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nenelonomh · 8 months ago

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the importance of balance in academia

balance is SO IMPORTANT in every aspect of life, but so often students sacrifice it in order to achieve high-level grades. balance is a critical factor that contributes to both personal well-being and academic success. many myths exist that build this lack of balance in the academic world, so let's debunk some of them.

working long hours guarantees advancement who told you this? seriously? the number of hours worked does not necessarily correlate with productivity or career success. quality of work matters more than quantity. you should try to prioritize efficiency and well-being over excessive hours.

life must be compartmentalized separating work and personal life rigidly isn’t always feasible. embrace flexibility. sometimes school/work and life blend, and that’s okay. focus on being present wherever you are.

you can have it all this is a big goal of a lot of people. i hate to break it to you, but you're NEVER going to have it all. balancing everything perfectly is challenging. prioritize what truly matters to you. accept that some trade-offs are necessary.

time management solves everything another lie that's commonly believed. yes, time management helps but IT WILL NOT SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. time management alone won’t guarantee balance. it’s about making conscious choices, not just managing the clock.

technology frees up more time/technology wastes time technology can both help and hinder balance. you must learn how to use technology wisely; and not let it consume your life. always disconnect when needed.

academic stress arises when a student’s existing capacity to manage and adapt to academic demands is exceeded. it encompasses mental distress related to expected academic challenges, fear of failure, or even the possibility of academic failure. you can prevent it by learning about your stressors, changing what you can, moderating your emotional reactions and practising physical responses to stress (e.g. mindful breathing). remember, academic stress is normal, but managing it effectively is essential for your overall well-being and success. prioritize self-care, seek help when needed, and find a healthy balance.

one thing that you're going to have to learn in order to become more balanced on your academic journey is to drop perfectionism. you may think that it has helped you get to where you are,, that it motivates you and keeps you going. these are lies. you must find new ways to motivate yourself that are not harmful.

for example, learning how to evolve whilst accepting that you are still growing and that you are just a person will get you to the same places, without the detrimental effects. perfectionists tend to have an all-or-nothing mindset and experience feelings of inadequacy due to toxic comparison. in being a perfectionist, your creativity may dwindle, as well as health implications arising and relationship strain.

if you don't believe me -- take a look at the article here.

but HOW can you manage balance in academia?

prioritize and plan though time management will not save you by itself, it is a great skill and very helpful. create a weekly schedule that allocates time for BOTH academic and personal activities. prioritize essential tasks and set realistic goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

set boundaries establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. make time to go out with your school friends outside of schoolwork! you have to be mindful, however, that it impossible to have a perfect divide or balance. we are humans; we are messy; life is messy.

self-care make time for activities that help you relax and recharge, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones. prioritize physical and mental health alongside academic commitments.

be flexible recognize that there will be times when your work demands more of your time and attention. adapt to changing circumstances while maintaining a balance.

build a support system i can't stress this enough! having people around you --even if you're writing your stressors on an anonymous blog-- is so vital to academic success. foster personal relationships and build a network of colleagues and friends who understand the challenges of academia. seek advice and support from mentors and peers.

effective communication communicate openly with colleagues, supervisors, and family members about your commitments and limitations. negotiate the workload when necessary. i remember in primary school (sixth grade, to be precise) when my teacher gave me extra homework to 'push me'. it took so much time away from me. as a twelve-year-old, i was able to talk to her and we agreed that i would simply just do the extension homework (instead of double work) so that i would have more time to play. this shit works!

utilize technology leverage technology for efficiency. use tools for time management, collaboration, and communication. if you get too distracted by technology, block the sites. delete the apps. do whatever you have to do to make it a tool. you can always re-download when you're finished. you can always call a friend during the breaks.

i think one of the most significant things to learn, ever, is that all of your actions/strategies are a double edged sword. they can either hurt you or help you. you have to decide which side you use.

achieving balance is an ongoing process, and you have to learn what works best for you--everyone is different. always strive for a healthier equilibrium. i promise you that it will be better for your wellbeing; your soul.

luck on your academic journey.

❤️ joanne

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infpisme · 6 years ago

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9 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist

2. Questioning your ability to make the right decisions or perceive reality correctly. Narcissists are masters of warping our reality and inviting us to play in their funhouse (more like torture chamber) of distortions, falsehoods, smoke and mirrors. When you’ve been gaslighted for so long into believing that what you’re experiencing isn’t real, you doubt whether you’re even perceiving your own reality correctly. You second-guess your decisions and feel a tremendous amount of conflict about doing what’s right for you versus what you’ve been conditioned to do for the narcissist. You develop a sense of cognitive dissonance (conflicting thoughts and feelings) about the toxic relationship as well as other major facets of your life.

3. Chasing after toxic people. The more toxicity a narcissistic partner brings into your life, the more likely you’ll gravitate towards people who subject you to similar trials. It’s because you’ve been subconsciously programmed to abusive behavior as a new normal. As a result, you might have a very distorted perception about what healthy behavior actually entails.

Instead of searching for healthier alternatives, those who have been abused by narcissists try to “search for a rescuer” but wind up encountering more people who are toxic. These experiences can compound the trauma you’ve experienced. It can mirror the self-sabotaging beliefs the narcissist has trained us to believe in. It perpetuates the vicious cycle. When we feel alone and abandoned, we’re less likely to know we deserve better.

4. Self-sabotaging. Narcissists program you to self-destruct. They subject you to cruel insults, harsh put-downs, subtle sabotage and taunt you with perceived flaws, manufactured insecurities and a hyperfocus on your shortcomings. By doing this, they commit covert murder with clean hands. You’re so taken aback by their attacks that you suffer from anxiety about your competence, your skill sets and even your God-given talents.

Why? Because the narcissist has convinced you that all your strengths are actually weaknesses. They do this on purpose to rob you of your sense of confidence and independence. Once you believe all the cruel things they say about you, you’ll start to sabotage yourself in the areas you naturally flourish in. When you catch yourself sabotaging yourself or engaging in negative self-talk, always ask yourself, “Do I really believe this about myself? Or is this what the narcissist wants me to believe?”

5. Being people-pleasing and perfectionistic. Every time the narcissist criticized you, they planted seeds of self-doubt which burgeoned into full-blown insecurities after the relationship ended. You did everything to please your abuser to gain their approval or even just a moment of peace from their crazymaking. So it’s no surprise that when the relationship has ended, the pattern of trying to please people remained. People-pleasing and perfectionism are survival mechanisms that developed early on so that you could try to ward off any form of violence (be it physical or emotional). So long as the abuser approved of you (even just temporarily), you felt in the clear.

The challenge in the aftermath is to become the observer of your perfectionistic tendencies as well as your habit of people-pleasing. Instead of judging these habits, mindfully observe your thoughts and feelings whenever you’re tempted to do something that is not authentic to who you really are.

Ask yourself, “Why am I really doing this? What do I think I have to gain?” Examine the root of each compulsion as it arises and find a healthier alternative that honors what you really want and what you desire. To start overcoming needless perfectionism, start to self-validate and approve of yourself. When you’ve done something well, give yourself some healthy praise instead of waiting for someone else to validate it for you. Habits can be hard to break, but new habits can form to replace destructive ones.

6. Withdrawing from others and isolating yourself. Abusers isolate you so you begin to isolate yourself as well. The narcissist is so charming and likeable that they are able to depict themselves as the sane ones while they provoke their victims into becoming unhinged. With a perceived lack of support from others, you start to feel as if you have no one there to help you. Your body, mind and spirit is reeling from the trauma and is trying to process it.

Although a period of hibernation is normal after abuse and sometimes much needed to begin the healing process, don’t isolate yourself from professional support or validating people who understand what you’re going through. Reach out to those who can help you, those who’ve been there and those who have a solid understanding of what narcissistic abuse feels like.

7. Falling into abuse amnesia. When the narcissist tells you they miss you, you’ll start to romanticize the relationship. When the narcissist shows good behavior, you’ll be tempted to fall into “abuse amnesia” as a coping strategy and rationalize that they were good, upstanding partners all along. You might fall prey to their “hoovering” attempts to get you back into the abusive relationship.

To counter abuse amnesia, it’s important to have a list of abusive incidents or at the very least, behaviors you experienced with this person. This will help you to reconnect to the reality of the abuse and keep you grounded in what you experienced. Confiding in a therapist and/or a trustworthy friend can also help to increase social accountability; when you find yourself rewriting the abuse, they’ll be there to help you get back on track and remind you of what you’re not missing out on.

8. Protecting your abuser. Being abused means that we become trauma-bonded to the abuser. This is very much like Stockholm Syndrome; we were taken emotionally “hostage” by this predator and we’ve learned how to protect them, defend them and cater to them in order to survive. That is why survivors often feel compelled to talk about how happy the relationship is, even when they are suffering behind closed doors.

That is also why survivors of narcissists may not come forward right away to friends and family members about the abuse; they fear that they are overreacting, too sensitive, or imagining things, just like the abuser has told them. Even after you break free of a narcissist, you might still be prone to protecting the abuser’s image at the risk of your own welfare.

This can manifest in many different ways, from the major to the minor. You might refuse to cooperate with law enforcement on revealing the details of abuse or become argumentative with loved ones who call out the abuse for what it is. You might refuse to get an order of protection even if the narcissist is stalking or harassing you, for fear of retaliation as well as a warped sense of loyalty you developed to the narcissist during the relationship.

When fighting the urge to protect the abuser, remember that the abuser never protected you. They never protected you from the pain they inflicted upon you or the consequences that came with it. Your only duty after leaving an abusive relationship is to protect yourself, first and foremost.

9 . Having a warped sense of boundaries. One of the effects of being abused is that our boundaries become extremely malleable. We’re more compelled to say “yes” to things we desperately want to say “no” to. We’ve lost our sense of agency and control over our lives, so it takes time to rebuild our boundaries and reclaim our power. It helps to remember your basic human rights after you’ve been violated. These include the right to say no, the right to protest unfair behavior or mistreatment, and the right to feel angry and express it non-abusively.

You can also create a list of emotional and physical boundaries you commit to honoring in the future with any relationship or friendship. These are customized to your needs can include boundaries like, “I don’t tolerate anyone lying to me” and “I don’t respond to threats or ultimatums.”

Take small steps to practice your new boundaries and follow through with them. When a toxic person tries to put you down, stand up for yourself in whatever way you can – even if it just means walking away from the interaction. Being assertive doesn’t always require a grand gesture – it just requires your willingness to prioritize your safety and wellbeing. When a friend tries to take advantage of you, start calling them out – even if it’s just in a polite but firm manner. Start asking yourself every day whether you’re doing something to please someone else or because you really want to do it.

It takes practice, but you will get there. No matter what you are struggling with now, you can reclaim your life and your power after being abused by a narcissist. In fact, you can thrive.

Source: though catalogue

#narcissists abuse #narcissistic abuse #emotional trauma #psychopath #cptsd #ptsd #complex trauma #toxic relationships #narcissist #trauma and recovery #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #traumatised #overcoming trauma #life struggles #depressing thoughts #fighting battles #devil in disguise #gaslighting

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motorcyclegirlfriends · 6 years ago

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man, i don't understand their insistence on shading lena so much(not her grey moral side, that's pretty cool and shows a yin/yang balance with kara), presenting her like a bomb ready to go off anytime. If they're so intent on making her evil why not actually have Lex show up, make her choose between her beloved brother and Kara so she can choose Kara and let supercorp be endgame like... i'm p sure the writers realize where it leads if they make Lena choose, so they just shade her "evilness"

They’re playing with the morality and darkness of the character because that’s who the character is.

Not who the person is—I’m not trying to say if you pop this person into reality that it’s inevitable that she’ll turn evil or even struggle in the same ways. I’m saying that when you take a character with her history and her issues and her fears you have to explore them for the story to work.

Who the character is defines what their story is about, and vice versa.

Let’s say you’ve started with an interesting premise and an awesome world, and all you need are some characters before you can get to the story. So you take your protagonist and begin throwing some of your favorite traits (and some other traits to play off of them in interesting ways) into a blender to see what sticks.

Perhaps they’re awkward, but funny. Insecure yet ambitious. Smart, but struggle with getting certain things. And then you go a little deeper. Where does the character’s insecurity stem from? Being socially awkward? Perhaps not. Perhaps you don’t feel you have a take on that idea that isn’t cliché.

Maybe the gaps in their intelligence, then. But why? It’s not interesting if it doesn’t go deeper. Absent parents who must be impressed for attention? Critical parents who are disappointed with anything less than brilliance? A formative experience in which the gaps in their intelligence resulted in something truly terrible?

You settle on something, and then you… write a story with nothing to do with their insecurity? I think not. The story is about your character, and your character is about this. (If you want your story to be about something else, instead create characters which are About that journey.)

Lena Luthor is about a deep ache, a need to be good.

Kara Zor-El Danvers is about finding home.

Alex Danvers is about being true to oneself.

We know this because of how they were built, the events which shaped them. Because of the setup before the real story begins:

Kara lost her entire world. Her home, parents, culture. Everyone and everything she knew. How could her story be about anything other than finding a home after that?

Alex had difficulty carving a space for herself as a kid because doing so would often result in Bad Things happening, and a heavy dose of perfectionism left her with very little room to be anything other than what she Had To Be. Do we not now want to watch her learn how to be healthy and to be assertive of her needs and to be imperfect and to just be?

And Lena. Lena Luthor, the emotionally abused kid in a family of terrorists, whose mother made her feel like she was never good enough, and who the world now never sees as good, full stop. Who fears becoming the monsters which hurt her above all else. Isn’t her story meant to be about recognizing and cultivating her own goodness to feel safe in her own skin?

Each of these characters strive to find happiness, but they all have different journeys to go on to get there. And these journeys examine the foundation of those needs to say something about them.

Lena can be good. Kara can feel at home. Alex can be true to herself. But, like in an essay, one must set up and address the counterarguments. This is where the story comes in. The story is the act of addressing the theme of the character’s counterargument.

If you have two characters in a fanfiction who do cute things with each other with no conflict internally, between each other, or otherwise externally, then you don’t have a story. You have a piece of a story (which people do love to consume anyway, because they’ve experienced the set up in canon that makes it feel satisfying).

But trust me, a 50 chapter fanfic of just this is not satisfying. Fluff only goes so far. It’s like eating only candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The characters must struggle and then surpass these struggles in order for the story to say, with confidence… anything. If you want to say that the intelligence of your character doesn’t matter as much as their heart, you have to prove it. Give them an obstacle they try to solve using their head and show them failing miserably. And then show them getting back up and using their empathy or their will to win the day, instead. Without that first failure, winning in that way falls flat.

And then with each success, offer a different counterargument. Another obstacle.

Your character who lost her world—who you wish to prove that one can overcome great loss through—is happy? In a relationship with a guy from a sister planet to her lost world who makes her feel pretty normal and at home? Rip it apart. Don’t just take it away, but make her feel worse than she was before he came into her life. And then have her build her life back up from scratch, with another angle to the argument.

“What if you tear away that answer? Can she still find a home? If the Romantic Love is destroyed, what is left?” the villain inside all of our brains asks.

Answer the question. Answer it a hundred ways.

Tell us the wrong thing: Supergirl. Just Supergirl.

Tear it down. Offer another: “And if I don’t have Supergirl, what do I have?” “You got me.”

The villain asks another question: “What if her home becomes sick at its heart? What if it becomes foreign to her through its hatred?”

It asks more: “What if her relationships became strained?” “What if someone she loves dies?” “What if she feels she doesn’t deserve her new home?” “What if this physical planet were destroyed?”

Answer them. Answer all of these questions with your story until your audience believes, “Yes, of course. She’s home. She’s home.”

Because once the character wins, really wins forever, the game is over.

If Lena Luthor is good, believes she’s good, is impervious to temptation or moral tests and doubts and the whole world believes in her goodness (or she finally feels free from needing that), her story is over.

Until then, this is the character playground we’re living in. Lena’s issues are about trying to defeat the monsters she fears within and have been since day one. The story can take breaks from tackling this theme so directly (slow burn, baby) but it’s always, always going to come back to this.

But it’s not always going to look the same! And it doesn’t mean she’s Secretly Evil or a time bomb.

The question is, “Can Lena rise above her emotionally abusive and ideologically toxic upbringing and be Good, or is she destined to be evil?”

Sometimes it’ll be about Lena wondering if being intelligent and cunning means she’s like her mother in other, nefarious ways. Or if she is responsible for what her intelligence results in down the line. Or it’ll be about proving to the outside world that she isn’t what they think.

Sometimes it’ll be about making mistakes which hurt people and how she can still be good even if she’s imperfect. Sometimes it’ll be about learning to recognize the parts of herself which need work—emotionally, relationally, and morally—and addressing those without self destructing because of her fears. Sometimes it’ll be about the nature of goodness. Maybe one day, it’ll be about helping someone with similar struggles while staying true to the lessons she’s learned.

Often, it’s about how healthy love can help her be good, and how refusing that kind of love can set her astray.

So, to address what you’ve said, of course the writers know what Lena would choose, in the end.

(Though the question isn’t really about two people, or choosing who she loves more. Even if Supercorp were canon, Lena would still be dealing with this until the story was over. Supercorp itself would be a tool to answer Lena’s goodness question.

And even without the shippy angle, Lena choosing Kara is a no brainer. Their relationship is clearly valued by the show and by Lena, and she has addressed how wrong her brother is already. That’s not her current struggle, nor the hardest one she’d face at this moment in time. Now, throw the perception of betrayal into it via Kara’s secret identity, and you’ve got something a little more interesting.)

It’s just that Lena has to keep making these types of choices until the show is over. Otherwise, she’s just furniture. A setting. Her real story is over.

If you’re not interested in various angles of Goodness™, or if you just love the character so much you can’t stand to see her morality under scrutiny all the time, I feel for you.

Personally, I think certain beats are a bit overdone (and that some of the undertones—like Lena fearing her own intelligence, for instance—could have been highlighted more to make it more dynamic) and that what we’ve seen so far could have been drawn out over more time while other, less obviously core issue-related things are happening.

But generally, I like it. This question of goodness is what drew me to the character to begin with.

Not just because of the Lex comparison—although it is connected to it.

It’s because it’s a story about emotional abuse and how it can get into your head and nurture qualities you abhor but fear you can’t escape emulating. It’s about feeling all twisted up because of what you’ve been through, and the struggle to keep those demons from hurting others while they whisper in your ear that it’s all useless anyway. That you’re just bad.

That’s something I’m interested in seeing, and one I haven’t really seen told this way before?

But it’s not enough to have her fear being evil and then just be good anyway. That doesn’t represent the insidious nature of emotional abuse nor the real work one has to do to overcome it. It’s complicated, and I want to see it be complicated, because when she overcomes all of that it will mean something.

Because the villain in our brains are already asking these questions (doubly so if you relate to Lena).

“What if she does do something bad? Really bad? Does that mean she’s evil? That she was evil all along and can’t escape it?”

I want the show to say, “No. She can come back from this. Goodness is a choice.”

Because I fully believe that their intent isn’t to make Lena evil, it’s to prove that she isn’t. To subvert our expectations set up by what happened between Clark and Lex.

To say “No, this time friendship wins. Hope wins.” To refute that dread of inevitability caused by the familiarity of the story and, for Lena herself, that dread of inevitability because of who her family is and how she was raised.

It’s a hopeful show by design, and so it often has their main character try to get through to people, to change them for the better. Logically, this is the sort of story they’re going to tell, and personally, I’m here for it.

But it’s not going to go away.

#supergirl #lena luthor #long post #analysis: you're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it #Anonymous

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anyatra · 7 years ago

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9 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist

1. Constantly doubting your self-worth. Where once you were self-confident and assured, you are now in people-pleasing mode. Your friends and family notice that you are always on edge, doubting your strengths and experiences. You’re constantly explaining yourself, deflecting compliments or evading opportunities to shine. You obsess over whether you’re worthy, attractive, appealing or desirable enough. You begin to wonder if you’re the one who’s toxic and abusive when you start reacting to the abuse (after all, narcissists are prone to projecting their own behavior and calling us narcissists as a defense mechanism). You start to think that you must be the problem if you’re being treated in such a horrendous manner. This sort of self-blame is common after abuse, but it is one that is rooted in the effects of trauma, not reality. 2. Questioning your ability to make the right decisions or perceive reality correctly. Narcissists are masters of warping our reality and inviting us to play in their funhouse (more like torture chamber) of distortions, falsehoods, smoke and mirrors. When you’ve been gaslighted for so long into believing that what you’re experiencing isn’t real, you doubt whether you’re even perceiving your own reality correctly. You second-guess your decisions and feel a tremendous amount of conflict about doing what’s right for you versus what you’ve been conditioned to do for the narcissist. You develop a sense of cognitive dissonance (conflicting thoughts and feelings) about the toxic relationship as well as other major facets of your life. 3. Chasing after toxic people. The more toxicity a narcissistic partner brings into your life, the more likely you’ll gravitate towards people who subject you to similar trials. It’s because you’ve been subconsciously programmed to abusive behavior as a new normal. As a result, you might have a very distorted perception about what healthy behavior actually entails. Instead of searching for healthier alternatives, those who have been abused by narcissists try to “search for a rescuer” but wind up encountering more people who are toxic. These experiences can compound the trauma you’ve experienced. It can mirror the self-sabotaging beliefs the narcissist has trained us to believe in. It perpetuates the vicious cycle. When we feel alone and abandoned, we’re less likely to know we deserve better. 4. Self-sabotaging. Narcissists program you to self-destruct. They subject you to cruel insults, harsh put-downs, subtle sabotage and taunt you with perceived flaws, manufactured insecurities and a hyperfocus on your shortcomings. By doing this, they commit covert murder with clean hands. You’re so taken aback by their attacks that you suffer from anxiety about your competence, your skill sets and even your God-given talents. Why? Because the narcissist has convinced you that all your strengths are actually weaknesses. They do this on purpose to rob you of your sense of confidence and independence. Once you believe all the cruel things they say about you, you’ll start to sabotage yourself in the areas you naturally flourish in. When you catch yourself sabotaging yourself or engaging in negative self-talk, always ask yourself, “Do I really believe this about myself? Or is this what the narcissist wants me to believe?” 5. Being people-pleasing and perfectionistic. Every time the narcissist criticized you, they planted seeds of self-doubt which burgeoned into full-blown insecurities after the relationship ended. You did everything to please your abuser to gain their approval or even just a moment of peace from their crazymaking. So it’s no surprise that when the relationship has ended, the pattern of trying to please people remained. People-pleasing and perfectionism are survival mechanisms that developed early on so that you could try to ward off any form of violence (be it physical or emotional). So long as the abuser approved of you (even just temporarily), you felt in the clear. The challenge in the aftermath is to become the observer of your perfectionistic tendencies as well as your habit of people-pleasing. Instead of judging these habits, mindfully observe your thoughts and feelings whenever you’re tempted to do something that is not authentic to who you really are. Ask yourself, “Why am I really doing this? What do I think I have to gain?” Examine the root of each compulsion as it arises and find a healthier alternative that honors what you really want and what you desire. To start overcoming needless perfectionism, start to self-validate and approve of yourself. When you’ve done something well, give yourself some healthy praise instead of waiting for someone else to validate it for you. Habits can be hard to break, but new habits can form to replace destructive ones. 6. Withdrawing from others and isolating yourself. Abusers isolate you so you begin to isolate yourself as well. The narcissist is so charming and likeable that they are able to depict themselves as the sane ones while they provoke their victims into becoming unhinged. With a perceived lack of support from others, you start to feel as if you have no one there to help you. Your body, mind and spirit is reeling from the trauma and is trying to process it. Although a period of hibernation is normal after abuse and sometimes much needed to begin the healing process, don’t isolate yourself from professional support or validating people who understand what you’re going through. Reach out to those who can help you, those who’ve been there and those who have a solid understanding of what narcissistic abuse feels like. 7. Falling into abuse amnesia. When the narcissist tells you they miss you, you’ll start to romanticize the relationship. When the narcissist shows good behavior, you’ll be tempted to fall into “abuse amnesia” as a coping strategy and rationalize that they were good, upstanding partners all along. You might fall prey to their “hoovering” attempts to get you back into the abusive relationship. To counter abuse amnesia, it’s important to have a list of abusive incidents or at the very least, behaviors you experienced with this person. This will help you to reconnect to the reality of the abuse and keep you grounded in what you experienced. Confiding in a therapist and/or a trustworthy friend can also help to increase social accountability; when you find yourself rewriting the abuse, they’ll be there to help you get back on track and remind you of what you’re not missing out on. 8. Protecting your abuser. Being abused means that we become trauma-bonded to the abuser. This is very much like Stockholm Syndrome; we were taken emotionally “hostage” by this predator and we’ve learned how to protect them, defend them and cater to them in order to survive. That is why survivors often feel compelled to talk about how happy the relationship is, even when they are suffering behind closed doors. That is also why survivors of narcissists may not come forward right away to friends and family members about the abuse; they fear that they are overreacting, too sensitive, or imagining things, just like the abuser has told them. Even after you break free of a narcissist, you might still be prone to protecting the abuser’s image at the risk of your own welfare. This can manifest in many different ways, from the major to the minor. You might refuse to cooperate with law enforcement on revealing the details of abuse or become argumentative with loved ones who call out the abuse for what it is. You might refuse to get an order of protection even if the narcissist is stalking or harassing you, for fear of retaliation as well as a warped sense of loyalty you developed to the narcissist during the relationship. When fighting the urge to protect the abuser, remember that the abuser never protected you. They never protected you from the pain they inflicted upon you or the consequences that came with it. Your only duty after leaving an abusive relationship is to protect yourself, first and foremost. 9. Having a warped sense of boundaries. One of the effects of being abused is that our boundaries become extremely malleable. We’re more compelled to say “yes” to things we desperately want to say “no” to. We’ve lost our sense of agency and control over our lives, so it takes time to rebuild our boundaries and reclaim our power. It helps to remember your basic human rights after you’ve been violated. These include the right to say no, the right to protest unfair behavior or mistreatment, and the right to feel angry and express it non-abusively. You can also create a list of emotional and physical boundaries you commit to honoring in the future with any relationship or friendship. These are customized to your needs can include boundaries like, “I don’t tolerate anyone lying to me” and “I don’t respond to threats or ultimatums.” Take small steps to practice your new boundaries and follow through with them. When a toxic person tries to put you down, stand up for yourself in whatever way you can – even if it just means walking away from the interaction. Being assertive doesn’t always require a grand gesture – it just requires your willingness to prioritize your safety and wellbeing. When a friend tries to take advantage of you, start calling them out – even if it’s just in a polite but firm manner. Start asking yourself every day whether you’re doing something to please someone else or because you really want to do it. It takes practice, but you will get there. No matter what you are struggling with now, you can reclaim your life and your power after being abused by a narcissist. In fact, you can thrive.

#musings #npd #codependent #codependent no more #narcissistic personality disorder #abuse #emotional abuse #psychology #self help #self love #boundaries

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crimsonrevolt · 7 years ago

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Congratulations Abby you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Remus Lupin!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

I must admit that I’m always quite partial when it comes to applications for Remus, because he’s one of my favorite characters in the series as well, but I was delighted and entranced the more I read through your app. The grasp you showed for Remus’ character went beyond all doubts, especially how you took the bare minimum of a skeleton that we presented and the little we know of his youth, and made Remus your own. We can’t wait to see you explore him further in the context of this rp and to see him develop as you write him! *your FC change to Keiynan Lonsdale has been accepted!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Abby, 22, She/Her, EST

ACTIVITY

7/10 (Moderately active, with a preference for lengthy paras that are well thought out as opposed to several short replies)

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Through the tags!

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

While reading the books, Remus Lupin is definitely the character I identified most with. I loved the way that he took on a mentor role in Harry’s life, and it was interesting for me to see him struggle with and cope with the various aspects of the war, such as Dumbledore’s death and the birth of his child. I found myself relating to some of his struggles with control and allowing himself to be happy with Tonks.

ANYTHING ELSE?

N/A

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Remus Lupin

FACE CLAIM

Ben Whishaw

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I have played as Remus for years, and am very attached to his character due to his similarities to my own personality. I love delving into his personality and behaviors and finding new ways to explore these with my interactions and conversations with other writers and characters!

In general, I like to try and showcase not only the qualities that made me fall in love with Remus’ character, but also some of his negative qualities and the darker aspects that could come to light in the middle of a tense war. In the bio you state that Remus has difficulties with violent outbursts. I imagine that due to his background, he has issues with depression and anxiety, and is quietly struggling with these more and more as the war progresses. I would be interested in playing into this quality, and developing these tendencies and the effect that they might have on his relationships and work.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

I prefer to play Remus as bisexual, with he/him pronouns. Remus has an extremely complicated and difficult relationship with the concept of romance and sex, and is closeted with his preferences and usually avoids the topic whenever possible, even with those closest to him. Due to the canon information that we have about Remus’ insecurities and hesitation in his involvement with Tonks in the future, I imagine that he hasn’t had many healthy, happy relationships in the past.

For this reason, I would be against most traditional relationships for Remus without extensive development beforehand, as I imagine anything less would be out of character for him. I would be interested in pursuing other types of potentially less-healthy relationships that would work alongside his canon with the right partner if they were interested!

Personally, I am partial to wolfstar if there is chemistry with the other writer and plenty of development prior to this.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

EXPAND ON TRAITS

+ Loyal:

Due to his reserved nature, Remus has few that he has allowed close. For the few that have managed to break through his defensive barriers, he is loyal nearly to a fault. Devoted, he feels a debt to those closest to him and will do nearly anything for the few he has come to know as family. His withdrawn nature can often be read as untrustworthy, but those closest to him know that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

+ Reasonable

Observation is something that is a learned trait for Remus rather than a natural one. Years of practice and careful thought to navigate circumstances years above his young age have forced Remus to be cold and calculating in certain areas, often suspicious. However, when applied to the people he cares about, his observant, reasonable nature and ability to read people translates to compassion. For those closest to him, Remus is often a trustworthy and judgement-free confidant. Most of the time, he is fair, rational, and level-headed, something that he prides himself on. To him, this represents a much-desired control that is often lacking in other areas of his life.

+ Physically & mentally strong

Although his fragile surface may not illustrate this, Remus is undoubtedly resilient. Having already had to deal with enough emotional and physical pain and misfortune for a lifetime or two, he is no stranger to suffering, and covers it all up with a steely sense of mildness and calm that drive those closest to him mad. Each moon has left him with both a high tolerance for pain and countless scars beyond those written in blood, but he strives to try and not let this get to him. Steadfast, his determination in completing tasks and remaining faithful to those he cares about is one of his strongest qualities. However, along with this tenacity and perseverance comes an inevitable stubbornness and unyielding nature when crossed.

+ Sweet

Sweet and charming, Remus’ quiet nature can be endearing at times. Always looking out for others, he has a thoughtful, pleasing manner about him that has managed to get him out of several tight situations before. To most who know Remus, he is nothing more than a kind, sweet guy. However when confronted about this, Remus will quickly reject the idea.

- Aggressive

Aggression is not something that people would ordinarily associate with Remus at first glance. However, beneath the careful layers and barriers that the man keeps up, Remus struggles with this daily. At first, aggression was merely something he associated with the wolf. Fearing his parent’s would look at him and see the monster, he forced himself to shut out natural emotions such as anger, saving those for his monthly transformations. However, this coping mechanism has led to a difficulty in managing anger and other natural reactions for fear of how others might react. At times, this manifests physically in the form of anxiety and panic, a fear of losing control so great that it can cause him to shut down. For Remus, there is nothing worse than those around him looking at him in fear like they would at the wolf.

- Resentful

The brooding war has had an impact on everyone, regardless of their stance in the tension. For Remus, the years prior to graduation and his uneasiness on where his place might be once he is finished with school, combined with the conflict outside Hogwarts’ doors have led him to become exceedingly depressive at times. Dejected, this negativity pulls down at his otherwise kind and optimistic nature, dividing him in two. To others, he is kind, steadfast, and always looking for solutions: optimistic as a necessity rather than a preference. However at night when there is no one else around him to impress, he doubts himself and his ability to help those he cares about most in the years to come. This depressive, resentful nature leads him to be cold and standoffish at times. Insomnia, anxiety, weight loss and restlessness increasingly plague his days and become more difficult to hide as the war rages on.

- Self-limiting

Critical to a core, at times Remus is his own worst enemy. On the outside, this presents itself as humorous quips and extreme modesty. To others, he might be polite, shy, or perhaps just reserved, a stark contrast to his boasting and loud friends. However, deeper down this self-deprecating nature is much more toxic and damaging. What started out as a hatred for his lycanthopy and the wolf at a young age have led Remus to hold himself to impossible standards to meet. In order to make up for what he believes to be short-comings, he is extremely hard on himself and ruthless in his perfectionism. Oftentimes, rather than face failure or rejection, Remus would rather limit himself, rarely making an effort to truly reach his own potential for fear that he isn’t capable or worth it.

- Poor choices

In an effort to please others, and particularly those closest to him, Remus can often find himself making poor choices. His judgement, while ordinarily present to keep him honest and fair, tends to be outweighed by his desire to please others and be liked. Constantly seeking approval, he has a history of setting aside what he knows to be right in order to impress others, something that he resents and regrets.

A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

Interactions with Wolves: In the Second Wizarding War, Remus was tasked with reaching out to the werewolf community and acting as a spy in order to retrieve information. I would be interested in pursuing a plot point like this throughout the First Wizarding War. This would be an interesting plot to write, especially if it was required to remain a secret, potentially used to help divide the Marauders as the war progresses, leading up to the events in 1981.

Survival: I would also be interested in figuring out how Remus copes with the loss that is associated with war. As a resentful person, Remus can often be extremely depressive, and exploring how he deals with death and copes with change could be an intriguing idea. In addition to this, he will have to learn to rely on others, and building relationships with people is a particular challenge of his and one that could make for many interesting plots.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

Remus thought carefully for a moment, the weight of the answer the implications in the words heavy on his tongue. “I would create a treatment for lycanthropy.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Deep into the Forbidden Forest?” Remus replied, his head tilting slightly. Well this is one that doesn’t require much imagination. “I suppose I’d take Sirius, and a tent. Sirius makes for fun company if I’m going to be freezing my arse out there in the woods all night. I’d imagine that he’d find some way to make a game out of it.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Decisions that involve the people I care about. My friends.” Remus answered, biting his lip. “I don’t think there are any decisions that are really easy anymore. Unless, you know, you count deciding what to eat for dinner or what shirt to wear.” A small small pulled at the edges of his lips. “I think that half the reason I’ve only got three is to make it easier for me to decide.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“Just one?” He answered, the thoughtful look in his eyes betraying the attempt at a smile. “Depends on who’s saying it. I wouldn’t want the guys to think that I don’t trust them, or that I’m someone I’m not.” He paused after a small beat. “Anyone else can say what they want. Doesn’t matter.”

WRITING SAMPLE

(This para sample is set in the future in the “Lost Years”, during the time after James and Lily are murdered, and before he is introduced to all of us in The Prisoner of Azkaban.)

Four Seasons || Self-Para

It was a curious thing, time. One minute would go by, just like any other, with the hands on the clock moving in the right direction and everything going perfectly as usual, and the next, the world has stopped and the hands are spinning backwards and forwards all at once, sometimes frozen altogether, and a quiet young man finds to his horror that there isn’t anything he can do about it but stand still and wait for it to pass him over. That’s how time tended to move in those days, really. Just like the hands on a broken clock, heading sometimes backwards and forwards and often not at all, attempting to figure out a purpose and place in a world that he, an outdated relic of the past, no longer belonged in.

Remus walked down the sides of a chilly street where the biting winter air managed to catch under the worn holes and ragged rips in his threadbare robes as he moved forwards, his head held low and his eyes directed downwards, following the light dusting of snow that covered the cracked brick sidewalk. One block. Two blocks. Three blocks. Passing several people, without the faintest of remarks or greetings to be heard. All usual, until there- out of the corner of his eye, he made the mistake of lifting his head, spotting something that caught him off-guard. An out-of-place red orange glow of heat that radiated out from a frosty pub window, and inside, a flash of a young man’s coy grin drew his glance. The clock jolted and he missed a step. He had to stop and remind himself to take a breath. One step. Two steps. It took him a minute, but he always managed to set himself back again. The face was not the one he knew. The memory was not his. The winter was empty.

Rain poured down the panes of glass clouded over with age and neglect, and if he was to venture outdoors, he would find flowers in bloom again once more. Spring, the season of rebirth. Just another word. Remus turned the pages of a familiar yellowed book, the repetition helping to ease the shake in his hand, until a loud roar is heard from just outside. He found himself looking away from his reading and leaning towards the window without thought, even going so far as to cup his tired hands around his eyes, his surprisingly youthful face pressed up against the glass as if he were a child once again, waiting eagerly for a special surprise. The flash that followed was not one of a motorbike’s soft headlamp, though, but instead one belonging to the crack of lightning that sent sudden daggers of light through the room with a gray glow, holding the man captive for just a few seconds more in a mute state. Back and forth the hands flew, before he jolted back from the old panes as if he had been licked by an open flame, burying his lined face in his hands, ragged breath uneven. It’s been years. It’s been years.

The summer was kinder, with it’s clear days, and calm, forgiving nights. From the kitchen window he could just barely make out the wooded area by the back of the house, and beyond that, the deep indigo of the night sky as it painted the world over once more with it’s breathtaking pattern of stars and constellations, only interrupted by the large and garish blotch of a moon. Weary from a long day’s work earning just enough to get by, he bent over the sink, washing clean a cracked plate and simple, off-white mug that he had found in a thrift shop. The room was quiet, except for the occasional creak and groan of the shabby house, which made each and every insignificant noise all the more evident. Turning off the tap, he found his breath hitching in when he glanced back up once more, finding himself greeted by the startlingly familiar image of a black dog darting off into the woods, most likely in response to a smaller animal which had moved in that direction only moments before. No, he has to remind himself. No. He had to forget. He had to remind himself that he was alone. Sirius, the last of his friends still alive, wouldn’t be coming back. He would never be coming back. Shutting his eyes for long enough, the hands of the clock that had willed themselves to stop and start and stop again once more are pushed on, as he forced himself to breath out, setting down the mug that he hadn’t realized was clutched tightly between fingers pale as bones. He had to forget.

Autumn was full of memories. Each season was, he supposed, but autumn in particular was set aside from the rest, for vastly different reasons. It was funny how time did that to him, he found. To understand and actually come to terms with the fact that there were people and places and smells and sounds, which only minutes ago had seemed to live and breath in full color and liveliness, that now only existed as a distant memory and a date in a book to others. No, this was something that Remus didn’t think he’d ever get used to. The dates in these books also placed some of his most precious and favorite memories alongside the ones that he wished he could erase over again and again, a curious and horrible reality and twist in fate. The burnt red of a falling leaf just like her hair, the laugh in the hazel eyes of a bespeckled young man as he passes him by just like the one he had grown so accustomed to hearing on the breeze. All of it, while now faded and grey, was still just as fresh in his mind as if it happened yesterday. Autumn was full of memories.

Tea and thinking, he found, often went together quite nicely. As he sat down by the window inside a small cafe, a personal favorite of his now over the years of solitary life, as it seemed to be less occupied than most and had simple servers who didn’t mind how long he stayed, Remus found himself glancing out at the dewy grass and crooked faces carved into the pumpkins that lined the steps, with children eagerly huddled up in groups and giggling with wide, hopeful grins. Later that evening he would force himself to visit the large stone grave set by Godric’s Hollow as he did each year on this day, and then the other, where what little that had remained of Peter had been buried. He took a sip of his tea and held the cup tightly, letting the sides of the steaming mug press against his scarred, rough skin, burning until the area around it went numb, a feeble attempt to warm the chill that would never leave his tired bones. He was always cold these days. Paying respects, he supposed, is what these visits were, though he wasn’t sure how that could be so. They were gone, not lingering around waiting for some wasted-away old friend to come by and sit for a chat. The dreaded day would stretch on, until at last Remus would find himself once again alone at night, another year gone by, feeling sleep in his eyes but a painful ache in his chest that would never be soothed by rest.

He paced around in the darkened room again and again, alongside the incessant ticking of a clock like a guide, the need to move forwards gnawing inside his fatigued form, a deep rooted effort to escape everything and anything that harbored pain and yet also held him captive so entirely by it’s beauty and potential. It was a difficult balance, this game that he played at. He moved until his weary bones aged far beyond their years could move no more, leaving him to sink back and lay down at last, relaxing into the eerie chill, the lines between life and death blurring all the while as the alcohol set in at last. However much he liked to pretend, this was his coffin, as the sole survivor amongst a family of the dead. He must be the one to remember. He must hurt. He must live. That is the burden he was made to carry.

#Accepted App

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notesfromcenter · 6 years ago

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Snow Moon Notes

February 19, 2019FULL MOON at 15:53Virgo0°42’(chart) Full Moon in Virgo:Your feeling of safety is now related to order and clarity, even in emotions. You may have the need to organise everything chaotic and disorganized. Try being more tolerant and accept imperfections of life. It is better to trust life and let it run its own way, not everything must be according to our expectations.

______

There will also be a Full Moon on February the 19th, falling in Virgo, the earth sign. This Full Moon is going to bring you down to reality, making you focus on small details, or the present, that physical world right before you, and a lot more.

You can also focus on getting the things done, on numerous small projects, chores, and tasks, and you have to be very careful when you pick the things apart or even keep yourself from getting something done. It is not supposed to be excellent and perfect, because perfect does not exist, anyway.

The Full Moon in Virgo may also bring additional stress as you put extra pressure on yourself to meet the expectations which are not even possible, or focus on little unimportant things, worrying yourself or becoming an anxious little creature.

You have to step back, relax, take the needed break, and ensure you do not lose sight of your bigger picture. You should always try to possess positive, healthy outlets related to stress.

In fact, this may be excellent energy when taking some of the bigger pictures, or thinking about the future from this coming New Moon, infusing it with several missing details you find with this coming Full Moon.

______

Traditionally, the Moon we see in February is called the Snow Moon due to the typically heavy snowfall of February.

The Full Moon Names we use in The Old Farmer’s Almanac come from Native American tribes, Colonial Americans, or other traditional North American names passed down through generations.

The Moons were a way of tracking the seasons. On average, February is the USA’s snowiest month, according to data from the National Weather Service.

Other Full Moon names include: the “Shoulder to Shoulder Around the Fire Moon” (from the Wishram people of the Pacific Northwest), the “No Snow in the Trails Moon” (Zuni, of the Southwest), and the “Bone Moon” (Cherokee, of the Southeast). The Bone Moon meant that there was so little food that people gnawed on bones and ate bone marrow soup.

__________

However, it seems that it is a combination of Native American, Anglo-Saxon, and Germanic month names which gave birth to the names commonly used for the Full Moon today.

The Snow Moon is the Full Moon in February, named after the snow on the ground. Some North American tribes named it the Hunger Moon due to the scarce food sources and hard hunting conditions during mid-winter, while others named it the Storm Moon. Some sources also call it Chaste Moon, although most attribute this name to March Full Moon.

About once every 19 years, February does not have a Full Moon, known as a Black Moon. In 2018, this was the case in most time zones. Instead, January and March have two Full Moons each, creating a double Blue Moon.

_____

Here in the north as the winds howl and the snow falls deep, we try to remain patient as we wait for the spring. But this is the time of the Full Snow Moon. Days and nights are cold and food is scarce. We are reminded that winter is most harsh right before the birth of spring.

It can be a very cleansing time for growth as you can cleanse away any negativity you have been carrying around with you. It is also a great time to begin new journeys and life paths as it is a sacred time of growth cleansing and rebirth.

Now is also a great time to start thinking about the spring to come. Start planning your garden layouts, and begin to order seeds. Planning for the spring to come, will help you get through this, the full snow moon. It takes the focus off of the lack of food, and the bleak, and starkness that comes with the last weeks of the winter months. Soon the spring thaw will arrive, and we must be patient.

___________________________

https://www.horoscope.com/article/february-2019-full-moon-spell/

If there was ever a time to banish things or people from your life to make room for growth, it’s now! The full Snow moon in Virgo happens on the February 19 at 7:53 am PST. Full moons typically bring energy to a boiling point that spills over in revelations and truth, but this full moon in Virgo will nudge you to prioritize your own well-being and peace of mind.

Virgo is the sign that connects you to your service to others. It emphasizes how you take care of yourself daily — especially when it comes to diet and lifestyle! — and who or what you have been giving the best of yourself to.

Practical Plan of Action

At the time of this full moon, Venus, Pluto, and Saturn are moving through Capricorn, the sign of hard work, commitment and dedication. A practical plan of action is what the cosmos suggests you need to get this dream to materialize. Pluto (the planet of rebirth after endings), Venus (the planet of love, beauty), and Saturn (the plant of commitment and karmic lesson) have been together conversing on what they’re working to bring and build in your life. Pluto and Saturn together are forgiving because they understand that for the last year — and for some of you even longer! — the lessons they’ve been trying to teach have been tough, and overtime can wear even the strongest down. They’re not entirely done with their lessons for you — whether it be experiences, trials, and/or tests.

This February 2019 full moon in Virgo is a culmination of all you learned that allows you to examine and use discernment with the things you will (and won’t!) accept into your life. In fact, the Virgo vibe is connected to perfectionism

What does and doesn’t deserve your energy

This February full moon is a chance for you to examine (and be critical of!) what you’re giving your energy to. Does it feed you as much as you’ve been feeding it? If it has seemingly been draining the life from you, now is the time to cut the cord. Remember the energy of Pluto if you need help with this. Pluto rules destruction, and that can help booster confidence because it’s helping you let go of what you no longer need. Like the saying goes, “When one door closes, another one opens.” This is what you will also witness in your life, because Pluto energy is that of the phoenix. Both you and your cosmic blessing will rise from the ashes in a way that is somehow even more miraculously beautiful and better than before!

Choose what gives you peace, love, and happiness! The universe is encouraging you to be selective; to look at the fine print and detail of all that has approached you in your life. If something feels off — it is!

It’s All in the Details

Now, when it comes to manifesting your dream, pay attention to even the smallest details! They are what will make you feel the most happy and fulfilled. Virgo doesn’t miss a thread when it’s weaving the fabric of its intention, and neither should you. Take your precious time when it comes to calling in what you desire. Mercury (the planet that actually rules Virgo!) moves through Pisces and connects you to the power of spoken word and thoughts. Pisces (the sign the sun sits in for this full moon) is the dreamer, so your mind is filled with color, creativity, and incredibly imaginative!

Use this to your advantage! You can paint, sing, or write a song — anything that expresses your heart’s desires. Sing it out loud — or maybe under your breath, if you’re shy! It will give your intention power and increase its magic.

~*~Banishing Powder and Bottle Spell~*~

Virgo energy is notoriously known for throwing out what no longer serves the greater good. It understands that clutter clogs up blessings from flowing in, and that it can also stop you from being healthy, vibrant, and living your best life. Use this simple banishing powder to help remove anything you no longer want or need in your life. Keep in mind that once this spell is performed and this thing is removed from your life — especially on the full moon — it’s usually almost impossible to get it back. Use your discernment wisely!

What You’ll Need

Black pepper

Bay leaves

Cayenne pepper

Black salt or sea salt

Dragon’s blood powder (if you don’t have this, then you can work without or burn and use rosemary leaf ashes)

A mortar and pestle

Paper

Pen or pencil

A bottle with a lid (or sealing wax or tape — black electrical tape is my personal favorite because it creates a tight seal that is difficult to remove)

What You’ll Do

Crush and mix it all up into a powder using a mortar and pestle. Put all of your emotion into it when it comes to the power and bravery of cutting toxic cords from your life.

Write down what it is that you wish to completely release. As you write, make a note of how it feels. If you feel sad or low, remember that what you’re removing from your life has been toxic to you and you’re protecting and empowering yourself by releasing it now. Good for you! As you write, realize that once this is released, you are choosing to be the strongest version of you! You have chosen your vitality, your well-being, your peace, and your happiness!

When you’re done writing down what you are banishing from your life (unhealthy habits, relationships, toxic thinking, poverty, clutter, etc.) roll up the paper (or feel free to burn into ash or rip the paper up) and add to the bottle, carefully. Add the banishing powder on top of the paper into the bottle. You’re sealing and taking away its power completely.

Add the lid to the bottle and seal it with wax or tape.

Place the bottle somewhere it won’t be disturbed, or throw it the garbage, or put into a bonfire. As the moon diminishes in size, take steps to create a healthier you. Next new moon, we will work on attracting to replace the energy of what was released under the light of this full moon

____________________________

Mysticism teaches that everything in the physical universe has a spiritual counterpart. Just as a teardrop is a manifestation of human emotion, and anger is an expression of repressed energy, so physical phenomena actually evolve from and are a manifestation of a spiritual reality. Thus snow is a channel of energy, it is a Divine voice speaking to us through visual imagery so that we can experience it with our bodily senses.

Water in all its forms is a symbol of knowledge. Descending water represents the transmission of knowledge from a higher to a lower place, the flow of information from teacher to student. On a cosmic level, rain and snow reflect different ways in which divine energy flows to us from a higher spiritual plane.

Snow is an intermediary state between fluid water and solid ice. In order to appreciate the spiritual implications of this, we need to examine the properties of snow.

Water is the knowledge of divine energy without any containers. Thus snow, being half heaven and half earth provides the perfect intermediary between these two worlds.

What is the symbolism of this in the flow of knowledge?

Thus snowflakes represent the need to explain gradually, step by step, in a language that is accessible to the student. Snow falls gently and silently, teaching us in our own process of educating others and educating ourselves, that we need gentleness.

The serenity and whiteness of snow attracts us. We sense the purity of snow when we wake up in the morning and the streets, which are so often filled with grime, are all covered with a white blanket of snow. Snow is a great equalizer. So snow is heaven speaking to us – speaking to us through purity, speaking to us gently and gradually on our terms.

Ultimately, the intention is that the snow should melt and turn to water. Once the snow falls and blocks our driveways and streets, we want it to melt. In the education process the student needs to pause which requires a freezing of the water, but then at some point it has to melt and integrate into our system in order for us to grow.

Snow is the concept of explaining knowledge in metaphor.

https://www.meaningfullife.com/spiritual-meaning-snow/

#snow moon #fullmoon

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foursprout-blog · 7 years ago

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9 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/9-things-people-dont-realize-youre-doing-because-youve-been-abused-by-a-narcissist/

9 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist

Aaron Anderson

7. Falling into abuse amnesia. When the narcissist tells you they miss you, you’ll start to romanticize the relationship; when the narcissists shows good behavior, you’ll be tempted to fall into “abuse amnesia” as a coping strategy and rationalize that they were good, upstanding partners all along. You might fall prey to their “hoovering” attempts to get you back into the abusive relationship.

9. Having a porous sense of boundaries. One of the effects of being abused is that our boundaries become extremely malleable. We’re more compelled to say “yes” to things we desperately want to say “no” too. We’ve lost our sense of agency and control over our lives, so it takes time to rebuild our boundaries and reclaim our power. It helps to remember your basic human rights after you’ve been violated. These include the right to say no, the right to protest unfair behavior or mistreatment, and the right to feel angry and express it non-abusively.

It takes practice, but you will get there. No matter what you are struggling with now, you can reclaim your life and your power after being abused by a narcissist. In fact, you can thrive.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 7 years ago

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9 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/9-things-people-dont-realize-youre-doing-because-youve-been-abused-by-a-narcissist/

9 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist

Aaron Anderson

It takes practice, but you will get there. No matter what you are struggling with now, you can reclaim your life and your power after being abused by a narcissist. In fact, you can thrive.

#Happiness

0 notes

stlhealthandwellness-blog · 7 years ago

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Tread or Float

http://tinyurl.com/yb8bf7rg For the last 14 years I have had the honor of witnessing people journey through some of the most difficult times of their lives to emerge as happier, healthier and whole people. As a mental health therapist I fulfill multiple roles on a daily basis; teacher, healer, helper, educator, coach, big sister, mother, friend, confidante, trainer and, in all honesty, sometimes I?m the provider of a swift kick in the ass. Unbeknownst to them, my clients also, at times, fulfill these same roles for me as they are my reminders, and examples, of fighting the good fight and never giving up. Throughout the years of working with clients I have found there will be times where I must push, and I mean push really hard. Making sure they know they have the strength to change their lives; and that they are ready. There are other times where I will simply hold their hand, walking alongside them through their journey of self discovery, self doubt and finding peace. Then there are times, where I will take their hand and pull them forward, at times, begging them to trust me and try things a different way; to put one foot in front of the other and follow me. No matter the concern someone is coming into therapy and coaching for, they are facing the hardest work of their lives. They are facing times of progress and times of feeling so stuck they can?t stand it. They will doubt their abilities, and maybe even mine to help them. They will get worse before they get better. They will at times hate me for the things I ask them to do. They will walk away and come back. They will push me away because it hurts that badly to trust someone or to have someone believe in them so much when no one else ever has. They will question. They will resist. They will work. They will change. Depression. Anxiety. Alcoholism. Drug use. Gambling. Shopping. Trich. Eating Disorders. Weight Issues. OCD. Bitterness. Toxic Relationships. Lying. Cheating. Discontent. Self Hate. Grief. Perfectionism. Shame. Doubt. Cynicism. Abuse. Rigidity. Bipolar. Unease. Infertility. Loss. Trauma. Surviving. Faith difficulty. Pessimism. Indecision. Blaming. Apathy. Sad. Feeling lost. Parenting struggles. Social difficulty. Bullying wounds. Self care. Distrust. Anger. These are our stories. And all of our stories contain some struggle. Where we lose ourselves, I think, is when we make these struggles all of who we are. We turn them into our whole story. They become our entire identity, even when they start working against us rather than for us. We hold on so tightly to these struggles, and what we think works to manage them that we lose the great parts, the whole parts, of who we are. When our struggles are our whole story, we struggle to own those stories, and therefore struggle to find our ever upward. We must find the way to make these struggles simply parts of who we are; parts of our story. But we hold onto the trouble, the trauma, the loss, the struggle because it is all we have ever known. We hold on because the unknown is scarier. We hold on because we have no idea what else to do. We hold on because, at least we?re surviving. We hold on because they have become, what we think, are our water wings, our life preservers. But eventually, we hold on so tightly and so long, the very things that have saved us, that have helped us to survive, become our own cement blocks. Our own cement blocks drowning us in ourselves. No self care. Worry. Drinking. Drugging. Spending. Pulling. Restricting. Binging. Counting. Drama. Lies. Dishonesty. Self harm. No breaks. Too hard. No sleep. Unhealthy sarcasm. Over-scheduling. No room. Flashbacks. Mood swings. Never saying no. Isolation. Promiscuity. No passion. Procrastination. Loneliness. Rage. Inconsistency. No movement, etc. etc. etc. etc. What I ask my clients to work through and change every day is no less than an act of faith and trust. I am asking them to let go of their way. The way that has actually worked for years, at least worked in numbing or self-medicating themselves. The way that has helped them to survive but is now drowning them. I ask them to let go because if they don?t they won?t have any free arms to grasp onto the tools and the hope I am offering them. They must let go in order to begin again. But the most excruciating part of this battle, is that they must have faith that they will either float or tread water while they learn, grow and change. Because they will. They will tread or float, and I will be right there with them; coaching, believing, pushing and loving. And eventually, they will be able to grasp onto those tools. But most importantly they will find their freedom to finally believe in the hope I hold for them. And they will save their own lives. They will find their own ever upward. Choosing to change your life will be the hardest and scariest thing you have ever done. It will also be the best thing you will ever do. I know, as I have, myself, fought the battle. Being scared to death to let go of what I had learned to trust over the years but began to realize was holding me back and keeping me from being who I am truly meant to be. Letting go to push through fear to do the grueling work to trust and have faith in my own ability to tread or float in order to recover…in order to find my own ever upward. Justine Froelker, MEd, LPC 314.283.6264 www.jbftherapyandcoaching.com

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