#its just a fact and ive learned to live with it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cator99 · 6 months ago

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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?

used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.

#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to #the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities #but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the ��butch” category #her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities #Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing #also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world #and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax #forget about it #etc #i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her #people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream #i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had #staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water #their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was #their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked #alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you #it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our #responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that #n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others

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aggressiveguitarnoises · 6 days ago

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why am i so interested in south american cultures and history. and why do i keep stopping myself from learning about them

#no cuz i have a fucking interest in it and its unexplainable idk where it came form #i literally live on a whole other continent way away from south america #i never been to anywhere in south america #i do not have a drop of latinx blood on me i have absolutely no connections to the damn place #but yet i am so interested in whatever the fuck incas aztecs and mayans were doin #about past history and current history #and current countries NOT TO MENTION THEYRE SOOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GOD #i saw a vlog about brazil and never wanted to visit a country more in my life like holy shit #also i was obsessed with sottr mainly cuz of the focus on the latino civilizations #but from little research ive done it was quite stereotypical and blending the civilisation even tho theyre very different #but okay anyway #i HAVE the interest and yet i dont go let myself research ???? like i literally tell myself no????? no ill do that later ?????????#i have very poor memory retention okay so ig that makes me demotivated but STILLWOUWHABFJ #i remember watching some vids on the topics and trying to learn the damn differences BUT I REMEMBER FUCKING NOTHINGGGGGG #i can barely remember what i have learned in math last (4 weeks ago) like jesus cmon...................#i want to learn but i can barely remember anything FFLOR FUCKS SAKEEEKSGXVAJ #but still I dint think that's a reason for me denying myself and self sabotaging myself here ?????#i guess cuz im not taking it as much of a priority compared to the subjects im doing it + art + art history #which i also fucking suck at btw i am constantly trying to learn sm for art history and i remember. barely anything !!!#i remember i had to relearn the events and everything of ww2 like around 6-7 times and im not joking here #cuz i would not remember anything and now i remmeber it vaguely enough to be able to know some basic facts but no dates or smaller events #ok god my memory retention is shit i think i actually gotta be concerned about that shit #anyway i just wanted to rant except i have absolutely no information or facts to offer whatsoever #rumaiq rambles #writing this whislt listening to a Argentina 70s top playlist and there is absolutely no bad song. i love them all. and that is very rare #especially for me i am picky as fuck with my playlists and music #idk what the conclusion of this is i dont think there is one

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eddie-rifff · 7 months ago

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in 23 days im gonna be in the same room as bill bruford. im going to be ill

#i forgot what this felt like lol #i must have felt this way about seeing chris but i seriously completely forgot #but like i dont love bill like i loved chris. i dislike him as a person but #ive known about him for 13 years and to think hes real and im gonna look at him is crazy #i only knew about chris for under 2 years before meeting him so there wasnt this much buildup #and in fact it was less than a year after i learned who he was that i saw him live #and i mean im not going to actually meet bill just view him from maybe a couple dozen feet away #but still #its him hes real wtf #thinking about it makes my stomach churn. i am so normal about him i promise #i hope this doesnt come across as like. insane. lol #its like idk what to compare it to #i had resigned to the fact that id never see him in person #idk!!!!!#a beast that can talk

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mymp3 · 1 year ago

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not gonna do one of those "year in review" art things. but i will say this, even though this was a tough year, im really happy and the things i did end up drawing. lots of little things and comics. just doodles and the occasional piece. just things that made me happy. next year i want to continue that, i just wish and hope i'll continue to draw and that i'll make things i genuinely enjoy. i wanna go into 2024 with a smile. :)

#mikutimetalk #happy almost new years everyone!#i have some other things i could probably say regarding what i want for my art #like to learn perspective again #rundowns on anatomy #brushups and whatnot #coloring and experimentation #and to continue drawing things with backgrounds #but other than that i just want to draw #theres been a couple of times this year where ive just sat and considered the fact maybe i'll never make something ever again #maybe i won't be an artist #and i dont think i could live with myself if that were the case #i dont want anything standing in my way #i dont want any hardship or tough time hindering my relationship with self expression #i want art to be with me for the long haul #not just to talk about it but to actually show off what ive done #i want to be an artist in 2024. my goal is to not quit.#i'm gonna make another new years post that isnt about goals when the clock strikes 12 #but for now. its just about art

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franollie · 25 days ago

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i’ll never forgive arcane for what they did to vi’s character in s2

#or for s2 in general #like s1 is SO. GOOD.#literally flawless #i cannot point out a single flaw in s1 of arcane #and then s2 was good. for another show. but it was terrible for arcane #people have definitely said this better than me but i cannot stop thinking about it #arcane was my favorite tv show ever. ive rewatched s1 countless times. i shoved it in the faces of everyone i knew #and then s2 wad just so.#lackluster #the thing that made s1 so good was the fact that everything came together #and you could see all of these lives merging and how all of these vastly different people were connected #and it all related back to the tensions between zaun and piltover #even down to the relationships (viktor/jayce vi/caitlyn vi/jinx etc.)#but then s2. it just felt like they stopped caring #especially with vi #to learn that vi’s character regressed so much just because ‘the writers didn’t care’ makes me furious #its their fucking job to care!!!#fran talks #arcane

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gu6chan · 3 months ago

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Your post about The Most American Sandwhich just made me imagine Leonard as an American... Leonard scuttling about at a Walmart parking lot, trying to fit all the food he bought in the trunk (enough to hermit away for the next few weeks begote he has to restock again)

this is a bit late but this has me WAILING........ american leonard, what groceries will he buy........ do you think he would treat him also to The Most American Sandwich

now introducing: the U.P's youngest resident

also during the process of scribbling in his hoodie i looked at it and almost started crying

#gu6chan's doodles #leonard drakengard #drag on dragoon #drakengard #this is so FUNNY bc i shit you not my dad used to do a similar thing growing up except on a monthly basis #like i used to HATE going over to live with him bc going from nürnberg; one of the most populated cities in germany to laterally no one #living within walkable distance + my dad only leaving for groceries once a month BY HIMSELF it was literally just woods i HATED it #just miles and miles of trees......... i used to treat it like a goddamn vacation and get dressed up in my best clothes whenever he said i #could come to the grocery store with him but by the time i came out he'd normally leave to go by himself by that time anyways 😭 fun times #luckily not everyone was that isolated as me but i will say if ive learned anything about northern michigan/The U.P every parent is just as #insane fansjcjsmsnd also people WILL just go missing out of the blue???? usually really young kids whose parents are touring or elderly ppl #with alzheimers or so. though they also do get the occasional Normal 20-30 year old every other hunting season 😭😭 last year a 72 year old #guy went out with his dog and only the dog came back and we STILL haven't found the dude. theres no way hes alive now since it was JUST #reaching winter when he disappeared but like. i wonder where he is. its CRAZY up here #anyways the UP is even more insane and I'm glad I don't live over there because holy FUCK.#every visit has been an absolutely surreal experience #that fact and the guy who just up and walked into the woods i mentioned were both vague inspirations for this little detail spread lmaoooo #that and the fact that a LOT of people up here and ESPECIALLY in the UP are either drug dealers or sex offenders who are trying to find #somewhere isolated to get away from the police (re: insane parents) that or some crazy shit in their past theyre trying to run away from #all this to say: leonard is prime candidate for weird little U.P hermit who just suddenly walks into the woods one day and #1. is never seen again #or 2. his decaying corpse is found facedown in a river 4 years later. is it suicide? foul play from whatever he was trying to get away from #in his past that led him to the UP to begin with? no one knows. they all forget about it within 3 weeks #speaking of decaying; this is not to be confused with my unfinished drafts for silent hill leonard whose been decaying there for months...

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sonknuxadow · 11 months ago

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sonic movie fans will be like Omg i cant believe *thing that is definitely not confirmed to be happening* is going to happen in sonic 3 !

#''this one actor is gonna play shadow guys omg !'' source: i saw some guy say it with no evidence #''this one person in the cast is gonna play rouge/amy/whoever'' source: i made it up #''live and learn is CONFIRMED to be in sonic 3'' source: just trust me bro #''this one character is gonna be in the next movie'' source: i saw an obviously fake fan edit of it #not saying that any of these things are impossible but people just spread them with no evidence whatsoever and act like its fact #and its kinda annoying #the only casting related rumor ive seen that actually doesnt feel like a baseless ''i made it up'' kinda thing #is people saying that one kid in the cast might play maria but even then. its not outright confirmed . just a common sense guess #and this isnt the exact thing i was talking about but also the way people keep thinking the movie is gonna be an exact recreation of sa2 #expecting every little scene that they liked in the original to be carried over with little to no changes #its not gonna be like that i feel like expecting that is setting yourself up for disappointment

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good-beans · 7 months ago

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Goodnight wonderful people who live in my phone!!!

#im sappy and you guys are so cool ;-;#im a bit of a hermit and really bad at meeting with (or moved far from) irl friends so my connections on here have been really meaningful #dont know how to say that without sounding like a loser but i promise its a good thing lol #but anyway i queued a post earlier today about friends thinking of you all the time #and i kinda just repeated it in my tags and ill probably just repeat it again now but its true #there are so many mundane things that make me think of the kind people ive met #i love bonding about interests and characters but theres also little peeks of each others lives #jokes and facts and songs and favorite animals that make me go 🫵 my friend likes that!!!#and dates! ill be like 'oh my friend is doing X today across the globe :)' 'ah i hope my friends X went well across the country :)'#'i remember they love this food/hate this food/has never tried this food :)'#'i remember them talking about how much they like this song :)'#'oh i learned a new saying like this in their language :)'#i hope they feel better from being sick #i hope their pets vet visit went well #i hope they got a good grade on that project #i hope they can rest after work #i hope theyre happy with their haircut #i hope they can dress like they want soon #i hope theyre happy #i hope theyre happy.#i hope theyre happy i hope theyre happy i hope theyre happy!!!#oh shit. cryin in the club. (<- my bed.) not even drunk or hormonal just SAPPY WTH #i have to keep up my intimidating and stoic reputation!!!#so goodnight!!!!!!#i love you!!!!!!!!#rose rambles

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klanceyuri · 1 year ago

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i both regret and am thankful for the fact i know how to post stuff anonymously

#on one hand i can post whatever i want. on the other hand i live in constant fucking fear of whats too dead dove to post off anon-#despite knowing some of my tried and true mutuals have simply ignored it. filtered it out. and dealt with in the past.#i dunno know man #ive just been thinking about taking it all off anon lately and seeing how many death threats itll get me #because i fucking know it'll get me at least three. at the very least. despite what ive been preaching about freedom to write whatever-#and how it doesnt directly reflect your morals. the puritanical cop in my head is winning right now. i hate that fact.#man i fucking hate this dilemna ive put myself in. doesnt help i have around sixty people who'll be instantly notified about it.#i wish i never learned anonymous posting as much as its saved me so much god damn strife #tw vent

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 11 months ago

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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?

#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want #when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving #and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will #both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this #im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen #i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me #i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking #because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore #so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit #last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said #'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august #im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will #its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not #after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig #i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral #i wonder if any of them would come to mine

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dq1 · 11 months ago

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thinking again

#feel like i have become too complacent with watering myself down into an easily digestible identify for society #partially bc of my career is very conservative.. so #no piercings or tattoos. cut my long hair off to a mens hairstyle. i pass exclusively as a cis straight man as much as i can #especially around the old head bosses i meat #stopped learning japanese even though im mixed so i could learn French because its more useful where i live #i dont want to be useful and i dont want to be seen as some creature mimicking human anatomy like a robot i just want 2 be myself #but ive been doing this so long idk who myself would even be anymore #sometimes i get into old interests i had as a kid and i feel that spark like that 12 yr old didnt die on the inside but then its gone again #i wish a version of myself thats not palatable to my peers could exist #i want to relearn japanese and i want to ride motorcycles and i want to get into certain types of music or clothes #but it also feels like none of it really matters anymore at the same time #if i could be anything i would be a funeral director in nagoya but thats something that can never happen #i shove everything i like down so deep you have to reach to find it #this whole blog is an amalgamation of who i was and who i wished i could be #but being human we r just cursed with bodies that dont feel like our own and having to cut and shape them in a way #that u feel better but not enough so that the people around you are frightened #this is mostly the fact i have avoidant personality disorder and i know i can never be what normal is for most people #i want 2 be myself but myself died somewhere in a past life i think #i am not even human on the inside. half the time i joke w people that im an rpg slime or the human version of those sponge slimes #hence my nickname irl literally being gelo / jello / jelly #and if not that then black German shepherd dogs r also literally just me #but alas i am stuck in a human body #one thats too fat too hairy too sick too broken and i have to deal with it and rebuild myself everyday so people aren't uncomfortable #ANYWAY!!! maybe ill add onto this later ...idk.#to be born again.. sighs.

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streetdumpster · 2 years ago

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I think (as much as I annoyingly complain and whine about not having a partner) being single this long has been good for me. I'm learning a lot about myself and I'm learning why I was a shit person, and through finding the root of the problem I can kind of... start to heal. I can be nicer to myself so I can grow and get better. Because TBH.. being mean and cruel to yourself doesn't make you become a better person. It just makes you believe that thats what you /are,/ and thats what you /always will be,/ as opposed to realizing that you are a product of your circumstances but that does not mean you can't get better and become a better person. Accepting help and trying to get better so you can eventually love yourself – even if no one else does – is the greatest and loveliest thing you can do for yourself. You deserve that love, you exist and you live and you feel and that is a truly beautiful gift.

#uhm well anyway I hope everyone finds people and a place where they feel safe and loved #I'm feeling really emotional sorryy #basically. tldr; found the problem! trying to get better now through loving myself instead of hating myself #its been really hard. its going to be really hard. I feel like ive barely made any progress #I wish I had a therapist to talk about this stuff with. but I dont.#btw the uh root problem: finding out my mother was actually hugely abusive & I already knew my dad was #so basically ive been having to confront the fact that Ive been living a lie and my mother is actually deeply terrible as much as my dad #and my parents should have never had children & ive never had one single decent adult in my life #so basically uhm yea lol. I was born into dysfunction. I was never going to turn oit normal or okay.#so its been hard to like. figure all that out alone. learning I have ptsd and extreme ocd + dissociation because of them hasnt been easy #its made me so deeply miserable because I guess I assumed what my mom was doing to us was normal this whole time?#because I thought no. surely not. surely i cant have TWO terrible parents. I need at least 1 good one right?#but yea no actually every adult has hurt me in some way. and I was never going to turn out alright because #I am the king of obsessing and cycling over everything in my life #Im like. not okay right now but not being im in danger just because I wish I had someone to talk to about all this.#I just need to learn to drive so I can get out of here. I need to get out like #all these realizations have been really really heavy on me and ive been having trouble sleeping #Its been hard to process and I dont really know where to go from here. I guess I cant properly heal and grow until I move out?#idk this has been really long im so sorry.#vent #tw vent #tws ->#abuse ment #parents ment #<- in tags

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mx-paint · 2 years ago

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If your argument is "there are no people of color in [x] because I personally don't see this person as a person of color" than it's like. a faulty argument.