#i was thinking abt it earlier
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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The reason why I haven't been active lately lol 🩷
#the second the remake was announced months earlier i already found myself rereading my fav fics from decades ago 😭#technically they count as straight yuri right#lol#that one chapter where ranma thought abt being a girl thinking it'd kill the romantic tension in akane's room#when these two could barely even maintain physical contact without being a blushing mess in that ryoga chapter 😭😭#ayyy my adorable sillies#ranma 1/2#ranma ½#ranma remake#ranma saotome#akane tendo#rankane#ranma x akane#my art#art#digital art#my illustration#redraw
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Living together.
The snail video if you are interested :)
#showing random videos you found abt an animal fun fact is a love language if you didn't know btw#not understanding a topic and starting with drop out ideation is part of the journey when you are a student.#it evolves later (or simultaneously) with wanting to quit your job. in WW case both apply at the same time#vash is the kind of guy to really be marveled abt every little new piece of information he gets in his hands#and the 1st person he thinks abt to share his knowledge and joy with is ofc ww#the fact that they live together only amplified this by a thousand#ww tends to hear him out and also watch more videos with him. rn he's too busy weighing studying vs quitting#I really enjoyed drawing Vash in the bg for this one he's so cute#i hope its noticeable how much fun i am having by putting them through all of this.#why didn't i do this more since earlier???#aesthetics be damned. put them THROUGH -IT-#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#Trigun Uni! AU#made some very light changes that were bothering only me specifically. you might not notice IWDFJK
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Happy Campus Apocalypse volume 1 16th anniversary here's something to celebrate
#shinji ikari#kaworu nagisa#asuka langley soryu#rei ayanami#kawoshin#asurei#neon genesis evangelion#campus apocalypse#nge#nge ca#toma edits#toma draws#<-KINDA? i edited them in on the first one but i spent more time on it than i needed to so im counting it#why did tumblr post the version from before i updated the tags and description. im losing my mind#ANYWAY full disclosure i only found out abt the anniversary earlier today via angelduets/the kawoshin bot on twitter#BUT i finished this set last night so!! excellent timing#i made the last one weeks ago and never got around to posting it but i was making memes for other purposes the other day#and did some ca themed ones while i was at it... now it can finally see the light of day#i actually also made a non ca version of the kawo&asu one a while back (did i even post that here i forget)#but they're actually friends in canon here so it fits More i think#there's another asurei one i wanted to make but i gotta fully draw that one so! it'll have to wait
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"The Vampire Chronicles characters are exercises in the cycle of trauma and abuse and how they are capable of complex emotions and receiving and giving love and empathy alongside all the horrible shit they do to one another" and "Anne Rice herself was a bigot and had some shitty personal beliefs and just because the genre is Gothic Horror doesn't mean you ignore the way those ideas bleed into the writing. Not all commentary is good commentary" are two sentiments that can and SHOULD co-exist, what the fuck are we doing.
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#tvc#the vampire chronicles#char.txt#I was thinking abt this earlier but decided to not waste my breath writing an essay abt it under someone elses post#+ i am at all times failing to protect my own peace but it does genuinely drive me fucking mad the way people wave off critique#because ''its supposed to be uncomfortable'' like i get that but there has to be a middle ground#between ''its all problematic garbage'' and ''genre absolves us from having intelligent thoughts about the work'' can anyone fucking hear m#At the end of the day AR was a rich white woman in america who had some Choice Takes and maybe we should remember that
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barbara and ian's exit is an unashamedly joyful one. they laugh about the missing years! they have a pigeon chasing montage! they whisper goodbye at the sky and then run off giggling! and then as vicki laughs at their joy, too happy to let the loss of her few friends sink in, one just turns his head and very gently says that he will miss them. he will miss them.
#i am. crying 👍#he loves them!!!! he loves his friends!!!!!!! god#i'm also thinking abt uh#earlier in the ep where vicki has a panic attack over descending down a huge height#and instead of berating her he just tells her she'll be okay! he comforts her!!#he's come so far and it's bc of ian & barbara (mostly barbara lbr)!!!!! aaaaaa#doctor who#classic who#classic lb#i need a tag for it don't i#god im gonna miss them so much okay#again. mainly barbara agdjhsjdhsb
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Hug all your (boy)friends
#fnaf#ggy#beckory#detective rabbit#gregory#tony becker#fnaf security breach#fnaf tales from the pizzaplex#tales from the pizzaplex#tftp#fnaf tftp#five nights at freddy's#kikiart#i was listening to the song being referenced a lot earlier#made me think abt them#tried new brushes n effects too... lemme know what yall think :]#everyone point and laugh at Gregory being too short too. he is on tiptoes
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not to get on some freak shit rn but i can't stop thinking abt a big and unspeakably terrible man saying "oh, poor thing" in the least sincerely sympathetic way possible
#(in a sexy and evil way)#he of course has to be the source of whatever woes he's pretending to ease in order for this to achieve maximum impact#this is all bc i was thinking abt emperor!sukuna earlier/him using the pet name 'little one' (it makes my skin crawl but in a ... way)
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Hello bestie I am curious as to your thoughts on the "Rhaegar saw Dany while she was having a vision of him and mistook her for a future Visenya" theory, if you're willing to share them? I can't decide which side of the fence I'm on (seems like a misinterpretation to me, but does do the whole reinforcing the tragic themes of prophecy thing, which I do love)
eh im not super into it being that literal i think prophecy works best when it’s a bit more thematic and metaphorical because the whole point is interpretation and misinterpretation. i also don’t think rhaegar ever saw dany and mistook her for a daughter, i think it would make more sense to mistake dany for himself, just like she mistakes herself for rhaegar in her own visions.
the version of this theory that i really like is that daenerys bringing the dragons back is such a powerful moment that returns magic to the world that it sort of reverberates out and wraps the timeline around itself. to the extent that people who are dreamers are getting snippets of it like hundreds of years earlier as well. but people see what they want to see and turns out a lot of targaryens who saw someone walking out of a fire unharmed or hatching three dragons from stone or melting a bunch of ice soldiers with dragonfire or crossing the trident and they said thats ME i am the prince that was promised in order to get the dragons back i have to do those things. and they killed themselves trying to accomplish this because it was never going to be them it was daenerys, someone who they would have denied all power and agency and never suspected of greatness if she had been around in their time. i think thats neat
#I think the red wedding is like this also where it just warps the timeline around itself because it is such an atrocity#asoiaf#i wrote something abt this way earlier let me find it
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a young providence and mithrix discuss the creation of the sunken grove
#my art#risk of rain#risk of rain 2#ror2#ror#providence#mithrix#providence ror#mithrix ror#i beat risk of rain returns a bit earlier so now i get to think abt providence and mithrix a lot.
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sometimes being aroace feels like a burden and then i remember its cool and i dont rlly want a partner anyways
#i was just thinking abt that aroace post i rbed earlier#my sexuality means the world to me ueueue#asexual#aroace#aromantic
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"[high pitched and tinny] Let’s dive in. Let’s dive in. It’s time to dive in. Get ready to [audio distorts and slows] dive. Diiive. Diiiiie…" (The Road to PALISADE 20: City Planning Department)
so that's what i've been working on for the past 2 weeks! i wanted to draw something for this intro ever since i first listened to it (as a companion piece to my other gur drawing, though it of course ended up being way bigger in scale), but it only really gripped me about halfway through PALISADE ep 18. the next morning after that i listened to this narration on repeat for about 45 minutes and then made a big sketch on 4 sheets of paper at my desk at work.
anyways, i haven't listened to the new episode yet but i think i'm probably ready for whatever they're gonna throw at us with the next sortie. i'm gonna believe, against it all, in millennium break. for gur
(i recommend listening along while scrolling! + transcript btw. if anything is hard to read)
#road to palisade#road to palisade spoilers#palisade#fatt#friends at the table#gur sevraq#<- yuore everything btw.#long post#and good god. it sure as fuck is#rosa art#the full file for this? that i had to split up? its 30000 pixel tall. thats 218cm#im so proud of this & it was a ton of fun. ooohhh my free floating panels i love them#i posted about my progress (theres some earlier sketches n lineart too) on cohost to be like well.#maybe i wont talk so fucking much on the actual post but noooo i cant shut up#love that for me.shoutout if you read all this#if you find a typo please. dont even mention it#a fun thing about this is that i almost know the intro by heart now. theres like 3 lines i get stuck on but mostly. its all there#ill link the cohost if i reblog this again. personally i think its interesting stuff but i love to hear myself talk abt shit i make soooo#anyways i have art class tomorrow & should sleep soon : ) but im happy im finally able to show this off. it rules sooo much
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By the Elder Gods...
#i saw that gif of raiden earlier and i cannot stop thinking abt it or looking at his hand sir-#mk raiden#mk oc chen ying#lord raiden#oc x canon#mortal kombat original character#mortal kombat
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mutual on twitter said to draw your fav as this so i did
#cave scribbles#dunmeshi#laios touden#he isnt my fav but he Is the one who fits this the best#i like to think hes thinking abt a dog he saw earlier from his window#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#clip studio paint
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erm. erm. th urge to draw this may or may not hav kept me awake 👀
(vry mild suggestive)
i do not simp many swaps but...
#he jus blushing n sticking out his tounge. nothing sus here :3#hav som mor innocent doodles i was working on of him earlier today#but i was laying in bed n thinking abt him n this image.. along with. several others. came to mind#n i had to at least draw this befor i could sleep#i love himb ur honor#mildly suggestive#tou sans#swap tourette's sans#undertale#undertale au#didderd art#didderd sins#he is. a vry gentle. n soft lover. for th most part. n somtimes u need a soft boy in ur life#n somtimes that soft boy is also a buff. twitchy skelemans#that could crush ur spine if he wanted but doesn't bc he's SOFT
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turns out a brief moment of feeling ok doesnt mean im done grieving
anywho, heres a vent doodle with a pose i saw online, might not reblog the road trip thread posts for a bit (i feel bad for not being able to participate in my own trend but as long as people enjoyed it then i dont mind all too much)
i dont wanna call it a break bc i cant help but be on tumblr, but things might go quiet in terms of art or me talking.
hope yall are doin well today/tonight/timezone n ill see yall when i see you :3
#oz rambles#aaaaaaa sorry for the venting#i try to not do so much on the sideblog bc i wanna make this a place to chill#but i dont want anyone to think im ignoring in reblogging their posts#i see every road trip post n i love it when yall tag me in stuff#i just dont have the spoons for the next while to respond in a way i can properly express my gushing towards them#i love how i say its just a silly little event but i also get beaten up by the fact i cant properly do the prompts atm /lh#anywho impromptu ramble in the tags over#also if anyone who has reblogged my earlier post abt my situation sees this. tysm for your messages. /gen#i cant properly find the words to express it. but they mean a lot and i thank you for taking the time to write em#gonna go and rest mentally now#love you all#cw death#vent#artswin#kinda#tis just a doodle#naroz#ozrator#digitalmuse#selfship#qpr selfship#self ship
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