#been wayyyyyyy too long

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

[runawaymun]

💕 Boop 💕

ko-fi is open, accepting commissions!

[sleep-nurse]

here's. the beast who is too fucking long even for tumblr so it looks like shit (also this is from the concept i dont really have proper art)

also the ref

[climbdraws]

rewatching inuyasha and god kikyo is such a cunt lol....truly a ' i died and came back a huge bitch' character moment

does she think that going around & helping sick people is going to cancel out the thousands of souls she steals just to keep her clay corpse alive cause I don't think that's how it works

[louwhose]

WIP Title Game

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs

thanks for the tag @mistresslrigtar!!

okay I am gonna sort by fandom bc I have a few too many of those

DISA

coffeeshop

disabotw

disaref

tarot

Frieren

Please Just a Little Longer

tauenbeans

frierenhimmel

LoZ

minish marrying

TICKTOCK

tetra needs some fancy names

That One Time It Was Really Foggy And I Awakened An Ancient Calamity

triAUngle

WICKED DUH DUNNNNn

A Good Catch

Another Fæ

crackrumors/ Rumors script question mark (they're essentially the same so I'm putting them together here)

In Another Life

FMABMM

tplunagain

midsheikk

(Still LoZ not technically wips but are slotted for later this year):

ghost ship date

ST polar express

I'm not gonna tag *counts* 22 people but here's no pressure tags for @xqueenybee @lettersfromn0where @linktheacehero @dawn-the-rithmatist @pastelsandpining @wouldyoustilllovemeifiwasawyrm @nocturne-side-blog (I think that's the right blog of yours to tag for this at least) and @cooking-with-hailstones (and. anyone else who wants to consider this your tag to join in on this)

[desmorotu]

Redacted Headcanons: Smoking Edition :3

honey is really giggly and affectionate when they’re high (as stated previously)

guy is less “millennial humor” and wayyyyyyy more affectionate. think the personality of fool!guy but with his continued affection

david smiles a lot and can’t keep his eyes open for too long before squinting them; he does giggle

angel falls asleep almost instantly

milo doesn’t participate unless sweetheart is present

morgan can feel the rhythm of time and falls into visions more often

geordi gets a kick out of hearing cutie’s thoughts

cutie won’t stop laughing at the funny things they think

sweetheart has trained themselves to look sober

darlin needs a significant amount more for it to hit

baaabe knows exactly what to do to make it a good experience and their tics (they have mild tourette’s) become more frequent; does cause small problems on rare occasion

asher’s millennial cringe gets worse; more dad jokes, stupid voices, and bad puns

sam (before turning) would go nonverbal and zone out

vincent (before turning) was always with friends

lovely did it to fall sleep on occasion before their turning

aaron and smartass have a blast giggling and unwinding after work together

elliott comes up with some craaaazy dreams for sunshine

anton doesn’t smoke, but when he does, it’s only been to cope with the project and the isolation from his partner

james does it as a way to unwind—mostly ends up with him in tears thinking of his spouse

damn crew has a night out of the month where they all get together for it

freelancer loves watching damien burn a hole in the floor over mario kart

lasko’s loose lips become even looser and he stutters less

SEND TWEET!!!!

[tojisbbygworl]

The Apartment Across The Street pt. 2 - Sukuna x Reader x Toji

Toji and Sukuna have been friends for a long time, and any new endeavor Sukuna was involved in, Toji was his right hand man and vice versa. This had to be his favorite by far.

Words - 7.03 K

Tags - 18+ MDNI, No Use of Y/N, No Curses, Set in late 90s/early 00s, Angst, Drugs, Jailbirds, Sukuna x Toji, Shower Sex, Blowjob

WARNINGS - Dead Dove, Dark, Non-Con/Dub-con, Breaking and Entering, Sukuna and Toji are criminals, Choking, Violence

AO3 Version

Masterlist

author's note: can you tell i watched breaking bad and narcos lol. Took me a minute to figure out how to continue it and then I wrote wayyyyyyy too much so now the entirety of pt 3 will be smut and maybe reader's backstory once I figure it out completely. there's some toji x sukuna exposition. the zenins give 80s mob bosses so i tried to make toji sound like a sleazy, NY, thug without overdoing it. maybe he doesn't sound like anything but whatever

art cred: @kohhomaru dm for removal

pt. 1 pt. 3

Toji always got what he wanted.

Sukuna learned that very quickly rotting in prison. He hadn’t seen his family in years, and all his friends threw him into the street just days before the house got raided. He hadn’t snitched, it was a girl who was friends with another girl he had sex with the night before. The girl he’d strangled to death after cumming inside her.

She wanted him to go rough, she liked pain and loved every thing he did to hurt her. He bit her, slapped her, she gave him a pocket knife to run down her side, but she moaned the loudest when his hands wrapped around her throat, cutting off her windpipe. And so, that’s how he ended her life.

Had she not started clawing at his arms, choking and crying and begging him to stop, those sounds becoming gargled coughs as the air was trapped in her lungs, maybe, Sukuna would have lost interest. But he loved not giving her what she wanted. For so long, he had no control over his life; his friends got him addicted to ketamine and meth, just like his mother, his father beat her and him then left when his brother was born, he was forced to start dealing when Todo gave him a zip, whispered “get the money then run”, and ran off himself. Sukuna got shot in the leg that night, and had a target on his back ever since.

Of course he didn’t go to school, of course he flunked out. Of course his mother hated him. Of course he neglected his little brother. Of course he hated him for having a better life. His mother loved him more, Yuji was nothing like their father, viscous and prideful just like Sukuna. No, Yuji was full of life and joy, and his mother, though they were poor, made sure Yuji had everything he needed. Sukuna had to fend for himself. “You chose your life, now deal with it,” she would say, not even considering that he didn’t choose to be alive.

He thought that was the only choice he could make, but he realized he was a coward. He has many scars, none of which went deep enough in the right places.

Of course, Yuji hated him too. He didn’t understand, he just didn’t understand how much better than Sukuna he had it. Maybe, if Sukuna had kept beating up his bullies for him, they would be closer. But, Yuji got friends, and he became a popular little shit. Of course. Yuji was a good person.

Maybe that’s why he hated him. They have the same parents, but turned out completely different. Eventually Sukuna would find out that it wasn’t his fault, that his father’s influence ruined his personality and his mother’s life. That his mother didn’t love him, and didn’t care how he turned out. His mother let him stay out after dark, wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted. Yelled at teachers when they called about his performance in class. Let him sit in holding cells until a family member came for him instead. And even they stopped coming eventually.

Eventually Sukuna would realize, but it would be too late.

When the light left that girl’s eyes, Sukuna felt a sense of accomplishment. Yes, finally, he was in control. Telling him no, ignoring him, hating him, meant nothing.

He woke up to a scream the next morning. The girl’s friend had come upstairs and found him with the blanket just below his waist and the poor dead woman laying still beside him. His friends offered her money to keep silent after throwing him out, but a week later, in a new trap house, the police busted down the door and handcuffed him with his face to the floor.

The friend snitched and his old house was raided. They never found the girl he’d murdered, and since he’d been kicked out, his friends were in much deeper shit than him.

Still, he had no one in jail, and was even more alone in prison. One of the only good things about meeting Toji Zenin.

His cellmate was unlike anyone he’d met before. Almost amused by being behind bars. He was already in the cell when Sukuna was thrown in. He nodded his head at him then laid back down on the bottom bunk. Sukuna put his clothes on the top bunk and laid down himself. A few seconds later, he heard the light of a match and then he smelled tobacco.

“Want a cig’?” Toji asked, holding up a pack. Sukuna took one, then leaned over and let Toji light it in his mouth. He got a good look at him, he was a bit leaner, he had black hair that covered his neck, ears and eyes. His striking green pupils peaked through his locks, and they stared right back at him. When the cigarette was lit, Sukuna laid back down on his bed.

A few more seconds pass before Toji speaks again. “Can’t say thank you? You brolic bitch.”

It gets a chuckle out of Sukuna, which surprises him. “…Thanks. Feel better, pussy?” Toji cackles and Sukuna thinks this might not be so bad.

Toji wasn’t talkative per se, but he never hesitated to start a conversation. He always had cigarettes, cards, or noodles, and it wasn’t unusual for him to have a honeybun or two. Sukuna found out Toji was a rich little shit who was in and out of jail as if she was a beautiful woman. He was out in a couple of months, but not before he established exactly what he wanted out of Sukuna.

Maybe Sukuna didn’t think he was bad because he never really forced anything out of him. Toji was willing to please, willing to share anything and everything about him, and he could suck a dick like a vacuum. The first night they’d ever done anything, the guards had already made their rounds, not to return til morning. Toji had climbed up to Sukuna’s bunk while they were talking. Toji and Sukuna talked a lot, about everything. Toji talked about how he was the black sheep of the family, he was a fuck up, a piece of shit. As if the rest of the family wasn’t terrible as well. Like Sukuna, his father beat him, and like Sukuna, his mother loved his brother more. Jinichi was older, unlike Yuji, and instead of hating and being disappointed in him, he bullied and teased the living shit out of him. Jinichi was the cause of many of Toji’s scars, but not the one on his lip, from his father backhanding him across the face with his rings when he was five. There were still faded scars on his cheek, but his lip had busted open.

Sukuna had met traumatized people before. But what he hated about them was that they never fucking got over it. Toji didn't seem to give a single shit about anything that’s ever happened to him. He spoke about his past as if he was reciting a history textbook. Matter-of-factly, no emotion, just sharing information. He liked it. He hated pity, he hated feeling sorry, he hated being sad.

Toji made his dick hard, and he didn’t try to hide it when the man crossed his arms over his mattress and leaned his head on it. He smiled at him and Sukuna’s dick jumped in his shorts. Toji didn’t even look before he reached his hand over and rubbed his erection. Sukuna didn’t break eye contact as Toji jerked him off through his clothes. His grunts became heavier and breathier, and when he finally had enough he grabbed Toji’s wrist and pulled his shorts down. His dick flew back up and hit his stomach, and he wrapped Toji’s hand around it.

Toji climbed on top of him and licked his dick. His warm, wet tongue crawled from his base to his tip where Toji wrapped his mouth around it and suckled on it. Sukuna’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he moaned. “Bitches can’t suck dick this good, can they?” Sukuna laughed, then he came.

The second time Toji got what he wanted was 5 months later, after he’d found himself back in prison. He was right, he was out in just a couple months. He would be out soon again. Sukuna thought he was a crazy son of a bitch. Toji thought it was funny. If his family wanted to hate him he would give them a reason. Sukuna agreed.

Toji said he could get Sukuna a crazy good lawyer, one better than the shit public defender he had to deal with. He could appeal his case, get it reopened, and get him off on probation. “Then we'd be doing this more, as much as we want, as loud as we want, on whatever fucking drugs we want.”

“On probation? You fucking idiot.”

“..sober now, ain't you?” Not by choice.

Sukuna nodded. Toji was taller than him, not by that much, but enough for him to have to lean down to be centimeters away from his face. “So you're gonna get out, and every time you piss you do it in a cup. Then we’re getting high and I’m fucking the shit out of you.” Toji had tried to kiss his cheek, but Sukuna jerked his head away and glared at him. Toji didn’t like that. He grabbed the back of his head and wrestled him to the floor of their cell then sat on top of him with his knee on his head. “You gonna give me a kiss now? Huh, baby?”

Sukuna fought him off and pinned him to the ground instead. Toji smiled crazily up at him, egging him on to do something. Sukuna’s glare deepened. “Fuck you and fuck your lawyer, pussy.” Then he spat on his face.

Toji laughed, exerting a sigh that sounded anything between a moan and a gasp of disbelief. His eyes had shot open wide in surprise, then relaxed in amusement and something that vaguely seemed like pleasure. Whatever the look was, Sukuna didn’t get off of him just yet.

Whether Sukuna liked it or not, he got a lawyer, a suit, and a retrial. He got the probation Toji spoke of and on house arrest, the only problem was, he had no address. There was only one place he could go, he found it before he got arrested, before he was homeless, and before he killed that girl.

Yuji was a big kid now, in college studying Psychology, go figure. His mother didn’t say much else about his personal life, she'd wanted him out of the house, clearly having accepted that she only had one son. There were a few new picture frames in the living room; Yuji's graduation, a couple birthdays, their grandmother's funeral, and all of them featured his friends, the same little shits that took the mantle of protecting Yuji when Sukuna no longer cared for it, and when it no longer became enough for Yuji.

He sent a letter with a receiving address. He wasn’t surprised when Yuji sent a scathing letter back, detailing how much he hates him, and ensuring that Sukuna never even thinks about rekindling any relationship they may have had in their youth. Sukuna didn’t really care, but now he definitely was homeless. Toji didn’t even think twice before offering his own apartment.

To keep him even closer, Toji hired him as his “fix it” man. Sukuna clearly had a type; Toji was a dealer, a much bigger one than the pathetic down the block shit Sukuna and his old friends had done. The Zenins had reach across multiple states and owned many business ventures to hide it all. Sukuna would be the one who killed their rivals, rats, or anyone who they felt disrespected them.

“You like to kill people, don’t you?” He’d asked. An interesting way to start pillow talk. It was weeks after he’d gotten out, the middle of the night, this time in a comfy Cali king bed smoking weed, not tobacco. They were naked, Toji’s dick was still hard after pumping cum inside of Sukuna.

It wasn’t that he liked to kill people, he’d never thought twice about shooting someone dead, but he loved the thought that their lives were in his hands. He loved having that power over someone, and he’d spent a long time wishing he had held out just a bit longer. Loosened his grip a bit so he could make her beg for her life even more.

Whatever, he nodded his head and Toji told him of his proposal, jerking him off when he decided Sukuna was thinking about it too long and needed a motivator. Seeing Toji’s mouth fill up with his dick and his face coated in white was more than enough of a motivator.

Toji and Sukuna have been friends for a long time, and any new endeavor Sukuna was involved in, Toji was his right hand man and vice versa. This had to be his favorite by far .

Earlier in the day, he had come over to the apartment to collect his video camera. From the way Sukuna described it, Toji would be cumming in his hands soon enough. He couldn’t wait to see how Sukuna fucked her, she was too fucking cute. He could only imagine what she looked like when she was horny, desperate to cum on someone’s dick or tongue.

Sukuna greeted him at the door, “Hey, it’s in the room. You staying?”

Unfortunately Toji wasn't, although he would have liked to. “Nah, I got Megumi. I told you that dick head.” He walked inside and looked around. He would have explored with Sukuna last night, but his son couldn’t be alone for too long.

Sukuna tilted his head at him, disgruntled. “What the fuck, I thought we were going out tonight?”

“We are. I'm giving him back to his mom. Then I’ll come over. Does that work for you, my darling?" Sukuna hits his chest and walks away. After walking around the kitchen and the dining room, Toji looked into the archway that led to the living room and saw legs laying down on the couch with a blanket haphazardly covering them. Toji comically rubbed his hands. “There she is. The lady of the hour.”

She was laying on the couch in a daze, Sukuna had been feeding her nonstop alcohol and weed, while murmuring about wishing she had stronger drugs. He complained about not being able to leave because he couldn’t trust her by herself, and considered knocking her out. The debate he had with himself was nerve wracking and terrifying, as if he were discussing a game plan. He almost reached a conclusion when Toji came knocking.

Though she was too incapacitated to react, Toji coming had made her heart drop. As if things couldn’t get any worse. He had a snake-like grin, his narrow green eyes stabbing her in her chest, a harbinger of a fate worse than death. Even as he taunted her, she couldn’t say anything. Her head was heavy from the drugs and she was frozen in fear.

When he started walking towards her with that same smile, she found the strength to squirm for a bit, and her head pounded in pain from the movement. Sukuna grabbed his shirt and pulled him backwards, and Toji ripped himself free of his grasp before glaring at him. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

“You’re here for the tape, not her.” And for a moment, her heart swelled with hope, thinking maybe, just maybe, in a sick way, this man cared about her. That the only danger she had to be afraid of was him. ‘Please’ , she thought, ‘let it just be him’ .

Toji smirked and pushed his hair out his eyes. “For now, yeah.”

Sukuna didn’t answer, instead he rolled his eyes and left the living room, probably to fetch the device in question. She was less confident about Sukuna protecting her from his friend, and eventually a feeling of shame creeped its way in there as well. Sukuna didn’t care about her, she knew that. She doesn’t know if she’s going to die, but she does know things would never be the same. If only she could get to a phone, get a couple minutes of privacy. All she needed was 2 minutes and for Sukuna to be out of earshot.

Toji’s presence didn’t give her any space to think. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of her, he was leaning against the wall, smirking with his hands in his pockets. “Hey gorgeous. Ya' had fun last night?”

He looked down the hall, then once he saw Sukuna was still occupied, he got up from the wall and walked towards her on the couch. Taking one hand out of his pocket, he started playfully tugging at the blanket. She had just enough strength to grab it and tug back, though she was weak.

He chuckled. “That’s cute. You’re so fucking cute. You know who I am?” He let her tug a bit more before yanking it out of her hands, leaving her cold and half naked. Sukuna had only let her put on underwear, laced and pink with a tiny bow at the front. “My name’s Toji.”

He dropped the blanket and rubbed his chin as he ogled her on the couch. She looked up at him, a scared little lamb covering her breasts and pulling her legs to her chest. She was shivering.

He tilted his head and pouted at her. “Aw,” he said with pity. He put both hands behind his back and stood up straight. Then, clearing his throat, he leaned over and stuck his hand out in front of her. “It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

She stared at him, her face slowly unraveling in disbelief and fear. She said nothing, and soon, Toji dropped his hand and put both back in his pocket. He leisurely strolled away to look back down the hallway, checking for Sukuna. Instead, he heard muffled cursing from behind the door. Whatever he was doing, he was occupied.

Toji turned and smiled at her, quickly approaching the couch and kneeling down in front of her face. She started panting and her eyes welled with tears. “You know, it’s gonna be my turn soon. Real soon.” he says quietly.

He looked her body up and down as she silently cried, then slapped her tit. She still didn’t make a sound, just quiet sobs and sighs. Her face remained stoic, or she’d have completely broken down.

“Hmph,” Toji stood back up and headed down the hallway. “The fuck is taking you so long?”

“I can’t get the fucking tape out,” Sukuna replied dumbly.

Toji rubbed his hands down his face. “It’s my vid cam. Just give it to me.” He opened the door and snatched it from his hands.

“Ay,” Sukuna said, getting up from the bed and walking after him. “What were you saying to her out there?”

“Just joshing around, Jesus. All on my dick, for what?” Toji kept walking away, looking over at the couch. She had grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around herself, turning over and planting her face in the cushion. Toji laughed and shook his head, she wouldn’t be able to avoid him for long. Her rejection would only make tonight even more special. "Be easy," he says towards her. He left without another word or look.

Any sense of relief she felt from Toji’s absence was quickly squashed when Sukuna sat down on the couch next to her curled up body and leaned backwards with his arms laying across the cushions. He looked over at her. “You alive in there?” He asked, snapping his fingers next to her face. She turns her head to look at him.

Sukuna smiles. “There you are. You look like you could use some water.” Her lips were dry and cracked despite her being a sweaty mess, and her eyes were bloodshot. She looked like she needed an IV.

“Here, don’t even worry, I’ll get some for you.” And Sukuna got up and sifted through her pantry to find a bottle to give to her. She doesn’t take it at first, eying him suspiciously, but he smacks his teeth and throws it onto her instead. “Just fucking drink it.”

He sat down and turned on the tv, changing the channel until he hit South Park , then grabbed the rolling tray once more. She took him on his offer and gulped the entire bottle down; she had no other drinks besides liquor since last night. The water poured down her neck as she drank and even up her nose, but she didn’t stop until it was empty. “Damn woman,” Sukuna glared at her. “It’s not going nowhere.”

When the bottle was empty she threw it on the floor and coughed. Her head pounded and her entire world started spinning. Then, her chest began to curl and she ran to the bathroom and threw everything up. Sukuna's laughter resonated through the walls and attacked her ears as her head hung inside the toilet.

When she’d woken up in her bed after passing out on the bathroom floor, she’d felt a stinging agonizing pain in her abdomen and she squirmed and groaned in the blanket. For a moment, she could have believed it was all a bad dream, until Sukuna walked into her room with a slice of pizza and a bottle of water. “You sleep a lot, huh?” Of course he knew, he’d been watching her for weeks.

One look at the pizza and a whiff of the tangy pepperoni made her lurch and gag. She shook her head, she couldn’t imagine eating something right then.

Sukuna rolled his eyes at her and sat the food down in front of her anyway. “I don’t have to feed you, you know,” he reminds her. He kneeled on the bed and grabbed her, muttering for her to ‘fucking relax’ when she started wrestling against him. He sat her up and laid her torso on her bed frame, shoving the plate into her hands. “I didn’t have to make you breakfast this morning, but I did.” Then, in a horrifying change of tone, his snarl turned into a little smile, and Sukuna gently played with her hair. “Because that’s what a good boyfriend does,” he said almost cheerfully.

She really didn’t want to eat the pizza, she knows she’ll throw it back up.

When she remained silent, Sukuna sighed disappointedly and crawled off of her. He stood up to walk away, then stopped and turned to look at her when he got to the door. “You ran out so I got you more grass from my place,” he starts, casual as ever. “And uh, get ready because you’re going to work with us tonight. Toji’s coming but he’s not gonna wait long if you’re not ready.” He pauses and scratches his chin, trying to remember what else he needed to tell her, amused by the dead-eyed stare she gave him. “Oh,” he leans back into the room and points to her closet. “I took a look in there, there’s this tiny black dress you got, the one with the…uh-the hal-halter neck? Is that what it’s called?” He motions on his own chest and waits for her to confirm, then continues when she doesn’t. “It’s like, draped a bit, and it has a low back.” Sukuna whistles at the memory of watching her try that dress on. “ Whew, you looked good in that dress. Oh and it’s sheer, your ass and tits are fucking sight. Anyway, I couldn’t find it in your closet. Where is it?”

She still said nothing, just looked at him while eating the pizza. Sukuna rolls his eyes and throws his head back in annoyance. “Listen honey,” he says, walking back inside and closing the door. “I want to be nice to you. I really do, but I won’t if you don’t want to talk to me. This could be good for you. I’ll take care of you, of everything you need, I’ll give you anything you want, but you gotta be my cute little wife first, okay?”

A few more silent moments pass, and Sukuna’s patience begins to wear thin. He didn’t want to have to kill her, she was more than gorgeous, she filled him with desire he hadn’t felt in years. She finally spoke before he did, her voice dry and frail, strained with grief, “Anything I want?”

“…Anything.”

She thought for a moment looking down into her lap. “…Let me go?” She asked hesitantly. She slowly lifted her head back up, Sukuna’s face remained stoic, she couldn’t measure what he was thinking. “Let me leave, like I wanted. I won’t say anything. I swear, just let me go.” Her voice started to shake, because Sukuna still hadn’t moved or said anything, but she could hear his breathing get deeper and faster, and she remembered that she was more afraid than she’d let on. She started to pant and choked on a sob before letting out a desperate, “Please.”

Sukuna took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then, he smiled again. Her heart dropped.

He approaches her one more time, leaning over and putting his hands on his knees before slapping her across the face. She yelps and he wraps his hand around her mouth as she cries. “You know better than to ask me that.” He lets go and backs up. “I won’t say it again. You already said you were mine, so you’re mine -“

Before he can really finish speaking, she gains a burst of courage fueled by rage and shouts at him, “You made me say it!”

“Shut the hell up.” Sukuna says, his eyes white with fury.

“No! I fucking hate you!”

“I said shut the hell up!” He grabs her by the throat and throttles her. “You’re not leaving me!”

When she starts to gag, he throws her back against the bed and stands up. His breaths deep and jagged, he was steaming, furious that she would even dare to fight back against him. She continued to give him a deadly sneer, it was sharp and filled with hate, and it cut right through him and embedded itself in his black heart. He wouldn’t let her slip away, not in life or death, and as he grew more and more upset with her and the way she looked at him, he found himself doing something he’d never done before. “Don’t you understand? Don’t you understand why I want you?”

She didn’t stop glaring at him. At this point, she didn’t think she cared, but then he continued. “I’ve been looking for you my whole life.” Her face, heart, and stomach drop and her world crashes down along with them. It’s just him and her in a vast, empty space. It’s cold. Sukuna’s face changes to a ghost from her past, a face that still strikes fear into her heart.

Sukuna lunges at her and holds her face in his hands. She gasps, afraid of what he might try to do. “You make me feel… alive. When I look at you, my heart feels like it’s going to stop.” It’s with these words that she finally gives up and falls apart, and Sukuna feels a rush of excitement at his success of breaking her. “I dreamt about you, I thought about you day and night, I smelled you at the store and brushed on your clothes, and I thought I would die walking away from you. God I wanted to see you again.”

Her ex had gone on a crazy tangent similar to this as well, going on and on about how he had nothing and no one, that she was all he needed, and how he would kill himself if she’d ever left.

“But you didn’t want to see me. You got blinds, you ran away from me, so I had to make you see the mistake you were making. I needed you to see how much you meant to me.” Like Sukuna, he blamed her for her trauma, for the things he put her through. He would bring her around his sleazy friends, make her drink and smoke and do lines at parties when all she wanted was to be home, then blame her when his friends got too handsy and she was too weak to push them away. Scream at her for being a cheating whore, when he’s the one who left her alone in the room with all the rest of them.

He stroked her hair again and put her head in his chest. She didn’t fight him. “Do you understand now?”

She nodded.

“Will you tell me where the dress is?”

“…the hamper.”

“Hm, that sucks. Think you can run it through a cycle while you get real pretty the way you do?”

“…yes.”

Sukuna nodded contently and kissed her forehead before standing up from the bed and finally going to leave the room. "I'm going in the shower, come in when the dress is in the wash." Then he leaves. She blinks, then quickly looks to the side of her bed. The phone had been ripped out of the wall.

Once again, defeated, she plops back down on the pillow, gazing at the wall. Soon, her body moves on it's own to reach into the hamper and grab the black fabric. She doesn't protest as her legs turn and exit the room. Her eyes look down the darkened hallway. The only light coming from the closed bathroom. The sound of cartoons on the tv, and the water from the shower. She scrunches the dress up tightly, so tight it squeezes her veins and her hand turns purple. She continues to hauntingly saunter down the hall to her laundry room. misty-eyed and tired, she drops the dress in, turns to the quickest cycle, then turns to the door and steps out. She freezes, her eyes staring at the bathroom door. What is she doing but delaying the inevitable?

From the shower, Sukuna hears her starting the laundry and he laughs to himself. It takes her a few minutes, but she eventually opens the door and walks into the bathroom. Sukuna listened to her take off her underwear, then counts each footstep she takes towards the shower. Too many.

She couldn't help but to stay away from him for as long as possible. She knew she fucked up when Sukuna threw open the curtain and pulled her into the hot shower. She gasped but quickly stopped when he forced their naked bodies together. His hair was wet and laid across his face in heavy strands. His large arms and hands roamed every single crevice of her body. Her arms were forced around his shoulders as well as her head on his right. He buried his in her neck, kissing, licking, and biting at it. She hadn't even realized he'd lifted her legs around his waist until his dick rubbed against her clit, too dazed by his attack on her neck.

She let herself moan, tired of being beaten and forced against her will. She let herself enjoy it, because what choice did she have? She wanted to live, it's all she's ever wanted. Maybe she felt like she was giving up before, but not anymore. The shame and misery can come later, when she's free.

"Mm,"  Sukuna muttered into her skin. his voice vibrated through her chest  "See? Doesn't this feel amazing?" He kissed her on the cheek, then nibbled it, and she turned her head and looked into his eyes. He was   handsome, but scary. He scanned her face, curious to what she was thinking. Then she kisses him.

Sukuna walks forward and pushes her against the cold, tiled wall. They bite each other's lips and suck on each other's tongues, their desire for each other growing and growing. Sukuna pulled away and they caught their breaths, and she admitted that she enjoyed it, but when she looks at him too long she sees him looking at her through his window, then him slamming her door shut and-

"Don't. Do do it. Not right now." Sukuna's lips had turned into a deep scowl, and his eyes were filled with malice. He'd seen the way her mind had started twisting, her brows turned upwards slowly, and her nostrils flared as her eyes started to gleam. He was only making it worse, but she tried so hard to stay calm. She closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddered breath. Sukuna waited and took a breath of his own. When she opened her eyes again, they were red and he knew her wet lashes weren't from the shower. They look at each other for a few moments, then he tells her  "Stick out your tongue."

She gulped, then did what he asked of her. Sukuna drools onto it, then closes his eyes and leans over to make out with it, sucking it into his mouth. He moans as he pulls and tugs, their spit leaking between their chests that were pressed against one another. She began rubbing her hips on his boner, making him groan

"You ready?"  he asks, as if he cared if she wasn't. He grabs his dick and rubs his pre-cum all over his shaft, spitting on it for good measure. He rubs his tip between her fluttering lips, laughing at her small whimpers.  "So needy, baby,"  He says, slowly sinking into her pussy  "So, so needy."

"A-Ah,"  she whispers, biting her tongue as he spreads her with his thick girth. Her eyes were screwed shut, her pussy squeezing him with every inch.

"Come on, let me hear you."  He buries himself into her fully, his face inches from her open mouth. He squeezed his lips as he kept pumping her, nostrils flaring with each huff, making sure his dick hit all her walls. Her throat had shut in ecstasy and pain, and she let the tears flow, but she wasn't sad. "Yeah, you fucking love this. Come on, say something for me. It feels good, don't it?"

She finally sighed with a groan and nodded her head. Sukuna laughed at her, kissed her cheek, then planted his own on it as he began fucking her against the shower wall. He grunted with every thrust, her gasps and whines fueling his desire for her.

"Oh, Sukuna,"  she lets out. She feels his smile on her ear, accompanied by his hot breaths, then his tongue as he sucks on her lobe.

"Yeah, say my name. Keep squeezing my dick, baby."  His voice became strained and he started breathing harder, her pussy kept fluttering as she orgasmed, his dick sliding in and out of her with ease. He looked between them and moaned at the white ring around his shaft. And to his surprise, he gave her a final few thrusts, hen came deep inside her. The two of them panted as he stared at their hips, one hand against the wall and the other holding him up.

Sukuna eventually looks at up her, stares at her lips, then kisses them. He puts her down and hands her sponges and soap. "Don't talk about it." he tells her. She nods, but she doesn't really understand what he meant.

This reality was already a nightmare, but this is something she’s been through before. She never imagined she would be here again, crossfaded and head hanging, fighting to stay conscious despite wanting to pass away. Her head pounds with terrible music, and she’s squashed between men she hates while the purple lights and colorful lasers of the club dance in her eyes.

At her apartment, he'd told her to wear underwear he could see, so she chose a white thong. He was smoking when she walked out, completely finished and ready to go. Just in time for Toji to pull up on the sidewalk. He grinned and ashed the blunt before handing it to her. "And make sure you take a few shots," he says. "Don't worry, there's better drugs at the club." He held his hands out and waited for her to take it, which she did. "Thought you'd start to cry again," he joked.

Right before they exited the door, he turned and leaned down next to her ear. "You're gonna follow me to Toji's car like a good girl. If you scream, cry, or try to run, I'll just grab you anyway. Then I'll throw you in his car and break your neck."  Duly noted.

Toji looked over at them approaching him from the driver's seat of his black convertible. He whistled in delight. "Damn. You weren't lying," he says to Sukuna.

"Of course I wasn't"

Sukuna motioned for her to get in the back of the car, before Toji protested. "Wait, nah, let her sit next to me." He smiled at her and pat the seat next to him. "Come here, girl. I don't bite. Not as hard as he did, anyway."

"Why should I let her sit next to you?" Sukuna planted his hand down on Toji's arm. The mood shifted as his face began to fall. "Why don't I just bring in the back seat with me?"

Toji looked at her, standing to the side waiting for the men to make a decision already. She wasn't running, she wasn't sneaking away, she wasn't even looking around for someone to save her. "What about you? Who would you rather sit next to?"

It took a moment for her to notice she was being asked a question. She looked at the two of them, blinking. "I'd rather have a bullet in my brain."

Toji busted out laughing from her hubris, while Sukuna rolled his eyes at her. "Here she fucking goes. Just sit next to him. I'm not trying to hear that shit."

Toji didn’t say much to her, at least not anything that didn’t consist of him lusting over her. "You clean up  real nice, sweetheart." When she remained silent, he put his hand on her thigh and squeezed it. "Hey, can't say thank you? Don't like compliments?"

"...Thank you."

"Just drive, you fat fuck," Sukuna moaned from the backseat.

Toji smacked his teeth but drove off anyway. "Fat? Who you calling fat? Hey, sweetheart," he calls to the woman next to him, "You think I'm fat?"

"Of course she does. You flabby piece of shit."

"Come on, baby. Don't you like me? I like you."

Neither men explained what they were doing or why she was here with them, or what she needed to be doing to keep Sukuna happy. She picked up on bits and pieces of their conversation like wire it when the job’s done and last time took a month. Something about the job taking longer because someone left off an anonymous tip that their lives were in danger. She hadn’t been living in the city long and was still getting used to municipalities and the local government, but she remembered the name from a news story a couple weeks ago about the death of a DEA officer. She sunk a bit more into the seat.

Now here she was, sitting between the both of them at a booth in a humid club, men she’s never seen before ogling her. She’s very used to this, but for a moment, she thought she’d escaped this life.

Toji’s arm lays across the cushion behind her head and he leans down to murmur in her ear. “So, what the fuck did Sukuna say to you to get you to do this? You’re being a very good girl.” He starts to touch her hair too. “You’ve been a good girl all night. My client’s very happy.”

He gestures to the strange man sitting across from them smoking a cigar. She truthfully had no clue who he was or what they were all doing here, and though that terrifies her, she knows the truth is much worse. “You should smile at him. And stop looking so depressed.” He drops his hand down her back, she jumps from the cold of his fingers that tapped against her skin as he reached inside her dress. She sits up straight. “The girls are always depressed. They’ll like it if you’re happy.”

She does what she’s asked. Toji was right, the strange men were very pleased. Sukuna, finally looking over at her, smirks when he sees her very convincing smile. Then, his eyes trail upwards and he watches Toji look her up and down and bite his lip. Then, his eyes trail down his arm and catch his fingers inside her dress. His smirk drops just a bit.

“That’s right, so obedient,” Toji whispers in her ear, his hot breath tickling her and making her shudder. He chuckles again, admiring her face. “So, what did he say?”

Sukuna couldn’t hear what Toji started asking her, and he didn’t try no matter how much he wanted to. Not even when she turned back to him and responded.

“What do you mean?”

“Sukuna. You got all dressed up and came here without a fight, or even a word. Why?” He wondered. He wouldn’t get an answer, she didn’t really know either. “Did he say some shit about his childhood? Or his terrible fucking life? Or did he tell you you were the only one for him?”

She thought she would cry, but she couldn't find the tears for it. So, her lips spread into a dazed grin and she laughs. “Something like that, yeah.”

Toji, pleased by her cooperation, cackles loudly. He claps his hands a few times, and makes sure to meet Sukuna’s glare before talking to her again. “You believe him?”

“I don’t know. I guess I do.” She decided it’s easier to pretend.

Toji gingerly shakes his head. Bless your heart he says with his eyes. But with his lips, “You know he’ll fucking kill you one day, right?”

All she could do was laugh at that too. “Maybe.”

lmk what u think! Thx for reading!

[evilkitten3]

i don't think television is real

"Your top 15 favorite TV shows can say a lot about your personality"

Ty lovely mutuals @kuhakukage @mochiajclayne @tentensgiantfan for tagging me I really enjoyed making this list... memory lane... it was so hard tho, but:

Breaking Bad

Naruto (minus war arc and ending)

Avatar The Last Airbender

Master of None

The Umbrella Academy

Castlevania

Silicon Valley

Freaks and Geeks

Mr. Robot

Westworld

How I Met Your Mother

Food Wars

Haikyuu

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Kim Possible

Mutuals I haven't seen tagged yet, I tag: @sasubaeuchithot @the-real-sasuke-uchiha @narutobrainrotstuff @moon-trees @azenta

Bonus - honorable mentions bc I love sm shows and am indecisive:

One Tree Hill

Masterchef (Australia)

Tokyo Ghoul

Teen Titans

America's Next Top Model

Black Mirror

The Boys

Game of Thrones (s1-5)

Lost (s1-3)

Winx Club (s1-5)

Totally Spies

Billions (s1-4)

The Vampire Diaries

CW The Flash (s1-4)

Arcane

[missmielyhoran]

Little Helpers

Harry needs a bit of help, and who's better than his two little gremlins...

90sRockstar!Harry × Reader

A/N- Happens wayyyyyyy long in the future, like at least 10 years after they meet. Harry and reader are in their mid 30s

Only Angel Masterlist // Masterlist

*****

It was your birthday.

And Harry was struggling.

You've been out in New York for last week or so for work while he has been staying home with kids.

To say they're pain in the ass is an understatement, but he made his bed (or hot tub), so he had to lay in it.

Harry was the "fun" parent, to say the least, cause he can't say no, and those gremlins even tho they're only four years old are way too good at getting things their way.

Meanwhile, you knew how to shut down something you knew they didn't need. Like the large Nerf gun, Harry got them in secret and then had to listen to you yell at him while those two giggled from the stairs in timeout.

But that wasn't the problem right now.

The problem was that the house was mess, the kitchen was mess, it was your birthday and he doesn't know how to cook, clean all at the same time while taking care of kids who are already running around in backyard.

It was times like these he was amazed by how his mother, and even you did everything so efficiently. Never once did he saw a thing out of place when you stayed with kids, and he had to go out.

(Maybe cause you made the kids clean up after themselves while he sees one look of their puppy eyes and melts)

He took a deep breath in and called for the kids, "Jack! Soph! come back inside" He yelled, which caught the twins' attention. Their little head snapped towards him, and soon enough, they were running in giggling still in their pjs.

Harry shook his head and walked back inside and saw them talking to themselves. They were literally each others best friends, always attached to the hip, partners in crime, and he hoped they're like this when they grow up.

"Kids, kids and kids!" He announced dramatically. Twins giggled again, "There is only two of us, dada. Why are you saying kids three times?" They looked at each other and laughed again at Harry's trying to be mad face.

"Hey smartasses listen to me." He flicked their head lightly, "It's your maa's birthday today"

The twins' eyes went wide, and then Soph jumped, screaming "birthday" making Harry laugh. "That means we will get cake?" Jack asked his dad.

"You will if you help me" Harry shrugged, "Whoever helps me out the most will get the bigger piece!" Harry said.

Twins looked at each other again and then their dad and nodded their head quickly, "I will help you" Jack said, "Me too" Soph said in tow.

"Well then, let's start with this room. Pick up all your toys and everything else and put them where they should be." He said, walking towards the kitchen sink. It was an open plan, so he could still see the kids while cleaning up the kitchen.

He looked at the clock, and it was still 4 hours left to your arrival. He could do it.

He hopes he can do it.

*****

Harry was surprised and amused when he looked up and saw two heaving toddlers sitting on the ground.

"Well done babies, you did such a great job" He said, squatting down to their level and kissing both of their heads.

"We know" They said together. Harry laughed at that cause even if the kids looked like him, their personality was yours. Sassy, witty and smart for their age.

"We put everything in different boxes so you could see who did more work, and my box is the most filled" Jackson said cockily and Soph rolled her eyes.

"I'm just going to steal more from dad's plate" she said without any care as much as Harry would like to think otherwise it was true. He lost his right to have his own food when he become father and he's okay with it (to certain level). Harry still very much amused with their banter over cake slice, goes to the kitchen, and fetches both of them their water bottles along with a bowl of fruits.

"Why don't you two drink some water and eat all those fruits and then come help me bake the cake?" Harry asked them immediately, getting nods as an answer from hungry babies.

He took out all the ingredients while the kids ate and arranged them, so it was easier for kids to "help" him.

Soon enough, they were all done with their snacks and were standing on the large wooden stool beside Harry, watching him make the cake. Both of them have large chefs hat on and custom matching aprons Harry got for all of them for when they would cook together on Sunday mornings.

He was in the middle of cracking egg when Sophie started to fuss, "Dada I want to do it too!" She said, pouting.

Harry brought the bowl in front of her and stood behind her holding her hand, which had egg in it, and then cracked it open and put it in the bowl. Sophie giggled, finding amusement in cracking eggs, which made Jack feel left out so Harry did the same with him too.

The kids helped him as much as they could, with bringing him stuff, and finally, the cake was in oven.

Jack and Soph sat in front of the oven watching the cake like hawk cause in their words, "we want it to be perfect like maa makes it". Harry cleaned the rest of the kitchen.

"C'mon babies bath time." He announced which much to kids displeasure meant they had to move away from the oven. Harry literally had to drag them upstairs with Soph in his left arm and Jack in right.

"You two are getting heavy for me to pick you up and roam around" he said, groaning at the feeling of back ache rising.

"No, you're just getting old, dada." The twins laughed. Harry rolled his eyes at them and flicked their heads.

"In the bath. Your maa will have my head if you two are dirty" He said, starting the warm bath of them.

*****

There have been times Harry felt proud of himself, and right now, as he watches the clean house, clean kids, and a not burned cake, he feels proud of himself.

Kids were watching TV in the living room when they heard the car pull up in the driveway, and everyone was set on their mission.

Harry quickly lit up all the candles. Meanwhile, kids stood in the position near the door with paper confetti in their hands to throw at you.

Meanwhile, you feel exhausted as you get out of the car. The fashion week of this year was hectic. You were so busy you didn't even remember it was your birthday until you opened he door.

Colorful confetti flew on your face as you heard "happy birthday" in unison. Your kids stood near the door with the biggest smile on their faces with your husband behind them with cake in his hand.

"Omg, thank you so much my little munchkin" you said, sitting down on your knees and pulling twins into tight hugs. All exhaustion and stress were lost as you saw your favorite people.

"Hey, I'm also here." You heard Harry whine, making three of you laugh.

"C'mon maa, we want cake!" Jack said, first making you laugh. You kissed both of their cheeks and stood up, walking towards your husband.

You pecked his lips and smiled, "Thank you, baby." you said with a warm smile matching his. "My absolute pleasure angel" He said, kissing you again.

"Those gremlins helped me, or I was ready to have a panic attack this morning," he said, chuckling.

You brought the cake to the kitchen, Harry stood beside you his arms around your waist, and kids stood on the stool on your other side.

"Maa make a wish!" Soph said. You nodded and wished for your family to stay just like this forever and blew the candles. Jack and Soph clapped while Harry leaned down and kissed your cheeks.

Cake slices were cut and put in plate for all four of you and as you and Harry stood in the kitchen with your head on his shoulder watching your kids banter over who's slice is bigger you never felt more content.

This is all you ever wanted.

*****

I think they're my favorite couple after Harry and Autumn.

Taglist- @tenaciousperfectionunknown @that-daydream-look @harryspirate @tiaamberxx @lomlhstyles @vmpellie @sunshinemoonsposts @jayde515 @yeehawbrothers @sleutherclaw @ikea2-0 @thechaoticjoy @astridcommings @grapejuicebluesrry @gxbiqs

Please Like, Comment and Reblog

Tell me if you liked this or just talk to me cause trust me I love it, here♡

[will80sbyers]

I just wanted to pop in and say thank you for all your posts. You’re a soldier Dani. Whenever I’m having doubts and scrolling through the tag, I see your posts and they kinda smack me upside the head and make me remember that I don’t really have any reasons to doubt something that has clearly been built up from the beginning and was left on an unresolved high note in season 4.

Although, in my defense, the reason I get doubts is because was a k/ance shipper when I was a dumb teenager, but now as a dumb adult, I can say k/ance didn’t even have 2% of the proof Byler does, but yknow sometimes there’s that voice in the back of my head that sounds like Theadore from Alvin and the chipmunks telling me that I’m just getting queerbaited again.

ANYWAY I appreciate you so much and just wanted to send you a nice ask, since I know you get a lot of hate!

Thank you dear!! ❤️❤️

Honestly I get why people have doubts, we queer people have had to deal with so much queerbaiting or just our queer shows being all cancelled, you really never know even against all logic... there's always that 1% of possibility that straight people are being intentionally or mindlessly cruel writing about our experiences and don't give them as much care as they do with the storylines of straight characters

so I get it, it's probably usually healthier to not trust in it so you don't get heartbroken again, but in this case I'm really convinced there's TOO MUCH stuff and it has surpassed the "it could be a coincidence" option wayyyyyyy too long ago! It would be a level of intentional cruelty I would have never seen before if Byler didn't happen

Lucky for us, I believe we have nothing to worry about and they are good writers that have been building this story and this slow burn romance between Will and Mike and also have been planning for El to become her own person at the end of the show, the narrative is really telling us that and we have so many parallels that would be a complete waste of time and resources if it didn't mean anything for the story + if you look at all the other seasons they are ALWAYS foreshadowing things that happen in the season after and imagine putting this intentional ass COUPLE framing in the show and then doing absolutely nothing about it I would be flying to the Duffers house and knocking on their door asking for ANSWERS because WHY WOULD ANY DIRECTOR DO THIS IF THEY DIDN'T MEAN A ROMANTIC PAIRING WHEN ONE OF THEM IS CONFIRMED IN LOVE WITH THE OTHER!!!!

Anyway sorry I started rambling about them again lmfaooooo but as you know we have SOOOO MANY reasons to logically believe in Byler, it's not crazy to believe in it at all and there's so many people that literally STUDY cinema that said the same thing we are saying 🤷

Byler will be endgame! 🌈🌈🌈

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 3 (pt. 1)

i can make gifs now!! big shoutout to @ablogtocheck for the advice. hopefully they don't give anyone epilepsy. ANYWAYS.

little preface: logan is *very* out of it this episode. it's obviously not unlike him to start out a little disengaged. i think even when williams isn't emotionally beating the shit out of him, he's kind of more introverted; you get the feeling that there's a lot going on in his head that he doesn't say, unlike alex, who has NO FILTER WHATSOEVER. what's in his head is out of his mouth immediately... which is why their dynamic is so paradoxical yet so endearing. even in this split second alex is 100x more expressive than logan, but logan– who has been morosely slouched over with his cap covering 60% of his face the whole intro– is offering a small smile just for him. (you can see how quickly the light fades from his eyes though. he is beaten the fuck down guys)

okay, the activity is a mix-and-match; different cutouts of drivers on the grid. i actually really like this prompt because it's really different from what teams normally have their drivers do– it's not remotely athletic or F1-trivia-based; this is pretty outside the box for once so we actually get to see a lot more personality and personality difference. alex is scattered, hyperactive. he stands up almost immediately, pretty much flailing around, laughing and panicking and still kind of having fun. but logan is patiently sitting at the table and inspecting everything from his seat. he's wayyyy more focused and that's ultimately why he wins the challenge. he's been given a task and he's doing it well, committed, without complaining; it's like.. compulsory compliance. but there's one moment in particular that i–

THIS. this exactly. so far they've been complete opposites of each other, even more noticeably than usual; detached vs engaged, focusing vs having fun, sunshine vs complete cloud cover as usual. they aren't even really interacting with each other. any two others in this situation– you'd think there would be some conflict arising at some point, some tension at the too much : too little imbalance. and yet here they are perfectly in sync. completely, fundamentally, wordlessly in sync. they each invade the other's personal space very suddenly, without even eye contact, and then just as swiftly move out of the way so smoothly it looks choreographed. lando would literally have fallen out of his chair by now trying to reach over oscar. carlos would have his hands all over charles trying to block him from the right pieces. if yuki and pierre were still teammates one of them would have already concussed their head on the table and the other would be matching everything wrong on purpose. but these two are utterly aware of each other without even looking. they can respect each other's space and anticipate each other's movements and there's not a single attempt at cheating, distraction, any sort of meddling. yes it's a competition but even though they're acting so different and they are so different there's this perfect unspoken understanding between them and this is just what happens naturally when it manifests physically, visibly. they don't say anything, they just know.

okay this was getting wayyyyyyy too long (such a short episode SO MUCH TO ANALYZE) so i'm saving the last few for another post :)

ep 3 pt 2

[hearts4hughes]

jack hughes x snowboarder! reader

a/n: never have done headcanon before and this was really fun! also, i am not a snowboarder and i have little knowledge on the sport. i’m very sorry if something doesn’t make sense, lmk and i’ll fix it :))

request: HI IL YOUR WRITING. can you PRETTY PLEASE write jack H x snowboarder reader. like shes super fun an steezy and likes to do crazy scary stuff. he goes to her comps and is super supportive maybe? PLEASE ILL LOVE YOU FOREVER IF YOU WRITE HEADCANON OR FIC ON THIS!

💌 he’s super supportive and goes to every single one of your games (making sure to hype you up before and after you compete)

💌 considering he’s incredibly gifted on skates, you’d think he would pick up on snowboarding quickly; however it was the exact opposite

💌 you’ve been trying to teach him basic snowboarding skills for months, and he’s just completely dumbfounded (it is entertaining to watch him fall on his ass or face plant tho)

💌 being a snowboarder comes with wanting to do courageous things

💌 you and jack went skydiving and he was shitting his pants the entire time while you were so excited and filled with serotonin

💌 he gets so proud and prideful when he tells people that his girlfriend is a professional snowboarder

💌 whenever someone asks about you, he’ll ramble on for wayyyyyyy too long, just gushing and boasting about you to everyone

💌 his toxic fans online try to make fun of you for snowboarding (they call it a fake sport and etc.) but jack tells them right off

💌 ^ “snowboarding is most definitely a real sport and i’m so fucking proud of y/n. you’ll never be able to accomplish anything close to what she’s done.”

💌 literally thinks the most attractive thing in the world is watching you at your competitions

💌 when you first started dating, he knew little to nothing about snowboarding, so he’d spend countless nights researching, watching snowboarding documentaries, and watching live comps

💌 your comps usually last a few hours but he doesn’t care

💌 he’ll stay wrapped up in his winter coat, sporting a blanket, drinking a hot chocolate, and watching you very intensely

💌 if you mess up at a competition, he’s very caring and always reassures you that you’re doing amazing

💌 ^ “it’s ok, baby. snowboarding is very hard and you’re still doing amazing!”

💌 is very, very protective of you

💌 if you get hurt during a comp, he’ll literally go above and beyond to make sure you’re comfortable and feeling ok

💌 ^ “jack, it’s ok, it’s only a small bruise.” “i don’t care, you’re still hurt and need to be taken care of!” “i’m not hurt-” “shhh and let me be your doctor for the day!!!”

[paperstarwriters]

ive come kneeling at your doorstep to beg for that essay on murio and luciels parallels you mentioned 👀💦👉👈

i love loathing lucio so much so it would deal my lil hater ass so much psychic damage and i cannot wait to get rekt

(onlyifyouwanttothoofcoursetakeyourtime)(just making sure youre aware id print that shit n frame it above my bed were it to come to existence)

Hello @tetsuooooooooooo! I know you said I can take my time, ok I'm still really really sorry this took awhile, I've been kinda burnt out from classes lately, and writing a bunch of essays for that lol, but I've managed to make a somewhat coherent argument for my case here lol.

Now, to preface this:

I only really like Lucio as a character to thematically dissect and kick around occasionally for giggles. I am a far, far cry from a Lucio stan, I just find him interesting—like a bug. Honestly I don't think I'm gonna convince you he's in any way a good guy I just might make you loathe him more 😅

I haven't played Lucio's route. I'm too busy and I get too annoyed with some of his antics + the options of reactions that MC is allowed to make. I've only played the side stories and a lot of my understanding of his character is built from Muriel's route (and I know he's much more different in his own route than he is in the others') as well as hearsay from other people talking about Lucio

I know I said that I'd include Aurora's songs in my original statement but that got wayyyyyyy too messy so I'm just opting to exclude them lol. (not to mention youtube is doing a very irritatingly strange thing of deleting and then reuploading Aurora's songs??? so I don't wanna deal with the messy files :/)

With that out of the way here is my essay :)

Wordcount: 2,908

──────── ✎ ────────

Muriel and Lucio are both very, very caught up in how they are seen by others. While it's clearer when it comes to Lucio, it is also made clear in Muriel by the fact that Social anxiety is often caused by stress over how a person is perceived and their mental belief that they are helpless to change that perception. This causes of their self perception are also quite similar, due to their similar histories, but in the same way that there are some notable opposites between them with their struggle for their identity there is also some notable differences in their histories that arguably causes the slight difference in their struggle for their self image.

To begin with their history, Muriel and Lucio are noted to both come from the South. They come from two opposing tribes, and are both eventually chased out of their home and community by 1) a cruel person who arguably causes their struggle of identity and 2) the plague. Of course, the major difference here is that Lucio actively made decisions that would lead to him being chased out of his tribe, he was arguably aware that if it failed he'd have to leave, he just hadn't considered that it would actually fail.

Muriel on the other hand is chased out of his home at a much younger age, and he has no choice in his eviction from his home or his family. There is no action that Muriel could have done that would have allowed him to stay where he was, unlike Lucio who had a clear option that would have allowed him to stay.

Or at least would have allowed him to stay until he grew tired of his mother's attitude towards him.

I don't believe that Morga's cruel and dismissive attitude towards Lucio started when he tried to kill her, rather, I believe that she has been doing that for a long, long time. She often states that she had been "too soft" on Lucio, but I think her "softness" is the same kind we see in Muriel's route. She berates him, she threatens him, she tells him how awful and unskilled he is to everyone else and makes a show of his failures, but when she is completely and fully enraged and is about to hit Lucio, she hesitates.

Is that softness? To her perhaps. To the tribe, perhaps. But not to me, and not to Lucio.

So, despite all of the harsh words thrown his way, he decides to take action to prove her wrong. I'm willing to bet that a lot of Morga's criticisms were about how strong he was and how he was in fact not actually as strong as he could have been, not as strong as he should have been. That's why when he takes action to prove Morga wrong, he immediately snaps to killing her. There is, after all, no better way than showing your power than killing your opponent (we see this belief in Morga when she spars against Muriel and he beats her.) Of course, in hand-to-hand combat, and on fair terms, Lucio can't actually defeat his mother, so he takes to more under-handed methods in order to beat her.

When this fails, it is the first major wound on his self-image. He cannot defeat his mother. He is not strong enough to defeat his mother despite cheating.

So, he runs away.

Besides marking a wound on his self-image, this also marks Lucio's connection to others. Having been exiled from his tribe, he is disconnected from the friends who may have actually supported him somewhat, he is robbed of his connections and separated from anyone who may have actually loved and cared for him (platonically and/or romantically)

Similarly, Muriel's separation from his own family, and his eventual abandonment into the streets of Vesuvia separates him from any stable sense of love and affection as well. Because he was separated from loving parents as a child and was likely surrounded by a number of children who were abandoned because they were unwanted, or because their parents were unable to care for them, Muriel has no other answer than what the other kids give him it is the only answer he has. Further more I believe that Muriel was probably abandoned by that merchant because they were unable to keep feeding him, which he also attaches onto his real parents as to why he was abandoned in the first place.

And so Muriel believes himself to be unloved and unlovable after being separated from family, or any semblance of a family.

Returning to Lucio, he moves on from his tribe and eventually joins a military group(? I think? Idk. I'm sure there was a specific name for it but I can't remember sorry) Once again, this is an act of trying to prove to his mother and to his community that they were wrong, and when compared to the ordinary person outside of their tribe, he's actually a really good and capable fighter. Of course, however, this is inevitably cut short as he looses his arm, and is once again confronted with the fact that he is unskilled as a warrior and so he retreats from his perceived deficiency and takes a different route to getting the love and admiration he wants—politics.

Of course, as we see in Muriel and Asra's childhood tale, this inevitably puts him into direct conflict as, in order to climb the social ladder he offers to "clean up" the streets. While it's largely left up to interpretation as to whether or not the Threat of Asra's safety came first or Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, I can't help but believe that Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, as otherwise, he might've gone out and tried to check on Asra's safety. (though this is mostly a headcannon) I believe that Lucio offered Muriel a chance to have some say in who gets "cleaned up" from the streets, and for Muriel to be able to get rid of the "actually bad criminals". Regardless of whether or not this is true, the arena gives Muriel his first taste of admiration, as people cheer for and adore him, but it also tears that sense of admiration away as he eventually has to come to terms with what he is doing. Whether that sense of dread and awareness was always there or it occurred somewhere in the middle is also unknown but the outcome is the same regardless. Being known and being admired becomes tied to hurting and harming people—because it is the only trait he sees that other people admire, he sees it as his only lovable trait.

And so Lucio and Muriel begin to reflect each other—and I don't mean reflect as in they show the same image, I mean reflect as in we see a similar image, but the image is reversed (*wink wink nudge nudge*). Here Muriel sees himself as only capable of being loved for his ability to commit violence, and Lucio sees himself as being incapable of being loved because he cannot complete the amount of violence he needs to commit.

Now, I feel the need to emphasize here, despite having many people around him who Lucio may truly believe love and admire him, the people around him very likely don't actually care for him very much because they either do not know him well, or they see him as little more than a pawn in a plan, or at least someone who gives them benefits. And even if there are a number of people with genuine admiration for Lucio, it still wouldn't be enough. Admiration is never enough when you lack genuine emotional connections with others, and Lucio, clearly does.

Again, this parallels Muriel who also struggles with a lack of genuine emotional connections to others. Although he has Asra with him, it's clear that, Asra's tendency to be fickle with connections has extended to him as well, especially when Asra spends more time with MC than him, leaving Muriel feeling abandoned and alone. Considering that Asra is the only person we ever really see Muriel connect or talk to, it's no stretch to say that Asra is one of Muriel's only friends, if not their only friend period, and so with Asra disappearing on him as often as they do, Muriel is left feeling that he actually has no connections at all.

Of course once again reflecting each other, where Muriel clearly sees he lacks connections and pretends he does not, Lucio, makes unsteady transactional rather than emotional relationships and pretends that that is enough.

It is of course, not enough, because if it were, he wouldn't have treated Muriel like that, he likely wouldn't have plucked Muriel out at all. Although this is largely speculation, I believe that Lucio treated Muriel the way he did because he feels as if Muriel is the very child Morga would have wanted. He is big and strong, and although not technically skilled if Muriel were raised by Morga like Lucio was, he might've been. This is why his first reaction to seeing Muriel and Morga working together is that Muriel is Morga's replacement son. It's because that's how Lucio had been treating him. Muriel is Lucio's little avatar to live out the glory of being a fantastically skilled fighter who can beat up all of his opponents. This is also, why I believe that Lucio purposefully trained Muriel to be less skilled in fighting than he was. In Muriel's route, Lucio comments that he's always been able to beat Muriel, and while I do in fact believe that Lucio is actually a skilled fighter, despite how he is often presented and despite my arguments above—he's most often a skilled fighter in the technical sense. He knows all the movements, he knows all the strategies, he knows all the underhanded tricks. By not fighting Muriel too often, and refusing to teach him these tricks however much it may be able to help Muriel out in the arena, it allows Lucio to be able to defeat him whenever he wants to. It allows Lucio to make it seem to himself that he is better than the person his mother would have wanted as a son, which I believe to be both horrible but also sad, for both Lucio and Muriel.

With Lucio, it shows how desperate and inferior he feels with his fighting skills, constantly trying to compensate for it something we can also see that in the portrait of himself he has in his room.

For Muriel, it keeps him scared, and keeps him pinned in place despite having realized the consequences of his fighting. Something which only furthers his self-hatred when he realizes he actually could have easily left.

So yes, Muriel and Lucio are both very self conscious people, and while for Muriel his self consciousness stems from people seeing him as a monster, and him believing that he is one although he does not want to be one, Lucio is self-conscious in the fact that he is not seen as the brutal fighting warrior he was supposed to be.

These reflected aspects of each other, alongside of their self consciousness is the very thing they struggle through in their routes, the very thing that MC helps them to get through.

Lucio believes that through various paintings of himself that rearranges his past (paintings of himself as a triumphant fighter, while his mother is demure and elegant), various unfair/practically staged fights, and celebrations of himself on top of it all, he would be able to convince people that he is awesome and amazing and that he deserves to be loved. In doing all of this however, Lucio runs away from confronting the beliefs at his core and wondering if perhaps, what he understood as traits that make a person great may be incorrect—that his mother had not just been incorrect on the fact that he was a failure, but on the fact of what makes a person successful or powerful. By constantly covering up what he sees as deficits, Lucio skims over his own internal struggles entirely which makes him look foolish and annoying as he ignores what's so clearly there for others.

Meanwhile, for Muriel, he is aware of his deficits, and is unable to properly hide them without disappearing completely himself, he tries to figure out and fix all of his problems through introspection and isolation, but it is not something he can do on his own. Muriel of course, can't accept the fact that he may need help. He can't accept the fact that despite what he believes of himself, other people may actually care for him the same way he cares for them, and will actually offer help. And so, as he runs away from people and community, from friends, and possible friends alike, Muriel runs away from his own problems as well, even if he tortures himself with confronting them (I can't remember if he actually does this or if this is a fanfic trope 😅) Essentially, by constantly trying to deal with his struggles on his own, he neglects his connections to others who may help him, or at least offer support.

And then MC comes along, and because they both desperately needed that deep connection to someone else, regardless of whether it is something platonic or romantic. MC is able to leverage their relationship in order to further propel Muriel and Lucio's development into acknowledging the thing they refuse to acknowledge, and finally balance out their coping mechanisms, which, on their own isn't actually unhealthy (Lucio's really good at connecting with others; Muriel knows how to confront his inner turmoil) using that single method as their crutch for their traumas only ever hurts them more.

As Muriel progresses through his route, he grows more connected with his community and people. One meaningful moment that I don't think they give enough screen time in the game is the moment that Muriel is forced to confront people recognizing and seeing him again. He's forced to confront everyone's perception of him, their memory of him and he retreats into the mirror maze where he stares at all these reflections of himself, all reversed images of himself, but he believes them all to accurately represent himself—as if his superficial physical image is what represents himself mentally and emotionally. And then MC (and Morga 🙄) come through to him and pull him out of that panic attack (or interrupt and yank him away from properly addressing the problem in Morga's case 😤) And that's the first step to being loved. As they say, in order to let yourself be loved you have to let yourself be known, and in that first step, choosing to step forward and prioritize the lives of others over his own self image, Muriel begins to be admired by others. Genuinely admired, for traits that he likes in himself rather than traits that he hates.

Similarly for Lucio, (although I haven't played his route so this is largely based on hearsay) he's faced with problems that he Has to face on his own (or at least somewhat on his own) the main one being that he has to confront the consequences of his own actions, he has to acknowledge to himself that he isn't perfect and that he can't be perfect. It's why at the end of his route on the upright ending, he leaves Vesuvia, to take on a life of (semi)solitude to further take some time to improve his ability at introspection, while in the Reversed ending he's still talking with people, still trying to manipulate their perceptions of him (and the MC), and still trying to be a "good boy" (ie. perfect) for the MC.

Now, it may be argued that Julian can/should be included in this struggle of how others perceive him but I raise you this; that guy is the most dramatic ass dude in town and his biggest dramatic act was telling everyone about how horrible he is. He clearly has no issues with how other people see him, but he has problems with how he sees himself, which again, reflects Muriel a bit, but I'm sure most people are familiar with their (more blatant) similarities by now lol

So yea.

Muriel and Lucio are reflections of each other. At their core, they both struggle with the same problem of caring way too much about how they're seen by others, but they cope with (and thus worsen) the problem in opposite ways, so when they take steps to heal themself, they also go in opposite directions, with Lucio needing to take some time to himself to get into his own head, while Muriel needs some time away from himself to get out of his own head.

Essentially they're heading in opposite directions to reach the same conclusion: other people's opinions don't matter as much as your own opinion of yourself and the opinions of the people close to you.

Interesting parallels, no?

Of course, I believe this could've been better illustrated if Nyx Hydra didn't rush the last three routes, but alas, this is what fan fiction and fan-analysis is for lol

Anyways I don't tend to poke around the Lucio side of the fandom too much to begin with so if this has all been said and argued before forgive me for the repetition, and If I've gotten some points wrong, please feel free to correct me! I've mentioned before I haven't really played through Lucio's route so some things may be wrong.

[gophergal]

If Issue #7 actually does come out, I'm really hoping they clutch it. We've been waiting in anticipation wayyyyyyy too long

[tooxmanyxships]

Prompt: why should I have hope when everything around me is falling apart?

Make it Maxiel please!

Been wayyyyyyy too long since I've written something solely based on Maxiel Let's go!

Had he suddenly lost all of his luck?

It was so frustrating.

Another race, another disappointment. That's just the way it went now.

And the last one in China was just ---

He didn't want to talk about it at all.

The most ridiculous part of it all was that Lance, and apparently a lot of viewers did too, blamed him for the accident.

It put all of his nerves on end and he was so pissed off.

He just wants to leave.

Leave the track? Leave the country? Leave F1 in general?

He wasn't even sure anymore.

It was all just falling apart. And beneath all that bravado, Daniel really was worried that he might have just lost it all.

Maybe he should just - - - retire.

He went back to the hotel and immediately started packing his already half made bag. He never fully emptied it. He never does.

He's searching for something comfy to wear first, which he can put on after his shower, when there's a knock on his door.

He doesn't want to open it. He just wants to be left alone. But the knocking on the door stays insistent.

Heaving out a tired sigh, Daniel drops the comfy clothes on the bed and goes to open the door.

He's ready to tell the person to just go away, but when he sees who it is, he can't quite make himself say the words.

He doesn't even get the chance to say anything, because the person has already slipped past him, pushing his way between the door and Daniel's body, to get inside.

Daniel sighs and closes the door. He turns around but doesn't look at Max, just focuses on some spot on the wall.

"Daniel...." He doesn't acknowledge him so he tries again. "Daniel, come on."

"What do you want me to say, Max?"

"That you've not given up. That you still have hope."

A sharp intake of breath. Eyes finally meeting.

Dull, worn out brown; meeting firy, full of fight turquoise.

"Why should I have hope when everything around me is falling apart?"

Max walks closer. takes the jump.

"Because you're Danny Ric. Danny Ric doesn't quit." It's short. But it's effective. "You never gave up. Why give up now?"

There's a small twitch on Daniel's face. "You always know what to say, don't you?"

Another step closer. A grin.

"You want to come back to be my teammate again, don't you?"

Fuck this.

"You know that's all I ever wanted, Max."

A lean forward. Lips agains the older man's ear.

"Then make sure you achieve that."

A shiver. Lips disappearing. Body in front of him disappearing.

He's alone in his room.

The only indication that this was real the slow closing of the door that he isn't even close to.

He can't give up.

[cringelordofchaos]

I THINK IM NEURODIVERGENT?.?. specifically ADHD but it could b something else idk

IDK I've been questioning it for a LONGGG time I've been sent to the school psychologist twice and neither time helped I relate WAYYYYYYY too much to neurodivergent people and I have for a long time now, ever since I found out ADHD existed really.

I've heard many times "self diagnosis with throughout research is valid!" But I don't trust myself enough I'm too fucking stupid for this

Also I'm scared. What if all the traits commonly associated with ADHD are just there bc I'm online wayy to much. That's probably the case. I mean, bad memory. Horrible attention span. impulsivity. Underperformance at school. Emotional dysregulation. Being disorganized. Etc. Idk man

Idk what to do anymore. I guess labels don't exactly matter I can still get help without diagnosis (I doubt I can get tested for a professional diagnosis bc I'm too much of a coward to ask my mom abt it + the country I live in is not as progressive as the USA is in terms of neurodivergence n stuff (I'm pretty sure)) but like I'm worried if it's MY fault I'm like this. Doesn't matter

WHAT IF IM QUESTIONING THIS JUST BC I WANT TO BE "QUIRKY". What if these r all signs of me just being chronically online

Idek man

I'll still work on myself (how I manage emotions, how I manage healing, how I manage studying (I don't lol), my attention span, etc) but I just want answers to my questions