#joy in the act of creation and in being you
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gonzos-audacity · 1 year ago
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i dont really consider myself to be punk or grunge or goth or whatever. just a vague alternative soup. but ive never felt myself more comfortable or fitting into subculture than when i started realizing i did not have to spend a ton of money to 'look the part.'
a good 85% of my wardrobe is shit i got at thrift stores. i've started making my own jewelry. the base of my battle jacket (a sturdy, oversized denim jacket) i got for free cuz it was (accidentally) stolen. the only time i really shell out any decent money is for good shoes and handmade patches/jewelry from people on etsy.
diy can take time and resources but i guarantee the stuff you make will look far more "punk" than any pre-patched $200 jacket you buy on torrid. also its fun.
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lightbulb-warning · 3 months ago
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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neverendingford · 1 year ago
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#still mad about the whole “god made us trans so we could partake in creation” quote. like. bro#sure that's all well and fine now that we have things like bottom surgery and top surgery and hrt#but what about the decades and millenia where we didn't have the technology to “partake in creation” or whatever.#I'm sure everyone living with severe body dysphoria had a great time not being able to truly partake in the glorious act of creation#the idea that a god would create us to suffer just so that we can get better about it is ludicrous#I'm going to create a state of existence that has a stupid high suicide rate#just so that the ones who survive and successfully transition/adapt feel massive relief and joy#and somehow that would balance out the people who are murdered or kill themselves or live miserably closeted/repressed their whole lives#like. yeah I'm going to break your arm on purpose just so you feel super happy when it's finally healed#rip to all those other people whose arms I broke but they didn't have access to medical care#or they were in the middle of something dangerous when I broke their arm#sucks to be them I guess. they don't get to partake in the glorious act of healing the harm that I caused deliberately#if a god exists it really is like us. playing with toys and stuffed animals and causing pain because it's not real.#I made my stuffed panther a tactical vest and all sorts of guns and laser swords. he was my favorite. he won every fight he ever got into#but one day I forgot him outside and our dog tore him open and his vest and weapons didn't save him. was it is#was it his fault I forgot about him?#God knows about every sparrow that falls. but the sparrow still falls.#if there is a god. it does not love us. how could it? we are not real.
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my-weird-heart · 7 months ago
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esotericalchemist · 1 month ago
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𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬: 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 ⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚
Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)
In astrology, Venus represents the essence of attraction, guiding how you draw love, beauty, and wealth into your life. It symbolizes your values and desires, particularly when it comes to relationships, pleasure, and material abundance. Venus reveals your approach to money, showing not just how you earn, but how you appreciate and manage what you have. It also speaks to your relationship with luxury, comfort, and the things that bring you joy. Understanding your Venus sign offers insights into how you can align your financial path with your emotional and aesthetic needs, allowing you to attract wealth in a way that feels natural and fulfilling. By tapping into the energy of your Venus sign, you can create a harmonious flow of prosperity, rooted in what brings you true satisfaction and happiness.
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𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For those with Venus in Aries, attracting wealth is all about embracing your bold, independent, and assertive nature. Aries Venus thrives on quick decisions and a competitive edge, so financial success often comes when you're willing to take risks, start new projects, and go after opportunities where you can stand out. You're likely to attract abundance by being fearless, stepping into leadership roles, and not hesitating to explore fresh ventures. With this placement, wealth is closely tied to your willingness to act and push forward confidently. The more you channel your pioneering spirit, the more doors open for financial prosperity.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Wealth flows when you embrace your individuality and confidence. By stepping into the spotlight and owning your unique qualities, you naturally draw attention and resources toward yourself.
2nd House: Your financial success is directly linked to taking action. You’re motivated to earn through entrepreneurial efforts, bold ventures, and quick-thinking initiatives that allow you to create wealth from scratch.
3rd House: Money comes through communication, writing, sales, or short-term projects. Your ability to network, act swiftly, and seize local opportunities can drive financial growth.
4th House: Financial gain may come through real estate, home-based projects, or family-related ventures. Invest in your personal space, and take charge of innovative ideas connected to property or domestic life.
5th House: Creative pursuits, entrepreneurship, and speculative ventures are tied to your financial success. Use your competitive edge in the arts, entertainment, or even sports industries to attract wealth.
6th House: Hard work pays off when you bring energy and a proactive mindset. You can attract money through leadership in everyday work, service-oriented jobs, or the health and fitness sectors, solving problems quickly for financial gain.
7th House: Partnerships, both business and personal, play a major role in your wealth creation. While you’ll need to collaborate, you’ll often take the lead in these relationships, driving the ventures toward success.
8th House: Wealth may come from joint ventures, investments, or other people’s resources. Financial transformations and taking strategic risks in areas like taxes, inheritance, or insurance can lead to prosperity.
9th House: Money could be gained through higher education, travel, or international ventures. Your bold ideas and willingness to explore new philosophies and global opportunities can inspire financial growth.
10th House: Career success—and the wealth that follows—depends on your leadership and initiative. You’ll attract financial opportunities by seeking recognition, going after promotions, or starting your own business.
11th House: Financial growth comes through your social network and group affiliations. By leading within communities or taking charge of bold initiatives in areas like technology, innovation, or social causes, you attract wealth.
12th House: Behind-the-scenes work, spiritual pursuits, or hidden resources like grants and donations could be sources of wealth. Embracing solitude and taking charge of your inner world may unexpectedly lead to financial rewards.
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𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Taurus, attracting wealth revolves around stability, patience, and a natural affinity for material comfort. As Venus is at home in Taurus, this placement provides a strong ability to manifest financial abundance. Wealth comes when you focus on long-term goals, steady effort, and nurturing your resources. You naturally draw in prosperity by creating tangible results and valuing the process of building security. Your practical and grounded approach allows you to accumulate wealth gradually, with a keen focus on luxury, comfort, and sustainability.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success flows when you present yourself as confident, stable, and reliable. Your grounded nature and charm naturally attract wealth opportunities, often tied to how you carry yourself or express your values.
2nd House: This is the prime placement for Venus in Taurus. You have a natural talent for attracting money through investments, personal efforts, and financial stability. You build wealth through slow, consistent growth and wise material choices.
3rd House: Wealth can come through communication, writing, or local ventures. You may find financial success in marketing, sales, or networking, particularly through projects that focus on lasting value and stability.
4th House: Financial security is tied to property, home-based ventures, or family inheritance. Building wealth through real estate, or investing in family-oriented projects, provides a solid foundation for long-term financial success.
5th House: You can attract financial abundance through creative expression, entertainment, or speculative ventures. Money flows when you tap into your artistic talents or work on luxury projects that reflect beauty and quality.
6th House: Consistency and dependability in your work lead to financial success. Steady growth in your career, particularly in service-based industries or health and wellness fields, will build a solid financial foundation over time.
7th House: Partnerships, both business and personal, are key to your financial growth. You attract wealth through stable, long-term relationships, where both parties share a mutual vision of security and loyalty.
8th House: Wealth may come from joint ventures, inheritances, or shared resources. You have a natural ability to manage investments and grow money through transformative financial partnerships.
9th House: Money can be gained through higher education, international ventures, or global business. Your patience and focus on long-term goals bring wealth through teaching, publishing, or pursuing broad, expansive opportunities.
10th House: Financial success is closely tied to your career and public image. You attract wealth by building a solid reputation and advancing steadily in your profession, particularly in fields like luxury, real estate, or the arts.
11th House: Your social network and community play a big role in financial growth. By leading or participating in groups that align with your values, you’ll attract wealth through long-term ventures, especially in social or technological innovation.
12th House: Wealth may come from hidden or unexpected sources, such as behind-the-scenes work, charitable endeavors, or spiritual pursuits. Slowly building wealth through private or healing professions can bring financial success.
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𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Gemini, attracting wealth comes through leveraging your communication skills, adaptability, and intellectual interests. This placement thrives in dynamic environments where quick thinking, networking, and versatility are essential. You draw in abundance by staying curious, open to new ideas, and building connections that lead to financial opportunities. Whether through writing, teaching, or speaking, your intellect and social skills are the key to unlocking wealth. Financial success often comes from exploring multiple income streams, staying flexible, and using your wit to navigate opportunities.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success comes from how you engage with others—your charm, curiosity, and adaptability open doors. Present yourself as communicative and approachable, and you’ll naturally attract wealth through social interactions.
2nd House: Your intellectual skills are a direct path to earning money. Writing, teaching, or selling ideas are lucrative ways to build wealth. By diversifying your income streams, you’ll keep things stimulating while attracting financial growth.
3rd House: Money comes through communication-based fields like writing, speaking, or short-term projects. Networking and staying attuned to trends, particularly in media or marketing, will help you generate financial opportunities.
4th House: Financial stability might stem from intellectual home projects, such as freelance writing or working in real estate. Family businesses tied to teaching, communication, or technology can be strong sources of wealth.
5th House: Creative pursuits, especially those involving writing, media, or speculative ventures, are tied to financial success. Investing in art, entertainment, or even emerging markets like cryptocurrency can also be profitable.
6th House: You attract wealth by using your intellectual talents in your daily work. Financial success comes from work that involves communication, technology, or writing. Staying adaptable and versatile will keep your income steady.
7th House: Financial growth is linked to partnerships where intellectual exchange is central. You attract wealth through collaborations in business or personal relationships, especially when ideas are shared and developed into ventures.
8th House: Joint financial ventures and investments, especially those involving intellectual collaboration, can be lucrative. You may find financial transformation through research, innovation, or partnerships that involve shared resources.
9th House: Wealth can be attracted through higher education, publishing, or global travel. Teaching, writing, or intellectual pursuits that have a broad impact will bring financial rewards, especially on an international scale.
10th House: Communication and intellectual pursuits are key to your career success. Wealth comes through adaptability in professional environments, such as media, public speaking, or networking, where you can showcase your quick-thinking nature.
11th House: Social networks, technology, and innovation are your financial allies. Engage with communities that align with your ideas, and wealth will flow through collaborative ventures in technology or social causes.
12th House: Financial success may come from intellectual work done behind the scenes, such as research or writing in solitude. Spiritual or psychological pursuits, or hidden opportunities in these areas, can also bring unexpected wealth.
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𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Cancer, attracting wealth comes from tapping into your emotional intelligence, nurturing nature, and strong connection to home and family. Venus in Cancer thrives when it feels emotionally secure, and financial success follows when you invest in ventures that offer both material and emotional stability. You draw wealth by creating safe, comforting environments, whether through home-based businesses, real estate, or family enterprises. Your ability to care for others, build meaningful relationships, and prioritize emotional fulfillment leads to financial abundance.
Through the Houses:
1st House: You attract wealth by presenting yourself as nurturing, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent. Your ability to connect with others on a deep level draws financial opportunities, often through personal relationships and your caring nature.
2nd House: Financial success is closely tied to your home and family. You build wealth through property investments, family businesses, or by creating a stable financial foundation that supports your loved ones and provides long-term security.
3rd House: Money comes through communication that reflects emotional intelligence, such as writing, teaching, or counseling. You may also attract wealth through sibling relationships or short-term projects that involve nurturing others.
4th House: Wealth flows through real estate, home-based businesses, or family ventures. Your ability to create a comfortable, nurturing environment at home leads to financial abundance, particularly when you invest in property or family-oriented projects.
5th House: Financial success comes through creative endeavors that evoke strong emotional connections, or through activities related to children and family. You attract wealth by investing in artistic projects or businesses that involve nurturing and caregiving.
6th House: You attract money through caregiving professions, health, or nurturing roles. Fields like healthcare, therapy, or social services, where emotional intelligence and empathy are essential, can bring financial success and fulfillment.
7th House: Partnerships are key to your financial growth. Whether in business or marriage, you attract wealth through emotionally connected, supportive relationships that foster mutual growth and create a stable financial foundation.
8th House: Wealth may come from joint ventures, inheritances, or other people’s resources. Your deep emotional connections with partners can lead to financial transformations, allowing you to share and manage wealth effectively.
9th House: You attract wealth through emotionally fulfilling ventures related to travel, education, or spiritual growth. Teaching, nurturing others on a global scale, or engaging in meaningful cultural or spiritual exchanges can lead to financial success.
10th House: Career success and financial abundance are linked to emotionally fulfilling work, particularly in real estate, caring professions, or roles that provide security and comfort to others. You attract wealth by nurturing others through your professional life.
11th House: Financial growth comes through your emotional connections within groups or communities. You attract wealth by leading or nurturing social causes, particularly those focused on emotional well-being, family, or group support.
12th House: Wealth may come from hidden sources, spiritual pursuits, or behind-the-scenes efforts. Your compassion and emotional depth can attract financial opportunities in healing, caregiving, or charitable work.
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𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Leo, attracting wealth is all about embracing your creativity, confidence, and desire for the spotlight. This placement thrives when you can express yourself boldly, drawing money through artistic endeavors, entertainment, or leadership roles. You attract wealth by owning your charisma, inspiring others, and creating something of value that highlights your talents. Financial success follows when you are able to shine, whether it's through a creative project, a business, or a leadership position. Your magnetic personality naturally draws abundance when you're in spaces that allow you to express your uniqueness.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success is linked to how confidently and boldly you present yourself. By embracing your natural leadership qualities and taking center stage, you attract wealth and recognition effortlessly.
2nd House: You can attract money through luxury ventures or creative talents. Financial success is tied to activities that bring you joy, such as indulging in your artistic skills or leadership abilities, allowing you to earn through self-expression.
3rd House: Wealth may come through communication, creative writing, or media-related projects. Your charismatic, expressive nature can lead to financial opportunities through public speaking or local ventures where you showcase your flair.
4th House: Financial success could come through property investments, home-based businesses, or family ventures. You may also attract wealth by transforming your home into a space of creativity and luxury or through creative real estate projects.
5th House: This is a highly favorable placement for Venus in Leo to attract wealth. Financial success comes through artistic endeavors, entertainment, or speculative ventures. You might find money flowing through the arts, sports, or investments in entertainment.
6th House: You attract wealth through leadership roles in your daily work. Financial success follows when you bring creativity and passion into your job. You may also find opportunities in fields related to the arts or luxury services.
7th House: Partnerships play a crucial role in your financial success. Wealth may come through business or marriage relationships where creativity, collaboration, and leadership are key. You thrive when you can express your flair alongside a partner.
8th House: Wealth may come through joint financial ventures, inheritances, or other people’s resources. Financial transformation is possible through bold investments, particularly in creative or artistic fields, or through dynamic partnerships.
9th House: You can attract wealth through teaching, travel, or international ventures. Financial success comes when you take on opportunities that allow you to shine on a global scale, such as publishing or sharing your expertise in a way that inspires others.
10th House: Career success is closely tied to creative leadership roles. You attract money by being recognized for your talents and passion. Financial success comes from being at the forefront of your profession, particularly in industries where you can express your creativity.
11th House: You attract wealth through your social network and involvement in large groups or organizations. Leading in creative or entertainment-based groups, or social causes where you can inspire others, brings financial rewards.
12th House: Financial success may come from behind-the-scenes work, such as creative projects done in solitude or spiritual endeavors. You might also attract wealth through charitable work or personal, reflective creative pursuits.
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𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Virgo, attracting wealth revolves around your practical, analytical, and detail-oriented mindset. Venus in this sign thrives in environments where organization, efficiency, and service are key. Financial success comes from applying your talents in fields that demand precision, whether it's in healthcare, service industries, or professions that benefit from your meticulous nature. You draw money by offering value through problem-solving, improving systems, and being of service to others. Your careful, methodical approach to finances allows you to build wealth gradually and sensibly, focusing on sustainable growth.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success comes from presenting yourself as dependable and detail-oriented. Your ability to solve problems efficiently and with precision naturally attracts wealth, as people recognize your analytical skills and practical value.
2nd House: You attract wealth through careful budgeting, service-based work, and practical investments. Financial success stems from your ability to plan meticulously and manage money wisely, ensuring slow and steady growth.
3rd House: Wealth may come through communication-based professions, such as writing, editing, or teaching. Your ability to convey well-researched, thoughtful insights can lead to financial success, particularly in areas requiring intellectual precision.
4th House: Financial success is linked to your home environment. You might attract wealth by managing family finances, working in real estate, or operating a home-based business where your organizational skills can shine.
5th House: You attract wealth through creative endeavors that are structured and well-planned. Financial success may come through teaching, wellness projects, or health-related creative ventures. Analyzing speculative investments can also bring profitable outcomes.
6th House: This placement is ideal for Venus in Virgo to attract wealth. You build financial success through hard work, attention to detail, and offering practical services. Health, wellness, or service-oriented careers provide a steady path to wealth.
7th House: Financial growth comes through partnerships and collaborations. You attract wealth by being a valuable problem-solver in business or personal relationships. Financial success is linked to partnerships that appreciate your meticulous and organized approach.
8th House: Money may come through shared resources, joint ventures, or investments. You manage other people’s finances with care, attracting wealth by offering practical, transformative solutions in financial partnerships.
9th House: Financial success may come through teaching, publishing, or international business. You attract wealth through intellectual pursuits that emphasize practical application, where your attention to detail and research is valued.
10th House: Career success is tied to your meticulous and organized approach to work. Financial growth comes from service-based careers, health and wellness industries, or roles where you can streamline processes and improve efficiency.
11th House: You attract wealth through social networks or organizations that value practicality and intellectual rigor. Financial success comes from working with groups that focus on service, improvement, or the exchange of helpful, detailed ideas.
12th House: Financial success may come through behind-the-scenes work, research, or spiritual and healing professions. You attract wealth by offering practical, often overlooked solutions in areas where deep insight and discretion are needed.
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𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Libra, attracting wealth revolves around your charm, diplomacy, and ability to build strong social connections. Venus thrives in Libra, a sign focused on balance and harmony, making you naturally adept at drawing wealth through relationships, partnerships, and an appreciation for beauty. Financial success comes when you leverage your sense of fairness, aesthetic sensibility, and social skills. Whether through negotiation, business collaborations, or creative endeavors, you attract money by creating harmony, cultivating relationships, and using your natural grace to foster balance in your environment.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success comes from how you present yourself—graceful, balanced, and charming. Your sociability and ability to build strong relationships naturally attract wealth and opportunities through your public image and interactions.
2nd House: You attract wealth through partnerships and ventures related to luxury, beauty, or aesthetics. Financial success follows when you align your personal values with those of others, often earning through design, social work, or luxury goods.
3rd House: Wealth comes through communication, writing, or social media where you can charm and connect with others. Building harmonious relationships in your local environment will lead to financial opportunities, especially through negotiation or collaboration.
4th House: Financial success may stem from home-based businesses, real estate, or creating a beautiful, harmonious home environment. You can attract wealth through property investments or family-related ventures that emphasize design and balance.
5th House: You attract wealth through creative endeavors or projects related to beauty, art, or aesthetics. Financial success may also come from speculative ventures, particularly in the arts or entertainment, where balance and harmony play a key role.
6th House: Financial success comes through service-oriented roles where balance and fairness are essential. Careers in law, social justice, healthcare, or roles that involve creating harmony in the workplace will bring wealth, particularly when aesthetics or fairness are valued.
7th House: Wealth is closely tied to partnerships, both in marriage and business. You attract financial success through balanced, harmonious relationships and collaborations that focus on mutual financial goals and shared values.
8th House: Joint financial ventures, investments, or other people’s resources may be significant sources of wealth. You attract money by negotiating fair and balanced financial partnerships, and financial transformation comes through equitable agreements.
9th House: Financial success may come through higher education, law, or international ventures focused on diplomacy or justice. You attract wealth by promoting balance and harmony in global or educational settings, especially in fields like law or teaching.
10th House: Career success and financial growth are linked to leadership roles that emphasize beauty, balance, or justice. You attract wealth through fields like law, design, or diplomacy, where fairness and aesthetics are central to your reputation and professional path.
11th House: Financial success is linked to your social network and involvement in group activities. You attract wealth by working harmoniously with like-minded individuals or through organizations focused on fairness, beauty, or social causes.
12th House: Wealth may come from behind-the-scenes work, charity, or spiritual endeavors. You attract financial success through private ventures or by creating balance in hidden areas, such as managing finances for charitable organizations or engaging in spiritual work.
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𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Scorpio, attracting wealth is all about harnessing your deep, transformative energy and laser-focused determination. This placement thrives in environments where you can uncover hidden opportunities and dive beneath the surface to gain control over financial resources. You attract wealth by taking calculated risks, especially in areas related to investments, joint finances, and transformative ventures. Scorpio Venus has a magnetic attraction to power, so financial success often involves profound changes and navigating complex financial dynamics, such as shared resources or inheritances. Embracing your desire for transformation and confidently tackling financial challenges leads to significant wealth-building.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success comes from projecting intensity, focus, and magnetic confidence. You naturally attract wealth by exuding power and an ability to handle resources, often drawing financial opportunities your way through your strong presence and resourcefulness.
2nd House: You attract wealth by uncovering hidden financial opportunities and making strategic, long-term investments. Success comes from careful management of resources and the willingness to take calculated risks, particularly in building and sustaining wealth over time.
3rd House: Wealth may come through intense communication, research, or writing, especially in fields where secrets or hidden truths are revealed. Success could be found in areas like psychology, investigative journalism, or any profession requiring depth and intensity.
4th House: Financial success is tied to property, inheritance, or deep family connections. You attract wealth by transforming family resources or through real estate investments. Profound changes in your home life or family dynamics may also play a role in financial growth.
5th House: You attract wealth through passionate creative ventures or speculative investments that carry an element of risk. Financial success may come from intense projects in areas like entertainment, art, or the stock market, where deep emotional investment fuels success.
6th House: Wealth is gained through transformative work in fields like psychology, medicine, or crisis management. Your ability to focus deeply on your job, especially in service roles that require handling challenging situations, leads to financial success.
7th House: Financial success comes through deeply transformative partnerships, whether in business or romance. You attract wealth by forming committed relationships where resources are shared, and financial growth occurs through mutual investments and joint ventures.
8th House: This is a highly favorable placement for Venus in Scorpio. Wealth comes through joint ventures, inheritances, or managing other people’s resources. Financial transformation occurs through bold investments, strategic handling of shared assets, and navigating taxes or inheritances.
9th House: You attract wealth through deep philosophical exploration, transformative education, or foreign ventures. Success may come from international investments, higher learning, or ventures that require a strategic, intense approach to uncovering new opportunities.
10th House: Career success is linked to your ability to transform and take control in professional environments. You attract wealth by excelling in fields like finance, psychology, research, or crisis management, where your intense focus and leadership are key assets.
11th House: Financial success is closely tied to your powerful social connections. You attract wealth through deep, transformative relationships within groups or organizations, particularly in areas involving shared resources, financial ventures, or communal transformations.
12th House: Wealth may come from hidden sources, behind-the-scenes work, or transformative spiritual or psychological efforts. You attract financial success by focusing on inner work, managing hidden assets, or engaging in spiritual or charitable ventures that bring profound personal growth and financial rewards.
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𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Sagittarius, attracting wealth involves embracing your adventurous, optimistic, and freedom-loving spirit. You thrive when exploring new opportunities in travel, education, or philosophical pursuits. Your financial success is deeply connected to ventures that expand your horizons and align with your personal values of growth and exploration. Whether through international business, teaching, or publishing, you attract wealth by seeking experiences that inspire both personal and financial growth. The key to financial success lies in pursuing opportunities that resonate with your desire for adventure, truth, and learning.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success comes from presenting yourself as adventurous, open-minded, and optimistic. You naturally attract wealth through your vibrant personality and opportunities linked to travel, education, and cultural exchanges.
2nd House: You attract wealth by seeking new financial ventures, particularly those related to education, international business, or travel. Financial success is tied to investing in opportunities that broaden your horizons and reflect your values of exploration and freedom.
3rd House: Wealth may come through communication, writing, or teaching, particularly in areas that involve sharing knowledge and expanding minds. Financial success is likely through intellectual pursuits, travel-related writing, or media projects that inspire others.
4th House: Financial success can come through property or family ventures tied to education or travel. You attract wealth by creating a home environment focused on growth and learning, possibly earning through international real estate or family-owned educational projects.
5th House: Wealth flows through creative projects or speculative investments, especially in areas related to travel, education, or philosophical exploration. Financial success may come from creative ventures that inspire others to think broadly and embrace growth.
6th House: You attract wealth through work in service roles that involve teaching, travel, or higher learning. Financial success comes from roles that allow you to spread knowledge, inspire others, and work in international or educational settings.
7th House: Financial success is closely tied to partnerships, both business and romantic, that value freedom and exploration. You attract wealth through relationships built on shared goals related to travel, education, or philosophical pursuits.
8th House: Wealth may come through joint financial ventures, investments, or inheritances involving travel or education. Financial transformation occurs through bold, adventurous financial decisions or partnerships focused on deep exploration and growth.
9th House: This is an ideal placement for Venus in Sagittarius. You attract wealth through higher education, international ventures, teaching, or publishing. Financial success comes from expanding your knowledge and sharing it with others, especially on a global scale.
10th House: Career success is linked to leadership roles in fields like education, international business, or travel. You attract wealth by pursuing professional opportunities that allow you to inspire others and encourage exploration and growth.
11th House: Financial success is connected to your social network and involvement in groups focused on education, travel, or philosophy. You attract wealth by leading communities that value expansion, learning, and personal growth.
12th House: Wealth may come from hidden sources, spiritual work, or international ventures. Financial success is drawn from behind-the-scenes efforts or by aligning your spiritual beliefs with ventures that offer both personal and financial growth.
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𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Capricorn, attracting wealth is all about discipline, structure, and long-term vision. Venus in this sign thrives on building a secure financial foundation through hard work, responsibility, and a methodical approach to managing resources. You attract wealth by focusing on steady, long-term growth rather than chasing short-term gains, often finding success in traditional, well-established industries. Your financial success comes through consistent effort, wise investments, and a strong sense of ambition. Wealth flows when you commit to ventures that promise longevity, maintain discipline, and stay focused on sustainable financial growth.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success comes from presenting yourself as ambitious, responsible, and disciplined. Your public image reflects a strong work ethic, and you attract wealth through opportunities where your determined approach and desire for stability are recognized.
2nd House: You attract money through careful, long-term financial planning and investments. Financial success comes from steadily building wealth over time, particularly through traditional industries or ventures that offer stable returns.
3rd House: Wealth may come through structured communication, writing, or business projects that require careful planning and persistence. Financial success is achieved through intellectual endeavors that have long-term potential and value.
4th House: Financial success is often tied to real estate, property investments, or family businesses. You attract wealth by creating stability in your home and family life, and you may build lasting financial security through real estate or legacy planning.
5th House: You attract wealth through practical and structured creative endeavors. Financial success may come from investments in fields that blend creativity with structure, such as architecture, traditional arts, or engineering, where long-term planning is key.
6th House: Financial success comes through hard work, discipline, and responsibility in your daily work life. You attract wealth by staying focused on long-term career goals, particularly in fields like corporate business, government, or finance, where structure and ambition are rewarded.
7th House: Financial growth is tied to partnerships, particularly in business. You attract wealth through long-term, stable partnerships, where both parties share a focus on building a solid financial future and working toward mutual goals.
8th House: Wealth may come through joint ventures, investments, or carefully managing shared resources. Financial success is achieved through disciplined handling of other people’s money or through inheritances, where a strategic approach to long-term investments pays off.
9th House: You attract wealth through disciplined educational or international pursuits. Financial success may come from higher education, law, or structured travel-related ventures that combine personal growth with long-term financial potential.
10th House: Career success comes from leadership roles that value discipline, responsibility, and structure. You attract wealth by building a solid professional reputation over time, often finding financial success in established industries like business, law, or politics.
11th House: Financial success is linked to your involvement in structured groups or organizations. You attract wealth by leading or participating in social networks and communities that focus on long-term growth, ambition, and success.
12th House: Wealth may come from behind-the-scenes work or through spiritual or charitable endeavors. Financial success comes from disciplined efforts in solitude or private ventures that offer long-term financial security, often in areas that others overlook.
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𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Aquarius, attracting wealth revolves around your innovative, unconventional, and forward-thinking approach. Venus in Aquarius thrives in exploring new ideas, technologies, and social connections that push boundaries. You naturally attract wealth by embracing your uniqueness and being open to progressive financial ventures. Financial success is often tied to your involvement in technology, humanitarian efforts, or social causes. You find wealth when you combine intellectual creativity with a sense of purpose, focusing on futuristic or community-driven financial goals that align with the greater good.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success comes from presenting yourself as innovative, unique, and open-minded. You attract wealth by showcasing your individuality and unconventional thinking, often drawing opportunities through tech-related or progressive ventures.
2nd House: You attract money through modern, forward-thinking ventures such as technology, social causes, or innovation. Financial success comes from investing in futuristic projects and earning through your social networks or involvement in the community.
3rd House: Wealth comes through communication, writing, or intellectual pursuits centered on innovation and social change. Financial success may stem from networking, teaching, or working in fields related to technology, social justice, or progressive ideas.
4th House: Financial success may be linked to unconventional home-based ventures or real estate. You attract wealth by applying modern ideas to property investments or by creating a unique, progressive home environment or family business.
5th House: You attract wealth through creative, innovative endeavors, often involving technology or speculative ventures in cutting-edge industries. Financial success comes from thinking outside the box in areas like entertainment, tech, or futuristic arts.
6th House: Financial success comes from working in service-oriented roles tied to social causes, innovation, or technology. You attract wealth by focusing on improving the collective, especially in fields like science, technology, or social reform.
7th House: Financial success is closely tied to unconventional partnerships or collaborations. You attract wealth through relationships with forward-thinking individuals who share your vision, particularly in business or social ventures focused on technology or progressive goals.
8th House: Wealth may come through joint financial ventures, investments, or managing other people’s resources in innovative ways. You attract wealth by transforming shared resources through tech-driven or unconventional methods, particularly in fields related to social causes.
9th House: You attract wealth through higher education, international ventures, or philosophical pursuits that promote progressive ideals. Financial success may come from teaching, publishing, or travel, particularly when focused on forward-thinking or humanitarian efforts.
10th House: Career success and financial growth come from leadership roles in innovative or progressive fields. You attract wealth by excelling in industries like technology, science, or social reform, often achieving financial success through careers that promote change and advancement.
11th House: Financial success is linked to your social network and community involvement. You attract wealth by leading groups or organizations focused on innovation, technology, or humanitarian causes, particularly when working within futuristic or socially conscious industries.
12th House: Wealth may come from behind-the-scenes work or involvement in charitable, spiritual, or humanitarian efforts. Financial success is often found through private ventures or by working in fields that focus on helping the collective in unconventional or innovative ways.
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𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬
For Venus in Pisces, attracting wealth involves channeling your imaginative, compassionate, and spiritual energy into your work. Venus in this sign thrives when it combines creativity with a deep emotional or spiritual connection, allowing you to attract wealth by following your intuition and engaging in endeavors that inspire and uplift others. Financial success comes from artistic, healing, or spiritual professions that resonate on an emotional level. Your compassionate and idealistic approach to money enables you to draw abundance by offering value through emotional fulfillment and service to others. Wealth flows when your financial path aligns with your spiritual or artistic vision.
Through the Houses:
1st House: Financial success is linked to how you present yourself—compassionate, imaginative, and spiritually connected. You attract wealth by embracing your artistic and empathetic side, often finding opportunities in creative or healing professions.
2nd House: You attract money through intuitive and creative means. Financial success comes from artistic ventures, spiritual work, or compassionate service. Professions in beauty, art, or healing can be financially rewarding for you.
3rd House: Wealth comes through communication or artistic expression, particularly when you use your empathy and imagination. Financial success is likely in writing, teaching, or creative projects that deeply inspire or emotionally touch others.
4th House: Financial success may come through property, real estate, or creating a nurturing, spiritual home environment. You can attract wealth by transforming your home into a healing or creative space or through family-related ventures.
5th House: You attract wealth through artistic and creative endeavors that are emotionally or spiritually connected. Financial success comes from engaging in music, film, visual arts, or any creative field that deeply resonates with others' emotions.
6th House: You attract wealth by working in compassionate service or healing professions. Financial success stems from serving others in ways that align with your spiritual or artistic values, particularly in healthcare, wellness, or charitable roles.
7th House: Financial success is linked to relationships and partnerships that are deeply spiritual or compassionate. You attract wealth through business or romantic relationships rooted in emotional or spiritual bonds.
8th House: Wealth may come from joint financial ventures, inheritances, or other people’s resources, particularly when connected to healing or spiritual transformation. Managing shared resources with compassion and intuition can lead to financial success.
9th House: You attract wealth through spiritual or creative teaching, travel, or higher education. Financial success may come from working in fields related to art, spirituality, or humanitarian service that reach a global or expansive audience.
10th House: Career success is linked to roles where creativity, compassion, and spirituality are central. You attract wealth by pursuing careers in healing, the arts, or spiritual guidance, often gaining recognition for your emotional depth and intuitive abilities.
11th House: Financial success comes through your social network, especially in communities focused on spirituality, healing, or creative arts. You attract wealth by engaging with groups or organizations that aim to uplift and inspire.
12th House: Wealth may come from behind-the-scenes work, spiritual endeavors, or artistic expression. Financial success arises through compassionate service, charity, or spiritual healing, especially in fields where you work quietly and intuitively.
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Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)
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moonlight-prose · 3 months ago
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HEART MADE OF GLASS
a/n: this is totally not to make myself feel better. totally not self indulgent cause i couldn't finish cooking my dinner last night. that gif is also self indulgent. but also hopefully a distraction from how angsty this kind of is. divider as always by the lovely @saradika-graphics.
summary: you couldn't control when they could come. the waves of nothingness - of battling with your body and mind in the hopes it would cause a shift. you wanted to control it. he simply wanted to help.
word count: 1.1k
pairing: logan howlett x reader
warnings: angst, fluff, disassociating, depression isn't outright stated but that's what it is, meat eating (sorry i'm an iron anemic bitch), logan's love language being acts of service.
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The fire alarm never went off when you were in the kitchen. So he felt his heart jump at the sound of it blaring through the small apartment. Even down the hall and in the bathroom he smelled the bitter smoke as it rose from the pan you were currently staring at. A blank expression on your face and hand gripping the handle.
He meant to grab his flannel and join you for dinner. What he didn't expect was the emptiness of a silent kitchen not filled with your usual music. Your soft hums as you try to keep in tune with the song.
Logan's favorite pastime was standing in the doorway watching you cook whatever creation came to mind. Whether it tasted good or positively vile, he'd eat it one way or another. He'd swallow happily with a grin simply to see that smile bloom across your face. A look he did everything possible to keep right where it was meant to be.
"Bub?"
You startled, flinching at the sound of the alarm as you shoved the pan away from the burner. "Shit. Sorry."
A frown etched onto his face at your quick apology—your eyes never quite meeting him. "Everythin' okay?"
"Yeah," you said, lying right through your teeth. "I just got distracted."
Logan could hear the bullshit louder than the alarm. He knew something was wrong, because he'd seen it before. The silence that filled a once loud household. How you slowed down during the day, unable to finish simple tasks without pushing yourself over the edge. He watched you dwindle down to the barest bones your body had to offer and yet you never asked him for help.
You never explained why it occurred.
This wasn't in part because you didn't want to. You did. You simply held no real reason for why your body—your mind—chose to betray you at the oddest of times. At first you figured it was the lack of sleep. The restlessness that ate away at your body each night—keeping you up and active until finally you wore yourself out.
But this wasn't that.
This came from deep inside your chest, lingering beneath the surface—waiting for something good to happen before it struck with a vengeance. This protruded out of your very nightmares.
"Need some help?" He knew the answer before it came. No.
What could he possibly do that you hadn't tried a million times over? There was no easy fix for something this brutal. Silently, you begged him to leave the kitchen and find something else to occupy his time. He stubbornly stood behind you, watching over your shoulder as you dumped the now burned pan in the sink. What might have been a delicious steak now looked like a charred brick.
The sight of it still smoking only seemed to dampen your mood further.
You fought to keep yourself there, in the moment. But the dazed expression from earlier began to slowly trail its way back up your face. Until you could do nothing but stare at the mess you made, exhaustion slicing down to your bones.
His looming presence became an afterthought to all that filtered through your head. All the brittle and vile thoughts you tried to keep at bay. Some days they managed to weasel their way past your infinite walls. Some days...they found joy in tearing you up inside little by little.
Voicing it aloud though would never be an option to the havoc you tried to tame.
"C'mon," he muttered, his hands pulling at your hips to move you. "Out of the kitchen."
"I can finish–"
His glare was devastating.
Most of the time you'd ask him to tell you what he was thinking. Tonight you understood his demand. Get out of the kitchen before you hurt yourself. Let him do what you often did for everyone else.
Give him the chance to put you first.
He points to the chair originally pulled out for him. "Sit down."
But unlike other people he encountered, you were far more stubborn. "I don't–"
"Sit on the chair bub. Or I'll tie you to it." The grin he gives you is filled with sarcasm, but you can see the truth shining in his eyes. He wouldn't hesitate to follow through on a promise like that. He wouldn't even blink. "Your choice."
There was no argument left to throw at him, because his attention was elsewhere. So you sat. You allowed yourself to rest as he stumbled his way through the kitchen. Logan couldn't really cook. He picked up what he could through the life he lived, but nothing came out exactly perfect. That wasn't what warmed your heart at the sight of him standing there intent on delivering a meal worth eating.
He didn't shy away when you tried to push. When the horror that you needed someone to help was no longer a fact you could ignore. No matter how hard you shoved and bit and did what you could to scare him off. Logan pushed back. He quelled your bite with a stature of resolute stoicism.
With an exhale, he flipped the burner off and slid whatever he'd made onto a clean plate. Watching him move felt as if you were being placed in a trance. You almost told him that once in your first week of dating. Something told you he already knew by the way your eyes tracked him from the kitchen to the table.
"Steak," he said, sitting with a grunt.
A quick glance told you one thing. Logan didn't know shit about cooking steak.
You grinned nonetheless.
"There's..." Red spilled down the side, pooling on the plate as steam hit your face. "How long did you cook it?"
He shrugged, slicing it with ease and plopping a piece into his mouth. "Tastes fine to me."
"I'm sure it does."
"Watch it bub," he muttered mid chew, his lips curled into a smirk.
Making a show of zipping your lips shut, you took the piece he offered you. And as he did each time before, you ate it with a grin simply to watch his smirk turn into a smile. There may have been no salt, no extra flavor, and strangely a charred sensation with each bite. But you could taste the love spreading across your tongue with ease.
"Delicious," you garbled in the hopes he'd understand how much you loved him.
He snorted, shoving the plate to the center of the table. His thumb swiped at the juice that leaked from the corner of your mouth, causing your heart to jump erratically in your chest. Even on your bad days he managed to flip the switch in your mind with simple touches and soft looks.
"'M gonna order a pizza."
Leaning into his hand, you pressed a kiss to his wrist. "Thank you."
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kairologia · 8 months ago
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Your untapped talents according to your fifth house.
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In traditional astrology, being Venus’ joy, the fifth house is (among others) a signifier for natural talents, as well as hobbies you would enjoy most or thrive at.
Which are yours?
· Aries in the 5th house (Sagittarius rising): you possess a proficiency in competitive or energetic sports and activities, a natural ability to lead a team, an uncanny ability to face & overcome your fears, as well as high stamina & endurance. Steadfast in your beliefs and capable of debating in their favour anytime of the day.
· Taurus in the 5th house (Capricorn rising): you’re naturally talented in gardening & cultivating a beautiful, lush & luxuriant outdoor space, effortlessly skilled in arts like painting, sculpture, or pottery, and excellent at cultivating artistic talent in others (would make a great art professor).
· Gemini in the 5th house (Aquarius rising): you have unrivaled storytelling and writing skills, an innate versatility in performing arts such as acting or comedy, & skilled in employing incisive language to convey complex ideas or emotions. You may have a talent for photography, drawing, or manual/visual arts.
· Cancer in the 5th house (Pisces rising): you’re skilled in acting out intense scenes or writing emotionally charged stories, talented in interior design and making every new place you inhabit feel like home. Usually talented in cooking &/or baking. Great swimmers too.
· Leo in the 5th house (Aries rising): Leo fifth houses are highly creative in fashion-related endeavors such as designing clothing items or costumes, have natural flair for performing arts and a natural ability to captivate an audience or command attention. Great at improvising and coming up with stories on the fly.
· Virgo in the 5th house (Taurus rising): you’re talented in crafts like knitting or woodworking, editing or artistic critique, photography. You’re the go-to person for event organization & planning. Skilled at DIY crafting projects, scrapbooking, manual creations such as jewelry making or ceramic works. Great debators, too.
· Libra in the 5th house (Gemini rising): you have outstanding diplomatic skills & are capable of negotiating your way through just about any situation. You're skilled in creating harmonious compositions in visual arts or music. You would definitely enjoy ballroom dancing, painting, & decorating spaces. You also have a natural sense for aesthetics & beauty.
· Scorpio in the 5th house (Cancer risings): you would make a great taboo/erotica/crime fiction writer or visual artist. You're also talented in writing intense and charged scenes or lyrics, & are capable of evoking strong emotions through artistic expression. You would probably enjoy investigating mysteries & delving into occultism.
· Sagittarius in the 5th house (Leo rising): you’re amazing at inspiring others through creative expression, great at documenting experiences through photography or journaling whether in remote destinations or within your hometowns & making the mundane seem interesting. You’d make a great writer of philosophical or esoterical fiction or analysis.
· Capricorn in the 5th house (Virgo rising): usually great at forms of art that demand focus and discipline. you're the type of person that can master more than one classical instrument if you were to put your heart into it. You would enjoy collecting antiques as a hobby, & have potential to be an eloquent & articulate speaker & writer.
· Aquarius in the 5th house (Libra rising): terrific at advocating for social change & making unheard voices feel heard through artistic or creative expression, and creating experimental or avant-garde works. Potential great musicians. The type of person who can turn even the blandest looking items into something uniquely gorgeous.
· Pisces in the 5th house (Scorpio rising): you have an innate versatile talent at anything creative as you’re capable of creating immersive artistic experiences that can even cloud the senses. Potential talent for dancing, occult or spiritual pursuits and intuitive painting as well. Would definitely enjoy swimming & marine life exploration.
P.S : one configuration cannot describe your entire experience. you may not relate to certain points, as you have had life experiences that shaped you and an entire chart consisting of inextricable elements that need one another to make sense.
Click here for readings !
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diejager · 1 year ago
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Hallo! Truly loved the MonsterAU stories! Wonderful, amazing writing!
Would it be possible for you to write: what if human!reader was turned into a chimera?
Akin to this:
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Feel free to ignore!
Chimæra
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Pairing: Monster 141 x Chimera!reader
Cw: science experiment, human torture, human testing, gore?, blood, canon-typical violence, unethical human experiments, kidnapping, child abuse, malnutrition, child neglect, tell me if I missed any. Wc: 3.6k (A/N): credit to @bluegiragi’s monster 141 designs.
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They were tipped off by an anonymous source that some shady and highly illegal things were being done in a small and remote town near the border of Belarus, their ongoings unknown to both the government and public of their country, but someone had given Laswell a file containing all the horrific tests conducted within the closed walls of the innocuous-looking compound —a laboratory dressed as a simple military base. The folder held snapshots of emails and files sent between scientists and researchers, small indications of what was being done to both humans and monsters, yet withholding important intel about certain things. It disclosed the location, the names and faces of every worker and leading figure in the compound, the number of security and their schedules, and what was done, but not what was truly happening, it left small clues, sublet words here and there with hidden meanings —never clear images, blurry ones as if the person was in a rush.
Despite not having clear indications of the illegal activities, Laswell had enough to have 141 sent to take it down, to bring the dehumanising lab to its ground and burn it down. She didn’t have trouble convincing them, it was telling enough to let them read the condensed files for them to read, to see themselves the monstrosity being done to children and monsters they took, kidnapped from around the world to be left at the deceitful hands of crazed scientists. There wasn’t much to be found outside it, the base wore the facade of a benevolent patron, bearing the crest of kindhearted investors wanting to rebuild rundown houses and reconstruct rough and broken roads and paved streets in the town they took to hide. It worked for the most part, they profited from this by acting without raising any suspicion from anyone, neither the authorities nor the people. 
“Christ,” Gaz swore, looking down at the words in the file he received, the teased truth and the dreadful treatments through a thick layer of secrets and subtle wording, the only clear intel was from the straightforward emails sent to and from researchers and the heads of the facility, unabashed and shameless bragging of their success and the narrative to which these subjects could be used. “Why did it take so long?”
A recurrent theme of these was about a certain subject, it was about C34, spoken with such pride and joy about their creation, the work of the new world and the future made within these walls. Most emails were the exchanges between them about C34’s training, the ongoing treatments and every successful mission and exercises, they spoke of C34 as if they were a dog, a rabid mutt they captured and took on the task of domesticating it. It was demeaning, degrading and cruel, to look at another being as something lower, something needing domestication —it went against every rule and law put in place to protect humanity, the many conventions sworn to protect the goodwill and security of the innocents.
“We’ve had our suspicions before,” Laswell sighed, the images of the screen switching with the small click of her control, laser pointing at the images of various weapons cache and illegally procured weapons. “There was a slip up in the shipping, it was dropped here-” she motioned to a circled area in the map, a closeup of a secluded road near the town, “and we were able to retrace it to the facility. We needed more intel about the facility before acting and we needed to know what we're facing here, if we should send a team or send you.”
“What now?” Price tilted his head back, smoke leaving the sides of his frown, a deep and unpleasant one. He couldn’t even look at the intel given with a straight face, the shadowed truth of cruelty and dehumanising acts done by humans. “Figured you send us after seeing this, Laswell?”
Laswell nodded, jumping to another slide, showing blurred images of subject C34, a blurry figure, tall and imposing in every way possible. They stood high, stature seemingly one belonging to a monster or hybrid: on four legs and the wide, familiar shape of wings, everything about C34 cried monster. Perhaps one they captured as a child, taken from their mother and kept in this cell. There were many pictures of this one, blurry and disfigured, but others had smaller shapes, the size of children with various characteristics. 
“Steamin’ bloody Jesus!” Soap spat, disgust dripping from his tone in waves, unending as were the other’s curses, each holding their level of horror and repugnance. His face was wound tight, brows dipped lowly and lips pursed, he balled his fists, anger rising within him with every image he saw, the deplorable conditions and the care given to the monsters —what could they even expect from this shady company engineering monster and human DNA to fit their preferred narrative, for money, for reputation, for strength. “We ‘ave tae do somethin’ about this, Price!”
Soap - Johnny - had always been the more emotional one, letting his good heart lead his decisions when the situation seemed to fit it. His wolf made him more susceptible to emotional attachment, a pack mentality driven deeply into his mind and heart, he was viciously loyal and wore his heart on his sleeve, uncaring of how he’d be hurt by a betrayal, he simply saw the best in the world, something many couldn’t after a while, but Soap could, Johnny was a good man at heart. That’s why he reacted the most out of everyone, voicing his distaste and hate, his need for revenge and the sanctity of the lives being stolen in the facility. 
Soap pushed Price to agree, seeing no reason not to lead the breach, to uncover everything done to innocent lives. His eyes connected to the man hidden in the darkness, his blue eyes gleaming with fierce justice, a contrast to the wraith who lay in silence, abhorrent and seething quietness. Ghost peered at him, head tilted up with white pupils darkened by black eyes, death layering off him with calmness. He gave Soap a curt nod, affirmation for him to continue to voice his mind, to help those in need. 
“Seems like it’s been decided, Kate,” Price gave her a lopsided smirk, amber eyes narrowed with what could be read as anger, teeth sinking into the girth of his cigar, ash falling. “When are we going?”
Her lips parted in a proud grin, eyes gleaming with something dark and wrathful. She leaned on the table, head held high and shoulder broad while she flicked off the projector:
“Wheels up at 1500 tomorrow.”
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You stared down the man before you, watching him tremble under your cold gaze, steps hesitant to approach you despite being seated, body prone on the hard floor you called a bed. He was new, possibly recently employed and his boss - or his direct manager - played a dirty game with him. It was some kind of rite of passage for every new employee courageous enough to accept their recruitment, all bright-eyed geniuses wanting to build their place on earth with forthgoing discovery, desperate and narcissistic; yet they were so easily tricked into you cage, locked in by cackling and grinning guards and coworkers. 
He smelled young, fresh-faced and a bit nervous, most were when they first saw you. You remembered everyone who walked in, the smell of fear and anxiety, the disgusting scent oozing off their bodies, rotten and putrid like a rotting corpse. You would’ve gagged and choked if you weren’t used to it, having grown close to the smell of death, calling the reaper your friend. You weren’t bothered by him, only the cart he was wheeling over, a big and heavy cooler that smelled fresh. He was made to bring you food by his boss, a cruel joke played on every new scientist who was always so eager to meet you before cowering in terror once the lock clicked. 
Standing before your third cage, he unlocked the small hatch and, with effort and a loud grunt, pushed the cooler into the hole, big enough for a big cooler but small enough to fit your arm through it. You waited until he stumbled away, distancing him from you before reaching for the container, it was light, weighing little in your palm. They fed you raw meat, sometimes buying the fresh catch of a Belarus hunter, usually an elk or a wild boar, but if they were lucky, a bison or a bear, other times they would have conserved meat shipped from outside the town, bigger cities or outside the border. 
Today was an elk, the meat cold and free of rot, it smelled as good as a fresh kill did, bloody and heady. You ripped into it without care, tuning out the loud retch from the scientist as you gorged on your meal, claws tearing it in half and biting into the bloody meat. Blood rolled down your lip, painting your cheeks crimson and staining the cream-coloured rag they considered a shirt. It would be changed after your meal, as it always was. Despite the elk weighing around six hundred kilograms, you finished it quickly, with pointed teeth cutting and pulling flaps of meat and ligament, blood spraying and dirtying the metal ground near the hatch. 
It was filling, albeit cold. You cleaned your hands of blood, licking it off like a grooming cat, tongue laving over the sharp edge of your claw and under your blunt fingernails. You peered at him from under your lashes, eyes gleaming in the darkness. You watched - pleased with yourself - him shudder, face growing green with unnerve at your show. You knew he was desperate to leave, to get a breath of fresh air outside of your cell, you understood his fear and wanted him to suffer for helping your owner, the man watching over your training, but you wanted him gone before he emptied his stomach on your floor. So you pushed the cooler out, clawed arm breaching past the hatch to leave it farther from your cage. 
He left hastily, legs shaky and face pale. 
“I want a bison next time,” you growled, words rolling off your tongue huskily from its rare use. 
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It looked as inconspicuous through the NVGs as it did in the pictures, a few grey buildings built lowly to hide an immense labyrinth dug into the ground, secret passages crossing unending halls with locked doors and tipped with surveillance cameras to watch over the whole facility. They studied the very walls that made this place a secret fortress, from the body to its heart, like mounting a brigade against a castle, Laswell’s team found the few hidden entrances that connected to the lesser-used passages, winding through many hallways and wide vents, big enough for humans but too tight for monsters the size of C34. Task Force 141 led the mission, infiltrating the base under the darkness of night where they could crawl and slink through shadows to catch what they hunted. They were joined by Marines, all experienced and skillful, wearing scars like a badge of honour. It would either be a quick in and out, or a long and strenuous infiltration. 
Price took Gaz and led half of the Marines through the west, breaching the lab from above. They pushed in steadily, relaying information and physical cues to Watcher - Laswell - with a body cam recording everything they saw, the facade they wore above ground, hiding their dark enterprise. Ghost, as usual, has Soap watch his six, following closely behind him with puppy-like loyalty and the other half of the Marines. Team Two’s - Delta - mission started through the underground passage they sniffed out, a long and unwinding hall that went straight through the heart of the facility. Ghost’s team went dark, needing the cover of silence to stay hidden in a highly protected area of the base to run this clandestine mission. They spoke only when needing to, to make calls, to reaffirm intel or to let both Bravo and Watcher know a change, the tech team in the temporary safe house a few miles away from the compound watched through the cams, from the subtle change in the air to a jarring lead to what was happening. 
While Price and Gaz worked on creating a distraction, taking a load off team Delta’s shoulders, they could work through the system faster and more efficiently with the fire taken off their backs and front. It was controlled chaos for both teams, creating a mass discordance within the enemy lines: panicked higher-ups at the sudden attack, while they had a small squad of personal soldiers, they were unprepared, taken by surprise by both teams attacking on two fronts; and confused mercenaries, their quiet and boring schedules made them lose the edge of suspicion, of wariness towards what awaited them and the sheltered job with little to no action apart from a few failed escape attempts by the subjects.
“Delta 0-1 moving in,” Ghost mumbled into the coms, his team following him closely, rifle held tightly with the muzzle pointed forward as they crossed the threshold of section C, heading towards the one holding the monster subjects. 
They left behind them groups of bodies, slumped over the walls or limp on the ground, blood painting the sterilised and glossy walls, turning the once white hall into a grotesque place, dead bodies covering the length of the corridor like the ones they walked through before, leaving the stench of death that even the Marines could sniff out. It wasn’t clean - they weren’t aiming for it to be clean - but they wouldn’t need it to be clean when the Laswell would send a clean-up team to deal with this, Ghost would steal a bite before they arrived, quenching his hunger for revenge with them. 
A few guards stayed to watch over the cells, doors unlocked by a keycard that most guards kept in their back pocket, Ghost would have to take one off a dead body. Under Ghost’s cover, Soap dashed to the other side of the hall, taking a few with him to corner the mercenaries, boxing them into a closed hallway until they all died. Despite a few of the Marines taking shots, bruising the skin under their plate, black and blue blossoming like a bloody flower under the thin layer of skin, they kept their heads high and minds clear, moving forward without a misstep or hesitation. Soap swiped a few cards from the bodies, throwing one to Ghost. 
“Delta 0-1 to Watcher, can you hear me?”
“Solid copy, Ghost,” Laswell voice rang out clearly, reaching his ears in seconds.
“We found the cells,” his eyes roved over them, white paint over thick, cement walls to hold whatever they locked into the cells, perhaps the children the saw or the big one, C34.
“Do you have the keycards?”
“Affirm,” Ghost growled slowly, hearing Laswell's confirmation to continue. “Going in.”
He tapped the pad, a loud beep ringing in their ears as the lock’s mechanism creaked to life, unlatching from its metal hold to let them in. Both he and Soap walked in, leaving the others to watch their backs while they surveyed the first room. It was dimly lit as it was bare of any decorations apart from a visible toilet, a small sink and a few metal beds. It looked like any usual cells they came across, made barren and empty of anything useful to prevent the prisoners from escaping or causing a ruckus, but the people they kept in these cells were children. Soap swore under his breath at the sight of children huddled together, seemingly no older than 12, he lowered his rifle. They were backed into a corner, three older kids holding a younger one in their arms, protecting her from them, from whoever meant to harm these children. 
They looked malnourished, left to slowly rot in these cement boxes until the scientist found something worthwhile in them, their cheeks sunken in, eyes droopy and swollen with bruises - they were beaten, it made something ugly rear its head inside Ghost dead heart - and lips dried. One was armless, having wings that they used to cover both of their cellmates, naked with only feathers covering their body, this one looked more like a harpy than it did human. The two others had arms, both having the lower half of a mammal, neither of them was sure which four-legged mammal it was, but one had a pair of wings, while the other’s back was bare of anything. 
“We’ve found the children.”
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You could hear the chaos from your cell, the blaring alarm and the smell of death. The building shook from its foundation, vibration emanating from both the ground floor and the basement, just farther from your hall, the closed and sectioned-off area. They separated you from the defective ones, all your young mistakes they made after achieving success —you. They tried to recreate it, but it never came out how they wanted it. Maybe it was a mistake on their part or maybe it was the lack of a certain gene in their DNA, a subtle difference that you and the rest had. You didn’t want to know and you didn’t want them to succeed a second time, it was painful, the shift, the tests and the change, the storm of pain, terror and confusion weren’t worth this power. 
You could hear the booming sound of gunfire, a loud ricochet of the bullet when the nitrocellulose sparked and sent the bullet outwards, finding its destination in the warm flesh of human guards. You usually enjoyed this kind of chaos if you knew what started it, and laughed when something caused trouble for your captors, but you were cautious of this one. You neither knew who thought to disturb the peace nor did you know who was behind this, their scents strange and the sound of steps unknown. All you knew was that their steps were heavy, out of breath but pushing their way into - what you thought to be - section C. The place they kept the young and willful. 
You might be blinded by your cell, but the guards outside your confinement knew how to talk, their chatter and barking orders loud enough for you to hear through the thick walls. From them, you knew they were strangers, unknown players on your board of pawns. You didn’t know their goal, whether they were here to let you out or keep you in a cage of their making, but you knew they were a gamble on your fate. As the noise got closer, you sat down, crossed your paws and waited, cautiously awaiting to see what your verdict would be.
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Strangely enough, there was a different section, separated from the other one by many gates and stricter security, but they were able to break through it. Security was concentrated in one hall as if the monster they locked at the end of this hallway was of big importance. It had higher security, stronger and thicker. Ghost wondered if it was to keep the monster in or keep people out, either way, this meant that they found the thing they first came here for: the trained and dangerous subject C34. 
Ghost was apprehensive about opening this metal door, built taller than any doors he’d seen, it was as wide as it was tall, metres over what would be considered normal for a human or monster, similar to the wide gates that protected British castles, tall and imposing, but the most worrying was it’s vast amount of security measures. He thought back to the blurrier giant he saw in the picture, their shape indescribable and otherworldly, almost alien-like. His eyes met Soap’s reassuring ones, standing steadfast and unyielding to do good in the world. So with a nod, Ghost worked through the locks and scans of the heavy, metal door made to keep this cement cage closed. This door clicked loudly, echoing down the hall with ominous intent, foreseeing something damming and destructive. 
Yet they hadn’t expected to see another cage within the cage, a box made of reinforced glass, large and robust and inside of it was another cage, a rough metal one with bars for walls, a sick joke of a bird’s gilded cage. It would’ve seemed almost exaggerated to have three layers - three different cages - to keep one subject safely locked up until he caught sight of the monster. Lying on the cold, metal ground with legs folded in, tail curled around them and staring at both him and Soap with cautious curiosity. It looked like a gryphon if it were more reptilian than a mammal, this monster had a human torso, a head wearing a stoic expression, dressed in rags. Where there would normally be legs was the body of a bird, an eagle perhaps from the golden-brown plumage and reptilian legs from the knee down, followed by a fully scaled back, hind legs and a strong tail. Each toe was tipped with a sharp claw, big and deadly if it got its hands on someone, it could easily rip into anyone without putting in much effort. The biggest thing about it was the folded wings, feathered and equipped with a talon. If it could fly, these wings would be powerful. 
He understood why they kept it locked, it was neither man, monster or hybrid. It was a beast of human creation, a creature made to be at the peak of its condition. It was smart, he could see it, the glint in its eyes and the pursed lips, mien kept monotone and calm —observant. 
What did Laswell sign them into? 
Taglist: @craxy-person @crowbird @dead-cipher @iwannabealocalcryptid @iizx7y @mxtokko @yeetusspagheetus @capricorn-anon @perfectus-in-morte @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @tallmanlover @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @havoc973 @angelcakes-22 @cassiecasluciluce @ramadiiiisme @ramblingsofachaoticthinker @ki-cant-spel @im-making-an-effort @love-dove-noora @jinxxangel13 @daisychainsinknots @0alk0msan @mul-pi @danielle143 @dont-mind-me-just-existing-sadly
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kittenintheden · 2 months ago
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don't know which creatives need to hear this today, but you cannot let the hunger for recognition and attention rule you.
it is completely normal to want recognition for the things we create. that is a basic human emotion. I made something and put it out there, witness me! it feels good to be seen. it nourishes us.
that said, we also have to find the balance between that craving for validation and finding validation within ourselves. I've worked with creatives for most of my life, I've BEEN one most of my life, and if you require a nebulous level of external validation to maintain your love of the thing, you will always be left wanting. it doesn't matter how much, how big, how known, how admired, how applauded. it will never be enough. you will always need more. the next hit. what that person has. what that OTHER person has. what that OTHER-OTHER person has.
this isn't to say that you should NEVER need validation. of course you do and should. it's one of the core tenets of raising any human being -- people of any age need to feel seen and heard. but we also need to be able to self-soothe, self-regulate, and self-help.
it's really easy to say "do something because you love to do it," but creative endeavors aren't that straightforward. sometimes you will, in fact, HATE doing it. it will be difficult or draining. that's normal, too. creation is not just an act of joy. it's an act of pain, of labor, of never feeling good enough.
so, no, don't "stop caring" about being recognized for your creativity. just don't let that need for recognition rule you. some of that has to come from within.
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drchucktingle · 9 months ago
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do you have any advice for writers who are trying to get their first book published?
as usual i will preface this with the reminder there is no 'correct' way to make art. i am not universally 'right' about any of this, but i can let you in on my thoughts and things i have noticed if that helps
more than anything what i would recommend to any artist is to find joy in the TROT, not the result. set goals that are in the action of doing, not in some future ending where you have 'become' something.
in other words, i have never dreamed of being a writer, i dream of writing.
its not about being an actor one day, its about a life of acting. its not about being a painter one day, its about a life of painting. its not about being a singer one day, its about a life of singing. if you can find joy and gratitude and RESONATE WITH THIS TIMELINE through the act of creation, then there really is no stopping you because you are not relying on any external systems to reach your goals you are fueled entirely from yourself. this also accounts for the fact that LUCK AND CIRCUMSTANCE are a huge factor in many of these big dreams, but they are rarely a huge factor in your ability to simply create. you are already a creator, we are all creators
when you do this the timeline will bend to you, not the other way around
as a BUSINESS BUCKAROO i will never do anything that is me BEGGING AND PLEADING for attention from a larger entity (publishing company, tv studio, what the heck ever). i am not over here worried and biting my fingernails. anything that feels like a LOTTO TICKET where i say 'please please please pick me' is not how i operate. instead i love working with buckaroos who see me as an equal entity and the discussion is 'you are cool, we are cool, lets trot together'
how did i get to the place where this is a mutual conversation instead of chuck begging for crumbs of attention? i focused on LOVING THE ACT OF CREATING not the desire to be a creator.
chucks big five publishing deal happened because i wrote a horror novel myself and then tweeted out 'would anyone like to traditionally publish this book?'. no query letters, no agent, THATS IT.
but that is ALSO the short version. the long version is that i spent a decade creating and publishing my own stuff BECAUSE I LOVE CREATING AND PUBLISHING MY OWN STUFF
THAT is how i would recommend approaching these things. YOU are doing your cool as heck thing and when that starts to resonate with this timeline others will be drawn to it. if that means sending out query letters to agents and all that then HECK YEAH go for it bud, just so long as you maintain the MENTALITY that you are looking for an equal partner not a one in a million ticket BECAUSE YOU WILL BE MAKING THIS INCREDIBLE ART ANYWAY, AND IF THEY WANT TO COME ALONG AND RIDE WITH YOU THEN LETS TROT, AND IF NOT LETS STILL TROT BECAUSE YOU ARE A VALID, WORTHY CREATOR REGARDLESS
so i guess thats my publishing advice
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kichiyosh1 · 11 months ago
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"I made it with you in mind"
wanderer x reader
to think he'd end up finding joy in such a childish activity
✧: he ends up being mean at the beginning but he apologizes in his own special way, slight hurt/comfort but nothing major
(I'm back ig? idk :3)
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He couldn't believe the absurdity to which you and the young archon were subjecting him to.
The sins committed by the former harbinger are things he won't refute or deny. Indeed such actions musn't go unpunished, but perhaps he's underestimated the extent of the dendro archon's mercy.
Mind explaining what all of this is supposed to be?" he knows, with just a single glance, he grasped what was about to unfold, he just couldn't believe it. There displayed before his very eyes, a colorful assortment of beads lay scattered across a wooden table.
"You've dabbled in arts and crafts before, haven't you? You could say I proposed the idea to Lord kusanali as a way to keep that evil little brain of yours occupied"
'What evil is there to be done in bracelet crafting of all things, huh?' he deadpanned while simultaneously picking up a bead, examining how it reflects the light that's passing through the crystalline windows.
He let out a scoff.
"Have you forgotten who I am? A being of celestial creation, lessened to do recreational activities such as these? how amusing." Pathetic was the word he was looking for. Seriously, do you really expect him to just sit down quietly and start passing beads on a string without complaint to how this is a hit on his pride? It'd be more fitting if you locked him up for all of eternity, but this, this was just mockery.
It was the warmth of your hand that snapped him out of his thoughts. Eyes widened before squinting, but he dared not move, curious to what it was you were doing. You had started to fasten a piece of string to his wrist, gentle with your touch, measuring it so that it'd fit securely, but not too tight to be uncomfortable.
"Who gave you permission to lay your hands on me?" The warmth of your touch was strangely starting to get to him. He swatted your hand away, any more of that and he wouldn't know how to react.
Both of you were now glaring at each other. "Is it that hard for you to accept someone's act of kindness? I'm just trying to help." You could've sworn there was a slight change in his eyes when you said that, but was quickly replaced by an irritated smirk on his face. "I don't recall ever asking for your help, go give it to someone who actually needs it." He waved you off before plopping himself down on one of the stools before suddenly picking out random beads and charms like he wasn't against the idea a moment ago.
With furrowed brows and your mouth left slightly agape by his rude behavior, your face settled on a frown. You were used to the wanderer's arrogance and unpleasant attitude towards people, but there are times where even you are left puzzled. You went out of your way to make sure the activities kusanali planned out wouldn't overwhelm him, she'd ask you if you were doing this out of pity for him. You firmly shook your head.
You simply cared for him, that's all there was to it, but it didn't seem like he reciprocated the motion. The last he's heard from you was a sigh, before the sound of your footsteps slowly leaving faded.
You haven't visited him since. I mean how could you? if he was going to act like a brat while you spent your time there then might as well steer clear out of his way. No, you weren't being petty, and even if you were, you most certainly had every right to be. You nodded to yourself, justifying your actions as wanderer just being an asshat and you being the more mature one in this situation.
It wasn't easy. There were times where you would cross paths when he was on break from his duties (and bracelet crafting), or times where he himself is actively seeking you out, and before he could even call out your name, you're already making a bee line towards the exit.
You sat yourself down, exhausted from all this running around. Another successful day of not coming into contact with the wanderer.
"Doesn't he have other businesses to attend to?" If he had time to be going around looking for you then surely he was slacking off, right?
"As far as I'm concerned, you are my business." Speak of the devil and he shall appear.
"So how long do you plan on avoiding me?" he was standing behind you, face leaning down above your head as you met his gaze from your position on the bench.
You put on an air of annoyance before flicking his forehead, causing him to hiss and reel back from your attack as he rubbed the spot. "Hey! you deprive me of your company for days and now you dare assault my face? you-" you were already walking away, with the esteemed wanderer quickly following closely behind you.
"Hey", he reached for your hand, but you batted it away. It was definitely worth it to see the offended look on his face, but there was a small pang in your heart when you saw how his face faltered. "Who gave you permission to lay your hands on me? don't go acting all buddy buddy with me now." you crossed your arms, throwing back what he had said to you a few days ago.
"ah, you're upset with me about last time." You kept a stern look on your face, expecting for more, but if he failed to deliver then you'd have no trouble turning away from him again.
His mouth kept opening and closing similar to that of a goldfish, but no words came out. He looks conflicted. It took him a whole minute to sort out his thoughts, and with a deep sigh he spoke.
"The way I reacted, it was uncalled for. Like you said, you were only trying to help and I should have, I, it's just the way you held my hand, it made me feel weird." his gaze turned downcast feeling a little embarrassed by getting riled up by something so minor as physical contact.
you don't know that of course, you'd just assume he was really really ticklish in some areas
Would you mind closing your eyes for a moment? I promise It'll only take a second", the soft spoken tone he's taken on is foreign to you, but not unwelcome. You were hesitant but complied. And if he does anything funny you'll make sure to write a full on report about it to kusanali.
You could only feel how he softly held your hand, how he delicately glided his dainty finger in order to tie what you assumed was a,
a bracelet?
You opened your eyes and that's when he leaned in, his soft breath near your ear "It was supposed to be a surprise gift, but an apology gift works too." your face felt warm, and your hand did too (to which he was still holding). Was this the weird feeling he was talking about.
A moment after, you examined the accessory on your wrist.
and my was it beautiful.
The main colors of the bracelet were your favorite colors, accompanied by beautiful white pearl beads and crystal flowers and cute charms. Truly something you wouldn't expect the wanderer himself to make.
You released a small laugh, happiness spreading throughout your system. "Did you really make this?" You were starting to look too happy for his liking, but of course you always looked more beautiful with a smile on your face. He scoffed in order to hide the ever creeping happiness that was also starting to spread across his face.
"Is it that hard to believe? I had you in mind when I made it after all, so if you're going to complain about its design then the person used as reference is at fault." You were just about to complain to him about him complaining that you'd not dare complain about it when he added on.
"again, I'm sorry for disregarding your help. Whether I needed it or not, I wanted to make the bracelet solely on my own so that it'd be more meaningful of a gift to give to you." This time he held your gaze, determined and truthful about what he said.
It seems you had judged him wrong, well not entirely. True he had a unique character, but that's just what made him, him. You held his hand, and the colors from earlier are returning to both of your faces. You held it there before pointing to his wrist, "It's only right I make you one as well, right? that way we'll be matching." You then intertwined your fingers. He was gonna combust.
EXTRA:
"I didn't think wanderer would be that into bracelet making" Kusanali peaked from the corner of the room. He was deeply concentrating on what he was doing and she did not want to disturb. "A little peek into that mind of his wouldn't hurt". After using her skill, a flurry of thoughts from wanderer flood her mind.
'Is this too much? or maybe too little? is [y/n] a minimalist or a maximalist?'
'This reminds me of you, this one too, and this one.'
'This charm is cute, like you. Wait no you're most definitely more cuter'
'this bracelet should be honored to be worn by you'
'maybe i'll make you a necklace next'
'I hope you'll like it'
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Today it's time for me to be heartbroken about Crowley and HIS version of events, because of course HIS version makes sense to him too.
The thing about Crowley is, he acts so nonchalant about everything.
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Like, at first, he's simply just a demon. Sauntered vaguely downward and such, it's barely even really a thing, honestly -- it's just sort of his job title, y'know? Aziraphale's in one department, he's in another, that's just how it is. Like satanists, right?
But then the more the story progresses, the more we get the sense that there's something deeper than that. It becomes especially apparent with his plants, and how he puts the fear of God (then corrected by the narrator: the fear of Crowley) in them.
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And these scenes, as many of you well know, have been theorized to be Crowley working through the circumstances of his fall. Projecting his emotions onto the plants, inflicting on them what was done to him. Processing what it was like to be on the other side of the curtain, maybe -- possibly try to figure out what could drive a creator to harm their own creations.
The details of the fall and what Crowley did, exactly, are unclear. The details of what Crowley knows about his own fall are unclear, because evidence could suggest that maybe he doesn't remember. But his perception seems to be that it didn't take much to be a demon.
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What he does know, is that nothing lasts forever -- not even the grace of God.
But Aziraphale is different.
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Aziraphale is an angel with very black-and-white ideas of what it means to be an angel, and what it means to be a demon.
But Crowley sees through it. From giving away the sword alone, he sees the cracks in Aziraphale's rigid thinking that allows the light to shine through. And he chips and he chips at that thinking -- he asks the kind of questions that probably made him fall in the first place -- until finally we get here.
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God saw Crowley at his most innocent. God saw Crowley at his most joyful state of being. God saw him at his holiest.
God heard his questions, likely knowing that Crowley was expressing love in the way that he would want to receive it. Crowley says, "Well, if I was the one running it all, I would like it if someone asked questions. Fresh point of view."
God knew all of this, and then cast him out anyway. Unforgivable, that's what he is. Not to be forgiven, ever. Not to be loved -- not by God.
Then here comes along this angel (who he may or may not remember). This angel knows he's a demon, and talks to him anyway. This angel knows he's a demon, and listens to what he has to say. This angel knows he's a demon, and still looks him in the eye, sees the good in him, and forcefully tells him that HE still sees the good in him, even when God refuses to.
Aziraphale sees everything in Crowley that God could not, and that is something Crowley thought was lost forever.
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So it only makes sense that when Aziraphale first burst in with his words all aflutter at the idea that they were going to go back to Heaven and change everything, Crowley felt this was something they couldn't do. Because he understands better than anyone, Heaven has the power to change the angel, the angel does not have the power to change Heaven.
It makes sense that Crowley gave him a chance. Crowley didn't exactly erupt with rage at Aziraphale. Yes, he was loudly against the idea and very disappointed, but then he goes, "Oh. Oh God. Right. Okay. I didn't get a chance to say what I was going to say, I better say it now."
He still thinks there's a chance. He's still giving Aziraphale a chance to back out.
He gives Aziraphale multiple chances. And every time Aziraphale will not back down. Every time, he thinks he hears the same message. The one he's always heard, the one he should know by now but somehow still hopes it isn't true.
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Nothing lasts forever.
Not the universal star machine.
Not the grace of God.
Not the bookshop.
Not my acceptance of who you are.
Not us.
He doesn't hear the way Aziraphale remembers his joy and wants him to be happy. He doesn't hear how Aziraphale wants him and needs him and begs for him to be on his side. He doesn't hear the hope and the desire to be safe and together and in control -- forever.
He doesn't hear the way Aziraphale is lying to himself because we all know damn well he would live in a state of comfortable happiness if he could.
Instead, he hears this.
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He hears that he is in need of forgiveness. He hears that he has done something to warrant it.
Only, he is unforgivable. Nothing lasts forever, but maybe that part does. Out of everything that never lasted, the one that did is that he is unforgivable the way that he is.
"Don't bother," he says.
Don't bother, because he doesn't hear Aziraphale, he hears God.
Don't bother, because maybe God was right.
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beesmygod · 1 year ago
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we can all look back on and laugh at this when im wrong, but it seems like social media in its current incarnation is dying an undignified and overdue death. it turns out throwing all of humanity into one room and expecting everyone to develop a single ethos was beyond insane conceptually and the artists who built their following on social media are probably in a tail spin right now. people jumping to bluesky are insane lol. did you forget jack dorsey is the idiot who got us into this mess in the first place. why would you choose to subject yourself to this shit again. for what purpose?
the stock answer i got was that "for discoverability/audience" and if that's true thats a problem. i've been hollerin about this to anyone who would listen prior to this but the customer base of twitter (and all social media) is its advertisers. they have not been shy from the start about that fact because its the only way they generate income, as far as i know. YOU (the user) are the product. YOU (still the user) are also what draws people to the site. there is not a social media website on earth that has figured out that making a good website (which would require hiring and paying for quality labor over an extended period of time) is more likely to result in economic success than exclusively courting the businesses whose interest is in making the website worse to use with ads. at no point were our interests ever a factor.
in fact, imo, the number of people following you is not an accurate representational sample of your audience. the reasonable assumption you should make is that the vast majority of numbers involved with any website (esp those with a vested interest in showing off big numbers to VC investors or advertising execs) are inflated or just outright fake. the numbers exist solely to drive you insane and make awful people happy. the numbers cause you and everyone around you to start spontaneously spawning myths about a beast called "the algorithm" that possesses the incredible traits of being both something you can game for success or blame for your failures. it coerces you into enacting out nonsense superstitions to try to counteract or appease it in the hopes of, let's be honest, breaking it big and going viral. this way, you, the creator, do not have to do the hard work of building up a rapport with an audience. none of this goes anything but adds more numbers for the ceos to look at and nod approvingly or disapprovingly at.
the people running the world today are, without exaggeration, cartoon villains. they are deeply stupid, devoid of empathy, and open about their intent to do deeply evil acts in order to further their economic interests. trying to derive some kind of financial benefit from the creations of these unapologetic losers was always bound to be a wasted effort. the best thing i can say about twitter, a website i was banned from countless times and returned to out of stubborn desire, was that i got to make some great jokes with friends and cause some chaos lol. letting people know i have a web comic was always a secondary function once the realization of what social media was turning out to be set in like 7 years ago. any artist who insists that you have to do this or that on this or that social media site is trying to drag you down into the quagmire of online numbers poisoning.
run away!!! children heed my advice!!! the joy of creation does not lie on a path that encourages you to cater to the lowest common denominators while casting your net. just fucking have fun with it. if its not fun then it wont even be fun to do financially anyway. and isnt that, like. the point.
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lastoneout · 1 year ago
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I was too high last night to formulate this into proper words but something plagiarists(and by extension AI techbros) don't get about people who make things out of a love for that thing is that they are, consciously or not, doing it because they enjoy the process itself. Yes, it is easier to have a machine make a mug or painting or essay for you, or to steal someone else's, but again, people who actually like making stuff don't want someone else to do it for us because you have fully removed the thing we enjoy: the process of making a thing.
Like sure it would be nice to have a finished Gundam model or a trainset, but people who build gunpla kits and trainsets don't WANT someone else to do it for them, they want to do it. The sculptor or painter doesn't want a machine to just give them finished works of art, they want to MAKE that art themselves. The home gardner can just buy fresh food at the store, the tailor or knitter can buy a finished shirt or sweater whenever they want, but they don't because the act of gardening and sewing and knitting itself is what they enjoy.
Plagarists and AI techbros don't get that because they do not enjoy these processes. They enjoy making money and having social clout, and so they are perfectly happy stealing and automating things so that they don't have to do an ounce of real work while still getting all of the benefits of having created something. It really is all about finding the fastest and easiest way to get someone to hand you money or elect you god-king of the internet.
And the reason these two groups have such a hard time understanding each other is because of that fundamental disconnect. People who create things can never understand someone just wanting to press a button or copy-paste their way to having art because we want to indulge in the joy of creation itself, and those plagarists and AI dudes can't understand artists because to them it's just a means to an end so ofc it's in their best interest to make it as easy as possible. They don't get why someone would do this, or anything, if not for the social capital and/or actual capital it brings. Ofc it's better to automate it or steal it from someone else, that means you can make money faster and spend your time enjoying actual meaningful things like being wealthy and looked up to or w/e.
Plus creators(for lack of a better word) know keenly what it's like to BE stolen from or at least know people it has happened to, and so we are generally anti-plagarism by default.
Anyway yeah thats why to anyone who creates the other group seems so soulless and empty. It's because they kinda are. Because they don't value art or artists or care about creating things, and they certainly don't have any ammount of respect for the people they're hurting, they just want money and for "lesser" people to bow down as they walk by, and they are perfectly fine stealing to get there. It's the same mentality you get from people who pressure you to monetize your hobbies, they only see skills as an opportunity to make money. And it's really fucking sad.
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triglycercule · 5 months ago
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i think the creators in the undertale multiverse is SUCH a creative concept and even though it's fourth wall breaking it's so amazing that it deserves to break the fourth wall
everytime other medias and games or stories break the fourth wall it's either taken unseriously (like pinkie pie from mlp or family guy cutaways) or people shit on it for being out of place and just a deus ex machina or something (hi3 i will NEVER hate you for including the players in the final arc) but the undertale multiverse completely subverts that. actually the entire MULTIVERSE is BASED on the concept that people are willing to make media and art and writing and that is what keeps these ocs and worlds and creations going and alive
the utmv isn't even a real thing. like it's not a fandom that spawned from a book or a movie or a show or game or comic. ok well it technically is but the undertale fandom and the undertale AUs fandon are two different things i think. like undertale aus ofc came from undertale but that's a whole seperate branch of things and sometimes those aus have NOTHING to do with undertale (looking at you dreamtale. and others.)
but the fact that a whole seperate branch of a fandom was created just because people wanted to expand on one tiny game and had so much love for it that it spawned this clusterfuck of a fandom is just so amazing to me. i don't think any other fandom has THIS extensive of a multiverse with aus where the people holding the pencils and typing words are so heavily engrained into the lore (ink and error i will forever love you for being aware of creators I AM AWARE OF YOU TOO!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!)
in other fandoms there's a strict canon for medias but in the utmv a lot of aus are just a brief concept and maybe some charactization and that's it (dusttale ily 4 this. dusttale is peak fiction). and if you like the concept enough you can make another concept based on it. and if someone else likes your au enough they might make another au based on it or write headcanons for it. and it's so cool that this fandom is kinda self sustaining in a way. undertale's probably never gonna get another update or game and even though deltarune has its connections its a completely seperate thing. but somehow the fandom is alive and still pumping out tons of amazing content
and the fact that we control all of these character's actions is so daunting but also so cool. like these characters do these things because we basically script them to do. we as creators are the ones drawing the angst or writing the shit posts. if a character is self aware of the creators that's just because we MADE them aware. so are they really aware or are we just pretending that we are. if a character is powerful that's just because we made them powerful. if a character hates the creators we made them hate us. if a character destroys aus we make them do that. but they don't actually feel that way or do those things, that's just what we tell them to do and i think that's really cool
ive yapped a lot about this topic (i still have so much more to say) but i'll hold it back and just talk about one last thing and that's headcanons and interpretations. I LOVE PEOPLE'S INDIVIDUAL INTERPRETATIONS!!! I LOVE PEOPLE'S HEADCANONS FOR CHARACTERS!!! i love seeing how other people think the mtt (or other characters but i am a murder time trio fanatic) would interact or how they would act. i love seeing people's dumb comics of them bickering or making out (errrmmmmm) because it's all different. all these people came up with their own ideas and thoughts on how to expand these relatively basic concepts and it's all different because everyone's different and gone through different things <333
all in all i love you undertale multiverse. this fandom is one of the most unique i've ever had the joy of being in and i hope it never dies out (if it dies out what will happen to all of the amazing creations and worlds and people we've made 😕😕😕 ink will be sad. so pls don't die utmv)
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thebestofoneshots · 7 months ago
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Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)
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Series Masterlist | Previous episode
Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 7.8 K Warnings: ANGST! Prompt: Meanwhile, on the other side of the line... This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it. Proofread by lovely: @aremuslupinsimp
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Chapter 45: Hold the Line
Love isn’t always on time
Tuesday, December 24th
Christmas at the Potters was always a blast. Sirius had learned that when he turned 12 and got invited to their house to celebrate Christmas after he got a dreadful howler about being a disgrace for the Noble House of Black and getting detention for the prank they had done to the Slytherins.
James had overheard Sirius cry at night over the fact that he’d have to spend Christmas alone in the school and decided he had to do something about it. He wrote a letter to his Mum and Sirius got officially invited to their home for the break. Now, the Potters sent the invitation to Sirius and Sirius only, and he got on the train as if he were going home without telling anyone about it. He got another howler when Walburga found out, but it had been worth it. 
He hadn’t been allowed to the Potters for Christmas next year, and he made sure to make a show out of it, wearing muggle clothes to the family dinner and acting so irreverent that Orion locked him up in his room, after giving him a scold, slashing him with diffindo, and making him write “I will behave,” over and over again with a black quill. It didn’t work, Sirius made sure to behave even worse on the New Year’s event and he got officially banned from December celebrations by Walburga. 
Next year, he was back at the Potters and happier than ever before. The scars he’d gotten (already long gone) had been worth it. Since then, he’d spent Christmas with them, and every year had been better than the last. Effie was always nice to him, and even with how much she was like James, she was still motherly, especially in comparison to Walburga. 
And she had treated Sirius like her own boy since they met. In fact, there was never a difference in the way neither Monty nor Effie treated the two boys, they were their kids, and they treated them as such. Sirius appreciated it deeply, he’d found love, care, and appreciation there and he considered Effie more his mom than Walburga ever was. BIood be damned, family isn’t about what’s running through your veins but about the way you care and treat each other, and if anyone was family to him, it was his brother James, and his parents Effie and Monty. 
This year had been no different, from the moment they arrived at the house, the smell of Christmas filled the air. Effie had prepared cookie dough for their yearly making of gingerbread houses. It was a small competition –Effie loved competitions– but they all had to build elaborate creations (with a magical twist) and then they’d set them all on the counter and have the house elves judge and pick the best. Whoever won the contest got an extra gift on Christmas.
Sirius had won once, but Monty was always adding clever new magical things onto the houses, like last year when he made a snow globe house, with magical snow  –actually sugar– that would swirl around in the air sending positive Christmas words like “Joy” and “Mirth” and even “Happy Hannukah!”, which according to him, was a muggle tradition from a different religion than the one Christmas had spawned from. 
This year though, Effie’s recreation of the Big Ben, alongside the magic stars she had made float all around it had gotten the best of both Mellie and Picksie, the Potter’s house elves. And they had unanimously voted her the winner. She had been really pleased about the results, so pleased she had made a little victory dance, showing off her creation and making it the centre of the table. 
Sirius saw the adoring look Monty had given her as she danced around, boasting her triumph, and he thought he’d never met a couple more loving than the two of them, but he wanted to match it, he wanted to make you feel the same way Monty made Effie felt all the time, but then he remembered Remus, and felt a pang on his chest, since he too wished he could make him as happy, which was obviously a contradicting thought to the first one. 
“Darling, are you all right?” Effie asked when he noticed his frown. Sirius had relatively subtle expressions when he wanted to hide his feelings, something he had learned to do at home, the Stony Black look, but Effie knew that look well enough, and she instantly knew something was up with her boy. 
Sirius turned to her with a short “Hm?” as he got driven away from his own thoughts. “Yeah, I was just thinking if she’ll like the gift I made her.” 
Effie smiled softly at that, she’d been one of the people to encourage him to draw something for you, especially since she knew you’d been one of the first people he’d shown his art to. James had been very offended when he found out Remus had seen his art before he had and complained to his mother about it while they were making the gingerbread houses, which is how she’d found out. 
“I know I’d love it if Monty made me a drawing, and he’s terrible at it, so I’m certain she will,” she reassured him, “If you want we can go out later and you can get her something else, though.” 
Sirius shook his head, he didn’t want them to spend even more money on him than they already had, “No, don’t worry about it, I’m probably just self-conscious.” 
Effie smiled, there was something heartwarming at seeing Sirius like this, he had never been nervous about a girl, in fact, she wasn’t sure he’d even bothered to get a gift for one before, he looked like a love-sick puppy, it reminded him an awful lot of James, except you liked him back, unlike that Evans girl. Talking about that Evans girl. “So, James is dating Lily now?” 
“He somehow convinced her to go on a date,” Sirius said with a shrug, “they went to the Slug Party together.” 
“Really?” Effie asked with raised eyebrows. 
Sirius nodded in return, “But I cannot give you any more details.” 
“It’s all right,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand, “I can pry them off of him later.” She then turned back to Sirius, “You’d think she’d come if we invited her over for dinner with everyone or something? Maybe on New Year’s?” 
Effie knew Lily, she had seen pictures of her and she had crossed a few words with her on those occasions she visited the school for a quidditch match. She thought she was a nice enough girl, but she had never had an actual conversation with her and she certainly wanted to do it now. Although, with how much James talked about her, she felt like she knew a good deal and she considered her a delightful young lady, except for the fact that she kept rejecting James. 
“I’m not sure, she might if Vix comes,” Sirius responded with a shrug, “they’re really good friends.” 
Effie smiled in a sort of devilish way, the same smile Prongs had when he had a good idea for a prank, and gave a short pat in the head to Sirius (which she had gotten a habit of doing back when he was much shorter than her) and walked towards the kitchen. 
Sirius decided to go for a broom ride to clear his mind, James and Peter tagged along with him and they ended up racing around the house at insanely fast speeds, fast enough for Sirius’ hair tie to loosen up and leave his hair flowing wildly behind him, and somehow also fast enough to have his mind be cleared of those thoughts he kept having of both you and Remus. Peter left early since his parents called for him, while the other boys decided to play a game of Magic Chess back in the living room. 
By dinner, both of them had already eaten half of the gingerbread houses they had made, and some other fancy treats Monty liked to cook for the smaller Christmas Eve dinner they always had. Sirius thought it was fantastic since they almost had two parties instead of one. The first time he stayed at the Potter’s he had been so thrilled that he had accidentally blown up some of the decorations. Effie taught him an advanced version of reparo, and the two of them fixed the place together after that.
This time, Monty had asked for their help with the cooking, since Effie had gone out with the elves to buy more stuff for tomorrow’s dinner. It would be rather small, very few people had been invited due to the war and the fact that not many wizards knew which side the other was on, but Effie was set on having the place be as nice as ever. 
Monty loved cooking, he had at some point mentioned that it was like making potions and that there was something oddly satisfying with how a bit of heat and a few spices could make even the most boring of dishes get filled with flavour, and he was set on teaching James, and by extension Sirius, how to cook. 
“Perhaps you could make a cake for Lily,” he said as he passed James the measured flour for him to add, “your mother loved it when I sent her homemade cupcakes.” 
“You did that?” Sirius asked with raised eyebrows. 
“Mhm,” Monty nodded, “beat that a bit faster,” –he said politely as he pointed at the egg whites Sirius had been tasked with fluffing up– “She said she liked men with cooking skills and I asked my mum to help me with it, she sent me a bunch of cooking books and here we are now. James, have you added the cinnamon?” 
“Eh…” James thought about it for a second and looked around the counter. The cinnamon was pretty far from where he stood, “don’t think so,” he admitted. 
“That’s all right, I’ll add it for you,” he said and waved his wand, in an instant the cinnamon container was lifted up and after shaking softly three times and after dropping some cinnamon over James’ dry ingredient mix, it went back to its place on the table. Then Fleamont went back to cutting the apples into small pieces. “When you’re done with that James, please add some butter to the pans.” 
“Okay,” James said with a nod and got busy with his task. The three of them were surprisingly efficient in the kitchen. They hadn’t been like that the first time around, but Monty decided they had to know how to –at least– make soup if they were ever going to live alone one day and had them take an intensive course a couple of summers ago. Both James and Sirius had gotten much better grades at potions after that, especially because Monty, being such an expert potioneer, had taught them to cook with potion-making techniques. 
He hadn’t done it intentionally, but he was pretty satisfied with the result, especially when Effie praised him for being so clever and entertaining the kids with cooking while also teaching them something. He took the credit for being slick with a smile. 
By the time they were done with the cake preparations, the food was ready to pull out of the oven. Monty and Sirius took the stuff out and passed it to James who took it to the table that Effie and Picksie were setting up while they focused on revising the temperature and placing the cakes in the oven. They had made three cakes, a chocolate cake that was James’ favourite, a carrot cake that Monty loved and an apple crumble one that both Sirius and Effie were mad about. 
Effie had gotten some extra treats for the boys, and she had even gotten some Shepherd's Pie from a muggle place called “The Wingmore” that Monty loved. They had a delicious family dinner together, with cookies, pie and baked potatoes. They caught up with each other, and both Monty and Effie teased James about Lily mercilessly. Then Monty mentioned something about having “The Talk” with James and Sirius had to cough it in order to hide a cackle. 
Prongs had kicked him under the table while Effie had appeared a glass of water for him so he could take a drink, and Sirius had thanked her with the soft charming smile of his that made all the girls swoon, James glared at him for it, and the other boy winked at him brazenly. If it went something like the talk Monty had given him 2 years ago when he started dating around, James might not survive it. 
Sirius walked back to James’ room and decided to wait there for him to tease him once his talk with Monty was over, but Sirius was pretty tired from a day filled with fun, and he fell asleep pretty much the second he hit James’ bed. 
He woke up a few minutes later when he felt a heavy leg over his own. He opened his eyes confused, thinking it was warm, but also that it smelled weird. Or perhaps not weird, just… not the way it should smell. It smelled of cedar, firewood, mint and summer breeze, not like books, parchment, chocolate and you. He blinked his eyes open and spotted James’ arm draped over his chest and his leg on top of both of his own. He was cuddling Sirius like he cuddled his pillows. 
“Prongs,” he said softly, but the boy just snuggled deeper into him. “Prongs!” he repeated. “Prongs, what the fuck!” 
James frowned and looked at Sirius as if he had been wronged, “What do you want?” 
“Why are you cuddling me?” 
“You’re in my bed,” the boy responded with a shrug. 
“So what? Don’t you know about personal space?” 
Bold fucking words for Sirius Black, James thought.
“Just shut up, I’m tired.” 
“No, get off me!” Sirius said as he tried to pry James’ legs off of him, but James was heavier, and at this point, he was determined to piss Sirius off after being so wrongly accused. 
“Pads!” James complained. “Just let me sleep, mate.” 
“Not until you get off.” 
“You never tell Remus to get off,” James huffed and tightened his grip. 
What?
You never tell Remus to get off.
You never tell Remus to get off.
YOU NEVER TELL REMUS TO GET OFF!
Sirius opened his eyes wide as he looked at the ceiling, completely in shock as he let the words sink in. He looked to the side, trying to hide the panic, “That’s different,” he managed to muster. 
“How is it different? I’m your best mate anyway, if you’re giving hugging concessions around, it should be to me.” 
How is it different? Yes Sirius, HOW IS IT FUCKING DIFFERENT?!? He wondered to himself. “It’s because of the smell of the pack?” 
“Is it? Really?” James asked, he was annoyed, and sleepy, and not quite thinking what he said, let alone how much it was affecting Sirius. 
“Of course,” Sirius said defensively and pushed James off of him, turning his back to the boy as James rolled his eyes and did the same. 
Prongs knew Sirius would be fine in the morning, but it would be a lie if he said he hadn’t been a little offended by the way he got pushed off, he had seen how close he was to Remus lately, and it wasn’t that he was jealous, but since when was Sirius closer to Moony than to him? Vixen he understood, he was head over heels for you, but Remus?!? 
Since when was Pads so close to him? 
Meanwhile, on the other side of the bed, Sirius had started to PANIC. There was something so raw about the words half-asleep James had said. Is it really about the smell of the pack? Was he using you as an excuse to cuddle Remus? Was he using his girlfriend… to cuddle his crush? 
Perhaps he was a Black after all, it ran in his bIood, all wicked and malicious, cunning and devious. How could he shamelessly cuddle into Remus while you were right next to him? As if he didn’t have a crush on his friend? As if he hadn’t already admitted to himself that Remus was bIoody handsome? With his big broad shoulders and his intoxicating smell of books and chocolate, and a hint of you. With his messy brown hair and his kind smile, it was unfair really, for him to be so pretty and for Sirius to only have realised it now, now that he was happy, now that he had found someone. 
When Sirius woke up, there was a pile of gifts on his side of the bed. James had decided to let him sleep in since he had been kind of annoyed at night and he didn’t want to deal with cranky Sirius on Christmas, which is why he was quietly opening his gifts on the other side of the floor. 
Sirius leaned over and threw him a look while peeking his head over the bed. When he noticed he smiled. “Look at this” – he pointed at a box of muggle Christmas-themed chocolates– “Lily sent it, they even came with a small note, look,” he said as he passed the note to Sirius. 
Sirius eyed him incredulously and took the small card in his hands before turning around on the bed to get himself comfortable, he cleared his throat, “Dear James, I was walking along this Christmas market and they had these chocolates, the adorable elf on the side that looks way too excited to be in a box kind of reminded me off you. Hope you have an amazing Christmas. Love, Lily.” 
“You read that? She said ‘Love’.” 
“Mhm,” Sirius said with a smirk and turned around again to pick the box from the floor, “Oh god is this the over-excited elf?” he said as he spotted a green-dressed short man on the side, he was wearing a very muggle Christmas outfit and had funny features, although his smile and eye colour did kind of match James’, it was like a bootleg version of him. Sirius couldn’t help but cackle. 
“Oi! Don’t make fun of it! She sent it with love.” 
“Not laughing at the gift, I’m laughing at the resemblance,” Sirius added while he tried to catch his breath, James had snatched the box from him and carefully placed it next to his leg. 
Sirius was still laughing when he saw some light coming from a small hand-held mirror he had placed on his nightstand. It was reflecting a small beam on the ceiling. It was an enchanted mirror he had stolen from his parents back when he still lived with them. He had used it to communicate with James on the longer summers, even if he couldn’t actually talk through it. 
Sirius frowned, “You have the sister mirror to someone?” 
“Remus,” James said as he stood up and leaned across the bed, “since he was going to be alone this Christmas,” he added. Sirius rolled to the side and then on the bed to reach the same belly-down position James was using and looked inside. 
Remus, looking as handsome as ever, was on the other side, shirtless –to Sirius’ dismay– and with his hair slightly messier than usual. Even his smile was so wide it looked like it would burst out of his face. 
He waved at the boys and then pointed at a card he had in his hand. It said, “Merry Christmas”. 
Sirius looked around and pulled James’ box from the floor, showing him the exact spot where it said “Merry Christmas” as well. 
Remus then picked up a small pen and wrote “Thank you for the gifts” on the side of his Christmas letters. Sirius winked in response, he knew Rem would like the book he got him. But he knew he’d especially love the drawing he made for him as well: it was a Wolf, a dog and a fox playing in the forest. 
“You made him a drawing too?” James asked with a gasp.
“You’re telling me Mum got a drawing, Vix got a drawing, and Moony got a drawing, but I didn’t?” 
“Didn’t have enough time,” Sirius responded with a shrug. Remus, who was trying to read the boys’ lips and kind of got that he was among the few to get a drawing, couldn’t help being filled with joy at the fact that Sirius had done something especially for him. 
He then showed the boys all the music you had sent over and spent a while trying to sign something to James that neither he nor Sirius got properly, but he gathered something about you getting him a bunch of books. 
“What did she get you?” James asked, turning to Sirius who frowned. He had been so busy looking at his friend’s gifts, that he had forgotten he had also received a few himself. 
James placed the mirror at the end of the bed so Remus could see and they all finished unboxing their gifts. Sirius had gotten a CB radio from Remus. There were rather specific instructions on what to do with it, it had even been charmed so that it worked, even in Hogwarts. 
“Hello?” he asked as he pressed the button. 
“Hey!” Remus replied from the other side, he had a wide smile on his face, thrilled that it actually worked. 
“Oh, that’s horrifying,” James said as he looked through Remus in the mirror and Sirius playing with the radio back in his room. “Like dark magic.” 
“Just science,” Remus said.
“Didn’t you have to press a button so he can hear?” James asked as he took the radio from Sirius’ hand. 
“I can read your lips, you dumbass,” Remus responded, and Sirius started to laugh. 
James frowned and covered his mouth with his hands and turned to Sirius “Pretend I said something awful about him.” 
“He said you’re a smartass,” Sirius said as he pressed the button, Remus gave James a look, eyebrows raised. 
“I didn’t–” he started and took back the radio, snatching it from Sirius with a lot more purpose, “I didn’t say that! He made that up.” 
“Why would I make that up?” Sirius said innocently. 
“To fuck with me.” 
Remus started to laugh from the other side, and then pressed the button, “What else did you get?” 
Sirius pulled another box while James started to play with the different buttons of the radio, “Read this first,” the longer-haired boy said as he passed the instructions to James who groaned but did as told. 
Sirius had gotten a good deal of stuff. It wasn’t weird that he got a bunch of gifts since he stayed at the Potters, his mother used to reject most of the gifts, but he had gotten tons of chocolate from girls every time he stayed over with James. Most of them would end up with Remus’ stash later on. This year he didn’t get as many chocolates, but he still got a good deal of stuff, some from people he didn’t even know. 
“I swear every year he gets more stuff,” James said as he shook his head in disbelief. He had been partly to blame since he had gotten him a massive quidditch gear kit for morning practices. Peter had gotten him a magic puzzle that changed every few minutes. Andromeda had sent him some other cool muggle things she’d found, and he was absolutely fascinated by the 8 ball she’d gotten him. It was a ball that you could ask things to and when you turned it around it responded, like a divination device, except with no magic involved. The best part was the ridiculous things it said: “Outlook not so good, try asking your cat”, “Ask again later, I'm napping”, “Signs point to tacos. Always tacos” and his personal favourite, and the main reason Dromeda had gotten it “Are you serious? (No, seriously, are you?)”.
She had also gotten both James, him, Remus and Peter, pet rocks. Now neither of them had a clue what that was, but Dromeda said all the cool kids had one of those with the muggles. The rock came in a box and had a rather detailed manual on how to take care of it, and even a back story claiming that it had been “trained” in Mexico by a pet handler named Pedro.
“You also got a rock?” Remus asked as he pulled one from the side and showed it to the boys through the mirror. Remus’ rock had his eyes slightly further apart than Sirius’. “I named mine Cornelius.” 
“Cornelius?” Sirius asked with a frown as he stared at his friend’s rock through the mirror, “Now that you mention it, it does kind of look like a Cornelius.” 
“Mine will be Lily,” James said as he took him out of the box. It was a red-ish rock. 
“You can’t name your pet Lily!” 
“It’s a rock,” James said with a shrug, “I can name it however I want.” 
“What’s yours?” he asked as he pointed at Sirius’ rock.
“It’s… Bowie.” 
“Hm… love it,” James nodded as he stared at his friend’s rock. The two of them carefully placed them on the side table, as if they were actual, delicate pets and not just, rocks. 
They continued opening their gifts, Sirius was absolutely fascinated with yours. He loved the drawing books and pens and markers, the mixtape that you’d gotten him and the watercolours, but he was pretty much obsessed with the penknife. He loved that it had his name on it and he used it to open the rest of his gifts, then he pocketed it and kept it with him the rest of the day. 
He was helping Monty peel some potatoes –with his penknife instead of a spell– when James decided to tease him about it. 
“You’ve been carrying that around all day,” he said as if it were a throwaway comment while he tried to make a pile of oranges. 
“It’s super useful.” 
“Oh, so it has nothing to do with the fact that it was a gift from Vixen?” 
Monty eyed Sirius with a knowing smile and went back to his cooking. 
“That’s just a bonus,” Sirius responded and placed the finished potato in the bowl. “It’s got my name on it, mate,” he said as he moved the knife to the side. “Also, she mentioned she charmed it, but she said I had to figure out what the charm is.” 
“Maybe she just said that to have you think about it for ages, and it’s not actually charmed.” 
Sirius stopped moving for a second, looking at nowhere in particular as he considered the possibility before letting a short breath out and shaking his head, “Nah, it’s got some kind of magic, I can feel it.” 
James, just to tease his friend, further shrugged with an unconvinced air, “If you say so.” 
Sirius just took another potato and started peeling it with a small frown. He was about 80% sure he could feel magic on the knife. But he was surrounded by magic, in an extremely magical household, literally every single person around him could wield magic, so it was possible the knife was just reflecting the energies from his environment. 
By dinner time, there were some more people in the house. Andromeda, Ted and their daughter Dora had been invited by the Potters since they knew how much Sirius loved seeing his cousin, but she had to skip the dinner since Dora had gotten a fever from playing all day in the snow. The Weasleys had also been invited, Dumbledore had introduced them to Monty a few years back and they were rather fond of each other, even if Arthur was much younger. He had arrived with Molly and their 3 sons: Bill, Charlie and the newborn Percy. 
Bill had followed James around the moment he spotted him, and James had shown him some of his old toys, and they all played a game of Exploding Snap with Sirius. There were other Wizards there too, Alastor Moody, who had a very animated conversation with Arabella Fig, Elphias Dodge and both Seraphina Nightshade and her boyfriend Roan Elmore, whom James had met at the party shortly after you and Remus did. 
“That’s Roan, Seraphina’s boyfriend.” 
“She’s dating someone?” Sirius asked, amused. Seraphina was beautiful, the entire school knew that, but he had no idea she had been dating someone. 
“Yeah, he was at Slughorn’s party,” James said and snapped his fingers and took a pair of identical cards, the cards shuffled themselves back onto the table. 
“Who’s Slughorn?” asked Billy as he snapped his fingers, Charlie just behind him, was attempting to do the same as his brother, but not quite managing to make a sound. 
“The Potions teacher,” Sirius responded as he placed his wand on top of one of the cards and snapped his fingers as well. The rest of the cards on the table started to explode and then they shuffled themselves back together. “You probably won’t like him.” 
“I won’t?” Bill asked, his red eyebrows furrowing just a little bit, Sirius thought he looked cute, and he didn’t like little kids all that much. 
“He might,” James said with a shrug. 
“He won’t if he’s one of the good ones,” Sirius retorted and then snapped his fingers and took a pair of cards. 
“I don’t like him at all then,” Bill said with determination, he definitely wanted to fit in with the cool crowd, that obviously being the older boys: Sirius and James. He didn’t need to do much, both boys already liked Bill, if he were their age, he’d probably be part of their gang. 
“Me neither,” Charlie added, “Unless he has a dragon.” 
“Charlie, people don’t have dragons,” Bill said in a rather exasperated tone, as if it wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that and then snapped his fingers, taking a pair of cards. 
Charlie tried to do the same and snapped his fingers, only for them to make no sound again. “But they could,” he insisted, sighed as if he too was tired of having that same argument with Bill and then walked towards Mrs. Weasley, she was talking to Effie about something in a rather hushed tone while Mr. Weasley struggled to get Percy to stop crying a few feet from them. 
Sirius was about to snap his fingers again when he felt a sharp pain in his hand, “ah fuck,” he said as he pulled his hand from the table. 
“You all right?” James asked, as he snapped his fingers and took the cards Sirius was going to take. 
Sirius was staring at his palm confused, the scar from the scary witchcraft store had hurt almost in the same way it had when the necklace burned it on his hand. It was a lot less visible now, but the pain had been the same.
It wasn’t the first time it happened. It had sometimes bothered him back in the day, but it had never been as sharp as today. And it had kind of stopped since you came to Hogwarts.  He assumed it must have been some kind of protean charm, but he had no idea how, and if he could use it at all. All he knew was that it hurt sometimes, and it reminded him of you, which he really didn’t like thinking back when you weren’t around. 
“Yeah, I think I bit myself or something,” he lied and turned back to the game, snapping his fingers and taking another pair of cards.
James eyed him suspiciously and then the cards shuffled on the table again, completely stealing his train of thought, especially when Bill snapped his fingers and took the pair of cards he was about to take. 
In the end, Bill won the game. He was awfully good for a six-year-old, and both Sirius and James were a bit out of practice. 
“There you go,” Sirius said as he passed him 3 sickles. 
“Thank you,” Bill said, by then Charlie had already come back and was tugging on his brother’s pants. “Charlie, I won them,” he complained as James paid up. 
“If I could play, I’d win too!” Charlie complained, “I want to save for the toy dragon at Whimsy Wonders.” 
“Well, technically, he helped Bill, didn’t he?” James asked, eyeing Sirius. 
“Oh yeah, moral support,” Sirius agreed. “I feel like we owe him for that as well.” 
Charlie’s face glowed looking at them. “No, he wasn’t playing,” Bill said. 
“Oh, but he was,” James said and handed Charlie a sickle, Sirius did the same. “You wouldn’t have won without him, right?” 
Bill frowned, as if about to say he was perfectly capable of winning without Charlie pestering him about dragons, but there was something on James’ gaze that had him hold it. He sighed, “Of course, Charlie helped…” 
Charlie smiled widely and ran towards Mrs. Weasley. “Mom, Mom, Look!” he said. “We beat the older kids!” he repeated. James chuckled as he saw the small boy jump about, and then Monty called everyone towards the table. 
The Potter’s party table was long and round, with different panels that rolled inside to have the food and snacks pass around and stay within everyone’s reach. Of course, wizards could just float whatever they needed their way, but both Monty and Effie thought it was annoying to have the salad dressing and bread basket cover the face of the person they were trying to talk to so they designed the table to be able to have a pleasant conversation. 
Sirius was sitting in between James and Charlie, who was determined to sit with them even if he was meant to sit with his brother. Sirius didn’t mind it much, Charlie mostly talked about dragons, and for a 4-year-old, he seemed to have encyclopedic knowledge of them. While Bill, who was always listening to him go on and on about dragons, found it annoying, Sirius and James thought it was actually interesting. 
He was telling Sirius about the Ukrainian Ironbelly and how he wanted to get a wand with a dragon heartstring core when he turned 11 when Monty stood up and thanked everyone for coming to the party, which prompted Charlie into silence. 
Monty’s speech was heartfelt and honest, just like he was all the time, and while he didn’t explicitly say anything related to the war, he did mention that they were living in dark times, and for such reason, it was time to keep those whom you love at an arm’s length, to take care of each other and to check up on them as often as possible. He said that sometimes even the simplest of messages made the difference. 
When his speech was done, there was a small toast, and then they got to eat. Sirius dived straight for the potato souffle since he had helped with the preparation and thought the amount of cheese they had added was mouth-watering, he also waited a couple of seconds for the inside panels of the table to spin around so he could reach for some of Monty’s special turkey. He had tried it the first Christmas he spent with the Potters and since then he always waited eagerly for dinner time to be able to eat it again. 
He had even asked Monty for the recipe, but he had never gotten around to preparing it himself, although this Christmas Monty had him do some of the garlic mincing and spices blending for him, so he learned all the techniques. Sirius was more than happy to help, he found the kitchen to be a relaxing place (as long as it was the Potter’s kitchen and Monty was the head chef).
Effie was a lot more demanding in the kitchen, and if he had never dared to enter the one in Grimmauld Place, he was sure to come out as a roasted chicken instead of with one. Kreacher had always been awful to him, and the kitchens were his and Walburga’s territory exclusively. 
Sirius was about to take another bite of his turkey, Charlie was talking about a Common Welsh Green and how elegant he thought they were when he felt another pang on his hand. Sharper and a lot more concentrated this time around. He dropped his fork and it clanged against the plate. He looked up, worried, out of habit more than anything, only to realise he was at home, and not with Walburga where he might have been awfully reprimanded. 
With the Potters it was different, in fact, Monty gave him a short questioning look, clearly asking if he was all right, to which Sirius nodded. Monty went back to his talk and allowed James to check on Sirius instead. Meanwhile, Effie raised her voice just a little, covering up for the loud sound Sirius had caused and Molly laughed loudly at something Alastor said. Sirius looked around with a small smile. 
Yeah, this is home, he thought as he pulled his hand towards him and placed his thumb over the already faded scar.
“Mate, that’s the second time today,” James said, looking at Sirius with a frown. 
“I don’t know what’s with it either,” he admitted with a shrug. 
“You wanna skip dessert? Go sleep?” 
“Nah, I’m sure it’s nothing,” Sirius lied, trying to push aside the unsettling feeling gnawing at his mind. It had been months since it last troubled him, and this time it felt worse, not even in the aftermath of Mexico when he discovered how annoying it could be, but back then he assumed it was just the healing process, he didn’t know about Protean charms and, even now, he didn’t know why it was happening, perhaps then he would have reacted faster. 
Regardless of the uneasiness, Sirius intended to enjoy the dinner, and he did, in between eating, joking with James and hearing Charlie talk about dragons, he was distracted from the pain so often that by the time he went to sleep, he had almost completely forgotten about the discomfort. That was until he actually fell asleep. 
In his dream, Sirius found himself in an eerie scene, surrounded by his family, yours, Evan, Arkalis, and even the Dark Lord. Regulus was speaking to him, then he cast a hex on his brother, and suddenly they were torturing Muggles. That’s when he realised he wasn’t himself; he was seeing things through your eyes as if you had lent them to him.
He saw his cousin Bella and then your friend, Nina who was being tortured with an unforgivable. That’s when you reacted, there was a fire. Not any fire, Fiendfyre. The massive Chimera you created was burning everything in its wake. Chaos ensued, lives were lost, and you fled.
He saw how you ran alongside Nina until you were further enough away, but Lucius showed up out of nowhere. You duelled him, almost won, but Nina was hit by a stunning spell and you lost it, throwing yourself over her and crying, desperate to bring her back, but she wasn’t responding. There was a blinding light and he heard Barty’s voice.
“Sirius!” a voice called from a distance. “SIRIUS!”
He jolted awake, with a confused gaze as if trying to get back to reality, “James?” 
“You’ve been muttering Vixen’s name over and over, and you’re sweating,” James said, his hand on Sirius’s forehead. “I think you were having a nightmare.”
Sirius frowned, his pulse fast and his breathing short, still struggling to ground himself. The dream had felt so real as if he really had been you, as if he really had gone through all that stuff, perhaps he had drunk too much of that Dragon Wine after listening to Charlie go on and on about how the process of slowly heating the conserve with dragon breath was “so fascinating”. 
It’s not that he didn’t think it was interesting, but no matter what you said, Charlie found a way to connect it with dragons and after a while, it did get dizzying.  
“Yeah, it was awful,” Sirius admitted. “Thank Merlin it was just a dream.”
James nodded and threw himself next to Sirius, taking the rock Andromeda had given him and tossing it from hand to hand. Back when they were smaller, James would sleep with Sirius whenever he had a nightmare. It reminded Sirius of Reggie and he always felt a lot more at ease when he wasn’t alone on the bed. He didn’t do it much anymore, Sirius’ nightmares had decreased, and he had also gotten a lot better at hiding when he had some. 
“I’ll go take piss,” Sirius said as he stood up. James threw him a side glance and watched his friend walk all the way to the bathroom attentively. He wasn’t sure when had been the last time Sirius had had such a distressing nightmare, and the fact that it had to do with you, must have been even more upsetting. 
He understood it much better now that he had Lily, he wanted to protect her more than anything in this world and the thought of something, anything, happening to her was enough to make his bIood run cold. He was scared of things happening to her, and he assumed Sirius must have been just as scared of things happening to you. Especially with how things were now. At least you were a pure-bIood, not as much of a target for deatheaters as Lily was. 
In truth, James had sent notes to Lily every day since he got home, not because he missed her so dreadfully that he couldn’t go a day without talking to her –which was also kind of true- but because he was terrified he wouldn’t see her again. There were rumours of death eaters going for muggle-borns now. And James had read about a student from 2nd year disappearing along with her family last month. Nobody knew where Jane Bishop and her parents were. 
Sirius walked towards the bathroom as quietly as possible, he didn’t know the time, but he didn’t want to wake up anybody by accident either. He went straight to the sink and tried to wash the sweat off his face, letting some of the water pool in the sink to be able to clean his neck better. When he dug his hand into the water, is when he realised things hadn’t been just a nightmare.
He felt like he had been hit in the stomach and stumbled back a couple of steps until his back crashed against the back wall, then he saw Barty right in front of him, throwing a stunning spell at his face. He didn’t move, but the bathroom dissolved behind him and he appeared to be sitting in the snow, looking up at the Shrieking Shack, completely surrounded by snow. His eyes, although actually opened, slowly closing and opening again. 
One moment he was there, and the next, he saw James crouching right in front of him, with a concerned expression. 
“It wasn’t a dream,” Sirius managed to mumble. 
“What?” 
“It wasn’t a dream!” he repeated a little louder, grabbing onto the towel rack to stand back up again, James helped pull him up and he bolted out of the bathroom. 
James looked at his friend and waved his wand over the mess, all things slowly going back into place, the faucet closing and the sink emptying as he walked behind Sirius. 
“What do you mean by that?” 
“I think shit went down at Rosier’s Christmas party,” Sirius muttered as he paced around the room, “And it was because of Vixen.” 
“When you say shit went down…” 
“I mean Fiendfyre and dеad people,” Sirus said looking up at James with a stony expression. “But that’s… she somehow ended up in the Shack, Barty stunned her just outside-” 
“Sirius–” James said in a comforting tone. 
“We need to do something, she might get hypothermia if she stays out for too long, she–” 
“Sirius!” James called again, a lot more stern now, grabbing onto his friend’s shoulders and shaking him to get his attention. “Are you sure it wasn’t a nightmare?” Sirius swallowed thickly, his eyes watering as he nodded. James took a deep breath, “Okay, I’ll talk to my parents, we can confirm with–” 
“No!! Sirius said, snapping out of James. “It was real, and she’s alone, in the snow, pretty much passed out, we have to do something. Maybe I can apparate there or–” 
“You’ll splinch.” 
“Damn it, James!” Sirius snapped. “I can’t just sit here and do nothing!” 
“Remus!” James said, looking up at Sirius. 
“Remus?” Sirius asked, confused. 
“He’s at school, he can take the passage and–” Sirius didn’t even let James finish, he had already run towards the mirror and the radio, flashing the mirror with lumos and shouting at the small microphone.
“Sirius?” Remus asked confused from the other side of the line.  
Sirius was quick to fill him in, and Remus had put a coat on in seconds. 
“Wait!” James said as Remus pocketed the mirror and walked towards the door. Remus took the mirror out and looked at the two boys. “What if it’s a trap?” 
“If Vixen’s in danger, I don’t care if it’s a trap,” Remus said, with the same determination as Sirius when he was about to risk splinching. 
“Remus?” Sirius said, doubtful. 
“Yeah?” the boy responded through the radio. 
“Just be careful, okay?” 
“I will,” the boy reassured and pocketed the mirror again. 
After that, there was radio silence. 
Sirius paced around the room, Monty and Effie had woken up and walked towards them. Effie had a note in her hand and seemed to be hesitating to speak.
“What is it?” Sirius asked. 
Effie looked to the side and wet her lips before looking back at her boy. “It’s her mother, Avis” –she hesitated– “She’s dеad.” Effie said as she let out a short breath, “there was dark magic that went out of control, Rosier Manor was badly damaged. No one knows where she is.” 
“She’s not there,” Sirius reassured. 
Effie frowned and James explained to both of his parents what had happened. Monty went to place a hand on Sirius’ back as they sat on the bed. The boy’s leg kept bouncing, but there was no news, neither from you nor from Remus. All he could see was the dark fabric from Remus’ pocket through the mirror.
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