#this whole thing makes me mad
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More like IF I come back amirite, also stop making me feel guilty, also learn to spell (paralegal? Parallel? ...never mind doesn't parramatta), also like it's my fault she hires 53 accountants that can only do accounting and 1 admin person to send out the tax returns and invoices and
#this whole thing makes me mad#like I'm sorry okay i didn't want this to happen#other people are mad at me too and have to fly to Sydney alone and sit next to strangers at Taylor and#I'm letting down more important people than one little suburban accounting firm#like my parents have to deal with a week where all three of their kids are going through stuff#plus my nana needs stuff as well#and Charlotte needs looking after but she's got her childcare and the other grandparents but still everything's a mess#and then there's my housemate i mean she's okay i hope i didn't infect her and if so thank God i didn't infect her BEFORE taylor#no idk all round it's a pretty shit situation#Sophia have some perspective#oh and Collingwood just lost to norf Melbourne#Angus Brayshaw retired#There are no rules anymore it's all chaos and anarchy and we're living in the unknown#tom Phillips is at Carlton#Trent bianco has disappeared off the side of the earth and his mother has every mystic in the country looking for him#and I'm just alone watching modern family episodes trying to remember how Haley and Andy get together#when he's sitting outside the wedding in a taxi asking Haley if she meant a specific person or just in general#and Haley's crying because she wants him and finds him funny and cute but Alex told her off for having a crush on him and getting involved#fuck Alex#anyway where was i#oh yeah i don't know#discussing IF i come back and not when#wait no#i don't know#I've lost the plot
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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hiii im sure you’ve answered this before but in regards to your twst x Pokémon, how do you choose which Pokémon go give to the cast?? really curious since your choices are unique :O
unique in a good way, I hope? 😅 (jk jk I haven't come across too many pokemon AUs, so I was going in without preconceptions, I guess!) I was sorta aiming somewhere between doing, like, a full AU with internal consistency and everything, and just picking entirely based on theme/character, so maybe that's why! basically I just set some arbitrary rules (no legendaries/no repeats/evo stages based on year) and then went on ~vibes~. a couple were also suggestions (thank you guys!) and last-minute decisions, so it was a bit of a delightful mess of ideas!
my one regret is that I should have given Riddle a Togedemaru after all. ...you know what, he can have one now, why not
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#okay i have one other correction to make#which is that i think vil should also have a garbodor#NO LISTEN#i have thought about it a lot but i just do not want to give him a milotic#and this is because -- now hear me out#neige would actually be the one with a milotic#(it fits his personality more and it's even in his colors!)#when they were kids vil had a trubbish and neige had a feebas and vil felt superior until the whole milotic thing happened#and he's secretly kind of bitter about it#but he also secretly loves his garbodor a lot and gets mad when people make fun of it#IS HE NOT BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF THEM#also garbodor ferments poison inside of it! it would be the perfect alchemy assistant!#I'M RIGHT OKAY#(i am also a big fan of trubbish/garbodor and i don't personally think they're ugly anyway)#anyway enjoy this drawing because it completely exploded my computer#(it was not the drawing's fault it was just unfortunate timing)#i've mostly got things working again but oof. it's been. a day. 🙃
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'lloyd is very weak now and needs to marry so he'll have someone to protect him'- lloyd has the only grandmaster on the world following him around like a puppy. he has the most terrifying motherfucker on the world wrapped around his little finger. he has the one person in the world who can hit an absolute in the head and get away with it swearing in his heart to protect him no matter the cost over and over again.
lloyd made javier watch him die twice right in front of him just to keep him alive. there is no power on existence that could make javier allow anyone or anything to even think about harming lloyd again.
lloyd is fine
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#javier asrahan#llojavi#sorry i get mad all over again when i think about that stupid ass competition lmaooo#like i know it was just an excuse but. it was sooo unnecessary.#like if you're gonna say 'lloyd will marry the person most qualified to protect him' you cannot blame me for pointing to the one person#who literally spent the whole novel ascending to higher and higher planes of existence just so he could protect lloyd better#that's just how it is#but also this is me saying it's evil and fucked up that we never saw javier going absolutely feral on someone for trying to hurt lloyd#the closest thing is in the battle in hell but that was against hellkaros so like. it doesn't really count.#i need javier to see someone raising a hand against lloyd only for everyone within a radius of a hundred meters to be overwhelmed#by this sheer murderous intent that makes more than a couple people drop to their knees and begin praying.#just this quiet but palpable rage that makes it physically harder to breathe.#a presence so powerful it makes people nauseous just by being near it.#and i also need lloyd to be completely unaffected by it and in fact able to easily appease and assuage it with barely a word#i deserved to see that actually
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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Vlad: Would you like to form an alliance... with me?
Ghost writer: Absolutely. Absolutely, I do.
Now, Vlad should know better than to ally himself with someone who broke the Christmas truce, buuuut. The call for DnD is so tempting that he just had to do it.
He then dragged Daniel and his friends into it as well. Daniel dragged his sister along and then the Fenton parents found out and, well.
It suddenly became a thing.
Oh well, both Vlad and Ghost Writer sculpt up some lore from each of their character sheets, weave a world from words and then drag a random number of people to act as their 'players.'
It was supposed to be people from Amity Park, but there was a miscalculation on that part, and honestly you can't even blame them because they've been weaving nonstop and Vlad ignored quite a bit of sleep to try and make this perfect as he could.
So instead of civilians they dragged in a few members of the Justice League and, well.
As long as they play by the rules nothing would hopefully go wrong...?
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dcxdp#dc x dp crossover#I don't wanna say what roles they have in the post becus someone else could probably think of sum way cooler so I shall just say them here#Jack and Maddie? Probably mad scientists or mad scientist adjacent#Jack could even be a blacksmith and Maddie an Alchemist#One who makes weapons he really shouldn't be and the other dangerous and outright banned potions#I would say Danny could be a dragon but then there's the whole parenthood thing#And I would say that Jazz is queen of Amazons but then still#Parenthood thing.#Sam could be a nymph or sum typa plant spirit#Tucker could be a#Pharoah#Yes that#but who knows#Just me musing
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DP x DC, revenant!Jason Todd
Shortly after meeting, Danny and Jason have a late night conversation about what it means to come back. 1281 words
On AO3
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Danny woke groggily, in a dark place that he didn't recognize, and took a moment to get his bearings.
He felt the warning ache in his neck that came from being propped up against an arm rest. There were two sources of dim light in the room—the glow of city street lights, muffled behind a curtain, and the green eyes of the man whose lap Danny's feet were propped on.
Right. Danny hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the revenant’s—on Jason’s—couch, but they’d been talking for so long, he must’ve dozed off.
Jason had had so many questions, about ectoplasm, about the zone, about Danny’s own experiences. Danny had done his best to clear up everything he could. A revenant may not be quite the same as he was, but still, it made Danny happy to be able to pass on his hard won knowledge and maybe save someone else a bit of the hurt and confusion that he’d gone through. It was what he’d always wished someone would do for him.
Jason was slumped into the couch, but he didn’t look relaxed. Danny examined his still profile, cast in strange shadows by its own green glow, and wondered how long it had been since he’d moved.
Danny shifted slightly, purposefully producing the fabric sounds of a body against upholstery, to make sure Jason knew he was awake. No reaction. Danny gave him one more moment, then asked, “You okay?”
Jason didn’t look at him when he answered, “You told me I’m basically possessing my own corpse, and I’m supposed to not be upset about that?”
Really, Danny should’ve predicted something like that. How long had he spent, trying to pretend that death hadn’t really touched him? It wasn’t an easy thing to accept.
“What’s the difference between a body and a corpse?” Danny asked.
Jason’s eyes snapped to Danny, their glow intensifying. “I am not dealing with riddle bullshit right now, I swear to-”
“No, I’m being serious,” Danny interrupted, pulling his feet from Jason’s lap and sitting himself up. “There’s one difference between a corpse and a living body, and that’s that someone is living in it. Jason—” he reached out, gripping one of Jason’s hands in his “—you’re alive. That’s what matters. The rest is details.”
Jason’s shoulders bent inwards, his other hand raising to rub at his chest. “You don’t get it,” he said, quiet. “People don’t just come back from what they did to me. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“However you died, it’s not-”
Jason huffed an ugly sound, a short and bitter laugh that Danny hurt to hear. “Is it crazy that that isn’t even what I was talking about? I meant after.” The motion on his chest was repetitive, like he was tracing something underneath his shirt, and Danny got the sinking feeling that he knew just what sort of scar it might be. “I was gone, okay? I was gone, and this body was still here. And they took it, and they cut it open and rummaged around inside to figure out what happened. Which is—” he cut off, sniffed, and Danny gripped his hand tighter “—which is stupid, right? It’s not like it wasn’t obvious.” His fingers twitched, and he continued, haltingly, “I mean, I’ve read the report. Pulled it off his stupid files. The smoke inhalation did me in. After everything that happened, it was the smoke.”
Jasons’ hand pulled out of Danny’s, and they both rose to cover his face, cutting off the glow while he curled in on himself even tighter. His voice was slightly muffled when he said, “And then they had to ship me home, right? So they bled me dry and pumped me full of formaldehyde, and they prettied me up so they could pretend I wasn’t just some empty thing, and Bruce held the tiniest most depressing little funeral known to man and put my ass in the ground, and I had to wake up down there.” His words and his breaths were coming too quick, and Danny didn’t know how to help. He didn’t want Jason to stop, not when it seemed like he needed to say all of this, but he could see just how badly the revenant was hurting.
“But you did wake up,” he whispered.
“Woke up in my own mutilated corpse!” Jason snarled. “Everything I’ve forgotten, and that memory is still crystal fucking clear! It stank in there, like death and vinegar and mud, and it was so small, and I couldn’t even try to scream for help because they sewed my fucking mouth shut—!” He broke off into a sob, and Danny couldn’t stand it anymore, had to lean into Jason’s side and wrap an arm around him as he shook with all the emotion he couldn’t reign in.
“Okay,” Danny said. Not you’re okay, just okay. “Okay, so that’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard, and I regularly hang out with a guy who wants to skin me.”
Jason sniffed. “What?”
“Nevermind. It’s just-”
“No, I think we should go back to the skinning thing-”
“I just don’t want you to let it define you,” Danny interrupted. “I did that. I got into my head about it, the whole ‘being dead’ thing, feeling like I was…” Danny gave himself a second, swallowed, “like some sort of freak. A thing that didn’t belong anywhere. But I’m still alive, and you’re alive, and even if we weren’t, it wouldn’t matter, because we’re still here, and as long as you’re here you can find something that’s worth staying for.” Danny rubbed what he hoped was a soothing pattern into Jason’s admittedly impressive bicep.
Jason let out a sigh. “I must really be pathetic if you’ve gotta pep talk me like that, huh?” he said, and Danny pretended not to see him wiping at his eyes. “Sorry,” he added, “about all this. I’ve got some shit I haven’t dealt with, and this ‘revenant’ stuff brought it up pretty bad.”
“I get it,” Danny said, and hoped Jason could tell how much he meant it.
Jason sighed again, heavy, like he was trying to release something else with his breath, and said, “It still doesn’t make any sense. Logically, I can’t be alive. Where did my blood come from?”
Danny shrugged. “Do you have blood?”
“I definitely have blood. I’ve seen a lot of it.”
That gave Danny pause. “Just like, around?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Jason said, deadpan. “I’ve got a surplus, so I like to leave some here and there, make sure everyone gets a chance to appreciate it.”
“I have no idea how much you’re joking and it frightens me,” Danny told him.
“Weak,” Jason replied.
“Anyways, you gotta not think about it too much. The interdimensional goop is already logic-defying, and you’re mixing magic with it with your special soul willpower or something. Your brain will explode if you try to make it make sense.”
Jason huffed a little laugh, bouncing Danny on his shoulder, and this time it made him feel lighter. “Can I just say that I hate that I’m full of interdimensional goop?”
“Valid,” Danny said.
Even without looking at Jason, Danny could tell that he just rolled his eyes by the way the soft green light moved.
Danny had his ear pressed to Jason’s shoulder, feeling his warmth, and if he focused, he could just make out the revenant’s pulse. Personally, Danny thought it was pretty cool to be full of magic and goop and blood. Much cooler than Danny, who was way more science goop than magic goop. They’d have to compare notes on that sometime.
Maybe Jason would come around to it.
#not me writing a short piece that heavily relies on my own headcanons and never explaining them#it wasn't supposed to be like this guys it was gonna be a little easily digestible text post but they just kept talking#i just wanted the 'what's the difference between a body and a corpse' bit and then next thing you know i'm googling embalming practices#bit that I didn't manage to fit in: 'Jason you're allowed to be mad that somebody stole your blood.'#'Like. They didn't know you were gonna need it. But you get to be mad anyway.'#don't worry about that stuff about jason's soul being magic. it is though. that's why he can get swords out of it.#pit rage is technically not mentioned in this fic but also Jason's eyes are doing the thing the whole time#so make of that what you will#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc#batfam#jason todd#danny phantom#danny fenton#revenant jason todd#my writing#could be friendship could be preslash I think it's legitimately ambiguous#i just really like gentle little intimacies i guess#okay maybe i will tag the ship#dead on main
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this is not a ship post, but something that frustrates me a lot in fanon concerning Jason Todd that attempts to soften Jason's return to Gotham for the sake of found family domesticity or easy hurt/comfort or just sliding him into the Batfam sooner, is they all seem to fundamentally misunderstand Jason.
because there seem to be a lot of fandom popular concepts of Jason coming home much sooner and just not having his whole Under The Red Hood arc. which in theory is fine and i can see the want to simplify canon to make room for your lighthearted more fluff-leaning concepts. but in everyone without fail, the way they address the clown-shaped elephant in the room is by having some throwaway line that "oh Jason quietly kills the Joker and moves on".
when the Joker being dead or alive is not the *point*. if by some chance accident, the Joker had died prior to Jason's return, whether by ridiculous freak accident, getting whacked by a fellow villain, hell even someone actually doing so to avenge Jason, it *would not* satiate Jason's anger. because Jason's end goal in UtRH is not to simply kill the Joker: it is to make *Bruce* kill the Joker. Jason's anger is directed to the idea that to Jason, if Bruce truly loved Jason, he would've killed the Joker. that is love, for Jason. compromising your personal values for love and not letting someone go unavenged. when Jason was Robin, almost every angry or misguided thing he did was born of love. he wanted to kill/hurt Two-Face because he believed Dent killed his father. he was so angry at Felipe because an innocent woman was dead due to that man's actions. he wanted to save his mother in a situation he knew he shouldn't be in because he loved her. his anger, his violence, it is driven by love and feelings of righting wrongs. that is how he thinks wrongs *should* be righted. that is how you avenge and *love* someone.
because so long as Jason's return to Gotham doesn't end in Bruce killing the Joker (which, it never will bc Bruce is Bruce), Jason will never forgive Bruce. you cannot wave away the layers of hurt and complicated trauma by killing Joker offscreen. because Jason will still be angry that Bruce didn't avenge him. in his eyes, that means Bruce did not love him enough. he was not truly loved by Bruce the way he loved Bruce. bc Bruce was Jason's whole *world*. prior to being taken in, Dick and Tim, they had support systems. they had loved ones. they knew what stability and healthy family love looked like. Jason *didn't*. and that's not to say that Catherine Todd did not love him with her whole heart and thus he loved her, but it certainly wasn't a stable and safe support system for Jason to grow up in. Bruce was Jason's first real sense of a stable, healthy life. and so of course Jason poured everything into Bruce and loved Bruce so devoutly. Bruce was his world. like he says, if it had been Bruce, Jason would've stopped at nothing.
so his betrayal is rooted in that he was not avenged, not that Joker is alive. so long as the Joker does not die by Bruce's hands, it will never be enough for Jason. (in this era, at least.) notably, this is also why i don't think it would change a thing if Jason knew the whole "oh Bruce wanted to kill the Joker but Superman stopped him" tidbit that fanon has really latched onto as a way to pacify Jason's anger toward Bruce. Jason knowing that wouldn't change a thing, in my opinion. because Jason knows Bruce. and a tenant of Bruce's character is that he grapples with murder *every day*. the whole point is how *easy* it would be for him. he is a human weapon, trained by killers, trained to be deadly. he is the greatest strategist to exist. he knows he could kill someone and get away with it. *no* trace, no proof, nothing. and he knows he *wants* to. wants to kill the Joker, Joe Chill, anyone who's hurt him that viscerally.
but he *doesn't*. that's the point. Bruce wakes up every day with that question on his mind, and every day the answer is the same. Bruce's morality is not a decision he made in an alleyway when his parents died, it's a decision he continues to make every day and he *must* continue to make in order to remain who he is. Jason is quite familiar with the fact that Bruce grapples with this daily. i do not think it surprised nor fazed Jason to know that Bruce did *consider* killing the Joker. that he wanted to. maybe even planned to. but a consideration, a want, a plan, is just a thought. it's nothing substantial, and substance is everything to Jason. at the end of the day, Bruce didn't. he was talked down by *Clark* of all people with an excuse of diplomatic immunity, as if Jason and Bruce don't both know that Bruce could've *easily* found a way to make it look like an accident or some other loophole. because he's Batman. there's always a loophole. he always finds a way when he actually intends to. but he never actually intended to kill the Joker. so he didn't. and Jason would know that there was never an intent. it's an interesting piece of fodder to add to the nuance of Jason and Bruce, but honestly, i think it'd make Jason angrier to have that excuse thrown in his face. as if Bruce hasn't beaten Clark half a dozen times by now. it's a flimsy nonsense excuse that Jason would rip to shreds.
so while yes, i understand the wish for easy lighthearted fanfic that doesn't have to deal with the nuances of canon, i think that Jason's character will always be so deeply robbed and altered if you try to fix his thirst for vengeance with an off-page killing of Joker at Jason's hands. it was never the point. the point was that -in his own eyes- he wasn't loved enough for Bruce to make an acception. he realized that not even his *death* would come before Bruce's Mission. Jason truly believed that Bruce loved him and held him as the most important thing in the world, and now he has proof that Bruce didn't. because the Mission mattered more.
i'm not saying i have a solution to this conundrum if you're attempting to solve it for fanfic/fanon, nor am i even saying it's a bad thing it exists. i just think it becoming overwhelmingly common has led to misunderstandings surrounding Jason's motivations and feelings about this arc and it's an unsatisfying solution that only seeks to pacify Jason's rage and his trauma responses for the sake of found family-ification.
#necrotic festerings#jason todd#fandom meta#idk man this isn't too serious it's really just me noticing this becoming a dominate thing#also this post isn't a subtweet at literally anyone specifically#it's a commentary on a trend as a whole#so no one think i'm like. being shady pls.#and if you write jason killing the joker himself during this era that is okay and it's valid#i just don't want the fandom largely treating it as in character#but ooc fanfic is allowed to exist! that's valid yk!#also i once again wanna reiterate all of this is commentary on *this era*#this is a pre-flashpoint meta.#jason's realtionship to his trauma *wildly* changed in both new-52 and rebirth so yeah. he's at a point he's “moved on”#and either seeks to kill joker himself or seeks to just let go of the whole thing#depending on the arc#(but if i get into that then i get into my feelings on how jason has had no consistent characterization in the past decade. so.)#(that's a can of worms we're not opening here it will make some ppl mad and i'm not dealing with it.)#is this how i start writing serious character metas and not unhinged shippy ones. idk#i've got others in my head but#i fear the discourse#if the discourse on this post gets bad i will turn off replies and reblogs idc#this is me testing the waters. ig.#also if a single person tries to argue about tim not having a loving family i will bite you /lh#yes he did. the drakes make not have done the *best* job! i'm not arguing that.#but they loved him and he had a support system.
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The end to the story. whatever happens, I guess it happened — I have hopes, idk where they're placed or what they mean, but I have them.
Whatever happens, I know Evbo is going out with a bang.
#i have... thoughts. idk WHICH ONES but like. i have 'em#I've seen some contextless spoilers around and like. i dont mind them#i mention them mostly bc it's kinda funny to me ngl#i think I'll make a little text post going over my feelings with the whole thing once i finish it. so look forward to that i guess#anyway#get ready for Djevel's Descent Into Madness™ — PVP Civilization Edition!#evbo pvpciv#pvp civilization#pvp civ spoilers#before i forget and subsequently NEVER add that tag again--#pvp civ evbo#evbo#evboverse#i love that that's a tag actually?????#SO dumb. i love it#live blogging#liveblogging#live reaction#live watching#live
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in his and davrin's banters, lucanis exhibits a certain little shit energy I don't think we see him have with anyone else other than illario and honestly I am living for this
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#davrin#also that's really interesting. with illario it's clearly not ever meant to wound but it serves a similar function of 'hey fuck off'#they have that friendly insult game going that veils some real resentments and conflicts that perhaps. should have been dealt with#considering that you could hardly find two people less alike in fundamental character than davrin and illario... fascinating#I suppose both of them push past lines of comfort and don't really let up at subtler signals to back off#(illario to needle and davrin mostly because he's that straightforward I think haha)#but the sheer viciousness with which lucanis responds makes me think there could mayhaps be some resentment with that dynamic#that he won't let out with illario himself b/c he has so few interpersonal relationships and wouldn't risk disrupting one#even when illario is getting up to some Shit even outside of the whole betrayal thing#and davrin is sooo uninterested in doing anything but call 'em as he sees 'em and it's glorious haha#it also means that I think lucanis is more honest in those banters than he is with anyone else I've seen#including the fact that he's mad and that the ossuary really did suck that bad actually#with bellara he's like 'don't worry about me I'm fine *thousand yard stare*' and with davrin he goes 'yeah I'm haunted forever by it.#does that satisfy your curiosity' lmao. and then they're just trading barely veiled death threats for a while#davrin is confrontational but he's also a safe person to be angry with b/c I think at the end of the day he is also fair#many thoughts. all the time. all veilguard up in my neurons 24/7
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Been thinking a lot about how I love Seven x Thirteen yet they're basically a two-for-one combo of two tropes I hate ("incompetent man x competent woman" and "competent woman x even more competent man who upstages her")
And I think part of it is that it is both of those at the same time so it PEMDASes, but I think it's also that it's like
Thirteen: this man's very existence is challenging my worldview. He was a brutal killer but still he has friends who love him and he chooses simple joy. I must kill him or I'll fail my master and I have no one other than my master. But this guy keeps trying to help and protect me and keeps forgiving me. Not having the resolve to kill him is breaking apart my sense of self. I've only ever killed to survive but he makes me want to fight to protect. Could I be valued beyond my usefulness?
Seven: whoa pretty lady :D sick sword moves. Wanna go to the beach?
#scissor seven#thirteen vs black bird fight my beloved...#also seven def has more depth to why he likes her#i wonder if he recognizes his old self in her at all#he doesn't judge her for anything#he legit just wants her to be happy#she also constantly saves his ass#i think what makes me mad about those tropes is when there isn't an actual reason for the woman to like the man#but seven is like the only person who is consistently (and openly!!) kind to her#or the woman doesn't have any depth beyond being a love interest but thirteen is so compelling#now she's doing the whole 'training arc to get revenge for my fallen master' thing!!!#anyway. them.
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watched mouthwashing finally. the fact that i saw people be more aggressive towards curly than jimmy is kinda strange. kinda real weird
#mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#i saw people draw fanart of anya. pouring mouthwash on his exposed flesh? as punishment for failing her?#which okay. 1. i dont think shed like that. 2. are we seriously blaming curly for this more than. jimmy. the guy who DID IT?#like okay do not get me wrong. curly is to blame. he made terrible mistakes he did horrible things his inaction is inexcusable#he should have handled the situation better. if he couldnt 'take care' of jimmy (likely) he should have just at least#been there for anya. supported her and comforted her more than he did#im not saying any of it is untrue#hell the aus i saw where anya is angry with curly? where post-recovery shes genuinely mad and to a degree disgusted with him?#great! real! very reasonable! it makes sense it works its everything#but like. some of the people i saw were being straight up vile. for zero reason#'yeah curly deserves to be tortured and like skinned more by anya for closure because of what he did' HAVE WE FORGOTTEN WHO DID IT#WHY IS JIMMY GETTING LEFT OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION. ARE WE FORGETTING WHOS THE LITERAL ASSAULTER?#one of those people also said that if you ship anya and curly you should kys so uhhh not really taking that opinion seriously but. jeez#i dont ship them either for the record i just think telling people to die over it is a little excessive. thats the whole thing really#theyre being really excessive#on a similiar note i saw people say 'nobody on the ship is black and white in morality' and i agree with that about everyone BUT jimmy#for one simple reason. there is never ever a reason to rape someone. not EVER. everyone else has reasons. is complicated#and while jimmy is complicated too obviously that doesnt. like undeniably hes the worst. he is the worst because what he did is just#one of the only crimes that never ever has an explaination that means anything. its always evil
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thinking about the relationship between sif and the universe, and related theories / headcanons aka I listened to a song and I need to get these feefees out of me
this is a lot of prelude for something that can be shown with just the video clip, but I want to include all the strings that make up this knot
Its not explicitly stated, but I believe it's pretty clear that whenever sif repeats something three times while hoping for something (sharpening the keyknife, carving in general, praying to the change god statue in dormont), he is performing wish craft.
however, he doesnt repeat anything three times when getting the keyknife. he doesnt even need to pray to get it at all, the change god just gives it to him. they say themselves that they dont care for rituals. they never even take credit for the stat buff, they only take credit for the keyknife
when sif changes how they pray at the change god statue, their method more strongly resembles the ritual to make a wish at the favor tree (picking the one you like best), and as a result the buff gets better. it is the wish craft ritual that is the important part of the prayer to that statue, not the change god
one thing that IS explicitly stated is just how powerful wish craft is for those who know the rituals, and how dangerous it is in the wrong hands. between the disappearance of colors (Im pretty sure that was the result of a wish, I may be misremembering), the disappearance of the country, and the king being nearly successful in freezing all of vaugarde in time, it only takes one wish to take out massive chunks of the world at a time
we know that wish craft is very entwined in the culture of the country (the story written about in the journal is told as a cautionary fairy tale, the rituals themselves are so deeply ingrained in sif that the wish to forget the country did not restrict his memory of the rituals, and he can perform wish craft without even being fully aware he is doing it)
it seems reasonable to me that the reason for the country's disappearance was to hide the existence of wish craft and the rituals to access that power from the rest of the world. considering sif didnt even remember his culture AND had good intentions, and still nearly ended the world, seems like that concern is pretty well founded. however, thats not the important theory Im making this post about
the country has knowledge of wish craft in conjunction with worship of the universe. "the universe leads, we can only follow," "the universe willed it," seems pretty safe to say that sif's Universe is the "entity" that is granting wishes
the way wishes are described, they dont seem like something the universe grants based on who worships it. as long as you know the ritual, you get the wish. everyone is part of the universe, after all, worshiper or not
Admittedly, its a bit of a stretch to say that the universe as a collective force has any sense of empathy for human struggles. but using the change god as an example, as spiteful as they are to sif, and unsympathetic to anything other than a human's role in the concept of change, they still show a great deal of care and favor to mira, someone who loves them. it is possible for a deity to care for those that care about it
sif, despite no longer having access to his culture or why he cares about the universe, still loves the universe, very very deeply, just as much as mira loves change. the change god says that sif's deity will never answer him, but I dont think thats the case
and this is the important headcanon that I am making this post for
sif is performing the rituals, so he gets the wishes, simple as. but I feel strongly that his wishes getting granted in very small but noticeable ways, despite not knowing how or why hes doing it, is the presence of his universe helping him, caring for him, even when he doesnt remember it
the strongest evidence for this, and the basis for this whole thing, is exactly how euphrasie breaks down in act 5
at first I only really noticed when she laughs, it reminded me very much of how the change god, a being who uses sprites of other characters and has done a whole possession, laughed during their encounter. they and euphrasie are the only two that use anything other than "ha," and right after this laugh is when her breakdown pauses and she says the lines
"... Soon you'll be able to go back to your normal lives. Away from battle and strife. Finally, you'll all be able to go home!!!"
which, knowing the end of the game is coming, is incredibly relevant. very deliberate
before this pause, her breakdown seems pretty chaotic. the characters and the player are just coming out of one harrowing experience, and are clearly headed for another. the cohesiveness of this glitchy breakdown amongst a mess of the rest of the world doing the same isnt really high up on the list of priorities. none of the characters notice anything beyond the fact that reality is breaking, not even sif. it just sounds like scary nonsense.
but with the context of euphrasie being possessed to talk to sif, every single one of her lines makes perfect sense
(footage from Zhain Gaming on yt)
the universe is there its talking directly to him, it was there the whole time
the Universe loves Sif so much
#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat act 5 spoilers#I have no idea how obvious this is or if its old news#since I havent seen anyone else talk about it#but the relationship between sif and the universe makes me emotional#I wrote this at 3 am based on memory#at first I wasnt too confident in it since it was only based on the laugh and the lines that follow it#this was just something that made me happy that I was gonna keep no matter what#but when I went back to look at the lines and found that every one lined up‚ I cried#anyway#I wanted to write this whole thing after listening to Secret For The Mad by Dodie under the lens of the universe talking to siffrin#special shoutout to pidgey who joked that the universe was adrienne actually#they were goofing but as a high concept meta art thing I can definitely appreciate#speaks
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something about trust
Writing below the cut!
“How… does it feel?” Locus asked haltingly. Lopez shrugged. “<Weird. But I expected that.>” Locus hummed, his brow furrowed like he was lost in thought as he scanned Lopez’s face. Lopez grabbed Locus’ wrists, bringing his hands to his throat. “What are you--?” “<One way to test it. Take my head off.>” Locus’ eyes widened, his expression turning panicked. He tried to pull his hands away, but Lopez held him steady. “<You are the only person strong enough,>” Lopez said firmly, giving the other no room to balk any further. “<If this synthskin doesn’t fix the problem, I want to know now, not later.>” Lopez could feel the way Locus’s hands shifted, his fingers flexing as he fought some internal debate. Lopez couldn’t read his mind, but the flicker of those marble grey eyes was telling as Locus looked at his hands around Lopez’s throat, then to his face and then back again and again. “<It doesn’t hurt, if that’s what all this fuss is about.>” Not strictly true, having his head removed wasn’t exactly a pleasant feeling. But better to do it now, with some degree of control, than in the middle of a fight or an accident. The sensation of feeling everywhere his skin touched was strange though, the normally very localized sensors spread out across the surface of the synthskin. Was this how humans felt things all the time? No wonder they were so easily distracted. Neither of them moved. “You’re certain?” Locus asked finally, his voice little more than a whisper. Lopez raised an eyebrow and let himself grin just a little at being able to convey the sentiment properly. Maybe there were some advantages to the synthskin after all. “<I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t.>” A nod, then the pressure. Lopez knew Locus was strong, for a human, but the feeling of his hands tightening around his neck and pulling at his jaw, the base of his metal skull… His head didn’t budge, and the pressure eased. Lopez clicked his tongue, releasing Locus’ wrists. “<Good. That is one problem fixed, at least.>”
#rvb#red vs blue#rvb locus#rvb lopez#samuel ‘locus’ ortez#lopez the heavy#locpez#my art#batsy art#batsy writes#sometimes i swear i open clip to draw one thing and i blink and something else entirely has spawned in#im not MAD im just like#damn#okay#technically part of a longer thing i have pinging around my head with them and lopez getting himself a proper synthskin bc i accidentally#really really liked the more human look on him and went welp time to make up a reason to draw him like that more#im not immune to cool robot glowy eyes#lopez gets curly hair bc i said so but he would never let it get long enough to be fluffy#heart breaking as it is#technically i drew this last night fromwhen its getting posted but i wanted to give the halloween comic a little bit of a breather lmaoooo#sometimes the fully clothed piece is just hornier than it has any right to be and i think that means it gets some space first lmao#yes this is scheduled for 8am bc it amuses me and thats about how long im willing to wait before unleashing it#a whole 13 hours from when i finished drawing it yahoo
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everytime someone complains about MCs personality and how much of a doormat she is, i lose a year of my life. leave my baby alone
#tokyo debunker#yeah tell a ghoul to fuck off#that would certainly make ur missions more easy and ud get closer to breaking ur curse#it's not like you're in a whole new world and these guys have so much power over you they could do worst things to you than kill you#“she didn't do anything in chap 4!!!!” like she wasn't held at gunpoint just for existing?????#y'all make me mad
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ah yes, the sweet sting of rejection from a billion dollar corporation who believes that "action stories don't appeal to romance audiences", welcome back my old familiar friend
#personal#lauren writes things#this was the EXACT problem I ran into with my gay outlaw story#and why I was just like FINE IT WON'T BE SCRIPTED IT'LL BE A BOOK#(and I mean who knows if it'll sell as a book)#(but it was NOT selling as a podcast)#how do I tell these companies that there's a whole website of people who love both action and romance#how do I explain that these people pull ships from the barest two second looks in action movies “aimed at men”#it's the conflation of romance = ladies and action = men for me#that's what really makes me roll my eyes#companies being like 'sorry lauren we just don't think people really into romance are into action'#HI I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE YOU'RE TALKING TO ME#my favorite movie is mad max and most of what I read is romance#I play violent action video games and I have a pathological need to ship#we exist#and we are legion#ANYWAY#might delete later#lauren says things
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