violentdevotion

[violentdevotion]

i don’t trust women who say things like “i just get along better with men” ok so you’re an opp…

[violentdevotion]

(pa kent giving The Talk voice) see when a bull and a cow love each other very much, that’s how a calf is born [remembers his son came from space] of course if the bull comes from another farm, the cow might not end up taking, but that’s alright [remembers clark might be gay] sometimes bulls also love other bulls [remembers clark is an alien again] but if the bull is from another farm, he might have a calf if he fools around with bulls from here so he should be careful.

[violentdevotion]

dead poets society happened to me first

[violentdevotion]

mr keating shitty as hell english teacher

[violentdevotion]

like many others of my kind i used to be the dog when roleplaying house with cousins but on top of that i was also obsessed with dying like every 5 minutes. id keel over and die of old age or pretend a car ran me over and id do it so often my cousins would beg me to stop killing myself cuz it was getting annoying

[violentdevotion]

having the house to yourself makes it criminally easy to convince yourself there's a loved one you're waiting for

[violentdevotion]

i think if you have a crush on someone that isnt into you the same way you should be able to throw up horrible black goo for about 10 minutes to make the crush go away

[violentdevotion]

i think if you have a crush on someone that isnt into you the same way you should be able to throw up horrible black goo for about 10 minutes to make the crush go away

[violentdevotion]

i think if you have a crush on someone that isnt into you the same way you should be able to throw up horrible black goo for about 10 minutes to make the crush go away

[violentdevotion]

i think if you have a crush on someone that isnt into you the same way you should be able to throw up horrible black goo for about 10 minutes to make the crush go away

[violentdevotion]

walker? i hardly know her

i wanna munch on her monster

[violentdevotion]

you want me to sit on your wot ???!?!!

i wanna munch on her monster

[violentdevotion]

i wanna munch on her monster

[violentdevotion]

anyone else perpetually feeling like they'll genuinely never find love LOL like not in a funny quirky way like truly......like im just not built for it im not the kind of person stuff like that happens to

[violentdevotion]

JERRY: Well! I'm bisexual.

GEORGE: Bisexual! Oh, well that's just great. As if it wasn't enough that you were rubbing all these beautiful women in my face. Now it's beautiful women! Beautiful men! Beautiful androgynous ze/hirs!

ELAINE: No you're not.

JERRY: Wh-sure I am!

ELAINE: Nah. I don't buy it. I mean, Jerry, I slept with you. There's no way you're bisexual.

JERRY: So a bisexual man can't sleep with a woman? Get a load of this! I've been bisexual for 30 seconds and I'm already experiencing biphobia!

ELAINE: No, dummy. Remember when I asked you if we could try, you know [raises her eyebrows, moves her head around].

JERRY: Oh, that.

ELAINE: Well, a bisexual man wouldn't say "No, that's kind of gay."

JERRY: Fine! I'm not bisexual! Just don't tell my agent.

GEORGE: So no beautiful men?

JERRY: No, George, no men.

GEORGE: Heh. Right. I'm gonna.... [points to the door and leaves without another word]

ELAINE: So why's your agent think you're bisexual anyway?

JERRY: I made a stupid joke. Some reporter asks if I sleep on my back or on my side and I said, you know, I go both ways, depends who I'm sleeping with, and next thing I know there's a PinkNews tweet about me.

ELAINE: Why not correct them? They're the ones who assumed.

JERRY: Because I got a call from my agent. They want me to stay out. They said I'm the fresh new face of comedy. And it'd be great if the fresh new face of comedy was a queer man.

ELAINE: And you're doing it?

JERRY: What's the alternative? Say no, actually, I'm completely average. Not a gay bone in my body. I'm just a comedian who made the worst joke of all time. While straight.

[violentdevotion]

[violentdevotion]

Gonna start leaving unsolicited comments about how I actually DONT shave my bush for sensory purposes