#I have seen people get hurt really really bad

[merrinla]

Cut lines from Solas and Rook after Weisshaupt. None of these are voiced, so only text. Some are rewritten in the game.

Solas: You once told me that you would stop the gods without getting "thousands of innocent people killed."

Solas: You once told me that you would accept whatever consequences came from your battle.

Solas: You once told me that the consequences of your battle would be a problem for "Future Rook."

Rook: Yeah.

option: Don't mock me, okay? Rook: Whatever your big trickster-god lesson is, could we just... not? Solas: Why not? What makes this time different? Rook: Weisshaupt? Solas: You have seen death before.

option: I let the team down. Rook: I went to Weisshaupt to stop the gods... with a team of people I'd recruited.

Rook: Davrin, Lucanis, all of them... I convinced them to join. I told them we could win. Rook: And right now, it feels like I lied to them.

option: I was in command. Rook: But I've never been in charge. And this time...

Rook: I punched the First Warden in the face and made everybody listen to me.

Rook: I got the First Warden to listen. I got him to believe in me.

Rook: And then I... I couldn't get it done. I failed. And Weisshaupt fell.

option: This time broke me. Rook: This time, I feel... nothing. Solas: And still you hide your feelings.

Rook: No, I mean... I try to think about what I'm feeling, and I just... there's nothing there. Rook: If I think about what happened at Weisshaupt, I just... stop. Like I could go to sleep and never wake up. Rook: And I can't afford to do that. Solas: Why not? Rook: Because I let everyone down once already. I can't do it again.

Solas: There it is. The grief of having not lived up to the trust that others placed in you. Solas: It is a pain worse than any Elgar'nan or Ghilan'nain could inflict, and if you let it, it can help you. Rook: How?

Solas: There are those who hold their emotions at a distance to avoid the sting of failure. Solas: To defeat Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain, there can be no distance. You must be committed. Rook: What, you think we failed because I didn't want it enough? Solas: I cannot say. But you chose this battle, and in so doing, you chose these consequences. Solas: Regret is the price we pay for acting when no one else will. Solas: Without regret, we would not be driven to correct our mistakes, to improve. To get it right.

option: I'll get it right. Rook: Next time, we won't miss. Solas: I believe you. Solas: And I believe that if you listen to me, then Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain will fall.

option: I don't want to feel this. Rook: It still hurts. Solas: I have lived thousands of years and made countless mistakes. It always hurts. Solas: If you listen to that feeling, perhaps you may never need to feel it again so keenly.

option: I'm not here for this shit. Rook: I didn't come here for your philosophical bullshit. I came for help! Solas: What did you think my help would look like? Solas: I cannot promise that our talks will be easy. All I can promise is that if you listen to me, Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain will fall.

option: I need some support. Rook: Could you be hopeful Solas instead of smug Solas right now. Rook: I don't need you to convince me how bad things are, okay? I get it. I really, really get it. Solas: You have finally met the Evanuris in battle.

option: I have to act confident. Rook: Yeah, we met the gods, and now I have to act like we're not completely screwed and this was a good step forward. Solas: Why? Rook: We lost a lot of Grey Wardens. We lost Weisshaupt. If we lost all of that, and I didn't accomplish anything? Solas: Then what? Rook: Then there's no way I can win. I should just start running now. Rook: But I can't. I have to keep acting like there's some way to win. And that's... terrifying.

Solas: Good. There it is. The fear. Solas: You finally see the consequences. You know the stakes. That fear, the terror of what you face now, can help you, if you let it. Rook: How does admitting I'm terrified help?

option: And I'm in charge. Rook: And somehow, I'm supposed to go up against them again, and everyone is looking to me for a plan. Solas: The plan will come. Once you have marshaled your forces...

Rook: I had a legendary assassin, a dragon hunter, and an army of Grey Wardens, and we still failed! I still failed. Rook: People keep asking me what we do now, and I have no idea. And that is... terrifying.

option: They're too powerfull. Rook: Yeah, and it turns out that when you're fighting a god, terror is a perfectly rational feeling!

Rook: And don't give me that "Evanuris" crap. You can turn people to stone with your eyes! Solas: Yes, and yet I wield far less power than Ghilan'nain or Elgar'nan. Rook: The world is going to end up a blighted wasteland unless I stop them, and... I don't think I can.

option: This is your fault! Rook: No. You don't get to come in here all superior. A whole lot of people just died, and that's on you! Solas: I have made many mistakes, but I did not free Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain. Rook: Fine. Whatever. Solas: No. This is important, Rook. Solas: Your fury is real, but you can only defeat it if you identify its source. Who are you truly angry at?

option: Everyone! Rook: I'm trying to save the world, and everybody's kicking me in the shins while I'm doing it!

Rook: Tevinter and the Antaam would rather fight each other!

Rook: The Grey Wardens wouldn't listen until I punched their leader in the face and took over!

Rook: The First Warden wouldn't listen until the enemy was stomping all over his courtyard!

Rook: I can't do this alone! I need people to shut up and do what I tell them for once, or I'm going to fail again!

option: Ugh. Myself! Rook: I know who I'm angry at. It doesn't matter. Solas: Of course it matters. You must learn who you are.

Rook: The whole world is gonna know who I am! They're gonna make statues of me!

Rook: "In honor of Rook: He/She/They almost saved Weisshaupt!"

option: Bad luck? Rook: I don't know! Fate, luck, something! This whole mission has been one disaster after another. Solas: And how would luck help you? What is it that you need?

Rook: I need a break! I need one damn thing to go right for once! Solas: Because you deserve it? Rook: Because I can't do this! Rook: But if I don't, nobody will. So I've gotta keep banging my head against this wall like an idiot hoping for a miracle!

Solas: There it is. The anger. The frustration at having failed. Solas: Properly channeled, that rage can flare hot enough to burn away any impurities. Rook: Fine! I'm angry! How does that help?

option: We made progress. Rook: I'd hoped we'd take down Ghilan'nain, but we did kill her Archdemon. That's a good start.

Solas: "A good start." I wonder if your fellow Wardens would agree.

Solas: "A good start." I wonder if the Grey Wardens would agree.

Solas: Does this truly feel like even a partial victory, or does something uncomfortable lurk behind that easy smile?

option: No. But being sad won't help. Rook: No, of course it doesn't feel like victory. But that's what leadership is. Rook: It's putting your own feelings aside so the team doesn't collapse. Solas: And what is so dangerous that the mere sight of it would destroy your team? Rook: That I was wrong.

option: I'm tryung to believe. Rook: It has to feel like a partial victory. If it doesn't...

option: I need to seem confident. Rook: How do you think I feel? But the team needs me to look like I know what I'm doing. Solas: And what do you need?

option: Thanks, Past Rook. Rook: Sounds like something Past Rook would say. He's/She's/They're kind of an asshole.

Solas: (Chuckles)

Solas: You use humor a great deal.

Solas: "The elven god of sarcasm."

Solas: "This is the reason nobody likes you."

Solas: "Killing an Archdemon is the easy part."

Solas: Is all of this really so amusing, or is that wit the blade with which you keep less comfortable feelings at bay?

option: It's that or cry. Rook: I'm doing the best I can to hold it together. Sometimes that means stupid jokes. Solas: And when those fail? Rook: Then I probably start ugly-sobbing. Snotty nose, blotchy face, the whole deal. Solas: Why? You are no stranger to death. You have seen warriors fall in battle before.

option: It's that or panic. Rook: Well, I don't think uncontrollable screaming is gonna help anything, and that's the only other option. Solas: Uncontrollable screaming at what?

option: It's that or rage. Rook: Yeah, there's a pretty good chance the jokes are how I cope. Solas: And beneath those jokes? Rook: Why does that matter? Would me yelling right now help anything? Solas: It might help you know who you are.

option: It's a lot to accept. Rook: I was thinking I'd be accepting hurt feelings, not a whole fortress falling to darkspawn. Solas: Sometimes the hurt feelings are worse.

option: I guess? Rook: Weisshaupt could've fallen without us killing Ghilan'nain's Archdemon. That would technically be worse. Solas: Technically.

option: That's still true. Rook: And I stand by that. Solas: Truly? You watched a fortress fall and Wardens die, and it touches nothing within you?

Solas: I expect that you call it professionalism.

Solas: No hesitation. "We stopped you. We'll stop them."

Solas: No concern. Just targets. "Any other surprises we should know about?"

Solas: What are you so desperate to avoid feeling?

option: Numb. Rook: Nothing. Solas: So no fear, no anger, lurks beneath the surface?

option: Terror. Rook: Ghilan'nain was so much worse than anything I expected. She's a god.

option: Fucking furious. Rook: I am so fucking tired of being the one who has to do this while the rest of the world ignores the problem!

Solas: And while your grief is valid, the situation is not as dire as it seems.

Solas: And while your fear is valid, the situation is not as dire as it seems.

Solas: And while your frustration is valid, the situation is not as dire as it seems.

Solas: You have slain an Archdemon, a feat only a few have accomplished over the centuries. Solas: Ghilan'nain is now mortal. If you can find her and catch her unprepared, you can kill her. Rook: So how do I find her? Solas: Your team has ties to organizations with connections you lack. The Shadow Dragons in Minrathous, the Veil Jumpers in Arlathan, and so on. Solas: Strengthening your team will strengthen those groups. Prove your value as an ally, and they will give you the openings you seek. Rook: Okay, I'll see what I can do. Solas: Good. And Rook... I am sorry for the necessity of this lesson.

option: No, I appreciate it. Rook: You don't have to apologize. I know you're trying to help, so... thanks. Solas: Don't. Don't thank me. Solas: Our talk today will lead to Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain falling, but it is not a kindness. Solas: Good luck.

option: It's not wholly unexpected. Rook: You talk with the Dread Wolf, you gotta be prepared to bleed a little. Solas: A painful assessment, but more than fair, especially today. Solas: If I knew some other way to prepare you for what lies ahead, I would do so.

option: Whatever. Goodbye. Rook: We're done here. I'll talk to you when I know something. Solas: Of course. Then I will simply wish you good luck.

[queervegancryptid]

What's really bizarre to me is how this sort of thing dovetails with the mentality a lot of these people have in terms of, like, the prosperity gospel doctrine common to a lot of religious conservatives. It took me a really long time to wrap my head around it in this way.

I added a cut because this got long. But I think it's important for anyone trying to make sense of this kind of bullshit to understand this as part of the why. I grew up around it, and it still took me a long time to understand its role in all this. I don't think it necessarily applies to RFK Jr, but it applies to a lot of conservatives, in and out of government. So I think it's relevant.

For anybody who doesn't know, the prosperity gospel thinking of which I speak is basically the idea that how good you have it and how well your life is going is a direct result of your status in the eyes of God. That is to say, it isn't just that they think they deserve good things, but more than that, they think having good things is a sign of being a good person, so your socioeconomic status is seen as a direct reflection of how good or bad a person you are. This also goes along with the idea that, without this "God" as they understand it, there is no morality at all.

The flip side of this is that they fully believe not having good things is a sign you don't deserve them because God has decided you're not deserving, and who are these good Christians if they hubristically question God's plan? So if you lose your job, your home, etc, they don't necessarily see themselves as having a community obligation to help you. They see it as your fuck up, and you need to get right with the Lord.

In other words, how good or bad your life is is directly proportional to how much or how little God approves of you. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, and it's your own fault if you haven't managed to be pure enough to earn a good life.

What we see here is that mentality applied to illness. And it isn't actually new, in terms of how they think of disability being something you can avoid if you're truly deserving of having a healthy body that works as expected. If you don't have that, that's a "you" problem. Even if it's caused by something preventable or something that wouldn't have caused a disabling condition to occur, had the person had access to care, they still see it as a reflection of them having earned it in some way by not being better in the eyes of God.

Basically what I'm saying is that they don't care if children or old people or immune compromised people or literally any group I could name dies of COVID or any of the other illnesses that are preventable via vaccination or other means or from an otherwise treatable condition. They don't care about any of that, because if the little kid was supposed to be healthy, God wouldn't have let them get COVID/flu/polio/etc.

There are definitely also people who are just, well, stupid. Like folks who think vaccines cause autism. Even if they did, that would make it a pretty easy choice: maybe having an autistic child OR having your (maybe, but not guaranteed) neurotypical child get seriously ill and maybe die from illnesses that they would otherwise be a lot more protected from. So they're basically saying that they'd rather have a sick or dead child than an autistic one, and as an autistic person, I'm offended and hurt by that mentality, but more than that, if you feel that way, you probably shouldn't be having children in the first place.

But the prosperity gospel complex is real and deeply shapes a lot of the mentality of people who voted based on crap like vaccine mandates and mask mandates. It's a very real "I got mine, so I must be good with God, and everyone else is on their own, including children and people at high risk I could be protecting by being responsible. If they get sick and die, that's on them."

They're all going to the Bad Place, if there is one. But I'm just trying to get people to understand the mentality involved here. It generally isn't worth arguing with people who think that way, but if you're going to engage, you should know this is what you're up against. And I really hope it helps some folks understand that this is part of what we're up against. Once you see it through that lens, a lot of the crazy bullshit they pull becomes predictable. No less horrifying, but less jarring in a way, at least to me.

I also think it's generally good to, for want of a better phrase, "know your enemy." Not for the purposes of reasoning with them, necessarily, because this is often impossible. But understanding how this fucked up machine works is a good thing, and this is part of what feeds into it.

Still, sometimes a monster is just a monster. And not in a fun Tumblr way, but in a Strange New Worlds gorn type of way: you can't reason with it, and it wants to kill you and is definitely very capable. (I know we got monsterfuckers here, and probably some of you would be down to clown with gorn, but let me have my metaphor here pls. No judgement, just not the point of this post lol)

Sorry this got long. I grew up around these people, and sometimes I forget I know about the culture in some ways others may not. So I see posts with people (rightly) outraged by things like this, wondering how any reasonable person could be okay with this. And the thing is, they aren't reasonable. Stop expecting reasonable behavior out of these people, because you'll just be disappointed and aggravated. I know some of this seems crazy, and that's because it is. It's insidious in so many ways, too.

My dad used to say, "Never argue with a pig. It won't work, and it just irritates the pig." Sometimes that's true. Sometimes, though, the pig likes it, and you just end up covered in shit, because that's what pigs do. Save yourself the trouble.

I don't think children should die of preventable diseases just because their parents are freaks.

RFK Jr. and Red State paternalism are a deadly mix for innocent children.

Mind you, RFK is vaccinated AND he vaccinated his own kids. But, you can die.

[stanliestduo]

I saw that ask you got and i just wanted to say that it's so funny to me when people are like "why would you ship stancest ew" acting like they didn't sail off into the sunset together after DECADES of Stan openly pining for Ford. If they weren't written as siblings they would hands down be the most popular ship of the show

There's a long answer, and then there's the tldr at the bottom marked in red text. Long answer: If they weren't siblings, you literally wouldn't be able to escape this ship. It would have been THE ship of tumblr after the finale had aired, considered the "healthy" ship and the good ending, would be considered canon even if they didn't kiss, and it would be the standard by which all the other ships are judged. You would have people writing essays about how they literally took off on a ship, guys! It's so obvious and a metaphor for marriage and and- But here's where I can extend a bit of empathy that perhaps they wouldn't give me, as well as look at things from the perspective as someone who has seen shipping culture their entire lives. First off- most people don't want to fuck their siblings. I know, shocker. Most people who ship Stancest probably do not want to fuck their siblings, but people who don't CERTAINLY do not want to. It's the most repulsive thought in the world to them. There is such thing as being in such a close platonic relationship that it's an impossible thought. I think a lot of people who want Stancest shippers to die or whatever find that kind of desire utterly repulsive, that and let's be real, 1nc3st in real life is rife with abuse. It isn't a healthy thought to get those wires crossed. People who do not like this ship are empathizing with either of the brothers and projecting their own repulsion onto them. But here's the other bit. I'm not shipping Stan and Ford because they're siblings. Most of my ships are not 1nc3stuous. I don't find that element hot or cute, and while I'm not here to harsh anyone's vibe, if that's the only reason you ship Stancest I really don't want to talk with you about these characters. People see ships as inherently sexual, as inherently sexualizing, as "you must only ship this because you want to see the characters fuck". And mind you, with Stancest I don't see it as a bad thing at all to draw them doing things or being attractive together, etc etc. Not at all, and I'd be a hypocrite for saying otherwise. My point is, that's where people's minds go, that's the assumption that they make. They find 1nc3st repulsive, and clearly the ONLY reason I would ship it is because I like sexualizing that and only that aspect about it. Basically, they assume I must LOVE 1nc3st in and of itself, because otherwise why would I ship brothers? Now here's where I go back to the first statement, because most people I've seen don't just ship them for that reason.

You ever seen that meme about "if they have chemistry, I can't make them NOT have chemistry"? That's why I'm here. EVERYTHING about how Stan and Ford are written is tailor made to be SHIPPED. Aside from literally bounding away on a ship, they have a closeness and codependency that most brothers in fiction do not. Alex himself has said they need each other, Ford in the third journal said he was going to spend the rest of his days making up to Stanley. Stanley has spent his entire life wanting NOTHING but his family, his brother by his side. He seems more bonded to his brother than to any one he's ever tried to date, and Ford likewise. I'm sorry, but these two are not getting a "healthy" ending. They aren't going to be with anyone else. There's no version of them in which they find separate partners after having a little adventure around the world for a year or two then just go off in separate ways. This is the most "childhood friends to lovers" story I've ever seen. These two are NOT healthy to begin with, why would anyone expect them to start when they're that old and that hurt by everything in their pasts? I don't believe it inherently has to be sexually 1nc3stuous, but it could be. Wires are already being crossed. It's rare for anyone to be loyal for 30 years to one person when they aren't in love, and Stan wanted to get his brother back so badly that he forgot his own goals and even threw away his own identity to get him back. His entire life was for Ford, and after Journal 3, it should be obvious that Ford's entire life is for Stan now, too. What I'm trying to say is, while this ship isn't the healthy ending, it is the BEST ending for either of them. I think people who wanted Stan to be able to deny going with Ford don't understand him or his character, or what his character NEEDS, same as Ford. And I think people who try to separate the bros for shipping purposes or who don't want to do 1nc3st or accidental emotional 1nc3st are not fully reading the same things, watching the same things that we are. If they weren't brothers, everyone else would see exactly what we're seeing. They would see this as the love story it is. TLDR: I understand why people won't ship this ship, and I try to be empathetic, but these two have been given the kind of story that would ping the lovers radar to anyone if they weren't brothers and I'm not going to ignore that just because they are.

[iguessitsjustme]

When It Rains It Pours Ep 5 Thoughts

I looked at the time and decided that not only was it not too late for me to watch the next episode, but it is in fact time to keep watching. I don't know how long this one will be but my god I hope those two escape their relationships/situationships soon. I can't keep watching my boys get hurt like this. Under the cut:

Okay I looked at the episode summary simply to learn his name. Kazuaki. I got it. And if I don't got it, that's fine. Because I just wrote it and I can always look. Perfect. Go me.

The fact that they are meeting halfway. That is a compromise. That is how relationships work. The fact that they cared to listen to the other and then decided on the compromise. My god these two are already so much better together than they are with their partners (I know he's not really Sei's partner but you know what I mean) and they haven't even gotten together yet.

Are these two gonna fuck?

Currently the opening song which slaps, but if you stick around to the end of the liveblog, I will share extra thoughts tonight. Cause I am pissed at certain characters and their fuckery and I gotta get my rants out of my system.

The TOE.

The gentle caress vs the man that pushed on it to see if it would hurt. The man that was so gentle and held it like it was a fragile thing in case it caused pain vs the man that tried to cause pain. So I'm killing the best friend, yeah?

There is a whole discussion before they actually have sex. Kazuaki is asking if it's okay to do things or not say certain things before actually getting started? He might be cheating right now but honestly, green flag. And also she deserves it. Not that anyone deserves it. But she's fictional and a bastard so she deserves it.

Telling him that he's not bad or dirty? Oh my heart. Oh my HEART.

I'm FINE.

I'm looking you dead in the eye and telling you I'm fine. It's not my fault if you don't believe me.

I NEED to talk about the music in this scene but I cannot because work has smoothed out all the wrinkles from my brain and I need to wrinkle it up again but I NEED to talk about it.

I think that's the first time I've seen Sei smile.

But also these two. They found themselves in each other. They found a piece of themselves in each other. They both knew they were missing sex but I don't think they knew how miserable they were having no one to talk to. Not truly talk to. The deep meaningful talks that connect us and bond us. Neither one of them had that with their partners. They had superficial conversations. Moments of wanting to say something but not being able to. But they found the connection they were missing in each other and I am FINE don't LOOK at me like that.

God I need to talk about the music when Sei goes home too cause my god talk about tone shift. When that bastard is on the screen the dissonance in the music is actually difficult for me to listen to. Oh it hurts my poor little fragile ears.

Do these two need to hurt me like this? Do I not suffer enough already?

Oh she looked at his phone. Good riddance. She doesn't deserve him anyway.

WHY IS THAT BASTARD ANSWERING NOT HIS PHONE. BITE BITE CHOMP CHOMP KILLING HIM WITH LASER BEAMS.

Oh so you all made me watch this and now I have to WAIT. You all wanted me to SUFFER. Biting you all too (but affectionately).

Anyway rant time.

I hate the girlfriend because was she expecting to keep our boy in limbo for the rest of all time? She wants a marriage and kids but she doesn't want to actually ever talk to her partner? She sees him as future husband and future sperm bank. But she doesn't see him.

And don't even get me started on the rat bastard "best friend." Does Sei not have a Line because he doesn't want a Line or because his friend doesn't want him to have one. How alienated is Sei from the world and from others? He doesn't really talk to anyone at work which would be his one place he can talk to people. What would have happened if that wrong email address thing hadn't happened? Why does Sei feel like a parasite in a place that should feel like his home? I have lived with my best friend before and I can tell you one thing for sure. I never felt like a parasite. The reason that place felt like home was because it was both of us. Everywhere. WHERE is Sei in that apartment? Where is he? What are his interests? What are his aesthetics? Where is my boy????

And most importantly. WHERE IS THAT GORGEOUS UMBRELLA THEY USE AS THE THUMBNAIL AND WHERE CAN I GET ONE.

I have thoughts. Many thoughts. It will take me roughly two business days to process those thoughts. Just in time for the next episode I'm told. Which will then mean that it will take me another two business days. What did they put in this show for it to do this to my brain?

I should go to bed. Maybe I will wake up with coherent thoughts. Who knows.

Also this may or may not be the last liveblog I do now that I'm caught up. We'll see how I'm feeling on..Thursday? That's the next episode right? If I don't do another liveblog, then thank y'all for reading my silly little brain thoughts. And if I do keep liveblogging then I'll see you on Thursday.

[dawnstruck]

A small rant about Arcane and human rights

Something that has been bugging me for a while now: I have been seeing several posts and comments defending CaitVi’s gassing of the Undercity, so I want to talk about it a little bit.

This is not so much about their respective motivations and whether their actions can be justified under that lens. Yes, Vi has no support system, therefore clings on to Cait, and thinks it’s her responsibility to stop Jinx. Yes, Cait blames herself for her mother’s death and has just become head of her house and part of the council. Yes, they might both believe the measures they take are reasonable.

We could argue back and forth whether those decisions and developments make sense for their characters and whether the narrative overall does everything justice. Personally, I think it doesn’t but, again, this is not my main beef.

Instead, I have seen people claim that gassing the Undercity was okay because “they were only using it on gang members.” And omg, there is so much to unpack here.

First off: Were many of the Chem Barons probably ruthless, corrupted, dangerous individuals? Probably. However, I don’t really recall any details of what makes Margot and Chross (aka the only Chem Barons who are left over and accosted during the raid) particularly bad. Because they are less relevant to the story, the whole stint therefore feels more like a personal vendetta against Jinx (which is ultimately is).

Furthermore, what about their goonies who get hurt and endangered in the process? Are they bad people? How many of them were somehow forced into working for the Chem Barons, because the options in the Undercity are simply extremely limited? Sevika dedicated herself to Silco, apparently out of conviction to his vision of a free Zaun. Does she deserve to be gassed? Does some random lackey deserve it who is just trying to feed their family? Are people who commit crimes out of socioeconomic distress exempt from the protection of their human rights???

And my biggest complaint: You cannot specifically target anyone with gas. It’s either gas or no gas. Anyone who is in the vicinity and does not happen to have a gas mask just lying around will be affected. Even leaving the streets and going inside wouldn’t really protect you. After all, how do ventilation systems work in Undercity houses? And don’t we know that, canonically, Enforcers really like to smash windows? So congratulations, Caitlyn, you just gassed some old lady who couldn’t afford to get her window replaced after your colleagues busted it in a while ago. She’s dead now.

And you might say, oh, but we don’t really get to see any of that, so it's just speculation. But, technically, we do see it. Namely, in the scene where they are gassing the abandoned arcade where Jinx happens to be. And they are looking for Jinx, so that’s real convenient. And of course it makes sense, Vi and her siblings used to hang out there, so of course she would suggest that they check out their old haunt. But you know what that means? Vi suggested that, without any sort of announcement, they should gas an abandoned arcade where children have been known to hang out. And then, when Cait hears a sound, she immediately starts firing bullets into the smoke.

This is also, and I cannot stress this enough, the time when Isha was following Jinx around. Isha could very well have been inside that arcade as well or out on the street where the Grey also would have been. Just because we are not shown this, doesn’t mean that the implication isn’t there.

And that is the problem with war crimes: They are considered war crimes because you don’t just harm the ones who are trying to harm you. When you drop a bomb on a building where a dangerous person lives, and there are a hundred other people in that building, then congratulations, you have hurt and probably killed one hundred innocent bystanders.

But within the story, the whole ordeal feels like a copaganda where the Enforcers are presented as cool and capable (badass montages set to upbeat music) who we are meant to root for and feel empathy for. Apart from Cait and Vi, the rest of the team also gets somewhat significant scenes and storylines throughout the rest of the season. Compare that with the only lackey we who gets actual dialogue in the whole raid scene: Heenot is presented as pretty pathetic from the moment he is introduced. In fact, he needs to be saved and freed by the Enforcers, who then proceed to arrest him. I bet he is hella grateful for that.

And that’s why Vi’s stint as an Enforcer has left such a bitter aftertaste. It’s only made worse by how they make it out to be about her having to pick between Jinx and Cait, which culminates in her not giving Jinx the deathblow once Isha gets involved and then Cait abandoning her. Vi then has her emo phase and becomes an Underground fighter, but it seems there are no direct consequences of what she did to the Undercity. There are no people who recognize her, no one from the general populace who calls her out on what she did. There’s a monument to her father in the center of the city that she decided to gas with her girlfriend, and somehow it's no big deal.

It would have been so much more fulfilling for Vi to try and interfere with Cait’s leadership outside of their confrontation with Jinx. For Vi to see what they are doing to her hometown and its people and to wake the fuck up. To take an actual stance within the overall story apart from just personal entanglements and grudges, which would also then mirror Jinx’s development as the reluctant hero of the Undercity.

Instead, we get relationship drama and war crimes that are brushed under the rug, and neither Caitlyn nor Vi ever have to face real direct consequences for what they did to the people of the Undercity WHO DESERVE TO BREATHE.

Yes, Arcane is just a story. But it is a story that, in Season 1, was about class conflict and oppression. It is also a story that, in Season 2, unfortunately perpetuates the same narratives we see in real life every day. A narrative of ‘us’ versus ‘them’ in which it's all about our good soldiers and cops and citizens versus that other group that, for some arbitrary reason, deserves less sympathy and protection.

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Hi! I've seen your rant about dating and being asexual. I know how you feel. I've felt like this for a long time, and no, you don't come off as bitter or envious. You're just hurt.

I'm spending this Valentines Day alone too. The person I love the most only sees the physique. Oh, and the sexual, which I can't because I'm really sex repulsed. People only seem to care for looks, and that really hurts when you're offering love and not just carnal things. So I get how you feel, I'm being through the same right now.

I felt really bad, because you always cheer up a lot of people with your fics. If I'm being honest, I don't usually read NSFW parts, I prefer to read just the cute and fluffy stuff to at least pretend I'm being loved, so yeah, I felt bad and needing to tell one of my favourite writers that you're not alone.

I'm being honest with you and telling you're a wonderful person, and if finding love is difficult for you it's because of how things seem to work this days. Being ace isn't easy this days. I agree with you on the waiting till marriage, it's a choice, but it seems to be less respected than chosing to just go sleeping with everyone. People want instant gratification, and casual sex gives that gratification without needing to give away anything like in a relationship.

It hurts really much. I guess you know how I feel when I see the person I love most, someone who've I always treated like the most precious person in the world, get into casual relationships that usually end up with that person getting a broken heart. So yeah, you're not the only one feeling like that. Unfortunately, society has forgotten about real love.

But there's still hope. There'll always be hope. I've seen that you're in your weight lose journey, and I must congratulate you. Being healthy is a good decision, not only for the looks, because it'd help your health, also the mental one. I recommend you that if you keep feeling like this, you should go to a therapist. They're usually really helpful, but I don't know much about your situation so you're the one who knows yourself better. Anyways, I'm losing my point with this shitty rant. You're expressing yourself through the things you like (in this case that really good fiction about Hell's greatest dad), you're getting healthier, I think this is the best moment to make a change. To start thinking that you're good enough without needing to please people. You can find love. I know you do. You're a nice person, and I'm sure that one day things will get better for you. Maybe you'll spend Valentines Day alone, but who knows? Everyday is a good day to find love. Maybe you'll start a relationship in March 6th or January 2nd. It doesn't have to necessarily be February 14th (I know that date really hurts, but just think about it: it's like a day to think about what you can do to be really comfortable and happy in the romance topic).

I'd say that I hope this helps you, but well, this is just a shitty anon who doesn't even speak English properly rant. I just saw your rant and thought "shit, I can't let this happen, I have to try to make things better even if I know I can't".

So I'm sorry if this was weird, stupid, didn't make you feel better... But in resume:

-You're not alone, being ace is kinda difficult this days

-You're a great person

-You're doing a great job overcoming obstacles, you now just need to learn to love yourself (it's difficult, it can take a lot of times, but I really hope you manage to).

-Don't stress yourself. February 14th hurts, but being single this day doesn't mean you'll be single forever.

My best wishes,

Just a random anon.

Thank you anon 💖

Firstly, your English is fantastic, knowing another language other than your native one is beyond impressive! And I’m so so thankful you enjoy my writing 💜

Secondly, it’s good to know that I am not alone in my feelings. Aspecs truly were not made for the world we find ourselves in today. I’m sex neutral/favorable, it varies day to day, but it is something I want to experience. But with the right person at the right time. Dating apps all feel so artificial and insincere, like no one on there is looking for a meaningful relationship. It’s all disheartening. I promise to keep my chin up and heart open. The worst thing I could do is close it off to any possibility of affection and romance.

I wish nothing but good things for you, anon 💖

[peepawispunk]

Efflorescence

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

Rating: M for language

Summary: The disease of the lovesick, his Mom used to call it. Love with nowhere to go, that turned inward and grew into flowers in your lungs.

Warnings/tags: Angst, hanahaki disease, mutual pining, hurt/comfort.

I never use Y/N in my fics.

Word count: 1K

There will be a second part.

My Masterlist My AO3

It starts with a tickle in his throat. One he puts down to smoking cigarettes. He tells himself he'll quit, just as soon as this Escobar shit is over. 

Then, the shortness of breath comes. The feeling like he can't get a full breath of air into his lungs.  Again, he eyes off the packet of cigarettes on his desk. Not yet. 

Then, the cough. Not bad enough to affect him, not really. He is starting to wonder if the cancer sticks are living up to their name. Knows he should quit. But fuck, he's so close to catching Escobar. Can't afford the distraction of quitting right now. It's just a cough. 

Then, one quiet morning as he's waiting for his coffee to brew, a petal. Tiny, white, unassuming. And covered in saliva as it sits in the palm of his hand.

“Fuck.” He swears gravely, staring in disbelief and denial. He hears your bedroom door open, and quickly shoves the petal into his pocket. The bathroom door closes a second later with a quiet snick, and he breathes a sigh of relief, grateful for the extra moment to process this new information, the tiny petal a lead weight in his pocket. 

Fuckin’ Hanahaki disease. 

The disease of the lovesick, his Mom used to call it. Love with nowhere to go, that turned inward and grew into flowers in your lungs. 

Petals were just the beginning. The earliest stage that people were usually diagnosed. As it progressed, it would become whole flowers, stems, and root systems for him to cough up. Until the roots took hold and made it impossible to shift the plant matter from his lungs. 

No treatment existed. No cure, except reciprocated, requited love.

Well, at least it wasn’t cancer. He could still smoke. It wouldn’t make a fuckin’ difference to the progression of the disease.

He was so fucked.

In love with his fucking roommate, and lungs full of flowers to prove it, too. He’d known he had feelings for you; how could he not. He hadn’t realised it was love, though. It’s a cruelty, to finally know what love feels like with certainty, and to know that it’s going to kill him.

It’s with shaking hands that he retrieves his cigarettes and lighter from where they sit on the counter. He’s definitely not going to quit now. There wouldn’t be a point. 

He slips a cigarette between barely-parted lips, lighting it up and closing his eyes, leaning against the counter. 

“Long night?” You ask, bare feet padding into the kitchen. You look adorable as always, sleep-mussed and wearing that oversized shirt you favour as pajamas, fuzzy purple socks on your feet.

He exhales smoke out of the side of his mouth, away from you. His brow is furrowed slightly, a crease of tension in his forehead. 

“Something like that.” He mutters, taking another drag. 

He’s not a morning person at the best of times, but your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong. Men, in your experience, tend not to realise the signals and body language they put out when something is off. They think they’re mysterious, or just great actors. But women can always tell, always read it when the vibes are off. Just like you can tell, right now. 

It could be one of a hundred things, with Javi. He’s a complicated man, plays things close to his chest. You’ve seen him vulnerable only twice, and he was very drunk both times, so you know that whatever he’s going through, he’s probably not going to tell you.

It kills you to see him like this. 

The instinctive need to comfort him, be there for him, wars with the logical side of your brain that tells you he won’t let you. Sure, you have a great friendship, but he’s not exactly a touchy-feely kind of guy. 

Still…

“You look like you could use a hug.” You say biting the dry skin of your bottom lip as you watch him.

He rocks his jaw, taking another drag of his cigarette, but he doesn’t say no. His brows draw tighter, and you make an executive decision, telegraphing your movements to give him enough time to stop you if he doesn’t want this. 

You step closer to him, wrapping your arms around his middle, and his body sags immediately. He exhales smoke against your ear, and you notice he smells oddly…floral? Perfume, maybe? You know he has a…habit, of sleeping with his informants. Maybe something happened with a woman? 

He drops the lit cigarette into the sink so he can wrap his arms around you, and you hear the hiss it makes as it lands in the shallow water, extinguishing.

You realise he’s shaking, his breathing hitched and unsteady as he tries to hold himself together. Your hands pull him tighter, closer to you, as if you could hold him together just by holding him tighter. You’ve seen him upset before, stressed, frustrated, mourning. You’ve never seen him like this. 

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” The words are meaningless when you don’t know what’s wrong. You’d make it okay if you could, though. You’re going to try. 

He doesn’t answer, but he shakes his head, burying his face in your neck. 

“Is it Steve? Connie? Chucho? Did something happen?” You ask, mind racing with the possibilities. 

“No.” He croaks, shaking his head again. 

“Is someone sick?” You’re starting to really worry now.

He can’t lie to you. Can’t even try. He’s a raw nerve, busted open. He can’t tell you the truth, but he can’t lie, either. So, he nods.

“Fuck.” You squeeze him tighter still, forcing the air from his lungs. You loosen your hold immediately, but a cough bubbles up in his chest, crackling and violent, and you release him as he turns to cough over the sink. 

Petals fall from his mouth.

No.

He struggles to catch his breath, the floral scent of edelweiss permeating the air in the small kitchen. Your hand goes to his back to rub it soothingly even as your world collapses. 

The man you love is in love with someone else. And it’s killing him. 

A tickle begins in your throat.

[sinkjustlikeastone]

I’m taking the singular like on my prev post as a ye! So enjoy. And cry please

Tw for swearing, sort of talk of suicide but not really, and talk of sodas rodeo accident which I have dramaticified for the purpose of I wanted to. Read the tags.

…

Sitting in the truck on the way home, Ponyboy asks: “You’re real sad, ain’t you, Soda?”

And Soda, he smiles a broken smile and nods a little.

“Why’d I have to get hurt? Darry, why can’t I just ride?” His face slips from its half-smile.

“Life just happens sometimes.” Darry replies. And he should know.

“It’s what I dream ‘bout.” Soda says in an almost-whisper. “Every night, I dream about gettin’ hurt.”

“Thanks for tellin’ us.” Darry says.

“I usually wake up when that fucking horse steps on me. Then when I wake up my leg hurts. Or. Where it used to be. Feels like it’s there.” Soda’s crying so hard his head hurts now. “Stupid fucking leg.”

Darry thinks twice about correcting Soda for swearing. He supposes the situation calls for it.

“You need to find something you like doing.” Pony says. Darry his shoulder and shushes him.

“Nothing’ll ever feel as good.” Soda says.

“I don’t understand.” Pony insists. Darry tries to quiet him, but Soda tells him it’s fine. “I don’t get it why you get to be so sad. It’s been two years and everything. It’s not like you don’t have another choice for the rest of your life. All you’ve got to do is find somethin’ else.”

“Well, damn, Pony. If that’s how things work you oughtta get on with findin’ a new Johnny. I hear there’s a soc boy named Jack movin’ in. That’s close enough to Johnny, ain’t it-“

“Shut up!” Pony yells, hands over his ears.

“Soda!” Darry scolds at the same time.

“What?” He asks. “I’m only telling him the same he’s telling me-“

“It’s different and you know it. His best friend died.”

“I wish I would have!” Soda screams.

Darry slams on the breaks in the middle of the road.

“You say that again-“

“I wish I would have died.” Soda deadpans, staring Darry in the eyes.

“I’m not gonna stop your partners from comin’ over. Already told them it’s alright. But you ain’t going anywhere but work until further notice, cause I don’t think I can trust you out.”

“I ain’t gonna kill myself-“

“Until you find something else to try, you ain’t leavin’ the house aside from work. And after tonight you ain’t seeing Chet or Cherry until then either.”

“Dar-“

“Pony ain’t gonna talk for a week over this. Least you can do is take his damn advice, you hear?”

“Sorry, Darry.” Soda mumbles, tears threatening to break yet again.

[marzipanilla]

I think I just desperately miss shows with 20+ eps a season.

Even with him fumbling it I would love Mark actually attempting to be a bastion of morals/attempting the right thing. I think they're almost trying to do that this season with his confrontation with Cecil, but it all falls so flat because Mark struggles to even articulate why he thinks he's right to begin with except by defining himself as not his father. Once more we missed out on him attempting to find a role model people consider good and doing what he could in his power to emulate and either learning something about what being a beacon for ppl means or realizing that everyone fucks up and purity culture in a trauma response job ain't gunna get you no where. He's so obsessed with power level he doesn't realize he needs to actually learn things. Like why it's important to help people at all. He doesn't know apparently, since he can't explain to Oliver that being a hero is more than killing people who were hurting others. hint Mark- it's because the unilateral power Cecil fears you capable of wielding is the same shit he wields

We need flashbacks to Nolan's time w the Guardian bc what was that like before he had the slightly awkward shit we see in S1 ep 1. Immortal mostly trusts him during the white house attack and is genuinely horrified at the thought of him hurting the team ! Unlike in the comic where he just says 'I've always hated you' which like I could take either canon- tho it really feels more like a dick measuring contest gone wrong instead of 'I knew you were bad I just couldn't put my finger on it' in the comic.

Team dynamics my beloved. Wonder Woman was under some rubble and Batman was desperately digging her out and they made him stop and when she emerged a moment later she noticed the dirt on his hands !! and comforted him even tho he tried to hide the fact he was scrambling to get her out ! no words just actions ! like ! give me tiny character moments -sob- The JL getting coffee and blankets for each other when sleepy D : (and more a character moment than a team moment but Clark crawling into the rocket he came to Earth on to hide bc his dream monster form was hurting people and he just wanted to be safe !!! all visual never discussed w dialogue !! beautiful!!) Also Lisa Edelstein showed up as a voice for a side char and I spent the whole ep going who ??? until I saw the credits lol

Oh that's a fun scene! I've maybe only ever seen the first Madagascar film lol But yeah, even changing the tone- please let the team play off of each other! We get .5 seconds of that in S1 during the end of the Machine Head fight. a tiny. tiny moment. Definitely limitations and budget for animation, but gah- like !! the whole squad going up for the sequid invasion threat and literally two people doing anything at all !! like !! WHY DID ALL OF YOU GO YOU LITERALLY DID NOTHING. Blame yourselves for what happened on the ground team, like, damn, the whole team did not need to go into space. You'd think you would have figured that out by now.

Everyone gets female characters jewelry in media and I hate it lol Look, there are times it can work- heirlooms, genuinely discussed mcguffin/backstory pieces where whatever it is means something, but the vast majority of the time it's just a shiny necklace picked up from the fucking mall. And what do the women get their men? Insanely thoughtful gifts about their personalities and interests. If you can only think to get your partner jewelry, then you fucking know nothing about them at all. My biggest example of this is from the show Castle, where one episode has the main chick setting up a recreation of Rear Window for the main dude to experience/play out like it's real bc he's stuck at home on his birthday. The entire episode is about what goes down. When it's her birthday? He buys her a necklace, and it's a subplot to whatever it going on in the ep, and it's a comedic subplot bc he loses it at one point and most of the antics around the gift aren't even about her. And then he gives her the necklace at the end that we're never going to see her wear again because she has a job where wearing shit like that isn't a good idea.

I fucking hate jewelry as a gift. It says I don't know anything about this character and I refuse to put any effort in.

Also is Kate gunna where her fucking wedding ring on missions??? like ??? what ??? Then again, I think Nolan, Mark and Eve are legit the only heroes in the entire series who have secret identities/civilian identities, so like- I guess it doesn't matter?? 90% of you have your fucking name as part of your hero name if you have a name at all. A part of me is glad the show never really deep dives into those stories, they sort of did with Amber in S1, and they bring it up a bit with Debbie telling Paul this season, but like, at the end of the day, this is a world where secret identities are 1000% just... not a thing. Everyone calls Mark, Mark. Like. EVERYONE. To the point that it didn't even occur to him that A SPACE ALIEN knowing his first name might have been a red flag in S2 when he went to Thraxa.

Mark is only strong in the 11th hour and I would hope someone is genre savvy enough to realize that by now. Do not call on Invincible unless everyone is already dead, he is worthless otherwise lol

The rogue's gallery is kind of sad for this show. Like. There is no personal element to any of the reoccurring villains (there's like.. one coming up that's personal and then there's Levi), and if you want them to be menacing and reoccurring they either really need to rep something socially bad and you're commenting on it each time they make their appearance and its about THAT and the teams response to it, or you need a personal connection with the villain. Doc Seismic just makes broad strokes first semester of college level commentary about the current state of society! Tho, I will say, I think his token diversity comment is literally the first time Mark has been acknowledged as not white? Which like, I get not bringing it up all the fucking time especially since it is a change from the comics, but, it IS a change from the comics and in either medium he is a mixed race kid! We ever going to give him a chance to talk about that? You know, the thing he and Oliver SHOULD ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT THAT'S PERSONAL TO THEM AND HUMANIZING AND NOT ABOUT HAVING COME OUT OF NOLAN'S DICK? Where is the moment where Oliver is slathering on make-up to go outside and lamenting on not being human passing the way Mark is? Where does Mark get to acknowledge being alien?

Cecil did go to Debbie in an attempt to get a hand in Oliver's training and it IS wild to think about what that would have entailed. 'Cause like, I think he woulda seen that kid go 'and then I kill them now, right??' and had to go : / pretty damn quick about it lol Also him constantly antagonizing Mark after everything is hilarious. Like. Are you trying to prove to everyone watching that Mark is also being unhinged or are you Just Like That Cecil. Like, when Cecil called off the reanimen but they kept beating on Mark- was that just him putting in a false call to make it sound like he was calling them off and then Mark went cray cray on them anyway, or did he genuinely try and call them off and it didn't work for some reason? Bc him trying to get other heroes on his side by showing off how powerful/dangerous Mark could be is kinda funny.

Some blank space is fun to work with in fic, but too much blank space and it feels like you're floating in the ether going ?? this ?? make sense maybe ?? but then what do you push off of? Just make up some shit to justify why the char thinks that way or skip over justifying it and hope the narrative stays strong despite it?

While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom

OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what you’re talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolan’s? I suppose I’m not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think there’s something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecil’s number one intern—only intern—curtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT there’s something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.

I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if they’re more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Mark’s life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Mark’s already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so there’s a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close they’re supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he can’t project onto Mark.

I love thinking about these, omg.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[makiswirl]

can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

[asher-012]

THIS. We are anti-endo collectively, and have also written a whole thing before based on our experiences with being both pro-endo to then neutral to now anti. Where have I see the worst treatment towards the other parts? The pro-endo side. I remember an anti-endo joining this server I was in, a pro-endo server, and said anti-endo sure, was invading the space but I wouldn't call them aggressive, they where simply there to call out that endo's/pro-endo's are acting abelist and invalidate actual systems. While I still think they could have done it better, they weren't being an asshole and they got their point across. They where instantly banned and that's not really the issue because it WAS against rules for anti's to be there and it's only enforcing server rules yk. But the issue was the fact that once they where gone, or maybe even while still there for a moment, people where so quick to insult them and call them things. While yes, I have seen it happen inside the anti-endo part, but have I seen it as bad? No. What I've seen on our side is, people get removed, there's a small talk about it, people move on!

I have, seen shitty things on BOTH sides, and I've seen the best on the mixed communities of both beliefs.

We're all people and I myself believe that Endo systems are not a thing, I believe that if they're a system, then they're a system. You cannot be that without trauma and endogenic terms are anti-recovery and only deny what happened to them as a child, while that CAN be healthy in some cases and through some parts of life, it's not healthy to keep latching onto that concept, you'll only hurt you and your system more, maybe even the people around you.

I've only ever met one endo, or at least been aware of that person. Because they stated they where an endogenic system, no idea why it was important for them to do so, not like we all go around stating our reason for being a system lol. But either way, even back then, when I was pro-endo, it never felt right. Maybe it's just because they used Sims to create themselves and I thought that was cringe and that I could have done way better but okay, that's besides the point right now folks. Either way, it's never sat right with me personally, I don't know if pro-endo's have the same 'off' feeling or not, maybe they do. Maybe they don't.

But anyways. That's my ramble completed. I 100% agree with the OG posts of this. If you're going to claim to be non-disordered or, non-dissociative, non-traumagenic, ect. Then stop invading our spaces and then out casting us from them. You have your own spaces, LITERALLY. We don't have many spaces because endo's and pro-endo's paint this HORRIBLE picture of us all. It sucks ass. Let us have our spaces, it wouldn't kill you to stop being dickheads

If being plural has "nothing to do with dissociative disorders" then stop using terms and entering spaces that are strictly for those with dissociative disorders.

Stop calling yourselves systems, stop calling them alters, stop barging into udd/did/osdd spaces.

It's not that fucking hard.

- 🖥 (he/him)

[edwinisms]

I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.

they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.

teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.

[orcelito]

Shino raising his dead friends and friend's dog from the dead with the power of bugs as one friend's cousin watches [not clickbait]

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao