#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends

[inkskinned]

having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

[thephantomofthe-internet]

Read into Me Chapter 8: Betty Cornell’s Teen-aged Popularity Guide

Steve Harrington x Reader

CATCH UP ON THE SERIES HERE

Words: 3,424

Warnings: ~~Anxiety~~, capitalism©

Author’s Note: Does this chapter actually have Steve in it? No. But is it one of my favourite chapters? Yes! Do with that what you will, dear reader.

Tag List: @divinity-deos @thecaptainsgingersnap​ @wolfish-willow​ @scoopsohboi​ @herre-gud-nej​ @clockworkballerina @maddie1504​ @i-am-trash-so-much-its-scary @buckysarge​ @wildcvltre​ @stanleyyelnatsiii​ @n3wtscaseofniffler5​ @peterparxour @linkispink1995​ @used-avocado​ @mochminnie​ @sledgy14​ @the-creative-lie​ @yall-wildin-like-siriusly​ @ggclarissa​ @boredoomfm​ @voidnarnia​ @anonymousonion53 @the-passionate-freak​ @a-big-ball-of-idk

As it turns out, distant, unaware mothers were good for one thing. Prom dresses. Without having told her, she had sent you a design from a photo shoot she’d done in Milan, a creamy aqua blue silk with a white lace overlay and a bit of matching lace along the neckline, the skirt cut to tea length. It wasn’t exactly your style but it shockingly fit, a rarity from the gifts she sent you from abroad. She usually couldn’t even remember your birthday, much less your dress size. You chalked it up to luck and put the dress aside. Your grandmother had brought the over sized white dress box upstairs with a note while you were at school. You found it on your bed when you had returned, a strange sight to say the least. In your grandmother’s even cursive, the note explained:

‘Y/N, your mother called. She also sent this. She wouldn’t tell me what she wanted when I spoke to her, only that she needed you to call her back as soon as possible. The number she left is +33 1-155-1816. She said that if you didn’t call her back, she’d call again. I would call her.’

You called her back, but the call only confirmed what you already knew. The conversation left a heavy pit in your stomach when Samantha picked you up the next day.

Samantha was beyond excited. She’d decided to invite Robin with your ticket after all. The catch was that she was going to spend the whole night with the rest of the soccer team to push the gay vibes onto a whole group rather than just her and Robin. She made it very, very clear that her having a date did not mean that the pair of you weren’t going to hang out and that you were more than welcome to join her and her friends whenever you liked, which you already knew but was nice to hear. Of course, it was obvious that you could go and hang out with them whenever you wanted during the night if your anxiety became too much to bear, but you weren’t exactly friends with her teammates. It would be like trading one nerve wracking situation for a different, more experienced nerve wracking situation.

Of course, to get to have any fun, you had to force Samantha into a dress shop, her mother’s credit card in tow. “I just don’t see why I need a fancy dress. Nobody’s going to care what I wear.” She whined. You pushed open the glass door of  Hawkins’ only fancy dress shop, Melinda’s Closet, a generation’s old family owned shop that didn’t even have Melinda at the head anymore. You half-wished you could just give Samantha a dress and call it a day, but you weren’t the same size as it was and the only fancy dress you owned other than your prom dress was your funeral dress, something you weren’t really willing to look at again, much less let someone else wear it.

“Your mom cares, she wants nice photos of you dressed up. Besides, when else are you going to wear a stupid expensive dress like this again?” you replied with a shrug, turning your attention to the racks of dresses in front of you. Your very sweet consultant took Samantha away to take her measurements, as she wasn’t certain of her dress size, and you took to finding something black for her to wear. Samantha wasn’t going to wear anything pink or dainty, that wasn’t who she was and you knew that no matter what Samantha told that salesgirl, she’d still pull something that would technically look good on your friend but make her hate the way she looked and the girl who chose it.

The process began of finding the one dress that Samantha would tolerate. For most girls in Hawkins, dressing like a punk rocker would be out of their comfort zone, hell most of those girls skipped rock music videos on MTV, but for Samantha being anything else was out of her comfort zone. She wouldn’t leave the house without eye liner and hair gel. It was too far out of her safety circle. Samantha hid in her punk rock façade; it kept people out and protected her from people who would judge her. Her look hadn’t scared you when she started it up at age twelve, and it didn’t scare you now. What it did was scare away townie boys who preferred their girls pink and fluffy, in cable knit sweaters and light wash jeans. That was a blessing, but it also meant that she, just like you, wasn’t exactly the most social person.

You brought a large handful of hangers, black material hanging off in various lengths and amount of detail to the dressing room. The salesgirls took them suspiciously, and added a few muted coloured numbers to the options. Samantha scoffed at them the second she saw them, pulling the first dress from your pile and shutting the dressing room curtain. “So, are you excited to be going with King Harrington?” she called from the dressing room, grunting in annoyance, the dress clearly not co-operating.

“I mean, as excited as I can be?” you replied. You weren’t really sure how to feel about the whole event. It was exciting to have plans with Steve, but only as exciting as any other plans you’d usually make with him. In truth, you were nervous. Nervous to be watched and viewed by your peers at a social event for the first time since middle school.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she pulled open the curtain, revealing a knee length black and teal dress. You chose it as a silent compromise with her mother, a bit of colour on a black dress with its bright, swirling flowers all over the bodice. “This is terrible.” She added with a scowl, heading back into the dressing room, having not bothered to look at it for more than a moment.

“Try the halter back one.” You replied “And that means that I don’t really know what I’m supposed to feel.”

Samantha revealed the black halter dress. It was plain black velour with a sweetheart neckline and a bit of gold holding the strap onto the bodice. She stepped fully out of the dressing room, looking at herself in the full length mirror. “I mean are you happy to be going? Excited? Apathetic?” she asked, doing a half turn to look at the back of her dress “This would look so cool with some ripped tights and my docs.”

“Oh yeah that’s a no, your mother would kill me try again.” You waved her away, much to her dismay. “As for feelings, I’m feeling…nervous.”

“Why? What’s happening in that head of yours?” Samantha asked.

You sighed “I just feel like everyone’s going to laugh at me.”

“Okay, calm down Carrie White, there aren’t any pig farms near us.” Samantha replied. Another black dress, this one deemed too short and its skirt too puffy, thrown out of the running barely a moment into the race.

“Why don’t you try one of the blue ones? It’s more your colour!” the salesgirl chimed in, standing by the curtain Samantha stood behind.

Samantha poked her head out of the curtains, holding them closed tightly around her neck. “I’d rather die than wear navy in public.” She said deadpan. That was enough to send their salesgirl packing, supposedly leaving to find something perfect for her in the back.  Samantha shut the curtain with a smirk, turning back to her shopping. “What were you saying?”

“You were judging me for having feelings, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Right, Carrie White, why do you feel like everyone’s going to laugh at you?” Samantha asked.

“You say that like they haven’t before.” You chuckled darkly. Samantha forcefully pulled open the curtain, stepping out in your favourite of the dresses. Plain black taffeta that hit her just above the knee in a tiered ruffled skirt. The strapless bodice had a little sequined and beaded butterfly on the sweetheart neckline and she’d left the black sash around its waist untied.

You stood quickly, grabbing the ties as Samantha admired the dress, rubbing the material of the skirt between her fingertips. You tied them in a bow, emphasizing her waist in a pretty way. “Oh Sam…you look so pretty…” you said softly. You imagined this was what her mother had wanted for her and she looked both like herself and someone you didn’t really know, a more grown up version of your friend.

“Oh shut up, don’t change the subject.” She scoffed. It was obvious that she liked the dress, but she didn’t want to admit it. Still, she didn’t take it off and she didn’t leave the mirror.

“I just…I don’t know how it’s going to go and that’s freaking me out.” You admitted, scuffing your shoes on the white linoleum, leaving behind black skids.

“Okay, you want an image for this thing, picture this.” She wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you back to look at yourself in the mirror. “You’re going to get all dressed up to hang out with Steve in our high school gym, which smells like sweat socks and BO, and everyone who goes is going to stand around until someone puts on Footloose and then Carol and Tina will start dancing terribly and that’ll get everyone to dance. And you and Steve will have a fine time. Tina will win prom queen and Carol and Vicki will cry and Steve might win prom king. And if he does you’ll watch him dance awkwardly with Tina and then you’ll leave. And that’ll be it. Just like the snow ball, but this time with a date.”

You nodded. That speech was almost reassuring. You could remember the snow ball from middle school. You went once. It was a mixed experience. Michael Gardner asked you out as a joke early in and his friends all laughed at you, but then Samantha pantsed him in front of Linda Carson and everyone turned their laughter to him. It wasn’t particularly fun, but it wasn’t something you looked back on only remembering your own embarrassment.

“You should get that dress.” You said. Samantha looked at you carefully, then nodded when she was sure you seemed less anxious.

“I don’t know, I mean maybe I should try on something in colour. You know, for my mom.” You both knew that she was floundering over the price. You checked the tag. The dress was on sale, only $53, a steal in comparison to some of the other dresses you’d pulled.

“You’re not gonna find another dress that you tolerate.” You replied smartly, crossing your arms over your chest. “Besides, I’m not going to sit here and watch you try on a bunch more dresses that all pretty much look the same just for you to buy this one. So let’s just cut all that and buy this one now.”

As if on cue, the salesgirl popped out of nowhere, a silver sequined belt in hand. “Oh my goodness, that is fabulous on you!” she exclaimed “Let me go get someone from alterations to look it over.”

“Oh, um actually, if we can we’d just like to buy it as is.” You replied quickly. You didn’t like speaking out for yourself, but you knew that Samantha knew nothing about dress shopping and that the salesgirl had been trained to get clients to have their alterations done with them and pay twice as much for it. Besides, the dress was perfect as it was! There was nothing that could be done to make it fit better.

The salesgirl looked Samantha over sceptically before admitting with a sigh “I can’t really see anything that needs fixing. You should be fine to just take it as is.” She said. Within fifteen minutes, you were out of the shop with a black dress bag in hand and Samantha wondering how she was going to explain buying a fifty dollar dress to her mother. Samantha had been granted car privileges for the afternoon and she laid the bag out in the backseat before starting up the engine as you settled into the passenger seat.

“Okay, can I see your dress? Please? You got to watch me try on more dresses then I’ve worn in my whole adolescent life.” Samantha asked.

You nodded “Sure, I guess, there isn’t much to see.” You shrugged. Samantha took the fast route to your house. She was more excited about all of this then you had expected her to be. When you bought the tickets back in March she wasn’t exactly enthused by the concept of going to a school dance. You assumed that had changed due to a combination of catching the graduation fever being spread by your fellow classmates and the fact that she had a date with a girl. You believed the latter was more exciting than the former. Usually, the most Samantha got from girls was clandestine kisses hidden in the crowds of basement rock concerts. You couldn’t keep up with the ever changing list of girls she was seeing at any given moment. But Robin was the first girl in awhile who Samantha seemed honestly excited about. Most girls who she hooked up with weren’t out of the closet anywhere except the bathrooms of parties and while Robin was nowhere near out and proud, she was the only girl Samantha had met who could actually admit that she was a lesbian. That was admittedly exciting.

Both of your grandparents had gone to the community centre when you returned, their old yellow Volkswagen gone from the driveway. You led Samantha into your room, flicking on the overhead light and turning your attention to your closet. The dress was still in the wide, white box it had come in, its pink tissue paper crumpled under the dress. You pulled it out, lifting it to your body. “Here it is!” you said “Ta da…”

“Well, go and try it on! I wanna see it!” Samantha flopped into your desk chair. With a sigh, you left for the bathroom. You felt silly in the dress, especially after seeing Samantha’s, it felt twee and young. But you pulled its spaghetti straps up on your shoulders and smoothed the skirt, heading back into your room.

“Here ya go…” you mutter, doing a small spin to show how the skirt moved. Samantha stood, walking around you in a small circle with a quizzical eye. Even having known her your whole life, you didn’t much enjoy being scrutinized silently by Samantha.

She stopped in front of you again. “Your mom picked this out?” she asked.

“Sent it from Milan. No tags, so I assume it’s either from a photo shoot or some random store.” You replied with a soft shrug.

“It’s not your style.” Samantha nodded. You lowered your gaze to the floor. She wasn’t wrong. “It’s nice though. You look nice.”

“It’s pretty silly…” you muttered, rubbing your arms awkwardly. They were cold, despite the warm May day pouring through your open window. A small chill ran up your spine. “But I mean, it’s a dress. That’s all the dress code asked for.” You chuckled awkwardly.

“You look great!” Samantha repeated, reaching out to squeeze your hand tightly in hers. “Harrington is going to cream his pants when he sees you.”

You pushed her shoulder hard, making Samantha laugh loudly. “Don’t be gross!” you exclaimed, turning beet red.

“What? It’s true! You’re a total fox! He’s not gonna know what to do with himself!” she replied with a laugh. You weren’t sure that what she said was true. Steve had been with some of the prettiest girls in Hawkins, you could mark the pages in your collection of profiles and cross reference them to every girl you were certain he’d dated. His whole dating history was public knowledge, even if you didn’t want to know, someone would tell you. It made you a bit nervous to be added to that list, even when he’d told you that it didn’t have to be a date. You did want it to be a date. You didn’t know if Steve knew that, but you were excited to be with him in that way for an evening. You’d had plenty of almost dates with Steve, he even showed up to your door once with flowers. They were for your grandmother and they were potted marigolds, but it was the thought that counted. It was clear that your grandmother was surprised by it too. Both of your grandparents thought that you were dating. You couldn’t convince them that you two were just friends. Samantha was getting a little bit too curious about your relationship as well. She seriously seemed to think that you were lying when you said that you and Steve didn’t have anything going on behind closed doors. You were certain that whatever she was imagining was much more exciting and illicit than what actually happened, unless she got off on sitting with someone and talking. The sexiest thing you’d ever done with the boy was hold hands briefly. That wasn’t exactly spine tingling.

Well, it did raise your heart rate, but that was another story, mostly about your lack of intimacy with other people in general.

“Oh come on!” Samantha cried, smacking your arm harder than necessary “Do you seriously think that he isn’t into you?”

“I mean…it’s not that simple.” You sighed. It wasn’t that simple. Relationships aren’t built on dramatic declarations or big Hollywood moments. People had to be in it from the start, it didn’t just show up randomly for both sides of a friendship. You did like him, much more than you should, but you were certain that he didn’t reciprocate. He could do so much better. He deserved someone great. And you were sure he thought you were cool, but he deserved someone amazing. Someone who could make him happy. Someone who wasn’t afraid to exist. In short, someone who wasn’t you.

You shrunk like a violet in your aqua gown, shying away from your friend. “I’m going to go and change.” You said.

Samantha looked you over again. She knew you well enough to know that you were uncomfortable. She let out a heavy breath through her nose. “Okay, we’ll go and get food after this. Let’s get fat enough to not fit in our dresses anymore.” She said, flopping onto your mattress. You nodded, heading into the bathroom again.

You locked yourself in, pulling yourself out of the taffeta material. You stared at yourself in the mirror, trying to keep yourself from crying. You had worked yourself into a fuss in your mind, tearing yourself down until the very idea that this all wasn’t some big joke felt impossible. You weren’t naïve to the world. You knew that people, girls specifically, would whisper about you once it was revealed who Steve’s mystery date was. You knew what they’d say. That you weren’t good enough. That Steve was doing charity work taking you. They’d make up rumours that you paid him, that you were dying and this was your Make a Wish, that he was only dating you to pass English. And usually, you could handle rumours and whispers about you when you weren’t in control of them. But you were in control of whether or not you go to prom.

You wiped angrily at your eyes, dragging away the tears. You wouldn’t cry in front of Samantha. She wouldn’t know how to help. She’d think that you’re crazy. You splashed cold water on your face, trying to take the redness out of your eyes and cheeks. You pulled back on your street clothes and carefully picked up your dress from the floor. You slowly zipped up the zipper on the back, giving yourself more time to calm down. You let the dress hang off your arm, heaving out a heavy breath before heading out again.

Samantha stood up from your bed when you walked back in. “You ready?” she asked.

You weren’t looking at her, your mind on one single mission. You pulled open your closet, lifted the large white lid of the dress box and carefully lay the dress back into the pink tissue. “Yeah, let’s go.” You replied. You told yourself that you could leave the problem in that box for awhile. Let it haunt you when you return home.

[momentsofbllove]

So after rewatching Until We Meet Again (because why not?) I finally picked Where Your Eyes Linger as my next drama to watch.

I picked it because it's very short (just 8 episodes, about 10-15 minutes each) and because I had seen a lot of posts about how great it is.

My dudes... I am three minutes into this show and already losing my mind! I'm going to liveblog while I watch it because I'm bursting with feelings and if I wait until the end I feel like my only response will be ASFJDGSHSAAAFHUAA!!, you know?

Anywho... spoilers ahead, obviously.

EPISODE ONE:

Literally the first line Kang-gook speaks makes me love him. That unspoken menace of 'if it was you that hurt my friend, I'm going to beat your ass for daring to touch him'.

'I was wondering why you didn't appear.' We are 2 minutes in and establishing that these two are always together. It's just a fact and apparently everyone knows it. Yes. Yes, good.

The ICE in Han Tae-joo's eyes when the asshole calls Kang-gook a servant... even though Kang-gook admits it easily Tae-joo goes from 'this is all fun and games' to 'i hate this guy with a passion' in .003 seconds.

Yeeeees! I LIVE for the 'hurt me all you want but don't lay a hand on him' dynamic.

And now we're following up that by finding out that Kang-gook is basically a whipping-boy?! What?! 😧

Oh god, and that sweet look of reassurance that Kang-gook gives Tae-joo when his dad threatens to send him away. These two are killing me!

And now we have taking care of each other when they're hurt. This show is hitting all of my favorite tropes. I can't.

We go from oblivious flirting to gay panic to rolling around on the floor together... and end it all with Tae-joo gently stroking Kang-gook's ear to win the fight. Just... 😳

What?! Who just walks up to two random guys at a restaurant and asks who's the top/bottom?!! Like... ask if they're a couple MAYBE if you have no sense of boundaries, but that? Good grief!

Okay, I like this girl. Her clear dismissal of Tae-joo is boss energy. She has no time for spoiled rich boys who think too highly of themselves.

Tae-joo is so pleased that Kang-gook didn't give her his number. I see you, boy.

Wait, so they're just sharing a bed? Do they sleep together every night? Or did Kang-gook crawl into bed with Tae-joo in the middle of the night? Tae-joo tries to wake him but didn't seem surprised that he was there. What is happening?

Ooooh! Kang-gook is jealous! That ear stroking is for him and him alone, Tae-joo!

Well gosh! What a first episode. They packed so much into 12 minutes of screen time.

On to the next one!

EPISODE TWO:

Tae-joo's devastation at Kang-gook playfully suggesting he shouldn't be his bodyguard any more. Dang boy. Be more obvious!

Oh no! Kang-gook thinking he can never be with Tae-joo because of class status... that's always the best part of these master-servant dynamics, but it still always hurts!

It's such a small line, but it speaks volumes when Kang-gook says there's 'no need' to check his phone. He's here with Tae-joo... why would he need to talk to anyone else?

And then to find out that Tae-joo gave his number to that girl and is telling him to 'experiment'? Tae-joo... why are you stupid?

I feel bad for this girl. She really needs to listen to her (weirdly invasive) mom.

The fact that Kang-gook only feels like they can act as equals when they're sparring...

Did Tae-joo just say he strokes Kang-gook's ear to calm himself down? Boy, that is NOT heterosexual behavior.

Did Kang-gook just hurt him for real?! Boy, why are you stupid?

Girl, seriously... listen to your mother.

Oh god, he's got a sling and everything! Kang-gook, what did you do?! The poor boy just wanted to admire your muscles. Smh.

‘What do I do about washing up?’ Hmmm. I wonder... 🤔😆

'I really don't want to.' Kang-gook, you are a lying liar that lies!

Kang-gook... why? You know you don't care about this girl. Don't be dumb.

This boy... you hurt your wrist not your brain, you cannot possibly be this useless!

But if it means we get Kang-gook undressing you, it's fine. Be as useless as you want.

And hair washing. What is it about hair washing? It is good every single time.

Alright, well this just keeps getting better and better. Good thing this series is short because I'm definitely going to need to watch it a few more times.

EPISODE THREE:

Repeating the undressing and hair washing from the last episode. I am okay with this.

And Kang-gook letting himself get a little indulgent, bless.

Oh NOW you're worried about him dating and 'neglecting' you? Where was that worry when you were handing out his number to random girls? You've played yourself, Tae-joo.

Yeah, I don't think Kang-gook wants to take dating advice from you, you idiot. You're a player. 😠

And poor Kang-gook has to watch you be a player... uhg. Get your shit together, boy!

What... what are you doing, Tae-joo? Are you... pretending to be on a date with Kang-gook? This is not how you teach someone to date! 🤦‍♀️

'Isn't it a bit boring when it's just the two of us?' BOY! How are you THAT oblivious?!

Oof, Kang-gook has found his limits. Poor thing. He desperately wants all these things that Tae-joo keeps doing. The ear stroking, the touching, pulling him in so close. But you can see it's killing him to have these things when Tae-joo doesn't mean it the way he wants him to.

Uhg, these episodes are so short! I know it was originally supposed to be a movie and they had to change things up thanks to shut downs (edit: I maybe was wrong about this? was it always supposed to be a mini-series but then they recut it into a movie? idk.), but I feel like hardly anything gets to happen before we're moving on. I wonder if I could find it somewhere in one long cut. I did.

EPISODE FOUR:

Okay, Tae-joo is cute in his glasses.

And Kang-gook being a worried mother hen. Precious.

What?! The injury was fake?!! You had him wash your hair and cook for you and FEED you for nothing?! Boy, explain yourself!

'He's really going.' You pushed him into this! God you're so stupid. 🤦‍♀️

Oh child! This is not what you tell a guy on the first date! 😬

Oh, haha. She was joking. Still... I don't think this girl knows how to date any more than Kang-gook does.

Han Tae-joo, are you really crashing the date you forced your friend to go on in the first place? What is wrong with you?!

Wait... why does that guy want to hang out with Tae-joo? Because he's handsome? But not in an 'I want to date him' sort of way. I'm confused.

Tae-joo, stay out of their date! I want to root for you here, dude, but you are going about this all wrong.

Aaand now he's insulting them. Boy... why?

He's making... Kang-gook... walk home. Because he's a whiny baby that doesn't know how to handle his own feelings. I can't with him.

Okay, I'm actually kind of glad that this is a short series. Because you know that in a full BL series this nonsense would last at least another 5-6 hours of screen time. Lack of communication seems to be the #1 BL drama trope.

I'm going to stop for now, it's past midnight. I'll finish the series tomorrow. Episodes 4-8!

[miniwolfsbane]

JWCC Sammy Gutierrez and body positivity

THIS IS VERY LONG! (I just have a lot of feelings!) Also, this is personal and doesn’t talk a lot about Sammy and is just one big rant. 

Comment I wrote on the S2 preview “Also, shout out to the creators for making Sammy heavy, but it not effecting or having anything to do with her character. OR have her be obsessed with food. I'm sure other 90s kids remember the fat kid trope. Not doing fat logic, but we've come so far from the old days! As a woman who had that kind of body type growing up (had skinny friends, developed early, etc. it all was uncomfortable for many reasons. Long story.), it's amazing to see this kind of...semi-body positivity that's quiet and unspoken in a show aimed at everyone, including girls.  If I had seen this character at 13, my mind would've been blown. Kudos!!”

I’m reeeally tired and getting to that point where I get emotional about stupid stuff. However, this isn’t that stupid...maybe? 

We’ve reached a milestone, a kind of apex in American society, where being fat is no longer a running gag and it’s celebrated to be thick and/or a healthy weight. (Not to say skinny isn’t cool and it’s sure as heck better than carry 90+ pounds if it can be helped, but, as I said on Youtube, lots of 90s fat tropes were had, were they not? Every body type has their problems, blessings, and issues.) But, health is also a big issue and losing weight is too. I’m all for losing weight, but I also know what it was like growing up a fat kid, then a fat teenager in the 90s and 2000s when we didn’t have representation and people like Tocorra Jones, Melissa McCarthy,  Ashley Graham and Rebel Wilson around to promote different body shapes and/or being a little heavy or curvy while still being healthy. (Melissa and Rebel have lost weight and I applaud them full circle!)

Anyway, It is downright uplifting to see Sammy in JWCC like this! Being “thicker” than her two female friends doesn’t slow her down or hinder her in anyway. She is not obsessed with food. She is not constantly eating. Likewise, she has an actual personality and an interesting secret and backstory. The fans seem to love her. She is not dressed immodestly and she doesn’t seem to have ANY negative opinions of her body type, for now. Likewise, in a fast paced show like this, no one is talking behind her back about her weight or eating habits (again, for now. This could change in upcoming seasons, we don’t know.) Come to that, she’s fairly intelligent and isn’t dumb. Like, how many times have we seen a fat, dumb person in a show. (I’m looking at you Chris Griffin and Cleveland Jr!) This could’ve gone SO SIDEWAYS in her character creation any number of ways and I’m just amazed it didn’t. However, this maybe is attributed to the show being an action show and not a comedy? In any case, I’m so glad girls of this generation can see it. I wish I’d had it at their age. (It’s probably because her VA is heavy, but heavier than how Sammy is portrayed, to my knowledge. I’ve only seen her years ago on Disney channel.  Who cares why? It happened and I’m glad.) Please be assured, I’m NOT trying promote fat acceptance, just inclusivity, relatability, and representation. 

Like I say all the time, I’m not super heavy. I never was. As I said in the comment, I developed early and had mostly skinny friends growing up. I remember being about 11 and hosting my first sleepover and someone pointing to my arms at my stretch marks, asking what they were. I wasn’t traumatized and they didn’t tease me, but I was a little (a lot?) self-conscious. Like, can we please get the idea out of our head that ONLY pregnant women get stretch marks?? (Cocoa butter companies, hello?!) They can happen to girls that grow tall fast or, like me, you can have them all freaking over because the puberty button in your brain got stuck. (LOL?) And calling them cute things like skin lightning doesn’t really help. My limbs and body still look weird.

I don’t remember seeing many characters shaped like me in shows as a kid or teenager.  Unless maybe Simpsons characters with their pudgy bellies who may be some of the most average, realistic bodies in all of fiction, really. We can’t all be supermodels and body builders. Sailor Moon girls were all thin and leggy. None of the Magic School Bus kids were pudgy, all average and healthy (which is probably a good thing in a way. IDK. Representation is great, but so is promoting healthy eating and healthy shapes. Everything has their place.)  Disney characters were mostly animals at the time, and I didn’t see Recess until Highschool or something at 3 am, and even then, there was only Mikey. Mikey was progressive, but he wasn’t female. Closest I got was Ariel’s (Little Mermaid) sister, Adella ( https://littlemermaid.fandom.com/wiki/Adella) and even then, she had no belly and never animated the same outside of the series with not much character development or anything.

Cassie from Animorphs might’ve been a close second, but, though she was my favorite female character as a kid (not anymore), it was hard to say “OMG, she’s shaped like me!” as it was a book series with few visual aides outside of covers, posters and some toys. 

I remember seeing the singing group Cherish for a few seconds on TV once. A bunch of thick, busty, heavy black girls and I was SO EXCITED because for those few seconds on TV, there were girls that looked like me! Then some years later I found out a few of them lost weight and I was like bleh. (I didn’t follow their music or anything, not even sure how I saw them again.) Not that disapprove, health is essential, and I encourage people to lose weight for themselves, but it was nice having some representation. Except health needs to come first. It’s a two-edged sword if I ever saw one.

Don’t get me started on the sheer amount of girls with small/flat chests on TV. (No offense! See above about body types. Again, it’s about representation and seeing someone that looks like you that was not common in the 90s and early 2000s) I’m picky though. I wanted to see more representation, but the minute I saw it, I was not impressed or annoyed. To my better judgement, I saw a few episodes of something I won’t name with a curvy lead. I found her times dressing up as a man unconvincing and confusing because of her body shape. Other times I was, for lack of a better word, slightly appalled at her own size, even though she somewhat looked like me. I know, it makes no sense. Other times, I was mad at Lizzy Mcguire or another show for having skinny characters with A-cups while I was, er, way past training bras and smaller bras by 14/15 when the show was new.

Swearz, I developed (pun not intended!) this weird conspiracy theory that Disney execs have to look at the Star’s mom and other women in their family before casting a girl to make sure she stays thin/average chested for the shows entire run. Outside of one show, all shows in that era had the same thin girl body type. (And not much representation for different races for Disney back then, but that’s another debate for someone to better handle, not me.) 

All that said, my shape was attributed to four things: Diet, genetics, lack of exercise and my mom’s cooking. Not sure how much I subscribe to the “genetics effect body fat theory”, but the “genetics effect body shape” is definitely a thing! And hormones in chicken. My family said all I ever wanted when I was little was McDonald’s chicken nuggets all the time, so I think that had some play in how I turned out. It’s probably too much to get into here, and no one cares about my sob story, so let’s move on.

Sammy is awesome and I hope to see more characters like her from other studios in the future. Every body type needs representation, but every body also deserves to be healthy and nourished.

EDIT: WARNING: THE VIDEO AND  THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS TALK ABOUT ED AND CALORIE RESTRICTION!!

OMAHGAWWWD! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING ROTTEN IN THE INDUSTRY, Y’ALL!! (Okay, that’s obvious, but you don’t really give it thought in your day to day life.)

The video gives a summary of Jenette McCurdy’s time on iCarly and the horrors she’d been going through in her younger years, which included an eating disorder and restricting calories to an (alleged) 900. Dear lord, that is sickening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCE1x_chT34

Granted, I would take this with a small grain of salt as it’s from the internet, and undoubtedly, many actresses, probably more than we realize, have ED’s. If they would start encouraging them to be at healthy weights, things like this wouldn’t happen. Frick Nickelodeon and frick the acting industry!! 

So, this was what I was trying to convey. Casting and producers need to find that middle ground. Don’t promote fact acceptance, but do not force your actors/actresses to be stick thin either.  I could go on a huge tangent, but I don’t have the brain power right now. If you have an ED or know someone that does, I strongly encourage you to get help. I’ve been in tight spots like that (I knew of people or knew people), but getting REAL help from a doctor, professional, or someone with a good head on their shoulders is better than hiding it or keeping it secret. Ten years down the line, you’ll be thankful you did and not have regret. No one is perfect, but sometimes you have to fight harder to find a solution and someone that will actually listen to you and take your concerns to heart. 

If I get negative comments, I’ll be deleting this and no one will be able to enjoy it. Think before you type and don’t be a jerk.

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 21: The Tea Party (Part 1)

Previously: we went on a very stressful and very emotional trip. We finally learned Hanako’s brother’s name: Tsukasa and he continued to unsettled me like he does every single time he appears. Mitsuba actually passed away, this time for good, it seemed and it made me tear up a bit ngl. After that, the chapter decided I hadn’t suffered enough so it punched me while I was down and showed us how Hanako feels about the existence of the dead as ghosts in general and how that reflects in his own sense of self. We also got another glimpse of the mermaid and she said some real ominous shit :)))) if anything happens to Nene istg :)))))) Sigh And last but not least, Natsuhiko went to see Nene at her classroom and I’m,,,,concerned,,,,

Now onto the next chapter!

Personal update for the 50 (holy shit?) of you that still follow this blog: Well…..hi there, it’s been a while ^^;; Looking back on it, quarantine really hit me like a bag of bricks and burned me out. It’s not the first time that has happened, and what it means to me is that I just can’t bring myself to consume new content; I might have loved it so far but my brain is like “nope, we’re not doing that today” and well, this time it happened for almost two months. Also, one of my cats went missing for a little over a week (he’s home now, thankfully) and that just added to the general distress I was feeling. But over the last week I actually wrote small fics for another fandom and it finally pushed me back into a creative state, so I went back to re-read the last couple of recaps I did for JSHK and it made me realise that I miss my babies and I really want to know where the story goes, so here I am c:

Ohhhh that’s right, we’re starting a new volume with this chapter! Our main trio is front and center and judging by the colorful pastries and the tea, it is a reference to the tea party that was alluded to in the preview of the last chapter. Also, I see the ropes are back again, but this time Kou also has some around him! Nene and Hanako seem to be tied together with pink, blue and yellow ropes, Nene and Kou seem to be tied together with an orange rope and both Hanako and Kou seem to have another rope each that it’s not connected to neither Nene nor each other. Hanako’s is red and considering the way in which we’ve seen him tied up before, I would guess this represents his connection to Tsukasa. Kou’s is pink and considering everything that just happened, could his rope represent his connection with Mitsuba? Like, I know he’s dead dead now and their actual friendship was short-lived but I would also like to think that even though he’s gone, his memory will live forever with Kou, hence the rope. But I’m speculating and I already went on a long enough tangent for the cover page so let’s move on.

The next color page has the main trio again as the central focus in what seems to be the inside of a place that has a clockwork-like mechanism. On the corners of the page we have who I assume will be important character during the following arc(s): Aoi, Akane, Yamabuki and Teru (the latter one worries me slightly ngl). 

Ohhhh okay, the content page says that one of the arcs is called “the three clock keepers” so the art on that page now makes more sense.

……….I really don’t trust him hhhhh please be careful, Nene, please don’t let your weakness for pretty boys cloud your judgement.

Ohhh it could be because of Nene’s dress and the bunny ears (and the twins) but the title page gives me strong Alice in Wonderland vibes. It’s a cute picture but Tsukasa is there and Nene is tearing up so I’m,,,concerned 

Okay so Nene followed Natsuhiko outside and 

Are you reciting her your dating profile or something? also “call me Natsuhiko-senpai ♡” omfg he’s one of those, huh? Like, it could all be an act but he’s looking less and less threatening by the minute lol

Nene, bless her, has the common sense of asking him why he wanted to talk to her all of the sudden and he says it’s because “someone wants to meet her”. Gee, I wonder who that could be :)))))

…………….oh, oh no. Nene, sweetie, I need you to run and to run fast because this boy is up to no good and you’re not gonna  like what’s gonna happen. (Edit note: also this brings up a question: how did the chaotic trio know that Nene turns into a fish when she touches water? Like, I know they had been keeping tracks on her and Hanako for some time, so maybe they found out that way? Oh, maybe they use the Mokke? Because the Mokke were there in Yako’s boundary when Hanako pushed Nene down the waterfall)

Hhhhhhh and to the surprise of no one, there’s Tsukasa here to make Nene’s day more difficult.

asdasgdjash please do not make my daughter share the same fate as the puffer fish, she doesn’t deserve it (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；)

Nene fainted (can’t say I blame her jfc) and now she’s waking up in what seems to be the tea party and the floor is wet! so she thinks she could be on another boundary. Interesting, I wonder which number would this one be? Because the boundaries are assigned to the seven mysteries, right? So one of them should be in control of this place. Could Tsukasa be in control of this one? But that wouldn’t make much sense because he managed to get his “physical” form only recently, right? However, Hanako also spoke of a traitor that was changing rumors and we know that these three are responsible, so if they’re not the owners of the boundary maybe they somehow managed to manipulate the mystery that does control it? Oooor it could also be that there’s another boundary that managed to go under the radar and in turn the other mysteries don’t know about it.

sjdgjjasd she’s so done with them lol I know I call them the chaotic trio but it’s really the chaotic duo + Sakura. I’m so curious about how this whole *gestures wildly towards them* arrangement came to be.

Ohhhh this great! So Sakura got everything under control and from her introduction to Nene we now know that she’s a third year and we have confirmation that she became Tsukasa’s assistant in the same way that Nene did, in exchange for a wish. B U T, again, that brings up even more questions because Tsukasa said that while Amane granted the wishes of the living, he granted the wishes of the dead. So like (⚆.⚆) what’s up with that?? Is she an exception? Is she dead? Another supernatural? Or, maybe, even though it should be impossible considering what we know so far, could her wish have something to do with her being ‘alive’ in the school right now? Mhmmmm…...suspicious.

Okay but like, I actually really want to know how he fits in all of this because okay, Sakura and Tsukasa are linked together by the wish she made, but why is Natsuhiko here? Who is he? How did he end up working with these two?  He seems silly and completely whipped for Sakura, so maybe they knew each other before she made her “contract” with Tsukasa?  Hhhhh idk let’s keep reading.

Sakura says that she wanted to meet Nene because they’re in similar positions and she thought they could be good friends. And like, that’s a fair point…...but I don’t trust like that, no sir. Even if she didn’t want the boys to be so rough when they brought Nene here, the fact remains that they still kidnapped her so if this was just a friendly meeting, why would they need to do it in such a convoluted way?

Okay good, Nene is suspicious because of their methods and the amount of knowledge they have about her.

………………...sigh, I shouldn’t be surprised but bby no please don’t trust them so easily. She’s venting to Sakura about Hanako’s unpredictable behaviour and Sakura says that she can empathize with most of her struggles while Tsukasa is sitting on top of her shoulders and wrapping his arms and legs around here…...I can definitely see why she said he was cat-like because my cats do things like that when I’m sit down to write at my desk. But again, I know he’s technically a kid but I really need him to stop acting so cute because it unsettles me a lot.

Even he can see the romantic chemistry between those two. Well, thinking about it, that’s probably why they dragged her here, because she’s important to Hanako.

(;;⚆.⚆) NOPE, no, no thank you, I need you to back tf up please jfc

Nene snaps out of it and realizes that she let herself be drawn in by girl talk. She thankfully knows it was a stupid thing to do but she was just relieved and happy to have found someone who seems to understand what she’s going through, so I’ll cut her some slack. And she mentions that they don’t look like bad people but like I did, if they had innocent intentions, they wouldn’t have had to bring her by force.

………………...I feel like I’ve mentioned this before but I really hate it when either of them does this fucking face, it’s so creepy >n< also, Nene, sweetie, once again I’m asking you to run, run far and don’t look back because that look doesn’t spell anything good, especially paired with Sakura’s scared/resinged look (which makes me think that maybe her own intentions had been more innocent that I had originally given her credit for)

Hmmm. This is concerning; like, yes, Nene has to help Hanako with whatever he needs as his assistant as part of their deal and he does threaten to turn her into a fish when she pouts but I never got the feeling that it was malicious. On the other hand, Sakura’s wording (especially calling Tsukasa “Master” and saying she “can’t” disobey) and the look Tsukasa gave her make it seem like her punishment for not following his orders would be much more severe. hhhhh I really don’t like where this is going

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)  WHAT THE HELL THIS THAT THING WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK OH MY GO D

“We’re gonna have you disappear now” okay so, yeah, he’s doing this specifically to upset his brother. the room is fucking sinking though and omfg what even is this room?? is it really a boundary? Since this happened at this very moment, it looks like they do control it so my questions from before remain, the biggest one being “how”. Also I’ve just noticed that the eyes all over the place are very similar to the ones in the broadcasting room and now this tells me that those weren’t an artistic choice and that is terrifying.

…………………..excuse me, w h a t??? why? hello??? “she’s like this sometimes” ????? Sakura what???? I have….so many questions, the main one being why do you let her treat you like this??

……………………………………...oh…..y’know, I hate the term simp with a passion because I feel like it’s been memed to death but wow.

Hhhhhhhh it looks like she can’t stop sinking and that (and the fucking eyes) tell me that this is not normal water (since she would have turned into a fish already). She’s yelling out for Hanako and that’s how the chapter ends. I’m still :)))))) concerned :))))))))

[kuningannasansa]

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x04

(warning: not always complimentary towards all characters, especially not aramis, anne and athos. dont like, don’t read)

We start with Louis being a prat and in this instance I love it! 

Richelieu is wearing his red robes over the hideous black outfit. I wish it was just the robes. 

Athos wonders what’s wrong with Aramis and Porthos says “have you forgotten about the massacre at Savoy?”. This is clumsy exposition. Realistically Athos the character would not have forgotten but I guess the viewers need to know. 

“A strategically important pimple” - Lmao! Who says Armand hasn’t got a sense of humour! 

This marks the beginning of these strangely depopulated court scenes. I do wish they had been able to afford more extras!

The Duke’s name is Victor... idk how I feel about that

The conversation between Marsac and Aramis is very well written, the exposition feels natural and also Aramis handles the situation quite well.

Now the Duke is mad and everyone is trying to calm him down. Treville points out that they should wait for the facts and Anne says that the shot could have hit any one of them, they are family and should stick together. This is why I liked her back in season 1! She was clever, had some political acumen and was good at playing her role as queen (women being seen as the gentler sex whose job it was to calm mens anger) while still maneuvering and getting her own way. 

It is funny thou, how everyone else is making good points and Richelieu is pacing around in a panic not saying anything at first, not even responding to Victor’s insults. And when he does speak he miscalculates and angers the duke. He is brilliant when given time to think and consider, but not always quick on his feet lol (as pointed out by @tatzelwyrm in her wonderful fic Reformation, which I really must remember to review cause I fucking loved it).   

Louis calls the duke a pomous arse and Richelieu points out that France needs Savoy, but his face says he agrees xD

There’s definitely some sexual tension between Aramis and Marsac. Or maybe I’m just a shameless slasher... 

“If this gets me hanged, I’m going to take it very personally” - lol, I do love musketeers humour!

The scene between my dear grand deceiver and his bluff honest man of action is SO GOOD!! The dialogue, the delivery, the acting in general!

Richelieu’s room is ridiculously large and empty thou xD 

“Death in battle is one thing, but your world of back alley stabbings and murder disgusts me” - that seems to be the show’s morality in a nutshell and I don’t like it. Whether you’re killed by Milady’s dagger between the ribs or a musketeer sword, you end up no less dead. Sometimes secret assassinations are necessary, that’s why countries have spy agencies. And while yes, in battle you can see your opponent coming and have a good chance to deny him, I am convinced that a big part of why killing in battle is seen as more honourable is that it is the more traditionally masculine option. Also, it is an option most easily accessible to able bodied men. Everyone else can’t always afford to “fight fair”. 

“Not everything I do is pleasant, but it is all necessary.” - well, that’s not true either. Not all.

Richelieu panics again and wants to move the prisoner but Treville says a transfer would only attract attention and Richelieu is like “yeah, you’re probably right” lol. Poor cardinal, he’s trying to run the whole country alone but he needs advisors just like anyone else would to make the best decisions. If he would just admit it, his life would be a lot easier! 

Dartagnan gets all jealous and territorial over Constance. I know it’s meant to indicate their true love, but I’ve never found that shit charming. 

Aramis ties Marsac up. This is making me horny now. 

“I’ve thought of you many times” - omg, I gotta see if there’s fic of them!

Constance finds out that Marsac is a criminal and instead of kicking him out, she kicks D’artagnan out! Bless!

Okay, so the Duke’s men killed the 20 musketeers because the Duke thought that they had come to kill him and put his son on the throne. And Treville told him where to find them through Cluzet (spl?). But actually it was all a distraction to kidnap Cluzet. Noting this down, cause I don’t remember the plot anymore.

PORTHOS DEFENDING TREVILLE!!  <3

And Richelieu just couldn’t resist going to see his prisoner! 

And Cluzet worked for the Duke officially but was actually a Spanish spy! Okay, that makes sense. I wondered why they kidnapped him lol.

Richelieu is gloating now. He should have stayed away from there. 

“Total solitude, unlimited time to reflect... I almost envy you.” - oh Armand! You will learn in the Spanish prison :(

(yes, in this house the Spanish prison AU is canon)

Porthos: “this is the captain we’re talking about” Aramis: “which is why we owe it to him to clear his name” - damn, that’s a good argument! I like Aramis in this episode! That’s probably why I remember liking him a lot when season 1 first aired...

“If it is true, what then?” - @donnaimmaculata made an excellent point about that here: https://donnaimmaculata.tumblr.com/post/109300936446/aramis-was-actually-at-his-smartest-in-this

Louis playing swords with Louis Amadeus is so cute!! And the kid is a more gracious loser than Louis is a winner xD

“I don’t want protection, I want to be treated as an equal.” - that’s a good Constance line, much more feminist than that nonsense about the duchess later in the episode

And D'artagnan apologizes and promises not to lie to her again. Mentioning that cause his respect for her boundaries and acknowledging when he makes a mistake goes totally out the window in season two.

The duke: “Have you captured the man who tried to kill me?” Richelieu: “We should not be distracted by minor issues.” - what is wrong with him this episode?? he is not being at all diplomatic

The duke challenges Athos to a duel and Treville is so cool and quietly confident while Richelieu frets.  

And Treville smirks at his evident distress xD

Treville gets mad at Athos for humiliating the duke. He could have defeated him in a way that left him his dignity, apparently. But Porthos says he would have cut his head off, so Treville should consider himself lucky, really. 

Porthos is very good at spying!

Treville’s filing of documents is “meticulous”, apparently. Sorry, but that does NOT sound like him!

“I will never believe the captain is a traitor” - that’s noble of you Athos. Maybe you could have extended the same courtesy to your wife?

The confrontation with Treville is so angsty and well acted and tense! This is the show at it’s best, dealing with a serious issue and giving it the weight it deserves. I love!

It’s kind of sad seeing how in love the duke is with his wife! I hope he never finds out she’s a spy lol xD

Now Marsac tries to rape Constance. Was that really necessary? Like, really, why?? We understand he is an antagonist, there is no need to make him cartoonishly evil, especially by using violence against women. 

I don’t know what his friend being a seezy rapist says about Aramis thou...

Dart to the rescue, yawn!

I do love how we are led to believe they’re gonna kiss and then she goes “teach me how to shoot” xD

“Honour? There’s no word in the language more likely to cause stupidity and inconvenience” - lmaoo, Richelieu I feel you

“You think I won’t have you arrested? That you’re above the normal rules of soldiering?” - Yesss Treville, have him arrested! You will save everyone a lot of grief down the road!

Aramis punches Treville in the face! LOL! xD

Aramis and Marsac argue how to handle Treville (Marsac wants to assassinate him) and Aramis just cradles his face!

And then Marsac punches aramis in the face and knocks him out cold! LOL! xD

I love how the duke is actually objectively right in this episode. Imperialist France is meddling in the affairs of another sovereign state. The weak suffer what they must. And the musketeers are not on the side of good by helping the King and Richelieu conceal Cluzet. They follow their orders and work for the state, but the state is, well, not always nice. Just pointing that out...

The duchess looks so cool and beautiful riding into the garrison in that yellow dress with her cloak flapping in the wind!

“You traitor!” Cluzet says to the duchess. Pot calling the kettle black

“Not your average duchess then” - I don’t like this line! It sort of implies that an average duchess without fighting skills is somehow lesser and plays into a long pattern in television when women are only valued when they have “masculine” skills. But I do love her character a lot! More on that here: https://kuningannasansa.tumblr.com/post/100754198434/a-duchess-of-savoy-appreciation-post

Richelieu’s FACE when he sees D'artagnan as the guard! xD

But I wonder what his plan was? What if the musketeers had not shown up to save his ass?

“Paris has a number of excellent places of correction, if you’d like a tour of them all?” - aawwww, sassy cardinal! 

He even gives Dartagnan a look of acknowledgement. As well he should! The Cluzet switch was brilliant and funny!

Now Marsac is going to kill Treville, but Aramis stops him, saying there should be a court martial. Well done Aramis, keeping your head! Also, justice! It does exist! 

This is another very well acted emotional scene!

Aramis shoots Marsac, choosing Treville over him. It’s sad and tragic and wonderful television!

“I love my husband, very much” - I like their relationship

Lmaooo now Richelieu is already plotting the Duke’s murder xD  

Wet Aramis at Marsac’s grave is hot!

In conclusion, there were some things I didn’t like, but all in all this was a very good episode!

Red Guards killed in the line of duty: none

Women fridged: also none! this really was a good one guys!

Best dressed: Constance

[glitterslag]

ummm please do an angst blurb????? With roger

So i finally got around to writing one of these blurbs. I thought I’d put the two of these together in one blurb, hope that’s ok with you both!! This has really gone WAY past blurb territory and into full fic, i’m sorry I’m literally incapable of doing anything else pmsl

Word count: 2.5 k LOL

Warnings: angst, mentions of unplanned pregnancy and abortion, some language, one brief mention of sex, difficult themes idk

————————

6 weeks.

It’s John who’s the first of them to walk in on you. Satthere, sobbing steadily in Freddie’s bathroom, pregnancy test in your shakingfingers.

He takes the stick from you gently. His voice is calm andquiet.

“I think this says you’re pregnant, love.”

You choke out a shaky laugh.

“Yeah, no shit.”

You hear more people begin to file in to find you still sat onthe toilet, head in your hands. You look up and count five people now, stoodawkwardly in the doorway, Roger’s flavour of the month included. She’s lookingat you like you’re some sort of exhibit at the zoo. Your jeans are still aroundyour ankles. Not the greatest feeling ever.

“Who are you?” You direct the question towards Roger’s leggyredhead, violently swallowing a sob. “You don’t live here.”

It’s rude, and she looks offended, but you’re past caring.

“I’m… I’m Cheryl.” She says, voice sugary sweet and lacedwith hurt, and you feel like smashing her face in even though she hasn’t doneanything wrong.

“Do you know who the father is?” Deaky’s asking in thekindest, gentlest whisper and he’d have you sobbing afresh if there were anymore tears left to cry.

And you don’t even have to say anything. It only takes oneshattering look at Roger and then everyone in the room knows it’s his.

You don’t remember much of what happens after that- there’sa lot of muddled shouting as the bathroom quickly descends into chaos - but thelook on that poor girl’s face as Brian leads her away down the hallway is burntinto your retinas for the rest of the week.

10 weeks.

 You needed someone to come and pick you up from the clinicafter the abortion, they said. It was the rules. They couldn’t letyou take the bus home on your own.

Deaky turns up, bless him, bunch of flowers and a bag fromMcDonalds in his hands. You take one look at him and burst into tears,explaining to him through sobs that you backed out, that at the last minute,you just couldn’t go through with it. You couldn’t get rid of your baby.

“I’m so scared, Deaky.” You tell him later, sat in his carin the clinic carpark, stuffing your face with chicken nuggets that are gettingall mixed in with snot and hot tears. “Roger’s gonna be so mad with me, isn’t he?”

“Of course he’s not.” He’s reassuring you, voice soft. “He’llbe over the moon.”

You look up at him, full of doubt, searching his face forany sign of the same.

“He was gutted he couldn’t be the one to take you today.”

You thought of Roger guiltily.

You’d asked John to be the one to pick you up almost as soonas you’d gotten off the phone with the doctor. When you told Roger about it hisface fell a mile, but he’d covered it up so quickly that you’d chalked itup to your imagination.

16 weeks.

 He carries on fucking other women and you pretend you don’tcare. You don’t need anyone. Just baby and you, together against the world.

And it works for a while, until one day someone spits at youin the street and calls you a slapper while you’re waiting for the bus. You’rebump’s hardly even there yet - that’s how you know it’s gossip, and then suddenlyit’s even worse.

You want to spit right back. You want to call him an old dinosaur,tell him that this is the 1970s and that he should get with the times becauseyou’re doing this on your own, thank you very much.

But you don’t do any of that. Instead you spend the wholeride home with your face hidden in your big coat, burning with the shame of it.

You get in and dial Roger’s number, not really sure what itis you want to say but then a giggling girl picks up and you slam down thereceiver and cry.

18 weeks.

 You swallow your nerves and go to one of their gigs,drinking orange juice when everyone else is drinking beer, feeling massivelyout of place with your tummy – getting quite big by now - in the middle of thisskeezy bar. A girl Roger’s been flirting with looks at you and asks, “Who’s thefatty?” and he honest to God smirks before quickly wiping it offhis face and telling her not to be rude.

 That was it.

After that, you just couldn’t be the same around them. Anyof them. You drifted away from your friends as your stomach grew and grew,feeling more alone than ever.

 You’d have to drop out of college soon.

23 weeks.

 You had planned on telling him straight away, you reallyhad. It was just a bit difficult, willing yourself to go around there or to pickup the phone, to dial the number you’d dialled so many times you could do it inyour sleep.

It’s in the supermarket that you see him, down the breadaisle, and his eyes flash to your bump immediately then jerk away again, justlike everyone else.

“How’ve you been?” He asks his feet. “Feels like I’ve notseen you in ages.”

That’s what he always says.

“You must be pretty far along by now.”

“About six months.”

Neither of you says anything, and you’ve both moved to walkaway when you look back at him and add, almost as an afterthought: “It’s agirl, by the way.”

“A girl.” 

Roger nods stoically, but his voice cracks and hegives himself away. His eyes are watering, grip far too tight on that pint ofmilk he’d run in for. “Great.”

He forces a smile and your heart breaks.

26 weeks.

 You make yourself go around to Fred and Roger’s apartment.The baby’s been kicking all afternoon, and you decide it’s only fair her fathergets to feel it.

“We haven’t seen you in a while, darling.” Freddie says withpoorly disguised pity when he opens the door, and you want the ground toswallow you up.

For once, Roger’s alone. You go into his room and sit downon the bed and he puts his hands on your stomach, waiting for a kick.

He stares up at you expectantly. Nothing.

“Talk to her.”

He looks unsure at first, but almost as soon as he startsspeaking she kicks like mad.

“She knows I’m her dad!” 

Roger’s grinning, wild withexcitement, and then you’re sobbing again and his face falls.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, grabbing your hands and you pullaway, wiping your tears.

“Pregnancy hormones.” You say.

It’s only half a lie.

“Tell me.” He presses, brows knitted together in concern andhe’s just so hard to lie to when he does that.

“I just- “You struggle, flapping your hands around andhyperventilating through a fresh round of tears. “I just don’t know what I’mgoing to do, Rog.”

It tails off into a pathetic sob and Roger’s pulling youinto him, holding you as close as he can to his body with your bump in the wayand he’s shushing you steadily.

“Hey, hey,” He whispers gently, rubbing circles into yourback. “Your mum’ll come around.”

You’re shaking your head. No chance of that.

When you’d broken the news to your parents that there wasn’tgoing to be a wedding, they’d refused to give you any more support. You thought that they were just angry, that soon enough they would calm down and startacting rationally. But that was months ago and they still weren’t picking upyour calls.

“She hasn’t so far.” You said dismally into Roger’sshoulder.

“She’ll come around when she sees her granddaughter.”  He says with so much sureness, so muchcalmness in his voice that you want to slap him.

You pull away from him and look him in the eyes.

“Will you come around when you see her?”

It’s no louder than a whisper, but he heard what you saidfine well. You feel pathetic.

He can’t even look you in the eye.

~~~~~~~~

It’s later that night when the phone rings.

It’s him. You know that when all you can hear on the end ofthe line is his unsteady breathing.

“Alright.” he says when he finally speaks, and you can tellby his voice that he’s been crying. “Let’s give this a try.”

And at first, you’re so mad. You hiss and spit venom at himthrough the receiver. You can’t believe him. Don’t want to believe him.

“So you feel her kick and then all of a sudden your baby’sreal, is that it?!” You shout, and his answering voice is so low that it scaresyou into silence.

“Our baby was real to me the day you took that fucking test.”

His voice softens.

“I’m just- I’m an idiot, ok?”

You can’t speak.

“I’m stupid. I’m a stupidboy.”

“Rog-”

“-and I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry.”

You hear his breathing grow erratic as he pleads with you.

“And I just want us to be a family so much-”

Your tears are falling freely by now.

“But it just felt like you didn’t want me. You – you starteddistancing yourself from me and I didn’t know what to do and I just- I just hadto bow out.”

“I’m sorry.” He saysagain.

“Rog- “

“I guess I just-“

“Roger.”

He’s silent for a beat.

“What?”

“I love you.”

He breathes the biggest sigh of relief, and you canpractically hear him beaming on theother end of the receiver.

34 weeks.

 You and Bri sit giggling on the sofa, watching Rog sweat andstruggle as he attempts to assemble the flatpack cot.

There’s an old Christmas film playing on the TV in thebackground, and Rog and Bri are drinking mulled wine. You, the mum-to-be(everyone calls you that now), are drinking hot chocolate.

You’re just about letting yourself believe that this is whatfamily looks like. Not just you and Roger and baby but the boys as well, andVeronica – lovely Veronica, John’s girlfriend, who’s even bigger than you are.You’re so excited to raise your children together.

“Why am I putting this together here anyway?” Roger’s askingsuddenly, peering up at you from the floor over his complicated instructionleaflet and your gaze snaps up.

“What, Rog?”

“Well surely it’s going to be too big to get it through thedoor.”

You look over at Brian for any clues, but he won’t meet youreyes.

“So annoying that you live on the top floor, too.” Roger’s mumblingto himself, scratching his head absentmindedly as he wrestles with the endless foldingbooklet. You squint at him.

“Roger, what are you on about?”

He looks at you like you’re thick, over-pronouncing everyword of his next sentence as if you’re stupid, not pregnant.

“Well surely, it wouldbe easier to just put it up at ours instead of carting it half way across town.”

You’re silent.

Brian’s all of a sudden very interested in the TV remote.

“Or is this just a practise run?” He says. You click on towhat he’s saying all too late.

“Because- because…” He continues, unsure. Nervous. “Becauseyou’re going to be moving in once she’s born.”

He phrases it more like a question. More silence. You’dnever talked about this.

“Aren’t you?”

Roger looks between Brian and you, and then down at yourtummy, as if looking for his daughter to back him up.

“Aren’t you?” Herepeats.

When you don’t answer, he starts babbling.

Babbling about how Queen are actually starting to earn a bitof money now. About how his flat’s got more room than yours. That it’s betterthan nothing. That it’s just until you find something.And you’re here half the time anyway. And wouldn’t it make sense. To have both of her parents underthe same roof.

“Roger, I don’t know about this.” Is all you say, and it’sno louder than a whisper.

You know it makes sense. You’ve even thought about it beforeyourself. It’s just looking at himnow with his glasses on, putting that cot together and he looks so sad and hopeful and so like a dad all at the same time and it’s just too much.

“I’m not ready.” You say. “I’m not, I can’t – I can’t dothis.”

Suddenly you’re panicking about more than just apartmentsand you realise that you’re not exactly sure when Roger Taylor became thelogical one out of the two of you.

“Well you’re going to have to get ready.” He whispers, serious and sincere, and he crawls over towhere you’re sitting and puts his hands on your belly. “Because she’s coming.”

You’re silent for a long time, until you take his hands andlook into his eyes and nod shortly.

“Ok.” You hear yourself say. “Ok let’s do it.”

The relief on his face is really something.

He surges towards you for a kiss which you quickly deepen,and then he’s pulling you out of the room, stepping over the littered ruins ofthe crib and leaving Brian blushing furiously on the sofa.

~~~~~~~

“Do you really still… y’know?” Brian wonders quietly to Roglater, when he thinks you’re asleep lying in Roger’s lap. “Even when she’s thisfar along?”

“It’s actually pretty great.” He admits, and you can hearthe bashful grin in Roger’s voice as he says it.

“And anyways,” he adds a little bit later, stroking yourhair as you try not to smile and let on you’re awake. “We’re making up for losttime.”

—————————————————————-

3 years old.

 You smile at the memories as you watch your little girl toddlingaround the living room, babbling nonsense.

 It’s 1973, and your husband and hisband are scheduled to appear on television at 9 o’clock sharp. It’s well pasther bedtime, but just this once, you thought, you’d let her stay up. You thoughtit would be nice for her to see her daddy on the screen. He’d been working awayso much lately, and you were both missing him.

“Don’t you wonder whathe’s getting up to, when he’s away all the time?” People would always ask,and it used to annoy you. Not anymore. “Don’t you worry he’s got a girlfriend in every port?”

 You’d be lying if you said that the thought had nevercrossed your mind, especially in the beginning. But after thebirth of your daughter, it soon became pretty clear that there was only onegirl Roger would ever had eyes for again.

You hear the Top of The Pops theme tune start to play andyou smile vaguely as Daisy starts shouting excitedly about her daddy.

Your life had turned out to be quite different to how youhad imagined. But as you look up into the TV screen and see the love of yourlife smiling back at you, you realise that you could never, ever wish for it to be any other way.

[in-tua-deep]

okay, i definitely once thought about Five having actually had an imaginary friend named Dolores when he was very little (y'know, before Reginald beat that sort of thing out of them all), so like... he comes back and suddenly he's talking about her again and everyone goes ????, only to go ????????? even HARDER when they realize she's half a mannequin now. where am i going with this? idk!

oh that’s so absolutely valid and i’m immediately accepting that as a very very blessed au

so when they’re all little, number four has like a BUNCH of imaginary friends that he talks about all the time. They sound really neat and interesting and Five takes an immediate interest - but when he asks four how he met them four just shrugged and say they’re just there all the time but only he can see them ‘cause he’s special and they like him best

So Five tries really very hard and eventually makes up his own friend so he can have something to talk about with four. Her name is Dolores and he loves her lots and lots because she says he’s her favorite and at this point in his life Five hasn’t really ever been anyone’s favorite

after it’s revealed four’s friends are actually ghosts, four stops wanting to talk to or about them altogether because now they’re scary (he doesn’t even want to talk to the nicest one named Dave who he used to say he was gonna marry when he grew up)

but everyone knows Five’s power is jumping, so they tell him that Dolores isn’t real. He kindly tells them that they’re stupid and of course Dolores is real

eventually he just learns to not talk to Dolores around the others, even if he slips up sometimes and asks her what she thinks all the time (she’s really very smart and gives good advice so why wouldn’t he consult her whenever possible?)

he’s probably around?? nine? when he trains himself out of talking to dolores? because that’s the age that Luther tattles on him and calls him a baby in front of dad and Dad agrees that he’s being a baby so now he gets punished if he talks to or about Dolores

so there are four years where Five only ever talks to Dolores in whispers when he’s alone and she’s the one who listens to him when he needs it and comforts him during and after Dad’s awful training and really he’s okay with keeping her private and safe because she’s his friend not anyone elses

so when Five pops back up looking thirteen and goes and fetches a mannequin that he introduces to them as Dolores they all remember Five’s imaginary friend

he might have only talked sparingly about her for a long time but now he gives exactly 0 shits what his siblings think because he’s not going to ever hide Dolores away again not when she’s been the only one he could rely on for all those years alone in the apocalypse

so he’s constantly consulting Dolores and telling the others in matter of fact tones that “Dolores thinks that’s a stupid idea”

“Dolores is a mannequin” one of them points out

“Not always” Five responds blithely just making everyone even more confused

and you know what because Dolores isn’t associated with the apocalypse and has been with him since WAY before that, he doesn’t go and take her back to the department store. So he’s in the house when Luther tries to lock Vanya up. And so Vanya ends up being freed and the apocalypse doesn’t happen and they have a happy ending

the end

[7team7]

SasuSaku Month Day 7: One of These Nights

Title: Sasuke and Sakura’s Night Out! // Rating: M (drugs, language) // Summary: Sakura and Sakura don’t get out much, but just one night is enough to make up for a lifetime of staying in. Very much inspired by my love for both the movie booksmart and those memes where it’s like aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you want to just go absolutely fucking feral? Yeah, nerd SasuSaku going feral basically // ao3 link 

A/N: something to make up for yesterday’s angst, this was a ton of fun to write!! Also why do i keep writing things i dont know about?? Idk anything about the good old mary jane or drugs in general lol but just go with it this isn’t really supposed to make sense Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto, Booksmart, or anything mentioned in this story. I’m just a wee speck of dust in the universe

----

“One of these nights we should do something actually fun.”

“Since when did watching movies with me stop being fun? Did you want a snack or something? I saw that post you tagged me in this morning, I guess we can build a blanket fort on the trampoline, but you can’t complain about it being cold.”

Sakura sat up from where she was lounging on Sasuke’s bed, staring at the wall. “Now that you mention it, I could go for some boba. Or an edible.”

Sasuke, sitting in his bean bag, stared at Sakura in disbelief, “do you even know what’s in those?”

Sakura straightened up even more and looked down haughtily, “of course I do. Naruto told me a long time ago. And doesn’t a brownie sound so good right now?”

“Sakura, you got drunk off a few sips of your Aunt Tsunade’s rice wine and you’re telling me you want to get high? We’re about to go to college and you want to fry your brain?”  

“We’re about to go to college and we’ve never done anything. Do you know how lame that is?”

Sasuke seemed to contemplate Sakura’s words for a moment before giving her a wolfish grin, sounding every bit the teenage boy he was, “that’s not true. We’ve done stuff. We’ve had sex. Lots of it.”

One of Sasuke’s pillows sailed across the room towards his face, accompanied by a screech, “I knew it, I knew you’d say something dumb! What does it matter when you’re already a stupid boy with no brain. Those ads are totally false, by the way. What’s the harm in trying weed, Sasuke? I wanna try, so you should do it with me.”

Despite being the captain of the speech and debate team, he couldn’t find anything to argue about. He texted Naruto; at least he could trust their “plug” or whatever he’s called by half the school.

Except, they actually couldn’t because he was somehow all out and directed them to Kiba instead.

“Seriously? We’ve known Naruto, like, forever? And he lets us down now? Kiba is smelly and weird. His weed probably...smells like weed.”

Sakura doesn’t let up, “just text Kiba, he’s not that bad. Don’t be lame.”

“What should I even say? Leaf emoji? Side eye emoji? Plug emoji? Is he going to give us a friends and family discount?”

“Sasuke, I know you love using color coordinated spreadsheets to organize your life, but now is not the time. Mention my name. Maybe he’ll give us a hot girl discount.”

“I just sent him ‘weed’ with a question mark. Oh, he already responded. He said come over right now and he’ll ‘give us the hook up.’ Sakura, does that mean he wants us to have a threesome with us?” Sasuke asked with false, exaggerated concern.

That earned Sasuke another pillow thrown at his face (this time it’s his favorite dinosaur plushie) before Sakura gets to her feet and announces with a rather dramatic clenched fist, “get in the car, we’re going to Kiba’s.”

----

“Yooo, Sasuke! Woah! And Sakura? The Kiba Hut is going to have a blessed night if these two legends are here! Come on in guys, we’re having a kickback.”

As Kiba opened the door wider to let them in, a haze of smoke wafted out and the smell hit them like a wall. They had definitely come to the right place.

They saw Kiba’s usual crew, Hinata and Shino, sitting on the couch looking very blissed out already, along with a number of other kids from their school. Sakura checked her phone, isn’t it like 9 pm? Is this late or early for this kind of stuff?

“My guy Naruto told me you’re here for some famous Kiba Hut edibles, and like, welcome to the bake sale, but I’m telling you man, you gotta try the newest from Shino. Shit’s dank, bro.”

The couple turned away from Kiba to look at Shino sitting there with his sunglasses still on despite being indoors. He raised a single hand in greeting, then gestured to a plate of brownies plus something less familiar in front of him. “The new goods or pot?”

Sasuke looked disturbed by the sight and was about to say “neither” before Sakura elbowed him sharply in the side, “we’ll take both!” she cut in with a big smile.

“Adventurous! I fucking love it! Man, you kids are too cute, I’ll give it to you real cheap. You got Venmo?” Kiba pulled his phone out to start the transaction.  

Sakura glanced around, they had never been to Kiba’s house before, so this was a new experience all around. She spotted a bowl of water by the kitchen, “uh, can dogs get high?”

Kiba laughed, “you’re probably wondering where Akamaru is! He’s chillin’ in the backyard. He’s cool with it though, he’s a total bro. He’s got hella treats out there, we’ve got hella treats in here. Equality, you feel?”

“For sure, for sure. I’ll just approve the charge now and we’ll be on our way!”

“Not so fast you two! Here at the Kiba Hut, we support tripping out in a safe environment, so you should take Shino’s new-new here.”

Sasuke and Sakura exchange glances. What did they have to lose?

----

Well, for starters, their grasp on reality.

They sat at Kiba’s kitchen table to take what Shino gave them and saved the edibles for later. And it was like nothing they had ever experienced.

“Sasuke. Your eyes are really red. Like not just the whites but your uh, pupil or whatever is the colored part.”

Sasuke rubbed at his eyes, “no they’re not. I can see them. So I know they’re not red.”

“Uhh, okay? They totally are though. And..did your head get bigger?”

“No but yours did. Ha, if only Ino was here. Hey, forehead. Wait—what the fuck, when did we get so small?”

“Oh my god, you’re so cute. You’re so short, Sasuke, you’re so small!”

*A/N: please imagine them as the SD versions of themselves*

Sakura started scooting forward on her chair. “What do we do now? How do we get down? We’re so small. We can’t stay here. What the fuck is going on? What did they give us?”

“It’s so hot in here. What did Kiba say about getting ready to hot box? What does that mean, like sweaty boxing? Where’s our water?” Sasuke looked up to their glasses of water on the table, which seemed miles away in their shrunken state.

“There’s no way we can reach up there. My head feels too heavy for my body, I’ll fall over if we try to jump.”

“Shit. Shit, okay, take your jacket off, first of all, am I the only one melting? Are the walls melting? Just throw it on the ground and to make a cushion. I’ll throw mine down on top and we can jump down.”

“Are you insane? What if we die?”

Sasuke gave Sakura a judgemental look, “we might as well be, I’m so fucking high! Just jump, I’m sure it won’t be that bad. Plus, I’ll go first and I’ll catch you,” he finished with a wink. He threw his jacket down on the floor with a pointed expression. A burgundy cardigan soon followed. And Sasuke jumped.

A voice sounded from below, “it worked! I made it! Jump now!”

Somehow Sasuke’s now doll proportion arms caught Sakura despite her now huge head. He set her down and started looking for the exit. There was no way they could push the kitchen door open, and he didn’t even want to see Kiba at the moment. It was so hot in the kitchen, he just wanted to get out of there.

“Sasuke! There!” Sakura pointed across the kitchen to the backyard. The doggy door.

“Fucking score! Let’s go.”

He grabbed her hand and they scurried across the tile as fast as their little legs could take them. But they needed to climb up a small threshold to get through the door, and the run combined with the heat of the kitchen had really drained them. They exchanged a look. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Akamaru’s dog bowl was full of water.

“Give me a boost!” Sakura told Sasuke as they faced the metal bowl. The way the metal warped their reflection made her feel even more tripped out, if that was possible. She just needed water now.

Sakura climbed up onto Sasuke’s clasped hands, grabbing onto the edge of the bowl. She held herself up on the edge and dipped her head to take a cool, refreshing drink.

Except her mouth encountered strands of white dog hair floating all around the water. She nearly toppled backwards as she tried to spit it all out, “ew, ew! Disgusting!”

Sasuke lowered her and asked as if it wasn’t already apparent, “so I’m guessing I shouldn’t drink the dog water?” She shook her head, “let’s just go outside.”

They walked to Kiba’s lawn and collapsed. It seemed like the sprinklers had just finished their cycle, so the cool, wet grass was a welcome change from the stuffy kitchen. “Sorry for dragging you here. I didn’t think it would be like this,” Sakura spoke quietly. Sasuke was a bit of a homebody to say the least, so when he didn’t have a good time during their outings, she always felt guilty for pushing him too far for comfort.

But he didn’t care as much as she always thought he did, he just enjoyed spending time with his girlfriend. They would both cherish these memories in the future since they were attending separate colleges. “It wasn’t that bad. Makes for a good story, I guess.”

Except the night wasn’t over, because a deep growl sounded from the shadowy corner of the yard.

Sakura bolted up, “Akamaru?!” before Sasuke dragged her back down, “are you trying to get us eaten? Keep quiet and just run!” Sasuke pointed to the side gate and without another word, they made a break for it. They didn’t bother locking the gate up again, too intent on getting the fuck out of there.

Sasuke took one look at his car and said, “nope. I’m not getting in that thing. We’re still coming down and it’s not safe. What if I get a DUI? What if we die? My dad would kill me either way.” Sakura nodded along as they started walking down the street, not another soul in sight.

Konoha wasn’t a huge town, despite never visiting Kiba’s house before, they could easily make their way back. “Hey, the park isn’t that far away. We could go sober up there then come back for your car?”

----

It seemed like whatever Shino gave them had mostly worn off during their walk and their stone bench looked more inviting than ever. They had shared countless moments there, from their first kiss, to their first “I love you”. They even opened their college acceptance letters there. Sakura swung her legs back and forth on the bench, “You know, I still have the edible in my bag. Should we?”

Sasuke ran a hand through his midnight hair, “Jesus fuck, alright. We’ve gotten this far and I know you wanted to try it. We can split it.”  

They had been sitting and talking for quite some time when Sakura started giggling more and feeling some type of way. “Woah. Is this why half our classmates came to school high everyday? What have we been missing?”

Sasuke’s eyes were half lidded as he slouched on the bench, “maybe Naruto is actually onto something. We should call him. Haha. Naruto. What a loser.”

Sakura started patting around her pockets to call their friend, “Sasuke. I think I left my phone in my cardigan pocket, which we left on the kitchen floor. Fuck, I’m so stupid,” but she was still laughing a little and Sasuke just shrugged. “It be like that. I left mine too. We can get them later and we can call Naruto later. Life is so chill.”

Sakura smiled, “exactly, it really do be like that. And life is so chill. Like woah. Are you hungry by the way?” Sasuke perked up a bit and nodded, “starving. Ichirauku is just around the corner.”

----

Sitting in the vinyl Ichiraku booth waiting for their cheeseburgers, Sakura was relieved to be somewhere she’s familiar with. But then she spotted a face she’s very familiar with after years of sleepovers and flower shop visits: Ino’s dad. She ducked down started tapping her palm the table, “Sasuke, don’t look, don’t look, it’s Ino’s dad. This is terrible, he’s like a fucking mind reader or something he’s totally gonna know we’re high.”

“Can you stop, he’ll look this way if you keep making noise. Just be chill or something.” He couldn’t help but steal a glance over his shoulder to confirm if it really was Inoichi. “Holy shit, wait. Is that Shikamaru’s dad?”

Sakura craned her neck to see over Sasuke’s head, “it totally is! And they’re with Chouji’s dad too! This is crazy. If they see us they’re gonna tell my mom. And then I’ll be on permanent house arrest.” She sank lower into her chair until her pink head rested on the table.

Sasuke placed his chin on his folded hands. He had endured enough shenanigans for one night, it was time to just wait this one out. Once he got his cheeseburger with extra tomatoes he was ready to go home and knock out.

Except Chouza’s laugh carried across the diner, and so did his booming voice, “just like the old days, right guys? We still get the munchies!”

Sakura perked back up when she heard this, “did he just say the munchies? Oh my god, Sasuke they’re high. They probably smoked weed and now they’re here because they have the munchies. Just like you and me. This night is too fucking weird.”

Thankfully as the trio of dads was about to walk out with their food to-go, the waitress arrived with their order and blocked them from view. The pair ate in relative silence, glad for a moment of calm. But it didn’t last because not long after the dads left, another familiar figure walked in.

“Sakura, you’ll never fucking believe it. Actually just look, it’s Kakashi.”

She whipped around to see that it really was none other than their favorite literature teacher. She waved him over without thinking twice and Sasuke kicked her under the table. “What are you thinking,” he grits out. Kakashi was cool, hell, cool enough to let everyone call him by his first name, but he was still their teacher. An adult who worked for their school. Someone who could totally get them in trouble. Like, worse than detention, and they’d never even had detention.

“If it isn’t my favorite students,” Kakashi smiled as if seeing them outside of school was a perfectly normal occurrence. “What are you doing here?” Sakura questioned innocently, as if it wasn’t well into the night and she didn’t reek of weed.  

“Picking up some food,” he answered matter-of-factly. “I could ask the same of you two, you’re normally home studying at this time of night, am I wrong?” Nope, he was 100% correct.

Sasuke chose his words carefully, “tonight has been an anomaly. But I am ready for bed now.” Kakashi nodded, “I see. You look like you’re done eating, so it won’t be long now. Drive carefully.”

The students exchanged a look before Sasuke swallowed his pride and started to beg as best as he knew how, “please, can you drive us home, we walked here from somewhere else and I don’t feel comfortable operating a motor vehicle in my currention condition, if you know what I mean.” Kakashi considered the two of them. They were certainly acting strange. Was Sakura trying to wink at him or was that a nervous twitch?

His eyes crinkled, “one ride won’t hurt, it’s late and what kind of teacher would I be if I left my students out to fend for themselves? I’ll just pick up my order and we can leave.”

----

They got situated in the car, just to find their former elementary school teacher Iruka sitting in the passenger seat. Sakura’s jaw dropped as she looks between Kakashi and Iruka. “You,” she points to the gray haired man, “and you?” she points to the ponytailed man. “Huh,” added Sasuke, “I thought Iruka hated tardiness, but Kakashi is late to class everyday.”

“Honey,” Iruka laughed nervously, “did you not tell your students about us? You always call them your precious students, I mean, I thought you’d tell at least these kids and Naruto.”

“Yeah,” jeered Sakura from the back seat, “what other secrets are you hiding Kakashi?”

“Sakura, shut up, shut up, Naruto texted me to come over now. He has something really cool to show us—or so he says. I wanna see, plus he owes us for sending us to Kiba’s. Kakashi take us to Naruto’s instead.”

Kakashi sighed, “I’ve seen some shit being a teacher, but I never thought I’d become a chauffeur for my students. But alright.” He made a U-turn and headed to Naruto’s. He had been there plenty of times, seeing as Minato was the school principal and something of a mentor to Kakashi.

----

After a car ride filled with the Mamma Mia soundtrack (Iruka claimed it was neutral territory, everyone loves it), they finally got dropped off at Naruto’s. They knocked on the door, ready for whatever surprise Naruto had to show them. When he flung the door open, they had never seen their friend so excited. His blue eyes were sparkling, “hurry! My room!” and he scurried into the house before they could even take their shoes off.

Naruto’s room was already quite a sight to behold considering the orange color scheme and ramen cups littering his desk, but his new orange quilt wasn’t what had Sakura screaming. “Why the fuck do you have a fox? Is that legal? Where did you get that thing?”

The blonde sniffed, “excuse me, ‘that thing’ has a name. Say hi to Kurama. Isn’t he a cutie?” Sasuke crossed his arms. Yup, their best friend had lost his mind. Even the fox’s collar and ID tag were orange. “And just what do you plan on doing with a fox, idiot?”

Naruto considered this for a moment, “I dunno. Didn’t think that far. I got it from this guy I know. Do you think Suna State allows pets in the freshman dorms?” Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. Hopeless, he was really hopeless. And then he remembered how Naruto had let them down earlier, but he didn’t think it was because he had acquired a new pet. “What was that all about earlier? How do you not have weed?”

“Oh yeah! I have something else to show you! It’ll explain everything. Come into the basement. Say bye to Kurama first.” Sakura half-heartedly waved at the rather grumpy looking fox in his cage before they followed Naruto down below.

----

There was no way the universe wasn’t fucking with them. “Sai? Why the hell are you in Naruto’s basement?”

“So rude, Saucey-k! He’s my guest, you’re a pest! And he’s painting, duh.” Their very strange and very pale friend was sitting in front of a giant canvas that nearly stretched the entire span of the wall. He was adding details to what looked like a picture of Naruto in a loincloth. He was lounging on his side, eating grapes with one hand, and petting a fox with the other.

“Yeah no shit, I can see that,” Sasuke quipped, “but why?” Naruto huffed at him again, like it was obvious, “he needs money for his college tuition, so I commissioned him to paint me and Kurama. I’m looking pretty sexy, right?” Sakura didn’t bother answering him, “how does this ‘explain everything’, though?”

Naruto snapped two finger guns at them, “oh, right! Sai is an artist. And he does his best work when he’s high. He obviously needed a lot of weed to complete this masterpiece, so I gave him all my weed. It’s like, paying it forward or something.” If at all possible, Sasuke was even more irritated than before. He couldn’t spare a gram for his lifelong best friends, but he could give it all to this guy? Traitor.

“Well, now that you’ve seen it, we should leave Sai to work in peace. Looks amazing, cutie! Kurama, we’re coming back up, did you miss me already?”

---

“Wanna pet him? He’s only bit me six times in the last hour, I think he really likes my vibe or something.” Before either of them could protest, Naruto started opening the cage. “Kurama, come here, come here. Who’s a good boy? Who wants to get pet?” His arms made a circle for Kurama to settle into when the fox started stalking towards the cage door. He pounced through the gap in Naruto’s arms and hit the ground running.

“Kurama, wait! We were just becoming such good friends! Come back here!” The trio immediately chased after the animal, but he was too fast and he escaped out of their doggy door and into the night. They rushed into the backyard just in time to see Kurama leap over the fence and out of the Uzumaki property.

They all plopped down onto the grass and Naruto started wailing, “he’s gone! What did I do wrong? Please, you guys we have to find him!” They definitely weren’t high anymore, they were too tired for this, but they weren’t shitty friends, so they agreed to go look for him.

----

They had even enlisted Sai to help them out. As they walked around Naruto’s neighborhood calling for Kurama, Naruto’s phone started ringing, “do you think Kurama is calling? He wants to come home!” He started excitedly fishing his phone out of his front pocket, “Kiba? Why would he be calling now?” Sasuke and Sakura settled on the sidewalk, expecting some weird conversation between dealers.

“You found him? Holy shit man! Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there soon! Thanks bro!” he hung up the phone and faced his friends, “Kiba found Kurama! Let’s go, we have to go now before Kurama starts missing me too much!”

And they were headed back to the place where the night had begun.

----

Thankfully Kiba only lived a few blocks away because Sakura’s feet were dragging with exhaustion. They were standing in Kiba’s backyard and she leaned against Sasuke’s shoulder as they listened to the explanation. The back gate was mysteriously left open, and Akamaru wandered out into the front yard. He was having a relaxing evening chewing a bone on the front lawn when a fox appeared. It seemed that the fox smelled Akamaru’s treat bank in the back and wanted a taste for himself. When Akamaru started barking like mad, very peeved that some other animal was trying to get at his precious treats, Kiba went outside to see what was going on. He just thought he was hallucinating since he was super high, but it was really a fox.

“And then I saw he had a tag and it had your name and number!” Kiba finished. Naruto had tears in his eyes, “that’s amazing. Kurama probably smelled Akamaru and just wanted a friend. Friendship is so powerful!” He was hand feeding Kurama treats, who looked much more complacent now that he was being fed.

They all made their way back into the house just as Kiba’s kickback was winding down. Sai disappeared into the kitchen for a while, returning with a cardigan and a jacket. “Ugly, this is a terrible color I’ve only ever seen you wear. And your boyfriend is basically attached to you, so I’m assuming this is his.” Sakura reached out to grab them from his hands before settling back on the couch.

“Thanks again, Kiba. I’m gonna take Kurama home now,” Naruto turned to face Sasuke and Sakura. “You two live in the opposite direction. Are you gonna walk?”

“I can drive.” The whole group looked to the front of the room where the voice came from. “Shino?” asked Sakura, “I didn’t even realize you were still here. And aren’t you high?”

“I’m the supplier and the designated driver.” When he offer any further explanation, Sasuke and Sakura shrugged and got up from the couch. Sasuke could get his car tomorrow. A free ride back to his comfy bed sounded wonderful.

----

Sakura had fallen asleep almost immediately when she got back to her own room, not even bothering to change her outfit. It had to be well into the afternoon when she finally woke up. Her head felt fuzzy and her mouth was dry. Was last night even real?

She grabbed her phone out of her cardigan pocket just to find that it was dead. But her pocket also held a napkin, “what is this? I don’t remember putting this in here?”

She unfolded the white napkin to see one of Sai’s signature ink drawings. It depicted Sakura, drawn in red pen, leaning against Sasuke, drawn in blue pen. He even added a bit of background—it looked like the grass and fence of Kiba’s backyard. He must’ve drawn it when he went into the kitchen. Sakura plugged her phone in and flopped back down onto her bed. She stared at the little drawing, wishing she was with Sasuke right now.

So last night was real.

----

A/N: this isnt meant to make nerds feel bad about staying at home. im writing fanfic so i am the nerd at home

[robertsbarbie-archive]

Hey! So for some reason as I sat on my bathroom floor cleaning out the stuff under the sink I got this idea to make small playlists for people instead of a follow thing or in Kahoots with it? and want to fill their new year with maybe some new music or whatever and yeah. So these are all playlists for you guys that reminded me of you or songs I just think you’d like💕 (this is also why I’ve been so annoying the last couple of days asking about what streaming services you use)(also I love stupid jokes so be prepared)

Now please enjoy my suffering:

@sweetertayfiction : Asif, HEY LISTEN HERE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I FEEL LIKE IVE KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS YOU WERE PROBABLY MY FIRST FRIEND ON HERE YOURE AN ANGEL HAVE A GREAT YEAR

@bisexualgorgeous : Hannah, I don’t know where to start, not gonna lie I was so intimidated by you and your talent but since we’ve become friends I’ve come to realize that you’re such an amazing genuine person with a scary amount of talent who I am overjoyed to be friends with. (Also fun fact the first edit that “made it big” for me was one that you reblogged and complimented and that still means the world to me. And thank you for taking a chance on me with daily Taylor edits)

@spendsmychange : Ellie, We’re both each other’s biggest fans. I love you so much. Your personality and talent is top notch. I’d burn at the stake for you and I hope you know how much you mean to me.

@getaway-car : Han, Throwback to when I had a stroke when you followed me cause I had looked up to you for so long and couldn’t believe you followed me. You’ve made me feel so appreciated. You’re so amazing in every way. Also, YOUR EDITS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM AND YOU NUMBER ONE HAN STAN FOR LIFE

@battledemo : Han, I don’t even know what to say. You mean so much to me. And being able to rant or talk about music with someone who gets it I don’t think I’d be able to give enough thanks. You’re probably my best friend, Han. I love you and would do anything for you 💕

@ciwyw2 : Maggie, HEY REMEMBER WHEN WE MET AND NOTHJNG IN THE WORLD CAN TOP THAT. But for reals you’re unreal, you helped me with my concert anxiety, you’re so funny and nice, out conversations are the best (also I see you reblogging my old crappy edits) rep tour kc will always be my favorite concert cause of you

@taylorsnewdress : Tori, HEY DID YOU KNOW YOURE GORGEOUS AND I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOU???? CAUSE I JUST WANNA SCREAM IT ALL DAY EVERDAY AT YOU

@diamondseaside : Tina, my New Years resolution is to make you believe I am Taylor Swift also hey did you know that I absolutely adore you in every way?

@ikywts : Raquel, Hello angel. Wow. Idk what to say. I just love you and you make my heart feel safe

@tshifty : Kristin, you are so fucking smart. Sorry, I just felt like I needed to say that. Because you are and the way you handle things is a plus. You’re also talented, funny, and just overall a great person. I’m so glad I’ve come to know you better.

@partayswiftie : Ash, I’m still bitter you walked past me multiple times at kc. (But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you and that I don’t think you’re one of the most amazing things to ever exist cause I do. ALSO J TOLD YOU YOUD MEET TAYLOR BEECH)

@friendlyneighborhoodpegacorn : Emma, my biggest life regret is not meeting you at KC. I can only attest if to the fact that you don’t exist cause you’re peak humanity with talent beauty and humor and also Play With My Cats is on a whole other level of humanity so that���s all the evidence I need.

@lfthiswasamovie : Em, Have I screamed that I love you at you enough? Cause I do and being your secret Santa was just the best and no matter what I’m hear for you angel.

@fearlessthealbum : Emily, I still need to get you Fearless mercy sorry I forgot bb. Also, how is one person as hysterical as you?

@itsdarkandalltoquiet : Ruby, you are a very non annoying child and ily

@colorsinautumnsobright : Autumn, you’re so kind and intelligent and always trying to light up others lives I love you so much.

@teardropsonmyguitar : AMANDA, I feel like you need your own post tbh you have been so amazing and getting to know you has been a gift. FIRST BURN SLAPS SO THANKS FOR THAT. I’m really not sure what to say, but I love you have a great new year.

@lovemademecrazys : Vicki, The only thing prettier than your edits is you and your soul. You’re so amazing.

@bleachellataylor : April, I have more Bleachella memes happy new year

@millionlittleshiningstars12 : Adrian, you’re so amazing and I’m so glad we’ve grown closer

@imhereonthekitchenfloor : Catherine, PRETZEL QUEEN, I looked for pretzel songs and couldn’t find any I’m sorry (I didn’t try that hard cause I’m tired but I tried) I’m here for you forever I love you you pretzel angel

@1989deluxe : Nikita, I love you more than you love sad beautiful tragic

@nowcanwebabes : Katie, you’re an actual goddess I love you

@bunchsrebecca : Miranda, LISTEN BEECH YOU ARE SO FUNNY CREATIVE AND TALENTED AND IM SO GALD WE MET AND GET TO CONTINUE BEING BERDS TOGETHER ABOUT THINGS LIKE CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND AND MUSICALS I LOVE YOU BYE

@beginagain : Julia, okay this isn’t a note for Julia this is a note for y’all GO READ JULIAS BOOK ON WATTPAD ITS SO GOOD IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE SHES SO TALENTED AHHHHHHH

@thslove : Kathryn, A Place in This World is a good song you’re just mean

@heartsremainbreakable : Sarah, you have taught me so much I’m so grateful for people like you in the world. I love you enjoy the new year.

@ialmostdos : Sarah, I love getting to see your amazing face everyday through Snapchat and your personality is one of the best.

@swiftie-in-red : Rainey, You’re so nice and we have so many common interests I’m so glad to have met you and can’t wait to talk more about Percy Jackson

@fearlessplatiumedition : Rachel, I 👏 LOVE 👏 YOU 👏 SO MUCH YOURE AMAzing

@eyesoqen : Karli, (yours will come later) you’re such a blessing to this Earth and I’m glad I get to exist at the same time as you

@ours-ssong : Elisabeth, (yours will come later) don’t tell Ruby but your my favorite child. I love you so much and seeing you grow throughout the year in so many things has been amazing. Also y’all did you know she decorates cakes! It’s so cool! She’s really good.

@thatonedollar : Siya, (yours will come later) Talk about heaven on earth, you’re such a caring angel and you have been there for me through some of my worst moments this year I love you so much.

Okay, so happy New Year! Y’all have made this one to remember if I forgot anyone I am so sorry, I lost a few brain cells doing this but just know that I love you to infinity plus one(also for people who got joke ones -its pretty easy to tell- I’m making you an actual one lol) and for anyone who would just like a random playlist these are some of my faves.

Please ignore typos I haven’t slept since Thursday (if that) love y’all.

[cryptid-crusader]

My Tumblr History (feat. a LOT of rambling, I apologize)

I’ve been on Tumblr 9 years. I came to Tumblr from Xanga (which IDK if that’s even still a thing or not) after being thoroughly obsessed with latter for about 4 or so years. Xanga was much more of a typical blog blog, and though I interacted with far less people on it, those few I did became honest to god friends that I still think about to this day. Though, as years past, my few friends began to drop off one by one from the site and I found myself enjoying it much less once they were gone. Eventually, I left too.

A few months later, I decided to join Tumblr. It was still a fairly new site in 2010 when I had joined, and I had only heard a few things here and there around the internet before I decided to check it out myself. When I first started, I used this site a lot like I used Xanga and basically had it exclusively as an internet journal to talk about life and nerdy shit and the like (I remember even thinking the reblog option was dumb because why not just make your own content? Why reblog other peoples stuff? loooool) and also did a lot of those writing daily challenges. Do you guys remember those? I loved them. Anyway...

Needless to say as time went on and I got older and followed more people and gained more followers (some of you have been here from very early on and for that I am incredibly thankful) as dweeby as this may sound, I really grew as a person. God, I remember 9 years ago I would sometimes post uncredited art or really insensitive, not funny at all, “jokes” because I honestly didn’t see a problem with them (and the only reason I really remember these awful things is occasionally once in a blue moon random people would find them in the bowels of my blog and like them and I would shudder and delete them). I kinda started Tumblr as this young social media doofus that, again as cheesy as it sounds, learned a lot and grew from my experience here. I would never dream of posting uncredited art now, and those “jokes” make me want to vomit. I learned a lot about social issues through this blog and it also helped me open up and learn about my sexuality. I got to see a broader world view from all different walks of life here (which was incredibly refreshing after growing up in a very close knit predominately white republican community) , and met some fantastic humans I’m blessed to have interacted with and become their friend. I never would have met them without this site!

Not to mention just like... all the cool shit. There are SO many talented people on Tumblr. So much beautiful art, fantastic writing, and just all round hilarious and interesting humans that I loved to get even a small peak into their lives and learn about them and what they like and do for fun. I’ve picked up hobbies through this site, joined fandoms through this site, made friends, laughed endlessly, become inspired, found some of my favorite anime/books/movies, and have had so much fun in these nine years on Tumblr.

... Not to say that it hasn’t been without it’s bad. I’ve been here long enough to remember when Tumblr users proudly boasted about how open and inviting to any and all people they were, how they would never point fingers, be mean, or turn others away. Boy, how that has changed looool. I’ve been through the annoying but innocent enough superwholocks and the scandals of older users who used to be Tumblr royalty that fucked up in some way and fell from grace, to the disgrace of people who are totally fine humans that didn’t completely cater to exactly what certain people wanted or made a few wrong steps that people felt like they had to attack them viciously for the littlest asinine shit. The good the bad and the ugly, all the way through to now.

Now. :(

To be frank, this entire site has been a disaster for a loooooooooong time with a staff that seems to be equal mix of not knowing at all how to run a functioning site and not giving a shit at all about it’s user base and their feelings (which reeeeeeeally sucks for all the fantastic content creators and people who have been here forever who have essentially made this site what it is). Little things like ‘oh we made an update that ‘everyone’ will love but is actually dumb as hell and just pisses people off’ to their have been porn bots, pedos, and nazis on this site for YEARS terrorizing people and being awful but guess that is just how it will be... Until they got banned from the app store and THEN it’s an issue (because they lost money ofc)!

Suddenly, Tumblr staff cares, but only for themselves. Instead of actually resolving the issue THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS AND IS AN EXTREMELY WELL KNOW AND COMPLAINED ABOUT ISSUE they just decide fuck it, punish everyone. No “porn” at all, but I use that term lightly because they say some nudity is allowed (don’t get me started on female presenting nipples it also makes me laugh to hard and then I won’t be able to type) and for some reason apparently written erotica is allowed (which makes absolutely zero sense if you are truly trying to make this a ‘family friendly’ site, why is visual porn not allowed but written OK?) but... Is it really? Posts that are completely innocent are getting tagged left and right as not suitable content. Like, thousands of posts are getting tagged by whatever stupid algorithm they are using that are completely void of anything remotely sexual and you expect me to believe your incompetent asses are going to go through them and deem which are OK and which aren’t based on you shoddy stupid ass new rules? Fuck that. 

And all the sex workers and people and run side blogs and NSFW art blogs and the like are just completely screwed (no pun intended). It upsets me because like... Porn blogs have never been the issue. There are definitely some horrible ones, no denying that, but for the most part they just stayed in their lane and interacted with other porn blogs. They weren’t the issue (And, if Tumblr knew at all how to create a damn site, they wouldn’t have been an issue at all if the damn safe mode toggle actually worked like it was supposed to). The ungodly amount of bots is the fucking issue. I can tell you right now, I have over a thousand followers and I am in no way kidding when I say half of those are porn bots that I just gave up reporting because I get like, 3 of them following me a week on average. It’s ridiculous! Also, ACTUAL FUCKING CHILD PORN? THAT IS EASILY ACCESSIBLE EVEN WHEN NOT LOOKING UP ANYTHING NSFW (which I very unfortunately know through experience)? And to top it all off, fucking NAZIS who for some reason are still allowed to spew their bullshit on this site??? Is this a nightmare?

So with all this happening, I believe it’s pretty safe to say Tumblr’s days are numbered. It makes me laugh and cry, it’s something you could see coming a mile away and yet something that you didn’t think would actually happen. I don’t want to leave Tumblr. I love you guys (the users not the staff). You have all brought joy and enrichment to my life and I am so grateful I got to be here with you. I also just like a lot of nuances of tumblr, like the fact I can read an entry so powerful and moving it brings me to tears and then just one post underneath is an over baked nonsensical cat meme which has me wheezing for reasons I can’t quite explain. I can be anonymous and as weird as I want to here without having to really worry about family, coworkers, or older friends seeing it and being like WTF is wrong with you, what does all this mean??? I like how my blog looks and how I can bitch in the tags and chat with my friends and message people and talk about my oc’s and randoms interests and get pointers and learn new things and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I love Tumblr. I don’t want to leave and don’t necessarily plan to. But then again, I said they same thing about Xanga, and if Tumblr keeps going in the way it is going... I’m not sure I really truly  want to be lumped in with that. :/

Now this has already been entirely too long (and honestly I’m kind of feeling how I did when I started this blog in 2010 lul) but lemme say this: Thanks guys, I had a whole lot of fun. And if I do end up leaving sometime in the maybe not to distant future know that I will always be lurking around somewhere on the internet, and I had the best time while I was here. I wish nothing but the best for all of you, and may we all be able to remain a happy and dysfunctional little group, if not here, somewhere much better.

[a-spoopy-bird]

Non-Voltron au continued

YOU ASKED I DELIVERED HERE IS MORE FROM THE BRIDGE LANGST (lmao idk how to link shit)

The phone rang over and over. A click. Voicemail again. “Uh, hey Lance, it’s Keith again. Are- are you okay? You never showed up to physics today… I’m kinda worried. Uh, text me. Call me. Anything to let me know you’re alive. Actually, I’m coming over. So, if you’re even hearing my voice right now, then get ready.” Keith hang up. He was more than kinda worried. Lance has tried to kill himself before. Sometimes, Keith didn’t know if the one bridge accident was a blessing or not. Having Lance as a friend, while mildly annoying, was better than Keith expected. Lance did his best to hide his problems, hiding behind jokes and horrible flirting attempts. It’s been a few months since the Bridge Accident, and Lance has only shown his true colors when he was alone. Keith just happened to find Lance a few times. Keith shuddered at the memory.

He had been walking home later than usual. He was cautious. This was the time the druggies and the gangs came out. He’d have to be careful. He glanced down an alley and stopped flat. “Lance?” Leaning against a wall, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was uncoordinated.

“Keith, wussup?” Lance stumbled over. He was obviously higher than an airplane.

“Lance, come on, I’m taking you home.”

“No, no, don’t do that, please Keith.” Lance stumbled and leaned against the wall again.

“Why not?” Keith had little patience for high people. They were slow and clumsy, and usually said stuff that made no sense.

“I kinda came here to escape them, ya know?”

“Lance,” Keith sighed and shook his head. “Fine, then come on.”

“Not back home.” It was a statement, but it also felt like a question.

“No, you’re coming to my place so that you don’t do something stupid.”

“’Ight.” Lance walked with Keith, steps dragging slightly, teetering on every step. Keith did his best to support Lance, but he was a lot taller than Keith, which presented a problem. Lance couldn’t walk straight, and he seemed to want to just fall over.

Finally, finally they made it to Keith’s small studio apartment. Keith helped Lance up the stairs, with a lot of Heys, That’s my foots, and Stop it, come ons. Lance was settling down on Keith’s couch, and Keith was getting some blankets from a closet.

“Why do they hate me?” Keith froze. Lance was looking down at his hands, limp on his lap.

“Lance?”

“Like, I didn’t even do anything, ya know? They just don’t really understand. They get it that I’m into dick, that was mostly fine. My gram hates it, but whatever. I just- why don’t they see mental health kids, like, people with depression, as people who need help? Since when was that a thing?”

Keith put down the blanket. “Well, sometimes people, especially older generations, don’t see depression as a real thing. They mislead themselves by telling people they’re just a little sad.”

“Don’t they, like, care, though? Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do? Care?”

Keith sighed, getting the blanket. “I don’t know Lance. My dad left when I was a kid, and my mom was a drug addict. I don’t have much experience with real parents.” Keith brought the blanket over.

Lance sighed. “Keith, I didn’t do something wrong, did I?”

“No, you didn’t. Stop stressing it. Depression is very real, and they don’t seem to know that.”

“But- but they also just never has- have time for me, like? I might as well be invisible. Betcha they won’t notice I’m gone.” He laughed without humor at that.

“Give me your phone.”

“Wha- why?”

“I need to message Hunk, and I don’t have his number.” It was a lie. Keith felt spiteful. Lance’s parents should pay more attention to their kids, especially with all the sadness in that household.

“Ight, the password’s Shakira Shakira, with both s’s capitil- capitalized.”

“Go to bed,” Keith said, unfolding the blanket. “It’s late, and you’re high as hell.”

“So I’m low?”

“You know damn well what I mean, Lance.”

“Yeah, yeah, g’night, Keith.”

“Night Lance.” Keith turned towards Lance’s phone. He pulled up his mom’s number and punched it into his phone.

Keith Kogane: Hey, im keith, one of lances friends. I just wanted to let you know he was staying with me tonight.

Rosetta McClain: thank you. May I ask how you got this number?

Keith Kogane: Lance gave it too me. If you want, I can delete it

Rosetta McClain: no its fine. Thanks for looking after my boy

Keith Kogane: no problem

Rosetta didn’t answer after that. Keith wondered if she was just playing nice. Keith looked over at Lance. He had tears on his cheeks. Keith wondered if he even felt them.

“Lance?” Keith asked gently. “What’s wrong?”

“Why does everything hurt so much?” He whispered. “Why doesn’t she care? Why does he-” Lance’s voice broke. “Why doesn’t he give a rat’s ass? Do I- is this what I get? For being suicidal? For being a- a screw up?”

“Lance,” Keith said firmly, cupping Lance’s face between his hands. “You are not, I repeat, are not, a screw up.” Keith felt like someone was twisting his heart. “I don’t know why they don’t care, but look. You have Shiro, you have Hunk, Pidge, Allura, and Coran. And you have me. We will always, always be there for you.”

Lance’s pink eyes stared up at Keith, full of sadness and hope. “Really?”

Keith nodded.

But that was back in November. About two months after he had stopped Lance at the bridge. Then, back in January, he had heard Lance, thinking no one was around, talking to himself. About his family. About his thoughts. About how he feared himself. About how the darkness of his room terrified him, the way he could go months with his mask on, about how he was never enough. Keith didn’t intervene that time.

It was March. Lance has been drawing back. Only Keith has noticed.

He was at Lance’s house. How did that happen? The family minivan wasn’t there; the McClain family had gone on a vacation to their grandparent’s house. Lance had college, so he didn’t go. Besides, he had said, I don’t particularly like my grandparents. Keith knocked on the door. Loudly. Keith checked his phone. 3:27 AM. Lance was hopefully asleep. But the bags that have been under his eyes for the past week said otherwise.

“Lance, come on, open up.” Keith would never admit how scared he was. “Lance, if you don’t open this door, I’ll open it and hunt you down.” Thirty seconds passed. Forty-five. A minute. “Fine. I’m coming in.” Keith opened the door and walked into the empty house.

“Lance?” He called, walking through the halls of the house. “Come on, Lance, I’m taking you to McDonald’s.”

No answer.

“Lance?” Fear crept into Keith’s voice. “Come on, I don’t want to breach your privacy like this.” He continued to walk around the house, checking everywhere.

Keith stopped at a closed door. The light was on. He knocked. “Lance? You in there?”

One second. Two. Four. Twelve.

“Lance?” No answer. Keith sighed. “Fine. I’m going to open the door now.” Keith slowly opened it, tentatively looking in.

Lance was on the floor, not moving. Some pill bottles were spilled around him. His forearms were a mess from new and old wounds. Blood was pooled on the brown bathroom tiles. A bloodied kitchen knife lay next to him.

“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.” Keith mumbled. “Lance, co- come on.” His breath hitched. He carefully picked his way through the mess. “You- you idiot.” He reached out to feel his pulse.

There was a weak fluttering beat. Momentary relief flew through Keith. He had to get him to a hospital. But in this city, would it just be faster to call an uber or an ambulance? Or just drive himself? Keith didn’t know. He had to stanch the bleeding. He looked around the small bathroom. He found two towels.

Lance’s arms looked worse when they were cleaned up. Long, deep cuts ran from wrist to elbow. He had lost so much blood. Keith taped the towels around his arms. He picked him up bridal style. Jesus, he was so pale. His usual tan skin was pale and clammy and cold. Keith carefully made his way to his red Honda Civic. Carefully buckling lance into the front seat, Keith took off, going as fast as legally possible.

The hospital’s lights glared down at him. He picked up Lance after unbuckling him. He walked as fast as he could. The secretary glance up when the doors opened, then did a double take. She called for a doctor to come and take him back. Keith sat in the waiting room. He pulled out his phone.

Keith Kogane: I have some bad news

Keith Kogane: Lance is in the hospital.

Keith Kogane: he cut himself up and took a bunch of pills

Keith Kogane: i rushed him to the er but he was really pale and cold

Keith Kogane: I don’t know what to do know besides just sit here

Shiro: Do you want me to come down?

Keith Kogane: if you want to

Shiro: I’ll be down in a bit

Keith Kogane: ok

Hunk Garrett: oh no! do you know if he’s going to be okay?

Keith Kogane: No they haven’t told me anything yet. I assume they’re going to flush his stomach, clean his cuts, and tr to get more blood into him.

Hunk Garrett: im coming down give me a sec

Pidge Holt: wait whats happening

Pidge Holt: oh fuck ok im coming down

Shiro: you cant drive

Pidge Holt: yeah I live close to the hospital be right there

END PART TWO

TO BE CONTINUED

[spacefuneral]

rules: tag 15 people you want to know better

I was tagged by @marshcrone​ (,: thank uuuuu~

Relationship status: not 2 be gay but i luv my girlf

Favorite colors: uhhh purple, mint green, soft pink, like... tangerine orange

Lipstick or chapstick: chapstick i Guess

Favorite food: uhhh hmmm i feel my favorite Meal is beef roast w/ mashed potatoes and broccoli, but it’s probably pork bc I’m a pork fiend and will eat it without anything else. Eggs and pasta are also good options.

Song stuck in my head: Rawnald Gregory Erickson the Second by STRFKR. My art professor is a cutie and plays a looot of music I like, and she was playing STRFKR the other day.

Last movie i watched: LOL I THINK IT WAS SLENDER MAN THAT’S TRAGIC

Top 3 tv shows: uhh i don’t watch a lot of tv but uh. I like Stranger Things, Adventure Time, Bob’s Burgers, Chopped, Great British Bake Off... I like Letterkenny even if I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone I know? Over The Garden Wall is another and I recommend it to Everyone. Uhhh. Idk. Idk what would be my fave either. Maybe Adventure Time?

Books i’m currently reading: I ordered The Secret History and I’m waiting on it. I started Great Expectations but it made me sad for personal reasons, but it’s pretty delightful. I’m supposed to be reading The Odyssey but fuck that.

Last thing i googled: lmao... “degrees of murder” because i was wondering why Robert Pickton was considered a second degree murderer. Before that, I had googled “Steel Magnolias Armadillo Cake.” lMao.....

Time: 12:07 AM

How many blankets do you sleep in: one!

Dream trip: I actually don’t really have much of a wanderlust, which tends to surprise people. I do really want to visit Oregon and Washington, though! I want to see........ Big.......... Tree......

Anything you really want: clear skin

Age: 23, turning 24 in October~

Birthplace: Maine

Drink you had last: coked cola

Easiest person to talk to: Like, in my life? I can talk to my girlfriend about literally everything and always have, she is A Blessing. My friend group is also extremely easy to talk to because we’ve been friends for like practically a decade almost, but I feel bad when I joke about my abuse because it’s really only funny to me and probably Vi because we can laugh about those things together. Sometimes You Gotta Laugh 2 Cope.

Favorite song: I feel like it’s technically Head Over Heels by Tears For Fears. I tend to have current favorites, though, and mine is definitely Nobody by Mitski rn.

Grossest memory: Well. Like. In a funny sense? It was probably when Leigh and I made a trash smoothie out of everything liquid in their fridge and then took turns sipping it. I spat it out as soon at it touched my tongue.

Or maybe the time Vi and I found her mom’s potatoes rotting in the cupboard, which was soaked with a weird liquid coming from them, and it smelled like rotten fish.

Hogwarts house: Slytherin

In love?: yah duh

Jealous of people?: not really

Killed someone?: imagine casually mentioning you killed someone in a survey thing like this

Love at first sight or walk by again?: nobody says it like that but uh. i don’t know shit, dude. i think emotions are more complicated than that, but what do i know?

Middle name: fish

Number of siblings: two

One wish: tuition money

Person you last called: the bank i think?

Questions you’re asked the most: um i can’t think of this off the top of my head but i get “you like cats?” a lot because im always covered in cat related shit

Reasons to smile: i’m tired so i can’t be cute and creative, but i’d say my stupid cats are a fantastic reason. My brother sent me a message telling me his favorite Animal Crossing song unprompted today. Bergs @’s me in so many things that I lose track of it--and when I check the group blog, I find 23423 cat things Vann reblogged. Vi and I have so many inside jokes at this point that I feel like we don’t even say them out loud half the time anymore. Just, something happens that reminds us and we exchange a look and laugh. Also, the fact that my friends trust me and come to me about their personal issues is very touching and I’m happy I can be that person.

Song you last sang: lmfao Vi and I sang parts of Motion City Soundtrack’s The Future Freaks Me Out to each other in the car and I hella overcompensated for how high he says “betty won’t stop listening to modern rock”

Time you woke up: Ummmm. I woke up at 5 AM and couldn’t sleep but I officially got out of bed at 7:30 AM. Then I fell asleep again when I got home for, like, 8 hours, because I’m kinda sick lately.

Vacation destination: I like visiting my family in Maine. It’s a really lovely place and my heart is buried there for all eternity.

Zodiac sign: Libra!

Worst habit: mmmmmm............... humble 2 a fault. Or, maybe, uh. Perfectionist? I’m never really happy with anything I do.

Tagging: @i-say-spooky-you-say-scary @daaraen @wubby-desu @webkitten @estrangedlabor i just noticed it says 15 people wtf i don’t even know -2 people

also, if you wanna do this, i can tag you~

[yamlog]

before february comes

ok so like, it is one thing to know about smth hurtful when it has just happened but it is A COMPLETELY OTHER THING ALTOGETHER to be asked about it by someone who for some reason, thought that you knew all along all these months WHEN YOU DIDN’T. and why would i? did i not say many many times that i am NOT going to keep up? i am actively avoiding, i am keeping my feed clean and free from distractions, i NEVER look at my explore page except to follow very specific hashtags. i have been PROTECTING my peace of mind and sanity with all my energy and effort for like, what, 1.5 years. for good reason. and then to be asked (borderline informed) something so PREPOSTEROUS. do you know how sick i felt when i heard? i was trying to work and it became impossible because my brain was so confused i started feeling nauseas. i had to skip dinner and immediately take action instead of letting that horrible feeling burrow deeper into my chest. i didn’t even have to see anything in person. people sent me screenshots, telling me that they will look at it on my behalf and i shouldn’t go and see. and that’s not even the worst thing. the worst thing is all the consolation messages that came from SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE later on, coming out and confessing and saying they knew and they suspected but they didn’t want to tell me because they knew i’d be shocked and disgusted and upset and they wanted to protect me from the news because i was trying to pass practicum. and i love them for that, i really do. my friends really just do want the best for me and they are not willing to start a war or actively do anything, but they do care enough to message me in private to share their thoughts on the matter. i got so many ‘i saw her story and i was so surprised,” “it’s such a shady thing to do,” and “what is she trying to prove.” then of course there were people who were very critical of the presentation and how it seems deliberately designed to mislead. and when i clarified, it just made everyone even more confused. ‘huh, if not dating then why she post as if they were’ ‘need to tag meh’ ‘she tag for who to see’ ‘is she trying to show off got a guy wait for her to end work and take many pictures of her on their dates? and then must tag the guy so everyone can see who it is even though he’s not inside?’ ‘how come her username is like a copy of your tinycl0ud’ (lmao i wish i knew the answer to this one but at this point is anyone surprised? no.) ‘is it she want his dick’ ‘dating or not dating it’s very obvious she has interest’ etc etc

so here are MY thoughts, after having talked to practically everyone in my life about it. my thoughts reflect most of what others think. i am trying to be conscious of the fact that i’m still too emotional to really formulate my own opinion, and so of course it is easier to mirror and receive the opinions of those around me. but i think until i can finish processing, i am okay with received feelings.

number one: indignation. because Yes, why the fuck even do this? sg is so fucking big and full of other men. if you want a bf or new friends it’s so easy to find. must go after your ex-friend’s ex-partner? the rest of the sg don’t have men isit? you won’t be happy unless you get to experience that which you have always envied in me isit? you tag, knowing full well that people in MY life still follow and EVERYONE knows what he looks like and who he is. so what is the fucking intention? to show that someone finds you attractive enough to take photos of you? you know, quite a few people have pointed out to me the fact that i used to be the frequent subject of his phone camera (i am grateful but i have also thankfully moved on), and that maybe you have always envied it, and now that it’s your turn you’re revelling. ppl take picture of you like you always wanted, ok good for you, but must tag to make sure everyone knows exactly who did it? so everyone knows you hang out? or maybe date? because who else would wait for you to end your shift and buy you drinks but someone you’re romantically involved with. and you tag so everyone knows it’s a guy, and it’s THAT particular guy. gross and pathetic. which brings me to the next point.

number two: disdain and disgust. why hanker after someone’s ex?? i really don’t get it. was it because on my private twitter i said that i enjoyed myself and he treated me well, so now she has it in her head that she wants the same treatment? a normal human being doesn’t do that. in fact, i have read her tweets about how much she enjoyed having sex with the guy from tinder she had a fling with, with very lengthy descriptions of his dick size and texture, and not once did i feel the need to go and experience it for myself. because there’s this thing called girl code, on top of basic human decency. normal people DON’T hanker after their friends’ exes, even after friendship ends. MORE THAN ONE EX TOO. normal people also don’t tweet stupid shit like ‘every time julian took public transport and waited outside studio i felt so envious because ___ never did that for me, even though he had a motorcycle and could go anywhere, which makes me wonder if i’m not worth being loved.’ LIKE UM OK HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL, reading something so MANIPULATIVE AND GUILT-TRIPPY ON TWITTER DOT COM. julian wasn’t a great ex (or even a great person) but he did occasionally do nice things, and you romanticise the ONE thing to the point of comparing it with your own lacking relationship?? red flag. and then when i have another ex, you hanker after what he represents once again, which is good treatment. well idk what to say but people i date generally treat me well sometimes. and the common factor here is obviously me. so even if you date the same guys i date it doesn’t mean?? u will be treated the same way?????? just a thought. it is truly extremely pathetic to hang onto hope that this Perfect Idealised Boyfriend On A Pedestal could someday be yours if you just wait long enough. you waited 2 years for your RC ex and he still dumped you for a virginal year 1. i hate him on your behalf, and never in a million years would i consider wanting him, no matter how attractive or charismatic he is. simply because, even though i hate you, i will NOT touch your exes that I KNOW FULL WELL have hurt you. 

number three: anger. i don’t hate people. not really. like i don’t think i’ve ever hated anyone enough to wish they’d die a horrible and gruesome death. but the past two days i have felt anger so big it felt like my entire chest was on fire and if i screamed it would come out like a blowtorch. i wanted to take my new ceramic knife and saw off her fingers one by one and then grate her stupid ugly nose off. that was for a moment, and the moment has passed. but i don’t think the hatred will. i can very confidently say that, at least for the next two weeks or so, i will hate her enough to risk damnation. because she IS fucking despicable. and now i guess everyone knows it too. 

there was a moment when i wondered why i was so stricken. i spoke to a friend to try to figure it out. i asked her, why am i so bothered. is it because if he dates her after dumping me it means that she’s better than me and that’s what i can’t stand? or is it because he actively makes time to meet her but not me, so on some level he actually does prefer her to me? then my friend said that she doesn’t think that’s the case, and that he probably can meet her PRECISELY because he doesn’t have romantic feelings and he won’t get entangled. additionally, she also reminded me that just because one man, even my ex that i loved deeper than anyone else, chooses her over me, it doesn’t mean his opinion is god’s opinion (or even a wise/informed one) and therefore it is fallacious to jump to the conclusion that he is right and that she IS better or that she has ‘won’. i added to that and said that yes, people are not prizes to begin with anyway. and yes, one man’s judgment does not determine my worth. another friend just said, very bluntly, that his initial thought was ‘let the trash take the trash out’. im still not okay with someone i still love being called trash because like, hello my feelings, but i understand his sentiments lah. 

no matter how i rationalise it, i guess it does hurt that he’d spend time with her but not once try to spend time with me. i’d make all the time, i honestly would. and i have endless reserves of care and attention and i feel like over time my capacity just increases, even with the new job and the new charges. but i also know that i never had any power in this relationship. i can’t make the first move, i can’t ask for anything, i will never call the shots because it’s imbalanced from the beginning. so if he doesn’t care to meet me but cares enough about HER to meet HER then what can i do? nothing. just accept it like a horrible itchy clothing tag giving you a rash but u can’t exactly strip down bc ur in public. maybe over time he will start to think that she is right for him, she can make him happy, she is his soulmate. she will have won, my friends’ predictions will be right, i will have been wrong about his character, and once again there will be nothing i can do. 

maybe it’s better that he cares so little for me he doesn’t even want to see me at all. because i don’t think my feelings have gone away. it’s magnetic. like an orbital pull. and i know that if i get a little bit i will just want all of it. it was hard enough to pull away the last time and pretend i had to go and pretend i was fine. so if he doesn’t want me in his orbit, maybe it’s actually god’s blessing in disguise and god is trying to tell me that it’s better to be untethered in space than it is to be attached to someone who doesn’t even love me. better to be unhappy on my own than believe i’m happy with someone who doesn’t want me right??? 

serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept that which i cannot change, the courage to change that which i can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

[coreyseagersheartythighs]

ok now that i’ve gathered myself and don’t actively want to die as much here are some #DodgerThoughts

I’m putting this first so that y’all don’t have to read this entire thesis if u don’t want to but hey maybe the real prize wasn’t the world series championship but the friendships we made along the way :’-) shout out to the friends i’ve made through baseball (ik i don’t talk to all of u a ton but i consider u friends!)

so @kenleyjansen @checkontherep @kentamaeda @nikesandals @eliteqbalexsmith @alexwccd @kylekuzma @anthonyrizzos @joey-votto @warrenellisisland @sean-rodriguez @buckingfaseball @mitchhaniger @jonathanschoop i love y’all and i’m so glad to know have connected with u :’-) i’m sure this isn’t everyone cause I’m a dumbass but i love u all

ok now as for #BaseballThoughts first of all induct brandon morrow into the hall of fame immediately. he died for us and i love him

thank god the entire world finally got to see Richard Rich Dick Dickington The Rakeman Piss Hands Hill bat. god do i love that man

“dave roberts should be fired” is perhaps the worst take i’ve ever heard. he’s a SECOND YEAR manager who’s taken his teams to game 6 of the nlcs and game 7 of the World Series. you can’t manage your way around your pitching staff completely imploding and the heart of your lineup not being able to square up the ball or even make contact for the majority of the series

Corey suddenly not being able to lay off That Pitch was fucking weird. i don’t remember him struggling with pitch selection like this ever in the regular season. i have to assume that either the pressure of the series got to him (he’s a little iffy in big spots a lot of the time bless his little heart) or that all the time he missed at the end of the year and through the nlcs messed him up.

Cody looked tired. understandable cause he’s just a baby. really sad that this is how the year ends for him and that this is what the general public is gonna think about him until he proves them wrong on a big stage next year

Don’t know what the fuck happened to turner so if anyone can explain that i’d appreciate it

also basically the whole offense not being able to hit fastballs in the middle of the zone? that was fucked up. why are u fouling that pitch off assholes

so so sad for yu. obv in hindsight he shouldn’t have started but i understand Dave’s reasoning. I️ really do hope they can resign him to a reasonable contract and they can fix the pitch tipping cause he should get another chance to do better with this team

i love alex wood. I’m so proud of him

also yasiel puig. obviously things didn’t go as well in this series but he made most of this postseason SO fun and i am so so proud of everything he’s done

sorry this is getting so emo but oh my god do i love Clayton Kershaw. my heart truly breaks for him. he deserves a championship more than anyone in the game and instead all he has is this shitty fucking playoff narrative. idk about y’all and ik it probably sounds ridiculous because his numbers were incredible and he’s very much in cy young contention but i felt something was off with him pretty much all year, just really sad that it ended like this. here’s to hoping that he’s in good health next year and gets the slider back and shakes the stupid narrative for once and for all

austin barnes? the best catcher in baseball. buster posey whom? yasmani grandal is literally dead, may he Rest In Peace

Christopher Armand Taylor Jr. is an ICON and a HERO and a STAR and a GIFT. like literally a gift shoutout to the mariners i mean what the fuck but thanks so much. also noah fence but shout out to ME for believing in christ taylord when no one else did

some of this is my bias i’m sure but i’m SO disappointed with the way this series was broadcast. i wanted everyone to know how magical and beautiful and heartbreaking and record setting this season has been for the dodgers but approximately zero of that was mentioned. also would have liked to see the “the dodgers bought their way here” narrative addressed cause how are u suppose to know that that’s factually inaccurate and stupid if all the broadcasters talk about is the other team’s underdog narrative.

there’s no reason to think that we won’t be back here next year! there’s so much to look forward! surely some wild fuckin offseason moves, a full season of Cody Bellinger and Chris Taylor and Austin Barnes as the starting catcher (I️ assume?) , walker buehler starting major league baseball games, verdugo probably, joc’s continued progress, hopefully our dear sweet julio coming back in the second half, Corey seager continuing to be the best young shortstop in baseball, Clayton Kershaw continuing to be the best pitcher on earth, kenley continuing to be the best closer in the game, etc.

Carlos Correa is literally a toddler why is he engaged

a good 25% of my posts are about this but i can’t go 30 seconds without mentioning it so i would just like to remind u all that Corey seager is SO BEAUTIFUL and an ABSOLUTE DREAMBOAT and i love his HEARTY THIGHS

it’s possible that I’m just being more critical cause of the intense nature of these games but holy shit some of the strike zone calling in this series was awful!! I mean shockingly stunningly bad! and not even in a “bad strike calls hurt my team” way cause the calls affected both teams negatively and positively (except for game 5 but let’s not talk about that) but holy god there were some aggregious calls in this series. Rob Manfred do something right for once in ur life and implement the robot strike zone cause u can’t have huge games like this being affected by stupid subjectivity like this

the gurriel thing really put a damper on this whole series imo. suspending him for next year does absolutely nothing other than say “if you’re gonna do something racist, do it in the World Series”. suspending and fining him for one WS game would have actually meant something and probably wouldn’t have affected the outcome of the series based on how we played game 7. fuck Rob Manfred

I’ve never been much of a Juiced Balls Believer but holy shit this series raised some questions. I mean what the fuck. All i have to say is what the fuck

starting a gofundme campaign to get me seats right behind the dodger dugout for opening day next year so i can yell at Corey to get a helmet that will stay on his GODDAMN HEAD

@ dodgers front office please go get otani. please. please. please. please. please

if u read this entire thing 1) congrats that’s some resolve u have there and 2) thanks love u

sorry this is incredibly all over the place and disjointed but just wanted to get everything out there so i can grieve with a clear mind thanks for coming to my ted talk

[shachathabrah]

okay holy shit you guys. i made this blog on september 12th with little more than a stupid url and a strawberry seed’s worth of an idea for him and it already has 100 followers(104 now???). what the fuck. shame on you. this muse is terrible and y’all have horrible taste

okay but actually i wanna thank each and every one of you for not only PUTTING UP with cath, but also for interacting with him, caring about him, and being engaging with him. it blows my mind that someone so awful and terrible can actually make friends, have people that genuinely care for and have his best interests in mind.

without you guys... idk where to start! i haven't had this much fun with a muse in a long time, and i'm not sure if it's because i've thrown aside the shame of being a person that's a little more on the abrasive and crass side to play cath, or if it's because the interactions i experience on him are either super meaningful or just plain fun! or both. it’s probably both.

so here i am to do a dumb follow forever/blog i love thing. most of these names won't surprise you but if you want a slice of awesome in your blogging experience please consider giving them a follow if you don't already!

@txmescence - this is lial! this muse is the driving force behind this blog and muse. a lot goes on behind the scenes that regrettably not everyone can see, but a majority of cath's growth and development comes from this muse and this mun. they’re a terribly terrific duo and honestly i wouldn’t have nearly as much fun with cath if not for lial. FURTHERMORE, lin is ?? amazing ??? i love her so much she's so wonderful and creative and fun and funny and we have so many ideas and i really want y'all to follow her so you can experience her awesomeness!!

@floramodus - i love? flora? she is such a sweetheart and so good. she cares so much about cath and lial i literally can't believe it sometimes. like, the boys don't deserve her care or kindness but there she is anyway proud to be their adoptive momma. THEY SAY THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, but lately i don't know what they'd do without her. and mun is the sweetest, i'm so happy i took the initiative to crawl outta my shell a little and talk to gubs. pls follow and give love. :')

@thalassophiloustopaz - lemme get uhhhhhh some great support and a cute boy and on-demand flirting 24/7???? in all his centuries of existence cath has never met anyone, let alone a mortal, that's willing to look past all his glaring (really. like. neon sign, roadside tourist trap, wikipedia page-worthy) faults and be like hey i love you and think you're worthy of that regardless of what you are or what you can and can't do. even if cath bites his tongue a lot in regards to the stupid shit he does. smh. dirk is??? a good boy... and mun is a fucking delight... gxd bless

@technophobicdreamboat - listen. listen,, , are you listening. this muse is cool af and cath(and me!) thinks he's really neato and finds his weird perks completely fucking off the wall baller. they chill and do naughty stuff together and cath thinks that he's found an individual, if possible, more fascinating than himself. mun is fun to talk to and bounce neat ideas off of and just chitchat with in general. 10/10

@chimechoho - also adorable? wtf. what the fuck. cath secretly looks forward to all his positive stuff (and the things he posts on his naughty blog ;) ) and also not so secretly likes all the nice things he says about him. also?? the cute selfies that are posted like every day??? i love them so very much. pls u are wonderful and adorable keep it UP <3

@kindredconfectionery - john is a nice guy that cath likes joking around with and talking about COOL PLANTS with. they gotta hang more and talk more cause i miss their banter :p but all in all ??? a Very good. thank u for being there and helping 2 build him w me :3

@famelicose-sanguine - OXY IS THE NUMBER ONE CATH BULLY SHE SHOULD BE ASHAMED?????? but also holy shit it's a fucking riot and i'm so fucking happy for it lmfao i love this between them cath thinks she's great and also the Zelda friend pls. pls love him forever.

@wicked-honktraband - i swear these two are kindred fucking spirits that need to get high af and watch suplex videos and lick teeth and possibly fuck and also be GOOD FRIENDS DAMMIT

@mothical - good boy, good friend. what can i say. gimme these good cryptid boys forever xoxo

HEY i'm bad at words and shit but here's some other gr8 blogs u should follow: @ask-cherrylioness @meufasa @lokalcryptid @kyprinos @turntechhex @darkplumdragon @paythegeist @tabescentabasement @bloodied-blades @nyota-sungura @sanesspsuede

also please?? if you ever?? want to plot shit with me oocly IM me or ask for my discord and we can DO STUFF!! bad stuff good stuff naughty stuff you name it i wanna do it pls don’t be afraid to approach me i’m so nervous but wanna rp with y’all

 also soft shoutout to my other blogs that deserve love too: 

@mechfucker​ my dirk (crocker? strider? who knows) that i’ve had for many moons and love a lot. dirk is complex and sort of an ass, but recently his memories have been swapped with someone else’s unbeknownst to him, and facing the concern from others is an interesting challenge.

@anathematique​ my alpha dave that i’ve had for longer and love even more. the past 4 years have been cruel to him, blackmail and other dark secrets dotting his past. but he holds his head up high and does his best to pass on the good feelings and new lease on life he’s acquired.

ANYWAY THAT’S ALL THANK YOU I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

how the fuck do you write a follow forever wait is the mic still on fuck