#ive been okay all day just. evenings... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yousaytomato · 9 months ago

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Lads you'll never guess what. Anxious Again.

#woes of emily #i need a break so bad.#in 2 weeks ive got 5 days off #this will fix me i think #I've not had anything but my usual days off all year 😭 not even a sick day i am dying #ik this is like. normal. but its a lot for me #I've been a little bit worried recently that i have something wrong with me that's causing fatigue #because sometimes i can't do anything/all i do is sleep #anyway. rn. anxious #ive been okay all day just. evenings...

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eikichi-supremacy · 9 months ago

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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)

#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head #ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it #like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like #kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all #and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo #and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like #now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay #kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello #why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine #but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him #they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like #it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met #kurama and hiei #kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back #they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan #yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc #and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing #it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next #cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe #okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept #kuwameshi #yu yu hakusho #kuwabara kazuma #yusuke urameshi #koenma

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al-luviec · 2 months ago

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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)

meh HoT gifs (3/?)

#alek gifs #ninjago #ninjago krux #ninjago acronix #hands of time #time twins #alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times #okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around #i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy #ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy #he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day #contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight #gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex #that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix #there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it #krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity #“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird #like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill #the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up #and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal #then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard #for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how #the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced #hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they #went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade #had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the #for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago

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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

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3416 · 2 months ago

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just need to give a shoutout to all the people who interact w me or the things i make on here for the love and good vibes. twitter's been pissing me off the past couple days and i just think it reaffirms i'll never really leave tumblr bc the fandom culture here is just so much.. more lol

#more respectful funnier more loving more fun in a lot of ways #getting lectured by ppl years younger than me abt why posting shit without credit is ok when its like #all the best and most fun fandom spaces are dying #ppl are growing up sure but all these ppl are like 'i used to make gifs so heres why ur wrong' and its like #oh you USED to? well whyd u stop ? bc the effort level wasnt worth it just to be #saved and reposted w ill intent or not get any interaction like its so #everything is abt a race for interaction on the dumbest n most unoriginal jokes #its extremely frustrating to try to justify spendinf any time doing anything online anymore when ppl are so fcuking flippant like its crazy #'heres a shitty unsized n uncoloref gif i ran through some website and IM okay w ppl reposting' like lol #anyway when giffing dies itll be a sad fuckinf day to me jfkd truly a useless skill #but that means everyone still doing it is doing it for the love of the game or #the love of archival work and it makes ppl beinf so fuckinf disrespectful #or going to bat for nonsense seem so absurd to me like #really . really. if u have an option to share where it originally came from with one less click #ur gonna choose NOT to do that and instead repost just to insinuate the person who made it did it to insult someknes appearance #like. its just so.#fandom is dying and its so sad and etiquette is nowhere to be found so NXKKD gratefuo for the ppl gere #and sorry for the rant #none of thise matters but ive had an abundance of free time the past few says so ive been STEWING #mostly just want to say i love u all NDKKS and even if ive complained abt interaction its mostly just tbing website dying more than anything #which. is so sad lol #but i love everyone still here

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thedrotter · 7 days ago

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i just randomly felt like doing a render since i havent done those frequently at all this year www and who else would it be of if not yuu

#re:kinder #fanart #yuuichi mizuoka #my art #i just really wanted to draw yuu and even though i have a lot of wips and visions i didnt feel like executing them just yet #i wanted something a bit more mindless for my brain to do and i remembered i have the ability to do renders #i used to do em like. A LOT around when i was 14 to 15??? like before i really started posting frequently here #and before the fibromyalgia randomly kicked in mid 2022 #since then i pretty much just indulged in staying in my comfort zone www since i couldnt do much #BUT NOW THAT IM ON MEDS I SIT DOWN AND I REMEMBER I CAN RENDER🫣🫣#like ive been drawing a lot all this time regardless but render render is a whole other patience thing render is fight for life #AND I DIDNT FEEL LIKE IT TILL NOW RANDOMLY SO. WE GET A PROPER YUU RENDER #i think ive done one once but it was experimental and a simple challenge mainly based on color rather than the render part #but no no it couldnt stay that way what kind of rekinder fan am i if i havent even done a proper render of it😢#i hope this makes sense i now realize i have no idea how people would interpret the term render #and I WILL DO MORE DEFINITELY i have visions okay i have. visions #wait no i have done another rekinder render actually it was a hiroto one i posted while i was trying to do daily rekinder drawing #but that was done on a 1-2 hour limit to be started and finished the same day SO IT DONT COUNT!!!!!

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coriander-candlesticks · 4 months ago

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Sometimes your Mental Illness™ is kicking your ass and all you can do is offer the first hot, non-leftover meal you managed to prep in the day at 10:30 pm to Apollo & ask for help getting to *and* getting through your appointment tomorrow and that's okay

#the first thing i offered over the past two or three days b/c OOH boy this depression has HANDS #gonna be talking to my psychiatrist about changing meds b/c i think i've finally developed a tolerance to mine & im already on the high dose #so i dont really want to up it any more than it already has been (which is what she suggested last appointment)#i usually at least offer at hot meals but i didnt have the energy for that even #it doesnt help that im recovering from a big work presentation where i ran tech (aka keeping the powerpoints & other visual aids running)#all. day. which *i* offered to do but that doesnt make it any less tiring #...i also think i forgot to offer something to hermes that i was meaning to. gonna have to do that #i *was* planning on doing a tarot check-in on friday but uh. im definitely not in the right emotional headspace for that atm #gonna have to wait for when i can do more than lie in bed all day #listen to your body & brain folks. it's okay if all your energy has to go into riding something out #& you dont have the energy for all the rituals/prayers/offerings/etc that you usually do #coriander says #helpol #hellenic pagan #hellenic polytheism #hellenic community #apollo #my post #mental health cw #depression cw #ive been offering the steam from hot meals to hestia too ofc b/c. you know. first & last #it felt weird not mentioning that somewhere #i *do* offer to just her or to her 'and all the deathless gods of olympus' too

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leviiackrman · 4 months ago

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Had a surge of inspiration so enjoy Mineyo’s Completed Timeline!

Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @greenecreek @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @alexxmason @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @a-treides @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol

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mamawasatesttube · 8 months ago

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i wish it wasn't so normal for people to complain about unfinished wips or fics that take a long time to update. because sometimes i think i have a really fun idea for a fic but it'd take a while for me to write, and i like talking about my work as i do it and i don't like writing entire fics over like 20k without sharing, because i lose steam. so if i were to write and post that cool fic idea, it'd be as a wip. and then i think about all the people who just refuse to engage with wips, or all the other people who would just go "update pls" all the time, and of how people only really comment in the first 24 hours something is posted and then it's lost to obscurity, and then i just go "actually whats the point in going through the effort writing this out? i'll just daydream about it now and then and be done with it." and then i don't write it. alas!

#rimi talks #shoutout to that one person who followed me from resi fandom and commented on one of my dc fics like ''pls update that resi fic''#also shoutout to all those tumblr posts about how theres nOthInG wOrSe than finding a GoOd FiC but its uNFiNIsHeD #i used to really like writing longfic but these days i kind of shy away from it bc it rly does get discouraging #like they say ''write for yourself'' and i do but i certainly dont share just for my own satisfaction yk???#anyways. i already have space fic and theres no need for me to start another fic. even if it would be fun.#ive also just been in a Mood about writing since yesterday and thats not helping matters 😔#but it feels like a stupid thing to be in A Mood about. idk. whatever jdlksk hopefully itll pass and ill be normal tomorrow :/#bc talking to duck earlier today we came up with a really fun mermay fic premise. but. writing? me? multichap again? lol. lmao even #like i would love to!!!!!! having two ongoing multichaps wouldnt kill me i like to pingpong between wips #but dealing with people whining about update times or telling me they refuse to read bc its a wip...... dunno if i can do that again fellas #okay. enough woes and whining. i guess i will go play a video game

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skunkes · 11 months ago

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#talkys #delete later #(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before #and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party #because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth #from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened #i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result #ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way #and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.

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megumi-fm · 7 months ago

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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn #but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one #so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot #i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks #they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary #anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place #and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot #and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop #now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg #a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context #point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop #and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight #i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop #anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever #and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation #and i was replying with one word answers #and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then #after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place #then i got too embarrassed and chickened out #yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way #i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny #megumi in the tags

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hybbat · 5 months ago

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I do think a good chunk of the 'cringey atheist' stereotype did come from the fact that, especially americans, regardless of their actual religious status are just casually christian and refer to things through a religious filter and that isn't seen for how overwhelming/obnoxious/frustrating it is. Its absense, such as when writing a story and things like "oh god" or other casual references are remove or replaced, is seen as notable the same way people find the cast being all women or queer being 'abnormal'.

And I think more people, especially here on tumblr, should take a moment from ragging on some kid being "cringey" saying god doesn't exist or making atheist jump around like dancing monkeys to establish they're one of the good respectful ones before they ever even begin to talk about their own thoughts, and examine why so much content just inserts god into a conversation that had nothing to do with religion like it's the expected norm, the same way they examine the invasiveness of casual heteronormativity.

#this is just cause an ex christian youtuber i otherwise like refers to any extreme emotional experience as a 'religious experience'#as if everyone can agree on it being so #and theres more than a few posts on here that make me wonder why #so many people are incapable of making something 'poetic' or 'great' without invoking religious imagery #even where it had no relevance #atheism #anyways #ive seen uncomfortably similar treatment that aces in particular have received for pointing out amatonormativity in a post #its rare these days though because atheists have long since been thuroughly shamed in american society as being edgy #which like wooow a christian nation that shames every other religion in some way found a way to shame nonreligious too? shocking #actually i get kinda annoyed when i think about it its one of those propaganda that people casually buy into #without examining it at all #youll see atheists acting like dancing monkeys trying to establish theyre not cringe guys its okay #just to talk about how they feel and think #i remember being a young adult and when someone started talking to me with the assumption of god being in the picture #and id get an eye roll like i was being childish not going along with it nevermind they inserted god into the convo in the first place #without question or comment #and i know it wasnt forceful the same way some ex religious folks can get a bit zealous the same way they were about religion #which theres something to eb said for that zealousness being acceptable when christian but not when atheist or another religion #but ive never gone through such a phase my family has been atheist for several generations now and we were taught to respect beliefs #anyways sorry idk why this is on my brain this afternoon i think i saw a post or smth and it reminded me of that youtuber

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catboypheromones · 28 days ago

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my secret power is writing an entire thing and then completely forgetting I ever wrote it

#ill open up a file in my notes app and be like 'oh yeah i forgot i started writing thi-'#and then im scrolling and im like 'okay when the fuck did i write all this??? this is good stuff but??? what???the fuck????'#like its completely wiped from my memory but it is very clearly me that wrote it #good for me btw ive never been disappointed by what ive read #just discovered this ENTIRE CHAPTER LENGTH thing i wrote of Drew/Ollie Dislyte #completely did not even remember that getting anywhere past the planning phase but apparently it did #its a little bit fun having a HORRIBLE memory like me because life is so full of surprises every day 🩵

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sketchy-tour · 9 months ago

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Happy Easter if yall celebrate it!!!!! Otherwise I hope yall have an absolutely fantastic Sunday!!!!

Aaaa I feel like I'm not as chatty as I once was on here. Been a bit all over the place! Also feel silly making a ton of text posts with no art so I try and limit how often I blab on here.

But just know I still appreciate all of you who follow and like my art! Every bit of interaction I still see and it still baffles me to see such kind words. It means the absolute world to me!!!! 💖💖🌻

#plus Ive been drawing other things between wh art #but I know no one here would wanna see my original character art. Which is so okay im not lamenting that!#this blog was always meant for fandom stuff! but ya know. if im drawing other stuff it means my fandom art slows down slightly #still need to get back in the groove with drawing Dandy #really hard not to feel discourage ever since dealing with them being used without my permission (Which has already been long since handled)#but I havent shaken off that upset I felt. Made me all tol hesitant to even post Dandy anymore.#course also kinda put a damper on my fun #OH IM RAMBLING! venting??? this isnt about that #shaking my head and clearing clouds!!! anyway! needless to say im trying. i hope you guys dont mind being patient with me #happy easter!#or uh happy sunday!!!! if you dont celebrate!#OH AND HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY!!!!!!#Wow my tag rambles are all OVER THE PLACE #text post #just rambling #ill shut up now 💖

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theloveinc · 2 months ago

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i don't really want to bc like. there's many reasons for me to stay but. i don't think this tumblr life is for me anymore

#obvs im gonna keep this blog like i'm not. gonna go away. i can't lol!#i need to have a space to post when i do have stuff to post ... with gachiakuta otw ofc !!!#but i think it's time .... i admit to myself i cant do this the way i did anymore #not even back in like. 2021 but even just. last year. im not someone who can sustain interaction no matter how much i want to #there's just too much on my mind and im too anxious and way too insecure and with the election i have students to take care of #my family to prioritize and i have to move house and get my credentials and my degree so i can get a job.#it's just too much really to be worrying about what i can do here .. ive been in denial for so lng #not that that changes anything for anyone here or anyone reading this. i'm not disappearing and im still gonna be reading.#but i need to officially relieve myself of duty... iN MY MIND. if that makes any sense.#im sure i'll write again one day. my writing has come so far and ive finally noticed. and im so grateful to have tried so hard #i never let myself down once. thats for certain. i did what i could when i could #but i can't anymore and that has to be okay bc its whats happening.#anyway nothing's changing dw there's just been a shift in my psyche thats all #and i might post less and reblob more .. but that's all!#still love u ofc <3 #caitie blabs

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bmpmp3 · 3 months ago

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i do wish i was better at communicating with people online and through technology. i wander into conversations and make new ones all the time irl with random people and its fun but im like hyping myself to type out a single response to a Post. and to say nothing of how difficult it is to get me to say something in a discord server

#or even video or audio calls are becoming hard for me rn. i used to be better at this #i used to be sooo good at talking to people online. maybe. or maybe not actually #now that i think about it ive always been a little outside of everything in both irl and online communities ive been in #you know i was part of the mods for a deviantart species a long time ago. i was pretty bad at my job i was always too slow to actually mod #and one day i came home from school and like the entire modbase imploded because of drama on a discord or smth they had that i wasnt in LOL #tbh i was a bit older than all of them and busy with final year of highschool stuff so i wasnt super present. i think they just had me on #because while i wasnt particularly popular as an artist i did have some eyecatching polish on my art. but it was wild i was like #whats going on. who are you people. where am i. i have to apply to ouac rn i dont know whats happening #wait random ass deviantart drama i was vaguely adjacent to but still dont really know what happened aside. i would like to chat more #i think the easiest way to converse with me is commenting on my posts like theyre forum threads. or dming me. sometimes #im so bad with group chats. especially if they have multiple channels. the only group chat ive stuck with is a tiny one with like #two other friends and we just write thoughts and about our day and pictures of animals and whatever #i get confused and scared in discords. i get so confused and scared #i used to be okay with discord calls but even with that ive been struggling. am i scared of the computer #am i scared of the computer. the machine. whats happening

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