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ent-is-indecisive · 19 hours ago

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Let's be jolly

The first chapter of the MSI-verse Christmas fic (ignore the fact that it's almost March, time is fake) is up, featuring ugly Christmas sweaters, Charles being totally normal about that time Edwin banged Thomas in a supply closet, and pixies. You can read the first couple of chapters below or the whole thing here on AO3.

Rating: T

Warnings: none

Relationships: Payneland and Palasaki; past Catwin

Summary: When Charles drags Edwin to the MSI’s annual holiday party, Edwin expects the extent of his troubles to be the appalling jumper Charles makes him wear. No one is expecting the attack by pixies.

Excerpt:

"Back in my day, Christmas was a dignified affair,” Edwin says with a sniff. “Garlands of holly and plum pudding. Not all this garish nonsense—”

“So, you don’t like the jumpers, mate?” Charles asks from behind him.

Edwin turns to his partner, dismayed. “You expect me to wear this in public, Charles?”

“I think you look mint! And we’ll match.” Charles does a little twirl. Their jumpers are an eye-scalding shade of green, each sporting a skeleton tangled up in Christmas lights and wearing a Santa hat. “And see, they light up!” He presses a button on the inside of his sleeve and the Christmas lights begin to blink.

Edwin just stares.

“Listen, Dougie told me the competition for the ugly jumper contests in Birmingham was fierce,” Charles says. “The London office is twice its size, so we have to be on our game.”

“People have contests about this?”

“You’ve really never been to a Christmas party, mate?”

“Not since 1915. If anyone had walked into my parents’ house in this getup, they would have faced social ruin.”

“No social ruin here.” Charles grins. “So long as you don’t overdo it on the eggnog.”

Only a few short months ago, before Charles Rowland was transferred to the London branch and turned Edwin’s entire life around, Edwin would not have dreamed of attending the MSI’s yearly holiday party. Before Charles, he had only attended the monthly socials once, on Niko’s behest, and had never stepped foot in the holiday party. Charles, however, is a firm believer that it’s healthy to get to know one’s coworkers socially and that it can even be enjoyable. Edwin thinks he might be a bit mad, but he humors him. To a point, at least. He refuses to do this monthly.

“So, you want to wear them?” Charles asks, so hopefully that there’s really only one answer that Edwin can give.

Edwin sighs. “I suppose.”

“Brills!” Charles beams at him. “Let me find my shoes and then we can go.”

“Best of luck.” Edwin’s eyes scan over the heaps of boxes that cover most of Charles’s tiny flat. He moved in September and yet still hasn’t unpacked. Edwin doesn’t know how he tolerates this chaos, but Charles seems perfectly content to live out of boxes and swears that he knows where everything is, though he texts Edwin asking to borrow some kitchen implement or another that he’s misplaced at least once a week.

“You know, we really shouldn’t be wasting our time at a holiday party,” he says to Charles’s curls, which are the only thing he can see behind the teetering pile of boxes. “We have a case to solve.”

“Mate, we always have a case to solve. That’s the job, isn’t it?”

“For all we know, there will be another robbery while we’re drinking eggnog and cavorting with the likes of Brad and Hunter.”

“I bring you to one party and now you’re talking about cavorting. Slow down there.”

Edwin huffs. “It simply seems wrong to engage in a night of revelry when we haven’t gathered a single lead.”

Their current case is most vexing. Nearly a dozen antique stores, museums, and private homes have been robbed in the past month, with no signs of windows and doors being disturbed, no footage caught on security cameras, and no helpful witnesses. The items stolen range from diamond jewelry to an Ancient Greek vase to a coin purportedly fished from the wreckage of the Titanic. The only thing they have in common is that they’re rumored to have some kind of supernatural properties, though in most cases, that can’t be corroborated.

“And you think we’re going to gather any leads if we stay in tonight?” Charles asks.

“We could speak to the witnesses again.”

“Yeah, don’t think either of them are going to be any more help than they were the last ten times.”

Edwin sighs, having to silently concede the point. The only people present during the robberies have been a clerk who was so addled that he attacked officers who responded to the alarm, a security guard found sound asleep in the middle of a trashed museum exhibit, and a homeowner found dead from a fall from his balcony. The dead man’s ghost didn’t linger long enough to be questioned and none of the survivors offered any useful information. If they remembered what happened, they weren't forthcoming.

“We could put in another call to the Paranormal Investigation Bureau in New York,” he says without any enthusiasm. The MSI’s American counterparts tend to be challenging to work with, but the robberies bear a striking resemblance to a string of robberies in New York last year.

“Nah, those knobs didn’t solve it when it was their case. They’re not going to be much help with ours, are they?”

“Then we should consult with the local ghost population.” Edwin’s working theory is that they have a ghost culprit, as ghosts don’t show up on cameras and can often work magic. He simply needs to find out what a ghost would need with so many cursed objects.

“Crystal already reached out to her ghost informant for us.”

“Yes , but—”

“Maybe taking a step away from the case will be good for us. We can come back with fresh eyes on Monday.” Charles’s voice takes on a wheedling tone.

“We do not need fresh eyes, Charles. We need a lead.”

“And we’ll find one, mate. On Monday. Here they are!” Charles emerges from the pile of boxes, holding two pairs of trainers. “Which ones go better, do you think?”

Edwin rolls his eyes at the ceiling. For such an easygoing person, his partner can be incredibly stubborn. “Charles, I assure you, there is no shoe in creation that would go with that outfit.”

Charles’s grin only widens. “Yeah, I was thinking the white ones too. Thanks, mate. Be ready in a tick.”

“Please, do take your time,” Edwin says. “I assure you, I’m in no rush.”

“Look, we’ll only stay an hour and if you need a break, we can step outside for a tick,” Charles says, hopping about as he puts his shoes on. Edwin doesn’t bother telling him that it would be much easier if he would just sit down. “If we’re still hungry afterwards, I’ll buy you dinner, yeah?”

That mollifies Edwin slightly. “The usual place?” The hole in the wall Indian restaurant where he and Charles had dinner together the first time has become their go-to spot.

“Where else? I’ll buy you extra samosas.” Charles’s voice takes on a wheedling tone.

Edwin sighs and resigns himself to his fate. At least everyone else at the party will look as ridiculous as they do.

***

“So,” Charles says. “Seems like Birmingham’s holiday parties are a bit different than the ones you have here in London, yeah?”

Edwin gives him a look like he’s caught him eating a burrito while standing over a one-of-a-kind book. “I would say so.”

Everyone around them is dressed as if for a posh cocktail party, in dresses and suits, not an ugly jumper between them. Personally, Charles thinks they wear suits all week and shouldn’t need to wear them to a holiday party, especially when the party is held in the second floor conference room and not even anywhere fancy, but what does he know?

He can’t quite suppress a grin as he says, “This is one of those things we’re going to laugh about later.”

“You are already laughing,” Edwin accuses.

“You’ve got to admit, it’s funny.”

“We look absurd.”

“Nah, we look like we’re ready to have a good time. Everyone else looks absurd.”

“Oh my God!” Niko comes hurrying towards them, wearing a red dress with a fluffy tulle skirt and dangling Christmas ornament earrings. She, at least, looks festive. “You guys look amazing.”

“See? Niko says we look amazing.” Charles nudges Edwin, who just sighs.

Crystal follows her, smirking. She’s dressed in a tasteful little black dress. “And you match.”

“It was Charles’s idea,” Edwin says in a long-suffering voice. “He seemed to think there would be some kind of contest.”

Charles shrugs. “They had one in Birmingham. Figured they’d have one here too.”

“You figured?” Edwin demands. “You didn’t check?”

“Well, you guys definitely win the ugly sweater contest,” Crystal says.

“They light up.” Charles demonstrates, much to Niko’s glee. Edwin looks like he wishes he could sink through the floor. Charles claps him on the shoulder. “I’m going to go get us some eggnog.”

“I’ll come with you,” Crystal says. “I want to watch Nurse’s reaction when she sees you.”

“Oi,” Charles says without any heat and lets her steer him towards the hallway, where they’re keeping the refreshments. Whoever was in charge of the decorating did the bare minimum—there are a few strands of garland hung between the light fixtures on the ceiling and a lopsided Christmas tree in the corner—but the food and drink spreads look decent.

“Do you have something on Edwin?” Crystal asks as he hands her a glass of eggnog. “Are you blackmailing him? That’s the only way I thought I’d ever see him in a Christmas sweater.”

“Maybe I’m just that convincing.” He flashes her his most charming smile.

She snorts loudly, which is her usual reaction to his flirting. They both know he doesn’t mean anything by it. Charles thinks that Crystal is bloody awesome and one of the fittest women he’s ever met to boot, but he figured out pretty early on that they’re destined to just be friends. The first time he had dinner with her, Edwin, and Niko, it didn’t take much detective work to see that she and Niko are mad about each other, even if neither of them seem like they’re going to do anything about it. Charles doesn’t know what they’re waiting for, but Crystal gets cranky whenever he brings it up.

“Niko looks nice,” he says innocently.

The narrow-eyed look that gets him tells him she’s not fooled. “Of course she does. Notice that we didn’t show up in matching outfits like an old married couple.”

“Maybe you should have. Nothing like an ugly jumper to get in the spirit.”

“You should see our apartment,” Crystal says. “Trust me, Niko doesn’t need more holiday spirit. But neither does Edwin, I guess.”

Charles is surprised at that. He hasn’t exactly talked to Edwin about it, but he didn’t expect his partner, who needs to be cajoled into taking a day off as carefully as Charles used to have to coax his mum’s mean old cat into the crate to go to the vet, to be big on Christmas. “He doesn’t?”

“No, Edwin loves Christmas,” Crystal says. “Well, ‘proper’ Christmas, like they did back in his day. He even took over our kitchen last year to make plum pudding and roasted chestnuts. He even found a pheasant to roast. It was all pretty good, actually. Though I told him this year, we’re doing Christmas at his place. He can make a mess of his own kitchen.”

“Oh,” Charles says. “You guys do Christmas together?”

“We did last year. Edwin cooked an Edwardian feast for twenty people and we made him watch a Hallmark movie marathon.”

“That's aces.” Charles doesn’t know why he never thought to ask what his friends do for Christmas. He guesses he just assumed they’d all be off with their own families, which was pretty daft, now that he thinks about it. He knows that Edwin doesn’t really have anyone besides him, Crystal, and Niko, unless he counts Director Nurse, and he doesn’t see her inviting him over for Christmas. He’s glad they have each other.

It just would have been nice if they’d thought to invite Charles. Christmas is a week away and he plans to spend it alone with some curry and a Home Alone marathon, like he has every year since he left home. It’s not like he can go to his parents’ place, not even though his mum invites him every year. He wanted her to come spend a few days in London with him this year, but his aunt and uncle are visiting for the week, so she can’t get away. They’ll see each other sometime in January.

It doesn’t really matter, does it? Christmases at home were miserable when he was a kid. His dad was never happy with what Charles and his mum got for him and always ended up drunk and angry by the end of the night, which was never a good combination. Charles is an adult now, with his own flat and a decent job. He should just be happy he doesn’t have to spend Christmas at home.

“Charles!” Assistant Director Kashina calls as he walks by with a plate of oysters and an overfull glass of eggnog, Director Nurse at his side. “Fantastic jumper! Asa, we should have an ugly jumper contest next year. It’d be great for morale, don’t you think?”

Nurse looks at Charles, closes her eyes for a brief instant, like she doesn’t understand how her life got to this moment, and keeps going.

“Cheers!” Charles raises his own glass of eggnog to Kashi. “Merry Christmas!”

When he turns back to Crystal, she’s grinning. “That was everything I was hoping for.”

“Aces.” Charles grins at her, pushing aside the melancholy of a moment earlier. This is a party, after all. “Come on, let’s find the others before Edwin tries to escape through the air ducts.”

They’re both giggling at that mental image all the way back to Niko and Edwin, who they find talking to a sandy-haired bloke in a glittery green suit patterned with Christmas ornaments. Charles would admire the suit—it’s not as good as his and Edwin’s jumper, but it’s close—except he’s standing a shade too close to Edwin and that puts Charles’s hackles up. There are too many people in this office who enjoy giving Edwin a hard time and if this prat is one of them, he’s about to have a bad night.

“Here’s your eggnog, mate.” Charles inserts himself between Edwin and the newcomer, pressing a friendly hand to Edwin’s back as he passes him his glass. Edwin has warmed to casual touches over the last few months, which is brills, because Charles would hate it if he couldn’t put his arm around him or annoy him by ruffling his hair.

“Ah, thank you.” Edwin takes his glass. “Charles, this is Thomas King.”

Charles blinks at Thomas King, a memory returning to him. “You work with Thomas fine. When you’re not having sex with him in supply closets.” “Supply closet Thomas?” he blurts without thinking, regretting it as soon as it leaves his lips.

Niko falls into a giggling fit and Crystal nearly chokes on her eggnog.

Edwin’s head whips around to glare at Charles, cheeks pinkening. “Charles,” he hisses, his eyes darting about. He’s under the impression that everyone in the office doesn’t know that he and Thomas used to get it on in the supply closet and Charles hasn’t had the heart to correct him.

Charles isn’t sure why the knowledge that Edwin used to shag Thomas King in a supply closet has stuck with him, why he thinks of it every time he has to grab more printer paper from the closet two doors down from Edwin’s office. Was it that closet? It had to be that one, didn’t it? Edwin wouldn’t have been indiscreet enough to do it in the supply closet near the workroom. Or did they move around, switching it up a bit?

“Supply closet Thomas.” Thomas nods thoughtfully. He’s holding a martini, though Charles didn’t see any drinks on offer except for eggnog, punch, hot chocolate, and water. “I’ve been called much worse.”

“And this,” Edwin grits out. “Is my partner, Charles Rowland.”

Thomas raises an eyebrow at Charles. Charles doesn’t know if he cares for that eyebrow. “Another partner? I thought Nurse gave up on that after that disaster with Agent Russell.”

“No disasters yet, mate.” Charles props his elbow on Edwin’s shoulder. “Things are going brills, aren’t they, Edwin?”

“Quite,” Edwin says. “We’ve been working together since August and the only disaster has been the mess Charles makes of my office on a regular basis.”

“Sorry I make you eat and drink every day, mate.”

Edwin sighs. “Where were you this time, Thomas?”

“Seville, again.” Thomas rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his martini. “Always Seville.”

“What’s in Seville?” Charles asks, intrigued despite himself. He knows that Thomas works for the MSI’s International Office, meaning he travels all over the world, doing lots of undercover work. If it weren’t for wanting to stay within driving distance of his mum, Charles may have tried to join. He thinks he’d be aces at undercover work; he’s good with people.

“Vampires,” Thomas says. “Way too many vampires. Well, less than there were after two years of turf wars, but that’s what you get when you can’t keep your teeth to yourself.”

Thomas tells them all about the Seville vampire wars and Charles tries to listen, because it sounds like an interesting story, but his brain is hung up on supply closets. He has to admit that Thomas is a good-looking chap, if you look past the part where he obviously thinks he’s James Bond, shaken not stirred martinis and all. Why’d Edwin end things, he wonders. It had to be Edwin who ended it, from the way Thomas looks at Edwin like he wants nothing more than to stir his martini. And who would break up with Edwin, who is a bonafide catch?

“Anyway, I should catch up with some people,” Thomas says finally. “But lovely to see you, Edwin, ladies. And to meet you, Chester.”

Charles’s eyes narrow. “It’s Charles.”

“Is it?” Thomas’s smile grows more toothy. “My mistake. Fantastic sweaters, by the way. Green is your color, Edwin. Maybe come find me under the mistletoe later?”

Edwin flushes. “I cannot imagine there’s any mistletoe at an office party.”

“Not yet,” Thomas says and turns away.

“Bit of a prat, isn’t he?” Charles asks as soon as Thomas is out of earshot.

Edwin gives him a strange look. “What do you mean?”

Charles just shrugs, because he isn’t really sure, truth be told. “Why’d you two break up, anyway?”

“Niko, let’s go check out the snack table,” Crystal says.

“But—”

“Snacks!” Crystal steers her away.

“Thomas and I didn’t break up, per se.” Edwin is still looking at Charles strangely. “I was young and lonely when we were having our… assignations, but I eventually realized that being intimate with one’s colleague would only lead to trouble. No one needs a repeat of the mess between Agents Bradley, Kahn, and Drake, do we?”

“Right, so…”

“Charles, what does it matter? It’s been well over a year since the last time Thomas and I…”

“Got it on in a closet?” Charles supplies helpfully.

“No, the last time was at my flat. Obviously. And it’s been at least three years since it was a regular occurrence, so none of this is relevant.”

“Right.” Charles spends a lot of time at Edwin’s flat, probably more than his own. It’s a nice flat, a cozy little one bedroom overflowing with bookshelves. He can’t imagine Thomas with his shiny suits and his martinis sitting on Edwin’s comfy blue sofa, surrounded by paperback mysteries.

“Is something the matter, Charles?” Edwin sounds peevish now and it occurs to Charles that he may be the one being a bit of a prat.

“Just looking out for you, mate,” Charles says quickly. “Wasn’t here to make sure you were alright back then, was I?”

“I assure you, Charles, I am not going to require smelling salts because of the presence of a former paramour.” Edwin’s tone is snippy, but his expression softens somewhat. “Thomas and I have successfully worked together for years without it being an issue. Now, should we go find Crystal and Niko?”

“Good idea,” Charles says, relieved that the moment of awkwardness has passed. He’s not used to having awkward moments with Edwin; they clicked on their first case together and haven’t looked back. He makes a mental note not to mention the supply closet thing again. Or think about it, for that matter. “Lead the way.”

***

Read the rest here on AO3.

#dead boy detectives

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