#ive been working on this since october LMAO

[decapitated-sticker]

I miss you

THIS IS SO LAST MINUTE but I wanted to get this out before the finale😝

Thinking about how Paintbrush lost them all was so devastating istg when I catch you AnimationEpic

[its--ali]

man this morning I was all set to be Super Annoyed with myself for succumbing to retail therapy and buying more nail polish but considering how fucking FAST they've all sold out I Actually Regret Nothing. Like God fucking damn

[mikashisus]

from faults, favors, failures, and the truth (love alone isn't enough)

SYNOPSIS: no matter how hard he tried, venti could not keep himself from failing you over and over again.

PAIRING: venti x gn!reader

TAGLIST ! @wystiix @pixelcafe-network

warnings: blood, slight self harm

word count: 617

notes: hey guys... sorry in advance teehee. im incapable of writing anything except angst, im convinced LMAO. im also incapable of writing anything but angst for venti specifically, as well 😭 erm anyw this is mostly based off yaelokre's song "to douse a scalded tongue" that ive been brainrotting over ever since they first sung it on a livestream back in october. enjoy!!

Everything was a blur. The world was dark. His whole body felt numb.

In front of him, the world was bathed in a sea of gray and red. The air was still and thick with smoke, yet he could only stare straight ahead at the figure lying lifeless on the burnt grass. There was a terrible ringing in his ears, akin to that of a tolling bell looming ominously in the distance. 

He should’ve known. He should’ve been more aware. He should’ve kept a better eye on things. And yet, he hadn’t. And now, here he was, standing all alone amongst a sea of corpses, taking in the strong scent of iron. 

He felt like a bystander to it all. One moment, the world was alive and he was at peace. The next, his whole body had gone rigid as the sky split open and calamity reigned over the earth. And suddenly, the beast lingering underneath his skin had crawled out of the hole it called home; baring its fangs at anyone who dared to get close.

With a sharp intake of breath, he stepped forward. The rubble under his feet pierced his skin, but he couldn’t feel it over the numbness of his limbs. He got closer— every step a careful one, as if he was a wary dove waiting to fly away at any sign of nearby movement. 

His legs wobbled. He collapsed to his knees, the skin breaking open and starting to bleed. He reached out a shaky hand that lingered for a few moments too long in the air before coming to rest on your bare arm. He slowly leaned over to get a look at your face, lifeless and mauled. 

He flinched back, his hand covering his mouth as tears clouded his vision once more. The world went dark again as he pulled at his scalp, the aching in his chest building with each breath he took in. 

Breathing? How could he breathe when you could not? How could he sit here and feel, when you did not? 

How could he still be alive… when you were not. 

The frustration rose, as did his anger, as he let out a scream that had been gnawing at his throat for far too long. His fingers curled in, his nails digging so hard into his palms that he could feel the warm trickle of blood. 

He pounded his fists into the rubble— he’d do so as many times as he needed to in order to soothe the pain. In order to feel numb again. In order to forget. 

He’d sit and wail, scream, curse the heavens, douse his tongue into scalding tea, until all sense of failure left his being. He’d rip out his feathers and tear his already broken wings to shreds all just to stop the aching. 

Because in the end, he had failed you— in more ways than just one. He had raised his voice at you, cast you out of his land, all because of a misunderstanding. He was unable to save you when you needed him most— when you called out to him before your last breath. The wind had brought your pleas to his ears, but by the time he arrived, it had been too late. 

He failed you. This was all because of him. Tears cascaded down his cheeks. No amount of self-pity would fix the hurt in his heart, and no amount of tears would be able to bring you back to him. No amount of apology could fix what happened, and none of the measures he took to ensure your survival from them had worked.

And most importantly…

No amount of love had been enough.

© 2024 mikashisus. do not plagiarize, copy, repost, feed to ai, or translate my works to any other platforms.

[deedala]

✨WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY✨

thanks to @jrooc for the game this week and for tagging me + @creepkinginc @energievie @lingy910y @suzy-queued 💖

Hello beautiful kittens! 🐈‍⬛ Today’s tag game is about our wonderful fandom 😍

How did you get into the fandom? 

after falling deep into the shameless hellspiral i took to tumblr (as is my usual) to find gifs and memes and everything was so good and everyone was so wonderful i couldnt help but wedge my way into the community lmao

How long have you been here?

i started lurking september of 2022 and my first shameless post was in october of 2022 🥰

What’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?)

yeah tumblr i guess! my first instinct is always to search tumblr tags for a new thing i like 😌

what’s your favourite now? 

tumblr and discord equally, theyre both non-negotiable

Which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom?

@michellemisfit my beloved <3 ran into her in the @shamelesscreatorsnetwork discord (the first discord link i found) and we started talking and never shutted the fuck up ever again even until today lmao 🥰

Which tumblerino’s did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and want to get to know?

okay so since the first thing i seek out on a new interest is GIFS (and also shameless + text posts that shit absolutely sends me), the first people i followed and was so drawn to their immaculate vibes and gorgeous work were @gardenerian @heymacy and @sickness-health-all-that-shit biting you biting you biting you!!! 💖💖💖

First Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember)

so michelle had me read redheaded step-children and it was so gorgeous and wonderful i was completely knocked on my ass by that one <3

and then i got the itch to read an AU and started with intro to quantum dating by @spoonfulstar and unless you're new here you are surely aware of how much i love that one 😂

First Fan art that blew your mind? 

i feel awful because i really cannot remember (crine) but pretty sure it was probably some gorgeous intricate @steorie painting

Fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love?

SPORTS AU - and now ive fully fucking lost my mind (@heymacy @too-schoolforcool know how deep it runs and i cannot even talk about it or i will throw up lmao)

What surprised you most about this fandom?

since my last significant foray into a fandom community was a pretty big fandom, there were looots of people who were just out for fucking blood. this community here on tumblr for shameless is a goddamn pillowfort, the vast majority of people are so sweet and supportive and happy to mind their own business it's such a fuckin breath of fresh air.

Moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich?

i dont know if i can pinpoint just one moment? but probably one of the big moments early on since thats what would have kept me ravenous to keep consuming more lol

Ian or Mickey?

the fuck??? AAAAHHHHHHHHH uuhhhhh uuhmmmm omg. fuck. uh... okay...just... Mickey? no... Ian? uuhhhhmmm what was the question?

Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you? 

im gonna go with Debbie here <3

and now to tag some more folks in (in addition to everyone tagged above!!) if you want to play! if not, consider this me sending you cleansing brainwaves 🧠

@darlingian @heymrspatel @crossmydna @mybrainismelted @mmmichyyy @wehangout @metalheadmickey @gallawitchxx @thepupperino @blue-disco-lights @the-rat-wins @loftec @mickeysgaymom @rereadanon @callivich @lee-ow @palepinkgoat @gallapiech @transmickey @iansw0rld @captainjowl @howlinchickhowl @vintagelacerosette @sam-loves-seb @burninface @spookygingerr @mikhailoisbaby @themarchg1rl @whatwouldmickeydo @sleepyheadgallavich @sleepyfacetoughguy @samantitheos

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[borbology]

lmao guys ive been so busy make it stop

Also, gonna say it - thanksgiving is not a fun holiday. That's my hot take. If I may vent... I finish eating in like 1/6th of the time it takes to cook and clean everything (not worth it) and then I just gotta sit there with my family for hours, and I LOVE my family, but I wish there was something else we were doing. I get restless just sitting there (think I have adhd tbh)

Plus thanksgiving is always right after the election and there's always that one family member with radically different political views and this year especially just ugh. The whole premise behind thanksgiving is kinda fucked up anyway, and I am NOT a proud American so double ugh. I don't like the food that much and there's been a shit ton of food recalls this year so I'm scared to eat turkey. It's not like we'd know if it's recall-worthy yet because everybody is waiting for thanksgiving to eat em :\ On top of that I have two art projects for my finals, one essay for a final, another essay, and I need to get caught up in one of my classes - all by the second week of december. I thought we weren't doing thanksgiving this year so I was all chill and then my grandma changed her mind last minute, or I grossly misunderstood to begin with, and now I've gotta gear up for it because my plans changed.

But yeah. Shit has been crazy. I stepped away from this blog for a while to work on another project which will be its own blog, with the plan to come back here once I got that started, but then I had to stop working on it and basically everything else to do midterms, and then I had like no time before finals started, and we had busy af weeks at work and my schedule got fucked up a few times, and then my whole family started going through a depression, and then the election hit, and it's just been like DAMN

I have a really good life. Just adult shit, y'know?

Anyway I am not dead and I really want to post more but it's going to have to be after my semester ends because I've had like no damn time for personal projects since October and I'm burnt out.

As always, feel free to talk to me. I still check here every now and then :)))

[slime-gods]

havent posted stuff I've drawn since October whoops lol :3c

i have been drawing since the oc-tober stuff but I got really busy with school and then a trip that I forgot to post stuff ngl,

so- art dump!

first off, redrew my old kritanta kill meme cause I felt I could do better lol

next- all my different Au!Alyans as that one meme/reaction image because it fit her/Them lmao. this also gave me the chance to design/redesign the different AUs

next, in stars and time scu au because I love shoving them into other things lmao

ive got an older rough draft doodle of everyone there (and I do have bigger full body ref wips just haven't had motivation to continue em rn) and I started planning how it would all work out (with the help of my friend jae ❤️) I just got distracted with playing with ocs again so I'll continue it another time lmao

I will share this I drew the other day-

I may have yoinked kinito!cicle and turned him into an oc (ish) and I wanna throw him into my one oc world cause i can lmaohdng (and his name is kit now :3c )

there's also siffrin here because yeah

they're my funny little friend group of four that I'm currently very into doodling rn lmao

[gu6chan]

tell us about barnabas 👀

YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so first right off the bat i owe you an apology, you were so kind to reach out and this ask is like a month old and i actually finished it 2 weeks ago but thought "Barnabas' birthday is on the 27th, isn't it?" so i actually scheduled it for there 😭 im so sorry if it felt like i forgot about you!!!! i never forget about my asks, i swear skgdhbjhfd especially not as kind as this!!! i just take an extremely long time answering them, i promise aaaaa....

OKAY, SO (I may want to warn ahead of time for warnings of murder, CSA and general violence/mistreatment of kids)

There's a WHOLE bunch that i could go into in how his story DEVELOPS but i'll try my best just to give a basic rundown otherwise this could last forever!! There's going to be a few details left unsaid for the sake of brevity and simplicity since it's a lot but! I will do my best to explain this coherently 🫡 THANK YOUUUUU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ABOUT HIM IVE BEEN WORKING ON THE DOODLE HERE FOR THE PAST COUPLE DAYS SO I COULD DO THIS ASK JUSTICE LMAO

So!!! Generally speaking, Barnabas (His full name being Barnabas Johannes Mandalay) is a very important character in the little story I have!! It's divided up into four main parts which make up the primary story, with a couple side stories here and there :3<

Barnabas isn't really seen in most of the story till about the last moment, but he's certainly there!! He also gets to be a "protagonist" of his own story, Garden of Genesis, which is sort of like a de-facto "prequel" to the four main bits? That said, that will probably be the section of his story I cover here as it's.... literally HIS story lol Honestly, whether I'll ever do anything with this story at all or just keep it in my head I'm not even sure, so I'm thrilled whenever I get to yap about it!!!

But to explain who Barnabas actually is, he was born on October 27th, 1697, the son of the duke Johannes Mandalay and his wife, Rosemary, and the twin of a stillbirth, Edmund. Barnabas was deemed unlikely to survive due to an extremely weak heart that made even the act of walking difficult, and given the high infant mortality rate of the time, he was sadly cast aside with expectations he would die. His parents didn't want him dying miserably, so they placed him in the nursery they had prepared for them with plans to pick him up by next morning.

However, two servants, Empathy (11) and Henry (10), would eventually be led to the nursery holding the young baby Barnabas that night by a certain crow, which I'll talk about later. (Technically it was Empathy who was led to it and Henry who later stumbled across them both after hearing a ruckus and deciding to investigate, but...) The two decide to try their best and take care of Barnabas in secret, a task that they end up being pretty good at for two pre-teens! lmao

So time flies, and Barnabas is introduced back to his family! Of course, he's alive, but still very weak, not being able to leave past the premises of the manor and also needing to be pushed around in a wheelchair to get anywhere at all. His mother loves him and pays him attention enough, though,,, she's also kinda not getting her hopes up for him to STAY but his father is the exact opposite, even if he IS kinda skeptical that Barnabas is going to live, he still showers him with attention and praise and essentially spoils the poor boy rotten to the point everyone was kinda "???? what are you doing" 😭

Most IMPORTANTLY though, Barnabas' father was his main foray into religion, which Barnabas was absolutely TAKEN with. One of Barnabas' most cherished items is the small red bible his father left him, which he continued to carry around to the end of his life like a pacifier lmao

So skip ahead 2 years, his father DOES passes away in a freak accident and his mother is left to take the title due to Barnabas' VERY young age at that point, additionally not really able to find it in her to come back to her "Maternal" senses in her nihilism that came with the realisation of how fragile things really were. Barnabas is then raised by his servants (Now grown ofc), who he's come to regard as parents in their own right, though he sorely misses his mother, and considers his engagement to his cousin Maria a type of "gift" or sign from her. Barnabas falls into obsession with religion, setting on a dream to start a family on earth and become an angel when he dies so he can answer the prayers of people all over the world <3 he's a little baby lol

Here's a little thing I doodled for this ask (The colouring is a bit off, my apologies!!), Henry and Empathy at 24 and 25, respectively. Barnabas would be around 12, where most his story takes place! And I feel so bad for doing it but seeing how much I've yapped just getting his character established i might have to REALLY summarize... (This kid is REALLY important so there are just so many threads and characters to introduce to make the story make sense and aaaaaaa!!!) So in the most basic terms, his story goes like this: Barnabas, entirely dependent on religion as means to fill up his lack of any real parental figure in his life (Henry and Empathy are LESS than suitable parents and I dunno if I'll get to that in this post, but hopefully!!), is caught in the middle of a series of sadistic murders of servants in his own estate while trying - and failing - to move on by relying on unfortunately cold and/or misled people, such as his fiancée, "friends", and caretakers. this is really long so lemme just....

So the first character who he really meets on his story is Edwin: fast forward to when Barnabas is 12, while visiting the forest on his birthday he comes across a trapped crow. He frees the crow, only to find a boy greeting him later that night who came to thank him. Barnabas is very enamoured with this boy (unknowingly), initially only psychically at first, but coming to grow a,,,, romantic? emotional??? attraction later on (I'll opt for the best description being unhealthy emotional dependence, i think lol)? Edwin has a VERY important role with Barnabas but also another character! Mentioned rn Maria: Barnabas' cousin/fiancée, NOT a friendly person!!!! NOT a friendly person, she's the main,,, antagonist? of the work? So long story short she had a more or less normal upbringing for the times, though just had completely detached herself from typical human morality as a result. She ends up making a sort of faustian pact with Edwin after stumbling across him (All according to keikaku on his end) and in line with seeing humans more as objects and ofc as previously mentioned, having detached herself from any emotional permanence, expresses interest in watching them die and seeing the fallout from it. She has Edwin do the dirty work to avoid getting any suspicion or dirt on her hands, and initially plans to kill Barnabas as a "final end" before allowing Edwin to take her soul, though through the story ends up... Not falling in love, persay, but growing a sort of emotional permanence to him that results her forcing him into a suicide pact of sorts towards the end of the story. She only ever kills 2 people.... technically?

Finally there's Samuel, who I forget exists half the time and is the NEWEST addition to the story, as the initial draft I wrote back in like 2011/2012 was in DESPERATE need for a B Plot i kid you not the original story was so fucking bad.... 😭 So I still don't have him PERFECTLY established and honestly he's a bit of a woob so I PERSONALLY don't care about him as much, but long story short he's hired as a servant in the MIDST of the murders (to everyone's surprise!!) after being plucked off the streets by Henry. He's slowly rotting away from like several STDs which,,, people aren't GREATLY aware of himself included (As was the bit of the times) but is kinda no one's favourite kid, there's rumours flying around that he's whoring himself out for his position and Empathy doesn't care for him because of how just his existence "threatens" the image of a family she had made for herself (More on that in a bit!!). And its like the kid didn't even do anything tf......... However, Barnabas, free from all the anti-Samuel slander and the such, sees this weird sickly kid staggering around and takes to him very quickly!!! This kind of sparks a certain infatuation on Samuel's end, who begins to fall in love with Barnabas off the simple fact he was one of the first people to him with human eyes. Samuel takes it upon himself to "Protect" Barnabas' purity, which comes to a point when he starts growing suspicious of Maria's role in all the murders. Unfortunately the feeling of "I need to get RID of this tramp" is returned as she figures Samuel is a prime target to frame for the murders should things ever go south. She crafts this brilliant scheme after Henry's sudden death, one death she did not have calculated, and linking it back to Samuel herself. Unfortunately, this ends in complete failure on both ends after Samuel attempts doing away with her in a blind fit of rage after Barnabas grows deathly ill and he overhears Maria confess to Barnabas her role behind the murders and form their aforementioned suicide pact. Maria manages to wrestle the knife out of his hands and stabs him multiple times, leaving him to bleed out before she seeks to inform Empathy of his suicide. Interestingly enough, Empathy does dare to state her suspicion on it, however! Maria, more than aware of Empathy's feelings towards Samuel, is just like "Well it doesn't matter bc its easier for you now isnt it lol" and so the whole thing gets passed off as a suicide. Barnabas does NOT take the news well, however, and even despite Edwin's VERY panicked efforts to keep him alive, he ends up passing away from his sudden onset "illness" later on (Illness was really a pretense, what actually happened was Empathy deciding to let him by smothering him in his sleep because at that point, his declining psychical and mental state as a result of Samuel's death was enough to "ruin" her familial perception of her, Barnabas, and Henry to the point she couldn't bear it. She justifies it to herself by simply claiming it to be a necessary mercy kill, unable to fully face up to what she did or the thought it was based in.)

The general truth behind Empathy and Henry is that Empathy was raised by the church, and through the circumstances of her birth that led her to being raised by the church, she was forbidden from having a family or any children of her own. This led to her drive to become a nanny to begin with, eventually meeting Henry through their stumbling across Barnabas together and over time, either as a result of developing a sort of crush on him or developing a crush on him because of the "Father" mold she began to ascribe to him, crafting a sort of "mold" for her hypothetical perfect family and reacting,,, poorly? to anything that didn't fit within it. She ignored how Henry grew up to become a predator and his rampant sexual abuse of several younger members of the staff, and outright despised Samuel while not outright showing it despite her "Motherly" role to the rest of the Mandalay household. This is entirely because Samuel wasn't as quiet and couldn't "Hide" the effects of his abuse as clearly as the others, thus "interfering" in the perfect family image she had constructed for Henry, Barnabas and herself.

Of course, there's a few smaller bits I left out for the sake of brevity (as you can see i am a master of it) and the fact SOME bits of the story might be better fitted for another post (There's one important bit about Barnabas and Edwin's relationship because funny enough, it fits the story of two other characters better, being Zinnia and Alaundra!) , but!!! this is in reality like 0.001% of barnabas' story, after his death he ends up having his wish granted, somewhat, and becomes not just an angel, but a part of God himself. Barnabas' ensuing regret over this and the true purpose of his existence and becoming one with God is where things really kick off. Still though, despite starting off as one of my crappiest, In the Garden of Genesis and its characters have been developed into a story that has a really special place to me, I think! I don't talk about my OC's often since,,, I don't know how to explain it, for as often as I DO think about them, it never crosses my mind to talk about them? That said! Characters like Maria I roll around in my head constantly, and Edwin and Barnabas are just too cute lol <3 I really do apologise for how long it took me to get this out, but this being the first ask about any of my OC's, I REALLY wanted to do this justice!! It's a bit messy and I hope it's not too painful or awful to read, but this ask made my whole day when I got it.... and all the months it took me to answer it since then QwQ Thank you so much!!!!!!!

P.S: Because I couldn't find a place to put it, Edwin's name is actually Edward! "Edwin" is just a nickname Barnabas gave him after learning his name from Maria and it stuck (Much to his distaste).

[cavinginhisfvce]

not sure if i should post this or not😬 ive been working on it since october lmao

[pepprs]

ok so updates w more detail now that i have a little more time to think / write it out. ik it’s silly / tmi to do this on tumblr dot com but whatever lol

i am 90% sure im going to rhode island for a conference in october. this one ive known about for a while and it’s not a big deal bc im not presenting or anything and i’ll know a lot of ppl there and the topic / contrnt / theme is completely in my wheelhouse so i will not be alone and i’ll be in the know abt stuff. lole

i am… 60% sure im going to chicago for a conference in november. and presenting. and i’ll be the only one from my team there. and this will be at a huge like… convention type thing in a field that is not mine and i won’t know anyone there except the other delegation members who will likely all be from the same department. it’s 5 days (!!!) and idk if i’ll be there the whole time but i kinda want to be even if most of it won’t be relevant to me bc.. like id be going alone bc everyone wants me to develop confidence and stuff and realize i can do it and represent us independently. and i want that. but im also fucking terrified in part bc this would be my first time traveling independently since brighton (so like in almost 4 yrs lol). also i have been to chicago before (in 2018 for a different conference) so im scared to like. revisit that. but also excited. like what if i meet someone? but what if im being pushed into this or pushed away? idk and now i can’t focus or articulate myself well bc there’s too much noise and everyone is trying to talk to me (i need to actually be doing work b it im typing this instead bc im freaking the fuck out over all these developments lol). anyways

also…….. i am……. 60% sure i am going to. take a graduate level course this semester. on mondays from 4:30-7. and then apply to be part of that masters program it’s in starting in the spring and ahve that class + a possible winter class count towards the credits. and it would take me 3 yrs to finish the masters. i don’t want one for the sake of havign one and i REALLY don’t want to be in the hell of being torn away from work and self care to do school stuff. but i need a masters degree and have had my eye on this program since i was a sophomore in undergrad and it seems kinda meant to be a little bit. and i get 100% tuition remission bc i work here LOLLLLL so it’ll be completely free which is huge!!!!! and it’s like why the fuck not if i have this opportunity but also im so scared and idk if im cut out for grad school due to my mental illness (unironically lol). help

also i switched desks this week and now i sit where my old supervisor (and my new supervisor / her successor LMAO) sat and this one colleague i have in a different dept who is the sweetest person EVER keeps commenting on it and saying im my old supervisors protege and that im the new her and. it’s making me want to scream a little bit but idk if it’s in a good way or bad way

[fowl-leaf]

my 2023 summary of art!

Template:here

still not consistently posting anywhere, but I like doing these. they're fun there's a lot of things i would've liked to include but had to exclude, due to not being shareable on this account. maybe i'll have more stuff next year!

this is long, so details under the cut

JANUARY silly lizard oc i generally dont do much single line hatching, so it was nice to fiddle with it this time

FEBRUARY the wittle scrunkly lizard last time i drew this one, they were an lps shitpost, so its nice to like draw them normally lol

MARCH herman is running out of time glasses axolotl but make him neon idk

APRIL fancy calico i honestly dont know whats up with the clothes, i just kinda drew whatever tbh

MAY yippie!! toontown oc! was playing ttcc w/shard and co, this is the character i ended up making i also got covid around april-march iirc so i was feeling horrid for a while (and the remaining symptoms didnt clear up till like june)

JUNE an oc i got years ago but didnt have the confidence to draw for a while lmao anyways i like her colors and shape, she's fun

JULY mandatory artfight posting this was one of the last ones i did! ocs belong to pookapooka and they were so fun to paint

idk if ill be doing artfight again tbh. ive been doing it consistently since sun vs moon but its honestly felt less fun ever since the tiktok invasion`and how ppls behavior has changed, and especially since the whole ownership thing that happened mid fight this year. (not interested in any of the alternatives ive seen either bc they have the same issues, notably worse issues, or are not furry friendly) but tbh that might just be me being disenchanted with online art spaces due to the intensifying shittification of basically everything, fucking rip

AUGUST ring but hes going to jail (again but for real this time) the staxie monthly prompt was barbie mugshots but i . . . i did this with ring and lumos and promptly forgor to do this with cakes and ale like i was planning to lmfao im actually gonna watch the barbie movie tonight, renting it so i can watch it on the big tv (didnt watch in theaters bc expensive (movie tickets are generally 15-25 bucks in my area (compared to the 5-10 in my aunt's area (renting is cheaper per person)), and they changed the chairs to these weird uncomfy pleather recliners that make my skin crawl to "justify the price raise" + i hate sitting for more than an hour i need water, bathroom, stretch, and snack breaks))

SEPTEMBER ganache went over the hedge was very busy w/projects so i did little casual art this was inspired by me comparing the over the hedge version of supermarket by ben folds (upbeat & high energy) vs the one by the clash (melancholy + commercial-induced agony) ever since then i cant stop thinking abt how much the lemon demon guy's voice sounds like the fucking clash guy sdjkhfkjsd also over the hedge was one of my favorite movies as a kid and i watched it at least 10 times before we had to return the dvd to netflix. i also regularly played the flash games on the site until i forgot about it after finding out about miniclip + notdoppler from other kids and decided to use those for flash games instead bc more options lol

OCTOBER dta img for a new oc i got, funny long neck budgie thingy busy w/projects again so little casual art had to use old mini tablet bc previous tablet was completely unusable fucking rip

NOVEMBER ganache + cactus pony, they want to know if you have any bubblegum. do you? busy w/projects again so little casual art doodle i made in heavypaint (one of the old layerless versions, i bought a lisence for it a while ago.) i got a new tablet on black friday since the mini tablet was horrible + my broken tablet was making me work very slow

DECEMBER ring in the void (this is lore accurate) or as nic put it, "fucked up twilight sparkle" lol busy w/projects + gifts so little casual art i actually sketched this w/the mini tablet, but didnt finish it up till getting the new tablet

---

for reading this far, you get to see amogus.

i would've put amogus whisper on the chart but decided against it since im not done with that one yet lmao

[01tsubomi]

hi!! if you dont mind me asking, how did you manage to end up teaching in japan?? ive been researching but info online is so extense and overwhelming and i never have good answers....

hello!! first of all i wanna say i understand the stress - i applied to j/et first and was going to work on backups like int/erac and private hiring if that didn't work out and i'm always thankful that i didn't have to. honestly now that i'm here it feels funny that i stressed out so much during the application process bc i always find myself thinking "damn they'll let anyone in" (often about myself lmao). it can be really odd and unexplainable who j/et does and doesn't take but japan needs a lot of ALTs to keep the system going so if you've got the enthusiasm for it there's definitely a place for you!!

i would definitely recommend trying for j/et and int/erac first before worrying about the other options!! since j/et has the biggest reputation ofc there's the double-edged sword of it feeling the most prestigious and hard to get into but again they do hire a ton of candidates every year, plus it has the highest guaranteed pay and takes care of so much for you pre-departure. idk where you're at in life/when you'd plan on applying but if you wanna start the job as soon as possible, int/erac has pretty much a rolling application and their main recruiting cycle is for spring departures (while j/et won't start recruiting again til october, for departure in summer 2025). int/erac gives you a little less pay and a little less initial help, but it's still very reputable. int/erac ALTs also have a few more freedoms once you're in japan bc i believe int/erac has your school hire you directly intead of employing you to your city's board of education. so for example my BoO doesn't let ALTs commute by car, but int/erac ALTs and private hires don't have that restriction. knock on wood, if neither of those work out, there are lots of sites like gaijinpot posting private hire opportunities. i don't know about the competitiveness of those and they do often require you to sort out visa application or housing on your own, but opportunity is always out there! seriously though i wouldn't worry about that at first. that's the backup plan ace up your sleeve

in terms of what you can do to raise your chances of getting hired, again, i think the enthusiasm is the key!! people say the j/et interview is a glorified vibe check bc they've been known to reject people who sometimes seem overqualified for the position (maybe for good reason - the amount of responsibility you get and teaching you get to do is suuuuper variable and dependent on your school, and probably about ~1/3 of my work days every year i have no classes and little relevant work to do, if any). i don't have a background or certification in teaching but i did a lot of tutoring in college and minored in japanese so i had a lot to say about my passion for language education. i know j/et really loves the angle of "what will you get out of the position, and what will you give back" - i can tell you're excited about the idea of teaching in japan so i'm sure you already have your answers!! if you have hobbies related to japan it's good to explain how being in japan would help you continue them. or you can always research what you could do with your non-japan related hobbies in japan! i love cooking and i started taking classes at a chain studio that does a mix of japanese and worldwide cooking. again i know the hit-or-miss element of it is scary but really they just want friendly open-minded people who can share their culture, have enthusiasm about education and exchange, don't mind the hours/job restrictions, and are down to pack their bags and live in japan. if you have any other questions please ask!! i know this is random but i've helped a couple of friends with their applications so if you do want some extra eyes on a statement of purpose my inbox is always open!! cheering for you!! 🎉🎉

[too-sxft-for-all-of-it]

the only person i have to talk about this to is my girlfriend, and i just need to get this written out and feel like im talking to people. please not that this is a vent and you are by all means not obligated to read it!!! this is a very triggering matter so read with caution!!!

trigger warnings: massive vent including sui-ideation, attempts, mental breakdown, pessimistic views, self deprecation, lots of cussing, mentions of my chronic illnesses, overall this is not good

i dont even know where to begin with this. ive had a lot of bad days in my life, but today i can say with full confidence was the absolute worst day of my life. i spent an entire day convinced i was dying being sick and this still tops it as the worst.

as ive said before, ive working hard on finishing high school. i did two years in person before i got POTS from long covid in 2022 and was forced to do online due to the school not cooperating. it sucked, im still not over it, but im working. ive gone through so much since then, lots of sickness and mental crisis where i struggled doing my schoolwork. i fell behind and i know i did, i will never forgive myself for that

i was originally supposed to graduate in may. then july. then october 20th. then october 27th. thats this sunday.

after working my ass off through the shit i went through this summer, the extreme trauma i got from losing all of my friends, i had done it. on the 14th, i got 100 on my last final and submitted my application for graduation. i finished my online courses with a 4.0 gpa. my girlfriend and family were all so proud of me. i was too.

then soon after i learned that my failed past would come back to haunt me. while i had long covid in 2022, my chemistry teacher refused to help me. she said, and i quote, "im not going to be your private tutor" (side note: i caught her privately tutoring one of her ap kids in the library while waiting for band practice, but thats beside the point)

because of her, i failed, and had to do credit recovery. i did it but my grade could only go up to a 70. once i learned that my new school combines my old grades on my final transcript and that would determine my gpa, i knew i was fucked. i cried and wanted to give up but i just knew i was graduating and it would be fine. turns out i didnt worry about the right thing

cut to this morning. we were supposed to leave tomorrow, i had been ready to start packing. i was coming upstairs to eat my breakfast when i checked my phone. i saw my account had been reinstated and my application for graduation was gone. now, i assumed my credits would be counted as my new school counted them. but apparently they didnt and they caught me where i missed in feburary of 2023 when i joined.

today, around 12:30, when i was about to eat and get ready to pack i let out the most heartwrenching scream. i sobbed and ran downstairs and told my parents. my dad started to look into it while i ran back upstairs and fell apart

apparently, the credits that shouldve been counted as a full were only counted as half. so now im missing 0.5 credits in two subjects, which is one overall- however those are both separate requirements, so if i cant get this fixed im going to have to do two entire full classes in order to finish on time to go to college in jan

maybe if this would've happened a few days ago it wouldve been better. but it was less than 12 hours before i would be asleep early to go on the trip in the morning. they waited until the last minute to tell me that "oh by the way you cant come this weekend lmao"

i fell apart. my dad looked into it while i sobbed and screamed and broke down. i was talking to my girlfriend texting her telling her i wanted to die and this was the final straw. i get suicidal episodes a lot, but this was the worst.

a lot of it blends together and i dont want to go through the texts to relive it. but it was hell. i was falling apart for hours while waiting for an answer. my dad called the school and we had to wait hours for a call back about what the fuck had happened

the credits, no matter how absolutely fucked up it is, was explained. but the worst part? my dad asked if i could at least walk this weekend. pretend to graduate so i can have my ceremony. you know what they said?

they said no. and that was it for me.

ive had EVERYTHING taken from me in my life. i lost my high school experience because of my body, ive lost every friend ive had and so fucking much, and now i lost this too. i dont get to graduate high school. the one singular fucking thing i had the chance to have is gone.

i broke down in the bathroom. i attempted to kill myself. i was googling and trying to find ways to make it not hurt while talking to my girlfriend. i found a belt and. almost did it but i was scared. and i hate myself for being scared because i truly believe(d) i deserve to die

i am worthless and stupid for thinking i could have one thing in my life. im an idiot for thinking this coudlve worked out and i couldve been happy. i have never felt such utter despair and humiliation as i felt today. i wanted to break my cap i worked so hard on, burn my gown and cords, destroy everything because nothing i do is ever good enough

i work my ass off and no one fucking cares. its never enough. all of the pain ive suffered and fought through was for nothing. i worked my fucking ass off to finish on time and for what? nothing. absolutely nothing. my girlfriend was so proud and now i know shes ashamed. so are my parents and everyone around me

this is going to be the hardest weekend of my life, and i can make no promises i will survive it. im trying to push through for my love, but its hard, its so fucking hard. we called after i was safely back in bed and talked for over and hour and a half. we cried and talked and just were together. it was hard. i dont know whats going to happen but im scared

this was last minute and everyone is upset. my little sister was so excited to go, and i heard her sobbing when she got home from school. my dad seems exhausted. my grandparents probably cant get the money back from their flight. we were supposed to be leaving tomorrow and now its all just gone. we were going to go to the zoo and now thats gone too. we had gotten everything for the trip and now its just. gone

im trying to gather my credits and figure it out. all i know is i will not be graduating class of 2024, if at all. i skipped sixth grade and now it doesnt even show. the next ceremony isnt until next may, so even if i did finish this year i wouldnt be where i should be. it truly is over

ive never felt more ashamed and humiliated than i do today. i dont think ill ever recover from this.

they say it gets better but when? how? when will it finally end and i will finally have something go my way for once. its all i want. all i want is a chance to be happy but i never have it.

please ive been on my knees change the prophecy

let it once be me who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy

but i looked to the sky and said please

[planetamarte]

(anon who talked about dragonball from a couple days ago) yoo i didnt expect someone w a sonic background would resonate so much with early dragonball..!! but admittedly i dont know much about sonic, outside of like . snapscube, wayneradio, general common knowledge, etc. i couldnt find if someone asked this before erm but do you have any recommendations or favorites in the sonic franchise? i have always wanted to get into it + its like cultural exchange :) lmao

YEAHHH im liking it so far! if u dont know about it yet then once you learn the lore about the chaos emeralds specifically you'll see what i mean by the amount of inspiration sonic takes from dragonball LOLLL

my #1 recs for sonic will always be the games - for the majority of the series, sonic isnt really the type of thing where you absolutely Have to start from the beginning to understand its stories so u can just start anywhere! my personal favorites are both of the adventure games (especially 2), frontiers, generations and unleashed. the adventure series were the first 3d sonic games and where story started being more upfront. frontiers is the most recent and its story actually builds up on the chaos emerald lore in a way they hadnt done in decades. (this one has 2 prologues! the knuckles animation, divergence, and the comic tie-in, convergence.) generations is the one getting a remaster + new story content with shadow this october BUT the original game's story is very light and it's basically just a real nice glorified collection of levels from past games. i havent actually played unleashed since i was a kid (i might again soon) but this is the one with werehog sonic. its story is one of my favorites :)

im not much of a classic/2d player but i had fun with mania! origins is a collection of the classics that i havent played but ive heard it's pretty good and has a mechanic that makes losing lives less punishing than the originals. sonic 1, 2 and cd also have free mobile ports. the murder of sonic the hedgehog is also free on steam, it's a cute and casual little murder mystery visual novel and a real nice introduction to the cast of secondary characters!

(honorary mention goes to fangame dr. robotnik's ring racers, it's a pretty hard kart racer with a bunch of mechanics to memorize but is real fun once you get the hang of it and the tutorial has real cute interactions between eggman and tails. modding characters into this game is pretty easy and ive been working on putting in an oc of mine lol. this game is a sequel to sonic robo blast 2 kart, which is a mod for 1998(!) fangame sonic robo blast 2. another one i like is sonic and the fallen star, a 2d/classic style fangame with a cute artstyle and i know it has a sequel in the works!)

outside of games theres the idw comics! these take place after forces (the game before frontiers) but i think they establish an understanding of prior events pretty well that, again, u wouldn't Need to know everything before reading them. the archie comics are a beast i havent personally touched much of, they ran from 1993-2017 so theres a lot to them LOL

out of all the sonic shows and movies, sonic boom, the sonic ova (also known as the OG sonic movie) and sonic x are my favorites. all of these have super different takes on the world sonic lives in - boom is a silly little sitcom series w really funny meta humor, the ova is a 1996 pilot for an anime series that never happened, and sonic x is an anime series that DID happen where sonic is actually from a different world and gets isekaied to earth. (i recommend jp with subs for this one)

I THINK THATS IT...... i could keep going and be here all day but i will leave it here. theres way more stuff u naturally find getting into the series! the thing i like most about sonic is that i personally think theres something in the franchise for everyone. i hope all this info isnt too intimidating cause truly u can take this series at ur own pace. i hope u have fun anon ^__^

[sharksfood]

Harbor the Hammerhead Shark - BLFC 2023 Fursuit Dance Competition

While I'm not entirely happy with my performance this year, I am proud of myself for competing despite everything life threw at me up to this convention.

Before the con, and I'm talking like 2 months prior, i started my second job, which meant i was working 18+ hours twice a week, and i only had 1 day off from any job. I had no time to practice my dance save for in the shower (i come up with most of my choreography this way lmao) each morning and occasionally at my full time job between rushes.

when i wasn't working i was building a fursuit head, at first it was just a refurbishment but i realized the foam sculpt was not salvageable. And this was my monkey fursuit, Christian, who I primarily wear and dance in. I had actually started fixing them up in February but had to stop May-August do to me moving house. So that left September and some of October to make an entire fursuit head. This is also my very first time building a fursuit (ive done small refurbishments before).

Working on Christian was extremely tiresome and I could only do it for 4-5 hours Mon-Wed and then all day Sunday, which logically should have been enough time, but it turned out not to be. Having ADHD and being fatigued from work made fursuit work slow and tedious. I was more focused on building the fursuit I would dance in than my actual dance. I figured so long as my fursuit was compete I could wing the dance and everything would be fine.

Anyways, I plan to elaborate more on my fursuit building once I complete Christian's head (ive paused for now), but know this was the major reason why I didn't practice.

Additionally, Harbor is very hard to dance while wearing. Her head is heavy and wide, her tail is heavy and long, and her paws are too big on me, so these things all hinder my movement and expression. It hadn't occurred to me that I could just... not dance in the competition. I felt6 if I dropped out I'd be disappointing myself and those who care about me and wanted to see me dance. Considering I don't like my final performance I shouldn't have danced in the competition (i did dance in the battle after all...) but what's done is done.

Everyone is their own worst critic! Many folks told me I did a great job and it was a unique performance to witness. Unfortunately, my audition was actually much better. I blame that on nerves, being tired from the rest of the con, and getting into my own head. Also, the stage they had us dance on fucking sucked. It was a triangle! We had no space to move around since the huge DJ booth couldnt be moved! I seriously hope this isn't repeated next year (too bad all of the recent BLFC dance comps had something wrong with them).

Brenda Banks said I did a good job at my audition, but she had nothing to say to me after my final performance, which did kill my ego a little. I didn't really want to go back on stage when the judges deliberated since I would just look silly after my dance. I don't mind not placing, but what's the point being up there if I knew there was no chance?

This just goes to show, Harbor is not a competition-wrothy suit, even though the audience liked her. And I need to actually practice next time.

I don't mean to be this negative, but I needed somewhere to share my thoughts. It was hard to tell people how I felt like i sucked, right after they told me "good job". Oh well, at least lots of people liked seeing Harbor at the con.

[chrimsone]

guess what my homies after well over half a year i come back with a massive, 6k word chapter.

this was a bitch and a half to make. i mean last bit was posted pre-holiday, holidays came and wrecked my shit cause yknow, retail. then Lightfall launches but i get into a disgusting depressive episode that carries me thru april. all in all i did not spend most of the time writing.

ive got tons of ideas floating around, per use', and i've been working on them a lil bit all at once -- kinda like an adhd ridden squirrel as i described it. i mean, i did post that one fic about a new character i came up with, unrelated to these homies. i do that a lot. this brain just dont stop coming up with new things sometimes.

since this takes place in Dawn, and that was over three years ago, memory is spotty at best. Had to look up a video of a Sundial run to get the detes of the mission. and by that i mean excruciating detail. i wouldn't have it any other way tbh. i like my shit to be slow, giving you time to digest what you're reading. i hope it comes across right.

the lil post bit at the end was hard to come up with. imitating social media in fiction is tricker than expected! no wonder so many folk get it wrong. Honestly i wanted to include comments, show case the weird names i've come across while playing destiny, but in order for me to confidently do that I wanted to use a post as reference. unfortunately reddit, the site i was using as a basis since it's easiest to mimic in plaintext, doesn't want you to really look at older posts in a nice way. thats just how social media is now though, aint it. everythings all about the algo.

I was gonna setup a scene where the obelisks were setup in the beginning, but i scrapped it one way or the other. since that choice was made last year, i dont remember if i just didnt know how to do it, or couldnt find a good enough article to reference the questline cause its that too far back in my memory. I do remember needing to make sure pointe linked the tangled shore, while rin linked mars. Otherwise i would've given her steelfeather.

I've been playing the game since Shadowkeep when it went free to play, but somehow steelfeather repeater is still my most used weapon in pve content. 13k kills. my second highest would be gnawing hunger at a nice 9500, but thats still wild! I only was able to use the weapon for a few months before it got sunset, and i still havent used another gun as much as that. maybe i just dont play destiny as much compared to Shadowkeep..

Anyways, enough ranting. hopefully i'll get the next chapter out before next october lmao

[jupitercl0uds-art]

2023 art summary: the squeaquel

july - december below the cut :)

thursday 27th july: sonic boom doodles

pretty sure july was exclusively doodles, schoolwork (which i cant show yet) and my shadow the hedgehog nice cock painting lol

also i think by this point my tablet was completely broken and unable to be used :(

saturday 5th august - snapcube 06 doodles

despite the fact i posted them months apart, all of these were drawn on the same day. these pens are such a delight to use!!! i lost them for months and now ive found them!!! well, i used 3 different brands but im talking about the tombow abt watercolour markers here. the other pens i used were poscas and uni pin fineliners (istg i have so many uni products its not even funny)

sunday 13th september - the sega siblings

NOOOOO!!! PAST ME NOOOOO!!! DONT SET YOUR CANVAS TO 720p!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! im still so proud of these little doodles its a shame i didnt finish them :( for anyone who hasnt already seen them, on top of this version, there's a version where they're all nightopians and i planned on doing vocaloid/mobian versions too, but i forgot. maybe in 2024 who knows.

thursday 19th october - crossing the road.

as always, my camera quality isnt the greatest, but you can tell whats going on. i wanted to try out lineless watercolour for a change. i then realised thats really hard to do with only very basic shading and an awful lot of white to draw. oh well.

friday 27th november - blue the knuckles fan

im pretty sure i started this in september??? but that doesnt matter. it was an incomplete sketch for a few months. november was actually such a great month for my art, although i havent really been truly happy since september and this was my absolutely lowest point.

17th december - silver goes shoplifting

this piece was made while listening to casino park on loop. for like. the whole process. i was so upset that i used no purple that i decided to make the background and shading mostly be purple. also NEON!!!! NEON!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!

and thats it for this year!!! i think this is the first year my art has actually been moderately successful online. its also the first year ive actually tagged my work so ig it was kinda expected lmao. i also think i improved vastly!!! i kinda had a stagnant period from mid-late 2021 wayyyy up until may of this year, so its fun seeing how different my art has been :)

anyway im excited for next year!!! please for the love of god ash finish your pieces once youve done art gcse 🙏🙏🙏

art summary 2023!!!

i wanted to give slight commentary instead of just 12 random pngs so here you go

tuesday 3rd january - blah blah blah!

this was meant to be the first frame of an animation. then flipaclip decided not to work. anyway theres a lot of incomplete stuff from this year and this is (sort of) one of them. idk how to explain why theres 4 of me and what's going on, it makes sense (sort of) if you read the thing its based on.

monday 20th february - waluigi doodle page

i literally cannot stress enough this is the only thing i can be certain was definitely drawn in february. i would have picked a different thing otherwise, i swear. i was on a gc late at night asking who i should draw with waluigi and they gave me yoshi koopas and birdette. istg.

tuesday 21st march - tails and tbh (discord pfp)

FINALLY!!! SOMETHING ACTUALLY GOOD FOR COMPARING!!!

its funny how on one hand i dont draw tails like that AT ALL anymore, but at the same time, literally all my headcanons are there, like his fangs coming out when hes really happy, his fluffy ears, etc. the onky thing missing really is drawing fluffy arms and legs lol. as for the rest of the drawing, i think its ok. theres a few errors, particularly with the stroke, and i needed to fix the fill bucket around tbh's eyes, but this is nearly a year old now so im not fixing it. sorry.

friday 21st april - gently holding tails

ah, tails plushie, how i love thee. where the hell are you girl i havent seen you in months. i have waluigi now. i miss you :(

tuesday 9th may - waluigi sketch with alcohol markers

i hate alcohol markers. they dry too quickly. so it surprised me when one day, while forcing myself to like them, i drew something i actually liked. i still love this btw!!! this is the basis for how i currently draw waluigi rn, and my art as a whole!!!

also fun fact: i drew this the day before i started reading sonic idw :)

saturday 24th june - transmasc luigi watercolour stuff

once again, weird mario fanart i made while talking to a friend late at night. the initial shirtless luigi was drawn as a joke because of a really quick shirtless waluigi my friend drew at summer school in 2022 as a joke, which is what the weird one who craves death is based on. weird as this art may be, this was such a happy time in the year for me and i miss it greatly :)

ill have to do july - december in a follow up post because i reached the image limit lol