Steve moving about the house somewhere, but all was quiet. Bucky wasn’t sure whether it was comforting or disheartening to think that Steve had left him home alone on the first morning.

 Shaking those thoughts away, Bucky slid out of bed, the need for coffee overtaking his concern for the moment. Following the hallway to the open living room and kitchen, Bucky was again confronted with all things Steve. Photos, candles, pillows, it all screamed Steve Rogers. Bucky wasn’t sure how exactly he knew that, but he did. He could feel it.

 He meandered into the kitchen, his nose leading him toward the strong coffee he could smell from his room. On the counter next to the coffee pot he found a large mug and a note from Steve.

 Went into town for some groceries, I should be back in the early afternoon. There’s some food in the freezer, but not much. If you need any clothes or anything, there’s extras in my closet. Home phone is on the side table next to the couch, my cell is on speed dial if you need me.

-Steve

 With a large cup of coffee in hand, Bucky headed back to the living room where a large plush sofa was calling his name. He was surprised to find that it was already almost noon, so Steve would likely be back soon. Once settled, he looked around. The cozy room was comforting, nothing like the holding facilities he was used to or the crappy apartments he’d been crashing in for the last few years. This was different. His instincts had him checking for sightlines and mapping out exit strategies, but he tried to push those away and focus on the photos surrounding him. 

 He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised to see himself in so many of the photos given how close he and Steve had been before the fall. Even so, he’d never come face to face with so many reminders of a life he couldn’t remember living. He wondered how many of his own photos and memories would have Steve in them if he ever got his hands on them. 

 Wrapping a blanket around himself, he reached for the television remote, hoping something could distract him from the sudden sadness washing over him. After scrolling through the entire guide several times, Bucky gave up, settling on drinking his coffee in silence. Once he reached the bottom of his mug, he figured it was time for a shower. He quickly realized just how much grime had settled into his skin since Siberia and he was itching for water just hot enough to burn a bit.

 Upon entering his room, he realized Steve had given him towels and toiletries, but only one set of clothes. He hesitated, nervous to snoop through Steve’s space even though his note made it clear he could look for anything he needed. Glancing down at his now dirt and sweat covered clothes, he knew he didn’t have much of a choice.

 Reluctantly, Bucky made his way toward Steve’s room. Upon entering, he was overcome with a sense of comfort. The whole room smelled like coming home after a long day. Bucky always knew that smells could trigger memories that he didn’t know he had, but this was different. This wasn’t a specific memory; it was this innate gut feeling that this was home. That Steve was home.

 Bucky took a deep breath, soaking in the comfort, feeling the safety wrap around him. Call him crazy, but he finally found something that felt right, that felt like it belonged to the version of himself that he was still clawing his way back toward. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t connect all the dots or recall all the specific memories. All that mattered was that he finally had something to latch on to. All that mattered was that Steve trusted him enough to bring him here. All that mattered was Steve.

 He shook that last thought out of his head, unsure of where exactly it came from and headed for the closet on the far side of the bedroom. Sliding the door open, he was faced with what seemed to be Steve’s entire civilian wardrobe. The shelves and hangers were full of everything from soft sweaters and henleys to fitted button-downs and khakis. The very top shelf was what caught Bucky’s attention though.

 The top shelf had several stacks of thick, cable knit sweaters that looked cozy enough for Bucky to bundle up in for the next several weeks. They looked homey and warm - perfect. He reached up, his heart set on a deep blue piece, and his fingers scrabbled to secure the fabric. When he finally grabbed it and yanked it down, the angle brought down several sweaters along with the blue one he was aiming for.

 Bucky shook his head at his clumsiness, knowing that was something that would never leave him. He quickly grabbed the sweaters to refold them and hoist them back up on the shelf. He was on the second to last one, a light sky-blue colored sweater when he felt something stiff inside the fabric. He reached into the sleeve to move whatever had gotten stuck when it fell and came out with a small stack of old photos, clearly printed before Steve went into the ice.

 Bucky looked down and felt all the air rush out of him. He immediately fell to his knees, his entire being knocked off balance by what he saw in the photos. His eyes filled with tears against his will, but through the blur, he could still clearly make out the images.

 The first one in the stack was a photo of him and Steve, clearly taken without them knowing. A young Steve, probably just a matter of months before the serum, was perched on Bucky’s knee with one of Bucky’s arms firmly around his waist. Steve’s head was resting against Bucky’s shoulder, love drunk smiles pasted across both of their faces. Steve was looking up at Bucky, Bucky glancing down at Steve and it was impossible to miss the love evident in their eyes. 

 Bucky collapsed down from his knees, hitting the floor with a thud, but paid no mind to the discomfort as he pulled up the next picture in the stack. The next photo was in a similar vein as the first one but must have been taken during their time as part of the Howling Commandos. How that was possible, Bucky didn’t know. All he knew was that this photo showed Steve in his Captain American uniform, covered in dirt, with his arms wrapped tightly around Bucky in what must have been a bone crushing hug. Bucky’s face was tucked into the crook of Steve’s neck while Steve pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

 Bucky spread out the dozen or so photos on the floor in front of him, each of them indicating just how in love he and Steve must have been back then. In every single photo, they were touching in some way; an arm around the other person, hands held between them, a kiss on the cheek. Even in photos that included their friends or family, it was evident that Steve and Bucky were drawn to each other like magnets, always revolving around each other and finding their way into contact. It appeared that was still true to this day, given that the universe had somehow kept them both alive despite believing the other must be long dead or simply not knowing the other existed, in Bucky’s case.

 He sat on the floor of Steve’s closet just staring at the photos, willing himself to remember just one of these instances. Hating himself for forgetting something so vastly important in his life and for ripping this way from Steve. God, Steve. How could Bucky ever forgive himself for depriving Steve of the love he so clearly deserved. Deserves.

 Sitting there on the floor, for god knows how long, Bucky came to a startling realization. He may not be able to play back these memories like movies in his head, but he damn well knew that he could trust Steve, that he knew him when everything else was foreign and terrifying. That had to mean something right? His mind and heart hadn’t completely betrayed him if he knew that Steve felt like home, that he smelled familiar, that something within him just knew.

 As Bucky crouched there, lost in thought and emotion, his well-trained instincts didn’t alert him to Steve’s arrival. He missed the loud thud of the car door, the minor tremor of the house when Steve shut the front door, and even the loud shuffling as Steve entered the kitchen.

 “Buck?” Steve called loudly.

 Bucky couldn’t bring himself to answer and he certainly couldn't bring himself to move from his place on the floor. He didn’t even have a moment to panic before Steve came through the door and was suddenly standing across the room, eyes fixed on the photos on the floor. 

 “Shit, Buck,” Steve breathed out. He quickly crossed the room, dropping to his knees next to Bucky.

 “I’m so sorry, Steve,” Bucky sobbed.

 “What? Bucky, no, this isn’t your fault at all. Dammit I-,” Steve took a shuddering breath in, his emotions coming to boil seeing those photos and knowing what Bucky had figured out.

 “These past few years, I didn’t know, Steve.”

 “I know you didn’t, and I never wanted you to find out like this.”

 Bucky was still staring at the photos, unable to look up at the man next to him. He didn’t know what he’d do if he saw that same love in the photos directed at him now.

 “Bucky, please, can we talk about this?”

 “What is there to talk about? I ruined everything for you, I took it all away,” Bucky sobbed.

 “No! God, Buck, please just come here.”

 Bucky looked over to Steve, surprised to see the sheer vulnerability reflected in his grey-blue eyes. There wasn’t a hint of anger or resentment there, but maybe just a touch of fear.

 Without thinking, Bucky scooted over just enough to collapse into Steve’s arms, his entire body breaking down into shuddering sobs.

 “Why can’t I just remember?” he cried, desperate for relief from the constant reminders that his mind wasn’t his own.

 Steve wrapped him up in a tight hug and pulled him closer, rearranging their limbs until they were in a more comfortable position on the floor.

 “Shh, it’s okay Buck, it’s gonna be okay, I promise. That’s why we’re here, right? To do this together,” Steve murmured into his ear.

 Bucky just continued to cry, years (decades) of emotion boiling over at that moment. Steve just held him close and continued whispering in his ear, reassuring him, letting him know it would all be okay.

 “I’m not letting you do this alone, Buck, I promise,” Steve said firmly.

 When Bucky finally felt like he had himself under control, he pulled back from Steve’s grip but didn’t dare move any further away. No matter what had been burned out of his head by HYDRA, his heart needed to be close to Steve. Everything from the last few years started to make more sense when he realized that.

 “Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked quietly.

 “And when exactly was I supposed to do that?” Steve asked with a chuckle.

 “Fair enough,” Bucky sighed.

 “Let’s go into the kitchen. We should eat before we do this.”

 Bucky hesitated but nodded when he felt his stomach knotting in on itself. When Steve stood and reached a hand out for Bucky, he didn’t hesitate to take it. He didn’t think twice when neither of them let go until they were in the kitchen plating up the takeout Steve had brought back.

 They ate their sandwiches and chips in silence, mostly due to how hungry they quickly realized they were. Bucky was grateful that Steve also had the appetite of a super soldier and brought close to a dozen sandwiches back for them. By the time they finished stuffing their faces and Steve had cleared away the scattered wrappers, Bucky knew they were faced with a difficult conversation.

 “Want to get comfy in the living room for this?” Steve asked.

 Bucky nodded, “Sure.”

 Steve let Bucky lead the way to the living room and waited for him to pick a spot first, not wanting to crowd his space too much. Bucky’s face pulled into a confused frown when Steve settled in the chair across from him, rather than on the couch cushion at his side. Bucky glanced at the empty seat next to him and Steve took the hint, quickly moving close enough that their thighs pressed together.

 Steve’s gaze was fixed on the carpet. He could feel Bucky’s eyes boring into the side of his head, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze. The guilt was already eating away at him, making his lunch sit uneasily in his stomach. After too much silence, he took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation at hand.

 “I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Bucky. It was so wrong for me to-”

 “Steve, don’t. This isn’t your fault, there’s no reason for you to apologize,” Bucky interrupted.

 Steve shook his head, still staring down at his feet.

 “But Buck, I-”

 “Dammit Steve, will you look at me please?”

 Steve lifted his head and turned slightly to face Bucky. He was met with open, curious eyes with just a hint of anger.

 “You have every right to be angry,” Steve whispered.

 “Yeah,” Bucky nodded. “But not at you. This isn’t your fault,” he repeated. His face softened a bit, the hard edge disappearing as he watched for Steve’s reaction.

 “I just don’t know what to say.”

 “Let’s start from the beginning. Can I ask a question?”

 “Of course.”

 “How long?” Bucky asked simply.

 “What do you-”

 “How long, Steve?” he repeated.

 Steve sighed, his gaze quickly drifting to the several photos littering the living room walls. “Since I was sixteen, you were seventeen. That’s when things changed.”

 “What do you mean, changed?”

 “That’s when we finally realized that best friends don’t normally cuddle on the couch and sleep in the same bed during sleepovers,” Steve laughed.

 Bucky smiled at the distant, hazy memories of tangled limbs and sleep warm touches. It wasn’t in focus, but the memory was there. Somewhere deep in his heart and mind, he knew what Steve was saying; it almost felt like his own memories.

 “So, all that time? When I left for the war, when you came and found me? All of that?”

 “Yeah, Buck, the whole time.” Steve had a small smile on his face, the happy memories overtaking their current situation for just a split second. “I’m sorry,” Steve continued. “It’s not fair for me to dump this on you and I really didn’t mean for you to find out. At least not like this.”

 “And what do you want?” Bucky questioned.

 “What do you mean?” Steve was surprised by the question, his gaze immediately snapped back to Bucky’s inquisitive face.

 “Exactly what I said, Steve. What do you want to happen now?”

 “I want you to be okay. I was us to be okay,” Steve murmured so quietly, Bucky nearly missed it. “I know I can’t ask you to pretend to remember it all, I know that. But selfishly, god Buck, I would give anything, everything to have it all back.”

 Steve’s eyes were fixed so intently on Bucky’s, he couldn’t tear his gaze away. Hesitantly, Bucky reached for Steve’s thigh and squeezed tightly as he smiled up at him. 

 “You’re right. I can’t pretend to remember everything. But I do know that these distant, fuzzy memories are mine. They all involve you. All of them Steve. I know I loved you. Love you, really. I can feel it. I might not have the same memories and things certainly aren’t normal, but I can feel it Stevie, I really can. I don’t want to lose that again,” Bucky admitted.

 Steve stayed silent, partially to let Bucky continue but mostly in disbelief.

 “Like I said, I can feel it. The pictures, the memories, those times in high school. It’s all still there. If you want to give this a shot, give me a shot, I think that’s really all I want.”

 “If I want- Buck,” Steve trailed off. He carefully placed his hand over Bucky’s on his own thigh, barely squeezing for fear of startling him. He held Bucky’s gaze, unable to look away from those eyes that held so much and yet revealed nothing. When Bucky didn’t interject, Steve continued on.

 “Bucky, not a single day has gone by that I haven’t wanted you. Not once, I swear,” Steve resounded. “If this is what you want, I’m right here.”

 “You’re the only thing that feels familiar, Steve.”

 “I don’t want you to want this just because you think it’s what I want, Buck. I’ll be here no matter what, I promise you that.”

 Bucky shook his head vehemently, immediately cutting Steve off. “No,” Bucky said firmly. “It’s not that and it’s not just because you’re safe. I just- I know we were each other’s everything and we can’t just jump back into that, but I’d really like to take it one day at a time. With you,” Bucky finished softly.

 Steve raised a gentle hand to Bucky’s cheek, unable to keep himself from touching at this point. He couldn’t help the way his chin trembled or the tears that welled up in his eyes as he looked at the man he’d loved and lost so many times. Steve needed the reassurance that Bucky was actually there, that he could reach out and touch him, feel his warmth and security while keeping him safe.

 “You want this?” Steve confirmed.

 “Steve, I swear, if you ask me that one more time, I might change my mind,” Bucky sassed.

 “Alright alright, there you are,” Steve laughed.

 They sat in silence for a moment longer. Bucky’s hand still squeezing Steve’s thigh with Steve’s hand pressed over his own. Steve’s opposite hand held Bucky’s cheek as he let his eyes wander over Bucky’s face. It was the same face that Steve came home to in high school, the same one he found staring up at him in Azanno, and the same one that haunted his dreams for the years after the war. He never imagined he’d see it again; not as the Winter Solider and not as the love of his life.

 Eventually, Steve let go of Bucky and slumped back against the couch, spreading his arms for Bucky to settle into. Bucky quirked an eyebrow for a split-second before folding himself into Steve’s grip, his back pressed to Steve’s front. The strong arms that wrapped around him felt like coming home. Bucky never thought he could feel like that again, he didn’t know he had a home to come back to. But this, this was it.

 “When did you know?” Steve whispered against his neck.

 Bucky paused for a minute, trying to comb through the jagged memories and mismatched pictures in his head. At this point, he had enough of his own mind back that he could see so many of his own experiences but didn’t quite know where they fit into his life. It was hard to differentiate among all the years that swirled in his head.

 “When was the bridge?” Bucky asked.

 “You knew on the bridge?”

 “Yeah. Well, no, not really. But after. I started getting these flashes of what I now realize are memories. The moment I fell was just on replay in my head, I just kept hearing you yell for me.”

 Steve squeezed him tightly and buried his nose in Bucky’s long hair, willing himself to stay strong for Bucky.

 “I told them I knew you, but, you know,” Bucky trailed off.

 “I know, Buck. I’m so sorry.”

 Bucky shifted in Steve’s arms, rolling over to face him. They were nose to nose, their breath immediately mingling between them.

 “Not your fault, Stevie. We’re here now, yeah?”

 “Yeah, we are. But we can always talk about that stuff, whenever you need to. That’s why we’re here, remember?”

 “As long as you’re here with me to figure it all out, Steve. I know I can’t do it without you.”

 As Steve nodded in agreement, his nose bumped against Bucky’s causing them both to gasp at how close they hadn’t realized they were. Steve’s gaze dropped to Bucky’s lips out of habit and Bucky’s tongue swiped over his plump bottom lip on impulse.

 “Buck,” Steve breathed, unable to stop himself.

 Bucky stared back at Steve for what should have been an awkward length of time, but neither man noticed. After a few long breaths, Bucky nodded, signaling for Steve to go ahead. One of Steve’s hands crept up from his waist to cradle his face, his thumb dragging along his cheekbone as Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut.

 Steve barely had to move with how close they already were. He merely angled his face to the right and immediately felt Bucky’s warm breath directly against his lips. Before he could do anything, Bucky closed the final hint of space between them and captured Steve’s lips in a feather-light kiss. Steve couldn’t help the rush of emotion that filled his heart the moment he felt those all-too-familiar lips against his again. 

 He let his lips lead him in rediscovering Bucky, pleased that the same flick of his tongue and caress of his neck brought out the softest whimpers, just like when they were in another life. When he felt tears fall from his eyes, he pulled back ever so slightly. 

 “Wow,” Bucky murmured.

 Steve sniffled quietly but knew he couldn’t hide his emotion from the man in his arms.

 “Yeah, wow is right.”

 “So, we’ll figure this out?”

 “Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Just like we always have, baby.” 

 Bucky couldn’t help the way he burrowed into Steve’s chest, and Steve couldn’t stop the smile on his face as he felt Bucky press a kiss to his chest. 

 “Did you know you always used to do that before you fell asleep?” Steve whispered.

 When he looked down, Bucky’s eyes were closed and his breathing was even, his face squished against Steve’s shirt. Steve shook his head fondly, and pulled Bucky even closer, silently vowing to never let him go again.

[19mrs-barnes17]

Not Him

Summary: “A Billy x reader fic where the reader is engaged to another. She has been a part of his friend group since childhood. At a dinner, Billy brings a rude and unwanted guest which results in feelings being revealed.” -Anonymous

Part: 1/1

Pairing: Billy Russo x reader

Warnings: angst

Word count: 1,969

A/N:

~

You stared at the shimmering band on your finger with hesitation, heart unsure of the split second decision. It was a huge commitment to be making, and sure you loved him, but was he the one you couldn’t live without? Some part of you had begun to question it all as you sat in your empty dining room. The light was beginning to fade away and you knew it was time to go, you’d be late for dinner at Frank’s otherwise. When you arrived you sat for a moment, letting it all sink in before sliding out of the car and strutting up the driveway.

Frank had been your friend for so very long, he had introduced you to Billy and Curtis when you were just a kid, and you had been an unstoppable group. They protected you from bullies and threatened any guy who even looked at you wrong, teaching you to defend yourself when they weren’t there to. Those boys were the reason you joined the air force, serving your country in a different branch but with just as much heart. All three had been nervous about you going overseas, knowing the sort of thing that was waiting for you, but they helped you train nonetheless. And when you returned with a purple heart, an injury to your shoulder sending you home early, they were all waiting for you. They were your family, and now you had to tell them you were making an addition.

The last to show was Billy Russo, who was likely the reaction you were most worried about. He was the one that you had grown closest to over the years and it scared you that he may not approve. Though you didn’t need it, you very much wanted it nonetheless. If Billy hated the idea then it would be much more difficult to go through with, because that would mean he may not show to your wedding. And that, that would simply break your heart.

Scratch that, Billy and his supposed girlfriend were the very last to arrive. And boy were you ecstatic about her uninvited, rude self showing at a family dinner that was already going to be nerve wracking. She talked as though the sound of her voice brought her comfort, but it did so for no other. That is, it seemed, apart from her “dearest darling Billy”. The way she groped at him, hands roaming in front of everyone as though they did not exist, was uncomfortable to say the least. She kissed him when others drew the attention of the room and for some reason it made your stomach turn. You suddenly couldn’t wait for the night to end.

“So, what do you think?” Your eyes raised from the dishes, Maria still fussing with Frank about how she felt rude letting you. Billy stood in an evergreen long sleeve shirt and faded blue jeans, brown eyes gazing curiously into yours.

“About…?” You arched an eyebrow, returning your gaze to the plate in your hands. Next to you Billy grabbed the towel and began to dry plate after plate, nervously shifting his feet.

“My girlfriend.” He raised his brows expectantly as he leaned against the counter and you sighed softly before shutting off the water. “Wow, that bad huh?”

“I didn’t even answer you yet Billy.” You coked your head to the side furrowing your brow at him, you had fully intended to lie. “She seems attached, but are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“All night she’s hands on, but you were distant. It was almost as if she were the only one interested.” He took a step back at this and you instantly regretted your words, reaching out for him but he shook his head. “I didn’t-”

“You didn’t what? Mean it? I think you did.” He sighed heavily while running a hand through his hair. “You know not all of us can have someone like your boyfriend whose perfect in every way, can’t do a damn thing wrong.”

“What are you talking about?” A hand on your hip and a finger to his chest, you were fuming at the man before you. How dare he insult your fiancé like that. “What does he have to do with your taste in women, Billy?”

“He has you.” You dropped both hands and froze in place, eyes softening. “My taste in women? It’s women like you.”

“What?” You took a step back, anxiety rippling beneath your skin. “Billy do you… love me?”

He couldn’t even look at you, his head hung in shame. Billy Russo had never looked smaller, never looked so defeated. Not in a very long time at least. A certain weight began to sit on your chest as you watched him break slowly before your eyes. He was very clearly doing all he could not to crack, to not cry in front of you. When he finally turned back to you he looked colder, more distant like before.

“What does it matter? I’m not him, and even if I was… hell I don’t know if you would have chosen me anyway.” That one stung, it felt like a prick to your heart and it made you defensive.

“That’s not fair. You never told me you loved me, never even asked me on a date. How was I supposed to know you felt that way?” The way you looked at him seemed to send shivers down his spine, perhaps your eyes were revealing more than you wanted.

“I’m not the only one who could have done that. This isn’t all on me.” He was backing away, his defensive mode kicking in as well. “You chose that prick instead of facing the idea that you like me too, love me even.”

“That prick told me he loves me. That prick asked to move in with me. That prick expressed his feelings for me.” With each sentence you took one step closer until you were in his face. “That prick asked me to marry him. So yes, I chose him. Because I didn’t know you were even an option!”

Billy was baffled, eyes widening as your confession sank in. He stumbled back into the wall and gripped the doorway for support. The man almost looked like someone had some him point blank in the chest, someone he loved. It broke your heart to see such an agonizing look on his face, but he had pushed too far.

“You’re getting married?” Frank was in the doorway with an arched eyebrow, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. 

“I had planned to tell everyone in a much calmer setting, but I guess the cat’s outta the bag.” You smiled softly at him, the man who had become one of your two older brothers and protectors. “I’m getting married. He would have been here to tell you all with me but he got called into an emergency at work.”

“You, marrying that business guy? Really?” Your face dropped and Frank immediately backpedaled. “No no no, I don’t mean I’m not happy for you. I am. I just never pictured you getting married so quickly.”

“We’ve been together 2 years, that’s not as short as some others.” Your brow furrowed once again before an epiphany emerges from the back of your mind. “You knew.”

He nodded and you decided that it was time to call it a night, your mind and heart were much too conflicted to keep up a charade. Quickly you said your goodbyes and apologized for the abrupt exit, but they simply nodded in understanding. On your way to your car you were stopped by a hand grabbing yours. There, standing absolutely shell shocked, was your fiancé with a solemn expression.

“I was coming to surprise you. Work let me out earlier than I anticipated, we resolved the issue pretty quickly.” You wanted to smile at the news, glad he was here because you really needed someone to hold you. However, that dark look in his eyes kept your smile under lock and key. “I heard your fight with Billy out the window.”

“Oh, that? I-”

“Don’t. Please.” He held your hands gingerly in his, eyes falling to the ring on your finger before sighing softly. “It’s okay Y/N, really. I understand, you love him.”

“I love you too.” You softly placed a hand on his cheek and his lips formed a sad smile. “I really do.”

“I know. You just love him more.” A tear slid down your cheek as you began to realize what had to be done, you didn’t want to let go. “Shh, love. It’s alright. I’ll be okay someday, and so will you. I’d rather you be happy than settling for me.”

“And I’d rather you find someone who will love you completely for the wonderful man you are. But that someone isn’t me.” You placed one final, bittersweet kiss to his lips before setting the ring in his hand. “I’ll always love you and I wish you well.”

“Likewise. You take care of yourself.” He began to walk away and you turned from him feeling lighter and less bruised inside. “Oh and Y/N.”

“Yes?” You turned to see him in his car, the window half way down with a soft smile on his face. 

“Let him come to you. He’ll realize what he let slip through his fingers.” You nodded, watching as he pulled out of the driveway and disappeared on the horizon.

Figuring it was best to give your ex-fiancé an hour or so to collect the few things he had moved into your apartment, so you went on a drive. You let yourself wander until you found a place you didn’t realize your mind had been leading you to. The park where you and Billy used to come alone and talk for hours on end, where you would sometimes lie and look at the stars but speak no words, and where you had fallen in love with him but hidden it away. 

Your eyes were closed as you breathed deeply, inhaling and exhaling to relieve the stress that the past few hours had left your body full of. They didn’t need to be open to know whose boots were crunching the leaves behind you, or who sat on the swing beside you without saying a single word. You knew him, the only one who would be here after closing hours. The only one who knew where to find you when things became rough and you needed a moment to breathe. 

“I went to your apartment to apologize. Your, uhm, your ex ran into me in the hall and told me what happened. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin something good for you. It was selfish of me.” You chuckled softly, confusing the poor man to no end. 

“Don’t give yourself so much credit Russo. I think we would have ended up here eventually, and it's better now than after signing a legal document and standing before everyone only for it to crash and burn. At least this way we part on good terms, still in control of ourselves and our future.” There was a certain sense of catharsis in this moment, a realization that this was a good thing. That didn’t make it any less hard, but it helped you to carry the weight.

“I love you Billy Russo.” His eyes softened, body losing its tension as he stared into your eyes with such fervent love.

“And I love you. That girl wasn’t actually my girlfriend by the way, she was just doing me a favor.” You laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

“I should have known you’d pull something like that you idiot.” 

“Yeah well, I’m your idiot now. Right?”

“I suppose you are. Maybe you always have been.”

~

Tags: @qtmeryr​ @broken-hearted-barnes​ @cantnkrusshedevil​ 

[letsjustkeepitbetweenyouandi]

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Buddie Recs For You

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Don't Take My Sunshine Away

Eddie is in a coma, and Buck blames himself. He should've been there to protect Eddie. The least he can do now is to be there for Christopher, even if Buck doesn't know if he has it in him to be a parent without Eddie. Buck makes Eddie a deal: he'll fight for Christopher in the real world, while Eddie fights to wake up.

Eddie's come a long way since those bleak days in El Paso, listening to his parents comments about how he's not fit to be a father. How Christopher doesn't deserve to be dragged down by the likes of Eddie and Shannon. Eddie thought after moving to LA, he and Chris had escaped that. When he wakes up and finds Buck neck-deep in a legal battle with his parents for custody of Christopher, Eddie must face his own mistakes, and find the confidence to stand up for himself against his absolute worst nightmare.

113k  -  21/21 Chapters

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Leading with the Left

When Buck said he was a "bartender" in "South America" what he actually meant was "stripper" in "Mexico."

And when Eddie said, "What's your problem?" what he actually meant was, "Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?"

In other words, there's a few things the 118 doesn't know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie's relationship.

84k - 18/18 Chapters

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Six Different Ways To Mark Your Territory

Or "5 times Eddie was a possessive bastard, and Buck (being the oblivious puppy he is) didn't notice. And the one time he couldn’t help but notice."

5k - 6/6 Chapters

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Tread Lightly

Healing after a truck bombing, breakup, pulmonary embolism, tsunami and lawsuit is a slow process when you're afraid to talk to your team when it feels like the world is crumbling in on you. Finding your way out of the crippling darkness is a lonely process when you're afraid you'll get benched again for something beyond your control. Learning to love again is a terrifying process when you're not sure your best friend will ever truly forgive you.

151k - 36/36 Chapters

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Accidental

It was an accident. He slipped. That doesn't mean he isn't going to take advantage of the opportunity that presents itself.

---- Post Lawsuit, Buck accidentally cuts his arm. He decides that maybe not getting help is best for everyone.

--- TW for suicidal idealization and injury that turns into a suicide attempt.

36k - 14/14 Chapters

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Left Unsaid

A woman shows up at the station with a picture of Buck on her phone.

It goes better than last time.

OR

The discovery of a small facebook group full of tsunami survivors rocks station 118.

33k - 7/7 Chapters

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If The World Was Ending

Eddie doesn't realise how badly he's destroyed his friendship with Buck until his former partner has swapped stations, changed phone numbers, and moved homes without warning. It's nearly impossible to track Buck down and it's clear that Chris is suffering too. After Eddie is injured on the job, he has to start piecing together the broken pieces of who he is with the help of family and friends. Under those sorts of circumstances, a chance to repair his fragile friendship with Buck might be possible - but it won't be easy when Buck has a new boyfriend.

121k - 25/25 Chapters

Commentary: Right, I've read this one before, and I have conflicted feelings about it... the writing is really good, but well, they deal with Eddie getting amnesia, and there's not a real resolution of him getting al of his memories back, only some of them. Now, for me, that didn't really work out just as I wanted it, but I still liked the story, and like it's written really well with good character driven story and whatnot... So yeah, read at own risk

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a leaf falls on loneliness

Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that.

But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.”

—you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting—

So each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence.

11k - 1/1 Chapters

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The Space Between Sleep

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

38k - 11/11 Chapters

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Reaching In The Dark

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

38k - 11/11 Chapters

Commentary: Okay, so, I think I've read this one before... and I can't remember if it's like quality or what it is... but imma leave it for you to figure out, cause there's a lot of other ones that I wanna read for you to make sure they're good, so... read at own risk!

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I'll Be Your Arms, I'll Be Your Steady Satellite

Buck couldn’t believe how quickly the day had turned. When he had been thinking about what came next, this hadn’t been what he expected.

--- The 118 takes a call that changes everything, turning Buck's world upside down and pushing his life in a new direction.

54k - 25/25 Chapters

Commentary: So, this was the one where he had a kid, and like, man, dad!buck was a thing I didn’t know I needed that much, but apparently I did, cause man I love it so much! Also, now I really wanna read more dad!buck kid!fic’s, preferably where like Buddie is together, and they want another kid, and so they decide to do surrogacy with Buck this time, and like, have most of what happens in this fic happen, but with some additions to it that I wished they added, with there being more Christopher being a big brother... anyhow, read it! It’s very good and adorable!!!

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Like We Never Loved At All

Prompt: The lawsuit is all a front to protect the team but they don’t know so they treat Buck harshly. Buck bares all of it until Eddie or Bobby just breaks whatever hope he has left. By the time the truth comes out Buck is gone. Fast forward to a year or more later Eddie and Christopher are out with the team when Chris sees Buck. He’s got longer hair and cold eyes but most importantly he’s pushing a baby carriage with twin babies. He’s loving to Chris but frosty towards the team. What happened

22k - 6/6 Chapters

Commentary: Right, read it, and like it’s good, but the writer said herself that she was thinking of continuing it (But she has yet to do so) so though it has an ending to it, it’s not really a resolved one... more like a very very open-ended one... So again, read at your own risk.

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Of Bikes and Concussions

Buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there.

7k - 1/1 Chapters

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Mistletoe

After Buck grabbed the mistletoe and kissed Hen, he decided he wouldn't stop there. After making the rounds, he reaches Eddie, and nothing is ever so easy with that man.

9k  -  5/5 Chapters

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Rewrite the Stars

Buck is struggling with nightmares weeks after he has returned to work after the tsunami. He is struggling to sleep, and distancing himself from everyone-- most of all, Eddie.

39k  -  19/19 Chapters

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Bury Your Dead

If you had asked Edward Buckley to describe his parenting style, he would’ve told you that he was a “disciplinarian.”

28k  -  13/13

Commentary: Stumbled upon this one, and I’m pretty sure I’ve read it before, it sounds familiar, and as far as I can remember it was rather good!

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it’s okay

Finally back with the team, Buck isn’t going to let anything tear him away again. He has to prove his place, his part in the family, even if that means smiling through the pain.

Or, Buck gets hurt on a call and doesn’t tell anyone.

11k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Oh, it has a lot of angst and it will warm your heart!

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Broken Silence

combined prompts asking for quiet Buck trying to stay out of everyone's way after the lawsuit--he and Maddie get hurt but he thinks they won't care, because of how they've been treating him lately, so he doesn't say anything, but does request time off, and then comfort ensues!

2k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Listen, I know that it’s shorter than what you usually read, but man, it’s so heartbreaking and gooooooood

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Comfort of Strangers

"I don't want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips or be in your arms. Because that's my place."

Buck and Eddie grow closer, one kiss at a time.

15k  -  15/15 Chapters

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5+1 Times People Call Them a Family

5 times someone points out that Eddie, Buck, and Christopher make an adorable family and 1 time where they say they are family.

4k  -  6/6 Chapters

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Stay

Buck’s voice was soft and hesitant, but full of patience when he finally spoke again. “Did I do something to upset you, Chris? I can leave—”

“No!” Chris whirled on him, a complete shift from the standoffish vibe he had been giving a second ago. The tears he bravely held back finally broke free from his eyes, sliding down his rosy cheeks from behind his glasses. He shook his head vehemently, the yellow crayon falling to the table. “No, I’m not mad. Please…” His words turned to whimpers, his lip trembling. “Please don’t leave me too.”

31k  -  10/10 Chapters

Commentary: This was the one I linked you too on messenger. It has like a minor supernatural element to it, that they don’t warn you about, cause it’ll like spoil it, but it should not make you shy away from it, because it’s a thing that makes the story fits so well together and makes it so heartbreaking and good! So yeah, check it out, and be prepared for the angst!

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All Bets are Off

"Enough!" Bobby sighed, he pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously exhausted. "Alright, I'm gonna need everyone to be completely straight with each other from here on out. No more fighting. Okay?"

Hen rolled her eyes but nodded. "Okay Cap."

"I'm always straight." Eddie called defensively.

Bobby's mouth opened to respond when they heard a strangled chain of coughing behind them. When they turned, they saw Chimney, choking on a bagel.

"Oh man…" Chimney coaxed through his wheezing. "That's the biggest lie you ever told."

Or, the five times the firefam realized Buck and Eddie were in love, and the one-time Eddie finally did something about it.

35k  -  6/6 Chapters

Commentary: So it’s a 5+1, but it’s a lengthier one than the other one, and it’s so good! It’ll both satisfy your buddie need, but also your Bobby being a father to Buck need!! And like a lot of other good stuff, so yeah, should definitely give this a go

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you working?

a request for some jealous!Eddie

Summer is winding down and the 118 is out for one last event at the local park before kids are back at school. Buck attracts attention, Eddie glares at the world, and Hen is honestly having a blast.

4k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: In reality, it’s a part of a series that’s 18k words long, but like 10k of it is a lot of smut, and like some of it’s plot driven, other very much isn’t, and then like the last part is an engagement one, so like, if you’re prepared for the smut, then sure, otherwise, you could just enjoy the first part of it, with a very adorable jealous Eddie Diaz

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am I coming out of left field?

5 times it was obvious to literally everyone that Buck and Eddie are in love, and the one (first) time Eddie actually admits it.

3k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Short, but cute, though the last part could be better

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Can't Stay Away

“Long story short, your kid is too damn smart," Buck began. "Seriously, Eddie, maybe you need to pull him out of that fancy school and send him back to public school. Dumb him down a bit so he’s easier to handle.”

Buck’s words became so tangled in his anxiety that he couldn’t really process what he was saying. “What the hell are you talking about? Is Chris okay? Is he in trouble?”

“He’s fine. Safe and sound, happy as a clam, but I’d say he is definitely in trouble.”

...

In which Eddie's parents hate Buck, and Christopher is too damn clever.

6k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Oh this is a good one... Like, proper whump and Christopher being the captain of our ship!

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There It All Is (What's Always Been Mine)

“You alright Buckaroo?” Hen asked and Buck shrugged. “You’re not worried about hosting this sleepover, are you?”

“I just don’t want to screw this up,” Buck said. “Like, I’m the one who’s not a parent here. Am I really qualified to be in charge of three kids?”

---

Or, when a sleepover becomes the sight of a dangerous emergency, Buck learns what his friends and family knew all along; he’ll do anything for the people he cares about.

8k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: I said I wanted Buck with kids, and I got it. Basically, it’s cute, and I luv buck with kids, and this is a good one. 

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TO ADD MORE

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A Dive Into My Bookmarks

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light me and i'll burn for you

In which an old friend of Buck's joins the 118, and Eddie does not like him. At all.

31k - 3/3 Chapters

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all the stones and kings of old

Edmundo Diaz, King of Calder, does not want a husband.

He had a wife, he has a son. He doesn’t need anyone to try and fill the void in his life Shannon left when she died—he is perfectly content with an empty bed, with Bobby and Athena advising him, with household staff taking care of Christopher when he can’t.

But. Apparently he doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

(Theirs is not an auspicious start.)

36k - 14/14 Chapters

Commentary: So this is the AU that I talked about, with it being medieval, and like, something out of Merlin, only I don't really think there's magic in it... i can't remember if there is... So I don't think there is. Anyhow, it's pretty good!

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Everybody Knows

The five times someone assumed they're together, and Eddie had to correct them, and the one time it happened and he didn't have to.

14k - 1/1 Chapters

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You square all the corners, I straighten the curves

Five times Buck and Eddie pretend they're dating (and one time they don't)

11k - 1/1 Chapters

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The things we lost in the fire

Commentary: Now, this is a two part story, I'll add the summary for both parts.

Part 1:

Evan Buckley left his past behind when he left home for good at age 19. But an unexpected phone call on a quiet shift disrupts the life he's built for himself: forcing him to confront his past in order to build a new future.

Part 2:

It was fall at the 118. That was supposed to mean pumpkin spice lattes, Athena’s world-famous pumpkin pie, and the yearly tradition of getting bullied by children at the annual firehouse trick-or-treating.

Instead, it was a disastrous cornucopia of Maddie’s pregnancy, the Buckley parents visiting, and a sexuality crisis for good measure.

Oh, and?

It was wildfire season.

204k - Part1: 10/10 - Part 2: 22/22

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The Ones I Need To Read First

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waiting on the sunrise

When Buck left home, it was a rushed decision. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do, but he had a high school diploma and enough street smarts to make it as far from his father as possible.

It's been nearly ten years since then, and now his father is in town. Buck quickly learns that some things haven't changed. But other things have, and his family will help him realize that.

28k - 10/10 Chapters

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Two Weeks Noticed

With Christopher away at camp, Eddie finally has a chance to catch his breath after the hellish year he's had. Meanwhile Buck is still reeling from the sudden reappearance of Abby. On a routine night of movies and pizza, Eddie and Buck discuss some feelings and stumble into something that may just take some time to figure out. Good thing they have two weeks to get a handle on it.

148k - 15/15 Chapters

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I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse)

When Buck is forced to confront the truth about his breakup with Abby, having casual sex with his hot new coworker seems like the best rebound idea.

Unfortunately, that hot new coworker turns into his best friend. But best friends can keep having sex with each other, right?

There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

68k - 15/15 Chapters

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the weekly bet (but the forever kind)

When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret. “Thanks,” Eddie mumbles, hiding his face deep in his pillow, even if Buck can’t see him in the dark. “What for?” Leave it to Buck to be confused about something so obvious. “Being you, idiot.” “And again with the name calling,” he answers, content and sleepy. Nights like this, Eddie feels like asking for a miracle. But to the team, it wasn’t a matter of if Abby would take him back, but when. A matter of days.

49k - 9/9 Chapters

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Guess We'll Just Have to Adjust

No, Buck does not have a damn crush on Eddie fucking Diaz. No, Buck is not thinking about Eddie's stupid smile or his stupid hair or that obscene sound he made when he pushed the couch the way he did.

Having a crush would be weird. And dumb. And the last thing Buck needs in his already fucked up life.

36k - 12/12 Chapters

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Speak Now

Fake Dating AU idea from a tumblr post that got out of hand the minute I started writing.

Eddie lies to Shannon about being in a serious relationship when she wants to re-enter his and Christopher's lives, and of course the person he asks to be his pretend significant other is none other than Evan Buckley, because what are bros for?

25k - 3/3 Chapters

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Pack a Bag, Say Goodbye

It wasn’t the first time he felt unwanted. In fact, it was an all too familiar feeling. But the last time he felt this way, he had left. Run off to South America and wherever else he could find himself. But the one thing that had helped him stop feeling lost, the place where he had found himself, had been ripped away from him.

So, why was he still there? What was the point in sticking around? ---

After the lawsuit, Buck is struggling when he realizes how unwanted he is at work. When he makes the decision to leave, how will everyone react? And to what lengths will they go to get Buck back?

61k - 30/30 Chapters

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According To You

“He’s gonna’ be fine, they did scans, they said it’s just a scratch--”

“Just a scratch?” Eddie blinks incredulously. “‘Just a scratch’ doesn’t require stitches Evan! God, how could you be so irresponsible?! How the hell were you not watching him at the park?! How could you let him get all the way across the street without you?!”

5k  -  2/2 Chapters

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When it comes to an end (I will want you to plea)

After the lawsuit, Buck and Eddie are casually sleeping together. Eddie tells himself it doesn't mean anything more than that. An unexpected incident at work brings up something Buck thought he'd long buried behind him and makes Eddie re-evaluate his feelings for his best friend.

26k  -  8/8  Chapters

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Protector

He didn’t know who he could contact.

Even though it had been months since he had returned to work, there was still an awkwardness that could not be cleansed. There had been a chill at the start, he had been confined to the station, knowing that his decision to reveal personal information to his lawyer had truly been a mistake. Eventually, the team went back to how they once were in the field, working together to save lives without hesitation. They would share meals, the comradery slowly showing once more.

Outside of work, Buck felt alone.

21k  -  10/10 Chapters

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Helping Hands

Everyone wants Buck to heal from the past year, and they think getting laid will help him. Buck doesn't want to revert back to Buck 1.0, but he also doesn't want his friends to worry about him. So Buck enlists the help of his best friend Eddie in fooling his friends.

55k  -  9/9 Chapters

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Next To Me

Buck and Eddie started off in different places but eventually they ended up in the same. Eventually, they ended up in love.

Told from Buck and Eddie’s perspectives, a canon-compliant take on Buddie and how they could realistically get together.

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Buck had never had a friend like Eddie before. Someone that burrowed under his skin and wrapped around him and became a part of him — like an extra limb, someone he couldn’t do without.

.

He loved him. Eddie loved him. Eddie was in love with him. With Buck. With his best friend. But it didn’t matter…loving him meant that the only thing that mattered was being able to keep him in any possible way even if that meant that Eddie could never tell him.

93k  -  17/17 Chapters

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burn 'em up and scatter their remains

A serial killer taunts L.A., targeting first responders. Fear creates tension among the 118, at the station and outside of it, but they’re going to need to come together stronger than ever to survive this.

50k  -  25/25 Chapters

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Eddie's Not-So-Secret Feelings

5 times Eddie says sweet things about Buck in Spanish so Buck doesn't find out he's in love with him +1 time Eddie realises Buck speaks Spanish and knew all along With special guest stars: Eddie's entire family

17k  -  6/6 Chapters

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More Than You Know

Eddie's forgiven Buck, and things are back to normal between them. By normal, we of course mean they are in love with each other but haven't confessed to anyone yet. After a bad call, Buck goes over to Eddie's to keep him some company. Except Eddie isn't home. And when Eddie does arrive, he bruised and bloody.

44k  -  17/17 Chapters

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a christmas miracle

The 118 are discussing their plans for the holidays, but Eddie's plan has Buck reeling with hurt.

38k  -  4/4 Chapters

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i think i might've inhaled you

How do you tell your best friend that you're actually in love with them? If you're Evan Buckley, you don't.

25k  -  2/2 Chapters

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You're Standing Here Beside Me

In the beginning, May doesn’t know much about Evan “Buck” Buckley.

Also known as my 1 + 5 + 1 Buck & May sibling fic or "1 time May finds out she has a big brother, 5 times Buck and May are totally siblings and 1 time May and Buck spend time with the rest of their family.

14k  -  1/1 Chapters

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The 118 Quarantine Chronicles

A look at the 118 during Quarantine. Featuring cooking competitions, tirades against math, parades, idiot boys in love, prank wars, and happiness.

16k  -  11/11 Chapters

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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...Right?

Behind the Scenes: What we didn't and should've seen when the screen went black.

or

Four Times we could've seen so much more Buck Whump, Eddie caring and 118 protectiveness and one time it could've been a lot worse.

11k  -  1/1 Chapters

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Now when do I start to feel again?

Buck's first call back with the team doesn't go as well as Bobby and Eddie hoped. It leads to Eddie having to make a tough decision. A decision that only gets made after a very emotional day.

Buddie fic, pre-slash, 3x06 Coda, Bobby is clearly not only Buck's emergency contact but also his dad. Re-edited for typos 11/11/19

11k  -  2/2 Chapters

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Nothing to Lose

A simple trip trip to the bank ends badly when the robbery crew takes a firefighter with them.

Will his family and friends be able to find him before it's late. Will he realise everything he has and fight to get back to them.

Buck always needs to be the hero, even if he doesn't think he is.

Pre-Buddie because I am absolutely not confident writing how that would even unfold. There are hints of it of course because that's basically canon.

15k  -  10/10

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now that it's over (and i'm sober)

Eddie felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue.

It was a wildly inappropriate thought, given that they really were trying to rescue this girl from a fly-away hot air balloon, running at it with all the speed their legs could muster.

Even digging his heels into the ground and wrapping his hands tightly around one of the drop lines couldn’t stop him from staring slack-jawed at his best friend.

13k  -  1/1 Chapters

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and the winner is......

When Maddie convinces Buck to join her and the rest of the couples of the 118 on a couples game-show with Eddie as his partner, he does so hesitantly, if only because he knows that by the end of it -- the rest of the team will realize he and Eddie are way more than best friends.

18k  -  1/1 Chapters

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Drift Away

“You’re getting a call tomorrow from the Chief. You’re being reinstated to active duty. The city gave me the option of transferring you to a different station...I declined.”

“You won’t regret it”

“You might”

He did

18k  -  3/3 Chapters

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[deviant3lover]

Personal Headcanons for the Trio

On a rare spark of inspiration, I’ve decided to compile my list of headcanons for the Trio for you all to look at if you’re interested. :) 

I tried my best to make them rooted in canon so that they may be plausible while still allowing me to indulge. ;)

Putting this under Read More because boy, it is long.

Metal Bat/Badd

- From my asks to @atinychai​, Badd likes traditionally masculine things because it makes him feel empowered and keeps most people away. He shows almost all the traits: being into sports, working out, being fierce and intimidating… all except for being attracted to women. (Came as a real shock to him too: his team often found girls cute but Badd couldn’t help but notice that some guys were pretty hot and nobody pointed it out. Doubly so because he loves the thought of being married one day and none of the ladies appealed to him.)

- Very straightforward thinker, but unlike Genos, he isn’t completely tactless or over the top with it. His thought process focuses on what needs to be done, what is needed to do it, and to do it ASAP. Considerations are taken into account, such as what would happen if he doesn’t do it right or in a certain way. This is especially good for him since he’s a busy guy even by S-Class standards, but it does leave him vulnerable to not thinking through long term plans that well.

- The most empathetic and physically affectionate of the three. He keeps his tough look on him in public and in private, but he’s one of the first people to offer to hug it out if you’re breaking down. 

(Obviously where no one can see it: that’s embarrassing on you and would attract too much unwanted attention to him, so he makes sure there’s no one watching. If there is, he’ll clap you on the shoulder, look you in the eye, and offer some advice and encouragement.) 

Young boys and teenagers look up to him, and they usually feel better about crying into his shirt when Badd tells them how hard it was to stop himself from bursting into tears at his first loss in a match, or when he was trying to keep quiet for Zenko’s sake at her recital.

- Continuing on that note, he keeps a nice relationship with some of his sporty fans. Not anything too intensive, but he’ll keep track of the boys who come to him asking him what he was like on his baseball team, what to do if there’s infighting in their group, which ones are worried about their baseball matches and he gives them a proud congrats if they win, or a consolation + inspiration to do better next time if they lost.

- When he’s not blinded by anger, Badd’s surprisingly pretty adept at being a social expert. His experiences of being on the baseball team + hanging out with problem students like him has given Badd a pretty good perspective on both the popular kids and the hated, loner kids, as well as what they’re going through. As a result, he’s usually well received by them. Feels a little embarrassed and uncomfortable around smart kids though, especially when they explain something that sounds a little complicated to him.

- Back in his younger days prior to all the responsibilities piled on top of him, Badd was a pretty good leader for his baseball team. He checked in regularly with his team mates, their equipment, their training regimens, and their upcoming opponents. He helped some of his team mates with confidence issues, and made sure to keep in check with how they’re doing to prevent in-team fighting. All-star baseball team in their region for sure. :3

- In the future, I imagine that Badd might take up some boxing after taking a hint from all the times monsters knocked his bat out of his hands away from him. Lost his weapon? He’ll use his fists until he can get it back again, and he’ll use them well. Turns out loves the sport, but baseball will always have a special place in his heart.

- He empathizes easily with people experiencing stress; he goes through that daily with everything he has to take care of- but he’s more clueless with issues such as mental illness. Badd’s a little insensitive about it, sometimes suggesting things to take care of it which don’t work, but he’s trying his best to understand what someone is going through and knows enough to know that it isn’t something that can’t be solved by blowing off steam or cutting off some bad things in your life. Gets pissed off if someone dismisses it as ‘something that’s all in their head’ or ‘they’re crazy’ and will confront them. Forcing apologies out of the offender isn’t out of the question. Might want to stop him before he gets too pissed off.

- Like you’d expect, he’s a pretty big fan of sports, but in a more casual way. He likes hearing about his favorite athletes, training regimens, and certain meals/diets that helped stars to build up/maintain their strength and skill, but doesn’t obsessively get himself involved in the subject. On a more sentimental note, Badd finds some solace with famous athletes because they had to work hard to get where they needed to be, and on top of that, have to deal with the pressures that come with their popularity; whether they like it or not.

- Despite not having much time to cultivate attention to honing his skill and interest in cooking, he loves Gordon Ramsay. Seeing him rip entitled, spoiled people apart with words alone and gently encouraging + teaching kids has him placed high on Badd’s list of celebrities that he respects.

- Badd is a Closeted Romantic and a Family Man. Always found it touching where in some old action/thriller films, the male married lead thinks about his wife and kids back home and tells himself that he shouldn’t die, powering through the pain/adversity to get back to them. At some point it shifted to him liking some intense drama/action movie focusing on romance where the couple race against time to get to each other before it’s too late. The idea that someone you love and treat as an equal might actually be gone forever really gets him, and if done right, he’ll cry.

- Cannot, for the love of him, focus well on books. He’s literate, but he always wants to get to the most important stuff, often skimming over details that might be important later on. This is also evident in how he writes, explaining something simply and to the point, which makes him pretty good at teaching kids basic, simplified concepts, but not so good at constructing incredibly thought out and nuanced writing. Books and audio books just aren’t immersive to him. Consequently, English is one of his worst subjects in school, and he often has to rely on online notes and essay examples to help him out.

- Extending on that, I imagine him to be a kinaesthetic/visual learner. He was born with amazing dynamic vision after all. (Under ‘Fighting Style: Keen Perception.’)

- Loves American action movies, but they’ll have to be really well made for him to remember a specific one. If you asked him about his favorite action scenes, he’ll describe it, but more often than not, he won’t remember the movie’s name unless you gave him some clues.

- (Inspired by this fanfic.) His mother died in a monster attack just moments after giving birth to Zenko. Badd used to love and respect his father, but her death lead to him spiraling down to alcohol abuse and neglect due to his grief, leading to his broken pedestal status in his son’s eyes. Badd’s still bitter over it when he thinks about it, saying that his ‘old man nursed his bottle like it was his new kid’ instead of being there for him and Zenko. Caught between poor grades in school, a rough home life, and a baby sister he didn’t know how to take care of, Badd had to convince himself that he needed to be twice the man his father is, and ever was, to get through the worst of what life had to throw at him.

- No matter how hard he tries, he still loves his father, and wants to see him endeavor to become better again. But the combined grief of seeing him crumble and give up on himself, the bitterness over his dad failing to be there for him when he needed it the most, and the anger over how seemingly self-absorbed he was in with his booze and watching the static on the TV when Badd was struggling to cope, makes him force the thought of reconciling out of his mind. Badd forces himself to be outwardly angry over what happened to avoid the conflicted feelings he has over the man he used to see as his hero.

- That being said, if you know what his father used to mean to him, you’ll see subtle signs that while Badd can’t forgive, he had never forgotten him. His father was a big sports fan too, and taught him how to properly hit a baseball. If you knew what he taught and looked closely when Badd fights or does some swings, you’ll see that the tips and tricks that he taught his son has never left him.

- Wanted to get a dog because he thought they were cool, but realized he wouldn’t have enough time for it. Begrudgingly got a cat for him and Zenko after she picked one out. He expected it to be the widespread stereotype for cats: cold, mean, and ruins your stuff… and then he saw how lovable and sweet it was and fell in love. That cat is Tama.

- Hates horror films because some of them remind him of the fact that monsters can manifest for the stupidest reasons, anywhere, anytime. It gets him worked up and restless because anything can happen, and the fact that some monsters in the past had tried to target Zenko to lure him out doesn’t make him feel any better.

- When he’s sick/injured, he sleeps. A lot. A very heavy sleeper; expect snores and heavy eyelids. Seriously, this guy is practically stuck in either Stage 4 NREM or REM sleep until severe injuries heal quite a bit, and germs making him sick are killed off.

- Does not take kindly to anyone calling him weak or stupid. Despite getting angry easily, he’s very resilient (emotionally and mentally.) He knows from experience that if he can’t resolve it quickly, it’s best to put it on the backburner until the opportunity arrives where he can, and does his best to blow off steam in the meantime. He’s not that smart academically and he knows it, but it’s still a berserk button you should stay away from because while he’ll never admit it, it hurts him to know that despite forcing himself to attend school so that he can build a future for himself and Zenko outside of hero work, he’s still failing at getting the grades he needs.

- Expanding on that, he’s smart, but it’s more akin to Saitama’s words of wisdom than eloquent, polished reasoning and beliefs; straightforward and inspiring in a simple way that leaves no room for misinterpretation.

- Don’t let him play video games. Especially rage inducing ones like Cuphead. He will crush the controller and wonder why his character isn’t responding mid-game. The keys on the keyboard are smashed in. There are cracks on the area around the buttons. There’s a Wii remote sticking out of a wall after a frustrating defeat and the wrist strap wasn’t securely fastened.

Garou

- He likes athletic wear better than punk styles. They’re easier to put on and move in, whilst the leather from some punk clothes heats up too much/gets too stiff for his liking.

 - Hates being restrained. Sometimes, on a very, very rare occasion, it can be interpreted as him being scared of the idea since he lashes out pretty angrily at it. Garou had been held down and beaten up by bullies twice, pinned against a tree and choked by Genos before escaping his blast by the skin of his teeth, and then was implied to be chained up and tortured/punished for his insolence against the MA in their torture room. He’s strong enough to escape most bindings, but he will be on edge if he feels like he can’t get out of them. If you play your cards right, his attack patterns will lack their usual cunning and be more animalistic.

- He’ll eat almost any kind of food except for sweets. It’s too sugary for him, leads to a crash later on, isn’t sustainable, and it doesn’t offer much nutritional value to him either, so he steers clear of them if he can help it. The odd exception are energy drinks. The sugary taste isn’t something he exactly likes, but Garou loves the immediate rush that kicks in soon after drinking them; the slight burn on his tongue from carbonated drinks such as coca cola is a plus.

- Loves the thrill of the challenge of almost any sort. The excitement comes from giving it his all and not knowing for sure how things will turn out; if he won, that’s another trophy to him. If he lost, he relishes in a milestone he has to beat and loves the idea that there’s still room for improvement. Winning or losing too much tends to be boring for him, and he’ll abandon it if he sees no way to rectify it.

- When he’s sick or injured, he’s a restless sleeper; it’s hard for him to get the proper hours that he needs. He drifts in and out of sleeping and waking, usually sleeping a few hours at best before waking up for 10 minutes and falling back to sleep. Being attacked while vulnerable, in places with little means of defense or shelter is a pretty good plan for monsters/bigshots who want his head and he knows it. One of the places he can sleep more peacefully at is Bang’s Dojo, but he hasn’t been back there for some time now.

- Tsundere. Not necessarily the blushy ‘I-it’s not like I like you, b-baka!!’ sort of way, but he’s a more subdued tsundere. He’ll come off as mean spirited at times, but the most reliable way of knowing he loves and cares about his loved ones is when they’re being threatened; he’ll rough up the threat so they won’t get any funny ideas in the future.

- Is Russian-French, with some (suspected) Norwegian in there. Is generally a European mutt who takes a keen interest in Asian culture, especially those that developed sick martial arts and/or those who have interesting, complex histories; however, Garou isn’t as interested in wars and political intrigue as he is in weird, clever, and hilarious events and hijinks that sound too surreal to be true… like Zhao Yun's army being outnumbered by the enemy, retreating, and him choosing to make their fortress look empty so that his enemies get suspicious, thinking that it was an ambush and withdrawing... before launching an attack on them, killing off his enemy's army by inciting chaos. (E.g. Some of them got trampled, others fell into a river and drowned.) He won.

- Continuing off of that, he generally regards European history with distaste due to how... unkind, some of them are.

- (God, I love @the-goddessfighter​‘s headcanons for Garou’s parents, so honestly? I’m all for this being 100% canon. Murata or ONE, make it happen. In my eyes, this is as good as you possibly can get with Garou’s backstory.)

Check out her tumblr for her OC’s for Garou’s parents! (Although I do headcanon Toru as a more neglectful father who didn’t care much for Garou, if at all. He didn’t sugarcoat his words to him nor try to comfort his son.)

- Prefers black/white/grey/neutral colors for his clothes, if only to avoid people saying that the colors clash and that he looks like a fashion disaster.

- It’s an unconscious move on his part, and while he usually has impeccable control over his power, sometimes his fingers feel like they’re jabbing you when he’s distracted. Especially when he grabs or hugs you. Sometimes, there are some small bruises where they’ve dug in a little forcefully. When he’s feeling affectionate or sentimental and you’re his lover, he traces over your skin, and it’s a contrasting mix between the calloused, rough textures from the fingers, and smooth, fluid movements that slide like water. It’s a distinct Garou feature, and whether you love it or hate it depends on your tastes.

Genos/Demon Cyborg

- Doesn’t care too much about his popularity, but acknowledges the work that his fans put in when it comes to promoting his work and what little information he shares that others will pick up on. E.g. He doesn’t like to be bothered when he’s busy/with that bald guy, but otherwise is OK with signing a few autographs and shaking hands, he avoids certain obnoxious fangirls, he hates it when there’s a group and they crowd him, etc.

- Despite appreciating this info circulating so that some fans are more mindful about how they interact with him, he’s one of the hardest heroes to connect with due to how cold, closed off, busy, and/or socially awkward he may be. Not that many of his fans mind, as it feeds into the mysterious ‘Cyborg Prince’ fantasy that’s popular in his fan base.

- Thinks that Nice Guys/GirlsTM and people who use ‘I’m an Alpha, those betas/omegas can suck it’ are pathetic. At best. He thinks that they’re compensating for something instead of actually trying to improve themselves: for the latter, the added weight of using a disproved scientific theory makes him lose respect for them even more.

- He has a certain amount of fondness for fauna and flora. Prior to meeting Saitama, he’s had to travel long distances in search of the Mad Cyborg, and more often than not, company is fleeting, leaving him alone most of the time. Flowers by the side of the path, blue skies, the sound of chirping birds, or even some berries with rainwater droplets on them are familiar, nice sights that put him at ease. Some of his notebooks outside of taking notes on Saitama have hand drawn illustrations and notes on some plants he’s encountered, as well as their various uses.

- Conversely, barren cities will put him on high alert. Buildings act as great hiding spots, and Genos isn’t a stranger to being ambushed by monsters and criminals alike. (His eyes can be a great asset in these situations; scanning for threats and movements can give him a heads up on how dangerous the area is.)

- His sense of humor is pretty dark, if not outright sadistic at times; especially towards the people he hates. Otherwise, he likes making (mostly. Key word is mostly) harmless jabs and teases at those he loves because he finds it funny when the other person gets riled up/flustered. His tone and expressions don’t change (most of the time) when he makes them though, making it hard for others to know whether or not he’s joking until he clarifies on the matter.

- Hates those who spread misinformation about medicine, or demonizes scientists. He cares about keeping the public safe, and admires/respects science for everything it’s discovered for the sake of humanity: people such as those are a direct attack on both.

- Though on the outside he takes even the most inconsequential things seriously, to the point where he’s gullible and too honest to lie, he keeps his more solemn thoughts to himself and ingrains them at the back of his mind so that he’ll never forget them. His notebooks don’t hint at them even existing. The only way you’ll ever get to hear them is when you directly attack something he holds very dear to him (beliefs, values, aspirations) so that he may fiercely (and furiously) defend them. He berated Saitama for seemingly making a joke at his expense, but he was somewhat more lenient since he knew that Saitama wielded the power he needed. He won’t be nearly as nice if you’re not someone he likes or respects, so it’s a sure-fire way to get onto his blacklist.

- Is German-Japanese. German father, Japanese mother, though a lot of people mistake him for being fully German thanks to his looks. He understands some parts of the language, but isn’t fluent in speaking it. Japanese he’s fully fluent in, and English is getting to that point as well.

- He doesn’t usually use pet names if he gets a lover, but if he’s fallen in love hard, they get sort of ridiculous and a little cheesy. ‘My beloved’ and ‘darling’ are the most modest ones, but you’ll have to stop him from going after extremely specific and loving nicknames because they blur the line between being hilarious and embarrassing.

- Awesome at stake outs, and often keeps a first aid kit handy in his temporary bases (in the case of civilian injury) alongside a repair kit for himself. Genos is incredibly well prepared just from the equipment he has inside them, but unlike other matters (such as learning how to fold clothes efficiently and going taking it far too seriously), Genos shows pretty good judgment in how he sets them up. He doesn’t take more than what’s needed, and prepares some emergency supplies just in case there’s a new development and he needs to stay a bit longer. He’s learned from experience that taking too many things for them makes it harder for him to clear his tracks, and in return, the enemy (or enemies) that he’s been keeping an eye on might catch onto the fact that they’re being watched, making it harder for him to discover new information.

Shared Traits & Other Bits

- The no-brainer: you will get intimidated into fleeing if you mess with them. Things may get physical if you target their family/loved ones. Injuries vary depending on level of apologetic attitude, how much of a threat you pose, how far you’ve pushed things, etc. Best case scenario is that you flee the scene with no injuries, but scared out of your mind.

- Badd and Genos use the same nickname for their lover: ‘Darling.’ Although Badd will say it as ‘Darlin’’ instead. Other than that, their nicknames are fairly different, with Badd going for things such as ‘sweet cheeks,’ ‘babe,’ and ‘sweetheart.’

- Both Genos and Garou have the tendency to mess with people for their own amusement. Garou comes in the form of taunting and goading, whilst Genos likes to make underhanded comments and jokes that will infuriate you.

- Genos and Garou like books. Genos however, is more introverted and will share his knowledge more thoroughly when prompted by someone who needs it. Garou being Garou, you wouldn’t even know he was into reading until he offhandedly mentions a bit of knowledge from a book he read. Odds are you won’t have time to ask him if he knows how to do x because he would have already gotten up to do it before you can open your mouth. This occurrence is far more common in emergencies.

- Genos doesn’t take any visible joy in fighting. He sees monsters as a threat to society that must be eliminated quickly and effectively. Badd used to enjoy throwing himself into battles and coming out of them victorious, but thanks to time and HA’s obligations, he sees monsters as destructive assholes getting in his way and creating more work for him when he’d rather come home to catch up on other things on the forefront of his mind. Garou loves fighting, the challenge- but it has diminished by a notable amount after his webcomic arc as he’s reflecting on what he needs and wants to do now. Despite this, he usually keeps his eye out for any interesting challenges, if only to distract himself.

- Slightly digressing from the Trio: Zenko shares the burden of taking on responsibilities with Badd, though he doesn’t know they exist. She’s aware of the fact that her brother isn’t living a normal teenage life and is bothered by the fact that he can’t act like his own age most of the time, making her want to be headstrong, capable, and independent soon so he doesn’t have to worry about her. At the same time, she knows that there aren’t many heroes his age that he can get along with, so she tries to fill in that hole by spending time with him while finding heroes she likes, and hopefully her brother will like- the reason being is that hopefully, Badd will make friends with them, and she can meet her idol often! It’s part of the reason why she was so insistent in having him obtain AM’s signature.

- Genos can sing, but sometimes struggles with singing with enough emotion in his lyrics. Garou can sing pretty well, (and sings almost every Disney villain song like a champ) but he’d be resistant to others goading him into it. He’s pretty uncomfortable at the notion that he’d have to sing in front of people. Badd can… sing, but he’s best at singing the lullabies he sung to a baby Zenko- songs that get him into it can have him be really, really into it; to the point where it’s almost embarrassing to watch. He’s pretty good at rap/singing more sentimental pieces such as this:

[jhazeleona]

Imagine for Leona x Female Reader x Yandere Azul (DUNNO IF IT’S A SHORT STORY XDD)

Darkness... If it wasn't for it, their life wouldn't be torn. They wouldn't have to part but this wretched thing cursed them. Leona and (Y/N)'s dream was brought to its demise. A third party interfered, wanting the world to be devoid of total peace. "Life was never meant to be a fantasy." So, does that third party believes. Upon witnessing how the arrogant, prideful, dark-scheming of a beast the 2nd prince of Afterglow Savana (Leona) changed, the 3rd party wasn't particularly fond of it. The man became betrothed to the lady whom his family had saved from danger decades ago when she was still a toddler. In return to that favor, she was to marry their 2nd prince. Leona whom never needed a partner and was only eager to bring his older brother's reign down, forgot about his ill intentions when he did fell in love with (Y/N). His heart and mind once driven by pure jealousy and hatred became void of that nature and were replaced by his new priority. This triggered the third party off, as this would lead to a happy ending instead of the much-awaited conflict. Trying to ignore it at first, the 3rd party simply watched. Hoping Leona would snap back to his former self but no. The man could care less about stealing the throne, killing the heir and being acknowledged as the ruler of the land anymore. He found content knowing that someone finally appreciated him despite being a mere 2nd. He felt appreciated and loved which were never given to him before. Their romance continued but at the day of their wedding, the 3rd party destroyed everything. Leona and (Y/N) found themselves running away from the king’s soldiers who were trying to capture them. Citizens and the people in Leona's kingdom became savage. Most especially his once loving, understanding and caring older brother. Being the king that he is, the 3rd party managed to poison his mind and revealed Leona's past intentions. Even included (Y/N) as Leona's partner upon achieving his dark goal. Causing rage to blind him and order the two to be executed at once. The couple ran and ran until they could run no more. What would they do when their safe haven turned into the pits of hell? They were confused as to what was going on and how was that very past of Leona was brought to the surface. Such thing doesn't need answers for now. They needed to get away. Although, Leona knew they wouldn't be able to safely get away. Only one can be saved and one gets left behind to ensure an escape route for the other. That was the only probable solution they had. Surely it would be better than having both of them caught and killed in the eyes of their own people. The only thing he was thankful about was the fact that his personal assistant, Jack/Ruggie (whoever you prefer hehe), had never left his side and was running with them. All he needed to do was look at the man to signal his plan. Using his last resort, they hid for a moment and used this time to manipulate (Y/N). No. It wasn't to get her to sacrifice herself for his safety but rather to get her to leave with his trusted assistant. He knew that the girl wouldn't leave him on his own and would simply stay still beside him if he told her about his real plan. His lies consisted of reassuring her that he would stay back to fight off the soldiers and that he'll be catching up a bit late by the shore of the small neighboring country. With that, he kissed her resisting the act that would make it seem like he was sharing his last moments with her. Once the soldiers almost caught up to them, Leona pushed the two aside ordering Jack/Ruggie to hurriedly drag (Y/N) and get on the boat by the nearby seashore and sail along the mentioned small isolated country. The two safely got away which made Leona happy and accepted the tragic fate he had after being captured. He was brought to the plaza and there he was beheaded in the judging eyes of the public. While (Y/N) continued to wait by the location her fiancé promised to be coming. As days continuously pass, she still waited no matter how much pain it brought her. Jack/Ruggie couldn't even do anything to help with the situation. It happened when the two were out in the local market, the news of the traitor 2nd prince being killed was passing from one mouth to another. Jack/Ruggie tries to cover (Y/N)'s ears but he was too late. He didn't have any strength to make the people shut up either. All he could do was led her away and listen to her cries. It angered him as he could only watch her break down to pieces. No matter what he tried, the girl wasn't able to smile again. The fact that they had to conceal their identities wasn't helping their case either. Still, (Y/N) continued to stand by the shore, in broken hopes that her lover would be coming. Jack/Ruggie would most often scold her and pull her back home noting that what she's doing is making her suffer even more. The girl didn't listen and every midnight would wake up just to go back to the shore. Jack/Ruggie fully understood her which is why he stopped getting mad at her every single time she does so. He told her of an urban legend. Wherein a wish should be written in a small piece of paper, rolled and placed inside a small bottle and let it drift off across the sea. Letting the sea carry one's wish will soon fulfill it. A few midnights have passed, before a "miracle" did appear in front of (Y/N). She slipped out of bed careful not to wake Jack/Ruggie, and stood by the shore. Silently waiting for her wish to be granted. A pair of twins approached her troubled form and told her of a solution to her worries. "The great Azul would gladly grant you that wish, milady." says the gentler twin. "Mmn~. He can resolve everything. Everything at all~." followed by the expressive younger twin. "Then, would you like to meet him? He'll be more than happy to welcome you. Fufu." With that, the twins managed to talk (Y/N) in and bring her to the sea witch, Azul, whom have read of her written wish. The man greeted her, and immediately sweet talk her into signing a contract. It wasn't that hard for his part, given that the woman was desperate and numb of any emotions. The only thing making her live was the fact that she was still waiting for Leona to come back. The contract she signed was about Azul enabling her to repeat her life. She could meet Leona once again and start their love story anew under different circumstances. A difference caused by the disappearance of the third party who ruined their life. Although, her memories as well as Leona's would cease to exist including their feelings for one another. “Hold on, dear. Before you react, I’ll be giving you a span of 3 months. If either of your love remains one-sided after those months, then I’m afraid you’ll have to pay the price. Aren’t I being generous?” The fee for Azul’s generosity was her poor heart. As the deadline closes and there was no improvement in their relationship then (Y/N)’s heart would severely suffer. Not just emotionally but physically as well. It would be dreadful for her health as she would experience attacks that would result to her being extremely weak, coughing up a fit of blood, irregular heartbeats and many more. Her life was literally on the line. She wouldn’t die but she’ll be in tremendous pain, Azul needs to preserve her heart by the end of the contract if she loses after all. Although, this was the sea witch she was making a contract with. Azul would mostly do anything to have these contracts fall onto his favor. He never said he wouldn’t interfere and with her memories completely wiped, she would never remember about the contract. As he told her, their shared love should flow natural in order to preserve the balance of their life. Soon, as her life did restart Azul himself replaced the 3rd party who destroyed their story. No, he wouldn’t physically ruin things with his own hands but he’ll play with (Y/N) and make her mess up everything herself. By what means? Simply, by stepping into the scene and toying with her feelings. Making her fall in love with him instead of Leona. Being the genius and prodigy that he is, this task went successful. Stealing her time that should have been for Leona, made Leona barely focus on her. Being the heartbroken fiancé that  (Y/N) was, made her fall for Azul instead. Due to Azul being able to provide comfort and love that she seeks. Watching her suffer the consequences as she had fallen for the wrong man was intoxicating to Azul. The thought might be morbid but he was that type of man. That’s what made him Azul in the first place. He couldn’t continue being in denial that he had also fallen victim in this thing called “love” and badly sought for her to be his alone. Although, the contract they had couldn’t be altered. Once it was signed, the contract was completely sealed and was unbreakable. By the end of the contract, she would die as he would have to retrieve her heart. No. That wouldn’t be enough to satisfy his current need. Similar to all things, his powers had limitations and it was limited to forming contracts. A sick thought came to his mind due to his greed. Even his entrusted servants, the twins, tried to stop him from doing so. The source of his powers was directly inherited from the dark figure of one of the great 7. He made a contract with the ancient great Ursula. A contract that speaks of him being able to free  (Y/N) from their made deal. He could have her for himself, however Leona’s memories would be awakened while (Y/N)’s would remain sealed. Potentially, Leona could have his lover back as he would be made known of the contract that (Y/N) made with Azul. That made it possible for the both of them to start their lives all over again and explain why he was alive yet again. Knowing Leona, he’d definitely make sure to get it his way. Though, Azul being driven madly by this so-called emotion love, will attempt to secure her. May it be the rough, unconventional, painful way, Azul will do ABSOLUTELY anything to keep her locked to himself alone. Adding the fact that his contract with Ursula only had a month for its limit. If he wasn’t able to keep her within a month, then he’d be paying a merciless price that scares even the twins and himself.

Author’s note: This imagine was inspired from the songs “Story of Evil” and “Mistletoe: The Tree of Reincarnation” of the Kagamine twins hehe. Hope you enjoy!!

[pokemagines]

thorns. (dimitri x reader)

@akumas-stuff: “can i request some after the time skip dimitri angst from an s/o that went the black eagles route ?? 💕”

a/n: this rlly isn’t dimitri x reader/byleth it’s more uhhh unrequited love dimi x reader/byleth and implied el x reader/byleth.... felt like giving a lil more introspection into that scene at the end of the crimson flower route. h*ck yeah its sad hours boys !!!! --mod touko

SPOILERS FOR THE CRIMSON FLOWER ROUTE !!!!

tw: violence

   the rain pours down on the battlefield, chilling you to the bone. conditions are miserable, with some of your most elite soldiers having to retreat in order to lead away the ambush by the beasts that had suddenly appeared on the battlefield. the sword of the creator strikes true even despite the conditions, cutting through anything that happened to be in its path, determined to see dimitri one last time.

   (later, hubert would confide in you that one of those said demonic beasts was actually your old friend dedue. it stung thinking of how loyal he was, up until the bitter end.)

   you hear edelgard’s shouts as she pushes through the fray, following you towards dimitri. her heavy armor makes her sink into the mud, slowing down her pace. ignatz, your adjutant, implored you to wait up for the other troops who had been commanded to go in after the more sturdy units had taken out the first line of defenses. his advice falls on deaf ears, as you continue to cut your way across the battlefield, unbeating heart fluttering when you think of confronting your old friend here.

   this was nothing like facing claude. claude knew when it was time for his final act in fodlan, and surrendered after a rough battle with his alliance forces. he had more cards to play, a birthright in another kingdom that he had been banking on returning to if all failed here. he exited gracefully, promising to return the kindness that was sparing his life with a pained smile and a quick kiss to your knuckles. you knew that wasn’t the last you’d see of claude, no matter what he said.

   dimitri, on the other hand, had nothing else to lose. he had lost his family, his friends, and was on the verge of losing his kingdom, he had no other choice but to fight. either him or edelgard was going to die here, there was no other option. the two siblings were unyieldingly stubborn -- el had come too far in her beliefs to give up now and dimitri was playing the last card in his sleeve.

   one last enemy soldier stands between you and dimitri, and ignatz hits him between the eyes before you have the chance to strike. 

   dimitri’s eye meets yours, and you feel frozen in place. white-knuckling the sword of the creator, you take a step up to the last piece of ground he was holding. it was over already, even dimitri seemed to know it. all around him were the sounds of his troops breathed their last.

   “was this what you wanted?” dimitri grits his teeth, “we could’ve carved our own path together, professor.” the way he spits your title stings like no wound could ever. “but you chose the way of a tyrant, how many graves had you had to tread over to get to this point?” 

   “it’s no use dimitri,” you know arguing with him would get you nowhere. “we both have different ideals...” you swallow the lump in your throat, ignatz’s call that edelgard was approaching alerts you that time was running out. “i wish... well, it’s too late now. we will see who’s ideals carry them through today.”

   dimitri strikes first with areadbhar, so strong you lose your footing. his fighting style was so different from the boy you met all those years ago. it’s almost funny, you think, back then you were so close to choosing the blue lions house. had it not been for bernadetta timidly asking if you would pick her class because hanneman scared her, things could’ve turned out so much differently. one simple action had changed the course of history forever.

   every blow from dimitri’s lance is one that is aiming to kill. he pays no attention to any wounds that befall him when you get a stab in, and instead keeps bringing down his lance with all of his might. it’s not until ignatz shoots an arrow into his calf that he slows down any, edelgard finally meeting up with you. 

   she shoots you a bittersweet look, a quick slip of her mask reveals just how conflicted she is emotionally about doing this. but, as she turns back to dimitri, her resolve is back. you had won. 

   this is how the story would end: edelgard was crowned the emperor, and dimitri was crowned a martyr. she steadies aymr right above his neck, but he isn’t looking for pity. even now, he puffs his chest out and meets her eyes, as if challenging her to do it. el doesn’t back down.

   she raises her blade, and you feel dorothea squeeze your shoulder as if she’s imploring you not to look. but you can’t turn away, this was the path you chose to walk. you would have to live with the horrors you had created. the sounds of edelgard and dimitri arguing pulls you out of your head.

   dimitri, left with nothing, not even a lance in his hand, finally looks over at you. you can almost visualize the thorns digging into his head as he musters up his final words. “professor...” he says it gentler this time. you feel an arm around your waist securing you to your spot: whether it was ferdinand’s, or hubert’s, or dorothea’s you didn’t know. “will they stop now... will i finally be free after i--” your heart sinks, he’s talking about his hallucinations. dimitri had come to you in the middle of the night at the monastery more than once after being plagued by them. he seems to gather himself again for his final words to you. “i wanted you to be by my side, always. if... if i am granted another life, let me be with you.”

   aymr cuts through the night, a sickening slicing noise as she beheads the prince, ending the blaidydd bloodline for good. like father like son, the gruesome thought crosses your mind. edelgard lets the rain wash the blood off of aymr, then slowly rallies her troops. 

   you walk back to garreg mach in silence, the only sound being the pouring rain and the sound of the strike force’s footsteps. edelgard’s trembling hand grips onto yours like you’re her lifeline.

   “thank you,” she whispers it so that not even hubert, who was standing on your other side could hear. “for choosing to walk with me. i-i... would rather not imagine what would have became of me if i didn’t. you really have saved me, in more ways than one.” you squeeze her hand tight. 

[eiriini]

Meta: Personality Analysis

Disclaimer: I, in no way, am a psychologist nor claim to be good at this. This is purely for fun, and for character growth. Also, this is based on the way I write Kamui/Corrin. Some of her personality is divergent from canon, due to past interactions in the four+ years I’ve written her. 

Edited: August 15th, 2020

Also this got even longer and I’m sorry.

Enneagram: Nine

Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

MTBI: ENFJ “The Protagonist.”

Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, Protagonists take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community.

Four Temperaments: Sanguine

Your temperament is sanguine. The sanguine temperament is fundamentally spontaneous and pleasure-seeking; sanguine people are sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social gatherings, making new friends and tend to be boisterous. They are usually quite creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when they pursue a new hobby, they lose interest as soon as it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy. Sanguines generally have an almost shameless nature, certain that what they are doing is right. They have no lack of confidence.

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Good, "Rebel"

A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society.

Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit.

Chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.

Astrology: Taurus

Strengths: Reliable, patient, practical, devoted, responsible, stable

Weaknesses: Stubborn, possessive, uncompromising

Taurus likes: Gardening, cooking, music, romance, high quality clothes, working with hands

Taurus dislikes: Sudden changes, complications, insecurity of any kind, synthetic fabrics

Practical and well-grounded, Taurus is the sign that harvests the fruits of labor. They feel the need to always be surrounded by love and beauty, turned to the material world, hedonism, and physical pleasures. People born with their Sun in Taurus are sensual and tactile, considering touch and taste the most important of all senses. Stable and conservative, this is one of the most reliable signs of the zodiac, ready to endure and stick to their choices until they reach the point of personal satisfaction.

Taurus is an Earth sign, just like Virgo and Capricorn, and has the ability to see things from a grounded, practical and realistic perspective. They find it easy to make money and stay on same projects for years, or until they are completed. What we often see as stubbornness can be interpreted as commitment, and their ability to complete tasks whatever it takes is uncanny. This makes them excellent employees, great long-term friends and partners, always being there for people they love. Earthly note makes them overprotective, conservative, or materialistic at times, with views of the world founded on their love of money and wealth.

The ruler of Taurus is Venus, the planet of love, attraction, beauty, satisfaction, creativity and gratitude. This tender nature will make Taurus an excellent cook, gardener, lover, and artist. They are loyal and don't like sudden changes, criticism or the chase of guilt people are often prone to, being somewhat dependable on other people and emotions they seem to be unable to let go of. Still, no matter their potential emotional challenge, these individuals have the ability to bring a practical voice of reason in any chaotic and unhealthy situation.

Taurus – the Wandering Bull Being the one who betrayed their best friend, goddess Hera herself, this is an unfortunate being that has to wander the Earth in order to find freedom. As if something was always poking them behind their back, reminding them of happiness that once was, stinging and pushing forwards, they close up in their own worlds, lonely and separated from their core. To find love, a Taurus has to travel the world, change perspective or make a shift in their entire belief system and their system of values.

Conclusion:

There are some contradictions in these results, but overall, it is her at a basic premise. She tends to be very strong with her foundations, doing whatever she can to keep by them. Most of the time, she will listen to what others have to say, for they can hold more wisdom than her. However, there are just some things that she won't change on. Her Nohrian family knows this the most, and there are some thing that they've tried to change about her. Especially Leo ( sorrcerii ).

When it comes to the vices, she holds those in as much as possible. The insecurity, the side of her that may be uncompromising -- her reaction to sudden change that isn't what she planned for. Things like that. As a tactician, she likes to be as many steps ahead of her enemy as possible. In mundane life, she tries to put that side of her away. But there's always going to be a part of her that takes notice of every little thing. She notices how someone reacts to a gift, a conversation, and logs it away. However, unlike the standard, she tends to be rather lenient. She's also like clay; she picks up on traits. For example: because of Jeanne's ( noircisaint ) influence, she has more of a backbone than the 'standard' Avatar. With Zero ( echoedfates ), more of her playfulness comes out. He’s shown her that it’s OK to be a bit of a prankster -- well, more than she was before -- and it’s OK to put the title away when it’s just them. That there’s a difference between ‘princess’, ‘general’, and ‘wife’. 

In her Type Moon verses, Makoto ( dekirukoto ) and Yi ( einhcrjars ) have taught her it’s OK to let her guard down. Especially while in Chaldea, and around them. That it’s OK to love, and even though it may hurt when they are returned to the throne, that things don’t have to stay at a standstill. That, hey, it’s OK to be you -- even more now than you were. 

However, that doesn't mean she'll bite the bullet on it's first fire, and will always try to resolve a conflict before it arrives. Her anger is one of a slow fire, unless you pour the right amount of gas. 

Kamui also holds in a lot more than most people. Even around those she calls her confidants and her retainers, she rather watch herself burn and suffer than those around her. She's very much a 'the world must be saved instead of myself'. Yet, over time, she's grown to understand that some people don't deserve it. Later on in the game, and depending on what route/verse, she will show some aggression to those who she deems deserves it. Which, as we know, is extremely small. ( Base game alone, Anankos, Hans, Garon, and Iago are the ones who get no special treatment from Kamui. And if she's acting nice, it's an act. ) 

There are times where she’ll return to a child-like state as well. There were many things that she didn’t get to experience, which lead her to have an imaginative mind and, at first, such a naive personality. Even during and after the war, she still retains it, since it’s so ingrained. It’s hard to ignore, hard to hide, but over time she comes to accept it. This is why she’s always reading; always wanting to learn; always wanting to experience what others have. A void can only be filled so much.

However, even though she may not seem it, she is rather intelligent. Because of lack of human contact outside of her retainers and teachers, she can come off as an 'airhead' or 'aloof'. Over time, that fades, and her true colors begin to shine more. She's able to find hoops she can jump through, but only will if the time seems right. Calculating outcomes begins to come second nature to her.

This is especially true when in Conquest, where she goes and knocks out almost all the Hoshidan soldiers she fights, just to put on a show for King Garon. In the end of that route, TECHNICALLY, she committed treason and blasphemy against Nohr. But thanks to Xander, she was absolved, and history wrote it to be that King Garon was dethrone on the basis of madness and insanity, dying in a battle in the Hoshidan capital.

And that’s it on this segment of, “Carrie adores Kamui too much, and has a problem.” Back to your regularly scheduled fluff! Thank you for reading this, and I’m sorry this turned out so long. asdfg

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 27

Last time: Awful ‘finale’ moments happened, the EEC count finally updated, and iTunes decided to be a jerk and leave me with an incomplete show in my videos tab for eternity. Onwards!

And we’re back, with Season Two/the next cour/however this crazy show is split up! We left off with some very annoying threads dangling (Ed/Ling/Envy crossing realities, Al and Greed about to meet The Big Bad, ect.), so let’s get to it! ...this is not the unresolved issues being resolved, this is a happy-go-lucky peasant bonfire. What does this have to do wit- BEARD! The Beard has been sighted, lurking on the fringes of the festivities. Is this where Papa Elric’s been hanging out after walking out (again) on his son all those episodes ago? What does he even do to pay the bills? (Besides being the ‘secret’ bad guy, I mean). GOOD, be sad and lonely as you sit over there, instead of being an actual father and oh my Leto who is this lady? Are you actually hooking up with someone else instead of taking care of… your… Pinako? I know that name… NO. PLEASE NO. AAAARGH IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT WE’RE STUCK IN A FLASHBACK EPISODE BUT NOW BEARD IS GETTING PROPOSITIONED FOR DRINKS BY GRANNY ROCKBELL WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG AND HE’S SMILING NO NO NO DO NOT DO THIS TO MY SHIP LETO SAVE ME

*ahem* I apologize for that. Let’s move on. New intro! A metallic arm reaching up from a field of white flowers, funky guitar music as the title comes up and we see it’s Ed lying on his back looking sad before Angry!Ed comes back and he beats up a poor flower and gets back up. Now he’s facing Titan!Envy, Gluttony, big dude who I guess is Sloth, Wrath… wait, what? Why is… *gets up, pulls off and throws down headphones, rushes to Tephi’s room* “Tephi?! Why is Ling wearing black? Why is Ling standing next to the goths?!” “*shrug* You should keep watching and find out.” AAAAAAAHHHHH. Ed looks about as pissed as I am right now, rushes forward before getting the crap beaten out of him. Roy in a white coat? Another flashback to the Ishvalan Civil War? Now FIRE EVERYWHERE as someone stands above the ashes oh hey Mister Smiley, I remember you from when you murdered the family of the guy who’s Determinedly Frowning onscreen now, I sure hope he comes across you someday! Roy looks into a fire then camera pans to stand next to Hughes (whyyyy), having a staring contest with Bradley. Back to Titan!Envy as he gets a visit from Dentist!Al, a TC making a Philosopher’s Stone that’s eaten by some smug dude in a white suit and fedora (It’s after Labor Day, dude. Get with the program.) More flashes of the now-defunct-Conspiracy in their white Civil War outfits looking sad INCLUDING MUSTACHELESS THE MIGHTY ARMSTRONG CRYING HOW DARE YOU SIR and a flash of yup I got a glimpse of Father not being in shadow at this point, that is clearly Beard without his glasses. Joy. And then they drive the point home with an eye zoom that turns to Glasses!Beard looking at a picture (hmmm, I wonder what picture it is? /[sarcasm]) at a campfire. Now dude with gun arm, sunglasses guy, giant tank and HELLO who is this lady? She just waved her sword and lo, there was an explosion thanks to her tank. New Badass Lady character? Ok, she’s standing at the head of the two guys who just showed up and a bunch of other dudes in fur-collared coats. Oh, hold up! Way back when Ed was talking about the neighbors of Amestris, how up north across the mountains there was a place with a shaky non-aggression treaty with them. Please tell me our boys get their own army.

Now lots of screaming people and a poor horse getting eaten by Gluttony, Ed staring down the Gate of Truth, that terrible scene of him getting pulled away from his brother in the in-between place, Al fighting and getting grabbed by white hands, Ed snapping out of his daydream back in the field and again going to smash the ground… but pausing at the last second to spare the little white flower. Alright, a good intro! Plenty of interesting moments, I’ve got high hopes for this next stretch of episodes. Episode 27 - “Interlude Party” We’ve got the happy-go-lucky plucky string music playing as peasant couples dance around the bonfire and Pinako drinks with Beard in the shadows, making me cry at the terrible terrible implications for my poor ship and saying it’s nice to let loose every now and then. Beard just drinks in silence like the socially-awkward absentee father he is, so Pinako rambles about finding happiness whenever you can, especially in a war-hungry country like Amestris. Just take Ishval, for example... [Lust(?)]: “And no matter how many times it happens they never learn. The human race is made up of violent, miserable fools.” RIOT TIME! Hold on, isn’t this the town that the Goth’s drove crazy after Father Cornello turned out to be a false priest? Ok, now it’s Ishval with the cannons going off and the Blue Eyes marching in. Some dude’s remarking Ishval and Liore have been crazy lately oh hi Hughes! Hmm, looks like flashbacks to all the mentions of Amestris’ conflicts, Ed talking about skirmishes with “Aerugo to the south and Creta to the west” and there it is, the northern country of Drachma! Come on, hurry up and get moving north you kids, I wanna see more of our new Intro characters! Back to the bonfire, a little girl has run up and asked Beard to dance with her. Aw! But he says he’ll just sit there, Pinako needles him about being old until the little girl gives up on the lost cause. [Pinako]: “That girl, so bossy. Weren’t your two boys around her age? When they started planning to bring back their mom?” Wait, what? But- Hold up, I remember this scene of the boys sitting at the grave, didn’t they follow Little!Winry back home for supper right after that? I definitely remember the argument between Ed and Granny Rockbell over supper, and she was just a little bit older then. What’s going on here? Wow. You’re just gonna go “Nah, no point in trying to talk to the boys about committing the Ultimate Taboo to try and bring back their dead mom and my dead wife. More booze, please!”. Father of the Year, everyone! Yup, we are definitely in a recap episode now, presumably this came after a good gap between this and the last cour to remind everyone of all the happy, cheerful times this show has given us! Like Dismembered!Ed crying out over the loss of his younger brother, witnessing the brief existence of the Thing in the TC, and sacrificing his arm to make Al into Soul Armor. Scenes of the Elric Brothers seeking the Stone, discovering the damning secret ingredient for the Stone… the bonfire collapses and the music gets melancholy as Beard looks on. Uh, something’s up with the shadows… “It’s remarkable how weak they are.” Aha, fabricated memory or somesuch! I knew the timing was off with Pinako’s age, this is all some sort of internal dialogue in Beard’s head! My ship is still safe! Huzzah! Ok, so there’s a split between Beard and Father, is what I’m getting here. Beard is still sitting in his rumpled brown coat nursing some booze, while Father is standing with face partially out of camera in nicer clothes, chiding humanity for their weakness and talking about their “one good use as a natural resource”. Aaaand Beard’s glasses are opaque again, he’s back to being Evil. Mid-show cards of Van Hohenheim (still gonna call him Beard) and Pinako Rockbell. Back to flashbacks! Ed’s found the secret Stone-making TC under the Fifth Laboratory, that great fight scene between Ed and the Brother Armor (one of the funniest scenes, too), Ed swearing that he sees Soul Armors as being human too and swearing he will never take the life of another person, #48 about to spoil the plot before Lust shuts him up, Ed encountering Goths for the first time, sudden jump at mention of “important sacrifice” to Gluttony cheerfully taking Al to see Father, Bradley mentioning that Teacher might be a worthy candidate as well (boo!), Lust “killing” potential sacrifice Roy, and Marcoh himself in his cell. Now it’s Hughes… with his last discovery before the Goths silenced him. Marcoh saying his (and my) theory of turning the entire country into a TC like Mr. Freeze did back in Episode 1. [Pinako]: “You’ve always known about their plans, haven’t you? Well, Hohenheim?” Beard finally admits to- wait, what? [Beard]: “Even if I’d spoken up, warned them, it wouldn’t have changed anything.” What do you mean, “warned them”? Of course you wouldn’t warn them about your own scheme, what is Figment!Pinako talking about?

Beard is saying he’s watched humanity for a long time now (How long? And just how is Beard so long-lived? I get he created the Goths, or at least I thought so before Pinako’s line just now…), and he just sees them make the same mistakes again and again- uh, some of the dancers just bumped into each other and exploded, scattering blood on some very confused girls. [Beard]: “They’re so fragile… how could they not break?” Flashes of the Homunculii healing/hulking out, Gluttony going Gate, Bradley revealing his status to Greed as Wrath and kicking his butt, Roy getting tricked by Raven (jerk) to Bradley’s “so let’s discuss potential human sacrifices, my military officials” meeting, the first flashes of Father as Beard talks about how humans lack the strengths of the Goths, they can’t defend themselves. [Pinako]: “But that won’t make us give up. We will never give up!” You go, Mental Pinako! Kick his arguments to the curb! Ha! It’s working, Beard is admitting that it’s a human characteristic (flashes of Badass Roy killing Lust, Ed defying Greed and working out his weakness, Al arguing with Scar in defense of Alchemy, Scar’s brother protecting him from Mister Smiley’s attack and giving his own arm to save his life, Lan Fan giving up her own arm just to distract Wrath after Ling saved her life…) [Pinako]: “They can put us through hell, but it doesn’t matter! Nothing they can do will make us give up! And some day we will win!” Damnit, now Father’s in on the debate, Beard’s vanished for this argument. Father’s saying Pinako can’t change anything, everyone will die and she’ll be left with nothing. He says the only smart thing to do is grab what’s important and run away, suddenly he’s seized her and [Father]: “You act like you have a conscience, but you’re just being sentimental. Isn’t that right, Hohenheim?” Pinako!Mask removed to show Beard, not very happy with this new development. [Father]: “You think you can change things? You honestly believe one act of caring will make you human?!” Beard is gasping for breath as Father rants about how humans are just a resource, left unchecked they will spread like weeds, their basic nature can’t be changed. Beard… Beard slowly leans forward, glasses going opaque. His hands still- Someone’s grabbed his hands, a young woman with short brown hair. [?]: “We will change. Because we can change! I know it. We may be weak, but we just have to be. If not, then we wouldn’t have any reason to go out, to get strong. I know that it may seem futile to you, but it’s not. Because we are getting stronger with every step we take.”

*credits music has started up* [Roy]: “And in turn they’ll protect the ones they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do for eachother.” [Ling]: “I-I wasn’t ready for this. Lan Fan was, though. She made the decision that I was too weak to make.” [Al]: “I’m sick of watching people die! And I can’t just sit back and take it anymore! I won’t let anyone else get killed! Not when I can protect them!” [Ed]: “I won’t run away from this.” [Ed]: “We’ll knock that jerk Truth on his butt!” [Ed]: “Al! Al, come on! Please! Hurry, Al!...” [Ed]: “Alphonse! Look at me! I’ll come back! Just you wait!” [?]: “You see? I’m sure we can change! Because we’re weak. And because we die. We have to fight in order to live! And that’s what will make us strong. And if that’s not enough? If you’re still not convinced that we can change?” Yes, yes, I know this can’t last because we have so much show left but Leto damn it if it isn’t awesome to see Beard’s glasses clear again [!!!]: “Then think about us.” It’s Mama Elric! [Mama Elric!!!]: “All of the days we spent with our family in Resembool.” And now Beard is sitting on a moss-covered log in daylight, green grass around and petals slowly falling. He has a blank look on his face, seeing Pinako and Mama Elric and his boys and so many other people standing in front of him. Little Al’s shirt hardly fits him as he clutches Mama Elric’s skirt, Little Ed stands arms crossed trying to look tough- Then geese fly by, and Beard wakes up. He looks over the pristine lake and mountains he made a campfire at, gives a slight smile at the realization he was dreaming, and moves on- after he pauses, looks back at an empty bottle of booze, and says “Thanks for all the help.” ...so, good recap episode, but what the Leto is going on with Beard? Isn’t he supposed to be lurking under Central? Ooh, new credits! We’re at Rush Valley, zoom in to Atelier Garfiel where Winry’s hard at work, looks up and smiles to a lens flare for ok sure, totally necessary for her unzipped uniform while she moves boxes, moving on. Or I guess that’s just staying tied down as she tinkers with tech and banters with customers, now she’s happily talking on the phone with her friend Ed (NOT Al- edited for an earlier typo, thanks TonyC) based on how she’s suddenly screaming into the receiver before she grumpily subsides and then blushes(!). New girl! Lan Fan, rocking the empty sleeve look. May Chang happily walking along with Shao May. Back to the closed automail shop where Winry is still working (get some sleep for Leto’s sake!), now opening the shutter the next day and greeting the sun. Man, I wish I was that happy to work in retail.

[namjoontunes]

Lost and Found, Chapter Seven

BTS Members x Reader 

Genre: Fantasy AU, Fluff, Minor Angst 

Warning: N/A 

Word Count: 1.6k

Author’s Notes: God fighting with tumblr mobile is such a pain but I have emerged victorious! Enjoy the update~

AO3 

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Prologue || Most Recent

It was a few days later, a few hours past midnight, and Y/n was wide awake on the couch, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't been sleeping much lately. For once, her lack of sleep wasn't due to anxious thoughts nagging her mind or tired numbness keeping her from rest, but rather, it was just wanting to be awake.

The past days had been her happiest days in a while. During dinner the first night, they asked her a lot of questions about herself, things like “what were you doing before you came here,” or “do you have any surviving family members or close friends,” and “wait where did you get that shirt? Is that my shirt?”

Namjoon had asked if she remembered everything that she had seen or heard when she was a kitten, and the look of hesitance on his face was enough to tell her what he was alluding to. All those late nights spent with her, he had thought he was confessing his deepest thoughts to something that could never judge him or utter a word of it to anyone else, but now here was this stranger in front of him who knew more about him than even his closest friends and he barely even knew her name. She told him the truth of the matter, but also assured him that if there was anything she had seen or heard that was clearly a private matter, she wasn't going to share it with anyone else, even the other boys. He seemed comforted by her answer.

As the night went on, she answered all their questions the best she could. When some got too personal or emotional for her, Jungkook or Tae would step in to steer the conversation away from that particular topic. She was grateful for their firm support of her. The other boys were nothing but kind to her, but none of them were as quick to step to her defense as Jungkook and Tae. It was a shocking, but welcome change to how she was used to being treated. She still felt as if this was some blissful dream she was in, but her new best friends were eager to assure her that this was as real as anything.

The next day Jin took her and a few of the other boys to the mall to shop for new clothes. Yoongi and Namjoon had stayed home to catch up on sleep, but the rest of the group piled into one of their cars and headed off to the mall.

The trip was a lot of fun, if not chaotic. There was a lot of arguing with Y/n about how much she was allowed to buy. She felt that she owed them enough for letting her stay with them so she really only needed a few items, but the other boys ignored her protests and piled the cart high with anything she had shown even mild interest in. It wasn't until she started getting teary eyed that they reluctantly put a few things back. Still, they left with enough clothes for a whole new wardrobe. Although she felt guilty for letting them do so much for her, she was so amazed and grateful that they would help her out so much. Each moment spent with them and each favor they did for her strengthened her resolve to repay them for all they'd done.

Everything that had happened recently felt too good to be true, and she was always afraid that if she went to sleep, she'd wake up with it all gone. Y/n didn't want to miss a second of her new life, even if those seconds were just spent staring out the window while everyone else was asleep. Every moment spent sleeping was another moment she wasn't making the best of her current situation.

Sometimes Y/n would get up and walk around the house, replaying conversations or examining items lying around, trying to imprint it all into her head so she would never forget. This night however, she was just laying down, going through the boys' favorite foods, favorite colors, and birthdays in her head. Would their favorite food in their favorite color be a bad birthday gift? Maybe... How would she make something green white and black anyways?

The sound of a door being opened disrupted her ponderings and she turned her head to stare down the hallway. It wasn't uncommon for someone to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, but as she watched the figure leave Yoongi and Namjoon's room and pass the bathrooms, she knew what was up.

"Namjoon, what are you doing up?" she called out as the werewolf entered the living room.

Namjoon jumped back immediately, slamming his hip into the kitchen counter in the process. "Jesus christ Y/n you scared me. I... forgot you were out here I'm sorry, I'll head back to my room sorry if I woke you up."

Y/n winced as he hit the counter, and had already sat up by the time he had recuperated. "I'm sorry I scared you, I thought you'd see me. I was already up though so don't worry." She paused for a moment, debating whether or not she'd be making him uncomfortable before asking, "Will you sit with me for a moment?"

He hesitated, glancing at the door to his room before moving over to sink down onto the couch besides her. It was quiet for a few moments, with neither of them looking at each other as Namjoon absently twiddled his thumbs.

"I know you're kind of weirded out that I remember everything you told me, and I know it's more awkward now that you see me as something that can think and judge and remember, but... if there's anything on your mind... I want to help. I promise I won't judge you anymore than I would have when I was a kitten, and I won't utter a word of what you said to me to anyone else."

Namjoon's thumbs stilled, and she let silence fall between them once again. She could see the conflict on his face, and knew there wasn't much else she could say to convince him that she could still be a trustworthy confidant to him. Namjoon took a deep breath, and she looked at him expectantly.

"I..." he trailed off, his eyes looking out the window as he considered his next words carefully. "Were you happy in the forest?"

She was a little taken aback by his question, having expected this conversation to be about him and his feelings. She thought back to all the time she spent in the woods. She thought about the good times, running through the trees at full speed, unburdened by the responsibilities of being human, falling asleep to the soft breathing of the members of the pack she had been staying with, watching the sun just beginning to breathe color into the clouds and the world below as she swayed gently on the highest branches of a tree.

But she also had less pleasant memories. Jaws snapping at her when she had overstayed her welcome, the deep-set hunger that chewed away at her after days without food, the winter nights spent huddled under tree roots or bushes, so achingly alone and lacking the will to get up and keep going once the sun finally rose.

”I am… grateful to the woods,” she began. “They were the closest thing I had to a sanctuary after a long time of being shunned and abandoned among human societies. If I wasn't able to escape to the woods I… don't know how much longer I would have survived. I did have some happy memories but-”

She stopped suddenly, and looked over at Namjoon. His face was unreadable, and she felt her stomach drop as she figured out why he had asked. “If you want me to leave, I can go now, before the others wake up. I'm really just glad to have gotten to spend this much time with you already and I mean I owe you all so much already I couldn't expect to stay here forever.”

Namjoon looked taken aback by the sudden turn in the conversation. “What? God no I'm not trying to kick you out, we meant it when we said you were part of the family now, Y/n. We want you to stay here for as long as possible. I just wanted to make sure that you didn't regret ending up here. Especially, you know, since you only ended up here because you were attacked.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, and offered him a reassuring smile. “If it meant I could end up with all of you again, I'd endure way more than the pain from one wolf getting the better of me.”

Namjoon shook his head in disbelief, laughing softly. “Well I don't want you to have to go through anything like that ever again. I'm glad you're happy though, truly.” He stood from the couch, tussling her hair as he did so. “Thanks for the talk, I really appreciate it.”

She smiled up at him, leaning into his hand out of habit. “I'm always here for you, no matter what.”

He smiled back at her, letting his hand stay on her head for a moment longer. “Get some rest, I'll see you in the morning.”

As she watched him walk back into his room, she found herself wondering why his smile had looked so sad. Hoo