#its my house and i decide the trans characters

[ent-is-indecisive]

id : a digital painting in warm tones with visible brushstrokes on a dark background. steve is lying on his side, propped on his elbow with top surgery scars and an open billowy shirt tucked in dark trousers. he is gazing up at eddie, who is sat facing the viewer and yet looking slightly down at steve, his expression conflicted. his hair is loose with a few small white flowers tucked behind his ear, a white shirt with rolled up sleeves and a dark green waistcoat and dress pants. he is fidgeting with his hands on his lap./end id

my guest is gone and it is once again 3am. Behold! the twelfth night inspired steddie painting!

[fujoshimenacecw]

A conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato

In our first ever translation work we share a riveting conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato! Read on our wordpress or keep reading on tumblr under the readmore

For the 189th issue of the Magazine House publication Hato yo! published January 1st 2000, movie director and screenwriter Shimako Sato leads a three way conversation between herself and her acquaintances, the anime and live action movie director Hideaki Anno, and manga artist Moto Hagio. Together they discuss their respective admiration for each other’s work, Anno’s past statements on otaku, their takes on parent-child relations, how to escape puberty, and why Anno finds it scary to be around children. 

To Me, There is 5 Ways To End a Story

Hagio: I got really into Neon Genesis Evangelion after it finished airing (laughter). I had been told by an acquaintance that Eva was a work that had “fans who were looking forward to watching the series so enraged by the developments in the final episode that they broke their TVs” (laughter). I wondered what could a work that evokes such strong emotions be like? I was really interested, so I borrowed the VHS tapes from a friend of Shimako-san’s, then I started watching.

Anno: I’m a big fan of Hagio-san’s manga, so when Shimako-san first said she could introduce us and arrange this meeting I was truly happy. The fact that you took an interest in Eva is an honor but… When I first heard “to me, there are five ways to end a story” I thought “as expected; amazing!” So after several twists and turns I finally reached a conclusion

Sato: Anno-san, when did you first encounter Hagio-san’s work?

Anno: The first one I read was They Were 11! during its serialization. In elementary school I read it at the Ear-Nose-Throat Doctor. I generally read manga at the waiting room there or at the barbers, since I didn’t really get any manga to read at home. When I read They Were 11! back then I was blown away. After that I read Hyaku Oku no Hiru to Senoku no Yoru [trans: Ten Billion Days and One Hundred Billion Nights, original story by Ryu Mitsuse]. My favorite work is Half-god [Hanshin]. The fact that such a meaningful story could be told in only 16 pages is amazing. I think Hagio-san is a genius storyteller, but her art is amazing as well. In middle school I thought that if I copied Hagio-san’s art I’d become better at drawing.

Sato: If you had also imitated her storytelling would that perhaps have changed Eva’s final episode? (laughter)

Saving the world, love and hatred

Anno: You know, I don’t have much interest in concluding a story.

Sato: Do you hate wrapping a furoshiki? [trans note: a traditional wrapping cloth]

Anno: No, it’s that I think you can do more with a furoshiki than tie it up pretty. Like break it or tear it to shreds, all kinds of things.

Sato: If we include all that, isn’t that still doing the act of wrapping?

Hagio: In your case Anno-san, I find your way of grasping the world unique.

Sato: For both Anno-san and Hagio-san, even with the differences between manga and anime you’re making a serialized work, right. When you make a long-form work, is the ending something that is already decided? Or is it something that changes?

Anno: For me it’s something like a live performance, and ends up gradually changing as I create the work.

Hagio: I’m a bit too careful, so I can’t draw if I haven’t thought of the ending. An exception is when I made Star Red. Otherworld Barbara which I made later also ended up becoming an exception 

Anno: Star Red’s ending was magnificent. I was also influenced by Star Red. Actually, I’ve written some dialogue similar to the one in Star Red’s ending 

Sato: Which of the characters do you like?

Anno: Well, the protagonist.

Sato: I like Elg. At first I thought he was a rather unreliable person, but he gradually came to play an active role. By the end he revived a dead planet through love.

Hagio: I also like characters like that!

Sato: When I watch Anno’s works like Eva I feel like you are more the kind of person who saves the world through hatred, what do you think?

Anno: I don’t know 

Hagio: That feeling of uncertainty becomes the foundation of your storytelling doesn’t it? I come to think that that feeling is something so overflowing you can’t tie it all together. 

Sato: It seems you have some differences when it comes to making a story, but I think one thing your stories have in common is perhaps parent-child relations?

Anno: That is true, Hagio-san. Your relationship with your mother appears in your work…

Hagio: When I was a child, my older sister was my mother’s favorite, I was always compared to her. It seemed my mother thought that compared to my sister I was unreliable so she always worried about me, even when I was into my thirties she’d tell me to quit making manga.

Sato: And that was during The Poe Clan’s heyday wasn’t it?

Hagio: (laughter) When I was watching Eva, something that really caught my attention was Shinji-kun worrying about whether or not he was useful to his father. Yet there was a distance between them. During that time I was very interested in, to put it into words, “broken relations.” 

Otaku Are Generally Uncool

Sato: Anno-san, in your work I think father-son relations is something that makes an appearance. Are there any real experiences behind that?

Anno: My family was normal. If I have a complex it would be that we were a poor family rather than a just normal one, and my father has only one leg. Regardless, I think stories about parents are the simplest to make, it’s easy. 

Sato: So since Eva is a parent-child story it ended up like that?

Anno: What makes it easy is that we have some preconceived assumptions about [parent-child relations], “have you argued with your parents?” and such.

Sato: What appears in your work isn’t those things, but your own internalized problems don’t you think.

Anno: That appears to be it. As for my family we truly were the archetypical lower middle class household. My father was a good person. A sensible man. When you’re under circumstances like my father was you have to live sensibly or else you’re excluded.

Sato: So in opposition to that, you became an otaku.

Anno: That might be it. Your most important model for what normalcy is is your family. But I have a younger sister and she is exceedingly normal. She doesn’t read manga, there is nothing twisted about her at all.

Sato: And by twisted you mean?

Anno: That she’s not an otaku.

Sato: Anno-san, you’ve said that you hate otaku, haven’t you.

Anno: It’s not hate. It’s just that I think otaku are uncool. To otherwise not notice that you’re uncool or purposefully suppressing that fact makes me feel disgusted.

Sato: What about The Matrix? Isn’t that a cool otaku movie?

Anno: That one is also uncool.

Hagio: Even though Keanu Reeves is cool.

Anno: Keanu is cool. Because he is not an otaku. The otaku are the Wachowskis. They can’t get out of the confinements of their otaku-ism. So for example, even if they make something cool, part of it will for certain be otaku-like Even though I say this I don’t hate it. If I truly did I’d quit being an otaku.

Sato: Hagio-san, would you say your family was normal or was it perhaps affluent?

Joh (Hagio’s manager): Hagio-san and her mother actually have a similar biorhythm. It was perhaps due to that fact that Hagio rebelled by pursuing the path of becoming a manga artist. 

Hagio: I might have been running away by drawing. But, if I had rebelled by becoming a delinquent I think it perhaps might’ve been more enriching to me as a person.

Anno: To become a creator is not something I think is a happy path to go down. In order to not be unhappy you have to work for dear life. At the very least create works as if you’re going back to zero [from the negatives].

Hagio: Is it a negative? Because you are an otaku?

Anno: Being an otaku is a huge negative. You make up for it either by relying on others or by producing creative works. With that said, I think my generation has it easier than yours, Hagio-san. This is an era where even old men read manga. My parents even now have no issues with my line of work. I appear in Asahi Shimbun, I appear on NHK, they have nothing to worry about. That is also why I will try not to ever refuse any coverage from my hometown newspapers.

Hagio: But don’t you think parents don’t truly understand? Even if I become famous, my parents will say; can’t you quit drawing manga? And just appear in the newspaper? (laughter)

Sato: But if you quit drawing manga you won’t appear in the newspaper. (laughter)

Hagio: In that context, a part of me still expects too much affirmation from my parents. Not externally but internally. Even if I appear in Asahi Shimbun I still end up thinking it’s not good enough.

Sato: The fact that you still worry so much about what your parents think at your age Hagio-san, it’s so strange.

Hagio: Yes, I think so too

Anno: Could it be that you have to become a parent to change that part of you that worries so much about what your parents think?

Sato: I don’t worry at all about what my parents think.

Anno: I also don’t care even a little bit. As far as I’m concerned, I’m bored if I get my parents’ approval. When I did Nadia: The Secret Of Blue Water for NHK I felt that feeling.

Sato: Do you have a replacement parent figure?

Anno: Well, a man without imaginary enemies is no good. For me right now, I think I want to make works that have Hayao Miyazaki beat.

Sato: Hagio-san, your worries might also be what gives birth to your works.

Hagio: That might be the case.

Sato: Anno-san, earlier, you said “you have to become a parent to change.” I personally don’t think if you don’t have children you can’t become an adult. I think that being an adult is being independent in everything you do. That’s why I think marriage or having children doesn’t change anything.

Anno: You can become a parent without being an adult. At 17 or 18 you could become a parent. To become a parent without even being an adult, that is the problem I think. 

Sato: Do you consider yourself to be an adult, Anno-san?

Anno: I guess I’m a child. 

Sato: I don’t consider my parents to be adults.

Hagio: I’m very discontent with the fact that my parents aren’t adults.

Anno: I’m not discontent.

Sato: For me realizing that my parents aren’t absolute adults was a relief during my middle school years. Until then I had played the role of an exemplary student, but when I realized that fact I stopped playing that role. 

Hagio: So you’re a child who didn’t fit into your parents’ expectations. I was also a child who didn’t fit into my parents’ expectations, but the fact that they didn’t shrug their shoulders and say “that’s fine,” filled me with anxiety. I thought that if I become an adult I’d lose that anxiety. But I want recognition from people. I continue to request affirmation. 

Sato: Anno-san, in Eva you portrayed children like this, but are you like this yourself?

Anno: The affirmation? Hmmm. That kind of thing changes with the project.

Hagio & Sato: ?

Anno: I don’t believe in the supremacy of the director of a work, but rather the work itself. What would be best for the work, I only base my judgment on the total. Although I won’t hand over the executive decisions.

Hagio: Manga is a one-man job, but with a movie there’s the director, the scriptwriter, the actors, etc. Each of them sees themselves as a leading part. Furthermore as living beings the things we do will sometimes diverge from the plan we made in our heads. The fun of living is discovering what those differences will be.

Is Eva The Rite of Passage That Will Get Us Through Puberty?

Sato: The movie Love & Pop that you directed Anno-san, the original creator Ryuu Murakami-san and yourself are both men, yet the story is about high school girls. I found that interesting.

Hagio: I thought that both of you wanted to be very similar to an archetypical girl. You said you wanted to see a part of puberty, and girlhood that you couldn’t control. After all, men aren’t just made up of boys. I believe that femininity and masculinity is something we have combined within us. Sort of androgynous.

Sato: The boys you create not having that vivid true-to-life quality to them I think is a representation of that. Anno-san, as a man, what do you think of the boys in Hagio-san’s manga? 

Anno: I could see myself in them. I think what I like the most is that all the characters are smart. Because they have such a high intelligence it feels good to read.

Hagio: Like a washing machine right at the peak of its cycle, I want to leave my characters on the verge of that kind of critical point [of merger]. To be honest, the idea that once you’re past 30 you’ve become an old lady, that sense is something we’ve left behind.

Sato: I’ve found that when men become old they lose their ability to be nihilistic in their work, is it the same as that?

Anno: In the case of men, as you age, the world view [of your fiction] rather than your characters come to reflect your nihilism. You don’t aspire to be nihilistic, you yourself are becoming nihilistic. Your world view is what gradually utilizes nihilism. Isao Takahata, for example, is a nihilistic person. Nothing is born from being nihilistic. As nihilism is Plus-Minus-Zero, eventually your heart can’t be moved.

Hagio: A world that doesn’t change, isn’t that comfortable? 

Sato: Even though in order to grow you have to fight. By asking like this, Anno-san, did you not experience puberty?

Anno: That might be it.

Hagio: I thought you were right in the middle of puberty.

Anno: I thought I’m losing it, but it might be puberty. Generally speaking, otaku don’t go through puberty.

Hagio: I thought otaku went through a prolonged chronic puberty.

Anno: It’s not what society ordinarily calls puberty.

Hagio: A never ending puberty, in this age, could it perhaps be because there are no more rites of passage? 

Anno: Sure enough, you have to bungee jump. (laughter)

Hagio: A ritual to let your childhood die and then replay it, such a thing doesn’t exist now. Taking entrance exams may be the closest to [a rite of passage].

Sato: Don’t you feel like lately that around age 30 is when the coming of age ceremony actually happens?

Hagio: For that part, that’s when the stories takes on that role I think.

Sato: As a ritual?

Hagio: It’s not a ritual, but perhaps more intuitive? A trial run on a mock life. By that definition, I noticed Eva is just like that. I had an acquaintance who is a teacher from the Kyoto Steiner school. They saw the Eva movie in theaters. At that time they found the reactions of the people watching to be more interesting than the story. They had thought, isn’t it like we’ve all come to see the rite of passage which we all failed? I thought so as well “that’s right, that is interesting.” The rite of passage to become an adult after entering puberty, be it Gundam or Eva those stories put people in a position where they are observing the world, observing themselves, experiencing war and such.

Sato: Anno-san, were you considering all this…

Anno: I didn’t make it like that. But when I was making the movie I was thinking of this a little. 

Hagio: When I watched Eva it ended up overlapping with the book Childhood [by Jan Myrdal]. It’s a book about a mother who can’t love her child. She thinks “I have to take care of this child”, but even so she can’t love him. I wonder what happens to children raised like this. Children learn from their parents. In truth there will be consequences for the parent, but the question on my mind was children who can’t find their place with the parent, where can they find their place instead? Although I thought you were such a person when you were making Eva, Anno-san. (laughter) 

Sato: Speaking of, the other day you were on a TV show teaching grade schoolers about anime, Anno-san. What do you think of children?

Anno: I was scared of being in contact with children. I don’t understand the appropriate distance to take. I believe even the most casual thing an adult says mustn’t traumatize them, I end up becoming oversensitive. In grade school during still drawing class, I’d draw roof tiles and other detailed things, but humans moved around and I found it annoying, so I never drew people. Because of that my teacher said “this isn’t a child’s drawing,” which deeply hurt me. In the end, from that experience I think it was a part of the reason why I decided on working with drawing. Even though I opposed standardized education, I really felt the difficulty of dealing with not having a basic manual.

By the way, how much longer until Zankoku na Kami ga Shihai Suru [trans: A Cruel God Reigns] ends? I made a mistake. I wanted to read it all at once, right, so I refrained from buying it but… when volume 6 came out I ended up buying all of them. 

Hagio: Oh yes, right. July next year I think. 

Anno: Understood. Then the final collected volume will be out in the fall of next year. Hmm well that means I can enjoy it for another year. Understood. 

Sato: Isn’t that great.

------------------------------

Translated by mod Juli, with assistance from two financially compensated native speakers.

Since the initial upload of this translation minor edits have been done to correct grammar and spelling mistakes. On March 1st 2025 an edit has been made on the following line:  Anno: I think they have empathy. I think what I like the most is that all the characters are smart. Because they have such a high intelligence it feels good to read. It now says: Anno: I could see myself in them. I think what I like the most is that all the characters are smart. Because they have such a high intelligence it feels good to read.

A scan of the full interview raws has now been added to the wordpress version!

[attila45]

Yesterday, I watched the Spiderverse (2023) for the third time just for Hobie Brown. And I noticed something.

Nearly all of the Spider people has red in their design, (Gwen being an exception) but since they never exist in a fully red enviroment and the way other colors are used in their design, it never looks "way too red". But hey, guess which show has characters with dominant red colors? Hazbin Hotel. So I decided to compare the way colors are used in them.

See where Im getting? In these shots, the characters always pop out from the background because of the way lighting and backgrounds are used. Yet it never looks eye straining despite the colors are very vibrant.

And another problem I wanted to talk about, in Spiderverse, the colors are used to represent emotions and they do this pretty well. The first scene where Gwen hugs her dad has a really soothing and nice vibe, which its probably how Gwen feels too at the very moment. The second scene, well I actually didnt get to watch that scene so I dont remember the context crystal clear but its when Miles gets sent to the other universe, where he gets tied to the punching bag by the other Miles. The scene is primarily red to show the danger and threat. This is how well the color red is used in Spiderverse. Its special and they saved it for these kind of scenes.

Now, for Hazbin Hotel.. Hmm, I guess the color red is special in this show too. The characters all have red, white and black in their designs with some of them having a little bit of yellow. Maybe use some cool colors to balance that like they did in Spiderverse? Or dont put your characters in red enviroments unless its necessary to show a certain emotion or mood? Its always the same tone of red used in every scene and every character, its looking bad and unorganized.

You dont need to make the Hell all red to show its Hell? If you wanna keep that, then design your characters with different colors so they can stand out from the background. Otherwise, youre gonna end up having these clustred images.

And another thing Hazbin Hotel needs to learn from Spiderverse is designing POC. Spiderverse has a really diverse cast of characters with all kinds of different personalities. It doesnt have any stereotypes unlike Hazbin and has great written poc characters like Miles, Hobie, Miguel, Jessica and so much more. ALSO surprisingly, despite Spiderverse not having any canonic queer character, with the "Protect trans kids" poster in Gwen's house, I think it also has better queer represantation than Hazbin too lol. It was pretty casual, not forced or anything stereotypical, it was just there. I just love the theory that the Peter Parker in Gwen's universe may be trans, which it makes sense for me.

So yeah folks, thats pretty much it. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

XOXO 💋💋 HUGS!! ^_^ :3

[snalsupremacy]

12 MANGA BY LGBT+ CREATORS

Happy pride month!! My time has come. Years of seeking lgbt manga lead me some great finds, and here's all the ones written by openly LGBT mangaka!

1- Our Dreams At Dusk by Yuhki Kamitani, an asexual x-gender creator!

A classic in the lgbt manga niche. Literally google "lgbt manga" and you'll find this one in the top results. It's popular for a reason! Starting Tasuku, a gay teen, the manga deals with members of the queer community from all walks of life living in a small town, and how being queer impact their lives. Yuhki Kamitani's poetic and abstract story telling abilities enhances a simple story line into one of the best emotional roller-coasters you'll ever ride on. TW: Attempt suicide, mentions of said attempt, groping of a minor, lots of homophobia

2- I Think Our Son is Gay by Okura, a gay creator!

An ADORABLE story about a progressive mom trying to learn more about how to support her closeted gay son without making it obvious that she knows. Super sweet and adorable, and the author's notes were so touching! queer joy all around

TW: Discussions and verbal displays of homophobia

3- Boys Run The Riot by Keito Gaku, a transmasc creator!

Another classic in this niche. The story follows a trans boy named Ryo who bonds with the trouble student Jin over men's fashion, and together they decide to start a fashion brand. It's refreshing to see the struggles of a trans boy portrayed so genuine and authentically.

TW: Gender dysphoria, outing

4- My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Kabi Nagata, a lesbian creator!

Kabi Nagata is an biographical essayist that publishes all her work in manga form. In one of her most popular works, My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness, Kabi tells the series of the events that led her to sleeping with a lesbian sex worker. Bold and authentic, Kabi has no fear to portray the ugly and fucked up parts of mental illness, in turn crafting an intimate and touching story.

TW: Self-harm, eating disorder, lots of discussions of mental illness, sexuality, and gender.

5- The Bride was a Boy by Chii, a transfem creator!

The biographical tale of the author, Chii, from realizing she's trans to meeting her husband, all told through 4-koma stories! The adorable chibi art-style and light-heartedness of this manga is sure to warm anyone's hearts! It's great to see the story of a trans woman told in such an optimistic and happy way. Details like the pop-ups of information about LGBT and Trans issues to the game-board illustrating her transition journey really show how proud Chii is of her identity, as she should!

TW: None that I remember

6- My Brother's Husband by Gengoroh Tagame, a gay creator!

The #1 non-sexual Bara, made by the #1 bara author. Tagame may be more known for his NSFW works, but his first SFW serialization shows the experience he's gained through the decades working on manga, even winning multiple awards (-) . After single father Yaichi's estranged brother passed away, Yaichi gets visited by his Canadian husband, Mike. A beautiful and sweet story of dealing with loss and overcoming homophobia, ft the cutest little child character and a very healthy divorced couple!

TW: Nudity (Technically non-sexual, but Tagame is a bear and it shows), Grief and loss of a loved one

7- To Strip The Flesh by Oto Toda, a transmasc creator!

An anthology book of various stories by Toda. The first of which, To Strip the Flesh (Where the manga gets its namesake) is inspired by the author's experience with dysphoria and coming out as a trans men. Toda was the assistant of Tatsuki Fujimoto (Chainsaw Men) during the serialization of Fire Punch.

TWs: Gender Dysphoria, gore, mutilation (no blood shown), house invasion, nudity, hunting and skinning of animals, gunshot wound, mysoginy

8-Gay Fuuzoku no Mochigi-san - Sexuality Is Life - by Mochigi, a gay creator!

Originally published on Twitter, Mochigi tells of his experience running away from home and coming to work in the bustling Shinjuku Ni-Chome, Tokyo's gay neighborhood. Through his sex work and work in gay bars, Mochigi tells an authentic story of the ups and downs of the gay culture in Tokyo.

TWs: Though not visually graphic, it goes into a lot of details about gay sex work

9- Vassalord by Nanae Chrono, a transmasc creator!

Y'all aren't ready for the synopsis... ok so this cyborg vampire who works for the Vatican is frenemies with this fuckboy vampire. They fight then make up then kiss and break-up (YOU!). Together they go on missions set by the church. Extremely emo and edgy vampires, actually really great action, and all the charm of early 2000's BL, now with extra blood! Nanae Chromo came out on twitter as trans only recently, and many news sources including Anime List still lists him as Female unfortunately.

TW: Bloody fights, enough homoeroticism to make your teeth rot

10- X-Gender by Asuka Miyazaki, a X-gender creator!

Miyazaki (AFAB) realizes at age 33 that they not only are X-gender, but like woman as well! The relatable and awkward biographical story of the author's experiences and new discoveries about their identity and the community. The manga also takes the time to explain all the terms used in the LGBT community, making it very accessible to those out of the loop! Also, the art-style is very cute.

TW: Lots of talks about sex and gender, possibly other things as I have not read it yet

11- Why I Adopted my Husband by Yuta Yagi, a gay creator!

The cute auto biography of Yuta and Kyota, a gay couple who have been dating for almost 20 years. The manga talks about not only their relationship, but also what it's like to live as a gay couple in Japan, and the draws and benefits of adoption as a way to seek the same legal rights of straight couples.

TWs: None

• Final Word •

I made this list to celebrate all the brave people who are open about their identities, but I also wanna point out that there are incredible LGBT manga out there written by anonymous or even straight creators!

Happy pride month to everyone but specially all the people living in places where it's not safe to be openly LGBT, everyday that you breathe is an act of rebellion, and we should be proud of that!

Here's a quickie of some other LGBT manga that didn't make the list for some reason or another- hmu if u want more details on them or just wanna talk about lgbt manga in general!

[ladyloveandjustice]

My Favorite Books I Read in 2024

I read a ton of good novels last year- 32 in all (and uh, 82 manga/graphic novels, but we’ll examine that in another post). Here’s a link to my Goodreads year in books (the manga is at the beginning, the novels start with Red, White & Royal Blue) and my storygraph wrap up.  

Read my posts on my favorite anime of 2024 here and on my favorite manga/graphic novels of 2024 here.

I got to have fun reading some classics like The Odyssey and The Wizard of Oz, but I also read a lot of notable newer books! Let's take a look!

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White

The story follows Silas, a trans guy in an alternate 1883 where violet-eyed people have the power to talk to spirits. If someone is perceived as a man by society, this power is treated as useful. But for anyone society perceives as a woman, it's a different story. There's this idea that the power to speak to the dead causes women to "go mad". Silas is diagnosed with this "sickness" and gets thrown in a horrible sanatorium that forces patients to become obedient wives. But this school has some dark things going on under the surface, and Silas might not even make it out of this alive...

This is a horror that keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole way though. The setting is vivid and creative, the characters who suffer under the weight of oppression are varied and complex, and the protagonist is easy to root for. It's very spooky, pretty relentless, pretty gory and pretty twisty. It's very hard to figure out who you can actually trust! It's also a fascinating exploration of transphobia and misogyny. It obviously draws on real things women and trans people struggled with in the 1800s (accusations of having "hysteria" and other "illnesses" just for existing) but also talks about ableism too, as the main character is autistic. It really makes you consider how terrifying and isolating it would be to live in a time with so few resources and such limited knowledge, but of course, this still persists in a lot of places today.

 It's not all horror though, there is some catharsis and nice moments of Silas finding solace and support in other trans people and it leads to some really touching scenes and relationships. There's also satisfaction in seeing marginalized people banding together and doing all they can to fight back.

Emily Wilde’s Encyclopedia of Faeries and Emily Wilde’s Map of the Otherlands by Heather Fawcett

This fantasy series follows Emily, a professor and dedicated researcher of the mysterious and often dangerous fae. Emily is out to make an encyclopedia of fae lore, and she has no interest in socializing with others when there's faeries to find. Unfortunately for her, her scholarly rival, Wendell, show up and decides to be all insufferably social and charming and interested in her. He might secretly be a faerie though, and Emily is interested in that, so, ugh, maybe she has to put up with him.

 These books are a ton of fun. It's a cozy adventure the creatively draws on some cool fae lore. It's biggest charm is our protagonist, who is wonderfully grumpy and stubborn and clever and only wants to bury herself in researching this thing she likes She's the kind of person who puts footnotes in their own journal, and it's delightful.

Even when she starts catching feelings for Wendell, her research is always her number one priority. And Wendell, who is very obviously smitten with her the second he appears, is okay with that! In fact, her stubbornness and fearless, unshakeable commitment to her research is pretty much exactly why Wendell is so down bad for her, which makes him a really relatable love interest. He's obnoxious in a genuinely charming way and the teasing banter between Wendell and Emily is very entertaining.

Lonely Castle in the Mirror by Mizuki Tsujimura

Kokoro has been unable to go outside her house ever since she dropped out of school due to horrible bullying. One day, her mirror glows, and she enters it to find herself in a castle with six other students. A little girl in a wolf mask tells all of them that there's a room in the castle that can grant one single wish, but only for one person, so whoever finds the room first gets the wish. They'll have an opportunity to hang out in the castle every day until the deadline, after which the castle will disappear. But as the kids get to know each other, things get more complicated.

This is such a lovely, healing story I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. While the story goes into the causes behind the epidemic of hikikomori and futoku in Japanese students, it's also a universally relatable story about the ways bullying, grief and trauma can affect a child and lead to severe anxiety. Kokoro's slow journey of recovery is touching and feels realistic, despite the fantastical elements. The book shows how brave and hard it is to take these small steps, and how Kokoro struggles to even talk about what happened. The focus of the book is the connections the kids make with each other. It explores the secrets they carry, how they accidentally hurt each other, but also how they ultimately are able to empathize with and support each other. Each character is interesting and achingly human in their own right. The whimsical fairy tale elements of the story complement the themes well, and the book delivers some really solid plot twists that serve to make its themes stronger too.

One thing to warn for is we learn that a fourteen year old girl has entered a relationship with a man in his 20s. This isn't shown to be healthy or good for her though, and the reason she does this is heartbreaking. There's also some (non graphic) attempted SA. With that in mind, this is just a really cool tale, and I full recommend it!

First Light by Liz Kerin

This is the second part of a duology that began with Night’s Edge, which I recommended last year, and honestly, this book is even better than the first one, which was already pretty great. The book continues to use vampirism to explore the cycle of abuse effectively. This time, Mia is seeking vengeance on her mother's abusive ex-boyfriend, who was responsible for turning her Mom into a vampire. But when she finds the ex-boyfriend and infiltrates his little cult (with her kinda-girlfriend, who actually genuinely wants to join), she gets manipulated by him the way her mother did, her trauma and past making it easy to fall into a cycle that's familiar. She starts to understand her mother, and vampires in general, more than she ever thought she would. It's just a really interesting take on vampires, and this one actually addressed some of the thing I thought were a little iffy in the first book. It's dark, but there's also a lot of catharsis.

I think these books are easily among the top of my list of favorite vampire media. Content warning for abuse, and the vampire bites having a hint of a metaphor for sexual violence like they often do.

Bright Young Women by Jessica Knoll

 Bright Young Women follows a young woman in the aftermath of a serial killer breaking into her sorority and killing several of her friends. The media and police are all too willing to question her testimony and distort the details to fit their narrative. Another woman suspects her girlfriend was murdered by the same killer, and they team up to find the truth.

Bright Young Women is a page-turner, and I honestly didn't realize it was so heavily based on the Ted Bundy murders until I read the reviews, because I didn't know much about him (or most real life serial killers, a fact which I am very okay with). But the book is here to dunk on Ted Bundy and the ways his "intelligence and charisma" were greatly exaggerated by the media and even the judge at his actual trial, rage about the ways the victims stories are erased in favor of the killers who are glamorized and fawned over, point out the ways the police constantly fail victims, and to set the record straight to those who idolize serial killers.

The story centers the survivors and victims, talking about their lives and triumphs and the goals they were working toward and what could have been. It's depressing, but it also shines the light on the bravery of the women whose testimonies got the killer convicted even when the rest of the world was dismissive of them.

This book is a really tough read, and obviously there's a huge content warning for sexual violence, the graphic aftermath of horrific deaths...the method of one rape and murder actually really disturbed me (mentioned in the aftermath, the book never shows the actual acts), it was so gross and horrible (and unfortunately, happened in real life). Read with caution. But it's a book that will definitely stick with me for a while.

The Rise of Kyoshi and the Shadow of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee

I never got around to the Kyoshi novels because there's been a lot of mediocre Avatar the Last Airbender spin-off media...but I should not have hesitated, because these were actually really good. They follow the life of Kyoshi, the famously badass Earth Kingdom Avatar, and shows how she became how she is.

Yee does a great job capturing the world of Avatar, while also expanding on it in interesting ways. I really liked a lot of the little details that deepened the world--for instance, it's mentioned that Firebenders shave their heads when they lose an Agni Kai because of the disgrace, which gives context to Zuko's initial hairstyle and actually makes the fact he actively kept his hair from growing back for three years extremely sad, since it implies he thought he would only be worthy of that once his father approved of him again. It was something I think Yee definitely came up with himself, but it made a lot of sense with the show in a way that felt natural.

The novels were definitely darker than the show, but not in a Netflix Avatar let's-watch-a-bunch-of-people-we-don't-care-about-burn-to-death way, but in a way that felt natural to Kyoshi's circumstances. I found I usually did care a lot when a character died because they were often likeable. I found the death of one character in particular near the end of book one genuinely heartbreaking.

The books did a good job explaining why Kyoshi became more severe later on, and in how she wrestles with how far she can go with her role as the Avatar, what justice is, and whether killing people solves anything. The second book was not quite as good as the first, with its decision to switch out the cast of the characters for entirely new people and just being more meandering in general, but it was still a good read. I definitely rec if you're an Avatar fan, odds are you'll really enjoy them!

Voyage of the Damned by Frances White

In the country of Concordia, each province has one heir who has a "Blessing"--basically a unique magic power. Ganymedes (a.k.a Dee)'s dad cheated on his wife a bunch, and one of the children from those affairs must have inherited the Blessing rather than Dee. To keep this a secret, Dee's dad makes him pretend to have a Blessing. Now Dee has to go on a voyage with the other Blessed and, sick of the charade, he's decided he's going to make them all hate him so he gets kicked out of the group. But that plan is extremely interrupted when his shipmates start getting murdered one by one.

Voyage of Damned is just a really good time. A queer murder mystery romp with a ton of suspicious and varied characters vying for power, a fun lead with a distinctive voice, tragic romance, cute friendships, and even some touching exploration of prejudice, suicidal ideation and self loathing. It was just extremely readable and I was entertained the whole way though, but it also made me feel things sometimes. It also delivered a ton of solid plot twists, including a big and satisfying one that made me want to go back and read through a bunch of scenes knowing the truth (and I did).

Dee and his distinctive glib narration probably won't be for everyone but I liked him and vibed with him. He goes through a lot, including finding out his boyfriend he'd been separated from for five years is now engaged to a girl and acting super cold to him. The tension between Dee and Ravi and how it affects all his relationships is a real emotional hook, and his banter and dynamics with the people he likes (or even some people he doesn't) are generally fun to read. If all I've said sounds cool to you, give it a try, you might like it!

Bonus Rec: Someone You Can Build a Nest In by John Wiswell

Shesheshen is a blob monster who dines on the humans (mostly those who try to kill her). She can look human with some effort, and go into town to feed sometimes. But the she falls in love with a kind woman named Homily. This clearly means she needs to do the proper romantic thing and lay some eggs in Homily so their little monster kids can be born by devouring Homily for the inside out. Wait, humans aren't into that? That's awkward. And despite her biological impulse she doesn't really want Homily to die? Even more awkward. Oh, and Homily's family are monster hunters and it turns out that was Homily's brother Shesheshen ate a while back? Super mega awkward. What's a monster to do...

 I'm a lover of actually monstrous monster women, so I was hyped for this one, especially with the great cover by @jmfenner91! While it disappointed me in some areas, it was still fun and heartwarming enough I'd recommend it.

Our monster lady is a great character, and her unique point of view where she's nonchalant, cynical and often hilariously baffled by humans is a joy to read. Her personality, her super gross biology, and how she sees the world...she's so charming and her romance with Homily is very cute. I also really like that the book focused on healing from abuse and finding a way to move forward with each other's support. I also liked the romantic climax, and the discussion of finding kissing weird, because that made me feel seen.

There were quite a few things that kept it from being a five star review in my heart though--Sheshesen is completely disconnected from people, has just spent her life alone in her cave, but she knows what an abuser is and exactly how abusive people operate in a weirdly modern way. Abusers are also only portrayed one way: openly cruel and evil with zero sympathetic qualities to every single person they interact with. There is no cycle of abuse with these people, they never act nice to to draw their victims back in, we don't see more subtle, manipulative emotional abuse, almost no claims of caring about people. Obviously cartoonishly abusive rich people exist in real life, and I don't necessarily need abusers to be humanized. Still...it just felt like the nuance of most real life abuse was being ignored. And because these people were so one dimensional, it was pretty tedious to spend SO much time with them.

Still, the book was very monstrously sweet, and it was overall a good read. I wish it could have been a little more, but what we got was pretty nice.

[shybean4life]

Winx Daphne AU/Rewrite. PART 1:

So im a big fan of Winx. And im a BIG fan of Daphne. She is my favorite character in the whole show, with Flora being a close 2nd. So here i will commit a taboo, i will edit/rewrite some contents of the first 3 seasons aka the golden era to create an AU which i feel like Daphne deserves. This is all very much my own imagination so i apologise for any percieved mistakes or typos.

Daphne is famous as the Nymph of Magix, creator of the seven nymphs of Magix, also known as the Nymphs of Domino. Very famous and very important for unknown reason. Example being the mural Bloom saw that one time. Later stated that the seven Nymphs „used their inner light to drown the darkness“

She didnt have the inherent connection to her native planet’s magic like most royal fairies. But was somehow enrolled into Alfia extremely young.

In my AU, fairies have more innate magic which they gain from concepts or greater forces with Royalty having a more direct connection to their planet's primal source. Sorcerers learn spells and magic like scholars. Witches derive their magic from their inner nature and raw emotion, which is easiest to do with negative emotion.

When the Winx went to Cloudtower and recieved a lesson on Witches 101, after showing an impressive negative emotion energy ball, Griffin takes Bloom aside to say how much she resembles her sister. Here she reveals that never in her whole career had she seen someone being able to chanel more raw and dense negative emotion like Daphne once had when she decided to study witchcraft along with fairy magic. Griffin also says this was extremely rare, not just because she was a fairy much less of DOMINO known to house the most positive magic force in the universe but also and also of royal blood, but also, because she was male at the time.

Yes, my Daphne is trans. Im using that as the reason why when she first appeared to Bloom, she didnt tell her she was her elder sister. She was too nervous/scared about it while also not wanting to shake Blooms fundamental family dynamic on Earth which she could see Bloom cherished greatly. A dynamic Daphne didnt have with her parents.

She didnt have the best experience on Domino before its fall, yet still tried to save it. This will be reflected later.

Daphne „Created the Seven Nymphs of Domino, with knowledge she gained studying witchcraft“. Will also be reflected later.

Griffin also told Bloom that Daphne didnt just have immense dark emotions, she was also the best at navigating and handling them, tho not without more painful experiences that drew caution. One must not be conquored by their dark side, and Daphne was a person who could never be called dark or evil at least by Griffin’s standards.

When Bloom learns of her sister’s connection to dark magic, it gives her an inner conflict over her idolized version of Daphne, the actual Daphne and now an image of her using dark magic like the Trix (Trauma from having the Dragon Flame ripped from her very being by the Trix previously). It makes it easier for creepy fake professor to trick her and turn her into Dark Bloom, as no one else wants to tell her about Daphne. Especially Faragonda. Was Daphne actualy a Dark Fairy like Dark Bloom tho? I will expand in another part.

[gece-misin-nesin]

wait. so I dont know anything about genshin and idk if you'd even want to do this but feel free to tell me a sort of summary ig of your favorite character.. <- personally ive often thought about how crazy Jasons story is out of context so I thought this might be fun

Okay so, my genshin faves are complicated because of the sheer amount of characters. My no 1 is definitely Lumine, but she uhh. Has no concrete personality ingame, so I treat her more like an OC (not a self-insert. I want to highlight that, because I like Lumine best when she's as unhinged as possible)

However, out of everyone else...Scaramouche takes the cake, probably.

To explain him I need to explain Raiden Ei. She's the ruler of Inazuma and Goddess of Eternity, and after her twin sister dies, she spirals. She decides that she's going to make a puppet/robot to rule Inazuma in her stead and her own consciousness will be sealed in a sword. And she wants to put uer Gnosis in the pupet. A gnosis is like...an object that is the absolute symbol of a god's authority/power. They're pretty strong.

So, Ei creates her first puppet. It doesn't have a name, but it cries at night. So, Ei thinks the puppet doesn't have what it takes to hold the gnosis and leaves him somewhere in a (poor) attempt to give it 'freedom'.

This puppet is taken in by locals, esp a smithing family, and is named Kabukimono. The place they live, Tatarasuna is suffering a bit due to the fact that a god was slain there and that tends to have bad effects on nature and shit.

Anyway uhh things get really bad, Kabukimono asks for aid from the Shogunate (the government) bc he has an object from Ei which shows he's important. The help doesn't come. A foreign engineer comes and tries to help, and eventually tells Kabukimono that he has to take some object to the Mikage Furnace to fix the problem in Tatarasuna, and then it turns out Kabukimono's friends are like. All dead. And hos friend killed a servant (?), took their heart and gave it to that engineer to save Tatarasuna & I guess bc Kabukimono doesn't have a heart? Kabukimono is betrayed by this abject cruelty, and tears this heart up.

(He has a real complex abt not having a heart)

Then he comes across a sickly child and they take care of each other. They promise to never leave each other and well...the kid dies. Kabukimono, now Kunikuzushi, takes this as his third betrayal after his mother and his friend, and burns down his and the kid's house to kill himself and cremate the kid. It doesn't work. He is then recruited into the Fatui, a "diplomatic" organization of another country Snezhnaya. By diplomatic I mean they assassinate, bribe, blackmail, experiment, human traffick, all sorts of shit. Their goal is to gather the all 7 Gnoses. Kunikuzuhi becomes the 6th Harbinger of the Fatui, the higher ups basically, and starts going by Scaramouche, The Balladeer (he has lots of names. trans icon fr).

He murders all the prominent smithing families of Inazuma (I think 6?) but spares his friend's descendants.

ALL THIS is 400-500 centuries before the actual game.

In the present, he meets Lumine & co in a limited time event to kill her, but doesn't get the chance. He says "The stars..the sky. It's all a gigantic hoax" in a very important and vague lore reveal and fucks off.

In the main story, he's in Inazuma's main story. He's running a delusion (a weapon that harms its users) factory in inazuma, selling this shit to one of the sides in the current civil war. One of Lumine's friends is killed (he's an npc who has no screentime so no one really gives a fuck though). Lumine confronts him, loses (my pookie is underpowered in canon okay...her powers were stolen from her). Yae Miko appears and I just realized I forgot to explain her to you. She's a kitsunde and Raiden Ei's familiar. Back when Scaramouche was created she was all like 'kill it' about him to Ei and iirc she was the one he went to help for during Tatarasuna. Anyway, Miko trades Ei's gnosis for Lumine's life.

Scaramouche defects from the fatui because all he's wanted these centuries was to have a heart and become a god because he views this as his life's sole purpose and without it he has no value whatsoever ✌

He's then in the next chapter of the main story, not in Inazuma but in Sumeru! To explain sumeru here would be. A lot. But basically the government of sumeru imprisoned their god 500 years ago and now they're building a huge robot/mecha body for Scara to become a god. Scaramouche is working w Dottore (2nd Harbinger, the guy who recruited him and has been experimenting on him since he joined, probably). The Sages of the Akademiya (the government of sumeru) are doing all sorts of shit to get the amount of energy s ara's god body needs, which makes Nahida, their imprisoned god, pretty angry. God!Scaramouche is essentially the main antagonist of Sumeru's story, Lumine and Nahida fight him in the end. As Nahida takes the electro gnosis from him he says "Anything but the gnosis! I'll...never go back!" in one of the best voice acting ive ever heard.

After all this, he is essentially Nahida's prisoner lol since the fatui refused to take him back. Also he lost the gnosis. Some shenanigans later, and he and Lumine are in irminsul (the tree which holds all the memories in the world). Scara finds out that his friend who betrayed him all the way back when? Didnt betray him. It was a setup by Dottore, who was the foreign engineer, and he killed Scara's friend, then gave Scara his friend's LITERAL HEART to carry.

Scaramouche, enraged, tries to erase himself from Irminsul (suicide), hoping it undoes all the bad he's done.

This...doesn't work. Because someone cannot erase THEMSELVES from Irminsul, nor can erasing smth from irminsul actually change the past.

Now, Lumine is not from Teyvat (this whole setting), so she isnt affect by Irminsul fuckery. But everyone else? If smth is erased from Irminsul it's bye bye. So Lumine is pretty pissed that the guy shes basically enemies with is running around free. She searches for him and fins that he's some random guy who..doesnt rewlly have a name (he's called the wanderer) who is amnesiac and thinks he has been wandering the world the kast 500 years without purpose. Lumine explains, shit happens, Wanderer gets his memories back! He's like 'even tho no one remembers me, by bad deeds remain. I will atone' and starts working with Nahida as her. Like, right hand man I suppose? While regaining his memories he has this whole 'fighting against yourself/who you used to be' trope and gets a Vision! An object that gives elemental powers to people who recieve it. It's believed you get it when your ambition is 'recognized by the gods' (fucking lies, we dont know shit about visions still 😭)

And I guess that's about it..? I recommend watching his teaser/trailer/demo/whatevers, they're very nice. Just search Wanderer trailer lol

Thank you for the ask!! :))))

[pedge-stuff]

HC: like if u are dating Pedro he is protective af in public. like the man is so sweet and wholesome but i like to think that if you ever get “harassed” in public or someone tried to record you,bother you, say he can do better than you to you or him he will like get sooo mad. He would barely be able to keep it together idk and like say things that would be unimaginable for normal pedro. (idk like just imagining him yelling or being like pissy and talking back to paparazzi or smothing is just whhwiwjwbwjwowiw to me) but its like sweet af, because it shows how much he cares about you. and that u are everything to him and whateverrrrr 🥺

idea ig idk

hm i will be back !!!! 😌 with more hc!! because this man had taken over me heh 😞

-thankful anon again as always still greatful for marked universe, m/gn content and the new fluffy fic that included oscar and the edibles ooohhhh so cute i melted !!!!!

I love where your head is at. Veered left with this one, hope it went vaguely where you were hoping. Thank you for the rec! :) Come back anytime. piss yellow range rover (pedro pascal x gn/m!reader)

a/n: same vague universe as “marked.” apparently no one comments on this app anymore but they are my favorite so please drop a line!!

tw: gay slur in the middle. trans character, trans writer.

summary: baby's first homophobia

————————————————————————

You’re surprised it took so long, really. 

A full month after Pedro’s Tonight Show interview goes viral. After his SNL debut, the following week he spends holed up recovering, his begrudging return to LA for Mando press, and your reunion in the LAX Arrivals driveway two weeks later. Four full weeks— long enough that it no longer gripped teeth into the front of your mind. 

Long enough that your guard was down. 

Until, of course, some asshole decided he needed to be tastefully homophobic before his morning cup of coffee. 

You were midway through your LA morning routine: parting with Pedro in the parking lot of the strip mall that housed his personal trainer, and timing your long run around the surrounding area with the duration of his session, such that you were back to pick up a 2-drink mobile order at Starbucks by the time he emerged.

Your very normal, palatable oat latte was balanced atop his stomach-turning 6 black espresso shots, as you watched Pedro round the corner through the window. 

Sweat is beading at his temple, but he is all smiles as he trades you a kiss for his plastic cup.

It still feels like a novelty. Neither of you are usually PDA people, but the sudden lack of secrecy has brought on a second wave of the honeymoon phase. You can just do things like this, now— kiss in Starbucks or hold hands at restaurants or be seen grocery shopping together. You don’t have to take separate Ubers to the same place on date nights. 

The sun is shining, your iced latte was made right, your workout is over. There is a whole day in front of you, and a handsome man beside you. A man who holds the Starbucks door for both you and the woman pushing a stroller inside— but only reaches for your hand after. 

Things are actually really, really good. 

Until you step off the curb: 

“That is not the way. Fuckin’ fags.” 

Crazy how quickly some guy sipping a green goddamn smoothie can ruin your peace. Two guys, actually, snickering to each other as they unlock their car. 

Beside you, Pedro goes incredibly still. He drops your hand. 

“What did you just say?” 

His friend, chewing on his straw, grins as your stomach turns. A shit-eating grin. “At least it’s kinda straight, right? Dude’s got a pussy.” 

They erupt into laughter.  

White noise buzzes in your ear; your cheeks flush. “Come on.” 

You break away, towards the car, but his feet are rooted to the ground. “Pedro. Come on.” 

They are still laughing as they duck behind the tinted windows of a piss yellow Land Rover. Laughing as they close the door. 

Laughing as five and a half shots of espresso splatter across their black-tinted windshield, streaking in brown rivulets down the yellow hood. 

Pedro turns, finally, and stalks quickly across the lot. You have to jog to keep up. Behind you, the assholes are yelling profanities, but you don’t hear a car door open. Cowards. 

The moment he settles into the drivers seat, Pedro pounds a fist on the dashboard. Hard. His fingers curl into a tight grip around the steering wheel, which he clutches like a lifeline as he draws in a handful of ragged breaths. 

You can only watch from the passenger seat. Try and ignore the fact that he won’t look at you as he starts the engine and peels out of the lot. 

The drive to the Hills is dead silent. Even the radio can read the room. 

Silence acts as a breeding ground for your racing thoughts, which multiply like hatching mosquitos. Your ears are still ringing. Buzzing. 

It’s your fault— this is a fact. This was his biggest fear, wasn’t it? The backlash? This didn’t happen before he came out. (Before you forced him to come out, though he swears that wasn’t the case. You’d just finally, maybe begun to believe it, after a month. Or not.)

This happened to you, sure. Less so in New York, or LA. It’s almost funny, that you apparently stumbled across two of the only straight people in LA this morning.  Shitty people live everywhere. 

You’d both disabled the comments section of your instagram for a few days, but by and large, the feedback had been overwhelmingly positive. Until today. It’s different hearing it face-to-face. 

Pedro is halfway into the house before you realize you’re home. Slowly unbuckling, you debate leaving the iced latte in the cupholder; the thought of it turns your stomach. 

As you greet the dogs by the door, a distracted ‘hello,’ you watch him slip out to the condo balcony. He is clutching a pack of Spirits in a clenched fist. 

What are you supposed to do? There is nothing you can do, besides apologize. You pace between the kitchen and living room, chewing on your cuticles, eyes closed. The sweat from your run has now cooled uncomfortably on your skin. An apology won’t be enough, but you don’t have a solution. You can’t take it back. He can’t come un-out. 

The balcony door slides open, and Pedro is still silent as he shuffles to the kitchen. He pours a glass of water— out of habit, you assume. Though you never mind, he always washes the taste of tobacco away, after he smokes. Refuses to kiss you until after he’s cleansed his mouth, lest he leave any trace of stale smoke on your lips. 

Before you can really register, he has crossed into the living room, and pressed his lips to your own. 

He kisses you softly, and then moves to your forehead, eyebrow, temple, along your jaw. Doesn’t go as far as your neck, which he knows you are sensitive to— these kisses are not foreplay. They’re too light, too quiet. Your eyes flutter closed. 

Pedro’s chin hooks over the top of your head. His arms wrap around your shoulders. Your cheek presses against the base of his neck. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, before weakly clearing his throat.  “I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know what came over me.” 

“Why are you sorry?” You pick your head up. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry? You… handled that so well, querido. I lost my shit. I have never gotten physical like that before, I don’t know what came over me. I’m not violent. They were just… they can’t say that. It’s not right.” 

It is your turn to reach up, place a kiss on the angle of his jaw. “You are not violent. You did not lose your shit.” 

“It was a perfectly good coffee,” he pouts. 

“We can get another,” you placate, “but I can’t get another you. People are always gonna say shit. It’s kinda nice to have something so good, it makes people mad.” 

Pedro chuckles, weakly. “Yeah. I guess.” 

“If it’s easier to lay off for a bit, though—“ 

“Lay off?” His brow furrows. 

You rub a hand up and down his arm, lightly. “The PDA, doing public stuff, I dunno. I don’t want you to—“ 

“Are you joking?” You are given a look of sheer disbelief. “Jesus, no. Isn’t that what they want? You want them to win?” 

“It’s not a competition, Pedge. I want you to be safe, and comfortable.” 

“Fuck that!” His exclamation is loud enough to startle Edgar, whose collar jingles as he jumps grumpily off the couch. “I love you. We went through too much shit, to not be able to hold your hand outside a fucking Starbucks.” 

Pedro’s hair is a little tousled, cheeks a little flushed. He’s maybe never looked more attractive to you. 

“Okay?” 

You exhale. “Of course.” 

There is a pause, as the morning settles back around you. The sun is still shining, your workouts are still behind you. Plenty of time in the day to walk to a different Starbucks, for another round of drinks. Maybe you’ll hold hands on the way there. You can, if you want to. 

Pedro tugs on the collar of his white t-shirt. He grimaces. “Can we shower, though? I think I smell like the ocean.” 

You don’t mind. 

[boundwithpurple]

hey, could i ask you for advice in terms of writing? if so, how do you like, make sure that you write smth "in character"? like do you have a set of questions you pose yourself when you think about certain characters or watch the show? my interpretations of dean and sam and samdean as a pairing have changed so much in the last couple of weeks (which might be partially because im less dissociated while thinking about supernatural than i was all the previous times), and i feel deeply embarrassed for not picking up on the obvious things in the show, especially because im pretty sure a decent precent of supernatural fans would call me stupid, so any time i try to write anything im paralyzed with fear of failure. also your writing really inspires me, and i think your character thoughts are always on point. it's a genuine joy to read your blog

first of all, thank you!

second of all, don’t rag on yourself. i think one reason fandom discussion is so frustrating is that everyone is so unwilling to change their mind. my opinions on things definitely develop slowly and shift the longer i engage with something. i think there is a tendency to go into any canon with a set of preconceived opinions - people decide to watch this show because they saw gif sets of this ship on their dash, and the accompanying mutual opinions, and they you find those opinions within the text because they are selectively searching and twist the text to justify what they expect to find and stick to it with dogged persistence in defiance of all evidence. it becomes a strange game of telephone, which leads to this funhouse effect when you actually watch something and pay attention to what is on screen. which might be separate from your journey, but my point is it’s a virtue to let your opinions shift and change, and also it’s fun to have new things revealed the longer you engage with something. it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

thirdly, as for writing - i would be really daunted about writing fic for supernatural because my main method of characterization isn’t available to me: obsessive mastering of the canon. i have seen house of the dragon many times, because it’s only 18 episodes, and there was a long gap between the first and second season. i can not do the same for even the first five seasons of supernatural. it’s just too much to have watched or read the source material the requisite amount of times i find necessary to build this indestructible matrix where i can run any thought or decision a character might have, no matter how far from the source material, through their actions in canon and feel i come out with an answer of what they would do in the situation i have concocted. for the magicians i watched it once and then turned around and immediately watched it again from the beginning. there are probably ways to get around this. if you are writing an AU off a certain divergence point, you can really engage deeply with the stuff around that point. if you are writing an AU that explores a specific facet of their relationship, you can watch episodes that pull that out.

i tried to find an example of how this manifests. this is from when i was writing my vampire AU. i ultimately decided it WAS in character, especially with alicent’s “come with me” in 2.08, for her to abandon helaena. but this kind of chewing through every choice is pretty key to my process:

or trying to work out for my trans rhaenyra fic how this would change daemon as a character. it’s a canon divergence that has this divergence from one specific point but then is (for the beginning of the fic) hewing closely to the beats of canon, and so its about thinking about how that originating change would shift the events of the show itself:

don’t know if that’s illuminating at all but that’s basically how i do it. always return to what the source material tells you. i really can justify everything with something from the canon itself, even if bending and stretching it is part of the fun.

[hopeymchope]

This anon is a little confused that you're defending Slytherin House. It's a house full of privileged white boys who bully others out of prejudice (classism against the Weasleys for their poverty, and I can't figure out what type of slur "mudblood" is, but either classism, racism, or ableism). Given your sympathy to anti-oppression causes, and your repeatedly stated anti-bullying views, this anon would've thought that the Slytherins represent everything you despise.

"Mudblood" definitely would qualify as racism; it's about only pure-blood wizard-born families being worthy of anything, after all.

I don't really mean for what I said in this reblog to be "defending" them. There's really no defending Slytherin as it exists in the books and movies, because it shouldn't exist at all. My point is just that if we decide they're simply the Asshole Bully house, separating out fictional characters into Hogwart's houses becomes way less interesting. Because everybody who's an asshole almost automatically becomes Slytherin (with only a few exceptions such as James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Gilderoy Lockhart), and everybody's who's not an asshole can't even be considered for Slytherin. And that just makes it a much less fun mental exercise, y'know?

This video is long, but it really does take the time to explore and summarize everything wrong with Slytherin House and its members as written VS what Rowling claims about it.

The short version is that JKR said in interviews that not all Slytherins are bad, that it's not mean to be an "evil" house. But that feels like either (A) she's retroactively trying to make it so, (B) she was too shitty of a writer to ever convey that in the storytelling, and/or (C) she is simply forgetting what she actually wrote about them in the books (wouldn't be the first time; the video does cite at least one time she's talked about an event that literally NEVER HAPPENS in ANY version of HP as being a "favorite moment" of hers).

On the other hand, idk if you've ever watched videos of Hogwart's Legacy's storyline or read anything about it, but it contains some really sympathetic Slytherin characters! Ominis Gaunt (which is the most hilariously Slytherin-ass name I've ever heard in my life) is a wonderful person who just happens to come from a family of fucking monsters. And despite being led astray by his ambitions more than once, Sebastian Swallow never stops meaning well and trying to help people. Both of them completely reject Salazar Slytherin's "pureblood" bullshit and are kind to other students. Between that and the inclusion of a positive/heroic trans character in the game, I kind of wish Avalanche Studios' writers could just have full ownership of the Wizarding World. As it stands, post-2015 JKR is the lead weight that will forever be drag hers and the franchise's legacy into hell.

But my point is simply that the version of Slytherin that is in Hogwart's Legacy or imagined by JKR in interviews is just a more interesting and fun way to think about it. Hogwart's Legacy contains characters in Slytherin I genuinely find endearing. Meanwhile, in the actual Harry Potter novels/movies? They're just a trash bag that you throw ALL the racists and the VAST MAJORITY of the assholes into. So yeah, in that context they 100% suck ass and fuck 'em.

[regrettorisotto]

mason... please... mason hewitt my goat i need to see your headcanons for him

Im guessing this is about this post so im gonna do that :) thanks for asking and please feel free to pester me with/about all kinds of headcanons!!

Sexuality Headcanon: gay and he knew it from day one, there was never any questioning it or a big coming out

Gender Headcanon: i feel like when he learned about trans people he went through a few months of am i....??? but eventually came to the conclusion that he probably isnt. Might change his pronouns to he/they in college tho

A ship I have with said character: well him and corey obviously, but I do understand people that ship him with liam. Not in an endgame way but i think its very possible that they kissed at least once, maybe when liam started figuring out his own sexuality.

Also like i said in this post, corey and mason collectively deciding they want to date Brett too is just awesome

A BROTP I have with said character: him and lydia!! I think he idolizes her a lot and when she starts college he asks her soo many questions about her courses and campus life and everything. Theyre also the ones that exchange the most dry looks at pack hangouts. And when they all play mario kart together Lydia will use Mason as her joker and switch him in to play for her just so he can beat Stiles. Same with board games; theyll team up together and they WILL win no matter the cost.

A NOTP I have with said character: hmm i cant really see him with most other characters. Malia would definitely make the least sense but then again i dont think any woman makes sense for him.

A random headcanon: Heee fucking loves snow. Hes the biggest snow fan youll meet. Hes so sad he lives somewhere it doesnt snow. Hes the first to petition for the pack to get a little farm house somewhere further up north, and he succeeds because Malia gets unexpectedly invested and also starts pestering everyone about it. The pack spends every winter holiday and christmas up there. They make snow people building contests and Scott walks around giving everyone funky names and hats. They start up a weird hat collection over the years because everyone keeps bringing new funny hats to the house. Theo would act like one of those dogs that jumps around catching snowballs with his mouth all day when hes full-shifted. Argent will make his throws more and more difficult to catch and Theo will definitely take it as a challenge. In the evenings they sit around the fireplace and Mason sometimes pulls out his guitar to play a few soft tunes.

General Opinion over said character: i like him a lot!! Hes a very entertaining character and hes really the perfect best friend for Liam. I wish theyd focused more on him when he was the Beast tho. I keep forgetting that was actually him. Id love to see how that affected him long term, maybe even with some physical leftover abilities or something? It's just never really brought up again after.

[lurkingshan]

Some Highly Recommended Kdrama

My pal @troubled-mind asked me if I had any recommendations for good kdramas to watch, and my answer to that is: literally always. I put together this short list for them and decided to share in case anyone else is interested.

Parameters for this list: modern setting, strong focus on friendship dynamics, mix of genres, avoid university settings, no one-sided romantic pursuits, and no terribly sad endings

Be Melodramatic/Melo Is My Nature (Viki)

Fantastic friendship focused drama about a group of close friends who all move in together in the wake of personal crises. A healing drama that includes a couple love lines. And an out gay side character (still extremely rare for mainstream kdrama, unfortunately). This one will make you laugh and cry.

Happiness (Viki)

Pandemic zombies attack! Now I am not really a zombie person, but I absolutely love this show. It’s about a pair of working class besties who decide to get married in order to win a housing lottery (one of them may or not be hoping this fake marriage turns real), then immediately get caught in a lockdown with all their new neighbors when there’s a zombie virus outbreak. Shenanigans ensue! This is more action thriller than horror, and the two main characters are some of my all time favs. The writing, plotting, and pacing are tight as hell and it’s a rare perfect 10 for me on that front.

Coffee Prince (Viki)

MY BELOVED. This is an absolute classic genderbend kdrama that I’ve watched several times. The show that made Gong Yoo famous. An honest to goodness queer narrative about a chaebol who meets a girl pretending to be a boy for poverty reasons, falls in love, and has a bisexual awakening. This show was way ahead of its time even if it doesn’t use our modern language (you will not hear the words trans, non-binary or bi/pansexual but trust me, they’re there). Also features a fun friend group who all work together at the coffee shop. I try to make everyone watch this one, and recently got @bengiyo and @kyr-kun-chan to watch and validate my read of the story, and they enjoyed it a lot despite the messy hets. Be warned though that this drama is old old, so you’ll need to adjust to the visuals.

Fight for My Way (Viki)

My all time favorite friends to lovers drama, this is a coming of age tale of two best friends and their long journey to getting on the same page about romance. Their dynamic is fantastic and the story is mostly set in their early adulthood as they try to establish themselves in careers and make sense of their bond as adults. Also features their close friends who form a fun little group with them. And Park Seo Joon, a god among drama actors.

Hospital Playlist (Netflix)

If you want excellent friendship dynamics, look no further. This show is all about a group of five friends who met in college and have stuck together for over two decades and all of life’s ups and downs. The story begins when they find themselves all working in the same hospital for the first time since med school and decide to restart their old band. Yes, there will be singing, and no, you don’t have to cover your ears - the cast is stacked with South Korea’s best musical theater talent. This drama is slice of life and takes us through a couple years with them as they reforge their bonds and each deal with their own family baggage and love lives.

Misaeng (Netflix)

My all time favorite workplace drama that has the unique distinction of being the only show to ever make me literally burst into happy tears. No romance in this one. Story centers on a former baduk prodigy (think if Reply 1988 Taek stalled out instead of becoming a master) who attempts to enter the workforce with no discernible skills. He bumbles and fumbles and alternately competes with and bonds with his fellow interns, and forms a deep and lasting relationship with his mentor. When I tell you this show is a master class in writing to create emotional stakes, phew! How else can you explain me getting deep in my feelings over the success or failure of an import/export company?

My Mister (Netflix or Viki)

This one is a bit darker, as it deals with themes of intergenerational trauma, abuse, poverty, depression, and general ennui. Not a romance, this drama focuses on the strange and unexpected bond that forms between a middle aged man and a younger woman working on his team. They meet at an important inflection point in both their lives and forge a friendship that changes them both. Really moving and utterly beautiful, with an ending that will make you feel happy to be alive.

Extraordinary You (Viki)

Time for a change up! This is a fantasy show in which the main character becomes self aware and realizes she is a side character in a manwha. Technically set in a school (inside the manwha) but not actually about that. She bonds with another side character who is self aware, and the two of them start working to change the story so that they can break free (and fall in love while doing it, naturally). The concept of this one is just so cool and they do a lot of interesting things with it, plus the visuals are stunning.

The Uncanny Counter (Netflix)

Because I know you liked Oh No! Here Comes Trouble, I’m adding this one about a kid who discovers he has superpowers and teams up with a little found family of grim reapers to fight evil. The family unit is great and there’s lots of good stuff in their various relationships with each other. This one is a lot of fun but also touches on the characters’ sad backstories and family lives.

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (Viki)

You said to avoid university settings but I’m adding this one in case you want to give a classic college romance a try. My fav in that category, it’s a sports romance between a weightlifter and a swimmer who used to be childhood friends and reconnect in college while they’re struggling with performance issues, body image, and romance. It’s a friends to lovers slow burn and they are utterly adorable.

If you like any of these, let me know and I can give you more recs!! Y’all can hit me up anytime, getting other people to watch my fav shows is one of my number one joys in life.

[tw33k-tucker]

Doodle requests are open‼️

The series characters I can draw the best(In order) are:

South Park, Eddsworld, Creepypasta, n' SMG4

Just a some things about me(changes/updates so much)

Fictionkin of:

Tweek Tweak

Craig Tucker

Kyle Broflovski

Kenny McCormick

Stan Marsh (South Park)

Mickey (Bobs Burgers)

Carl Grimes

Daryl Dixon (TWD) (I'm 99% sure I am a Fictionkin of him👍)

Gregory House (House M.D.)

Lucifer

Vox

Husk

Angel Dust (Hazbin hotel)

Sniper

Medic {Pls, istg I'm not insane anymore, I swear😭} (TF2)

Tord (Eddsworld)

Shadow ( Sonic, but not sure which specific Sonic yet)

Questioning 2

+ I have also found out I am a fictionflicker, so if there's some kins I have that aren't on the list above that's why👍 I do have a few recurring fictionflickers though, Such as:

Hunter (TOH)

Michael Afton (FNAF)

Crying Child/BV/Evan Afton (FNAF 4)

Tom (Eddsworld)

Adam (Hazbin Hotel)

SMG3 + Mr Puzzles (SMG4)

Ticci Toby

BEN Drowned + Jeff The Killer (Creepypasta)

Scout/Jeremy(TF2)

Louise (Bobs Burgers)

Therian but not completely comfortable to reveal some of my Theriotypes, but the ones I'm fine with revealing are a Border Collie, Island Fox, Clouded leopard, Red Panda, Some kind of Shark, Bi Color german shepherd, and an Opossum.

Current Shifts/Kinfeels:

Tweek Tweak

Craig Tucker

Scout/Jeremy

Ticci Toby

He/Him (Trans FTM/Masc)

Minor !! (I'm changing it to minor cause I only want the people close to me/my mutuals to know my age, sorry if its weird or smthn!!!)

Christan (but excepts any religion)

Favorite Animal is Guinea pigs

2nd favorite drink is coffee (My #1 favorite drink is water cause I need it to survive)

Top 5 Favorite songs:

1st: Runs in the family - Amanda Palmer

2nd: Life - Mother Mother

3rd: Animals - STOMACH BOOK

4th: Bad Habit - Steve Lacy

5th: Cupid's Chokehold / Breakfast In America - Gym Class Heros

(it was top 10 before, but I'm to lazy for that crap)

A few last random shit facts 'bout me + some random things

I am very scared of alarms(Like, fire alarms)

I have Trypophobia aka fear of holes(it's very bad)

I have a love hate relationship with insects

I'm AroAce but I still want a romantic relationship and Bi

Wolverine is my all-time favorite hero(I don't care that he's technically an anti-hero/also an X-Men, he's the best)

Black and Red are my favorite colors

HTTYD is my favorite movie series

I love Scooby Doo(Especially Mystery Incorporated)

I am a mix of Introverted and Extroverted

I swear I wanna cry when stuff I've been waiting for is altered(Don't ask, I have no idea why)

I have anxiety

I freak out VERY easily

Salamanders are so cool istg

I have sensitive ears so I hate loud noises(I think I'm just a wimp)

I was in a car crash when I was 8(Luckily me and my dad were fine)

I like Diary of a wimpy kid

I have an older brother that I fight with(Imagine Rodrick and Greg's rivalry)

Some noises also make me want to bawl my eyes out(Also don't ask why, I seriously don't know)

I will 'kill' you if you look in my sketchbook(I swear you do not wanna see it, like really, you do NOT)

I have social anxiety👍

I'm seriously fucked up in the brain

I have asthma

I have OCD and BPD

And also i've decided to make tags because it is so annoying trying to find certain posts. So: the art tag is #Tw33k Draws the ask tag is #Tw33ks asks and I also use #Tw33k Rambles when I'm just talking and then as well theres just the #Shitpost tag on the posts I post that have words or images that isn't art, I also #Tw33k Rants, I think that name is pretty self explanatory, I also don't add tags to like any of the stuff I reblog unless I'm talking in the tags

I'm horrible at spelling

And yeah, that's all I'm willing to tell

Also please don't hate me, I can't control who I am

Thanks for reading

Random Icons :D

Okay! One last thing, sense I have started the Zombie Park series, you can ask them questions about litterly ANYTHING some stuff they might not be allowed to answer at the moment like some stuff that'll happen in the future, but if you have any questions about the AU feel free to ask

[razberrypuck]

so many thoughts about mama and papa tidestrider now that we know a little more abt them (they're briefly mentioned in gill's character sheet) so have a collection:

knowing that falyn (gill's mom) is a fucking shark tamer actually makes total sense. who else would be batshit insane enough for their child to be born in the scenario gill was born in.

reed (gill's dad). is a florist. and im fully expecting him to be a giant nerd I can feel it in my bones. this man was raised by finn tidestrider. there's no way he isn't.

gillion's respect for nature doesn't come from the elders it comes from his parents I know it!!!!!! even if he doesn't have many memories of them I KNOW reed and falyn's jobs being so heavily based in nature influenced gill in some capacity!!!!!!!!!! with the added bonus of finn being The Biologist of the undersea,,, its them theyre the reason bc why would the elders care whether or not gill cared about nature

gillion looks more like falyn. edyn looks more like reed. I don't make the rules.

if/when we eventually get their canon designs I want falyn to be jacked and I will accept nothing less (bonus points if reed is just a silly guy. her lame husband that she hypes up.)

btw I just decided reed is trans. he named himself after the plant.

in personality, edyn is quite similar to falyn-- but edyn shares her more quiet nature with reed. both parents had very little influence on gillion.

reed has a massive garden at the house. he keeps plants everywhere inside.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #414

My brain is doing its level best today to try to convince me that I am not lovable and that everything is pointless.

I can also tell, by a variety of other cues, that it's getting closer to the next time I'm supposed to bleed.

...I now know that these two thing are related. I don't need to allow hormone-induced feelings of apathy and worthlessness get the better of me. I can tend to myself properly in the here and now. I'll make sure to hydrate and eat properly.

I made a tea when I woke up – the biscuit-flavored one. I sweetened it with honey, molasses, and mascarpone. But I didn't think to get a picture. Sorry about that.

J wanted me to accompany him on the way to the little airport; he wanted to try flying his little plane on a very breezy day, and today was that day. He wasn't prepared to take me up with him, what with the breeze being like this, so I chilled out in the little office building and worked on my weird crafting project. At the same time, some new person from the friend-making app who lives in Russia decided to message me for reasons I don't understand.

The conversation was pleasant enough. Though, he asked some very specific questions about the structure and flow of my relationship with M and J, which I was not opposed to answering. Still, I guess I get surprised by the number of people who imagine that what I have going on is some kinky, freaky sex thing rather than a mostly ordinary marriage with an atypical number of people.

To be sure, our main focus within our relationship is on who we are as people, how well we treat each other, and how effectively we communicate. I am intimate with them, but... that's not really where the focus is. The focus is on spending time with each other and making sure we understand each other well. We're people, not toys for each other's entertainment.

...It's actually kinda frightening, the number of people who don't seem to understand that other people aren't just fun toys to play with or mere extension of their own will. It's frightening, the number of people who don't understand that a healthy relationship between people looks like “two or more loving, consenting adults doing their best to meet the needs of everyone involved”, not like “an adult putting up with the quirks of their live masturbatory aid(s) in order to get that fresh hot nookie.”

I am NO ONE'S convenience object. Not anyfuckingmore. And never, EVER again.

...And neither are you, you know. You're no one's weapon, tool, or machine. You are you. Start acting like it, okay? Or at least work on becoming someone who can act like it. And if you need help, pop by my house and we'll teach you. Because we don't treat people like objects in my house. We'll show you what it means to be treated like an ordinary human being. Because you are an ordinary human being, underneath all those layers of pain you carry.

That one immigration lawyer that we got help from sent along a request by some Canadian radio show place to talk to trans folks who are seeking to escape the United States in favor of Canada. I am a non-binary human – a woman in the same way that a tomato is a fruit. I am mostly happy with my current reproductive equipment, but... I feel like I'm “missing bits”, if you catch my drift. Essentially, I have only half of what I feel like I should be equipped with, and it bothers me sometimes.

I was emailed by this radio show place. And then I was called for a preliminary interview. I struggled to keep my thoughts organized over the phone, but... I guess I did a good enough job, according to the person who spoke to me. I guess I'll be summoned via an internet meeting software called Zoom at some point tomorrow. I guess lots of folks will hear me.

...This scares me. But... I gotta be brave and use my voice for good things whenever I can. I have to try to do... something. Anything.

...Y'know. Sephiroth. I really didn't wanna hafta live through “interesting times”. And I'm sure you didn't wanna hafta do that, either, over there in your world. Really, I just wanna eat tasty snacks and sing and make cool things and play video games and go swimming and take naps with the people I like. I'm sure you can relate to this – this desire for an ordinary, wholesome life.

...Let's both do our best within the timelines we live in anyways, though, okay? Let's try to do good things. Let's try to be kind, and let's try to make gentle, loving choices so that we can inspire others to do the same.

...And hey, who knows, maybe if... maybe if I eventually get scooped up into a prison camp and executed just for being myself... maybe somehow I'll get to go see you. And I'll say hello and tell you how you saved my life when I was a teenager and how much I love you just because you're you. And maybe I'll tell you all about the stories that happened to me before you came into my life, and everything that happened between then and now. And maybe... just maybe... one full human life, existing in stark defiance of all that tried to snuff it out, can be enough to show you that you are a good thing, and to inspire you to make choices in light of that belief.

In the meantime, I guess I'll figure out something to eat, and then I'll smash up some zombies in Hades. You can come chill with me if you want to:

I love you. Stay safe. Be good. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[piepiepiemag]

What Glitters Isn't Mine

Golden Gear Midas (Fortnite) x Young(er)!Montague (Fortnite)

Summary: midas is worried sick about accidentally turning his not-so-obvious crush into gold the first time they share a bed. surely nothing will go wrong

Tags from AO3: Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Horror (???), Touch Starved Midas (Fortnite), Touch Starved Montague (Fortnite), Midague, Proofread (barely), Trans Male Character, Trans Montague (Fortnite), Trans Midas (Fortnite), T4T Midague Real

thank you to my duo for always showering me with plenty of ideas to write about!! <3 this one could work as a standalone story, but i recommend reading (Lighthouse) for full context!

Sleep has always been one of those commodities Midas could rarely afford. He  tended to stay up late into the night and wake up around daybreak, running on 5 hours of sleep and an unhealthy amount of caffeine in his system.

It’s gotten significantly worse ever since he got a noisy roommate, who preferred to stay up even later than him, then proceed to sleep through the entire day. He couldn’t get too mad at him for it though.

Montague had it a lot more rough. His vision was healing far slower than his other wounds, and he’s been plagued with nightmares since the day he laid hands on that cursed relic. He never told Midas about it, but it was quite easy to tell. 

Most nights Midas would wake up to the sound of him suffering and crying deep in his sleep, all alone on the living room couch he used as a bed. He would wake him at times like this, but it slowly got to the point that Montague would rather sleep during the day when Midas was busy elsewhere. He didn’t want to be a nuisance, he was already staying there rent free after all.

Midas could tell something was wrong even if Montague never spoke about it. He shut himself away most on days, cooking and cleaning to spend his time productively, then latching onto Midas’s Xbox for comfort.

Midas was worried, but he never asked. He didn’t ask him about that night, the night Montague came crawling to his house, bloodied up and on the brink of death. He didn’t ask about the amulet he decided to wear so close to that strange scar over his chest, the one right above his heart. 

He didn’t want to bother him, thinking that he would open up with time, when he was ready.

The amulet was concerning, they knew close to nothing about its properties, besides being able to heal people fast, and turning the blood around Montague’s wounds into crystals one time. It was a complete mystery to both of them, but Montague insisted on wearing it at all times, even though he couldn’t explain the reason why.

Montague was hard to read in general, but Midas was getting better at guessing what his actions would mean if he put them into words. Cooking and cleaning probably meant something like “thank you for letting me stay here”, and so on.. This night was no different.

“It’s cold in the living room..” - montague said as he opened the door to Midas’s room. He looked exhausted, even though it was only 1 am. In his arm he was clutching his blanket, looking like a scared child who  just saw a monster under the bed.

The gears were turning in Midas’s head, he could vaguely figure what this was about. He was probably just tired and didn’t want to sleep alone.

“Yeah..” - he replied, shuffling around in his bed awkwardly. A sleepover was honestly a pretty terrible idea..

With Montague around, his golden touch was near unmanageable. Pots, pans, plates, silverware, bedding, the couch, even the fridge had to be replaced by this point. He couldn’t exactly figure out why he was losing control this easily.. Well, he had a pretty close hunch, he just didn’t want to admit it outright.

Either way, he didn’t want him to stay, not in the slightest. Just the thought of it was making him queasy, his fists balled up, focusing on not turning his bedsheets gold with every fibre of his being. 

“You can sleep here if you want.” - he blurted out without thinking, mentally punching himself in the face in the process. 

He’s probably scared of having nightmares again. What kind of asshole would let him stay alone like this..

Montague nodded, quietly walking up to the bed and throwing his blanket down. He began undressing and Midas could feel his blood run cold.

“You haven’t been sleeping in that, have you?” - the question came out far more accusatory than he intended it to, the tone reminding him of his own mother’s. He felt disgusted. 

“Ugh maybe..” - Montague said as he looked down at his binder, fiddling with his hands. Even though Midas brought him 12 new pairs as a consolation gift, he still decided to wear that silly lemon pattern hand me down all the time. The one he was given by Midas the first time they truly met. 

It was kind of sweet, Midas’s heart would always skip a beat whenever he caught a glimpse of it, peeing out from under his shirt. 

“You really shouldn’t you know.. it’s real bad for your health and-“ - midas was so ready to start his lecturing, telling him all about the safety precautions he needs to take and stuff, but he was interrupted.

“You want me to take it off?”

The question hit him like a brick to the face, the room suddenly felt a lot more hot than it did before, and he could feel gold spilling over from his hands, onto the blanket below.

Just how the hell did he get into this?

“I-“ - he began, stopping himself immediately. Yes, he wanted him to take it off, but not in a weird way. More-so in a “hey friend who i like a lot, please don’t destroy your ribs while you sleep” type of way. Nothing more. Nothing less. He started again. - “Y…yes?”

“..whatever..” - Montague muttered, his face visibly flushed as he began to peel the fabric off of himself. Midas looked away immediately, but not fast enough, catching a glimpse of him in nothing but his boxers and that relic around his neck.

This was bad. Real bad. So bad. 

When he was done, Montague climbed into the bed, cozying up in his blanket on the other side of the bed.

Midas’s worst fears were slowly coming true as he felt more and more drops of gold spill from his hands. He wiped them off on the bedsheet not so nonchalantly. If this kept up he would run out of bedding.

He was not going to turn anything to gold. Not his sheets. Not the bed. And most definitely not his-

His blood froze the moment Montague scooted closer to him, quietly draping his arm around Midas’s torso, his face inches away from his chest. He could feel Montague’s warm breath on his skin, quickly forming goosebumps all around.

They cuddled before on the couch, at times when Montague had his nightmares, but it was never like this. Those only lasted until Montague fell asleep again, and they were all dressed up. This felt more than friendly, almost intimate. And while he wouldn’t have minded it in any other situation, right now Midas was mortified.

He took a deep breath as he folded one shaky arm over Montague, strategically placing it over his blanket. Midas could see the man’s lips curl into a soft smile. It was a rare sight, and he made sure to etch it into his memory.

It was nice. He wished they could always sleep like this. The only sound he could hear were the crickets outside, and Montague’s breathing getting slower and slower by the minute, him falling asleep not soon after.

Midas’s eyes were getting blurry, sleep threatening to take over him, but he just watched as Montague clung to him, his eyelashes fluttering occasionally, his face more peaceful than he’s ever seen before.

He was stupid for feeling like this, but he was beginning to like his roommate more than what you would consider friendly. He would never admit it though, it was clear to him that Montague was not interested. At least that’s what he got from it, him being so hard to read and all.

In a moment of bravery Midas raised a hand and swept it over the man’s hair, ruffling his locks softly. It was fine. Everything was fine. He kept petting his hair with a smile on his face, almost getting lost in his beauty.

Midas was stupid, but it was fine. Just for a short while Montague was his, and that was enough for him. Admiring him like this was more than enough.

Midas’s eyelids slipped shut more and more as time passed, even as he tried to stay awake and be in control until-

Montague screamed, so loud that Midas immediately jumped, confused for only second, as he caught a glimpse of glistening gold under his fingertips, intertwined in his hair.

“Wha- Stop! It hurts!” - Montague gasped and heaved as the gold began to spread, spilling over from his hair, onto his arms and back. 

“W-Wait! No! Please-“ - midas pulled and yanked on his arm but it wouldn’t budge, it was like his fingers melted into the flesh of the man next to him. 

Montague cried and trashed around in horror only for a short while, within mere seconds his muscles began to freeze up, the gold seeping into his bones and rendering him near unable to move. All he could feel was an overwhelming amount of pain and terror, he felt like his body was on fire and freezing in an ice cold lake at the same time.

Midas tried with all his power to stop, to at least slow it down or reverse it somehow but nothing was working, he grabbed his arm with his other hand but it also began to weep gold, leaving him unable to movie as well. He tried to calm Montague but it was all in vain, he couldn’t even calm himself.

The room was filled with their wails of despair until the gold finally fully overtook Montague. He suddenly stopped all his sounds, staring up at Midas, his eyes full of fear and hate as gold dripped down his face.

“WHY!?”

 “Please- I’m sorry I- Stop! No-“ - midas cried out as he tried to free his arms, glistening gold spilling out from them more and more with each passing second. Montague’s whole face contorted from the pain, his jaw looking almost unhinged as he screamed and screamed without stopping for a second. Then gold fully overtook him, silencing him as his expression remained frozen in absolute terror.

Midas stared at him in horror, before shutting his eyes, crying and screaming at the top of his lungs for help, any help, until he felt someone shake him by the shoulders.

Blue and brown eyes greeted him, inches away from his face.

“You kicked me in your sleep..” - montague stared down at him, his face back to normal, completely unharmed. Despite his cold words he had an awfully worried expression on his face.

It took Midas a moment to realise what just happened. He looked down at his hands, looking just like they did before. 

He almost felt stupid about it, before lunging forward, hugging Montague as close as he could. He was startled for a second, but he still ended up draping his arms around Midas, pulling him even closer. 

“Sorry.. I had a weird nightmare..” - midas mumbled as he buried his face in Montague’s shoulder. He never felt more relieved before in his life.

“Yeah.. i figured..” - montague replied, softly petting Midas’s hair with one hand. Guess their score was settled now.