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stxleslyds · 3 years ago

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Red Hood and the lost art of telling Joker to shup up.

Okay, I know that I talked about Jason and Joker in a recent post but this is something different, I promise.

I really want to talk about how different Jason has been written since UtRH when it comes to him confronting Joker. Jason hasn’t been put in that position a lot but the times that he has, he lets Joker talk for far too long and actually pays attention to whatever he has to say.

The Jason vs Joker thing is basic in on itself and letting Joker talk isn’t exactly the problem here, the real problem is Jason letting Joker’s thoughts shape his future thoughts and decisions, I do understand that that’s exactly what writers want though, they want to build the problematic of: “Jason is just like Joker and the fact that he uses the name Red Hood only proves that Joker made who Jason is now”.

But the thing is that THAT problem is overdone at this point and the only time it worked was the first time it was brought up and it worked because Jason shut the Joker down.

Let’s see all the times (that I remember) the Joker and Jason have had a little chat and/or the times Joker’s words actually influence Jason’s thinking and decision making.

Under the Red Hood – Batman (1940) #649

This is the first real confrontation we get to see between Jason and Joker after Jason’s death and it is beautiful. It's absolutely amazingly written, Joker goes on and on forever about how he killed Jason about how Jason is just as bad as him but that he is also just like Batman because he hasn’t killed him yet.

“You let me live after everything I did, you couldn’t pop my balloon. You just couldn’t. The apple doesn’t tumble too far from the paterfamilias. You are just like daddy-kins”

Jason lets him talk, yes. But he absolutely destroys Joker with what he tells him next.

“You couldn’t be more wrong about me. If right were a country on earth you’d be circling on the edge of the milky way. Yeah, I let you live but like always, every damned minute of your addled, posturing, psychopathic life, you think this is about you. You’re a worm. I’ve pitched you on a hook and dropped you into the brine. And I will beat the hell out of you Pagliacci because it was too much fun not to.”

“Listen to me Joker, I’m not you. I´m nothing like you. I know what I do and I know why I do it. You, you are, clinically speaking, a whack-job. But I know a secret, a good one.”

“You are not nearly as crazy as you would like us all to believe or even as crazy as you would like to believe. It just makes it easier to justify every sick monstrous thing you’ve ever done when you play the part of the mad clown. You are crazy, bubba, but you ain’t that crazy. Look at that. I wiped a smile off of Joker’s face. I have been waiting a long time for that.”

Everything about this is perfect, Jason gives Joker no room to mess with him. Whatever the Joker had planned on saying he had to eat because Jason wasn’t playing games and he was ready for any kind of lie the Joker had ready to tell. This is Jason Todd. He won’t let the Joker get under his skin because he knows the Joker and he, also, knows better.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #15

Here Jason comes across Joker during the “Death of the Family” event. In this issue the Joker has information about all of the members of the “Batfamily” and he uses that to mess around with each one of them, in Jason’s case he insinuates that he was present in very specific moments of his life when Jason’s father got shot, when his mother overdosed and when he was on his own before joining Batman.

Jason doesn’t quite believe that Joker was there but as the reader, we can see this sort of sense of doubt in Jason. He hesitates a few times before resolving that the Joker is playing with him.

But as far as this issue goes let’s just say that what the Joker says doesn’t get to Jason, this changes though in the issue that follows up this story.

Teen Titans (2011) #16

This is where that story continues and where Jason starts to buy the story that Joker is selling.

Joker convinces Jason that he has his father and Tim’s father and that the only way for Jason (or Tim) to save their dads is by killing the other (Jason or Tim). Tim doesn’t believe it but Jason is ready to shoot Tim almost immediately.

However, Jason changes his mind about killing Tim just as Tim comes up with a plan for them to not actually have to kill each other. Here is where Lobdell’s writing shows all of its flaws, Lobdell is so desperate to show that Jason and Tim are besties that he forgets that Jason had no reason to stop trying to kill Tim to save his shit father because it is later revealed that Jason truly believed that Joker had found his father and had him captive. It wasn’t until Tim explained his thought process as to why those men weren’t their dads that Jason just goes “you realize, of course, the only reason I didn’t kill you right off is that I knew your big brain will figure out some way out of this” HA, nice save Lobdell but I see right through your bullshit.

Jason bought what the Joker was selling and that is the beginning of Jason’s downgrade when it comes to not playing Joker’s games.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #17

Well, in this issue Lobdell goes back to Jason kinda not believing what Joker told him, and Jason asks Bruce of all people if he thinks the Joker truly “made him or not”. Bruce says that he doesn’t believe that and that he didn’t have anything to do with the man that Jason has become either. For some reason, Jason is actually happy with what Bruce said and for a couple of moments, Jason goes back to being sure that the Joker knows nothing and that he is his own man.

It doesn’t last long though. At the very end of the issue, the trap that Joker had set up in Jason’s helmet triggers and Jason gets his face fucked up with acid or something.

But that’s not all because a hologram of Joker has something to say: “you were supposed to be my masterpiece from start to finish. But you were too stubborn to stay dead. So here is what we are going to do… You’re so determined to be your own man? Fine, let’s start with a clean slate”.

Basically, the Joker insinuates once more that he had something to do with who Jason was supposed to become and that Jason isn’t truly “his own man”, This is all a setup for a very dense storyline that will be continued in this run later.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #18

In this issue, Jason is in a coma after he is dosed with that gas in the previous issue. The Joker isn’t really present in this issue but he does make an appearance as part of Jason’s “nightmare” while he is unconscious.

That’s not all though, Jason has an illusion of Ducra (someone that he appreciates a lot), telling him that “after you left the All-Castle after you went back to the world you continued to let your life be defined by the actions of that man. You became a killer, lashing out at people who may or may not have deserved it. Eventually, you will hurt all those you have cared for. In that way, how are you any different from the Joker?”.

In this statement, there is a lot of wrongs that can come from two places, either bad writing on Lobdell’s part or just Ducra telling lies as a plot point.

“Let your life be defined by the actions of that man” is a sentence that horribly simplifies Jason’s thinking during the events of UtRH, because while he did resent the Joker, his real problem was with Bruce who had not avenged his death by killing the Joker himself. Also, Jason was doing other things back then, like being a pain in the ass for Black Mask and disrupting the drug trade in Gotham as well as trying to control the drug dealing to children. So that little sentence is just a gross misinterpretation of the true events which means that Ducra was wrong, and “she” continues to be wrong when she says that there might be no difference between Jason and Joker.

Luckily Jason thinks the same because he tells “Ducra”: “…don’t you dare compare me to that monster Ducra. I am nothing like the Joker! Nothing!”

Once again please don’t be fooled by Jason’s thinking because in the next issue it turns around really fast and really bad.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #19

Just a heads up this issue has a change of writer, Lobdell isn’t writing this arc, the writer that gives us this hellish story arc is James Tynion IV.

All that talk about Jason not being affected or not believing what the Joker told him is yeeted out of the window and it’s not a fun ride.

In this issue, Roy and Kory find a Jason that doesn’t know who they are or who he, himself, is. This is because S’aru that little floaty little shit took his memories away after Jason asked him to do so, well Jason asked S’aru to erase every memory that darkness has touched (Joker) and he does that. But him doing that is apparently erasing everything which, holy shit, how messed up is that?

But let’s take a look at what Jason says before he gets his memories taken away: “Not only did the Joker almost take my face, but he tells me he might have manipulated my entire life from the beginning! Even the good is tainted by him now. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have that kind of doubt. If you take it away, I can go on living. I can keep fighting”. So, yeah that was a pretty emo speech. But the thing here is that if Jason is asking this dude to erase every memory that has been tainted by the Joker and he erases all of them then we might be facing one of two situations, either Joker has been messing up with Jason’s life from the beginning or S’aru is just a little bitch.

We will later find out in #20 that S’aru and Ducra planned the whole thing, meaning that they took all of his memories for ulterior motives not because the Joker had actually tainted all of them.

For many issues Jason has no memories and now that I am revisiting these issues, I now remember the twisted and completely insane plot they came up with for the “League of Assassins” and Jason being the “Chosen One”, everything was happening in this run, my god, it's like they wanted Jason to be the center of every single trope in writing history.

It’s in issue #26 that Jason asks for his memories back but the Joker having tainted his memories or not isn’t important anymore to anyone, including the writer (because he is too focused on telling this messy story), Jason (because he has enough problems at the moment) and the reader (because this book makes zero sense and it changes the story and motivations every single issue).

But there is another truth to be revealed in the next issue.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #27

Jason has planned along Ducra and S’aru to give up all of his memories to be cleansed so he could defeat Ra’s Al Ghul. But (there is always a but) Ducra says this: “Your greatest enemy returned and nearly took your face away from you. And in the process, shook your sense of identity to the core” “The final battle here will take place in the Well of Sins, and with all the doubt and fear clouding your mind, it would eat you whole”.

So yeah, now we have confirmation from Ducra that Jason had indeed let what the Joker told him cloud his sense of self and made him doubt who he was and if he really was in control.

All that back and forth for these many issues just to say, yes, Jason let Joker’s words affect him.

So here it is, let Joker get in Jason’s head to build the plot of a story, fantastic, the story was a mess because it had so much information, the mischaracterizations of Roy and Kory were at their maximum potential, and in this particular story arc not only are the events of Red Hood: The Lost Days officially erased from Jason’s canon but something quite out there is added to Jason’s canon from before he was even Robin (that’s a whole different story that I won’t be talking about here).

What an insane ride this arc was. Definitely not the kind of story I enjoy in a Red Hood book but that’s just my preference.

*This whole arc was written by James Tynion IV.

Red Hood/Arsenal #11

Joker is dead during the events of this run but the person who has something to say to Jason about how the Joker made the person that he is now is Duela Dent (“Joker’s daughter”, she isn’t his daughter she just found Joker’s face somewhere and she puts it on and “becomes” crazy, she is an incredibly weird character).

She says this, “You’re a lot like dad in that way” to which Jason says “He is not my father. He’s not even your father” but Duela continues by saying. “You’re kidding yourself if you genuinely believe that. Yeah, he took your life but look what you got in its place, you ingrate. You got your freedom. You were reborn.”

Jason doesn’t fall for it or anything of the sort but once again writers are bringing up the Joker as the maker of the Red Hood and “suggesting” that what Jason has been doing and who he has become is all thanks to Joker. The idea of Jason having no free will is still present in this narrative, even when Jason doesn’t believe it.

Red Hood/Arsenal #12

I talked too soon because in this issue Jason is having some weird thoughts.

“Funny, isn’t it, so easy to call Duela “crazy” because she wears a dead man’s face. Because isn’t that what I’m doing? Before he was the Joker, he was the Red Hood. So maybe the line between men and the Joker’s daughter is a lot thinner than I’d like to admit.”

Here he is comparing himself to Duela and to the Joker to an extent, writers often bring up the fact that Jason uses the code name that his killer once had and they have people or Jason himself questioning why he uses that name.

Personally, I don’t think there is much to build from it (at least not from the perspective of Lost Days and UtRH), it was just a joke, a morbid one if you will. He wears the mantle of the person that destroys Gotham and fills its people with fear while he is trying to control the city’s drug trade and trying to keep the people safe in his own way. And the way he wanted to do it is almost the complete opposite of the way that Batman does things.

I just think that he is being ironic and acidic about the whole thing. He has obviously moved on from the fact that Joker killed him but he has issues with the fact that Batman has yet another child working with him while the Joker is still alive. And Jason really wanted to make Bruce suffer, so him taking the name and a similar appearance to how the joker used to look is also done to get a reaction from Bruce.

I really don’t think there is any sort of connection to make between Jason and Joker beyond that, much like there is no connection between the name Nightwing and the Court of Owls. Even though Lincoln March tried to convince Dick Grayson that he chose the name Nightwing because Owls fly at night and that meant that he was supposed to become a Talon and all that Dick still didn’t believe it because he knew why he chose that name and no one can twist his reason.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #10

Finally, I can stop re-reading New 52 books, I don’t enjoy it but I have to do it if I want to talk/complain about stuff.

This one is a little different because while Jason does talk with the Joker, the Joker isn’t really there he is just part of Jason’s imagination just like the Robin Jason that he is also seeing.

In this story, Jason is helping Artemis discover who she is but he gets captured in Qurac, yup that place, and worst of all from where he is being held, he can see the place where he died. All of that is helping Jason have some very vivid memories/illusions. He does actively hold a conversation with the imaginary Joker and Robin Jason though, and he is also having a lot of thoughts that let us know how the Joker affects Jason.

“This is why it was stupid of me to come back to Qurac. Even to help Artemis, even if I thought I could handle it. Physically, I am alone, but in my head? I’m drowning in memories of the worst day of what was my very short life. The day I was murdered.”

That’s what Jason is thinking but what I write next is what Jason’s saying as he talks to the imaginary Joker.

“Not interested in replaying this over again, like I have every night of my life since it happened Joker”

So, we are told that Jason thinks about that day very often, the Joker might not be involved much in Jason’s books but he definitely has a bigger role inside of Jason’s head. They chat for a bit up until Jason decides to “kill” the Joker, he knows, of course, that it is not real but it does give him satisfaction. (If only they would have let Jason actually kill the clown for real, or at the very least chase him just to show the reader that Jason does actually want to finish the job since the Bat won’t do it himself).

Having said all that, Joker’s imaginary death doesn’t last long because Jason is trapped in his mind and the Joker is basically functioning on a loop inside of it.

That is where the problem lies in this issue because Jason is letting us know that he is still heavily influenced by what happened that day and that he hasn’t been able to walk away from it. But once more that’s not the worst thing, because all of these thoughts have led Jason to think that he (in the present and as a fifteen-year-old) is the one to blame for having ended up dead. Yeah, it is messed up.

This is what Jason says to imaginary Robin Jason, “He is never going to die, Jason. Not here. Not in my mind, not if at some point I don’t stand up and walk away from my memories. From you.”

This is a major downgrade, from the Jason that we had in UtRH because that Jason had moved on from the fact that he had been killed what he was looking for was for Batman to avenge his death. He had other things in mind as well, like I said before in this post Jason had a lot of things going on, killing Joker wasn’t his only plan.

And this situation (written by Lobdell) is also very different from what was going on in New 52 where Jason being influenced by the Joker was used to build a plot. This is just a writer letting us know that this “new version” of Jason hasn’t worked out his problems when it comes to his death and his killer. That means that we are going backward.

After he realizes that he was unconscious all that time and that he was being tortured he does get his shit together in order to get out of captivity and go help Artemis.

The Joker and that whole thing that happened in his mind aren’t mentioned again, it was just for the reader to know that Rebirth Jason has unsolved issues with his death.

Batman: Three Jokers #1

Oh yes, here we are, we have arrived to that dreaded book, awful writing gorgeous art. In this book, the “Joker made Jason as he is now” trope is at its full potential; Johns drives this hellish truck of a book at full speed into our homes and then ends it by giving us one of the worst takes on Jason Todd’s characterization ever.

But first, let’s talk about the Joker and Jason interaction in the first issue. As Jason and Barbara are left alone with the Joker that they came across moments ago the Joker begins talking because that’s what he does.

He says this, “I’m the loop-de-loop, the hamster-wheel-of-doom. The cycle of pain each one of you is trapped in. Take “Red Hood” here, for example. Have you ever wondered why he uses my former moniker? Who in their right mind would take on the identity of their killer? Am I right?”

He is obviously being a little shit on purpose and is waiting to see if somebody will take the bait. Jason is the first to talk and he says this: “I took it because I’m owning what you did to me. You made me into this. I will be your destruction”.

Congratulations Jason, you took the bait, and now Barbara will fight with you over it.

Jason raises his gun to “break the cycle” and Barbara is like “please don’t do it” and boy is Joker having the time of his life! Both of these idiots are playing his game, Johns really did both Jason and Barbara dirty with this.

Here is where THE problem with letting the Joker talk is. This Joker got under Jason’s skin in seconds and Barbara did nothing while it happened.

This is what the Joker had to say. “Let’s look at the facts here bat-people. I bashed this boy’s skull in. I killed this Robin” to which Jason says “You didn’t kill me, you only made me stronger” which is weird because the Joker did kill him so I don’t know what kinda comeback that was supposed to be but Joker wasn’t done because he continues by saying “Yes, you crawled from the shallow grave I left you in. You lived on to fight another day. Hurrah! You survived because of your tenacity! Or maybe… maybe I beat you to a bloody mess… I took you right to the edge… because I wanted to leave you alive.”

Great that’s where the clown is going, just fantastic, more of the “I made you” but that’s not all because the Joker tells Jason that him having hurt Jason wasn’t because he didn’t like Jason, it was all about Batman, Jason doesn’t matter.

But that’s not the worse thing that was written in this awful book, Geoff Johns seems to have felt that the trauma that Jason went through in the original “Death in the Family” story wasn’t enough because he decided to add something new.

That’s why the Joker says this next, “Do you recall what you said to me while I was breaking your head in with that crowbar? As your blood streamed into your eyes and your skull cracked? Because I cherish those words. I’ll always cherish them. ‘Please stop! Please! If you let me live, I’ll do anything you say. I’ll be your Robin’” “And look at you now my little “Red Hood” shooting up people and making Batman’s life miserable! You are my Robin!”

What a nightmare Johns decided to put Jason and Jason Nation through huh? I hate this, this is the worst thing that has ever been written in a Jason Todd story (although I can say that about many things that were written in this three-issue book).

Jason kills the Joker after he says all that, Barbara does (for some reason) try to stop him from doing it but luckily, she can’t stop Jason.

But here is the thing, Jason killing the Joker doesn’t make me feel as satisfied as I would have liked, and it doesn’t feel that way because Jason let Joker talk for far too long and what Joker said ended up getting in Jason’s head and messing with him.

Batman: Three Jokers #2

Yeah, there is no rest for us, Jason Nation, in this issue Jason goes looking for another Joker to kill and he finds one but he gets captured. Johns really had to get Jason naked for Joker to torture him mentally and physically? Johns is, himself, a major red flag but that’s not what I am here to talk about.

In this issue the Joker that captures Jason has the same things to say as the other one, DC writers really have no imagination when it comes to building conflict between Joker and Jason, huh?

Anyway, Joker says this, “tell me something. Why would you put on that helmet and call yourself Red Hood after what we did?” Jason of course replies “Come on, is every one of you copycats gonna ask me the same thing? It’s a joke” the answer isn’t enough for Joker (the two of them that are here with Jason) so he continues talking. “A joke? We left you with brain damage and permanent nerve pain. Physical and emotional trauma so severe that the only relief you ever find is when you inflict pain on others. You and me, boy, we’re more alike than you’d care to admit. But you know that already. You nearly died and you blame the Batman. You hate him for it. Me too. You hate him most of all don’t you?”

Now, here is the thing, that whole thing is bullshit, none of it makes sense. From Jason having permanent nerve pain to Jason hating Batman the most, everything is a lie. And my confusion here is that I don’t know if I have to feel like Joker is doing it on purpose to be a little bitch or if Geoff Johns was on crack when he wrote this and he had actually never heard of Jason Todd in his life before.

The whole thing is a mess, it feels like he is writing Jason from an origin and story that we never read. I don’t know how to explain it, but the whole thing feels cheap, it’s a cheap trope and it’s a cheap take on who Jason Todd is, was, and will be.

The nightmare doesn’t end Jason Nation because these two Jokers have something else in mind, you see, if they said that they made the Red Hood when they killed Jason the first time, maybe if they kill him this time then he could possibly come back as the Joker. Yeah, this book did nothing for Jason.

Let’s make something clear, Jason does NOT hate Batman/Bruce for not being able to save him, he hates the fact that Batman/Bruce didn’t kill the Joker to avenge him. That simple thing doesn’t exist in Three Jokers and that’s why things like the ones that happen next are allowed to happen in this story.

Bruce and Barbara find Jason and when Bruce asks if he is okay Jason just goes berserk, he says: “Am I all right? What do you think Bruce?! You did this to me. You put me on this path. And I do hate you for it. For leaving me in the dirt. Replacing me one Robin after another without a thought.”

This, everybody is what you get when you mix bad writing with Jason being mentally manipulated by the Joker.

It's a shame that Jason is being treated this way at this point in time, in a book that came out in 2020 when Jason was able to shut the clown up with a knife and a couple of words back in 2005. What a downgrade.

At the end of this issue, Jason is safe and recovering but he still is in the same mindset, he says, “What the Joker said about how I’ve been on the path to being like them for years… they are not wrong. I don’t want to be like them though. I really don’t.”

It’s like a never-ending wheel of pain with this book. Jason is talking to Barbara when he says that and he is trying to look for comfort in her. And here is where the Jason/Barbara subplot begins and I only bring this up because something that happens in the next issue is based on the kiss that Barbara gave Jason but then was like “that doesn’t mean anything, I was just trying to comfort you”. Johns shouldn’t be allowed to write Barbara and Jason ever again.

Batman: Three Jokers #3

It’s in this issue that we find out the big subplot that Johns has prepared for Jason, are you ready for it? Yup, Jason should stop being the Red Hood because if he keeps it up, he will eventually become the Joker.

I know, I know! Jason would never stop being Red Hood, he is not on a path to become the Joker, that’s crazy! Jason’s Red Hood is a character on its own and he is amazing and just because he has different morals from Batman doesn’t mean that he is a bad guy! Right?...

“I’ll give up being Red Hood for us. I can be something else. Or I can be just Jason.”

To this day I cannot believe that those words supposedly were written by Jason Todd to Barbara Gordon after Barbara rejected him three times. The level of “what the fuck is this” is incredibly high with this one…

This whole book was a mess and I am so glad that it didn’t last longer.

Anyway, that’s it. In conclusion, Jason didn’t let the Joker get under his skin the first time they interacted after he came back from the dead but later when DC decided that UtRH was just too good of a book they came up with stories where Joker does get under Jason’s skin and Jason becomes convinced that he has no free will (or at the very least he doubts his free will) when it comes to him becoming his own man.

As I have said before, that for Jason Todd is a major downgrade. And it's one of the many things that hurts Jason’s characterization in current comics.

#jason todd #Jason Todd #red hood #Red Hood #red hood and the outlaws #red hood outlaw #three jokers #batman under the red hood #dc comics

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pestopascal · 4 years ago

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sorry if it's not too mcuh to ask but are you able to share the endings? ive seen a lot of mixed reviews in regards to them and player choices and i wanted to hear your opinion

uhhh pfft okay spoilers below... but there are like “five″ endings, each with variations and reflections on choices that you go through

devil ending (arasaka)

so assuming you have done nothing game wise (no side missions, no friendships), this is the most basic ending you will get besides one other. this has several differences based on whether you saved takemura or not (yes, you can save him in search and destroy, and he doesn’t like an outcome of this ending if you save him. quite frankly, it’s hilarious).

this ending basically ends the arasaka story of the game, which was the heist section, as well as takemura’s general story direction. you realise along the way that yorinobu wasn’t just the antagonist but an antihero in hating his father’s stance on separating the rich and poor further, as well as attaining immortality via the relic. he wanted to give it to everyone. saburo had uploaded his soul to mikoshi (think along the lines of the stacks in altered carbon), knowing that yorinobu was going to make an attempt. turns out hanako knew all this. there is more backstory with hanako’s connection to alt explained. saburo’s relic is installed in yorinobu’s body.

- variation 1: goro died, hellman takes you to the facility

after the choice, hellman will be the one to escort v to arasaka, having survived conveniently. after some other missions involve a hostile takeover of arasaka, hanako fulfills her promise of removing johnny, but in the process v’s mind is practically destroyed beyond saving. there is a sequence of testing, with the scientists and lots of psychological implications. hellman will arrive to give the choice of whether to upload v’s mind to mikoshi in an attempt to save them in some years time (because, as it turns out, there are stipulations in that cloning is not near the level of science it needs to be, saburo and yorinobu obviously had close enough genetic material it made transfer easier. also johnny’s relic has apparently ‘changed’ v’s dna enough (which is questioned and evaded). that and it is arasaka. they could just be lying, and v knows this). so v can sign a contract to be uploaded to mikoshi, or can return to earth with 6 months to potentially live, although is speculated to have less time than that.

the credits roll with dialogue from those you may have befriended in some capacity discussing either the fact you have signed on to arasaka, or you have disappeared/returned to earth. hanako offers v a job if they had chosen to return to earth to die. your love interest makes reference to not having heard from you/wishes to see you soon.

- variation 2: goro survives, also escorts v to arasaka

takemura fills the roll of hellman, and ultimately proves that he is arasaka until the day he dies, even after the apparent ‘wavering’ dialogue. he didn’t make it this far in life without being able to lie the way he does. he’s a lot more gentle in the approach compared to hellman in asking v to return to mikoshi, there is some reminiscing dialogue, and also promises of visiting in the future if they manage to find v a body.

the biggest difference is should v choose to return to earth, takemura tells v to rot in hell for refusing arasaka’s help.

the sun (rogue)

this ending relies on side missions being completed for rogue (NOT just a good relationship with johnny, that is another ending as well that will be mentioned after). blistering love is the last one for rogue.

what happens is that you give johnny and rogue their last attempt at the assault on arasaka tower. johnny will be in control for the duration of this mission. rogue dies during the assault when adam smasher arrives. at mikoshi, johnny is the point of view character for the decision on who remains in v’s body. alt recognises that the relic has altered v’s body too much for v to remain there, but johnny would survive without problem.

- variation 1: v remains in control

johnny assimilates with alt in cyberspace and v returns to the world as a living legend. your love interest can potentially appear in the suite, but they recognise that v has become incredibly distant as a person (implied only a few months to live, that only they know of), and is taking on one last gig like no other. the love interest may potentially break up with v. ends with v eventually going to attack the crystal palace (casino in space).

- variation 2: johnny remains in control

vastly different, and i recommend playing this ending out at least once. johnny appears some time after the events of arasaka leaving the city, with collecting belongings and also going to visit the columbarium and deposit the bullet in v’s grave. it also gives a lot of insight into other memorials to characters you may have met in other side missions, there is jackie’s, rogue’s (per this ending), etc. johnny leaves night city.

- VARIATION 3: TECHNICALLY THE SECRET ENDING and in some cases considered ending 5

DIFFERENT in that it has a set of requirements that include maintaining a relationship with johnny ABOVE 70% (which can happen in the missions for him). need to wait and not decide on an ending for johnny to personally suggest this, so that no one else will die for them. it goes the same route as the rogue/johnny ending but instead v/johnny assault arasaka tower themselves. this is the HARDEST mission in the game, there is NO save option, you have to complete it in one go. if you die it is treated as an ending, and the end credits will even reference this with other characters talking about this. should you make it through, it plays out similarly following on from the other variations, save for the fact rogue will actually be alive, and the afterlife sequence will reflect her survival.

the star (aldecaldos)

should you befriend panam, including completing all of her lines (queen of the highway being the last), there is the offer to join them. it follows a very similar path in terms of attacking arasaka tower per rogue/johnny, but with the aldecaldos, and saul dies when adam smasher appears for the fight. this is one of the endings where you can choose who stays in v’s body however, but played from v’s point of view.

- variation 1: v remains in control

again, similarly follows the sun route, however v will wake up later with the aldecaldos en route to tucson. judy if romanced will join v, panam will obviously have a continuing romance, but river stays behind due to his family commitments with promises of maybe someday if they return, and kerry i believe at this stage, doesn’t want to give up night city just yet, but again similarly to river, promises.. it ends on a more hopeful note.

- variation 2: johnny remains in control

plays out like the sun ending.

path of least resistance (suicide)

easily the most heartbreaking. depending on how you may have played v, it is the one time they feel the most in control. johnny and v have an incredibly emotional discussion about death and life and rebirth. the credits will roll, and any relationships you have established will have a spoken part. i sobbed during the credits. it is.. yeah. well.

my opinion

the endings are confronting, or hopeful, depending on what is chosen. siding with arasaka goes against your better instincts, especially as a corporat. even after believing that perhaps takemura has changed, v realises that to his heart, that man will never leave. becoming a living legend just like jackie wanted leaves v feeling quite empty, as they have made it to the heights and there’s nothing for them. the aldecaldos are viewed as the best simply because there is that hope that in arizona, someone might be able to help, but potentially at the cost of your own relationship. and then... after seeing how much v has been punched down... the last ending just truly hurts. both in terms of characters understanding and being so angry at themselves and at v. i personally don’t know what specific ending i would choose for my v as i’m still working it out, but they all do punch in some way i personally think, especially if you have... actually played the story, and it does like tie off specific ends here and there. also like... finding out what happens to the peralezes and other people you might’ve met... yeah. i recommend playing through all of them + variations at least once (granted.. if you are comfortable with it. the arasaka ending is very invasive and well, the suicide ending can be incredibly uncomfortable).

#replies #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 spoilers #suicide mention tw #Anonymous

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akechicrimes · 5 years ago

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You have the best takes and I was wondering what an actual Akechi redemption would look like? Sending him to prison is a weird take I've seen considering the themes of power, corruption, and manipulation of youth, and quite frankly it's just boring and lazy from a plot/character standpoint. I imagine the first step would be talking to Futaba and Haru (and others who were affected by his actions) but I'm not sure what would happen after that.

ok firstly THANKS i do my best yellin into the tunglr void

second “Sending him to prison is a weird take I’ve seen considering the themes of power, corruption, and manipulation of youth, and quite frankly it’s just boring and lazy from a plot/character standpoint” is the SEXIEST sentence ive ever read re: goro and thank you for putting these words in this particular order i want it framed, truly it makes zero sense whatsoever

third thanks for this super duper cool question because weirdly enough i havent…………….. really thought about it before??? ive seen more than a few really interesting goro redemption arc fics but if i were gonna do one myself………………….. hmmmmmm

ok ok ok ok ok ok i will. do my best. big psuedo revisionist fanfic under cut

a redemption arc needs to address the wrongs and hurts that he’s done, as well as just generally other noxious junk. to rattle them off so we know what we’re working with, he

killed wakaba (unknown circumstances), which hurt futaba

killed okumura, which hurt haru

assisted shido in his rise to power

assisted an unknown number of other douchebags like shido in their rise to power

killed an unknown number of other douchebags

created psychotic breakdowns, involving casualties and potentially some deaths

was generally a shit on live television

lied to sae.

betrayed joker.

and from there he needs to address these in such a way that his character grows and is better for it.

simultaneously i think it’s important to weigh the opposite issues, which are the ways that akechi is either right or has a valid point, the ways that akechi has presumably been mistreated/abused by people around him, and just generally following through on seeing akechi become happier and healthier for having gone through a redemption arc. in no particular order, he:

apparently desperately craves approval/recognition from others, but not in a productive way (sorry the TV audience does not actually love you lmao!!!!!!!)

has some kind of complicated relationship with shido to say the fuckign LEAST, and i think addressing that angle of shido’s abuse is important

really suffers from his inability to be honest with just about anyone; how deeply he’s hidden his true self has not only exacerbated his loneliness, but it’s done so in a way that i think should be really understandable to any one of the thieves, who also need to hide their true selves and feelings when in public

is 100000% correct about how much shido should eat shit and die

does have a valid point about how dangerous the phantom thieves are, and, in irony of all ironies, probably is a good critic and moral barometer to make sure joker doesn’t go over any lines

is canonically the character who is most unafraid to go against joker’s orders

is smart all absolute FUCK while maintaining an attitude of FUCK COPS

so with all that in mind:

i’d say, the engine room confrontation happens as SOON as they enter shido’s palace. not necessarily specifically in the engine room, but that confrontation happens off the bat. the phantom thieves take two steps into shido’s palace and find that they can’t go anywhere–everything’s locked, or off limits, and the whole place is under more surveillance than any palace they’ve ever seen. sojiro was right when he said that shido’s paranoid as fuck.

they try to leave the palace for the day to regroup, and akechi’s there like a guard dog ready to defend shido’s psyche. why wouldn’t he be? he must have planned that perhaps the thieves would retaliate like this, whether or not joker was alive.

that whole very embarrassing breakdown happens. haru and futaba already canonically seem in favor of akechi rejoining the team, so although haru does say she won’t forgive akechi, i do think that doesn’t need to be at odds with them being in favor of him working with the team.

so, say, akechi’s on the verge of being convinced to work with the team, and he’s not necessarily all in on this whole “being alive” thing, and he’s not super convinced that he deserves redemption, but the phantom thieves really really really insisted, because the phantom thieves can and do change hearts, even when they’re not in palaces, and they’ve just changed akechi’s.

cognitive akechi doesn’t show up because i’m using him later.

first thing: akechi, haru, and futaba need to have a talk, which is actually pretty easy and not even irrelevant. go through shido’s palace, get the letters of rec, everyone recognizes akechi. like haru in okumura’s palace, akechi’s practically their ticket into half the ship.

getting the letters of rec naturally brings up okumura and wakaba, imo, because it hammers home that these sorts of scumbags are the kinds of people that akechi was killing. and also that this is the kind of scumbag that okumura was, in life. have haru go through the five stages of grief all over again, like she did back in okumura’s palace, realizing that her father kills his own employees for the first time. have her struggle all over again to reconcile the father she loves with the father who died with the father who murdered and exploited and drove his employees to the brink of death. have akechi face that even the people he killed were people, too.

depending on your interpretation of wakaba, she was either just as corrupt OR she was genuinely a nice woman, but that can be addressed in a bunch of ways–akechi didnt know what he was doing at the time, or he totally did but didnt feel like he had any other choice–either way, some sort of contextualization of wakaba’s role in shido’s conspiracy needs to be unearthed.

say futaba wants to know what her mother was like. say she asks akechi because akechi knew her, maybe knew wakaba better than futaba ever did, because futaba was young and also because futaba never spent a few days literally crawling through her mother’s psyche like akechi did. make akechi tell futaba about the woman he killed with his own mouth. maybe he tells her only the good parts. maybe futaba MAKES him tell her the bad parts. maybe futaba thanks him for it, and akechi figures out that an apology could never be enough.

the point, basically, is to use shido’s palace to have haru, futaba, and akechi come to terms with each other. forgiveness isnt necessarily the point–understanding is more important. haru and futaba come to understand how and why akechi did what he did, while akechi has to sit through several weeks of looking his victims in the eyeballs.

for extra bonus points of making akechi look his victims in the eyeballs, personally i think that futaba would be the most supportive of all the phantom thieves of akechi turning over a new leaf. she canonically tells him that “it doesn’t matter where you start over” and relates his struggles to her struggle to turn her own life around, and honestly i think sympathy would fuck akechi up the most.

meanwhile, in the real world, capitalize on akechi’s position: if he’s deep in shido’s conspiracy, it really only makes sense that akechi could locate the people they need rec letters from in the real world, and use that to find their cognitive equivalent in shido’s palace. show me akechi’s relationship with shido, founded on akechi trying to appease shido and trying to avoid shido’s wrath simultaneously.

maybe shido’s closing in on the phantom thieves in the real world. he suspects that things haven’t gone according to plan. make use of the fact that shido trusts (to an extent) akechi’s word, and have akechi cover for the phantom thieves in the real world.

maybe show me shido actively manipulating akechi with praise. show me the greys of that relationship, like how we saw madarame treat yusuke well, or saw sae at her best and worst with makoto. show me how difficult it is for akechi to continue to help the phantom thieves even while actively engaging with his own abuser.

make akechi a traitor to shido. being a traitor was his role, wasn’t it? to betray the thieves? just have him betray shido back. he’s good at being a traitor, isn’t he? akechi probably volunteers himself for the role. let him capitalize on his ability to lie and outsmart those around him. let him make it up to joker in the only way that akechi feels he can: even more lying.

get all the rec letters. akechi himself hands shido the calling card. confront shido–cognitive akechi is there and just as much of a bitch as always. show me how much disdain shido has for akechi, how little he thinks of akechi, how nasty he is–and how blindly adoring cognitive akechi is in return. it’s gross as all hell, but it’s a final nail in the coffin to haru and futaba’s grieving process, even forms some sort of solidarity.

there’s half a second where akechi is in the position to kill shido. shido’s shadow is down, akechi’s got a gun, he could pull the trigger before anyone could stop him. futaba tells him not to.

haru tells him that he can kill shido if he wants to.

everyone’s like HARU??? HELLO???? but haru says, as far as i’m concerned, this man is just as much my father’s murderer as akechi-kun is. if you want to, i won’t stop you. but i know that it’s harder to survive than it is to die, too.

akechi does not kill shido. they steal shido’s treasure and return to the real world.

at this point in the canon plot, yaldabaoth starts to happen really fast, but bear with me for five seconds–bring sae back on the scene. shido confesses, and akechi’s reputation goes up in smoke. people call him a fraud, people won’t stop talking about shido being his dad, akechi’s name gets dragged through the mud worse than back when the PT were at their most popular.

sae takes up prosecuting shido’s case, and akechi can’t avoid her forever when he’s supposedly a key witness. sae says, i’m going to give you one chance to explain yourself. you lied to him, you tricked me, you pretended to be my partner all that time and then ran rings around me. talk.

so akechi explains himself, even though half that stuff isnt permissible in court. he doesn’t butter her up and he doesn’t use his cutesy prince mask, and for the first time sae sees him as he really is. and sae says, those are some pretty serious offenses, akechi, what are you going to do now?

akechi’s just gone through that whole bonding session with haru and futaba, during which akechi had to realize, ah, shit, i fucked over the lives of these two very nice girls and even inflicted the same trauma that i myself went through onto other people. so akechi tells sae, well obviously i don’t fucking know, i dont have a career, i might be expelled, and i’ve killed a shitload of people and there’s no way that i can make up for that. but if i could, i would want to do something to right the wrongs that i did–i’d want to address the murders i committed, and maybe do something to fix it.

sae says, you’re smart as all hell, what you’ve done is irrevocable, you know your way around the police and its corruption, you’re willing to do better and you know how hard doing better is going to be. i’m the same way. i might not have killed anyone, but i’ve ruined the lives of so many people in the name of my career and a distorted sense of justice. if you want to do better, i could use a person like you. what do you say that when this case is over, we become partners for real, this time?

akechi says, but sae-san, what about your reputation, what about your career, wouldn’t it be bad to have a fraud like me by your side?

sae says, i didnt have you as a partner the first time around because you were stupid. use your head, make it work, and maybe i’ll buy you sushi off the conveyor belt someday.

case number one is prosecuting the shit out of shido. sae said they’d be partners after akechi is no longer a key witness, but at this point, being a key witness is basically like being her assistant. sae’s there every step of the way while akechi gets shoved through the public wringer. i say, make him lose all his public fame and reputation and more, everything that he thought he wanted, and he come out with sae’s respect, akira’s support, and the phantom thieves on his side.

the trial starts to stall because of yaldabaoth’s influence, which then brings us to that whole reveal about yaldabaoth using akechi as well for yaldo’s own ends. yaldabaoth offers the p5 vanilla bad end, in which the phantom thieves continue on and become incredibly famous and eliminate most crime because they just change the hearts of anyone who does anything halfway wrong.

i say, let the thieves deliberate on that one. all of them, not just joker. it’s not actually a very bad deal, necessarily; it’s just vaguely skeevy and authoritarian. let’s say, akechi is the biggest opposer, and points out that if akira goes down that route, akira will be doing exactly the same thing akechi did for so long–using his power for his own self-satisfaction, power unchecked and out of control. let akechi use the fact that he’s akira’s “rival” and outspoken critic to good use. akira tells yaldo where he can stick it.

fight yaldabaoth, win. sae takes akira into custody. akechi makes good on his deal with sae, and both of them work together to use akechi’s testimony, akira’s testimony, and shido’s testimony to nail shido and clear akira’s name.

from there, flash forward to the epilogue in the same way that it happens in canon, except akechi is now sae’s lackey and she’s overseeing his efforts to undo whatever damage he did to all the nameless people he’s hurt over the years. she’s going to become a defense attorney, and akechi’s probably going to become her assistant and later paralegal. both of them are committed to reforming the justice system for the better and addressing their past wrongs.

im actually big fucking mad at how little i had to change about persona 5 canon to make this redemption arc work. @ persona 5 royal meet me in the pit.

#mine #meta #it's not really meta but lmao #Anonymous

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imaginethiswwe · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter 3: Love Lost

Warnings: Some Fluff

I spent that night in Finn’s hotel room. Though he stayed in really good spirits like he always does, I didn’t want to leave him. We ordered Chinese and watched a movie. Though we were just friends, he was my favorite snuggle buddy. I didn’t want to bother him tonight with any of that but he insisted I lay with him for the movie, so I did. We laid there, my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. He was so calm. He had easily the toughest night of his career tonight, yet here he is laying here calmly with me. I loved that about him. He took life as it came, he didn’t worry about tomorrow until it arrived. And then, it did.

____________

I woke up to the sun peeking through the curtains. My head was still on his chest and as I looked up at him he was still sleeping peacefully. I stared at him for a second thinking about how much pain his poor arm is in and yet he’s a trooper. I smiled at the sight of him and quietly scooted to the opposite edge of the bed. I sat up and dangled my feet off the side, preparing to get up and hop in the shower, when I felt a light touch on my lower back. As I turned around I saw Finn smiling at me.

“Good Morning beautiful,” he smiled at me

“Good morning” I smirked back

He is amazing, the fact that he can wake up this morning smiling.

“I was just about to hop in the shower and then grab some coffee, can I get you anything?” I asked him.

“Coffee- coffee sounds so good right now” he groaned sleepily at me.

“You got it dude” I jokingly said while giving him a thumbs up and a wink.

I hopped off the bed and made my way to the bathroom, I glanced back to see Finn watching me with a smile. I opened the bathroom door and closed it behind me.

------------

[Finn POV]

God, she is beautiful. Even with no makeup on, hair in a bun, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I can’t believe how lucky I am that she came into my life over a year ago.

Finn stood up slowly, wincing in pain radiating from his shoulder. After spending such an amazing night with Y/N, he almost forgot about this whole situation. He stood up and threw on some new clothes, though he couldn’t put on his shirt because he couldn’t lift his arm above his head.

She could have done so many things last night, but she stayed here with me. Ferg, you are most definitely falling for that girl and you’re too chicken shit to tell her.

The truth was he was falling for Y/N, but because they had become such close friends Finn was terrified to mess that up. What if she didn’t feel the same? She would cut him off and avoid him to avoid the most certain awkwardness that would follow. He decided he needed to keep his feelings to himself and just enjoy her for what they have now.

-----------------------

[Y/N POV]

I stepped out of the bathroom drying my hair with my towel. I hated getting dressed in a hot bathroom, but I felt too nervous to come out in a towel in front of Ferg. When I turned the corner I saw him sitting on the edge of the bed facing away from me, it looked like he attempted to get dressed but couldn’t get his shirt on. Lord, if I could burn all his shirts so he had to walk around like that everywhere, I totally would. I stood there quietly for a minute taking in the sight. Then I spoke up.

“Did you need some help with your shirt?”

“Oh, uh yeah, if you don’t mind.” He said handing me his shirt. I helped him slowly get his shirt over his head and helped him get his sling on the trainer had given him last night to hold him over until he went to the hospital tomorrow.

“I thought maybe you would like some company for that coffee run” He smiled up at me.

“Of course, if you are up for it, I would never turn down your company,” I said as I grabbed his hand. I don’t know why I did that, I never hold his hand. It was on pure instinct, but he didn’t pull away. In fact, he interlaced his fingers with mine and led the way out of the room.

What the hell is this, was that a spark?

_________________________________

It’s 530 am. I decided to join Finn on his flight to Birmingham to meet with the surgeon. I’m surprised he asked to be honest. His parents were in town after all and I figured he wouldn’t need me to come if they were there. I didn’t mind though, in fact, I wanted to be there for him, I just wasn’t going to invite myself.

-------

After a couple X-rays and some pain meds, they were ready to wheel him back into surgery. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him I would see him when he got out. The Dr had expected it to be pretty routine surgery, about 2 hours he said.

--------

I kept looking at the clock on my phone. It’s 630 pm. He went in at 130. Where the heck is he? This is certainly longer than 2 hours. My mind started to race, were there complications? Is he okay? Why is this taking so long? I had received some texts from our friends Karl and Sami, checking in to see how he was doing, I wish I freaking had something to tell you guys but I don’t know. I just chose not to answer for the time being. There is no need to worry more people than the 3 of us sitting in this waiting room.

Finally 6 hours after he went in, the Dr came out and explained that there was a lot more damage than he originally anticipated, but that he was out of surgery and he was asking for me, just me.

“Me?” I looked at the Dr and then at his parents. They were happy he was out and gave me an almost knowing smile. Then they nodded at me to go and they returned to their seats.

I followed the Dr back to Finn’s room and saw him laying there. It was a surreal moment for me. In my mind, I knew he was okay, but it was scary seeing him hooked up to oxygen, with an IV in his hand and his arm all packed up with bandage and ice.

“He’s really groggy, but he is conscious,” The Dr told me, then he turned around and walked away.

I entered the room and quietly made my way to his bedside. I reached my hand up and placed it on his, letting him know I was there. A smile came across his face.

“There’s my girl” He said with a raspy voice from his breathing tube during surgery

His girl?

“I’m here, you scared me half to death you know, you always gotta put on a show and make everything way more exciting than it has to be” I joked with him.

He laughed at my sarcasm and raised his eyebrows, still leaving his eyes closed.

“I’m sorry love,” he said at an audible whisper

“It’s fine, I’m just glad you’re okay. How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright. Much better now that you’re here. I love you” He replied.

I about choked on my spit. Did he just say what I think he said? He loves me?! Where did that come from? Does he mean that, or is that the medicine talking? I didn’t know what to say.

Of course I loved him. He is my best friend, but we’ve always acted like more. Just without the super romantic side. But what if he doesn’t really mean that and I say it back, then that’s super awkward. I decided I would just squeeze his hand in acknowledgement. He smiled. I stood up and kissed his forehead right as his parents walked in. Saved by the parents...

___________________________

Months have passed since Finn’s injury and surgery. After that day in the recovery room, those 3 words were never mentioned again. I’m glad I didn’t say it back. I knew it couldn’t have been what he meant to say. Maybe he just meant it like a friend, at least that thought made it easier to cope with.

I haven’t been seeing as much of him as I like. He has been back and forth to Birmingham to rehab his shoulder, he basically lives there part time now. We facetime and text, but it’s never the same as being with him in person.

I miss him

I was scrolling through the latest list of wrestling gossip sites, trying to sort out what needed to be covered for the day, when I came across an article

WWE’s Finn Balor Spotted Out With New Girlfriend WWE Personality Cathy Kelley

My heart sunk, surely that couldn’t be true. Why wouldn't he have told me about this?

Unfortunately, I had to confront him about this. Not because I wanted to because Lord knows that was literally the last thing I wanted to do. I had to, it’s my job. It’s not my job to barge into peoples personal lives, but it’s my job to keep them out of the media if they don’t want it out there.

I let it go for a while. Of course, that picture and article stirred up rumors from the Balor club, but that was the only proof of anything happening for now.

Life went on normally between Finn and me, he called me almost daily, always so cheerful when I answered. I played along not mentioning what I had seen. In part because I hoped it wasn’t real. That could have been any guy after all the picture was taken from behind. But that was just a lie I told myself to make me feel better. I knew it was him. I knew every inch of him (almost), I could spot him from behind a mile away. I just didn’t want it to be true. I was jealous.

#wwe imagine #finn balor #reader x finn #reader x finn balor #wwe finn balor #finn balor imagine #wwe #finn balor fanfiction #finn balor fanfic #fergal devitt #wwe fic #wwe fanfiction #wwe nxt

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goldenrathians · 6 years ago

Text

So, I would like to take some time to elaborate on who exactly has been cyberstalking me for the last 10 months and the context for nearly every personal post i make. I’m doing this because I haven’t ever really directly stated what happened to me beyond “my last relationship was abusive and my ex is not finished with me” and because i know she reads my blog constantly, i figure it can’t hurt to list some of her actions.

this year, i’ve done a lot of healing, gone to a lot of therapy. ive been able to distance myself enough from my ex to realize that not only was her behavior towards me during our relationship emotionally abusive, manipulative, and unfair, but that her behavior since leaving me has been even worse (harrassment, smear campaigns, lying, stalking). it took about 5 months to really even be able to acknowledge that it was abuse while we were together and that the amount of self blame i had been harboring was something she’d purposefully instilled in me. the unhealthy behaviors i’d been expressing while with her (mood swings, outbursts of anger, confusion, difficulty with overattachment) are literally symptoms of a trauma bond and began to go away almost immediately after implementing no contact. i also currently have doubts about the validity of any of her statements concerning her other exes and current partner because i know she enjoys lying and uses it as a tool to turn people against her victims. i also experienced symptoms of ptsd following the breakup that worsened when i began to fully admit to myself the extent of the emotional trauma i’d gone through (for context, i went from an unhealthy relationship with someone far older than me directly into my last one, so it was about 3 years worth of baggage).

i am capable of recognizing that not only was it good for me to be discarded by my abuser but that she only did so because i had become too vocal about my unhappiness with the way she was treating me. we fought pretty much every week because she continually neglected my needs while i tried to cater to hers and whenever i would bring it up she would accuse me of being controlling, violent, or otherwise unhealthy. she has gaslit me before (and oddly enough accused me of doing the same to her to a friend, despite me never having done such a thing) and convinced me briefly that i had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and that THAT was why i was always so unhappy with our relationship. she likes people who make her feel good about herself, and because i was no longer able to do that at a rate which outweighed my criticism of her behavior, she decided to fabricate an excuse to leave me and did so through text and would not allow me to speak about it to her for the next month. she also tried to get me to stay friends even though i had explicitly told her i did not want to do that, and when i told her i would on the condition that i be allowed to ask about the breakup or take time to express grief, she told me that she was “not my therapist” and that i was being unfair. i then cut contact with her, which began the now 10 months long (and most likely will be years long) period of harrassment and stalking.

i have dozens of screenshots saved of our discussions on discord, as well as detailed records of her activity since we broke up (all the times she harrassed me). i have evidence of her talking about me to her friends at the time of us dating in a way that paints me in a very poor light. i have screenshots of a conversation where she forced me to publicly apologize to her friend group after claiming that i was an embarrassment, which was prefaced by the phrase “i love you, so i cut you a lot of slack.”

she used my physical attraction to her as a tool on numerous occasions. first of all, she literally lured me into the relationship with it, as the one i’d had before had left me feeling disgusting and unwanted because of a transphobic partner. she learned how to make me feel whole and then used that to her advantage, because it was instrumental in getting me to stay (i believed no one else would treat me like a person in bed). sex became a bargaining chip and on more than one occasion i was told i was unnattractive or undesirable because of something i’d done, such as expressing the urge to be more submissive in bed. i was also encouraged to force myself on her sexually during a fight (something i am not and was not comfortable doing in reality), which i now realize was her way of using sex to keep me from staying mad at her long enough to raise a complaint about her treatment of me. as a result, i’ve had extreme difficulty with touch and sexual contact over the last ten months because in my head no matter who i sleep with the last person who touched me is her and i can’t escape that.

i constantly felt trapped, because i was aware on some level that people do not treat someone they love in this way, and yet any time i tried to leave she would act like she could change and treat me right. i kept staying around against my better judgement because i thought she would stop lying to me. i felt i owed it to her because she said so many people in the past gave up on her or got mad at her for being depressed. i truly thought she was a good person and that a good person would be capable of reasoning with me and we could both be happy.

she also maintained contact with the person she’d been dating before she met me, which was unquestionably cruel towards said individual. She would say hateful things about this person, yet never give them a chance to truly grow on their own and encouraged them to stay in love with her (i suspect they had a similar attachment to her). After dumping me she returned to this person only to abandon them again three months later to get engaged to someone she may have been cheating on them with.

i have proof of her lying about committments we’d made to eachother as a way to get out of spending time with me, and when confronted with evidence of said lies by people who’d witnessed her make the promise and fail to keep it, she would respond negatively and blame me, telling me i was a controlling person and then giving me the silent treatment. she constantly accused me of using our relationship as a threat in arguments, yet i never once said “if you don’t do __ i will break up with you,” only confessed that it felt like she did not want to be with me because of the lying and the refusal to spend time with me. she expressed desire to physically assault me once while angry, and made repeated comparisons between me and her abusive father, despite my voiced discomfort with being compared to men. when i once said (and immediately regretted) that sometimes i wished i could “shut her up forever” during a fight, she then began to claim that i harbored desire to physically abuse her...despite her having expressed violent desires towards me months earlier. anything i had ever said or done became fair game in an argument if i tried to voice my discomfort in the relationship.

she often compared me to her exes or to her friends as a way to make me feel inadequate or unenjoyable to be around. she would then private message me to start fights while around these friends, then accuse me of starting fights and preventing any further private communication. if i showed signs of distress publicly, i would then be “humiliating” her and she would tell her friends that i was overemotional.

She told me reasonably early on in the relationship (first six months) that she wanted to marry me. She said that since she was going to be in the military, we should marry soon so that we could live together. I was hesitant at first because it seemed strange to marry at 20 or 21. She would continue to bring it up until I said I was okay to do so. She told me in december that she wanted me to buy her a $400 bear and propose to her with it. Every month I was met with the same message of “I want to marry you.” In may, I mentioned that i might propose when she visited in july, since she had said to propose before she enlisted. She told me it was too soon and that she no longer wanted to be engaged to me. I was hurt and responded poorly, and accused her of having once again made a promise to me she had no intention of keeping. I recognize now that as an isolated incident, this was a total, blatant overreaction, but at the time i was feeling a lot of stress due to her racking up nearly $500 on my debit card and her repeatedly agreeing to date nights and cancelling last second while arguing with me if i was unhappy. She then used the military as an excuse to dump me in early june, which i now suspect was a total lie because i know for a fact she has not gone to basic yet and has been theoretically scheduled to for nearly a year. She accused me of being immature and pathetic, and told me that her life was much better without me in it. I asked her if there was someone else, which she denied, but i knew better. I had been suspecting it for a while.

since i told her to never contact me again over the summer she has:

in july, she began dating her ex girlfriend again, and told a mutual friend she had never loved me to begin with. Keep in mind that this ex was the one she’d left to date me, and that I never once pressured her to be with me. I don’t doubt that she never loved me, but not through my own personal failings. Rather, i don’t think she is capable of healthy love. She would repeatedly bring up that she did not ever love me and that I was stupid for believing her when she’d told me she wanted to be with me.

In august, i was still suffering the effects of the trauma bond and was still in love with her despite knowing she was being unnecessarily cruel to me. i couldn’t believe the person i’d loved with my whole being was the same person who was openly insulting me. I tried to ask a friend how she was doing in late july. He told me she was happy with her then partner and showed me screencaps of her doting on said partner with the same “we should be together forever” crap she fed me. I was later made aware that he would mock me behind my back with her. At the time i had her blocked on most social media platforms, but she reached out on a tumblr sideblog to tell me i was an idiot and that i should have known she never loved me and that her then-girlfriend loved her better than i could and that she had always been in love with her.

in october/early november, she dumped that person. she then began dating someone who i know has a history of low self esteem (she picks her targets like that) and purposefully liked a personal post on my blog (knowing that i would take the bait and try to directly engage her). I did. And she told me in the most condescending way possible that again, i didn’t know anything about her and that she was happy with this new person, who was everything i was not, and that i was the person who needed to grow and let go of bitterness. Please note that i had only asked why she was liking things on my blog. I told her i didn’t want to hear from her anymore and blocked her again on discord. She then reached out to me on tumblr (before i could block her there) to say “I can unblock you on my main account if you want to talk.” as though it were some kind of favor to do that to me. as though i had done literally anything besides say “i’m blocking you, don’t contact me.”

Also in november she had her new girlfriend send me messages telling me to stop stalking her, which is ridiculous because i made a rule to myself to not look at her social media back in august and had been reading about what to do with narcissists (no contact rule). The new girlfriend told me I deserved what had happened to me. I attempted to warn the new girlfriend that it was all lies, but then realized it wouldn’t do any good, so i blocked the both of them.

On january 1st, i recieved a discord call from a dormant group chat (unused for nearly a year). It was from the new girlfriend. She hung up and then posted screenshots of her and my ex together, along with a message @ing me saying that they were now living together (from long distance to cohabiting in my ex’s parents’ house) and that my ex had proposed to her. Multiple people witnessed this. It was entirely unprovoked on my part as i had not attempted to contact either of them since november. This was a post designed to demoralize me or upset me, which it failed to do because by december i was out of love and in full recovery. i had acknowledged that my ex was not the person i had romanticized so heavily in my head.

Late january, my ex posed as her fiancee on discord to message someone who was once a mutual friend but who is now only my friend. After he told her he wasn’t interested in talking, she revealed it was her and not her fiancee, made a very pitiful attempt to insult him, and then blocked him.

Early february, she contacted a friend of mine whom she had met twice in real life december 2017. she still had his phone number and snapchat, and reportedly sent him an image of a paypal receipt, which i suspect had something to do with the (expensive) items i’d requested she return to me when we broke up. This could have been innocent, but given her other patterns, i highly doubt that it was anything short of intentional because she knew he would ask me about it. I told him to block her just in case.

Following that, in early march, I recieved anonymous questions on tumblr about my relationship status. I have a brain and am able to easily spot her text speech patterns. I then installed a tracker on my blog to register page hits and responded to the ask, knowing she was bound to check for responses.

Around that time, i was made aware by a friend that someone i used to talk to no longer talked to me because of how i and my ex had treated them. i reached out because i felt like even if it was way too late at least maybe they could know i was aware i’d been shitty to them. we talked and i was told that my ex had pretty much lied constantly about my actions and that this person didn’t like me because they were under the impression that i was the abuser in the relationship. This is not the only time someone has come forth to tell me that my ex used to talk about me behind my back. I have had other friends and acquaintances mention it to me over the past year.

Since then, she has visited my page and looked through my personal tag numerous times a week, ranging from once a day to up to 6 times or more. I have evidence of her every move ever since she decided to start harrassing me back in July. I know she is likely reading this exact post. I also know she isn’t very smart, because a smart person would have stopped trying the first time they were blocked. I know that she secretly hates herself and that she represses the anger she feels because she likes to make people think she’s afraid to hurt them, but she enjoys starting drama and spreading rumors wherever she goes. I know that she probably had some sort of traumatic events in her early teens that caused her to begin serially dating/abusing people, but I also don’t really care at this point. I did a lot of emotional labor trying to humanize her up until I realized I didn’t owe her that anymore. It’s somewhat refreshing knowing that I’m allowed to speak now and that there will be no consequences. There is no relationship to lose. Anyone who wishes to challenge me is totally welcome to do so, because I have a shit ton of proof that supports my side of this story.

#ender.txt #long post

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forever-rogue · 7 years ago

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I See Right Through You - Part VI (Finale)

Summary: Y/N’s a DC upshot, who has a lot of opinions and isn’t afraid of speaking her mind. That’s exactly what got her in trouble in the first place. That’s exactly what led to Frank Castle entering her life as her bodyguard. It’s a love-hate thing…but it’s just business, right?

A/N: Thanks for all your support on this series, fam! This is going to be the last part, since this is meant to be a short story. I hope you all enjoy! Taglists and Requests are open! xx

Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Language

PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V

MASTERLIST

Y/N held the camera up to her eyes as she tried to capture a few more shots of the fields of flowers in the dying light of the day. She had been at it for hours, but for some reason, she was unsatisfied with the photos she had taken today. Something felt off, and she just was not getting the money shot she had been lusting after.

She clicked the shutter a few more times, before sighing and and taking the lens off of the camera body and putting them into bag sitting at her feet. She figured it as no use to keep trying today, she’d just have to come back another day and hope it turned out better.

Y/N stifled a yawn and stretched, feeling the stiffness in her arms and legs from remaining still for so long. She paused when she thought she heard some movement behind her and whipped around, trying to locate the source of the noise. She frowned to herself when she saw nothing, but decided to chalk it up to behind the wind. Bending over, she picked up her gear and started walking home, hoping it wouldn’t be too dark to walk.

It had taken her less time than normal to get home, being as she had walked about twice as fast, the feeling that someone was watching or following her didn’t leave her. She had kept her eyes peeled, but she never saw anyone or anything out of place, figuring she was probably just tired or her mind was playing tricks on her.

Her life for the last nine months had been peaceful and quiet and nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Y/N had moved to a small town in the upper part of New York, renting a small but charming house. She had adopted a quiet life, slowly being a part of the community and working as a freelance photographer. It wasn’t perfect by any means, her dreams were still often clouded with the dark memories that had been a part of her life back in DC, but she had grown to like her new life.

Pausing at her front door, she pulled out her keys and fumbled around for the one for the front, cursing herself for having so many keychains. After a few moments she finally got the key untangled and stuck it into the lock when her heart stopped at the sound of her whispered name.

“Y/N,” the familiar voice sent a chill down her spine, as she stiffened her shoulders and debated if she should even turn around or just head inside and slam the door shut.

“Frank,” she sighed in response as she turned on her heel and came face to face with the man she had run away from all those months ago, “I should have known it was you following me earlier.”

“You knew, huh?” he raised his eyebrows and gave her a cocky grin. She wanted to punch him in the face already, but decided it probably wasn’t a good idea.

“I knew it wasn’t just the wind earlier,” she sighed as she headed into the house and flipped on the hall light, “I supposed I should have expected you sooner or later. You look like shit, by the way.”

“Thanks. It’s nice to see you too,” he chuckled as she beckoned for him to follow her. He wiped his shoes on the mat before stepping inside and interestedly looking at everything, “nice place.”

“I liked it too. It’s not much, but it’s home,” she set down her bag on the side table and headed into the kitchen, “to what do I owe the pleasure of your sudden intrusion back into my life?”

“I’m glad to see you’re so happy to see me,” he rolled his eyes at her as he took a seat at the small bar in the kitchen. She shrugged her shoulders at him as she opened the fridge and pulled out two beers, uncapping them before sliding one over to Frank and taking a long drink from hers.

“Well?” she asked as she leaned against the counter and looked at him expectantly. It appeared he hadn’t changed his ways much over the time she had been gone. His face was bruised and puffy, clear signs that he had been in an altercation not too long before. Clearly he was still moonlighting as the Punisher.

“Can’t a friend just check on another friend?” he asked innocently.

“A friend, yes. You, no. We’re not exactly what I’d call friends.”

“Fine, yeah okay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he admitted reluctantly as he leaned back in his chair and as she stared at him.

“So...you stalked me, in order to make sure I was okay?” she frowned at him as she grew annoyed. Why was that even now he managed to find ways to get under skin, “you could have just called, ya know? Not tracked me down hundreds of miles away.”

“I had to see for myself. Besides, how was I supposed to know you wouldn’t be lying to me, huh? We didn’t exactly part on good terms,” he was starting to get annoyed with her. Why did she just have to go and make everything so dramatic? She had always had to give him a fight over something.

“Because I have no reason to lie, Frank,” she sighed as she downed the last of beer and slammed the bottle on the counter, “I’m here doing just fine, okay? Nothing has happened, just like I said. I told you I was right along. But no, I was the one over reacting, right? I see nothing has changed for you though, that’s fantastic.”

“Really, you’re going to be like this right now?” Frank laughed to himself in disbelief. Some things never change, he thought to himself.

“I am, yeah. I’ve been busy trying to make a better life for myself, and then you think you can just come back and barge right in like nothing ever happened?” she started to walk away but turned back before exiting the kitchen completely, “why don’t we talk about the fact that nothing’s changed for you? I thought you were going on the straight path and keeping to yourself, but I see that meant nothing to you. You just can’t stay away from the violence, from the fight, right? I don’t want this back in my life, Frank.”

“Y/N, do you really that’s all I do?” he asked as he shook his head at her.

“I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t really care. See yourself out,” she sighed and gave him a wave of her hand as she started heading upstairs to her bedroom.

It was silent for a few moments before Y/N could hear the scrape of a chair and footsteps thumping up the stairs. She rolled her eyes to herself before sitting down on her bed and waiting for him to storm in and confront her. She knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t just going to let anything go.

“You’re just as stubborn and big mouthed as ever, I see,” he frowned at her as he crossed his arms over his broad chest and leaned against the doorway, “will you ever accept that some people do care about you and want to see you safe?”

“I can and do accept that fact,” Y/N glared at him, “when are you going to accept the same thing? I get what you’re trying to do, I do, really. You’ve been through more than anyone deserves, but sometimes you have to know when to end the fight. Not everything needs intervention by you. Things will work out, whether the Punisher is there or not. You’re basically working on borrowed time, Frank. People will realize it’s still you and they will come after you again. You’ve gotten off basically a free man, but here you are again, a ticking time bomb living a wake of destruction behind you.”

“You really think I can’t take care of myself? That I’d be so reckless that I’d get caught?” he sneered at her, a mixture of annoyed that she thought she needed to protect him and concern that she thought he needed protection. He’d been alone so long, he had a hard time letting anyone and Y/N had been a rare exception.

“I didn’t say that. And I do think you can take care of yourself, but I also think you need to let other people help you too. You don’t have to go through everything on your own. I’ve told you that before, but you wouldn’t listen,” she told up and walked over to him, squaring up directly in front of him, “and here we are.”

“Y/N, it’s not that simple,” he sighed as he met her worried eyes.

“But it can be,” she insisted as she gently touched his bruised cheek, “just walk away, Frank. You’ve done so much, you’ve earned your rest. Come and join me here.”

“I wish I could just do that,” he nodded in agreement, as he touched her hand and held it gently in hers, “but it’s not that easy for me. I have...loose ends to tie up...unfinished business.”

“You’re just never going to stop, are you?’ she sighed heavily as she pulled away from him, trying to fight the familiar sting she felt in her eyes. She shrugged her shoulders at him before stepping back and flopping onto her bed, “go on then, and do what you need to. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Y/N, I-”

“But just stay with me tonight, please? We can pretend that things are the way they’re supposed to be, at least for a little while,” she pleaded with him as she gestured for him to come over to her. It amazed and frustrated her that even after all this time she still cared so much for him and those feelings had never really gone away.

“Okay,” his response was barely above a whisper as he walked over to her. He held his hand out to her and she eagerly accepted it, as he pulled her upright and into his arms. He held onto her tightly as he kissed the top of her head and she inhaled his familiar warm and musky smell.

She knew this probably wasn’t the best idea, but she couldn’t help herself. After all, one night couldn’t hurt anything. She pulled back from him and planted her lips on his, savoring that sweet taste that lingered there. He wasted no time in responding, his hands sliding down to her hips as she wrapped her arms around his neck. After a few moments he pulled away from her and rested his forehead against hers.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked quietly as she but her lip but nodded in response. He reached up and held her face gently in his hands and studied her face for a moment. Even he couldn’t deny the effect she had on him, “okay.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

Y/N hummed to herself as she planted to herself as she carried on planting the dozens of new flowers and plants she had bought. She never exactly had a green thumb, but she decided she wanted to try and take care of a small garden. It just made her backyard look that much more homey and cheery.

She had been living there for almost two years now, and finally decided to it was time to spruce up the place a little bit. She heard the gate to the backyard creak open, and wiped her hands on her pants, expecting it to be one of her neighbors stopping by to say hello. One of the benefits of living in a small and close community was getting to know the neighbors, and she had lucked out in having kind ones.

The sight that met her eyes was rather unexpected. She gasped in response and her hands flew to her face, covering her mouth in surprise.

There stood Frank Castle, bags in his hand, watching her expectantly. He looked the same and yet so different from when she had last seen him almost a year ago. His face wasn’t bruised or beaten, and he had lost some of the bulky muscle. His hair was longer and stubble covered his face.

“Well, as I live and breathe, it’s Frank Castle,” she grinned at him as she put her hands on her hips, “looking like a hipster.”

“Fuck hipsters,” he chuckled as he dropped his bags to the ground and walked over to her.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?’ she asked, although she a pretty good idea.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he smirked at her, “thought I’d come by and check out the place. It looks like you might need someone to help around the house and, ugh, keep an eye on things.”

“Yeah, definitely. Good timing too, I just put up that ad for a roommate, but I guess I can take that down now,” she joked as she reached up and touched his stubbled cheek.

“Things have been pretty calm and boring lately,” he shrugged nonchalantly, “but maybe this is the life I’ve been waiting for.”

“It took you long enough,” she rolled her eyes before pulling him into a kiss without a moment of hesitation.

Permanent Taglist: @ruinerofcheese @nerissa98 @courtneychicken @santa-crew @supernatural508 @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @wearegoldeninthenight @shakingthedarkness @piensa-bonito @shewalksinanotherworld @prxttybirdz @asguardiansoftheavengers @ssweet-empowerment @fairyxxfighter

ISRTY Taglist: @iamthemaskhewears @creepykatftw

#frank castle #frank castle x reader #frank castiligone #the punisher #punisher x reader #marvel #mcu #avengers #defenders #daredevil #netflix #reader insert #imagine #jon bernthal #jon bernthal x reader

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theseviolentdelightss · 7 years ago

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Counting Paths VI

Series Summary: After a lifetime on the run from the Empire, Reader makes a move that could have drastic impacts for both friend and foe. A Reader insert/fanfic. Gifs belong to their respective owners.

Word Count:2490

Author’s Note: I love filling my stories with lots of character development. It feels so pivotal when writing an original character. Hope ya don’t mind! As always thanks for the likes a reblogs. Feel free to send feed back my way. I’d love to hear what all of you wonderful readers think of my little endeavor.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V

Cassian kept ahead of you as you exited the council room. Your feet struggling to keep up while you traversed the various hallways that lead towards the room the two of you shared. Allowing your mind to wander you found yourself mulling over everything that had transpired only moments before. It would be a lie to say you weren't surprised by the outcome. Mostly you had expected the others to meet your words with various accusations and distrust. Never once had you truly allowed yourself to hope that they would honestly believe you. None the less, they had. To an extent at least...

After a short debate it was decided that you would be allowed to remain on base until the certainty of what you had told them could be proven. It wasn't easy handing over those data files. You had spent an entire year trying to decipher them. Constantly on the run, always holding them close; yet, you had nothing to show for it.

Removing the small file from you jacket's breast pocket felt as if you were handing over a part of yourself. As much as it pained you to place the thin black and silver object in one of Mon Mothma's technical officer's hands you couldn't deny the sensation of hope that began to swell inside your chest. The Empire had gone to great lengths to mass whatever information lay hidden within the vast network of codes and encryptions. If the Rebellion could discover whatever it was than perhaps it would shift the balance in their favor. It may even save lives.

Even so, being grounded with a constant guardian had thrown you for a bit of a loop. A part of you had wished they would simply turn you lose. Allow you to return to whatever semblance of life you saw fit. Signing yourself back into the Rebellion had never been a part the plan. Truth be told it was the last thing you wanted, but here you were. Stuck on a Rebel base, surrounded by people who didn't trust you, tasked with proving yourself yet again. Not to mention glued to the hip of a man who was equally if not more annoyed by your current predicament than yourself. As Cassian huffed you did your best to ignore him and instead focus of the possibility of finding away to keep yourself busy.

“I'm not a damn baby sitter.” He repeated for the dozenth time as the two of you entered the small room you were doomed to share for who knows how long.

“Nor am I a baby.” You retorted. “But shit happens.”

You watched as he removed his jacket and tossed it angrily across the room. Rolling your eyes you simply walked towards the trunk that had been moved from your ship and placed against the base of your bed. Rummaging through your belongings to assure that nothing was missing. Pulling out your old data pad you began entering in the coordinates for the various systems you hoped you would one day be allowed travel to. Calculating which to begin with and the whatever prospects may arise once you arrived.

“How do we even know that the Empire has anything worth while on those files?” He asked, his feet beginning to pace back and fourth within the small room. Boots thumping loudly with the weight of his frustration.

“No one goes to that much trouble burying files under mountains of encryptions just for giggles.” Sighing you retrieved a small pen and paper and settled atop the edge of your bed. Far too immersed with the task at hand to be bothered with the angry man in front of you. Sitting the data pad at your side you began tracing a map. Trying to determine the best course and the probability of success.

“How can you be so sure?” He countered, his accent even heavier now that he was angry.

“Optimism.” You replied calmly. “It helps in situations like these.”

“I can't just stay here.” Reaching down he retrieved the jacket he had only moments ago discarded and headed towards the door.

“Where are you going?” You called out, raising quickly to your feet.

“I have work to do, real work.” His voice was cold as he spoke. The softness from the day before entirely gone. It was as if the moment that he had been appointed your guardian all fondness and gratitude had turned to resentment.

“Well wait up!” You shouted, hurrying to follow him out of the door before it closed in your face.

His steps never slowed as you rushed to keep up with him, bobbing and weaving to avoid running into the countless rebels that filled the hallways. All hurrying to reach their own assignments. When you finally arrived at what you assumed was your destination you again had to squeeze through the sliding door as it attempted to shut on you. The room was much larger than you had expected. Various tables cluttered with tools and discarded parts made it nearly impossible to move without risking knocking something over. Tip toeing you tried to keep your eyes on Cassian as he moved easily a head of you. When you finally caught up you found him shuffling through drawers as he sat atop a stool. As you moved closer you felt your legs freeze in place. The object that sat before him finally coming into view.

“What the hell is that doing here?” You stammered.

“He's an imperial droid.”

“Yea I can see that, my question is why is it here?” You gulped, remembering how many security droids you had come into contact with in your time as a captive of the Empire. All to aware of what they were capable of.

“I'm trying to reprogram him.” Cassian glanced over his shoulder at you as he spoke. Bemused by the shock that was prevalent on your face.

“What about his transponder?” You asked, forcing yourself to slowly move closer. Still afraid that at any moment the droid would power on and savagely attack the two of you.

“Don't worry, I did away with it long ago.”

The anger was slowly fading from Cassian's voice as he became engrossed in his work. Not even taking notice of the fact that you had pulled another stool beside him until you began handing him the tools he need before he could ask. You couldn't help but smile at the look on his face when he realized that you hadn't simply slumped into a corner or found something else to keep yourself busy with.

Hours passed with the two of you sitting there, working together to pull apart various wires and undo countless screws. It still wasn't safe to power the droid on completely but Cassian had managed to bypass a few of his basic functions. A success that delighted you both. You even went as far as to clap happily as you beamed back at him. Eyes filled with a childlike joy.

“You hungry?” He asked as the two of you began putting back tools and whipping the grease from off your hands.

“Starving.” You chuckled, relieved that he had finally realized that you had yet to eat.

Twenty minutes later and the two of you made your way into the mess hall. It was mostly empty but you were still relieved when Cassian offered to retrieve both of your meals while you searched for spot to sit. Finding one quickly at the far end of the last row of tables. You tried to ignore the feeling of being watched as you slid into your seat and waited. Other than Theodren, you had yet to see a single face on the Rebel base that you recognized. It was a sobering revelation, knowing that all of your friends from years ago were most likely dead and gone. The alliance had a disturbingly large turn over rate. The average life span among its fighters was painfully short. It would do you no good to dwell on it. Instead focusing on the hope that you could find a way to pass the time until your judgment was decided.

When Cassian returned with two trays of food you politely thanked him as he sat down across from you. The food was sub par but you didn't care. It was warm and you hadn't eaten hardly anything in the last two days.

“So, you were a rebel?” He asked as he gulped down a large swig of his drink.

“I was.” You replied, covering your mouth as you ate. Never forgetting your manners.

“How is it we never crossed paths?”

It was then you noticed he had stopped paying attention to his food. His eyes instead searching your face. Awaiting an answer.

“I suppose we weren't meant to.” You muttered, taking a small swig from your own glass while returning his gaze. “Not yet at least.”

“When'd you join?” The edge to his voice from before was now entirely gone. It was a relief. The last thing you needed was anymore confrontation. Especially with the man who you were going to be stuck with indefinitely.

“I had just turned fifteen so roughly ten years ago.”

“Pretty young.” He noted, a touch of surprise to his tone. “What made you join?”

“Well I never really had a home world per say.” You began, sitting down your fork atop your tray. “As a child my family moved around a lot so I sort of considered the entire galaxy as my home. The Empire made it bleed and I couldn't stand for that.”

“As good a reason as any.” Cassian agreed, nodding as he scooped up another mouthful.

“How about you?” You asked, happy to continue the conversation. It was the longest you two had spoken since you had met.

From there the words began to flow slowly as you each began opening up ever so slightly. He told you of how he had thrown rocks at troopers as a child which eventually gave way to him singing up for the Rebellion. You discussing your previous rank as a rebel sargent and the various missions you had completed before your capture. Hours passed with the both of you sitting across from each other. Talking long after your trays had emptied about the lives you lived before the Rebellion and some of the crazier moments you had experienced after joining.

Before you knew it the sun had set and the large room had filled and emptied multiple times. It wasn't until you began to yawn that you noticed how late it was. Odd how the hours flew by without you taking note of it. Normally it was nearly impossible to allow yourself to talk to someone so freely but when it came to Cassian you couldn't seem to stop yourself.

“We better get going.” Cassian announced as he gathered his empty tray and glass. Nodding you did as you had been instructed. You followed his lead, dumping your tray and glass in the cleaning bin as you made your way out of the now empty mess hall.

The two of you fell silent on the walk back, hands in pockets, eyes ahead. Truth be told you weren't entirely at ease with having to share your living space with the rebel captain. Even if the waters had stilled between the two of you. When it came down to it you were a private person. You always had been. Preferring the company of silence and books to that of other people. Not that you hadn't been social when you were younger but after years of losing the people closest to you something inside you had changed.

“You can take the first shower.” Cassian offered as you stepped into the dimly lit room. Settling into his desk chair as you dug through your trunk for a set of clean sleep clothes. Eventually pulling out a pair of dark cloth shorts and an old over sized shirt that had once belonged to your father.

It wasn't easy to keep your mind from wandering as you stepped into the shower. The warm water making its way through your thick hair and down your back. Every scar that marked your body shone like silver under the florescent lights. Reminding you of the pain that had created them and the lessons they had taught. By the time you dried off and walked back into the room Cassian was gone. Sighing you brushed it off. Instead burying yourself in a book as you pulled the thin covers of your bed around you. Hoping to doze off before your room mate returned.

Sure enough you were sound asleep by the time the dark haired rebel made his way back. Stepping softly Cassian cleaned himself up before crawling into his own bed. He was on the verge of falling asleep himself when he heard you speak. Soft mumbles that slowly rose to a weak cry. Your still form suddenly tossing and turning against your sheets.

This time he couldn't simply ignore it. As swiftly as possible he hurried to your bed side, sitting down on the edge and trying to decide what to do. Before he could stop himself his hand found its way to yours. Gripping tightly as the tears began to roll down your cheeks.

“Don't do this to me.” You pleaded though your eyes were still shut tightly. The desperation in your voice causing knots to form in his stomach. “Please don't do this, please...”

They were the same words he had heard you mutter the morning he caught you sleeping in the cockpit of your ship. Reaching forward he placed his other hand atop yours, pulling it close to his chest. Hoping it would offer you some comfort. As much as he hated to admit it, he too fought his own demons each night in his sleep. The tighter he held your hand the less you kicked about. Eventually even the tears ceased and your whimpers came to a blessed end.

An hour passed with him sitting there, holding onto you. For some reason afraid to let go. He wasn't sure why he felt so responsible for your well being but some part of him had decided that it was his job to pull you through moments such as this. With a gasp your eyes shot open, meeting his own immediately. The way you looked at him caused his breath to catch inside his throat. The fear subsiding from your glazed eyes as you curled your fingers tightly against the back of his hand. It was unlike anything he had experienced before. Though he tried, he could never recall anyone ever looking at him that way.

#cassian andor x reader #cassian andor imagine #rogue one reader insert #cassian x reader #rogue one fanfic #cassian imagine #Counting Paths

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transhumanitynet · 6 years ago

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The Future You That You Least Suspect

The other night my teenage boys asked me what was on my mind (likely looking for material to make fun of me. Just kidding, they’re thoughtful kids).

Instead of trying to “kid proof” my thoughts or rush the conversation, I wrote them this letter. First, to explain that I’m consumed by how we think about and where we look for answers to the biggest questions of our time (listed below), and second, to propose an alternative way of finding answers (hint: I found inspiration in an amoeba).

How are we going to address climate change before it creates global chaos?

What jobs will be available for my kids when they finish school? What should they study?

Over the next few decades, how will we re-train ourselves fast enough — again and again — to remain employed and useful as technology becomes more capable?

Can the human race cooperate well enough to solve our biggest problems or will the future simply overwhelm us?

Most importantly, where do we look to find answers to these questions?

Hopefully I didn’t ruin the possibility that my kids will ever again ask me what’s on my mind 🙂

Boys,

There is an old joke where a man is looking for his keys under a street light. Another person walks by and inquires, “Sir, are you certain you lost your keys here?”

“No” the man replies, “I lost them across the street.”

Confused, the stranger says, “Then why are you looking here?”

The man responded, “The light is much brighter here!”

Credit

This comic is as humorous as it is true. All too often, we each do this when we’re trying to solve something. It’s where our brains naturally take us first.

Our imaginations are constrained to the familiar (under the light), so we have a hard time finding answers to difficult questions and problems because the answers often lie in the unknown (or in the comic above, the darkness). Staying in the light is natural, easy, and intuitive, but this limits our discovery potential.

I. How to look in the dark?

History can give us some hints about how others found interesting things in the dark. For example, we discovered that:

the sun is the center of our planetary swarm

the earth is round

the physical world is a bunch of tiny, uncertain pieces governed by quantum physics

Before these became accepted truths, they were very difficult to imagine. This is part because they are non-obvious and also counter-intuitive to our everyday experience.

It’s also because we can’t know what is not known, which means we’re blind to what is yet to be discovered. Don’t believe me? Try to think of something you don’t already know. It’s impossible! That is, until you know it, and then it’s obvious.

Going back to the 5th question, how and where can we look today to find new unknowns (the dark) that help us solve our biggest problems? Where are today’s insights that are equivalent to the sun is the center of our planetary swarm?

I think the most exciting and consequential place to explore is not looking outside ourselves, but looking inside; in our own minds. This is where I see the most fruitful answers to the questions about your future and mine.

What if the next reality busting revolution happened to our very reality and consciousness? And if that happened, could the future of being human be entirely unrecognizable from our vantage point today? I hope so, because the answers to our challenges don’t appear under the lights we have turned on so far.

You’re probably thinking, c’mon Dad, this is crazy talk.

Well, it’s happened before.

II. Thanks Homo Erectus, We’ll Take it From Here

Our ancestor Homo erectus lived two million years ago and wasn’t equipped with our kinds of languages, abstractions, or technology. Homo erectus was possibly an inflexible learner as evidenced by the fact that they made the same axe for over 1 million years.

Imagine trying to explain to Homo erectus a complex phenomena of our modern day society, such as the stock market. You’d have to explain capitalism, economics, math, money, computers, and corporations — after extensive language training and the inevitable discussion of new axe design possibilities (of course, trying not to offend).

The supporting technological, cultural, and legal layers that enable the stock market to exist are the engines and evidence of our prosperity. It’s taken us thousands of years to develop this collective intellectual complexity. The point is, our brains are incredibly capable of evolving and adapting to new and more complicated things.

That our cognition evolved from Homo erectus demonstrates that we have radically evolved before.

III. Amoeba, You’re So Smart!

A few months ago, Japanese researchers demonstrated that an amoeba, a single-celled organism, was able to find near optimal solutions to the following question:

Given a list of cities and the distances between each pair of cities, what is the shortest possible route a salesperson could take that visits each city only once and returns to the origin city? (image credit)

This is known as the Traveling Salesman Problem (TSP), and classified as an NP-hard problem because the time needed to solve it grows exponentially as the number of cities increases.

Humans can come up with near optimal solutions using various heuristics and computers can execute algorithms to solve the problem using their processing power.

However, what’s unique is that Masashi Aono and his team demonstrated that the amoeba’s solution to the TSP is completely different than the way humans or computers have traditionally solved it.

That’s right, this amoeba is flexing on us.

(Note: it’s worth reading about the clever way they set up the experiment to allow the amoeba to solve the problem.)

This got me thinking: when we’re confronted with a problem, we use the tools at our disposal. For example, we can think, do math, or program a computer to solve it.

Professor Aono found a different tool for problem solving: a single-celled organism.

I know what you’re thinking, can the amoeba do my homework or take tests for me? It’s a good question!

Also, kudos to Aono and his team for searching in the dark — this experiment is non-obvious.

IV. Why Am I Telling You About Amoebas?

I strongly believe that we need a major cognitive revolution if we are to solve the global challenges we face. Our species evolved before and we can do it again, but we can’t wait a million years; we must accelerate this evolution.

What I’m saying is very hard to understand and imagine, because it’s in the dark. But bare with me.

The amoeba gives me hope because it didn’t evolve to solve the TSP. We augmented it with technology to accomplish something pretty amazing. Similarly, we haven’t evolved to deal with cooperating on a global scale, battle an invisible gas that warms our planet or retraining our brains every few years as AI takes over more of our work. How can we augment our own minds to allow us to take on these challenges?

Imagine a scenario where you are dressed head-to-toe in haptics (think Ready Player One) that allow you to experience and understand things by feeling changes in vibrations, temperature, and pressure.

Also imagine that you have a brain interface capable of both reading out neural activity and “writing” to your brain — meaning that certain communications can be sent directly into to your brain — the kind of stuff I’m building at Kernel.

Let’s call this a mind/body/machine interface (MBMI). It would basically wire you up to be like the amoeba in the experiment.

Now, what if you were given certain problems, such as the TSP, that your conscious and subconscious mind started working to solve? Imagine that instead of “thinking” about the problem, you just let your brain figure things out on it’s own — like riding a bike.

Would you come up with novel solutions not previously identified by any other person, computer or amoeba?

If we actually had the technology to reimagine how our brains work, over time, I bet that we’d get really good at it and be surprised with all the new things we can do and come up with. To be clear, this is not just “getting smarter” by today’s standards, this is about using our brains in entirely new ways.

Maybe that means that your school today would be in the museum of the future.

People would likely use these MBMIs to invent and discover, solve disagreements, create new art and music, learn new skills, improve themselves in surprising ways and dozens of other things we can’t imagine now.

When thinking about the possibilities, hundreds of questions come to my mind. For example, could we:

minimize many of our less desirable proclivities, individually and collectively?

become more wise as a species?

come up with original solutions to climate change and other pressing problems?

accelerate the speed someone learns (i.e. you get a new kind of PhD at age 12 versus the average of 31 today)

I wonder, is this what you will do at your job in 20 years? Would your mind change so much that it would be hard to recognize your 15 year old self?

Ultimately, for our own survival, we are in a race against time. We need to identify the problems that pose the greatest risks and respond fast enough so that we avoid a zombie apocalypse situation. The most important variable to avoid that: we need to be able to adapt fast enough.

I’m sure at this moment you’re thinking, woah, Dad, calm down!!

V. Your New Job — Being Really Weird (in a good way)

You’re right in wondering what jobs computers will take — if not all of them. They’ll do the boring things that adults do to make money, except far better and for far less money. But imagine a scenario where AI relieves you of 75% of your current day-to-day responsibilities, and is much better at doing those things than you. (I imagined what this world could look like)

A lot has been written, even movies made, about this scenario (e.g.Wall-E). If this happened, would you play fully immersive video games all day? Or live a life of pleasure and be work-free? Certainly possible, although those are linear extrapolations of what we are familiar with today — meaning that’s simply taking what we know today and mapping it into the future. The same thing as looking in the light.

What if millions or even billions of people could build careers by exploring new frontiers of reality and consciousness powered by MBMIs? These types of “weird” thought exercises may be breadcrumbs that extend the considerations we’re willing to make when thinking about our collective cognitive future.

These may be the starter tools that empower us to become Old Worldexplorers setting out for the New World, and journeying on the most exciting and consequential endeavor in human history — an expedition, inward, to discover ourselves.

Dad

orginally posted here:

https://medium.com/future-literacy/the-future-you-that-you-least-suspect-18cf63bd0061

The Future You That You Least Suspect was originally published on transhumanity.net

#climate change #kids #Parenting #Problem Solving #Thinking #crosspost #transhuman #transhumanitynet #transhumanism #transhumanist #thetranshumanity

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science-criticaltheory · 6 years ago

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America’s Struggle for Moral Coherence by Andrew Delbanco

MOLLY RILEY / REUTERS

The problem of how to reconcile irreconcilable values is what led to the Civil War. It hasn’t gone away.

With the united states starkly divided and with many Americans asking what kind of nation we are, it seems a good moment to look back to November 1863 in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, when Abraham Lincoln tried to answer the same question. Consecrating a Civil War battlefield where thousands of young men and boys had died four months before, he spoke of a nation “conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.” For most Americans since, and for much of the world, those words have attained the status of scripture. We draw our sense of collective identity from them. They were, however, not strictly true, and Lincoln knew it.

Five years earlier, he had been more candid. Speaking in Chicago in the summer of 1858, Lincoln noted that when the republic was founded, “we had slavery among us,” and that “we could not get our Constitution unless we permitted” slavery to persist in those parts of the nation where it was already entrenched. “We could not secure the good we did secure,” he said, “if we grasped for more.” The United States, in other words, could not have been created if the eradication of human bondage had been a condition of its creation. Had Lincoln said at Gettysburg that the nation was conceived not in liberty but in compromise, the phrase would have been less memorable but more accurate.

The hard truth is that the United States was founded in an act of accommodation between two fundamentally different societies. As one Southern-born antislavery activist wrote, it was a “sad satire to call [the] States ‘United,’” because in one-half of the country slavery was basic to its way of life, while in the other it was fading or already gone. The Founding Fathers tried to stitch these two nations together with no idea how long the stitching would hold.

There were many reasons why this composite nation unraveled in the mid-19th century—but one in particular exposed the idea of the “United” States as a lie. This was the fact that even before the founding, enslaved people repeatedly risked their lives to flee their masters in search of freedom. The Founding Fathers knew the problem firsthand. Many of them were slaveholders themselves, including Thomas Jefferson and George Washington, whose own slaves periodically ran away. And so, in Article IV, Section 2, Clause 3 of the Constitution, which came to be known as the Fugitive Slave Clause, they tried to solve the problem. That clause declared that “no person held to service or labor in one state” could escape from coerced labor by fleeing from a state where slavery was legal to a state where it was illegal.

The constitutional principle was clear, but it proved to be unenforceable. Over the first half of the 19th century, as enslaved men and women ran from slavery to freedom, the federal government remained too weak to do much to stop them. By the second quarter of the century, some of the fugitives—the most famous was Frederick Douglass—were telling their stories with the help of white abolitionist editors in speeches and memoirs that ripped open the screen behind which America tried to conceal the reality that a nation putatively based on the principle of human equality was actually a prison house in which millions of Americans had virtually no rights at all. By awakening Northerners to this fact, and by enraging Southerners who demanded the return of their “absconded” property, they pushed the nation toward confronting the truth that America was really two nations, not one.

To read the rest, click here

#u.s. civil war #divided nation

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stevefeythewriter · 5 years ago

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The Rise of Skywalker

New Post has been published on http://stevefey.com/LivefromLV/2019/12/29/the-rise-of-skywalker/

The Rise of Skywalker

I think this is legal to reproduce. Hope so.

Fair Warning: I try not to put out overt spoilers, but if you haven’t seen the movie The Rise of Skywalker but think you may want to, it is possible you’ll learn something that you’d rather not know.

I posted my official review of the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker on my Facebook timeline. Here is it again: I liked it. I’m not reviewing the movie here so much as I am trying to address some of what I’ve seen as criticism of the film, much of which might seem legitimate ifyou don’t know the whole story of the creation of Star Wars.

George Lucas was a friend of Joseph Campbell, who is most famous for his tome The Power of Myth. In that volume he outlines the mythic hero’s journey, something many writers refer to as they try to produce the next Odyssey (I know I do.) One reason for this is that, when you apply Campbell’s ideas to famous literature, then tend to work almost perfectly. I mentioned The Odyssey already, which is literally a classic example, but almost any book that lasts in popularity can be analyzed according to Campbell’s ideas. Huckleberry Finn? Yep. Catch 22? Indeed. War and Peace? You bet! (I’m quoting Alexa with that line.) Mister Lucas wanted to make a new epic adventure using what he learned from talking with Campbell, and from reading The Power of Myth. And he did. And, it works.

In the beginning of any mythic hero’s journey, things aren’t all that horrible. This is no surprise, given that the Journey is, to Campbell, a coming of age story. A nine-year-old kid isn’t difficult at all to be around. In fact, they can be fun, until puberty hits, and then things get strange indeed. This is why the first couple, maybe the first three, Star Wars movies (going by Chapter number, not release dates) are less exciting than, say, Episode IV, which is when the hero, personified by Luke Skywalker, is torn away from his everyday world and into a world of strange creatures, strange circumstances, and strange powers, which he starts learning for himself. It’s worth knowing that prior to Episode IV, most of the plot unfolds for young Aniken (the first representative of the growing child) tnot all that far from home. Not exactly home, but prior to Episode III, not that far away, either. In Episode III, all that learning and logic gets seduced by “The Dark Side,” which is probablly best seen as a metaphor for all that stuff that hits one at puberty. But, people don’t routinely turn permanently bad at that point, do they?

No, because their better nature is called off into strange (for a child) territory where it learns how to be a human being and take it’s place in society. And, of course that dark side being is father to the better nature. What else could it be? And sooner or later Luke has to kill it, but actually redeems his father before the man dies. So, Aniken dies connected to the good guys again. Except that there is plenty more dark side to deal with. You’ve ditched your nine-year-old judgement, but now what? It’s so tempting to run with that wild dark nature, to steal that pair of shoes, to cheat, lie and be obnoxious. That’s what people do, and the youth (no longer a kid since Vader is gone) has to deal with that. Which brings us into the final trilogy, with Rey and Ren as opposite sides of what is, mythically speaking, the same person. Yin and Yang, if you will. Both halves come to understand that they are joined spiritually, and eventually the better nature must confront, and embrace, the darkness, which results in the person’s dark side becoming a great strength, which helps the young adult finally to throw off the temptations of adolescence and emerge a adult who accepts who and what she is. And that is the secret of overcoming the dark side: embracing it, accepting it as a part of you, and using it. Rey embraces Ren in the end, and shortly after he is no more. This after they, together, overcome the greatest darkness that threatens them (and our fictional galaxy far far away,) which boils down simply to succumbing to fear of the darkness rather than confronting it. Okay, big spoiler in the next paragraph. Sorry. Stop here if you don’t want to know the very end.

In the final scene of the nine episodes, Rey, who has represented the hero in the last three movies, returns to the very farm where Luke was living when it all started. (The first three chapters are prologue, really.) An old woman asks her for her name and she says, “Rey.” “Rey what?” “Rey Skywalker.” (Her family name is not “Skywalker. I’ll leave that for you to discover as you watch.)

So, is it pandering to Star Wars fans? Hell yes it is! But what if that pandering is exactly what is needed to properly close out the myth? What if it is so satisfying precisely because it is so successful in completing Lucas’s original mission? I’m pretty sure that such is the case. The criticisms I’ve seen all appear to come from people who do not understand that basic fact, nor even how to properly construct a story. But, as they say, everybody’s a critic. Not everybody is a creative writer, are they?

And, honestly, I’m sad that the series is over. Sure, there will be plenty of stories that can be crafted in the Star Wars universe. Heck, I’m into the Mandalorian bigly, especially that cute child, as they call it. You know, “Baby Yoda?” But the big story, which I first saw in a theater in Bowling Green, Ohio, in 1977, is over. No more speculation. No more trying to come up with a plausible solution to the whole thing. The writers, may they live long and prosper (yes, that was deliberate,) have done an excellent job of it. And Rey? Well, she’s a Jedi, and out living her life. Probablly a dull one compared to what her predecessors went through. I doubt if it would be all that interesting to follow the mythical hero of Star Wars any further. It’s kind of like with my own kids. I was sad as Hell to see them grow up. And proud as Hell to see them grow up. They don’t need me any more. And I’ll live without a new Star Wars episode. I just hope they get that kid to a safe place!

#criticism #Joseph Campbell #myth #Rise of Skywalker #star wars

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filtration-products · 6 years ago

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A Psychological Profile of Tony Soprano

Tony Soprano is one of the most intriguing and enigmatic characters in the history of television. Understanding him psychologically is a difficult proposition, although many of the shows other character’s have proffered some ideas. In one early episode, Dr. Melfi’s husband Richard refers to Tony as Alexithymic, the short definition being “the inability to talk about feelings due to a lack of emotional awareness.” This definition is definitely somewhat accurate, as Tony often reacts with rage during periods of confusion and frustration.

One classic example of this comes when Tony enters his office and sees that someone has purchased a “Big Mouth Billy Bass” and placed it on his desk. Seeing the singing fish reminds Tony of his dream about Big Pussy, and this memory floods Tony with multiple emotions that he is unable to process or understand. Tony reacts to this emotional flooding by beating Georgie, (A favorite pastime) who he learns placed the fish in his office, as this choice allows him to temporarily exorcise his uncomfortable feelings through this physically violent reaction.

At one point Dr. Melfi suggests Tony has an Anti-Social Personality Disorder. People with this disorder often show a persistent pattern of conduct disorder in their teen years which involves breaking the law, poor academic performance, disrespect for authority as well as several other more severe criteria including torturing animals and starting fires. Throughout the series we learn several things about Tony’s younger years. In Season 1, we learn from Uncle Junior and Livia that Tony and his friends stole a car, and also that Tony used to sell stolen lobsters in an effort to earn some extras cash. In another episode we see him skipping school, breaking into his father’s car, and generally being very willing to bend the rules.

Skip to Tony’s teen years and we learn that Tony has become good enough at sports to become a “varsity athlete” despite Junior’s claim that he wasn’t. He graduates from High School and attends Seton Hall for a semester and a half, before he “got into some trouble” (revealed to Meadow during the episode “College”) and goes to prison for a short while. While Tony is insisting to Dr. Melfi that he never engaged in Homosexual activities, we learn his time in prison was relatively short, and we can therefore assume his crime was relatively minor. Around this same time Tony robbed Feech Lamana’s card game, which was a major turning point in his life where he became officially respected as a gangster.

From this brief look at Tony’s adolescence we learn he probably did meet many of the characteristics for conduct disorder but possibly not enough to make a firm diagnoses. Which moves us to the diagnoses of Anti-Social personality disorder, which according to the DSM-IV, involves “a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:

(1) failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest

(2) deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure

(3) impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

(4) irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

(5) reckless disregard for safety of self or others

(6) consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations

(7) lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

B. The individual is at least age 18 years.

C. There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 years.

D. The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia or a Manic Episode.

So, does Tony meet at least three of these criteria? The answer seems to be that yes of course he does. Although he does not seem to meet the criteria for number 6, there have been multiple examples of his actions meeting the criteria for the other 6 components. But does this diagnosis truly encapsulate Tony Soprano? It doesn’t appear to. The fact is that Tony is capable of unselfish and extremely generous acts, although often these actions have ulterior motives. Therefore to truly get a sense of the patterns of Tony Soprano’s life, it is extremely useful to use an Adlerian model to examine the patterns of his basic convictions. The Adlerian model looks at key components of a person’s life, and also at their early recollections in an attempt to examine several key determinants that Adler believed made up a person’s unique lifestyle.

Gender Role Preparation perceived through Gender Guiding Lines and Role Models

Through observing their parents and the gender patterns they adopt in their relations, a person learns to conceptualize a personal definition of what a man is and what a woman is. From watching his father, “Johnny Boy” Soprano, a respected and feared Mafioso, Tony formed several impression of what it is to be a man. First and foremost Tony learned that the man is the breadwinner in the family, and that he needs to do whatever it takes, regardless of the law, to provide for his family.

Tony also learned a great deal about conflict resolution from watching his father deal with people from around the neighborhood. One particularly important observation was watching his father handle a man named Satriale who had been avoiding him because he owed him a debt. When Tony watches his father chop off the man’s finger as a result of this dispute, Tony formed an early impression that a man goes to any lengths, despite the law, when that man owes him a debt. This impression was again confirmed when he watched his father brutally pummel a neighbor named Rocco, who also owed Johnny a debt.

Tony also learned a great deal from watching his father’s work habits throughout the years, and this affected his own adult attitude towards work. The beatings Tony witnessed in the previous situations were both over an attempt to collect a debt, and Tony saw that a great deal of Johnny’s income was simply taken by force or the threat of violence. Therefore he learned that men don’t need to work if they can take things from others, and this was a lesson that appeared to resonate.

In one notable event that occurred in Tony’s teen years, he covers for his father to his mother when she correctly assumes he’s been with another woman. In this situation, Tony, who has most likely learned through watching his father lie many times before, that it’s OK for a man to lie when confronted by an uncomfortable situation.

Through Tony’s interactions with his mother he learned that a woman, although she works in the home, holds a great deal of power and control in interpersonal relationships. One early impression came from watching his father and mother interact after his father brings home a large order of meat, and Tony observes that this was the only time his mother was ever really happy. Tony also makes the connection that when his father brought gifts it was “probably the only time he got laid” which also created the impression for Tony that a woman only provides sexual gratification to men when they are given gifts, and this was an idea that also seemed to translate to his adult life.

Interpersonal Style perceived through Experience of Family Atmosphere

The family atmosphere in the Soprano family was one of storm and strife. As Tony’s sister Janice correctly explains to her husband Bobby, “In my family it was dog eat dog.” This was an accurate description of the Soprano household, and much of this difficulty stemmed from the interactions between Livia and Johnny which were based on repetitive patterns of incessant nagging on Livia’s part and extreme deceit on Johnny’s. Livia’s tyranny over the house may have even eventually contributed to Johnny’s physical decline, as in Tony’s estimation she wore this very strong man into a “little nub.”

Livia Soprano’s love was conditional love. Livia was extremely critical of her children and she did not demonstrate encouragement and support of their endeavors which appeared to stimulate a lifelong pattern of self-doubt in both Tony as well as his sister Janice. Discouraged children often grow up to be angry and unfulfilled adults, as they begin to feel that everything they do will not live up to someone’s standards. In these situations a kind of “learned helplessness” (Seligman 1965) can take place, where kids simply give up rather than continuing to compete in a seemingly hopeless situation. This appeared to be the case with Janice Soprano, who spends a lifetime avoiding any kind of useful activity rather than have to be judged a failure as she has so many times before.

Tony on the other hand compensated for this lack of love like his father did by lashing out at others, finding temporary gratification though many sexual conquests, and finding solace in acquiring material possessions.

Livia also talked openly of killing her children when Tony was a young man, which he must have seen as a great devaluation of his importance and worth in his mother’s life. In one notable instance Livia tells Tony she could “smother him with a pillow” which terrifies Tony and makes him question how far his mother might really go in enforcing punishment in the Soprano household. Johnny Soprano on the other hand freely used corporal punishment in the house, and in Tony’s words, “the belt was his favorite child development tool.” Johnny clearly demonstrated though many of his actions in the house that violence was an appropriate response to frustration, and this was also a value that Tony seemed to inherit.

Johnny Soprano was also consistently deceitful in his dealings with his family, and his constant deceit was often the trigger that sent Livia flying into a rage. One early example of Johnny’s deceit came following his arrest at a kid’s carnival, where he tells his children the cops made a terrible mistake and arrested the wrong guys, which would be difficult for even a child to believe.

Another important event that confirms Johnny’s constant deceit occurred when Tony was a teenager and Livia was in the hospital having suffered a miscarriage where she was in dire physical danger. Johnny, who was staying overnight with his mistress, concocts an elaborate lie that hinged on Tony supporting the lie and confirming the story for his hospitalized mother. Tony does go along with the lie, and this event marked as major turning point where he embraces the deceitful lifestyle and begins to head down the path his father has paved for him.

Personal Code of Conduct perceived through Acceptance / Rejection of Family Values

When Tony embraced his father’s lying ways, he was essentially accepting the Soprano family values, all of which were also modeled by Tony’s Uncle Junior. Although Tony made a brief attempt at following a different path by going to college, his robbery of Feech Lamana’s card game demonstrated an early lesson learned from his father that if someone wants something that it is easier to simply take it from others than to actually work for it. This idea was strongly reinforced when Tony was caught for this act and he was not only not punished, but in effect promoted into the “family” following this brazen and irresponsible action.

For Tony the term “family values” obviously had more than one meaning, but upon close examination the values modeled in the Sopranos household were the same that were necessary to survive and even thrive in the mafia “family” Tony was also a part of. For instance Livia used the threat of killing someone weaker than her to retain order in the house and get people to comply with her wishes. The exact same thing is used by the mafia family, as the threat of pending violence is one of the key ways the family perpetuates its wealth.

The family value of deceit in the house was also a necessary value to succeed in the larger Mafia family. The code of “Omerta” implies silence and avoidance of even discussing the organization, and this is an interesting connection to make considering the fact that Livia was so against Tony going to therapy as she felt he was there to “talk about his mother.” Livia, who preferred the family secrets stay buried, was so consumed by feelings of anger from thinking that Tony would reveal her secrets to a therapist, that she in essence convinced Junior to have him killed. Returning to the moment of the idea Tony is Alexithymic, one can speculate that this condition might stem from his mother’s absolute inability to promote the sharing of feelings in the Soprano household.

Perspective on the World perceived through Experience of Psychological Birth Order

As the second born child of three, Tony’s assumed the position of the classic middle child. The second born child often takes their cues from the oldest child, who has been in the world longer and provides a roadmap for the second child to follow. Second born children are often the rebels in the family, as the first borns tend to be responsible and can often even be like a second parent. The second child therefore often finds belonging through acting distinctively different than the first, as the first is naturally better at things because of their advanced age and physical development. This was partially true in Tony’s case, as Janis appeared to enjoy flaunting her position as the eldest, and at least in her early childhood convinced her father she was a well-behaved and accomplished child. Tony on the other hand showed immediate rebellious behavior, and found belonging through being as Junior described a “little hellion” who learned to fit in and get attention through misbehavior.

Adler made a strong point of emphasizing that birth order also had a psychological component to it, where the literal birth order may differ from the physical birth order. This can happen when the first born son usurps the first born female child and becomes the de facto leader of the children, as he comes from a culture that values males over women. This dynamic appeared to manifest itself in the Soprano household. In Tony’s case Janis, who enjoyed the power of being the first born but not the responsibility, in effect passed the torch of responsibility as the first born to Tony, who became responsible for the family as he entered into adulthood.

Range of Social Interest perceived through Other Particularities

Adler believed that the extent and degree that a person takes an interest in his or her fellow human beings was an excellent predictor of their mental health. Tony never developed this interest in others, and instead came to value others based on their personal usefulness to him. There are many examples of this in Tony’s life, one example being his relationship with Paulie, who fell out of Tony’s favor following a financial downturn in Season 4. Even in his dealings with Artie Bucco Tony often sizes up how Artie can be useful to him, and despite their imbalance of power Tony finds little ways to exploit this friendship for his personal gain.

Tony’s odd obsession with animals also demonstrates his inability to share emotions with other human beings, and again this behavior might have some its roots in the lack of love and support he received from his mother. Tony often projects feelings onto animals that he is unable to feel for human beings, and this trait shows how confusing and upset Tony gets when confronted by negative emotions.

Conclusion

In conclusion Tony Sopano’s life is one lived with little insight or mindfulness. This lack of insight has lead to an external locus of control where he views the bad things that happen to him as bad luck His statements “I can’t catch a break” and “I’m like king Midas in reverse” are example of this behavior, and these claims don’t jibe with the many, many fortuitous events in Tony’s life.

Tony also likes to present the idea that he is a “sad clown” but again the evidence in his life does not seem to support this. When Tony is angry or hurt he nearly always responds with physical violence, and occasionally with em0tional violence such as when he calls Melfi a “cunt” following her rebuke of his advances. The sad clown motif indicates the sense of pity Tony often feels for himself, and his general pessimistic attitude towards life.

Adler felt that by gaining insight into your behavior you could begin to understand the patterns and faulty thinking and logic that these patterns then created. Melfi, after many years has uncovered some of these patterns, but doesn’t seem to offer much assistance as to how to process this information. The result has been that Tony continues to repeat many of the patterns directly inherited from watching his parents, and despite his often empty promises to change his life, this is really not possible without going back to the beginning.

Adler referred to this idea as “soft” determinism, meaning a person’s patterns of behavior were firmly and deeply entrenched, and very, very difficult to change without a tremendous amount of insight. Although nearly dying was a kind of apotheosis for Tony, it is likely he will return to much of his former behavior as he falls back into these familiar patterns.

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survivorelara · 6 years ago

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Episode #10: “Im not his slave im his partner.” -Andrea

https://youtu.be/StsZDwB6I6E https://youtu.be/_LKpUMGO2jY

I just feel.. really good? I think anyways. I’ve been talking to Ci’ere a lot today and I’m realising that I don’t even try to have a social game, I just just be good at talking to people??? Idk. But yeah it’s mostly good.. I have a lot of people I want to go far with which means I’m gonna have to let everyone else control the vote so I don’t look like I’m betraying people maybe?? Or I can just do what’s best for me , but I don’t need to worry about that yet I’ve still got og auva to get rid of :)

Holy wow. Final 9. I made the halfway mark. That's legit scary and I feel like throwing up because I rarely make it this far. I think that I have been in the good graces of everyone... seeing that I am one of the 2 people who still have 0 votes against me. Like my social game is doing that well and as conceited as this may sound- I think that I have a good shot at winning this whole show! But I still have to vote out 6 or 7 more people. Still not sure how this end game will play out, but it is coming and it is coming like a bullet train.

Well, it's the F9, and I didn't win that challenge like I'd hoped. I'm unsure if there was an idol clue involved or not. I'm hopeful not, but we'll see. Regardless not good for me because I was hoping Drew H would go next.

I think my ideal target this round is Drew T. Just because he threw my name out last time and it was frustrating to heck to hear that.

Beyond that I feel like I'm running out of players I could beat at the end, but maybe I'm underselling myself, and I'm playing a great game. I'm playing in the middle at the moment, which either nobody's aware of that, or everyone is and they either don't care or are planning my demise as we speak...

Let's go find out then shall we! :D

death. okno but like idek whats goin on. I am tight w just about everyone. With my cool new no lying stage theres more confrontation but i like... still dont think im playing a poor game idk i could be fuck I just know that in 6 days Sam and I hit 1 year of GP. He was my closest ally there and hes turning into it here. I adore Loris, don't think I could vote him out, but Sam just is so similar to me strategy wise and we just click its disgusting. However, when I make my cutesy post talking about how amazing GP is and my #1 ally, we'll be in f7. No gucci. I dont wanna get voted out for him again. Im not his slave im his partner.

Well, I'm playing a dangerous game, and tonight I can totally see it being me, nobody's giving me any warning at the moment though, so I'm still hopeful that I'm going unnoticed.

I still haven't found that damn idol which I'm definitely gonna want in the near future so that I can make a couple more bolder moves.

I think my ideal F2 is Emma, and my ideal F3 is with one of Loris, Sam, or Ci'ere, which I can think of some valid points against/with all of them. The one I'm less sure of as a 3rd would be Ci'ere, but we'll see how the game shakes down, or if I even make it that far to think about it.

Ideally it's Drew T that goes this round, and then it's Andrea or Drew H next, and the other one comes after that. But again those ideal circumstances, who knows if it'll genuinely work out that way, or if I'll even be around long enough to see anything past this tribal. But I'm making plans, thinking about who's on the jury, what I have to do to get there, it's just a matter of... GETTING there.

this tribal is sad. that’s all. I don’t feel I have much else to say zzz :(

I hate being busy everyone is being too quit :(

Me at F11: Guys we need to vote out Emma, it's the right move!

Drew T.: I don't trust Ci'ere, we can't do a plan that banks on him being honest with us after last time. (Dylan leaves) Me at F10: Guys it HAS to be Andrea, even if we're forcing rocks, like let's fuckin go and play this game Roxy: I actually already voted for John (John leaves) Roxy at F9: I just don't think Kori is the right move, if it's not our call to make we're playing this game wrong YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT WE'RE PLAYING THIS GAME WRONG, WE'VE BEEN PLAYING IT WRONG ALL SEASON BECAUSE YOU WON'T PLAY BALL AND TAKE A SWING, AND THINK IT'S BETTER TO VOTE OUT PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING AND PROVEN TO WORK WITH US BUT NOW THIS IS WHERE WE ARE AND THERE IS ONE PATH TO MAJORITY AND IT'S ALREADY ROCKY AS FUCK SO NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR RIDICULOUS DOUBT. THAT TIME WAS FIVE DAYS AGO. WE'RE HERE NOW. I'm pretty sure it's gonna fail again and I"m pretty sure it's because of the people I'm with. I really should've aligned with Logan and Odd…

bruh this has been such a hectic round. basically im in the complete middle spot as a swing, and it seemed like it was a revati 4 against the auvas and ciere with me smack dab in the middle. but the thing is, I have alliances with everybody now, so I was at a complete loss on what I was going to do. I don't want drew t gone, but I also didnt want kori gone yet either, who the drews were proposing as a vote. The tricky thing is, after results last night kori came to me with a suggestion to vote andrea out, which made me know even more that the "revati 4" aren't this unbreakable tightly knit crew. so it really begs the question for me, what group of people will want to go to the end with me, and what group of people only want me around until like f6 or something

the best part is, I have a f3 alliance right now with loris and andrea, and 2 more secret f2 deals with roxy and kori, who nobody else in the game is aware of. it makes it that much more entertaining when loris and roxy don't trust one another, and it makes me the perfect middle man between these different "sides." then of course there is the obvious wanting to go to the end with drew t, but im not sure yet if I want to do that or not. I love the dude to pieces, but im not sure if its best for my game to stick with him long term or not. but for now, he trusts me wholeheartedly, and I wanted to repay him by working my ass off to save him this vote, since I have no intention of turning on the revatis since I know for a fact they aren't a tight group

so then comes this crazy idea that pops up in my head: why not get rid of ci'ere? he's lied to me once already, and he's in the most "disposable" position for me since I know for a fact right now I don't plan on going very far with him. because I know he'll just lie to me again if he has to. so ive been going to everyone and tryna convince them that drew going now wouldn't be as beneficial, seeing as he's a huge public target right now, and no one really "needs" ci'ere at this point.

so im hoping this works out, ci'ere leaving not only allows this whole auva vs revati thing to continue or whatever and let me stay in the middle, but it also allows me to hide behind people such as kori and the drews who I feel will always be targeted over me as long as they are in the game. ive worked my ass off, and so far I think it's paying off in the sense that im pretty well connected with everyone. but it also means I have to blindside that many more people to get myself to the end

theres also the possibility of the drews tryna use this vote change as a way to eliminate kori, which yeah would suck, and esp since ciere will know I went after him, but can he blame me? he lied to me already lol. and I mean, everyone other than ci'ere will still be aware that I tried to do what was best for them, like saving drew to the auva side, or not voting kori and voting in the minority with the revati side, so either way if this doesn't pan out how I want, I should really only have one person mad at me, and that one person isn't near as connected to people in this game as I am. so come at me bruh

god this has been such a stressful tribal, but whether I vote in the majority this time or not, if everything pans out the way I hope it will, i'll still have the trust of everyone I need in this game to still be able to keep my f2/3 deals I have so far

I will send a confessional AFTER THIS VOTE JESUS CHRISTUSUS LET ME LIVE HALLELUJAH

Yup, Kori pretty much just confirmed that he’s willing to go to the end with me. At the same time, Drew H. said that at least we know we can work together. From being at the bottom to being in a swing position right in the middle. I’m an important vote for both sides so this is stellar! It would seem that Drew T. thinks he can get Sam to flip this round btw. We’ll see if he can work his magic, but Sam specifically said he didn’t want Drew T. at the end because he’d win and he trusts me way more.

Omg, just when I felt like giving up in the codebreaker challenge I decided to keep pushing myself to find the page because I want a W & I ended up finding it! I believe I was the first person to get to the puzzle, but I’m not exactly sure because it says someone already complete it? I took longer than I had hoped on the puzzle portion & as soon as I finished Kori was being Kori. It seemed like he was trying to flex that he was finished so he might’ve beaten me ugh.

Anyway, Kori got exposed for lying to Auva 2.0 about his vote & all the heat is on him which is great! I’m kicking him under that bus just a bit to hopefully keep that target there.

Sam is telling Auva 2.0 that he wants to flip this round. Now let’s see if he goes through with that.

So I've been talking with Roxy, and it seems just about a sure thing that I'll be getting votes tonight. Loris was apparently putting my name UTB, and he decided to call me the mastermind for the John vote. WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN WANT JOHN GONE!

But sure let's see how this mess goes, I'm gonna take advantage where I can and do what I have to to come out unscathed.

Drew T is voted out 5-2-2.

#episode #flyinghigh

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