#i was thinking abt it earlier
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softshuji · 1 year ago
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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orderforbrian · 26 days ago
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crush so instantaneous it gets clocked immediately (early years in the drain)
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fumiko-matsubara · 4 months ago
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The reason why I haven't been active lately lol 🩷
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ohno-the-sun · 1 month ago
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Hey for your magical girl AU. Is eclipse a thing?
Also what would happen if both of the lil mini mascot things possess one person at the same time? I'm curious by nature and really wanna know! *points pencil at the 2 lil fairy mascot things*
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Both the little sun and moon can’t posses one person for too long or else they start to burn out
It’s a little too much energy for one person
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Hmmm sun and moon seem like their hiding something how odd
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dreadfuldevotee · 6 months ago
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"The Vampire Chronicles characters are exercises in the cycle of trauma and abuse and how they are capable of complex emotions and receiving and giving love and empathy alongside all the horrible shit they do to one another" and "Anne Rice herself was a bigot and had some shitty personal beliefs and just because the genre is Gothic Horror doesn't mean you ignore the way those ideas bleed into the writing. Not all commentary is good commentary" are two sentiments that can and SHOULD co-exist, what the fuck are we doing.
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ohitslen · 7 months ago
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Living together.
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The snail video if you are interested :)
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tomaturtles · 11 months ago
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Happy Campus Apocalypse volume 1 16th anniversary here's something to celebrate
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rainyarcades · 5 months ago
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Hug all your (boy)friends
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lynxfrost13 · 2 months ago
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What if YOU 🫵 were an arar who forgot the love of her life
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heich0e · 9 months ago
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not to get on some freak shit rn but i can't stop thinking abt a big and unspeakably terrible man saying "oh, poor thing" in the least sincerely sympathetic way possible
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visenyaism · 9 months ago
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Hello bestie I am curious as to your thoughts on the "Rhaegar saw Dany while she was having a vision of him and mistook her for a future Visenya" theory, if you're willing to share them? I can't decide which side of the fence I'm on (seems like a misinterpretation to me, but does do the whole reinforcing the tragic themes of prophecy thing, which I do love)
eh im not super into it being that literal i think prophecy works best when it’s a bit more thematic and metaphorical because the whole point is interpretation and misinterpretation. i also don’t think rhaegar ever saw dany and mistook her for a daughter, i think it would make more sense to mistake dany for himself, just like she mistakes herself for rhaegar in her own visions.
the version of this theory that i really like is that daenerys bringing the dragons back is such a powerful moment that returns magic to the world that it sort of reverberates out and wraps the timeline around itself. to the extent that people who are dreamers are getting snippets of it like hundreds of years earlier as well. but people see what they want to see and turns out a lot of targaryens who saw someone walking out of a fire unharmed or hatching three dragons from stone or melting a bunch of ice soldiers with dragonfire or crossing the trident and they said thats ME i am the prince that was promised in order to get the dragons back i have to do those things. and they killed themselves trying to accomplish this because it was never going to be them it was daenerys, someone who they would have denied all power and agency and never suspected of greatness if she had been around in their time. i think thats neat
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k1spiegel · 1 year ago
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a young providence and mithrix discuss the creation of the sunken grove
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laicanthrope · 2 months ago
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hide ur grandmas he is goign to run them over :(
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xenasaur · 2 months ago
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have u ever been having a convo with someone and they drop something that drives u into a white-hot rage so deep u can literally fucking feel ur heart start to give out
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narfin-frood · 11 days ago
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Does Lord Dominator exist in your AU? If so what does she look like/what would be her role?
she's been swapped with westley! she's a former member of wander's hivemind, separated by mr meteor and sir peepers and desperate to return to her life of drifting in her own mind. she was a willing member, but the reason she joined was because she was convinced she'd never find any sort of companion on her own, on account of her abrasiveness and cruelty. she'd work with meteor and peepers (mostly unwillingly) to find her calling in life, something that's not violent or mean or directly ruining other people's lives! i settled on "vigilante hacker" for her, because i headcanon her as a techie who built all her own stuff in the show itself. she'd help meteor and peepers from the sidelines!
(i've posted these before but i figured i'd drop them here too for context)
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ofc this means westley takes dominator's place! he's dangerously incompetent and full of so much anger.
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hearts401 · 1 year ago
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sometimes being aroace feels like a burden and then i remember its cool and i dont rlly want a partner anyways
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