#this whole blog is an amalgamation of who i was and who i wished i could be

[dq1]

thinking again

[birdantlers]

A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.

(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)

it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it

...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..

Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.

I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.

(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")

“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.

“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”

The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.

I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?

I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.

Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.

Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.

So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.

Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!

Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol

What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.

I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.

Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.

Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.

How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’

i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.

I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.

I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”

….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.

No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.

If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.

His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.

We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.

Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.

You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.

The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.

And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.

You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.

Give a heads up.

Something.

But don’t. kill. the media.

The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.

Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.

I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.

It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.

Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.

If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.

And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.

Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.

the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.

The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.

Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.

Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.

If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.

•

Muting notifs

[365runesoftheamalgamations]

The Not Yet Forgotten Introduction

hello and how are you?

This has been far too long since we have been active and we've wanted to get back into the flow of things! And we believe it is time for a Reintroduction! So, without further ado,

A Proper Introduction

Welcome to the Writing Blog! We are the Not Yet Dead Authors, the Natsume Rune! You may refer to us as Natsume as a whole, or say hi to any of the specifics who run the blog/do the writes! Our pronouns are we/they, and we are an aromantic/asexual genderfluid cluster of whispers drowning in the Void for more than two decades. So just another set of Wanderers who wish to reach out and touch the Worlds in a more pronounced way!

Full Writeblr Introduction under the cut!

Getting To Know Us

We are most comfortable writing and conversing in italics! It just feels like it speaks with our souls, so please be aware that most of the posts and such will be within that realm of writing.

Our most comfortable sense of writing is in third person present tense! We also write in first person (sometimes) and second person (rarely) but our comfort lies in others and their present.

We write mostly fantasy but also dabble in horror, science fiction, dystopian and other works and writing styles. We do hold our own universe, the Storyverse, that we will hint, note, and talk about, depending on things, as well as a multitude of Worlds that will be given over to the Stories happening within in. Hardcore about both worldbuilding and storytelling, so we will probably have a lot to say about both the Worlds and Stories that come with our hyperfixations.

Our writing forms include: fanfiction, short stories, drabbles, flash fiction, novels, poems, and role playing! We enjoy rolling through forms and trying out different ways of telling and sharing stories, so please note that there will be a lot of everything on here.

We follow from the System's Blog, @365runesofthesystem, and will try to be really active in the community, so if you see us around, then feel free to indulge us! We love to be tagged in games and sent asks and the like and will try to get to all of them in due time. [ yes, we do hoard Tag Games, shut the fuck up about it. ]

If there is anything else anyone would like to know, do not hesitate to ask or message us! But be aware that we are not afraid to deal with anything impolite or inappropriate, we have a zero tolerance standard and we will keep it without hesitation.

The Amalgamations of our Creations

We have a lot - and yes, we mean a fuck ton - of Works and Stories that we want to tell at some point in our lives, so this list will definitely grow and expand and shift as we go through our journey.

If you want a full list of all of our Works, check our both our Original Works Masterlist and our Fanworks Masterlist!

All Links to WIP Pages and Intro Posts will be added as we get things sorted and settled!

But here are a few of our more pronounced Works, [ yes, they can and will probably shift and change. No they are not in any particular order, we hate figuring out orders. ]

Grayland's Shadow

Original Work | Fiction, Low Fantasy, Horror Elements First, Second, Third Person | Second Drafts

Ecstasy. The screaming, the struggling, the pleas for mercy, he loved them all. He loved the way they always seemed to think that he would set them free. That, if they were good and tried hard enough, he would just let them live, bleeding and knowing. As if he would ever let anyone go. He never did. He never wasted an opportunity either. So when a girl, around her way into adulthood, sat down next to him on the bench that day, he had no intention of letting her go. None.

Constellations By Orion

Original Work | Fiction, High Fantasy, Action and Adventure Third Person Present Tense | Scene Drafting/Worldbuilding

Orion is the first one she goes for, as he always points North. "I am just saying, your little stowaway is pretty cute." "I don't need a man Orion, I need directions across the sea." "Trust me, if you want a purpose, you should find Ursa Major. She's the guide of adventure, new life." "And where can I find her?" "At the heart of the ocean. She is the Guardian of Polaris and her baby, Ursa Minor."

The Queen & The Heir

Short Story | Fiction, High Fantasy, Medival Third Person Present Tense | Scene Drafting/Prompt Response

She hates herself for hesitating. She stares at the note, gentle cream instead of stark white in order to hold the same connotations of the maid notes that she, and more importantly he, was accustomed to seeing. She glances at the Guard, barely catches the door closing completely, locking her in with the words that would prove herself justified. Or truly and quietly mad.

The Rapunzel Witch

Short Stories | Fiction, High Fantasy, Fairytale Retellings, LGBTQIA+ Third Person Present Tense | Chapter/Scene Drafting

Vibrant and sharp, it is another small check to his identity; the Queen is staring at him, though instead of the hard determination of a leader, he stands before the soft gentleness of a person unused to such direct contact. Something shifts in those eyes; the Royal Majesty frowns more before he lets his eyes drop to the ground between them. “Well, that’s that then, isn’t it?” The Knight feels a soft pang; he almost takes a step forward, hand twitching at his side before the Royal spins around and walks away from him. “Your obligations are fulfilled; the Rapunzel Witch lives.”

The Plague Begins With Me

Original Work | Dystopian, Horror Third Person Present Tense | Scene Drafting

Lost to the devastation of the Plague and destroyed by the aftermath of Humanity’s Fall, the World of Zeomia holds nothing but the dystopian devastation of disease and decay. Shouldering a responsibility that no one else is allowed to know, Zero tries to give mercy to those who have fallen from her own twisted fate.

Main Tags of the Blog

rune ⊹ writings | general writing tag rune ⊹ works in progress | where you can find all of our works rune ⊹ wanderlust | general tag for other blogs rune ⊹ nonsense | fun and silly things outside of the writings/writeblr rune ⊹ beloved | general tag for the mutuals of the writeblr rune ⊹ asks | tag for answering asks and anything from the inbox rune ⊹ authors | writing updates and softer thoughts of us rune ⊹ background noise | anything to do with the blog

[calciumsoda]

OK OK OK OK OK I KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE THIS UP DAYS AGO BUT SHUT UP IM DOING IT NOW

So

As is hopefully obvious from my blog and just the way that i am

I am insane and also a massive D&D, Cosmere, and Wheel of Time nerd.

So of COURSE when you put me in a D&D west marches server I'm going to get way way way too into dming massive absurd plotlines that require 10-15 people to sort out.

This one is currently in the works and I'm so so so excited to run it SO you all get to hear about it because splattering my brain patterns on this hellsite is going to help me organize the plotline as it exists thus far.

Anyone from a discord west marches server with a red and black icon and a setting full of oceans and islands, stop reading now. Spoilers below cut. Also, extremely sorry for long post nobody cares about.

IT ALL BEGINS in a port city full of pirates. The world is mainly oceans, with countless small to medium to small continent sized islands in it, largely disconnected from each other. This is only relevant because the main city the game takes place in is a port city whose trade routes are 100% by ocean and nothing else.

In this lawless pirate city, there are a few noble families, one of which is named the Bearingtons. Several of them happen to be Werebears, and there are differing opinions on whether this happened before or after the name came about.

The Bearingtons have always been... power-hungry. Of course, noble families are rarely particularly well-off in pirate cities of all places, but they've managed inexplicably to maintain some sort of hold on their riches and power (mostly because the majority of the family lives in an isolated manor far away from the actual city). This is, aside from Count Bearington, an estranged cousin to the rest of the family who was cast out over some scandal or another years ago and lived alone (with servants, of course) for years in a slowly-deteriorating manor in the city. The Count was bitter about his disownment from the family, and wished to make things "right" by whatever means possible, beginning to research the means to summon and control devils to bring literal hell upon his family.

Elsewhere, a Triton wizard, having by various less-than-ethical means lived far past the 200 year limit on most tritons' lives by now, is busy making horrific amalgamations of elementals and fiends, creating fiends with the powers of lightning and frost out of those which had before been mere imps. They are also, out of desperation to extend their life a little longer to see their work complete, investigating means to become a Lich using elemental souls rather than human ones. However, for the time being, they have made the phylactery... and are unsure how to activate it, as they are too busy trying to stop their monstrosities from killing more travellers on the roads past their tower. Eventually, the city proper catches wind of these murders and foul experiments, and a party is dispatched to kill the wizard and their experiments.

The Wizard is killed, their body rapidly aging upon their death as the magic that had kept body and soul youthful drains... into the phylactery, inescapably dragging their soul into the trap they made themself. After several weeks, they manage to gain some small measure of control over the base elements surrounding their corpse, and successfully create a rudimentary, part-elemental part-undead body to make their way to the city and find a cleric to end their existence. The hells themselves would be better than this...

In the city, they hear tell of another who works to summon devils. The Lich goes to the place rumours speak of, and finds Count Bearington's manor, entering and desperately trying to convince him not to do this. The Lich does not realize that, by now, the Count has already met with several fiends and promised them his family's estate, hells, even the whole *city* if they will help him to get his revenge on his kin.

The Count convinces the Lich that, should they help with a ritual to summon a stronger devil, and bind it to his bidding, then he will aid the Lich in finding some way to destroy the phylactery. The Lich agrees, desperate to be free of this prison before their mind rots entirely, and pours immense magic into a circle in the basement of the Count's manor, succeeding in summoning stronger fiends than before. The Lich, however, does not realize just how much they've put into it, nor the effects that will have... and, shortly after the Lich is given directions to a cleric who owes the Count a favour and leaves, the circle begins to expand, transforming from a mere summoning circle to a planar gateway to the Hells, beginning to corrupt the earth around it and blur the line between the Material and the Hells...

Days later, the Count is found dead, disemboweled and impaled on the steel gates bordering his manor. Investigation inside the manor finds powerful fiends within, tearing the place apart and eating his few remaining servants, but does not locate the hidden trapdoor that hides the true measure of the disaster about to unfold. Devils are not mindless brutes, however... they have waited millenia for the opportunity to wage war through such a portal, but one small entryway in the middle of a city would be impossible to maintain a full scale assault through.

The devils, however, have other tricks in mind. The seas all around the city are home to thousands - tens, hundreds of thousands - of evil sea-dwelling lifeforms, largely Sahuagin and Merrow, who are eager for a chance to slaugher the pirates of the city who so often deny them the treasures carried on their ships. The devils approach these sahuagin, making deals with them - promising great power, the power to wipe this city from the surface and drag its treasures and residents below the waves for themselves. The sahuagin are more than happy to oblige to the devils' demands, and begin amassing an army...

The devils do not rely on sea creatures alone, of course. Others are sent to meet with humanoids both within the city and without; deals are struck between powerful fiends and the leaders of several of the most powerful bandit groups in the city and its surrounding isles, promising each that they would be granted their wildest desires, if they only carried out a few important missions... destroy a temple here, burn a small sacred clearing there, weaken the influence of the gods such that the fiends might meet no resistance when they arrive in force to raze the island in flames and turn it into a tenth Hell, as they were promised by the Count.

Other fiends - a shape-shifting Succubus, mainly - return to terrorize the Bearington estate, attempting to kill the Emperor of the nearby sea elves to weaken any support that might come from other ocean races against the Sahuagin. Word slips out that the other Bearingtons may be in trouble, however, and a group of adventurers manages to save the Emperor, if not the Lady Bearington who was killed and replaced by the succubus to get close enough to him.

Another party is summoned by the frantic messages of a minor deity of nature, pleading for their aid in preventing the destruction of her ancient, forgotten temple, and they find an "archaeological" group (read: bandits in disguise) preparing to destroy the religious symbols within and claim the building as their own, an operation which only their leaders know is ordered by a devil in exchange for magical weapons and control over any who come too close to this temple. The first group of bandits is cleared out by these adventurers, but more are quite possibly on the way, as the deity of the temple personally thanks them for their aid and asks that they call on her whenever they require hers in return. One party member begins worshipping this deity, becoming her one and only priest (in a setting where having temples + priests dedicated to you is how you become and remain a god, this is wildly important to the deity, who would have outright died if the temple were destroyed).

Elsewhere, dragons are stirred from the homes they have held for centuries, and begin claiming new territory, forcing younger, weaker dragons to migrate towards this island due to its lack of major draconic presence. A pair of injured Sapphire dragons are driven from home after home, eventually finding refuge with the deity in the woods, but they are nearly overrun by further bandits, not even able to spare the energy to send a message to those who had helped previously with clearing them out...

And this is where the quest begins. Sahuagin and worse are assaulting the ports and any ships that try to enter or leave the city; multiple instances of intelligent and dangerous fiends have been spotted in various parts of the city, and a portal to the hells themselves discovered in the manor's lower floors; and bandits swarm the roads and holy places outside of the city, defacing and destroying important locations, all while a lone, desperate Lich-thing tries to right the wrongs they caused by recruiting any aid they can, disguising however they can to avoid this body being killed and their soul abandoned to the Phylactery once more.

There will be 1 party of adventurers sent to handle each of these major issues, the final total of players being between 10 and 15, with all 3 storylines converging into one at the end, as the players must either convince each side being manipulated by the devils to turn against them, or face an army of unimaginable proportions with the aid of whatever pirates the city can provide.

Anyway im fucking vibrating in excitement for when i get to run this quest i wanna run it so so so so so bad but i have more encounters to do before it starts. And i need to nail down more details. But. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[heckolve]

remember when everyone was making undertale AUs......... im thinking about mine......

[watercolourferns]

Just a system rambling.

We don't talk much about our system here in this blog, we have the silver hallway system blog for that, mostly for venting but yeah. With the fact that Dorian bought Nix Hydra and the subsequent problems it's carrying I've started to reminisce a lot... I, Zayn, existed before we even knew The Arcana existed. But in our crazy adventure called life I was a sexual protector, protecting the system from dreadful things that were happening at that time and the rest of us could process, specially our host at that moment, PastFern.

Then that period of our life ended, fortunately, and we entered into a blissful period of protection, love, respect and healing... And I didn't know what to do with myself. I had no name, no past, no purpose except being a sexual protector. I made it a bit harder for everyone than it should've been because of this... and then we found The Arcana.

It was like opening a door to a brand new world full of possibilities. I gained a name, then I gained a last name, all of my own! I found my place and I found someone to love, and I forgot who I had been. It seeped through, of course, because I'm the amalgamation of the past host and that sexual protector being that I was before.

I fell in love with Julian Devorak, to the point where it's the only route we've played completely and it's the only one we might play, to be honest. We love the other characters, but Julian touched our lives in a way the others never really achieved when we started their routes...

And part of that was anchoring me and giving me purpose other than just being a sexual protector when there was nothing to protect us from anymore... Am I fictive? Not exactly. Am I an alter born from fusion? Yes I am, even though I'm terrified of going through that again.

And as our journey progressed I realized I'm not part of the universe of Arcana, I'm not an OC CurrentFern has created, I'm my own self. And that brings a whole host of other problems with it. I had to say goodbye to Julian, realizing he's not real, realizing that he's a character in a game and that I'm not a part of that world... I'm part of this one... Dorcas came after me, he's took Alex's place as a protector when Alex started to get so burntout from two failed relationships (one abusive, the other not exactly), and he also got anchored by the Arcana. We're so close it's unbelievable, but we needed something to keep us in the real world, we were causing problems for CurrentFern and their current life, we couldn't float around in fantasy land. Maddock has been doing taht and it sometimes causes problems for the system because of dissociation and endless daydreaming. It makes it hard for us to live in this world, in this moment... We were having identity issues as well...

And then I found @finally-romancable-npc. Marc has been a sort of savior for me, because he anchored me into the real world... He's the owner of my heart and soul, the man who I want to be with the rest of my life if possible. With whom I want to have a family, no matter the way this family is presented, with whom I want to share my laughter and my tears, whom I want to hold and protect and make happy... He's my everything!

So... realizing this has been a wild journey, and we're not over yet. I don't have a set birthday, which is something I wish I had; I'm one of the few who look closest to the body, which also gives us identity issues because I'm an enhanced, attainable version of it, so... it's hard to realize that once we look in the mirror we don't look like that.

But we're working a lot on it.

Finding out news of the game has made me think about how much I've walked and developed and grown and hopefully matured! But also how long we still have to go, and that we're lucky... We're still here, we're alive, and even though we're not well we can be! And even tho I don't have to fuse because I have a life to pursue, I think we can integrate to some safe extent, and that makes me... almost giddy. Being able to chat with everyone in the headspace without having to wait for certain circumstances to arise is one of my dreams... We're all a family, that's how OUR system has grown, so I wish that for all of us as long as it's safe...

I feel so much gratitude to Julian, as well... It's the first real, safe, happy, healthy relationship I've ever had, and that I'll be forever grateful for it... I don't care if he's just a character in a game, for me he's as real as Macaron and Dorcas are... And I'll be forever grateful and happy I met him.

[bnha-mha-imagines]

🍁 🍄 🌸 🌻 🍓 ✨ (sorry for picking so many) Character: Kirishima

Haha no worries! It was fun answering them all! :)

🍁Maple: What’s your ideal date?

My ideal date?? Ooh, is this an invitation? ;) all jokes all jokes...unless? 👀 I would say my ideal date can vary depending on my mood! I’m pretty content to just stay in and watch a movie and cuddle, but I’m also very much down to take a walk or a hike! It's fun, naturey, and you get an adventure out of it! Pack a little backpack with waters and snacks, bring a speaker, and go explore! That’s probably my ideal date :) 

🍄Mushroom: Have you ever been in love?

I’ve only ever been in love once, and I am lucky to say it is with my current boyfriend :) We’re kind of each other’s first real relationship, so we’re discovering everything together and I am so happy to experience these new things with him!

🌸Blossom: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Kind of but no? I love the notion of love at first sight because like… knowing your soulmate at first glance sounds totally adorable! Realistically, I believe in attraction at first sight, but I think love is something that requires more effort to obtain. Love perseveres in the face of ‘the ugly,’ it is all encompassing, and it is cultivated with time, communication, and experience. When you first meet a person, odds are your first impression is off, and to truly love a person for who they are, I think it’s crucial to get to know them, truly know them, first.

🌻Sunflower: Do you think humans are inherently good or bad?

I’ve been told that I am “wholesomely naive… in a good way!” As such, I am heavily inclined toward the idea that people are inherently good! Perhaps I’m wrong and naive as I’ve been told, but honestly I think I’d rather be so in this regard than accept that all goodness is unnatural. I think people, granted that they don’t suffer any conditions that prevent them from feeling so, desire very similar things: love, comfort, happiness, acceptance, justice, etc. I think these things, all leaning toward goodness, pay testimony to the innate natural goodness within us, and the desire for goodness! :) I think those people who we label villains have been conditioned to act in ways that contradict innate goodness, and that for the most part, villains are created not from the existence of evil, but from the absence of good.

🍓Strawberry: What season do you wish could be all year round? Favorite things to do during it?

My favorite season is autumn, so clearly I’d love to spend my whole year surrounded by colorful leaves and pumpkins <3 My favorite things about fall are: apple picking, visiting pumpkin patches and corn fields, HALLOWEEN, dressing in cozy clothes, chai tea, apple cider donuts and apple cider period, chilly weather, and… my birthday! haha.

✨Stars: What fictional character do you most relate to?

Since this is a bnha blog, it seems fitting that I pick a bnha character to compare myself to haha! I would say I most relate to, or act most like, Kirishima or Kaminari. Kirishima is very relatable to me, in both his positive attitude and insecurities, whereas Kaminari is similar to me in his energy and humor. Maybe throw in a little bit of Uraraka and you’ll get an amalgamation that is me haha!

______

Eijiro Kirishima:

Kirishima was hiding something, that much was obvious. He was fidgeting endlessly, perspiring lightly, and his eyes kept shifting to the door as if he wanted to run away. To say you were concerned was an understatement. 

Nothing apparent had prompted his behavior; you were simply sitting in the dorm common room watching National Treasure. With just the two of you there, you could only assume that the cause of his anxiety was something internal. 

You were tempted to write it off as a bad day, but any time you asked if he was okay he insisted he was. He wouldn’t keep eye contact with you, and you were beginning to think perhaps his strange, uncharacteristic behavior had something to do... with you.

Tentatively, you placed your hand over his, hoping perhaps the simple and tender touch could provide him some sort of comfort. The way he reared back startled confirmed your rising suspicion.  

“Kirishima,” you asked him gently, unable to keep the hurt from your voice. “What’s going on?” You reached for the remote and paused the movie, turning to face him. You stared into his eyes, and in them you could see clouded thoughts unspoken. “Is it me?” you dared to ask, unsure if you actually wanted the answer. 

At your question, Kirishima’s expression changed immediately, concern and surprise painting his face. “Huh?” he exclaimed. “Of course not, never, that’s not--!! Oh geez, I really messed this up, didn’t I…” You watched him curiously, urging him to continue.

Facing you suddenly, Kirishima grasped your hands with his own. “I was planning on making this grand gesture to tell you and make it all seamless, but… I guess that plan backfired. (Y/n), I guess what I’m trying to say is...well, what I’m struggling to say is, I love you.” 

Your eyes widened at his words, and suddenly everything made sense: why he’d been so off, so anxious, glancing at you when you weren’t looking. You felt your worry melt into unadulterated warmth and love, so overwhelming that you couldn’t help but embrace him, assaulting his face with kisses. 

Affection swelled in your chest. “Kirishima, your dork!” you laughed. “You don’t need a grand gesture to tell me that. And you don’t have to worry at all, because… I love you too!” You had barely any time to react before Kirishima had enveloped you into a crushing hug, kissing you again and again. You laughed, only half trying to push him away to end the onslaught. 

“Get a room,” suddenly a gruff voice interrupted from behind you. Turning around on the couch, you felt your cheeks grow red hot as your eyes landed on none other than Bakugo standing at the kitchen island behind you. “That was like watching a shitty wattpad story.” 

Kirishima laughed.

[rahabs]

The Tudors for the brain-hurting Tumblr ask

blorbo (favourite character, character I think about the most)

Cromwell. Thomas Cromwell in The Tudors is the single best, most nuanced portrayal of Cromwell I have ever seen in any piece of Tudor-related media, ever, and, to be frank, blows Wulf Hall out of the water. James Frain did an amazing job and this is the portrayal I hold all other Cromwell appearances against. We got to see more than just "scheming statesmen" and I thought, again, the portrayal was really nuanced, giving a very well-rounded, complex interpretation of the character such that I bawled my eyes out when he was executed. The fact that they actually included his children... Oh, owie. Still not over it.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Robert Testwood. He was in the show for .2 seconds but he was baby and I was devastated when he was tortured. (And because I know people are going to have no idea who I'm talking about: historically, Robert Testwood was a Protestant martyr under Henry VIII, and was eventually burned at Windsor. In the show, he's the man at the organ who runs when Gardiner's men burst in and start arresting people. He runs to Edward Seymour and Anne Stanhope for help, but ultimately they are no help at all and he gets arrested and tortured. He's shaped like baby :c He did not deserve that.)

Also, MARY.  I edited to come back and say MARY how could I forget Mary Tudor?  Love of my life, Mary I of England?  Who does not deserve any of the vitriol that comes her way when the same people spitting on her praise her family?  When she was the most merciful of all the Tudor monarchs, when she just wanted so badly to be a mother, when she was so caring for her siblings this is my hill you will not move me--

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

Underappreciated fav... Charles V is a contender, because as a historical character he really is a lot of fun, and also he's played by Sebastian Armesto who has an uncanny ability to appear in all the historical media I watch and also Star Wars for some reason. The Tudors? He's there as Charles V. The Terror? That little rat Charles Des Voeux. The Virgin Queen? Charles Blount. (Why are all these men named Charles?) Marie Antoinette? Comte de Provence. Pirates of the Caribbean? Ferdinand VI of Spain. I can go on.

Otherwise... Katherine Howard. As a historian, and as someone who wrote her postgraduate dissertation on the Tudors, I understand why people slam the portrayal but honestly... I enjoyed it? I liked her. I wish Henry VIII had been portrayed as varyingly grotesque as he historically was by that point, which would, I think, have made her portrayal make a bit more sense/add nuance, but on the whole I just? She was sweet. I liked her.

Also honourary mention to Anne of Cleves because a thousand and one hearts.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Robert Testwood... baby... Sir, ma'am he's baby... Also Mark Smeaton, as everyone knows. Hello, it's me, waving my Mark Smeaton flag, I still have that URL hoarded >:}

And Anthony Knivert. Early in my tumblr career I ran a roleplay blog for him. Love him. Adore him. Where did he go I know he was an amalgamation of two historical figures into one character but hello! He just? Vanished? At least Compton died. Knivert just was never heard from again.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

O h Edward Seymour... Edward Seymour. I love him. Max Brown doesn't age in real life but they did make him age in this and I really liked that we got any portrayal of Edward Seymour. It made me happy. I thought it was pretty accurate re: accounts of him as a person. I could go on about him forever. I love that we got so much of him and wish we got more of the Duke of Norfolk to go with it. I yell and I shout that The Tudors is the best piece of Tudor-media out there because it is unique on focusing not just on Henry and his wives, but also the other figures at court, and giving them screentime and motives and developing the politics and yes some key figures randomly vanish and it's bizarre (Norfolk, fucking Cranmer) but? They do so much. The Tudors crushes Wulf Hall (and anything based on anything Philippa Gregory has ever written) any and every day of the week, no contest.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

Charles Brandon. I'd torment him so that his fans would stop flooding the main tag. I'm so over-saturated in Charles Brandon media and I'm bitter here. There are so many more interesting characters and people generally only like him because it's Henry Cavill, which is completely fair, but he really does saturate all the tags.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

In a show filled with Absolute Jerks I'm still going to have to pick Gardiner. He goes straight to turbo hell for being an icky jerk >:c Also because for my dissertation on Mary I's government/effectiveness I spent so much time in TCD's archives/old book room reading his letters and I'm... bitter. Turbo hell for Stephen Gardiner!

[clownattack]

Castor - character bio

I’ve been struggling with getting a bio out for Cas for waaaaay too long now, but i feel pretty ok with how it looks currently - i'm going to repost it on my art blog with some drawings of Cas and Hjalle in the future (hopefully). If you want to skip most of the nonsense and just get a feel for her personality, the section under the bio paragraphs is FULL OF POINTS.

links to drawn refs here and here

Longpost under the cut

✦ Early life in Hjalle:

Being born into the noble family Aran, Castor’s early life consisted mostly of being pampered by the attendants and strict education. Cas was a rowdy kid, and with time, lack of affection and validation from her family served to amplify the trait - she went from occasionally disobedient to full-on antagonistic towards her parents, and the nobility as a whole. She began to sneak out; spending her time outside of the Fort, spying on the guards and trying to bribe knights into taking her on as a page.

When Cas turned nine a sibling came into the picture, and she made it her duty to assure Aster’s upbringing would be better than hers. She poured everything she had into Aster, but soon developed a brash and overbearing streak, unyielding in her focus to teach the meek little sister to stand her ground. Aster became torn between Cas and the parents, who in all fairness, treated her much better than their firstborn. This would remain the case until Castor’s dragon-induced injuries.

In her late teens, Cas was seldom seen in the fort - to everyone's great relief. Her mood was always sour, she gave up on her studies and only seemed to care about Aster and joining the hunting parties. Her parents reached their limit when Castor announced she would not become one of the renowned judges of House Aran - this led to an explosive argument, which concluded with Castor storming out. For the following two years, she lived and worked with rangers tasked with protecting and providing for the town.

It was in those years that Cas acquired her battle prowess and scars, the most prominent being a gift from an especially large and angry dragon. A single swipe of its tail tore Castor’s chest and forearm open, forcing the hunting party to rush her to the fort in (what the hunters expected to be) a futile attempt to get her family to provide medical help for their dying kin. The reception was cold indeed, and if it weren’t for Aster’s hysterics and outrage over her family’s indifference, Cas would have not survived the grievous wounds. The upside to this event was a new high tale to impress people with, and strengthening the bond between two sisters. The downside - Castor was now under her parent’s thumb. They made her accept the position of inquisitor; to make up for the hassle she caused them. Taking up the mantle turned Castor’s world upside down - not only would she have to work in close proximity to her father, but her dreams of being knighted were shattered, as inquisitorial duties stand in stark opposition to virtues of knighthood. As Inquisitor she was tasked with investigating and interrogating for the court - the latter, as Aran tradition had it, was extraordinarily bloody.

 ✦ Vesuvia:

Almost as soon as she arrived, the city sparked something in Cas. This was unexpected to say the least; she was certain the years of gruesome work as inquisitor numbed her to simple joys of life. The sights and sounds of Vesuvia however, made her eager to explore and see how everything ticked - and the more she saw the more she wished to remain in the city. After attending the Masquerade and becoming acquainted with Asra, Cas was prepared to do anything to stay - even if it meant sucking up to the Buffoon count and begging for a job. Lucio proved to be anything but opposed - he’d heard of the “bloody good shows” (pun intended) Castor was infamous for, and was eager to take her off her parents hands. This led to working parallel to the count and his court, but also enabled Cas to dabble in magic under Asra’s tutelage.

This slight betterment of Cas’ situation would not last long however, as The Red Plague took complete hold of the city mere months after she took up her residence in Vesuvia. After perishing, and being brought back by Asra, she very slowly regains certain memories and traits - her sister, love of astronomy, sword skills. She sneaks out, snoops, and is a handful overall; but Asra is happy to see Castor’s “new” self free of bitterness and pain.

After this point, the “game events” take place. I like to imagine Castor braving an amalgam of Nadia and Portia routes, with a fistful (or multiple) of courtier drama. Castor is tasked with an investigation, slowly  but surely unravelling how deep the corruption runs in Vesuvia, and how much of it can be attributed to the courtiers. The conclusion of her story focuses on first facing off against the court, then the Justice Arcana.

  ✦ Physical appearance

Light olive skin, she picks up a slight tan in Vesuvia.

Dark gray eyes, striking marbling on the iris.

Long girl - 176 cm tall, loves being the “tall friend” (and manhandling people close to her). Being taller than her is taken as an indirect challenge.

She has a rectangular body type, could be described as a “runner’s body”.

Prominent scarring across right forearm and torso, missing right breast.

Tastefully disheveled. Her hair has a constantly windswept quality, and the gray streaks seem to be especially unruly.

Inherited the “Aran silver” (early graying), she tries to ignore it. “The more you hide it, the more it shows”.

Secretly really bothered by the many similarities to her father. Avoids looking at herself too much, and whenever she does it feels like he’s looking back at her, judging.

Only ever smoothes herself over before important court meetings and social events. She doesn't know how makeup works, so before any party she asks Asra to sort her out. Cas looking prim is both a treat and a source of friendly jabs.

✦ Character traits

Power walking by default. This can be somewhat intimidating, and she won’t stop if someone is in her way - just put them to the side and continue.

Puts up a really convincing pretence of formality and refinement.

In actuality she finds this facade tiresome, and just wants to talk fast about battle/hunting feats or astronomy. Maybe show off her pyromancy.

Loves socializing, it recharges her batteries.

Dilligent worker.

Tends to overwork herself and neglect her relationships.

Often scatter minded and wanting to do too many things at one time.

Doesn’t appreciate people instigating physical contact or getting up in her face. She needs to prepare herself for it, or be the initiator.

Stubborn as a mule. Never knows when to stop pressing people.

Extremely callous at times.

Annoyingly overbearing

Most of this springs from a place of fear - things had a habit of getting worse whenever her family imposed decisions onto her. In her mind, if she’s the one holding the reins, everything will be better. And if something does fail - she will be the only one to blame.

Starting arguments comes much too easily to her, but she’s just as quick to introspect, and seek out the person she argued with to apologize and approach the issue in an appropriate manner.

Forgives easily

Eternally scoffing at astrology. She knows shes being bigoted, but at this point its almost like an inside joke between her and Asra. “Astrology? It's baby stuff. PSEUDOSCIENCE!” (she cries as she worries over her afternoon tarot reading and preparing pretty horoscopes for the Shop...)

A huge hypocrite at times. “Do as I say, not as I do” could easily be her motto.

Both the upright and reversed Knight of Swords card sums her character up perfectly.

✦ Occupation & Residency

Vesuvia:

Beginning of her story follows the game canon almost to a T - Cas lives with Asra in the Shop, and works there. It bores her to death, and she plays tricks on every customer just to entertain herself.

After being officially hired by Nadia as the Palace Magician, Castor moves out of the shop and purchases a modest house in Goldgrave, much below the value of what Nadia offered her, and what she could afford. It’s convenient and that’s what matters to Cas. She continues supplying the shop diligently, and takes over whenever Asra runs off.

Nadia insisted on Castor having an office in the palace. It grew on her with time, and after The Devil is dealt with it becomes her little “hub”.

Hjalle:

Cas lived with her family in the castle site until 17 years old.

After denying her parents their plans for her future as a judge, she hunkered down in a hunting lodge outside of the town, and spent almost two years living that way - she still thinks of these two years as the most joyous time in her life.

The only thing she ever used her family’s wealth for was commissioning the construction of an extravagant observatory. Reminiscent of a gothic fortress, the stark exterior is contrasted with insides filled with artwork and art-nouveau ornaments. The central chamber is a vast library with a powerful telescope in its apse - it is a sight that could take the breath of the most haughty of nobles.

There’s a tiny living space below the main chamber, furnished sparingly, but with a lovely fireplace (in Hjalle, its a necessity). It’s where Cas stays after becoming the inquisitor/whenever she visits after the in-game events.

✦ Trivia

Cas is 23 years old when she first arrives to Vesuvia - 28 at the time of The Devil’s downfall.

She freed Merlin from a merchant’s cage in the Red Market, during one of her outings in the three year interlude after her death - Asra fumes after they find out she snuck out to the market - yet is amazed that Cas found a familiar.

Cas regained her first memories via touching objects linked to her past life - a letter from Aster, articles of clothing, a sword...

This self re-discovering takes a turn for the worse when Cas finally finds a large, ornate knife - the one she inherited after becoming inquisitor. The memories it resurfaces are a staggering blow to Castor, completely derailing the beliefs she had about her own person. She thought of herself as a paragon, and remembering the torture she inflicted upon others, the lives taken in the name of “justice” made her relapse into bitterness and disenchantment. She deals with those feelings as her investigation into the courtiers progresses.

Predominantly uses pyromancy, other types of magic are strictly used for her work at the palace, and rather sparingly.

Could be best described as a battlemage - enjoys being in melee range and assaulting her quarry with both sword and fire; the latter being used more as a way to distract or stagger the enemy than actually harm. There's no fun in just burning them up!

Doesn’t cook for herself, although she has a natural knack for it - will only cook for guests and short people.

Her dislike of Lucio clashes with gratitude for employing her when she first arrived to Vesuvia - he was the knife which cut Cas off from her parents, and it’s something she could never forget.

Demiromatic/sexual.

She was offered to be knighted by Nadia after defeating The Devil. Cas declined - It’s much more than a title to her, and accepting seemed like mockery (considering her past as inquisitor).

Short fuse, she learns to better control herself while working in the palace. But if someone really pushes her the nearby candles miiiight get a bit out of control. Or she’ll just throttle them.

Hates her full name - Castor is such a mouthful. Sounds stuck up too...

[babbushka]

I always hate saying it but I wish they wouldn’t have turned Kylo into Ben Solo. He was such a fantastic and complex villain and Adam played him so well. Ben Solo kind of felt like a cheap character they used to justify r///lo (which is a different issue in itself as we’ve discussed on this blog). I get that they thought Ben Solo was a happy ending for him but it really just made me sad because in my eyes Kylo was phenomenal.

I don’t hate saying it !!!! You’re right and you should say it!!!! 

And like, not only all of that which you mentioned, but it’s also just lazy writing. It’s such lazy writing. And narratively, it doesn’t make any sense for him to have “”””””turned back into Ben””””””” like none of his actions, wants, desires, or goals pointed in that direction for the entirety of 2 movies, and 98% of the third movie. 

The thing is, he didn’t deserve a happy ending. They were setting him up throughout the entire trilogy with actions that specifically do not deserve a happy ending. His entire character arc from the moment we see him to about the last 5 minutes that we get with him, he is unapologetically a villain. He did nothing to deserve his redemption, his redemption itself wasn’t even earned he straight up hallucinated it, and he himself didn’t carry any regrets for anything he had done when he dies!! A redemption arc takes time and realization and betterment of oneself, and Kylo straight up rejects Every. Single. Opportunity. to return to the light that is given to him. He deserved to be stabbed through the chest by Rey and then left to die a cold and miserable death. 

Kylo was such an incredibly interesting villain. The issue came when those lunatics decided he was for some reason a protagonist -- sidelining the actual protagonists and reducing them down to racist and sexist stereotypes that we were SO CLOSE to avoiding. 

But also, as a Kylo stan (because let’s be real even though he’s a psychotic massmurdering power hungry maniac, he is a sympathetic character and i do empathize with him on a lot of levels) it boggles my fucking mind that people can call themselves a Kylo lover and then refer to him as the thing he hated most! How dare they claim to be a fan of him and then constantly deny every single one of his own wants and hopes? They’re no better than Luke or Leia or Han or Rey, forcing this identity onto him that he works so so so hard to get rid of, to abandon and build something new and something of his own for himself? 

Because who even is Ben? Who is he? We don’t see him. We see a man with someone else’s name, with someone else’s mannerisms. We see a man with someone else’s lightsaber and someone elses clothes. We don’t even hear him speak aside from ‘ow.’ That’s not something to love, that’s an empty shell of a poorly written amalgamation of other people’s character. 

So I get so mad when people say they’re “”””ben solo stans””””, because #1 he doesn’t exist, and #2 even if we’re talking about the idea of him, it’s a slap in the face to kylo’s own autonomy as a character and a villain. And you’re right, we aaaaaall know it’s only to justify the actions of Kylo’s abuse and cruelty against Rey, so like, the whole thing just makes me so fucking angry. 

[northamptoncouplestherapy]

Divorce is the Most Important Story You’ll Ever Tell Your Child

Nothing quite prepares you for what it’s like to go through a divorce when you have children.

While the statistics say somewhere between 40-50% of adults will have to navigate this terrain at some point in their lives, when you embark on it, when it finally happens, your divorce can feel excruciatingly unique. Painfully individual.

And it is.

Rituals, rhythm, and rules. Your family is a microculture. The unique fingerprint of you and your spouse. The weaving of bones. Divorce, in turn, is the dissolution of such. The severing of a limb to save the tree. A metamorphosis that is characterized more by coming undone than by becoming. For the first time, you and your partner will have to venture into something together that is, by definition, designed to be done alone. You will go through divorce alone, together.

In my work as a couples therapist, if a couple with children decides to divorce, I caution them that this is a time when they must be careful. I remind them that most likely, their bodies have come to recognize the other as the enemy and that given this, their heart rates will increase to over 100 beats per minute whenever they are in close proximity to the other. For many, this physiological response to threat will occur even at the mere thought of the other. Like a bulimic, whose body learns to regurgitate food without even the slightest touch of a finger, so too do our nervous systems learn to expel the other. And while these biological alarms may very well prepare you for war, they also come at a cost. Diffuse physiological arousal (DPA) is the amalgam of bodily stress responses. In addition to an accelerated heart rate, DPA is characterized by an increase in stress hormones. The result is an inability to think, communicate, or hear clearly.

Not surprisingly, divorce is a time when you will struggle with periods of psychological, physiological, and emotional impairment. All of this occurring, while you are simultaneously called on to make critical decisions, single-parent, generate income, sell or relocate your home, and navigate the grief and loss of dreams. Your life is coming undone faster than you can rebuild it, and the seeds of regeneration have yet to sprout their tendrils.

According to John Gottman, author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, if you want to know whether a kid is navigating parental crisis at home, there’s a litmus test. It turns out that children exposed to “great marital hostility” have markedly higher levels of stress hormones than children of parents with stable marriages.

Remember this when you’re seething in anger at your ex-to-be, and it threatens to overtake you. Your kid will excrete toxins of distress that their body cannot possibly metabolize. By a familial nervous system, you are all still interconnected on a subterranean level, and their body is screaming “stop,” even if they never utter a word to you.

Though if you listen carefully, they will and do tell you. And how you respond (or not) to what your child shares is critical. Their tummy may hurt at bedtime, or they’ll have an amorphous list of upsets that seemingly have no immediate cause (and therefore no remedy readily at hand).

You’ll want to make it better, cheer them up, play a game. If they’re older, they might ask questions and even insist that you confide in them as a way to ease their angst. It can be tricky to discern who is comforting whom. Divorce is lonely, and even the best of single parents can experience the understandable tug to derive comfort at times like these.

Tempting as it may be, try to refrain from responding to your child’s feelings by offering a distraction or cheering up. Such gestures, though well-intended, often come from our discomfort when we see our kid is hurting. We want to make it better—to offer relief. It’s natural to want to put a band-aid on an “ouch.” Unfortunately, divorce is bigger than that.

Instead, aim for what Gottman calls Emotion Coaching. To emotion coach, you must first cultivate an awareness of your child’s feelings. Notice their body language, their tone of voice, and their eyes. What do you imagine they might be saying (or not saying) in their actions and gestures?

Be curious and avoid projecting your feelings and thoughts. Expand on such moments, listening more than speaking, validating more than fixing. Let them know you see they are struggling and offer to help them to name their struggles—encouraging them to use their words.

Emotion Coaching can turn the mysterious case of a tummy ache or just feeling blue into a teaching moment from which your child derives comfort from feeling seen and understood. It will also offer them increased insight into their inner workings, allowing them to connect the dots between their tummy ache and their heartache.

The heartache of divorce is essential as air. Cultivating the ability to breathe through it and mourn is both the last and first stage of ending one story (your life as the family you were) and starting the next (your life as the family you are becoming).

You are closing a critical chapter of your life and simultaneously embarking on a new one. There is also compelling evidence to suggest that the narrative you write, speak, and live from will have a profound impact on the adult your child has yet to become. How you make sense of memories, your past and the ways it has shaped you in the present, the answers you give to the fundamental questions of such, have the potential to pass down (or not) the same painful legacy that marred your early days.

Daniel Siegel, author of The Whole Brained Child and Parenting from the Inside Out, states that the best predictor of a child’s security of attachment is not what happened to their parents as children, but instead how their parents made sense of those childhood experiences. I want to go out on a limb and assert that how we as parents make sense of any significant experience, whether we’re talking childhood or adulthood, has the potential to shape the adults our children have yet to become and, in turn, our grandchildren and so it goes.

The telling of how your marriage came to fracture will evolve, and as it does, and as you begin to understand the role you played in it, it’s important to see yourself as neither victim nor villain. Similarly (although it can be hard) aspire to view your ex from an equally generous and compassionate lens. After all, not many embark on marriage hoping love will end, and very few of us have a baby wishing our family will shatter. Breaking up a family when children are involved is akin to pulling bones out of your body while you are simultaneously growing them. Aspiring to narrate the story of your divorce from a place of empowerment will inform every interaction with your child, from the day-to-day to the essential rituals of transition, including bedtime, pickups, and drop-offs.

Here is where divorce presents its most significant opportunity—a window of time where the stars align in such a way that you have a chance to shift the future.

Create a constellation that serves as a map of where you have been, how you have gotten here, and where you wish to go in the days and years to come. It’s an atlas that will serve not only as a touchstone for you, but as a beacon for your children.

Your story will become their story, so write it well.

Like what you’ve read here? Sign up to receive our weekly posts filled with heart, concrete tools, and cutting edge resources via my blog: Loving Well.

[flagellant]

Anniversary.

I'd like to step out and say this first: if you have been here from auspicious beginnings, thank you. If you have been here from awkward middle, thank you. If you're just now joining us and are frankly unsure if this blog is a shitpost, a personal blog, or a roleplay/writing blog, thank you, and also big same.

I'm not good with words when speaking for myself, so I will make this brief (POST: hahaha i fucking thought). The Tattered Veil, and its persona The Innkeeper, has helped me a lot over the past year, even as we head, slowly and steadily and inexorably, into 2020, and all the terrors the unknown may bring.

I started this blog because I was friends with Caretaker, and I wished to do something similar--a branch of the formula, so to speak. What blossomed rapidly became a strange amalgam of things--as much as I loved creating strange, weird drinks for people, I found that The Innkeeper, who is unequivocably a Catholic angel, was better suited as something else.

Namely: people genuinely came into my inbox (innbox?), lost, confused, scared, and generally feeling not good, and they found genuine comfort in the persona I played. I was, and remain, a foil to Caretaker at @normal-horoscopes. Sometimes you need to be pushed into gear by an all-caps radical skeleton who will beat you over the head with your destiny until you do better about it. But for me, I found a sort of radical kindness in Innkeeper's comfort: you can have this place, right here, and I can promise you that whatever you ever go through, no matter how hard, I am here, and you can vent, and you will have my ear and a kind word, and sometimes that is enough.

The Innkeeper became my sort of reconciliation with Catholicism as well--I'd long stopped attending church, and frankly believing in a Catholic God-figure. And while I still am not 'Catholic', Innkeeper is I feel the best syncretization of the religion I can make: an unknowable cosmic entity who exists to love in spite and despite. She is a figure who, in my experience, everyone deserves: not a therapist, but an ear. A safe harbor, a steady rock. They give nothing but a genuine wish for your wellbeing, and the simple offer of that wish is often enough to persevere.

I don't get many petitioners these days, partially because this has evolved into a sort of 'moodboard' more than anything, a place to evoke the inn and its keeper, but I do want everyone here who's ever sent in an ask to Innkeeper to know: I read each and every message, and if I don't publish it, it is not that I missed the message. The inbox (innbox hehehe.) is ALWAYS going to be open and is similar to just "a shout into the void"--it might get answered, it might not, it depends on if I feel I can write an appropriate response. Messages are usually answered much more easily by nature of "this sort of comfort seems like it should be responded to privately regardless".

All this is to say...even if i don't respond, I listen, and I hear, and I wish each and every one of you all here the kindness you all desperately deserve. I hope that in the coming years we all make it through safely and whole, if not unscathed.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 65

Chapter Summary - New Years morning, Danielle and Tom read over the scandal from New Year's Eve to see if it includes them, leading to a few comments and a slightly jealous Danielle, who, for the first time, has to deal with Tom's female fans flirtatious behaviour.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Tom Hiddleston dances the year of 2016 away; The Thor actor and ex-beau of Taylor Swift was seen in the exclusive Trinity Club last night, dancing along with a number of other clients of Prosper PR including Emma Watson, who seemed to be enjoying herself, laughing as she and a female friend were caught dancing on camera with the 35-year-old star. Like so many others, 2016 was a year to forget for the Kong actor, who will no doubt be looking forward to bigger and better things in 2017.

Danielle laughed as she looked at the photo, it was grainy, obviously taken on a phone, no paparazzi had been able to get passed Luke’s defences. It was her and Emma dancing with Tom, her back to the photographer, but Emma and Tom’s faces visible, both clearly enjoying themselves. When she saw another face nearby, she erupted in giggles, Luke was face palming, though there was a hint of a smile of resignation on his face as he did so.

“Any world scandal?” Tom asked, rubbing his hair with a towel having just forced himself out for a run to brush away the cobwebs of the night before, then going for a shower on his return.

“No, but we were spotted last night.” She waited for his reaction.

“Did Luke contact you?” Tom rushed over. “How are you feeling?”

“Slightly thirsty, but good. With regards us being seen, you cannot tell it is me and I am being referred to as ‘the female friend of Emma Watson’, we are both dancing with her so…” She showed him the picture in question, which he analysed.

“How do you feel about it?”

“Well I thought there was no way for us to be seen, so I am slightly disappointed by that, but Luke is no doubt the one raging on that front, I, on the other hand, am okay.”

“Really?” He asked hopefully.

“I swear, I am.” She promised, leaning forward and kissing him. As he deepened the kiss, his phone went off and he groaned. “Go, answer it.” She sighed.

Tom walked over. “Mister Cumberbatch, there had better be a good reason you are interrupting a man on New Year's Day.” He growled.

“I cockblocked you, didn’t I?” Ben sounded far too happy with himself in Tom’s opinion. “Are you free today, simple yes or no answer, nothing else.”

“Yes,” Tom stated worriedly.

“Can Danielle hear?”

“No, but nearby.”

“Right, what time suits?”

“One second,” Tom put his hand over the mouthpiece, “Elle, what time are you and Emma going to lunch?” He whispered, not wanting Ben to realise he was talking to her about it.

“Lunchtime.” Danielle grinned, earning a bemused look from Tom. “I am leaving at noon, should be back by three, but I will text before getting on the tube.”She stated, not overly bothered by Tom’s plans, she heard him say he was speaking with Ben, anything more than that she was not overly bothered by if he had something he wanted to share with her, he would.

“She is gone for most of the afternoon.”

“Wait, she won’t be there?”

“No, she is meeting Emma for lunch, that tends to mean they will be gone until the shops close later.”

“Fucking Hallelujah, right, I am coming to yours.”

“Okay, can I ask why?”

“No, you might tell Elle and she might tell my wife, and we cannot tell my wife.”

“Secrets in marriage, really?”

“Fuck off Tom, wait and see, five years from now and two kids and you will be understanding my position, you will be saying. ‘Ben, remember that time…’.”

“Except I have neither a wife or kids.”

“You’re working on it, aren’t you?”

“Ben, I am a little tired and a little hungover, so not today.”

“Hungover, wait, why were you drinking?”

“Because I am over the age of eighteen and was at a party last night.”

“You left Danielle alone to go to a party?”

“No, she was there too.”

“How did you convince her to go to that?”

Tom sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes, “I asked her if she wanted to go and she did.”

“And, how did it go?”

“Great, she was not photographed with me, there is a picture of her, with her back to the camera dancing with me and Emma Watson, and no mention of her by name, so she is in a great mood.”

“Good, I’m glad you had that much, now, about my hiding at yours?”

“She’s leaving at noon.”

“You are a true friend Thomas William Hiddleston.”

“I cannot remember the last time someone used my whole name like that,” Tom noted. “Want lunch?”

“Is it something Danielle cooked?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.”

“I can cook too,” Tom stated indignantly.

“As can I; but Danielle cooks well, there is the difference,” Ben noted. “See you at half twelve so.”

“Whatever Sherlock.” Tom hung up the phone and turned to see a somewhat concerned Danielle looking at him. “I have no idea.” He admitted.

“Dare I ask?”

“Were you not listening?”

“No,” she scoffed. “Why would I listen in, if Ben wanted to talk to me, he would have asked to talk to me. Wait, have you…?” Tom shifted his weight slightly. “Well in mature adult relationships, people are allowed have private conversations with their friends without their other half interfering, remember, way back when, before the fame and fortune, your girlfriends probably didn’t attach themselves to you every time your phone buzzed.” She smiled, sitting herself up and forcing him to come down for a kiss. “Or at least the ones over fifteen.”

Tom grinned against her lips, “Darling, you will be late for lunch if you continue that.”

“Don’t you dare, I’m half-convinced that I will have to go early to meet Emma because if I get there after her, she is going to see me walking like John Wayne!” Danielle declared, causing Tom to erupt in laughter. “Seriously, I am not sure I can walk properly, it’s sore,” she whined.

Tom ceased laughing and his forehead knitted in worry. “Really?” His tone was one of concern. “Did I…?”

“Don’t you dare give yourself all the credit, it was me that decided that the living room was a good place to go at it, and need I remind you, you actually said to me not to do it on the couch.” She groaned, “What was I thinking?”

“Thinking? I fear I do not know. Drinking, on the other hand, I do, I think I recall us getting up to eight whiskey’s for me and four of that sickly sweet thing you were drinking before joining me for whiskey.”

“Whiskey makes me horny.”

“Good to know.” Tom grinned, “Though I am guilty of the same. What thing did you do that hurt?”

“I gave myself cramp.” Danielle dismissed. “I don’t want to get out of bed.”

“You need to get a shower and get ready,” Tom argued.

Danielle curled up in the blanket, “Don’t want to.” Causing Tom to chuckle at her. “I cannot remember the last time I drank like that, I think it was before my mam died.”

“You weren’t even that drunk.”

“Drunk, no, tipsy, definitely.” She pushed the covers down. “I need to get some tea before I get ready.”

“I will pop on the kettle.” Tom kissed her head before going downstairs once more to get her a cup of tea. While waiting for the water to boil, Tom got a notification on his phone, so he took it out and read it before laughing to himself. When the tea was ready, he rushed up the stairs to the bedroom, “Elle, you are not going to believe this.” He half laughed as he entered the room, seeing her face in front of him, his joyful smile fell, she was sighing and shaking her head as she read something on her phone. “Elle?”

“‘London socialite and aspiring model Annabelle Collins is in hospital this morning with a suspected overdose. The twenty-five-year-old model was partying with friends in the Loca Nightclub in London last night when she was found in the bathrooms by a friend after four am, an ambulance was called and the Metropolitan police are questioning those in the club around four am to establish what happened’.”

“Shit.”

“She left the party at the Trinity Club after our little confrontation, how much more had she snorted in five hours,” Danielle shook her head. “The fucking idiot.”

“Elle?”

“I saw too many of them, O.D.’s I mean, people thinking they were above being the statistic.” She growled angrily. “She is a filthy bottom feeder, a waste of already stretched NHS, and I bet there won’t even be an eyelid batted on the fact she snorted my weight in cocaine or some other shit, she’ll do it again. At least it didn’t happen at Luke’s party. She got her story, thankfully not at anyone else’s expense.”

“You saw she was a risk,” Tom commented, knowing that Danielle’s rant was nothing new, she was adamantly anti-drugs, having seen what could happen when it went too far.

“Of course, it was my job to.” Danielle threw her phone on the bed. “What were you so happy about?” Tom looked at her, his confusion was blatant. “When you came in.”

“Right, it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does Tom, don’t let her be my morning thought, please, give me something nice and happy.”

“I was spotted this morning.” He held up his phone and immediately, a small smile came to Danielle's face.

“It’s a great photo of you.” She went back on her phone.

“Really?”

“Yes, I am, ah here it is, I am downloading it now.” She smiled before typing again. “Your fans love it.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m being nosy and going on Tumblr.”

“Elle, that place is a minefield.”

“I know, let’s see. Ooh, found a ‘Hiddleswift’ blog. I hate that amalgamation of names thing in general, makes people sound ten-cent short of a euro, as though two people together cannot actually be two separate entities, either that or the person talking cannot actually be bothered referring to them by their names. Aw, my favourite, the ridiculous touring.”

“Elle, please don’t look at that.” Tom pleaded.

“There’s now people discussing you and Emma together, a better option in my opinion, smart, well educated, very nice.”

“Elle, please stop.” He reached for her phone but she pulled away.

“No, I want to find, bingo. Aw, that’s cute, people are gushing over the two of you.”

“Elle, don’t do this.” He reiterated.

“People want more pictures of you together, saying they cannot believe how adorable you are.”

“Elle, Taylor…”

“Who’s talking about Taylor?” Danielle scoffed. “I’m talking about you and your new companion.”

“You were there when Emma was around me.”

“Seriously, you are so far behind in this conversation,” Danielle laughed holding up her phone for Tom to read.

Tom scanned the words and exhaled in relief that Danielle did not think him interested in other women. “That’s not funny, I thought…” Danielle giggled. “You are evil.”

“You knew that already.” She shrugged as she looked back at the headline and smiled again. Actor Tom Hiddleston’s new companion is one that his fans are gushing over. The headline read, underneath was a picture of Tom jogging in the park, Mac next to him, his mouth open in what appeared to be a doggy grin. Underneath, all of Tom’s fans were indeed gushing over it, calling it the cutest thing ever, all of them thinking it added to his appeal. “Dog’s are the ultimate wingmen.” She laughed before going further down through the pictures. “As can be seen here, she’s pretty.” Her smile faltered slightly as she noticed a tall and beautiful girl in the photos talking to Tom.

Tom looked over her shoulder. “Elle…”

“I better get a shower.” She pulled away and headed to the bathroom.

“It was only an autograph, Elle.” Tom tried to explain.

“I’m going to be late.” Danielle locked the door so that he could not follow her. Outside the bathroom, Tom sighed in frustration. It was the first time Danielle had seen such an interaction, and it had not gone well.

When she emerged fifteen minutes later, Tom had gone through feeling guilty before becoming some little bit angered, it was an autograph and a photo with a fan, nothing more, nothing sinister, but Danielle was after acting as though he had forgotten her birthday, ran over her cat and told her it was her fault, when he turned around to talk to her about it, he was startled to see a guilty look on her face.

“I’m sorry.” He said nothing in return. “I…” She shook her head. “I knew before I ever kissed you back you were a movie star, that you had a lot of fans, and yes, when they see you, they want a photograph or an autograph, they are going to smile and flirt with you and they are probably, on occasion, try and grab bits of you. I knew this, and I know you are you, you would never do anything with them, you smile back using your polite smile and you indulge them because you want others to be happy and behind it all, you need fans to like you to get certain roles, and I went and acted like that and that is not fair to you, it was childish and stupid and I am sorry.”

“Why…”

“I think I got jealous, she is really pretty and tall and Mac seemed to like her, and I am sounding even more petulant when I say it out loud.” She groaned. Tom walked over to her. “I was wrong to get upset.”

Tom watched as a large bead of water dripped down from her hair before it trickled down her chest. “Why do you listen to that voice in your head telling you you’re not enough? You are who I want Danielle, I love you, no one else interests me like that. You are so confident, yet you seem so riddled in self-doubt.” He looked down at her lovingly. “I will have fans come up to me, I will interact with them and when we are public, I am sure some may try and make you jealous, but it won’t mean I am interested in them.”

“I know. I messed up.” She seemed almost on the verge of tears. “The first time something completely innocent happens I acted like it was the apocalypse.”

“Well, that is a tad dramatic, you got upset, you weren’t shouting and screaming.”

“Not really my style.”

“You are allowed to feel emotions, Elle, just please talk to me about it. I rather listen to you say a thousand times tell me you felt some pang of jealousy than you bottle it up and let it fester in your mind, because if you do that, we can’t work through it and that would kill us, I don’t want that.”

“I don’t want to feel it.”

“No one tends to want to feel those emotions, but we still do. I am going to have it when you are in the world eye and other better-looking men start being introduced to you, or when you are working and there is a gorgeous actor or behind the scenes, men flirting with you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Tom.”

“Elle, you are smart, hard-working and incredibly sexy, I am six years older than you, not exactly muscled and have a receding hairline, do you think I don’t know I am punching above my weight? That you are not the sort of woman men look for?” Danielle scoffed at him. “Are you honestly dismissing me?”

“Yes, because you are Tom Hiddleston, actor, humanitarian and sex god.” She stated factually. “You are one of the sexiest men on the planet, women literally adore you, there are like a thousand stories about your sexiness I had to swipe down passed to get to the picture of you and Mac and they have nicknamed your cock after the largest snake on the planet.” she laughed slightly as she watched him go red. She found herself needing to physically touch him, so she wrapped her arms around him. “I know that, so I have to tell that little voice to shut up, that we made a promise, and you will keep to it.”

“Promise?”

“To tell me if you…”

“Elle, there is never going to be anyone else.”

“I know, but still.” She smiled. “I am not a jealous person, so I am not sure why I…”

“You are a human being Elle, you’re allowed feel emotion, last night when that girl got lipstick on my ear, you didn’t get angry or upset, you were so calm, you understood immediately, that is why I know that this is not you.”

“The comments…”

“What comments?”

“Under the picture, implying you were flirting or fishing to see people’s reaction to a potential new match.” She stated dismissively, “I let it get in my head.”

Tom froze for a moment, “Ah, now that makes more sense.” He tilted her head up to look at him. “Don’t listen to them, do not read them, alright? You saw what they wrote that time I was out with Emma, they thought she was my pregnant girlfriend.” Danielle erupted in laughter. “Don’t let them drive you away, you are so strong.”

“But occasionally an idiot.”

“Aren’t we all?” Tom kissed her. “I’m afraid your tea is probably gone cold, you need to get dressed.”

“Then stop kissing me.”

“I can’t.” he guided her to the bed before encouraging her to sit then lie on it while he remained above her. “You know what I have yet to do to you?”

“Allow me to be on time for something?” She giggled in retort. Tom’s response was a growl before he opened the towel, revealing her to him. “Tom.”

“I know, you’re a slight bit tender, by the way, you’ve bruised your thigh.”

“I know, when I was jumping onto the couch, I really hurt it.” She groaned, having recalled her actions that had given her the mark. Tom chuckled before he began to kiss her stomach, slowly edging down further. “Wait, what are you doing?” She asked, leaning up on her elbows for support.

“I would have thought it obvious.” He grinned for a moment before his smile fell slightly. “Wait, you’ve never?” Danielle shook her head. “Well then, he looked to the clock by their bedside, “I am going to see how to get you off in as quick a time as possible doing something to you that you have never done before.” His smirk returned though there was a wickedness to it. “I cannot believe I get to do these things for the first time to you.”

“You were hoping for someone a bit more, shall we call it ‘seasoned’?” Danielle asked curiously.

“What happens before I am dating someone is their business, but knowing I get to do things to you no one else ever has, that is incredible.” He smiled. “Now, let’s see how I do?”

[the-desolated-quill]

Arachnids In The UK - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Spiders. It had to be fucking spiders, didn’t it?

Normally I watch each episode multiple times before writing a review in order to pick up on every nuance and detail. With Arachnids In The UK however, I just about managed two viewings and that was a Herculean effort I can tell you because... you know... fucking spiders. So apologies if this review isn’t as detailed as previous ones. Frankly you should be grateful you’re even getting a review of this at all because... you know... FUCKING SPIDERS!

So then. Let’s talk about the fucking spiders. The fear factor of this episode will depend on how you feel about spiders in general. If you’re one of those weirdos who keep tarantulas as pets (seriously, what’s wrong with a dog or a gerbil or something? Can’t you just be normal?), then you probably found this quite quaint. If however you’re like me, a confirmed arachnophobic and colossal wuss, Arachnids In The UK most likely terrified the fucking life out of you.

But wait. It gets worse. I would have been shitting myself if the spiders were regular sized, but that’s not enough for Chris Chibnall. Oh no. These spiders are ever so slightly bigger than that. How big, I hear you ask? Think Aragog from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

Yeah. That big.

At this point I’d like to extend a massive fuck you to Doctor Who’s special effects department for really putting in an almost criminal amount of time and effort into making these giant, eight legged demons from hell look as photo realistic as possible. Each individual, computer generated hair rendered with absolute care and attention to detail, making the spiders that much more skin crawling to look at. I mean it wasn’t as if I was planning to sleep that night anyway.

I also have to begrudgingly commend Sallie Aprahamian for her direction. The lighting, camera angles and use of sound really help create a creepy atmosphere and build tension effectively. Because spiders, even massive spiders, aren’t the type of monsters to jump out and attack you directly. No, the little fuckers like to sneak up on you and catch you unawares, and that’s what this episode really takes advantage of.

So what reason did Chris Chibnall come up with for giant fucking spiders to exist? Genetic experiments and toxic waste. Stupid? Yes, but so is the idea of a wooden blue box travelling through time and space, so let’s not get too critical. Just pretend that scientist works for Norman Osborn from the Marvel Comics and go with it.

Let’s move away from the spiders (quickly please) and talk about the characters because they’re, once again, the strongest part of the show. The Doctor is still just as delightful as ever with Jodie Whittaker switching from comedy to drama effortlessly. I especially liked at the beginning of the episode where she’s noticeably sad to be saying goodbye to her new friends only for her face to light up again when Yasmin invites her for tea. After Steven Moffat’s ‘the Doctor lies’ bullshit and Twelve acting all brooding and stoic, it’s refreshing to see a Doctor who displays their emotions openly. I also liked the way she interacted with the spiders. While everyone else is understandably shitting themselves, the Doctor is the only one who tries to give the spiders any kind of dignity, even going so far as to comfort the giant mummy spider at the end as it dies. She doesn’t view them as disgusting or frightening. They’re living creatures like her and deserve the same kindness she would give to a human.

Of course the main purpose of Arachnids In The UK is to get the companions to sign up for more adventures and I really like how this is done for the most part. Ryan is very quickly becoming my favourite companion and Tosin Cole is clearly having a lot of fun in the role. My favourite scene in the whole episode was him using grime music to lure spiders into the panic room. That got such a big laugh out of me. He’s just a really likeable character and I love how he’s growing and developing. He’s come a long way since The Woman Who Fell To Earth. He’s become a lot more confident and I think it’s because he feels he can achieve great things with the Doctor. He likes that he feels valued by her and that’s nice to see. And he clearly still has a lot more room to grow as shown by his scenes with Graham, which are easily the highlight of the episode. His negligent father wants Ryan to move back in with him, calling himself his ‘proper family,’ which irks Ryan. Over the course of these four episodes, Ryan and Graham have grown so much closer as Ryan slowly starts to let Graham in. I love their camaraderie and the understated love between them and I can’t wait for the episode where Ryan finally calls Graham ‘grandad’.

Graham too is brilliant. We see him return to his home and start properly coming to terms with a life without Grace and I love how it’s portrayed. New Who has an unfortunate tendency to really overegg the pudding when it wants to elicit an emotional reaction from the audience (see the Tenth Doctor’s farewell tour or the Eleventh and Twelfth Doctor’s ghastly final monologues). Chris Chibnall so far really seems to understand that less is more and the same is true here. There’s no obnoxiously loud sad music or sappy monologues. In fact the imaginary conversations Graham has with Grace are actually quite mundane, talking about when to put the bins out and things like that. What makes these scenes so powerful is Bradley Walsh. His performance, his facial expressions, everything he does sells the pain and heartbreak Graham is going through. It’s truly an acting masterclass that puts the previous showrunners attempts to tug at the heartstrings to shame.

I’m very curious to see what happens to Graham going forward. Him wanting to travel with the Doctor in order to cope with his grief and avoid knocking around an empty house is quite a compelling reason to become a companion. Haven’t really seen that done before. And... is it just me, but is this coming across as a bit... death wish-y? What with this and his cancer recovery as well, I’m deeply worried something bad is going to happen to him come the end of the series. I really hope not. I would be devastated.

Finally there’s Yasmin and... yeah, I’ve mentioned before how I’m not exactly warming to her. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her. Mandip Gill is doing a great job with the material she’s being given and Yasmin is a nice enough person, but as I’ve said in previous reviews, she comes off as a bit superfluous. Even the introduction of her family doesn’t really do much to establish her as a key member of Team TARDIS. In fact she’s coming across as an amalgamation of Rose Tyler and Martha Jones. Rose because of her desire to find something more in her life and Martha because she wants to get away from her boring and annoying one dimensional family. She doesn’t really stand out as her own character and I put it down mostly to the ensemble cast. It’s the classic case of ‘two is company, but three is a crowd.’ It’s the same reason why Susan and Adric got sidelined in the classic series (as well as the fact that Adric was an irritating little shit that deserved to be smacked upside the head) and she just pales in comparison to Ryan and Graham, whose characters and storylines are much stronger and more interesting. I really hope she gets a chance to shine soon because so far I honestly couldn’t care less about her, and considering she’s the first ever Muslim companion, that’s really disappointing.

Since we’ve shifted to criticism, lets talk about the supporting cast. Yasmin’s family, as I said, are quite boring. They’re just your typical family with the typical overbearing mum (maybe it’s time for New Who to consider stopping all the family stuff now). The scientist... exists, doing nothing other than to introduce the spiders as a plot device and occasionally give exposition on spider ecosystems. Finally there’s the hotel guy, played by Chris Noth who tries to wring every last drop of comedy out of the part and is actually quite amusing on occasion, but sadly doesn’t have an actual character as such other than being a painfully on the nose parody of Donald Trump. Not only is this futile in and of itself because some could argue that Trump is so extreme that he’s practically impossible to satirise, but also nothing ever really comes of it. He’s a prick at the beginning, he’s a prick at the end, and there’s no real payoff or satisfying closure. Not only does he not learn his lesson, I actually found myself agreeing with him a few times. Like what’s the difference between shooting the spiders and locking them in a panic room so they can eventually starve to death? And what was the Doctor planning to do once she herded the giant mummy spider out of the ballroom? Set it up in a nice cozy bedsit? And if it’s suffocating to death anyway because its lungs have grown too big and can’t absorb enough oxygen, wouldn’t shooting it be the kindest thing to do at that point?

While I’m on the subject of guns, how the fuck is his bodyguard able to get away with carrying a gun in Sheffield? You’re not in America now, sunshine. And how come Yasmin, the police officer, doesn’t do anything about it or the fact that her mother was wrongfully dismissed? (at gunpoint. I need to keep pointing that out. Her mum was fired from her job at gunpoint in Sheffield). Come on Chibnall!

Arachnids In The UK has flaws to be sure, but its excellent execution of the main plot and threat as well as its genuinely touching and heartwarming moments between the main characters that help it stand out. The weakest episode so far, but still very enjoyable.

[beneathtreemomo]

Tag Game

Okay so I was tagged in this by @lunastarward so yeah, hope you enjoy~

Nickname: MoMo, Mo, Kenz, Kenzie, Lil Mac (cause my dad is Big Mac and his friends realized this I think while slightly drunk? But they rolled with it for like a year), Trees (by one person who doesn’t know my name yet)

Height: 5′2 (157.5 cm)

Time: 10:08 AM

Favorite Band/Song: I have too many that switch around by for sure a favorite is Starset

Song stuck in my head: Still Here by Digital Daggers and Ashes (Burn Your Love) Radio Edit by Hellberg and Rich Edwards

Last movie I watched: Friend Green Tomatoes (1991)

Last thing I googled: what the definition of amalgamation was (I already knew but I just wanted to make sure)

Other blogs: I don’t have any~ But in the future I might try some sort of ask blog for Yoru and all my other boys? With their s/o as well, of course. my drawing skills needs work first!

Do I get asks? I’ve only gotten one! But they’re open for anyone who wants to stop by and gush with me over headcanons and the like

Why did I choose this Url? Hmmm well, it was inspired by that one Hunger Games lullaby? “Beneath the trees and under the willow, a bed of grass a soft green pillow” specifically. I wanted something that could go across all my social media after I made myself cringe with terrible choices like “MoMoKonichiwa” or “MoMoSayonara” or even whatever my old Wattpad names were. And I really liked the line. I felt it represented a lot about what I loved about writing; you could find the prettiest places to read or write, and the best place, in my mind, will always be under a good tree. 

Plus, people tend to flock to trees when in parks and the like (at least, if they’re adventurous and don’t mind getting dirty)

So when I saw it was available, I snatched it up quick as a bunny and have been lucky thus far that it was available on SO many websites. (except twitter where A. it was taken and B. it was too long. On twitter I’m BeneathTreeMoMo)

Following: Uuuuuhhhh idk like 4, I think? on my old account I had Too Many

Dream trips: Japan, Italy, I guess Brazil would be nice (I have some friends there) Ireland, Scotland, Alaska-- really anywhere with lots of nature and prettiness (I hate the cold but I would brave it just to see what Alaska is like)

Favourite food: I wish I knew xD Probably chicken piccata with homemade angel hair pasta?

Instruments: I used to sing pretty good & the voice is an instrument. Sadly I didn’t sing for like a whole year and now I can barely hold a tune. I’m thinking of trying to self-teach guitar? I tried private lessons but those made me uncomfortable.

Hair colour: So originally, my hair was this super light brown, like it was considered blonde by Brazil’s standards (or at least a salon there that my friend went to) but then I dyed it black (which I love) and since I haven’t dyed it in a while it’s like this milk chocolate/slightly caramel brown

Languages: English, I used to know Spanish

Most iconic songs: Louder Than Thunder by Devil Wears Prada, Happily Ever After by He Is We, Hollywood Ending by Me vs. Gravity, and so many songs from musicals I kid you not

A random fact about me? The first time I visited Prescott AZ in the winter, my dad, his friend, and I got friend’s car stuck in a snow bank and we spent the entire day walking down a mountain. Let it be know I had an absolute BLAST

Zodiac: Cancer

Nationality: American

Favourite fruits? Apples

Season: Summer and winter if it’s in the right place! AZ summers and winters? YES PLEASE St. Louis summers? NO THAT CITY IS LITERALLY HELL ON EARTH WITH TEMPERATURES

Scent: fresh bread, hot chocolate, rain, desert rain, peppermint, books (but not textbooks. those smell disgusting)

Colour: hmmm I’m always a fan of blues and greens! 

Animal: I think I like pretty much every animal! My favorite though..... hm.... wolves? I’ve always enjoyed learning about them and seeing them.

Coffee, Tea or Hot Cocoa? ALL OF THEM I’m currently on a hot chocolate/ cold brew coffee kick right now though.

Average hour of sleep? anywhere from 5-10 I think, and would you look at that still exhausted

Fave fictional character: you know I used to keep a list with my friend and it was at least three pages. Now though? Fubuki bros. Jyuugo from Nanbaka, Hyakkimaru from Dororo, everyone from Youkai Apartment except for 2 characters, Keith from Voltron Legendary Defender, Newt Scamander, and many many more

Year in which this blog was created: 2019 but before this I had a blog that’d been around since like, 2011 I think.

Fave subject: English and photography!  More specifically, my favorite classes in English were Creative Writing and Heroes & Myths

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff!!!! 

Fave artist: dontmakemechooseiloveeveryonesart  ummmmm I like too many xD zuspacey is definitely a major fav along with v-0-3 (both more active on twitter!)

So I know I’m supposed to tag people but I got nothing xD So if you wanna do this and haven’t yet, feel free!

[ultimatescenarios]

Ahh, this blog is my life hhhh NDRV3 boys trying to braid their Fem! s/o’s hair, please?! It’s just because I’m a sucker for Kaito

YES!! I AM SO ON BOARD

This is what I’ve been missing in my life.

I’m very glad to hear you’re enjoying the blog! Though I’m sorry you gotta put up with my writing-I’ll just post this now before I go to sleep as an apology for making y’all wait for so long!!

- Mod Kaede

NDRV3 Male Cast trying to braid their Fem!S/o’s hair

Shuichi Saihara

Silence. He says nothing; he’s too busy concentrating on the parted sections of your hair.

He’s very careful not to pull or tug on anything that’ll lead to your distress. Which sounds sweet but he’s acting as if one mishap could lead to you shattering like glass.

He has no idea what he’s doing. There’s a reason why he likes keeping his hair short and not needing to style it. And the fact that he’s attempting a classic french braid isn’t helping at all. That’s what he thought you wanted, so he’ll do his best.

But is now lost in the strands of flaking hairs that just won’t stay put. “How do girls do this every day?” He now feels like girls are some superior being. He had no idea how difficult this was to do, “And you have to do this by yourself!?”

He asks so many questions, from “Is this okay?” to “This doesn’t hurt, does it?” and of course, “It’s not too tight, right?”

His fingers get tangled in your locks countless times during the entire venture. All you can hear coming from him is an amalgamation of winces and apologies.

And by the end of it, you’re given a sloppy, french braid that looks to be like you’ve slept in it for two days straight.

He’s apologizing profusely.

K1-B0

He insists you let him braid your hair. As long as you’re willing to, of course. He would appreciate the experience and chance to experiment.

If you offer to help or explain the basics he stops you short, informing you that he came prepared and has downloaded and analyzed many tutorials prior to this session.

He even asks what kind of braid you would like, even though he would like to attempt several.

Depending on how much static your hair collects, his electric-circuiting shocks you a few times.

It’s not unyielding irritating, more like an electrified jolt that pulses through your scalp and down your spine.

It’s a little relaxing after you get used to the feeling.

He takes his time and is acting very nonchalant about it.

It’s his first time trying this, he’s never had any previous experience. But you’re surprised to see it’s reasonably neat, nowhere near professional though, but considering the struggles he encountered using his stiff robotic hands, he didn’t do such a terrible job overall.

Before you have a chance to look at the entire finished product or even thank him, he’s untying your hair and brushing through it to try again.

You better grab out something to keep you busy. You’re going to be here for a while…

Kaito Momota

Either of you could have suggested the idea really, but after seeing how pretty you looked in braids he wanted to give it a try.

He’s a little rough but isn’t exactly ripping out chunks of hair, just indirect tugging here and there that makes your head sway in all directions.

His hands are fumbling and he’s so confused. Your hair keeps tangling within itself somehow and he’s not helping the situation with the loose grip he has on the sections of your hair.

At some point, he started sticking his tongue out of his mouth with the amount of focus he was putting on such a small task.

He even struggles with finishing the hairstyle. Yes, he continued until the last strands of your hair slipped right off his hands and ruined the whole braid. He was so close to finishing it too.

He’s a little annoyed since the two of you have been sitting here for almost an hour. Which was mostly him trying to figure out how to braid hair without any tutorials…he was beginning to get the hang of it. And proud of that too.

So proud, in fact, he tries again, brushing through your hair with his fingers, whether you try to persuade him to use a brush or not, he claims one of his most repetitive lines: “Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, doesn’t need a brush OR tutorials!”

You must admit his energy and attitude towards what can be a tedious and annoying chore at times, is very cute, and admirable in a way. So you let him have his fun.

Even if he turns your once luscious and unique hair features into something that could be mistaken for a bird’s nest. He’s too much of an adorable dork for you to stay or get mad at. Just admit it.

Rantaro Amami

He knows a few tricks about braiding hair. He was never any good at formal braids but could basic and fishtail braid like a (not-self-proclaimed) pro.

It’s due to his 12 sisters who insisted him, specifically, do their hair for many years. Since he was closest to his sisters in comparison to his half-brothers.

So he’s decently confident with his skills and is sure he’d be able to style a braid in a way to compliment your features.

He gathers a few accessories to add to the mix or aid him in this quest. From bobby pins to decorative clips, he’s got some ideas already festering in his mind.

He brushes out your hair carefully and almost pampers you through the entire crusade as if you were in an overly affectionate beauty salon. Having placed you on the floor with him behind, you should have known some cuddles and kisses would happen eventually.

He’s very calm while piecing your hair together in two, over-the-shoulder fishtail braids. Talking to you like he normally would since it’s almost become a second nature for him to multitask like this.

When he’s finished… Well, you react to the braid however you do, but as much as you might hate to admit it, he does a better job at braiding then you do.But with added accessories accustomed to your skin-tone, preferences and physical features of course it looks pretty! Prettier then it probably should!

Kokichi Oma

He’s seen couples in relationships do this for fun online. You already know he wants to try it for himself.

He doesn’t even notify you of it happening. All you were doing was minding your own business and like a beauty ninja, he’s sitting behind you and brushing your hair thoroughly before parting it into sections…more than three sections at that.

If you dare question it… “Nee-hee-hee~ No peeking, S/O! My talents don’t just end with being an Ultimate Supreme Leader, y’know?” …or even try to get anything out of him about what he’s doing or plotting there’s no chance he’s going to spill. And if he were to, how can you be sure he’s not lying?

So whether you give in or are too stubborn he plays hard to get. “Geez S/O~ If you’re gonna react like that, what’s the point?” And after reacting however you do… “O-KAY~ You’ve persuaded me!” (Literally however you react, whether you remain silent, make a fuss, apologize, get flustered or death glare the brat with a ‘I’m-not-putting-up-with-your-shit-ouma-and-you-know-it’ attitude… god does he loves messing with you)

He’s not the most gentle about it. And you can feel a weight growing above your head…yeah maybe it’s not the best idea to let Kokichi try to braid your hair…

If you try to get a glimpse of him, he’s wearing one of those terrifying smiles that screams devil’s child.

He whines that you were trying to peek and is forced to start again. Blaming you. It’s entirely your fault. Sigh.

When he’s finally done messing with you, you finally get to see he decided to give you a waterfall twist braid.How he has the skills to do this is beyond you.And cough he may or may not have been googling how-to-braid the entirety of the previous night OR been practicing on himself cOUGH.

Korekiyo Shinguji

He’s surprisingly good at braiding hair. He’s had experience styling his own hair in the past. Whether it be for the sake of art, beauty, creative mind, experience or an understanding.

And from the fashion research he’s done in the past about human’s and their trends…let’s just say he knows a lot of different styles and techniques.

He asks if you had a preference and if not he will happily give you a style that will suit your face and frame.

He asks you to wash your hair before hand to get the best experience and outcome from this, whether you go through with this or not is all up to you.

And thanks you for the opportunity to braid someone else’s hair for once.

He takes quite a long time to prepare your hair. Brushing through it at least a few 10 times and clipping away parts he doesn’t wish to get in the way.

He has to pause during the session multiple times to take notes. On how you react, to how it feels being on his end, he even asks you questions during moments of massaging your scalp, tugging on the strands and so forth. “It’s for research, S/O. A passionate Anthropologist must get accounts from those within society to get a better outlook of the entire spectrum. And since this is a rare encounter I must document every precise detail.”

When he finally gets along with it, he doesn’t struggle as much as you’d think through his bandages. Over the years he’s grown accustom to their feel and how to utilize his senses.

It takes time, since he wanted to test his skills (and take so many notes). But once he’s finally finished and your neck and back are killing you from resting in the same position for over an hour. He outdid his previous attempts at braiding and gave you an inverted fishtail braid.

Ryoma Hoshi

How you got him to do this. I don’t know. But he’s braiding your hair anyway. Well done S/O.

He goes with the simple and standard braid. Whether he intended for it to be loose is for him to know and only him.

You have to do most of the work, like combing your hair. And while he doesn’t know why you want him to do this, he goes along with it anyway. Eventually confessing “It’s things like this I missed while in prison.”

Admittedly he enjoys fiddling with you locks. It’s a strange sensation he hasn’t really experienced since he prefers to keep his hair extremely short.

He goes silent at some point. You didn’t for the room to go quiet, but really he almost gets lost in the feeling of your strands of hair. You wouldn’t know it of course. The expression he’s gained after many years of enduring what happens within the walls of a prison has made it so he’s unreadable.

But the fact that it takes him about 30 minutes to give you a three strand braid gives away how much he was enjoying pampering you in such a way.

He’s talking himself down again, unsure why you wanted this in the first place.

But it looks nice. The amount of looseness around the back of your neck makes it feel like it’s not even there. It’s comfortable and because it’s tied together won’t get knotted or caught on anything.Oh and! It perfectly fits on both of your shoulders and doesn’t irritate your beck at all! Ifitslongenoughofcourse seriously, love this boy!

Gonta Gokuhara

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. You might think he would…but there’s a reason why his hair is so…natural.

His robust hands don’t help the situation either. He’s struggling to traditionally braid your hair. And apologizes for the amount of times he needs to start all over again.

Eventually he settles with giving the hair around your ear special attention and gives you a small braid that almost blends into your hair.

He asks so many questions. To keep a conversation going and to know what you would prefer.

He decides to add in some flowers he recently picked in the meadow. Just so the braid appears more apparent drowned in your locks.

He’s very new to this, so please have patience with him. He’s very glad you suggested this. And what kind of gentlemen would deny a lady of such a lovely wish?

It doesn’t take him long to finish the single braid. And he’s so happy with the end result. But the fun isn’t over yet. He gets a little carried away with tucking in pieces of flowers and natural greenery.

He wants to try again. He’s so eager about it too. You’re making him rethink his own hairstyle…maybe the two of you could match? Couples often match with each other, right?He’s not finished btw. practice makes perfect, so you know whenever you want/need your hair braided he’s gonna offer to do it for you.

also since the English localization is popular with a lot of the English fans I’ll just write my future prompts in correlation to the English localization to lower chances of confusion.

Unless some demand the Japanese quirks (Ouma using the honorific ‘chan’ for everyone, the original laughs {i.e Nishishi, Kyah-kyah-kyah, Kukuku}, Tenko’s pun of MENace, Angie/Gonta/Tenko’s speaking mannerisms, etc) feel free to lemme know! I’d be happy to add such details in!especially since the eng localization has been brainwashing me to the point where I almost forgot Tenko’s pun … her PUN