#ive done nothing for myself
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im literally such a lonely loser failure dummy who has nothing going for me, cant do anything right, has no passions or goals, is hopeless in all aspects of my life, i just dont even want to keep trying anymore i dont want to be here i wasnt supposed to make it this far in life why am i even alive tbh!!
#im so lonely and so tired and i just dont even know what to do anymore#i don't want to be here#where do i go#where do i fucking go!!!!!#i dont belong here!!!!#im just the worst at everything#im the worst at being a human#or being a person#ive done nothing for myself#im 22 and i have nothing going for me#and i cant muster up the motivation to do anything about it#i dont wanna do this anymore#im so tired#my thoughts
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Sylus is for the ones who want security
Sylus is for the ones whose feet always seem to find the cracks in the pavement, who always seem to stumble over themselves as they try desperately to make something- a name for themselves, a conversation, a new relationship, a stronger existing one, anything- only to fail again and again.
Sylus is for the ones who find themselves holding up their hands as they watch them shake. Why you? Why was everything always on you? Why did you always have to make the effort, the connection, the fake-happy face to appease someone, just so that they might love you?
Sylus is for the ones who truly try, but have longed since reached the breaking point. Don't worry darling. Hide the cracks. If they're hidden, you surely can handle a little bit more disappointment. A little bit more 'being alone' no matter how hard you try. A little bit more on focusing on everyone else's needs while neglecting your own. Why are you breaking? Why are your pieces on the floor? Chin up, darling. It's only for a while longer. How much longer? Well, how much more do you have left to give?
Sylus is for the ones who sit wondering why. Why is there suddenly the foreign feeling of care, of love, of endearment? When everything has been 'nothing' for so long, how are you supposed to cope with 'anything' at all? Much less 'everything'? The stack of bills are paid, the cupboards no longer have ramen, rice, and beans. The texts come frequently, and your phone rings randomly whenever you cross someone's mind. When have you ever crossed someone's mind? And the clothes bought for you fit like a glove.
Sylus is for the ones who have given everything all of their life, who have found themselves desperate for connections that no one wants to make with them, who give their everything in exchange for more anxiety and demands at their expense.
Sylus is for the ones who want security.
#.writey#love and deepspace#lads#lds#x reader#sylus x reader#lds sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace sylus#shoots myself in the process again#ive done nothing wrong your honor
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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Always wanted a Scizor in my party when I played Pokemon Crystal, but I didn't have any friends to trade with to get them.
Original sketch/color:
#art#first time really painting in this style but i had fun#furry#painting#scyther#scyther fanart#scizor#scizor fanart#Pokemon#pokemon fanart#digital painting#traditional sketch#not sure if theres any interest in seeing more#but had fun working on this#and just looking to do more for myself if nothing else#small blog#small artist#honestly anytime i get excited for something ive done it gets almost no notice#thank you anyone who interacts#i read every tag#and it means a lot to me
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pov: you're having your comphet removed 🌈🤯😤 (doctor's orders) 🙏🏼💫🩻
this is why bones only gets to play dress-up as a treat 😔 if they'd put him in a little blue tunic in plato's stepchildren it would've been deadly
@very-bad-poetry-captain was watching the cloud minders and generously brought these skimpy little guard outfits to my attention. and then i blacked out for two hours and...
#star trek#star trek fanart#mckirk#mckirk fanart#star trek meme#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#jim kirk#star trek tos#the cloud minders#mcspirk#leonard bones mccoy#deforest kelley#honestly i had de AND bones in my head painting this because this just feels like a very de expression#have we all seen that blooper where bill shat and de nearly kiss btw that is VERY important to me#ive got nothing to say for myself really. i shit you not ive done nothing but write and draw for two days#a lot of which... cannot be posted in full here if you know what i mean lmfao. but ive got a lot to show yall!#star trek the original series#dust medibang paints#I FORGOT I MADE THAT TAG arghhhhhhh now im going to have to go back and tag.....#adhd woes. short term memory whomst
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Okay. Fellas. Real talk. I've seen some of you do it and I thank you profusely for doing so but can yall PLEASE credit the original artist of that piece yall kinda made into an a dtiys/art meme? That's not official art. I am point blank refusing to engage with any of these pieces that I see not doing such. (Even when it pains me to keep scrolling, because some of them are really good!! And I want them here!!! But I do have some rules for myself I try to stand firm by with this blog.)
Like you can literally see them say right there that it's fine IF YOU CREDIT. I'm fucking begging you.
I'm not mad at anyone who didn't know but I've seen SO MANY versions at this point, and I think I've seen maybe 3 or 4 of them RECENTLY include the credit. (And one with improper credit, I think?) Please. Please just. Tack it on.
#ive been sitting on this for a couple days but im very tired and i would just like us all to please be reasonable. just. edit it into your +#+ captions. please. nothing to be done abt people who've already reblogged stuff but please. please please please#respect your fellow artists enough to credit where credit is do#ooc#txt#spto#sp comic#spvtw#spvtwtg#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim vs the universe#scott pilgrim takes off#i added alt text just in case but i seriously cannot stress enough how much extensive typing like this is fucking uo my hand a bit#so if anyone wants to better/fully transcribe the screenshots ill rb it and/or edit the alt text that's currently there#also. again. im really not mad at anyone who didn't know. but like. come on guys. i know someone else made a post abt this cause i was +#+ debating adding something along these lines to that post but i figured I'd just make my own (anxietyyy *finger guns as though this is +#+somehow supposed to be the better alternative*)#edit: i hate it when i come back and find a typo that im unsure how to fix. but also even if i fixed it i shot myself in the foot queueing +#+it up already... 😑 im very tired
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A two parter story about Nine not keeping his mouth shut when asked and the result of that, which he didn't bother sticking by and see through, of which Part 1 is at the ready and spans 7,870 words!!!
Also taking this out of the tags and saying the two locations mentioned (the seamstresses and Oakley's) are my friends @erissaacorn's oc ideas that I yoinked for my own nefarious purposes!!
Part 2: Mesure once, cut twice
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His foot met soft grass that was slightly wet either from morning dew or recent heavy rain, and the portal closed right behind him.
Putting his hand above his face to block out the bright sun, Nine looked around the new universe.
At first, he would've written it off as just yet another Green Hill with the rolling grassy plains and radiant blue sky, but upon closer inspection, there were barely any hills and the grass seemed far too irregular to be that of the ever-present universe he keeps stumbling upon.
Whatever this place was, it turned out he didn't find himself too far away from a village, which, he wasn't sure was all that good news. Dealing with people, and especially strangers, was still far from his favorite activities, but the fox decided to shoot his shot anyway, seeing as there literally wasn't anything for as far as the eye could see but grass and more grass.
"Well hello there new face!"
...Of course.
"It's not too often we get outsider visitors, what brings you here!"
The ever-familiar blue hedgehog stood just ways off next to him with his hand outstretched for a greeting handshake.
Nine figured it was only polite to return the pleasantries, although his attention was immediately grabbed by the clothes this Sonic was wearing and just how young he looked.
The simple, golden crown sitting on his forehead, with a collared baby blue, long-sleeved shirt with wide cuffs adorned by gold and darker blue pants tucked into yellow, knee-high boots sure was something that Nine didn't think in any universe to be the hedgehog's style, especially not for his younger self, but he's seen all manner of things at this point.
"The name's Dream, guardian of the positive apples, nice to meet you."
Alright, color him even more curious in the first five seconds.
"Nine, I am... just passing by."
Nine looked around inconspicuously and found no twin-tailed fox in sight. Strange.
"Oh, well, depending on how long you plan on staying, I could be your tour guide!"
The chipper attitude of this Sonic must've rubbed off on him already as he didn't have it in him to decline, and nodded.
Following after the exited blue spike ball, the casual chatter and ambiance of the settlement almost immediately enveloped him, and he dared to say it almost felt cozy. The houses were made almost fully of wood and frequented dirt paths layered with rocks tied them together.
The inhabitants that noticed him — both human and mobian alike — gave him strange looks, but besides being used to that, the fox decided to chalk it up to looking extremely out of place in a primitive (ahem, simple) place like this.
Sonic on the other hand waved at and greeted almost every other person they came across. This means he must be either really popular, or everyone here knew each other by default given the relatively small size of the village.
The further they went, and the more porches with children picking and throwing grass at each other while laughing they passed, the more... picturesque, it all looked.
Like a drawing he'd find in an old, discarded storybook at the bottom of a dumpster an orphaned little fox would find and read through day and night over and over, wishing he could just go there.
Nine shook his head.
With living in the story book came suspension of disbelief, followed by an ominous, uncanny feeling. It all looked way too happy and clean, but he saved any further judgement for later.
"Here's Oakley's, the carpenters, where he can fix or create anything made out of wood! Though he's been kind of sick lately and the golden apple I gave him doesn't seem to be helping much."
Coming back to the present, Nine noted the second mention of the so-called 'golden apples' after they passed by a large dark brown house with a busy porch.
It was lined with chairs and other pieces of common wooden furniture, with its doors and window frames carved into charming patterns.
He particularly lingered on a cute wooden duck with wheels for feet and a string tied around its neck sitting on one of the tables. Not that he wanted it, but the fact it was most likely carved by hand, so he simply admired the craftsmanship. That, and it was the closest thing in his line of sight anyway.
They passed by a fruit stall next, and the smell of fresh fruit convinced him he felt just a little hungry. Though he learned to be careful with the food items from other universes at this point, after a few unfortunate events.
No matter, his pockets were empty both of any money and any other item he figured could have the same value as an apple to people in here.
"C'mon take one, we can't have our guest going hungry after all!"
Sonic seemed to read his mind though, or it was simply reactive generosity that the fox had no intention of declining. It was just an apple after all. Most likely. Hopefully.
Perfomatively wiping it into his shirt, Nine enjoyed the fruit to its full capacity as he followed the hedgehog around with no end goal in mind.
While in any other universe he'd find backseat shopping the most mind-numbing activity imaginable, he didn't have it in him to be frustrated in the slightest here for some reason.
Sonic dragged him back to the present yet again by pointing at another larger than the rest house.
"And this is the shop of our seamstress. She can tailor you the most beautiful, or if function is more of your thing, durable attire from almost any piece of fabric in no time! Though you can never expect where a conversation with her leads haha."
"Did she tailor your clothes too?" The fox asked mostly because the more he looked at the hedgehog, the more out of place he felt among the average villager here. Everyone was mostly wearing dark brown, beige, or white, simple clothing with aprons and hats, while Sonic looked like he should sit in a castle or a chapel of some sort.
"Not really, no, mine and Night's clothes were given to us by our mother."
"Tch, you look almost like a lost prince." Nine remarked with a smirk while noted yet another unusual mention of Sonic's seemingly biological family. Though the remark was meant as a sort of a pseudo compliment he wasn't sure it sounded like it.
"You think so, haha!"
Sonic ran with it though and didn't seem bothered by his attitude in the slightest. That was always just a matter of time anyway, but Nine decided to turn his attention towards what appeared to be a small bookstall that they stopped in front of now.
Small as in, one shelf of books sorted by... nothing as far as he could pick out, with a tiny mouse girl behind the counter.
Upon hearing Sonic's order she carefully handed him the book from the bottom shelf, instructing him to be careful with it, to which Sonic gave a smug nod yet held the book like it was made of porcelain until he turned back to the fox.
"Alright I think this is actually all I wanted, we can finally return to the tree and I can introduce you to Night too."
Sonic said with a smile and the book safely tucked under his arm.
Fine, so safe to assume that Tails exists in this universe. It's honestly jarring that he hasn't seen the other part of the seemingly inseparable duo no matter the universe yet. If anything he in vain expected the bright yellow fox to jump them a few streets back.
Perhaps he was sick and that's why Sonic went shopping for him?
They were about to continue their way and Nine was looking for a place to throw the leftover of his apple when a group of kids that paid him no mind almost ran him over, giggling. He wanted to curse them out and noted the two red foxes among the four of them, before his attention was dragged just a bit higher.
"Dream! You have not forgotten about the garden, have you?"
A female voice suddenly yelled out, but Nine ignored the mystery woman with all of his attention on the absolute behemoth of a tree sitting atop the hill in front of him.
Literally, how did he not notice that sooner was beyond him, but questioning his peripheral vision aside, he decided to nonchalantly turn his head back to face Sonic and the woman.
Her notably black hair was tied in a high ponytail and she held a set of baskets on her hip. Sonic stood just a ways away from her, looking between the items in his hands, the woman, and Nine, with his startled eyes lingering on the fox.
"Um, this is kind of important, if you could take this up and to Night?"
Sonic sheepishly extended the items forward, and normally Nine would've protested at the sudden turn of events, but decided to wordlessly take the two things from the hedgehog's hands instead.
"Ah, are you sure he doesn't want to go with us?" The woman inquired with an almost sickly sweet demeanor that Nine was immediately not fond of.
He eyed her, but tried to make his distrust not all that noticeable when he declined
"No thank you, I don't really do gardening."
"You sure darling? we could use an extra pair of hands."
"Miss Katheryne come on, no need to drag an unsuspecting passerby into pulling weeds eh. I'm well equipped for that job alone."
Sonic dragged her attention from the fox as he tried to pry one of the two baskets from her grip and Nine let out an internal sigh of relief.
She let the hedgehog take it while the other container fell over to her side and she let out a nervous giggle "Alright alright, well, enjoy your stay little one, you're of course welcome to stop by at any time."
Afterward she wordlessly turned around, with Sonic waving him a temporary goodbye.
Nine kept his eyes on the duo before they disappeared over a corner and were out of sight for good. He decided to not bother dissecting the out of pocket interaction as he made his way up the hill. The grass was quite slippery still, which made it difficult to secure his footing and not fall over every other step.
Quiet noises of both distress and laughter immediately sent him on alert however, and he was willing to sacrifice a bit by speeding up his ascend. Each longer step he took with little help from his mechanical tails saved a few centimeters of the incline and he wasn't all that out of breath by the time he met horizontal ground again.
The picture-perfect facade of this universe fell just as hard as the little fox that was shoved to the ground with a yelp by a young bear, who then mercilessly smoothed the fox's face into the ground, effectively muffling any noise he made afterward.
Nine stood frozen for just a second before not thinking twice and giving into the sudden spark of rage in his chest. Wrapping the string holding the bag together around his hand, he steadily made his way towards the little group.
These were surely the same four kids he saw run up the hill just a while ago, if those two cackling red foxes were anything to go by.
One of them grabbed onto Tails' bangs and forcibly lifted his head back off the ground and snorted, most likely finding the kit's face welled up with tears amusing.
Nine spared only a second for eye contact and using the fact neither of the kids noticed him so far for building some momentum into a swing.
The bear's shoulder was harshly met with a bag of apples — that surely felt more like rocks — as he was knocked off the kit and toppled over the red fox.
His pained grunt was mixed with a surprised gasp from the rest of the group left standing, and that's when Nine remembered he had much more effective tools of offense than one bag of fruit.
His mechanical tails sprawled around him, their tips pointed threateningly in front of each of the kid's faces and they all flinched back.
Nine couldn't help the smirk that made its way onto his face.
Good.
One amongst them, a human boy with dark black hair tried to play tough by yelling out and trying to get into his face. Nine felt in no way intimidated by him however, even if he was taller, as the kid was scrawny and had no real weapons that could hold against his. Nine bared his teeth and posed himself just a bit above the ground, which appropriately made the human, alongside everyone else, reconsider and back away just a bit more.
"Tch, you think we're scared of you?!"
Nine narrowed his stare towards the red fox holding his shoulder. A face he recognized and one that he already made turn tail and run the other way when he was much younger and weaker.
Nine made a bluff strike that aimed at the fox's chest. The runt appropriately jumped back with any confidence he had dissipating and unease taking over his posture.
"Yes."
"You're way over you head, freak."
He heard the human boy lift a rock and throw it his way. It would've been a successful hit to his head had he not effortlessly blocked it with one of his tails. For a second before that he considered catching it in his hand, but decided to rather keep to a reasonable limit of his abilities to avoid getting too drunk on his power high.
"Pot calling the cattle black."
Nine simply stated with a grin as he picked up the rock nonchalantly.
The human gulped as Nine made him his clear target, by all means wanting to return the rock full force back to sender, except at the last second he shot it towards the bear that was already on his way down the hill.
With a yelp, he didn't manage to dodge it and the rock hit his ankle full force.
A fearful face betrayed any bravado the bear might've posed in his statue and Nine's grin only solidified when his ear flicked back.
Apparently, to drive the point further in, and fairly demonstrate the fact he wasn't stupid, he made another bluff strike behind him, spooking the yet uninjured red fox who thought it was a good idea to sneak in a failed surprise attack.
A loose brush with a metal point to his nose seemed to be what finally made the kids decide he wasn't worth it and they promptly ran off the hill while cursing under their breath.
Which left just him, and his lookalike alone under the tree's shade.
The sudden shot of adrenaline slowly dissipated, and he fully reveled in the small catharsis of knowing he was still more than intimidating enough to deal with a pathetic group of bullies like that.
Nine let out a sharp sigh and snapped his mechanical tails back in place, then finally turned towards the person he went up here for in the first place.
Or where he though he would be, but instead found just flattened grass.
The next best place to look was the tree branches above, and sure enough he saw a pair of scared blue eyes looking tearfully back at him.
Nine dropped the bag of apples to the ground unceremoniously and tried handing over the book, basically beckoning the other to come back down.
With all the sudden movement though, Tails all but flinched and retreated further into the tree's crown.
Nine knew that even when the immediate danger was taken care of, his first and then overall impression wasn't exactly friendly, but that was by design.
He sighed.
"I'm not gonna hold my hand out forever. Sonic- Dream sent me to give this to you."
A a bead of silence was followed by a while of rustling leaves and finally a thud sounding from the other side of the tree.
Trained pointy ears peaked from behind the tree trunk and Nine's hand officially gave out.
At long last the other fox showed himself fully and Nine could properly analyze him.
This Tails wore the exact same attire – albeit now dirty from mud and grass – as Sonic. Except the color scheme was purple and brown, with a roughed-up golden cape draped around his shoulders and the simplistic crown smooshing the three strands of fur on his forehead sported a hollow out of a crescent moon.
He went to take the book, but Nine's hand sprung back a little too fast and Tails hesitated.
With a deadpan expression Nine didn't react too much on it and waited until the other finally let his hand fall empty and free.
He figured that he could at least offer the basics of sympathies, although not make it seem like he was high and ready to patch up the kit's, hopefully, only superficial injuries.
"Nothing broken?"
Tails shook his head.
"Good."
Nine then took a few steps back and slumped against the tree, finding a comfortable place between the roots.
At a loss on how to carry this interaction further, Nine crossed his hands over his chest and looked to the village bellow. While at it, he realized he most likely marked himself a future target, if the human kid's familiar features had anything to say but he digressed.
Whatever whiny tantrums they'll throw is at most a future him's problem.
The face of the red fox flashed fore him and Nine to turn back towards the other sitting under the tree.
"How often do you have to deal with those."
Albeit his question might fall on mute mouth since so far this Tails hasn't spoken a word, though Nine hoped it was just the result of stress as he didn't feel like navigating a nonverbal conversation.
Tails merely grabbed the golden cape around himself like a protective blanket while, thankfully, trying to find his voice.
"I-its, um, it's a rare occurrence really I j-just..." He shook his head and slumped back against the bark, seemingly trying to sink into the ground bellow. "Thank you, anyway."
Tails stared at his book that he finally opened in his lap, but it was obvious he wasn't reading, mind stuck on and busy processing other things.
"...It's not often someone bothers with that."
The insecurity in that barely audible whisper apparent, Nine grit his teeth. He had a faint inkling he knew exactly what was going on here.
"Have you tried fighting back?"
Tails fiddled with the corners of a few pages with his eyes downcast before answering "Not really. I'm sure if I did it they would just get meaner, anyway."
Fair point, which for a second made Nine reconsider his immediate and almost absolute suggestion. Fighting back without any means to secure victory and make it stick would cause more harm than good.
Looking back down and around, the view from up here was pretty enchanting to say the least, and the air seemed slightly lighter too.
His attention was soon back to the tree however, and the shimmering specks of fruit hanging from it. It was hard to immediately tell with the sun hitting some of them directly, but they were two different colors.
Nine marked them as the golden apples Sonic kept going on about.
Eventually, his eyes ended up back down, looking at the little fox huddled on the ground. Upon more careful inspection, this Tails also looked really young, maybe around six or five years old, and the notion of that made him frown when counting in his banged-up state.
Ignoring the current bruises and messy fur, there was an obvious scar on the bridge of his snout, what was definitely dried blood under his nose, multiple patches of ripped fur from his otherwise bushy namesakes, and quite heavy eyebags under his eyes.
Nine also noted the kit contradicted himself right in the second sentence he said, but after noticing all that, there was no way Nine's buying the previous scene being a rare occurrence.
Tails is universally bullied most commonly for his namesakes — and that's a fact as he came to find out — but that usually ceases after his pretty much fated meeting with Sonic. Which, doesn't seem to be the case here for whatever reason.
Nine eventually tired of standing in the middle of the hill and sticking out like a sore thumb, so he made his way towards the apple tree and sat one clump of roots over, next to the kit as nonchalantly as possible. Although he made a makeshift chair of his mechanical tails as he didn't really feel like sitting on damp and uneven grass.
Giving it a few seconds to get comfortable, Nine then peered over the wood separating them. The uncharacteristic deviation from the almost universal relationship between the fox and the hedgehog kept nagging his mind.
"Does Dream know about this?"
The tense silence from the other was more than enough of an answer.
"Why don't you tell him, I'm sure he'd be able to do something about it."
The guardian's downcast expression turned sour, with a few creases appearing on the book's pages.
"I don't think so. Everyone loves him, but only because it literally makes them feel good when he's around. And that he has trouble saying no to people when they ask something of him, so they find him useful."
Finally giving up, Tails closed the book and set it aside, then hugged his legs close to his chest and rested his head on his knees.
"I'm sure if he went against them because of me, they would not take kindly to it."
Nine soaked up the words and was actually taken aback by the bluntness, but it seemed that so was Tails himself.
"I'm sorry this is, um. You're not from here, are you? I'd rather not make this one of your problems, I don't think you have to see too deep into it."
Nine realized his expression has gone too soft at that, and took his time to distance himself from the other.
Yeah, yea Tails was correct in fact. There was no reason to care about something that will ultimately be inconsequential to him. A few minutes in, it was obvious this universe was far from ideal place for him to stay, as one, he definitely doesn't feel like raising two orphaned kids in a village so obviously biased, so whatever squabble or interpersonal relationship wasn't his business. And two, there was little to no technology present besides handcarved wooden ducks, which would sooner or later drive him insane.
He let complete apathy wash over him and grabbed the MTC in his hand.
But while he could just get up and leave at any moment...
Looking at the other fox from the corner of his eye, he couldn't help but feel just the tiniest bit of sympathy hold him down.
He knows more than anyone how much it would mean if someone stepped in just once before he had to do it himself. And if the technological state of this village was anything to go by, that would prove to be just a bit more trouble for the Tails in here.
"The name's Nine by the way."
The fox's ear flicked towards him, followed by an unsure expression.
"Nightmare."
That sure is... a peculiar name.
"Big brother calls me Night though, which sounds very similar to your name actually." Tails gave a weak smile at that and finally turned his head to face Nine.
"Hmm, yeah it kinda does." There wasn't much that came to mind in terms of an answer to that though, and he let the conversation die right after.
Wait. Oh was this like, a sun and moon type deal. Dream and Nightmare, purple and yellow, golden and black and all that.
Nine playfully rolled his eyes at not getting the very obvious theme sooner.
Though, Idly sitting here made him realize just how exhausted he was from his constant hopping back and forth between all manner of worlds, so he figured there was nothing wrong with taking a little break from all that. Maybe he'll stay overnight and a bit of tomorrow after all.
Or maybe he'll just take a nap right here and now and set out again afterward.
He crossed both his legs and hands while keeping his ears trained for the smallest movement going around.
The purpose of it was defensive, just in case anyone else gets any funny ideas while he appears low on guard, but it leaned in the side effect of making him soak in a stray bird song, undertoned by the rustle of hundreds of leaves under a gentle, albeit slightly chilly breeze that was nicely canceled out by the warm shade the tree provided.
Even if he could never truly afford to relax, this was probably the closest to something like that he'd ever get. That is until he finds a proper home. Hopefully.
"Where are you from though, I never seen anything similar to those metal tails you have."
That threw a wrench in his plans. Although it was rather foolish of him to assume Tails would just, be quiet the whole time, and not wonder about the random stranger that just wandered into his favorite hiding place for all he knows.
"Where I'm from is not important, I'm basically a homeless wanderer at this point." Nine settled on forcing out. And his place of origin really meant nothing to him. If anything he was glad most of his memories of New Yoke were faded and unclear as were that of Shatterverse. He didn't belong to either of those, and so there was no use in remembering them.
"You look really familiar."
"No duh, I have your exact face- don't worry about that too much though." Nine quickly backpedaled, he didn't feel like explaining the concept of the multiverse right now, as he warily stole a glance at the other fox.
"Well, maybe a little less babyish but still."
"No not like that I mean- yea nevermind."
Tails went silent again, seemingly regretting his choice to speak up in the first place.
A small pang of guilt hit Nine when he saw the other shrink into himself again, and he sighed.
"Ok, well then what do you mean?"
It took a second. But the guardian took time to regain the bit of his confidence to speak back up.
"...Those, metal tails of yours, when you were scaring off the other kids a while ago, they made your silhouette look like someone I frequently see in my dreams."
That... was sure something Nine wasn't expecting to hear, but he'd be lying if he said some curiosity wasn't piqued. This universe sure had its way of doing that.
"As in, a prophetic way or..?"
"In a nightmare way, actually." The other stated matter-of-factly, but when Nine creased his brow, he immediately went on defensive
"Don't take it as me being rude or superstitious! I'm really not! It's just, uh, an observation." He then chuckled weakly, most likely hoping to decrease the tension, but Nine was neutral with that notion honestly, not even knowing whether he should think anything of it at all.
He never attributed any deep meanings to dreams, as they were just recreations of his lived experience, which, were far from pleasant. Whatever Nightmare here is going through is the same most likely.
But it made him think, that maybe little him would be proud to have have a silhouette someone would see in their recurring nightmares, a bit.
He placed one of his mechanical tails in his hand and for the first time after a long time, carefully examined them again. Their dull casing was scarred by dents and scratches from their years of active use, with the gear holding this particular segment firmly kept in its place with the neon underglow still active.
For a second he was back in his workshop as a much younger self, grinning like a maniac after he connected the last of the needed pieces together and finally tried out the finished tails (after many failed prototypes) with an immeasurable amount of pride in his chest.
He smiled, reminiscing, until the guardian's small voice shook him from his stupor.
"Anyway, you said Dream send you here?"
He let the tail fall from his hand.
"Pretty much. He wanted to come along but some lady stopped him and dragged him off to clean weeds or something. I don't remember."
"And she just let you go?"
"Begrudgingly, but yea. Why?"
Tails went quiet again, picking at the tips of his namesakes with pursed lips.
"The villagers...they don't really like me."
The fox started slowly with his ears pinned back.
"But they don't want Dream to know that. So some of them will distract him and keep him occupied, while others will- well, I don't know how much you saw but, they're usually a bit more vicious than that."
Tails shook his head and finally uncurled from his position, picking up the book again.
"I was just wondering for how long he'd be away again. If Katheryne took him then it's probably until sunset..."
The way the little guardian spoke made it all the more clear this was not just a repetitive torment from the side of the stupid kids, but a calculated move from the adults as well.
Sudden anger began to bubble in Nine, but he wasn't sure who it was directed at. He'd much rather dismiss it as Tails reading too much into it, but it's him that lives here, not Nine.
Something about that woman's insistence he'd come along before Sonic interjected now justified his negative hunch about her.
The anger must've taken to the surface and Nine lost control of his facial features, as whatever was his face showing alerted the fox next to him.
"But you won't tell him, Right? I- I already said I can't drag him down with me, you can't."
Nine looked at him for a second, for some reason stumped for an answer. The simple decision would be to just say fine, and leave it at that, turn away, and forget about this world just like the others. But that self-evident and most rational decision didn't seem all that appealing based on the very little window he had just seen into this universe.
He'd be a liar if he kept telling himself he didn't care for the kit. Even if it was more of a project-y sort of rage towards the people here he doesn't even know, than sympathy for his situation (for some reason).
Nine internally groaned and forced himself to seal a promise he wasn't 100% sold on keeping.
"I won't say a word."
Tails well, it was hardly a smile he gave once his shoulders finally dropped with the release of tension, and he sunk back to his spot.
The words fizzled out once more.
Sun continued its path through the blue sky unbothered by any event beneath it and ever so slowly dimmed as silent minutes ticked by. Eventually, the leaves were accompanied by the flicker of book pages as Tails finally started reading.
Nine began to thread the line between sleep and consciousness when a sudden yawn ripped through him.
The kit next to him audibly flinched and Nine toppled back into being mostly aware of his surroundings. His nose twitched in annoyance.
"I um, I forgot you were here." Tails laughed nervously. Nine attempted to ignore him however and tried to take the only long term functioning remedy for that yawn.
Tails didn't let him have it as he suddenly hopped up and snatched the bag of apples Nine dropped off not that far away, making it Nine's turn to flinch.
"We, I mean, me and my brother don't really have to eat, but it's nice to just munch on something sometimes. Don't know how it's with you but I assure you apples from here taste amazing!"
Nine took the offered apple from the kit's hands but then simply dropped it into his lap.
"Yea I already had one today, thanks either way."
"We'll then you can keep it for your travels!"
All he gave was a small nod, as uninterested as he could be.
"I'm sorry I keep talking, but, one last question."
Nine fought with himself to not audibly groan.
"Um, just how long will you stay here?"
Instead, he huffed, fully abandoning the idea of the nap.
"Probably the night and I'll set out in the morning."
But he suddenly stopped himself when he realized his tone had just a bit too much of an edge to it, not to mention he hadn't used it consciously. Just sitting here, he felt more frustrated than back in the village with Sonic dragging him around like a dog on an invisible leash.
He side-eyed the kit next to him, but he felt insane for the dots it made him connect, so he brushed it off.
He was really tired is all. And someone constantly had to interrupt his attempts at getting a proper rest.
Tails simply hummed in acknowledgment and returned back into his reading.
Unfortunately, Nine was completely offset now and couldn't put his mind to rest no matter how hard he tried.
Letting out a sigh through his nose he looked up and leaned his head just a bit more roughly, yet intentionally, into the bark of the tree.
That sigh must've been just a decibel too loud when Tails's ears lowered and he began apologizing
"What are these apples about."
Though Nine couldn't care less about listening to pointless "sorries" while transfixed by the peculiar fruit hanging above him.
Tails perked up ever so slightly instead. "Well, without going too deep into the magical-mechanical aspect of them they're like, little fruits containing concentrated either positive or negative emotion, which is marked by their opposing colors. Though a better contrast would've been black and white, but can you imagine white apples?"
The kit was pointing towards the fruit hanging above them as he spoke with that was definitely an attempt to end a part of his spiel humorously, although Nine wouldn't say succeed.
"Their shared existence on one tree holds the balance in the emotions of everyone in this world, as far as I know."
Nine sure wasn't expecting a whole ass sudden info dump, but despite it, he sure had questions. He went to open his mouth, only for Tails to silence and answer his question immediately.
"You're not allowed to take or eat them though, since they're way too powerful and overwhelming for one person to hold and can be only lent for a while with our permission, since I and Dream are the tree's guardians and all that..."
With what great confidence Tails began to speak, slowly fizzled.
Nine let the remark of neither of them exactly doing their jobs die on his tongue, and instead, he decided to indulge the kit next to him, he was the one who started with the questions anyway.
"Can you eat them?"
"Well... we've never really tried. Besides, just holding the apple gives more or less the desired effect anyway. That leads to no one really caring for the negative side of the tree."
Tails trailed off again, deciding that the grass beneath him was super interesting and he needed to rip a few blades of it to closely examine them.
"And I was... born from it. Which is why you're so irritated right now."
Nine raised his eyebrow.
"So you knew...?"
"I can sort of weakly sense the emotions people around me are feeling. So yes. Doesn't help that being next to me only intensifies the negative ones though."
Tails was fully curled on himself at this point, hiding in the golden cape that would actually fit Sonic's vibe way more than Tails' but asking about that would either have the kit shrink even more or let him loose on another info dump.
"You're full of them though, even without my influence."
Nine simply chuckled in agreement at that.
"So with that logic, Dream has the exact opposite effect?"
Tails silently nodded.
"Fascinating."
Even so, Nine didn't mind getting to know more of this apple stuff. It's both an outlandish yet genuinely interesting concept if he says so himself.
Feeling a little less red string on a corkboard, Nine found himself curious still, mulling over random questions while Tails went on and on explaining them.
Their conversation leading to Nine explaining random robotics trivia that Tails followed up with his own limited knowledge and questions went back and forth. It let time flow on quite easy again, until they were interrupted by the sound of someone familiar huffing his way up the hill. With that, Nine was made aware of just how much time has passed when he looked at the dark orange to pinkish sky draped in a low sunset.
Soon enough, a dirt-covered Sonic holding a square bag to his shoulder, with his sleeves rolled up and gloves sticking out of his pant's pockets, greeted them energetically.
"Haha, glad to see you two getting along!"
The foxes waved back to him, and the hedgehog bent over leaning on his knees while struggling to catch his breath.
"Sorry for taking so long, Katheryne can really be a handful sometimes."
Regaining a bit of his strength, he took the two extra steps and stopped in front of Tails. He than brought the bag off his shoulder and immediately dug through it.
Sure enough, it was made clear the bag was a first aid kit — or at least what would be considered that for the times this universe lives in — when Sonic laid out a few bandages and tiny bottles with clear liquids. He covered the opening of one with a piece of clean white cloth while Tails put his hands out in protest.
"Sonic I'm fine don't worry about-"
"Shush no excuses, now show me your nose."
With great reluctance, Tails let the hedgehog hold his muzzle and wipe off the dried blood, before he moved on to the mud still staining the front plain of his face.
"It smells horrible."
Tails scrunched up his nose and physically tried to shake the aggressive scent off him while Sonic carefully rolled up one of his sleeves, revealing a bloodstained bandage that must've been a few days old already.
"I know bud, I know."
Nine watched them silently, unable to fight the sympathy that the fox kept garnering from him at this point.
Huh, if the emotion aura stuff is true it would only make sense the two being near each other would cancel out and make the area neutral.
Either way, the fact Sonic came prepared meant he was aware enough to know Tails keeps getting hurt when he's away, which made the relationship just a bit more confusing again.
"You didn't happen to ruffle each other up while I was gone have you?"
And of course, Nine would be the prime suspect for Tails gathering the new injuries that weren't there in the morning. He was bout to say what happened exactly, when he was hit with Tails' pleading eyes and the promise to keep his mouth shut.
"N-no worries big bro, I just fell off the tree because my cape got stuck in the branches, it's fine." Luckily, Tails seemed to have a mildly convincing excuse at the ready, and Sonic turned his full attention to wrapping the now-cleaned gash in his brother's arm.
"If anything he's super nice, did you know that there can exist machinery so advanced it can be programmed to flawlessly mimic biological beings?"
Sonic froze for a second, unsure of how to reply, while he rolled up the dirty bandage.
"That, huh. That sounds kinda scary actually. Is that a common thing for where you're from?" The guardian asked, turning his head towards Nine.
"Kind of not really? It's mostly just an outstanding feat of engineering that was achieved only a couple of times, so no need to worry."
He couldn't tell either of them who the replicas were based on now, could he?
The hedgehog merely nodded while Tails went on, either to distract himself from the sting in his arm or just because.
"Nine knows so much about machines, and he told me so many cool stories he got from traveling all over the place!"
"Huh, sure would love to go on an adventure like that someday." Sonic mused after carefully placing all of the supplies back into the medical bag.
"Well why don't you?"
Nine asked without hesitation, because if there was one thing he learned at this point, it was that Sonic cannot stay in one place for long. Even if you embed his legs into concrete, he'd either go insane or find a way out.
"We can't go anywhere, since we have to stay near the eyeshot of the tree to not let anyone get any funny ideas." Sonic sighed.
And that seemed to be true here, except the responsibility keeping Sonic tied down was something he couldn't run away from.
"Do you guys like, live here? Under the tree I mean."
"Hmm pretty much. Well in my very humble opinion it's much better than in a closed off hut built somewhere in a ditch."
Sonic threw the bag up and it's straps caught on a nearby branch. He tugged on it to make sure it will not slide down before climbing the tree himslef and stretching his hand out for Tails to grab on.
"It could do with something to keep the rain out though."
Tails commented and followed his brother up into the crown again, where he basically disappeared between the leaves.
"Sleeping on a tree can be hardly comfortable."
"Hah, says the one who sits on cold metal."
Sonic shot back with a finger gun pointed at Nine.
"Thermodynamics. The metal doesn't stay cold for long."
Sonic's attitude dropped a bit at the most likely unknown word to him but he brushed it off, finding the most comfortable branch to sit on, and leaned back on it. Maybe leaned back too much, as he toppled over and hung upside down from the branch like a bat.
"Thermowhatever's when wood is all you're used to sleeping on since birth it is more comfortable than a rigged bed."
"Agree to disagree."
"Mimimi."
Sonic mouthed back, but Nine didn't mind it much, banter with Sonic was fun.
"So you said you'd stay the night?"
Tails' disembodied voice was accompanied by an unnatural rustle of leaves.
"Most likely yea."
Suddenly the world went dark for Nine as suffocating weight was thrown over him. His temporary panic was intercepted by Tails' giggles and Sonic's tone that couldn't contain its humor properly either
"It gets cold at night, and I doubt anyone here would be willing to let a stranger inside their house at this hour. Not to be mean or anything, just safety for safety's sake y'know."
The sudden darkness turned out to be a yellow and navy blanket with sun and moon patterns. Nine assumed it to most likely be tailor made for them by the mentioned seamstress, but that was besides the point. The blanket was indeed a good insulator so it served its purpose.
"Thanks." Nine mumbled and somehow put the blanket over himself in a more comfortable manner. "Why do you go to sleep so early anyway?"
"And who told you we're going to sleep eh." Sonic swung himself back up into a proper sitting position, crossed his legs and rested his chin on his hand. "Again don't take it personally, but we can't leave the tree unsupervised, like, at all. Though I wouldn't mind if we could go on an adventure like you're on." Sonic sounded like someone elbowed him at the end of his sentence.
"So you're just gonna stay up the whole night instead."
"There's two of us for a reason duh."
He's gonna be kept under a night watch, how lovely.
Unfortunately, Nine knew it wouldn't be possible to enter deep sleep when someone's watching him, or is aware of his presence at all. He would of course give it a few minutes maybe an hour or two if he bears it, because he needs some rest at the end of the day, but he'll hardly make it till morning.
Feeling his head lulling to the side he shook himself awake. Opening his eyes, Nine turned towards his MTC with full intent of activating a portal and leaving without a trace, but the image of Tails with terrified eyes welled up in tears surfaced in his mind uninvited.
Nine exhaled with more force than needed.
He looked up, the hedgehog's leg dangled off a branch carelessly meaning that if either of the guardians fell asleep, it was Tails.
With great effort, Nine got up to his feet and flew the extra distance needed to be at eye level with the hedgehog.
He flicked Sonic's nose with full intent of breaking the promise he settled just a few hours back.
"Ow what the-"
Nine quickly covered the hedgehog's mouth and cursed himself for not thinking just one step ahead. Tails has to be unaware until Nine is already on his way, the consequences weren't his to deal with.
Sonic didn't take kindly to the gesture, unsurprisingly, and while mumbling curses, he grabbed the fox's hand in an attempt to shove it away.
Nine didn't budge though "Be quiet and meet me at the bottom of the hill. I just have something to tell you and I'll be out of your guys' fur, I promise."
Nine put as much urgency into his whisper as he could while keeping a finger to his mouth.
Sonic narrowed his eyes and looked over his shoulder at his sleeping brother, before sighing.
"You better not be playing me for a fool buddy."
But Nine was already halfway down the incline, not letting his legs suffer the way they did when going up, he elected to just glide down.
By all accounts the guardian finally caught up to him and exclaimed "Woa you can fly?!" after Nine landed.
The fox's eyes were fully concentrated on his MTC as he fiddled with the coordinates.
"Yes and by all accounts, Night should too."
"Wait what."
"He has two tails doesn't he?"
"Yes but I'm not sure those are exactly build for flying..."
Sonic scratched his head, while Nine was one confirm click from opening a portal.
"Now, I've been asked specifically to not tell you anything, but listen up."
He wasn't sure just how strong Sonic in this world was but if he was worth a damn, he'll do something to save his little brother.
#nine tailed travel guide through the multiverse#finally....after so long.....#this is the longest cohesive text Ive ever written and boy did I suffer#but!!! It was worth it!!!#please I hope you guys like it just as much as you do#i already have a little plan on where to take this au but i need a break#so I dont burn myself out right at the begining lmao#part 2 is like 50% done but that says literaly nothing cuz brain can always choose to forget it for years#i am finally making a pseudo dreamtale au look at me it only took five years#miles nine prower#nine the fox#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#tails the fox#also the seamstress (a moth lady named Saturn) and carpenter's (an old dying I think human man named Oakley) are my friend's ocs I yoinked#their shops will be sort of relevant in the second part I prommy#dreamtale#over the hills#<- the name of the dreamtale au that spawned from this#me when I finish writing#dreamtale and sonic tomfoolery#sonic prime#me does arts
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catventurers meowlphabet (first half) 😽✨
#catventurers#original#cat art#tabaxi#racing against the clock to see if i can finish the last few before i've posted the ones i've got done LOL#ive painted up to S so if I post one every few days.. and paint one every few days.. i should have some leeway hopefully#it does not even matter i just am overly conscious of how my instagram profile looks#I like doing one of these every other post. it looks nice#and hopefully that way people aren't getting tired of them........#well w/e people can think what they like cause i love these sm#nothing better than a silly little guy!!!#anyways if you're reading all this thank you#shocked if anyone made it this far i'm just saying nonsense to myself
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still obsessed with them
#alan wake 2#saga anderson#alex casey#andercase#tw bra#get a room you two#im obsessed with sagas sweater#i feel yarn calling at me#trying to tie me into a new hobbe#this week ive done nothing that didn't include thinking abt them#there is so little andercase content so now im determined to create if myself#why did i choose the least popular ship#but alas the ship chose me
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a little sunflawyer lore drop because its been too long since i did one!!
just as a way for me to show abby's personality better ☀️ it's about Abby and her patients.
its quite long though !!! (⊙_◎) but its sweet :3
abby is a psychologist who works at a clinic !!! her patients range from kids to adults :D so far the one that i would love to mention is Clara, a 9 year old girl who suffers from abvuse trauma. for clara's case, abby helps her to heal while jimmy helps bring justice for her by capturing the perpetrator.
recently i thought of a new patient!! this one is an elderly man named Sam who recently lost his wife. he goes to abby to help him cope with his grief. he tells abby everything about his marriage — the memories, the dreams, the moments... and sam's stories make abby think of jimmy. the same romance that sparkles between the two of them...
now, sam's wife's passing got her thinking about herself too. abby has a low blood pressure, which causes her to pass out quite often, and it always worries jimmy. she's afraid if something happens to her one day, jimmy will struggle to cope with it. and it terrifies her and haunts her mind for days until one day she can't take it anymore.
so one day, after she comes home from another session with sam, abby sits beside jimmy and asks him to make her cry. jimmy was taken aback of course — he never wanted to see abby cry, let alone being the one who caused it. but abby trusts him and says crying is a good way to cope with sadness to relief all of your bottled-up emotions. at work, she has to be tough for her patients, but today, she needs to ve vulnerable.
so, jimmy did. — he tells her about the day they met, about how he was instantly captivated by her the moment his eyes met hers. he tells her about their wedding day, how he was so nervous that he was the loudest to cry during their vows. he tells her the day tommy was born, the day tommy said 'mama', and the day when he first entered daycare. he tells her their memories together.
and she cried. of course not from sadness, but from happiness. they've been through a lot together. there were times when she doubted herself, and there were times when she was the happiest woman in the world. and she went through them with jimmy by her side.
he then pulls her into his arms and whispers, "its okay to cry, abby. i know you want to be tough for others, but with me, youre not just Dr. Abigail McGill, you're Abby. You're my wife, my best friend, the reason why I wake up with a smile everyday."
and he kisses her forehead, lingering there.
"you're a human, abby. a human with feelings. I'm here for you, to share your burdens with. i love you, no matter how you are feeling today, tomorrow, and the next day.
you're my heart."
#⚖️🌻#sunflawyer#self ship#sunflower puppy!#🌇 heartfelt memories 🌇#← new tag for sunflawyer lore !!!#I should've done this earlier but you know i get very sappy writing about stuff like this 😭😭#this is why i stick with writing imagines jsjdjfkog#also i might share some of my life here as well? i realized i dont talk about myself quite often here#i mean i did but not recently cus waaghg things been rough and i dont want to turn my blog into a vent blog !! @--@#oc x canon#(my life has been rough recently so nothing good to share at all sjdjdj)#but ive been doing happier !!!🧡
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the autistic urge to search up everything about a new game you like, which leads to accidentally getting spoilered for everything
#why am i like this#like i just started play#in stars and time#i know nothing about it!!#i have to resist myself#from searching up#stuff about it!!!!#aaaaaaagggg#ive done this#to a lot of games like#bloodborne#or#silent hill#I REALLY WISH I HADNT#I wish i couldve experienced#those games without knowing#smh my head#neurodivergent
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made my own little freak cause i CAN but also. the official ones are too expensive and. ugly ❤️
#ffxv#ff15#final fantasy 15#final fantasy xv#not that this is perfect tho. in fact id change a LOTTTTT if i redid it#but. it is the first figurey thing ive done like this. so ill give myself a pass#and i have learned a good bit as well if nothing else#prompto argentum#snowflakebottlesart
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Genuinely hating the fact that people have to look really closely at art to see whether it's AI or not and like, zooming in and pointing out the little bits that don't match.
Because like, it's really fucking hard for me to calm down on obsessive details and trying to make everything perfect and make sense, to make sure that every lock of hair has an invisible follow line.
I get so bogged down in details that I ruin my art and the only thing that's been able to save me so far is to repeat to myself that no one fucking cares if this doesn't match up perfectly. But they do now. Everyone cares. We are zooming in on artworks and pointing out things that could have just been overlooked as human error.
Machine generated art means I feel like I'm not allowed to have human error any more. I have to be pixel perfect. I can't just vibe. I can't even imply.
And I think about that and become too exhausted to even start.
#there is no point to this#theres nothing i think we can even do#the cat is out of the bag and we now live in an era of computer generated art#yes this is about the mtg ai art scandal#the zoom in just makes me feel like we have reached the death of digital art#a little bit of nonsense stutter texture on a dial#and a bit of somethign that doesnt line up in the background#stuff that ive specifically stopped myself from fixing in my own art in the past#in order to try and break free of toxic perfectionism#im just so tired#this isnt a defence of mtg#this is just me being so done#i dont think ive done a single digital painting since the ai stuff began#and i havent pposted any of my traditional media#personal
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venting like an idiot
the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired
#ughhhh#im not going to drop out just yet#itd be a shame i think#theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared#idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho#i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money#and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd#idk i just feel like shit#the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come#idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing#i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil#i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh#sucks sucks everything sucks#sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um#vent#i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig#idk its all a huge contradiction
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anyone know if we have isolate harder tomorrow
#im sorry ik it's important but idc#i dont want close connections#i dont want to be sociable#i just want to keep my head down focus n get out of here#when my body n brain are safe#n ik ive done it on my own#n im not indebted to anyone for anything ever again#n ik i hv what I want n i am safe n there's nothing no one can hv to offer me#tht will make me lose n compromise myself#then I'll think abt human connections#im sorry im hppy ur all community n socialize n ppl rule humans are social creatures#but u live in a privileged delusional world where ppl dont hv power over ur basic safety n well being#so u can trust ppl bc they can do u no harm#cloud nonsense
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