#its why i think if you want to explore the bad poor parents you do it with steph

[oifaaa]

you hate the Jason parents retcon? Me too; I've never seen anyone else like the circus parents more

I kinda feel bad now bc I meant the Jason's parents retcon of them going from victims of their circumstance to poor people bad sorry anon I'm sure there are people who prefer circus parents #2 I'm just not one of them (if you do sound off so anon knows they're not alone)

[sintiva]

ARMINEEEE pt.2

pt.1 of church boy! armin

his dick practically leaked between the soft pillows of your thighs. the fluffy, burgundy comforter disappeared under the tight clasp of his fingers. it felt like you’ve been milking him for hours ‘n hours but it’s only been ten minutes and he’s came…. one, tw-, three times! “y/nnn, i’m gunnu cum, ughh godddu… again —“ the poor things overstimulated himself to the point where he can’t stop, he doesn’t want to. and you’re not doing much, but the casual stroking and warmth of your body has him hooked in between your thighs. it’s comforting, exponentially better than anything he’s experienced.

when you told him he could touch you however he liked: the first thing he reached for were your cocoa scented thighs and how they rose ‘n fell with each curious imprint he placed upon them. they fluffed and molded under his hands like a pillow. hands down the softest things he’d ever felt. he groped you so eagerly, jaw wide and eyes quivering in awe of how you felt. “their not going anywhere, i promise.” intentions for him to relax only continued his exploration like he was starved. “so you really are a goody two shoes? i figured.”

“no-no, i-i’ve done this kinda thing b-before.” he blushes; bound by his own lies you giggle and he feels his face grow hotter, embarrasment like this hasn’t coursed through his bones since the day his parents took his door “you’re lying to me? that’s no good armin, remember?” your fingers caress his face; he’s hot to the touch. “i-i have!” he’s beyond flustered at this point. he grabs onto your wrist and flashes those pretty, pleading, wet eyes, begging for you to stop teasing him so much. with each passing second they grew wetter just like his… yeah. “you just wasting your time at church huh?”

“so as i was saying…you haven’t there’s no need to lie to me, besides—” you straddle his lap, and he sinks further into the bed, his eyes widen in shock. “you’re getting this excited, wanna put it in me that bad? you wanna fill me up this bad thinkin’ about it?” armin swallows back a moan and bites down hard on his lips; flush from sheer force. you feel his thighs tremble and his grip on your skirt tighten, “why are you getting all wet, min?” your brown eyes flutter one too many times, and his heart sinks into his chest. all the breath in his lungs fans out between his lips. is he being ostracized he can’t tell, but when you glance down at him with that look… as you’re dragging your hips harder along the prominent tent in his pants, you’re making him moan so much louder, “didn’t mean to, i didn’t.” he whines and bucks up into you. this long into the night and he’s writhing,, sniffling uncontrollably and babbling on about how good you’re making him feel. “but i didn’t say you could cum, you have to control yourself armin.”

ouch:( it felt like you were upset with him-well, that came a little too late… and he came bit too early. those super ugly khakis that he wore every wednesday for bible study grew warm and wet right under where you sat. soothing, unpleasant, but more of the former, considering its spread. hot, scorching your skin, blue like the hottest flame—spreading in your stomach. you can’t blame him, you’ve been searching for something like this for a while. “didn’t your mama tell you good boys don’t make messes?” bite. this far into the night your skirts bunched up around your waist, and armin’s losing his mind. he’s tried so hard to apologize for enjoying all this — you letting him do everything he pleases. the same excuse tumbles between his lips, in that sime high pitched whiny voice while a deeper flare of red painted his skin. curiosity settles in your stomach, to think he’s acting like this — and it’s not even sex.

“i’ve….oh’y god - never felt anything like…this — like you—” you can hear the nervousness in his voice, see it in his face. avoiding, your gaze, his eyes shift back and fourth, uncertain of where he can look that won’t expose his innocence. that won’t expose how abundant his joy is. the delicacy in his voice, the slight tremble and strain in it. can’t you tell he’s working so hard to keep it in? but when you grind down so hard on his hips. bend forward to bite down on his lips, and lick them to lighten the sting, he’s cracking bit by bit. he can physically feel every part of his body throbbing and how his lust for you overflows. while your thighs envelop his length, working so hard to squeeze out every drip of cum. his chest falls and that high piles up on him, higher and higher, till it comes crashing down and he’s pumping out another sticky load.

“what are you blaming me for, you’re the one whose fuckin my thighs outta control like a pup.” his moves are sloppy, out of time, uncontrollable. “‘s too much.” bubbles out. his eyes roll to the back of his head, his fingers clamp down onto your thighs. “you don’t wanna keep using me ‘til you’re satisfied?” the hint of sadness embedded into your question deepens his feralness. it hurts so much to keep going; to keep getting consumed by your offers of induction. the ‘keep goings’ and ‘don’t stop, i want you to make yourself feel so good baby’.

“you’ve been hidin’ this big ole thing from me ‘cause of your dumb parents. you’re so mean armin.” words mean everything to this boy. there’s power in every syllable you cast from your mouth. they tug on his resolve, gratifying every action he’s taking. cursing his subordination, his inability to have something like this all the time. his parents fought so hard to “protect” him from all this corruption because, “that girl will land you in trouble, can’t you see we’re trying to do what’s best for you? as your parents? it’s like you don’t care about how you’ll end up, how that reflects on us…”

your words sound better, they don’t sound like you’re degrading him to make yourself feel better. affirmations encouraging all those uncertainties his parents made sure he’d be too inept to act upon. outlining all of his priorities: all the things he could and couldn’t do. truthfully he was tired of it, so letting you have your way with him; in his parents word “corrupting” him felt liberating. this newfound freedom, that his parents warned would leave a stain, felt otherworldly.

“minnn, i want you to put it inside me.” you lift up your legs by the underside of your knees. taken aback, he groans as you fall back onto the bed, thighs spread; your cream white panties were eaten up up by your pussy lips. you pull them to the side, innocently inviting him in. smearing all your mess over your pussy lips then spreading them to reveal your puffy clit. “if you put it inside it’ll feel good.” and he takes the bait. he crawls forward, and his cock twitches. outstretched, nervous; one hand takes place on your knees and the others follows in spreading the pretty girl’s legs who lay in his parents bed with arousal leaking between her ass cheeks. “wanna let you feel something better.”

"i'll teach you how to use it, but it can only be mine, k? he looks so cute and your hearts skipping beats, it's getting so loud that you can barely hear. but as he gets closer to you and begins to line it up, asking questions to make sure what he's doing is okay you hear something. "wait!" your stomach drops and your legs do the same, armin fusses so you plave your fingers against his lips. "there it is." it's faint but you can make out that sound, the eerie beeping of a key pad. the distant notification rings through the house, chime! — disarmed, ready to arm— muffled voices, keys, shoes removed, voices growing louder, creaky floor boards. "you're fucking parents."

the two of you jump up. "fuck, fuck, fuck. armin! you said they weren't coming back til tomorrow! why are they here?" the bed was a fucking mess and armin was frozen while you collected yourself. "i-i don't know." tears stream down his cheeks and he starts to panic, the realization kicks in and he's sobbing. the only thing running through his mind is punishment if his parents catch him, when they catch him and you. the girl, the only girl they've warned him about, together in their room. "they're gonna kill me and i'm never gonna see you again and they're gonna ship me away —you're gonna forget about me an-"

"armin, if you don't stop all that bull shit and listen to me." as you readjust your skirt, you instruct him on what to do in this situation. it hasn't been your first, but you're to old to be worrying about getting caught fucking by old hags "got it?" he's already started pulling the sheets off the bed, you duck into his room tossing things everywhere; pulling drawers open and scattering papers on the floor. he runs the sheets to the laundry and tosses the comforter in first as it was the scene of his crime. the sheets could wait. you dig through some of his drawers, adding to the mess; looking for nothing causing a distraction for him. you pop his window open, the alarm chimes and that tells him he needs to be in his room. it gives you time to hop out while his parents find there way to the back if the house yelling his name, but he'll get there first in enough time to...

"armin robert arlert, you better have good reason for opening your window this late at night, so help me god, before i bolt tha-" his mom's eyes twitch. the back of the house is a complete mess, and armin's jamming to the music filtered through his earbuds as he cleans your mess; the cool breeze of the night sweeping through his room. he's stripped to clean boxers and a white tank top. "what is this?" she wails, hysterical and bitchy as always. "just cleaning, my rooms a mess, ma."

"well fix it. quickly. and my sheets, i didn't tell you to take them off. but thank you." she huffs the last part out, turning on her heel stomping down the hall back to his father.

holy shit. under his breath a sigh that releases all the fear accumulated within the last 5 minutes. we pulled it off. it's hard to hear him, but the earbuds pick up enough his voice for you to decipher the static.

"i told you we would… robert."

"you're a fucking genius, but don't ever call me that again."

"you've got a filfthy mouth, maybe i should've let your momma see how her beloved robert gets down." he smacks his lips and yells a good night, embarrassed again. "who are you talking to?"

[humantargetss]

been awhile since ive posted so ive got a lot to get off my chest bear with me also how is everybody its been nearly a month since I've talked to like anybody on here so..!!

i dont think my parents know i hear literally everything they're talking about down the hall bc ill occasionally hear my mom say something about me to my dad out of the blue and its usually passive aggressive i guess. like for example i guess we're doing something at some point this week and I've told my parents i don't like when they spring plans on me all of a sudden, i don't really know why, it just kinda ruins my day bc most of the time i plan my day around doing things i like and then suddenly that's taken away from me to go do something i really hate so if I'm told like a week in advance i can better prepare i guess. but anyways my mom was like "make sure to tell him bc he'll get really mad at me if you don't" and idk now i just feel like a bad person for wanting to know I'm going to do things i don't want to do in advance and its really annoying bc i understand its not totally absurd that i want to know things I'm doing in advance and not learning the day we're doing it but me doing literally anything that someone else doesn't like feels bad. like i need to stop immediately so they like me. bc I'm so scared of people not liking me, especially my own family??

i know ive established this like soo so many times but i genuinely hate this planet and believe humans are a virus that is slowly killing the earth (and itself). which is probably why i am obsessed with this random globalist propaganda i get while scrolling. I'm pretty sure its for some fandom I'm not apart of but it gives me so much hope that maybe one day militaries wont exist and people wont kill each other to get access to land they can easily share peacefully. i don't know much about globalism as an idea other than being a world-wide government so I'm not going to say anything about it cause I'm really uneducated about it. but these propaganda videos are like so !!! most of them are space exploration based too, quotes like "we were born to inherit the stars" i just love it love it lvoe it!!

does anyone else feel like a terrible person when complaining about a problem when you know other people have it so much worse . oh suddenly my problem is magically fixed (its not ) but I'm fine now bc i realize my life could be a lot worse and idk i guess it gave me a new perspective. like maybe i shouldn't get so angry or sad when things don't go my way, especially if it isn't life-altering bc at the end of the day it probably doesn't matter and i am thankful for how my life has turned out so far

anyways ive come to the conclusion that i don't care if i go to heaven or hell because eternity in itself is torture. and why would finite beings with finite sins be sent to infinite torture or infinite luxury?

gus when life is meaningless because the universe is on a never-ending cycle of doing the big bang, heat death, and then big bang again, but then looking at some pictures of cows and some mountains and like proximal centauri b and suddenly life is worth living

i think parts of christianity are beautiful and i don't have a lot of trauma from Christianity (because i don't think you can count having everyone around you support genocides and thinking being gay is the same thing as murder as trauma) but like some Christians just ruin Christianity. we can have a whole talk about the bible and all the shitty things it says, or all the good things that most Christians conveniently ignore for some reason because they like capitalism and not giving their belongings to the poor, but i do think that generally Christianity in its nature is not bad but its been twisted to be really bad and most people practicing don't realize?? and then they try to justify the verses that literally condone slavery by claiming that slavery and the slavery the verse is talking about arent the same thing (wow its almost like slavery has looked different in different societies, that doesn't stop the fact its still slavery tho!!!) but i especially hate christians that think separation of church and state is stupid, think that because christians in other countries are being killed for being christians they think they personally (a 40 something white man from ohio) is also being persecuted (christians built, have run, and currently do run this country), or christians that genuinely cant handle the idea of other people not being Christian. "love this song but hate this lyric, hope she changes it" its a song about struggling with faith while being a lesbian the song isn't for you!! or christians that think that morality cant exist without religion. oh gee whiz i don't need an omniscient all-powerful god to tell me murder is bad for me to know that murder is bad.

anyways. sometimes i wish i wasnt born then i look up in the sky and see a comet and go "ooo pretty!!" and suddenly I'm ok. or ill literally be at the lowest point I've ever been and then i eat some cheez-its and take a nap and suddenly I'm fine. I've never encountered a problem where eating, taking a nap, showering, or going outside hasn't solved. not necessarily solved, but made me feel so much better when i wasn't doing great. i go outside for every rainbow, to look at every deer wandering in my yard, because earth is so cool!! and it makes me feel so much better to just sit and watch.

i cant stop thinking about how food is completely different on other planets. no potatoes. no tortillas. no burgers. no chicken. no corn. what the fuck!!!! what do these fictional animals eat! they will never know what a strawberry tastes like. is milk, and therefor dairy products, unique to earth? they will never experience sweet potato casserole!!

im done here, please leave me a detailed comment about how you are doing bc i hope your doing great I'm sleepy and I've been typing for a while and ill probably message you tomorrow night by

[bitterrobin]

3, 9 and 12 for the hater ask game <3

3. a screenshot of the worst take you've seen on Tumblr -- ooh I have a screenshot, hold on.

yeah. Granted, its an old post back when the Tim/Damian conflict was more recent (I think 2013/2014-ish) but it's still very emblematic of those kinds of Tim fans. The kind of fans who treat Damian (a child) as an abomination who will never change while still excusing Jason (a young adult/current adult). I still laugh at this, its so egregious. "Jason never tried to kill me" sure man. sure. "--in no way suggests he's changed his goals at all" uh huh. "im not coming back to the manor" okay. goodbye. I swear some people treat this era like Damian was trying to alien assimilate into the family and destroy only Tim's life on purpose. Because of course everything's about Tim, nothing can be nuanced enough to include the 10 year old's trauma and everyone's else's grief into account, and if you excuse the child's actions then you're advocating for bullying/bad parenting/sibling abuse /s.

9. worst part of canon -- simple answer, how writers will always rehash arcs and the same "explorations of a character." More complicated answer, I'm not a fan of the way supporting characters have been erased in current/modern comics. I don't like when those characters explicitly created to support the main character's plot lines and expand their world are either completely gone or so sanded down they're practically splinters of wood. Some examples, I see mentions of Tim's wider supporting cast that are gone (idk Ives sounds interesting), theres the fact Maya Ducard hasn't shown up until very very recently, Harold Allnut and Leslie Thompkins vanished into the aether, Waller got super-butchered etc.

12. the unpopular character you actually like/why you should like them -- hmm. Kind of hard to answer since I can't gauge the unpopular ones in wider fandom. Technically, every character has their haters- ah wait. hold on i'm receiving a vision. ITS THE PARENTS. No matter which side of the fandom its always the parents (TM) that get disparaged and raked through the coals. Willis and Catherine Todd, Janet and Jack Drake, Crystal Brown, Talia al Ghul, I could go on probably. Yes, I do actually like all of them. Willis's abusive nature was a retcon and even if it wasn't, its still rooted in classist ideas of "Poor man will inevitably abuse wife/child because he is poor and unsatisfied, something something he didn't work hard enough for capitalism." Willis can be a subpar father, but hitting his child shouldn't be the only aspect to explore. Jason tried getting revenge for his dad's death, he loved him, what you do with that is more interesting to me than "Willis sucked and Jason hates him and Bruce is better/Bruce is equally as bad and Jason also hates him." Catherine and Crystals addictions are often portrayed as "absent and not nearly there enough to provide their child protection." Catherine's sickness/addiction was super up to interpretation until it was retconned to "full blown drug addict". Crystal was being abused and trying. Children can resent their parents over this, but sometimes you need to look past the character and at the actual writer who wrote this into canon. Did they or did they not hold their own bigoted views and insert them into the comics because that's what they wanted and no one stopped them? Janet was dead before she could meaningfully warp Tim and by all accounts she was loving to Tim even when she wasn't always there. All of Jack's flaws are so utterly banal and human and a clear signifier of the 90's/2000's ideas of parenting that making him more than a slightly pathetic and macho-oriented man just...doesn't make sense to me. And I won't get into Talia because we'll be here for hours. I will say that Talia is truly in a lose/lose situation because people will hate her whether she actually has a hand in Damian's childhood or not. To me all of these parents can be nuanced and interesting to explore, especially in situations without their children. I like writing about Willis and Catherine's childhoods. I like exploring Talia's relationship with her father. I like thinking about Jack being hopeless and still having redeeming qualities and Janet being so loved by him it destroys him when she dies. I just think the idea of "parents before they were parents" is neat! I love thinking about the people they used to be before a child, because having children is so changing. Was Willis affected by his own parents? Did Willis actually know Lady Shiva as friends or was there some crazy backstory we'll never get? Did Catherine have her own hobbies and dreams, did she always want a child and accepted Jason as her own so readily because it haunted her for years? Did Janet go into archaeology for a specific reason, was it a family passion? Did Jack meet Janet and covet her intelligence and independence? Did Talia dream of becoming a world-renowned surgeon and having that be accepted by her father wholeheartedly, having her successes be her own successes?

Disclaimer: If you vent using DC characters then thats entirely valid! I'm just weirdly neurotic about accurate portrayals and in no way am I an authority on any of the above.

[doodlegirl1998]

Thinking on the whole "Aldera allowed BK to bully Izu" and how Inko is so...uncaring for such fact may be accidental or not...

There are others schools out there...why Izu had to stay in Aldera? Legit. Why? If Inko is so poor she cant afford a new school it would be smth but...the fact she doesnt even try, she is so out of reality...its concerning.

Also...Aldera has (or should have )parents meetings(parents and teachers meeting one another) are the teachers the best actors in the world to convice Inko "your son happy here" or she just dont care?

Another thing: BK is from a rich family...he could have gone to a big school but stay on Aldera. Reason? "To make his hero origin story look good"

1) why? Where this idea comes from? Is AM from a poor background and reach stardom from day to night?

2) does others heroes care for "proper hero background"?

Inko is a bad mom in canon...ironically, bashing fics got it wrong. She doesnt light cigars on her son nor let him starve...she just...do nothing.

Hi @mikeellee 👋,

This. This is where I see Hori's lack of exploration into Izuku's childhood to be a massive problem. Inko is never seen to try literally anything to prevent Izuku's bullying.

A common defense I hear of her is that, "Izuku hid it from her so she had no idea" and while that may be the case later let me ask; does anyone seriously think a four year old can hide being hurt constantly? Let alone being exploded?

So there is two options here:

She could have been too poor to change Izuku's schools / move homes. If this is case - Explore that HORI! That could have been common ground for IzuOcha to bond over!! Not only that but it would have gave Inko a sympathetic reason why she didn't go this route. Hori should have coupled this with a few brief shots of her in the manga showing her trying to speak with teacher, Mitsuki etc... That could have shown a sympathetic and good prominent mother figure.

She saw Izuku being hurt for being quirkless and viewed his suffering as inevitable so did not try to do anything to prevent what he was going through. This is the option that makes Inko look the worst - but also lines the most up with canon in my view. There's metas out there saying that, despite the Midoriya's living in an apartment, they are rich / well off by the interior Hori designs for them (maybe not as much as Bkg but comfortable.) So no monetary boundary to moving. There's the fact that Inko is quick to say "I'm sorry Izuku" and cry on him when he's being diagnosed as quirkless which... It feels like Inko is now expecting the worst for him/ Izuku's future in this diagnosis - which would explain her inaction. (Note - she only tries to protect him after Izu gets a quirk too, by threatening to take him out UA, which lines up with this theory.)

With the Bakugou part - that's just Bakugou's stupidity and ego coming out full swing.

Logically speaking, it would make more sense to go to be best school - rather than whatever Aldera is - to maximise the chances of getting in UA. But Baku is so up his own ass he believes he is innately the best.

First, who lets their child pull this sort of shit when they genuinely want the best for them? Why doesn't Mitsuki sit Bkg down and tell him he's being an idiot? She's done it before. And should do it here.

Second, I WISH this bit him in the ass. I wish he got lower down the scoreboard then third on the term rankings. Or even, failed the entrance exam, got expelled by expellzawa - just anything! Because then it would show Bkg is his own worst enemy.

Third, maybe Baku pulled this deliberately because he knew Aldera would let him get away with being a POS. If Bkg went to a top school do you think they would let him get away with being an abusive turd? Short answer no. If they expelled him - game over for his dream of heroism too. Baku probably knew Aldera would likely fudge things for him to help him get in UA to make themselves look good.

We don't know enough about AM in canon but I do presume that he was from a poorer background due to this view of Bkg's otherwise Bakuboo would not have cared about being seen as "coming from poverty."

TLDR - Inko sits by and does nothing for her son while he was quirkless and being severely bullied because Hori writes her poorly. But there's no nice implication as to why this is the case.

Bakugou is an arrogant idiot who is his own worst enemy - or would be if Hori making him the strongest plot armour all the time.

And AM needs his origins explored - where's the underdog rising to be the number one hero origin story, Hori?

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@ckhalloween23

Here is my submission for the Week 2 prompt "Witches"--a preview from a new fic I'm working, Flower of Lemon and Feather of Shrike! I decided to do a deep dive into Yasmine's drastically OOC Season 4 behavior, and explore a scenario where its origin is...a bit more sinister than poor writing or repressed lesbianism aknskfnhdrf

This one isn't just for the YasMoon girlies, but in fact for all the girlies who thought Yasmine Nolastname was big boi screwed over in S4, and deserved better!!! Even the foulest of bitchy bullies don't deserve to be reduced to a trophy girlfriend and a prop for a male character's storyline, especially when said male character is a pretty garbage boyfriend when it comes right down to it </3 (More on that later!!!)

This one is also for the MoonPiper girlies, because god, were we fucked over too D: Also actually (mostly) canon compliant, except H*wkM**n never ever get back together and stay broken up forever and always amen peace and love on planet earth <3 <3 <3 <3

There's no world where I will acknowledge this stupid ship got undeadified like a horrendous, nonsensical, chemistry-devoid zombie when it had long since run its narrative course and played its role in both Eli and Moon's arcs can you tell awehakureyigsrf

This is Moon's POV and Yasmine and Moon-centric, but I left the shippier parts ambiguous since I wanted to make something that my non-shipper friends can enjoy too ^^; There are feelings on Moon's side but as far as I'm concerned that's basically canon lmao like did you SEE that girl in S4??? She was so thirsty for Blondie that I'm genuinely shocked the showrunners didn't tell Hannah Kepple to stop kanhdskufhd Definitely tried to leave Yasmine's feelings more up in the air, though! Interpret her however you like ^^

Fic preview under the cut! As always, moodboard pic credits available upon request!

***

The phone line cuts off, and Yasmine’s name disappears from the screen.

Moon curls into her pillow, erupting in ragged sobs. She can’t remember the last time she’s felt this helpless.

This entirely consumed by pure, raw emotion.

Her mind is a whirlpool, everything Yasmine spat at her twisting around and around and around. None of it seems real.

Because Moon can’t wrap around her head around meaning nothing to Yasmine. She can’t make sense of a world where she was only a pawn—someone for the repressed queen bee to “experiment” with. Someone to cater to Yasmine’s whims and fulfill her every desire and ask nothing in return.

Yasmine was everything to Moon. Moon was nothing to Yasmine. And how did that make any fucking sense?

Moon’s hands knot into the covers, a scream ripping from her throat. Somewhere amid the blinding torrent of heartbreak and rage, she finds herself tearing incense sticks from her drawers and lighting candles with shaking hands.

She always swore to herself she’d never touch the rear section of her spellbook, pages marked with a black tab. But if Yasmine can’t keep her promises, why should Moon?

Her chest burns as she recites the incantation.

“By flower of lemon and feather of shrike I bid you know what this pain is like”

*

“Maybe we could meet in the middle? Like a…sexual Venn diagram?”

Yasmine’s face twists in disgust. Moon only rolls her eyes.

She would tell Demetri to stop being a creep, but she knows he doesn’t mean it. Just playing the part he thinks he should after girls have started noticing him.

And Moon knows what it’s like to hide your authentic self to better fit a mold. She’s eternally thankful Piper taught her better.

“So what’s under the blanket?” she prompts.

As Demetri begins his demonstration, Yasmine’s expression shifts. “Not bad. My parents might not have to pay for an A this time.”

Moon can’t help feeling a bit surprised.

So Yasmine’s taking the “be a little nicer” advice to heart, at least. A hint of gratitude toward anyone is a first.

And then the soccer ball comes.

Her panic strips away her new cordiality. Moon knows exactly where her friend’s mind goes.

She’s about to be the “dumb blonde” again—the vapid, useless pretty girl who always has to bribe her way to a pass. And it makes her feel so disgustingly helpless.

“Do you have another one?” A last-ditch attempt to save her grade without her family’s intervention.

As she watches the altercation play out, Moon could slice the tension between Hawk and Demetri with a knife. She’s never quite fancied herself an empath, but there’s something hauntingly familiar about the way Demetri’s entire body is trembling.

She sees herself, hunched up and bawling her eyes out. She sees the overpowering grief that tore free a side Moon didn’t even know she had.

Thank the gods nothing came of that episode.

When Sam arrives, Moon gives her a pleading look. Off she goes to rescue their big-mouthed friend, prepared to cut into Hawk with all the steel Moon could never quite work up.

“Are we gonna fail?”

The whisper in Moon’s ear is so lost. So broken.

Yasmine’s always been a mess. Moon supposes she should be flattered she’s one of the only people who’s ever gotten to see it.

“No.” She sighs. “Demetri’s smart. He’ll figure something out.”

*

“You’ll never guess what I saw yesterday.”

Sam leans over at the start of history class, smirk dancing across her lips.

“What?”

“Yasmine and Demetri are a thing.”

Moon knits her brow, confused.

“What’re you talking about?”

Sam sniggers. “I turned a corner in the hall and saw them making out, clear as day.”

Despite her best efforts, she can’t hide her alarm.

“Oh my god. Does she know he’s…?”

Demetri’s passes at Yasmine weren’t exactly genuine. Moon always thought Yas would be more intuitive about that sort of thing, especially considering the way she talked about Demetri when he first started hanging out with them.

“He’s what?”

“Um…never mind.”

It wasn’t Moon’s place to divulge Demetri’s business, especially when he hadn’t even figured it out himself. Or…didn’t want to admit certain things to himself, at least.

“Yasmine was pissed when Miguel and I caught them,” Sam goes on. “It was so funny. She insisted she’d never go out with him, but…you know. Unless you slipped me some LSD at lunch and I’m hallucinating, I have my doubts.”

She laughs again, clearly tickled pink by the whole thing. Moon only frowns.

“I’m so confused. All she’s ever done is complain about him.”

Her friend shrugs. “Denial’s not just a river in Egypt, I guess.”

“No, like. She thinks basically every single one of his interests is annoying. And she told me once that listening to him talk is like when you hit your brakes too fast and your whole car screeches.”

“Well, you know Yas. She thinks she’ll combust if she says something nice about anyone.”

“Right, but…” Moon narrows her eyes. “She’s picky as hell when it comes to dating. I, um…I would know. And Demetri’s the furthest possible thing from her type.”

“Opposites attract?”

“Not like that. I saw him try to explain basic particle physics to her one time and she nearly went to sleep. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg.”

“Maybe it’s just a physical thing. We both know how crazy hormones can be, right?”

Moon hopes for Yasmine’s sake that Sam is right. Otherwise…

Well, there’s probably no need to entertain that possibility.

*

“I love it when you talk nerdy.”

Moon’s so caught up in Yasmine’s sweeping, graceful movements that it takes a moment for the statement to sink in.

She always smiles when she watches her best friend. She can’t help it. Yasmine moves like a mountain waterfall—majestic and larger than life, all while flowing so seamlessly.

It isn’t until Yasmine lets Demetri pull her in, giggling like an elementary schooler, that Moon’s smile falls.

No, you don’t.

Because Moon knows Yasmine, and she knows she has a hatred for “nerd shit” that could rival Hawk at his worst.

She despises anything that makes her feel small. Unimportant. Insignificant.

Moon remembers the look on Yasmine’s face when Sam leaned away from their popular table, exchanging easy chemistry banter with Aisha. She remembers the dejected pout when lunchroom conversations turned to AP homework, Sam and Demetri so engrossed in what Yasmine called “stupid school garbage” that they forgot the blonde girl was even there.

Because as much as Yasmine makes out like she couldn’t care less about anything, she doesn’t like to be reminded that she isn’t book smart. That the math and science that come naturally to Sam and Aisha and Demetri and even Hawk don’t make a lick of sense to her.

Sure, Demetri’s knowledge was useful when it got Yas a good grade. But on its own?

It only reminds her how inadequate she feels. How inadequate Moon knows she’s always felt.

And it was good, in a way, that Aisha tearing Yasmine’s popularity asunder showed her that the world didn’t revolve around her. But Moon senses the deep hurt Yasmine still carries, seeing glimpses of the worlds she’ll never know how to be part of.

So when Yasmine says she loves Demetri’s “nerdspeak,” lust and desire rolling off her in waves, it feels like she was the victim of some Freaky Friday body swap.

People change. Of course they do.

But not like this. Not enough to forget their very sense of self.

“Save me a seat at lunch? Specifically…this one?”

The smack of Yasmine’s hand hitting Demetri’s asscheek reverberates through the hall. Moon has to laugh at the sheer absurdity.

Yasmine hasn’t lost her fire in some ways, at least.

And Demetri doesn’t seem to mind. Perhaps Moon’s assumption was wrong.

She and Yasmine head off to class, her friend fawning nonstop over her geeky boyfriend. Moon smiles and nods along, pushing down the unease swimming in her chest.

Moon picks up a whiff of Yasmine’s perfume, and realizes that it’s lemonflower.

*

Dragging Yasmine away from Demetri at the prom is like trying to bathe a cat.

Moon finally gets her alone after a few songs, suggesting they grab some punch for Demetri and the others. Yasmine eagerly agrees, her entire being lighting up at the thought of doing her boyfriend even a miniscule favor.

There’s something unsettling in the way it’s so mind-bogglingly different from the Yasmine of a few months ago, who would rather chug drain cleaner Heather Chandler style than revolve her entire being around the needs of some boy.

Maybe there’s a way to breach the subject without arousing suspicion.

“I can’t believe you flew all the way back from Australia.” Moon forces a laugh as she ladles punch into Yasmine’s cup. “I didn’t know you were that into him.”

“Oh, Moon!” Yasmine giggles, leaning her head on Moon’s shoulder. “I’m in love.”

She tries not to think about how soft Yasmine’s hair feels against her skin.

“And the dress, too!” Moon reminds herself that Yasmine is very happily spoken for. “You really went all out. It’s kind of cute how you’re embracing nerddom for him.”

Odd, but cute. That’s what Moon has to tell herself.

“You think he liked it?” Yasmine leaned back, twirling around. “It’s not too much, right? I don’t want to seem like I’m trying too hard to impress him. I know guys aren’t into that kind of thing.”

Moon has to laugh again.

“Since when do you care what guys like?”

“Since I found one worth caring about, obviously.”

She sighs, a faraway look in her gray-green eyes. Perhaps she really is in love.

It’s just that Moon always imagined love would feel deeper than this.

“I’m sure Demetri loved it,” Moon concedes. “He’s really happy you came back for him. I can tell.”

“Funny, when I first showed up, he and Hawk were huddled off in some corner brooding, like the idiots couldn’t just dance with each other if they wanted. Almost felt bad taking Hawk’s boyfriend away.”

She snickers, and Moon feels strange.

She decides to change the subject.

“It’s crazy. I mean, imagine what you would’ve said a year ago if I told you you’d be smitten with Demetri Alexopoulos at junior prom. I remember when we first started talking again, you must’ve bitched for twenty minutes about that time he hit on you at your birthday party.”

Yasmine’s silent for a moment.

“He was being a creep.” There’s a steely edge to her voice that wasn’t there before. “He says he’s been watching me from across the lunchroom and I’m supposed to be flattered by that?! Like, dude, who even are you? Why are you talking to me?”

Moon raises her eyebrows.

“A couple weeks ago in science you were gushing about how sweet the ‘admirer from afar’ thing was.”

“Did I?”

Yasmine scowls in disgust. Just underneath it, Moon could swear she picks up a streak of panic.

“Yeah! He kept blowing you kisses across the room, and you giggled so loud that Mrs. Elmes yelled at you, remember?”

“Oh, god. That’s embarrassing.”

She says it like it’s some undignified moment caught on camera at a party—tripping and spilling her drink on someone, or the like. An odd way to talk about a behavior she has more often than not these days.

“He’s still such a weirdo.” Moon wonders if she’s imagining the trace of the Old Yasmine’s scorn. “He’s so, like, awkward about it when he puts his hands on me to dance. Like he’s scared my weird girl body is gonna burn him like a hot plate or something. I mean, we’ve been dating for four months!”

Moon’s stomach squirms.

“Probably just doesn’t want to do anything you might not be comfortable with,” she says quickly.

“He could freaking ask.” Yasmine curls her lip. “But I don’t even think it’s that. He’s an uncoordinated mess. He can’t dance for shit, and I have to do all the work.”

“Hey, don’t be mean!” Moon elbows her gently. “All this stuff is new to him. He never had a girlfriend before you.”

“Yeah. And it shows. Half the time I can’t even tell if he’s like…enjoying himself, you know?”

Yasmine grunts, reaching up and itching the side of her head. The strobe lights catch on something falling from her hair.

Her expression abruptly shifts.

“Oh, my poor baby!” she gasps. “We’ve been leaving him hanging over there, haven’t we? I miss him already. Come on, I’m gonna cry if we miss the slow dance.”

And just like that, the disdain is gone. Yasmine bustles off, snatching her punch and sweeping back onto the dance floor.

Moon looks down at the table, and her eyes land on a gray feather.

A tiny thing, from a tiny, fierce little bird. Beak hooked, meant for killing and piercing like a raptor. Loud, screaming, crass. Unrefined. Ready to jump to violence at the slightest provocation, especially when it gave them an excuse to show off.

Everything Yasmine isn’t.

And, ironically, everything Demetri wants.

Moon’s gaze drifts back and forth between the dance floor—where Yasmine and Demetri have resumed their grinding—and the corner where Hawk stands alone. Hawk’s eyes don’t leave his best friend once.

And, every once in a while, Demetri looks back. Yasmine is none the wiser.

Moon stiffens, guilt trickling over her like hot wax before a hair removal. She downs the rest of her punch in one gulp before going outside and calling an Uber.

I’m such a fucking bitch.

Whatever Demetri and Yasmine get up to at the afterparty, she doesn’t want to be around for it.

*

“So how are things with Demetri?”

Moon keeps her tone light as they finish their food court tacos, but she sees the new charm bracelet around Yasmine’s wrist. And she knows damn well what that means.

“He’s so annoying.” Yasmine wastes no time diving into a rant. “He never fucking listens. I try to talk about stuff I care about or that I think is interesting, and he’s always acting distracted or changing the subject or whatever. I was telling him this cool thing I read online about the history of georgette skirts, and he didn’t ask a single follow-up question. I’ll bet the world’s shittiest sponge is better at retaining crap than him.”

“Sheesh.” Moon makes a face. “I’m sorry. Boys are the worst sometimes.”

“And that’s not even all.” Apparently Yasmine wasn’t finished. “Not ten minutes later, he’s rambling on and on about this blaster thing he unlocked in some video game. It was the verbal equivalent of having cement poured directly into my brain. And he has the nerve to call me boring?!”

“He did?” Moon scowls, genuinely peeved. “That’s so rude!”

Perhaps Demetri wasn’t as sweet and thoughtful as he always came across.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Yasmine frowns right back. “So he gets all snippy with me because he’s being a soggy paper towel of a human being and obviously I’m zoning out. He starts quizzing me on all the dumb bullshit he was blathering about, and I finally snap and tell him he’s boring me out of my fucking mind. And then he gives this whole speech about how at least he’s spending his free time learning strategy and problem-solving and hand-eye coordination, and all I’m doing is looking at clothes online.”

They walk over to the trash and throw out their taco wrappers. With both hands free, Yasmine’s free to gesture more fully and furiously.

“Girl, I got so mad that I called him an antisocial freak and told him he was damn lucky I ever gave him a shot. That was probably kind of messed up, but whatever. Sam doesn’t cut him down to size enough, so I have to pick up the slack. Anyways, I was storming out of the restaurant, but he did the following-and-groveling thing. And sure enough, we ended up at Kay again.”

Yasmine looks down at her bracelet-clogged arm, a forlorn expression swimming over her pretty features.

“I don’t know why I keep letting this happen.” She sighs. “It’s like trying to plug up a boat leak with fucking office tape.”

“Why don’t you break up with him?”

“I wish I could!” Moon’s caught off-guard by the genuine despair lacing Yasmine’s words. “I’ve rehearsed the speech a billion times. But…every time I’m around him, it’s like I’m hit with some kind of emotional tidal wave. And suddenly I can’t bear the thought of ending things.”

She looks so lost. So frantic. So helpless.

“I see him and all I can think about is how much I want him,” she goes on. “No room for anything else. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and it freaks me out.”

Once upon a time, Moon might have called that love. She knows better now.

She wants to reach across the table and take Yasmine’s hand. Reassure her that this is what overpowering teenage crushes are like. That of course your mind finds ways to make hormones and attraction centered around one person seem like the be-all end-all of everything. Hell, she remembers feeling that way about Hawk before she came down from the high and realized how incompatible they were.

But Moon doesn’t. She can’t.

“Something’s not right with me, Moon.” Yasmine’s voice is quiet and fragile—a tone Moon hasn’t heard for a long time. “Sometimes, I don’t—I don’t feel like myself. You remember that week you were in Cancun? I went to the mall with Sam and Demetri, and Sam was complimenting the lemon balm perfume I had on, but you know I never wear lemon-scented shit. Like what am I, a cleaning product?!”

Moon laughs, gladly taking Yasmine’s implicit offer to lighten the atmosphere.

That was one thing Moon always appreciated about her. She never passed up an opportunity to use snarky bluntness to make a joke out of something unpleasant.

It’s part of why her and Demetri’s connection hadn’t surprised Moon. At least not initially.

The strange thing was that their bond got as far as it did.

“At first I thought it was because something stuck to me when I walked through the perfume section of Macy’s,” Yasmine goes on. “But we all went through there, and I couldn’t smell any lemon shit on Sam and Demetri. Am I going crazy or what?”

Moon pushes away the sinking feeling in her chest.

“Maybe it’s Sam who’s imagining things.”

“That’s what I thought, too.” Yasmine’s voice grows terse with panic. “But then Demetri starts bragging about how I always wear the lemon perfume when I go out on dates with him. With the air of someone who, like, actually believes what they’re saying. And I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.”

“Like Demetri knows anything about perfumes. He probably got it mixed up with that bergamot one you like.”

Her reassurance doesn’t appear to work.

“Whatever,” Yasmine huffs. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?”

Moon lets Demetri slip from the conversation, fading into mental oblivion as they leave the food court and head for H&M. Yasmine brightens almost immediately, losing herself gushing over cute pink dresses and fuzzy purple sweaters and champagne-tinted heels. The afternoon passes easily, sliding in and out of changing rooms and twirling and laughing in front of department store mirrors.

For a while, Moon can almost forget the overpowering fear emanating from her closest friend. She can almost forget feeling like the world’s cruelest sociopath.

*

When Moon knocks on the door to 44101 Portico Place for the first time in months, she’s only half expecting an answer.

It’s 5:00 on a Wednesday, so plenty of time for any after-school extracurriculars to finish up. But, of course, showing up anywhere unannounced always has the potential to go disastrously wrong.

Demetri helped her develop a healthy dose of pessimism. She isn’t sure whether to be grateful.

The door opens after only a couple minutes.

“Moonshine? What’s going on?”

Moon offers a strained smile. “Hey, Pipes.”

Piper frowns at her across the threshold, looking more concerned than angry. It makes Moon feel all the guiltier.

“Is everything okay?” Piper asks.

“Sorry to bother you. It’s—it’s about Yasmine. And you’re one of the only people I felt like I could ask.”

She winces at the flash of hurt in Piper’s face. Her ex leans on the doorframe, crossing her arms and cocking an eyebrow.

“Go on,” she says, tone resigned.

“So…” Moon takes a breath. “Remember when you said you couldn’t be with me until I figured my feelings for Yasmine out?”

“Yeah?”

“I…may have done some light spellcasting and accidentally hexed her into falling in love with a gay guy.”

Piper blinks a few times, taking a moment to process everything. Finally she groans, running a hand over her face.

“Jesus Christ, Moon. Come in—I’ll get us both some fucking edibles for this.”

Piper’s living room is exactly how Moon remembers it—cream-colored couches, tasteful wall décor, chic modern fireplace. A goofy, surfboard-shaped coffee table that Piper’s parents had once tried to sell at a yard sale, but little Piper screamed and cried and beat the ground with her fists until they relented to keeping her favorite piece of furniture.

Now, Moon props her sandaled feet up on a bar that runs underneath it. The metal is cold against her skin.

She tries to focus on that. Sensations in the here and now. Things immediate and tangible.

Not the abstract mess she’s caused.

Piper returns after a few minutes, placing a glass of carrot ginger lemonade and a small gummy on a coaster. Moon picks up the gummy, tentatively taking a nibble.

Piper chuckles. “Don’t worry, it’s not that many mils. I don’t want us to be totally baked.”

Moon takes a more generous bite.

“So.” Piper sits next to her and takes a sip of her own concoction—some kind of purplish whey smoothie. “What did you do?”

Moon gathers her thoughts, working through how best to phrase it.

“You remember when we first met?”

“Sure.” Piper smiles thinly. “Our parents dragged us to that dumb gala, and I found you sobbing your eyes out in the bathroom because your ex-best-friend threw you out like you were nothing. And then I went on to find you have a terrible habit of swooning over the world’s most horrendous shitbags.”

She lets out a small laugh. “I guess so, huh?”

Piper rolls her eyes. “I told you. Over and over and over.”

“I know, I know.” Moon sighs, wearily admitting defeat. “About a week before that party, Yasmine and I had a phone call. And she just…cut into me. Said so many awful things. And I get it. I mean, her sweet sixteen got ruined and then as like…icing on the cake, I ditched her for the people she hated. But I don’t think anyone’s ever broken me down like that before.”

Piper tosses a comforting arm around her shoulder. For a moment, they’re back on tile floors under harsh fluorescent lighting, puffing blunts and snickering about fake people.

“I know,” Piper says softly. “And when I found you, you were still pretty shaken from it. I hope I helped.”

Despite herself, Moon leans into her.

“You helped more than you know.”

“Clearly not enough to stop you from going out and doing some sort of supernatural fuckery.”

Moon laughs softly. “That’s the thing, though. I think it was already too late.”

“What do you mean?”

She takes a breath.

“That night, after Yasmine hung up on me…I don’t know. It felt like my whole life shattered. I guess in a moment of weakness, I pulled out my spellbook.”

Piper narrows her eyes. “You said you only ever used that thing to ‘cleanse the house of bad energy’ or whatever. Or give yourself good luck charms on tests. Not—”

“—cursing people, I know,” Moon finishes. “I was so upset that I wasn’t thinking straight. I recited this whole incantation that was supposed to make Yasmine know how it felt to want someone who would never want her back. And, um…I guess the love gods interpreted that as her getting down bad for a guy who doesn’t even like women.”

“Wait. Isn’t that the same guy who did an MTV-style roast of your weird ex that one time?”

Moon sighs wearily. “That’s Demetri all right.”

“I knew it.” Piper pounds her fist into the couch triumphantly. “Of course he’s gay. Straight dudes don’t pull that kind of petty shit.”

“He’s not exactly subtle, is he?”

“Nope.”

It’s Piper’s turn to sigh, eyeing Moon with an almost pitying look.

“Are you sure Yasmine doesn’t genuinely like him, and just has a shit gaydar? Or she’s really deep in denial? I know I’ve pined after my fair share of straight girls.”

Moon shakes her head. “I second-guessed myself for a long while. Thought maybe I was wrong about Demetri. Or maybe Yasmine had changed so much that she really is into the whole geek shtick now. But…”

She takes a long sip of her carrot ginger lemonade, hoping the intense flavor will somehow give her strength.

“She acts like an entirely different person whenever we’re with him. And…not really in a good ‘he makes her want to be better’ type of way. More like she’s forgotten everything she likes and every aspect of her being that isn’t related to her boyfriend.”

Piper stares at an abstract, avant-garde wall painting, deep in thought.

“Maybe she’s, like, stuck in a codependence loop,” she says. “You said she was pretty clingy with you freshman and sophomore year, right?”

“That was different, though. She acted one way alone with me and one way out in public, sure. But it made sense. Whenever we see Demetri, it’s like Yasmine’s being mind-controlled by one of those thirsty freshmen who think Demetri’s the hottest guy in school because he won a karate fight one time. Then as soon as I get Yas alone, she doesn’t seem to remember half of what she said or did. And when I fill her in, she gets super embarrassed. Not that Yas can’t put on a façade if she needs, but…why would she intentionally make an idiot of herself if she’s gonna be mortified an hour later? She’s not impulsive like that.”

Piper shrugs. “Hormones make people act stupid. I did some truly absurd shit the first time I was trying to get chicks to notice me.”

“Hormones don’t make you go into a weird trance that your brain bleaches right after. People only wish that happened.”

“Maybe Yasmine’s lucky enough to have a brain that can bleach on command,” says Piper cheekily. “Or maybe she’s way too proud to admit she’s being dumb over a boy, so she tries to like…will it out of existence through not acknowledging it.”

“It’s not just about the embarrassment, though.” Moon sucks in her breath. “Every time she realizes about the memory gaps, she’s scared. Like she knows something’s wrong with her.”

Piper groans, leaning back against the couch and sprawling her arms across a cushion. “Can we prove she’s not being a diva? Leave it to Yasmine to make a fucking ocean’s worth of fuss about the same teen angst literally everyone deals with.”

Moon winces at the scorn in Piper’s voice.

It really is a shitty move, asking her ex-girlfriend for help with a girl she knows Piper can’t stand. That Piper has a damn good reason to hate. Assuming the worst about Yasmine’s romance troubles is only fair.

But what other choice did Moon have? It’s not like her scientifically-minded friends, with their AP classes and their blocked chakras, would believe her about a magic spell gone awry.

“She starts smelling like the spell components whenever she’s near Demetri,” Moon says flatly. “And a couple of them came out of her hair. It’s not stuff she’d ever wear otherwise.”

Piper sits back up, suddenly fully alert with her arms crossed.

“You could have led with that.”

“I thought the weird, erratic behavior was more important!”

“As if I’d have a hard time believing that girl would have mood swings.” Piper’s grimace falters slightly as she rolls her eyes. “Like. Moonshine, that’s your type.”

“Shut up!”

Moon swats her. Piper chuckles briefly before her expression grows pained again.

She processes everything for a moment, groaning again and putting her face in her hand.

“Christ, girl,” she mumbles. “If this is real…yeah, that’s a pretty big fuckup. I’m not the biggest Yasmine fan, but yeesh.”

“I know.” Moon makes a face. “Trust me, I never meant to mess with her mind like that, but—”

“—you were hurting so much that you did anyway.”

“…more or less. I think, deep down, I didn’t believe anything would happen. It was to make me feel better in the moment.”

“Yeah, I know you.” Piper looks up, offering her a small smile. “I think you’d have an easier time permanently giving up smoothies than intentionally hurting someone.”

“I just feel so awful!” Moon wails, guilt bubbling up and erupting out of her like a volcano. “I know Yasmine hasn’t been the best person, but she should be able to at least choose who she loves. Even if that’s never going to be me.”

“So…did you come here so I could make you feel better?” Piper scrutinizes her. “Because I won’t lie—I’m kind of at a loss right now.”

“I don’t know.” Moon sighs again. “I came here because you’re the only person I trust who I figured would like…entertain this whole thing. Anyone else would call me crazy.”

Because at the end of the day, Piper may be rough-edged and butch and intimidating, but she’s open-minded. She’s willing to hear anyone’s point of view, and tries to embrace every walk of life. And she’s never one to dismiss possibilities outright, no matter how absurd they sound. No matter how “weird” the people saying them are.

It’s part of what initially drew the two of them together. Well…that and acai bowls.

“Right. So you want solutions.”

It’s almost embarrassing how fast Piper deduces it.

“That…that would be great.”

Piper takes a long sip of her health smoothie, slurps echoing around the room.

“Seems like a proximity thing. You said she acts more lucid when she’s away from Demetri, right?”

“Right.”

“So make plans to hang out, get her alone, and snap her out of it.”

Moon bites her lip. “I’m, uh…not sure how.”

“Demetri makes her act like she’s not herself, so…” Piper shrugs. “Remind her who she really is.”

Moon chuckles hollowly.

“That’s the other thing. I don’t entirely dislike the person she’s become thanks to the…Demetri thing. She’s a lot nicer, for one. And less judgmental.”

Piper seems to be holding back laughter.

“So…you want Yasmine to be her true self and get her free will back and all, but you’re worried that when she does…she’ll be someone you and everyone else will personally find less palatable?”

Moon glowers at her. “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad!”

A snicker finally worms its way out.

“Yeah, because it’s an incredibly shady thing to say.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Moon huffs. “Look, isn’t there some way to undo the spell without undoing her growth? Because like…in a weird way, I feel like she has grown as a person since she got magicked into being obsessed with Demetri. Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily, but you’re being awfully picky for someone who doesn’t even know if or how they can reverse their own paranormal fuck-up.”

“I thought you might know of a way to do some kind of partial reversal. Make her stop being crazy about Demetri, but keep some of the good ways she’s changed?”

“Sooooo.” Piper slurps more of her smoothie, expression growing insufferably smug. “Considering that fucking around with the nuance of this already-opaque-sounding spell is an objectively terrible idea…the way I see it, you have two options. You can break the spell and let Yasmine be whoever she wants, even if it’s someone who kind of sucks. Or you can leave her to be this weird enigmatic love curse’s braindead meat puppet for the rest of her days—with the perk that she’s more pleasant to be around. So what’s it gonna be, Moonshine?”

“But surely there’s some way to—”

“Uh-uh.” Piper cuts her off. “Look, I don’t know any more about this stuff than you do, but I doubt we’re talking about a spectrum here. Can’t have your cake and eat it too and all that. Either we lift the curse, or we don’t, so…what do you want to do?”

After a long moment, Moon sighs.

“I want Yasmine to be free.”

“So you need to do what I said. Remind her who she really is.”

“Even if…‘who she really is’ turns out to be mean and self-centered and kind of awful?”

“Eeyup. That’s Yasmine. Take her or leave her.”

“Even if it undoes all her personal growth from the last year?”

“That’s the conundrum, isn’t it?” Piper leans nonchalantly against the back of the couch, arm on the headboard. “We don’t know how much of that was the spell, and how much was the real Yasmine wanting to improve herself. So we gotta let the real Yasmine out and hope for the best, yeah?”

Moon looks down at her lap and smiles, shaking her head. “People won’t be too thrilled to have her back.”

“Then that’s going to be her problem, not yours. If you’re such a bitch that you need magic intervention to make you tolerable, then maybe you deserve to lose all your friends.”

It sounds harsh, but Moon can’t argue.

“Hey, c’mon.” Piper scoots over, playfully nudging Moon’s side. “I know how much you cared about her. That’s why it felt like your world was ending when she cut you off. And why you were still hung up on her while we were together. So there must’ve been something in there you thought was worth fighting for.”

And of course there was.

Because this was Yasmine. The same Yasmine who danced like a dork and smiled with dimples as soon as no one was watching. The same Yasmine who yanked Moon into every single one of her snapchat stories, no matter how mundane. The same Yasmine who didn’t think twice about defending Moon’s honor when she thought Sam was talking shit, and told Sam to get the hell out of Moon’s Benz.

The same Yasmine who talked about her and Moon as a single intertwined unit. Unfathomable to her as something that would ever split, until that fateful night on the beach. The same Yasmine who trusted that wherever one of them went, the other would follow.

Sure, there was plenty about her that was cruel and vindictive and conceited. And she’d spent her time at West Valley High so drunk on her own power that she kept digging herself a deeper and deeper grave, earning the hatred of most of her classmates. Good looks could only got you so far when you leaked poison and bile from every pore in your body.

But who is Moon to decide which traits Yasmine gets to keep, and which are magicked away? Who is Moon to remold Yasmine into a watered-down, docile amalgamation of what had once been her assets, when not so long ago, Moon fell in love with the entire picture?

And now Yasmine’s a hollowed-out shell of a person, all empty smiles and lifeless giggles. A painting cobbled together by some computer program—beautiful and polished and splendid on the surface, but a closer look reveals the details are all off.

A closer look reveals something without a soul, no light behind those sharp gray-green eyes.

“Fuck,” Moon says miserably, head sliding into her hands. “I want my best friend back.”

“So go get her back, then.” Piper nudges her again. “And maybe go easy on the evil curses this time? I don’t know, just a suggestion.”

“Oh, stop.” Moon scoffs, but there’s no real venom in it.

Piper rolls her eyes, although not unfondly.

“I wish I’d known you back then.” She laughs, shaking her head. “I could’ve told you from the jump that fucking with the occult was a bad idea. Yes, even when a girl breaks your heart. Which, in my opinion, is the highest and most profound type of pain.”

“Naturally.”

Moon sighs wearily, smile fading.

“I don’t know if anyone could’ve stopped me, honestly. When she—when she broke what we had, it was like I’d fallen into some rushing river and I could barely keep my head up. And I was headed right for one of those tall waterfalls with sharp rocks at the bottom from adventure movies. For whatever reason, lashing out felt like the only way to get a breath of air.”

Piper hums thoughtfully.

“I will say that this all makes me feel better about how I reacted the first time someone rejected me. I liked this girl Lila in the sixth grade, and when she found out, she called me a fat ugly dyke in front of all her friends. So I filled her locker with sweaty gym clothes.”

Moon wrinkles her nose as Piper cackles. “Ew, Pipes! You’re disgusting!”

“Okay, but I don’t summon Satan to make my crush want to fuck a gay guy senseless.”

“I did not summon Satan—”

“Sorry, Satan’s right-hand man Joe the Sexual Orientation Confuser.”

“Imagine if there were demons that actually did that.” The concept is admittedly intriguing. “They get sent up from the underworld or wherever solely to make cosmically cursed straights fall in love with cosmically cursed gays. And cosmically cursed gays fall in love with cosmically cursed straights.”

“Shit.” Piper grimaces again. “Wonder what I did to piss Joe off.”

“You’ve really liked that many straight girls?” Moon has to giggle.

“You have no idea,” Piper mumbles. “And trust me—your ex wasn’t the first guy to assume I played for the other team.”

“Not sure his heart was in that one. I think he wanted get a rise out of me, honestly. No offense.”

“Oh my god. The sheer irony.”

“He really thought I’d get jealous of my own girlfriend. As if there’s any girl I’d care about my unserious two-month fling hitting on.”

And then they’re both laughing, swaying on the couch and clutching at one another to keep from toppling over.

“Hi, I’m your run-of-the-mill punk poser and I think I get more ass than a proctologist!” Piper grabs the couch arm, attempting to do dramatic poses as she talks. “I know you’re frantic to have me back, even though my only skills are yelling and punching my friends for no reason!”

“Stoooop.” Despite herself, Moon only laughs harder. It’s probably just the edible finally kicking in. “You’re so rude!”

“Like your ex even knows how not to be an inappropriate, boundary-crossing weirdo.”

“He’s getting better!”

“Because he’s finally learning after his 7th attempt that asking a girl you just met to fondle your gelled-up hairdo isn’t going to wield results.”

“He wouldn’t—”

“He totally would, though!”

Moon snickers, shaking her head.

“Fine, yeah. He would.”

As the laughter dies down, Piper’s phone buzzes. She picks it up, frowning as she reads a text on her home screen.

“Hey, I gotta run soon. One of the kids from the dojo is hosting pizza night.”

“Oh, right. How’s that going?”

It’s amusing, really, how easy it is to forget Piper’s in Cobra Kai now. If the dojo’s truly the all-powerful, all-corrupting force Eli claims, then Moon’s ex-girlfriend must be entirely immune. Even if she and Piper haven’t spoken in a while, Moon hasn’t seen any evidence whatsoever of Piper caving to some kind of deeply-buried inner asshole.

Not that it was buried too deep, in Eli’s case.

“It’s fun. Good exercise during the gymnastics off-season.” Piper shrugs. “Some of the people in my class take it way too seriously, though. Like it’s high school karate, not the fucking Cuban missile crisis!”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard.” Moon makes a face. “I was…kind of worried for you when I heard you joined. They treat it like a cult.”

“Oh, please.” Piper scoffs. “Like I’d ever buy into those sorts of stupid dramatics. I mean, don’t get me wrong—it can be fun to spar with people who’re so intense about it that they act like their fucking life is on the line. Makes things interesting. But I’m mostly there for the free shit.”

“Really?” Moon cocks an eyebrow. “You always seem so excited on your snapchats.”

“Yeah, like, it’s good energy. Everyone’s super passionate. But it gets to be a little much sometimes, you know? The senseis treat it like this huge life-or-death thing. Like sure, placing in a global tournament would be cool, but it’s not that big a deal? And sometimes I wonder how much my teammates are actually, like, enjoying themselves, and how much they’re stressing over nothing.” Piper purses her lips disdainfully. “Honestly? I’m going to rack up as much free equipment as I can, and then I’m gonna ditch them for Topanga or something. They seem way more chill.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Moon frowns. “I know they can go psycho when someone quits. Look what happened to Hawk.”

“Any of those bitches come at me with a razor and I’ll beat their ass into next week.” Piper rolls her eyes, unfazed.  “And what the hell are the senseis going to do? Call the cops on me for quitting their dojo? They’ll get laughed off the phone.”

“Just…be careful. I don’t want Cobra Kai hurting anyone else I care about.”

Before she can stop herself, she reaches out and squeezes Piper’s hand. The other girl turns and fixes her with a pale green gaze, expression unreadable.

“Okay,” she says quietly, tone turning serious.

Piper’s phone buzzes again, and the moment ends.

“Damn,” she mutters, glancing at her texts. “I forgot I said I’d bring jaeger bombs. I’d better get ready.”

“Oh, sorry.” Moon pulls away, embarrassed. “I don’t mean to take up too much of your time.”

“Don’t worry about it. I hope I could help.”

They stand up, and Piper starts to walk her out. Moon stares at the floor, suddenly feeling anxious again.

She stops right before they reach the front door. “What you said to do with Yasmine…what if it doesn’t work?”

“You better hope it does, because otherwise you’re going to have to consult the dark web or something. And then you’ll have to wade through about 70 sites with the most degenerate porn you’ve ever seen before finding anything useful.”

Moon laughs, tension easing.

“I guess I’ll deal with that when it happens. Or if.”

“Exactly. One thing at a time.”

“Well…I’ll let you go.” Moon offers Piper one last smile, opening the front door. “Have fun at your pizza party, okay?”

She’s halfway onto the porch when Piper catches her wrist, pulling her back.

“Hey, Moonshine…”

She turns. “Yeah?”

“I meant what I said before.” Piper bites her lip, meeting Moon’s eyes nervously. “About, um…if you sort through this whole Yasmine thing, and you ever decide you want to try again…all you have to do is ask.”

The surprise on Moon’s face must throw her for a loop.

“I mean, I’m not saying I’m going to sit on my ass waiting around,” she amends quickly, grip loosening. “I can’t promise I won’t move on. And I’m not, like, some piney mess who’s got nothing better to do than try and ‘win you back’ or whatever. But if you’re ever feeling it, and Yasmine’s not an issue anymore…just ask. The worst I’ll do is say no.”

And before Moon knows what she’s doing, she steps back inside and wraps Piper in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” she murmurs into the thick, bushy hair she remembers loving so much. “For helping. You didn’t have to, and I appreciate it.”

“I know.” Slowly but surely, Piper hugs her back. “But someone has to check you before you cause some domino effect that sends half the school into a sexuality crisis.”

***

Some author's notes, in no particular order:

I will literally die on the hill that Demetri is a bad boyfriend. All he's ever done IN CANON has been to objectify and generally be gross with Yasmine??? And the lead up to the whole icky "sexual venn diagram" comment was basically "hey, you should settle for me because I'm popular now and everyone thinks you're a laughingstock <3" Like wow! What a great way to treat the girl you're supposed to be "101% in love with"! And in S4 onwards he doesn't appear to know jack shit ABOUT her and just puts her on this pedestal as his "dream girl" while never actually mentioning anything about her personality.

I'm honestly not surprised that the natural progression of their relationship in S5 was (most likely) Yasmine getting fed up with Demetri not giving any visible shits about who she is as a person, and getting into fights with him the second she starts asserting her own wants and needs outside of him. And of course he gets her shallow jewelry gifts to placate her, which is just further proof he doesn't know her at all--it reads like he just saw on the internet that "girls like jewelry." And it's not like it actually solves anything, considering he's gotten her so many apology gifts that she can "barely lift her arm"! Tbh it pisses me off to not end that people whine and bitch about Demetri being a "bad friend" (which is so easily disproved it's not even funny) and don't make a peep about the gross way he treats his own fucking canon love interest. Please roast my trash son Demetri Alexopoulos for the RIGHT reasons!!!

I really did my damndest to keep Yasmine as canon-compliant as possible here. I do think she and Moon messed around in S1 and no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise, but I tried to keep everything we see of her here consistent with how she acts onscreen in seasons 1, 3, and 5. Season 4 is the obvious odd man out, which...needless to say is kinda the point XD But you take S4 out of the mix and accept some weird fluke was going on that was making her act that way, and we get something semi-plausible to work with! Hopefully she comes across as in-character (from what little we see of her!) here.

Also she does not love it when Demetri talks nerdy. Aisha and Sam's S1 salt conversation proves that she is not about it when people talk about nerdy school-related shit that reads like an inside joke she can't get in on (which applies to...most school-related things, considering she's shown to be kind of book dumb). She loves when Demetri gets her good grades, but she doesn't like. Have any inherent interest in school-related "nerdy" things??? And has never been shown to??? "Character development" shouldn't come out of nowhere and involve characters randomly getting into things they have never been shown to be drawn to actually!

I also hope I did an okay job writing Piper here! I wish I could write more MoonPiper, but we get!!! So ANNOYINGLY little of them and of Piper in general??? Like seriously, I went back and rewatched all the Piper scenes in the show, and there's like. Maybe 5 or 6 in THE WHOLE SHOW??? I barely have anything to work with and it is AGGRAVATING because I really love Piper and MoonPiper as a ship!!! And I want to do it justice that isn't just me projecting my own headcanons and theories because I don't know what else to do!!!

I really do think Piper is Not As Invested in Cobra Kai as everyone else though, lmao. Like she is there for shits and giggles, and also free merch. She respects herself too much to become a slave to the "cobra kai for life" bullshit lol

It IS incredibly funny to me that Moon gets more homoerotic scenes with her Super Totally Straight Best Friend than with the girl who was canonically her girlfriend. Like I love both ships, I really do, but when they give Yas and Moon SO many fruity scenes while their boyfriends are also being fruity, what did they EXPECT!!! Of COURSE I'm going to write YasMoon like my life depends on it!!!

Also, Moon saw that nacho nonsense with Hawk and Demetri in S2. She saw Hawk yank Demetri onstage during Valley Fest. She saw Hawk get all snippy about Demetri hitting on girls at the beach. She saw Hawk throw a hissy fit because his boyfriend bestie wouldn't join his evil dojo. She damn well knows they're gay!

And so does Piper ajadhskufbhd these girls weren't born yesterday!

Hoping to get this entire fic up on AO3 sometime in November! :3

[adarkrainbow]

An analysis of Otomo Katsuhiro's Hansel and Gretel (the story, not the anthology)

The anthology "Hensel to Gretel" is, as I said in my previous post, comprised of short sequences and brief parodies of a few pages... All except the opening story, the one that gave its name to the collection, that is a full blown story and a truly... let's say original take on the "Hansel and Gretel" story, one that takes back all the elements that would form the style of the anthology as a whole - and thus forms the perfect introduction.

Given the fascinating... oddness of this Hansel and Gretel I wanted to do a quick analysis here (or one of my "Let's overthink everything" analysis depending on how this will go). I will use scans of the pages to punctuate and illustrate my words.

THAT BEING SAID A WORD OF WARNING! This is an adult and mature parody of "Hansel and Gretel" with some dark humor, but also some... yes some gore in it and crude imagery. So this is not for everybody, be warned, this isn't any story for children. Are you ready? Good. Let's proceed.

(And just to be sure I'll put it all under a cut so that I don't get bothered by folks who claim I threw unwanted images at their face). All you will have, if you don't click below, is this safe and neat first page of the story:

Alright... Let's go under.

We open with a depiction of the poverty and misery of the family - and as the opening page says, they are VEEERRYYY poor. No joke. Not only is their house a ruin, but the two children themselves are in an obvious state of denutrition and neglect. They are copy-paste of children during famine - skeletal bodies with bloated abdominal organs, long unkept masses of hair, and Hansel doesn't even has clothes and goes naked for half of the story. (Ah yes, another warning for those who might be souls "too gentle" for this - yes you have a naked child going around in this story.)

Speaking of bodies - there is something that should be known about Otomo Katsuhiro's style. He deliberatly avoids the traditional "manga character design". He has always avoided as strongly as possible this smooth, alien-like, hyper-coded, specific "anime-design". He always wanted his characters to be realistic, to be ethnic, to be ugly, to be... well normal. And this shows here, just like in the rest of the stories of the anthology, by an exploration of various body shapes pushed to the extremes: bodies too tall, too small, too big, too frail (if you look at his Little Red Riding Hood tale, the Big Bad Wolf is a gaunt, bony, elderly looking creature while Little Red is a clearly overweight and round child). In this case, we have this extreme explored with Hansel and Gretel, who have much, much too skinny bodies - and their father, who is a very fat, if not obese man. And here is one of the first clues that something... weird and bizarre is going on in this family.

Hansel, Gretel, the mother, they are all gaunt and skinny and starving. But the father... the father is very fat, and clearly healthy. He is a lazy guy who peacefully sleeps for most of his scenes, or who does his actions with an easy, carefree, let's-not-think-about-it-for-too-long attitude. He is clearly a comedic character, the goof and the buffoon, to the mother's wicked, antagonistic character - here, the original personality of the two parents from the Grimm tale are exaggerated to the extreme, the bad mother being verbally and physically abusive, while the dominate father is a fat, sleepy, slug of a man. In fact, the crucial and anguished scene of the mother telling her husband the kids should be lost is completely wasted - because as it turns out the father was sleeping deeply while the mother had her evil monologue, and didn't listen to anything she said.

But there is still this question that is raised, by the mere contrast of the bodies: why is the father so fat and content and unworried if the family is indeed in a state of extreme poverty and severe hunger? Why is he so cut out of his own family? The reader wonders and can only theorize at this point, but there is clearly something unsaid or missing to this puzzle.

To continue, let's look at this set of pages:

On the first page I want to draw your attention to how, when the mother gives the children bread, they savagely and madly wolf it down, to the point the mother calls them "dogs". This is again part of this entire aesthetic of - let's paint malnutrition and famine in its real light, show what it truly looks like. It is skinny kids, dirty kids, that will eat with frenzy any good food they find. There is no glamorization or romanticism of poverty or famine. But more generally, this is part of the mangaka's effort of "parody". Indeed, what is the picture that comes to your mind when you think of "Hansel and Gretel"? Cute little doll-like kids. Blond cherubs in pretty clothes. And what are the Hansel and Gretel we are offered? Grime-covered, bone-showing, famished children with messy, dirty hair and either rags or no clothes. The entire Hansel and Gretel aesthetic is completely and violently broken down, and the two little German kids straight out of a Nazi propaganda now become subjects of a documentary about third-world famine.

On the second page I would like you to pay attention to the little critter that crawls in the forest. This is the first of the "birds" that haunt the forest that we see, except... It is not a bird. It crawls and moves like a toad, and yet it is a fish. A fish with a little human leg. With a second leg-like appendice, but held by pieces of wood, a hastily made crutch. And it keeps laughing bizarrely. This creature is straight out of a Bosch painting - and Bosch was in fact one of the stylistic inspirations behind this manga. The weird, bizarre, hellish, grotesque paintings of artists such as Bosch or Bruegel form the backdrop and aesthetic Otomo Katsuhiro wanted. Perfect for his quest of the ugly, his search for absurd magic and hellish wonders - his stories might be those of Grimm, but they are set in Bosch's Europe.

Just like i the original story, after one brilliantly working "let's spread little rocks" plan, Hansel tries a "let's spread bread crumbs" plan and it fails... But in the ironic twist here, not because the birds ate it (in fact, when Hansel complains about it, one of the titular birds actually ironically comments "I see..." upon this false accusation, much to Hansel's confusion). No... it is Gretel that ate it all, because Hansel did not inform her of his plan, and she just saw how he dropped all his crumbs of bread, and being a very hungry child, of course she just ate it all.

Once again, just like with the parents, the characters of the children are exaggerated - and just how in the original tale Gretel is a scared, younger, helpless child, here she is... well younger yes, but also as a result much dumber and much more self-centered, and surviving by focusing exclusively on her basic needs.

The "How the children reached the witch's house" is also completely switched and changed here - with the mangaka again placing the seeds of the ultimate conclusion of his tale. In the Grimm story, a pretty white bird lures the children to the candy house. But here? They do meet a bird, oh yes... But is a bizarre and clumsy talking bird that freaks off the kids more than anything, and that is part of the same group of grotesque Boschesque creatures that haunt these woods. And this encounter is... all feeding into the strange ambiguity of this very bizarre tale.

Indeed, what happens on a literal level? The bird tells the kids to NOT go on a certain path. Hansel does not trust the bird because it looks like a sketchy freak, and goes there nonetheless - as it turns out, it is the path leading to the child-eating witch. We have here a very literal lesson of "Don't judge a book by its cover, it is not because these weird creatures are monstrous-looking that they'd give bad advice" (even though the fact that Hansel believes they ate his breadcrumbs probably doesn't help). But... when you look carefully another reading opens itself. Indeed, the bird behavior seems to be intentionally sketchy and misleading - how he whistles when Hansel stares, how he side-eyes the children while gving his "free advice". The bird is shocked when the kids do not listen to him and tries to warn them... But immediately afterward smiles slyly, and joins the happy, singing, laughing dance of the strange wood creatures.

We are here confronted with what can be compared to a full "fae logic", or to the same kind of psychological messing-up the Cheshire Cat delivers on Alice in the Disney movie. It is not wonder that these bizarre beings of Bosch's hell can only offer a frightening ambiguity and confusing, misleading signs. They seem to embody and represent the forces of the supernatural and the "otherworld forest" in this specific universe - forces of the absurd and the nonsense, and that as a result are more amoral and mad than anything else, constantly double-playing and double-crossing others, and forever unclear on their real intentions.

The "gingerbread house" of the witch is nowhere to be seen and rather the mangaka offers us a "ridiculous house" - based on a Japanese, untranslatable pun, because the Japanese word for "ridiculous" sounds similar to the word for "candy". The titular house is ridiculous because it is a little wooden structured at the top of the dead branch of a large, dead, broken tree... That happens to look like two pair of butts one on top of the other. A literal ass-house. And just as ridiculous is the witch's design - if it is even a witch, as the story never calls this being anything nor genders it. Traditional witch elements are still kept - the use of a cauldron to cook, Gretel's "meal" being frogs, and the being carrying a broom as a main weapon. But the actual create is actually... some sort of scarecrow or ragdoll with a goofy, smiling face. This isn't just a parody of the original tale, but also another transliteration of the original concept of the tale - a seemingly harmless encounter (an old woman in a house of candy ; a rag-doll in a house made of butts) proves to be a mortal and horrible danger... And if imprisoning Hansel in a cage and fattening him up to eat him wasn't enough, the being literaly prevents Hansel escaping by... cutting off his feet.

Yes, I will not include those pages in this post, but not only does the witch cuts off the boy's feet, she (or he, or it, or they) even sucks the boy's blood from the wounds, commenting it needs to be more salty (and you have an equally disturbing joke when Gretel, who has been deprived of meat and becomes very insulting and violent because of this, briefly considers Hansel's fallen feet on the ground complaiing that she is hungry...). In the middle of the goof and the laugh comes the most brutal and senseless violence, clearly placing this entity as an inhuman monster. Not just that, but the mangaka plays on the anatomy to clearly show how otherwordly this entity is. The arms and legs of the being seem to be humans, with its head being a sort of scarecrow-mask ; and yet, when the being sucks Hansel's bloody legs, it does so with its "painted-cloth mouth", showing that the mask... is its real face.

Speaking of the witch here, it might not be obvious on a first read but it becomes so on a second - the mangaka clearly understood the parallel drawn in the original story between the mother and the witch, and retranscribed them in his story. The... thing of the ridiculous house IS a double of the mother. Notice the wooden spoon on the being's hat - the mother used a wooden spoon to beat up her family. In fact, the witch's clothes are larger and baggier versions of the mother's outfit. The mother constantly frowns and scolds, while the witch's face is stuck in an eternal smile. Finally, the witch cuts off Hansel's feet... when the mother said to her hungry children "If you are so hungry, cut off one of your leg and eat it."

We jump some times ahead and see the results of Hansel's fattening. No bone trick here, as Hansel has no real survival instinct anymore but more about that later. We see here that the witch didn't just make Hansel fat - she made him go from severely underweight to massively overweight, to the point she herself has a hard time handling him. We find back here Otomo's care and focus on extreme bodies, and more specifically unusual bodies for the manga of the time. You don't often see fat bodies in mangas, especially realistic ones, the same way you don't see much skinny or skeletal ones, and thus he gives them a strong focus in his work [Note: I am speaking for the manga world at the time of this anthology's rlease. Today manga greatly diversified itself in body types and drawing styles]

I say Hansel lost all survival instinct, hence the loss of the bone episode, because at first he is seen gleefully and mindlessly accepting his death - as, in his own words, he ate so much food and had so much meat in such a short time he can now "die happy". Then, in a second time he refuses to get out of the cage and has to be dragged to the cauldron... But only because "There's still food to eat". After living so deprived of food and so hungry he couldn't help but ravenously devour a whole loaf of bread upon seeing it, it makes sense that an over-abundance of food would be for him the equivalent of absolute bliss and paradise. That being said, this transformation also occurs two important symbols.

One: The couple of the parents is recreated among the siblings. Hansel becomes just as fat, lazy and mindless as his father, while Gretel, who has grown bitter and jealous because of her bad situation compared to her brother, is now fulfilling the role of her mother. So hungry and food obsessed she schemes to kill the witch - and ultimately does through trickery. Like parents, like children, and there is probably a message about the "cycle of influences and abuses" to be taken out of this.

Two: This is the inversion of the brother-sister roles from the original tale, but again taken to a dark and grim extreme. Remember: in the original story Hansel in a first time is the hero and savior of the day, hatching plans to save his helpless sister ; then in a second time, he becomes a helpless victim and it is Gretel's turn to save him. The mangaka also perceived this dynamic switch, and transcribed it here in the following way. At first, Hansel is the clever one, preparing plans to survive, while Gretel is the dumb and thoughtless kid who only thinks of eating and foils her brother's plan. With the humoristic twist that Hansel is over-thinking things or too clever for his own good - he prepares the breadcrumbs plan, but does not warn his sister of it ; he thinks he escapes a trap by ignoring the bird's advice, when in fact he has been double-played. But in a second time, the over-abundance of food and the fattening left Hansel blissfully stupid and reduced him to the same state as his sister originally was, thoughtless but only driven by food. In return, Gretel's anger and bitterness led her to become the "intelligent one" and prepare her own plan to escape - pushing the witch in her (their? its?) own cauldron.

We reach the final part of our tale. You can see above a good full panel of the "ridiculous house" and I forgot to mention something... Why choose an ass, a butt, to make the house ridiculous? It isn't just absurd or vulgar humor - it is also a crass reference to the main motifs of the story. The digestive process. The fairytale is all about starving, eatng and fattening up. It is a tale about devouring and absorbing - and the mangaka highlights it by the vampirism of the witch who sucks off Hansel's blood ; by the wild body changes of the characters who go from one extreme (underweight) to another (obesity)... But also by this house that reminds of what this whole process of digestion, absorption and devoration leads to. The ass. The shit. In fact, by choosing a house that reminds the reader of how digestion ends in crap, the mangaka literaly presents to us the angle of attack of his fairytale parodies and literary pastiche throughout the anthology - take a story, but presents it on the angle of the mundane, the vulgar, the cruel, the absurd. We are literaly being told "It's crap" by the mangaka himself. In this Hansel and Gretel gone are the sweet ducks, and the cute children, and the gingerbread, and the candy... We focus on unpleasant, physical, "real" materials and substances. The bones. The fat. The blood. The crap. Though the actual crap itself is owhere to be seen - it is just evoked in the reader's mind by this butt-house. But it might be also another subtle jab at how in fairytales "nobody goes to the toilet" as the saying goes.

Anyway, enough poopy digressions. Back to the story. Once the witch is dead, the next dark joke arrives, which is a very typical and traditional take on Hansel and Gretel: the two kids feast on the witch's cooked remains. This is a continuation of the joke of Gretel considering eating her brother's feet, and a traditional twist on the "Let's party for the witch is dead" scene. Nothing surprising here. What is interesting however is that the wood-creatures join the siblings in their happy party ad joyful feast, again throwing the tables when it comes to their unclear alignment. With their hellish reference, they could have been the witch's familiars - and yet they are gleeful of the monster's demise, though at the same time they keep constantly laughing, which does not help... They are senseless, constant, grotesque and absurd laughter, almost living laugh tracks - maybe they could even be read as te very embodiment of this book's humor?

What is even more interesting however is when you compare the creatures... and the kids. Design wise. Do you notice something? You should. Remember how Hansel ignored the bird's advice because he considered them weird and ugly freaks? Well... Now the kids look identical to the creatures. Notice Hansel's design. His new girth and round , enlarged belly is identical to the bloated, spherical abdomen of various of the creatures. His happy laughter is mixed with the animalistic joy of the beasts. But more importantly... the wooden crutches and items he gets to paliate his lack of feet are identical to the ones the mysterious fish-with-legs had! The children literaly became the same as the strange wood creatures, or "part of their band".

When the children finally return home, not with riches in this case (except in terms of body riches, as they are now fat, well-fed, healthy and happy), their mother is dead like in the Grimm's tale... But here is a final and very dark twist. The mother starved to death, reduced to a skinny corpse. We do know now the connection between the witch and the mother, and we can read it as the children killing their mother by killing the witch and devouring its body... But let's reconsider the beginning. Remember when I said there was a problem with how the father was such a large and big man untroubled by hunger? And this seemed strange compared to his underfed family... Let us consider how the mother was obsessed with food, with the coming starvation, beating up the kids if they asked for anything... And now she starves to death despite having two mouth less to feed? There are the disturbing and dark implications that this woman suffered from some deep food obsession, a dangerous, paranoid madness that made her starve her own children and impose some sort of artificial famine onto her family. After all, her husband is well-fed, and the creatures of the forest are all pot-bellied and portly built. Only her and the children were skinny - and the children not even for long, as their trp to the forest made them the same girth as their father. In this tale where everybody gets to eat only two people stay hungry - the mother who starved to death, possibly starved HERSELF to death ; and the witch who kept waiting for Hansel to be fat enough, offering all her food to him, and then died before she could get her meal.

And thus the story ends on this bizarre and strangely uncomplete note... The kids look at each other, but the reader is left in the blur as to what this look means. Are they sad? Are they secretly happy? Do they know there is a link between their mother's death and the witch's? The family, free of the tyrannical figure, gather together as a trio now very much alike in appearance. Their father decides it is time for them to live happily together - but what are his promises worth? We know from before he is a lazy, not very bright if not truly silly man, only good at being given orders and not even talented at doing anything he was asked. Is this truly a happy end?

And finally, the strange, absurd, genre-defying creatures of the wood dance silently under the moonlight, in a nonsensical, bizarre, frightening but bizarrely-joyful scene, halfway between the dancing circle of fairies and the hellish sabbat of witches.

[groovebunker]

firstly, thank you for answering all my questions <3

I finished their story. Idk why I feel so heartbroken.

I'm soooo happy their story ended in the loveliest thing ever. And the one by one confessionals as if dragrace kinda scenario of the family. All of those got me laughing my soul off, esp poor Gracie. Like imagine she saw them doing—okay, too mature for baby Gracie there. (idk which timeline in this, but bc I'm just in s1, my mind is there so Gracie is still smol). Yetta (whom I never met YET), the reassurance they give to Claire. Like that's the most parental figure she'll ever got since her fucked off family refuses to have Claire. (I'll give her everything I have fr. Claire is just that important).

Back to heartbroken. I think it's because it's finished. Nothing to distract me again lol. But, my head is lightheaded still. Thanks to this fic. Got a little over dramatic and listened to ton of heartbreak songs since I'll miss them. Ao3 authors who created the 100 stories will feed me through this pain. (I know you're the most who created those, hallejuah to you.) Small fandom problems (used to it, why do I love impossible fandoms?) Or might be bc I feel like some problems might occur to their life and then Claire might fled? I know deep down she won't, my overthinking is just killing me. I mean a small argument that morning and Claire is already hanging on a thread. Thank you, sandwich, made by Francine.

So, yeah. You can see how I love your story. Only if someone will understand me like you do lol. I might mouth off someone with my now thoughts about them (until canon ruins it. canon always ruins things. been there, done that lol)

To end off, I admire your acknowledgements. I hope you're happy with your decision and have a wonderful wonderful day (I'm not telling you, I'm just wishing you'll have it. if not, I'm cursing the soul of the person who made it bad).

Merci beaucoup <3

this has made my DAY. i'm sorry you're so sad you finished but there's still so much fun stuff to explore in the tag (pls read vignettes from the kitchen and the couch, it's the fic that made me want to write for them and it's phenomenal). there are also a few short (pwp) pieces in the wwyd universe up on ao3 and rumour has it, there might be something new soon to celebrate its first birthday 👀

the first part of the last chapter is one of my favourite parts of the whole fic - especially sylvia being told and just sort of shrugging. yetta & cc are such a brotp to me - it's a theme in some of the other stuff i've written for sure. i just love them so much.

honestly, finishing it made me so fucking emotional so i get it. canon does get quite batshit towards the end of the show but what can we do? (write tons of fic about it, apparently). feel free to mouth off at all times, i love talking about them so much.

all things are possible through the squad, honestly.

thank you so much 💖

[patrocles]

*guy who knows fuck all about twilight voice* i cannot even begin to describe how interested i am in your extremely specific thoughts on twilight. especially in regard to its takes on classism

I appreciate you so much for saying that especially since everything following this will be so deeply incoherent.

This is mainly in regards to the films since I've seen them recently and I haven't read the books since I was like 14.

The thing about Twilight is that the two defining discourses that dominated this series were "Is Bella a bad Feminist" and "Team Edward vs Team Jacob".

The idea that Bella (aged 17), upon meeting Edward (aged 109) and begins dating him, is ready to give up everything in her life to marry him, die, and become a vampire and devoting her entire life to him; does this set back womanhood decades or is this simply Bella exercising her free will. And the other being which guy is better for Bella, the mega wealthy Edward who can provide everything for her or working class poor Jacob who's the childhood friend.

Twilight didnt define the tropes of love triangles or even the concept of the girl plucked from obscurity and given the fairytale life by someone so insanely rich who could have chosen anyone but still chooses her. It's not even an objectively bad fantasy to explore. But I think what's kinda unique to Twilight and I think what a lot of bad booktok romance novels can trace their tropes back to in Twilight, is this idea that wealth can excuse any wrong-doing.

Edward is deeply controlling of Bella, he's condescending and belittles her, he grooms her, he leaves her deeply traumatized when he randomly abandons her in the second book/novel to the point of near catatonic depression. But ultimately at the end of the day it's fine because what Edward can provide for Bella makes it all worth it! He can take her places and buy her things, of course she'll be humble but that's why she's so #real. Hell it doesn't even matter that we don't even know what they even like about each other beyond mutual obsession and possession in the general sense. And this is something that's so pervasive in the romance genre, it's what spawned 50 Shades specifically. Abuse, physical or emotional, is excused by obscene wealth because what's temporary discomfort and domineering misogyny to private jets and mansions.

If we're being honest, the question of whether or not Bella is a good or bad feminist character is sort of moot when what we're actually seeing is just a sad story of an emotionally isolated girl have her entire existence wrapped up in Edward and know that she's never going to have a come-to-Jesus moment and value her own self worth over Edward. There's a scene in Eclipse when she tells Jacob that immediately after graduation, she's going to marry Edward and become a vampire like him. Jacob is angry about this but it's not even a "pick him over me" moment, but as a friend who doesn't want to see his best friend give up her entire existence to this guy. Even says, "he's got his hooks in you so deep". There's another scene when her father, (the MVP), just wants her to see her other friends outside of Edward and have some sort of life outside of Edward and it's almost like a metatextual awareness that SOMEONE in this story recognizes that Bella is being groomed and that this is all really REALLY toxic. It's a horror story! But of course it immediately pivots back to star crossed lovers bullshit because LOOK, Edward took her to a private island and they can travel the world. But more than anything it feels like they’re trying to establish a sort or attempt at a balance but what’s scary is knowing that Jacob and Charlie’s concerns and reservations are essentially pointless and empty compared to Edward’s financial and physical capabilities and the depth of his grooming in Bella. It’s actually charming that Charlie thinks he can realistically stand a chance against Edward if he really wanted to establish true parental control over his child. Like it’s genuinely sad to watch, actually.

And sure, so much of that we can write off as just being dated at worst. But definitely not end of the world stuff especially considering where that kind of trope has grown into way more severe cases of straight of kidnap/rape fantasy in mafia romance erotica we see today. Which is kind of MAD when you think about what teen girls were reading in the 00s versus what the teens of today are reading. I guess thanks Steph for being Mormon and keeping it PG???

But for ME, PERSONALLY, what's been kinda itching my brain in relation to this is how this pertains to Jacob. It is hard to view Twilight as mere late 00s nostalgia campy mess when I think about how absolutely awful Jacob is treated by the narrative for the sole crime of not being Edward, and by extension, wealthy. This isn't even about which guy was better for Bella, but how the story decides it was necessary for the reader to know that Jacob was NOT the correct option. He goes from earnest good guy who genuinely cares for Bella's physical and emotional well being as just a friend to her when Edward abandoned her, to basically a fucking incel who can't respect boundaries, and then Edward and Bella's lapdog in their happily ever after for no other reason than the narrative demanding it happen for Bella and Edward to be together. And for you the reader to want that to happen.

I've never been able to divorce the racial and classist undertones to this narrative choice to this. In a lot of media that came after that deals with love triangles, the "Jacob archetype" eventually became the often times not white, best friend, good guy type who was never really The One, but just another option for our Main Girl to explore until she gets back to the The One.

But thing is, Jacob was never just random guy option 2. He was working class poor and indigenous. A lot of his character is defined by this and his culture. And this HONESTLY made the Cullens animosity towards Jacob and the Pack kind of actually ridiculous and racist. Like I get Steph was just using the trope of Vampires and Werewolves: eternal enemies, but that isn't really applicable here when the shapeshifting isn't an trait that can be passed on to anyone like vampirism, but something unique to these specific people whose land they're infringing upon. So the little side digs and remarks and the absolute audacity that the Quileutes are just being so unreasonable when the Cullens have the money and means to live anywhere, but choose this boundary of a poor people who're merely trying to keep what's theirs, and we're still supposed to root for the Cullens because they're the Good Ones is like........... girl okay.

And this is all completely secondary to the way Steph appropriated the Quileute tribe, fucked around with their cultural traditions to invent her own lore, never financially compensated the tribe despite her and the producers of the films making MILLIONS, and two of the actors featured in the first film were recast for New Moon because they wouldn't cut their hair. BUT I DIGRESS.

I watched the New Moon special features where Chaske Spencer (who plays Sam) talks about how Jacob's house was extremely authentic to places he lived on his reservation. I'm not indigenous, but I did grow up working class poor and I personally always loved that this was a factor to Jacob and the pack. It didn't define them as people, but provided a sort of grounding depth and relatability that makes you want to explore them more. It isn't a lot but it's something. And hell, even Bella comes from a working class background which I genuinely liked especially as a youth when I'm trying to find some way to connect to this perfectly pretty white character.

But what's kinda frustrating in so many ways is how despite the alleged importance of Jacob and the Pack to the overall story, they are shelved so much. So we really don't get to see them, explore them as characters, their dynamics, and the tribe much as much as they could have been except for the very few times it's relevant to Bella and Edward. And given that Breaking Dawn specifically was TWO FILMS, there was no excuse for it. And it feels insulting to have the concept of the Pack, but we have to save our precious screen time for Bella and Edward playing chess.

I don’t even think people really understand just how almost non existent it is to see authentic depictions of lower/working class people in these kinds of stories. If you’ve never grown up poor it’s probably not something you even notice, just how default upper middle class almost everything (especially in YA) actually is. I think it’s something people don’t want to have to tackle so it just gets avoided? Unless we specifically need the 1 side character who is The Poor Friend, we need to have characters be in financially comfortable positions so the Plot can happen without having to worry about pesky things like bills. And so again, in that sort of authenticity it’s a double edged sword because while that is great to have included in a series like this, the classist undertones are so pervasive in how so much of Edward’s allure to Bella is rooted in wealth. A sort of inherent superiority to her own simple, non important life because of the trappings of his dress, his car, his mansion. There’s an unearned moral goodness that’s applied to Edward because of how we as a society view wealthy people as being inherently good and well meaning despite their actions consistently contradicting this. And it isn’t hard to see the ways in which this grooms Bella and that we the viewer must applaud this, cheer this, and would be aghast and disgusted if Bella was put off by the grandeur and wealth and wanted nothing to do with it because why would you possibly give that up? Again she can have the allusion of financial independence with a cute little job, but we know it isn’t necessary. We arent really meant to support the Quileute’s animosity towards the Cullens because they’re being irrational despite having bigger stakes that are considered frivolous and irrelevant to the Cullens (like retaining land autonomy). The best that Jacob could ever achieve in this story is to be at service to the Cullens and that’s meant to be a happy ending for him. Whatever his hopes and dreams were are inherently inferior to how important being the guard dog to a half vampire miracle child.

So yeah. I get the whole Twilight Renaissance, I get why people go back to it especially as it pertains to girlhood nostalgia. The soundtracks remain in constant rotation. I get why people want to reclaim the thing that made them happy in their youth when society shamed them for it as being just Cringe Girl Stuff. But for ME, it is hard for me to watch these and not be icked with how a lot of things were portrayed especially when it could have been a better story.

[corhore]

So… Zeb Wells totally intended on the kids actually being MJ’s and Paul’s biologically and chickened out (rightfully so, fucking idiot) at the last minute right?

Because in issue 24, Rabin has no idea the kids exist, nor that they’re in the bunker. In issue 25, it’s implied he creates them and the first person he meets when he attacks the bunker is one of the kids. And then issue 26 reveals he created them as a tracking beacon to follow MJ back to her universe, except he could already travel universes and follow and locate her at will way back in issue 21, BEFORE the kids were ever a thing. And the farm life that the “happy family” lives shows they were safe for years, not under constant attack/danger like we assumed, meaning MJ and Paul totally had time to *make* the kids the old fashioned way. Plus Rabin saying he made the kids look like them so they’d get attached more easily feels like some quickly made-up bullshit to justify why she’d stay with Paul if the kids were adopted, instead of co-parenting with Peter.

And in the MJ/Black Cat spin-off, MJ is repeatedly said to have vanished for six months, whilst issue 25 reveals she was gone less than one and her kids are referred to by a demon lord who has been told nothing about them - he just knows stuff because he’s a demon - as MJ’s progeny - not adopted, biological.

They changed it last minute to save his ass.

And then in issue 26 they have Rabin call Paul “Your precious Paul” to MJ, have MJ defending a genocide enabler against Peter, which certainly seems intended to imply she loves him, especially when she compares the two, tells Peter she knows everything about Paul and tells him Paul has never lied to her (which he has, about many very big things, so gaslighting too now) and has MJ protesting “Spider-Man is not my boyfriend!” when Kamala calls him her bf. Yeah he definitely wanted to make his OCship canon and is pissed he wasn’t allowed (GOOD, fuck him).

Fucking idiot genuinely thought he could permanently split up Peter and MJ, remove the possibility of Mayday from canon for good and fans would be ok with it.

I think your giving Wells too much credit.

The truth is that he has NO plan for the kids or Paul. If he did then they would actually get explored and fleshed out in the book. The fact that Paul and the kids have had zero spotlight other than one issue (and the girl having two names cus the editors/Wells didn't remember her name) is evidence that Wells didn't care. Hell they only appear in like 7 issues across 27 issues most of which they do nothing.

From the very beginning he didn't care at all about the Kids/Paul nor MJ. He just wanted to writer a Spidey book with Peter working with a "reformed" Norman and be with Black Cat. Paul and the kids was just a dumb way to get MJ outta the way.

The truth is you can make this premise MJ dating another guy and adopting kids good. You can, but the execution has to be fucking spot on especially with MJ, but Wells not only isn't a good enough writer to pull that off, but he didn't care about the premise to begin with. Paul and the kids are nothing characters. They are props. Literal props to stir up controversy and to make people angry.

What were left with is the kids are gone, Paul is still around and MJ is sad. Are they still a couple? Were they ever even in love? What happens to them now? All questions everyone wants (good) answers to, but Wells doesn't care to answer for at least several months cus MJ isn't appearing in the book for the foreseeable future.

And then theres the legit textbook fridging of Ms Marvel a character whos appears in a whopping 12 pages overall.

Its legitimately insane how baffling poor this book is. This is career endingly bad. I fear Zeb Wells isn't writing another Marvel comic for a very long time after this.

Btw he's also writing Deadpool 3 and The Marvels.

[deaddee-anime-brownfanlady]

STRANGE WORLD:  AN  ACTUALLY PRETTY REAL GOOD MOVIE ALSO WHY!? DIDN’T THIS GET MORE ATTENTION.

So I just saw Strange World and to be honest I thought that this movie was actually pretty real good and super enjoyable.  It truly turned out a lot better then what was shown in the trailers,  while it might not be the most greatest animated movie ever...its certainly still delivers a nice well done story.    Now I'm not sure if I want to spoil way too much when it comes to this movie because I think it best to just experience it for yourself,  but all and all the film heavily focuses on family and bits of generational trauma with a mix of parental issues / not wanting to follow the excat same path your parents did and them excepting you to be like them in every single aspect. Especially with one of the main characters, Sreacher Clade who's father Jaeger Clade is supposed to be this famous and legendary explorer  that has done all these great and epic adventures and travels etc. But Sreacher on the other hand doesn't have any interest of being this big explorer like his father and has more of a interest of farming and yeah...it doesn't sits well with his dad at all to say the least.  Cut years later with Sreacher as a fully grown man who's happily married to his lovely black wife Meridian and their teenage son, Ethen who is a for real actual openly gay main protagonist in a Disney movie.  A actual full well-written and done gay character in a Disney movie that isn’t just an one-time cameo or side background character that Disney always likes to proclaim as their so-called " First Ever Gay Character! "  that they tend to do in their movies.  Ethan character is so well done and he just so cute and adorable with the way the movie handles his crush and how his parents, especially the dad Sreacher tries to help Ethan with his crush is just very sweet.  BUT It makes me wonder on why Disney didn't give this movie more promotion? Because this movie isn’t bad and got good things going for it, hearing some people on social media talking about they never knew about this movie or that it existed or some didn't even know that it was playing at theaters! Like I don't think I've seen a animated movie that had such poor marketing since Treasure Planet. Did Disney purposely self-sabotage this movie because they don't want to upset or pissed off there way more conservative followers due to the main lead being a black biracial out and openly gay teen boy along with his parents being a interracial couple?  Because Disney truly did this movie real dirty.  It definitely deserves more attention and love on it. 

[shrinkthisviolet]

I know this ask game was a while back but I would love love LOVE to know the thought process behind the 'stay gold' series please!!!!!

Ahhh ofc, I’d love to! Don't ever feel bad for asking me to answer an old ask game, I’m always down (as long as you give me enough details to figure out which one 😅)...and this goes for everyone else too! If there are any other fics you want the backstory for, feel free to send an ask my way, I’d be delighted.

So, I’ve made no secret of the fact that Sam is my favorite Cobra Kai character, and I adore her dearly. I was also shocked at the lack of time travel fics for KK/CK—there are a few, but they center on Daniel and Johnny more than anyone else. Like…guys, Daniel’s kids are right there, why not have one of them time travel?? And why aren’t there more fics with this premise in general??

So I figured out pretty early that I wanted to write a time travel fic starring Sam (given how much I love Daniel & Sam, it was a given). Then I had to figure out who would be part of it…and what event would spark it. I knew it had to be a trio to avoid getting overcrowded (I considered 4, but 4’s a crowd), and I debated Sam + Miguel + Robby for a while…but then I realized this was my chance to fix Sam & Tory’s friendship and write it the way I wanted to see it, so Tory had to be one of the people in that party. With Tory included, I nixed the idea of having them time travel post-s2, because I knew the premise of the fic wouldn’t allow me to write Sam’s PTSD as well as it deserved. So…2x04 was my launching point.

From there, I decided instead of having any of the guys time travel, I’d stick Aisha in the party instead. I wanted to keep Miguel for sweet Samguel moments, and Robby for Johnny-related drama…but again, 4’s a crowd, and I could accomplish both of those in different ways (Samguel sweetness with Sam talking about him in the past, plus they’ll have plenty of moments in the CK-era fics + Johnny-related drama with Sam taking Johnny to task for his poor parenting—she’s done that a bit already, but there’s more to come!). With the new launch point being 2x04, I didn’t want to exclude Aisha, considering how instrumental she was in Sam and Tory’s first impressions of each other—plus, she remembers what it was like to have Sam as a friend…and what it was like to lose her, and she takes no shit, so she’s not afraid to hold Sam to account for befriending Yasmine at Aisha (+ Demetri + Eli)’s expense. Also...she was written off too soon man, I just wanted to feature her more than the show was clearly interested in doing.

Oh yeah, that’s the other thing: in that time, I developed a headcanon of Sam, Aisha, Demetri, and Eli all being childhood friends. This is more relevant in the backstory fic, though it’ll be relevant again when Sam gets back to her proper time. But anyway…

Choosing the time travel party reminded me how pissed I am about how the female characters on this show are written. I wanted better for them. I also got very attached to Daniel & Sam’s relationship (that was a big reason for why I picked Sam as the main character in the first place), and the themes of legacy, making your own legacy, etc—themes that the show explored well in its early seasons and dropped the ball on post-s3 (Daniel & Sam’s s4 angst explored this…decently, but even then, it still felt reductive). So, I then decided that another big part of this AU, which would define it going forward, was Sam taking Daniel’s place at the AVT, to protect him—in a sense, creating her own legacy, though ofc that’s not what she’s thinking of. She sees her now-teenage dad in danger and knows she can help, she’s not thinking much further than that. But I am!

It’s funny because I got a comment months ago that was super pissed off about this 😂 somehow convinced that now Sam would never be born, as though Amanda and Daniel would never have gotten together if not for that tournament. Which like…I feel the need to remind y’all, this is a high school tournament. It’s not the Sekai Taikai. The show treats it as The Most Important Thing Ever (and so do the movies, albeit for different reasons), but that’s for drama. There’s more than enough evidence throughout the show that Amanda did not marry Daniel just for winning a high school karate tournament.

Ofc after finishing the KK1 fic, I had the idea to go back and write a prequel! Mostly to focus on Sam & Johnny, and make them friends before Sam time travels…but it also turned into a bit of a fix-it for post-s1 Samguel, with Sam calling Miguel out for fighting dirty at the tournament and them breaking up amicably. I also closed the door on any potential Sam/Robby, since that’s not the angle I’m going with for this AU…and I got to further explore Sam + Aisha + Demetri + Eli as childhood friends! Not a lot, but enough to establish it as canon to this AU, and it’ll be touched on more in later installments.

Currently the AU’s on a bit of a hiatus, because while I am writing the next fic, I’m fixated on the Morgan AU more than anything 😅 but rest assured, it will be finished! I just can’t make any promises about when

[copperbadge]

How did you get started with investing? I've seen you talk about it before and I know that's something I need to do, but I feel so lost in terms of which companies to invest in and how much money I should put in. I have retirement accounts but nothing outside of that. And really, I feel like I can't talk to anyone IRL about this because I'm too embarrassed - I'm literally a CPA and do corporate taxes for a living but still find investing to be so intimidating 😞.

I mean, when people say "you should be investing" often, until you reach a certain wealth level, they are actually referring to your 401K. This is more general advice for the readers, but don't feel bad if you're not investing outside of retirement, especially if you're early in your career or if you're in a job where you don't have much disposable income. Don't feel bad in general, honestly, even if you haven't got a retirement fund at all; life is hard and money is necessary but stupid.

I only really started to invest invest in the last two years and even then I'm pretty conservative about it. On the plus, as a CPA, you will probably have a leg up in terms of knowing a lot of financial terms and kind of...understanding how money works in at least some sense.

I actually got started studying investing with my retirement fund. I was young and broke and mad that a chunk of my paycheck was going into my 401K when I could use that money NOW (see Sam Vimes Boots Theory for more on why ready cash now can often beat more cash later). I didn't know much about finance but I knew that a) I was basically being forced to play the financial markets with that money and b) the fate of our country's economy is tied to the stock market which is a mood ring hooked up to a roulette wheel. Being the Oldest Living Millennial I also understood I might not actually ever get to retire, so I decided to treat my retirement fund like Monopoly money: real but meaningless. And so I thought, well, let's Learn About Investing with it.

When you invest with a 401K or IRA usually you're not buying straight stocks; you're buying some conglomeration of investments bundled together as a fund (this is not a technical term, fund has a specific meaning in the technical sense, but it's easier to just use fund as a shorthand so I'm gonna). These can include stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and other more esoteric vehicles. So I started looking into the funds available to me -- there's the "retire in this year" fund that most people just dump all their money into, but there were also ways to invest in small businesses abroad, in health care or in funds that are "socially responsible", ways to buy into funds that did nothing but attempt to keep up with inflation, and on and on.

I didn't know any of that, of course -- I just saw something like "International Explorer Fund" and decided it sounded interesting and I'd learn what it was and what it did, and when I was satisfied that the reward was worth the risk, I'd dump some cash from my 2045-Retirement investment into it. While "past performance is no indication of future success" past performance isn't a bad way to at least pick something to research, and usually there's an earnings graph on the fund's prospectus page. I'd start reading prospectuses and looking up every word I didn't know or felt had a specific context I was missing (mostly on Investopedia, a GREAT resource). I'd take the term, add it to a vocabulary list, and rewrite "what is this and what does it do" in my own words. Eventually I internalized a lot of the terminology but I still check my notes once in a while.

There are financial literacy courses you can take, of course, and I don't think you should be AT ALL ashamed about trying to find a good one (lots of scams out there) or asking colleagues about them. "Hey, I'm not comfortable with my level of literacy about investment vehicles; do you know of any good educational material or class that would fill in the gaps?" is a good way to go about it. Very few people know jack shit about investing and my level of knowledge is just BARELY above jack shit, to be honest, so no shame, my friend. It is also totally fine to find a financial planner or investment advisor outside of your work and have a sit-down with them to get advice, which is what my parents do. Many banks offer that kind of service, so check with wherever you do your banking, and almost any retirement fund administrator (like Vanguard or American Funds) will be happy to send someone to meet with you and advise you. I was never prouder of my financial self-education than the one time I met with a guy from Vanguard who said, "Basically, keep doing what you're doing, this is a model portfolio."

Once I was investing in my retirement funds more confidently, I got the RobinHood app and started studying stocks, which is really just like, "find a stock and do a book report on it". Look at past earnings, who the CEO of the company is, what their board makeup is like, what they're doing in the news. And of course the most important advice: Never, ever invest money in the stock market that you aren't prepared to lose.

Aside from my stock adventures on RobinHood, which is about five hundred dollars that I turned into a thousand dollars over a couple of years, I have money in a few savings accounts. I don't have CDs or money market accounts or any of that, because I still don't have quite enough cash to make it worth it. I just parked some in a credit union that pays 6% interest on the first $1K you put in, and the rest in Betterment, which had a 2% interest rate when I started but now is down to .3% which is a bummer. But I haven't found another vehicle like Betterment which allows you equally easy access to your money while having as intuitive and modular an online interface.

So overall, aside from retirement (which is at $116K, which seems impressive until you remember you're supposed to retire with 25x your yearly salary in your 401K) I have a grand in the stock market, a grand in a 6%-interest savings account with a credit union, a grand in an emergency-only savings account attached to my checking, and roughly five grand with Betterment. It's a fairly conservative setup but I'd like never to be poor ever again, so I'm hedging carefully :D

Some great resources that I've used include:

Investopedia

Planet Money podcast by NPR and its sister podcast, The Indicator

The Financial page of the newspaper (I used to read NYT, now I read Tribune)

Rankandfiled.com, a free stock filings resource site that basically scrapes the SEC for financial data -- this is for if you really want to do a deep dive once you've got more experience

Good luck! It's a slog at first, but eventually it gets kinda fun :)

[gale-gentlepenguin]

GUYS! IT LEAKED!

THE FIRST TWO EPISODES OF ML GOT LEAKED! AND THEY ARE IN ENGLISH!

I don't know how long they will be active but I got the links to them while they are still up.

Truth

Lie

After you guys watch let me know your thoughts. And check out my review and live reaction of the episodes underneath the read more. Spoilers below

(This is an April fools joke)

Gale Reviews: Miraculous Ladybug, Season 4, Episode 1: TRUTH

(With Live reaction)

-So Marinette is trying to find a place to store the ladybug miracle box. Its funny for a bit.

-Tikki suggests hiding it under her bed. Which Marinette does for the time being. But find its way to hard to access normally.

-"Ill figure something out" Marinette explains.

-The Kwami are swarming around the room, exploring. Barkk found the TV.

-Marinette's phone rings, And its Luka. With a heart at the end of the contact. (Resisting urge to gag)

-Luka calls to ask if she remembers that they have a date planned for today. Going to see Jagged's new movie.

-The kwami are f***ing creeping on the conversation. Marinette says she remembers and that she won't miss this one. Like she did the other nine times. I cracked up at that part.

-Luka tells her that he made sure she wouldn't forget. Since he showed up to her place.

-Marinette quickly tells Luka that she has to go. Then yells at the kwami to get in the box.

-Sass asks if the boy she was talking to was Luka.

-"Yes. Now in the box."

-Sass ships Lukanette.

-Hilariously Barkk does not. I love Barkk.

-So Luka is in Marinette's house with her parents as marinette rushed downstairs.

-Its a really awkward scene since Marinette never told her parents she was dating Luka.

-Protective Tom activated.

-Luka assures them that they haven't been on their first official date yet.

-That eases the parents.

-Marinette tells her mom and dad a bit about Luka before her phone goes off, letting her know the movie is gonna start soon.

-The two leave in a hurry.

-"I prefer the one she confessed to last time."

-"TOM!"

-Tom ships Marichat

_____________________________________________________________

-Adrien tries calling Kagami to see if she wants to see the Jagged stone movie, but she says she is busy with archery.

-So Adrien tries calling Nino, who is with Alya.

-So Adrien thinks about it and remembers Marinette loves Jagged Stone. She would probably love to see that movie.

-"I will call Mari... wait."

-Adrien has an imaginary scenario.

-He asks Marinette to the movies, Luka is mad and Kagami is mad.

-"Maybe that wouldn't be a good idea..." Adrien said kind of bummed.

-Plagg asks why it isn't a good idea. Isn't he friends with marinette?

-Adrien explaining why asking another guy's girlfriend to the movies is wrong.

-"You sound more bummed that you can't go with marinette then your own girlfriend." Plagg is SPITTING TRUTH!

-Adrien dismisses that notion, and decides he will try a few other people.

___________________________________________________________

-Wow Nathalie looks awful. She tries to get out of bed with a cane and falls down.

-Gabriel there to help her up. I wish the show would stop shoving the adultery subplot down our throats.

-Gabriel explains that he finally figured out how to use both miraculous at the same time. Which means Nathalie can focus on resting.

-Nathalie insists she can help. But Gabriel tells her that she has done more than needed. She deserves a break. He can't thank her enough for everything.

-Nathalie looks like she wants to confess.

-"You are truly an irreplaceable friend and confidant."

-MOTHERFUCKING GABRIEL 'just a friend' AGRESTE! ITS GENETIC

-Nathalie says of course, and says she is tired.

-I feel bad for Nathalie.

_____________________________________________________________

-Okay so Lukanette date.

-Marinette springs the gift on him.

-Its a necklace made with the guitar pick he first gave her in Captain Hardrock I think.

-Luka loves it.

-Okay the scene that was leaked in the trailer. Big moment, WILL THEY KISS?

-and its really close and... AKUMA ALERT! Right off the bat. So close.

-Marinette gives an excuse about her dad calling. She will be right back before the movie starts.

-Luka says its okay. And says when she gets back to grab some popcorn

-Marinette gives him a peck on the cheek and rushes off.

-Well you get a cheek kiss. But DAMN they really made me think they would actually do it. I got nervous.

-Ladybug arrives on the scene and its... mr.Pigeon again.

-Ladybug is really annoyed, until she sees the Giant PIGEON SENTIMONSTER!

- Chat noir arrives and comments that this might be more difficult then they thought.

-Ladybug says that they will handle it in a flash.

__________________________________________________________

-Luka watched the whole movie alone. The Usher told him to leave the seat.

-Just OUCH, I legit feel bad for Luka. My dude. I am so sorry

-Luka looking for Marinette at the theater but she is gone.

-DOUBLE OUCH

-He tries calling... and straight to voice mail. and 3 strikes!

-Luka starts walking out very disgruntled

-He gets to that bridge in the promo (its sunset) and Marinette arrives running to him. Telling him to wait.

-He turns around.

-She starts apologizing. Some excuse that its a bakery emergency

-"Your not being honest."

-Marinette tries to recover, but Luka says he wants to know what she has been hiding.

-"I am not hiding anything."

-"Marinette, please stop lying to me. Just tell me whats going on. I will understand. Just tell me."

-Marinette says softly she can't.

-"What?"

-"I said I can't tell you. Im sorry"

-She runs off.

-Luka looks hurt, and then angry. Looking at the necklace.

-"Why can't you trust me... What is so big you can't trust me?" He looks so angry. And frankly, I don't blame him.

-And cue Shadow moth, who is now revealing his transformation as shadowmoth. And I still think its ugly.

-Hawkmoth comments the spiel about being a disgruntled boyfriend who is felt put out by his girlfriend.

-Sends the akuma and Amok.

-Luka gets akumatized.

-Okay, now THIS is a good akumatization. I am not spoiling it but Shadowmoth and Luka's dialogue is TOPS here.

-He runs into Alya and the girls and tests out his powers on them. Alya thinks Nino looks better without glasses. Rose admits she only loves some of her stuffed animals and the guilt is killing her. Juleka admits that Luka dating one of her friends is creepy. THANK YOU JULEKA FOR SAYING IT.

_____________________________________________________________

-Adrien is bummed that he didn't get to see the movie. and as he was walking Bumps into marinette. Who ran into him

-Okay so this scene, TOP TEIR ADRINETTE.

-Adrien comforting Marinette, saying that Luka would understand.

-"Is it wrong to keep secrets from him?"

-"Sometimes we keep secrets because it will keep them safe. There is a right time to tell them, but it isn't always when we want to tell them."

-Marinette thanks Adrien for the advice and... OH KWAMI! TRUTH IS RIGHT THERE WATCHING!

-He knocked Adrien into the water.

-Truth and the Sentimonster are tailing Marinette.

-Adrien got a chance to transform.

-Marinette swerved to get to her house. Getting the giant eye sentimonster to bump into something.

-Marinette gets to her room, where truth tries asking her what she is hiding!

-AND CHAT NOIR JUMPS IN WITH A HIGH KICK.

-They fight and Marinette tries to make sure the miracle box is hidden.

-Chat noir asking if Truth had a bad date or something. VERY POOR CHOICE OF WORDS!

-Chat noir knocks Truth out of the bedroom. He tells Marinette to go hide. He and Ladybug will get her boyfriend back to normal.

-Marinette thanks chat noir and runs out of view.

-Shadowmoth tells Truth to get Chat noir's secret, it will help him deal with the pest so he can achieve his goal. Truth agrees.

-Ladybug arrives and wam bam.

-Ladybug tells chat noir NOT to get caught in the gaze of that

-If you are still reading this at this point I gotta say I admire your dedication, but this is an elaborate prank.

April fools!

[heresathreebee]

The One Where She Got A Dog

Yelena Belova X Reader

Summary: how Yelena became a dog mom Masterlist Part 2

Tags: E | 1.8k words | scary movie, winter, secret pasts, sapphic

AN: Black Widow movie really got me in my feelings about those characters, Yelena in particular. I havent watched The Thing in almost a year please look the other way if movie events are out of order.

Pretty Russian girls are not usually your type, but fuck if you weren't absolutely obsessed with this one. You laughed when she told you she was from Ohio.  She laughed when you said you were too. 

Aquavit and your grandma's biscuit recipe brought her into your cabin on the edge of the world where she admitted to you she had never seen John Carpenter's The Thing before. You turned it on just as the snow storm set in and wrapped up in your thickest blankets with her. You're trying not to get your hopes too high but she's not shy about asking you to scoot closer. 

"Skäl," you cheer just as the ominous opening credits end and they find the mysterious ship in the frozen wasteland of antarctica. 

"Have you ever been?," Yelena asked. 

You grimace at the strong taste of aquavit. It's like vodka but with caraway for 'flavor'. You look at her from the side and poor yourself a second shot. "Been…?" 

"There." She points at the screen. 

"I have actually," you admit in a way you hope is flat and uninteresting, "have you?" 

Yelena shook her head. It's possible she might think you're being sarcastic (you cross your fingers under the blanket and hope she does). She's smiling at you, thinking something (but still watching the screen with interest). 

She drops the subject until you have to pause the movie to pee. You unwrap yourself from the cocoon of blankets and as you stand she asks you another question. 

"What were you doing there? in Antarctica, I mean." 

You sigh and pretend to brush something off of your pants. "Science trip with my parents. Shitty vacation for me I'd rather be in the Bahamas." 

You resist the urge to look at her. After taking care of business, you come back just in time to put the biscuits in the oven. You hear Yelena lean into the kitchen archway as the floors creak immensely here. 

"No timer?," she asked. 

"No timer," you confirm. "I use the timer of my heart." 

Yelena scoffs. "Please don't burn them, I'm curious about these… what are they– pastries?" 

"Something like that." 

The two of you went back to the movie just as the gang on screen is trying to decipher who is human and who is not. You feel like something between you has changed and sadly not for the better. 

But she can't know. 

"I hate this part," you say, making absolutely no move to avert your gaze. 

Yelena is startled when the doctor's arms become trapped in the bear trap belly mouth of the "man" on the table. She quickly covers her eyes and giggles manically, slapping your chest for the vague and unhelpful warning. You realize she's not as close to you as before…

There's 20 minutes left of this movie and you haven't seen a single thing on screen. Yelena stopped asking you questions when you stopped being coherent with your answers. All you can think about is telling her. 

But you can't tell her. She would never understand. You barely understand and it's about you. 

"I lied." Your heart beats in your throat as you see her face you but you can't look at her directly for fear of losing your nerve. "About the science expedition? That's not why I was in Antarctica…" 

Yelena seems to wait for you to continue but… 

"Eh, no offense but, " you gesture with your hand, "I don't really know you like that." 

Yelena gave your reply a single nod. "I suppose that's fair." 

You can't help but fidget in your seat. "Idliketo" 

"What was that?" 

You cleared your throat. "I said… I said I'd like to. Know you like that, I mean…" 

Yelena gives you a smile. "I would like to know you like that, too." 

The movie ends, the biscuits are not burnt but buttery soft and golden brown, and the blizzard outside has subsided some. It's still going but at least it's not buffering the doors and windows like before. 

"How can you watch that film in a place like this?" Yelena cannot get enough of those biscuits, stuffing them in her mouth 2 at a time. "Does it make you paranoid?" 

"Yes it does," you say, putting your coat on, "I think that's what makes it so much scarier–  looking outside and being scared every person you come across ain't who they say they are. Sometimes its not a bad thing though... I think it is rather… poetic, too." 

Yelena's eyebrows furrow. "Where are you going?" 

You put on your boots and hope the duct tape stays on the hole you covered earlier. "Dogs are out in the shed. It's heated and they have food, but not for days and I'd rather have 'em in the house where I can take care of them." 

As you finished your sentence you reached for the door,  but stopped when you noticed Yelena getting dressed too. She gives you a nod as soon as her hood comes up, and you give this brave thing an appreciative once over. 

The snow that nearly all melted before is up to your knees now. Fresh, white, and fluffy. It muffles sound like the world's sidelong turning. The odd snowflake wafts lazily from the sky, but for the most part it's died down. You teach back and take Yelena's gloved hand to keep from staying too far apart. 

"You know I always wanted a dog," she said. She could have said it in a whisper from 100 yards away and you still would have heard her–  that is how eerily quiet it is. 

Yelena squeezes your hand and you squeeze back. She's probably remembering the movie. You try to distract her by saying, "Oh yeah? You can have one of mine then." 

Yelena laughs, then stops. "You serious?" 

"As a heart attack." You finally reach the door to the shed and unlatch the door. A chorus of barks begin and you charge forward to nudge them back to give Yelena space to come in as well. "I do some breeding up here–  just a side job. They're usually working dogs but they can be pets too." 

Buck licks your face from chin to forehead and you push him back. "Down, boy! Show some respect!" 

Yelena has two of the mongrels circling her, sniffing all her clothes and demanding to be pet. "That's Burt, Barney, and Bella. Buck's my stud, but these heathens are going to a farm. They've got sheep to watch." 

Yelena chuckles as her hands get covered in slobber. "I love them." 

They're almost grown, three quarters the height of their father. Buck didn't even look in Yelena's direction because he knows you give him treats. You take your scarf off as the heat of the shed threatens to smother you and search your pockets for jerky.  

"She's in there with the new puppies." You point to a darkened closet. "Don't get too close now, she's still a little protective." 

Yelena creeps closer. You see her look at you from the corner of her eye. Probably terrified by the morphing dog scene from the movie. You give her an encouraging smile and tell her where to find the light. It's a pull cord and it bathes the room in a warm golden yellow light. 

Yelena's heavy, controlled breathing turns into a coo. Mama dog is laying on her side watching the newcomer closely. There's a pup asleep in the nest of her legs, another chewing on the hay that litters the ground, and the last one is biting their mother's ear. Yelena looks back at you with an adorable pout on her lip. 

"So cute…" 

You chuckle and put your arm around her. Buck knows to steer clear of mama dog and slinks off. You make your guest walk closer with you to show mama she's got your confidence. 

"Yelena, this is Beyonce." Mama dog's ears perk at the sound of her name. "Beyonce, this is Yelena. Be nice." 

You reach down and scoop up the hay eating puppy at your feet. "This one's always hungry." 

You put the pup in her arms and scoop up the biter. "This one likes to play. All the time. Got more energy than the blue Energizer bunny actually." 

The pup in question is literally trying to wriggle out of your hands in its eagerness to climb you and eat your hair. 

"And that one sleeps a lot?" Yelena nodded her head at the last pup. 

"Pretty much." You put the writhing excited puppy down before it hurts itself and look up into the rafters. "And then there's the climber…" 

You both turn your heads when you hear a tiny bark. A cute little face stares down at you from the rafters and there's a feather stuck to its nose. You shake your head knowing this pup got it from ripping up pillows in another part of the dog house. 

"Better go get her," you said, not moving an inch to do so.  

Yelena sees your challenge and rises to it. As if trained to do exactly so, she assesses the wooden interior for foot and hand holds. You can see the wheels turning in her head as she calculates what will and won't support her weight. In the sweep of a single moment, she rises from the door and swings herself into the rafters using a build up a momentum to propel her fast in an upperward direction. She completes the climb and balances with ease, reaching out to collect the happy wagging miscreant from her mountain top, tucks her in her jacket and climbs a different way down. 

You stare at her. "Were you raised by trapeze artists?" 

Yelena laughs. "I thought everybody was." 

The pup is safe and happy and eager to explore its new friend. Yelena lets her lick, sniff, and scratch at her skin, her clothes, her hair. The pup catches Yelena with a tiny lick right on the tip of her nose and Yelena looks back at you with adoring eyes. 

You smile. "Got a name for her already don't you?" 

"Yes," Yelena whines, "no, are you sure about this? I should probably tell you I've never had a dog before…" 

"I can tell your good people," you reply. "And smart as a whip. You'll adapt, just call me if you ever need anything." 

~

Three weeks later you get a phone call from an unknown number. It's Yelena giving you an address and making you swear never to tell anybody about it. You don't have any friends so it's an easy secret to keep. 

You drive a few miles south and stumble upon a stationary trailer in the middle of nowhere, nothing but clearings and trees and sky. Actually very similar to your own home. 

The door opens and Yelena greets you with a beer and the pup under her arm, already almost a foot bigger than she was before. 

"Her name is Fanny." You both laugh yourselves hoarse and pile into the trailer to puppy proof the place. 

[maddiwrites]

Precious Life

Pairing: JJ x reader

REQUEST (From anon): could you write a jj maybank imagine where he and the reader are together, but she pushes him away due to her mental health. she has insecurity issues after her last boyfriend and her bestfriend passed a few months ago leaving her horribly depressed. finally, she opens up to him and its just super fluffy and he showers her in love and support.

Note: Thank you so much for the request and I’m so sorry it took me a while to write, but hopefully you like it. I kinda suck at fluff, so I’m sorry if it’s not enough fluff. Let me know what you think! 

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: mentions of death of a friend, mental trauma from a past relationship, depression

You don’t know when it happened - whether it was overnight or throughout the past few weeks. Unlike everyone else who was excited about the summer finally beginning after what felt like the longest school year of your life, your days felt darker as you dreaded the upcoming season. You use to love summer - hell, you thrived during the hottest months of the year. You loved outdoor dining, surfing, beach parties, going out on the boat in the marsh with your friends. But now the thought of doing those activities made you want to vomit.

After your best friend passed away only a few months ago, you lost interest in all those activities. Because they all reminded you of her. She was the one who brought you out of you shell and pulled you out of your dark place when the world felt too unbearable to live in anymore. And now she was gone. Just like that. Life is so precious, you remember people telling you that at her funeral. They weren’t wrong. But you never thought your life could compare to the one of your beautifully made best friend.

Her birthday is next month in the early weeks of July. Her mother wants to hold a small party as if she was still there to celebrate. Of course she wants you there, but you don’t know if you’d be able to handle it. A birthday party for a dead girl? What an obvious reminder that she’s not there. It’s going to be the first birthday you spend without her. The tradition of getting smoothie bowls and going to the local zoo and finishing the night off with a bonfire and beer cans you stole out of your parents fridge is completely destroyed. Gone just like she is.

The only person making your miserable life a little more bearable is your wonderful boyfriend, JJ Maybank. Despite only being together for about two months, he became your closest friend. Your best friend would have loved him and would even be impressed that you went for such a bad boy. Your type usually consisted of stuck up boys with egos bigger than their daddy’s bank account. Sometimes you picture a life where your best friend and JJ knew each other. They’d probably be best of friends. Your friend would be weary of him at first, but JJ would work his usual charm and win her over in seconds. It’s what he did with you.

You met him after getting really close with Kiara when her dad hired you as another waitress at the Wreck. You remembered the day he first walked into the restaurant with his friends. You felt his eyes on you the entire time. Feeling bold, you walked over to his table and asked to borrow his phone. You opened his snap chat app and took a selfie with the two of you and said, “Here’s a picture if you want it to last longer.” And that was how the love story of JJ Maybank and Y/N Y/L/N started. JJ still has the picture saved as his Lock Screen. It makes you smile every time you see it.

Your life with JJ was nearly perfect. What started as a flirty banter became something serious. Kie knew JJ was in deep because he never complained about how slow you wanted to take the relationship. Aka sex. Usually JJ is the kind of guy who will go get what he wants. And if that’s a quick lay, that’s what he’ll go searching for. Someone that won’t make him work too hard for it. But with you? It was different. Sure he wanted to explore that part of the relationship with you, but only when you were ready. It was hard for him some days, especially when you wore his hoodies or kissed him so deeply that he swore his skin was on fire.

Although JJ has been nothing but a respectful KING about your decision to wait, you can’t help but feel guilty about keeping him waiting. It’s not that you didn’t want to - because god did you want to. But it was hard for you to give someone all of you like that. Part of you blames that on your own insecurities and the other part knows it’s trauma due to your past relationship. You never told anyone the kind of vile and disgusting things your ex boyfriend would say to your face. Well, you confessed to your best friend on the night he broke up with you. You physically had to hold her back by her hair to keep her from setting his house on fire. She tried to make you see that everything he said about you was wrong. Dumb, fat, whore, useless, poor, ugly. You wanted to believe her, but it was like your ex had physically tattooed the words onto your skin and it was hard to see anything else. When things were getting heated between you and JJ and you felt his hand dip under the thin material of your t shirt, you would pull away, afraid that he would feel the rolls on your stomach. You never let him see you without makeup on. And even wore baggy clothing so you wouldn’t have to worry about showing too much skin. You didn’t want him getting the wrong impression.

JJ tried asking Kie about it. JJ is smarter than people give him credit for. He had a feeling that your choosing to not have sex ran deeper than just not being ready. Which is totally fine but he wanted to be there for you if you needed help. Of course Kie had no idea. But just like JJ, she noticed you pulling away from the group slowly. She thought maybe it was the stress of finals as the end of the school year wrapped up, but then summer came around and the less you did.

“She’s been off, right?” JJ asks Kie. His legs bounces up and down anxiously and he chews on the nub of his thumb nail. “Do you notice it too?”

Kie doesn’t know how to answer. Of course she wants to be honest with her best friend, but she also doesn’t want to hurt him. “I mean, she’s been kind of distant with us. Maybe she’s been busy. I mean she’s gotten a few of her shifts covered in the last two weeks.”

JJ shakes his head. “I don’t know. I can’t shake off this feeling that it’s something more than that. Something I’m missing. I mean...” he sighs and takes his fingers through his hair. “Do you think it’s me? Did I do something? Maybe she feels pressured by this whole sex thing-“

“No. Of course not.” Kie says. She knows JJ would never make you do anything you don’t want to do, and he would never make you feel guilty about it. “You should talk to her about it next time you see her. I mean, I could bring it up too but I think it would be best coming from you.”

JJ nods and accepts this answer from Kie. It doesn’t make him feel any less anxious about the state of your relationship but at least he’s not crazy for thinking you’re pulling away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He doesn’t see you for another week. You claimed that you’ve been busy with work and college prep. JJ didn’t buy it but he also didn’t push it. He saw you when you showed up at his window at the Chateau. 

You’d come after having one of your episodes - one where you can’t sleep or eat or even focus on one thought. You don’t know why you came to the Chateau. You knew JJ would be here but you didn’t think he’d be able to help you. No one ever can.

“Hey,” JJ flicks on the lamp from the bedside table as he watches your figure squeeze through the window. “What are you doing here?”

You shrug. “I - uh. I don’t know, exactly. Just wanted to see you, I guess.”

JJ tilts his head and narrows his eyes at you. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” You lie. 

JJ nods, but he doesn’t believe you. “Then come here.” He opens up his arms for you to fall into. When you do, he pulls you in close with your head laying on his bare chest. You focus on his steady heartbeat and his warm arms around your body. You miss this. Being with JJ whole heartedly - mind and body. Recently it’s only been your body - your mind off somewhere else. 

“Did I wake you?” You ask softy. 

JJ kisses the top of your head. “No.” 

When you close your eyes, you picture your friend again. Her smile and laugh. Things that should have made you happy. But they don’t. Not anymore.

You don’t remember when or how it happened - how you ended up being below a hovering JJ as his lips peppered your skin. You remember starting the heavy make out session, hoping to distract yourself from the depressing thoughts of your dead best friend.

However, the deeper you got into it, the deeper you got in your own thoughts. First about your friend and then about your ex. What he would say if he were the one above you - “I thought you were going to the gym?” “You didn’t shave?” “You could use some sun.” - His voice rang in your head like a screeching record and you couldn’t do it anymore.

“Stop,” you mumble softly enough that JJ doesn’t hear it until you physically push him off of you and say more loudly. “J, stop!”

As his back hits the mattress again, he holds his hands up in surrender. He didn’t realize he was doing anything wrong and his heart races with the thought that maybe he hurt you or had gone too far.

You quickly pick up your tossed shirt and bag while avoiding all kinds of eye contact with him. You felt embarrassed. It’s not his fault that you can physically feel every skin roll on your body or think you can smell every bad odor radiating off your skin. JJ has never been anything but a prince to you since you started dating. You felt bad that you couldn’t give him what he wanted. Sex should be a normal part of your relationship yet you couldn’t seem to give him your all just yet.

“I’m sorry. Did I-“ JJ starts to apologize but you cut him off.

“No. I’m sorry. I should go. I should have never come -“

“Hey,” JJ sits up and tries to reach for you, but you yank your hand closer to your body when his fingers graze your skin. JJ frowns. “You don’t have to go. We can just go to sleep. Or I can sleep on the couch.”

You pause at the bedroom door with your back to him. You squeeze your eyes tight to stop the tears from cascading down your cheeks. You hate this. Feeling like another burden to someone else. Not being able to give the one you love everything they want. It’s not fair. It feels like everyday your days just keeping getting darker and darker as if the sun never rises. And you don’t know how long you’ll be able to take it.

“Y/N...” JJ softly calls out for you. He can see the tension in your shoulders and your knuckles turning white as you clench around the door knob. He knows something isn’t right. That there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to what you’re going through. He’d never force you to tell him anything. But he wants you to feel comfortable enough that you know you have the option to talk if you wanted to.

“I’m sorry, J...” your voice cracks which makes JJ’s heart break a little more. Still with your back to him, you shake your head. “I can’t be what you want me to be.”

“Y/N -“

You finally turn to look at him. “You deserve someone who will give you everything you want. Someone who makes you happy - someone who is happy.” You sniffle back the tears. “I’m sorry. That’s just not me.”

Tears prick at JJ’s eyes. He wishes he can say he is surprised, but he honestly saw this coming. You’ve been distant and hard to read. He thought you were falling out of love with him for weeks. But that doesn’t make this any less hard to hear.

“Don’t do this,” JJ shakes his head. “We can work this out -“

“I can’t do it anymore,” you shake your head as one lone tear falls down your cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

You rip the door open and stumble through John B’s house before JJ could say anything else. You throat feels on fire as you bite back a heart wrenching scream from what you’ve just done. You probably ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to you. No surprise there, you think. Nothing in your life seems to ever go as planned.

You run home until your legs feel like they’re literally on fire. By the time your back hits the mattress of your own bed, your muscles feel like jello, and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to walk again.

You cry into your pillow until the world around you fades to darkness.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Its been about two weeks since you last saw JJ and the Pogues. You didn’t think it was possible, but without them, your life somehow felt even emptier. Days feel like years. Your body feels so heavy, it’s hard to get out of bed most days. You can’t remember the last time you showered. Your skin on your face feels dry from all tears that have been shed. Some days you want to pick up the phone and call JJ or Kie, just to hear their voice. But you don’t. Because you don’t want to feel like a burden to either one of them. You broke up with JJ. You’re not their problem anymore.

With your head tucked deep into your pillow, you feel the corner of your bed dip as if someone had just sat down. You figured it was just your mom checking in on you again for the hundredth time. She doesn’t say anything and you don’t acknowledge her either. 

Your phone beeps with another text message from JJ. You peek your eye open at your phone and slowly reach for it. You hesitate opening the message, afraid that whatever he has to say will only break your heart and make you feel like an even worse human being.

“You’re seriously not going to answer that?” The person sitting on your bed says, making you snap around to face the girl who is for sure not your mother, but your best friend. The same best friend who’s buried in a cemetery fifteen minutes away from your house. 

She looks exactly how you remember her. Long beautiful hair that frames her perfect jawline. Tan almost glistening skin that radiates off the sunlight that shines through your window. Eyes sparkling with life and mischief.

You look at her with wide eyes and an open mouth. You were truly at a loss for words. Confused was an understatement. It didn’t make sense.

She laughs at your reaction and shakes her head. “Do you need a minute?”

“I don’t - how - am I - am I dreaming?” You stutter. 

“No I’m just the prettiest zombie you’ve ever seen,” She says sarcastically and holds her grin. You blink at her. “Yes, you’re dreaming. Well, kinda.” She stands up and faces you. “You’re definitely dreaming but I’m in control of visiting you in your sleep. Kinda cool, right? It’s a ghost trick I recently learned.”

“I’m officially going crazy,” You say.

“You’re right. You are going crazy,” Your friend rounds to the other side of the bed to come face to face with you as you sit up and rub your eyes. “But not because you’re seeing me. Because you’re not seeing JJ.”

You drop your hands at your side and glare at her. “You don’t even know him.”

“I know of him,” She says. “He’s a Pogue. A hot one too. And he’s head over heels in love with you. What else do I need to know?”

You shake your head. “It’s complicated.”

“Why? He loves you and you love him.”

You flip your comforter off you body and walk past the girl who loves sticking her nose in other people’s business. You always told her it would get her in trouble one day. But you secretly loved that she was so nosy. Because she cared and always gave the best advice. 

You walk towards your dresser and stare at yourself in the mirror above it. The bags under your eyes are dark and your skin pale. Your hair is greasy from your lack of washing it and you’re starting to realize you’re beginning to smell.

Your friend sighs and sits back on your bed. “He’s in your head,” She says glumly.

You scoff, “I think if anyone’s in my head, it’s you.”

She glares back at you. “You know what I mean. Y/Ex’s/N. He’s still tormenting you after almost a year of not seeing him.”

You shake your head. “No I’m -”

“Come on, Y/N. You can’t lie to me. You’re still hiding your laugh behind your hand because he called it obnoxious. You hide yourself under baggy clothing and you won’t have sex with JJ because Y/Ex’s/N said you were bad at it -”

“Stop.”

“Clearly you weren’t bad at it since he got to come every single time. If anyone was bad at it, it was him.”

“Y/BFF’s/N.”

“What? It’s true,” She shrugs. That’s what you always loved about her. She was unapologetic. She meant what she said every time no matter what. You wished you had her confidence. She sighs and moves over on the bed so she’s closer to you. “Y/N, you deserve to be happy,” she says more softly. “And JJ makes you happy. Why are you pushing him away? Why can’t you let yourself be happy?”

“Because you’re not here!” You finally kick down the wall that’s been building in your head since your friend’s death. You never talked about her with anyone. Not even with her own family. She was your person - the girl who was going to stand by your side at your wedding, be the god mother to your children, your shoulder to cry on, and your therapist when you needed to rant. And now she’s not here and it feels wrong living the life you were supposed to live together. “How can I be happy when you’re not here?”

“Y/N...”

“No,” You cry. “It’s not fair. You’re supposed to be here. I can’t pretend like everything’s normal when it’s not. This was supposed to be the best summer of our lives and then you just left.” You snap your fingers. “Just like that. Out of nowhere. And if that can happen to you then it can happen to -”

You cut yourself off, afraid to say what you really were thinking. You didn’t want to put that kind of energy into the atmosphere because the thought haunted you every night when you were alone with your thoughts. You never thought you could lose someone like you lost your best friend. You didn’t think that would ever happen to you. But it did. And it put life in perspective for you. You don’t think you’d be able to live through another loss like that so falling for JJ was scary to you. Because if something ever happened to him, you wouldn’t know what to do. 

“Hey,” She stands up to embrace you in a hug. You sob into her shoulder and squeeze her tightly against you. You don’t want to let her go. She feels so real. You’re actually touching her. “Look at me.” She eventually pulls away to look at you. She offers a sad grin and pushes your hair out of your eyes. “I’m sorry I died. But you get to live! You know how jealous I am that you have the ability to eat smoothie bowls every day and go surfing and date cute boys and go on road trips with your friends and family? You don’t even know how good you have it. And on top of that, you have the hottest guy on the island fawning over you and you’re too sad about me to even realize it. I don’t want you to live this way -” she motions to your messy room. “I want you to take advantage of the life you have. If I can’t live it, then you have to live it for me.”

“I don’t want to do it without you,” You cry.

She shakes her head. “You’ll never be without me, chick. I’m always going to be with you. Besides, I like JJ. You’d be stupid to let him go.”

You bite your bottom lip and feel a rush of heat climb up your neck to your cheeks. “He is really good to me.” You knew your friend was right. She was always right. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” She says. You both turn when you hear someone knock on your door. She looks back at you and smirks. “That’s my cue.”

“Wait -”

“Don’t worry, chick. Remember what I said. I’m not far away.”

You gasp awake wrapped in your sheets with dried drool stuck to your chin. You sit up and look around frantically for any sign of your best friend. But she’s gone. So is any sign that she might have been here. You rub the dried saliva off your chin with your fingers and sigh up at the ceiling. It felt so real.

Your mom lets herself into your room and smiles at you. “Oh, good. You’re awake.”

“Yeah...” You say slowly. You think back to everything your best friend said to you in your dream. How lucky you are to live a life that she can’t. For the first time ever, she was jealous of you. For a life you’re taking for granted. Although it was hard to be happy without her by your side, you knew she didn’t want you sulking around for her. Some days are going to be hard. That’s just the inevitable. But you have the ability to make it easier. It all starts with you. “I think I’m going to take a shower.”

“Really?” Your mom says, surprised by the effort you’re making so early in the morning. 

“Yeah,” You grin and walk past her to get to your bathroom. Today is going to be a new day, you say to yourself as you let the warm water rain over you. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Two days later was your best friend’s birthday. A day you’ve been dreading for weeks. Your heart felt heavy and your mind clouded as you moved around your room getting ready for the day. As much as you wanted to stay in bed, you knew it wouldn’t be what she wanted. You haven’t spoken to her since that night, but you knew she was quietly watching over you. 

You throw on a pair of sports shorts and a long sleeve t shirt. The day is cold and foggy so you knew the cemetery would be cold. Your parents offer you a small smile as you walk out the door with a bouquet of flowers and a blanket.

You slowly come to a stop as you’re walking to your car parked on the street in front of your house when you recognize a familiar truck parked behind it. JJ steps out of the driver’s seat and approaches you with his hands tucked in his short pockets. He smiles sheepishly at you and glances down at the flowers. 

“Hey,” He says. 

“Hey,” You shuffle awkwardly on your feet. Why did he have to look so good? He’s dressed in a Coors Light tank and cargo shorts. His golden hair is perfectly quaffed and his skin perfectly sun kissed. “How are you?”

“Good, good,” He nods. He hates that your relationship has resulted to this. Awkward small talk. “I’m sorry. Am I catching you at a bad time?” He motions to the flowers. 

“Um,” You glance between the flowers and him and shrug. “No. I was actually just going to see a friend. Would you like to come?” You remember all the things your friend had to say about JJ. How he loves you, you love him, and he makes you happy. You messed up by breaking up with him, but maybe you can make it right by explaining everything to him. 

“Oh,” JJ looks surprised that you’re offering time to hang out. He was afraid you were going to push him away and shut your front door in his face. He didn’t know what was going to happen. He just wanted to see you. “Yeah. Definitely.”

You smile. “Great. But we have to stop for smoothie bowls on the way.”

JJ laughs. “No problem.”

Surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward being alone with JJ after all this time. The two of you spent the car ride talking about the other Pogues and what they’ve been up to in the past couple of weeks. It was bittersweet talking about them because of how much you missed them, but you hoped that they would accept you back into their friend group after you explained to JJ why you’ve been so distant. 

“Uh, Y/N.” JJ says when he parks the car.

“Yeah?” 

“This is a cemetery.”

You can’t help but giggle at his apprehension. “I know. Come on.”

JJ carries the flowers and you carry the brown paper bag that holds your three smoothie bowls and a blanket. You lead him through the wet grass, past dozens of tomb stones until you find where your best friend peacefully lays. 

JJ stays silent as he looks between you and the tombstone. The years etched onto the tombstone indicate that someone your age is buried here. He quickly puts the puzzle pieces together and tries to read your facial expression. Your sadly grinning at the tomb stone when you feel JJ’s eyes on the side of your face. 

You lay the blanket down and offer half of it for him to sit next to you. He does but stays quiet, waiting for you to explain whenever you’re ready.

“This is Y/BFF’s/N,” You introduce her. “She was my best friend.” JJ nods and lets you continue as you stare at the tombstone. “She died a few weeks before we met.” You pull out the smoothie bowls and pass one to JJ and place the other one in front of the flowers placed by the grave. “Today’s her birthday and  we had this tradition that we would get smoothie bowls every morning of our birthday.” You pop open the lid of your bowl and push around the berries laying on top with your spoon. “I know I owe you an explanation.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to...”

“Trust me,” You smile at him, “I do. She would kill me if I didn’t.” 

You told JJ about the mental toll her death had on your life. Even with JJ by your side, you felt her missing presence heavily all day every day. It wasn’t that you weren’t happy in your relationship with JJ, it was just that something was missing and it was something you couldn’t bring back to your life. Because of her loss, you fell back into a depression you once experienced towards the end of your last relationship. You told JJ about the mental anguish your ex left you with and why you don’t feel comfortable opening yourself up to him, both physically and mentally. You promised it wasn’t because of JJ but because of your ex and the things he said to you. With your friend’s birthday coming up, everything was weighing you down mentally and you didn’t want to hinder JJ’s life any longer. You told him you thought breaking up with him was best for him so he didn’t have to deal with your problems and he can find a girl that makes him happy. You regret ever walking away from him that night. Your friend was your person, but now so is JJ. You want him to know everything about you. Good and bad. He deserves to know the truth.

“She would’ve liked you,” You brush your fallen tears away with the back of your hand. “You guys are alike in a lot of ways.”

“Yeah?” JJ smiles at you. “How?”

“She made me laugh and always pushed me past my comfort zone. She challenged me to do more with my life. And she never gave up on me,” You grin up at him. “I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

“You don’t have to be,” JJ says. “I get it. No one deserve to lose a friend like this. I don’t know what I would do if this happened to John B or Pope or even Kie.”

“I still love you, J. And I want to give you every part of me. I just...need some help opening up.”

JJ sets down his smoothie bowl and turns to face you. His hand caresses the side of your face and pushes your hair back behind your ear. “Hey....we can take it as slow as you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

You smile at him. “So, you wanna try this again?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

JJ leans in to kiss you on your lips. Butterflies erupt from your stomach and fireworks shoot across every nerve in your body. When you eventually pull away, you’re smiling because even when your best friend isn’t here to physically push you, she has her own way of getting into your head and making sure you don’t take the life you have in front of you for granted. And you couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Unbeknownst to you, your friend watches from a far with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. Slightly shaking her head, she says to you, “You’re gonna be just fine, chick.”