#jon: ... >:(

[clingonlikeclingwrap]

“Through the Ages”

[lovesick-joey]

youtube content in the dc universe

two | three

[ochibrochi]

bok bok bok bok baaawk 🐔

[niinnyu]

Eye see. Heh.

[everwalldigan]

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

The Batfam doesn't realize they got pretty privilege.

Like sure, they know they're attractive because duh, they're basically celebrities, their looks is all people talk about. But the small stuff? The opened doors, the free gifts, the extra smiles and good attitude? That, they're completely clueless to.

It doesn't help that it happens to all of them and most their friends, so nobody notices it's out of the ordinary.

Clark goes "The lady at the cafeteria gifted me this cake" and Bruce is like "Oh yeah, she does that"... She doesn't.

Kory gets offered to cut in line to the front at a concert and tells Dick "People here are so nice!", and instead of noticing the favoritism, Dick holds out three STAFF passes and goes "I know right! Look that lady over there is going to take us backstage!", and they laugh while Wally's eye twiches.

Tim goes undercover wearing cheap loose clothes, contacts and a fake nose, and people are just so mean to him, like no manners at all. They bump into him, ignore him, he says 'Good morning' to an old lady, and she doesn't even say it back! ... He comes back ranting about rude people and what not. And Jason is like "Really? But they're so nice in that neighborhood, that old lady is always giving me candy!". Barbara doesn't know how to tell them the nose simply made Tim look average for once.

Damian. Hits. It. Off. At the pediatric unit of the hospital he's volunteering at. Kids love him, and he thinks it's because Jon was right about the 'Always greet them with a smile' thing, but in reality it's because half the kids got a puppy-love crush on him. Jon, just as oblivious is like "Told you sooo".

Stephanie thinks it's the good karma. She gets a whole ass perfume bottle for free at the mall and is like "See Cass? It's that robbery we stopped last week, the universe is giving it back". Cass, with a perfume of her own, knows better but nods anyway.

Duke thinks they're all dumb and unaware, and he's making fun of them when Alfred goes "And I suppose you think Miss Carrington has saved you a seat at the bus for the last three weeks just because". Duke doesn't say anything after that.

[nuclear-smash]

I think this might be my new magnum opus

[silverwingxox]

born to marry him, forced to read fanfics about him

[timdrakealways17]

Bruce, presenting a slideshow: any questions?

Damian: father, Jon has been a excellent influence on me, I request he be allowed in Gotham still

Bruce, thinking: uhh

Tim: Kon isn’t a great influence but I’d listen to him any day

Bruce: Do I need to go back to slide 26?

Tim:

——-

Jon, Kon and Clark sitting in their living room:

Jon: I think Batman just sent me a death threat

Kon: congrats, you’ve officially made the ‘Kent/Super family hate slideshow’

Jon: the..what?

Clark: that’s what happens when you break up with Batman

Jon: you dated Batman??

Clark: yes?

Jon:

Kon: Wait is that why I’m into Tim… is this a genetic thing??

Lois, listening in: No it’s unrelated to Batman, you like Tim because all Kent’s like dating people who stand their ground.

Kon: oh

——-

[rotflea]

[adam-scott]

WICKED (2024) + REDDIT TEXT POSTS

[wolfythewitch]

My beautiful princess

[spicy-apple-pie]

Based off the Addams Family TV show where Gomez drops everything when Morticia speaks French to kiss up her arm.

Google told me Alkamal means perfect. Don’t know if it right tho lol

Commission Info / Kofi

[doesephs]

win for traumatised individuals! local eldritch horror is here to rip it all out free of charge

[mishoru]

ah yes, eye podcasts