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everythingisromant1c · 4 months ago

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It's Always Been You - Chapter 5

james potter x fem!reader

summary - After the disaster of a night you'd just had at the Gryffindor party, and not having seen James since, the biggest question running through your head is: what now?

wc [4.9k]

all chapters | <- Chapter 4 - Chapter 6 ->

The comfort of your bed hadn't been enough to stop you from waking up early the next morning and realizing your hyperactive brain wouldn't be letting you go back to sleep anytime soon. Doing your best not wake Lily or Marlene, you'd gathered your ink and parchment and headed down to the common room in front of the comfort of the fireplace to work on your Ancient Runes assignment.

You sat down on the aged fabric of the couch and it had your mind unwillingly drifting to the events that had happened in this very spot the night before. Maybe the common room wasn't the best choice.

Your feeling was confirmed when you heard the bold creak of the portrait entrance to the room swinging open. The sun hadn't even risen yet, a fact that had you peering back in curiosity at who in their right mind would be roaming the castle at this hour.

The same fact should've told you exactly who you'd find when you looked through the portrait hole and watched as James walked out of it and into the common room where you sat.

It took him a few seconds to notice you, head bent downwards with a slight hunch to his shoulders, breathing slightly labored. When he did, he stopped in his tracks like a deer in headlights.

You seemed to freeze from where you sat on the couch too, not knowing what to say right away like you normally would've. You didn't like that feeling; you always knew what to say around James.

The silence gave you a second to scan him over, taking in his appearance. He had a shine to him like he'd just gone for a run, something not out of the ordinary for James, especially with Quidditch season around the corner. Sweatshirt thrown over his shoulder, flushed cheeks and messy hair, the disheveled look only made your brain short-circuit even more.

"Hey," you greeted, if only to break the rigid silence that you could tell was forming.

"Hey." He stared at you bright eyed like he hadn't expected anyone to be in the common room at this hour, let alone you. His tone had a weight to it like he was out of breath, words coming out hesitantly and small. "What're you doing up so early?"

His eyes seemed to move across your position on the couch then too, showing genuine concern. Yet, you'd felt a sense of insecurity you weren't use to feeling in front of James. Shrugging, you said, "Couldn't sleep much."

"Yeah," he said, shaking his head. "Me- uhm, me neither."

It somehow felt like that was the first acknowledgment of what had happened the night before, the memory rippling through the air between you uncomfortably. The feeling pried at you, along with the fact that James was only acting like this because of you. Because of your feelings for him that he probably came to discover last night. You tried to swallow your awkwardness and forced yourself to act normal, but it seemed impossible to now.

"Practicing for Quidditch?" You turned fully in your seat with your hands on the back of the couch. James stared at you blankly for a second before answering, like it dawned on him you'd said something.

"What?" he asked, blinking. "Oh- yeah." With a dim breath of a laugh, he rubbed at the back of his neck, not moving any closer to your position on the couch. The distance between you felt miles wide.

"Did the guys mention the plans for the prank to you?" He asked the question as he put his hands in his pockets. You could tell he was trying to seem normal, like you were.

"Yeah."

He nodded again. "Good."

You nodded. The silence came back. "So, uhm, I'll meet you all at your dorm tonight to help set up?"

When he silently agreed, you took it as a your signal to head back to your own dorm, ignoring the fact that you'd only been downstairs for a few minutes. He watched you collect your things at your side wordlessly, turning back to him before you left like you'd forgotten something.

"Oh, and, could you tell Remus I figured out that one Ancient Runes problem, if he needs any help?"

He looked at you then like you were some sort of puzzle, a pinch settling itself between his brows. "Oh, yeah," he said plainly with a nod. "Sure."

From the way he looked at you, you would've paid millions just to get inside of his head and know what he was thinking. But you also didn't think you wanted to know at all.

With a pitiful wave goodbye, you didn't wait for him to wave back before you went up the stairs to your dorm room. When you made it back into your room you shut the door behind you, leaning against the back of it like you'd just ran a marathon.

Your two roommates were still sound asleep, a sight you weren't used to seeing. The light from the window fanned into the room delicately as the sun began to rise, a reminder that the day hadn't even begun and you already felt drained.

You'd spent the rest of the morning doing homework assignments in your dorm, feeling too tired to do much of anything else and also maybe trying to avoid a certain someone. Marlene had woken up some time ago, groaning something about being hungover as Lily pulled her out of bed with the promise of food.

You were finishing up studying for Alchemy when the door to your dorm swung open, revealing an exasperated-looking Marlene.

"Are you going to get with him or do I have to get you two alone in a closet again?"

Her demanding tone pulled your attention away from your books to where she stood at the door, hand on her hip. You squinted at her in confusion, a dreadful suspicion of what she was talking about invading your mind.

"Excuse me?"

With a dramatic roll of her eyes, she marched over to where you sat, setting a neat plate of pastries and other foods dangerously close to the corner of your desk.

"Your lover boy dropped this off since you weren't at breakfast." She eyed the textbooks on the table in front of you wearily. "Or lunch."

You paused, turning to take a glance at the clock on the wall and the window next to it, displaying the high-risen sun. Maybe you'd spent more than just the morning in your dorm.

You looked down at the plate. James was off his rocker if he thought you had enough of an appetite to eat everything he'd sent up to your dorm; it had all your favorites from breakfast on it and more. The fact made your heart swell and sting at the same time.

Scanning over the plate again, you picked out what looked like a blueberry scone shyly and bit into it, relishing in the way it immediately seemed to nourish your stomach that hadn't been fed anything except alcohol since yesterday afternoon.

"So..." Marlene began, her prying voice an interruption to your thoughts. "What'll it be?"

Your forehead creased and you looked up from the plate to where she stood next to you. "Huh?"

"Are you going to finally get with Potter?"

You swallowed the bite you'd taken, shaking your head at her in disbelief. "I don't see why I would."

"Oh I don't know," she said, leaning a hand on the back of your chair. "Maybe because you're madly in love with him?"

Her words rang a familiar alarm in your brain. "Marlene-"

"I mean, first the snogging in the broom closet-"

"Nothing happened in the broom closet."

"And now making out with him at a party-"

"Oh my god," you stopped her, feeling an unwelcome flutter rush through you. "We didn't make out. It was just a kiss, and it was during Spin the Bottle for Merlin's sake."

Her eyes were anything but relenting as she gazed down at you, something like amusement twisting her lips. "Just a kiss, huh?"

Like an unspoken battle you were set to lose, she stared down at you as you challengingly. Maybe noticing the sensitivity that was still settled behind your eyes at the topic, she relented, taking a step back from your chair.

"All I'm saying is that, from the looks of it, who knows what would've happened if you two had been behind closed doors."

"Marlene!" Your mouth hung from her suggestion and you put your scone down, grabbing the napkin that'd been placed on your plate and standing up to walk towards the vanity at the front of the room.

"It's true," she rang victoriously, her voice following you.

"It's not." You turned towards the mirror in front of you, putting down the napkin and grabbing a quill and ink. "We're not anything. I told you, I'm getting over him now. I give up."

"Yeah right," she argued, your desk chair squeaking against the floor as she took your seat, taking a pastry for herself. "'Give up'? Seriously?"

"I mean it, okay?" You faced her for a second to give her a look that lacked any lightheartedness. "I have to. Last night made that clear."

"So what're you going to do now? Ignore your feelings?" Her response came quicker than you knew what to do with. "Isn't that what you've been doing the whole time? Isn't that how you ended up in this situation?"

Her endless questions were like stones thrown at your back as you remained turned away from her, beginning to write a quick thank you note to James on the napkin before you.

"Ignoring it is the only thing I can do, alright?"

She scoffed like it was simple. "Or, you could just tell him."

A sense of wounded silence swirled around you as she waited for your turn in the endless back and forth you'd developed. You distracted yourself by fiddling with the quill in your hand, stopping your writing.

"I have a feeling he already knows."

You didn't need to look at her to take note of Marlene's incredulous stare. Her words came slowly with the wilting sound of both disbelief and sympathy. "What are you on about?"

"Last night," you started hesitantly. "After we kissed, he ... I could just see it in his eyes. Like he, I don't know. Like he realized something. Something like my feelings for him."

More silence followed your words for a beat, like the playfulness from before had broken and your admissions were shards of glass scattered dangerously on the floor.

"I really don't think that's the case," echoed Marlene's voice.

"It definitely is," you argued.

"Wouldn't he have mentioned it by now if that were true?"

You shook your head. "James is too nice to reject me. Maybe him ignoring it is better for the both of us." Your tone died down, somber, and you ignored the baffled look Marlene was giving you as you turned back towards her.

"It doesn't matter now anyway," you stated matter-of-factly as you folded the napkin in half and walked back over to where she sat, picking up the plate of pastries. "And hopefully this is the last time we'll ever have to talk about this."

The blonde stared up at you like she had more arguments inside of her waiting to be voiced, but her face contorted into an exasperated frown as she watched you slip on a pair of shoes.

"Where are you going now?"

"I'm supposed to meet the boys in their dorm."

Not missing a beat, she tipped her head at you in disbelief. "You mean James's dorm? His bedroom?"

You paused by the door, meeting her accusing gaze for only a second before picking up your bag from your nightstand. Your silence seemed to be enough of a response for her, and she leaned back in your desk chair like you'd worn her out.

"Merlin."

You held the plate of baked goods in one arm against your chest, using the other to knock on the door to the boys' dorm. At the prospect of seeing James again after the taxing interaction from this morning, you had to take a steadying breath, still unsure how things were between you.

You waited until a "Come in!" came from the other side, and opened the door, peaking your head in and exhaling at the sight of only Remus, Sirius, and Peter sitting on the floor around one of their beds. No James in sight. A guilty feeling pried at you at the fact that you were relieved by that.

The three of them were a sitting around a bunch of different odd objects and bottles that you assumed were for the prank.

"Hey," Peter rang, sitting up at the sight of you. You nodded at him in greeting.

"I come bearing food," you sung, and the others followed Peter in suit, sitting up excitedly. You sat the plate down in the center of them, and Sirius practically groaned as he bit into a croissant.

"Bless you woman."

You held back a laugh at his dramatics and the way Remus rushed to grab something too. Boys and their food.

Taking a seat, you slapped your hands on the side of your legs, inhaling tensely. "No James?"

You tried your best to sound casual, but even the three of them, notorious pranksters that they were, couldn't disguise the second of awkwardness that passed.

"Not yet," answered Remus. "He's handling some scheduling conflict with the Slytherin team over the Quidditch pitch."

"Bloody snakes can't even use a calendar properly," grumbled Sirius, though he said it with full mouth and it came out gargled in a way that had you wincing.

"Manners, Sirius," you chided with a joking tone, and he answered with a role of his eyes as he gulped down the rest of his bite.

"You sound like my mother."

With a feigned hand to your chest you batted the side of his arm as you took a seat on the floor beside him. Picking up an empty bottle that looked like shampoo, you eyed the rest of the supplies in front of you.

"So how are we gonna dye the Slytherins' hair red?"

Sirius laughed with a glint of mischief bleeding through his smile. "Now that's something my mother would never say."

The three of them explained the prank they were planning, in which you'd all replace the shampoo bottles in the Slytherin dorms with red hair dye in anticipation of the Gryffindor v. Slytherin quidditch match coming soon. How you were going to manage to swap out all the bottles you had no idea, but you usually worked out the technical parts soon enough.

You'd began pouring the red dye into different bottles, a line of the filled shampoos forming next to you.

"Moony, can you pass me another bottle?" asked Peter. Remus looked at him and nodded, picking up one and holding it out. Peter crawled across the center of the circle with a hand out, and that was when he'd crawled over one of the bottles, the pressure from his knee sending red dye went squirting all over the floor, but most horrifyingly, all over your shirt.

He panicked right away, freezing up at the site of the red dye splattered all over your front. You looked down at it in alarm and saw just how much of a mess it really made.

"Oh Merlin," Peter nervously rang. "Gods, I am so sorry-"

"It's alright, Pete," you assured him busily as you gingerly sat up straighter, careful not to knock anything else over. "Where's my wand?" You figured you could get it out with a spell quick enough.

Peter took his own wand out from his pocket, holding a hand out hurriedly. "Here, let me." He pointed his wand at your shirt. "Scourgify"

Not a second went by after Peter performed the spell did the stain on your shirt begin to darken in color, morphing from a bright Gryffindor red to a concerning maroon. Then, somehow, the stain grew in size and began to spread further up the fabric. You stood up from the ground, gaping at the sight.

Sirius stared in amused alarm between your shirt and a mortified Peter. "What the bloody hell did your spell do?"

"I- I don't know." The blonde stood up too, wand shaky in his hands. "Shit, I'm so sorry. I never did good in Charms. Here, let me try again-"

"No!" you cut in quickly, and then softened your tone just as fast. "I mean, don't worry about it." You took another look at your shirt that sported a stain that had now somehow turned back to a bright red again. "I think I'll just try and get the stain out in the bathroom, if you don't mind."

Peter nodded with nervous eyes, and as you closed the door behind you to the bathroom, you heard Remus drawl something that had Sirius barking out a laugh.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and sighed. The stain would certainly take more than some water to get out now.

You took a cloth from the sink and coated it in soapy water before pressing it to the stain. Not only was your shirt red but it was wet and sticking to your skin uncomfortably.

Picking up the hem of your top, you dabbed and pressed the cloth into the stain here and there for a few minutes. It helped wash out some of the intense color, but the Marauders were always thorough with their pranks, so you knew the stain wouldn't be coming out any time soon, at least not without the strongest of cleaning spells.

Just when you were deciding to leave it be, the door to the bathroom groaned open from behind you. Looking up, you saw from the reflection in the mirror that James must have had finally returned, because he was standing right behind you in the bathroom doorway.

You watched his expression still as he realized you were occupying the room. The second you turned to him though, his eyes shot wide.

"Woah," he whistled, abandoning his stillness and peering at your shirt. "It looks like a bloody crime scene in here."

You looked down at your shirt again. It certainly did look like a crime scene, and a bloody one at that. You ran a hand over your hair. "We had an accident setting up the prank."

"Yeah, I think you spilled something on your shirt." You could tell James was fighting back a laugh from the quirk of his lips.

"Thanks, Sherlock," you deadpanned, turning to him.

He squinted at you. "Who?"

His confusion almost made you laugh even in your exasperated state. You let out something low like a giggle and saw James's features warm at the sound. He was still for a moment looking at you. Then he cleared his throat.

"Let me get you a sweater or something to change into."

You shook your head. "Oh, no you really don't have to-"

"Don't be stupid." You raised your brows , but James corrected himself right away with a sheepish smile. "I mean, I give you my clothes all the time."

He was right. But somehow, you were sure wearing his clothes would feel different now.

"C'mon." James nodded his head to one side and turned to leave the bathroom. You followed after a moment and saw him reaching into his dresser, looking through one of the drawers. He pulled out a maroon sweater with the Gryffindor emblem on the corner—he loved that sweater. You knew he did.

Without batting an eye he placed it in your hands and nodded at you when you looked up at him unsurely. You peeked down at the soft sweater in your hands and then back at him. "Thank you."

The corners of his lips tugged upwards as he looked at you. "Of course."

You didn't go back to the bathroom to change straight away, and maybe that was because it felt like you couldn't. The air between you and James had felt off since that morning and still felt heavy now. You were all too aware of it and you were sure James was as well.

He rubbed his hands down the side of his legs quickly, a nervous habit, rocking back on his heels. He peered up at you through his lashes with unsureness and a bit of something else.

The silence seemed to stretch until it wore thin, and just as you were about to speak again, James beat you to it.

"Look," he began slowly, albeit shakily. His tone scared you. It took on a seriousness you seldom heard from James. "About last night-"

"James," you cut in. You knew what he was about to say, about to do. You didn't think you could stand there and listen to him do it. At your voice he stopped, eyes rapt with attention. "You don't have to ... we don't have to talk about it. I get it."

And you did. You knew he didn't see you in the same way you saw him. If he felt he had to formally reject you you'd save him from the trouble, half because you knew how kind he was and half because you knew you wouldn't be able to stand it.

He stared down at you with a stilled expression, though his eyes seemed to flicker across every inch of your face. You didn't know what he was thinking. Maybe relief.

"Let's just forget about it, okay?"

He still had that look on his face that you couldn't read. With his lips parted and the shadow of a crease between his brows, he nodded.

"Okay. Er, Yeah."

Maybe you knew in the back of your mind that James wanted to say more, that things weren't okay, but a bit of you selfishly just wanted to run away from the conversation.

You didn't end up running, of course, but you smiled at him assuringly before leaving for the bathroom again, him and his searching eyes behind you. You put on the sweater he'd given you, the fabric soft with a comforting weight heavy on your skin. Looking in the mirror, it was much too big on you and had you rolling up the sleeves, but the sight of you in it made you freeze up.

A feeling weighty and intense fluttered through you, but you didn't want to even think about why. It didn't help that you swore the sweater smelt cozy and familiar, like James's cologne.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

That would be like your new mantra. It would have to be.

You opened the door to the bathroom again and went back into the dorm to where the boys were all sprawled around the floor still. You took the open spot next to Peter and across from James.

Once again Peter began muttering his apologies to you, all of which you warmly promised to him were unnecessary. Somehow, you knew James was looking at you.

You peeked over at him and saw that the feeling in your gut was right. His eyes raked over the sweater you wore delicately, slightly widened, before meeting yours.

You ignored the increased speed of your heartbeat in your chest, underneath his sweater. Mouthing a "thank you," to him one last time, you made yourself look away. The prank wouldn't finish itself.

For the next couple of hours the five of you continued working on the prank, avoiding all spills and chatting through all of it. Well, mainly you chatting with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Maybe you were the reason for it subconsciously, but you probably spoke to James the least the whole night. And you weren't sure if it was just in your head, but he seemed off—not his usual loud James self. If it had anything to do with you, you wanted to kick yourself for it.

Was this how things were going to be now? Feeling tense whenever you were in the same room as him?

You told yourself of course not, that James was your best friend and that one night wouldn't and couldn't change that. But then why did it feel so impossible to look him in the eyes?

After another half hour or so James stopped working and said he wanted to head to bed early for Quidditch practice tomorrow. You all wished him goodnight, and he brushed past you, disappearing into the bathroom for a moment before slumping into bed.

James had never been a night owl, but even for him it was early. From the looks the four of you shared with each other wordlessly you could tell they were thinking the same thing.

None of you said anything aloud until a few minutes had gone by and without James stirring.

"Thank God he's off to bed," cut in Sirius, voice only lowered slightly for James's sake. "Now we can talk about what the hell happened last night between you two." He flashes his brows at you and you felt like dying.

"Sirius-"

"That was one hell of a kiss wasn't it?"

He turned to Peter and Remus who both gave their own looks of agreement, or secret amusement, much to your misery.

"You guys," you began with uneasiness. "I really don't feel like talking about this. Let's please not make this into something it's not."

"Something it's not?" Sirius blanched. "Did you see the kiss?"

"Obviously not, Sirius." Peter cut in with a laugh that could mean nothing good. "She was the one doing it. Eyes closed and everything."

"Oh my God."

"Oh, come on," rang Sirius again. "We're not gonna ignore this."

You lifted your head up from where you'd buried it in your hands, reaching for another empty shampoo bottle. "Yes, we are."

He reached for a bottle of his own. "No, we're not. Not if you two are gonna keep acting like this forever."

You paused, feeling caught. "Acting like what?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb with me here. The two of you have been weird around each other since the kiss. More weird than usual."

"He's right." Remus's unhelpful input on top of Sirius's half-offensive prying made your head start to spin. "You could cut the tension in here with a bloody knife."

Sirius scoffed in agreement. "Sexual tension, more like."

You shook your head tightly, mouth going dry, cheeks going warm. "I don't know what you're all talking about, and if we could stop talking about this now I'd really appreciate it." You looked back anxiously to where James was sleeping in his bed, dangerously close to where the four of you sat and definitely within hearing distance.

"Yeah right," Sirius laughed, though when you glared at him he lowered his voice obediently. "You're telling me that you don't feel anything for James after that? Anything at all?"

With three pairs of eyes staring at you, the lie felt sour on your tongue. "Yes."

"Oh, what a load of- Ow!"

Sirius yelped as you threw a bottle of shampoo at his arm, aggravated by all his yelling when James was slept a few feet away. For all you knew he could've been secretly awake, though the light snoring coming from his bed assured you otherwise.

"You've never been a good liar," chimed Remus, and you were this close to chucking something at him too. "You have to admit there's something there."

"Yeah." Sirius shrugged. "Maybe it was the reason you couldn't get a date to the Yule Ball last year."

Suddenly it felt like someone had slapped you across the face hours ago and left a red hot sting. You blinked at him like your ears were deceiving you. "Excuse me?"

Remus stared between the two of you with a foreboding expression, turning to Sirius in warning. "Sirius."

He didn't heed his friend's call, staying focused on you with a lightness to his drawl that made you want to smack him. "All I'm saying is, maybe you couldn't get a date because you were really just hung up on James. And maybe other people could see that."

You noticed Peter and Remus grimacing on either side of you, but even they didn't seem to disagree.

"What the hell?" you rang sharply, feeling like you were the only one hearing Sirius's idiotic theory for the first time. "Me not having a date to the dance was a choice, Sirius."

The boy nodded, a shadow of amusement hiding on his lips and raised eyebrows. "Yeah. It was." His answer only made you more angry.

"I could've gotten a date if I'd wanted to."

"I'm sure you could've."

You knew he was trying to be a pain in the arse, and that he knew it was working. Your cheeks heated at your tone and the fact that you felt like some defiant child throwing a tantrum. The fact didn't leave your mind as you stood up from the floor and began to turn to leave.

"Where are you going?" called Peter. You stopped in your tracks, glaring deliberately at Sirius.

"I already have Marlene prying me about this, so I really don't need to deal with more of it from you guys."

The three of them shared a look, whether scared or amused you didn't know.

"No more talking about the kiss. In fact, it didn't even happen. From this moment on, there will be no more kiss-talk. Got it?"

You noticed your reprimanding stance and the finger you had pointed at the three of them and momentarily felt like McGonagall.

They each nodded, Sirius putting his hands up in feigned innocence. You put your accusing finger in your pocket, but noticed the ruffling of a paper inside it: the thank-you note you'd written for James. In all your awkwardness you'd forgotten to give it to him like you always did.

Not looking back at the others for the looks you knew they were continuing to share, you walked over to James's bed where he lay soundlessly with his back to you. A bare shoulder rose and fell in a steady rhythm as you placed the slightly crumpled piece of paper delicately on his nightstand.

You turned back around and walked to the door to leave, stopping quickly to say goodbye.

"Night," you said curtly. Three pairs of wry eyes stared up at you knowingly.

With a huff, you ignored them and went back to your dorm for the night, thoughts of whatever the hell Sirius was talking about floating heavily through your mind.

taglist!! @hisparentsgallerryy @msmk11

134 notes · View notes

fourmoony · 10 months ago

Note

hi, I just wanted to let you know that reading your writing brings me so much comfort and joy. Today, I found out that the person I’ve liked for the longest time has a girlfriend, and it’s been hard to say the least. It also didn’t help that I read an unrequited love blurb featuring remus as soon as I got home 😭 I was just wondering if you’d be willing to write something where the reader assumes that remus doesn’t like her because he seems aloof, but is actually just nervous because he likes her so much. I am so appreciative of you and your beautiful work, as always 🤍

this made me tear up. your words are so kind, and are the push i needed this week to keep writing <3 never in a million years did i think anyone would think this about my writing. thank you.

i'm sorry to hear about your crush; unrequited love is a tricky and heavy feeling. i have no doubt you'll find your person, though. as someone who's had my fair share of heartache, i promise, it won't hurt forever. my friends think i'm crazy because my advice is always to just let it hurt. but one day you'll wake up and you'll have run out of hurt. and you won't even remember what you saw in them, anymore. sending love.

P.S. i suck at writing shy remus so this is more like silent, unreadable remus. idk i'm tired. hope this is okay!

---

remus lupin x f!reader - masterlist 1.2k words

cw - implied self esteem issues, smoking, drinking

Remus' thumping steps carry up the staircase only seconds after you call on him. You're facing the mirror when he arrives in the doorway, hair clasped to the side in one hand, and the other reaching aimlessly for the zip half way down the back of your dress. His eyes find yours over your shoulder in the reflection, a fond smile passing over his features when he steps through the threshold into your room.

"You look lovely." He comments, voice warm and smooth in the way that it always is.

Warm Remus, smooth Remus, so fond and kind, feels like home and everything familiar. His fingers are warm as he tugs gently at the zip, one hand placed on your shoulder for leverage. His touch is gentle, like he's afraid he might break you, and it lingers for only a moment when he's done. You swallow around the lump of want in your throat, the want for it to have lasted longer, the want for him to touch you and have it mean something. It doesn't do any good to want. Because you can't have, and you've had to deal with becoming okay with that fact.

"Thanks, Rem."

He nods, lips curled in on themselves like he wants to say something, a look in his eyes you've never been able to read. He says nothing, and he retreats with the promise to wait on you with the others in the living room. Remus does that a lot - refrains from the things he wants to say, stops himself short. You wish he wouldn't.

You're always wishing, wishing, wishing.

He keeps true to his word. Remus is waiting in the living room with Sirius, James, and a rather flustered looking Frank when you descend the staircase. It's only now you realise how lovely Remus looks in his suit. Partly because of how Sirius is wearing his - like he had a fight with it and lost. Remus stands when you appear, as if on instinct, and takes a step forwards. You smile, eyes catching on Frank who's looking at the clock like it's stealing time from before his very eyes. You suppose, in a way, it is.

"You okay?" You feel the need to ask, hint of a smile playing on your lips.

Frank looks alarmed by your question, a grimace on his face, "She's going to be there, isn't she? She's not going to, like, do a runner? Have you spoke to her today?"

James huffs a laugh, pats Frank on the shoulder rather heavily. The whiskey in his crystal tumbler splashes over the side and onto the rug. "Last I heard, Mary and Marlene had her pinned down in the make up chair, she tried, but they wouldn't let her."

Sirius barks a laugh. Frank scowls. He knows you're kidding. Alice Fortescue has been absolutely smitten for Frank Longbottom since she was thirteen. There's absolutely nothing that could stop her from walking down that aisle, today. Frank knows that as well as you do.

"Not helping." James decides, passes Frank a cigarette.

He mumbles something about not wanting to smoke inside and makes for the door. Remus gives James and Remus a pointed look, "Better make sure he doesn't do a runner, yeah?"

They're quick out the door like they actually believe Frank would ever do something like that. The only place he'd ever run to is Alice. And she'd have his balls for seeing her in her wedding dress before the ceremony. Remus gives you a familiar smile, a knowing smile, a smile he saves for you and you only. It feels like he's in on something you aren't when he smiles like that. Heat crawls up your neck, flowers wrap their way around you rib cage.

"You scrub up well, you know." Is all you manage to say, rather breathless.

Remus rolls his eyes, "I try."

A minute of amused silence, Remus passes you the glass of wine in his hand. The glass is warm from being in his clutch, but you drink from it anyway.

"I thought after the catering disaster this wedding wasn't going to happen." Remus admits, looking out of the living room window at where Frank paces the length of the front path, working his way through his second cigarette. Alice will have your head for allowing such a thing.

You hum a disagreement, eyes roaming Remus' face, it's so soft, so beautifully shaped. You've no idea why he hates his scars so much. They only outline his best qualities. The one over the bridge of his perfectly sloped nose, the one under his beautiful amber eyes, the one along his sharp cheekbones, and your favourite one: the one across his cupids bow, defining his soft, pink lips. It's a shame, really, that Remus Lupin thinks so little of himself. You'd give him the world should he only ask.

"I think nothing can stop a love like that," You murmur, soft and quiet, voice thick with something, "Not even a shoddy caterer."

Remus' eyes leave the front garden, meet with yours in a way that always makes heat explode in your chest. He's too much to look at, sometimes. It physically hurts.

"You always have such a positive outlook on life."

You laugh, shoulders shrugging, "Suppose it's habit."

"From?"

"Keeping you miserable lot from giving up all together?" You offer, smiling over the rim of your wine glass.

Remus laughs, genuine and unashamed. "Tell you what, at our wedding, I promise to be the one keeping everything together, how about that?"

He seems to flinch after that, like he's physically pained by the words coming out of his mouth. You flinch, too. The flowers around your rib cage wilt and pull tighter all in one go, a frown pulling at your lips.

"I wasn't aware we were getting married."

Remus smiles like he's in pain, "Yeah, well, step one would actually be asking you on a date, but I'm a right twat who's mucked all that up."

There's something self deprecating about him. You don't like it. Remus Lupin deserves the world. You'll give him the world. You didn't think he wanted that from you, though. But you smile, gentle and sweet in a way you hope he'll like. It feels like something shifts. Maybe the stars begin to write a story about you both. Maybe the sun stops it's rotation just for a second to watch you both.

The wedding car pulls up outside and Remus, seemingly eager to back away from the situation he's created, slams his own drink down on the table and makes for the door.

"Remus," You call after him, he turns, "I'd marry you."

You offer him a lopsided smile. His eyes search your face for any sign of a joke. He finds none. You hope he understands what you mean.

"How about a date first?" He asks.

You release a breath, a laugh, a smile. It feels like you're floating.

"Sure, yeah. That first."

The front door swings open and Sirius barges his way past Remus, panicked and disheveled, "I've lost the fucking rings!"

Remus sighs, hand in his pocket, hands Sirius the red velvet box, "Here."

You're laughing all the way down the path, shoulder brushing Remus', the start of something new.

#fourmoonys asks #marauders #marauders fic #marauders oneshot #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin oneshot #remus lupin angst #remus lupin fluff #james potter #james potter imagine #sirius black #sirius black imagine #frank longbottom #alice longbottom #mary macdonald #marlene mckinnon

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unconventional-lawnchair · 3 months ago

Text

We'll heal together: Chapter Six

Seven Taylor Swift

Sirius Black x Reader (Past) / Severus Snape x Reader (Platonic-Past)

Masterlist

Summary: The reader reminisces on some old friends of hers. Harry starts seeing a curious fox.

Cw: Use of {Y/N}, Mean Snape, Slut shaming, Curses, Avery and Mulciber, Fights, mentions of child abuse, toxic friendships (please reach out if I missed something}

Wc- 5462

A/n: This is mostly more filler for the characters relationships

You only stopped when you reached the road. Looking all around, you allowed yourself to transform back. You truly hoped that you already passed the hardest part of your escape plan. You knew you had to get to king's landing, there were other trains to take you to and from Hogwarts Valley, as to how to get there…

You wondered, slowly raising your wand to the street and took a deep breath. Here goes it. “Lumos.”

You gave it a few minutes before you grew anxious and began to look around the street. It felt like an hour had passed, maybe more, but the moon hadn't even shifted in the sky. “Heyy! Witch in distress here!” You wiggled your arms about. “Lost and uhm.. stranded and all!” You shouted and put your hands on your hips. Tapping your foot, you clicked your tongue and began to wonder if the Knight Bus was even a thing anymore.

As if to spite your skepticism you suddenly heard the rowdy bus. Eyes snapping up to it with a bright smile. That's more like it.

You could have sworn the Knight Bus drove more responsibly in your younger years. Maybe you were just used to the humdrum of muggle life, the slow and easy. Regardless, you managed to get to kings crossing in one piece. Shifting into a fox and hiding in one of the upper compartments in the near empty train was simpler then you thought it would be.

So much nostalgia rushed through you as you passed the magical barrier to the platform. You walked and skittered past people, hiding in their luggage and hopping from cart to cart to get inside the train. You walked down the mostly empty train car, beady eyes taking in the familiar interior. It felt like it was from another lifetime. A lifetime that was so cruelly ripped from you.

“Excuse me!” You heard a high pitched feminine voice call out to you. Turning your head, you saw a young girl. She had long red hair that reached her back, bright green eyes and a stern determined look. Pulled together with a slight pout, she looked ages wiser than her baby cheeks would lead you to believe.

“Uhm.. Hello?” You called back, turning to look at her fully. You weren't used to people coming up to you without your parents present, most who were forced to be meek and reserved, respectful with you as if you were the superior. At least, that's what your father always told you and everyone else around. As if the memory reminded you, you straightened your back and tried to put on a sour expression of indifference that your mother taught you to do. She was the master of it after all. “How can I assist you?” You asked in a much more mature and collected tone.

The red head seemed physically thrown for a loop at your sudden change in demeanor. She waved it off as she looked back at her father who was hovering around her sobbing sister, Petunia having an absolute fit and sobbing louder whenever their parents even glanced where you two stood. You winced and turned up your lip.

Lily’s look turned apologetic, before she looked around quickly and waved her parents off.

“I found someone, mum, da! I’ll be fine!” She called back as you looked around her form to get a better look at the three family members. They looked… Well, a lot like your family’s friends. Snobbish and thick headed. Who you assumed was her father called over.

“Good! Good! Don't be late!” He dismissed her, not looking up as he offered Petunia a stuffed doll and her mom didn't even acknowledge her as she tried to appease the little terror they created. They looked relieved as they left their little girl in the middle of the train station alone. At least your parents knew you were meeting the Potters. Well, you were, if your parents' poor planning didn't end up with you missing your meeting time.

“Was that your sister?” You asked with a gawk, and Lily slowly nodded.

“Unfortunately. I actually was coming to ask you, did you uhm.. Get summoned by a letter too?” Lily leaned closer to you and you purse your lips. What an odd way to phrase it, but you didn't think about it for too long.

“You’re looking for platform nine and three quarters, yeah? Here.” You took her hand without thinking. She was nice, she was like the sun and it brought you a bit of a gooey feeling. Watching that unfold gave you an unexplainable protective feeling of the red head, so you pulled her along. Lining up your carts.. You gestured to the wall and she gave you a scandalized look. “What?”

“The wall. You run at it.” You implored and the girl scoffed. “I may be new to this, but I'm not an utter fool.”

“Like to make a wager?” You mused, allowing yourself to be more playful, she reminded you of the safety James brought you, she was such a soothing presence, you slipped into yourself easily. “Ten Galleons says I walk straight through that wall.”

“What on earth are Galleons?” Lily asked in a bemused tone and your eyes shot open wide at the question.

That's how you met Lily Evans. Your best friend for the next ten years of your life.

You two eventually made it to the train, walking down the train car corridor, laughing at some stupid mistake Lily had made, leading to a domino line of luggage falling over and crashing open. You two ran as fast as you could to the train before you were spotted.

“Merlin, we are lucky the Blacks didn't notice that!” You giggled, and Lily gave an easily bright but confused smile. “Blacks?”

You tilted your head at her, your smile remaining but turning confused. What a strange girl. She didn't want to talk about Hogwarts out loud? Now she expects you to believe she hasn't heard of the Black family? It was like she was completely foreign,

“Blacks, the pureblood family?” You pushed and before she could respond a voice called out to her from down the corridor. You both looked up and saw a boy, slightly taller than you both, with an annoyed look as he gestured for her to follow him to his compartment. Lily looked at you and gestured over.

“Lily?” You asked as you made it to the door and slipped in. you raised your luggage above your head as the black haired boy lifted up Lily’s and put it away for her.

“Oh! Right! My name is Lily, Lily Evans.” She lit up and held out her hand. You mirrored her look and took her hand in your own.

“{Y/N}! {Y/N} {L/N}.” You introduced and she nodded, mouthing your name as if to get used to the feel on her tongue. You began to shift and make faces at her, trying to copy her, until she noticed and playfully shoved you.

You fell on your seat in a fit of giggles and looked across from you, seeing the quiet boy was already staring at you. You tilted your head and leaned forward, feet kicking out from under your seat. “Hello! Nice to meet you! I’m-”

“{Y/N} {L/N}. The {L/N} family is quite famous.” He snarked back in a sarcastic tone and your face fell, slowly leaning back into your seat. Right. Being around Lily had you forgetting who you were. She was a dangerous kind of fun.

“Yeah...” You mumbled and the boy sneered.

“You are aware Lily Evan’s is muggle born, yeah?” he challenged and your jaw went slack. Oh Merlin, you didn't even think about that. Your father would have your head if he knew you were running around with Mudb- Muggle borns. But Lily was nothing like how your father described, she was quite fun and smart, at least to your twelve year old brain.

“Is that true?” You asked Lily in a low whisper and Lily pursed her lips. Seems this wasn't the first time she was asked this.

“.. I am.” She answered cautiously and Snape watched you like a hawk as you pouted and deflated. “My dad would be so mad if I told him I was friends with a Muggle born. I am already pushing it with the company I keep, he says.”

Lily pouted and she looked like a kicked puppy, her eyes big and pout heart breaking. You three sat in silence for a moment before Lily spoke up again.

“Do you have to tell him?” She asked and your head snapped over to her. “What? Of course I do.” You mumbled and she narrowed her eyes.

“Why?”

“W-well he's my father, and I can't lie to him.” You argued and she tilted her head.

“But why?”

That stunned you for a moment. When you were younger, the fear of lying was debilitating. Your father could always look into your mind and sort anything out for himself, so the more truth you told the less you would have to deal with the pain. He was cruel and your younger mind has made him out to be an all seeing eye, just daring you to slip up so he could show you just why people feared him. Just why you should fear him too.

“I..”

“He wont find out, I won't tell a soul, would you Severus?”

The raven haired boy, Severus, seemed stunned by the question. Of course, he caved, and muttered a ‘no.’

Lily had that effect on people. One look in her eyes and you would do anything you were asked of, she had you and Severus wrapped around the very pinkie finger she used to promise you her silence since day one.

Little did you know, a few more months to come, and she would be much the same with you. Lily, Severus, and {Y/N}, would be names that would find themselves in each other's company for years to come. Their names and the tragedy that would follow.

It was morning by the time the train stopped at the Hogsmeade station. You huffed and dragged yourself to your paws. Once you scampered off the train it was much easier to follow the trail. Students were in their classes, and truly, no adult seemed to give a damn about you. You were just another woodland creature. If you did manage to catch someone’s eye, it wasn't hard to lose it in the edges of the forbidden forest.

You chose to stalk deeper into the forest, eventually being able to follow the river up stream, the one that ran straight from the Black Lake. Once you made it out and stumbled across the field. A feeling settled in your stomach you remembered all too well. Regret, hurt, pain, your ears pinned back,you remembered the day so clearly, as you stared at the tree that used to represent your little trio’s friendship. It was hard, being both Severus Snape and James Potter’s friends. When Lily told James around year 3 that if he wanted to impress her to lay off of Snape, you two thought it would be the end of their stupid fights.

That lasted exactly two years.

It has been days since you got your acceptance letter. The weekend that followed you had been a whirlwind of meeting the most remarkable people to ever work as Aurors, working alongside heroes everyday.. Well, from the inside of your cubicle. Your relationship with Alastor moody was shaky at best, but you went in with an impression to make. You weren't just there because your father, or your family, the very two things that did everything in their power to try and stop you from getting in. You came back to school Monday on cloud 9, you felt remarkable for the first time in your life and not because you were told you were.

Not from some suck up, or from your blood status obsessed family. You were remarkable because you worked to get to that point on your own. You had to remember to thank Slughorn for introducing you to the people who ran the program at his Slug club.

There was one person you had not been able to talk to since you got your letter. Severus. Being in the same house you would figure that you two saw a lot of each other. However, he had made some new friends. Friends you didn't exactly like. Avery, for example. He had been trying to get in your good graces since you met him, you knew why, it was painfully clear he wanted the connection to your father and you refused to be a vessel for that. He also spent more time with Mulciber as well.

That boy was a piece of work. You had made your feelings on him known to Snape early on in their twisted little friendship. He had done horrid things to the muggle borns, not to mention how he seemed to get some sick gratification from targeting the weaker women of the school. He had a passion for making any witch with what he called a ‘loud mouth’ his personal target. You had managed to avoid him, aside from a few crude comments here and there about your blood status and making himself known to your father as a potential suitor.

They were vile and whenever you mentioned the behavior to Snape he would simply scoff and go on rants about how you and Lily were never around because you two seemed to worship the ground the boys who tormented him for years walked on. You would always counter by saying he wasn't exactly innocent in their interactions, but it would always dissolve into stupid and petty fights. He would go for blood every chance he got, making sure you knew he prioritized Lily in every interaction.

Maybe that was when your friendship started to crumble. You knew what he said was to hurt you, that he would never truly mean it. Just like his accusations that you cared more about Potter than him, the length of your friendship meant nothing, and you knew he cared for you more than he cared for most.

And you him.

It got exhausting, however, taking his hurt for yourself. Putting it all on your shoulders as he lashed out for any evidence you cared for him still. It hurt to grow up, clinging to people you knew were bad for you. Severus Snape was bad for you. Saying that out loud broke your heart, because you were still young, and you would still always care for him, you didn't know a thing he could do or say to you that would push you away. Not for long. Because he was someone you knew, someone not many people got to know.

Severus Snape, the boy who would nag you for not bringing your cloak to Quidditch games but allow you to use his. Snape was the one who would nag you for your grades and give you his study notes. The boy who would absolutely ruin your confidence in potions after a simple mistake, and bring you candy from Honeydukes as an apology. Maybe that was it. He never said it. All the times you told him you cared for him like the rain cares for the breeze, Like how kindling cares for fire. You cared so much you made something dangerous, and it destroyed you.

Still, you held onto that hope that maybe, maybe. He would come around and put down his pride just,,, set it aside for you. It never happened. It did happen for Lily, but she never had to try for him. She didn’t know the times you had to pick up the pieces of him she shattered. It wasn't her fault, not her fault he refused to say it. He would let you know when you hurt him, never that he cared. He would let Lily know he cared, but never when she pushed him too far.

Yet you were the one to destroy it. You always took the blame. You let it happen, as what you had was turning fragile, and you weren't ready to give up on him just yet.

So here you were, walking down the halls to go and tell Snape the news, Because he was your friend, and because he never had to guess if you cared or not. This was his chance. He just needed to show he cared.

You made it to the dungeons but paused as you heard familiar voices fill the halls. You quickly froze and slipped behind a pillar to hide away. Bloody hell, what's your luck? He’s with the two nimrods.

“You know, even if she's a bit of a harlot.” You heard Avery quip and you rolled your eyes. You prayed for whatever poor soul the boys were talking about.

“She's always around those boys, heard she's doing Remus. A half blood? Go figure,” You heard the snake that was Mulciber speak up next. Your face turned sour and you narrowed your eyes. No.. He wouldn't let them talk about you like that, right? You bit your cheek and continued to listen.

“I wouldn't be surprised if she's doing all of them. That Potter boy and her have been friends since they were kids, can't say I'd keep a witch around that long if she didn't help me out once and a while.” Avery snickered and Mulciber chuckled.

‘True, and that Peter kid is like her pouch pooch. Maybe that's why Sirius hates her so much, shiny new toy and he doesn't have all the boys attention anymore.”

You took some even breaths and steadied your hands that shook with this sudden shock of nausea. Come on Snape. Say something.

“Talking about friends, Snape, you're close to her yeah? Ever had a go?”

Snape continued to look at his book with a bored expression, “I wouldn't touch her if she paid me.”

Your heart broke. Your eyes closed tight and you clenched your chest. You should of just walked away.

“Why's that? Too busy day dreaming about Evans? Cant say ive ever had a Mudblood before.” Mulciber snarked and Snape's book slammed closed.

“Don't call her that. Don't talk about her like that.”

That was your last straw. You turned sharply on your heel and walked past them. Dashing right up the stairs, You did not spare them a glance. If you had, you would have seen the look of shock and guilt all over Snape’s face.

You didn't remember running, or what you were thinking. But there you were, at the Fat Lady, trying to hide your tears in your sleeve as you knocked. You tried to mutter acknowledgement to the painting as she cooed and tried to comfort you as you waited, but nothing but a sob came out.

The door opened and you faced Marlene. The girl gasped and didn't even think before she pulled you in and closed the painting.

Next thing you knew, you were wrapped up in a warm blanket you knew to be Peter’s, a cup of warm brown liquid you used for steam to clear your nose enough to breathe. You knew this mug. It was Remus’s. You tried to stifle another onslaught of tears, as Marlene robbed your back from where you laid on her lap.

Peter was helping to take off your shoes and talking about his day to you. He knew you weren't listening, but giving you something to fill the silence. Remus had gone to get James, and Lily was rushing down the stairs when she heard you were in tears. Mary and Alice were not far behind.

When everyone was there you begrudgingly told them what happened. You watched their expressions. Your heart melted a bit, at how they seemed to react to the news. They were repulsed, not just for Lily, but for you. You had never seen James so calm, so careful with his words despite his clear anger.

You set the drink down and slowly melted into the comfort you friends offered, not even noticing as James dragged the boys aside to talk about something. You just let yourself be coddled as you did your best to forget Snape’s words.

The next day was better. You had Remus escort you back to the Prefect dorms, your walk was quiet but you felt safer then you had that entire day. He made an excuse to Slughorn as to why you weren’t there for your duties. He was even there early to your dorm in the morning to make sure you got out of bed on time and got ready. Honestly, you felt guilty, enjoying his presence so much.

You went through most of the day like that, until your free period. You were shocked to see Remus wasn't waiting for you, instead, Lily was. You smiled and you both linked arms to walk down to the field. You were still mad at Severus, so you hoped he wasn't there. On some degree, you have to admit, you wanted to yell at him, shout and tear him apart like he did to you.

But you couldn't. Because he was your friend, and because he never had to guess with you. He knew. That hurt worse.

As you both made it down to the Black Lake, you and Lily froze at the sight laid out in front of you.

Snape, dangled upside down by his ankle as James and Sirius threw taunts his way.

��James Potter!” Lily shouted and ran down the hill, you weren't really thinking before you shouted a spell at James, “Expelliarmus!”

His wand was smacked out of his hand, and next came Lily’s palm across his face. Sirius gave a low whistle at the contact. You ran down and slowed Snapes fall, “Severus! Are you okay?” You asked and tried to help him up.

“Get off of me!” He snapped at you. You flinched away with wide eyes and he snarled at you. “Always to the rescue, huh, {L/N}? Compensating for your name sake?”

He shouted out in anger and you let him. Again, letting him tear you apart. But this was different. He didn’t stop. He didn't calm down. His words just got sharper. You waited, this was the first time he berated you in front of a crowd.

“You see what they've done to me for years and you still pick them! You still hang around them! I don't need your pity! I don't need your help!” He snapped and Lily walked over cautiously, knowing your choice to handle Snape’s temper was always to let it pass. She didn't want to aggravate you. “Severus-”

“Not now you worthless Mudblood!” He shouted, eyes still narrowed on you. That gave you the perfect view of his eyes going as wide as an owl as he realized what had left his lips. He turned on his heel and stared at Lily whose jaw was slack and eyes turning glossy. She turned sharply and began to run off, and you let your face fall into your palms.

Remus was by your side in a second, wrapping his arms around you and ignoring Snape as his mouth opened and closed like a fish, muttering pathetic apologies.

“Let’s go.” Remus muttered, you could feel how he was tensing, holding himself back, You simply listened. Everything had happened so fast. You just remember how he looked at you when you glanced back. Pathetic. He looked like he was going to fall to his knees. If he did, Remus didn't let you see it. Last thing you saw was James running after Lily towards the castle. As Remus leads you off to docks, away from everyone's eyes.

You winced at the memory, eyes slowly lidding as you carefully stalked around the place it all happened, eyes locked on it, like it would come running after you. Once you had made enough distance you dashed off to the school. Slipping passed the gate with practiced ease, your eyes trailed up and your mawl dropped open in shock. Dementors? What in Merlin's sweet name were they doing here?

You pushed the thought aside, you didn't want to think about it. The great thing about having them as guards, however, not a single one noticed you as you made it to the school grounds.

You looked around before hurrying off and around the field. You stopped as you noticed the Quidditch court, with red ribboned boys flying around. It took you exactly three seconds to ponder if James Potter’s son would be in Gryffindor, and on their team.

If a fox could click their tongue, you would. Hurrying out further across the bridge, you snuck your way under the large tarps that covered the scaffolding. Slipping your way up and over, you managed to get a viewpoint from between the benches.

You didn't have to look long. As if on instinct, your eyes found him. A seeker too, you wondered if he was as cocky as James in the field. Slowly, your little tail began to shuffle around in excitement. He looked so much like James, but you could also see the boy you held all those years ago.

He was running his heart out, you watched his eyes follow after something you couldn't see, before he launched himself forward with a brilliant smile. Oh that smile.

“{Y/N}! Sirius! Come in!” You heard Lily's voice call from the living room. You and him were holding gifts, you had brought an empty photo album and several of your enchanted photos from Hogwarts, ready to sit down with Lily and make a time capsule of sorts for Harry when he went. Something with a cheesy ‘now it's your turn’ at half way for him to finish off.

Sirius had brought some dishes he made with your help, so Lily and James didn't have to cook for the next few months while Harry was still small.

“Where is my nephew?!” Sirius demanded in a playful rawr, walking into the living room, shoving the dishes onto James who sighed and waxed on about being forgotten for a tot. As he passed you to get to the kitchen you got on your toes and kissed his cheek, that seemed to satisfy the attention quota of his.

You walked deeper in and lit up at the sight of Lily, handing over the little bundle to Sirius. He looked so happy holding Harry, it made your heart flutter. You bit your lip and tried to fend off the baby fever.

Setting down the book and photos you walked over to Lily. She held the couch to stand and when you opened your arms she practically collapsed into yours. You giggled and pressed your nose to her cheek and she gave a sigh of approval. “Missed you.” She mumbled and you nodded. “Missed you too.”

You broke away from each other with a quick peck on the cheek, and you turned to meet the wrap of blankets in your fiancés arms.

“Oh, look at you.” You cooed and Sirius smiled at you. “Cute one, ain't he?”

“Very.” You agreed and reached over to let him grab your finger. He lit up in a smile and you mimicked it, sticking out your tongue and gave a delighted gasp when it made him giggle. Sirius chuckled.

“I've never been good with kids.” You admitted sheepishly.

“Neither of us. Guess we have our exception.” He teased and you rolled your eyes fondly at him. “For now.” You whispered against his sleeve and Sirius's smile twitched before James returned and spoke up.

“Now that you're here, we wanted to talk to you about something before Remus gets here.” He mused in a serious tone, arm wrapping around Lily's waist as she leaned into him. You felt your heart swell with how love struck Lily looked at James.

“Oh?” Sirius mused and rested Harry in your arms. You looked down at him and smiled, he again, returned it with a fit of giggles. Oh he was just precious. Oh wow, James Potter, the kid you wouldn't have trusted to watch your owl for a weekend had a small human. One he needed to make sure stayed fed. And breathing.

“Good luck little guy.” You mumbled to him, in your own little world. “You're gonna need it. Call Auntie {Y/N} whenever you need me.” You gushed.

James fell silent for a moment as he watched you coddle his son. Lily smiled brighter as she looked at Sirius, no other word to describe him but love sick. Absolutely destroyed with what he was seeing.

“About that.” James cut in and you looked over at James with a pout. He laughed before you could even snap at him. “Before you kill me.”

“We were looking into a godparent for little Hars.” Lily whispered and your eyes widened, looking at Sirius.

“I wanted Sirius, Lily wanted you.” James continued and you gave the most offended expression you've ever made. “How dare you! I've known you since diapers!”

“Exactly what I told Lily when I tried to argue what a horrible idea it was.” James snickered and Lily hit him with her elbow.

“So, we compromised. A godmother and godfather.” Lily finished and your jaw went slack, you looked at Sirius with wide hopeful eyes and he returned the look.

“Y-yes! Yes of course!” You declared quickly and Sirius nodded vigorously before he pulled James into a tight hug. “I'll keep him safe.”

You walk up closer to Lily and she leans her chin on your shoulder. “And I'll make sure he's a proper bloke.” You quipped and Sirius playfully scoffed. “Define proper bloke.”

“Not you.” You teased and he wet his lips with a bright smirk. You turned to Lily and James, tucking Harry on your shoulder. “You two should get some rest. We'll watch Harry for the rest of the day.” You mused and Sirius didn't complain. Taking Harry from you.

“Oh, {Y/N}, you really don't-”

“Go go! Begone! It's godparent bonding time!” You scolded and James laughed, nudging Lily. “I'll run you a bath.” He muttered into her hair and she sighed blissfully. “Sounds like heaven.”

Oh they were love.

You and Sirius stayed that whole night. Cleaning up around the place, taking care of Harry, and keeping the volume low. Remus came over and you and him worked to distract Harry and Sirius took a nap. That really only consisted of him staring at the muggle tv and flicking through channels. When the actual parents returned you and Sirius went home.

You went home and had one of the most vicious fights you had ever had.

You shook the thought from your head as you watched Harry land. Slipping through the benches and squeezing your body onto the platform you watched from above before you hurried down the stars behind a fluffy haired girl. She ran on the court, joined by a very familiar redhead.

You stopped just outside the pitch in the grass, watching as everyone packed up and Harry talked to his friends with such life in his eyes. Your own eyes trailed up to his scar before you tilted your head. You still had a lot of questions on your mind. But now, now was time for observing. His smile, it reminded you so much of your days within these walls. The days you spent with James and Lily, running down the halls and making fools of yourself. You hoped he was having a similar childhood.

You watched him for a few minutes, before he seemed to register your presence. His eyes flicked over to you and you two shared eye contact.

Harry could have sworn to Merlin that the look you gave him, he'd seen before. Just like that, in the meer moments you were there, you were gone. Slithering your way into the forest and into a small den. You scratched your neck out, shaking your fur vigorously, a sign of stress as you tried to figure out what to do next. You didn't want to leave Harry, you didn't want him out of your sight ever again, but you also didn't want Moody sending an Auror strike to find you. Eventually, you relented. You'd go back, practice your apperation again and again until you were able to make it from Wesley's to the forest. You knew you could do it, you'd done it from farther away. You took a deep breath and transformed back.

Time to unrust some wheels.

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