#ive. lived with it up to this point. i can continue to live with it. as yes. this is just the rest of my life.
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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can i be honest this shit's so bad it's got me posting in r/bpd to feel for five seconds like other people GET it and i don't have to explain myself
#new bpd symptom: the only people who understand what the hell i'm talking about are the people on that damn subreddit!#sorry i know i've been talking about this a lot lately but it really has been weighing on me VERYYYY heavily#because. on the one hand desire to have a label so that i don't feel like I'M the one who fucked up anymore. so i can know ok i couldn't#have changed this it's not my fault. but on the one hand terrible terrible terrible fear that this is something inherently fucked up in my#brain that simply won't have an easy fix. and that i will have to continue living with for much longer than i hoped.#anyway i'm not trying to armchair diagnose with pop psychology or anything i'm just. pretty certain at this point that. if labels mattered#at all. which they sometimes do to ME! then like. that label would be bpd.#& i have only become more certain while spending time in a community where everyone seems to get it like no one ever has#i don't know it's futile bcs i don't have a therapist and ive been ghosted by like 10 of them now so whatever. i have to do this mental#inquiry by MYSELF#whateverrrr. no more need to talk about this. u all saw the poem :/#hello world
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Whines bc im a few hours into my sleep and I'm not so nauseous now but my limbs...! My limbs, they ache...!!! And it's just all of them, the bone aches in all of them, so I feel like Peter Griffin Death Pose in this bed tonight
#speculation nation#sometimes the chronic pain decides Fuck You especially#i always have some measure of pain but sometimes it decides to flare in Multiple limbs. and it's never fun.#just laying here with pain radiating out of my limbs in a slow steady pulse#*why* dont i have a fibromyalgia disgnosis yet...? bc my fuckin liver readings were off & im waiting for a february GI appointment...?#would my Fucking liver make my limbs all hurt for no goddamn reason in their Bones?????#like i know my doctor is just trying to do her due diligence and if i have a liver problem that can explain the fatigue.#but idk man it's way more than just fatigue. and it's the fact that i have to wait until *february* before the GI appointment#that really gets to me.#if it was sooner id care less. like yeah lets cover our bases yeah. but i have to wait five Fucking months before i even have the Chance#to get a fibromyalgia disgnosis (and hopefully Treatment after)#and in the meantime my limbs will continue to Ache and Ache and Ache...#ive. lived with it up to this point. i can continue to live with it. as yes. this is just the rest of my life.#but god damn itd fucking be nice if i could get some Help for it ykno?#they cant rly change the chronic pain aside from pain relievers. which i dont wanna be too dependent on anyways#but just. idfk theres gotta be Something. some kind of treatment!!! massages?!? i dont know!!!!#i just know my limbs hurt and i have to wait At Least 5 months for a diagnosis (& even then it's not assured)#and it's just. so frustrating. i really hate our healthcare industry.#negative/
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guess whose therapist thinks she could benefit from inpatient treatment
#got really depressed and a bit suicidal during my session today#im not actively suicidal rn but i feel so hopeless and i just want to give up resulting in some suicidal thoughts#the thoughts of hurting myself are getting louder and more overwhelming#so im not at a point rn where i think i need inpatient but im worried about getting worse#im going to nyc this weekend and seeing 2 shows and some of my favorite broadway actors but i do not feel excited#i want to feel excited but i just dont. i should be excited. if this doesn't make me feel something#then i doubt anything will.#reminds me of late may/early june when i wasnt excited for my birthday or the taylor swift concert because i did not want to live anymore#im worried that this is a warning sign. i feel like ive made so much progress with treatment in the last 10 months#but i feel like i haven't made enough progress and i feel like ive hit a wall and there's no improvement to be made#because I've tried like everything. i feel so hopeless. ive been in treatment for almost a year.#even inpatient i doubt would help me. like ive been there and done that. i spent nearly 20 days in inpatient last summer#only benefit would be seeing my doctor sooner but that's assuming i could even get a bed in the 11 person unit she works inpatient at#what benefit would seeing my doctor even do? we've tried almost everything and im on the max dose of most my meds#idk what to do#i feel like im running out of options. the only depression treatments i havent tried are ketamine and ect#i guess my options are ketamine ect suicide or continuing feeling how i feel now but i dont know how much longer i can live like this
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lol
#i really. really need to talk to my therapist. have to wait 20ish more hours but i need to right now. i am so deeply depressed and keep#crying which is so fucking stupid how bad this is affecting me but im so deeply miserable. and i have to go hide when i need to cry bc my#family can’t know im trying to move out and work is the whole problem rn and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. i am utterly alone#purrs#delete later#what is getting me rn is… this is the path i picked. and i foolishly assumed it would be enough to live off of and it’s fucking not. and im#not going to like quit my job or anything but the despair and hopelessness i feel is so profound. i cancelled the apartment tours it’s not#even worth taking them and anyway the one place didn’t even call me back. actually no one has answered any of the calls ive put out for like#assistance getting on apartment sites and shit so. idk. i might as well just give up at this point. all the stuff i did in this past week#was for nothing basically. and meanwhile the horrors continue. im so so deeply sad and exhausted#the hr person didn’t even answer my call about getting double charged for my benefits LMAOOOOO. like fuck my entire life for real
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i feel like atsv was pandering to the marvel fans a little. itsv remains superior.
#like what was the reason for so many live action references#also in the beginning when gwen was having her Action Movie Opening Chase Scene the one liners were so... marvel core?#like hes behind me isnt he core. which was annoying for me lmfao and i dont remember itsv being like that#also i signed up for a miles film not a gwen film. not that im complaining but when SPOILERS uncle aaron appears and we meet prowler miles#i was like OMFG yes finally. and then. to be continued??#that was the biggest plot twist in the movie tbh. i didnt expect it at all tho i was like ive already been in this theatre for who knows how#long where are they gonna find the time to wrap it all up#and the time is another 2hr movie???#idk i think movies should be self contained#i think they did a bit too much#maybe they should have made a second miles film ABOUT MILES that was complete both in plot and themes closing out a great duology#and this could have been the third film??#like kathyrn han doc ock is still running around ny right.#idk i feel like this movie was very far from the spiderman core values abt saving the little guy#and you could argue that that was the point w miguel trying to stop miles from saving his dad and everything to do with the spider... team#or whatever theyre called idk#but it never really get back to that#bc its not its own movie lmao#in this movie things happened so they can be wrapped up in the third movie#it suffered massively from second in a trilogy syndrome#all that to say i think story wise i was a little disappointed#for a movie i waited 4 years to see#and after itsv i mean i obviously knew they wouldnt really be able to repeat what made it unique but still...#the animation was excellent though#the soundtrack was immaculate#and i think they did a rly good job making all the spiderppl unique and their worlds having different styles#but yeah#itsv
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well i dont think im gonna get any of those apartments i applied for at the beginning of the week, seeing as they arent listed as available on the website anymore and nobody reached out to me about anything
back to square one with suffering then i guess
#im so tired of waiting something to change when im trying everything i can and nothing is working out#no place cheap enough where i could live. no job to cover any extra costs#they are also cutting stuff like rent help while my rent keeps going up and i genuinely dont know how im supposed to continue living#at this point im so barely making it its not even slightly funny#i really dont know what im supposed to do. ive tried everything#im so fucking tired#night is an absolute mess on main
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Also im soooo sick of the people who i am supposed to be close to and able to trust are the most helpless emotionally immature self-victimizing people i've ever encountered in my life
#it gets to a point where its like. okay we are both adults and i have done everything i possibly can to help you#and it just goes right down the drain because they never want to help themselves#so they can continue the cycle of being the victim and having ppl feel bad for them and come to their rescue#they are so engrossed in their own suffering that they create that they cant see outside of it and its so exhausting and im tired of#pretending its not.#anyways im very tempted within this next year to just permanently stop talking to certain people#sometimes i forget i can make my own choices like i dont have to put up with this!!!!!!#anyways i just wanna live my life i think ive earned it#talkies
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i love your actimel fridge posting keep it up
:D thank you !!!! Its more full than usual right now because the other day i went shop and got some and today my brother went to get groceries and my mum told him to get me some actimel while he was there so for at least the next 2 weeks i should be good on actimel !!!!
#laetitia tag#avds.got.mail#whats worrying me a little thought is i have work tomorrow (i only work on sundays. during the weekday i do this taci passanger assistant#thing but i hate it sooo bad it makes me sooooo car sick so while one day a week was okay while i was in uni and lived at home and only rly#needed money to buy myself treats. its not working now that im free the entire week and want to get out of this house and also dont get#student finance moneg every 3 months)#anyway yeah i am looking for a weekday job now too. BACK to the point. on sundays when i buy lunch i buy a sandwich OR wedges / a pastry f#from greggs#2 packets of crisps and nomadic oat chocolate and honeycomb yoghurt#i eat the main and one crisp packet during my lunch and then keep the other packet and the yoghurt in my bag#(which is probablg a bad idea since yoghurt shouldnt be out of a fridge for longer than 2 hrs but ive been doing this for weeks and have#survived so idk) and when i get home un sundays i usually eat the other crisp packet and yoghurt in my room and go to sleep#(< tradition that started from the time i did an all nighter before work to write an essay due that day and told myself at work i can go#home and sleep and i liked it so much i continued the napping thing minus the all nighter)#BUT my driving instructor cancelled on me yesterday and offered to do tomorrow at 5pm instead to make up for it since he usuallg doesnt do#weekends. and i get off work st 4:20 and get home before 5pm usually. and i agreed since i havent had a lesson in a few weeks now#BUT that means i need to refridgerate mg yoghurt or else itll be out of the drige for THREE/FOUR hours#and right now theres no soace in my mini fridge bc of the actimel#so im a little worried about that#having my problems is really fun actually i cant wait for god to throw some real curveballs at me like a broken loghtbulb ir smth#edit: posted this and looked at how long the tags are... girl......
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not to be like waah waaaah im so upset about my life while i have a nice and good life in general compared to so many people here but. i still feel like the art piece "here's the life i've always longed for". i keep thinking about my father almost crying talking to me on the phone at the election night. he kept saying he doesnt want me to feel like this country's fate is my only choice, and my life will not be ruined by these terrible people. but it feels like that sometimes. a lot of times actually. and i mean im trying to do things to change it really. but also im not trying hard enough. i get mad at myself for that. then i am mad that i live in a reality where i have to try so fucking just to have a chance of living in a decent reality. and what if i cant do it... i have to try harder i really have to apply myself i dont want to be a disappointment and a regret for my future self. i hope she is in a safe and beautiful place, not here. anywhere but here. please.
#yeah i cried while typing this keep scrolling#the thing is sometimes i think im just exaggerating everything in my head like. what's the worst that can happen right#but the truth is#I'm really really scared for this country's future. i dont know how bad it can be but it is already not good and still going worse#so. i dont think we are reaching when we panic about our future everyday#I know this is because I'm likely severely mentally ill but i cant live with this some days#the normal thing is obviously just. continuing to live#but the fact is that all this shit we've been going thru in the last year (before too. but especially 2023)#have pushed me to the point i was having panic attacks everyday lmao so like. yeah i guess it is fair that i want to gtfo of here#so compared to how ive been im really better#but still i dont apply myself the way i should. and it feels so bad because so many ppl worse off than me are pushing for their survival#everyday while im like waaaah wah i cant focus oh how will i get out of this country oh poor me wah :( lmao#girllll just work on it just do the things u must do. okay this whole post got way out of focus im just#writing my messed up steam of consciousness at this point idk#but. i cant help but say it's hard it's so hard to live everyday for me it's so hard to breathe sometimes#and i know that's a *me* problem. if i was not like this i could do so much#I should be doing so much#to get the life i want for myself. but it's so hard. i hope i wont die unhappy and full of regret#neg#🗒#okay i dont even remember what i wrote here exactly but it's probably the saddest post I've done in a long time#dont know if anyone actually reads it it's so embarrassing when i think abt it 👍 i dont even know where this came from#it's not even a Bad day
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im sorry i but i have to get in on this sonic movie s shadow train i love this movie so much as well! And ive been dieing for some movie shadow x readers to pop up. Is it alright if i request something? Can we have a shadow the hedgehog x reader where you also are living in the g.u.n base maria and shadow were? Your father or mother being on of the scientists and one day maria and shadow find you alone in a corner of the base writing music or playing with toys something (your marias age). Thrn they introuce themselfs and maybe you become part of their gaggle of fraggles to always being with them to the point your mother and gerald agree for you and maria both to share a room. With you shadow and maria being so close in time till your all like siblings? Idk this just sounded so cute. Thank you of your able to write this!
Birds of a Feather
pairings: Shadow the Hedgehog x reader x Maria Robotnik (platonic)
warnings: none!!!
summary: after being brought to work with your mother, Maria and Shadow stumble upon you, deciding to invite you to join their little group, from then on the three of you became inseparable
a/n: this is such a cute request! I was gonna end it with both Maria and the reader dying but I think Shadow has been traumatized enough for now…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1216edd607ba0d50feb3c3b3fdf33ba2/552d9a2f8129bc79-6e/s540x810/3ebdb5e546c89742674902f7f05b51a8271cb90a.jpg)
“You stay put! I have work to do in the lab okay?” Your mother’s voice was stern; being a single mother was tough, especially because she had no one to take care of you while she did her work. You gave her a small nod, acknowledging her request.
A slight sigh escaped her lips as she lightly caressed your cheek, “Just, behave for me please,” was the last thing she told you before she walked into the door to your right, the words ‘Laboratory’ in bright white above the area.
You slowly sat down on the floor, she’d asked you to not leave and you really wanted to respect her decision, even as a child you knew her life was harder than she’d let on.
Unfortunately you were a child with a small attention span. You dug into your pockets and found a small notebook with equations, probably from your mom and a small pencil. Since there was nothing better to do maybe it was best to just draw a little bit, maybe some flowers and animals you liked.
Sitting there, you slightly hunched over, trying your hardest to draw the most beautiful roses and some bees and landscape you could. Suddenly a voice rang out from above you, “What are you doing here?” Your head snapped up, meeting the eyes of a small blonde girl and a strange black and red hedgehog.
“Uhm my mom works here..” you nervously answered her, “What are you doing here?” You asked her exact question but back at her.
“My grandfather works here!” She proudly exclaimed. The hedgehog looked between the both of you, he stood covered behind her, he had a mean face but you could tell he was more curious than anything.
The girl taking note of the awkward silence decided to introduce herself, “I’m Maria! And this is Shadow! What’s your name?”
You looked between the two, taking in who they were before you quietly responded with your name, Maria let out a big grin and Shadow silently repeated it to himself, “What are you drawing?” Maria asked, looking at the small notebook in your hand. You looked down at it and turned it over so the two could see; it looked like a small rabbit with butterflies and flowers around it, “Woah that looks really cool!”
Shadow silently nodded, agreeing with her. You thanked the two of them, fidgeting with your pencil. As Maria continued to talk you took notice of her outfit, she wore a pastel rainbow long sleeve shirt and loose pants with skates on her feet instead of shoes. She must’ve noticed you staring at them as she suddenly asked, “Do you wanna try them!?”
You hesitantly shook your head, as much as you wanted to you didn’t really know her and if she would even be okay with that. Maria reassured you that it was fine and actually really fun, before you could tell her a definite no she’d already taken them off, placing them in front of you, “Try them! Shadow can pull you around,”
Shadow looked between the both of you, clearly not having agreed but Maria nodded her head yes, leaving Shadow to only agree. Surely your mom wouldn’t notice if you were gone for a quick second.
Once you were geared up and Maria found a rope to tie onto Shadow and for you to hold, she grabbed her timer, “Ready, set, go!!” Before you had time to really brace yourself Shadow had already set off, he ran through the base, his face held a small smile as he checked back a few times to check if you were still holding on.
He saw the wide smile you had, your laughter was echoing throughout the hall filled with the other agents. Quickly you already finished the lap and had made your way back to Maria, but unfortunately you didn’t exactly know how to stop, so as Shadow had slowed down you still held a generally fast speed. Too fast actually, causing you to trip and fall face first; thankfully the fast hedgehog was able to grab you and hold you up before you fell and ate concrete.
Maria ran over to check and make sure you were okay, feeling guilt if she somehow made you upset from almost falling. As you stood up, you turned back to look at the two, your extremely wide smile shocking them both, it was almost contagious as Maria started to smile and laugh and Shadow breathed a sigh of relief but you could see the small twitch in his lips making them quirk up.
Suddenly you heard your name coming from beside you, turning you saw your mom as well as her boss Professor Gerald Robotnik looking at the three of you, “I thought I told you to stay put!” Her expression wasn’t one of anger, more a mix of stress and lack of sleep.
“Mom! I’m sorry I just met Maria and Shadow and they’re really fun and I thought it was okay, we didn’t cause any trouble-“ You started to ramble feeling immense guilt for betraying your own mother, but you were suddenly cut off.
“Now now, I think it’s quite alright, you see Maria is my granddaughter, and I trust her and your child doesn’t seem bad” The professor interrupted and explained to your mother, “I actually think it’s good for the kids to hangout and get along” he advocated for you.
All three of you nodded your head, even Shadow was agreeing! Your mom reluctantly nodded her head, agreeing that he was right.
And so you came daily, until your mom had to start working 24/7 and so Gerald let you stay in Maria’s room, even getting you guys a bunk bed. It was nice, the three of you became like the three musketeers, you’d never see each other alone anymore.
Sometimes Maria would play music and you three would all dance and jump around together. At some point you even got your own pair of skates so that you three could race, although Shadow always won.
Life was fun, everyday was like an endless sleepover, sometimes the three of you would sneak out and watch the stars, even falling asleep under the moonlight. It wasn’t bad, not at all.
These were the best days of your life, just you and your two best friends.
#Sonic 3#sonic 3 x reader#shadow the hedgehog#shadow#Sonic#sonic brainrot#shadow x reader#Maria x reader#platonic#sonic movie 3#x reader#happy little family#sonic the hedgehog
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stop assuming i am an idiot i am no longer asking.
#i am not STUPID. DESPITE POPULAR OPINION I CONTINUE TO NOT BE STUPID#i dont have problems for no reason i am not stupid i have tried the basic solutions you people always propose when i complain#if you think so little of me so constantly and then get upset when i yell at you because I AM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT then literally die#vent tw#i am not stupid i am not stupid i am not stupid i am not stupid i am not stupid i am not stupid i am not stupid i am not stupid#if i had enough friends to stop talking to you at this point i straight up would#but unfortunately *everyone* thinks im stupid so i guess ive got no fucking choice!#and if i tell people to stop acting like im stupid they always go 'when did i say that' once again assuming im an idiot#I CAN TELL IF YOU THINK IM STUPID. I CAN TELL WHEN YOU THINK I DONT HAVE ENOUGH OF A BRAIN TO DO THINGS#i shouldve died last year i shouldntve told anyone and then id be nice and dead and not have to deal with this#but nooooo i was a stupid fucking coward and now i dont get access to painkillers anymore#i wish dad was the sort of bad parent with a gun because atleast i could blow my brains out#and people would treat him like a bad parent for having a gun in his house with his kid whos been suicidal since middle school#but no i continue to live and he continues to just be 'a good parent whos struggling'#i dont fucking care if hes struggling if im a bad stupid selfish person then hes a bad fucking parent#nobody cares if im struggling so why should i care if he is.#fuck everyone honestly i hope someone drops a bomb on my city in my sleep and none of us ever wake up
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jason is in the kitchen after patrol the night before halloween, wondering if he should get some takeaway, when his phone rings.
"who the hell calls this late at night? its 4am.."
its your name. he picks up at once.
"hey, you awake? can i come over?" , by the tone in your voice, it seems like you wont take no for an answer.
"it doesnt matter" you continue, "im already standing outside of your door"
this is the only safehouses you know about, and jason has been careful to make you think that he lives there all the time. usually he wouldnt risk you seeing his red hood gear, but at 4am, he thought it was safe to head here, as it was his nearest and largest apartment. he really didnt want to run 10 minutes through the cold and rainy october night to get to the next safehouse, and so now he finds himself rushing to hide his gear someplace you wont find it.
"uh, sure, just wait and ill let you in" he manages to stammer out, feeling nervous not only because he didnt want you to find out his secret identity. he never thought he would end up in this situation that night he met you at that dive bar on the outskirts of crime alley. you were so obviously out of place there, hanging out with your friends, anybody could see that you were students from gotham university, on the hunt for a cheap beer. he and roy had quickly stepped in under the guise of being friendly drunks, to protect you from the leer of some of gothams underbelly.
since then, youd kept coming to the dive bar, and jason kept coming to look out for you. after a while he just accepted that youd managed to work your way into his life, and now hed drive halfway across the city to meet you for lunch after your lectures. at some point, he noticed that his gaze seemed to linger longer that it had used to, and by now he had realized that he was mad about you. something he hoped you still were oblivious to.
"i promise you, you wont regret it. ive brought takeaway!" you chirped back at him.
jason lets you in, and hungrily takes the bag from you. by now youve learned that dumplings are a quick way to get him to do your bidding.
"shouldnt you be sleeping right now? i remember you saying that you have an early lecture tomorrow, or, today i guess." jason asked you. in fact he knew you had an early lecture, because he had your schedule memorized by now, to be able to suprise you with lunch. at this point his brain blocked out other dates and appointments to be able to remember more about you, someting that got him in trouble with bruce every time he forgot training sessions, or family meetings.
you were sat on the sofa, taking up as much space as you possibly could, something you did every time you came over. jason watched as your face turned deadly serious.
"jason, what im about to tell you cant leave this room. you have to promise me."
"of course" he reassured, worried now, "you can tell me everything",
"you sure?" you shot back, "i dont want this to change our relationship, or the way you view me, ok? im still the same person ive always been."
now he was really worried.
"im batman." you said with a completely straight face. "vengeance never sleeps, and so neither can i."
he looked at you with the most deadpan expression he could manage at that point. you held out in silence for what seemed an impressive amount of time before you cracked.
"its true" you wheezed out, "my friends want me to be batman at the halloween party tomorrow, but the costume hasnt arrived yet. and so ive got to use last years costume instead."
the infamous costume of halloween last year. the one jason never got to see you in, as he didnt know you at the time. he hasnt even seen a picture, but the thought that you own it is enough to drive him crazy.
"and so i wondered", you continued, "if i, pretty pleeeasee, could borrow your leather jacket, you know, the one that maches red hoods perfectly?"
now usually, jason would have said no. no one touches that jacket. but its you. and jason was also invited to said halloween party. and if youre going to make him socialize, he might as well have something to look at while doing it. and so he throws the jacket at you.
"try it on", and you do.
although jason is taller and broader than you, you still have some muscle on you, that fills out the arms and shoulders of the jacket in a way that makes it look just oversized instead of akward.
jason almost wants you to keep it. the smile he receives when he lets you borrow it is all he can think of the rest of that night, as he eats the dumplings you left for him.
#jason todd#dcu#batman#dick grayson#batfamily#bruce wayne#tim drake#fanfic#the red hood#red hood#nightwing#red robin#robin#jason todd x reader#jason todd x you
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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Hey I absolutely LOVE you…….(r) writing style. Do/Can you make a fic about what makes BatBoys feel like “home” with reader? Like relationship wise. If this doesn’t make sense I’m sorry, this m first time making a request 😭✌️. Ty's!
No it makes sense! Thank you for the request!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e9ff5a1db8317de8670370b9a54d46c0/8b97f87a699d6996-b3/s540x810/cd255f613f57754e5ffdef768634d44a6925e2ac.jpg)
Like Home
Summary: How you're the batboys home.
Warnings: tooth rotting fluff
Bruce Wayne:
To Bruce Wayne, home isn't a place. Its you.
Typically Bruce is wary of genuine, committed relationships, his kids definitely warned him about people dating him just for his money, but when he met you, right off the bat you were so different.
From the moment you rushed to pay for dinner before Bruce could was the moment he knew he wanted you.
Home to Bruce is waking up in the morning with you still fast asleep in his arms, lips parted slightly as soft snores escape your lips. Home to him is holding you from behind as you cook breakfast for everyone instead of Alfred.
Home to him is holding you close as he- (we won't finish that sentence)
you, and all the things you do, big or small, mean the world to him, and he wants things to stay like this forever…
Dick Grayson:
Home to Dick Grayson is freedom, or it was until he met you.
He had bumped into you in a coffee shop and you were in a pretty heated argument with one of the other patrons there, defending an elderly lady who was only just trying to buy coffee.
When the guy had raised his hand to you, Dick was about to step in and stop the fight, only to see you deflect the blow, twist the mans wrist and pin him to the wall within seconds.
After that he had to ask for your number.
Then on patrol the following evening, a new hero arrived in gotham, someone oddly familiar to him.
You and Dick started working together on patrol, and in person too, since you had been one of the new interns at Wayne Enterprises, so it was a good excuse to see you more often. Though you both had no idea about each others identities until one really rough battle… and to make a long story short you ended up in his apartment, kissing him when you had accidentally knocked his mask off.
“Dick!?”
You ended up revealing yourself that night, too, and after that, you and Dick started dating. Being with you, fighting alongside you, and cherishing freedom quickly changed to cherishing you, wanting you to be his forever. You became something he wanted to come back to alive every night… and that was good enough for him.
Jason Todd:
You had always been his home. From the moment you met Jason as kids, he always loved you, cared for you, and you did the same.
When he died you were broken, you mourned for who knows how long, and everyone knew that your spark had died along with Jason.
When he came back, you were stunned.
You had just gotten home from work, and noticed your living room window wide open, and in the room itself stood a large man.
You wasted no time in attacking. Jason and you trained together as kids, and after his death you continued training under Bruce and Dick, so you liked to think you were pretty good.
But for some reason your intruder wasnt hitting you back.
He only fell to his knees and he hugged your waist tightly.
“I’m home- im home- im so sorry-” He whispered, and you froze.
“Jason…?”
“Im home baby, im not leavin’ you again”
you both cried, for a while probably, but despite the tears, the trauma he revealed to you, you did nothing but comfort and love him, and hold him close as he cried into your chest about how much he missed you.
he found his home in you a long time ago… “If only i hadnt been so reckless, i would have never lost you-”
“you didnt lose me Jason, ive been here, waiting for the time i could see you again… it came alot sooner… Screw you Thalia Al Ghul, and thank you for bringing my Jason back to me”
Tim Drake:
You had Tim had been dating for a few years at this point, it had been more on the arranged side, Your father and Bruce were really close friends, and they had agreed after finding out that you and Tim were the same age and both single, that you two had to at least meet, and talk and get to know each other.
You agreed, Tim was more reluctant.
Turns out you and him were already friends. You had been close in High School, though you both never revealed much about your family lives, so being rich in Gotham kind of flew under the radar.
You and Tim both laughed about it over lunch, though in that time you really started to get to know each other. Had you always been so beautiful?
After a little bit, he asked you out officially. You said yes, and your relationship evolved into something he couldn't ever give up. Similar to Bruce, he found comfort in the littlest things. The way you held him ran your fingers through his hair and made his shoulders sag in relaxation. That was home to him.
Damian Wayne:
Damian Wayne hated you.
he despised you, and you had no idea why.
You were Alfred’s niece, and after your parents had died you had come to gotham to stay with Alfred since he had become your legal guardian.
You tried to mind your own business, you helped alfred clean, became a maid of sorts to earn your keep, even though Bruce, more than once assured you that you didnt need to worry. You still did.
Damian took advantage of that and took advantage of the whole maid aspect, you did a lot for that guy and yet, he despised you.
Then he found out that you had been asked out on a date by someone from Gotham Academy, a school you both went too.
“You’re not allowed.”
Damian stated as he walked up to you in the manor, and you looked over from where you were cleaning. “Huh?” You questioned, unsure as to what he was talking about.
“Your not allowed to go on a date with that child. Your my girlfriend now.” Damian stated, and your eyes went wide.
You kinda… just couldnt say no.
after that Damian started treating you a lot nicer, he did a lot of small things for you, payed attention to the things you looked at or liked, and more often then not, the same item would be on your bed.
he found comfort in the things you did for him, and you had no idea, but he treated you like dog shit because of his fat crush on you.
what… The… fuck.
Tag list:
All: @only-my-unexistent-fiances @francesfarhadi
Batfam:
Bruce Wayne: @ilaiise
Dick Grayson: @ilaiise
Jason Todd: @ilaiise
Tim Drake: @ilaiise
Damian Wayne: @ilaiise
#fanfiction#batfam x reader#batfam fanfic#batfam#bruce wayne x reader#dick grayson x reader#jason todd x reader#tim drake x reader#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake
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