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unconventional-lawnchair · 4 months ago

Note

second part of too late?😭😭😭😭 this fic broke me

"Never...

Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader

Summary: True colors are shown from all ends, Remus can't take it

Wc: 4063

Cw: use of {Y/N}, Cussing, fighting, depictions of abusive relationships, Benjy slander(I'm sorry), Drinking and getting drunk, James being a problem

Part one

A few months had passed since that cold night at the Potters’ engagement party, and the world had shifted in ways Remus had never anticipated. He had thrown himself into his work with the Order, using every ounce of energy he had to distract himself from the pain of losing you. But despite his efforts, the ache in his heart remained, a constant reminder of what might have been.

You and Benjy had taken the next steps in your relationship, and while Remus tried to be happy for you, it felt as though he was watching a beautiful sunset. Knowing the night was just around the corner.

Waiting for the moon to taunt him.

If he thought the last three years were torture without you, the last few months being near you was worse.

The love you had for him now belonged to someone else, someone older, someone better, and he was left with the memory of what could have been. Day in and day out, he was reminded of it every time he passed by your proposal photos at the Potters’.

The nights were the hardest. He would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, wishing he could find the courage to reach out to you, to tell you everything he had held back, selfishly hoping it was a front. That you still loved him far more then you'd ever love Benjy. But the fear of intruding on your happiness kept him silent, and he buried himself deeper in his work.

The tension in the air had thickened as news of Voldemort's newest victories began to swirl around them. The Order was on high alert, and every mission felt heavier with the weight of uncertainty.

Benjy’s response to the dangers was to move your wedding day up. He said he wanted to die a happy and married man. You didn't seem to enjoy his joke, but you agreed the sooner the better.

Remus felt a pang of bitterness at the thought, his heart clenching in response to the news. He tried to shake it off, to remind himself that you deserved happiness, that you were moving forward with your life. But the reality of it stung, like salt in a fresh wound. He couldn’t help but feel like he was losing you all over again, and this time, it felt irrevocable.

The wedding was set for a few weeks from now, and the thought of it loomed over him like a dark cloud. Every time he caught sight of you at the Order meetings, laughing with Benjy or sharing a tender moment, it felt like a dagger twisting deeper into his chest. He had to remind himself that it was his fault, that he had let fear dictate his actions, pushing you away when he wanted you more then anything.

With the wedding so close, the rehearsal dinner was moved as well. You had mentioned the idea of just skipping it, but Benjy was determined to celebrate.

It was tonight. And after some coaxing from Lily he made it to the Potter manor.

“So, Benjy, truth or dare?” Lily’s voice filled the room, leaning back against James who stole her drink for himself. Already sloppy off his ass.

The party was rather fun, Remus had to admit. You and him finally managed an air of normalcy. Benjy and you both decided to forgo to typical traditions, turning it into a get together to remind people of the more simple joys in life.

That meant silly drinking games and childish fun.

The atmosphere was lively, filled with laughter and the clinking of glasses, and for a moment, Remus allowed himself to be swept up in it. He watched as you and Benjy engaged with friends, your laughter brightening the room. You looked radiant, your happiness palpable, and it made his heart ache in ways he couldn’t fully express.

“Come on, Benjy! Don’t be a coward. Truth or dare?” Lily’s playful challenge snapped Remus out of his thoughts.

Benjy smirked, leaning back in his chair, clearly enjoying the attention. “Dare.” He said confidently, and Remus felt a spark of unease.

“I dare you to kiss {Y/N}.” Lily declared, her eyebrows wiggling playfully.

The room erupted in cheers and laughter, and Remus felt his heart drop. Sirius, however, booed. “Come on, those two are never NOT kissing! Give em a real one, red!”

Lily laughed and flipped him off with both fingers as Benjy turned to you, wiggling his eyebrows. “My lady?”

You laughed and held out your hand when he asked for it. He took it and kissed up your arm to your shoulder, making you giggle and smile so hard your cheeks hurt. “Benjy!” You scolded when he bit the strap of your tube top. The same dress you wore to the winter formal.

He gave a playful chuckle and kissed your cheek, making you shove his face away with playful disgust.

The energy in the room was electric, a mix of laughter and playful teasing that filled the air with warmth. Remus tried to force a smile, but the sight of you and Benjy together made it feel like a mask, hiding all the turmoil roiling inside him. The way you laughed, the way you looked at him, it was everything Remus had dreamed of sharing with you.

As Benjy continued his antics, leaning in closer to you, Remus felt a deep, gnawing ache in his chest. He tried to focus on the people around him, but his gaze kept drifting back to you. You were everything he remembered and more, the light in your eyes shining brighter than any candle in the room. But with each passing second, it became clearer to him that you were moving on, and he was left behind.

“Alright, alright, I’ll give you a proper kiss,” Benjy announced, clearly enjoying the game. With a flourish, he pulled you in close, his hands resting on your waist. Remus gripped the edge of the table, feeling the tension knot in his stomach.

As Benjy leaned in, you met him halfway, and their lips connected in a sweet kiss that seemed to last forever. The cheers and whoops from the others faded into a dull roar, and Remus felt as if he were drowning in a sea of emotions. The warmth of the room turned cold, and he could hardly breathe.

“See? That’s how it’s done.” He cheeked and kissed your nose, making you smile up at him. Remus didn't even had time to notice how it didn't reach your eyes.

“Alright tough guy, your turn!” James huffed from the love seat cross from them. Remus noticed his tone, it wasn't entirely pleasant and James was clearly struggling to hide it, especially in his drunken state.

Benjy chuckled softly, but his eyes darkened a bit despite his smile. “Alright, James! Truth or dare?”

James gave a simple smile before he shrugged. “Truth.”

“Okay, truth.” He hummed and it was hard not to notice the tension between the two. “Why don't you like me, man?”

Not like him? This was news to Remus. Too observed in self hatred he didn't even notice James fake laughter and false smiles until now.

“Benjy.” You warned softly, pouting at him a bit. Like this was something you had asked him not to bring up. Benjy put his hand on your thigh and gave it a simple squeeze, eyes still on James. “It's alright, babe.” He whispered and you furrowed your brow further.

The tension in the air thickened with every passing moment. He could see the flicker of irritation in James’s eyes, a stark contrast to the carefree atmosphere that had filled the room just moments before. The party was still lively around them, but the bubble you guys had created was terribly tense.

“Why don’t I like you?” James repeated, his voice steady despite the slight slur from the alcohol. “It’s not that I don’t like you, Benjy. It’s just… I don’t know. I guess I just don’t trust you with her.”

Lily smacked his leg and gave a gasp. “James Potter!”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, glancing between the two men, clearly caught off guard by the sudden confrontation. “Guys, can we not do this now?” You interjected, your voice soft but firm.

“Yeah, can we just keep this fun?” Remus chimed in, trying to defuse the situation. He forced a smile, hoping to lighten the mood, but the weight of the moment hung heavily in the air.

Benjy's eyes narrowed slightly, the playful demeanor slipping for a moment. “What’s that supposed to mean, Remus?” He asked, his tone edged with defensiveness.

“Nothing! Just… it’s a party, right? We’re supposed to be celebrating, not this,” Remus replied, his heart pounding as he tried to navigate the tension. He could feel the way everyone was suddenly looking at him, as if he were the referee in an unspoken showdown.

“Exactly.” Your voice rose just enough to cut through the thick air. Benjy scoffed and waved you off. Muttering something about you agreeing with Remus. Has Benjy always been so dismissive of you?

You have a shaky sigh and Sirius spoke up, a hesitant smile on his face. “Besides, James is just being a brother, yeah? Protective and shit.”

You gave him an appreciative look. Sirius leaned back and gave you a smile before flashing it to Benjy. James giving a thoughtful drunken look. “Should of seen him at Hogwarts! Didn't want anyone dating his sister. Oh, it was sad to watch.”

“It's not that I didn't want her dating anyone!” James huffed and bit his cheek.

“James, stop.” You snapped, Lily hissing a curse to tell him to just stop talking, but James huffed.

“I just figured it would be Remus.”

The tension in the room escalated, and Remus felt his heart race as he processed James's words. His stomach twisted at the implication, and he could see the discomfort ripple through you. You looked caught between annoyance and embarrassment, your eyes darting between James and Benjy, who was clearly unimpressed with the turn the conversation had taken.

“Seriously, James?” Sirius snapped, eyeing Remus warily.

“You can’t just throw that out there like it’s some kind of joke! This isn’t funny.” Lily continued to scold him and snatched his drink away.

Remus felt a strange mix of emotions surge within him. He felt the weight of James's comment pressing down on him like a heavy stone. He had always been the one who kept his feelings buried, and now the spotlight was on him in a way he had never wanted. Even James had been rooting for him…

Benjy took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself. “Look, I get it. You wanted your best friend to be family, I can get that.” His voice was steady, but Remus could see the tension in his jaw. “But she's mine now.” Remus seemed caught off guard by his phrasing. His? “You can't seriously hate me because she loves me and not him, yeah? She loves me.”

“Yeah, but Remus is different.” James insisted, his expression firm. “He’s been in love with {Y/N} since day one. Through all her weird phases. You can’t compete with that, sorry, Benjy.” James continued like a child.

Remus felt heat rise to his cheeks. He could see your eyes widening, the shock evident on your face as you processed James’s blunt admission. You looked between the two men, clearly caught in an uncomfortable position that was only getting worse.

“James, this isn’t the time.” You pleaded, your voice strained. “Can we not make this about Remus?”

Benjy’s grip on your thigh tightened, but he remained calm, trying to diffuse the situation. “I’m not trying to disrespect anyone here, man. But it’s kind of unfair to just hate me for trying to make you sister happy.”

“Yeah, well, maybe it’s unfair for Remus to just stand there and let it happen,” James shot back, his tone defensive. Shooting a drunken glare at Remus who gave him a shocked look. Almost offended. James scoffed and looked back to you. “I’m just saying that if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t be able to handle watching the love of my life marry someone else, especially when he's an absolute git.”

“James, I think it's time to shut up.” Sirius snapped at James but he didn't falter, James jaw tightening as he noticed you shuffle uncomfortably when Benjy’s grip on your thigh only tightened.

“James, please, just stop talking.” You seethed and he reached for another drink, one Remus was quick enough to snatch from him.

“And what about you, {Y/N}?” James snapped and gestured to you.

“Are you really okay with all of this? With him?” His words hung in the air, charged with an intensity that made everyone shift uncomfortably.

You looked taken aback, your expression a mixture of disbelief and frustration. “What do you mean ‘okay with him’? I love Benjy. What else do you want me to say?” Your voice was firm, but there was a slight tremor in it, betraying the emotions swirling just beneath the surface.

“Do you love him the way you loved Remus?” James pressed, clearly not backing down. “Because it feels like there’s still something still there. Even after three years I've never seen you look at anyone like you look at him!”

“James-” Lily stood and tried to coax him up, trying to excuse her husband before he ruined the night further.

“No! He's like a damn puppy, Lily. He's hurt!” James shouted over his wife and Remus stood up, placing a hand on James chest to push him back against the love seat.

“James. Shut up.” He seethed, finally tired of just sitting around and letting it all happen.

James shoved him back and stood up to challenge him back. Pointing his drunken finger to his chest. “You let her go so easy man! Three years? Three years you left her with this jag off!”

You finally stood up, coming between the two. “James, cut it out! Hes my fiance and I'd appreciate if you'd don't insult him! If you're so unhappy with it you can go!”

“I can go?” James scoffed, gesturing to Remus. “What about him?”

“What do you mean, James? He hasn't done anything!”

“That's my bloody point! He let you go! Now he's just some.. stranger! You guys don't even write anymore!” James whined like some obscene child of divorce. Gesturing between you two with a drunken stumble, trying to stifle a burp. “You two were perfect for each other.” He continued to insist. “What happened?”

You sighed and tried to focus on the fact that James was drunk, he was being stupid, and he wasn't going to see reason easily. “James… I still care about Remus, that won't change.”

Your eyes flicked to said boy but his eyes were focused on the edge of your dress skirt. Noticing the large handprint shaped bruise on your thigh from Benjy’s grip. You quickly covered it.

“But you're marrying him!” James gestured towards Benjy and Remus eventually gave in, falling back on the couch and eyeing Benjy.

“You can't pretend this is some casual fling! You're marrying him! Ring on your finger! You hated big chunky jewelry.” James shouted and you gave a scandalized laugh.

“Fling? James, I know that!”

“Then why?!” He whined like he physically couldn't understand. Like it was impossible; the idea you could want Benjy when you could have Remus. “Mom and dad loved Remus! They would of hated Benjy too! They knew you loved him! And now you're just expecting me to believe you don't anymore!?”

You felt a surge of anger rising within you, fueled by the insistence, unfiltered by your own drinks tonight. “Of course I still do- that doesn't just change, James!” You blurted out, the words escaping before you could stop them.

Silence enveloped the room. You could feel the shock radiating from everyone- the laughter, the playful atmosphere evaporating into thin air. Everyone, your family, Benjy’s family, your friends and coworkers, everyone’s eyes were on you.

Remus’s eyes widened, and for a brief moment, you thought you saw a flicker of hope and disbelief in his gaze.

“Wait- what?” Benjy’s voice was soft, almost broken as he processed your words. Then, came that familiar rage. “You're kidding.”

Everyone was silent. James was staring down at you with a furrowed brow, his lip twitching slightly.

“I didn't hear that.” Benjy scoffed and stood up, tossing his drink across the room and the expensive glass shattered against the hard floor. “I really hope I didn't hear that properly.”

You took a shutter of a breath, trying to hide your wince as you walked over to your fiance and tried to mutter an apology, trying to excuse you two to have a private conversation.

He was having none of it.

“Don’t you dare apologize now!” Benjy shouted, his voice echoing off the walls, drawing the attention of everyone in the room, you could hear a pen drop. He stepped closer, invading your personal space, his eyes blazing with anger. You stumbled back instinctively. “You’ve been playing me this entire time, haven’t you? Telling me you love me while still pining after him! How am I supposed to trust you after that?”

“Benjy, please, it’s not like that.” You lowered your voice, feeling a twinge of panic rise in your chest. You tried to take a full step back, but he reached out, grabbing your arm with a grip that felt too tight, too possessive.

“Not like that?” He repeated, his voice dripping with sarcasm. You could smell the fire whiskey on his breath. He was drunk, you tried to remind yourself, everyone was. “You just told everyone you’re still in love with him! What am I supposed to think? That you’ll marry me and then run back to him the moment things get tough? Are you cheating on me?” He laughed. “With Remus Lupin of all people?”

You could feel the heat of his anger radiating off him, and the fear began to creep in. Trying to ignore the familiar danger in this conversation. Ever since that night on the balcony he was becoming someone you knew, someone he promised he wasn't anymore. “I’m not cheating on you! I chose you, Benjy! You’re the one I want to marry!”

But he pulled you closer, his grip tightening. “Benjy, nothing has happened.” You whispered, insisting, as you tried to pull him along with you.

“Please. Not in front of everyone.” You whispered again. You could hear James curse, turning to watch as Sirius got between you and your brother. The drunken idiot looked ready to kill Benjy.

“Not in front of everyone?” Benjy laughed, his voice rising again, anger bubbling. “You think that’s going to change how I feel right now? You think I care about what anyone else thinks when my fiancée just declared her love for another man?”

His grip on your arm was painful, and you tried to pull away, but he only tightened his hold. You slowly closed your eyes. Not hearing Lily shouting at James as she dragged him out, James complaints and verbal threats about Bengy’s behavior not even reaching you, Lily fully trusting the boys to deal with it. Not noticing how Marlene and Mary began to escort people out of the house.

Much to Benjy’s drunken berating.

“Benjy, please.” You pleaded, desperation lacing your tone. “I’m not cheating on you. I love you. I am marrying you. Like we promised, yeah?”

But Benjy's expression twisted into something dark, a mixture of hurt and fury. His teeth gritting. “You think that’s enough? You think just saying you love me is going to erase what you just said?” He stepped closer, his voice dropping to a low, menacing tone. “You’ve put me in a position where I can’t trust you. You think I can just ignore this? That I can pretend it doesn’t hurt? You humiliated me.”

“I'm only going to tell you to back up once.” Sirius’s voice cut through you two, sharp and commanding. He stepped forward, positioning himself between you and Benjy, his expression full of pure rage.. “How about you put your hands on a man your size, huh?”

“Sirius…” Remus warned as he walked up behind you.

Benjy’s eyes flicked to Sirius, a flash of defiance crossing his face. “Stay out of this, Black! This is between me and her.”

“No, it’s not just between you two anymore,” Sirius shot back, unwavering. “You don't get to touch my sister like that.”

You could almost smile at the comment. Sirius’s declaration; you wondered if your dad would be proud.

He'd surely be disappointed in you.

“Touch her?” Benjy’s voice dripped with disdain. “She's my wife. She’s the one who made a fool of us!”

“Benjy-” You started before you felt Remus’s hand rest on your shoulder, slowly running down to rub the tender spot Benjy had just been manhandling. When your eyes met Remus’s there was something so reassuring, so soft.

“I didn't mean for this-”

“Just stop talking.” He hissed and before Sirius could ball up his fist Benjy spoke again.

“Give me my ring. I'm done with you.” He snapped and you winced. Carefully taking the gem off and handing it to Sirius. Who then, like an asshole, tossed it across the room.

“Go fetch.” He hissed and Banji scoffed, eyes still on you.

“I knew you were a waste of my time.” He spat harshly, “The second you showed your real colors. You right bitch-”

You had never seen Remus move so quickly in your life. Your mouth have a horrified sound as you watched Remus’s fist collide with Bengy’s face.

The impact echoed in the room, a sharp crack that momentarily stunned everyone into silence; everyone who was left to watch the pathetic scene. Benjy staggered back, clutching his nose, blood beginning to trickle down his face and from in between his fingers. The room was caught between shock and disbelief, all eyes turning towards Remus.

“Don’t you dare speak to her like that.” Remus growled, the anger radiating off him dangerously. He felt everything, jealousy, rage, regret, anger. Guilt- guilt that he even let this happen. That a man as disgusting as Benjy had somehow fooled you- and Remus had let it happen.

He would let a lot of things happen for your happiness, but he would do a bloody lot more for your honor. If that meant bloodying his knuckles that was fine. He would do what James said, he'd fight for you.

You covered your mouth in stunned silence but Sirius just gave a wicked smirk. You turned to glare at Sirius and he shrugged without a lick of regret.

Remus stood firm, fists clenched at his sides, as he watched Benjy stumble back, the realization of what had just happened settling in. You could see the fury in Remus's eyes, a fierce protectiveness that sent a rush of conflicting emotions through you.

“Remus, you-”

Benjy regained his footing, wiping the blood from his nose with a look of utter disbelief mixed with rage. “You think that makes you a hero?” He spat, his voice low. “Trust me, half breed, she ain't worth saving.” Sirius stepped in this time, but Remus was the one to hold him back. A hand to his chest.

Benjy and Remus held eye contact before Remus’s eyes flickered to the door. Benjy scoffed before he began to leave, leaving the ring in the center of the shattered glass.

Everything crashed over uou as you watched him leave. Was it relief? Grief? Yearning? You wanted to run to him but you wanted to curse his name. You wanted to take the ring back but also wanted to throw it into the black lake and forget about it. You finally broke down, covering your face in shame as Sirius sighed and Remus quickly turned on his heels to pull you into a hug. Suddenly as soft as a teddy bear.

Sirius slowly sighed and ran his fingers threw his long hair. “James is going to kill him.” He mumbled before he turned to face you two. He cooed and walked over, rubbing your back as you came undone.

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unconventional-lawnchair · 5 months ago

Text

...Too Late."

Remus Lupin x Potter!Reader

Summary: Remus comes to terms with a love lost to his own insecurities.

CW; Use of {Y/N}, Remus is dumb, yearning}

Wc: 3706

Part two

The cold night air nipped at Remus’s skin with an intensity he wasn't familiar with. He kept himself focusing on anything other then the bright lights and muffled music behind him.

He wasn't unused to the parties the Potters would throw, they were always over the top and loud, especially when James planned them. Remus would always do his rounds, speak to people he hasn't spoken to since Hogwarts, and then disappear in some quiet corner with one of Lily’s many books. Tonight? He would do anything to go home.

It wasn't the party, it wasn't his friends, for once it wasn't Sirius’s obnoxious drunken stunts. Nothing like that could send the werewolf running with his tail between his legs.

Of course, it could only be you.

“Woah, pretty cold out here, hm?” Your voice called out into the balcony from where you peaked out the door. Remus grimaced, what did he expect? Of course you would come looking for him. You two were best friends.

“Something on your mind, little Lupin?” You persisted despite his lack of acknowledgement. Remus would have rolled his eyes if he could keep the small smile off his face. You had a talent for making him feel a million emotions at once.

Ever since the day James introduced him to his older sister, the Quidditch captain, turned prefect, turned head girl. Now? Celebrated Auror. A full fledged detective.

Here he was, two years graduated and already falling behind. When he was younger, you were so unobtainable. Gone before he even hit year five. There, he could pretend that his heart didn't ache at your name, that you weren't always on his mind, that he didn't spend sleepless nights telling Lily just how much it pained him to know he'd never be worth your time.

He felt like a sap. Like a sad excuse of a man to know you hadn't spent a minute thinking about him the ways he thought of you.

“Remus?” Your voice was closer this time. You had your hands on the railing and were looking at him with such sweet eyes. Ones he remembered from his nights up in the hospital wing, with you reciting old notes from your previous years you had kept, while others studied in the classrooms.

“Hey, {Y/N}.” He mumbled and you clearly grimaced, making him look away from you.

“Have I...” You fiddled with your fingers, looking off at the manor you grew up running around. “Have I done something wrong, Remus?”

“What?” He whispered and turned to face you fully, his face falling hard. He had the chance to fully take you in. You were beautiful, but he knew that. Your hair was shorter then he remembered, your eyes were brighter, you looked.. happier. But even then, you were frowning, your brows furrowed, and it was because of him.

You gave a half sigh half scoff as you gestured between the two of you. “I haven't seen you in three years, Rem. You took one look at me and walked away.”

Remus felt his heart sink a bit at your tone. He hated to disappoint you, but what could he do to make this better? “I-” What could he say to make this hurt less? His voice came out like a pathetic whisper. “I didn't mean to, I just didn't know.. what to say? What to do?”

You have another, much more clear scoff. You raised an eyebrow, and the look on your face was a blend of confusion and something deeper. Something that made his stomach churn. “How to act? Remus, we were best friends. We still are, aren’t we?” You bit your cheek and look back at him, locking your eyes. “Even if you insist on pretending you don't know me.”

Remus felt the heat rise to his ears, an all-too-familiar rush of embarrassment mixed with guilt. A weird mixture that he seemed to seep in whenever you were around. It was never his intention to push you away, but the fear of his feelings had always loomed larger than the friendship you carried. He didn't want to be your friend. But he would have you anyway he could, even if it hurt him more then he'd like to admit. It felt like a weight too heavy to carry, and he had thought that distancing himself would lessen the burden.

“I…” He started, but the words tangled in his throat. You sat there patiently. You always did. From his monthly outlashes to his damaged moping after. “You don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t care about you. It’s just... every time I see you, it feels like I’m standing on the edge of something I can’t have.” He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes squishing closed. “You’re amazing, {Y/N}. You’ve done so much, and I-”

“Remus,” you interrupted, taking a step closer, your eyes searching his. Carefully, you placed a hand on his arm and it was like every knot in his body released. “You’re amazing too. You just graduated not but two years ago, and you’re already doing incredible things. I've heard about how you've joined the order, that's amazing. Everyone speaks so highly of you, please. You can’t keep comparing yourself to me. I’m not some unattainable ideal. I’m your friend. You know me, I'm just {Y/N}.”

“I'm just {Y/N}.”

You've said that to him so many times you'd think he'd listen.

But each time, it felt like a reminder that no matter how much you downplayed your accomplishments, with your Potter humility, you were still lightyears ahead of him. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was somehow unworthy of you, that your brilliance only served to highlight his own insecurities. You were the sun, you always would be. And he could only reflect what you saw in him. With all your light, he could only admire it.

“{Y/N}, you don’t get it.” He said, frustration creeping into his voice. “You’ve always been the one in the spotlight, and I’m just... me.” He gestured to himself, before giving a low sigh. “Can we talk about something else?”

You frowned, your brow furrowing as you considered his words. “So you think I’m only here for the spotlight? That I wouldn’t choose to be around you just because you feel like you don’t measure up?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he replied, his voice rising with each word. “It’s not that simple! I care about you too much to drag you down with me. I want you to be happy, and I’m not-”

“Remus, don't.” You cut him off and lifted your hand. He could hear your voice crack, the corners of your eyes glistened. He felt his heart break, again and again, as he admired the glistening rock on your fingers; one far bigger then he could ever afford. “You don't get to do this. You don't get to ignore me for years and then.. profess your love! Like that just makes every night I spent just waiting-”

Your voice finally cracked and you sniffled, quickly drying your tears with your open palm. “Waiting for you to say it.”

“{Y/N}...”

“No.” You shook your head and sniffed a bit. “I'm not letting you do this. Not at my engagement party, Remus. Your timing is shit and I deserve someone who won't shut me out. Won't make me wait-”

“Won't know you longer than a year before getting on one knee for you?” He snapped back and you gave a bitter laugh.

“A man who loved me enough to get over himself!” You shouted back and he shook his head.

“Oh right, because Benjy Fenwick has so much to get over, right? That pretty scarless face and his normal full moons?” He shouted. “How long did he have to pine after you for you to entertain him?”

“You don't get to pick at him. You don't get to diminish our relationship because you didn't take me when you could have had me!”

The air between you crackled with tension, both of your hearts laid bare in the chilly night and icy glares. Remus could feel the sting of your words hitting him harder than any hex ever could, and it cut deeper than his own self absorbed pity. He had never meant to make you feel small, and yet here he was, pushing his own insecurities onto you.

“I didn’t mean to-” He felt his words catch in his throat, but even those words fell flat, lost in the weight of your confession. He could of had you. He could see the hurt in your eyes, and it twisted his gut in a way that was both familiar and so foreign he was sure it wasn't his own body..

“You didn’t mean to what, Remus?” Your voice dripped with frustration, the vulnerability from moments ago replaced with an anger he was never on the receiving side of. “You didn’t mean to ruin the night? What we had? You didn’t mean to push me away? Or maybe you just didn’t mean to love me at all?”

The last words hung in the air and he could only look down at your left hand again. It was like a wall, something blocking him away from what he truly wanted. Something he waited far too long for.

The silence stretched between you, thick and suffocating, as the reality of your words settled in. Remus felt as though the ground had shifted beneath him, leaving him teetering on the edge of a precipice he had never wanted to face. His yearning. The air was heavy with all the things left unsaid, all the moments he had missed, and all the chances he hadn’t taken.

Was this one? Or should he drop it too? Would it be better for him to push? For him to take the chance? Or let you go.

“{Y/N}…” He managed, but the words felt insufficient, like a feeble attempt to bridge the chasm that had grown between you. One he chiseled out himself over the years he was too much of a coward to face you. “I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe me.”

Your gaze softened momentarily, but the hurt was still there, raw and so clear. “You didn’t just hurt me, Remus. You left me wondering what I did wrong. Why you couldn’t see me for who I really was. I'm not some hero I'm just.. I'm just a Potter. I was just a girl who-.” Your voice trembled, and he felt a pang in his chest, like a physical ache at the thought of causing you pain. “Who loved you, Remus. Who loved you so much.”

“I thought I was protecting you.” He said, desperation creeping into his tone. “I thought if I stayed away, you’d be happier. That maybe I wouldn’t be a burden on everyone I knew. You were special. You were special to me, {Y/N}.”

“Were.” You whispered. “Was. I was. You were too Remus.”

“{Y/N}, please-”

“Hey, princess, you out here?” It was like a lightning bolt had struck, cutting through the tension that had built up like a storm cloud between you. Leaving its damaging crackles between you two, blocking Remus from crossing the line. The lovely voice of Benjy Fenwick echoed from inside the house, and your expression shifted instantly- a mask of calmness slipping over the raw emotion that had just been laid bare between you.

“Just a minute!” You called back, though your gaze remained locked on Remus, a flicker of panic showing in your eyes. He could see the struggle within you, the desire to stay and confront the truths that hung in the air, but also the need to go back to him, to shield yourself from the pain he had caused. To be with the man who was months away from promising that pain like this would never cross your face again.

“{Y/N}…” He started again, his heart racing. He felt as if he were grasping at smoke, trying to hold onto you with so much desperation. He could see it, however, you were already gone.

“Remus, I…” You hesitated, glancing back towards the door where Benjy’s voice called again, more impatient this time. “I can’t do this right now.”

With that, you took a step back, breaking the weathering connection that had tethered you together just moments before. The warmth of your hand on his arm faded, and he was left feeling colder than ever. The weight of your words hung heavy in the air, like a spell cast that he couldn’t break.

“Please.” He begged, his voice a mere whisper now, barely audible over the muffled music. “Don’t go.”

But you were already turning away, caught between two worlds- the past and the future, the love you had shared and the life that was now laid out before you. He couldn’t blame you for wanting to step back into the safety of the warm lights and laughter, to return to the life that felt secure, even if it meant leaving him behind. Leaving him to watch helplessly as you fell into the arms of a man that was nothing like him.

“Remus.” You warned, your voice trembling as you faced him one last time. “I need to go. I can’t keep doing this. Not now.”

Your eyes were filled with a mixture of nostalgic pain and resolve, and in that moment, he could see the conflict raging within you. But he felt powerless to change your mind, to convince you to stay and unravel the tangled web of emotions that had ensnared both of you. He was taking his last stand for you.

“Wait.” His voice cracked, stepping forward, his heart pounding so loud he couldn't hear anything but your voice. “I know I messed up. I know I made you wait, and I know I pushed you away. But I don’t want to lose you. Not like this.”

Your gaze dropped to the ground, and he could see the battle you were fending off with yourself. “Remus, you’re not losing me,” you pushed, your voice softening, though the distance between you felt greater then ever. “You made your choice when you walked away. You chose to shut me out.”

“No, I chose to keep you safe.” He insisted, desperation taking a full hold on his voice. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought if I stayed away, I wouldn’t ruin your life. But I see now that all I did was make you feel alone.”

You inhaled sharply, and for a moment, he thought he saw a flicker of understanding in your eyes. “You don’t know what it feels like to be waiting in the dark, Remus. You don’t know what it’s like to love someone who won’t let you in.”

His heart ached at your words, and he took another step closer, reaching out as if he could draw you back into the warmth of his arms, at least as a friend, the connection that had once felt so unbreakable. “I'll let you in now. I’m here. I’m ready to be what you need. Just give me a chance. Please.”

But you shook your head, the resolve returning to your features. “You had your chance, Remus. And I’m not going to break another heart just to spare mine-”

“Ours.” He insisted and you shook your head. You tried to hide it, but he could see it. You weren't over him. And he clung to the chance like it was a life line.

“Baby! There you are!” Benjy laughed as he opened the patio door. He stepped out and Remus watched as you schooled your expression and gave him a dazzling smile. Your mascara was smokey now, he could see how much you were clearly bothered in the new light.

Benjy didn't notice. “Pretty girl, it's freezing out here!” He chuckled and took off his jacket, placing it over your shoulders and put his arm around you. You just laughed and shook your head.

“It's not that bad.” You tried to placate and he didn't seem to notice your words. His cheeks flush and clearly a bit drunk.

“Hey! Remus, right? You're the new kid who joined the order, aren't ya? You know each other?” He mused and gestured between you two.

Remus felt a wave of nausea wash over him at Benjy’s familiarity with you. The warmth of your laughter felt like a dagger to his heart, twisting as he forced a smile in return, though he could feel the edges of his resolve crumbling.

“Yeah, that’s me.” He nodded, his voice low as he tried to mask the bitterness he felt. He wanted to say more, to challenge the ease with which Benjy wrapped his arm around you, but the words stuck in his throat. It felt as if he were standing on the sidelines of a game he had once played, now just a spectator to the happiness he had allowed to slip away.

You turned to Benjy, your eyes sparkling with a mix of affection he knew used to belong to him. “I was just enjoying some fresh air. Remus was keeping me company.”

“Oh, really? I thought I’d find you two out here reminiscing about your Hogwarts days.” Benjy chuckled, oblivious to the reminder only making you wince. “Thanks for keeping her entertained, bud.”

Benjy clapped his hand to Remus’s arm and turned, pulling you closer. “Let's get inside, yeah? Gonna freeze my tits off.”

His crude comment shocked a laugh out of you, making Remus flinch.

“Yeah, let’s get inside.” You hummed with a nod, your voice carrying a cheerfulness that felt forced. Remus wanted to scream, to reach out and pull you back, to tell you everything he had been too scared to say. But the words remained lodged in his throat, heavy with the weight of regrets unspoken.

As you turned to walk back inside, Remus felt the distance between you grow. He wanted to call after you, to stop you and lay bare his heart, but the laughter and music from the party surged around him, drowning out his thoughts.

He was losing you, and he knew it. The very thought made his heart ache, a dull throb that reverberated through him. It was a pain he had grown accustomed to over the years, but now it felt all too real, all too present, and he couldn’t bear it.

“Hey, Remus!” James's voice suddenly broke through the fog of his despair as he approached, a bright smile on his face. “You alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Just… catching some fresh air. {Y/N} was keeping me out of my head.” Remus muttered, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He could see the excitement written all over his face, but it felt miles away, a world he no longer belonged to.

“Come inside! You’re missing the best part!” James insisted, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve got some games going on, and Lily’s got a surprise planned. You’ll want to be there for it.”

Remus nodded, though his heart wasn’t in it. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Alright, but don’t keep us waiting too long!” James called, heading back into the house, leaving Remus alone once more.

With a heavy sigh, Remus leaned against the railing, staring out into the night. The stars twinkled above him, indifferent to his turmoil, and he felt a hollow emptiness settle in his chest. He had always been good at hiding from the world, but now, he felt exposed and vulnerable, stripped of the defenses he had built around himself.

He glanced back toward the door, his heart racing as he thought about the laughter and joy that awaited him inside. But more importantly, you were inside, and he was terrified of what that meant.

The sound of laughter drew his attention back to the door, and he caught a glimpse of you and Benjy, surrounded by a group of friends. Your smile was genuine, your laughter infectious, and the way you leaned into Benjy, it stung more than anything he could have imagined. He almost heaved when he saw you give him such a gentle and loving kiss.

“Just say it.” He whispered to himself, the words echoing in his mind. “Just tell her how you feel.”

But the words wouldn’t come. He had waited too long, and now it felt like it was too late. Could he even do that? Could he ruin your chances at a normal life? That was what he wanted, right? You to be happy? To not be plagued with what he was?

As the door swung shut behind James, sealing you away with a future he couldn’t be a part of, Remus felt a sense of finality settle over him. He couldn't face you. It was done. He had let you slip through his fingers, and now all he could do was watch as you moved on without him.

With a final glance at the door, he turned away from the party, the music fading into the background as he made his way down the steps and into the darkness. He could feel the weight of his heart, heavy with regret, but he knew he had to keep moving forward, even if it meant leaving you to travel down your own path. One that had nothing to do with him.

Somehow, he would have to learn to live with the choices he had made, the love he had thrown away. And somehow, he would have to learn to live with the fact that he had lost the one person who had meant everything to him.

As he walked away from the Potters’ home, he felt the cold night air wrap around him more then before, a stark reminder of the warmth he had just lost. And with each step, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was leaving a piece of himself behind- one he might never get back.

His heart always preferred you anyway.

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