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sneezes-and-stuff · 1 year

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Life is a curse and existence is a prison, this has been A Week

#lol i am Not Doing Good #tw vent #tw sui ideation #sorry i just need to idk say something #bc its kinda bad and idek why #like i do know but also not really #and im scared this will be a trigger that'll bring me back to how bad i used to be #and for that long #i cant do that again #i should juat take a Clonazepam rn and go to sleep #tw drugs #ive been taking too much but i need it rn #risking addiction is better than wanting to kys ig? idek #im trying to blance things out #its gonna be ok #bc i said so

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pineappical · 1 year

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in light of tedtrent becoming so real, im also jumping on the tedtrent epilogue 😊

there's just no way ted wouldn't keep in touch with the others (and have weekly zoom meetings just like in the christmas special) and I just love the thought of the whole team having reunions once in a while.

and going back to trent's arc in s3, the sunflowers conversation, "And your daughter?" "She's never been happier." I think it could go the same for ted.. we've never really properly saw how henry felt about his dad being in london, it's always other people that told ted his son misses him, who's to say henry would rather see his dad happy because that in turn would make him happy too? he was there to win the whole thing, right? I just know ted’s story isn’t done yet when he still hasn’t learned to let others take care of him in return and who else to pair him with than the man who blew up his career because a man was nice to him (and also because they were so. so cruel for the fakeout tedbecca scenes for that finale) 🥺

I'm no writer so just pretend these are snapshots of a slow burn fic where ted visits london for their team reunion and slowly realizes that trent has a crush on him and they kiss about it 💛

#ted lasso #trent crimm #tedependent #ted lasso fanart #tedtrent #ted x trent #I HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS BTW its just that its 4am rn and i cannot type down my thoughts for the life of me </3 #im just so not over that ending and how weird it felt for ted to end his story like that.. not like he can turn back to michelle since #dr. jacob is right there.. i want this man to feel loved and cared for and actually have a place he knows he can call home and that was #richmond for me.. to the family we were born with. and to the family we make along the way etc etc etc #ted lasso spoilers #<- FORGOT ABOUT THAT.#i can finally say i loved the ending for all the callbacks and stuff but I NEED THIS MAN TO BE HELDDDD!!!!! *everything explodes around me*#he even went back there WITHOUT BEARD :( his bestfriend for sooo long who was there for all their ups and downs. i dont like beard and jane #being together but the fact ted didnt even go to their wedding too like ...??! what is going onnnn #also graying lasso is just something so indulgent for me . hush #pn.art #JUST YKNOW!!! I HOPE YALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING ITS REALLY REALLY LATE I PROBABLY SHOULDVE WAITED TILL LATER TO POST THIS BUT JAHJVAKDG #my memory is really bad too so i could also be misremembering scenes and im too eepy to check the scenes i had in mind so u_u #ALSO apologies that its taking me sooo long to draw things i recently joined a mc server and ive been playing it all day and night HFSJGFSH #im sooo scared of making these type of posts because i dont have the balls to make the wrong choices in other people's eyes but GRAAH!!!!!#<- i love tedtrent bUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK IM CRINGGGEEEE!!!!!#THATS ALL.... i have more drawings in mind that ill get around to later.. for now goodnight <3

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puppyeared · 8 months

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adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

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thatsgonnaleaveamark · 4 months

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whyy are concerts so expensive and not close to me ಠ╭╮ಠ

#i talk #fuckn..montreux jazz festival with the best lineup but theres only two bands per concert and each costs over 100 #i could get there easily by train but the hotels are all booked #man if they had day passes to see several bands..air/soft cell/duran duran/kraftwerk/smashing pumpkins all on different dates..#absolutely not spending 500 for that excluding train and hotel #plus air is playing an openair festival next to where i work and they start 30mins after my shift on sunday #so i think ill just stand outside and listen lmao probably cant see inside though #alsoo the chameleons are doing a tour and its probably my only chance to see them and theyre like my fave rn #closest theyre doing is munich but like i have a direct train that takes 3.5 hours #i rly wanna do it but ill also need a place to stay overnight and idk how much i can trust se deutsche bahn or flixbus #and also its like 2 days before oktoberfest starts. im really hoping to avoid that esp munich #frankfurt might also be an option hmmm #i was thinking about literally going on a short trip to brighton to see them in august but idk if thats too much #would be more expensive too and id have to take a plane #ahh this is hard and i make it much harder by overthinking everything #ive never been to a concert in another country no idea how different/same it is

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clits-and-clips · 5 months

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Since writing the affirmations and starting manifestation again, I've actually been in a much better headspace. It's crazy how things align, and you end up where you need to be, especially through pain

#txt #have been reading the affirmations every day twice a day sometimes #doing my intentions and manifesting what i wsnt #which is mainly independence #also a good relationship with my ex from here #mainly stuff for me tho #and the full moon on Wednesday which is in scorpio which is his sun sign #will be a big release and maybe i can let go a bit or a lot lol #i need to move on and focus on myself and what i want in life and doing it all on my own #with support obviously but ive never been fully independent and im so ready for the blessings and the open doors #i dont know if ill truly ever be over him but i have to try for my own sanity at this point #i dont want to manifest anything selfish like him coming back to me because it probably wont happen anyway lmao #i hope i dont sound crazy lmao but coming back into my spiritual journey is definitely what i need #connecting with myself and my purpose feels like the only thing i can do rn #have a driving lesson tomorrow but in all honesty i could just go do the test and pass cause ive been driving forever and im good at it #just need to practice certain things but im nearly there! so close i can feel it and see it #anyway i hope i can keep this energy up and continue to head in a positive direction because it feels really good #if i need to cry about him and the loss then i will but im not going to dwell on it too much #i just need to take it as a lesson and let it go :)#cause at the end of the day i really did lead myself here whether it was his choice to end it or not #blah

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year

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the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-

#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later'#and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory #then its like... what do i even say #'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH #or especially lately #i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going #which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else #ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK!#trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn #but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying #yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm......#can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn.#ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood #but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake #absolutely unprompted #oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away #well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car'#and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth)#GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!!#she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money #and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month #and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now???#now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And-#i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again #me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help'#please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish #anyway. case in point #cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind #metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj #its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please

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jefferythejelly · 7 months

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*long, deep, belabored sigh*

#discourse #<- except not really bc i am vagueing #idk im just tired. and sad #for a lot of reasons. some of which are i think v much not the reasons other ppl are mad rn lmao #like. yes it has problems yes i wish it could be better yes this absolutely sucks shit #and that is all v much part of the reason i am tired and sad #but the constant neg abt every aspect of the server also has started grinding on me. well always has i think im just reaching a limit #bc i like it! i do! theres good parts and i like them a whole lot!#idk it just rubs me the wrong way bc even if i do agree with a lot of the criticism whenever it comes from this side of the community #it always kinda feels like its in bad faith to me. like its in desire to watch it burn first and actually improve anything second #and its just like. argh #and like on the flip side. god i love this server but why does it have to be run by a guy who is the way he is #negative #yeah i think this needs that tag too lmao #idk ive been thinking abt taking a break for a little bit here and i dont think i am #mostly bc it would involve unfollowing 90% of my mutuals and i dont really want to do that #but i just wish casually sticking around like this didnt also involve. all the bullshit that comes with being in this fandom(s). lol. lmao.#anyways. i am going to go eat dinner

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rainingincale · 5 months

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.

#omfg i feel so completely melodramatic for typing this out rn but i have so many feelings and i need to get them out!!! DX #anyways so since just before the sunshine court came out i have yet again gone down an aftg rabbit hole #and what im here to specifically cry about is kevin #when i first read aftg my opinions on the characters were so different to what they were now #i cant completely remember how i felt about kevin. part of me thinks i felt that he was treated way too harshly by the others considering #the trauma he went through but part of me thinks maybe? i didnt care too much for him back then because i was taking the book at face value #and just going with how neil viewed him which is that hes The Best at exy but sort of annoying and harsh and needs to stick for himself more #idk idk but as of recent ive just been having a lot of emotions thinking about him. and especially wymack and him.#like he was just robbed of so much. and hes honestly so brave despite what people may think? hes soso flawed but thats what makes me love #him even more. he's just trying. so hard. to undo everything thats been engrained in him. and i just wanna cry and cry and cry!!!#because hes come so far! and hes amazing. and i wish i could properly express everything thats running through my mind rn but thats all i #got. back to reading fic centering kevin and wymack now 😭#le text post

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orcelito · 2 months

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Less than an hour before the mcelroy selfie & signing

I'm a little nervous

#speculation nation #havent had any caffeine bc ive been having too much of that lately. and it's a shorter day.#so im a bit sleepy. but at least the active nausea is better than it was a bit ago #(waking up so early several days in a row And having them be such physically strenuous days is. hard on the body.)#anyways. yeah. the mcelroys.#i mean ultimately theyre just some guys. but im not good at talking with strangers Anyways #and ive enjoyed their stuff for a good bit now. so. it's intimidating.#but i know theyre nice people. and ultimately all i Really need to do is give them what i want signed and take the pic #but there is opportunity for brief conversation. and i want to try asking them if they remember an anecdote from when my sister saw them #it was a good bit ago so i'll preface it with 'this might be a bit of a longshot but'#the anecdote being that when my sister asked for an autograph for 'Fanny' Clint started writing 'Best Fanny'#before travis was like 'uhhh maybe add a comma there' hfkshfkd #ultimately it WAS such a small moment. and actually thinking about it i dont know if i want to ask them actually.#bc if they Dont remember. which they likely dont. well then that's awkward for all of us.#...but also even if they dont remember it's still a funny story.#and if they Do somehow remember i can be like 'Hello i am that Fanny'#the thing is that theyre people with good humor. so i dont think theyd be upset at me asking.#and maybe theyd even find it funny. even if they dont remember.#i can give no guarantees that i will even try to do this bc i might end up so petrified in the moment that i cannot do it #but i will try my best. aughhgjhg i wish i wasnt passively nausous rn!!! not making it easier!!!#and somehow it's now 40 minutes away AAAAAAAAAAAGH

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heavenlydreamangelflyhigh · 2 years

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moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again

#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress #she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks #and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie #if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...'#she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed #and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the #same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse #and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front #immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories.#marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont #it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has #its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know #using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane.#like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and #that we need to stop buying 'junk food'#MOMM....OH MY GOOOD...#whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes.#ed ment #i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has #started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 4 months

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You know

For once in my life

I dont dread going to work

#im counting school as “work” here too #like #i would still rather be doing other things (like sleeping)#but now that ive been doing it a couple weeks the anxiety has kinda cleared #im a lil annoyed at my dad rn cuz hes taking forever in the bathroom and i need to brush my teeth #but im not like. anxious.#i might be a lil late today but nobody cares #as long as i get my work done #and my boxes havent had any mistakes so far so i dont usually have to talk to anyone unless i have a question #omg #why is he taking a shower #DUDE #i havent left yet #i need to brush my teeth #eh #i wear a mask and dont talk to people much so its probably not a necessity #but fuck man #did you forget i got shit to do in there too???#you dont have any place you need to be this early you could literally wait until after ive left #youre interrupting the routine man i dont appreciate it #ugh alright no tooth brushing today

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toastsnaffler · 4 months

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love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)

#just re-lacing them rn so theyre ready for work tomorrow theyre so shinyyy muah #when my next payday comes around im gonna get a second pair so im not putting as much strain on the leather by wearing them everyday #but i think im gonna go for a different colour to my standard black.... ik solovair do similar ones in burgundy or bottle green hmm #well i have a month to think abt it before i decide!#red is my go to accent colour but green would probably fit better with my work wardrobe... and i do wear work clothes 5/7 days a week #anyway.... i need to meditate and then sleep. i usually settle down for bed 9:30 but im a little wired cuz new med change #so ive been putting it off until i feel actually tired so i wont stress abt not being able to fall asleep and then make it worse #i will probably feel pretty tired at work tomorrow but thats okay i dont have anything taxing scheduled #feeling so much better now this weekend is behind me. ik next weekend will likely be difficult again but im more prepared for it #i need to book myself this trip as well before train tix get too expensive so i have smth to look forward to next month....#just debating whether i actually want to invite other ppl or not. itd be rly nice for everyone to come but with recent events i feel-#a little delicate abt social stuff and i dont want to stress myself out and get insecure bc its meant to be a treat for me #like if i invite other ppl itll become their trip and suddenly im in the backseat third wheeling them all #and ill wish i had uninvited myself so they would enjoy it more etc but the POINT is its smth i wanna do!!!! for me!!!#we'll see how this week goes. i dont rly feel ready rn to unmute their server yet tho bc ill just make myself upset abt next weekend #letting sleeping dogs lie for now... ill come back around eventually it always takes some time to recover from mood swings that intense #okay now goodnight! xoxoxoxooxo #.diaries

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coridallasmultipass · 4 months

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Personal vent post, how I tag things, apologies for this probably showing up in search results because I'm not censoring words (do not have the spoons rn)

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So I'm getting really frustrated (at the situation, not at individual people! Sorry to vague right after getting a request, I was gonna make this post like a week ago) that multiple people have asked me not to tag Bro/Cal reblogs as Stridercest.

Stridercest does not mean incest, it means Strider/Strider relationship. I'm tagging it for followers who don't want to see Strider/Strider at all (or for those who do, too, I guess). On MY blog, it has NO bearing on whether or not something is incest. Lil Cal has been a Strider since Day 1 to me, way before any of the events after Act 6, as a pure vanilla puppet. A Strider by marriage, in my opinion. But I'm not opposed to calculating the amount of Strider that got put in Lil Cal, as I've done before. You also have Dirk/Hal which is also Stridercest, but not incest (at least in canon, sometimes it is incest in fan depictions). Or Guardiancest, which I don't think counts as incest in canon either (but usually always is in fan depictions). Even selfcest between one Strider (beta!Dave/beta!Dave in a time travel situation, for example) is still gonna be Stridercest to me.

The ONLY Stridercest I add the specific ship tag for is Bro/Cal, because that's otp5eva for me, separate from any other Strider stuff (Stridercest probably doesn't even make top 3 HS ships for me). Everything else only gets the blanket Stridercest in reblogs, because I already tag a lot, I don't have the energy to add nuanced tags for weird Strider situations, and whether or not that constitutes incest, or which version of a character it is, especially when the artist/authors don't usually make the difference explicitly stated in their own caption/tags, and sometimes it's vague on purpose! (I'm currently writing a fic where Bro and Dirk are the same person! I'm not gonna make the distinction a big deal.)

It's mostly frustrating because then I have to decide if untagging the relationship as Stridercest is going to make someone else following me uncomfortable who will then see it untagged.

Going forth, I am going to delete whatever reblog I made if I get this request from someone else again. I'm trying to remember names, so I don't reblog any future content that would conflict with their requests, but this has already happened with three people in like the past two weeks. Had to block one person for telling me to die because I tagged "Stridercest" on the post preventatively, as usual, because I care about tagging for my followers. (I literally checked their blog like 3 times to make sure they didn't have a DNI pinned, and I still got told to die for my efforts lmao.)

Literally, please just DM me privately (thank you to the other people who did, sorry for the trouble!), and I will either delete the reblog, or block you if you request that. I'm not TRYING to make people uncomfortable, which is the whole reason why I tag it to begin with.

So, I'm not un-tagging shit anymore, it's delete only from now on. I'm not going against my own blog rules I set both to try and accommodate my followers, and to make searching my blog easier for myself. (Used to not tag anything from like 2011-2016 or later, and I'm still in the process of back-tagging everything, since it's been so frustrating to find old fandom posts.)

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funerals · 1 year

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official announcement to all my mutuals: I apologize and warn u in advance that I'm off my meds and will not stop fucking rambling sorry for the literal paragraphs I'm leaving in ur replies I just can't shut up okay love u bye

#decided im om too many fucking meds and have been for so long like since i was 16 ive been heavily medicated on so many different meds #like i dont even know what im like as a person not heavily medicated like idk who i am naturally so ive decided to stop taking most of them #except like the ones for my heart and stomach and shit that i need to live #even got my birth control implant removed and am off birth control for the first time in like 7 years #my life is like seriously changing so much currently im gonna be a completely different person so soon i feel like so im kinda .... weird rn #weirder than fuxking usual like by a lot #THERE I FUCKING GO AGAIN WHY CANT I SHUT THE FUCK UP NO ONE CARES #anyway okay love u bye smooches if u actually read all this fucking mess

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michameinmicha · 6 months

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Look i know its a rly dumb idea to try and set up a base in the middle of louisville buuuuuut i like being withing walking distance of things and i think it would be fun to try?

Now the question is... do i take my game where i have a nice base in muldraugh and try to move as much as i can over to lv or should i start a new game already there? Kinda wanna keep my things but also kinda wanna start new again...?

#i know i have too much shit and i cant possibly carry all of it over there #but also i hate leaving things behind and deciding what to take would be awful #then again i already put so much time into this game and i dont wanna waste it all!#mayyyybe i should try a separate game starting in lv to see how bad of an idea that rly is and then decide after?#hmmmmmmng #also where in lv do i wanna set up shop? cause i need access to some trees and if possible water but i dont want a huge base like #an entire apartment complex thats way too much #idk man #this is just what i do while i dont have much to work on rn... i think about my game and look up some locations and stuff #look muldraugh is technically big enough for me and everything but ive never been to lv and it sounds cool #i dont rly wanna live in the suburbs though cause thats just sad idk... although it is the sensible thing to do #ugh im almost done with work i cant wait to go home and play #mine #pz #ramble ramble

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waywardsalt · 8 months

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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great

#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshus’ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained #so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do #likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired #hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic #hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow #he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit #he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation #and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now #he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng #and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever #like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting #hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests #and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him #hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked #because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess #his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free #he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves #idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him #like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ‘in character’ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon #when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff #that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then #i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow #im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with #its very cute

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