#justice league of shenanigans

[adhara2034]

Headcanon that the batfam has a Samsung smart refrigerator or whatever it's called, and it is used entirely for doing work while in the kitchen. There has been justice league meetings held on that motherfucker and nuclear threats disengaged.

[sharksandjays]

Brucie and his babies (and oh no he forgot he invited Clark and Diana oh no-)

[violent138]

Baby Dick Grayson as Robin meets the League and they're all gobsmacked at how Batman, who has an emotional range that goes from cynical wet blanket to unstoppable force of nature, has such a seemingly normal and happy kid.

"He must get it from his mom." Green Lantern said, trying to build some kind of rapport. "She approve of you running around beating up bad guys, little man?"

"My mom is dead," Dick replied and Green Lantern paled.

"Oh that's uh--"

"It happened right in front of us." Dick continued conversationally, gesturing to himself and Bruce.

The rest of the League start frantically signalling to Hal without using words, abort! Abort!

[bats-and-the-birds]

Batfam meets the Justice League fic idea where it's actually just Oliver Queen in Star City attempting to hunt down Red Hood (who isn't even there doing crimes actually, he's just visiting Roy, but Ollie doesn't know this) except every time he tracks him down, he finds another costumed vigilante (Read: Batfam) attempting to get his help for something.

And like, Ollie recognizes them, of course. Because isn't that Nightwing? Nightwing who is actively on the Justice League? Why is he asking an infamous crime lord to come home for dinner?

And then, a week later, he's tracking down another Red Hood sighting and.... that's Red Robin. He's in charge of Young Justice, isn't he? And he just fought Red Hood in an alley and then stood up like nothing happened and bugged him for intelligence on a case he's working, and Red Hood gave it to him?

And it just keeps going down the list until Ollie's at his wits end and partially convinced that a handful of vigilantes on various teams, who he can't for the life of him think of a way they might be connected, might actually be corrupt and working with the mob, then he (begrudgingly) follows reports of another sighting of Red Hood and... that's Batman, arguing with Red Hood but not actually fighting or detaining him, so Ollie sneaks closer and listens to the conversation and... it's the dinner thing again. Family dinner, he hears a few seconds later, and someone named Agent A would really like it if Hood came home for a few hours.

Ollie leaves that situation somehow far more confused than when he started, and he was already extremely confused.

Roy is fully aware that this is happening the entire time and is having the time of his life.

[ryemiffie]

I love imagining the scenario where one of Bruce's kids is getting married but no one knows Bruce's identity and it creates shenanigans. Like for example, Dick is marrying Starfire and she doesn't know Bruce's identity.

And they of course want Bruce at the wedding since he's Dick's dad, but they also want a hero as security due to the nature of the wedding, not only as a wedding between two heroes but also a Wayne wedding (not to mention holding a wedding like that in gotham is never easy) which is a pretty big deal in both respects and garners a lot of attention to be the perfect opportunity for a villian attack. So Starfire and Dick decide to request a justice league member there as security. Some heroes are eliminated due to them already being meant to attend as guests who are meant to be able to enjoy the wedding and some already have missions that need their attention, like Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and the Martian Manhunter are busy off-world, Shazam and HawkGirl are busy with a villian who's been on the run, and Superman is supposed to be doing press for the wedding as Clark, so they decide to give the task to Batman seeing as he's more than qualified and is already accustomed to the area (gotham), he can't figure out a way to decline the mission without risking his identity being leaked since he really has no reason to not be able to do it, except of course saying he has civilian business, on the day of the wedding, at the exact time of the wedding.. yeah hell no, Batman is way to paranoid to say something like that! So he agrees to do security as Batman for the wedding while also agreeing to attend the wedding as Bruce, ya' know, so people don't suspect anything about his identity due to the situation.

And before you ask yes Dick has realised the situation but no he is not helping Bruce out of it because its fucking funny to him, and none of the other batkids agree to where the suit for the day since they're also guests and they also find the situation funny as hell. So cue Bruce trying to constantly switch between making appearances as Bruce and doing security as Batman, like the classic sitcom episode where the person has to constantly switch between one date to the next, but it's Batman just trying to enjoy his kid's wedding.

[beauxjangles]

why is batman in a parasocial relationship with the entire justice league except he doesnt know it. with the entirety of arkham asylum too. the batkids can't take him anywhere lest he start forming parasocial relationships

[wondersinwaynemanor]

at the Watchtower

~

Batman, currently having an intense workout at the gym.

Green Arrow, enters the area: Adding more muscles on you, Bats? Don't you have enough on you?

Batman, briefly glances in Green Arrow's direction: Hn.

Batman does cardio for a while before disappearing to the showers to freshen up, leaving Green Arrow confused.

-

Batman, eating in peace at the cafeteria.

Flash, suddenly zooms in front of the table: Slow down on the protein, Bats. Leave some for us.

Batman, narrows his eyes at his teammate, clearly bothered by the disturbance.

Flash, gulps, before running away: Forget I said anything. Byeee!

~

Superman: Did Batman just jog around the tower for 3 hours?

Wonder Woman: It's more than that.

Superman, calls for Batman, when he passes by them: You preparing for an off world mission that we don't know about, Batman?

Wonder Woman waits for a reply, hands on her hips.

Batman, growls: None of your business.

Superman and Wonder Woman exchange a look and just let him be.

Superman: He must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Wonder Woman, smiles: I think I have an idea on what's happening.

--

at the Manor:

~

his kids noticing his workout routine as well.

Dick: Ooooh, you trying to impress a special someone, B?

Cass: You don't have a condition, right?

Steph: It's not depression, right?

Damian: You signed up for a marathon, Father?

Duke: Is this involving your next mission with the Justice League?

Jason: Bane giving you a hard time, old man?

Tim: You're not missing a spleen too, right?

Bruce, sighs: None of the above.

Bruce: As you are all grown up now, I need some extra strength to carry you when you need me for anything.

there is a brief silence as his kids internalize on what he said.

Dick: Awww, B is getting soft in his old age.

Cass just smiles.

Steph: Woah. Bruce must have been doused with cheesiness or something.

Damian: Tt. We appreciate it, Father, but don't over work yourself.

Duke: Dami's right. We can handle ourselves, Bruce.

Jason: Ugh. I didn't come back from the dead for this.

Tim: As long as you're not missing any body part like me.

[puppetwoman17]

If there’s anything that stays consistent in my mind, it’s that Captain Marvel’s identity was one of the League’s biggest topics of gossip. Especially after Batman says that no, he doesn’t…actually have a full file on the guy. Just power stats and the most random conversation topics on comms.

Some people think he’s immortal. Diana certainly thinks so. Especially when her mother used to tell her stories about people who wore the same kind of suit Marvel wore.

Others think he doesn’t have an identity and is, in fact, just magic.

Clark still has leftover thoughts that he’s a Kryptonian. Someone tell him his loneliness is showing.

But the general consensus is that Cap is way too good at hiding which is weird because the guy wears his heart on his sleeve.

And OF COURSE, Billy eavesdrops on all of these gossip sessions

[rad-batson]

AU where after 12yo Billy’s identity gets revealed to the JL, Bruce Wayne gives his number to Billy for emergencies or any other situation where he might need an adult (like a get-out-of-jail free card, covering rent, signing a permission slip, advice, anything.) No strings attached. He won’t act controlling. Just in case, you know?

And for a while it’s never used because Billy would rather take his own eye out than ask an adult for help. Until Billy realizes there are a lot more benefits to this than he thought. Now whenever Uncle Dudley is at work and Constantine is too busy running from the magical authorities or (more importantly) he doesn’t want either to know what he’s doing, Bruce is the adult he calls.

-

Cap, over comms: Hey Bruce, I need advice.

Bruce, already in the zeta tube: Which villain is it?

Cap: You have style, right? What should I wear to the school dance? Because Dudley said a ruffled tuxedo shirt is “a classic” but it sounds ugly and-

Bruce:

Bruce: Oh, it’s that kind of advice.

-

Bruce: *posing as Billy’s guardian for class registration day*

PTA Mom: Hello sir, is this your son?

Bruce: *looks at Billy*

Billy: *nodding his head*

Bruce: Yes

-

Billy: Hey Bruce, can you buy something for me?

Bruce: What is it?

Billy: *slowly hands Bruce a copy of The Conjuring*

Bruce:

Bruce: Billy, I don’t think you should—

Billy: You promised :(

Bruce: *whispering* fuck

-

Cap, over comms: Uhh, Bruce? Do you know Sanskrit?

Bruce: Yeah, why? Is it for a school assignment?

Cap: …Don’t tell Constantine.

Bruce:

Cap: I got kidnapped by an ancient cult, and I need you to help me escape.

Bruce: *crushes the mug of coffee he’s holding*

Bruce: Oh?

[ivy-and-ivory]

I keep picturing this scenario where Batman has never told the Justice League his secret identity or anything about his kids. And then one day, for whatever reason, the Red Hood crosses paths with the JL, and it becomes clear that he knows all their identities. Cue mass panic: they all gather in the watchtower to figure out what to do about this huge security breach. Everyone is freaking out, shouting, wondering how the hell the Red Goddamn Hood of heads in duffel bag fame knows that mild mannered journalist for the Daily Planet Clark Kent is actually Superman.

Batman is being suspiciously silent.

Eventually someone turns to Batman and is like what the hell, you’re more paranoid about secret identities than all of us put together, why aren’t you freaking out? And Batman tries to deflect the question somehow, like I don’t believe Hood intends to use this knowledge against us, which just gets alarm bells ringing for everyone in the room because did Batman?? Just say he doesn’t think someone might use sensitive information against him??? BATMAN???!!!

So everyone’s freaking out even harder now, but then someone, maybe Clark, starts connecting some dots about Batman’s strange behavior and asks, “…Batman. Did you…already know? That the Red Hood knows our identities?”

And Batman rumbles and grumbles but it becomes clear that yeah, actually, he’s known this for a while.

So now everyone’s not just stressed about the identity breach, they’re also pissed because what the hell, Batman??? This known criminal knows our deepest, most guarded secrets, and you didn’t think that maybe we should know that????? That maybe that was important information for us to have????? How did you even find this out?!? Why didn’t you do anything bc about it?? How did- … How… Batman? …How did the Red Hood? Learn. Our identities?

And then finally someone, maybe Barry, is like, “Uhhhhhhhaha Batman? You didn’t. You didn’t tell Hood our identities, right? You didn’t…Batman?”

Batman doesn’t respond.

The table goes dead silent.

Because like. How is Bruce supposed to explain to this table of people that don’t know who he or Hood are that yes, he told Hood their identities literally years ago, without explaining that Hood was Robin. How is he going to explain to a Hal that’s trying to strangle him with his constructs and a Diana that’s staring at him like she’s never seen him before and a Clark that’s giving him the biggest kicked-puppy eyes you’ve ever seen that yeah Hood knows but it’s alright! He’s not going to do anything about it they don’t need to stress. That’s his son that’s his baby boy

[merchantziro]

DP x DC Writing Prompt: Justice League's Totally Real Redemption Program

It has been a few months now since Vlad became a member of the Justice League.

...Alright rewind, it started after he instinctively used his powers a bit in human form during one of the Wayne's Galas. It was subtle but Masters moved someone out of the way and they "barely" avoided it (no thanks to a hint of intangibility of course) if only to continue talking business with them or coursem

Of course he should have known being technically a Metahuman in Gotham would get him on the Bat's radar. It was only a matter of time before the big bad bat himself burst into his office.

But... It happened while he was asleep and only left a business card to contact the Justice League??? They apparently wanted to recruit him???

Vlad was unsure but based on them being friendly they seemed to act like they were trying some bizarre rehabilitation program? Like they're trying to make villains into heroes by treating them well having them use their powers or skills for their side? Well based on his data on the Flashes, they seem to treat their Rogues well... Probably his idea.

Weird that they chose him first instead of one of their own rogues, but Vlad went along with it. Writing it off Danny was also being recruited by the Justice League and he suggested using him as a Guinea Pig first? Honestly he wouldn't put it past the boy.

Over time though Vlad began to see the positive effects he was having as the heroes seemed to look happy he was learning good with proud stares. It felt.... Refreshing to use his powers for good, something he remembers his past self had mocked Daniel for when they met.

...Speaking of Phantom, where was he anyway? It's been a while since he pestered Vlad?

------

Batman, on a rare occasion like this, was happy all things considered. Constantine was right about the rumors regarding a Halfa helping people and ghosts alike. A hero in his own right.

He didn't expect to find Vladimir Masters as the one he was looking for, and by chance when he saved someone with a subtle use of powers. At first suspecting Metahuman abilities he was keeping under wraps, but Constantine came by not long after asking about the feeling of the "Infinite Realms" in the area. Once he was told about ghosts, it didn't take long to find a connection back to Vlad.

After some digging they found according to legends he has been seen across history having fought what was believed to have been another like him... The only other Halfa and one appeared evil to the bone.

Batman hadn't pressed Plasmius about his past but he did make a list of the rogues in Amity Park, a town protected by the Halfa.

Including the suspected evil Halfa, he was easy enough to track down as hiding as a ghost hunter's own son and seal away into a little artifact for now. One less threat to deal with...

Even if he recognizes not all ghosts are evil, some do not deserve second chances for their crimes.

------

(Or... Justice League fucks up a teeny bit in research and recruitment, so through misunderstandings they believe Plasmius was the hero and Phantom was the villain based on past stories of their appearances and legends passed through the Ghost Zone to other mythical creatures but the story and detail become warped and faded as centuries past by.)

Meanwhile Vlad thinks this is some weird rehabilitation project and seems to be working for him as he feels good about doing good. Danny in turn may not be stuck in absolute suffering but isn't exactly having a good time due to being mistaken for the bad guy and now currently sealed away.)

[violent138]

More than half the League is betting at any time that they know when it's actually Batman under the mask, or someone else. Unfortunately, they were wrong when:

Dick was doing a phenomenal job of playing Bruce (didn't give himself away even once by smiling), because he fell asleep

Batman stubbed his toe against a table and swore like a sailor which led to cash exchanging hands as several people figured it was Jason, but Bruce had recently switched out of Matches Malone to dress up as Bats and hadn't shaken the Mindset yet

Batman's suit sat weirdly empty at the table and Oliver, annoyed, tried to tell Damian that this was too serious a meeting for Bruce to delegate, but it was Batman, hit with a de-ageing spell and too stubborn to sit out

After sustaining pretty serious injuries, Batman was whiteknuckling the table, in an awful mood, and nobody thought anything of it. Barry offered to help Bruce up (if the pain was keeping him trapped, trying not to insult Batman too much), and Jason tightly replied that if he moved the suit was going to tear.

Clark and Bruce had a bet for how long they could replace Bruce with a mannequin without anyone noticing, and because Clark kept looking over at "Bruce" and giggling (pretty par for the course for them), nobody noticed for five hours.

[proudace]

I think it would be hilarious if random Gotham citizens heard snippets of Jason and Bruce’s fights

Like, someone’s just walking out a building, maybe the end of their shift or whatever, and just hears

“You want me to be a dumbass so bad! I read Jane Austin!” And the rest is muffled by wind

They look up, catch a glimpse of shiny red and the cowl’s ears, and are left wondering whether the criminal gang leader, or the personification of Gotham’s vengeance read Jane Austin in their spare time

[frownyalfred]

The Justice League needing to run a seduction op and considering every member other than Batman is hilarious to me.

Like, not only do they not know his secret identity (for this idea to work at least) but they’re completely unaware that not only is Batman devastatingly attractive, he’s also one of the most charming, talented liars out there.

And he’s just sitting there watching Hal and Oliver fight over who’s going to seduce the politician/charm their way into the meeting silently laughing to himself.

[aeturnum-mendacacium]

do you ever wonder if the JL pre-identity reveal wondered what nationality or religion Bruce was? Or wondered if he was part of a minority? And they were like too scared to offend him but every single time they were totally off on every theory-

Flash: dude what if he's like- chinese or something.

Hal: nah bro I think he's muslim, I realised that he never eats the foods which are haram

Flash: HAH??? FUCK REALLY?? I OFFERED PORK TO HIM YESTERDAY, NO WONDER HE SAID NO.DO YOU THINK HE HATES ME NOW??AM I GONNA DIE??

hal: I'll prepare your funeral :)

------------------------------

Bruce : * just generally doesn't like pork

[lolottes]

Flash had to modify the time… then modify a little differently Now he has a sarcastic teenage meta who interrupted him in the middle of patrol

Meta: Flash? you're the one who changed time? well done to you, I'm immune to time change and your last change made my existence illegal, a government agency, my now ex and my own parents want to kill my hero identity and the justice league no longer remembers me! I'm not going to ask you to change the course of time, but if you could tell the Justice League to remove the anti-ecto laws that would already make a big difference for me!

Flash: uh, ok I'll watch that?

Meta: ok then, good luck, I'm going back to patrol my own city

Flash once the meta part: did the first change create a new hero and the second ruin his life? ... oh my gods, how am I going to explain this to the other???

Or Danny and Clockwork take advantage of a double change in the timeline and the Amity Park blackout to lie to Flash

BUT it's for a good cause! for the ghosts, and prevent war crimes which will end in war / massacre of the Earth