#ive ever heard in my life
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Gotta say the instant switch up on Calypso after this Saga dropped is kinda crazy 😀
Like wdym you feel bad for hating on her? Wdym she's sorry so why couldn't Odysseus at least say goodbye?
That's still his captor and implied abuser y'all...
#not to mention this song#is the biggest#non-pology#ive ever heard in my life#“if i ambushed you ill say i was wrong but its not my fault my loves to much for you”#like girl#are you for real#epic the vengeance saga#epic the musical#epic odysseus#epic calypso
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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just wanted to say thanks so much everyone for the love on my man pile post ;-; as thanks heres a sneak peek of a wip <3 <3<3
#cod#cod fanart#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#soapghost#ghostsoap#and probably the ugliest ship name ive ever heard in my life#ghoap#thanks everyone!#cod art#vozart
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Happy finale anniversary, double life!!! You absolutely wrecked my brain chemistry and I'll never be the same again
Redraw of old art from literally a day after the finale :)))
#double life smp#life series smp#mcyt#pearlescentmoon#scott smajor#whoop#my art#galaxy duo#still fucking insane about them. if you even care#tilly death do us part is hands down the worst last words ive ever heard of in my life but hey it was the thought that counts scott 😭
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#kamen rider faiz#kamen rider 555#ive never heard of delta in my life#digging this up reminded me that orga is like.. one of The toku suits ever. to me anyway.
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EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PYRO!
Always ALWAYS take time out to bother my team's poor Sniper!!! Sniper mains have only ever been sweet to me but oh my goddd he looks SOO miserable. I LOVE IT. Thank you Sniper mains for playing Sniper voicelines for me it boosts my morale
#erron and no-face in another life to be honest#this was supposed to be vampire raiden but#i heard a sniper voiceline and got distracted#and started playing again and got even more distracted#and remembered my love for maining pyro! and then it was like totally over#ive only ever drawn these characters once before :( need to get on it#*writes down soldier naked covered in honey*#tf2#team fortress 2#sniper#pyro#fanart#shire art
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when you open your personal alter playlist and theres a song youve never fucking heard of before
#like what is this#ive genuinely never heard of that song ever in my life?????#who put that there#however. the song is banger#did stuff#did memes#did alter#did system#did osdd#did community#osddid community#osddid#did#osdd#system#endos dni#endos do not interact#endo dni#dni endos#anti nontraumagenic#non traumagenic dni#syspunk#systempunk#actually systempunk#systempunk is anti endo#syspunk is anti endo#survivorsunited
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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hi guys i have So much Energy i have So Much Enegery and i have SO Much Eneergy
stancest hate sex makes me so happy i want paranoid ford to go fucking wild on mullet stan i need him to fuck him like a bitch in heat against the wall on the kitchen table on the ground i dont CARE. nasty dirty roufh sex in my mouth PLEASE! and THANK YOU!
discord wont load and im gonna end it all
#stancest#bee is so normal#bee just yapping#i am Bouncinf off the damn walls#stream bam! miss luxury#this is literallt the best song ive ever heard#in my entire life#ok
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I can sum up my life with two words,Wei Qian.
UNKNOWN(2024) EP09
#unknown the series#unknown bl#chris chiu#kurt huang#wei yuan#wei xian#IM ABSOLUTELY LOSING IT RN!!#AHHHHH#If thats not the most romantic thing ive ever heard in my life then i dunno what is#da ge by priest
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please god listen to this beautiful song and let it heal something inside you
#idk if itll feel like that to everybody but to me??? this is it#one of the most beautiful songs ive ever heard in my life#bitts music#Spotify
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again again again i am once AGAIN thinking abt judith ford saying, "i don't get how what i did could be so wrong if what i did let me have you!!!!" like.
#36 questions#judith ford#natalie cook#36 questions a podcast musical#judith ford got me FUCKED UP#me when a pathological liar justifies her actions by saying the most poetic shit ive ever heard in my life
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Happy anniversary to the first time I heard Square Hammer and subsequently decided Ghost was going to be the only band I listened to for the next 365 days
God, I fucking love Ghost
#the band ghost#papa emeritus iv#the first time I’ve ever loved a band this much in all of my 30 years of life and I’m not kidding#ghost bc#I’m that much of a freak I know to the day when it was I heard this band and went OH#and I was never the same again#and tbh yes I listen to other music I promise but primarily Ghost and it never gets old
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someday fans of tv shows will realize that there are more ways to describe fictional relationships between characters than either romantic or like siblings/parent and child. But not today
#like if theyre not in a relationship it HAS to be a sibling dynamic for some godforsaken reason#bcuz why else would they ever willingly want to spend time together if they arent related ??#like i hate to say it bt have these people never heard of Friends. they can actually be very important and special to you#and you can love them for your whole life#AND IT DOESNT MEAN THEY THINK OF EACH OTHER AS SIBLINGS!!!!!#i have friends who ive known since we were KIDS even and i do not think of them as my siblings at all lmao. they are my friends#im also not particularly close w/ my siblings not in the same way at least#txt
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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Alright. I want you all made perfectly aware that I have completely cut support for Wilbur soot and any associated projects. I find his "apology" to be disingenuous and trashy damage control, and it undermines whatever desire he has to improve, however genuine that is.
I 100% support Shelby and any victim of such disgusting behaviour, i commend them for their courage, and I wish them nothing but prosperity, support, and happiness. I will always value their peace over whatever art he made. I'll find other fucking art.
#wilbur situation#i have been distant from mcyt for the past few months because of the current state of the world. yk. 5 genocides/wars going on#but i have built a home here primarily around him and i have to clarify#i wont be deleting old work however i doubt I'll ever make anything new. thats not a moral judgement of others just for my personal peace#i dont like hindsight moral highground bullshit nor all men are trash sentiment btw it undermines the message we should be taking here#nor the idea that a bad person is an undying title. but given the way hes brokn the trust of multiple loved ones#and used his platform as leverage to do so. i am firm in the belief he should not have a platform as it is detrimental to everyone's safety#to clarify i stopped the moment i heard Shelby's story; i was still processing + real life + focus on current global events#but today i felt that i owe ppl a disclaimer given how ive built my presence on him. regrettably
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