#kidding no but actually
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in conclusion, I have no choice but to try to recover again. or else another two years will pass me by and I'll be so fucking tired
#it's so terrifying and no one gets it unless they've experienced it first hand lol#like it's easy to think that it's just the Vanity Mental Illness but for me. its the perfectionism illness. it's the i need to feel like#everything is not falling apart always illness#and to let go of it is terrifying. but i have to try or else I'll be so stuck#more than i already feel what with depression#one less illness will make things less insufferable in the long term. i keep telling myself that.#it's weird because im so attached to having a restrictive eating disorder. it's like a shadow that follows me everywhere#but i have to get a new shadow or else I'll be burdening myself further. i keep thinking#'whats the point of trying to get better if it's all doomed anyway? if im so fucked anyway? if I'll kill myself anyway?'#and i guess the answer is. the point is WHY NOT (by loona)#kidding no but actually#the answer is why not give it a shot. like just for the sake of it#how do you KNOW it's all fucked#if it really truly is and you cant take it anymore then the eating disorder is there#you can take it back. reunite rekindle the flame whatever#i dont believe anything im typing rn btw like im suffering in real time bc everything feels so utterly pointless#but whatever if i kill myself at least it'd be with one less illness. or something. i dont know#at least it wouldn't be because i was hungry LMFAO#z.post
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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not to sound like a boomer, but I need some people to learn how to write emails in a semi-professional (at the very least) format so you're not cold emailing a business/potential employer/any other stranger about formal matters in the exact same way you'd DM a close friend on instagram
the formality/language can loosen up in the email chain once you've established a rapport and you match the other person if they're being less formal, but please don't have the very first email you send a stranger be written in all lowercase ultra-casual sms slang with no greeting or signature and a billion emojis
#this sounds like a 'argh kids these days doing [insert exaggerated story they don't actually do in reality]' kind of thing#except that I've gotten soooo many emails like this#there's a reason that I don't have my DMs open on any socmed and it's bc they attract people getting way too casual/parasocial immediately#and forcing people to write out an email both filters out 90% of weird impulse messages and also throws them out of that casual headspace#except that I can actively tell when this fails and someone is treating emails as if they're the same thing as DMs
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i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.
as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."
NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING
#this is just me ranting sorry#im very tired and hungry#and i want to sleep but brain go brrrrr#well i used to be nice and smart and now im neither of those or however the song goes#pretty sure he was exaggerating cause looking back. it was good. but some of the wording was a lil wonky#adhd#actually adhd#executive dysfunction#actually neurodiverse#adhd paralysis#adult adhd#attention deficit hyperactivity disorder#adhd hacks#academia#neurodivergent#adhd skill regression#confessions of a burnt out gifted kid#<< i guess#former gifted kid#burnt out gifted kid#gifted kid burnout#realizing i sound rly pretentious here sorry -- formal speech patterns i picked up as an autistic child and never put down again haha
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Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.
For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.
I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.
#i have to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night to even barely function#with sleep#getting ready for work#commute#cooking#and errands#I typically have maybe 2-3 hours to actually do what i want in a day#and I'm usually too tired to actually do the things i want to do#and that's with a very short commute#if i actually had a long commute I'd basically do nothing but work#i see my friends like once every few weeks or months#because we're all so fucking busy with work and have such little time for socialising#and none of us even have kids or anything!!
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Springtrap making friends in Dead by Daylight,,
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#springtrap#hillbilly DBD#dead by daylight#fnaf 3#dbd fanart#when I saw this post I knew I’d have to draw something for it#such a bittersweet concept#cause of course with hillbilly’s backstory he would gravitate to springtrap#and tbh William was a genuine child entertainer#I think he would be able to pick up quickly what hillbilly’s deal is#he would be able to tell he’s just a kid#springtrap actually makes friends in DBD who could of guessed that
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I am actually so serious I think it really messes with a childs creativity and joy to tell them to never make a mary sue OC. Like that unbridaled form of joy where you make a self insert OC who super cool and everyone loves them and they have every superpower in the world SHOULD be something a kid makes, it nourishes their ability to create things for fun and not be stifled by "oh but what if my character is too overpowered and cringey...". whatever
#^ 10 y/o me was obsessed w/ art YTers who would always talk about good and bad art and mary sues and stuff#I think kids should be encouraged to make bad art and stupud OCs as much as possible abd im so serious about that. i think its actually#amazing for their development as both as person and artist
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Macaque spent the whole season Big-Damn-Hero-ing and was NOT happy about it xD
#lmk season 5 spoilers#lmk spoilers#lmk season 5#lego monkie kid#lmk#macaque#liu'er mihou#six eared macaque#sun wukong#monkey king#qi xiaotian#mk#li jing#anyone else find it interesting that in english the 'macaque' part of his name comes first#but in chinese the 'six-ears' part comes first? so the way he's called by name in the different dubs has slightly different vibes#i can't quantify 'em tho :/ am not a vibeologist#Macaque was this season's biggest GOAT#like he's very petty about it but he cares about mk and swk SO. MUCH.#(well ok the petty is mostly aimed at swk)#which: fair#POV: everything is going to shit and you are currently the only celestial monkey NOT being re-traumatized or gaslight by celestial beings#macaque's gonna start rolling up to beach parties with a shirt that says:#I Saved The Monkey King's Arse Several Times And All I Got Was An Almost-Hand-Holding-Moment And This Stupid Shirt#MK NOOOOOOOOO#im a fucking wreck that's their KID. he's their BOY. their little BRO HE'S THEIR KID OKAY AND THEY LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO FISTFIGHT THE GODS#which i guess is a little easier since they can win those fights actually#not explicitly shadowpeach#but oh it is there. lurking. waiting to strike#lion king reference! :D
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#original comic#webcomic#we go together#artists on tumblr#greek legend#damon & pythias#slightly different this time in that Dionysius I of Syracuse was an Actual person 😂#but i heard about this in breadsword's video essay on the legend of sinbad and it was so good I had to write smth with it#also i thought the plot of the legend of sinbad was the smartest shit when I was a kid lol#indie comics
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I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
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talking to preschoolers is awesome bc they have not fully differentiated stories into 'true stories' and 'imaginary stories' yet so you will tell them about something that happened you once (coyote came out of a bush right in front of you and got startled) and they will tell you about how one time their house was full of coyotes in every room 'including five in the garage' and they're not even like, aware i think of the idea that they are technically 'lying'. they are simply telling stories about coyotes bc its time to tell stories about coyotes.
#like ppl will be like 'kids love to lie' but i think whats going on is the human inclination to storytell. which is pointedly different imo#and like to be clear im not saying they dont know there weren't actually coyotes in their house#its just that like. they don't know why it would matter
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Keeper -- a short comic about an angel meeting a robotic lighthouse keeper that doesn't know the world has already ended. Made in about 18 hours for a 24-hour 24-page* black and white comic challenge (that I arrived late to, ha.)
*the actual submission does not include the cover, which was created after the fact for this post.
This was a really great learning experience as someone who's... never really made a completed comic. I ended up really attached to the story by the end of the project (possibly due to all-nighter deliriousness lol) and ultimately am very proud of what I made.There are some things I'd still like to change, particularly text placement, but in keeping with the spirit of the challenge I've elected to leave it as is.
#sparks art#comic#angel#robot#my art#my comics#keeper: the angel#keeper: the lighthouse keeper#my ocs#hoogh. this was a grind yall lmao. but i am pleased with it#i hope you enjoy :pray: also keep your fingers crossed for me that this wins the contest#like it. it wont. because i am up against actual SEQA kids that know what theyre doing. and i dont actually mind really#but it would be funny#long post#very long post#sorry#i hope the readmore works
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Just a cute lil thought:
Since Bruce's kids all love to play around and hide in his cape as Robins, I wonder if he makes them blankets out of the same materials as his cape so they can have a piece of security when Bruce isn't there?
I remember in Dick and Jason's older comics (correct me if I'm wrong), they used to stay up late waiting for Bruce when he'd go out as Batman alone, so I'm gonna take this as confirmation that all his kids have done this at some point.
So now I'm totally gonna hc that in order to encourage his kids to not stay up late for him or as a way to help them feel more safe and secure when he's not there, he makes them all blanket replicas of his cape for them to snuggle with :')
And also just imagine his kids all grown up, and they STILL have the blankets with them, regardless of if they've moved out.
#all Bruce's children probably associate his cape with safety so just imagine lil security blankies for all his kids 🥺#his cape is also like kinda impenetrable to certain projectiles/dangers so its like an actual security device for his kids too lol#batman#batfamily#bruce wayne#batkids#batfam#batdad#Dick Grayson#Jason todd#cassandra cain#tim drake#duke thomas#damian wayne#dc comics#let bruce wayne be a loving dad dc cmon#Robin#nightwing#red hood#black bat#red robin#signal#fanatical posting
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Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :
Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources
Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)
Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women
Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women
Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)
Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)
Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community
Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS
Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough
Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media
Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards
Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories
Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")
And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue
Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)
#Also I'm saying this as someone who actually watched quite a few of Somerton's videos#And noticed those patterns and stopped watching bc I recognised them from here#and had already learned to unlearn them after being so exposed to them here#And tbh I think anyone who hasn't had the luck or made the conscious choice to seek out ppl who pushed against those narratives#Would absolutely have fallen for this man's bullshit. Like let's not kid ourselves we see takes like this every day on this hellsite#2014 me would have. For sure.#This is next to the plagiarism issue which as Harris points out is an Internet wide issue and this includes tumblr#James Somerton#hbomberguy#todd in the shadows#This brought to you by a conversation with my wife yesterday#So many ppl on here don't deserve to meme or be this self absolvingly critical of this man#The call is coming from inside the house#The man has a tumblr it would legit not surprise me if some of the things he supposedly made up himself he did actually get from somewhere#And that somewhere was a tumblr post
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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The true meaning behind FNAF princess quest
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf vanny#fnaf vanessa#fnaf gregory#princess quest#security breach#I actually really like princess quest#especially its main theme is so good#I haven’t done any comics on it just yet because I didn’t know exactly what to do#people still have pretty intense theory fights about PQ#which I never wanna step on toes I’m an artist not a theorist#BUT I GOT this idea#I never really considered how Gregory and Vanessa feel about the game?#I feel like Vanessa in some way knows it’s about her#BUT GREGORY? doesn’t see it#to him she’s nothing like princess BAHAH#TO BE fair she has tired killing him before#kid can’t help but be a lil blunt 🩵
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