#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

[mirtifero]

I dont typ e it because i lack the emergy ans my head hirts. Funnn fun fun fun fun i want to kill myself i wished i was dead isnt it funnt isnt it so fucking funny i love saying that bevause it doesnt feel serious right everyone feels rhat everyone doed ! Why would you care if i said i was going to kill myself. Im a hysteric little bitch an annoying ass teenager i think too much i live in my own dumb world and jmahine things tjay arw nkr eeal ams make everyone angrynat em and eberuone LEAVES Isnt that funy isnt it. It is funny it has to be. Kt need s to be funnt. Im hysteric and thats why no one tales me seirlusly . If i wastn tlike this people would take me seriously. Ah yes thank you for your interesting imput nook ineed to say it like a weird bitch i cannot be normal for fucjs asake i thi k im always rigth i thing k im always correct and i al2aus always need everyothing to be funnt and good and everything has to have hope i. Jt because it NEEDS to because otherwise i will DIE. the ghosts of people who left because thwy couldnt care leas about ne haunt me and j think abkut them coming back and laughing at me all the time. Everyone laughts at me. Its so easy to laugh at someone whk wants to be funny all the time. Isnt it funny. I find it funnt. Im laughing rght now. Shsoukd ng i?every noght i dream i cant speak i cant breathe i cant move and everuone laughs at me and everyone thisnks im crazy. And every dream i see people loving me and laughing bevause they KNOW they wont coome backk they are GONE . I cant do anything right

Its been 24 days since winter break statterx. 24 days. 24 days and i STILL FWEL LIKE THIS. I STILL FEEL LIKE THIS. AJBQQNBS ISNT IT AMAZING. ????? . GOD IM SO STUPID.

Im just on my period oh im just a teenager oh itll pass im justt FINE. EVERYONE feels like this. Everyone has a perdect body and perfwct everything and looks in the mirror and feels like a hysteric ugly weak bitch and thinks why am I even trying. I habe what? More than a year clean. Provavly more than one year and a half. And i still dream about cutting myself in front of people i think about BEGGING to be listened to I dream of BEGGING to be HEARD.

But my psychologist is right everything is OKAY

I'm just a teenager.

It will go away

I need to wait

I need to wait

I' normal im just like any other girl.

Perhaps as hysteric as any other girl. As fake as any other. Im just like the ones who bullied and abused me.

I just need to wait

EVERYONE feels like this. EVERYONE commits suicide in most of their dreams. EVERYONE is horrified and thinks about how everyone is going to leave them. EVERYONE WANTS TO DIE. AND EVERYONE. EVERYONE. IS STUPID AND WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER BE LISTENED TO BECAUSE THEY ARE A HYSTERIC PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT WHO CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND IS JUST EMBARRASSING AND EMBARRASSING AND A LITTLE KID WHOS EMBARRASSING TO EVERYONE AND I AM JUST TROUBLE AND I AM just. I just. I wanted to have just died back then. I wanted to have just died before I discovered that life can be better. I didn't need hope. I feel forever tired. No amount of winter breaks will fix this. No growing up will. And if it will I'll kill myself for it. Because it's just too embarrassing to lie. And I'm not lying. I'm not. I'll kill myself. I'll kill myself if I was lying. I'm not lying. I'm not exagerating im not being dramatic im not im not im not i just want people to HEAR me. I just want to be heard. Please. Please . Please. Please. Im so sorry. Please. Please. I hate myself and all that i get embarrassed for. I hate evrything i am. I hate how i cant seem to do anything. Im a liar. Im a liar im a dirty liar. Please. Please.

[skiasurveys]

doing this cus hes moving away and ill miss his bitch ass

THE BASICS 1. When did you both get together? May 10th 2016 2. Who made the first move?  we both did, i guess. It was mutual. we had dated 5 months previously for like 2 weeks, and we got back into contact and we both knew we liked it eachother. 3. How long have you been a couple? 10 months. will be 11 in april  4. How did you first meet?  OKCUPID 5. Were you already close friends before going out as a couple? I guess so, we had been talking for like a month til we officalized it. 6. Are you/Were you ever in the same class at school?  no. He graduated 5 years before me 7. Are you long-distance?  nope. but we will be in a couple of days :( 8. Are you in an open, regular or committed relationship?  committed. 9. Do you live together? we were going too..but he didnt get a job, so hes moving back home to live with his dad and work there for a bit, and then in the summer we will be moving in together :) 10. Are you engaged? If yes, describe your proposal. If no, what ring would you like? no, and i dont know. 11. Are you married? If yes, describe your wedding. If no, would you consider marriage? No, and yeah id consider. 12. Which one of you is older? What is the age difference? Connor is older. by 6.5 years.  13. Which one of you is taller? What is the height difference?  he is haha, by a foot and 2 inches. Im 5 feet, and he’s 6′2. 14. Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions?  yeah we both like the same stuff, but im more artsy than he is. but we like the same shows/movies/video games.  Thats how we gt  along very well. 15. What fictional couples would you compare yourselves to? i dont know.  16. Sum up your relationship in 6 words or less. happy, strong, crazy, great, safe. 17. Doodle a little picture of you both as a couple <- no 18. Describe your relationship using only emoticons.  cant do this not on my iphone.  19. Share a cute photo of you both together.  i dont know how to share on here, but if you go on my personal account you can find some. just go. Justskia.tumblr.com/tagged/connor 

ATTRACTION 20. Top 5 fav things about your partner. his arms, his humor, his laugh, the way he talks about his passions, his smile. 21. Your partner’s top 5 fav things about you. ask him. 22. What physical traits do you find most attractive about your partner? his arms are really fucking nice. and his height. 23. What physical traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i know he likes how small i am, and short and my butt for sure cause im short stacked lolol 24. What personality traits do you find most attractive about your partner? His humour really.  He is very funny, and I like how real he is with him. He’s romantic and senstive and he only shows that to me.  25. What personality traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i dont know, ask him. He likes that Im good company, that I dont complain and bitch him out, and that i make him happy, but i dont know ask him lol 26. Do you hold hands in public? Any other public displays of affection? if we do show PDA its either like hand holding or like a kiss on the cheek. 27. List your top 3 turn-ons about your partner. His arms, his aggressiveness, and his facial hair 28. List your partner’s top 3 turn-ons about you. ask him. 29. How would you seduce your partner? How would they seduce you? I dont really need to seduce him. 30. Innocently or not, where do you like your partner to touch you?  my sides or upper thigh. 31. Describe your partner’s eyes. dark brown, they are kinda sad and it breaks my heart. 32. Describe your partner’s hair.  Brown and messy but like a nice messy. 33. Describe your partner’s smile. His smile is big, and he smiles with his eyes and it makes me feel homesick, and I love it. 34. What is your partner’s voice like?  deep but not too deep. Like rough, but sweet. I love it. 35. What is your partner’s scent like? manly and musky,its so fucking nice. 36. How does your partner impress you? How do you impress them? he tries to show off how strong and good he is at his video games. hilarious. I just try to show off how funny and cute i am.  37. What outfit would you like to see your partner in? What would they like to see you wear? i wouldnt mind him in like plaid shirts and I know he lieks me in mini skirt and socks. 38. Show your fav picture of your partner that they’ve posted online. not gonna post that just cause i dont know how he would feel.

ROMANCE 39. Do you have cute pet names for each other? not really. 40. What’s one of your favourite memories as a couple? I have way too many. seriously. I like the one where he called me at 11:30 Pm saying he knew i was lonely and that he could come get me, that was nice. but i have lots. 41. Describe your favourite date so far? honestly, i cant think of one. Our first date was so fun but not my fav..idk 42. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner’s ever done for you? hes been there for me when i needed him. 43. Do either of you get jealous? i do. 44. Is one of you protective of the other? i am and he is too. 45. How do you both like to kiss? just like kissing normally, but i like to press my tongue on his tongue.  46. How do you both like to cuddle? either when were spooning, or i lay my head on his chest, or he lays on me. 47. What’s a gift that you’ve given to your partner? And one they’ve given to you? Idk I give him a lot of shit. He gave me his truck. 48. Are you an openly mushy couple or a reserved couple? half n half 49. Does one of you like to cook for the other? im a bad cook. 50. Do you have unique ringtones/images for each other on your phones? no but i have a image of him on my phone  51. Have you ever had your initials written on a tree or in the sand? no but i could  52. What’s “your song”? I cant help falling in love with you 53. Do you own any items that are a special symbol of your relationship? a few 54. What did you both do for Valentine’s Day?  we didnt do much really, actually. 55. Do you express your love lavishly or discreetly? discreetly kinda. 56. What’s the funniest thing you can remember your partner doing? hes so fucking funny. I cant choose. dont make me  57. Does thinking about your partner still give you butterflies? yeah 58. What’s the weirdest part of your relationship? that people keep trying to take us away. 

BEING TOGETHER 59. Fav things to do together on a rainy day? watch a series 60. Fav things to do together on a sunny day? Go for a walk or something  61. Got any plans together for next week? spending my finale days with him until we see eachother again.  62. What’s your favourite thing to share together? my bed. 63. What did you do for your partner’s latest birthday? What did they do for yours? he actually didnt want to do anything for his birthday, but for mine we just hung out and were cute together/ had dinner. 64. Where would you like to go on holiday together? somewhere far. like disney.  65. You have a whole weekend to yourselves and 500 in cash- what do you do? I dont know, thats not a lot of money.  Probably a night in Banff  66. How would you comfort your partner on a bad day? How would they comfort you? Just like hug him or let him know Im there, and hed probably cuddle me 67. Where would you both get takeout together? probably some thai or chinese food. 68. What’s the longest time you’ve been apart? 5 months 69. What things remind you of your partner? What things remind them of you? anime. and I dont know. 70. Has your relationship changed at all since it first started? we have gotten more close and he tells me more. hes more open. 71. Have you ever worked on a project together? no 72. Have you both influenced each other in any way? yeah 73. Have either of you made sacrifices for this relationship? oh god yeah. 74. Has you discovered anything surprising about your partner? yes  75. How have you both made a positive impact on each other’s lives? i like to think so  76. What do you both mutually agree is the most important part of your relationship? communication 

EVERYDAY LIFE 77. What are the everyday things you both do to show you care about each other? just talking to eachother, spending time with them.  78. Do you follow each other’s blogs/twitter/instagram? he doesnt have those. 79. Is there a favourite place that you both frequently go to together? subway hahaha 80. What TV shows do you like to watch together? way too fucking many. 81. How do you relax together? Movies, cuddles, sex. 82. What sleep positions do you tend to sleep together in? spooning.  83. Do you borrow each other’s clothes or other items? no 84. Do you ever share the bathroom together? yeah 85. How do you both keep in touch when you’re away from each other? Texting, phone calls, psn calls 86. Do you share secrets between each other? yeah 87. Do you rotate house chores or do you each have assigned chore duties? we dont live together. 88. Do you remember how your partner takes their coffee/tea/bar drinks? he doesn tlike coffee  89. What does your partner think of your Tumblr? he doesnt know mine haha  90. What characters do you play as together when playing multiplayer games?  we play eso 

COMPATABILITY 91. Are you both introverted/extroverted or opposites? Hes introverted and im ambiverted.  92. Who is the more dominant/submissive one? hes more dom, and im sub. 93. What are some major differences between you both? He is more real, just tells things how they are, i like to sugar coat shit. 94. When are you both “in your element” together? in my room 95. Who would win in an arm-wrestling contest? he would  96. What are each of your zodiac signs and how do they compare? im a sag, and hes a taurus  97. What are each of your MBTI types and how do they compare?  i dont know his actually 98. What are each of your Hogwarts houses and how do they compare?  i dont know lmao  99. If you were both in a dating sim, what character tropes would each of you be?  i dont fucking know man  100. If you were both animals what would you be? Would you be the same animal? hed be a cat for sure.. 101. How does your partner’s wardrobe differ from yours? hes just more dude like? 102. Have you ever both said something at the exact same time? yeah sure  103. Rate your relationship on a scale of basic vanilla (1) to extremely kinky (10)  like a 6-7  104. Mix your fav colour with your partner’s fav colour- what is the result? its make like a violet  105. If you were both ingredients, what would each of you be and what would be the resulting recipe? (e.g. PB & jelly sandwich) im fucking dead at this question  106. Which of you would win in a Pokemon battle? As sign yourself and your partner a fitting Pokemon type (e.g. water, grass, poison etc). Are either of you super effective against the other? hed win.

CONFLICT 107. What happens when you argue with each other? How do you both make up? We have had only 2 huge arguments, usually we just do what people do and just fight and just get it over with..talk it out. we dont fight really, and im happy for that. we do get into little bickering shit but thats it.

108. What’s something that your partner does that annoys you? How do you annoy them? when he games for more than like 10 hours or whatever, like I actually don’t care if hes gaming, hes relaxing for me to being doing my own thing and him doing his. But sometimes he does online game a lot and is chating with friends for really long periods at a time and its like yo can we like chill and talk. But im not crazy like i want him to spend time with his friends but there is a limit i guess. and I think i annoy him when im constantly texting him n he doesnt respond. But he doesnt rly tell me what annoys him

109. What are some imperfections that you love about your partner? his little ego haha he is always bragging about how great he is at something and i love it. He’s not a jackass or douche about stuff but sometimes hes bragging and im like smh 

110. What are some imperfections that your partner loves about you? i dont know, i don’t wanna ask LOL 111. Has your partner ever accidentally hurt you? Have you accidentally hurt them? Physically and emotionally? yeah. who hasnt though? I did hit his head once and he was like wtf? and it was by accident ahah. But yeah i have said shit to him where it hurt him and its like fuck i didn tmean it like that. It sucks

112. Is there anything about you that your partner just doesn’t understand? probably my mental health to be at most part. He doesnt understand some things i do.

113. Is there anything about your partner that you just don’t understand? yeah like why does he try so hard to act like he doesnt care when he does. Its kinda weird. 114. When was the last time you cried about your relationship and why? today but thats cause hes moving away today, and so i was crying with him cus i didnt want him to go.

115. What is something you love that your partner hates? cringe  116. What is something you hate that your partner loves? anime  117. When was the last time you had to apologise to your partner and why? Today because i by accident was being a little too pushy and i felt so bad.  118. Do either of you get too clingy? me at most part i think. i like his clingyness but he isnt too clingy actually 

119. Do you have any insecurities about your relationship? yeah, i do. Just cause i hate myself and im scared he will find someone else.

120. When was a time that your relationship was put to the test? i dont know? 121. What would your partner have to do to make you end the relationship? cheat, break the law ( like murder/rape/rob a bank lmao), insult my family too extreme for no reason. 

RELATIONS 122. Does your family approve of your relationship? meh, not really. whatever 123. What do your friends think of your relationship? they think he’s super nice and that he makes me happy. 124. How do you both act together around others as opposed to when you’re alone together? hes more romantic with me and like more feely but when were with friends hes like reserved but he doesnt like hide our relationship.

125. How did you first reveal to people that you were going out? i took a picture of us together and posted it on instagram and facebook i believe and then i just told people. 

126. Do you think you and your partner look similar to each other? both have brown eyes but thats it lol 

127. How does your partner treat you special compared to everyone else in their life? he spends his time with me the most, he tells me everything ( well at least i think he does haha ), hes opened with me. Hes very reserved around others. 

128. Do you both have a mutual friend group, or only separate friendship groups? separate, but i do like hanging with his friends. 

129. What’s a common misconception about your relationship?  oh that hes “way too old for her” hes only 6 years older, its not 16 years smh. also that people think that I let him walk on me and do what he wants but I don’t let that, i do let him do what he wants but he doesnt walk all over me. 

130. Has your relationship affected any of your relations with others? yeah. 131. Has anyone tried to sabotage your relationship? yeah. a few actually. fuck them.  132. Quote something somebody has said about your relationship. “i dont see why you waste your time” that is what some ppl say. a lot of people like us together but some don’t. dont know why, actually. 

133. Quote something somebody has said about your partner. he seems really nice or that he makes me happy or that hes too old like wtf no in between.

FUTURE 134. What do you hope for the future of your relationship? i hope that we grow as individuals and in our relationship and that we make it offical. RING BABY. 

135. If you both got married, what would you want your wedding to be like?  my dream wedding is something small but not too small but not big where i dont know half the people. something fun that represents us as our relationship but sometimes romantic too.

136. Can you imagine what your ideal home would look like? yeah, i guess probably like studio apartment, or something. idk we dont reallt talk about that. 

137. Do you have kids/want to have kids? What would they be like? no and no  138. If you could do anything for your partner what would you do? i would get him a nice place for him to stay, a really nice 4K TV and maybe take him somewhere where he wants to go.

139. Do you think you’ll still be together when you’re old and wrinkly? honestly i do  140. Got any relationship advice? dont let people tell you what to do. If you want to be with them, be with them. But make sure to pay attention for warning signs too though