#its kind of bad but but thats ok
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hi hi hi
shows u my art and runs away
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#see guys i actually can draw#i just suck at digital art#i told u i told u!!!!!!#its kind of bad but but thats ok#please dont bring up that this is a minecraft character guy#please dont#im embarrassed#ignore the following tag#skizzleman#long sigh#hermitcraft#i guess#or life smp#please just dont come at me#this has no meaning btw#just nice to look at#unfortunately i started drawing him as a blob in my science book#now it has turned to this#sighhhh#okay thats enough#traditional art#my art#albeit not very good#drawing#this is embarrassing#yeah his hand is fucked up what about it#who even can draw hands anyway#ok bye
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Genuinely tweaking tf out because last chapter dropped and I'm so soul-wrenched pulled apart at the seams and unraveling that I don't even have the energy to cry lmaoo. Tbh i never expected to get this attached to a character/s (all of them, really- Shingen, Somi, Shintaro) and it sounds kind of stupid when I write it down here but still.
My heart breaks for all of them; Shingen, who had to live his life burdened by his clan duties. Shintaro, who had to live his life never being the first choice, of always being tethered to the rules. Somi, who, I think (I hope) loved her child, but just a little too late, and for Gun, poor, sweet Gun, who had to see them all die before his eyes.
They weren't good- they were a terrible family by all means (talking about the adults here obv), but somehow I can't bring myself to hate them for it. It's hard to express what I'm really feeling lol but I just hope. I just hope they're all finally at peace, now. Somehow, somewhere.
I hope Shingen and Shintaro get to be the kids that their childhood never allowed them to be, I hope Somi gets to smile more freely, and I hope that Gun can be happy and unburdened by his past. I hope.
#its kinda pathetic abt how im mourning over literal fictional ppl lmaoo#but like.#im so deeply attached??#idk#i started reading lookism when i was in a really bad place#and it took my mind off things for a while#especially my glorious king shintaro yk 馃槏馃槏#ig thats why its kind of a hard pill to swallow lol#but still#STILL#i think im losinh my mind lollll#nvm me#im js rambling atp#i need sleep#and possibl therapy lol#but its okayy#(its not IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWIHG UP I NEED A GOOD NICE HAPPY FIC WHERE NOTH9NG BAD HAPPENED AND THEY'RE ALL SAFE AND HAPPY OK)#also this ended up on a much more sadder note than i intended it to be lolll#SHINTARO MY LOVE MY BABY MY POOR SWEET DARLING COME BACK#I NEED YOU#HHHHHHHHHHHUH#lookism#shintaro yamazaki#gun park#shingen yamazaki#somi park#SHINTARO#SHINTAROOOOOOO
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I caught up to chainsaw man and can I say it is so funny that like last week on twitter people were bitching about how Fujimoto's chainsaw man style drawing of Captain America, with the shield for a head blinding its sight and the star stabbing into its own neck, definitely did not have meaning beyond looking cool and if you read into it as a critique of American culture you're just looking too far into it and making up stuff that isnt there!
and then days later he drops a chainsaw man chapter where the Statue of Liberty cracks and turns into a grotesque being called the gun goddess, fueled by the blood of American gun association members. which could mean nothing.
#people are so determined to argue that fujimoto's work is like. shallow? its kind of insulting#STOP interpreting that one short manga he did as 'if you read deeper meaning into my work ever it's wrong'#the song had a meaning in that story. it just wasn't one people were understanding. missing the forest for the trees#also for anyone living outside america I dont think 'wow america kind of sucks and has a gun problem' is that revolutionary of an idea#you can tell a lot of these people were defensive americans bc I saw someone go 'even if thats true america bad isnt even an original or#nuanced idea' ok. sounds pretty defensive to me. call me when it stops being true#chainsaw man#tatsuki fujimoto#tw body horror
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sorry i havent been posting i think im burnt out rn
#ill come back around#this is a cycle i go thru often#it doesnt help that ive kinda#i guess ive just kind of grown bored of utmv?#like ok u know when your hyperfixation kinda moves to the backburner#its not GONE its just kind of going dormant#ive been thinking abt moving to a sideblog for a fresh start#because i know 99% of the people following me are doing so for my utmv art#and i kinda feel bad about. yk. not delivering lmao#and i dont think ill be delivering for a while#like. idk i just feel like i need a break from utmv. refresh my palette and all that#so. yeah i guess this is my way of saying there probably wont be much sans art for a while#sorry#skeledoodles#fallout#fo4#fo4 brainrot#fallout 4#fo4 john hancock#idk what else to tag this#i think my burnout will be less bad when i feel less pressured to draw utmv stuff#my brain needs to get up and stretch ok#i told myself from the beginning of this blog that i would create what i WANT and not whats expected of me#but ive found that it is definitely. very easy to fall into this trap lol#but i will try to create more of what i actually want to draw because thats like healthy n stuff idk
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this isn't really a problem on tumblr & moreso on other platforms but i do wonder at what point the osc went from very obscure to being deemed "cringe..."
#as someone who has been here for 10 years it used to be this obscure & tightknit community of creators sharing what theyre passionate about#nobody knew what an Object Show was... and in offline spaces thats still true i suppose but#i had a lot of fun introducing object shows to people in 2016. people didnt automatically have some kind of preconceived notion about them#< i dont really let it get to me because the idea of calling something cringe is just so incredibly meanspirited and bad faith#and they arent the kinds of people youd want in the community anyways#the current popularity of the osc is earned. im glad theres more spotlight on passionate creators that have deserved it for a long time#however it also did bring with it bucketloads of negativity that make me miss how it used to be sometimes )':#Its ok. Both fans and creators are thriving despite it all. Our crops are watered. Its a net positive#Its just a little disappointing to see people who have never even seen what theyre talking about dismiss years of hard work like that#not art#< i dont normally ramble on here but i didnt really want to do it on twt either. scratching my head
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reading a book that is very interesting in its quantitative analysis but is so weird in its tone!! the place the author chooses to insert emotionality is bizarre and his treatment of mortality of the be all end all of suffering is equally so.
#i'm supposed to be coming up w questions for this reading and so far like my biggest personal question is about tone.#like how do we feel about this tone? bc i think its bizarre.#i did go looking for other reviews and other people have brought up the same thing so it is like. extremely noticeable#he is also according to him going for 'rationality' over the 'emotionality' that is kind of pervasive in the subject matter#but then that gets into like. ok. how do you write emotionality as a historian. like. what obligations do you have to the people you examin#and he's an economic historian which i think is why he's really only focusing on mortality#which to be fair. is significant. and i think he handles it fairly well and makes clear that the numbers ARE significant even though#the percentages seem small#its just like. if this is a survey of the literature. most historians do actually talk about effects other than mortality. so.#als i do kind of think he has a moral obligation to talk about effects other than mortality. in this topic.#bc to do otherwise kind of insinuates that discussions of other effects are the emotionality he doesnt like#which might be true that he thinks that. but if its true i think thats bad.#anyway#w.me
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can people agree to acknowledge being hurt by religious experiences without being disrespectful to religious people like come on, there's so many Christians and Muslims suffering in impoverished countries and concentration camps and to villainize and disregard people's suffering existing because you had a bad experience is uncalled for. Not all christians are skinheads waving signs who wish people death and not all muslims are terrorists??? The same goes for other religions but I tend to see it a lot with these, calling them derogatory terms, thats just disrespectful?? Just because one group under this label treat people evil doesnt represent the people as a whole nor does it undermine someones suffering by their hands either. Like being hurt by horrible people is wrong and that crime should be called out. But it's just insane to me people will just not believe christianity is a real persecuted religion outside of the US but everyone seems to think it's a USA exclusive religion full of bigots or something even though there's a severe need with real christians suffering (like palestine, like china, like north korea, and so on)
#theres christians in Gaza along with muslims and multiple people just dont care#both extremes they dont care#people who want palestinians removed dont care#people who want to save palestinians dont care#its like they only want to help an idea but then will spit hate on the beliefs of people they say they want to save#im so im so just who will actually care for the palestinians and not be just pushing an agenda it makes me so upset to see both sides#ones just praising freakin tyrrany and the others praising terrorism#im glad theres some people who genuinely want to help palestine but a lot seem to be almost some kind of agenda behind it#it just feels weird to see people saying save palestine and then say u hate christians but like then what abt the christian palestinians??#they exist too?#like all muslim and christian (and athiest) palestinians dont deserve this#tho its insane to me some people are supporting hamas but thats a diff giant vat of worms im not going to open#and then some people who are christians who are OKAY w this happening is also insane to me this is wrong#like#man idk#and i dont get people censoring xtian or whatever like cmon we dont say xslim or xrmon or xdhist idk like why??#just bc u have a bad experiencr doesnt mean its ok to disrespect??#idk it feels like such a minor thing but i dont see people doing this with other religions they dont believe in#idk i rant i guess im all over the placr
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Ur last posts tags spoke to me personally. Like magical girl, swan lake, and little prince gachas? Yes, yes, and yes! Ive been rotating these in my head for so long.
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."
^ this is SO wxs like oh my god. I鈥檇 love to know what role u think they鈥檇 be in the story
And idk much abt the other stories you said but I trust they would also slap as gachas
oh i love you. listen
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i could honestly make a case for any wxs member in any role but i think the best fits for their characters are emu as the little prince, rui as the narrator, nene as the fox and tsukasa as the rose. or perhaps it's my emu favoritism talking
i'm not even sure how to justify or explain myself for each decision. source: trust me bro. emu has held on to her whimsy but lives in loneliness and rui has had his creativity stomped down throughout his life and nene's timidness gives way to her earnest desire to connect with other people and tsukasa cried and threw up because he's not special. does anyone understand me
again i think there's argument to be had for other roles, i think they could all potentially fit as the narrator in some way or another. or like, tsukasa as the little prince or nene as the rose or emu or rui as the fox could all work too. come into my inbox and send anons saying im super wrong so i have an excuse to talk about it more please.
OK wxs swan lake i will wait for until my final breath like they can't just make one of emu and rui's cheerful carnival team names "the duck and the crow" and expect me to NOT make this about princess tutu. you're joshing me colopal. though i think rui and nene would pass away doing ballet i know they are not doing their stretches sorry
#ask#anon#this ask sat for a week bc i Had to draw smth for this but well. heh. My midterms#thank yoy anon.#i wub you.#nene as the fox is kind of exploding me now its a short appareance bit the more i think about it the more i 馃幒馃挜#and this quote specifically reminds me of her our happy ending card... cry together#you didnt ssk for all this but well actually you did. my bad#DONT GET ME STAAARTED ON WXS SWANLAKE the event in my mind it is crazy. its necer leaving my mind but just trust#i think emu and tsukasa realistically would be the only ones who could pull off the sctual ballet the prima has to do#but also nene or rui as odile would kill me 1000 times. I know traditionally ofette + odile is performed by one prima. but. the Themes#ok thats enough out of me adios#god bless adding read mores on mobile
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it is beyond infuriating how anne rice seems to insist on marius being a positive force in anyone's life ever. like she can't fully commit to exploring the fact he groomed armand and has repeatedly taken away his consent for what marius thinks is best (take the end of TVA as an example) and just kind of flatly puts it in the narrative. there's not really much interest in how these horrific events make marius come across as the worst because EVERYONE loves him. for gods sake, lestat learns from armand exactly what marius did to him in TVL and then proceeds to go find marius and be super friendly to him in the same fucking book. even armand and pandora, two of the people who have MORE than enough right to hate him, do not. it doesnt feel like shes trying to explore the toxicity of the abusive dynamic he traps them in, it just is there. and like yeah ofc the toxic vampire romance series but i think that this should be handled with more care. and it is not ever really framed in a way that she is interested in exploring how marius should easily be one of the most horrific characters in this series because it kind of feels like sa/rape/grooming/other things of that sort are just put there to further plot and not to really get the respect that they deserve in a medium.
#twist rambles#vc posting#grooming mention#for blocklist sorry im on my im really mad about this fucking series soapbox again#to be fucking honest she treats slavery similar. like its just THERE and the characters doing it dont really feel bad about it (much like m#rius doesnt seem to.. feel much if any remorse for arm.and) and it is just like... ok heres another bad thing with no examination. this isn#a super coherent post but i went a bit forward to see how b&g was handling the arm.and stuff and oh my god. oh im so mad. like i just... i#wish so badly that arma.nds abuse was taken seriously other than haha its sooo quirky that mari.us is in a position of power over him and#provides housing money sex comfort etc for him and is abusing him but hes sooo happy with himmmm. like he fucking sold him into sex slavery#and we are supposed to root for him#ask to tag#sorry this is just. its a very triggering part of the books but its something that i kind of keep returning to to mull over because it is#handled really badly. like i think she was trying to go for a lo.lita vibe (iirc she did actually mention nabok.ov as an inspiration) but#didnt really care enough to examine WHY that is an interesting take on the subject matter. not even to get into pan.doras stuff bc its just#really bad but at least he waited until she was an adult i suppose. like i will give anne one thing that she has characters and (poorly han#led) writing that makes you really think and analyze. which i think is where i enjoy media that is like... this kind of sucks at points but#u can tell the authors viewpoints soo transparently. and u can examine it thru this. like i think thats why i find the gr.ell run of GA int#resting too bc u can telll that man is a libertarian and doesnt respect women. and then claims to do so. its interesting to me. anyways#did u guys know she defended bill clin.ton when the monica stuff came out and victim blamed her. just a funny coincidence.#sorry for the really long tag rant but i am sooo fed up with how she treats this topic forever and ever. bc its been this way forever.#anyways back to reading had to get that out. lmk if u need me to tag this bc its a lot of tws :)
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Actually filling up my queue with ALL my remaining un-posted commissions feeling like:
#im so bad at social media oh my god#like i kind of... more or less Left for my mental health#the internet just fucking sucks to be on these days idk 馃槀 its all drama or sad things or the Horrors and I just#I will come here for my commissions bc im a broke lady who desperately needs the funds but thats about it as things stand right now#one day i'll find a new hyperfixation and I will return#but its been hard to really care about anything for awhile#ok ima shut up now
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(random) ngl before i started learning korean i felt like the worst failure of a korean but now i feel like the best failure of a korean (/j) HAHA
like im struggling to speak but least im speaking..!! I feel like I've restored an essential piece of myself that was missing...
#i tweeted this but im prob gonna delete it soon so#puts it here too in case ppl can relate...? lol#since i know its a common immigrant kid experience...#being disconnected from your heritage language i mean#for various reasons...#i thought i was ok w it but its rly a horrible feeling#like i said it felt like smth was missing#and i kinda jokingly self deprecatingly worded it as the best failure of a korean#but thats kind of... accurate fmfbnf like i feel embarrassed that im not fluent and feel like im a baby flailing my arms#but i still feel like even if im imperfect im more... complete#that isnt to say i was incomplete before... or anyone in the same situation is. but its still an exuberant feeling#and helps me get over feeling embarrassed that i suck at kr so bad. like AT LEAST I CAN COMMUNICATE NOW!!!#talk tag#laughing to myself rmbring that me and prob 1000s of other asian americans prob wrote an essay abt being detached from our culture for#our college/scholarship/etc essays#well i didnt know i was lgbt then i had to write abt smth!! and it was eating me up all the time...#i rly hope i can improve my kr more in the coming yrs
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I went to no one's mad at you island and all your friends were there and they told me they all love you and could never hate you and they don't mind that sometimes your emotional responses are bigger than the actual problem and they asked where you were. They miss the shape of you in the group and how your laugh and smile and the way you speak weaves the group together. They wanna see you again soon and hope you call.
#elias howls#not prompted by anything I just liekd this meme format and wanted to say something#and to um idk baby myself i guess bc i kind of suffer this sort of cycle#your friends DO love you and they DO miss you and its ok to let them know or ask if everyone js feeling ok because youre feeling hurt. its#k to ask for reassurance. you're not a bad person for that#I really struggle with the last part. accepting its ok to struggle with that. i always feel like a manipulative person for expressing that i#m feeling hurt and would like to talk and get reassurance but. everyone needs it and if my friend was like 'hey after this (event) I feel li#ke yiu dont like me anymore.' or anything else and wanted reassurance i would literally drop everything to assure them its ok even if i was#mad bc thats what friends do. soemtimstyou fight but thats ok
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finding out not everywhere makes you go up and down a million stairs just to get to the train platform radicalised me
#jk i just didnt know how to end the sentence. but seriously.#when i went to sweden and u could just walk onto the platform straight from the road...#basically watched people leg it to the platform as we were pulling in#like mate if it werent for these fucking stairs you would have made it#i have to assume its in an effort to deter fare evasion#which. fuck offf man just make it free LMAO#ok wait also. my bad it seems that in many cases#its also that. there are two tracks to a platform#so unless theres an extra platform attached to the road#u kind of have no choice but to put an elevated walkway#but wait no. i think lidcombe station also makes u go down stairs#on the road adjacent platform...#but thats a matter of the road being fucked up huh..
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god is swuarshing me beneath his thumb like i am an aphid or perhaps a clover mite. yeah. its slow and painful and im small. and also meek
#just me rambling again#guys. guys i have been just barely scraping by for what feels like so long it's genuinely so overwhelming and confusing and just very#unsettling for me to be having good feelings especially like.. big ones#i kind of feel like im dying ?? not actually physically but my entire brain just really doesn't know what to do#ive got some rational anxieties but also a lot of really stupid small ones just that are so all over my brain#and the cause feels so stupid. ok cool so ur falling for one of ur friends. happens. ok so same friend VERY OBVIOUSLY likes you too. ok ok#a little weirder but something that has happened before#but there's just so much in mybrain anxious abt stuff (ive been forgetting to take my anxiety meds a lot the past week(#idk i just feel like somehow it's not fair to them??#like. being with me or me trying to maybe be with them feels like... im taking away something from them or from their life#even tho we literally talked last night abt dates we really really wish we could go on#and how we obviously would just work well together we're compatible in basically every way#it also would be low pressure not heavy commitment because at the end of the summer we're both planning to move for college things#and she's looking at colleges in New York and nyc and im looking at colleges in oregon or Washington#so yeah.. literally across the entire country from each other#but that almost scares me more bc i have the it will come back hozier type of attachment issues where it's so so difficult for me to ever#let go of things once ive latched on (everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it or whatever) and i really don't want to leave my#claw marks in them bc like. god i really would adore having a thing for however many months we have but im so goddamn scared#that im either not going to be able to let go or one of us is going to detach well before we leave bc thats a reasonable emotional response#and thatll be it's own hell#but also#im 18 almost 19 (and i will make clear that they're in the year below me which also makes me feel really bad but that's a whole other can o#worms there) and its been a long while since ive just. let myself LIVE. ive been the shell of a man for months now. maybe another#stupid and wonderful and beautiful and terrible teenage romance wouldnt be the end of the world.#hell i was so convinced i would never ever ever not be in love with my more recent ex girlfriend and i still love her as a person but im#definitely not still in love with her and our splitting hurt but it was something that i was able to cope with and grow through#idk im rambling a lot longer than i have in a while i just have a lot of feelings right now.#i want to kiss them (again and more) i want to go to a stupid drive in movie and go to museums together and a picnic and all the shit that#we talked about last night and we both love in similar ways and feel our feelings really big and unapologetically#idk i have so much to say but running out of tags on here. double date maybe on friday ? we'll see what happens i guess.
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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i am genuinely interested in the story but this dialogue T_T like it would be understandable and maybe kind of funny coming from a layed back stoner or surfer dude type character but her defining personality traits are supposed to be harsh brutal honesty + stubbornness + pushing people away. i dont know she seems pretty friendly with and accommodating towards the only person shes interacted with for more than one scene so far literally just like accepting everything she asks of her or tells her to do. i'm getting wayyy more inquisitive xkcd-ass nerd from her than anything else, and honestly from the writing style in general.
which I wouldn't even mind if it felt like that was part of the concept of the character, but it's supposed to be like secondary details that makes it feel like the author writing from their own perspective yk like the mc just so happens to have the same specific interests as them and that's seen as incidental or relatable rather than affecting her position in the world. idk how to explain it exactly but I hope you get the point. you can't really tell in this excerpt but ssrin has a similar dialogue style as well so it makes it feel like both main characters have exactly the same personality which is crazy bc shouldn't the contrast in their perspectives be kind of important. im literally only 21 pages in though I think I mostly just dont like the reddit joss whedon quippy writing style. we are making characters quirky and relatable nerds rather than giving them a personality. hopefully you can tell from this example why it might be kind of grating lol
#i should probably accept a more light heated/joke heavy tone like thats not necessarily bad#just bc i wasnt expecting it. the style of humor and pop culture references are sooo not for me but thats ok I can get through it anyway#it just feels kind of juvenile BUT ig its too early for characters to get into pondering the philosophical implications of the worldbuildin#when theyre only just explaining it now
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